LIFE’S UNDERTAKINGS

I believe the majority of us are admiring our new Covid curves and wondering how that wintertime carb-and-couch diet failed us so spectacularly. But even tighter belt buckles and adorable double chins can’t erase the smiles emerging from under our masks and sun hats.

Each of us, no matter where we are on our life path, is dethawing from the cold darkness of the past 15 months.

Sunshine is always welcome this time of year and so are smiles, hugs, in-person visits and social gatherings. The list of what we’re grateful for these days is both endless and joyful.

We’re grateful because our summer, and future, finally look brighter and better. When looking to the future with hope, faith and positive expectation, rest assured we’re planting new, wonderful potentials for ourselves and the world around us.

So, if life feels as if it’s finally following the right track and the light at the end of the tunnel is just that, and not an oncoming train, wonderful. Your positivity and brightness can dispel a lot of darkness for those of us still stumbling around looking for our inner light switch.

Honestly, I look forward to feeling a lot more positive. So much of the world’s thinking about the future, fed and distorted by the constant doom news, has been dominated by fear, division and negativity.

Summertime is naturally and undeniably a time of growth and blossoming; a lush opportunity to look within and take stock of what we’ve been planting inside our hearts and heads.

You don’t need to live as a self-help guru to understand that a negative mindset is pretty much hands-down the worst way to approach a new season or big life changes.

Yet grief and loss demand the impossible from us.

In grief circles we often talk about a “new normal” that emerges, unwelcome and unwanted, when a loved one dies or we suffer a catastrophic event or betrayal. Despite the giant hole or drastic change in our lives, we’re pushed toward a new destination and way of living.

The grief journey is not the Yellow Brick Road and the pathway does not offer up red shoes to anyone.

When we’re grieving we can’t go home again but we can design a new map and build a new homestead. If, during pain and hardship, we access inner reservoirs of strength while hanging tight to the helping hands of family, friends and community, we discover a new benevolent life path.

Sources of support are a kind of storm-proof signpost for the bereaved; our helping hands help guide them toward a safe and sheltered harbour.

Right now, there are billions of people wondering how to best navigate this strange new world that’s emerging.

I doubt I need to point out that grief is a lot like lockdown life. We’re closed in and shut down. When fear reigns over our actions and decisions, a stampede of emotions and expectations is activated. Life indeed feels nasty, brutish and short when every step forward feels shaky.

For me and my staff, our lives, like yours, have been transformed by the pandemic. Fifteen months of shutdown affects mind, body and spirit no matter how well-versed you are in life’s seasons.

Our doors never closed at the funeral home (imagine if they had). Death’s constant dark shadow, and its demand that the living take care of the dead, is what makes birth and life so vibrant and precious.

At a time when so few people could gather responsibly and without fear of reprimand, funeral homes offered a private refuge to family and friends wanting to mourn and grieve together.

We never closed, we were never shut down and we had zero service interruptions. I don’t share these realities from a place of “Yay, funeral homes!” but rather as a reminder that the bereaved in 2020 and 2021 are especially vulnerable and fragile right now.

Funeral homes did the very best we could for grieving families although we were still obligated to enforce size limits on gatherings, social distancing, etc. (It’s absolutely terrible playing bylaw officer and crossing guard to heartbroken and sad families.)

Yet despite our best efforts, funeral directors are simply incapable of offering the love, support and healing that comes from family, friends and community.

When death comes to life, we’re all essential. Each of us has a part to play when a loved one’s story line fractures and shatters under the weight of heartbreak.

I feel as if I’ve spent the past year-and-a-half writing in these pages about how to best serve the bereaved when we’re told to stay apart and avoid each other.

My early morning walks are the inspiration for my “how to” connection tips. You’d be amazed at what my wife and I overhear on our walks as we admire the lakefront behind Humber College.

I often hear snippets of conversations about friends who are hurting, elderly loved ones and neighbours who are alone. Walkers, particularly the friendly packs of power-walking women, routinely spend their exercise time strategizing about how to convince an elderly neighbour or grieving friend to come out of their house for a visit.

If I had to make a generalization about the theme, tone or topic of the majority of conversations I hear on my morning walks, I’d say that most people are trying to figure out how to live as a good, decent human being when obstacles separate them from those they love the most.

My fellow walkers come from all walks of life yet their lockdown laments are eerily similar. People talk about the challenges of working from home, playing school teacher to their kids, the rapidly unfolding mess spreading across their middleaged bodies, and the futility of feeling like they’re doing enough for their parents, kids and grieving loved ones.

After 30 years in funeral service, I can spot tears on a person from miles away. I know that solitary walkers often blend two forms of self-care and self-expression into their solo morning routine; they practise physical movement on foot and emotional healing through tears.

If you ever want to feel better (who doesn’t?) go for a walk and have yourself a good cry. You’ll be amazed by the release and load off your mind, body and spirit.

Some of the world’s most renowned thinkers and doers were dedicated walkers – Charles Darwin, Virginia Woolf, Winston Churchill, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs. Love them or loathe them, these famous names were fuelled by a vision about the future that did not exist in their time.

BRAD JONES

Owner, Ridley Funeral Home

revealed itself because as friends, family and community we’re still in the process of finding the path forward and discovering who we are after all the fear and chaos.

For me and my wife, we ground ourselves every morning into the present moment by admiring groomed flower beds and listening to wild Lake Ontario waves. I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I do believe we’re out of deep waters.

If you’re safely settled on shore, remember to strike your light brightly and powerfully. Some of the kindest and loveliest people you could ever meet are still treading water and nursing wounds inflicted by grief and neglect.

As lighthouses, our job is to guide those people home with our hearts and arms wide open.

Brad Jones is president of locally-owned, commission-free Ridley Funeral Home (3080 Lake Shore Blvd West) in Etobicoke. If you’d like to join our (free) Grief Walk program later this summer, please leave us your name and phone number, and we promise to follow up with destinations and dates. Brad can be reached at 416-259-3705 or bradjones@ridleyfuneralhome.com .

AMANDA KIRKLAND

Is it Back to Business or are we just Back in Business?

“Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.”

– Paulo Coelho

The night I started to write this article I had a rather fitful, dream-filled sleep. Past relationships appearing out of the blue and then suddenly I was walking through a mall (likely Sherway Gardens). Nobody was wearing masks…

The mental health impacts of COVID-19 have been and will be ongoing. We are forced to adapt our daily lives to mirror constantly developing public health and government directives.

As restrictions begin to lift, one cannot help but feel stress and anxiety related to going back to work and resuming normal activities, albeit a bit differently.

So, are we back in business or is it just back to business right now?

Back to business means being ready and able to function or begin an activity, pursuit, or task again, as after a period of dysfunction, disability, or disrepair.

Back in business means someone or something has returned to normal activity after a while when that was not possible due to malfunction, repair, or other bad conditions.

We are not yet back to business. But we are adjusting and transitioning.

If you are feeling uncomfortable right now with going back to the way things were, you are not alone. Over the past 16 months, our freedoms have been restricted and you may have developed your own new normal. Now, after creating a space safe for yourself, you are being set free. It can be nerve-wracking as things are different and we all need to figure out how to navigate this post-Coronavirus world.

I get it. I’m right there with you.

Either way, you owe it to yourself to find what makes you comfortable and happy.

If you are heading back to work, it may feel like chaos but now you have the advantage of having taken a step back, so now you can approach your work with a fresh perspective.

You will get through this and everything will be ok in the end.

It does not matter what has happened to you during the quarantine. What matters is what lies ahead of you and what that will look like is completely and entirely up to you.

Don’t worry if every single day as you work your way back to “normal” doesn’t feel like you’re going to be ok. Give yourself some time to adjust to the new reality as we work our way back to normal.

There are several resources available for those suffering from stress and anxiety related to COVID-19. The Canadian Mental Health Association has outlined many ways in which individuals can cope with stress and anxiety through these difficult times.

• Accept that some anxiety and fear is normal • Seek credible information and try to avoid information overload • Make unplugging a priority • Seek support • Maintain healthy eating and avoid using mind- altering substances

When it comes to building an incredible life, there is no limit to what you can do. The only thing keeping you from reaching your potential are your limiting beliefs. If you have any self-limiting beliefs start feeding your unconscious mind with positive truths.

For now, signing off from a place of calm, joy, and love.

AMANDA KIRKLAND

Personal Development Coach www.amandakirkland.com

If you are interested in learning more about your self-limiting beliefs, let’s book a detailed discovery call where we can assess your goals and what’s lying in your subconscious that needs to be cleared up. Email me at amanda@amandakirkland.com or visit my website at www.amandakirkland.com