The Purchase Independent - 03/17/11

the

Q&A

March 17, 2011 | Issue #234

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: Ta r a C on n elly copy editor: Reb ecca K ap lan writers: Va n essa Cavan agh A l ex a Dillen b eck H ei d i Du f f y E l i se Gran ata Cl éa G ran d its Ri l ey Ken ny s mith N i ch o las Sh ap iro M a da me Q u er y print managers: Ro byn Wilk in s To ny Pon tiu s cover photo by: K a ro l Wer n ek artwork by: Su za n n e Bon an n o web design by: D a n i elle Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-bycase basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/ madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome to join.

2

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

HEY YOU, WANNA GET NAKED?

It’s almost that time of year again! The Naked Issue, a chance for you and your friends to show all for the camera and campus. If you’re the sort of person who likes to be nude, it’s time for you to start brainstorming.

RuPaul says that “you’re born naked and the rest is drag,” but at Purchase in the springtime, you’re born in drag and The Indy gets naked. This year I want everyone to get a little conceptual with it, try and plan your shoot to pay homage to some piece of culture—art, music, classical mythology perhaps?

I’m just saying, it’s time to get your Bacchus on with a strategically-placed jug of Carlo Rossi. And if anyone manages to dress up as RuPaul while somehow being naked, you’re probably going to be the cover photo.

So get thinking about how you’ll get naked, and keep an eye on The Indy for more information over the next few weeks!

C A M PUS

SURVIVING A BLACKOUT

BY ALEXA DILLENBECK

We all know everything about the Great Purchase Blackout of 2011 by now. People scrambling around feeling like they are living in a zombie apocalypse without lights, heating, or Hub food. Luckily, I have a smartphone and was able to somewhat keep in contact with civilization via Facebook, Twitter and my email, but there were some who had no idea what they were in for.

Some people took to booze and drugs because, well, this is Purchase, but another option is to do as our parents, grandparents and founding fathers would have done without the new-fangled technology that usually keeps us young folks busy for hours on end.

Hopefully there won’t be another blackout, but just in case there is, here are some things to keep you occupied: grab a book: You know those things with lots of pages that you rarely see anymore? They are full of stories you haven’t read yet. It could be on your Kindle or Nook or iPhone (or whatever new technology is cool now) or an old school paperback, which necessitates cuddling up to a flashlight to read, but can be like your brother sneaking Playboys under his covers—sneaky and it might make a mess of your sheets. plug in your iPod: Now is the time to listen to some great tunes without being distracted by the bright lights of the city... or the annoying orange lights in the quad. You can listen to the minute details of songs you haven’t completely explored yet, and all that jazz. You can listen to that new god-awful Gaga song or to your suitemate’s sister’s

boyfriend’s band trying to make it big. Either way, it’s a nice time to relax and just listen to some tracks. If you’re fully charged, the battery will last for a few good hours. do your damn homework: Now is the perfect time to get things done for once. Terra Ve is closed, your next class is cancelled, it is the absolute best time to just sit down and check off your to-do list. This can be done in conjunction with the book and the iPod, multitasking! You can learn new things by flashlight while listening to sweet jams. Learning, though no one likes to admit it, is why you’re in this lovely electricitychallenged establishment. sleep: We are all tired, considering it’s midterm time, so take advantage of the complete darkness and catch some shut-eye. No need for an eye mask, the hallway lights won’t seep under your door tonight. You can dream of narwhals and cupcakes or G.I. Joe or G.I. Joe riding a narwal covered in cupcakes cumming to your rescue, if that’s what you’re into, but I don’t want to put any words in your mouth. make sweet love: The darkness is perfect for sexytime, whether with your significant other, friend with benefits or yourself. If your roommate walks in you can easily cover up your naughty bits and pretend like nothing happened, because it’s dark and they didn’t see a thing. Unless you lit candles, then you’re out of luck.

So take in all of your new opportunities during a blackout and act as the pioneers did!

3

LIT SOCIETY ON THE MIC

BY CLÉA GRANDITS

In September 2010, Purchase Literature Society co-presidents Amy Crehore and Frank Virgintino decided that all Purchase students, regardless of their majors, needed an outlet to share their writing.

This past Thursday night, the Lit Society hosted its fifth “Open Mic,” where students and faculty are invited to read their own writing as well as the work of others.

The two co-presidents are both doublemajoring in creative writing and literature, a combination that directly inspires the open mic events. “My biggest frustration with Purchase was that there wasn’t a community of writers that I envisioned with the major,” said Virgintino.

“People need to get their writing out of their notebooks and computers and out into the open.

You need an objective eye to look at your work.

We wanted an outlet and other kids needed an outlet, so we made Open Mic Night.”

Amy and Frank explained that while Whitson’s offers an open mic every Wednesday, most go for the music and students don’t usually read their own writing; those who do read on Wednesdays don’t receive much of a response.

“The coolest part about Open Mic is that most of the people who read aren’t even literature or creative writing majors,” remarked Amy. “I didn’t expect this many people to be into it, it’s very exciting.”

The Literature Society hosts Open Mic Night once a month in the Stood Cinema, at 9pm.

The room is set up with an assortment of green

4

folding chairs, and couches line the back and side walls. The seats face a single microphone setup at the front of the room which students are called up to one by one, off of a sign-up sheet.

By 9:15 all of the seats were filled, and a steady stream of people continued to trickle in, settling for the floors. “More and more people have been signing up,” explained Amy and Frank eagerly. “We started out with only 13 people reading. We were worried that it wasn’t going to work out, but the next time we had 21, then 25 and it’s the fifth time today and there are 30 kids signed up!” Even as I sat talking with the copresidents prior to the event, a few students came in hoping to sign up and couldn’t because there were already too many readers.

Surprisingly, the readings didn’t consist of merely poetry and fiction. One student shared a ghost story, and another, Peter Schranz, read a hilarious (and very random) “choose your own adventure” game that he devised, which required audience participation. His piece had everyone roaring with laughter, and the unique and wellwritten prose made it all the more interesting.

Many of the readings were full-on performances. The students were confident and funny, pacing around, waving their hands, and reading in different voices. Two particularly funny and theatrical readings were done by Lucas McCaslin who shared his poem “A Journey Through Narcissism,” and Rafay Rashid who read a series of short poems (one entitled “Public Display of Erection”) from a small moleskin

C LUB S & ORGS notebook. One student pointed to Rafay before reading his own poetry and told him that his work had inspired him to write a short three-line poem, which he proceeded to share. While some readings were more somber, they were equally appreciated and the audience sat listening attentively.

Though some readers were confident, many were nervous, their hands trembling as they read. “This is my first time reading in a while, I hope the mic doesn’t catch my heartbeat,” said one girl before reading her short story. Sharing one’s innermost thoughts in a room packed with strangers can be nerve-wracking—a writer’s worst nightmare—but it’s important to see past that and realize that it’s an incredibly rewarding experience.

The encouraging laughter and enthusiastic applause that the readers received when they had finished seemed to reassure them that it was worthwhile. I could tell that they were proud as they smiled modestly, weaving their way back to their seats through the maze of students sitting on the ground.

“It was awesome, people read really well,” remarked Lindsay VanderVoort McGrath, a senior creative writing major who plans on reading at the next open mic. “This is pretty much the only time I read my work,” said Alex Moscowitz, a senior literature major who later in the night took to the mic to read a poem he wrote. “I’ll read my writing to a friend but I don’t get much out of that. Open Mic helps you develop your poetry and that’s what you’re supposed to be doing: reading your poetry, and having people hear it.”

While many students enjoy the opportunity to read their work, for some the events are not enough. “I think it’s good but it’s very little for people who are supposed to be writing all the

time and be in a community,” said Nick Wilsey, a freshman creative writing major. “I’d like it if there were more events, specifically more readings by both students and actual authors.”

When asked why the Literature Society doesn’t hold open mics more often, Frank explained that writers don’t usually have something polished after two weeks. “People need time to work on their stuff. Now that we have more readers maybe that will change, maybe we could have them more often.”

The Literature Society used to host workshop meetings as well, in which students could meet with others to discuss and edit their work. However, it didn’t attract as much attention as Amy and Frank had hoped. Despite this, the two continue to urge students to email their work to the Lit Society (purchaseliteraturesociety@gmail. com) so that their writing can be workshopped and critiqued.

“A lot of literature majors seem to have hostility towards creative writing majors, but we know the workshop methods. They’re more well read, but they don’t have anyone to workshop their stuff,” said Amy. “People should come to these events and become more involved. We have an email address, but only eight emails in our inbox.

We’re a community, we need more ideas.”

After spending three hours at the open mic, I went back to my apartment feeling more inspired than I have in years and much more inclined to share my own work.

The next Open Mic Night will be April 17th.

Multilingual Night (the Literature Society’s biggest event of the year, inviting students and faculty to read a poem in its original language, followed by an English translation) will be held on April 6 in the Red Room, accompanied by a full dinner.

5

HELP JAPAN

BY HEIDI DUFFY AND RILEY KENNYSMITH

A natural disaster, close to home or halfway around the globe, is a shock to the system.

It is panic-inducing, the systematic assessment of the situation taking over our thoughts and repeatedly cycling through on repeat: Do I know anyone there? How do I contact them? What do I do if I can’t get in touch with them? What needs to happen now? What can I do to help?

This week Japan suffered an earthquake followed by a devastating tsunami and dozens of aftershocks. The photographs and footage of coastal cities are a terrifying vision of destruction, waves as tall as trees and buildings completely submerged. Tens of thousands of people are still unaccounted for. Radiation is leaking from damaged reactors at a nuclear power plant in Fukushima. Low levels of radiation have been felt at sites 200 miles away from where the reactors blew up. Even with all of the figures and photos and news stories, it is still difficult to comprehend the scope of the disaster when we are safe at home; despite tsunami advisories in counties along California’s coast, surfers defied official warnings and eagerly waited for the predicted waves. After watching the videos of Japan’s tsunami, can we understand what it means, what it was like? How can we take the astronomical amount of people who have died and are still missing, and put faces to them? We can only try to contribute from where we are, keep Japan in the foreground of our global consciousness until every possible effort has been made and the affected areas are truly on their way to recovering from the aftermath.

6

Those who wish to help can donate money to the American Red Cross’s relief fund through iTunes (but, disappointingly, you can’t use money in your iTunes account—credit cards only).

The Red Cross has also partnered with Twitter, with the #helpjapan promoted trending topic, and are also accepting donations through their website and texting service; text REDCROSS to 90999 make a $10 donation. You can even donate money when you access FarmVille on Facebook.

You need either a PayPal account or a credit card, and can have your FarmVille money converted into donatable dollars (25 Farm Cash is equivilant to $5). UNICEF, International Medical Corps, Global Giving and other organizations also have donation services. Sprint, Verizon, T-Mobile and AT&T have all made changes for the disaster, offering free calls and texts to Japan or waiving fees for donation texting services.

WOR L D

WTF KING?

BY VANESSA CAVANAGH

There is something Republican lawmakers are very, very good at selling: fear. They have undoubtably become even better at it in our post-9/11 world. Homeland Security Committee Chairman Pete King organized hearings on the radicalization of the American Islamic community, the first of which took place last week. The title of said hearings? “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community’s Response.” I sort of wish I were making that up.

According to a report compiled by the Muslim Public Affairs Council and published on the organization’s web site, since 9/11, “There were 80 total terrorist plots by U.S.-originated nonMuslim perpetrators against the United States,” while during that same time period, “there have been 45 total plots by U.S. and foreign-originated Muslim perpetrators...” So since September of 2001, non-Muslim Americans have orchestrated more terrorist plots against this country than American and foreign Muslims combined. So do you think Rep. King will hold congressional hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American non-Muslim Community and that Community’s Response”? I’m going to assume not. The concept behind these hearings is not only offensive to American Muslims, but pointless, ignorant, and a prime component of the continued xenophobic behavior in our country.

King has asserted that his goal is not to demonize Islam, yet the hearings seem to broadly implicate the entire Muslim community. The

purported goal is to investigate radical Islamist elements, which advocate violence and terror in the pursuit of a politicized Islam, as they adhere to the dangers of Salafism and Wahhabism, according to King. While it can be argued that there has been an increase in the number of Muslim radicals in the United States, and it is an important national security issue, the structure and publicity surrounding the hearings has not done its proponents any favors. King, who has previously called for the New York Times to be tried for treason and for WikiLeaks to be listed as a terrorist organization, doesn’t shy away from confronting terrorist threats wherever he sees them—but this time he’s struck a nerve. He’s been denounced by the ACLU and Democratic rivals, who have compared him to Joseph McCarthy.

You’ve also got to love the fact that a government official is on something of a witchhunt for terrorist sympathizers when that same official funneled money and guns to the IRA, a terrorist organization.

I will begrudgingly admit that Pete King is a pleasant enough person. He lives in my town, and I met him a dozen or so times while working at the local dry cleaner. Sometimes I wish I had ruined his three piece suits. Yet while King is no friend of mine, and, more importantly, no friend of constitutionalism (he is an advocate of gun control, labor unions, unmitigated military interventionism, Cash for Clunkers, CAFÉ standards, and was only one of four Republicans to vote against impeaching Bill Clinton), he has a history of positive interactions with the Muslim community on Long Island throughout the 90s, despite his outrageous statements that “No Muslims cooperate on the War on Terror” and “80% of mosques in America are operated by (continued on page 15)

7

A HANDY GUIDE TO EVENTS

BY ELISE GRANATA

Hi, I am one of your General Programming Coordinators (a species commonly known as GPC) along with Cameron Wisch. We are both pretty nice people and care about you, so I thought I would make up a guide on who we are and how to put on events at Purchase.

BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HOW TO PUT ON AN EVENT AT PURCHASE:

General Programming Coordinators are supposed to fill in the gap with events that aren’t already happening via clubs and services. It is a more objective position, and should represent the needs and desires of the student body as a whole.

Because the position is a ‘coordinator’ after all, the GPC works with individual students and clubs by talking with them, developing, funding and providing an open forum for ideas.

So here I present to you a kinda comprehensive, definitely charming guide on events at Purchase.

1. Come up with a good idea!

Do you want to organize a show? A lecture?

Something else wild and great?

2. Find the right people to help you out with this.

This step might not be necessary depending on what you’re doing, but there are a bunch of people all around campus who might already be pretty familiar with what you’re interested in. Every club on campus meets bi-weekly at the Council of Clubs, Organizations and Services (CoCOaS).

Maybe one of them could help you with your idea! If you’re not sure who to contact directly, you should get in touch with Ricky Gunzel (frederick. gunzel@purchase.edu). He is the coordinator and is the most knowledgeable person on networking and budgeting within our clubs and services.

3. Find funding If whatever you’re doing costs money, don’t panic! There’s a little thing called the Mandatory Student Activities Fee, a small $100 tacked onto everyone’s tuition. This money goes to fund all the events that happen here—and I mean all of them.

It even helps the Student Center run! In any case, this is money that is devoted to funding student events. It is divided up between clubs and GPC and all that…again, find the group of people most

BUT WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY DO?

Zombie Prom, movie screenings, Roller Disco, a lot of concerts, things like Vagina Monologues, Hip Hop Tribute, laser tag night (April 5!), that Six Flags trip in October, an interdisciplinary arts show in the Dining Hall (second week of April, keep your peepers open!), Queer Music Fest, India Night, silk-screened event posters, Untitled #1 and lecturers.

OKAY, WHY DO YOU HAVE AN ARTICLE?

I believe that an apathetic and uninvolved student body is largely due to a severe lack of information. How is anyone going to get involved if they don’t know how to do it?

I also believe that one or two people can’t adequately represent a whole campus through events, which is why I made this step-by-step guide on how to hold your own event. Again, if you need any help or any funding, we are more than happy to lend a hand! This is just to give you a nice start.

8

your.indy@gm ai l.com appropriate for what you’re doing and work with them on this. (An example: senator Marianna Grady is collaborating with Role Playing Gamers Alliance for some help and funding with the laser tag night. Does that kinda make sense?)

4. If you have performers…

If your event has a band, solo artist, organization, lecturer, et cetera, coming through, you have to fill out a couple of contracts for them to play here.

This is also the paperwork you need to fill out in order to get them paid. Just head on over to the PSGA office in Campus Center North to pick up the paperwork!

5. Time and place!

Figure out which venue on campus works best for your event and when. When you have a time and place in mind, you have to reserve your space on the Room Management Service thing (RMS).

Despite its being super archaic and tedious, this is how Purchase is run. Even classes are reserved on there. For help with RMS you can email Taylor Gesel (taylor.gesel@purchase.edu). If your event is rejected, it is only because your event might clash with another event booked for the same time slot in the same room. No reason you can’t negotiate that with whoever is in charge of the event, though!

6. Get some tech!

If you need sound or power or whatever, don’t worry. We have a whole Tech Services program run by students here who are there to help you out with your event. If you want your event to have tech, there is a calendar that you have to log all events with. When you do this, someone from Tech Services signs up for the event and is able to use all the equipment necessary. As a rule, you can’t use Tech Services’s equipment unless you’re an employee or officially assigned to the event, because these Tech Services folks get paid for their

time. Only a couple of people have access to this calendar, so just let me (purchaseeventsbrigade@gmail. com) or Tech Services Coordinator Josh Warsaw (joshua.warshaw@purchase.edu) know which date and time slot you end up going with so we can put it on there for you.

7. Promote it all up in everywhere Make some posters and use up those extra printing dollars in your account and just blanket every available bulletin board with your flyer!

Remember, if you’re getting funding from a club or anything under the PSGA, it has to say “Paid for by your Mandatory Student Activities Fee” somewhere on there. If you want a campus-wide email to go out, contact frederick.gunzel@purchase.edu or john.delate@purchase.edu.

8. Have your event!

I don’t really have any advice past this point, because I don’t have any clue what you’re doing.

I’m sure it’ll be great.

There you have it! Again, if you have any questions, just contact us!

I SERIOUSLY WOULD LOVE TO TALK TO YOU, HOW DO I DO THAT?

Our email is purchaseeventsbrigade@gmail.com and our blog is www.purchaseeventsbrigade.blogspot.com.

You can also join the Facebook group if you want, just search for Purchase Events Brigade!

9

“

PHOTOS BY KATHERINE ALVARADO

– MATTHEW MEYERS

10

“

PURCHASE PROTESTS BUDGET CUTS

The “Rally to Save Higher Education” was held to spread awareness about the impending budget cuts that face SUNY Purchase in Governor Cuomo’s proposed budget, and promote Lobby Day on March 15th in Albany. The event was staged in the academic mall under the green clock, with prewritten letters stating disapproval with the cuts proposed to higher education. “Cuomo Bucks” were passed out. These dollars bore “March 15th! Lobby Day!” and had Cuomo’s face underneath the slogan “don’t throw your money away.” After attracting a large crowd and getting coverage from the Purchase Brick and Channel 12 news, in addition to getting over 40 letters signed and a multitude of signatures on our petitions, I believe the event was a success.

C A M PUS

11

GOT A STORY TO TELL ?

A NYONE O N C AMPUS C AN SUBMI T TO THE IN DY

12

COME TO OUR MEETINGS MONDAYS @ 9:30PM CCN 1011

EMAIL STORIES TO: YOUR.INDY@GMAIL.COM

WEI NER S

HOTDOG UNIVERSE

BY NICHOLAS SHAPIRO

In a perfect world, all women would be legally replaced with hotdogs. They would be so overly stimulating in the mouth that the rest of the free population would vomit up a planetspanning rainbow of dead animals, sexual release and enough ketchup that it’d blot out all the remaining vaginas roaming around unlawfully throughout the land. Then, that rainbow would eat itself up, orgasm into the atmosphere and an ozone layer of impenetrable ingredients would protect us from the arising onslaught of hotdog invaders until the end of time. But not even time has to exist in a world without females. I’m pretty sure women invented time so that they could yell at their husbands every day of their lives and keep an impossibly long diary of hatred and misery just to show off to each other in their salad clubs while the rest of us are on our hotdog breaks.

Now let’s talk hotdog politics. The best part about ’dog ’tics is that there’s no such thing as government and political theories of hotdogs.

Know why? Because it’s a fucking hotdog and it doesn’t need to run a country with lots of finances and eloquent diction. It can do that anyways with a toasted bun and a Diet Coke Zero. Before Kim Jong Il came to awesome power, North Korea was governed for three thousand years by a Hebrew National frank, with a little mustard under its soft crimson belly. Then it stepped down as infinite ruler of the free world to open up Yankee Stadium and slave out its own hotdog race at $4 a pop. This is modern day America and you don’t even realize what kind of hotdog tyranny you are

missing under your fat noses.

Hotdog arts and hotdog literature would distinguish the creative and the intellectual from the blue and white collar sausage class. “Pick your meat, make it sweet, take your friends all out to eat,” is how little hotdog warriors would recite the new pledge of allegiance in their meat dojos and their all-beef miracle facilities. Everything else in the natural world would be better and all bad things would stop because this is my article and I can say whatever I want in it. Think about this one for a second: August 28th, 1963, Martin Luther Hotdogs, Jr. dogged out a heartwarming hotdog speech in the ’Dog House in Washington D.C., which stands for Don’t Care as in “I don’t care that I’m re-inventing history in the name of imagination and frankfurters, nothing is real anyway,” so tickle your twink twiddlers with that zinger of a ’dog lesson.

All in all, a hotdog utopia is not that far off considering America is on the fast track to Fatsville University with a concentration in “Donut Disasters” and a minor in “Pizza Problems.”

But being a chubster doesn’t matter anyhow because girls don’t exist in this hotdog kingdom, so the Portly Peters can blissfully rejoice with the Hefty Henrys without worrying if Thinny Trim Tracy will decline their request to slob on their plumpy pounders. Everything is perfect and this world can be ours. Signing off, hotdogs off to ya.

In hotdogs we trust. Viva la hotdogs. And praise Lord Kramdar.

13

MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

Dear

really

I’ve lived with my current roommate for

interested in learning exactly how you

almost 3 years now, and she thinks we’re

became Chancellor. It’s a long time goal

living together after college. I, however,

of mine to rise the ranks as you have. I

would rather live with someone else.

very much enjoy your weekly column in

How can I tell her and remain friends? (I

the Purchase Indy, and I anxiously await

know she’ll be pissed.) Help!

your timely response.

Chancellor

Query,

I’m

The life of someone in a high ranking position of the government involves pant suits, nylon stockings (the boring kind used to make people believe that’s your actual skin) and droning speech.

Madame is nothing of the sort. Madame’s name is not of a governmental ranking (although she could probably solve world peace), but rather it comes from reigning in the same rank as some of our world’s greatest madames such as Madame Currie (has a nifty similar ring doesn’t it?) and Madame Heidi Fleiss (Ex-Distributer for Charlie Sheen). In other words, if it is a high ranking government official you want to be then you may want to consider going elsewhere. But if you want to know how to be a sassy, intellectual, debutante of Purchase College then you can stay put.

To rise the ranks in order to be amongst other madames, you must do this first thing keep yourself in check. Know who you are and what makes you fabulous otherwise you’re going to appear pretty ordinary. Stand out with your dreams: whether it’s science or pimping, make it happen!

14

You are going to be graduating college, it’s time you let your balls drop and let yourself have what you want and not let your friends change things around. You’re going to be a twenty-something post-grad scrambling to decide your next phase of life, let yourself be “selfish” and do what you need, no matter how much your friend might piss and moan about it. You can tell her this. Well... not those exact words because then you’ll come across as disregarding her. The truth is though, you’re going to be going through a whole new life change and it may be best for you to disregard what others think.

Here is how you’re going to break it to her, the old fashioned classy way: the sit down.

Nothing beats it, and if you’ve read a lot of my other columns this is usually what it comes down to: a conversation. Tell her that you want to learn how to adjust out of the college setting and room with someone you’re not used to living with. If she is reasonable then she will only be pissed at you for five minutes and then realize that your friendship is a lot more important than a living situation. Three years of living together is a long time, I don’t think anyone sane is willing to give up a friendship after all that time. If she does, then be thankful you won’t be living with her!

A DV I C E I am sexually dead inside and don’t believe in love, yet both men and women like to hit on me. While extremely complimented, how do I let down these starry-eyed dreamers without crushing their undying affection and looking like an exceptionally sexy twat?

You don’t have to tell anyone anything!

You can let the mystery stay. If it is a matter of being annoyed at people trying to take advantage of your delightful, titillating features then tell them “I don’t want to toot my own horn here, but I think I know what you’re trying and isn’t going to work. It’s not you, it’s just that I have highly realistic thoughts on relationships. Not to mention the fact that you will never do it for me.” Those words sound harsh, so just say the same thing but a lot sweeter. When you say it sweeter, they’ll be mad they can’t get with you, but still think you look cute. Breaking bad news + being cute = sexy.

If you want to play around a little and pretend to flirt back then go at it, but you have to eventually cue them in on the fact that you’re not going into their bedroom. I mean it would be really bitchy if you didn’t give them the chance to find a backup plan for the night. Now I think this is good advice, if you are at a bar.

If these are friends who hitting on you, then tell them the truth and they will stop. And behind your back they will still talk about how hot you are, which is not a bad thing.

(continued from page 9) radicals.” His hearings serve at least one purpose.

They are an attempt to at least understand the threat of Islamist terrorism and develop knowledge of the enemy and what motivates terrorists. Unfortunately, the hearings seem to fall short on substance and run high with drama.

The hearings, and most Americans, will continue to ignore the true nature of anti-American terror.

To misunderstand the history and development of anti-Western aggression, and the religion of Islam in general, is to misinterpret a monumental double standard on the part of the United States and its history of hypocrisy in matters of foreign policy.

I could very well argue that America itself does more to radicalize Muslims here and abroad with every bomb it drops, with every covert intelligence operation abroad, with every dollar of support sent to support military puppet governments in the name of American interests, and now with this generalized accusation that, somehow, Muslims in America are not patriotic enough. Send an email Mr. King’s way if you get a chance—I already did. Mine has the word fuck in it, but I’m not trying to give anyone any ideas.

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

15

SUBMIT BACK PAGE QUOTES VIA THE BOX OUTSIDE CCN 1011 OR ON THE WEB AT: HTTP://FORMSPRING.ME/INDYBACKPAGE

16

*some quotes have been rewritten for legibility or to preserve the anonymity of the submitter