the
September 8, 2011 | Issue #242
y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: To m D au er writers: A l ex a Dillen b eck M a da me Q u er y Ró i sí n McCarty print manager: To ny Pon tiu s cover photo by: D avi d Grimald i copy editor: To m my Roach artwork by: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith web design by: D a n i el l e Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee. We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed. The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a caseby-case basis. Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring. me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/ indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door. Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome to join.
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR I’m blasting Tegan & Sara in the office, as per usual. I’ve apparently summoned a monstrous rain storm, which is currently leaking into the basement of Campus Center North via a crack in the wall. I haven’t gone down to see it yet because I’m secretly half-hoping, half-terrified that it’s the crack from Doctor Who and the universe is about to explode, and I haven’t got a sonic screwdriver handy to save us. I also think that if I ignore it, it might go away, or at least stay where it is and away from my office. Obviously, I have no idea what to talk about in my letter this week. But I always listen to Tegan & Sara while I edit, and I watch more Doctor Who than could ever be considered healthy. So instead of a real letter, I’ll give some advice. Go to your professors’ office hours and talk about your papers. Call maintenance as soon as your sink breaks, don’t wait until it gets really bad. Don’t eat the whole quesadilla if you know that your stomach isn’t big enough to deal with an entire quesadilla. (I’m still bad at that one.) Memorize where the puddles are, they’re always in the same places and you’ll need that info when you’re half-asleep on your way to classes.
LETTERS LETTER TO THE EDITOR I always pick up a copy of the Indy, but I rarely have the time to read its contents. This evening though, I found myself with the first issue in hand and a tasty slice of Hub pizza in front of me, the perfect opportunity. I have to say I was disappointed and mildly disgusted with the article “Heliotrope and Puce?” The article was calling for a unified campus to band together and democratically vote for new school colors. An action I would stand behind. I would vote with the uniqueness of Purchase, and my pride as a soon-to-be alum, in mind. However, the author closed the article stating that, with the addition of art students, we could come up with better school colors than heliotrope and puce, or blue and orange. I’m sure the intent was to be lighthearted and humorous, but it left me with a nasty taste in my mouth. I felt as though the article was calling for unity, but clearly separating the “sophisticated artists” and “talented athletes” from the “everybody elses.” I am not an artist, quite far from an athlete (other than the occasional run around the loop), but I can whole-heartedly say I love Purchase. But is my vote not good enough because I am not in the VA, or on an athletic scholarship? Because I will graduate with a Bachelor’s of Science instead of Bachelor’s of Arts? To me, Purchase has always been a place where anyone can feel a sense of belonging. So why now, when we should stand together, do we divide and define ourselves? I am not asking for an apology, or for a follow up article. I just want to be heard and represented as a fellow student, a student who may not have taken Color Seminar, or even noticed that the Knicks colors were blue and orange too, but a student who also calls Purchase a home, and wants to wear its colors with pride.
make the paper you want it to be Come to our weekly staff meetings, everyone is welcome! Monday nights at 9:30pm Publications Office: CCN 1011
email us with submissions, letters, questions or comments:
your.indy@gmail.com
Sincerely, Not an Artist... or an Athlete
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PURCHASE SEXCAPADES BY Alexa Dillenbeck and Róisín McCarty If you stay in one place for too long, you’re bound to get bored with it. This is true for life and for sex. While at school, it is particularly tricky to find places for you and your consensual sex partner to go. If you have a roommate with a test in the morning, a suitemate who doesn’t like guests, or if you are sick of seeing your partner’s stupid posters on their dorm walls, you may want to travel to more adventurous spots. Don’t know where to go? We’ve got you covered. Mailroom
If you want a quickie, the mailroom might be an interesting place to go. Though the room has floor to ceiling glass doors, if you can get in and out quickly enough, you should be able to get off. In rain, sleet, snow, or hail, they’ll deliver your mail. Recommended for: fans of going postal. Stairwells
Again, very tricky, but if timed properly, you could probably get your rocks off in the stairwells of any building. Keep in mind that they’re high traffic areas, so you may get caught with your pants down. This could also be true for elevators, but that might be better suited for a day with an elevator malfunction and a long wait to be rescued. You’ve seen the episode of The L Word we’re talking about. Recommended for: top floor dwellers, Fort Awesome and Outback residents with access to elevators.
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Showers
For a sexy and steamy rendezvous, showers are A+, not to mention the time saving benefits and the added bonus of tricking your nonbathing partner into daily hygiene. Be careful that you don’t slip. You can also get handles for easier shower sex for pretty cheap online or at Spencer’s. If you have a hall bathroom, remember that there are a lot of other people who need to use the showers too. (And how dirty those showers actually are!) Recommended for: inhabitants of apartments, Outback and Fort Awesome. Roof of Natural Sciences
In a hop, skip and jump, you can get your groove on under the stars. It will literally take some acrobatics to get up there, though, so don’t tire yourself out before you get it in. Please don’t slip and then blame it on this article. We are not responsible if you fall off a building after furious humping. Recommended for: star gazers and monkeys. Library
The library is a helpful tool for all students and can be especially helpful for bookworms. If librarians turn you on and you want to fog up their glasses, get into one of the study cages and study some anatomy. Recommended for: any time before midterms/finals week.
your.indy@g mail .c o m Quad
Laundry room
How people can get away with this is strange, but the quad is another place with not only a lot of traffic, but also a lot of sex. When it gets dark, get a blanket and have a picnic in your partner’s pants. Recommended for: fans of bare feet and grass stains.
Kill two hypothetical birds with one stone: take off your clothes and wash them while getting it on in the laundry room. Just don’t be alarmed if your lover surprises you with the spin cycle. And don’t forget the dryer sheets. Recommended for: people who air their dirty laundry.
Academic buildings
Fields
If you really like the teacher scenario, any empty classroom of an academic building could be your ideal place. Now, don’t take this idea too far and start sexing it up with your professors, but you can feel like you are for the night! Recommended for: fans of blazers with elbow pads. Practice room
Music conservatory kids, this one is for you! Slip on something sexy and serenade your love interest in one of the practice rooms. Take a cue from The Notebook and do it under a piano! And if you’re lucky, the music coming from the other rooms might add to the mood! Recommended for: music kids, duh.
Purchase College is built on 550 acres of land, which means there are plenty of empty spaces. Similar to the quad, with less of a chance of getting caught, get down and dirty in one of the many fields. This could be helpful if you are a little bit too shy to do it right out in the open because there are some wooded areas. Bring bug spray, but don’t get it on your junk and don’t trust it to save you from every bite. But hey, isn’t a little risk why you’re out there in the first place? Recommended for: tree huggers who also hug people.
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MADAME QUERY
HAS YOUR REMEDY
I’m moving in with a female roommate.
My girlfriend won’t stop talking about her
As a male who has never lived with
old boyfriend, how “he used to go down
another female, what are some things I
on me for hours” or “he used to take me
should know?
to Wendy’s.” She says she is over him, but I don’t think so. Mme Query, is it time for
Living with the opposite sex can be a life altering experience... for the best! Or it could be for worst. As a woman I can tell you a few things that I would like a male roommate to know about me in my womanly ways. 1. Clean your dishes. I know it’s stereotypical and sexist to assume you don’t and yaddahhh yaddahh (insert comment about patriarchy bullshit here) but pretty much know that your roommate get pissed off seeing last week’s mac n’ cheese in the sink. 2. When you shave, clean it up immediately. I’m not kidding you. Don’t leave it all over the sink. Madame loves a clean-shaven man, but hates to think about what’s all over his bathroom. 3. Periods. I don’t know what else to say because it won’t affect you, unless she doesn’t throw it away, but then that’s something she needs to know. 4. Knock on the door! You don’t want an awkward peep show and have that remain the elephant in the room for the rest of the year. Eh, okay, let’s get to the honest truth: Madame can’t give you foolproof advice about living with women. We’re all different. You’re going to find messy ones who may piss you off with their dirty dishes or ones who leave their shavings in the sink. You could have an uptight woman that is very strict with her living arrangements. There is no real thing you should know. Just try it out and be the considerate roommate you would be with either gender.
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me to move on from this girl who is stuck in the past?
It’s okay to occasionally bring up an old flame, but constantly bringing him up, that’s a no-no. Your girl isn’t being fair to you and is a bit inconsiderate for talking about her sexual relationship with this old boyfriend. What if she’s thinking of her ex while screwing you? Honey, this is a problem that needs to be addressed! How can one not realize how uncomfortable that would make their partner? Here is a word of advice from Madame for everyone: if you want to talk about your previous sex life, do it behind your current partner’s back. It’s not cheating, you’re not disgusting for talking about something in the past, but it’s just plain rude if your current partner has to hear it. So, my friend, is it time for you to move on? It might just be, but give her a chance. Explain to her that it makes you feel awkward and whatever other adjective you feel when you hear too many details about her past love life. If she can’t easily take that into consideration then maybe it is time for you to move onto someone who wants to move forward and create fond experiences with you rather than someone who is trying to build a time machine with their mind.
A DV I C E I enjoy wearing skinny fit jeans. Call me a hipster if you want, I find them comfy. The issue is my man-pieces, um, make my tight pants, err... tighter. Do you have
WORD SEARCH
any advice for me, oh wise Mme Query!
Hmm when I hear “skinny fit” I would assume that you were wearing some skin tight yoga pants from Lulu Lemon, but you added jeans to the end, so now I realize you went into the “urban” section of the GAP. You say they’re comfortable. However, you are still concerned about whether or not there is enough space down there for your “manpieces.” If it’s tighter down there, then maybe those jeans are, in fact, not comfortable at all. If you can’t deal with the outline of your junk shining through for the world to admire, then you need a different style or perhaps a bigger size.
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