The Purchase Independent - 09/15/2011

the

September 15, 2011 | Issue #243

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: To m D au er writers: A l ex a Dillen b eck M a da me Q u er y Ró i sí n McCarty N i ch o l a s Sh ap iro print manager: To ny Pon tiu s cover photo by: D avi d Grimald i copy editor: To m my Roach artwork by: M a rg o t Allis on web design by: D a n i el l e Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a caseby-case basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring. me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/ indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome to join.

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

We’re introducing some new features to the Indy, which we hope everyone will enjoy as much as we do! First is Purchase Noir, an occasional segment where our fictional hardboiled PI Charles investigates the real goings-on of Purchase College. I may have spent a few too many hours reading Dashiell Hammett novels, but then, I think there’s no such thing as too much reading. We’re also going to make sure we get as many upcoming events listed as possible, because the events on this campus are great and you deserve to experience them! Keep an eye out for these and other updates, and as always, feel free to write for the Indy whenever you’re so moved.

And don’t neglect the back page, we can’t print quotes unless you submit them. The formspring is always waiting for you and we have a lovely new box on our door for hand-written submissions.

P U RC H A S E N O I R

CASE FILE: DMZ

I looked down at the case file laid out on in front of my. The big red letters reading “MISSING: DMZ” taunted me, and I pulled a cigarette out of the pack in my breast pocket, lighting it without hesitation.

“Charles!”

I heard my name echo outside seconds before the door slammed open. The redhead put a hand up to catch it as it bounced back off of the wall. I put my cigarette down in the ashtray on my desk and raised my eyebrows at her.

“Any news?” she asked.

I turned away and watched the rain tap against the window pane for a few moments before solemnly shaking my head at the sorry situation.

“No. Not one lead.”

She sighed, her shoulders slumping defeatedly.

“What, uh, what’s the DMZ?” Frankie, the newbie I had been training to be on our team asked nervously from his chair on the other side of the room. He had been working on filing miscellaneous papers. The busy work.

“The Digital Media Zone,” I said, picking my cigarette up and rolling the filter between my thumb and forefinger. He eagerly sat up straighter, waiting for me to continue, but all I did was take a long drag.

“It was a high tech suite in the library, with lots of computers that you could use for printing, or making music, or editing video. This year it’s just disappeared.”

“Oh,” he said.

“I’ve been trying to crack the case for a week, but there’s just no information out there.”

A blonde dame leaned her head in the door. “Are you talking about the DMZ?”

The three of us nodded.

“You didn’t hear the news?”

“News? What news?”

BY Róisín McCarty

“Well,” she began, stepping in the door completely, “The two Digital Audio suites are offline right now, but rumor has it that the media lab is temporarily in room 1014 of the library.

Inside intel. You know I can’t reveal my sources.”

I sat back in my chair. I had done my research, I had spoken to all of the right people and no one had mentioned that to me. Was I losing my touch? Were all of my years doing investigative work for nothing?

“Why?” Frankie asked, interrupting my self-deprecation. Leave it to the new kid to ask the obvious without even thinking about it.

“The same reason anything happens at Purchase. Construction,” she said, dramatically pausing, waiting to receive our laughter.

“Of course,” I said, shaking my head and chuckling. Of course.

“They’re going to move it to the main floor of the library now, instead of in the basement. You’re still out of luck when it comes to anything audio, but they’ve got seventeen computers hooked up for use, as long as you give the password. There are printers, and there’s a few scanners in there too.”

I reopened the case folder in front of me and scrawled the new findings on the paper.

Another case cracked by the skin of my nose.

“Nice work detective,” the redhead winked at me as she turned on her heel and walked out of the door. Now where did I put that bottle of bourbon?

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I WENT TO THE CITY...

BY NICHOLAS SHAPIRO

Dropped down from the swirling, viscous, ecto-plastic swamp computer that is the womb of our celestial motherboard, Steve Jobs and I entered the realm of New York City. “The year is 3011 and nothing has changed for one thousand years.

I’ve been here before,” said Steven. We winked at each other twice, hopped out of our full body Zune suits and began the data collection for our digital colony. Outside planet Earth, information was behind the times. Simply knowing, let alone sharing memories and ideas, was out of fashion; a novelty. Yet, here Steve Jobs and I stood before what used to be the central capital of media and information in all of space and time.

Before exploring Manhattan, Steve Jobs took out his Windows Vista blades, in which he secured our respective tentacles, and we rode off gracelessly into the streets. Advanced mammal cyborgs of the forever plane, we saw no need to engorge ourselves in the carnal pleasures of everyday, commercial media retailers. Instead, what was left in our path was a tide of battery acid and hamburger vomit. Yet Steven sought a power surge, but of a brand that most men or gods may never know. The primal instinct to purify his technological hunger was only a flicker, but soon caught fire as new districts of the city presented themselves to his unforgiving gaze. Slithering and quivering with excitement, he had found a brick building, elusive treasures deep within. For a century of centuries, Steven has harbored an appreciation, held in secret among the flow of white-skinned opportunists he had surrounded himself during his time on Earth.

Inching closer to the building, the Marlborough Gallery in Chelsea, Steven gargled bio-fluids triggered by his own nervous imagination.

He saw the name “Rashaad Newsome” on a

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plaque at the entrance and knew he had reached his media-saturated heaven. Deep inside Steve Jobs, the man-now-turned-mammal-cyborg, is an eternally deep appreciation of hip hop culture.

Through Rashaad Newsome’s media mash ups of high-end art and low brow rap fantasia, the visceral mix of the lifestyle Steven never had posed with artistic integrity that was missing from his past empires sent him reeling. In Newsome’s five minute video clip “The Conductor,” preconceived notions of the unknown whirled up inside of him. Based on the musical masterpiece Carmina Burana, the video was accentuated with hip-hop beats and illustrated with montages appropriated from popular rap music videos.

The expressive hand movements of the hip-hop artists kept fluid timing with the piece in a fusion of classical music and contemporary pop culture.

That was his favorite part.

Unbeknownst to him, Steve Jobs had lost connection with his present self and gradually melted back seamlessly into his human form, forgetting all traces of the colony he left behind.

Relative to a psychedelic experience, he left the art gallery with a new perspective on information and media in the future. Something was now tingling in his fingers, and his cerebrum. The light of what used to be modern day technology and art was upon him and he remembered what was most important to him. The words “thick cash flow” glazed right through to the center of his thoughts and Steve Jobs barfed back into his alien form. He rocketed straight back into the atmosphere and returned to the swirling, viscous, ecto-plastic mother womb from which he came, which is known to the rest of existence as the National TD Bank of Large Paper Stacks and Doing It Big.

C ULTURE

ON PROPER PRONOUNS

BY ALEXA DILLENBECK

My name is Alexa. I’m a Journalism major, and I prefer female pronouns, please. In any of the classes I’ve taken in my time here at Purchase, I have yet to hear a professor ask me, or any of my classmates, for a pronoun preference.

Pronoun preference is what you would like to be called if someone is not using your name. This is not necessarily the worst thing in the world for me, especially because if someone presumes my gender, they would probably be correct. But, in contrast, this is problematic for people of any trans* identity. Trans* is an umbrella term for anyone who does not adhere to, or identify with, the gender binary.

The lack of concern is what worries me, a cisgender (non-trans*) female who prefers female pronouns. If I did not identify with female pronouns, almost every person I have come into contact would have assumed my gender incorrectly. Of course, with anyone there are slipups. If you get tongue-tied or forget that someone does not identify with what you have called them and they are offended, politely apologize and try not to make the mistake again.

“I definitely am uncomfortable with other students using feminine pronouns for me because I don’t identify as a woman, or more specifically with ‘she/her’ pronouns,” said Lauren Doty, a senior who prefers no or neutral (they/them) pronouns, “I only assert my preferred pronouns in queer spaces because I don’t feel comfortable explaining my gender otherwise, because half the time I don’t even understand my own gender identity, let alone have the ability to eloquently explain it to someone else.” When meeting someone new, instead of making them try to explain why they are uncomfortable with what you are referring to them as, ask them yourself

what they would prefer. This makes everyone comfortable, and lets your fellow students feel less anxious about having to explain something that they may not feel safe sharing themselves.

“The fact that my professor assumed my gender made me feel uncomfortable because people identified me with his wrong assumption,” said Taylor Edelmann, a junior preferring male pronouns. One person assuming turns into multiple people assuming, turns into a campuswide assumption about your own identity that could be false. For anyone who wants to clear up with a professor what they would prefer to be called, visit them during office hours, before or after a class, or shoot them an email explaining how you identify, and if they have wrongly assumed, you could tell them why you are hurt or offended. This would be extremely beneficial at the beginning of the semester, before your professors reveal your given name or a gender that you do not identify with.

Anyone who is looking for a safe space, queer resources, advice or simply someone to talk to should check out Purchase’s queer clubs: LGBTQU Wednesdays at 10pm, the Red Room Complexuality Tuesdays at 10pm, the Co-Op TransAction Thursdays at 10pm, the LGBTQU Lounge in CCS

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LETTERS TO THE CAMPUS

Hello and welcome back to campus! We would like to update you on events and activities happening at NYPIRG. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with us, the New York Public Interest Research Group is the state’s largest and most effective student-directed organization on 20 college campuses across the state. For the past 38 years, NYPIRG has been building student power through grassroots organizing and advocacy, public education, and offering students countless opportunities to become civically engaged members of the campus, off-campus, and in the community to develop the skills needed to become effective student activists.

As the new Project Coordinator of Purchase College’s chapter of NYPIRG, I urge every member of the campus community to help build student power by registering (or reregistering) to vote before the October 14th deadline. Registering to vote is the first step to making each and every one of our voices heard on the issues that matter to us, including keeping higher education affordable and accessible, advocating for clean air and energy, promoting recycling, protecting millions of New Yorkers’ drinking water from the dangerous effects of hydraulic fracturing, educating students on consumer issues, reaching out to the hungry and homeless, and of course, getting out the student vote. By registering to vote, we are holding policy makers accountable to the interests of our campus community.

Stop by our General Interest Meeting: Wednesday, September 28th at 8pm in the Red Room.

Alex Wojcik NYPIRG Project Coordinator

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Hello all! I am the newly elected Executive of Public Relations of the PSGA and as one of my first acts I would like to create and online Purchase Artists Directory and Purchase Music Directory.

It is for those who are wishing to promote their work in the art world/music scene and are willing to collaborate with other students.

This is an opportunity for you to show your work to the whole school because it will be published online attached to the PSGA website.

Those who wish to participate (for art) will send in as many portfolio pieces as they want, a brief bio about yourself, and contact information.

Then, students who have little artistic ability and no friends in the VA can get their posters made, t-shirts printed, events photographed or logos designed. Students can go through the different styles of all the participating artists and select which style fits their idea best and then contact the artist for collaboration.

For music, bands and individual musicians can also submit as many songs or albums as they want and again a bio, pictures of themselves/music artwork.

If you are interested in participating please contact me at adrien.behn@purchase.edu, where you can submit everything. As soon as I receive enough participants I will begin working on it!

Warmly,

Adrien Behn

Executive of Public Relations

LETTERS

ROCK YOUR INTERNSHIP: Maximize Your Internship Experience

Thursday, September 22nd

PTV shows begin Wednesday at 8! Tune into channel 69 for a good time!

Red Room at 3pm

Wednesday, September 28th Red Room at 1pm

every Tuesday

The Art Gallery is open!

The first show is up until September 15th. Open during Stood hours. Come on in!

Gym Basement 006 from 7–9pm

Shotokan Karate free for all students with Marty Lewinter

free & confidential on-campus HIV testing CCS room 0003, walk in 10am–3pm

• 9/12 • 9/22 • 9/26 •10/6 • 10/10 • 10/20 • 10/24 • 11/3 • 11/7 • 11/17 • 11/21 • 12/1 • 12/5 • 12/15

Thursday, September 15th Whitson’s at 8:30pm

• Dustin Wong of Ponytail • Hyena • Max Alper • Ami Dang w/ members of the Dan Drake Ensemble

Friday, September 16th Whitson’s at 8pm

• PRAXIS • Afterhours • Ditchdigger • Levels

FALL FEST MEETING Monday, September 19th

Saturday, September 17th

the Cinema at 9pm

Whitson’s at 8pm

• SIRS • Spook Houses • Toasted Plastic

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EVERYBODY POOPSBY ALEXA DILLENBECK

I like to consider myself a bit of the queen of multi-tasking. I try to get everything done at once so I can relax for the rest of the day. This goes for everything including pooping. Now that I living in the Fort, I have my own bathroom to get stuff done in without worrying about seven angry girls waiting to get into one of the two stalls. And since cats aren’t allowed at school, I can’t count on my two little monsters to walk in and keep me company whilst I’m on the throne. I have to settle for other ways to entertain myself and these are some that I think you should know about as well.

TELEVISE YOUR DOODIE

This is more for people with the set up available for it, but if you put your TV where your bathroom door is, you could watch TV and poop or play video games and poop. If you need to watch something for film class, now’s the time to do it. You could also turn on Channel 69 and watch your friends on PTV! GET CREATIVE

Artistic kiddos, grab your hipster chic Moleskine and doodle some monsters taking a dump while you take a dump. You could draw all the things you ate throughout the day or what your poop could look like. You could hang your drawings up in your bathroom for personalized décor!

EMAIL PROFESSORS

MORNING ROUTINE

I like to sleep too much for my own good and will often try to rush around to get ready in the morning. This may be gross to you, but if you wake up too early, grab your toothbrush or a hairbrush or a razor and just be careful that you don’t drop anything. Try tying your shoes while you’re at it. It could save you a decent amount of time, and then you won’t have to be the loser sprinting to class.

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The Internet is a wondrous place full of wondrous things, but it is mostly full of toilet humor, so it’s the perfect place to be when you’re at the very coordinates where those jokes are relevant. The possibilities are endless on this one, really. You could update Twitter, check your Facebook, read a blog entry, email a professor, take a webcam photo of your doodie face, buy some books on Amazon, or look at pictures of celebrities’ crotches (but only if they consented!) if you like. Just don’t take too long, because you could end up having a grumpy roommate with a UTI from holding their pee for multiple hours.

your.indy@g mail .c o m

POOSIC

If you like listening to music, set your iPod on shuffle and crank it up. You can sing or play air guitar too, if you’re into that sort of thing.

READING

The age-old multitask of reading while on the toilet is far more efficient now that I have reading to do for classes. Instead of leaving magazines next to my toilet, I grab whatever textbook I need and finish my homework. My laptop comes in handy at this step as well. This will not only give me extra time for silence to think but I can also take care of the shits caused

by Shartwells. If you really feel inclined, you can grab a copy of The Indy you have stashed somewhere in your hell hole of a room and read my latest article.

COMPLEXUALITY DMZ GIRAFFE POOPING PURCHASE STEVE JOBS THE INDY WHITSON’S

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MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

My boyfriend is always making jokes

I met a guy at a party, hit it off, and we

at my expense. No matter how many

went back to his room. The lights were

times I ask him to stop, he keeps doing

off, and we were fooling around when

it! He’s always teasing me about things

someone turned the lights and it was a

that bother me. Is it time to kick him to

totally new guy, at least that’s what I

the curb?

remember. Now I don’t know what to do when I see them?

Yes, if he can’t listen to you and take you seriously, then honey, the Madame is prescribing a spoonful of breakup! Why can’t this jokester take his own sweetheart into consideration before his bad bedroom stand-up routine? Why should you waste your time confiding your deepest thoughts and secrets to one person just to have him turn around like everything you say is miniscule?

Nobody should ever have to waste their time on someone like that.

Usually Madame will try to see a relationship issue from both points of view, but she is going to spare some bullshit and make it clear that you are young and probably too great to be wasted on a chump who can’t take you seriously.

There is no sit-down, peaceful conversation to be had. Honestly, you have asked this kid to straight up stop, you’ve given fair warning, so tell this jerk off, “ya done!” You need to be the one who gives him the rude awakening so he doesn’t continue to do this in future relationships. Who knows, he might not get that it was his douchery that ended you two, and he starts talking about you behind your back about how you “can’t take a joke” or you’re “too sensitive.” If that happens, who cares? Stay away from people who make you feel like shit. One day they’ll realize they have no friends and then hopefully make the change. Take my advice and you will have the last laugh.

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First of all, please do Madame a favor and tell her what parties you go to. Do you know what you had to drink that night? Perhaps you blacked out and changed up partners while you were at his place. The partner you changed to was probably the original guy’s roommate. Or maybe this is a magical dorm room that very few have walked into, that allows you to change the identity of your mate with just a switch of the light? Don’t worry, Madame has heard worse. As long as this was completely fine with you and them, I don’t see why there is any reason to hang your head in shame. The guy who may have returned in exchange for the roommate might be a little hurt.

Keep that in the back of your head for next time when the lights go down. As for when you see them, just be you. Running away right when you see them is only going to make matters worse.

Madame can speak from experience in that regard (it doesn’t feel good to have someone dodge away from you like you’re a bullet).

A DV I C E I’m pretty sure some guy I’ve never met is in love with me. Anytime I’m at the Hub, he’s sitting right behind me. Anytime I’m at the library he ends up at a study table next to mine. He hasn’t ever said anything to me, but it still really freaks me out. Madame, how do I make this guy leave me alone?

Sure, this guy seems to always be near you, but he hasn’t said anything to you. This guy hasn’t even said a simple “hey” or even a really awkward “wow, I see you around all the time.” I think you’re fine. In fact, it may be possible that you are, in fact, the one stalking him. It is totally possible that this guy doesn’t even notice your existence.

Madame hates to be so blunt, but you need to take a chill pill. Until he starts throwing notes at you, or starts up painfully awkward conversations, or you notice him staring conspicuously, I wouldn’t deem this guy as a stalker. Stalker is a strong word that cannot be used lightly. Why not instead use words such as “creeper,” or “that guy?” Just until you know this guy is for sure stalking you.

Madame is diagnosing you with a mild case of overdramatic. We all go to the Hub and we all go to the library, start worrying when he’s in all your classes or standing outside your building.

the paper you want it to be Come to our weekly staff meetings, everyone is welcome!

Monday nights at 9:30pm Publications Office: CCN 1011

email us with submissions, letters, questions or comments:

your.indy@gmail.com

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

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