The Purchase Independent - 9/30/10

the

Q&A

September 30, 2010 | Issue #219

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Kenny s m ith layout editor: Tar a C o nnel l y writers: Adam B reid b a r t Van es sa C ava na g h John Fal l ot Gaby F iore B ol a nd Ali s on H a m bu rg er Madel eine H a r r ington Madam e Q u er y D ani ell e Vil l a no copy editors: Er i c a B a s co Alex Pros cia print manager: Robyn Wil k ins cover photo by: K ate M cC o r m ick artwork by: Tony Wa s hing to n web editor: D ani ell e Lem p p The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-bycase basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome to join.

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

It’s pretty clear from the content of this issue that the mood on campus has changed with the onset of autumn. It’s all dour expressions and hurried hellos during the day and a veritable bacchanal the moment classes end for the week. The leaf-scattered paths are suddenly filled with students rushing to the library, the lines for coffee are getting longer, and each cigarette looks more like a frantic escape than a leisurely diversion. In true college student form we have turned to food experimentation and the fleeting joy of the weekend, nary an academic thought in sight.

This issue is definitely reflective of our habit of pretending our stressors don’t exist, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There’s no need to dwell relentlessly on life’s unavoidable complications when it’s so much healthier to just do your best and then move on to the next challenge, and everyone can benefit from a break from the routine. Congratulate yourself on a finished assignment with one of this week’s featured recipes or celebrate the weekend with a crazy night with friends—the Indy doesn’t condone underage drinking, but we sure as hell can’t stop you. Just make sure you’re respecting your body and your homework, because failing grades and failing organs aren’t going to get you anywhere. So here’s to our vices, from greasy food to nicotine to boxed wine, and to a successful semester for us all.

Goodness knows my stressed-out psyche could use a nap and a smoothie.

MUSIC

FALL FEST PREVIEW

BY ADAM BREIDBART

Dreams will become reality this fall for Purchase students who have always wished for more than just one day of Halloween. This year’s Fall Fest, curated by Nick Noto, is themed “Halloween II.” The event, which is still in the beginning stages of planning, will be held in the Student Center on November 5th. In following with the Halloween II theme, there are plans for a lot of fun activities going on such as costume contests, haunted houses and plenty of candy.

The list of acts is still being worked on and planned out. Although nothing has been confirmed, two heavily-pursued headliners in negotiations with Noto are Omar Souleyman and Raekwon. Omar Souleyman is a Syrian pop star who has collaborated on and released hundreds of albums in Syria. Souleyman’s music is described as a combination of frantic sequenced beats, snaking synthesizer, and agile electrified bouzoki. The other contender Raekwon is a member of the hip-hop super group Wu-Tang Clan. Aside from his work in Wu-Tang, Raekwon has also enjoyed success as a solo artist who has released four albums to date.

Fall Fest is a team effort by Nick Noto (Major Events Coordinator), Taylor Gesel (Student Activities Coordinator) and Cameron Wisch (General Programming Coordinator).

Nick handles the talent, booking acts and running the event as it happens. Taylor helps out behind the scenes, making sure the show sticks to budget and accounting for stage space and security. Cameron is in charge of the Student Center and is involved with the Stood’s set up for the event. With Fall Fest just over a month away,

there is still a lot more planning, organizing and finalizing to do. There is no security plan yet, but it looks like only University Police’s watch will be necessary. Stood set up and ideas about re-structuring the stage are still in the works.

Although there is not much to know about Fall Fest quite yet, there is a lot to get excited about. Nick Noto, along with everyone else involved in planning, is trying to make sure Fall Fest is loads of fun; Noto is expected to update the students on the line-up and other plans at a Major Events Committee meeting in the near future. One thing is certain: there will be a lot of bands, a lot of costumes and a whole lot of mischief.

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AN AMERICAN IN PARIS

BY ALISON HAMBURGER My name is Ali Hamburger and I am doing my fall semester abroad in Paris. I am a drama studies major and a psychology minor, but have not studied either of those things here.I have been here officially two weeks now, and since I’ve had my blog for about three weeks, I think I am now qualified to make one of those lists bloggers seem to like to do.

So, here it is: FIVE THINGS YOU WON’T LEARN IN SCHOOL ABOUT GOING ABROAD *other possible names: How to Get Away with Wasting a Semester and Calling it a “Cultural Experience” and What Not To Tell Your Parents if You Want to go Abroad...

1. You Will Hate it (But Probably Only At First)

Supportive phrases like “This is the experience of a lifetime!” and “It will get better!” do not matter when you’re on Skype with your friends from home as they’re pre-gaming for a fun night, and you can’t be a part of it because you’re on another continent. You’re going to be homesick, lonely, confused, stressed, and if you’re not as bitchy as me you might feel guilty complaining about it because you have this “amazing” opportunity. I was wondering what gave me the idea to actually study in Paris when I would’ve been happier on a short vacation here. Well, before things start to get better, they get easier,

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and by the time I was getting used to life here (two days ago?), I was actually starting to enjoy it. In the mean time, I learned to cope with number 2...

2. You Will Drink All of the Time

Whether you’re an alcoholic, a social drinker, or that rare college student who has never even had a sip of wine, you will most likely triple your alcohol intake abroad. There are many reasons for this, but you’ll probably start drinking because a. you’re homesick and b. finally legal to drink (assuming you’re from America and under 21). The idea that every night is like your 21st birthday doesn’t really get old. Now, while you might not want to brag about your drinking adventures to Mom and Dad (because saying “Hey, I switched pants with a stranger last night” or “I puked in a sink and then cried on a sofa” are probably not what they want to hear—these are completely made up examples, by the way), drinking is a great way to go out and make friends. You don’t want to let it get in the way of your classes, though. At least, not the ones you’re actually going to get transferrable credits for.

3. People Will Be Mean

They know you’re American. They can smell it.

You might not get spit on or yelled at, but don’t expect to be greeted with open arms or spoken to in English. There is an exception to this rule for women. Foreign men can be incredibly nice to American girls. WARNING: DO NOT

GLOBAL

FLATTER YOURSELVES. They know you’re American, especially in that striped shirt and beret. They most likely think you are going to jump into bed with them because you are an American slore. Make all American women proud and prove them wrong. Or, moving on to number 4...

4. You Will Have Many Opportunities to be a Slore

What happens in Europe, stays in Europe, right?

There are hot foreigners everywhere. (By the way, I’m using the term “foreigner” to refer to non-Americans because it is easiest to write and I’m ignorant. Technically in France I’m the foreigner.) As long as it’s safe and consensual, there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun.

Or a lot of fun. It depends who you are. But don’t think that some perfect man or woman is going to come into your life just because you’re in another country and you’ve seen it happen in movies. I’m not saying it can’t happen—the leader of my program met her husband here at a crazy international party and “knew something was right.” But underneath every hot foreigner, there is a regular person who may or may not call you after you drunkenly hook up in public.

Or whatever.

learning to ignore the mean foreigners and make friends with the nice ones. I really like one of my classes and use the other one to sleep and pass notes. (I’m not getting credit for it anyway. Also, the professor picks an outfit and wears it for four days in a row. So much for everyone in Paris being fashionable.) I’m planning on traveling Europe when I can, and have recently enjoyed just walking through a park or sitting at a café and pretending I’m some important intellectual who isn’t just getting drunk off of the cheap, delicious wine.

And speaking of, what I like most about Paris so far (besides the cheap and delicious wine of course) are the coffee vending machines (for less than one euro you can get a fancy coffee drink dispensed from a vending machine, cup included) and the crepes.

Another highlight: playing wine pong. Can’t say Parisians don’t have class. Even those crazy homeless ones.

5. You’re Going to Have the Time of Your Life

I guess you’ve heard this one before. I mean, probably, you’re going to. I really have yet to see. So far I’m having fun, drinking a lot, and

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MICROFRIDGE CHIPS!?

BY DANIELLE VILLANO

For those days when you’re craving something that’s not at the Hub, try something new: make a dish from scratch! Purchase students in the dorms, don’t fear. You don’t need a fancy kitchen to make great tasting food, all you need is a microwave! Put that Microfridge to good use—it’s not just for popcorn anymore.

So have some fun with friends and give “microcooking” a try, and remember: just because you have a small kitchen, it doesn’t mean you’re limited in your possibilities!

I’m always eager to nosh on potato chips and other salty, crunchy, greasy foods.

Unfortunately, the majority of my snacking occurs after a workout, canceling out any calories burned and leaving me feeling guilty.

Luckily, after some research, I realized it was possible to have my chips and eat them too!

Potatoes are actually a great source of potassium and Vitamins C and B6; you can benefit from these nutrients without sacrificing that crunchy golden taste by putting your Microfridge to the test: time to make homemade potato chips!

DIRECTIONS: 1 Wash your hands before handling food!

2 On a sturdy surface, slice the potato into

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FOR THIS DISH, YOU’LL NEED:

• • •

A microwave-safe plate or dish.

A knife – when I tested this out, plastic didn’t “cut it.” You’ll need a kitchen knife.

Paper towels.

INGREDIENTS:

• • •

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thin slivers. I experimented with different thicknesses and found that the thicker the slices, the tougher they were to cook. It’s alright if you don’t make perfectly round slices, the funny ones taste just as good.

You won’t fit an entire potato’s worth of chips on the dish, so cut some and wrap up the rest of the potato. It will keep in the fridge for a few weeks.

Spray a clean, microwave-safe dish with olive oil; this keeps the potato from sticking to the dish as it cooks.

Spray the potato slices lightly with olive oil and garnish with any seasonings you want.

They’re delicious plain, too!

Cook in the microwave on high until golden and crispy. Keep an eye on them as they cook; cooking time varies depending on thickness. One batch nearly burned in 5 minutes; another took 7 to get golden brown. 5.5 minutes worked best for me.

Take the dish out of the microwave and move the (hot!) chips onto paper towels to drain.

Once they cool, it’s time to snack! Make your post-gym snack from scratch and feel good about it.

1 medium potato, scrubbed clean Olive oil Salt or other seasonings, if desired This article is published courtesy of Her Campus. http://hercampus.com/purchase

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HER CAMPUS GRAB SOME FOOD: A lot of college life

COMMUTERS

BY GABY FIORE BOLAND

Commuting to college feels like high school, part two. Driving 40 minutes in traffic just to sit through a lecture or two and leave is obviously a drag, and it’s worse for some who are still under the jurisdiction of Mom and Dad. Even with its large commuter population, Purchase isn’t doing the best job of making these students feel welcome, like commuting freshman Katherine Fosella who said, “I’m immensely disconnected from campus and only have friends within my classes.” Rebecca Mullins, a sophomore, feels her pain. After commuting for the past year, she’s ready to crack. She said, “I do not feel connected to campus at all. I have literally two friends on campus – both of whom I knew before college.”

So, HerCampus knew we were going out on a limb when we asked these ladies to share their advice. Fosella said, “I think I’d have to be a success to offer advice, so I’ll refrain.” Mullins was even more pessimistic. “Don’t commute, live on campus,” she said. However, she also offered these words: “If you have to commute, be prepared to go out of your way to make friends.” It was these comments that prompted us to collaborate on a few simple tips to make commuters feel like they actually go to school here.

HANG OUT: If it’s nice out, go to the Quad to study. Do your homework in the library. Hang out on campus. Even if you’re shy, you never know when a conversation over the unending construction or a missing staff member’s bag might spark up.

revolves around the acquisition of food, so try to have lunch with some of your classmates or students you know from home, even if you don’t have a meal plan. Hey, maybe they’ll share a few spare flex and you’ll eat for free.

GET INVOLVED: Luckily, there are many events going on if you know where to look.

You can tailor them to fit your schedule. If you have late afternoon or evening classes, you’ll be able to catch the multitude of club meetings that generally take place at night, and there’s almost always a band playing at the Stood.

Many commuting students agree with Fosella, who said, “I haven’t gone to any campus events because most are at night and inconvenient for someone who works.” Some were sadly more aligned with Mullins, who admitted, “I haven’t gone to any events on campus, since I have nobody to go with.” If you are one of these Debbie Downers, take advantage of the gym or any of the Wellness Center’s weekly yoga and relaxation sessions.

WEEKENDS AND THE “BIG FOUR”: One of the biggest issues for commuters is that they often feel like there’s no point in coming on the weekends, but how else will you experience Purchase Punch or keep up to date with our drag queens’ latest ensembles? Once you’ve had enough of parties in the Olde, there’s the monthly movie night featuring pre-DVD releases. Pancake Madness happens every finals week and you don’t need a meal plan.

Then there’s the “Big Four.” Fall Fest, Fall Ball, Zombie Prom and Culture Shock go down as legendary every year and should be on a commuter’s to-do list.

This article is published courtesy of Her Campus. http://hercampus.com/purchase

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THIS CAMPUS IS DRUNK

BY VANESSA CAVANAGH

I think we all know that our charming, brick-laden campus isn’t a dry one. It’s actually so wet that as a collective campus community, we stink up the place by way of booze oozing out of every pore. Aside from you special snowflakes out there, almost every Purchase student partakes in spirits every weekend. Not ragging on you special snowflakes, by the way, keep doin’ your thing—your liver will persevere in the long run, not mine.

I’ve noticed a trend at our school.

Devoid of any sororities or frat houses (cannot Amen this enough) students have to find their own way to organize their departure and destination on the wasted train. From my experience, the lowerclassmen generally take whatever they can get. Most who I asked confirmed this. But there are a few significant drinks that stand out on campus, for everyone.

First, let’s take a look at Carlo Rossi, THE premiere budget wine. Carlo saves you money and get you wasted at the same time, while offering that adorable elderly man charm that teenage girls love. The implied community aspect of whipping out the jug (which doesn’t happen to fit very well in the microfridges, from past experience) is just unparalled by any other wine. (Also, the boxed wine makes for a good pillow when empty.) A typical night for any Carlo drinker may lead to chain-smoking, headaches, too many refills because, well, it just keeps getting easier to drink, and if you’re lucky, some serious neon pink vomit.

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Pabst Blue Ribbon is the beer most heavily consumed at this school, and if you say otherwise you’re a straight-up liar. PBR didn’t win the Blue Ribbon in 1893 for nothing. No walk of shame is complete without trudging through a sea of PBR cans the next morning.

In its cheap glory, PBR does the job and won’t let you down when it comes time for a sticky beer pong tournament, whether in Crossroads or in Alumni. Especially when you re-wash the same solo cups in the bathroom sink repeatedly, because you’re poor and your 30 rack is done and all you have left to play with is Kahlúa. I would also like to point out that I have never seen this beer consumed outside of Purchase College, except by Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino.

Shots are always a great tool for those of us looking to make friends, ruin our reputations and end the night dry humping a stranger’s dining room set. The most practical options for any poor college student include the bottom three, Dubra, Popov and Svedka. All taste like rubbing alcohol, and you can bet your ass they will be chased or mixed with Pink Lemonade Snapple from the Hub. If you live in the dorms, it’s entirely possible your night may take you up down the halls of the basement tunnels, flailing arms and a chorus of “Barbara Ann” in what can be only described as …off-key. You might end up in the sauna that is the laundry room, get sweaty and deliriously confused, then proceed to the quad so you can be publicly drunk.

CAMPUS

Whiskey won’t get you farther than face down in front of the Hub, either before or after that daunting beef patty that seemed like a great idea. Purchase Punch will have your friends tallying up how many people you’ve swapped your grainy spit with. At any other school you run the risk of ruining your reputation, but have no fear! Your weekend slutiness probably won’t be an issue here.

I’ve noticed the upperclassmen’s taste varies—they drink moderately nicer beer. I don’t recall drinking Rolling Rock, Miller High Life, Blue Moon or Redstripe at all during freshman year. I do remember drinking too much Bacardi (a classier alternative for those of you adverse to the bottom three mentioned earlier) and never making it to the apartments, instead becoming trapped in tree sap and pine needles somewhere in the Great Lawn, vomiting up my innocence.

And lastly, everyone’s favorite new drink has to be Sparks’s sexed up cousin, Four Loko.

Freshman and seniors can agree that this shit will most certainly get the job done. This energy drink has more calories than a Big Mac and contains wormwood (hey, that’s in absinthe!)

You’ll pay three dollars for blackout in a can, and will most likely find yourself tagged on facebook the following day gyrating against a chipped drywall in the Olde in a room full of three people. Hey, it looked like a party at the time, right?

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DIY VEGGIE BURGERS

BY MADELEINE HARRINGTON

This summer I found myself with virtually no social outlets, companions, or tempting reasons to wake up in the morning.

Which is why, like any overweight 90’s TV sitcom character hankering over self-esteem issues and an abrupt break-up, the space in my life where socializing should have been was replaced by food. It’s amazing how much time you can fill meticulously preparing the objects that are violently destroyed in a matter of seconds by your molars and mandible.

Instead of buying plastic-wrapped packages with the names “Boca” or “Annie’s” written across the front, I embraced the ways of my less technologically-inclined ancestors by choosing

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the individual ingredients of the prepared foods I typically ate and puzzling them together myself. Pretty soon my family grew to dread my presence at the dinner table, interjecting every conversation topic with exclamations of, “Man, did you get to taste the marinade on these sea scallops yet?” or “I think I outdid myself with this cream base.” But I couldn’t help it; I had found my temporary calling. It was like a drug, only tastier, and seasoned with coriander.

FOOD

INGREDIENTS

DIRECTIONS

• • • •

1 Sautée the onion and garlic until it turns

1 white onion 2 cloves crushed garlic 2 shredded carrots 1 shredded squash and 1 zucchini (or 2 of either one works just as because let’s face it, no matter how hard they try, they’re the exact same vegetable to me) • 1/3 cup shredded cheddar cheese (I spend around 15 dollars a week on cheese alone, aka I really like it, but if you don’t spend 15 dollars a week or just don’t immortalize the food as much as I do, feel free to use less) • 1 splash of soy sauce • 1 beaten egg • 1 1/2 cup of oats • Flour (I swear by the whole wheat stuff at Trader Joe’s) • Edamame

brownish, which should take about 5 minutes. Don’t forget to turn the fan on—it’s sort of embarrassing when the cops have to come to see why your alarm is going off and you have to explain that you seriously were just cooking veggie burgers.

2 Add the other vegetables, let them hang out

in there for another 2 minutes, or until they start to soften. Add the cheese until it melts just a little.

3 Add half of the oats and put it in the blender

(this is sort of two steps, but whatever.)

4 When it is completely puréed, pour it into

a bowl where you will then add the rest of the oats, the egg, and that soy sauce. Mix it around. Good job. Now get that edamame and add it too. Mix it again. Nice.

5 Make small flat patties and coat each side

with that kickass whole wheat Trader Joe’s flour, then put it on the pan for 5 minutes on each side. Serve to your friends or your crush.

IMPORTANT: I like eating my veggie burgers

on naan, with avocado, Veganaise (vegan mayonnaise) and hummus. But you should eat it however you want, you deserve it!

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THE MAN BEHIND PURCHASE COMIC JOHN FALLOT INTERVIEWING JOHN FALLOT

What do the BP Oil Spill, Queen LaQueefa, and Lady Gaga have in common?

They’re all part of the hit Purchase sensation, Purchase Comic. John Fallot, true to his comic’s self-reflective and sarcastic style, sat down and interviewed himself.

or Youtube, or talking to friends, find something, and be like “You know what, I’ll have drag queens fight like in the movie Scanners.” Alex Stark inspired the name. He was talking about it one day and verbatim said, “It’s like a Purchase Comic.” And BOOM, there it was.

Q: So John, what led you to create comics?

Q: I’ve heard that the switch to Facebook

A: I used to make comics in composition books back in the 5th grade, with friends just for fun.

Those were pretty crappy, and I gave them up to obsess over Lord of the Rings. I went back to comics in the 9th grade when one day my Latin teacher chastised me for not doing homework. I was in a bad mood in art class the next period, and I decided to give comics another shot. I drew them on 12x18 inch paper. I made it a parody about my school’s Cross-Country Team that I’d just joined, and they went absolutely wild when I showed it to them. I ended up making comics like that for the next four years.

caused some controversy.

Q: What about Purchase Comic?

A: When I got to Purchase I realized making those same 12x18 sheets would be impossible.

I just wouldn’t have the time. So I decided to make them as notes on Facebook, which later got their own fan page. They lost their pictures but the heart was still there.

Q: What do you cite as inspiration?

A: Most people at Purchase are practically pre-made characters, so the stories almost write themselves; I mean that in the nicest way possible. Most of the time I’ll be on Wikipedia

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A: It did, absolutely. I decided to create a Facebook fan page to centralize the notes in one place and keep track of readers. What I didn’t expect was that it would be so open. At first I didn’t hear anything, but people began saying they could Google themselves because of it, which could affect their careers. So I decided to take the page down over the summer.

Q: So all the comics are gone then?

A: Nope. The page is just unpublished, so all the information is still there but only I can see it. As for new comics (that’s right, Season Three) I’ve moved them to Blogspot, which offers far more privacy and customization. Honestly, these new comics are beautiful in terms of aesthetics and content. The one downside is that I can’t tag people on Blogger.

Q: What’s the new website, and when do new comics come out?

A: The website is purchasecomic.blogspot.com.

You NEED to write it down and bookmark it, because right now it can’t be searched online due to privacy settings. I try and release comics on Wednesday nights. These past few weeks have

CAMPUS been hectic, but I’ll probably start releasing new comics for Season Three around the start of October. I also try to release a new comic every day of finals week.

Q: Would you like to have pictures again, like standard comics?

A: It depends. The recent Harry Potter Trailer Comic got a lot of positive feedback, and all I did was photoshop faces of my friends into screenshots of the Deathly Hallows trailer.

Keeping it picture-free helps me as a writer though, I have to be very clear about the scene I’m describing, be mindful of differences in speech patterns, and keep the pace going. If someone was interested in drawing some of the older comics though, I’d be open to that.

WANT TO WRITE FOR THE INDY?

Q: Before we go, you said you’d like to apologize to some people?

A: Yes. It’s been eating at me the entire summer.

I want to apologize to Lindsey, Suzanne, and Maria. I got very nasty towards them last semester, even when they were pointing out how one of my comics was violating the sacrosanct GLBTU safe-space rule, and that was just stupid of me. They are very nice and sweet people, and I still don’t know how I got angry with them like I did. And I’m sorry to anyone else who was offended by how they were represented, especially Sam Jett, Chris DeRosa, and the like.

There was a comic last semester (yet another Season Two gem) where I made a fucked up parody of them specifically. It wasn’t cool, and it really opened my eyes concerning the impact these comics have on my friends.

Q: Any light-hearted closing comments?

A: I’m gay, I’m single, and I have a beard.

do it.

SUBMIT YOUR STORIES, EMAIL y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m WEEKLY MEETINGS: MONDAYS @ 9:30 PM CCN ROOM 1011

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MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

There is this really cute French girl I have the hots for. She speaks very little English and doesn’t drink. The problem is I can only speak and understand French when I’m drunk. How do I go about talking to her?

So I let my boyfriend come in through my backdoor last night, I woke up feeling like I had done it with a bicycle.

My boyfriend wants to do it again.

How do I tell him I’m not ass Lance Armstrong?

Okay, a woman that can barely talk back at you? Seems like you’re already set. In all seriousness though, you do have it made.

This girl is probably new to Purchase and she’s looking for a friendly face. You can be that guy!

Purchase yourself a French dictionary; try to brush up on a few basic phrases. Practice these phrases, but make sure you do it sober. If you can understand French while you’re drunk you most likely can understand it when sober, just believe in yourself and lay off the champagne.

I don’t know how you know this girl, but stop being so creepy and staring from afar. If you keep doing that, you’ll be an even worse representation of this country. Introduce yourself already. It’s okay that she doesn’t drink.

You can find something else to do with her. You can even ask her to give you French lessons. She might even ask you for some help with English.

I know your main concern is how you actually get up the courage to make that introduction.

Well, like any other good conversation starter with a lady make a compliment about something she is wearing or tell her you like that book she’s reading. The moral of this advice: a language barrier doesn’t have to cock block you.

You tell him you’re not ass Lance Armstrong, that is how you tell him. If butt sex wasn’t your thing, it wasn’t your thing. Don’t make him believe that you liked or felt good, let him know how it really felt the next morning. If you don’t let him know you’re just going to grin and bear him plugging your drain hole every now and then pretending to enjoy something that you know needs adjustment.

How are you going to adjust? Like I said you should tell him how it felt. If you are open to try it again then think of other ways to make the process of anal sex feel better. Lube, lubey condoms you know that stuff. If you feel you got enough of it that first time then that is okay and he should understand. Sometimes people prefer to be Lance Armstrong, riding the bicycle hard and fast.

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SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

A DV I C E What’s the fairest/best way to deal with two (female) friends liking the same guy? Free for all whoever gets him gets him, or chicks before dicks: both ladies back off?

Three way! Its the perfect method of bonding and you two ladies will get him at the same time so there won’t be any bragging about who landed him first or whatever little sneaky brags we like to bring up. Make sure you discuss who will placed doing what, where and when.

Check out your favorite porno from the library and take notes. Then call the guy up and set up a play date.

The above advice is not what you should follow, what you should follow is less messy and a little bit cuter. Is this an open topic of discussion between you guys? If it’s out in the air that you both like him, ask her how she would feel. If she gives an answer you can believe then go along with it. If she says something like “Noooo.... it’s okay. I swear!!” She’s lying and you know it. Don’t be that bitch that pretends they don’t know there’s meaning behind it. Don’t make out with the guy and then two minutes later find her crying around the corner and say, “But you said it was okay, so I thought it was okay.” You heard hesitation in her voice, you selfish little brat. Be the good friend that doesn’t seize the opportunity unless seriously discussed with your friend. If you hear that weak answer the first time you ask if it’s okay, call her out on it. She is in this situation just as much as you are. Tell her how you would feel honestly if she got with the guy first and she will more likely be able to tell you the truth too.

IT’S A MAZE! PARTY TIP: Nail a banana to the wall.

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*some quotes have been rewritten for legibility or to preserve the anonymity of the submitter

SUBMIT BACK PAGE QUOTES VIA THE BOX OUTSIDE CCN 1011 OR ON THE WEB AT: HTTP://FORMSPRING.ME/INDYBACKPAGE

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