The Purchase Independent - 11/03/2011

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November 3, 2011 | Issue #250

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: To m D au er writers: A l ex a Dillen b eck Cayden Mak Ra ch el Margolin Ró i sí n McCarty M a rc Pon tiu s M a da me Q u er y T h o ma s Roach print manager: To ny Pon tiu s cover photo by: D avi d Grimald i copy editor: To m my Roach artwork by: M a rg o t Allis on web design by: D a n i el l e Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a caseby-case basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring. me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/ indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door.

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Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

I hope everyone enjoyed their Halloween and unexpected snow day!

Unfortunately (in retrospect), I decided to spend our snowy Saturday playing Rip Van Winkle and am now suffering the consequences—sleep hygiene is a real thing kids, and it’s important. So instead of a real letter this week, I’m giving you a late Halloween treat: a list of awesome things that are available on the free version of Hulu. Because I got used to having DVR to record all my tv and fast-forward through the commercials, I don’t do regular tv much.

But when there’s a free alternative that lets me pause the episode to get an olive from the fridge? That’s important to me. Plus I’m allergic to chocolate, so I don’t really get to eat candy anymore, so, olives and Hulu.

I’ve rambled. My list: • Skins: The first five series are now available, and the characters’ partying will comfort you when you have to spend a Friday night stuck in bed with the Purchase Plague.

• Misfits: The third season just started this week, so now’s the time to catch up with the first two seasons. Save me, Barry!

• Madeline: That’s right, the animated series from your childhood. The whole thing. I bet you still know the theme song.

• Wilfred: It’s not the original Australian version, but should we care? I don’t think so! Elijah Wood makes crazy look good.

• Dead Like Me: Mandy Patinkin, you are God. • Kingdom: As is probably clear, I mostly watch British tv. And I feel pretty much the same way about Stephen Fry as I do about Mandy Patinkin, so I was delighted to find all three seasons of this.

• Rocky & Bullwinkle: The. Whole. Series. More than 150 episodes of animation gold. You’re welcome.

CAMPUS

OUR RHYTHM NATION

BY MARC PONTIUS “Poetry is a medium for telling the truth.

It’s a little bit different than fiction.”

“Poetry is an excellent way to introduce multiculturalism, and to learn about other people and their stories.”

“The basis of what we’re about is creating spaces for poets and other writers to come together in a way that strengthens the potential of the diverse community that we have here on campus.”

G.R.I.O.T. stands for Gifted Rhythmic Individuals Organizing Together, and is a club for poets, spoken word artists, and other writers.

G.R.I.O.T. is a space. G.R.I.O.T. is a workshop.

G.R.I.O.T. is a community.

G.R.I.O.T. is just starting up at Purchase.

I talked to two of its members, Sam McCausland and Judy Angeles, to learn more about the club.

“For me, poetry is taking something from my soul, and getting it out, whether it’s slamming it at your face or quietly speaking it at the library.

In any form, I’m giving a piece of my soul out to you, and that’s my release,” said Sam.

“To me I see the page as a mirror. When I look into the mirror I see a reflection of myself.

When I’m performing I become a mirror and I reflect my voice to an audience,” said Judy. “I just try to give a voice to the voiceless, in a sense.”

The group will provide a safe space for writers to share their thoughts and feelings through their work, without being subjected to unfriendly outside judgments or bias. It will be a

safe place to share work that tells the truth, even when the truth is not attractive.

“I think spoken word is not so much a genre as it is a movement, a movement of people who are saying the world is fucked up, and we need to look at it in a very serious way.”

G.R.I.O.T. wants poets, spoken word artists and other writers on campus to come and read their work, and the group will then provide writers with a chance for feedback, discussion, and a general dissemination of knowledge.

“We want it to be a democratic process, the way the club is set up. It’s not just us telling people what to do, it’s a collective. There are so many writers on campus and we don’t want to be dictators of the club, fuck that…. Writing is everybody’s passion, and if you have a part in creating something then you are much more invested in it.” G.R.I.O.T. wants people to come and listen to poets, spoken word artists and writers, contribute diverse opinions, and create a forum that’s productive and valuable.

“If you really care, you just have to sit down and listen to people, not talking and telling people what to do, but just sit down and listen.

Once we get a gist of where these poets are at, then we can do X, Y, and Z.”

G.R.I.O.T. wants input from writers on campus in order to solidify itself into a stronger writing community. If all goes well, G.R.I.O.T. wants to start a slam poetry team on campus, to compete nationally in April. On Thursday, November 17th in Whitson’s, G.R.I.O.T. will be working in conjunction with the return of The Cypher, the freestyle battle from last year.

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STUDENT ASSEMBLY

BY CAYDEN MAK

I was leery of Student Assembly from the beginning. My first encounter was last March, when the Graduate Student Employees Union’s Lobby Day and the SA’s SUNYpalooza fell on the same day. GSEU members crashed SUNYpalooza, giving the mic to students who were upset that SA, in their name, was advocating against their interests. I’m talking about “rational” tuition, a plan to raise tuition 30% in the next 5 years as part of SUNY 2020, declared a student victory by SA.

My involvement with SA was accidental.

Last spring, the President of the Graduate Student Association at UB asked me if I would like to attend as a voting delegate. He knew I had expertise in current events with SUNY, especially fiscal issues and government policy, as I am active with GSEU and other organizations. I went to the conference and, after a long weekend of sitting through absurd personal complaints and a drawnout executive board election process, I went home as a newly minted graduate representative.

gave it my all, attempting to build contacts with graduate students whose buy-in is minimal. I also felt like I could bring some perspective to the table within SA; in two consecutive weekends in Albany, I attended the founding retreat of New York Students Rising, a grassroots advocacy network of SUNY and CUNY students, and the transitional retreat for SA. These two organizations could not be more different: where NYSR is open to all, built on a consensus model of decision-making, and wholly independent, SA is closely regulated, relies on parliamentary procedure, and heavily influenced by System Administration.

I thought bridging the differences would open up new avenues of discourse, and SUNY students would get more than they would with just one organization working on their behalf. SA also gave me the opportunity to peer inside System Administration, to see how the machine works, even as I was organizing with NYSR to critique and resist it. In the end, the systemic problems were simply overwhelming.

Staying Positive

SA’s support for “rational” tuition has already damaged its credibility in the eyes of many students, including student government leaders, but that’s just scratching the surface. There is the antidemocratic way in which executives are selected at a conference, not through a popular vote. There is the Board of Trustees’ short fiscal leash. There is the constant, hovering presence of System Administration.

Yet I thought participating was worth a shot. Student government is an important structure, and should be taken seriously. So I

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The Problem is Structural

The problems begin at the campus level.

Some campuses hold elections, but in many cases, the executive boards of their local governments appoint representatives to SA. Thus, appointees vote on resolutions and select the executives that System Administration so proudly says are democratically elected, and in order to successfully run for office, you need to have the blessing of your local student government. You have to attend Spring Conference to even be considered for office, and you must be selected to attend, or

SUNY ISSUES be friends with delegates.

This is a simple fact: an executive committee elected during a meeting of arbitrarily chosen representatives is not democratic. In no possible world is this democracy. To call it democracy is an affront to what is understood to be democracy. SA is set up to be nepotistic—those who are most involved and committed know and support one another. Those who are less involved, which is most voting delegates, tend to allow the inner circle to play at legislation as they see fit.

SA is also kept on a tight leash by the Board of Trustees financially—all its funding comes from them, and any in-kind or monetary donations that the governments of specific schools are willing or able to contribute. And—big surprise here—the Board of Trustees is hacking away at SA’s budget.

If the money and elections weren’t enough, System Administration keeps SA in a stifling bear hug at the highest levels. This is partially an effect of history: in 1970, a SUNYwide student organization called the Student Association of the State University was created by students to give us a voice in the halls of the legislature. As a response, the Board of Trustees created the Student Assembly in 1973, though the two organizations coexisted for about twenty years. Ultimately, the Board of Trustees essentially strangled SASU out of existence, leaving the organization that they created in its place.

Today, the President of SA is a member of the SUNY Board of Trustees, which is actually quite problematic. Due to the SA’s electoral process, the President must pass a series of selective filters.

And the President, regardless of beliefs going into a Board meeting, is so frequently intimidated, coaxed or flattered by Board members and the Chancellor that it’s easy to forget the reason for being there: to represent students’ best interests.

People in System Administration proudly

point to SA as the democratic voice of the students, when in reality it is playacting at representative democracy. Its decisions and processes happen far from the needs and concerns of the majority of students. I became a graduate representative by default, because so few graduate students participate. This yields a culture that is toxic to true democracy. We all run a little scared, worried that popular opinion will oust us from office as easily as we settled in.

Finally, System Administration uses these “democratic” proceedings to discredit organizations that promote counter-narratives, while also throwing SA under the bus. This is irritating at best, dangerous at worst. It allows System Administration to manage every discourse, using SA as a pawn. Even when members of the executive committee speak out on issues important to students, System Administration representatives steer resolution language toward a safer, less assertive timbre.

These struggles occur outside the public eye, a testament to the fact that many in SA believe in advocating for what students want, regardless of what System Administration thinks.

A great recent example has been the debate over the Chancellor’s Shared Services proposal. Yet due to intentional limiting of leadership and a fatally damaged process, System Administration exercises a great deal of control over what gets said and how. In the fallout of the statewide walkouts, System Administration didn’t hesitate to make SA a scapegoat for “rational” tuition to shift blame away from itself. It is clear why SA is useful to our administrators and Trustees, and why this broken system needs to be fixed.

Solutions to the Problem

Student government in much of the SUNY system, and certainly here at Buffalo, is (continued on page 15)

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REPURPOSED COSTUMES

BY Róisín McCarty

Now that Halloweekend is over, you’re probably wondering what on Earth you could do with the costume you spent so much money on and/or spent so much time crafting.

You have a few options when it comes to reusing parts of your costume, or even the whole thing. There is a Rocky Horror screening and singalong on Saturday in the Stood. Get dressed up, and go do the Time Warp again.

If you went as a certain character, maybe you could reuse some of the smaller clothing items in your day-to-day life. I plan on wearing my Robin Sparkles denim jacket at every possible opportunity. Even if it was a small accessory like a necklace or bracelet, wear it; find an outfit it looks cute with. Were you Poison Ivy? Wear your leaf hair accessories with a black dress. It’s Purchase.

If you really loved your costume and want to preserve it as such, why not keep it around for Zombie Prom? Fold it up in your closet for the next few months, and then when Zombie Prom rolls around, slap that fucker on and add some fake blood to zombifiy the outfit. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Two costumes for the price of one.

And there is always post-Halloween sexy time. Have a French maid costume?

Bring some roleplaying into the bedroom.

Were you a clown? Crazy clown sex. Even if you were something like Green Man, the goodies-enhancing morph suit might enhance the whole experience, so give it a shot! (You can even combine the two for post

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Zombie Prom-sexy time.)

You could also permanently assume the identity of your costume:

Who’s Róisín McCarty? My name is Robin Sparkles, thank you very much. The best thing about it: If suddenly there were Mr. Incredibles, Black Swans and human-sized mice and cats, no one would look twice. It would just be #purchaseproblems or areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpeg. No worries there.

Don’t want to make your new identity permanent? Host a costume party and invite everyone on campus, because a lot of the population did in fact get fucked out of an entire night of drunkenly dancing by Saturday’s snow.

The ones who did brave it, well, good for you, but I chickened out in favor of watching just the plot parts of The Breakfast Club Porn and complaining about the snow with my friends.

Do day-to-day tasks in your costume and act as though it’s completely normal. Grocery shopping. Bowling. Six dollar movies on Tuesday nights in White Plains. Stop in at Panera on a weekend after four o’clock and make my night interesting. Go for a walk in the park.

Take a lot of photos of yourself. You’ll be guaranteed a good time, because even if people aren’t particularly receptive and understanding, you’ll enjoy playing pretend regardless.

For an added bonus, try all of my suggestions at the same time.

Seriously. Do it.

your.indy@gmail .c o m

VIVA LA VANDALISM

BY RACHEl margolin

Vandalism is a serious issue at Purchase.

There’s a fine line between graffiti that can be used as a chargeable offense—if you’re caught—and public art. Some students walk that line a little off balance, like the public artists that vandalized the Residence Halls a few weeks back. After sitting down with one of Purchase’s many vandals, I discovered that their self-described “chalk vomit” ultimately cost $100 to clean up, which they were forced to provide themselves. In their words, the vandal and the uncaught accomplice did the drawings because, “a counsel of powers deep within the crust of the earth told [them] to do it!” The vandals consider themselves to be lucky, only faced with a bill, instead of the other possible punishments that vandalism charges can bring.

Although many believe the vandal had a particular message to get across, they disagree, saying their motivation was boredom, as well as lack of sleep. “I put it up in public because it’s outside of windows… and it’s something to jerk off to.” When asked what kind of reaction they were going for, the vandal stated that they wanted the drawings to “make people stop and look and think.”

“I wanted it to make people think, what kind of piece-of-shit wrote this here?”

So much for pride in one’s work! Not only does the vandal not consider the pictures they put up art, but they also knew it was temporary, and when asked if they’d consider doing it again, the vandal had this to say: “I won’t do it again, because I’m an upstanding citizen… well, maybe I’d do it again, if I wouldn’t get caught. I’d put up different pieces though.”

Pic of King Chartwells caption: “King Chartwells belonged up, if only for a little while.”

Pic of Chickens caption: “Someone threw eggs at Big Haus, so I outlined them and wrote ‘We could have been chickens.’ It was very sad.”

In this reporter’s point of view, vandalism can be public beautification, as long as it doesn’t obstruct the natural beauty of the location where the art is placed. However, having recently beaten vandalism charges, it’s a good idea to think before you graffiti—it’s not always advised, allowed, or socially acceptable to add vandalism of any medium to public places. Ask beforehand, to see what you’re approved to do, so you can avoid at minimum a reprimand, or at maximum, expulsion.

The final thoughts of the vandal: “Art is stupid, especially when I do it. It wasn’t about it staying on the walls, just about it being temporarily seen. Also, I didn’t like any of it.”

With that, the vandal got up and walked out, sipping on a peanut butter Freshens smoothie, off to the VA to challenge people’s viewpoints and scribble all over everything. While they seem to blend in, the vandal will always be known as one of Purchase’s secret celebrities.

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SEXUAL ASSAULT

You would think Purchase College, being a seemingly open minded place (hence our slogan, “Think Wide Open”) would have a really effective sexual assault policy that encompasses everyone, right? Well, it does not.

FORTH is teaming up with Students Active for Ending Rape (SAFER), to help Purchase students create a new sexual assault policy.

SAFER is a student-run organization that helps colleges and universities build their own sexual assault policies. According to their website, “strong college sexual assault policies are a key element in the prevention of sexual assault.”

With the help of SAFER, the new policy could help survivors of sexual assault, and could also help someone know what is considered right and wrong by the school’s standards. There is an ad hoc committee under the PSGA who will be writing the actual policy and trying get it implemented.

“With SAFER’s help, they can share demographics from other schools and help us shape what we will be creating,” said Arielle Cohen, co-president of FORTH.

The current policy is listed under “Sexual Harassment” in the policies section of the Student Handbook, which is not very strong or clearly defined as sexual assault. After clicking on the link on the school’s website, it jumps to a Human Resources page, which can be a little confusing. There are also three separate parts of the policy: in the Student Handbook, the Counseling Center, and UPD. The current policy is somewhat hidden and a burden to find, which students find troubling.

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BY ALEXA DILLENBECK

“This school has a lot of problems with accessibility,” said Olivia Fox, junior printmaking major. “You really have to advocate for yourself here. It’s kind of tough.”

Students are left in the dark when it comes to the policy that exists now. It is not widely mentioned in classes or on the website.

“I had no idea [where the policy was] and I can say comfortably that other students don’t know about it either,” said Lindsay Ruzzi, an undeclared sophomore.

Not being able to find a policy and not having a clearly-worded sexual assault policy are not the only problems. With the lack of a sexual assault policy, there is also no clear definition of rape in the sexual harassment policy. When searching the page, rape is not mentioned once.

The policy does include a definition for “sexual harassment” by the school’s standards, a list of what to do if you feel that you are being harassed, how the school feels about school professional/students relationships, and info on discrimination against sexual orientation.

What FORTH wants to accomplish in collaborating with SAFER is to establish a standard of education, put it all in one place, and change the name of the policy to sexual assault. They also want to include the safe spaces for survivors on campus, including the counseling center and the Alt Clinic. The policy will be gender neutral and will include the queer community.

“There will also be an emphasis on enthusiastic consent,” said Gabriella Ibacache, co-president of FORTH.

By having a policy that will clearly define

CAMPUS what sexual assault and rape are, it will no longer be a harmful guessing game. “No survivor should ask, ‘is my rape real?’” said Cohen.

Making the policy available will also be important. By giving students information about sexual assault and the resources to do something about it, there will be less confusion and worry after someone is attacked. Another addition will be a straightforward, written amnesty clause, which will state that if a student were under the influence of drugs or alcohol and were to go to UPD for help, they would not be held accountable for their intoxication. “Assaulters prey on people who are vulnerable,” said Cohen. “With a written amnesty clause, we will be able to help those who are likely to be attacked.”

Many students would like to see more resources, including the policy, presented in Freshman Seminar or at freshman orientations.

“I think people are not aware of the resources on campus,” said Alyson Velati, sophomore journalism major. “I didn’t even know we had a counseling center until last semester.”

Another problem students have is the lack of communication between the administration and the student body. Ruzzi pointed out that students aren’t alerted when things like sexual assault occur on campus, referencing an attack last year and one within this past month. Felicity Campa, junior journalism major, expressed a similar opinion: “I feel like it’s weird that you get an email about a wolf or coyote on campus, but never anything about sexual assault.”

SAFER Teach-In

Wednesday, November 9th

CAKE CATNAP FLUFFY ILLEGAL CAT JINGLE COLLAR KITTEN KITTIES ALL OVER PURRS SWEETIE BABY WE MISS YOU This week’s word search is dedicated to our evicted feline friend.

Southside from 2:30–6:30pm Help re-write Purchase’s sexual assault policy with Students Active For Ending Rape, FORTH and Trans Action.

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Thursday, November 3rd the VA basement at 5pm

ZEITGEIST Senior Photo Show class of 2012 showcase

Art of Change

Thursday, November 3rd Red Room at 7pm In celebration of LGBT History Month, transgendered individuals and medical professionals discuss the technology of Gender Reassignment Surgeries and the emotional and personal outcomes following the procedure.

Moderated by Professor Rachel Simon.

ROCKY HORROR

Saturday, November 5th @ the Stood screening at 7pm, singalong at 9pm Dress up or be marked as a Rocky Horror “virgin” and suffer the consequences!

• bake sale • costume contests • live music • Time Warp dancing • audience participation

Saturday, November 5th The PAC at 2pm

South Bay Cabaret:

video casting call

HARRY POTTER

Deathly Hallows Part II

Sunday, November 6th

Sex in an Envelope

Humanities Theatre at 4pm and 8pm

Thursday, November 3rd Commuter Lounge at 9pm

• banana condom contest • sex toy raffles • Alt Clinic talks

WPSR Coffee House

Thursday, November 3rd Co-Op at 10pm

Sunday, November 6th Whitson’s at 8pm

• ZONA MEXICANA record release • Emporer X • Little Gold • LVL Up

26-Day Challenge Recognition Monday, November 7th MYSTERY LOCATION? at 5pm

Ibsen’s Peer Gynt

at the PAC

presented by the Purchase Rep Theatre

• Friday 11/4 at 8pm • Saturday 11/5 at 2pm & 8pm • Sunday 11/6 at 2pm presented by Hip-Hop Party & Bullshit ( Club & C.A.N.D.I.E.S. )

Friday, November 4th Whitson’s at 10pm

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Tuesday, November 8th Whitson’s at 8:30pm

• Jeffrey Lewis • Mal Blum • Zoe Boekbinder

Tuesday, November 8th the Stood at 9pm

Complexuality Open Mic

EVENTS

CLUBS/ORGS Thursday, November 3rd Fusion: CCN 0014B at 7pm Film: Humanities Theatre at 7pm RPGA: Hub Basement at 8pm Chess Club: comm. lounge at 8pm Cheese Club: Co-Op at 10pm OAPIA: Hub Basement at 10pm Trans*Action: LGBTQU at 10pm

Monday, November 7th MSA Club: Sparks at 5pm FORTH meeting: Southside at 8pm Bible Talk: Starbucks at 9pm

every Wednesday evening Library periodicals from 7–9pm

5–10 minute Q&A sessions about the Occupy Wall Street movement.

Getting Paid What You’re Worth: a financial planning workshop for women

Wednesday, November 9th

Tuesday, November 8th CoCOaS: the Stood at 5:30pm Green Team: Co-Op at 6pm DDR Club: the Stood at 7pm Public Relations: Co-Op at 8pm PUSH: Hub basement at 9pm SAC: PSGA Office at 9pm General Events: Stood at 9:30pm Complexuality: LGBTQU Lounge at 10pm LU: Hub basement at 10pm

Fort Awesome classroom 126 at 7pm Brought to you by Hillels of Westchester.

Discussion lead by Alison Trachtman Hill, women empowerment specialist, consultant, and founder and managing partner of Critical Issues for Youth.

Wednesday, November 9th Whitson’s at 8pm

• Travis LaPlante • Weird Korea • Vaz • The Men • Pygmy Shrews

Wednesday, November 9th Hillel: Hub basement at noon Psych Club: NatSci1030 at noon Senate: Southside at 12:30pm Sociology: SPARC room at 1pm Stood meeting: Stood at 2:30pm CBLA: commuter lounge at 7pm Anime: commuter lounge at 8pm SOCA: Hub basement at 8pm Hip Hop: Hub basement at 10pm LGBTQU: Red Room at 10pm

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BITCH, IT’S TURKEY TIME

BY ToMMY ROACH

Purchase has a large, diverse population of wildlife on campus that rivals the diversity between students. There are hawks, skunks, raccoons, deer, and now turkeys. Yes. Wild turkeys live on our campus, somewhere in Alumni. I tracked down two of them and decided to talk them about life on campus, the wacky weather of late, and about how it feels to be one of the many freeloaders that live in the woods.

The turkeys introduced themselves to me as Wiggle and her daughter, Feather. Wiggle apologized for the mess in their small shack just off the cross-country trail, and offered me a cold cup of tea, saying that the electric had been out since the snow storm, and although facilities had been notified, they had not shown up yet. We sat down by their fireplace, which has been bare due to economic hardships and lack of opposable thumbs to light a fire in the first place, and spoke of life at a college.

So, what made you decide to move to Purchase in the first place?

Wiggle: We had been on the move for some time before we got here, maybe about a year or so. The quasi-nomadic lifestyle was beginning to take its toll on my health, and Feather is about to be old enough to start school. We decided to settle down in a nice, removed location, and the woods of Purchase seemed to be a beautiful location. We had heard about the large population of wildlife, and while I’ve never lived in a community that allowed skunks and deer to mix in the same neighborhood, I’m always open to new things. I also found that the school was a good place for my daughter to learn, grow, and play. The atmosphere just seemed to fit us perfectly.

Feather: I also like to sneak into the VA and steal the spray paint!

What do you like most about Purchase?

Feather: The spray paint and the hippies! I want to be just like them when I grow up!

Wiggle: I really like the campus motto, “think wide open.” I want my daughter to be educated in an open-minded, accepting atmosphere. That seems to be the general manner of thinking at this school. I walk around campus, and I just see so many different types of animals. The deer here were especially welcoming. They’ve been the best neighbors so far. I’m a little confused by squirrels, though. Most of them seem to always be in some sort of rush, and when I get the chance to speak with one of them, the conversation is always brief and fragmented, like they can’t form a complete, cognitive sentence without extra effort.

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TURKEYS Feather: The skunks are pretty rude to me, too. I don’t like to play with them anyway, they smell bad. The raccoons are cool. We play soccer sometimes.

Is there anything about this campus that particularly bothers you? Anything you weren’t expecting?

Wiggle: I mean we’re not exactly in the most comfortable living space. ResLife said that housing was pretty stuffed, and that we’d have to wait until after Thanksgiving to be given a legitimate place to live. They kindly offered us an old, abandoned shack in the woods that was apparently leftover from when this campus was a farm, and told me that I would not have to pay for housing until I got placed in a real dormitory. Hopefully all of that gets resolved soon. I just hope they don’t put me in Outback or Big Haus. I heard those places are kind of awful for animals.

Other than that, I’m a little bit disappointed with the way this campus, and more so, the problems that residents have with their housing, are taken care of. My electric has been out since Saturday morning, and we’re extremely cold. I put in a work order as fast as I could, which was difficult because I can’t go on the Internet if I have no electricity in the house.

Feather: We’re freezing our wings off out here!

my heat worked, or if I had opposable thumbs to light a fire in the fireplace here.

As for Halloween, we don’t really celebrate. Being on the move for the past few years has made it hard to do things like that. It sounds sad, but maybe next year, we’ll be back on track enough to actually participate in festivities like that again.

Feather: I made a snowman this weekend! His name is Frederick.

At that point, Wiggle scooped up a shivering Feather and put her to bed. She mentioned to me that she was concerned about the chick’s health, and that if a fever set in, there might not be much hope.

I bid her farewell, and wished her the best. As I walked out of the woods, the lights had already come on, and a cold wind began to blow.

I zipped up my coat, put on my hood, and said a prayer for Feather.

When I got home, I sharpened my carving knives and prepared the brine. Thanksgiving will be delicious.

How did the snow affect your Halloween, and how is it continuing to affect you?

Wiggle: It’s been rough. Since we don’t have cable, I was not aware that a snowstorm was on its way, and so I had no time to prepare for it. I wish someone had warned us, so that we could go to Wal-Mart and get new coats, or something.

It’s pretty cold now, and although the weather is starting to get warmer again, I know that it’s going to be short lived. It’d probably be easier if

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MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

Madame! Help! Some sneaky little rat told my best friend that I made out with her boyfriend. Although it’s true, how do I cover myself?

Honey, the sneaky little rat isn’t the one who tattled, the rat is the one who committed the crime. I’m sorry you made this really bad decision, but now you have to face the consequences. I don’t know the details, but you made out with him.

Whether you were under some sort of influence won’t matter to your friend. Unless she is some sort of really chilled-out girlfriend, but I don’t think there are too many of those people in this world. Okay, enough of the scolding.

How would you cover yourself ? Please don’t try to cover yourself. You would only be causing more heartbreak for your friend if she found out you lied to her. Especially if you consulted the boyfriend about what the lie would be. That would seriously be fucked up of both of you. Can you imagine she finds out you both came up with this lie together? She would feel like she lost a boyfriend and lost a best friend.

...Okay, okay, Madame is done with the scolding, for real! You can’t cover yourself, but you can tell her the truth. Tell her that it was an honest mistake and you feel really bad. (I hope that is the truth, because if it’s otherwise, then don’t waste this poor girl’s friendship.) Yes, she will probably be really mad, but maybe she will respect the fact that you told the truth and will forgive you. If you lie to her then she will have trouble trusting you in the future.

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Dear Madame, I thought I had it all: fancy car, good hair, expensive watch, but there’s one thing missing. I don’t have any friends. Apparently “I’m a pompous son of a bitch.” Are they just haters or is it true?

Madame understands the quality of a man. The car, hair and watch are just little bonus factors, not the main subject, if you will. You are not a fancy car, good hair, or an expensive watch, you just own these things. Who are you?

What do you look for in people when you want to make friends? Is it what they own? You probably won’t have too much luck on this campus. Not too many students have all three of what you have.

No, they are not jealous. They just don’t care. It is a little humorous to Madame that you list only three possessions that made you think you had “it all.” No one walks around in their day-to-day life thinking, “I wish I had suave hair, a deckedout car, and a diamond-encrusted Rolex.” Sure, maybe it pops up in our heads once in a while, but they aren’t necessities to have the life we all want.

When you don’t have any interest in material objects, or don’t have the means to obtain those things, you don’t want to hear someone bragging about what they own.

It is a shame that you don’t have any friends. If you’d just put the bullshit away I’m sure people would respect you. However, it wasn’t very nice of someone to call your mother a bitch.

A DV I C E Dear Madame Query, I am having trouble feeling sexy in this cold and now snowy weather. Any tips?

With last Saturday’s snowstorm, I think we all had a winter breakdown. Madame certainly didn’t know which one of her coats was the most form-fitting to her curves. If you took a look at her room, you would have thought the storm had breezed through in a massive explosion of coats and sweaters. While there was so much clothing, Madame believed there was nothing to wear.

How wrong she was.

Although the degrees outside have been dropping substantially, this does not mean you have to lower your hotness. A magical gift God has brought us is the invention of tights. You got that booty skirt you would have worn barelegged? Well, now you just throw some tights on underneath. Another more important tip is that feeling sexy does not come from how much form you’re displaying, it’s all about how chic you’re feeling. Madame feels fresh and sleek when she struts down to the library in a long jacket, huge scarf and big old sunglasses to ward off that snow glare. When you feel comfortable, that is when you are at your sexiest.

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

(continued from page 5) quite radical. Very few other campuses in the country have this kind of autonomy, and therefore the chance to make independent decisions and advocate for their own self-interest. This began as an experiment to give students agency in the process of shared governance that, up until that time, was reserved for faculty. At present, SA completely undermines this process.

As someone who has seen this organization’s function from within and critiqued it from without, I do not believe that SA can be reformed. I believe the bylaws must be scrapped, the process re-imagined, and students given back their own democratic government. Perhaps we could look to current grassroots organizing efforts, or the history of SASU.

I want to emphasize that the problem is not the people in the organization. There is a refreshing amount of critical thinking in SA, and the entire executive committee firmly believes it is helping students. Being misguided when you haven’t been exposed to alternative points of view is not a crime, but failure to seek them out, especially as a leader, is a problem.

Student government is a necessary phenomenon, but it’s time for a change. “Rational” tuition is little more than a smokescreen, part of a bigger plan to run SUNY aground on the same shoals that crippled the University of California.

A little mutiny in the ranks is crucial now.

What SUNY’s student body needs is a frank conversation about what it means to be a part of this great system. It needs leaders who ask hard questions and seek new ideas. It needs to stand up for itself, to innovate on its own behalf.

I have always believed we have the expertise to solve SUNY’s problems more creatively than System Administration, the state legislature, or the governor. We just have to be willing to think big, participate, and speak up. Student government should be a conduit for innovation, not a dam.

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