The Purchase Independent - 12/08/2011

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December 8, 2011 | Issue #254

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: To m D au er writers: Z a c B a b cock Va n essa Cavan agh A l ex a Dillen b eck Jessi c a Demarzo Ró i sí n McCarty Ro r y M cEn ty re M a da me Q u er y To m my Roach print manager: To ny Pon tiu s cover by: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith Ra ch el Mos es copy editor: To m my Roach artwork by: M a rg o t Allis on web design by: D a n i el l e Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee.

We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed.

The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a caseby-case basis.

Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Mme. Query at for mspring.me/madamequery.

Back page quotes can be submitted to for mspring.me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the Publications office door.

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Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

This is my last issue as the editor of The Indy. It feels like I’m about to send my kid off to boarding school, letting someone else take care of my baby. I have complete faith in the future of this publication and the people who will take it there. It’s just hard to let go of something that has been such a large part of my life for so long.

I owe a lot of gratitude to the people who have helped me along the way. First, to Dana for not kicking me out of her meeting when I waltzed in and announced shamelessly that she needed a proofreader, and that I was the only candidate for the job. To Mariel for giving me my internship. To the staffs who worked with me last year. To Tara and Tom, for putting up with me for 20+ hours a week and the beautiful issues we’ve made together.

To former editor Bill Reese for his invaluable correspondence and guidance.

To this semester’s staff: Danielle, Tony, Tommy, Alexa, Roisin, Margot and David. To every student who has ever submitted a story. To every student and staff member who has picked up an issue, even if it’s only to read the back page. To Madame Query, who has been with me since I first became editor-in-chief, and who deserves an award for volunteering her services for the good of her fellow students. To the PSGA for all the help they’ve provided. To my professors for their support, and to the professors I’ve never taken classes with who still take the time to email me congratulations when I’ve published a particularly good issue. I couldn’t have done it without any of you, because an editor needs content and readership to produce every issue.

This week’s cover is a collaboration between myself and my dear friend Rachel Moses, without whom I would have likely lost my sanity many months ago. Why “now” you ask? Because whatever you’re going through at the moment, whatever issues you’re conquering, whatever stress you’re dealing with, you’re here right now and that opportunity is everything you need to succeed. We sat in Rachel’s studio discussing what single word could convey a sense of purpose, of accomplishment, of overcoming all the shit life throws at us every day. That word is “now.”

It is time for me to hand over the reins. Good luck to the future staffs of The Independent, I’m sure you’ll handle the publication beautifully.

LETTERS TO THE UNKNOWN ART THIEF

SUNY PURCHASE EMS

Though we may not know who you are, we do know that you are a selfish asshole.

To assume that you could walk into an art gallery and take, without permission, a piece of displayed work directly from the walls is extremely audacious. For what reason did you feel you were entitled to something that was not yours, but instead was the product of someone else’s hand crafted labor? Do you not understand the boundaries of an art gallery?

Is your head so far up your ass that you can’t manage to consider anything beyond your own personal satisfaction?

Perhaps you thought you were flattering the artist, because clearly you liked her piece so much you had to take it for your own pleasure. If that was your intent, you’re not only an asshole, you’re a moron. Maybe you hoped to make a point with your devious stunt. Unfortunately for you, we didn’t ask you make any points, especially not at the expense of someone else’s art. And to be perfectly clear, the only point you’ve made is this: you’re an asshole. As you’ve some how managed to get yourself into college, perhaps its time that you realize what it means to be a contributing member to society. The act of theft doesn’t prove anything other than your immature understanding of self-expression. For everyone’s sake please, pull your head from your asshole and grow the fuck up.

Purchase College EMS is a new service on campus run by students, hoping to make a difference in the Purchase community. Purchase College EMS (or Emergency Medical Service) aims to help the Purchase community be a safer and healthier environment. Our goal is to educate, inform and train the Purchase community to better handle emergency medical situations, while putting in place a team of responding students to assist in medical emergencies on campus.

Purchase College EMS will be running workshops and educational classes for all members of the Purchase community. These classes will be run by students of Purchase College EMS, teaching their fellow students, as well as their professors, staff and faculty skills and information tailored to the college experience. The Purchase College EMS Response Team, a group of certified First Responders and Emergency Medical Technicians within Purchase College EMS, will supplement the emergency response system already in place, providing medical care before Harrison EMS arrives on scene.

Make a difference on your campus.

Purchase College EMS needs members! Come to our general interest meeting for more information. Everyone is welcome!

Sincerely, Zac Babcock, on behalf of the Art Forum Gallery

BY JESSICA DEMARZO

EMS General Interest Meeting Thursday, December 8th Southside at 8pm

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THAT FUCKING BUTTON

BY TOMMY ROACH

There are quite a few things in this world that get under my skin. I remain tolerant of most things that bug me, of course, save for one or two. For example, being told not to do something drives me absolutely batshit insane.

I realize that this happens to everyone, so I assume that everyone will understand where I’m coming from here. Things you’re not allowed to do just seem so much more fun.

That being said, red buttons you’re not allowed to push have got to be the most annoying thing I’ve ever encountered. Ever. More annoying than my roommates staying up to 4am listening to really loud, really bad music every night. I’m getting a little bit off topic.

One such button is located in the publications office where we make The Indy and The Brick. An office that I go into almost every single day of my life. Does anyone know what it does? No. So can I push it? No.

It’s almost as if this inanimate object is taunting me. I can hear it laughing at me sometimes. “Hey loser,” the button says, “don’t you want to push me? Come on! Do it! No one will ever know! Don’t be a wuss!”

Is this how Eve felt when the talking snake convinced her to eat that apple? Because if it is, I definitely understand why she just ate the thing. This is absolutely one of the most difficult situations I’ve ever had to cope with.

The main reason this is so rough is because I have no freaking clue what that button does. And there are so many things it could do.

“It’s a panic button, and when you push it, the SWAT team will descend, because this building

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(Campus Center North) was built in the 1970’s and they were crazy,” says Riley, who, as the editor of The Indy, has been staring at that button for a long time. Honestly, that’s the most logical answer. But fuck logic. I have dreams, and those dreams are of red buttons being pressed. So a few members of The Indy and I came up with a brief list of crazy things the button might do.

CRAZY THINGS THE BUTTON MIGHT DO:

• Beam you through time and space. Like the TARDIS.

• Cause the couch under the button to sink into • • • •

the floor, revealing a secret staircase to buried treasure.

Launch Campus Center North into space, causing it to fire a laser beam of some sort, thus beginning World War III. Produce one kitten per press.

Solve world hunger.

Cause something somewhere on campus to explode.

The possibilities are endless. I really hope there’s a secret staircase. Or kitties. Those are soft and nice.

I need to press this button. Nothing in my life will be right until that happens.

ACTIVISM

PURSUING THE FOURTH

BY RORY MCENTYRE AMENDMENT IV The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Imagine you are sitting home one evening when there is a sudden pounding at your door, and a voice announces that you must open your door. Without consent of any kind, your door is then opened and Johnny Law is standing in your doorway. Now imagine that the home being invaded is the one you live in at Purchase. I don’t have to imagine it, because I’ve already been through it. I’m willing to bet I’m not the only one, and that’s why I have written this.

On a recent Sunday, one such event occurred at my apartment in Alumni Village. Out of nowhere a UPD officer was standing in my doorway questioning me. When all was said and done I was caught, pure and simple. My problem, however, lies in the story leading up to this point.

Documents will state that a “high priority fire alarm” was set-off in my apartment, specifically in my room. This, however, was not the case. It is later recorded that the alarm must have been triggered by tampering, as a bag had been found around the device. The problem with this statement is that the bag had not been put there that night; it had been there for several weeks. As I’m sure many Purchase students have found, these devices can be manhandled rather liberally with no response from UPD.

That is the short and sweet version. I have further documentation that both verifies and

expands on my claims as well as several witnesses that can vouch for these statements. However, my incident has already been dealt with and subsequent judgments implemented. Suffice it say, my evidence was overlooked, but I personally am not seeking any help. What I am seeking is other students, both past and current, that have been through similar experiences. I am not a man taken to flights of fancy or tall tales. I will stand behind the claims I make. I feel it is my obligation to bring this issue to my fellow students. One should not feel afraid in their own home, and Purchase is our home.

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RON PAUL: A LUNATIC

BY VANESSA CAVANAGH

If you’ve been following the Republican candidates running for president, you’ll know how much of a circus the race has become. I’d venture to say that based on the debates, scandals and all-around fuckery over the last few months, Obama has pretty much won himself the election. But there is one candidate, at least according to half of the internet, who deserves our respect and attention. You may have come across some Ron Paul supporters online—they typically type in all caps and label him as the next coming of Christ in terms of how, if elected, he will turn our country around. Ron Paul has a strong and relentless internet-backed campaign, and is something of a money-raising powerhouse. This year alone he’s managed to raise millions of dollars, mostly from grass-root support. But the 76-year-old Libertarian running as a Republican is just another psychotic creature at the circus.

At most of the debates, Paul has shown up and said some logical things, although it’s not terribly hard to look smart when you’re standing next to a Michelle Bachmann or a Rick Perry. (It’s too bad Huntsman is too sane to be noticed by his party.) In comparison to the others stances, Paul’s seem logical, and sometimes, they are.

Usually, though, people either forget the insanity of his foreign policy, his compliance of state laws violating the constitution, or his pro-life, anti-gay and racist ideas. People are very excited about his plans for a weak federal government and for

it’s scary to see how many young, privileged white males viciously support a candidate who opposes the Civil Rights Act of 1964, who still hasn’t distanced himself from the white supremacists who helped fund his campaign

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POLITICS a non-interventionist position in the international community. Paul’s unique glorification of state governments reaches the “unrealistic” level of extremism.

The arguments I hear over and over are that his social conservatism shouldn’t be an issue because as a libertarian, he wouldn’t act on it on the federal level. But Paul has a strategy for getting around this. He has this thing for individual freedoms, this hatred for the federal government.

We get it. But what reason does anyone have to believe that state governments, which he favors, are going to be less destructive and oppressive than the federal government? Letting the states have the right to do wrong shouldn’t be the solution. Paul justifies his position by heralding the Constitution. He uses this method to deflect his real stances on social issues. Yeah, ok, he says he is anti-gay, but it’s alright!—because he supports dealing with it on the state level.

So we should support a dude who voted to define life starting at conception, who has introduced a bill more than once permitting the return of sodomy laws, who wants to disband NATO? Who wants to end birthright citizenship, deny federal funding to any organization which “presents male or female homosexuality as an acceptable alternative lifestyle or which suggests that it can be an acceptable lifestyle” along with destroying public education and social security, in the name of states rights and individual freedoms? Yeah, alright. It’s comforting knowing that he will never get the nomination, but scary to see how many young, privileged white males viciously support a candidate who opposes the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and has said some shady racist stuff, and who still hasn’t distanced himself from the white supremacists who helped fund his campaign.

I don’t care if he is a strict constitutionalist and doesn’t want to impose any federal laws

based on his religious beliefs. The key word there is federal. He would let the states make decisions when it came to abortion and reproductive rights —and for a libertarian, he doesn’t understand that the most valuable property you own is your own body. Unless you have a penis, of course.

He has a number of ‘hooks’ for younger voters, like his stance on the war on drugs. But really, he is a far from a pragmatic candidate for Americans and more closely resembles a radical representative of a tiny libertarian subdivision. If he were elected, the country would be deadlocked for four years with a long series of vetoes. And as awesome as it sounds on paper, letting states legalize certain drugs or prostitution isn’t going to help our country recover the way it needs to.

Personally, I’d be embarrassed to have another president who denies the theory of evolution, but Paul’s supporters assure us we are supposed to applaud him for his tolerant perspectives. While he has some interesting ideas, they are generally mostly untested in real life— which is terrifying. And maybe fear isn’t the right word—instead, it could just be a healthy dismissal of ideas that are at best unworkable for a variety of reasons, and at worst, actively damaging to our country.

There has never, ever been a campaign that I can recall in which Paul ran and was considered a viable competitive candidate, for that very reason; most of his ideas are on the lunatic fringe. I would be sorry for writing this angry rant if I could. But the only reason Ron Paul seems respectable during this campaign season is because he’s no longer the only lunatic in the race.

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CODE NAME: REDHEAD

BY Róisín McCarty

Notes:

• Redhead seen in library three nights in a row.

Could she be leaving to continue her studies?

• Places to look for her: her office, the library, her

Code name: Redhead Reason for investigation: Redhead has put

in her two week’s notice.

Looking for: Why? Is she relocating? Has she been offered a better opportunity? Does she simply feel that her time here has come to an end?

“Good start, Frankie,” I said, reading over the document open on the computer ahead of me. “Remember, we do have to replace her, so send out notification that we’ll need someone to fill her position.”

“Got it!” he said, typing furiously on his computer. “What will the process be?”

I paused to give him a look. “The usual.

Cover letter, resumé, interview.”

“Right,” Frankie nodded.

“And no information is unnecessary in this profile, okay?” I said before walking out of the office.

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apartment, the small coffeeshop downtown.

• Envelopes with grad school names have been found in her office. (Not admissible, however, should be noted.)

• She has been focusing on one case for the past few weeks, putting it before other duties.

• When spoken to, seems to have mixed emotions about leaving. Upset, but also calm, and sometimes worried.

Things to discuss: Doctor Who, kittens, the Oxford comma, Tegan and Sara, British television Things TO AVOID IN CONVERSATION: Support of the Oxford Comma, an argument as to why the Oxford comma is still relevant, blatant grammatical errors, passive aggression and ambiguity.

Suggested activities: Discussion of theories about Doctor Who involving the Silence, River Song, or both. Offer cheese, cheese products, or strawberry champagne. If jalapeño poppers are not available, make them available. If possible, bring a cat or other small, soft, furry animal, especially when the discussion will involve particularly negative topics. Photoventures, and really adding the suffix of “venture” to any activity will be put to good use. Have a knowledge of Classic Who, and if this is impossible, ask for a brief history lesson. Know who River Song is, and I mean really know who River Song is, or let her watch those episodes with you.

your.indy@g mail .c o m

LOOKING FOR AN INTERNSHIP? THE INDY NEEDS INTERNS! THE INDY OFFERS THE FOLLOWING 2 CREDIT INTERNSHIPS FOR NEXT SEMESTER: WRITING INTERNS:

EDITING INTERNS:

suggested majors: journalism, creative writing, literature

suggested majors: journalism, creative writing, literature

• • •

•

attend weekly Monday night staff meetings to discuss new stories and get assignments write at least one 500–1000-word story per issue, due at the end of the week expand their portfolios by writing on diverse topics—we want you to know how to do anything a future employer could ask earn 2 credits for a full-semester internship

• • • • •

attend weekly Monday night staff meetings to discuss new stories edit all stories, due every Monday night must have a basic knowledge of AP Style must hate the Oxford comma earn 2 credits for a full-semester internship

ART INTERNS: suggested majors: visual arts

GRAPHIC DESIGN INTERNS:

•

suggested majors: graphic design

• • • •

attend weekly Monday night staff meetings to discuss new stories design the Back Page each week (Tuesdays) assist layout editor with other projects, such as advertisements and photo editing earn 2 credits for a full-semester internship

•

•

attend weekly Monday night staff meetings to discuss new stories and get assignments provide an illustration for the back page each week, corner doodles and the occasional piece for feature stories earn 2 credits for a full-semester internship

PRINT MANAGING INTERNS: suggested majors: any major at all!

PHOTOGRAPHY INTERNS:

•

suggested majors: photography, journalism, new media

• • •

attend weekly Monday night staff meetings to discuss new stories and get assignments take photos for stories and the cover earn 2 credits for a full-semester internship

• •

must be able to commit to being the Print Manager for the 2012-2013 school year learn the technical side of printing The Indy must be available Wednesday afternoons and evenings and willing/able to stay for the 5–10 hours it takes to print a full run

IF INTERESTED, EMAIL RESUME AND 3–5 SAMPLES OF RELEVANT WORK TO: y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m

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Purchase New Music Concert Thursday, December 8th Music Building 0081 at 8pm

Celebrate the Holidays: Reading & Reception sponsored by the Purchase Writers Center

• • • • •

Joe Molinaro • Kayla Cashetta Jake Sachs-Mischalanie Devin Kumar • Jackie Yang Frank Spigner • Nick Virzi Dana Malseptic • Jeremy Wexler

Thursday, December 8th Neuberger Museum Study at 4pm

• Suzanne Chazin • Clark Collier Cook • Marilyn Johnson

Hooping for a Natural High Thursday, December 8th Southside at 6pm

O c c u p y Wa l l S t r e e t : Strategies, Goals & Dreams Thursday, December 8th Admissions Buffer at 6pm

Blues For An Alabama Sky presented by the Purchase Rep Theatre at the Performing Arts Center

• Thursday, December 8th @ 8pm • Saturday, December 10th @ 8pm

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P ANCAKE M A D NE S S

Thursday, December 8th Dining Hall at 10pm

Thursday, December 8th 24-hour quiet hours begin at 11pm

Q &A EVENTS A Piece of My Heart presented by the Purchase Rep Theatre at the Performing Arts Center

• Friday, December 9th @ 8pm • Saturday, December 10th @ 2pm

Make the Road by Walking: Art+Design MFA Group Show open until February 4th, 2012 in the Passage Gallery

S t a m a t i n a G r e go r y Courtney Childress • Kerry Cox Corina Kennedy • Lisa Dietrich Roberto Jamora • Aaron Krach Elianna Mesaikos • Adam B Margaret Rizzio • Jonathan Price Bradford Smith • Alex Branch Glenn Wonsettler • Jen Dawson Elizabeth Phelps Meyer

curated by

• • • • • • • •

24/5 Library Hours Thursday, December 8th • open 24 hours

Friday, December 9th • open until midnight

Saturday, December 10th • open 11am–midnight

Sunday, December 11th • opens at noon

Friday, December 16th • closes at 10:30pm

Friday, December 16th All non-prep buildings close at 7pm!

Thursdays Fusion: CCN 0014B at 7pm Film: Humanities Theatre at 7pm RPGA: Hub Basement at 8pm Chess Club: comm. lounge at 8pm Cheese Club: Co-Op at 10pm OAPIA: Hub Basement at 10pm Trans*Action: LGBTQU at 10pm

Mondays MSA Club: Sparks at 5pm FORTH meeting: Southside at 8pm Bible Talk: Starbucks at 9pm The Indy: CCN 1011 at 9:30pm Brick Meeting: Red Room at 10pm

Tuesdays Public Art Committee: Co-op at 4:30pm CoCOaS: the Stood at 5:30pm Green Team: Co-Op at 6pm Alternative Clinic: CCS from 6–9pm DDR Club: the Stood at 7pm Public Relations: Co-Op at 8pm PUSH: Hub basement at 9pm SAC: Stood at 9:30pm General Events: Stood at 9:30pm Complexuality: LGBTQU Lounge at 10pm LU: Hub basement at 10pm

Wednesdays Hillel: Hub basement at noon Psych Club: NatSci1030 at noon Senate: Southside at 12:30pm Sociology: SPARC room at 1pm CBLA: commuter lounge at 7pm Anime: commuter lounge at 8pm SOCA: Hub basement at 8pm The Submission: CCN 1011 at 8pm Hip Hop: Hub basement at 10pm LGBTQU: Red Room at 10pm

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on-campus internships BROKEN SPOKES (new bike shop!)

michael.ditrio@purchase.edu or oralkiviades.meimaris@purchase.edu bike repair: help get the shop started, no experience required!

ART CO-OP

purchaseartcoop@gmail.com web & design: design a user friendly blog that links in our online database, design logos, advertisements and fliers (1 position) other interns: work on events, curate the store, helping with the zine, collaborations with other clubs (3 positions)

THE CO-OP

purchasecoop@gmail.com internships available in: marketing, facilities, finances, events, volunteer organization, food ordering & inventory

THE BRICK

thepurchasebrick@gmail.com writing: submit at least one 500-word story every week (2 positions) editing: check articles for grammar, spelling and AP Style (1 position) photography: take photos for at least one story each week (2 positions) social media: maintain The Brick’s Twitter and Facebook presence (1 position) broadcast: create at least one video story each week (2 positions)

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THE SUBMISSION

thesubmission@gmail.com copy-editing: proofread all text submissions for spelling and grammar (2 positions) layout: experience in editorial design, layout design and typography (2 positions) public relations: keep up The Submission’s Facebook and Twitter accounts, creating and distributing posters (1 position)

PURCHASE GARDEN

purchase.garden@gmail.com garden interns: 5-6 hours a week, mapping

out the beds and creating a calendar, planting and watering seeds indoors, transplanting them into the garden, watering and weeding, and eventually harvesting and eating

Purchase College Television (PTV)

purchasetelevision@gmail.com studio technician: run and operate live shows in PTV’s studios, responsible for mobile shoots of on-campus events programmer: edit videos, keep PTV’s media library organized, film and edit promotions for PTV shows and events public relations: get show schedules, events and submissions requests published by campus media, make flyers and signs, update social media accounts web design: maintain the official PTV website with current show schedules, show profiles and general PTV news

Q &A CAMPUS

FORT FRESHMAN

Freshmen in the Fort: an annoyance for upper-classmen, but a gift for the 38 freshmen who were given rooms there.

For the first time, freshmen were given spaces that would previously have been reserved for transfers. The rooms were converted into triples for just this fall semester, for freshmen that were late registering for housing.

“I was lucky because I registered like an hour late and I thought that I wasn’t going to get housing at all, and ended up here,” said Kelsey Riordan, a psychology freshman. “I am really sad that I am leaving but I am moving in with some of my friends, so it shouldn’t be that bad.”

Emily Balcom, Associate Director of Residence Life, is the person who has to delegate housing and deal with the obstacles that go with it.

“This year, there was an increase of 125 students in our expected total, so I had to be a little creative,” said Balcom. “I think of it as if it’s a pie and when there are extras, they are little cupcakes.”

The increase of students staying on campus could be, according to Balcom, because of economics or satisfaction of living on campus.

The freshmen feel disappointed, but they were given notice when they were assigned to the Fort that it would be temporary, and reminded again around Thanksgiving break.

“I love the Fort,” said Alexa Mugavero, freshman environmental studies major. “I’m going to miss living here. It sucks because we are used to it, but we were warned.”

The Fort’s freshmen will be moving to Big Haus, Crossroads, or Farside.

BY ALEXA DILLENBECK

“It was really nice here,” said Emily Locke, an undeclared freshman. “It’s like home now.”

Roommates will have the chance to stay together, but it is not guaranteed.

“We are going to try to accommodate roommates, but if they can’t stay together, we will try to put them close to one another,” said Balcom.

This is a concern for some roommates who have grown to love the people they are living with.

“We are pissed that we might not be able to stay together, because there’s no real guarantee that we will be together,” said Chelsea White, an undeclared freshman.

A benefit of the freshman moving into designated freshman buildings will be the chance to make more friends in their year. “Part of the reality is that they don’t get the same level of support and contact,” said Balcom.

Some of the freshmen are skeptical if that tactic will be successful, considering they will be moving in their second semester.

“If we were there in the beginning, it would be easier to meet people,” said Locke.

“I know more people now in Outback than in Crossroads,” said White, interrupting. “I think I’ve been in Crossroads once or twice, but that’s it.”

An alternative would have been to move them out as soon as rooms became available in the residence halls, but as Balcom said, “Moving them out in the middle of the semester would affect their grades and it would be irresponsible.”

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MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

Madame, every semester I have a big

Dear Madame, I’ve got a bit of the holiday

problem of losing all of my most important

blues. All of my friends are “too busy” to

things: keys, credit card and of course

hang out with me and the pumpkin spice

my More Card. Any tips so I don’t do this

lattes just aren’t the same. What should

again next semester?

I do?

Pockets! Use your pockets! I feel like you may be one of those people who goes to a party and just trusts anyone around their purse. You put the purse down while busting out to LMFAO and then oops, you’re so surprised someone would jack your shit. Party robbin’ in the house tonight, everyone won’t have a good time.

If you tend to lose your stuff at parties, do not bring any important unnecessary items.

There is no use of bringing a credit card to a party on J-Street. Have they started to accept charge cards for the Purchase Punch? If so, you should realize that you don’t even have to pay, just take it. You’re not a freshman! Honestly the only thing you should be bringing to a party on campus is your drank, your keys and your fabulous self. UPD says you’re supposed to have your More Card on you at all times, but don’t bring it if you’re just going to lose it. Don’t make a fool out of yourself and lose yourself while losing your shit. Keep it together, don’t be a complete black out.

What should you do? Wipe your eyes!

Stop crying! You have to realize that your friends are not lying to you. It is nearing finals week, in fact it may be finals week for some of them already. They really are too busy. Don’t think this is all about you. I’m sure they would love to kick back and relax with you at Starbucks, but it this is crunch time.

Also the pumpkin spice lattes just are not the same because Thanksgiving has passed and it is all about the Christmas themes. Get some gingerbread lattes or candy cane lattes (Madame is not even sure if that is a real thing, but go ask, I’m sure there is something like it). We are within our first week of December, please do not already have the holiday blues. Holiday blues should not happen until you look at your bank account after your day of holiday shopping.

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

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A DV I C E Lately I’ve been feeling a little wishywashy about my boyfriend. I’m starting to think he’s less attractive and can’t stand his hygiene habits, among other things. I can’t tell him this because he’s very sensitive and insecure, but I feel so lost. Help!

Madame is afraid to say it, but it may be time to throw in the towel on this relationship.

When we start to date someone we go through what most experts like to call a “honeymoon phase.” During this honeymoon phase, we tend to believe our partner is cute at everything they do. Madame means everything. Picking wedgies is cute because their butt is itchy, not disgusting because their underwear is clumped up next to their asshole. This first stage of a relationship is almost psychotic. It is unbelievable how deranged and brainwashed a person becomes. When you get past the honeymoon phase you realize what they are doing is gross, but it doesn’t bother you.

When regular habits become a problem, you may have a bigger issue.

Although there may be a bigger issue, you do not have to go rushing for a big break up. You never know how easily fixed something can be until you have a conversation. If he’s your boyfriend, it should be okay to say “hey, you’re a little stinky.”

And before everyone gets on Madame’s back for saying this guy needs to change himself, can’t we all just realize that bathing is a necessity? You say he is “sensitive” and “insecure,” so I realize this may be very difficult, but he is your boyfriend and he should trust your opinion. The easy way is to baby talk him into fixing himself, but is that really going to fix the issue? No. He can do what you want him to do a few times to make you happy, but he won’t know how much it means to you unless you tell him.

EXAMS FINALS WEEK FOG INTERNSHIPS LIBRARY NAPS PANCAKE MADNESS PANIC BUTTON SENIORITIS SNOW, PLEASE! WINTER BREAK

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