TOM PECORA RESIGNS - PAGE 17
FORDHAM NEEDS CHRISTIAN GANGS - PAGE 7
SERVING THE FORDHAM COMMUNITY GIN & TONICS FOR OVER 90 YEARS
1918-2011
APRIL 1, 2011
VOLUME 93, ISSUE 8
Fordham Severs Ties with Sodexo
ResLife Nixes Martyrs’ For Summer Dorm By ANDREW FERREIRA STAFF WRITER
COURTESY OF NANCY
While Sodexo has served as Fordham’s school supplier for years, the Univeristy has cancelled the contract with the catering company after an FDA investigation.
By MICHAEL PENA STAFF WRITER
Fordham University announced on March 29 that it was severing all professional relationships with its longtime food service provider, Sodexo, and that all Sodexo-run food service locations will be shutting down immediately. “We are sad to say that, after
many years of providing Fordham University students with healthy, high-quality food service, Sodexo will no longer be working with us in any capacity,” Christopher Rodgers, dean of students at Rose Hill, said. “While we do not have a replacement service lined up just yet, we are working hard to set one up.” When asked what would be done in the interim, Rodgers was
somewhat evasive. “Even though we have suspended food service with Sodexo, we still own the food that they have provided and prepared for us,” he said. “There may be some rationing involved, but we should be able to stretch the supply through the end of classes. If all else fails, I think we have some sandwiches and starfruit left over from Student Learship
Council meetings.” Employees of Sodexo and Fordham employees with ties to the French hospitality-services conglomerate have been responding unexpectedly well to the news. “I think this is a good move,” Brian Poteat, general manager of food services, said as he packed up his office. “By making way for a SEE SODEXO ON PAGE 4
Budget Cuts Reduce Library Operating Hours By SOLOMON SCHECHNER STAFF WRITER
Just two years ago, it seemed as if the library was always open 24 hours. However, due to budget cuts, Fordham will only open the library from 5 to 8 p.m. on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, beginning in the fall 2011 semester. “We realize our students are very busy on weekends,” Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University said. “We feel that it would be unnecessary to keep the library open all weekend.” Fordham is making it known that its location in New York plays a major factor in this decision. “We like to claim ‘Fordham is my school, New York is my campus’,” McShane said. “We are very proud to say that we have found that students do usually make their way into one of the five boroughs, even if it’s usually the Bronx and even if it’s almost always just MugZ’s. Regardless, I’m positive that the majority of Fordham students do not spend their time on campus on weekends, especially studying.” McShane made it clear that the goals of the University make it difficult to maintain the library at its current hours. There appear to be many factors that the University considers when making decisions like this. “It is very difficult to maintain our award-winning landscaping without sacrificing in other areas,” McShane said. “We have to maintain our spotless image for prospective students and parents.” Fordham has also considered a
COURTESY OF SMOCCIA
After Walsh Library reduces its operating hours, the usually crowded building will remain empty for most of the week.
variety of other cuts that follow up on those made prior to the fall semester. The school plans on further restricting use of the entrance gates around campus, even others besides the Walsh Hall entrance. “The reduced hours at the Walsh Hall entrance proved to be a great success,” McShane said. “We will most likely reduce the hours at every gate and make students enter and exit through the main entrance during afternoons.” The previous cuts have already proven successful, so the University is now looking into new and more creative cuts, mostly focused on the dining situation at Fordham. “We don’t see any reason the cafeteria should be open past 7 p.m.,” MsShane said. “Who eats dinner that late anyway? And these students always complain about how bad [the cafeteria] is anyway, so there’s really no reason to leave it open we might
as well save the money.” Improvements to other areas of the school also made it necessary to cut hours. “With the new dorms, as well as improvements made to Lincoln Center, we needed to find a way to increase our funds,” McShane said. “Considering this cut only affects the students who are currently enrolled at the school, we can live with that. Our focus is on the future and students who will be coming here in the future. Once a student enrolls at Fordham, we’re already guaranteed
almost $200,000 from them. Only a small percentage will actually transfer after a commitment of this manner, so we feel comfortable making cuts that only affect a small part of the Fordham family.” “We have to focus on our 2016 plan,” McShane added. “No matter what needs to be done, we have to stay on track and avoid any setbacks, even if it means continuing to make drastic cuts that affect the day-today lives of our students, even if they did sacrifice a fortune to attend the school.”
To the relief of many students, the Office of Residential Life has declared that summer housing will no longer be in Martyrs’ Court. Summer residents will have the option of residing in Hughes Hall or inside a large circus tent that will be erected on Edwards Parade. Though Hughes Hall will be undergoing renovation, members of the Residential Life staff said that will not be a problem. “Summer residents are already used to living in Hughes Hall while it’s under construction,” Elizabeth Amico, assistant director for Housing Operations, said. “Last summer, they had already started tearing apart the building for the Gabelli School of Business conversion, and the summer before that, lounges on every floor and the kitchen were stripped and renovated. This year, they won’t have much adjusting to do.” Construction that will occur this summer includes ripping out the walls on the first, second and fifth floors and tearing out the lounges and bathrooms on all floors. A port-a-potty will be set up in the Hughes lobby for students to use over the course of the summer. The roof will also be removed on June 17, but it will be replaced by the end of August. The windows in all bedrooms will be removed at the start of summer but will be replaced with identical glass panes a few weeks later. Also, planned and unplanned electricity outages will take place throughout the summer. However, residents who prefer not to live in Hughes Hall have the option of living in a large circus tent. The tent will be a little more expensive than living in Hughes Hall, but Office of Residential Life staff members expressed excitement with this housing option. “Students will be able to live in the great outdoors,” Amico said. “This will be an exciting housing option and could even go on students’ resumes as a long-term character-building camping experience.” The one catch is that summer circus tent residents will have to move out for the Alumni Jubilee Weekend partway through the summer, because traditionally that event is held in a tent on Edwards parade. However, students will be SEE SUMMER ON PAGE 2
INSIDE Sports PAGE 17
Opinions PAGE 9
Culture PAGE 12
Softball leaves Fordham due to lack of interest.
Fordham should reopen tunnels under University.
Journalism program to study abroad in Libya.
NEWS
PAGE 2 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2011
SECURITY
BRIEFS
ResLife Camps Summer Residents on Eddies Parade
March 26, Queen’s Court, 2:45 p.m. A collection of 20 students hosted a roof-top rave above the residence hall. Several members of Queen’s Court reported quiet hours violations and excessive use of Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok.” Security responded and got jiggy with it. March 27, MugZ’s, 11:30 a.m. Suspecting a man had slipped a date rape drug into her cranberry vodka, a female student called Security from the bar. After responding, Security found no drugs in the drink and declared chivalry not dead. March 28, Keating Hall, 9 a.m. A collection of students were found sleeping in the bell tower of the academic building. The residents cited uninhabitable living conditions in Martyrs’ Court as the reason for their stay. Security sympathized and brought the students blankets and hot chocolate. March 28, Campbell Hall, 5 p.m. A fire alarm was triggered on the third floor by steam from a shower. FDNY arrived and picketed outside the Fordham grounds, demanding an actual fire. March 29, Walsh Hall, 8 p.m.
COURTESY OF MEATBALL THE CLOWN
Known as the residence hall where souls go to die, Martyrs’ court is the most hated establishment on campus, behind only the College Republicans and Sodexo. SUMMER, FROM PAGE 1
allowed to move back into their tent housing assignment after the festivities of that weekend are over. According to the Fordham Web site, students will be responsible for moving their possessions out of the tent that Friday afternoon, but will be allowed to move back in at 9 a.m. the following Monday. Students will also be responsible for cleaning up the tent in the wake of the event, which traditionally includes an evening of dancing and drinking. “Well, we can’t expect alumni to clean it all up, can we?” Caitlin Tramel, director of Alumni Relations, said. “Students can pick up a
couple of whiskey bottles and put them in the trash can. It’s not that hard.” Amico agreed and said that students should be responsible for picking up trash and clutter in their own rooms. “They need to learn that their mothers aren’t going to clean up their rooms for them anymore,” she said. Diagrams of the circus tent show that quadruple bunk beds will be set up around the center circus ring. One-half of the beds will be reserved for male students, the other half for females. ResLife plans to hang a large curtain to separate sleeping spaces for the
April 1, O’Hare Hall, 3:15 p.m. A female member of The Ram staff was reported missing after writing an inflammatory article about Fordham security. A security supervisor canvassed the area and said they would never find her. COURTESY OF OLD MCDONALD
CSC residents will now be hosts to a live ram that once lived in the Bronx Zoo.
By OLD MCDONALD FDNY responded to a report of a fire in the second floor conference room of the campus center. Reportedly, Narisa O’Tino, the only employee working that Saturday, accidentally dropped a secret-service style earpiece into the microwave while preparing her lunch, causing the plastic to melt and the appliance to catch fire. No one was injured, and The Ram confiscated the microwave. For all your reheating needs, please visit The Ram, McGinley B-52, on Tuesday nights. Student activities funds will provide the popcorn. —Compiled by Commisioner Gordon
nario, she said that students could just climb up the sides of the bed. She claimed that they would be used to it, since many bunk beds around campus are not outfitted with ladders. Some students seemed ambivalent to the change in housing. “I guess it’s better than Martyrs’,” Joe Bro, FCRH ’12, said. “But it still seems like kind of a rip-off to pay $1,000 per summer session to live in a tent.” Other students expressed excitement about the circus tent housing opportunity. “This will be great,” Stinky the Clown, GSB ’14, said. “It looks just like home!”
Live Ram Inhabits Campbell Salice-Conley
Security responded to a student trapped in the elevator between the first and second floors. Security refused to aid the resident, in order to teach him a lesson for taking the elevator to the second floor.
April 1, McGinley Center, 4:30 p.m.
two genders in compliance with the University’s policy against cohabitation. Two porta-potties will be set up in the center ring and will be designated for specific genders. A large watering can will be provided for showering needs. ResLife still appears to be ironing out a few of the other summer housing details. “Right now, we’re still working on some of the logistics,” Amico said. “We’re having trouble finding ladders tall enough to reach the top bunk of the quadruple bunk beds.” However, she said that she was confident that ResLife would find a solution. In the worst-case sce-
STAFF ZOOLOGIST
Students in a Campbell Hall apartment were treated to quite a surprise last week when they were informed by the Office of Residential Life that a live ram would be living in a recently vacated bedroom there. The ram was offered by the nearby Bronx Zoo, which claimed to have no room for the animal and offered it to Fordham. Zoo administrators have no idea how the ram ended up under ResLife’s jurisdiction, but they did have some advice. “Ummmm…be sure to let it graze on Martyrs’ Lawn for at least a few hours each day, and, uh, sheer it every six months,” one zookeeper said, clearly perplexed that the animal was now in the care of a student. “Rams do attract wolves, you know, so be
careful.” “We know that ResLife has the right to fill the vacancy, but I thought I could reasonably expect a member of my own species,” one of the students in the apartment told The Ram. While ResLife realized that the creature might pose some inconvenience to the human members of the apartment, they were not apologetic. “While we’re sorry the ram was placed with no notice, this really was the best situation for it,” Larry Nio, housing operations specialist said. “As you know, this office reserves the right to fill vacancies as it sees fit without giving residents of the apartment any notice.” “This is non-negotiable,” he said, after pressured by apartment residents for some sort of explanation. “Although there are other vacancies, we had to place the ram in an apart-
ment because it wouldn’t take a meal plan.” When asked by The Ram if Greer Jason, director of Residential Life, was available for comment, Nio simply said, “Ha!” When asked if the ram was expected to participate in the lottery for the 2011-2012 school year, Nio said he is. “Why not? All it has to do is join a group using the group leader’s username and password, complete phases one and two, and trust that the group leader doesn’t kick it out or isn’t still hungover from a night at Tinker’s. It’s really quite simple.” Christopher Rodgers, dean of students at Rose Hill, had a similar response when asked about the logistical and health concerns about a ram occupying a student’s apartment. “We just hope the residents will give the ram a warm welcome,” he said, while picking out which Fordham “F” cap to wear that afternoon. “Much like living with an international student or one from outside the Tri-state area, living with an animal is a unique experience, one we hope these residents take advantage of.” He explained further that with universities across the country now allowing small pets in some campus residences, the students in the apartment could view this as an opportunity to learn about animal care and training, to which an apartment resident simply responded, “Really?” before uttering a series of words The Ram is not allowed to print. The Ram also spoke with Kathleen Malara, director of Health Services. “First the mold, and now this? Is
Rodgers trying to make me quit?” She then showed The Ram the Webmd.com page on Sheep Pox and explained that her office had never before stored the necessary antibiotics to treat it. As The Ram went to print, the aforementioned zoologist casually noted that other animals could eventually be placed in university housing. “Martyrs’ rooms are small enough that a snake, I mean, ummm any small animal would never go missing in it,” he said.
THIS
week at FORDHAM Thurs., March 31 McShane Dances to Lady Gaga Presented by: FLAVA Keating 3rd 8-10 p.m. Thurs., March 31 Target Practice Hosted by College Republicans, Eddies Parade, 8-10 p.m. Thurs., March 31 Make Your Own Flannel Rodrigue’s, 10 p.m.- 2 a.m. Fri., April 1 Sean Kingston A-Lot, 7-11 p.m. Fri., April 1 FREE Condoms The President’s Office 9 a.m.-10:30 p.m. Sat., April 2 Shoplift Saturday! The Bookstore, 8-11 p.m.
NEWS
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 3
Totally Hot Girl Changes with Blinds Open By PEE-WEE HERMAN STAFF MASTER DEBATOR
Several Campbell Salice-Conley residents enjoyed a nightly peep-show for nearly a month, when a Martyrs’ resident forgot to close her blinds. Linda Lovelace, GSB ’14, a particularly busty freshman who resides in a Goupil Hall room facing the new apartments, was informed that pictures surfaced on Facebook. “The dorms are so close together that you can easily see into other rooms,” Christopher Brilliant, FCRH ’11, said. “I’ve watched some super kinky stuff this year.” Brilliant recalls watching a couple engaging in intercourse and a pair of roommates engaging in a three-month long game of Risk. The incident began when a group of male students studying in a CSC student lounge noticed a silhouette of a student removing her blouse. The cohort returned the next night to once again watch as Lovelace provided a striptease for the boys. Soon a regular crowd of upperclassmen met in the lounge each night, often bringing refreshments and erotic music to play while Lovelace changed into a nightgown. Many residents invested in binoculars, while an astronomy major positioned a telescope on the building’s roof to enhance his view. Several members of CSC also fashioned a drinking game around the nightly viewings. “It was a fairly simple game,” Brilliant said. “If she took her clothes off, we all took a shot. It was fun because we always won.” Although secretly spied on for weeks, Lovelace took the news with surprising grace. “I’m not upset that people took
a peek,” Lovelace said when informed that people had peered into her bedroom window. “It’s an honor really. I’ll now go down in Fordham lore, like Cat Dude or Sandwich Guy.” Lovelace also cited daddy issues as a possible reason for her subdued reaction. Although Lovelace has enjoyed the attention she has been receiving, her roommate, Carol Connors, FCRH ’14, is less than pleased. “How many times did these boys show up expecting Linda and instead they got me?” Connors questioned. According to the anonymous watchers, Connors was mistakenly seen changing several times. However, the sources insist that she was nowhere near as entertaining as watching Lovelace. Several female freshmen living in Martyrs’ presented this infringement of personal privacy to ResLife during the weekly Student Life Council meeting. “I want a man to buy me a few drinks before I show him my tatas,” Dolly Sharp, GSB ’14, said. “I want to be treated with respect.” When presented with this glaring design flaw in the new apartments, ResLife responded in expected fashion and failed to act on the issue. “ResLife has no plans to rectify these living arrangements at this time,” Amy Harper, coordinator for integrated learning communities, said. “Personally, I wish I could get that kind of attention, so I don’t see why anyone’s complaining.” The Fordham community has already felt the repercussions from the incident when a former Lovelace-watcher was hospitalized. At a post-watching party, the celebration was so intense that F.U.E.M.S. was called to the scene after a severe fist-bumping
COURTESY OF PEEPING TOM
Lovelace’s shadow is seen from a lounge in Salice-Conley, from which several residents ogled the girl while she changed.
incident, leaving one on-looker in St. Barnabas Hospital. “It was such a momentous occasion,” Jonathan Valentine, FCRH ’12, said. “I couldn’t help but bump every bro there. You need to search through some serious stacks of porn before coming across something like that.” This incident has also sparked
several freshmen to go to extremes in attempts to catch the attention of upperclassmen. Harry Reems, GSB ’11, has capitalized on the hysteria by opening up a tramp-stamping business in his dorm room. “Everyone knows a tramp stamp is an instant turn-on,” Machel Ralinowski, FCRH ’12, said.
“Now I have ‘Ram Here’ tattooed on my lower back.” Although unconfirmed, several sources have stated seeing Lovelace purposefully leaving her blinds open at night. “What can I say,” Lovelace remarked. “If I forget to put them down, I forget to put them down.”
Mold Mutates Editor Into Prehistoric Creature By ALAN GRANT STAFF PALEONTOLOGIST
Tabby Remember, FCRH ’12, a resident of O’Hare Hall, mutated into a pterodactyl-like creature last Wednesday as a result of the infectious mold growing in her fifth-floor room. Doctors claim the transformation can be attributed to inhalation of dangerous mold spores, which led to a modification in Remember’s appearance and brain function. Machel Ralinowski, FCRH ’12, Remember’s roommate, was the first person to encounter her after the metamorphosis. “I came back to the room after class and heard these weird cawing and shrieking noises coming from inside,” Ralinowski said. “I assumed Tabby was just watching T.V.” As Ralinowski entered the room, however, she observed what she assumed to be her roommate, with a long, sharp snout, long wings and blood-red eyes. Remember was jumping up and down on the bed, flapping her wings. Ralinowski said she was
COURTESY OF JURASIC PARK
Remember after O’Hare mold caused her transformation into a pterodactyl.
sure that the creature was Remember because her roommate still had the same curly, brown hair. “I was shocked,” Ralinowski said of the incident. “I just froze. I had no clue what to do.” Ralinowski dialed the Fordham Health Center first and, upon be-
ing transferred to a doctor in the office, was told that Remember’s reaction was merely a symptom of early pregnancy. “I received their universal explanation, of course,” Ralinowski said. “So, I figured I should just call Security.” Ralinowski called Fordham
Safety and Security, but was immediately turned away when the guard on duty heard the mention of Remember’s name. Remember, a Ram editor, penned an Opinion’s piece one year ago critiquing the guards’ performances. “They were like, ‘Sorry, can’t help you. That girl’s such a bitch,’” Ralinowski said. As a last resort, Ralinowski called Facilities. “I knew that it wasn’t be the correct department to handle an out-of-control student,” she said. “At this point, Tabby was running around like a banshee and pecking at me with her beak. Her eyes were so red — I was freaking out. I figured that maybe if Facilities came and removed the mold, Tabby’s symptoms would reverse or something. I was desperate.” Ralinowski was transferred to a Facilities worker in the department’s elusive ‘boiler room’ and was told that someone would be at the room in 30 minutes. Six days later, Facilities has not yet made it to O’Hare. “I tried every avenue and not one department could assist me,”
she said. Ralinowski took Remember to St. Barnabas Hospital herself and waited with her roommate until she received an official diagnosis. “The mold spores, derived from the species Jeerus grasonica, that the patient inhaled are actually quite common,” Dr. Robert Smith, director of Rare and Infectious Diseases at St. Barnabas, said. “Her complications arose, however, when the mold growth was left untreated. I would not be surprised if this becomes an issue with multiple students in O’Hare Hall.” Smith expressed his fear that the situation will soon grow worse due to Facilities’ leisurely response. “This is not good,” he said. “There can’t be multiple pterodactyls running around Fordham.” Smith and the other specialists have never seen such a strong reaction to mold and put Remember on strict bed rest while his team researches treatment options. Ralinowski has been relocated to a different room until the problem is resolved.
NEWS
PAGE 4 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2010
White Castle Caters Under the Tent Dance
Fordham Parts Ways with Sodexo
By TOBIAS FUNKE STAFF BLUE HIMSELF
In a shocking move that has many students outraged, Fordham has announced that White Castle will be catering the annual Under the Tent Dance during Spring Weekend. White Castle, famous for rumors of stabbings and causing digestive problems, has gladly said that it will be providing the event with burgers, chicken and fries, crave cases and saver sacks, all free of charge. “We want the students to enjoy their event,” the manager of the local White Castle said. “Nothing says fun like White Castle.” The Under the Tent Dance, notorious for being ridiculously hot and sweaty, will only get sweatier and definitely smellier with the addition of White Castle. The dance, which is viewed as one of the biggest parts of Spring Weekend, is put on by Residence Halls Association and is promoted as a way to bring the student body together for a night of fun. While most students are more concerned with finding girls to dance with, food has also become a big part of the event. After getting Arthur Avenue restaurants to sponsor in years past, and Manhattan Chocolatiers to provide decorative desserts, RHA thought that a change was needed. “There was always way too much food left over,” Elisa DiMauro, FCRH ’12, said. “By getting White Castle, not only is it free, but the smell of the food will force the kids to not be able to control themselves.” The price was not the only reason that RHA made the decision. The dance is also notorious for many DFMOs (Dance Floor Make Outs) and guys getting creepy on the dance floor. “We were tired of students dancing dirty and in ways that our Jesuit institution does not condone,” Dean Gould, junior class dean, said. “By eating White Castle, the students will be spending the entire time in the bathroom line and will therefore not be able to do any dirty dancing.” Students have begun protesting this decision by the RHA, claiming that White Castle is actually worse than the caf food, and that they would rather have it catered by Sodexo. “I will not attend this event strictly because of White Castle,” one student said. “I will get so drunk during the day that I will just head to Barnabas instead of the dance.” While there are many students in uproar about this, there is a small contingent who are overly excited. “I’ve never had much rhythm on the dance floor,” Chester Baker, FCRH ’13, said. “This way, I don’t have to focus on dancing; I can just focus on burgers.” Despite the overall outrage by students, and the joy of one boy in particular, the decision is here to stay. So, come Spring Weekend, get ready for crave cases and saver sacks, because White Castle will be under the tent.
COURTESY OF THE HEALTH INSPECTOR
The caf’s tasty Taco Tuesday consists mostly of ground meat from black squirrels and hair clippings from Sandwich Guy. SODEXO, FROM PAGE 1
new food service provider, I think we’re really going to improve the way Fordham students experience their food.” Employees working at Fordham’s several Sodexo locations declined to be quoted for this article, but several of them expressed that they believed Fordham would continue to employ them during the transition period and that the new food service provider would do so as well. Rodgers and other student life employees and administrators were unable to provide the reasoning behind the University’s sud-
den switch; however, discussion with the Office of the President yielded a somewhat more detailed response. “Well, I ate at the Ultimate Dining Marketplace for the first time last Tuesday,” Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University, said. He did not give any further response beyond a vaguely disgusted look. “Father McShane himself made this decision after reviewing the services that Sodexo provides the Fordham University community,” Bob Howe, director of communications for the University, said. “We realize that it is a sudden deci-
sion, but we all trust his judgment and will go forward with the decision.” According to an anonymous source, the recent U.S. Food and Drug Administration’s discovery of a few violations at certain universities that currently have a contract with Sodexo was also a huge factor, though the administration refused to confirm this claim. “I believe the University has finally made a right decision for once,” Gob Bluth, GSB ’12, said. “Many of my colleagues will agree with me that Sodexo-provided foods are not at all worth the cost.”
The Ram was able to reach Sodexo executives in Paris for comment. « Pensez-vous que je m’inquiète de cette stupidité?», Michel Landel, CEO of Sodexo said. « C’était un comte superflu, je ne le veux pas, et je ne veux pas parler à vous en plus. » Although the University admitted that it did not have a successor in place for Sodexo, the administration is exploring its options. “We’ve spoken with several people from different organizations since making this decision four days ago,” Rodgers said. “I can’t let you in on any specifics, but...” Rodgers proceeded to take the conversation off the record. Although University officials remain reticent about the state of the transition, many students have noticed odd goings-on around the McGinley Campus Center over the past few days, including a van with the McDonald’s golden arches on its side, several zookeepers from the Bronx Zoo and a truck ominously marked “Soylent Green.” “I’m happy to have Sodexo out of our lives,” Hugh Jass, FCRH ’13, who was the first student who reported seeing the McDonald’s van. “Hopefully we can have a McDonalds play pit in there now. I haven’t been in one of those in such a long time.”
NYPD Arrests African-American/Hispanic Mugger By GOB BLUTH STAFF DETECTIVE
The New York City Police Department arrested a suspect in connection with over 100 incidents involving Fordham students. The man, described as an African American, but possibly Hispanic between 5’ 6” and 6’ 2”, was apprehended on Fordham Rd., sporting his trademark hoodie and jeans. The man, described as a serial mugger by the NYPD, is being held without bail until a trial date is set. The suspect is believed to have committed the string of offenses against Fordham students documented in weekly security alerts. The man’s rap sheet includes stealing phones and wallets, assaulting several students and bruising the egos of several local bros. “I was coming back from a drink up at MugZ’s,” Harrison Broseph, FCRH ’11, said. “He snuck up behind me and gave me the worst purple nurple I’ve ever had.” In a statement from the NYPD, the police force utilized the help of professional FBI profilers who created a psychological profile of the man. The police learned from the FBI agents that their suspect was most likely African-American, but possibly Hispanic, and preferred wearing hoodies and jeans. The report also stated that a single man was definitely responsible for all of these offenses. Since the arrest, several students have come forward to report additional offenses. Lisa Lovegood, FCRH ’13, recalls a sexual harassment incident involving the serial offender. “He stood on a porch and gave me cat calls,” Lovegood remembers. “But when I turned around,
COURTESY OF “THE WIRE”
Although The Ram was unable to optain a photo of the mugger, we believe he looks like a character from “The Wire.”
he told me I was average.” The Ram was unable to obtain a statement from the man, who is classified as a highly dangerous inmate. He is currently being kept separated from of the prison population out of fear he may incite internal deviance. The police report is also charging the hooded fellow with unsolved crimes dating back to the 1930s. “There are many crimes dating from before I was even born,” Det. Richard Orifice said. “There was good evidence pointing to this man for these crimes.” Additional charges include operating a speakeasy, draft-dodging the Korean War, obstructing justice during the first O.J. Simpson trial and jay-walking once in 1982. Several conspiracy theorists also proposed possible involvement in the J.F.K. shooting; however, the NYPD are discounting that belief. “Those claims are just ridicu-
lous,” Orifice said. “How would he have gotten to Dallas to assassinate the president and returned to the Bronx to commit a grand theft auto that very afternoon? There’s just no way.” Still, not all members of the community are convinced that this detained suspect was acting alone. Captain McObviouso, Ph.D., a Fordham professor in the urban studies department, believes this arrest is an example of profiling. “This is a classic case of racial profiling,” McObviouso said. “The police are arresting a man based on his skin color and the hysteria produced by this campus.” While this opposition has arisen among the Fordham community, members of the administration are discounting that race was a factor. “We have a large population of white students all pointing toward this single African American, but possibly Hispanic man,” Christo-
pher Rodgers, dean of students said. “There is no way race played a factor. Clearly we are dealing with a very dangerous man.” In response to the arrest, many Fordham students have expressed relief. “Now I can finally go to bars and wave my iPhone around on Fordham Rd.,” Broseph emphatically stated. “I can wear all the flashy shit I want, and no one will steal it.” Lovegood also expressed similar sentiments toward the arrest. “Finally, I can get as drunk as I want,” she said. “I can wear my dresses as short as I want, and I know only sweaty guys at the bars will pinch my ass.” Since the arrest, the Fordham security office has only issued two emails pertaining to minority muggers in the Fordham community. “We know we got the right guy,” Orifice said. “We are most likely dealing with a copy-cat offender.”
NEWS
THE RAM PRESENTS
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 5
Here at The Ram, we have been branching out the past volume, experimenting with lots of new and innovative ideas. We are now proud to introduce: “The Ram Presents” A film series produced by our staff. Starring: Editor in Chief Nick Carroll & Executive Editor Patrick Derocher
NEWS
PAGE 6 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2010
Fordham in Brief Fordham Sanctioned for Selling GameWorn Memorabilia The NCAA imposed sanctions on the Fordham football team Wednesday, when several members were caught selling memorabilia online. Although the team members were unable to successfully sell any game-worn helmets or jerseys, the team will be suspended from post-season play for the upcoming season. “We just wanted to make some cash,” Stewart Caller, FCRH ’12 and starting quarterback, said. “But no one would buy the stuff. We can’t be in trouble for trying to sell the stuff.” The teammates collected several uniforms and other souvenirs from the past season and offered the items to school boosters; however, when confronted by the team, buyers were unimpressed with the team’s record, instead purchasing cleats from nearby Columbia Univeristy. The NCAA planned to impose harsher punishments, but after reviewing Fordham’s record, they failed to find sufficient punishments. “We planned on imposing harsher sanctions, but there was nothing else to take away,” Bryan Mathis, an NCAA representative,
said. “No Heismans, championships. They’re already missing half a stadium.” Mathis also said his committee considered imposing the sanctions on the men’s basketball team, but were again met by a lack of achievement. This news comes as another blow to the athletic department, which has suffered a series of embarrassing stories. Earlier this season, the football team attempted to practice by pushing seven blocks of granite across the practice field. Then, half the Fordham crew team was lost when its boat sailed off into the Atlantic. They have yet to be recovered. The NCAA also uncovered several documented cases of Fordham’s softball team attempting to sell game-used balls and mitts to buyers, but again decided against any action. “Yes, we know about the softball team’s infractions,” Mathis said. “But who watches softball, anyway?”
College Democrats Still a Club Fordham’s chapter of the College Democrats hosted a lecture in Keating Hall, reminding the University that they are still a club. Nora Walsh, FCRH ’12, addressed a predominantly empty auditori-
um, urging people to get involved. “This is our time,” Walsh emphatically stated. “We have a Democrat in the White House and well, that’s really about it.” This meeting came on the heels of a recent student poll, which found that 83 percent of students do not believe that Fordham hosts a College Democrats club, while 63 percent believe President Barack Obama was born in Kenya and 54 percent still believe in Santa Claus. “I know we have the College Republicans,” Joseph Gerlison, FCRH ’13, said. “They just won’t shut up. Personally, I forgot that we had Democrats on campus.” The College Democrats outlined an agenda at the lecture with plans to rise to prominence over the course of the next year. “We need to start where our president left off,” Walsh said. “First we’re going to close Guantanamo. Then let’s get some gays married.” The College Democrats have run into some trouble over the past year, when the administration briefly believed it was illegal to attend Fordham as an open Democrat. “I thought we had a don’t ask, don’t tell policy,” Christopher Rodgers, dean of students at Rose Hill, said. “Wasn’t it against school
policy to be a democrat back in the ’60s?” Still, the Democrats are not discouraged by their lack of notoriety on Fordham’s campus. “We have a backup plan too,” Walsh said. “We can always just erect a wall in front of the McGinely Center and shout nonsensical words. That always seems to get attention.”
Fordham Suspends Fat Girl For Being Pregnant Students were shocked and confused when they discovered that Students were shocked and confused when they discovered that Fordham administration had mistaken an overweight student for being pregnant. The student, who will remain anonymous, was suspended by the Deans Council, under the assumption the girl had been impregnated. “She just looked pregnant, you know?” Dean of students Christopher Rodgers said, one of the officials tasked with dealing with what they had thought was a grave situation. “I was afraid to call her fat, so I assumed she got knocked up.” “Fordham takes on-campus pregnancies very seriously,” Dean Parmach, freshman class dean, responded. “If you’re not married,
we have a problem.” Unfortunately this time, there was no problem. The girl in question just happens to be really, really fat. Everyone accumulates fat in different places and while it’s unusual for it all to go to the belly region, it isn’t unheard of. “That’s just the way I am!” she replied tearfully during a phone interview with The Ram. “They threw me into Room 101 and demanded I tell them who the father was. I had no idea what was going on!” The young woman told us that, once she realized that the school thought she was pregnant, she demanded to take a pregnancy test to prove her innocence. The school responded by bringing in a priest who, in turn, told them they were “idiots” and that a pregnancy test would solve the problem. “I knew I wasn’t pregnant,” the girl explained. “I’ve never gotten any. If I’m pregnant, then call me the Virgin Mary.” As luck would have it, the poor girl was not pregnant. Together she and the school breathed a collective sigh of relief. “They didn’t even apologize,” the girl said. “They just told me to never do it again. Do what again? Get not pregnant?” —Compiled by one of several former News Editors
Ziggy’s Reopens to Much Student Fanfare By GARY STAFF EX-CON BOUNCER
Previously shut down by the New York Police Department for serving alcohol to a 14-year-old girl, Ziggy’s Stardust Sports Café will reopen on Friday, April 8 with a colossal kickoff event. Down to “Bi-bar” in Ziggy’s absence, the area at the corner of East 189th Street and Arthur Avenue will resume its prominence in the Fordahm nightlife scene as “Tri-bar” (or “Quadbar” if you count Michaelangelo’s). In an effort to tap into the chic nightclub niche, the new and improved Ziggy’s will abandon its grungy sports-bar roots in order to appeal to a more sophisticated, stylish crowd. The redesigned Ziggy’s will model itself after a wildly successful Fordham Road newcomer, the Candy Lounge, and will feature bottle service, a dance floor and stripper poles. “We want to become the new hotspot,” Zigg Y. Zag, Ziggy’s owner and occasional bartender, said. “We have a vision of this sensual, upscale lounge, but one that is still accessible to students on a budget. In order to make that vision a reality, we’re going to have to enforce a dress code at the door to keep the slobs out.” When asked what plans the establishment has, if any, to prevent underage entry and problematic encounters with Bronx law enforcement, Zag could only offer vague hints at proposed solutions. “For one thing, we going to pay off those ungrateful sons of bitches better,” Zag said, presumably of Bronx law enforcement officials.
COURTESY OF MEATBALL THE CLOWN
Although Ziggy’s is not an official strip club, its filthy atmosphere, sticky surfaces and grotesque patrons often resemble the likes of a low class burlesque show.
“And yeah, we’ll probably try to keep the young kids out. That’s what the bouncer is for. But also to keep out the slobs. No more goddamned sweatpants in my bar, I mean lounge. Maybe we’ll hire another bouncer.” Although alternative boozing establishments, such as Michaelangelo’s, MugZ’s and Howl at the Moon Bar & Grill, have seen increased traffic during Ziggy’s closure, the crowds have been, at times, difficult to manage. While Ziggy’s reemergence as a proud member of Tri-bar means more competition for the other bars, it also will relieve the constant challenge of staying under fire code capacity and prevent rowdy groups of rejected customers from causing
a ruckus on the corner outside of Tri-bar. In recent months, Tri-bar patrons have experienced an inability to gain entrance to bars later in the evening and a severely overcrowded environment, assuming they do get in the door. Initial reactions to Ziggy’s reopening vacillated between relief and delight, though many expressed misgivings when told of the new identity around which Ziggy’s plans to shape itself upon reopening. “Ziggy’s is bomb,” Tony T. Iger, GSB ’11, said. “I’ve been going there since I was a freshman, so I was pretty bummed when it closed. I mean, so what if a high school girl was in there? The guy population at Fordham needs as many options
as we can get. College girls are too high-maintenance. Anyway, I’m glad it’s back in business.” “I’m really looking forward to Ziggy’s reopening,” Creez Y. Booty, FCRH ’13, said. “I’m so over the whole being packed in MugZ’s like a sardine situation. That’s why I’m looking forward to going back to Ziggy’s. We need space to do our groove thang. I don’t know about this whole nightclub lounge bullshit, though. Who does Ziggy’s think they are? Candy Lounge? As if.” “Going back to Ziggy’s will be rad,” Paul B. Unyan, GSB ’12, said. “I’m not really sure about the whole redesign thing, but I’m game to try it out.” If student reactions are any indi-
cation, then Ziggy’s grand opening will be a well-attended event with much fanfare. The bar plans to offer drinks in real glassware to the first 25 attendees, in addition to drink specials including $2 body shots, $3 Admiral & Cokes and $1 drafts. Rumors, which Zag was unable to confirm, have suggested that disc jockey Pauly D might make an appearance. “I don’t have confirmation yet from Pauly’s people that he can perform at our grand opening,” Zag said. “We’re optimistic. We think he’ll really like the scene we have going on here. And having him at our grand opening would be a really great way to set the right tone for, you know, classing the place up.”
APRIL 1, 2011
PAGE 7
Fordham Should Drop Catholic Affiliation By DARTH MAUL SITH LORD
Fordham spends a lot of time bragging about how it is “The Jesuit University of New York.” Founded by Archbishop John Hughes in 1841, the University does indeed lay claim to being the oldest Catholic institution of higher learning in New York City, and the only one affiliated with the Jesuit tradition (at least ostensibly). I say ostensibly because Fordham is, in fact, classified as an “independent” institution, and it has been since 1969 (giggle) in order to get federal funding. I say, why not continue this trend, and break completely from Catholic teaching and tradition? This is the 21st century; it is time to free ourselves from the yoke of millennia-old Catholicism and all its implications. Many of you, perhaps most of you, will not agree with me when I say this, but I do not care. If Fordham is truly to become a preeminent educational institution by 2016, it will have to cease to be a Catholic, Jesuit institution. If there is one thing all Fordham students have in common, it is this perplexing class they must take as freshmen, Faith and Critical Reason. It is quite literally forced upon a great many students, who do not even have the opportunity to select at what time or with which professor they wish to take the course. It
opens a world to students that is simultaneously vexing, confusing and befuddling, and the class often earns them nothing but a lowered GPA. Moreover, because of the University’s religious inclination, the course tends overwhelmingly to favor Catholicism over other faiths. The worst part? Most students, myself included, aren’t even theology majors. I mean, shit, that really pisses me off. I go through this stupid class for a semester, get a crappy grade and it doesn’t count for anything other than this hulking “Core Curriculum” thing. If I wanted to do shit like that, I wouldn’t be a marketing major. Even outside of the classroom, students cannot escape the sheer Catholic-ness that invades Fordham life. Right now, I can hear the church bells ringing out some song I’ve never heard of before. When I go to lunch, I’ll hear them playing something else. When I’m trying to sleep off a heavy night at Tri-Bar, I’ll hear those goddamn bells playing some stupid church song. Enough already! No one cares! I don’t care if people think the music is pretty or anything like that. It’s annoying, and if Fordham were to break with the Church entirely, we wouldn’t have to hear the church playing music constantly. Come on, McShane, like you love that chiming bells shit. If they only played the music when Mass was starting, I might un-
derstand it, but it’s constant. Everyone either resents or ignores it, and it probably uses electricity that could be better spent on refrigerators that actually keep drinks cold in the Grille. Only because Fordham is a Catholic school does anyone have to decide between bells and meeting food safety requirements. One more thing: I don’t like having all the priests around; it makes me uncomfortable. Think about it: Dozens of men wearing all-black outfits, half of them in robes. Sure, it’s the traditional garb for Jesuits, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I’m at a casting call for a new Star Wars movie. I’m half-expecting McShane to pull out a lightsaber in the middle of Commencement. Would it be cool to have the Caf turn into a gigantic, futuristic Star Wars battle scene? Of course, it would, but I really don’t like the odds if the priests/ Jedis-in-hiding are the only people with weaponry. If Fordham drops its Catholic affiliation, then they will all be gone and Fordham students will finally feel safe from the omnipresent threat of Jedi attack. I understand that my reasoning may seem a bit odd to many of you, but Fordham’s renouncement of the Catholic Church need not be a painful experience. Indeed, I would go so far as to say that we could adopt another, less problematic tradition. The “Jewish” or “Jedi” University of New York sounds like a good title, and
DARTH SIDIOUS/THE RAM
Once Fordham drops its Jesuit affiliation, the University Church will be converted into a new cafeteria, since the Caf in the McGinley Center has been shut down due to various health code violations.
the latter would at least be more honest. Regardless of Fordham’s decisions in rebranding itself, I urge you all, my fellow Rams, to join me in calling for it to shed its
Catholic identity. We have had enough of pointless classes, disruptive bells and Jedi priests. Darth Maul, GSB ’12, is an evil major from Iridonia, in a Galaxy Far, Far Away.
Fordham Desperately Needs Christian Gangs By ANDREW WEBBER STAFF GODSPELLER
ST. PAUL/THE RAM
Jesus flashes his gang sign while wearing a blinged out sacred heart, suggesting Fordham’s rich history of Christian gang activity.
Fordham is a campus divided. From the moment freshmen arrive on campus, the University segregates the student body, forcing each underclassman to discover his or her single niche. Residence halls have specific identities and student expectations, and incoming freshmen are arbitrarily assigned roommates. Whether it be in the student government or the cornucopia of clubs, every student is forced to find a role to play. What Fordham needs is a true sense of camaraderie, a single entity that brings the entire student body together. What Fordham needs is Christian gangs. They would unite students under a single purpose and give them a sense of true community and direction. While the Jesuit tradition does not permit its universities to sponsor fraternities and sororities, this school needs the familial bond that reverberates through those institutions. Yet Fordham need not buck the established rules; rather it must embrace the tradition of the Bronx. Our urban setting is ripe to institute a new gang onto the hoodlum scene, one that rivals even
the Bloods and Crips; however, this gang of cross baring brethren would not be a vessel for tyranny, but a way to promote Christian teachings. The gang would employ unique initiations, where potential members would be required to perform acts of Christian deviance. Freshmen would be forced to poke holes in condoms and throw Bibles at non-believers. Others would be obligated to replace the communion wine with grape soda and the holy water with Four Loko. If freshmen complete their initiation tasks, they will be invited to an induction ceremony where they will sacrifice a live ram and rub Dean Chris Rodgers’ bald head for good luck, among other unmentionable acts. Before long, we will have cohorts of students making it rain with Ram Van passes and installing spinners on their intercampus shuttles. These factions of the student body can be used by Fordham to spread the word of God. Jesus statues will display the sacred heart with bling, and the Queen of Queen’s Court will look her part. Like gangster Jehovah Witnesses, students can be used to convert pagan students on campus.
Before long, MTV will arrive on campus to film an episodes of Cribs-Dorm edition. We will see Queen’s Court decked out in diamond-encrusted crosses and convert Walsh Apartments into campus penthouses. The gangs will not partake in drive-by shootings, but will revert to classic Christian practices. Members will be trained in the art of the Crusade and equipped with full suits of body arms. Archery classes and fencing lessons will be mandatory. These organizations would fuse the school’s religious tradition with its urban environment to provide students with a unique form of collegiate camaraderie. This would finally present students with an opportunity to come together as one and worship God, because seriously, Fordham is really lacking in the God department. I mean, I’ve searched high and low on this campus and have yet to even find a good place to pray. Many are probably against the idea, and rightfully so, but if my proposal for Christian gangs fails to pass and students still need to express their fundamentalist views, there is still the College Republicans. Andrew Webber, FCRH ‘14. is a theology major from Nazareth.
ST. PAUL/THE RAM
Mary and baby Jesus exhibit their symbols of peace, which allude to the sign of peace given by fellow parishoners during Catholic Mass.
OPINIONS
PAGE 8 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2011
The Ram Serving campus and community since 1918. The Ram is the University “journal” of record. The mission of The Ram is to provide a forum for the shit we think of. The Ram is published and distributed free of charge (otherwise no one would read) every Wednesday during the academic year to multiple places in New York. We will not tell you where The Ram office is located.
www.theramonline.com Editorial: (718) 817-0873 Fr. McShane: (718) 817-3000 Nite Moves: (518) 785-4017 Pres. Obama: (202) 456-1414 Jenny: (555) 867-5309 theram@scientology.org 666 Highway to Hell Bronx, NY 10458 Editor-in-Chief Nick “Another crisis around the corner” Carroll Senior Executive Editor Patrick “Grinding in Ziggy’s” Derocher Managing Editor Victoria “Miss Frizzle” Rau Design Editor Stephen “Tenured” Moccia Business Editor Lindsay “Thank God you got the coffee” Lersner Business Editor Emeritus Caroline “We just want an ice cream cake” Dahlgren News Editors Connie “Last one standing” Kim Brian “Also grinding in Ziggy’s” Kraker Opinions Editor Christine “Chad’s face on a crotch” Barcellona Culture Editor Sandy “Sells her assistant editors” McKenzie Assistant Culture Editors Sarah “The night shift” Ramirez Scharon “Actually interviewed Suits” Harding Sports Editor Alexander “We’re willing to bribe you” Vilardo Assistant Sports Editors Jonathon “Quality Control” Smith Chester “You chose to be a Cubs fan?” Baker Copy Chief Celeste “What’s my original hair color?” Kmiotek Copy Team Taylor “You came back!” Engdahl Abigail “Uncle Tom” Forget “Freshman” Tom “Don’t give me responsibilities” Haskin Sean “...and then there was one” McGonigle Olivia “Why is a chem major our grammar expert?” Monaco Erik “Wiz” Pedersen “Where in the city is” Hussein Safa? Girish “You’ve been here for one day” Swaminath Photo Editor Nora “Ansel Adams” Mallozzi Web Editor Kelly “I make grown men cry” Caggiano Faculty Advisor Jonathan “Snazzy suspenders” Sanders Opinions Policy The Ram appreciates submissions that are typed and saved on a disk (if you still own one) in a *.rtf, *.txt or *.doc formats, or sent to the staff via e-mail at RamLetters@fordham.edu (which we may or may not check). Commentaries are printed on a space-available basis. The Ram reserves the right to reject any submission for any reason, without notice. Which we will do. Don’t be bothered.
From the Desk of Christopher Rodgers, Dean of Students All six of you who regularly see me around campus have probably noticed something different about me, and you may be asking yourself why I have allowed the Captain Morgan’s logo to be tattooed on my head. I promise you, there is an answer. (Don’t feel stupid that you had to ask; it isn’t something I’d expect a bunch of college students to understand.) You see, Fordham was in a pinch because they wanted to bring a high-profile musical act to campus for Spring Weekend (unfortunately, I don’t know who), and they needed about $15,000. Inspired by the single mother who sold advertising space on her forehead to the online casino GoldenPalace.com, I decided to do the same. Like her, I set up an eBay auction, figuring that the front of my prodigious cranium would go for
a handsome sum of money. I’m here to tell you that it did not. Apparently, this has become a regular sort of institution, and although I was able to scrape some money together to help you guys out, the whole selling-ad-spaceon-your-body thing is a little played out. At least I tried, right? Some of you are probably questioning my judgment in allowing a purveyor of alcoholic beverages to take out my forehead billboard, especially given my hard stance against alcohol consumption of any kind on this campus. (Seriously, any kind. Church wine included.) I think, however, that those of you who question me are missing the broader point. If we are going to have an intelligent, adult conversation about alcohol, we need to be able to talk about it openly and comfortably. This is the same premise backed up by the posters we put out a few
months back about FourLoko and its potential dangers. Looking back on that particular campaign and its success, I decided to allow Captain Morgan to occupy my forehead. I thought to myself, “there is no better way to make students feel like they can talk comfortably about alcohol issues than by doing this.” So, students, it is for you that I have gone through with this seemingly contradictory series of decisions. It is my hope that, with my forehead given over to a gigantic, maniacally grinning pirate named Morgan, we can begin an adult discussion about alcohol on this campus. I am willing to confront this issue on a new level, and I only hope that you all are as well. I hope to be able to have a conversation with all of you, and with Fordham’s faculty and administration, about what we can do to deal with and avoid the dangers of ex-
cessive alcohol consumption on this campus. I believe that my decision to sell my forehead to Captain Morgan is what will finally allow us to do this, and I want the University community to follow my lead in ushering in a bold new chapter at Fordham, where no topic of discussion is off the table, where we can talk about and regulate anything. This advertisement . . . . Oh screw it. I got blackout drunk and Bobby Skoda tattooed it on me.
Skipping Class Allows Students to Live a Little By FRANK SIMIO VICE PRESIDENT OF FINANCE
Ferris Bueller may have become the subject of innumerable clichés and taglines, but there is infinite wisdom and value in his fictional day of truancy that should ring true for all undergraduates. Fordham University may have a standardized attendance policy, but what I am saying is, forget about it. If you need to take a “mental health” day, go for it. If you need to take a “physical health” day, please, please, please do take it because no one wants to be inhaling your bacterial- or viral-infested air (and Lord knows the Health Center could not handle an epidemic of anything). If you want to take a “Ferris Bueller” day, more power to you. In fact, the general consensus among professors is that skipping class is forgivable, even encouraged, as long as it is for a good cause. “If a student fails to attend my class, that’s fine,” Harvey Galopolis,
associate professor of economics, said. “But you sure as Hell better be choosing a higher indifference curve when you miss my class. Make sure you’re out contributing to the GDP or something.” “I teach all morning classes, so I expect a certain degree of absenteeism in my classes,” Ralph Dunston, assistant professor of philosophy, said. “In an ideal world, though, students would never show up to class, not because they were too lazy to get out of bed, but because they had weighed the ethical and logical consequences and found truancy to be the most worry-free philosophy.” The truth is that oversleeping and missing class is a common occurrence on campuses everywhere. The most egregious part about it, however, is that you are missing class and still doing nothing productive with your life. If you’re going to skip, make it epic. Think of how much every individual class costs in tuition. (Actually, don’t do that unless you want to depress yourself.) If you miss a class, that
money is down the drain, so you may as well make up for it by living that hour and 15 minutes to the fullest. Take a joyride in a fancy car. Steal a famous person’s lunch reservation at a high-end restaurant. Show off your outrageous skills and charisma with an impromptu concert atop a parade float. If those options fall through, you could always ride the D train all the way down to Brooklyn, eat a hot dog at Coney Island and try to round up a crowd to march down the boardwalk in some semblance of a parade. The point is that life is too short to go to class all the time. Spontaneity and adventures should be the rule, not the exception, in your everyday lives. You could plan a similar itinerary to the one outlined above for a Wednesday, but it’s not the same if you had no classes scheduled in the first place. Playing hooky is really the best thing that you can do to further your education because it is possibly the only time in your life
that you will be able to fulfill this part of your education (the extraacademic part). Once you become a real person with a real job, chances are you won’t be able pull shit like this. Now is the time. New York is the venue. The classroom is the place to have in your rearview mirror. At a certain point, if you watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and it evokes only envy and the desire to live vicariously rather than some epic memories, you’ve done something wrong. What if, for some reason, you do run into problems with the attendance policy? If a professor drops your grade once you reach a certain number of absences or you fail the class? You can be consoled by the fact that you stopped and looked around, that you experienced life outside the classroom, while we can be consoled by the fact that your tuition check will show up in the mail for an extra semester. Save Ferris. Frank Simio is Fordham University’s vice president for Finance.
Letter to the Editor My dearest Nicholas: It has been a year since we last spoke, and I have counted every day. I know you can’t count that high, but trust me, it’s been a lot. It has been far too long, my love. I’ve missed the touch of your pale white skin and your hairy palms. I wish for the day when you will once again hold
me in your arms. I remember the nights we would spend together, wrapping the bed in plastic covers so you wouldn’t soil the sheets. I always told you drinking water before bed was a bad idea, but you never listened, and neither did your bladder. I miss running my hand through your greasy hair, like running my fingers through an
oil covered otter. Your deadpan stare, your lifeless gaze, was like looking into the eyes of a coma patient. I miss our conversations. I’ve always found brick walls so engaging. I yearn for your sense of style, your dirty Flyers T-shirts and your sweat stained Eagles hoodie. You always resembled a hobo more than a college student. But what I desire most is your
body rubbing against mine. It replays so vividly in my mind. You were the Luke to my Leia, and I wish for you to slay me with your light saber once more. Lay me Nicholas Carroll, you’re my only hope. With all my love, Your sister
MISSING: Venemous Cobra Responds to: the name “Fluffy,” Parseltongue and snake charmers Enjoys eating: Cankles and college professors If found, please call the Bronx Zoo at 718367-1010 and ask for the snake charmer.
OPINIONS
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 9
Hidden Tunnels Should be Reopened
Kinda Fairr Trade Eric Horvath
GANDALF THE GRAY/THE RAM
Though the University claims the tunnels have been closed because of infestations of balrogs and basilisks, students would benefit from being able to use them.
By NEVILLE LONG STAFF TUNNELER
I am sure that every student on campus can relate to the times when it is hailing, lightning and thundering all at once, and all anyone wants is to move underground. I am sure students can relate to the times when there is an emotionally disturbed individual wielding a knife on campus, and no one trusts the S.W.A.T. team to properly protect the students, all of whom are simply anxious to get back to their dorms for their 2 p.m. naps. I am sure students can relate to the times when an evil, evil man has put a part of his soul inside a diary and a snake is turning students all over campus into stone, and the only way to stop him is by going underground and inalterably destroying the diary. So, what is the answer to all these everyday conundrums? Tunnels. “Tunnels?” you may say, scratching your head. “Don’t tunnels always lead to leaks, corrupt contractors and the city of Boston becoming one giant traffic jam for the rest of eternity?” Under normal circumstances, you would be right. Digging underground, as any three-year-old at a beach with a shovel can attest, is possibly the single most frustrating endeavor one will encounter. Luckily for the wet, tired and angst-ridden young adults looking for underground routes, Fordham already has tunnels. Yes, that is right. For those three freshmen living under a rock, Fordham has tunnels amongst Keating, Finlay and Hughes Halls, in addition to Queen’s Court. Initially used for such noble endeavors as moving the dead bodies that are generally claimed to have been cadav-
ers for the now-defunct medical school, these tunnels have been inexplicably and unfairly boarded up, only accessible to students who are able to brownnose their way into such organizations as the Fordham Club and to the unfairly rich students who are able to win a tour at various fundraisers. Students are quickly demanding wider admission to the fabled halls, however. “I need to get down to those tunnels, mate,” Harry Potter, FCRH ’12, said. “Bloody hell, muggles’ lives, your own life, depend on it. Tom Riddle is bloody evil; he’s behind them closing, I know it.” While it cannot be determined why the tunnels were closed in the first place, they were shut down during a tumultuous period for the school, when several students were killed or turned to stone. While the administration is still working with the Vatican in the hopes of labeling this a neo-New Testament occurrence, stating that these students were actually smote and turned to salt, respectively, there is an open case against Tom Riddle, who was a student during the incidents and who mysteriously disappeared several years after graduating in 1952. Though Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University, claims that a simple key will open the doors, a book entitled Fordham: A History, whose binding makes an odd shrieking sound when opened, offers the password: “HasshhHHIIee oooHSssTthf.” Besides the obvious instances during which the tunnels are beneficial, as previously mentioned, the tunnels, more than anything,
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See what commentators from the Left and the Right have to say about Lindsay Lohan’s historic name change
offer countless benefits for the University. First of all, I believe that all students can agree that the current security in the buildings is simply outdated. Students are getting crafty, resorting to climbing through windows in Finlay, knocking down walls in Walsh and apparating into Queen’s Court. With the tunnels, the administration can completely board shut every orifice in the dorms, relegating students to one easily monitored entrance underground. Furthermore, the tunnels would reduce sicknesses on campus. With the triple blow of hay fever in the fall, flu season in the winter and allergy season in the spring, students are constantly and unhygienically blowing their noses, sneezing, oozing from their eyes and generally being gross. If they never have to see the light of day - or, rather, the allergens and germs of the air they will have no way of becoming sick in the first place. The tunnels would also aid in Fordham’s quest to earn another landscaping award. Most importantly, there would be no worry of those pesky kids all over campus, messing up the beautiful greenery with their baseball, frisbee and Quidditch games. In addition, there is the added element of interior design within the tunnels. With the money saved from not having to engage in reconstruction following damage from errant softballs and erratic snitches, the University could purchase some nice couches and decorative lighting for the tunnels. This unprecedented addition is sure to push Fordham over the edge and win them the award once again. Finally, this will push Ford-
ham further toward its Excelsior | Ever Upward | The Campaign for Fordham goals. Does Georgetown have tunnels? No. Does Notre Dame have illnessfree students? Doubtful. Does Boston College have couches and chandeliers underground with pristine grounds practically glowing above? I think not. Does Harvard offer a locale for defeating basilisks? Unlikely. Though still an untraditional and unprecedented idea, students are quick to support what would truly result in an innovation to the entire college experience. “Dude, this is bloody awesome,” Dean Thomas, FCRH ’12, said. “Totally can avoid that Filch security guy.” Others look to the history of the school for their argument. “Think of the identity of Fordham, as explained in Fordham: A History” Hermione Granger, FCRH ’12, said. “This is really a fascinating glimpse into Fordham’s rich culture and the intellectuals who roamed those tunnels far before our time.” In fact, the only student who opposes opening the tunnels also seems somewhat possessed. “Don’t make me go down there,” Ginny Weasley, FCRH ’13, said. “Please, don’t make me. And take this diary and get rid of it.” As students, it is practically our God-given right to have access to all surfaces the University has to offer, both above ground and subterranean. So why, after paying our life savings, our souls and our first-born children to attend classes and having half a chance at housing, are we relegated to the turf of the mere plebeians? I, for one, will not stand for it. Neville Long , FCRH ’11, is a agriculture major from Surrey, UK.
John Smith, No Change Press
Cherry Spears, Idol Worship
“If we allow Lindsay Lohan to change her name, we might as well legalize heroin, crack and dogfights. Dropping last names is not what our forefathers had in mind. We cannot forget the damage that was done under the terror of Lindsay Lohan. ”
“Lindsay Lohan’s name change demonstrates her ability to be a brand new person. The historic name alteration is an inspiration to the rest of us, who should also be looking for ways to improve our country the way she has improved her image. ”
King of the Jungle After a cobra escaped from the Bronx Zoo the other day, Representative Peter King was selflessly back to work. Chairman of the hearings on “The Extent of Radicalization in the American Muslim Community and that Community’s Response,” King is once again, despite the slanderous criticisms he fielded for his previous hearings, bravely lobbying for our safety. King has proposed a new council titled “Hostile Takeover: Animal Domination across America.” In reference to the Bronx-Cobra, King, joined by Sarah Palin, is calling for an “open season” on all animals: mammalian, reptilian and avian. King and Palin have called on their fellow patriots to bear arms and clean out zoos, forests and dog parks, not pinpointing any specific species. When asked if his decree seemed a bit harsh, since all animals should not be held accountable for the possible actions of one renegade cobra, King said no. “Although the overwhelming majority of zoo animals are wellbehaved, the other animals need to make sure their brethren don’t terrorize the entire population,” he said. King’s wishes are not likely to be heard in full. Even the most avid hunters are hesitant to open fire on such a seemingly undeserving crowd, which would most likely lead to court actions. Considering the impossibility of so many animal trials, The New York Times asked King if he could narrow down his broad and unwieldy definition of “animals” to those who seem to be posing the biggest threat. King responded again by saying no. “I can’t narrow that,” he said. “I know that the pandas and bunnies seem harmless, but they’re still all animals. Fair and equal treatment for all.” When asked about where escaped cobras fit into all of this, King seemed lost and offered no comment. Leftist pundits (who do not care about their children’s safety) have been railing against King’s new proposed hearings. The recently estranged Keith Olbermann called for due process and fair judgment for the animals in question, while Representative Michele Bachmann has been a strong supporter for the hearings. “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another Democratic president, Jimmy Carter,” she said. “And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” The New York Times reminded Bachmann that swine flu was not the problem at hand, but her point is well taken: Time and time again, liberals in power have jeopardized the safety of our citizens by being too soft. As Sharia Law slowly takes over Oklahoma, I am worried that the anarchic Animal Law (Rule of the Jungle) will take over New England if King’s council is not given just consideration. For all of those who are already doing their part by stamping out pests and pets alike, I say, go further and God bless.
PAGE 10 • THE RAM • APRIL 1, 2011
OPINIONS
Are you bored reading Pitchfork or listening to Neutral Milk Hotel? The Ram wants to bring you the hippest game to hit this side of Williamsburg.
the paper drinking game Drinking on a Tuesday night is so mainstream. You need to spice up your subversive Wednesday nights, so grab a copy of the paper from the newsstand and a six-pack of PBR and get down to business! If the paper attacks Fr. McShane: Take a drink. If the comix aren’t funny: Take a drink. If the cover looks like a Jackson Pollock: Take a drink. If the paper recommends a band you’ve never heard of: Take a drink. If the paper has a grammatical mistake per page: Take a drink. If the paper recommends U2: They’ve been bought off. If the paper insults The Ram: Take a drink. If the paper calls a Ram writer racist: Pop some Cristal. If the paper admits they are the inferior school publication:
Call F.U.E.M.S. Because Your Ass Is Drunk! Remember: If you puke first, you’re a pioneer, an innovator, an original. But, if you puke after that, you’re such a conformist. Happy drinking! Your Friendly Neighborhood Opinions Editors
USG CANDIDATE PROFILES - PAGE 3
WOMEN’S SOFTBALL BEATS ST. BONAVENTURE TWICE - PAGE 9
SERVING THE FORDHAM UNIVERSITY COMMUNITY FOR OVER 90 YEARS
1918-2011
MARCH 30, 2011
VOLUME 93, ISSUE 8
Fordham Moves Housing Lottery Online
PHOTO BY STEPHEN MOCCIA/THE RAM
Fordham’s annual housing lottery has moved online to online beginning in April, in a long-awaited announcement.
By PATRICK DEROCHER SENIOR EXECUTIVE WRITER
Fordham University will be moving its annual housing lottery online beginning in April for room selection for the 2011-2012 school year. Students were made aware of the possibility of an electronic lottery process in late February; however, it was not announced until March 29 that the traditional, in-person process would be abandoned for the new setup. “We’re very excited about this,”
Greer Jason, assistant dean of students and director of Residential Life, said. “We hope that students will be too.” Following extensive student testing and focus groups, the process has been fine-tuned and broken into its fundamental components with the aim of helping students navigate the new process more successfully. Residential Life has divided the process into three broad phases, beginning March 30 and ending on April 18 or 19, depending upon the
success of the planned room selection days. Phase 1, referred to as the application phase, will begin on March 30 and continue for five days until closing at 11 a.m. on April 4. Upon logging into the University’s housing selection application, students will be presented with six pages, each consisting of a different step in the application. These pages will catalog students’ living habits and housing preferences, specifically for assistance in assigning post-lottery and overflow housing. Additionally,
students will need to confirm that all of their contact and biographical information is correct in this section, in particular their class year and anticipated graduation date. All this is necessary so that student receive lottery numbers. Unlike years past, students’ numbers will be assigned based in part on graduation year, i.e., all rising seniors will have numbers lower than all rising juniors, and so on and so forth. Phase 2, lasting from 10 a.m. on April 5 until 11 a.m. on April 8, is reserved for roommate group selection. Groups of students wishing to live together will designate one student as the group leader, who is charged with creating the group, which will have its own name and password, and giving this information to other group members. It is the leader who will have the responsibility of verifying the group so that they will be able to select a room later. In addition, group leaders will be able to remove any unwanted group members who work their way into groups. At the end of Phase 2, groups will be given housing selection times based on SEE LOTTERY ON PAGE 2
Anthony Weiner Speaks at Fordham By SAMMIE LAZAR STAFF WRITER
Anthony Weiner is no wallflower. Known for being outspoken and more of a firecracker on the floor of the House of Representatives than possibly any other congressperson, a simple YouTube search yields hundreds of videos of Anthony Weiner, representative of New York’s 9th District, passionately speaking about what he believes is best for the people of the US. In fact, the first result if you search for his name is a two-minute rant about the 9/11 First Responder’s Bill, in which he calls Republicans “cowards” for not supporting the “heroes” and refuses to yield the floor to disagreeing Republicans, led by Rep. Peter King. “Congressman [Weiner] is so dynamic and engaging and has a very important role in American politics, so it’s really great that he could come and interact with college students like this on such a personal level regarding such important issues facing our country,” Andy Laub, FCRH ’12, secretary of the College Democrats, said. Weiner brought that same energy to his discussion with Fordham students Monday evening. Greeted by uproarious applause, Weiner started to talk about the policies and bills that he supports and how we as students of Fordham can be a part of the political process. For a politician, he was far more polarizing than many students might have been used to, reminding students that Congress had for the past week been “debating defunding Big Bird instead of discussing matters of war and peace.” Weiner has been known as a huge proponent of the 9/11 First Respondents Bill and the
PHOTO BY NORA MALLOZZI/THE RAM
Anthony Weiner, the U.S. Representative for New York’s 9th Congressional district, spoke at Fordham on March 28.
Health Care Act, for which he publicly celebrated the first anniversary. “I believe it is wrong that healthcare is a function of someone’s economic needs, or that we’ll let the free market decide healthcare,” he said. His main topic of discussion was where he believed Democrats are in today’s world. His comparison of the partisan fight between Democrats and Republicans was characterized (in his words) as progressives “bringing a library book to a knife fight.” It is easy to see how his sometimes overly familiar style of speaking can be shocking to some. He was even aware that a lot of the time his speeches can be polarizing, especially in the case of his blowup at Rep. King on FOX News. Weiner is unafraid to tell reporters such as Bill O’Reilly and Megyn Kelly what he actually thinks of them, and listening to him speak in the Campbell
multipurpose room was very much an example of the idea that, when it comes to Rep. Weiner, what you see is what you get. He is passionate about expanding the voter base, and he is passionate about the bills that he supports. The most popular topic of questioning from students regarded his thoughts on the national deficit. While it is of course a hot topic, Weiner handled it with poise, reminding students that they could cut the National Education Association, Department of Transportation and all of the other de-
partments of government, but that would not make half the dent in the budget as removing tax cuts for the very wealthy. He was at times selfdeprecating, adding “Elitist, much?” to his own vitriolic comment about the Tea Partiers (“people wearing pointed hats who took a minute from brushing their teeth to turn on the television and watch FOX News”). He was completely unapologetic, and in being so, seemed more relevant and relatable than most politicians today.
NBC’s Brian Williams to Speak at Graduation By CONNIE KIM NEWS EDITOR
Brian Williams, “NBC Nightly News” anchor, will deliver a speech at Fordham’s 166th annual commencement on May 21. Williams has become the most highly decorated evening news anchor of the modern era, and “NBC Nightly News” is the most-watched newscast in all of television. “I’m excited that someone important and I recognize from TV has finally come to talk to us,” Kevin Fitzpatrick, FCRH ’11, said. Williams began his broadcasting career in 1981. He worked at several local stations in Washington, D.C., Philadelphia and New York City before joining NBC News in 1993. A few years later, he became NBC’s chief White House correspondent and then anchor and managing editor of “The News” with Brian Williams on MSNBC and CNBC. In 2004, he took over as anchor of “NBC Nightly News,” the nation’s top-rated nightly news program, a distinction it has maintained throughout Williams’ tenure in the anchor chair. In addition, he was the first “NBC News” correspondent to reach Baghdad during the 2003 war in Iraq, and was part of a U.S. Army helicopter mission that was forced down by enemy fire south of Najaf. Even so, has returned to Iraq several times, in addition to recent travels to Afghanistan and Iran. “Among the criteria we use to weigh commencement speakers, the most important may be what they have to offer to our graduating class and their families,” Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University, said. “In that category, Brian Williams gets the highest possible marks: He has long and broad professional experience directly relevant to many of our graduating seniors; first-hand knowledge of leaders in government, industry and the arts, both in the United States and around the globe; and a compassionate wisdom born of his experience and access. I look forward to welcoming him to the University and to bringing him into the Fordham family.”
SEE WEINER ON PAGE 2
INSIDE Sports PAGE 12
News PAGE 2
News PAGE 3
Baseball wins series against La Salle; improves to 14-9.
More information on online housing lottery.
Comprehensive USG candidate profiles.
NEWS
PAGE 2 • THE RAM • MARCH 30, 2011
SECURITY
BRIEFS
RHA Executive Board Announced MICHELLE FLORCRUZ
Mar. 22, Terranova House, 10 p.m. FDNY responded to an activated smoke detector at 2500 Hoffman Ave. Students were cooking on the stove, but there was no fire. The apartment was evacuated and vented without incident.
Mar. 22, Arthur House, 2:45 a.m. A security guard requested a supervisor when a male attempted to climb the front gate and enter the building. The individual was a student at another university and visiting a student in the building. He was attempting to circumvent the guest policy. Security referred the situation to residential life.
Mar. 22, Walsh Hall, 5:30 p.m. Security responded when cooking food on the stove activated smoke detectors. There was no fire, only burned food on the stove.
Mar. 23, LaLande Hall, 1 a.m. An unknown student ignited a pack of fireworks on the steps of Matryrs’ Court. Security responded and canvassed the area with negative results.
Mar. 24, Student Deli, 10:40 p.m. A smoke detector activated in Queen’s Court Deli when a sandwich was put in the oven wrapped in paper. There was no fire; FDNY responded and the alarm was reset without incident.
Mar. 26, Crotona Avenue, 3:15 a.m. A student was a victim of an assault when he walked out of a party and into an ongoing dispute. The student was struck by a bottle and punched in the left eye. Police arrived at the scene and the student was taken to St. Barnabas Hospital, where he was treated for his injuries.
Mar. 27, East 189th Street, 1:50 a.m. Security was alerted that a student was a victim of a robbery. The student was walking alone when a man ran out from between two parked cars and pinned the student against a fence. The male produced a knife and stole a cell phone and wallet. The male then punched the student before he fled. No description was available. —Compiled by Brian Kraker, News Editor
CONTRIBUTING WRITER
The Residence Hall Association, the group behind the annual Under the Tent dance at Spring Weekend and the Rose Hill Hunt, held a meeting on Sunday to determine next year’s executive board positions. The meeting, which started off with a series of speeches and jokes, ended with the announcement of RHA’s new executive board for the 2011-2012 academic year. The newly elected board is a mix of RHA board veterans and newcomers. Newly elected president, Elisa DiMauro, FCRH ’12, who has been involved with RHA since her freshman year, is excited about the progress RHA has made since she has been at Fordham and hopes to continue the improvement. “We’ve moved away from movie night with a bag of microwave popcorn as an adequate program,” she said. “Instead we’re playing Family Feud, hunting our peers in between classes, we’re filming lip dubs,” she said. “Let’s keep going.” Alongside her is newly appointed vice president, Paul Caruselle, GSB ’13, who believes RHA’s presence on campus has not reached its potential. “Next year we can go further. We are the driving force between Res Life and the residents […] we are the voice of the halls,” he said. Kevin Yevchak, GSB ’12, who has also been a part of RHA since his freshman year, will serve as chief of staff next year. “RHA is my favorite organization because of its tangible effect on the
COURTESY OF ELISA DIMAURO
The RHA held a meeting on March 27 to determine next year’s executives.
Fordham community and I see a bright future for RHA,” he said. Yevchak does not officially assume duties of chief of staff until next year, but he has already announced a new program database he created for RHA members, making it easier to communicate with each other. Similarly, returning executive board treasurer, Phil Bellissimo, FCRH ’12, has already started making improvements for next year by starting a Web site that digitizes budget reimbursements. “With the Web site, the reimbursement process will be sped up by days,” he said. “I’ll get the information online so you don’t have to
walk it over to me.” Tim Luecke, FCRH ’13, who will also be continuing his current position as publicity director next year, is excited to continue his work. “I am making a promise to continue to make smashing good posters next year,” he said. Will Thibeau, FCRH ’14, who is currently the president of the Alumni Court South general board, will be next year’s executive program coordinator. Thibeau, who is also in Reserve Officer Training Corps, has applied what he has learned in training to his duties within RHA by focusing on garnering pride in what RHA does. “RHA programs serve as an af-
GSB to Introduce Value Investing Course VICTORIA RAU MANAGING EDITOR
The Gabelli School of Business will offer a course in Value Investing beginning in the spring of 2012, according to a verbal commitment by Dr. Donna Rapaccioli, dean of GSB, to SiHien Goh, United Student Government vice president of GSB ’13, who submitted a USGsupported proposal for the course. Stephen Erdman, vice president of FCRH ’13, co-wrote the proposal with Goh. Value Investing is a unique approach to investment analysis that incorporates qualitative factors, such as caliber of management and sustainable business practice, in addition to just quantitative factors determined by a mathematical model. With a goal of identifying companies that have unrealized value in the current market or seem underpriced, value investing has produced very profitable results for many entrepreneurs, including Mario Gabelli, GSB’s namesake and CEO of his own investment firm. “When I realized that Gabelli is a huge advocate of value investing and even graduated from the famed Value Investing program at Columbia’s Graduate Business School, I thought that it would be a waste if Fordham passes up the chance to
do something significant about it,” Goh said. “The announcement that a large part of Gabelli’s $25 million donation would be going to a value investing research center called the Center of Global Investment Analysis is a huge impetus for the school to do something concrete.” “A few months went by, however, and nothing seem[ed] to be in the works,” Goh said in explaining his motivation for proposing the course in order to demonstrate students’ interest in such a program. Although most students are not yet aware that the course will be made available, the general response so far has been positive. “As a finance major, this would interest me greatly, and I would absolutely take courses that focused on value investing,” Alex Wiggins, GSB ’13, wrote in a letter of support for Goh and Erdman’s proposal that she sent to Rapaccioli. “Through my involvement in Smart Women’s Securities, I have grown to appreciate the concept of value investing,” Rebecca Horne, GSB ’13, chief development officer for SWS, a student club that focuses on personal finance skills and value investing techniques, said. “I am very excited for other Fordham students to be exposed to this type of analysis through a formal course.” Implementing a Value Investing course would make Fordham part
of an innovative group of undergraduate institutions whose business schools offer such an opportunity. Goh emphasized the positive ramifications of this addition to the curriculum, both in terms of competition with other business schools and reputation in the financial services industry. “A well-established Value Investing program that draws attention to our school could help entice front office investment banks to actually show up to our career fairs and hire our students,” Goh said. “No longer would Fordham be known only as a feeder for accounting firms.” Although faculty members and administrators will have the final say as to how exactly the course takes shape, Goh framed the student government’s role in the course’s creation as a “responsibility as a representative voice of the students.” Goh received a senate commendation for his efforts on the creation of this course, which Sara Kugel, FCRH ’11, executive president of USG, called “one of the greater academic achievements of the year.” “I know it’s sometimes hard to get the ball rolling on academic issues,” Kugel said. “But no one can argue that what you’ve done here is insignificant.”
firmation for why they [students] chose to be part of this community,” he said. RHA’s newly-chosen communications coordinator, Mike Meehan, FCRH ’14, has a specific plan to make sure RHA is heard around on campus. “I plan on turning RHA into a brand associated with a good time by raising awareness of our programs and our members,” he said. “I plan on making us our own Facebook page, reworking the Web site, adding advertisements to Channel 3 and advertising earlier and [more stronlgly] to attract more candidates.” RHA’s current president, Jake Braithwaite, GSB ’11, said he is excited about the great things the new board will do for next year and that he plans on coming back to see for himself. “I think that the new Executive Board is exceptional and will proudly build upon the tradition started by Jimmy Tickey, [FCRH ’09,] and continued by Mike Trerotola, [GSB ’10] and myself. They are extremely talented and I’m excited to come back to campus to see their handiwork,” Braithwaite said. Though the board has made goals for next year, RHA still filled the rest of this semester’s calendar with a variety of events and programs. Aside from the widelyanticipated, winter-themed Under the Tent dance, RHA will be having a Dodgeball tournament, Quizzo trivia nights, a World Cup Soccer Tournament and a co-organized fundraiser event for Japan earthquake relief.
LOTTERY, FROM PAGE 1
their lottery numbers for selection on April 11, 14 or 18. April 19 may also be used for room selection, depending on the results of the three other days. Room selection will be Phase 3. At their assigned times, group leaders will be allowed to log in to Fordham’s housing selection portal and be given a list of all available rooms, sorted by location. Students may then select any room for which their group, given its size, is eligible. That is, groups consisting of five students, will be allowed to select rooms in Campbell and Salice-Conley Halls, groups of four students in those halls and Walsh Hall. Additionally, students will be allowed to select combinations of rooms on the same floor in the same building if their desired housing option is unavailable. For example, if a group of four students cannot select an apartment in Campbell, Salice-Conley or Walsh Hall, they will be allowed to select a pair of double rooms (or a single room and a triple room) in O’Hare, Finlay or Tierney Hall. Anticipating the potential for a difficult transition to the online lottery, Residential Life will be hosting information sessions on the evenings of March 29, 30 and 31, in addition to having a hotline available at (718) 817-3095 from 10 a.m. to noon and 1 p.m. to 5 p.m. on weekdays between March 30 and April 20.
NEWS
MARCH 30, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 3
USG Candidates and Platforms
Executive President and Vice President: Caitlin Meyer & Bryan Matis Dear Friends: Bryan and I are proud to have been a part of the 2010-2011 USG Administration, which focused on advancing the quality and equality of experience for all students. Thank you for working with us to raise awareness about complicated issues and to find new ways to enliven our campus community. Together, we passed a Student Bill of Rights; installed outdoor recycling bins; authorized a Student Art Gallery in McGinley (coming soon); placed Faculty Evaluations online; worked to improve the experience of international students by creating a supplemental ESL course, obtained permanent mailboxes and created a new staff position in the Office of
International Students; added handicapped-accessible entrances to the official University map; sponsored a September 11 Memorial Event, an LGBT Solidarity Prayer Service, Haiti fundraisers, a Voter Registration Drive, town hall meetings and two Club Fairs; opened Operations meetings and passed 11 new clubs; led a budget audit to ensure efficient and fair allocations of the Student Activity Fund; and founded the FCRH Academic Dean’s Council. With your support, Bryan and I will continue to serve with integrity, loyalty and enthusiasm. Our combined five years of USG experience have taught us many lessons; chief among them is that the goals of USG must always be the goals of our constituents. USG will not solve
problems or enact positive change alone — progress will require your active engagement and willing collaboration. Please e-mail us (cmeyer@fordham.edu, bmatis@fordham.edu) call us (718-817-4373), stop by the USG Office (McGinley 203) and visit our Web site (www.usgrh.com) to join the conversation. We need you. Next year, our task will not be to consume ourselves with discontentedness, but to practice with all the fervor of our being, the art of making possible. Please remember to vote. We hope to hear from you soon. Peace & Rams, Caitlin and Bryan
About the Candidates Caitlin Meyer, Candidate for USG Executive President 20112012 Caitlin, a native of Oakland, Calif., has served on United Student Government since her freshman year, when she was elected FCRH 2012 Class President. As a sophomore, Caitlin served on the Executive Board, as vice president for Fordham College. She is currently the USG executive vice president. She is most proud of USG’s efforts to include and engage all members of the Fordham community in USG’s decision-making processes.
Executive Board Joey Lauberth - Vice president of Finance - GSB class of 2014 - Continue to improve transparency, including open forums and on-line budget notification - Establish weekly office hours for budget committee members Angelo Labate - Vice president of Operations - FCRH class of 2012 - Work with new and current clubs moving through the Operations Committee to ensure that they obtain approval - Create a liaison for every club, ensure that they have bi-weekly check-ups with their clubs Elizabeth Anderson - Vice president of Student Life - FCRH class of 2013 - Work to improve sustainability, maintainance of facilities and tolerance of all lifestyles - Create programs to enrich students’ Fordham experience
Platform
Caitlin is studying political science and philosophy and she is excited to continue her research on civic engagement and women in the political system. Caitlin is a sports enthusiast, a foodie and a jazz-lover. Bryan Matis, Candidate for USG Executive Vice President 20112012 Bryan is Finance major and Economics and Mathematics minor from Howell, N.J. He is the current USG vice president of Operations. During his term, Bryan oversaw the registration of 11 new clubs, secured a Ford-
ham email address for every club, hosted two club fairs with one on the way and maintained communication between USG and Rose Hill clubs. He is the founding president & lead manager of Students for Fair Trade; and a former USG Vice President of Health & Security, Operations Committee Vice Chair, Gabelli Dean’s Council member, Resident Committee member and Fordham University Emerging Leaders grad. Bryan’s interests include guitar (11 years strong), playing poker, weightlifting and reading.
Our Most Important Goal is Yours: Listening and effectively responding to the needs, concerns and wishes of our fellow students Tradition: Reviving and enhancing Fordham traditions to cultivate a proud, vibrant campus community Collaboration: Facilitating discussion among clubs, administrators and the Bronx community Accountability: Making meeting minutes accessible online; Thinking “green”; and sending monthly newsletters to the Ram, administrators and residence halls
Open Meetings: Inviting students, clubs, faculty and staff to attend all USG meetings; opening Budget meetings, and maintaining transparency throughout the Operations process Equality of Experience: Ensuring equal access of opportunities for all students, especially those whose voices are least often heard Club Support: Promoting club cosponsorship; streamlining the Operations and Budget processes Academics: Continue working closely with the Dean’s Councils to promote innovation and excellence
Center funding
Fuad Bushjawish - Vice president of FCRH 2012 - Increase funding for clubs hosting charitable events - Better programs to help students get involved with research
between Gabelli students and administration; work to make communication from the Dean’s Office more effective
registration - Create an online page where students can rate professors
Alexander Chin Fong - Vice president of Health & Security - GSB class of 2014 - Continue efforts to provide students with a physical therapist and trainer - Ensure that residential halls meet health codes; institute dorm inspection by Facilities Sandie Habib - Executive vice president of FCRH - FCRH class of 2012 - Standardize internship and study abroad credit - Centralize career and academic information portals Nico DePaul - Executive vice president of GSB - GSB class of 2012 - Promote initiatives to address the needs of commuter students - Structurally analyze business school rankings to determine causes of rankings drops
Senate Alison Daly - Vice president of Communications - FCRH class of 2012 - Connect students, student government and faculty through use of social media - Create a forum for students to express their views and receive feedback from USG
Andy Laub - President of FCRH 2012 - Work with Government Relations and Financial Aid to preserve scholarships and tuition assistance programs for students - Work with Career Services to expand internship opportunities for Fordham College students
Tommy Brown - Vice president of Health & Security - FCRH class of 2012 - Ensure that members of the Fordham community are treated respectfully at the Health Center and when dealing with Security - Improve Health and Lombardi
Gabby Nastri - President of GSB 2012 - Improve professor-student relationships by reducing class sizes and encouraging interaction - Establish a positive and respectable relationship with recruiters by branching out to different industries
Lorenzo Ferrigno - Vice president of FCRH 2012 - Work to evolve academics at Fordham, in the same vein as the sustainable business minor and value investing initiatives - Facilitate post-graduation preparatory programs Laura Fiorenza - Vice president of GSB 2012 - Work with the administration to develop minors that allow students to study specific areas of their field (i.e. fashion or art) - Strengthen relationship between Rose Hill and Lincoln Center campuses Michael White - Secretary-treasurer, FCRH 2012 - Open the Ultimate Dining Marketplace earlier on weekends - Provide athletic trainers for use by club sports teams Donald Borenstein - President of FCRH 2013 - Work with Facilities, Residential Life, Sodexo, RHA and USG to more effectively increase student awareness and concern for environmental issues - Work with PRIDE and PSJ to try and address some of the inequalities LGBTQ students at Fordham experience Tim Lynch - President of GSB 2013 - Create more innovative and collaborative programs between academics and athletics - Improve communication
Stephen Erdman - Vice president of FCRH 2013 - Invite Admissions and Information Technology to discuss the current process for notifying applicants of admissions decisions - Promote the incorporation of a student- run panel in selecting student resources; consider increasing the number of students whom the board consults Brandon Vazquez - Vice president of GSB 2013 - Foster relationship and joint activities between FCRH and GSB - Allow Fordham students to spend the night at any residence hall if signed in Ellen Hoffman - Secretary-treasurer, FCRH 2013 - Foster student-faculty relations by assessing student concerns and grievances alongside 2013 Senate and VP of FCRH - Work with FCRH dean and council to further student accessibility of study abroad options Aileen Reynolds - President of FCRH 2014 - Send out freshman schedules earlier, more effectively provice information about campus services and improve advising - Make sure all sophomores are aware of requirements and deadlines for declaration, help improve knowledge of different majors at Fordham. Principia Duggan - President of GSB 2014 - Encourage professors to make their syllabi available online during
Cesar Rizo - President of GSB 2014 - Foster student-facilty dialogue to facilitate adoption of new core - Coordinate events where the students can speak to administrators and express concerns Muhammad Sarwar - President of GSB 2014 - Work to provide clarifications of major and minor requirements - Give club leaders a direct channel for voicing concerns and being part of budget revisions Bridget Fox - Vice president of FCRH 2014 - Standardize Rose Hill and Lincoln Center class offerings - Survey students mid-year, looking to improve the second semester over the first Conor Fucci - Vice President of FCRH 2014 - Work to implement electronic student ID’s - Continue improvements for disabled Fordham students Brendan Francolini - Vice president, GSB 2014 - Work to move bookstore to a more socially-conscious product line - Seek to improve efficiency of electrical use at Fordham to “green” the campus Sera Yoon - Secretary-treasurer, FCRH 2014 - Establish community between Rose Hill and Lincoln Center campuses - Address issues that concern and dissatisfy the student body
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PAGE 6 • THE RAM • MARCH30, 20011
ADVERTISING
SPRING CONCERT Sunday, April 3 3:00 p.m. Leonard Theater, Fordham Prep The hour-long concert will feature a variety of music performed by the 100-member FORDHAM UNIVERSITY BAND AND ORCHESTRA. Reception to follow sponsored by the Band Alumni Association Admission is FREE! Bring a friend! Suport LIVE music on campus! The 2011 Spring Concert will be held on Sunday, April 3, at 3PM at Fordham Prep. The 100 member band & orchestra will be playing selections from West Side Story, Pirates of the Caribbean and Aaron Copeland’s Hoe Down. A reception will follow hosted by the Band Alumni Association. Hope to see you there supporting our band!
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MARCH 30, 2011
PAGE 9
Softball Sweeps St. Bonaventure in Doubleheader
Lady Rams Improve Their Conference Record to 3-1 and 18-13 Overall with Pair of Wins By CHESTER BAKER ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR
The scoreboard said that the Lady Rams were the visitors, but it sure felt like a home game for Fordham. Due to inclement weather in Olean, N.Y., the Fordham-St. Bonaventure series, originally scheduled as two-day series played at St. Bonaventure, was rescheduled as a double-header in the Bronx. So, the Lady Rams took the field as the visitors, despite playing the series in the Bronx. While the whole situation of rescheduling the series for different days and a different venue may seem confusing, there was no confusion as to who was the dominant team in the series. Fordham swept the doubleheader, winning game one 5-2 and then blowing out the Bonnies 13-0 in the second game, in just five innings. With the two wins, Fordham improves to 18-13 on the season, while its conference mark now stands at 3-1, following a split with Saint Louis in its Atlantic-10 conference opener last week. Fordham is now on a four-game winning streak. St. Bonaventure falls to 3-10 (0-4). In the first game of the doubleheader, neither team got on the scoreboard until the third inning. Senior Chelsea Plimpton took the circle for the Lady Rams, and was able to get out of the first inning without any damage, despite surrendering a one-out triple. Fordham got the scoring started in the third when junior outfielders Jessica Richards and Lindsey Kay Bright got on base with a pair of singles. Senior infielder Jocelyn Dearborn, who has been on a tear lately, came to the plate with two on. She gave the ball a pretty good ride but it went down in the box score as a simple line-out. “We expected Jocelyn to be a major force for us offensively,” Head Coach Bridgette Orchard said. “She is one of our best tools at the plate.” Fordham’s luck changed on the
PHOTO BY AARON MAYS/THE RAM
Senior third baseman Jocelyn Dearborn went 1-for-4 in the first game of the double-header against St. Bonaventure. In the second game, Dearborn went 2-for-4, while driving home two runs and scoring twice.
next batter. Junior infielder Nicole Callahan hit a routine ground ball that should not have caused any concern for the Bonnies, but the St. Bonaventure shortstop threw the ball away and Bright and Richards both came around to give the Lady Rams a 2-0 lead. The lead did not last for long, though, as St. Bonaventure tied the game by plating two runs of its own in the bottom of the fourth. Freshman outfielder Christine Watson doubled to get the two-out rally started. Senior first baseman Maureen Wells followed suit and crushed a homer out of Coffey Field to tie the game at two.
Fordham was able to grab a 3-2 lead in the fifth inning when Dearbron ripped a one-out triple off the wall in right-field; she was later driven in by Callahan on a single up the middle. In the sixth, the Lady Rams got their first insurance run when freshman designated hitter Gabby Luety hit a solo bomb and Callahan got her second RBI of the day when she, too, hit a solo shot to give the Rams a 5-2 lead. Plimpton threw four innings to earn her ninth win of the season and Mineau came on for the final three innings to get her fourth save of the year. Mineau was simply untouchable in her three innings of
work, as she struck out all nine batters she faced, and set them down in order. Plimpton struck out seven as the two pitchers combined to set 16 Bonnies down on strikes. In the second game of the day, Fordham had no interest in keeping the score as close as it was in the first game. Mineau was able to bring the same stuff she had in the first game and put in another solid effort. Mineau surrendered just one hit, a tweener single that came in the fourth, as she struck out 10 more batters. With the win, Mineau improves her record to 8-5 on the season. For her performance in the dou-
ble-header, Mineau was named the A-10 Pitcher of the Week for the seond time this season. “She just continues to do what everyone expected her to do,” Orchard said. “She can dominate any game and put the team on her back.” Fordham got on the board early, as they put up five in the first inning. All five runs were unearned, as the Bonnies committed four errors in the first. Fordham increased its lead to seven when senior shortstop Samantha Pellechio hit a home run to score Callahan who had reached on a double. The Lady Rams’ only missed oppurtunity on the day came in the fourth, when they were only able to push one run across on three hits. Dearborn continued her hot streak, as she hit a two-run dinger in the fifth to make it 10-0. Fordham pushed across three more runs in the fifth, which ended the game by the mercy rule, 13-0. It was a team effort on the offensive end for Fordham, as six different players had at least one RBI. Pellechio led the bunch with three RBI, three runs scored and a 4-for-4 performance at the plate. Callahan also had an impressive game, going 3-for-4. Coupled with her two-hit performance in the first game of the day, Callahan finished the series 5-for-7. Sophomore outfielder Jessica Crowley made the most of her pinch-hit appearance, as she brought home two runs. This week is going to be a busy one for the Lady Rams. Fordham will play host to three opponents in the coming week, competing in six conference matchups. Fordham will have its official home opener today, March 30, against Lehigh in a double-header that starts at 3 P.M. The Lady Rams will then battle the Temple Owls on April 1 and 2. Following that, Fordham will take on the St. Joseph’s Hawks in a conference double-header on April 3, beginning at noon.
Men’s Tennis Wins Two; Loses to Three A-10 Opponents By DAN GARTLAND STAFF WRITER
In perhaps its most important week of action this season, the Fordham men’s tennis team won two of its five matches. This past Tuesday, the Rams hosted a doubleheader against Wagner and NYIT, winning both matches. Fordham earned a 6-1 victory against Wagner in the first match of the day and went on to sweep NYIT 7-0, though the match was closer than the score indicates. Fordham won the doubles point as junior Eli Plangger and sophomore Alex DeRienzo won at second doubles, 8-1, and sophomore Ben Kelly and junior Kevin Sullivan won their match at third dou-
bles, also 8-1. Fordham sealed the doubles sweep with an exciting victory in a back and forth match by seniors Nick Kelly and Ken Fukumoto at first singles, 8-6. In singles play, Fordham dominated at fourth, fifth and sixth singles as Plangger, sophomore Andriy Kulak and freshman Alex Levine all won in straight sets. Meanwhile, the matches at the first, second and third spots were among the most evenly matched of the day. Fukumoto seemed to be in total control during the first set of his match at third singles, taking the set 6-1. The second set was closer, but Fukumoto won that too for a 6-1,
7-5 victory. The other two singles matches, at the first and second spots, were the only two not to be decided in straight sets. At second singles senior Kevin Maloney won the first set, dropped the second set but won the tiebreaker as he took the match 6-3, 5-7, 10-4. In the first singles match, DeRienzo played what was by far the most exciting match of the day. In the first set, he jumped out to a quick 3-0 lead thanks to a few strong, well-placed serves. He went on to win the set 6-1, but his opponent came out firing in the second set, at times overpowering DeRienzo on the service. This, coupled with a few unforced errors, led to an early 0-3 deficit. DeRienzo
was, at times, visibly frustrated and could be seen dropping his racket in dismay. He went on to lose the second set, 0-6. Between sets, he summoned Coach Cory Hubbard who came over to talk to DeRienzo. Whatever Hubbard said seemed to have worked, as DeRienzo started out the third set strongly, won the set and secured the team sweep with a 6-1, 0-6, 6-4 victory. In addition to Tuesday’s doubleheader, the team also played three crucial weekend matches in Philadelphia: Saturday against LaSalle and St. Joe’s, and Sunday against Temple, losing all three. The Rams fell 4-3 to LaSalle and were swept 7-0 by both St. Joe’s and Temple.
“This week was good but the weekend was a little rough,” Fukomoto said. “We went in hoping to get a good conference win but fell just short against La Salle.” “LaSalle was the most disappointing loss, and I felt we could have done better against St. Joe’s. Temple is top-4 in our conference, so it was expected to be a challenging match,” he said. “Overall, I think what we can take from this weekend is motivation to improve and really work hard as we get into the upcoming stretch of matches before the conference tournament,” he concluded. The Rams will have three weeks to get it together before the conference tournament, which takes place April 15-17 in St. Louis.
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PAGE 10 • THE RAM • MARCH30, 20011
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MARCH 30, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 11
SPORTS
Track Starts Season Strong Lady Rams Lose More Ground in the Standings By NANCY BUCKLEY STAFF WRITER
PHOTO BY SIMON SULIT/THE RAM
Senior Kerri Gallagher won the 1500-meter run with a time of 4:26.39.
By CELESTE KMIOTEK COPY CHIEF
The men’s and women’s track and field teams split their squads over the weekend, with some heading to the Raleigh Relays hosted by North Carolina State on Friday, March 25 and Saturday, March 26, and others competing in the Monmouth Season Opener in Monmouth, N.J. on Saturday, March 26. Of the Rams in Friday’s running events, freshman Sam Houston came in 81st in the 100-meter dash preliminaries with an 11.70-second finish. Sophomore Sean Atkinson finished 19th in the 400-meter dash finals, finishing in 48.91 seconds, followed by senior Brian Schmidt in 28th with 49.34 seconds, sophomore Michael Bongiorno in 58th with 50.97 seconds and senior Christopher Lyons in 76th with 51.48 seconds. In the men’s running events that day, Houston tied for third in the long jump with 21’ 6” and tied for 10th in the high jump with 16’ 7.25”. On the women’s side, senior Sherilyn Groeninger took 57th in the 100-meter dash preliminaries with 12.94, while freshman Anisa Arsenault took 13th in the 10,000-meter run finals with 36:45.62. In the 400-meter dash finals, junior Kelly Connolly finished in 47th with 59.42 seconds, followed by freshman Titi Fagade in 68th with 1:00.43 and sophomore Ashley Davis in 102nd with 1:03.91. Freshman Averie Sheppard took 57th in 100-meter hurdles preliminaries with a time of 16.13 seconds. Representing the Lady Rams for Friday’s field events, junior Elisabeth Warren took ninth in the long jump with a leap of 16’ 7.25”. On Saturday, Schmidt was predictably the highlight of the men’s competition, placing sixth in the 800-meter with 1:52.36, narrowly missing both fifth place (1:52.29) and fourth place (1:52.18). Cosgrove followed, taking 10th with 1:53.47. The 1,500-meter run also produced several notable performances, as freshman Michael Belgiovine took fourth (4:00.60), freshman Brian Walter took eighth (4:01.35) and freshman Ryan Polo took 18th (4:02.89). Junior Brian Riley finished 13th in the 3,000-meter steeplechase with 9:35.50.
In the relays, the 4x400-meter team of Cosgrove, sophomore Michael Bongiorno, Houston and Lyons finished in 15th with a time of 3:23.10, while the 4x800-meter team of Atkinson, Polo, Walter and Belgiovine finished in 13th with a time of 7:58.09. As usual, senior Kerri Gallagher was the star of the women’s competition, narrowly winning the 1,500-meter run with 4:26.39, only 0.52 seconds faster than North Carolina State freshman Lillian Greibesland, who came in at 4:26.91. Though only the second-fastest time in Fordham’s history (Lauren Gubicza ran 4:16.3 in 1992), this is the fifth-fastest time in NCAA Division I, and it qualifies Gallagher for the ECACs. In the relays, the 4x100-meter team of Groeninger, Sheppard, Connolly and Warren finished in 24th with 49.55 seconds, while the 4x400-meter team of Warren, Sheppard, Fagade and Groeninger finished in 22nd with 4:05.39. The 4x800-meter team of Davis, freshman Diane Bain, Connolly and Gallagher shined, finishing in fourth with 9:14.12 and qualifying the team for the ECACs and the Penn Relays. At the Monmouth season opener, junior Sam Stuart was the highlight of the men’s running events, coming in third in the 1,500-meter run with 4:07.02. Junior Frank Massaro finished sixth in the 100-meter dash with 11.62 seconds. In the field events, junior Rich Grandelli won the 3,000-meter steeplechase with 9:49.99, with junior Matt Collins in second with 9:57.75 and senior Pat McDonough in third with 10:07.35. Senior Pat Brown took sixth in the hammer throw (150’ 8.5”), and sophomore Keegan Talty took sixth in the pole vault (13’ 5.75”). Fordham’s sole relay team of the meet, the men’s 4x100-meter team, consisting of redshirted senior Fred Wertz, Brown, senior Augustus Gleason and junior Kyle Kesses, finished fifth with 45.45 seconds. On the women’s side, sophomore Courtnay Newman took fourth in the high jump with 5’ 3.75” and junior Blair Hassell took fourth in the javelin with 120’ 4”. The teams will next compete at the Colonial Relays at William and Mary in Williamsburg, Va., on Friday, April 1 and Saturday, April 2.
Fordham’s women’s tennis team suffered a loss at what was scheduled as their first homecourt match of the season, but was relocated to the indoor courts at the Stadium Tennis Center in the Bronx, on Wednesday, March 23. The match was brought inside due to rain and wind that prevented play at the Hawthorn/ Rooney Tennis Courts on the Rose Hill campus. “Even though it was still very cold in the indoor facility, moving indoors benefited the team because the wind was no longer a factor,” freshman Angelika Dabu said. The Lady Rams faced the Fairleigh Dickinson Knights, but fell 6-1. In the singles matches, Fairleigh Dickinson defeated Fordham in five out of the six matches. Sophomore Mia Fiocca held her own in first singles against Knights’ junior Elimine Botes. In the first set Fiocca lost to Botes 6-2, but she came back in the second set defeating Botes 2-6; however, in the super tie-breaker round, Fiocca lost by a score of 10-6. Second doubles was where the
Lady Rams picked up their lone point. Dabu swept junior Irina Dementyeva 6-2, 6-4. Junior Sarah Tremaine lost 6-2 in both of her sets against the Knights junior Julia Prantl. Freshman Hanna Fritzinger also lost both of her sets 6-2 against sophomore Egzona Morina. At No. 5 singles, junior Bethany Boyle faced freshman Manuela Leme, but was defeated 6-3, 6-1. The final singles match featured Fordham’s sophomore Jennifer Mullen, who fell to freshman Emily Napier 6-1 in both sets. Fairleigh Dickinson swept Fordham in the doubles matches, winning all three. Fiocca and Dabu held the strongest fight against the Knights, losing to Botes and Dementyeva by only two points in first doubles. The Lady Rams now have a 2-10 record for the year and a 1-7 record for the spring season. The team, although suffering with a losing record, has lost five matches this year 4-3, a score that could have gone either way, but resulted negatively for the Lady Rams. “I do not think the record affects the team’s play,” Dabu said. “There are a lot of different
PHOTO BY AARON MAYS/THE RAM
Junior Sarah Tremaine lost both of her sets against Farleigh Dickinson.
reasons why we have not been able to capitalize, ranging from unfortunate calls to injured players. I know my team is much better than what our record shows, and it is a shame people cannot see what I do.” The Lady Ram’s match against Villanova that was scheduled for Sunday, March 27 was postponed to a later date. The next match will be 1 p.m. on Wednesday, March 30 against Temple. The match will be held at Fordham.
Rowing Sees Sixth-Place Finish on Schuylkill By JONATHON SMITH ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR
At the beginning of the spring season, the women’s rowing team is still getting back into the swing of things. The Lady Rams had their second regatta of the spring season on March 16 at William and Mary in the Murphy Cup, on the Schuylkill River in Philadelphia. On Saturday, March 27, the women’s team hit the crowded waters. The Murphy Cup is one of the larger East Coast races of the early spring and draws college teams mostly from the Atlantic 10 and other Division I conferences. The Lady Rams, having been out of competitive waters for the past 10 days, came into the race poised to make a statement. The Varsity 8 team, which is the showcase race, is one in which
Fordham has had success in the past. Unfortunately for the Lady Rams, they did not have the success that they wanted. The team, comprised of senior Alyssa Sunofski, graduate student Celine Egraz, freshman Maureen White, freshman Elizabeth Helmer, senior Kayla Gaskey, sophomore Elizabeth Anderson, senior Catherine Helmer, sophomore Kate Branciforte, and junior Abigail Paparo (cox), placed second in their opening heat in 6:40.86. This was just 1.22 seconds behind first-place finisher St. John’s. This finish was good enough for a berth to the Grand Final. Despite finishing in sixth-place in the Grand Final, the Lady Rams are not discouraged, and they know that this is only the beginning of their season. “I was extremely pleased with
my boats performance at the Murphy Cup,” Paparo said. “It was a great start to the season, being only a second slower than Saint Joe’s, our A-10 competitor.” The rest of the day went fairly well for the Lady Rams, as their Varsity 4 team consisting of freshman Ava Koziak, freshman MariaLuisa Capuano, sophomore Allie Fitzmoris, sophomore Ursula Leone and sophomore Alexandra Anello, finished in fourth place in the finals. The JV and Novice squads also each took fourth place in their final competitions. The Lady Rams next take to the water April 2 and 3 in San Diego as part of the San Diego Crew Classic. “My boat and I are very excited for San Diego,” Paparo said. “I know we can rise up to the challenge and represent Fordham well.”
Upcoming Varsity Schedule CAPS=HOME lowercase=away
Thursday March 31
Friday April 1
UMASS 12 p.m.
Baseball
Softball
TEMPLE 3 p.m.
Men’s Tennis
TEMPLE 12 p.m.
Sunday April 3
Monday April 4
Tuesday April 5
ALBANY 12 p.m. ALBANY 3 p.m. ST. JOSEPH’S 12 p.m. ST. JOSEPH’S 2:30 p.m.
Wednesday April 6 at NYIT 3:30 p.m.
San Diego Crew Classic San Diego All Day
Women’s Rowing
Women’s Tennis
Saturday April 2
QUEENS 3 p.m.
MARIST 2 p.m.
at St. Joseph’s 2 p.m.
LONG ISLAND 3 p.m. at Vassar 4 p.m.
ST. FRANCIS 11 a.m.
Track
Colonial Relays Williamsburg, Va. 10 a.m.
Golf
Yale Invitational New Haven All Day
Penn Classic Flourtown, Pa. All Day
MARCH 30, 2011
PAGE 12
Baseball Takes Three-Game Series from La Salle
PHOTO BY SIMON SULIT/THE RAM
Junior shortstop Brian Kownacki is batting .292 on the season with 16 RBI. He is confident as the season moves on, believing that the team can “beat every team in the A-10.”
By DANNY ATKINSON STAFF WRITER
Last week, Fordham baseball was coming off of a spring break during which the team went 3-5, and the offense and pitching staff were both struggling frequently. Instead of making a triumphant return to the Bronx and gaining a little momentum, however the Rams were blown out 13-1 by Stony Brook on March 22, Fordham’s second loss to the Seawolves in three days. Following the loss to Stony Brook, the players remained defiant and maintained that Fordham would get back on track quickly, despite its inconsistent play. What a difference a week makes. After being whipped by Stony Brook, Fordham’s threegame road series against La Salle showed off a well-oiled machine with excellent pitching and timely hitting. In winning two out of three versus the Explorers, senior Brian Pendergast, freshman Chris Pike and senior Max Krakowiak threw three straight complete games, putting to rest memories of the poor starting pitching the Rams had featured for two weeks. Instead of only one or two hitters trying to carry Fordham’s offense, the team received contributions from almost everyone in the lineup; even the team’s defense picked up its play. The Rams’ play against La Salle was an ideal way to begin the Atlantic 10 season, and it showed that Fordham can absolutely be a serious contender in the conference. Fordham’s 13-1 loss to Stony Brook on March 22 was particularly ugly. Sophomore Dan Sorine took the loss, allowing four earned runs and five walks in just three innings. The Rams only recorded four hits, none for extra bases. The loss was a low point for the team, especially heading right into A-10 play. “The team was really frustrated by the Stony Brook loss,” junior shortstop Brian Kownacki said. “We talked for a while after the game about how we weren’t playing the way we wanted to and why
we were struggling.” That must have worked, because a number of bright spots began appearing for Fordham in the opening game of the La Salle series on Friday, even as the team experienced a difficult 2-1 defeat. Pendergast tossed his best start of the year in his first career complete game, yielding only two earned runs and six hits to the Explorers. The Rams offense continued to struggle with four hits, but they also had a number of chances to tie or win the game. Fordham wasted a lead-off double in the second, and again stranded sophomore Ryan Lee after an opening single in the ninth. The team may have taken a loss, but its improved play set the stage for the next two games, in which the Rams fired on all cylinders. The second game saw both a superb pitching performance from Pike and a offensive strong showing leading Fordham to a 5-3 come-from-behind victory. In his first collegiate start, Pike was unhittable in the later half of the game after getting off to an unremarkable start. He retired the last 16 batters in order and finished with 10 strikeouts, allowing three runs on six hits overall and earning his third win of the season without a loss. The Rams were behind 3-2 heading into the fifth, but they tied the game in the top of the frame and grabbed the lead in the sixth on an RBI-single from senior first baseman Joe Russo. Senior designated hitter Chris Walker gave his team an insurance run in the ninth on his third home run of the season. Led by Russo, who went 2-4 with two RBI, eight of nine players had at least one hit. Fordham played maybe its best game of the season on Sunday, rolling to an easy 7-1 win and taking the series in the process. Krakowiak was outstanding in the team’s third consecutive complete game, giving up only three hits and an unearned run while striking out three. The Rams offense came alive against the Explorers, breaking
the game open with a four-run eighth inning to take a 7-1 advantage. The team received contributions from up and down the lineup as Russo and sophomore right fielder Ryan Lee led the way. Russo had three RBI and Lee was 3-5 with two runs scored and a stolen base, in a game that could be the turning point of Fordham’s season. Fordham’s rotation had eight straight games leading up to Friday in which no starter pitched more than six innings, and most of these performances were poor. In that context, the combined numbers of Pendergast, Pike and Krakowiak are beautiful to see. The trio combined to throw 26 innings, giving up 15 hits and five earned runs while striking out 16. Most remarkably, the Ram hurlers walked only five in these innings. Pike’s complete-game victory further cemented his status as Fordham’s most effective pitcher this season. The freshman has a 1.91 ERA and opposing batters have only a .207 average against him. For Pendergast and Krakowiak, it was a return to form. The No. 1 and 2 starters in the team’s rotation threw their best starts on the season after uncharacteristically struggling. Pendergast lowered his ERA to 3.52, and Krakowiak to 4.23. If this trio continues to pitch close to this level for the rest of the season, then Fordham will be a force to be reckoned with in the conference. “Brian, Chris and Max were huge,” junior shortstop Brian Kownacki said. “They constantly threw strikes, and La Salle’s hitters always were swinging early in the count. La Salle made a bunch of easy outs, and those guys didn’t throw many pitches at all.” In the final two games against La Salle, Fordham’s offense looked great. The Rams scored five and then seven runs and had a combined 23 hits. While almost all of the team’s hitters contributed in some way, Russo stood apart from his teammates, with two RBI in each game. Russo has a .345 batting average on the season and 13 RBI.
“Our offense focused on putting the ball in play against La Salle,” Kownacki said. “We tried to concentrate on getting easy swings and line drives instead of over-swinging, and in the series we were able to do that and move runners along.” Fordham baseball has a fairly lean schedule in the next week before the program jumps into A-10 play. The team is home for three games this weekend, one against conference rival UMass and two versus Albany, as the Rams try to improve their record of 14-9 overall and 2-1 in conference. Fordham is probably not as mediocre as they looked for most
of Spring Break. The Rams may also not be as good as the team that defeated La Salle twice this past weekend; however, Fordham should be one of the best teams in its conference when they are playing well in all facets of the game. These next few games are important for seeing if the team can pitch, hit and play defense close to the level Fordham did against La Salle. If that is the case, then Kownacki will be right about the Rams being a tough team to beat. “If we play our game, then this team will be very good,” Kownacki said. “As long as we’re consistent, we can compete and beat every team in the A-10.”
PHOTO BY SIMON SULIT/THE RAM
Freshman pitcher/outfielder Tim Swatek is keeping up with the trio of Pike, Pendergast and Krakowiak, as he boasts an ERA of 3.29.
APRIL 1, 2011
PAGE 11
Fordham Fashion Must-Haves For Spring By JUICY COUTURE STAFF FASHION CONSULTANT
As we all know, Fordham is the leading forefront in college fashion. Our prestigious University has won many prestigious awards for its fashionable students. These awards are so prestigious that they cannot be named, not even in this prestigious newspaper. Here is a list of the hottest fashion items this season; no student should be seen without these musthave pieces. These fashion tips will ensure that Fordham maintains its reputation as the most fashionable university in America.
the same exact hat every day. The repetitive look and smell of the old cap will linger in your favorite girl’s memory all day. Baseball caps are a look that is also great for days when girls do not feel like spending a lot of time on their hair. A baseball cap perfectly hides an ugly, unwashed hairdo. 3. Converse Sneakers Haven’t gotten a new pair of sneakers since high school? It does not matter. Rock those old pair of shoes like you are walking down the runway. If you are feeling really bold, try doodling around the edges of each shoe for extra pizazz.
1. Authentic Fordham Tshirts Fordham T-shirts are necessities if you want a high-fashion look. Without a Fordham T-shirt, how will anyone know which school you attend? Remember to wear Fordham T-shirts around campus regularly, so fellow students will not think you are an outsider. Be proud to wear this fashion statement unique to us Rams. Do not be fooled by counterfeits; make sure your T-shirt is an authentic Fordham tee, only available at New York’s No. 1 store for college apparel, the bookstore.
4. Clothes of the Opposite Gender Attention girls with boyfriends: Your wardrobe has just doubled. Hide your frame in his hoodies, pants and T-shirts with comfort and style. If you want to be extra cute, take clothes from your beau without asking. Boyfriends love when their clothes disappear without warning. Guys can feel free to follow this trend too. Hair bows, dangling earrings and bright nail polish are the manliest ways to add a sexy, feminine touch to your look.
2. Old Baseball Caps Accessorize like a celebrity with old, wrinkly baseball caps. Wear the caps low, covering your eyes, so people will struggle to know who you are. Everyone will stop and ask themselves, “Who is that mysterious fashionista?” This look is great for both guys and gals. Guys will love not having the burden of purchasing or wearing a new hat ever again. Remember guys: girls love when you wear
5. Black Leggings and Uggs You may have thought that after a few years this look would have become stale; however, this creative, traffic-stopping look is hotter than ever. Routine is very fashionable, and everyone knows that fashion trends are stagnant. What is hip and in style one day will most likely still be stylish the next. Hopefully, this look sticks around for at least the next 10 years.
COURTESY OF THE RAM
Fordham T-Shirts are among the most fashionable fashions at Fordham. Be sure to make sure that the T-shirt is authentic.
COURTESY OF WIKIMEDIA
Black leggings and Uggs are another classic look at Fordham, which will never go out of style so you can enjoy it forever.
That’s it for this season’s must haves; do not be afraid to try these
bold looks. Wear them proudly, knowing that the rest of the fash-
ion world is admiring your trendsetting, revolutionary style.
them from a hat. Possible candidates included “couch,” “tree,” “textbook,” “hamburger,” “chicken” and “dinosaur.” The noun that was drawn from the hat was “chicken.” “While we would not allow The Vagina Monologues to take place, I have no problem with a thoughtful production of The Chicken Monologues,” Christopher Rodgers, dean of students, said. Members of the cast and crew of The Vagina Monologues expressed disappointment with the administration’s decisions. “Not only have they completely misunderstood the intent of the play, but they’re mocking the empowering use of the word ‘vagina’ by changing it,” one cast member said. “We should have had some input as far as what euphemisms they were drawing from the hat. What if they had chosen ‘dinosaur?’” Other students thought the change was a good idea. “The word ‘vagina’ makes me kind of uncomfortable,” John Tinkers, GSB ’11, said. “I wouldn’t have seen a play called The Vagina Monologues, but I’m totally down
with chicken. I even think Ultra Fried Chicken Monologues are on the menu at Munchiez.” Some students organized a prayer meeting aimed at stopping violence against women, the same cause The Vagina Monologues supports, to occur simultaneously with the monologues. They said they hoped that this would lead to decreased attendance at the play. They claimed that prayer alone, not prayer coupled with action and advocacy, is a more effective way to solve the problem. “It’s not right to speak out publicly against issues like violence against women,” one attendee said. “It’s much better to just pray and not to take action to arrive at social justice. Plus, ‘vagina’ is such an ugly word. I’m glad they changed it.” Those in favor of The Vagina Monologues were unable to change the name back and, as a result, the performances of the production were cancelled. After cancelling the production, the administration realized that it had already been performed on campus on Friday and Saturday.
Fordham Cancels The Vagina Monologues
COURTESY OF JERE KEYS
Members of Fordham’s administration decided to cancel the production of Rose Hill’s version of The Vagina Monologues.
By VAGEENA HURTZ STAFF FEMINIST
After an epic battle between the administration and the directors and producers of The Vagina Monologues, administrators agreed that the production could take place, but the word “vagina” could not be used. Objectors claimed that the production used the term “vagina”
gratuitously and took issue with synonyms for vagina used in the production. When told that the use of the word “vagina” was intended to be empowering to women, administrators said that it was inappropriate subject matter for a production at a Jesuit university. “We don’t object to the play itself, only that it dwells on the va-
gina,” Jen Mussi, assistant to the Vice President of Mission and Ministry, said. “I mean, really, it’s kind of weird and obsessive. Also, the trustees don’t like it.” To determine a replacement term, administrators found a fair, unbiased method to determine a term to use instead of “vagina.” They wrote randomly selected nouns on slips of paper and drew
CULTURE
PAGE 12 • THE RAM APRIL 1,2011
Fordham to Perform Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark By BETTY BRANT THE DAILY BUGLE
Fordham University’s Mimes and Mummers announced this week that they are adding a new musical to their spring schedule: Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. The rock musical, which has yet to premiere on Broadway, is based on the Spider-Man comic books published by Marvel Comics. Distinguished Fordham alumnus Bono, FCRH ’09, wrote the music and lyrics along with fellow U2 bandmate The Edge. The Mimes and Mummers hope to perform Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark on May 5-8 in Collins Auditorium, before the professional production premieres at the Foxwoods Theatre on 42nd Street. “We understand the show will be during reading days,” Mike Dahlgren, FCRH ’14, who is playing Spider-Man, said. “However, the administration felt that they owed us this favor after they took their time in approving The Wild Party.” Dahlgren also added that, unlike the professional production, the Mimes and Mummers will not be issuing refunds to ticketholders, even in the case of delays or accidents during the show. Although one would expect the Mimes and Mummers to have difficulty obtaining the rights to SpiderMan for several reasons, including the fact that the Broadway production is still in previews, Dahlgren insisted that this was not the case. “We got the rights exclusively through a deal between Fr. McShane and Bono himself,” Dahlgren said. A Spider-Man production may seem like a surprising choice to
some theatre aficionados at Fordham, but the Mimes and Mummers stand by it. “This piece is challenging musically and artistically,” Courtney Schiessl, FCRH ’11, president of Mimes and Mummers, said. When asked what Spider-Man was about, Schiessl admitted that she has no idea whatsoever. Reportedly, all that is known is that the Green Goblin dies sometime in the first act. “We felt that the story was unique and full of depth,” Schiessel said. “And by depth, I mean it’s incomprehensible.” The difficult plot is not discouraging the Mimes and Mummers from trying to do Spider-Man justice; rather, Fordham thespians are embracing the challenge. “There are so many fantastic elements in this show,” Emily Weaver, FCRH ’12, who is playing Mary Jane Watson, said. “We’ll let The Ram know what they are when we figure them out.” “We felt the show would be appropriate because of all of the state-of-the-art technology in Collins,” Schiessel added. “If Broadway can make Spidey fly, Fordham can make Spidey fly.” The Mimes and Mummers, however, do realize that the Broadway production has not always succeeded in making Spider-Man fly. Therefore, they have made arrangements with F.U.E.M.S to station an ambulance outside of Collins during all rehearsals and performances in case of any injuries. Due to this unforeseen expense, coupled with the show’s inflated budget, the University plans to raise tuition for the 2011-2012 aca-
demic year by 20 percent. According to John Carroll, director of Security, some students involved with the production have already been transported to St. Barnabas. “During the first read-through of Spider-Man, several cast members received severe paper cuts,” Carroll said. “They received medical attention and were released after 12 hours.” The Mimes and Mummers, however, are not overly concerned with safety issues. “People don’t realize that this is live theatre,” Weaver said. “Accidents happen all the time, especially on Broadway.” “It’s not like the Mimes haven’t dealt with risks like this before,” Schiessel said, referring to a 2008 incident in which Ryan Adams, FCRH ’11, had his throat cut during a Mimes’ performance of Sweeny Todd. Perhaps because of the risk-taking nature of the show, Fordham students have mixed feelings about Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark
coming to campus this spring. “I just feel that FET [Fordham Experimental Theatre] is better suited for this production,” Amie Chase Radanovich, FCRH ’11 and a member of FET, said. “Can’t you just picture the Blackbox dimly lit and covered in webs?” Schiessel told The Ram that FET is welcome to perform their own adaptation of Spider-Man, or maybe even an improv show. The Theatrical Outreach Program has already jumped on the Spider-Man bandwagon. “TOP is planning a performance of Henry IV, Part 1 that will relate the classical piece to Spider-Man in order to educate Bronx students,” Eddie Brock, FCRH ’14, said. Even those who are not involved in the performing arts are looking forward to the production. “Turn Off the Lights should tide me over until the reboot comes out,” Gwen Stacy, FCRH ’14, said, referring to The Amazing SpiderMan, set to be released in theaters in July 2012. “When I saw the Broadway ver-
sion [in previews], I was excited to see a Broadway flop and technological failure,” Arachne Tagios, FCRH ’13, said. “Honestly, I have higher expectations for the Mimes and Mummers.” The Mimes and Mummers also revealed to The Ram that they have hired a director, Julie Taymore, to bring this one-of-a-kind musical to life. “We’re hiring Julie Taymor since we believe that she was unfairly fired from the Broadway production,” Schiessl said. For now, the creative forces behind Spider-Man, including Taymor (The Lion King),who was unavailable for comment, are ready to continue their hard work during rehearsals. Once again, they are dealing with a time crunch, as the performances will go on in five weeks. Although the show will push actors to their limits, the Mimes and Mummers believe that this will be a show that the Fordham community remembers.
COURTESY OF SPIDERMAN
Fordham students will be performing their rendition of the Broadway musical, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark in May.
Journalism Program To Study Abroad in Libya
COURTESY OF MCT
Students wil travel abroad to Libya as part of a new journalism program for Fordham’s department of communication.
By HOSNI MURBARAK DEPOSED EGYPTIAN DICTATOR
While some Fordham students are taking advantage of the expertise of Fordham professors in Granada and others are embarking on London excursions all on their own, a new batch of students will have the opportunity to engage in a unique program in one of the most intriguing countries in the world: Libya. The Department of Communication and Media Studies at Fordham, along with the International and Study Abroad Programs (ISAP) Office, recently coordinated to promote a new journalism
program enacted by the Libyan government, which will offer students the chance to receive insider information and to practice their craft. Soon after, the political science, Middle Eastern studies and modern language departments jumped on board, coordinating with the country’s administration to create innovative workshops for all types of students. “We are thrilled that Libya’s administration is so willing to take our students under its wing and expose them to such intellectuals and policy drivers as those found in Libya at the current moment,” Ronald S. Méndez-Clark, director
of ISAP, said. “With our goal to choose programs arbitrarily with little relevance to students’ actual studies and that are entirely contradictory to what their majors’ departments recommend, we see this as the perfect opportunity to send students out of the country and increase our numbers.” Though talks with each member of the office’s staff proved fruitless, the flier ISAP provided regarding the program asserts that students will live in Libya, leaving after this semester and may or may not have the opportunity to partake in trips to see the beautiful architecture highlighted on the flier. Later investigations proved that
the pictured buildings are actually located in Australia. The Ram was able to get in touch with the program head in Libya, Mohammed Mohammed, who detailed the different aspects of the program. Mohammed mostly promoted the journalism program, which he says is one of the fastest and most reliable ways to become completely engrossed in Middle Eastern journalism. “The students will work extremely closely with top government officials,” he said. “In fact, they will not leave the officials’ sight. We also are retaining the right to hold onto them after the program if they prove particularly promising. These students may not have a chance to see their family and friends again — indefinitely — after the intensive program begins, but we can guarantee that they will learn the truth — only the cold, hard truth. Not any of that [nonsense] that other countries are printing.” Unfortunately, he noted that several mentors in the program, including Anthony Shadid, Stephen Farrell, Tyler Hicks and Lynsey Addario, were recently let go. “We’re devastated about letting them go,” Mohammed said. “It is a huge loss and certainly complicates the administration’s end goals and its relationship with the United States with regard to future
programs. Still, we are determined to plow on. We will not give up. Ever. Hear that? Never.” Mohammed went on to describe the political science program, which he said will be focused on practical policymaking. “We want to show students the correct way to deal with constituents, as well as with other countries,” he said. “We also hope to incorporate some more hands-on activities in addition, which will actually aid the administration in its relations with the citizens and its policy makings. The Middle Eastern studies program, meanwhile, will be more focused on how other countries compare to Libya, as well as on Libyan history and policies. “This is our greatest project, as we have extensive pride and a genuine and completely accurate attitude toward the ultimate superiority of not only Libya, but especially Qaddafi,” Mohammed said. “Of course, we look into other countries, and where their faults lie, but mainly we study what, in particular, makes Ghadafi’s policies so timeless and perfect.” The modern language program will, naturally, consist of Arabic courses taught through complete immersion. While originally this program was meant to include home stays, internships and intensive classes, the coordinators are now taking a more modified approach.
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 13
WHO’S THAT BOUNCER? Suits From MugZ’s OCCUPATION: BOUNCER AGE: AROUND KEVIN JAMES’ What is the biggest misconception people have about you? People always think that I go home with girls almost every night. Who would play you in a movie about your life and why? Kevin James, ’cause he looks just like me, if you’ve ever watched “King of Queens.” We’re about the same age. Guilty pleasure? Candy and ice cream – snacks. If you were stuck on a deserted island, what five things would you bring with you? Gosh! You guys are really making me think. Let’s see – a bottle of
Jack Daniels, and a bottle of Coke. I´d take a machete or a knife, you know, so I could make my own house. I’d also take The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Oh, and a big box of Dentyne Ice: Arctic Chill. What is your favorite thing about your job? My favorite thing about my job is watching the drama unfold at night. If you could go to the carnival with anyone in the world who would it be? I would definitely go to the carnival with Angelina Jolie; she seems like she’d be a barrel of fun – or George Clooney,
but I don’t want to sound gay. Favorite Movie? It would be Casablanca, always. Describe your perfect night out. A beautiful woman dressed in a red dress, a horse and carriage ride around Central Park. Just holding hands and talking about where our future lies with a nice bottle of wine, that’s all. What’s your favorite thing to do in Manhattan? Act like a tourist. I never have time to go out much, anyway.
what’s Know “what’s going on” on campus or in NYC?
Going
Send tips, event listings, or comments to theram@fordham.edu.
31
?
On
THURSDAY Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark Preview Collins Auditorium 8 p.m. Come watch members of the Fordham community in their rendition of the broadway musical.
01
FRIDAY Information Session on Libya Study Abroad Program McGinley Ballroom 4 p.m. Learn more about the new journalism program.
What’s something about you that not many people know? Not many peopke know that I was a member of Knights of Columbus; it’s a Catholic Organization. Secret skill or talent? My secret skill is that I really can dance; I just don’t show it a lot. Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? Suits stole the cookies from the cookie jar!
02
SATURDAY Make Your Own Edible Play Dough The Caf 10 a.m. Bring your friends and sculpt some edible play dough.
03
SUNDAY Fordham Spring Fashion Display Keating First 5 p.m. Featuring authentic Fordham T-shirts, black leggings and Uggs.
04
MONDAY Mold Information Session Keating Third 6 p.m. Learn about the dangers of mold in the dorms.
05
TUESDAY Encore Preview of Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark Collins Auditorium 8 p.m. Missed the action the first time? Be sure to check out this new Fordham musical production.
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WEDNESDAY The Chicken Monologues Keating First 9 p.m. See the new take on The Vagina Monologues.
COURTESY OF SUITS
Suits is a bouncer at MugZ’s, which is located on Arthur Avenue, and is around the age same age as Kevin James.
— COMPILED BY ???????????
Ram Reviews MOVIE GIGLI
By ANDY BERNARD THE OFFICE
This movie is bad.
TO READ THESE REVIEWS IN THEIR ENTIRETY, VISIT THERAMONLINE.COM AND CLICK ON “CULTURE” ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE HOMEPAGE.
CULTURE
PAGE 14• THE RAM APRIL 1,2011
Cooking With Clara
Eating Out: Kennedy Fried Chicken
CLARA ENNIST Edible Play Dough I decided to make a recipe this week that is fun and harkens back to when you were a child. Did anybody else sample play dough when they were a kid? Not an entire container, just a little bit to see what it tasted like? I mean, if the adults didn’t want us to taste it, they would not have encouraged us to make bright blue hamburger patties and day glo pasta. If you did sample the neon, non-toxic dough, then you know how disgustingly salty it tastes. If you didn’t, I pity your unimaginative childhood. While you can easily purchase play dough at the store — and it’s nontoxic so the more precocious kids do not go the way of the colorful, misshapen dinosaurs they are sculpting — this recipe is meant to be eaten after you’ve had your fun. Ingredients: -3 tsp cream of tartar -1 c flour -1 c water -1 package of Kool-Aid mix, unsweetened -1 tbs cooking oil -1/2 c salt Directions: In a large pan, mix the dry ingredients together. Add the water and oil. Stir over medium heat until the dough starts to form, or about eight minutes. Let it cool and start playing. I do not recommend ingesting a ton of this recipe. Although it is not dangerous, it probably will not make your stomach feel great. If you choose, you can eat the play dough when you are done sculpting. Also, you can pick the flavor of your dough and its color with whatever Kool-Aid mix you like. Try using different mixes in different batches to make a multi-colored concoction — just resist the child-like urge to mix them all together because the resulting color will be disgusting and the flavor most likely inedible. We’re all looking forward to getting out of college for the summer and, while some of us will be employed or interning, it’s always good to retain some semblance of immaturity and relaxation for our mental health. Some people take up a hobby to help themselves relax — why not make your hobby play-dough sculpting? It’s less pretentious and less costly than taking a pottery class, and you can eat the dough. If you find yourself stuck watching your younger cousins or your neighbor’s kids for the afternoon, and you have grown weary of chasing them in the heat, you can give them an activity to do in eight minutes. The last time I babysat, I taught the kids how to play “thumper,” obviously without alcohol, after they declined my offer to quietly sit and draw pictures. In retrospect, letting them sculpt with awesome, colorful dough and then letting them eat it probably would have stimulated their intellect and creativity a little bit more. In addition, I probably would be a more popular babysitting choice among parents. I know I promised more dessert recipes, and dessert recipes will come later. So get to sculpting, throw a few tantrums, sample the dough and enjoy.
COURTESY OF WIKIMEDIA
Kennedy Fried Chicken is located on Bedford Park Boulevard in the Bronx.
By COLONEL SANDERS BELOVED MASCOT
Whenever I’m out, walking aimlessly around with my adoring posse in tow, there are so many different restaurants that I’m just uncontrollably tempted to visit. Kennedy Fried Chicken, with its enticing scent and sleek and attractive aesthetic, aroused my attention; so one night, I took my entire extended family and several stragglers and stopped in, on The Ram’s tab of course. Walking in, the interior design really struck a chord with me. The vinyl tabletops are perfectly matched to the tiled floor, with the scarlet red setting off the yellow of
the booths to provide a nice summer-toned theme. The fluorescent lighting was harsh on my skin tone and, as I looked into my pocket mirror, I could see every pore glaring back at me. Still, with the stark white napkins and crisp geometric furniture (which is very retro and definitely fashionable), I felt like I could have been in a contemporary, chic chicken chain downtown. The first thing that hit me about the menu was the sheer number of options available at my whim. A quick look at the illustrated board over the counter told me everything I wanted to know, with plump and moist pieces of chicken seductively displayed in a variety of positions.
breading, eager to get to the succuOur party placed its order with lent treasure it held. Soon enough, the overly eager and ethnically my teeth reached the tender, yet friendly cashier. Soon, a rather surjuicy, meat that lay beneath, and ly worker who was also ethnically my tongue thanked me. friendly delivered our steaming As I tore the luscious meat apart treasures. with my incisors, I could feel the First up were Kennedy’s Own salty juice dribbling down my chin. Fine Back Home Onion Rings This was definitely the climax of ($1, 1,917 calories). Shining in a the meal. glistening oil, I lifted one to my Nearly satisfied, it was time lips and slowly bit into it. Despite for the pièce de resistance: desits naughty exterior, inside this desert. Luckily, there was Kennedy’s lightful ring was all sweetness. Fudgealicious Super Extreme The hot caramelization of the Chocolatey Layer Fudge Devil’s underrated bulbous vegetable Cake ($4.50, 1,978 calories) to do contrasted beautifully with the crisp austerity of its outer coating, the trick. I plunged my fork into the thick abyss of chocolate bliss, producing a wonderful autumnal watching it slowly sink in with no flavor that created fireworks inside end in sight. my mouth. Still, deOverall I could smell spite the onioniness, Location the chocolate as I it was missing the Food Quality raised the fork to traditional spicy skin Atmosphere my mouth, and the layer on top. Hospitality $ fi rst bite did not It was time to Price disappoint. Dymove onto Ken(Out of 4 ’s) namic despite the nedy’s Best Ultimate single flavor, the Explosion Bomb brown taste excited my taste buds, Fries ($5, 2,892 calories). There and I immediately thrust in my fork was no hiding this dish’s sins, as again. Barely coming up for air, this the thin and crispy fries bedded a dessert was truly the perfect way to decadent draping of golden cheese, end the meal. topped with a dizzying sprinkle of All in all, I spent $390 for 17 bacon bits. of us to dine. With the 22 bottles I took the first slender fry and of wine we brought, which cost popped it into my mouth, letting $1,923 and were also credited to my lips close around the steaming The Ram (seriously, sign up—free goodness. The separation of flavors food for you and your family), we was perfect, though it contrasted had a delectable meal sure to please slightly with the symphonic meldeveryone looking to score. ing of tastes. Sure, Manhattan may have the For the main course, it was fancy bistros and high-end cafés, Kennedy’s Own Original Superbut let Spitzer go to those; you can Secret-Homemade Fried Country spend just as much money for as Chicken ($6.35, 1,675 calories). I much quality here in the Bronx. tore at the crispy and sassily spicy
Editor’s Pick: Bronx Zoo Reptile House By THE BRONX ZOO’S COBRA FUGITIVE
You don’t need me to tell you that New York City has the world to offer its residentsss. From the Empire State Building (all the people look like little mice down there!) to the tall grass at the High Line, this city is world-class. Still, Fordham students sometimes forget that their own backyard, the North Bronx, has a lot to offer as well: the Botansss, Arthur Avenue and Fordham Road. My favorite spot? The Bronx Zoo. Believe it or not, Fordham used to own the land that became the ssspectacular Bronx Zoo. Now, it is the largest city zoo in the country. The great thing about zoo is that they have the ability to transport you across the world. This makes it the perfect place to ssspend a free Wednesday afternoon — for free. Try starting with the “African Plains” exhibit and slither through the savannah and see lions, zebras and giraffes (my favorite meals, incidentally) up close. If that’s not your ssstyle, visit the “Congo Gorilla Forest,” a special outdoor exhibit that features, what else, gorillas in a rainforest habitat. There are also monkeys in the forest but, let’s be honest, the gorillas are the best, and much easier to catch. What really makes the Bronx Zoo
COURTESY OF WIKIMEDIA
special, though, are the indoor exhibits. Stop by the Monkey House (I never mentioned that creativity is one of the Bronx Zoo’s strong suits), which is home to some of the coolest monkeys in the zoo; unfortunately, they are enclosed in glass and cannot be eaten. Another cool place is “Jungle World,” although I should warn you about the seriousss humidity. This indoor tropical jungle houses almost 800 animals, from otters to apes. Luckily, I thrive in the heat, though the humidity does make my predatory habits more challenging. One of the newest spots in the zoo is the “Madagascar” exhibit. Although it is a smaller space, the exhibit skillfully recreatesss the eighth continent and houses le-
murs and a Nile crocodile. They both taste pretty nasty. Of course, I really saved the best for last. You can’t visit the Bronx Zoo and really experience it without stopping by the “World of Reptiles.” Located just down the path from the Bug Carousel, the Reptile House looks like any other nondescript building on the zoo grounds. Inside, however, lies an oasis, an absolute paradise for reptiles, including turtles, lizards, frogs and even snakessss. There are more activities to do at the “World of Reptiles” than you might expect. You could go to the Reptile Nursery and see some beautiful baby cobras. There is also an informational exhibit, which details the harsh re-
alities that everyday reptiles face. The “World of Reptiles” is, hands down, my favorite site in the whole Bronx Zoo. Since there are plenty of dark, cool corners in the building, it’s the perfect site to shelter yourself from a spring shower or a group of angry zookeepers. There are also lovely creatures; truly, they are great conversationalistsss. Unfortunately, there are a few drawbacks. Occasionally, some scrawny kid with thick glasses will start speaking Parseltongue and try to make the glass disappear. Even that shouldn’t stop you from visiting — the “World of Reptiles” is worth it. In fact, all of the Bronx Zoo is definitely worth a visit. Adventure is just a short walk away from campus, and it kicks asp.
CULTURE
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 15
Student Accepts Internship at Comedy Central By PLATO CONTRIBUTING TOGA-PARTY
Many would kill for a career in comedy. In fact, that may be how Carrot Top got to where he is today. So, when I was offered an internship with Comedy Central this spring, I accepted the offer faster than you can say Dane Cook. An opportunity to work at the network that produces “The Daily Show’s” biting political commentary, “South Park’s” social satire and the endearingly moronic humor of Carlos Mencia is a once-in-a-lifetime chance. The network that gave so many great comedians their start is now willing to employ me, too. Yet, behind this façade of slapstick sketches and stand-up specials lay a grueling internship that, at times, felt more like a fraternity’s pledge week than an internship. On my first day of work, I arrived dressed to the nines in my finest suit; however, I soon discovered my supervisor had reserved the task of cutting pages of construction paper for an upcoming episode of South Park for me. I spent four hours pasting together over 200 frames before I was informed the animated series uses only computer animation. Apparently, Comedy Central has a unique form of hazing. As a lowly intern, I had to work my way up the corporate ladder. One afternoon, I spent my time
curled up under Stephen Colbert’s desk, handing him props during the show. He left me under there for two hours after rehearsal with nothing but a case of Four Loko and a McRib sandwich. By the time the show started, I was having a conference call with Snufalufagus. Its nice to know Comedy Central respects labor laws like Arizona’s immigration policy respects the Constitution. Still, I persisted and it was not long before I made my first on screen appearance. Later in February, I was sent to the set of “Tosh.0.” The show experienced a slow week in the world of YouTube and needed to fabricate viral videos to run on the show. Host Daniel Tosh put me through the full gamut of slapstick humor, including repeated kicks to the groin and forcing an overweight staffer to fall on me. I was kicked in the nuts so many times that Fr. McShane has better odds of having children than me. Still, I made my television debut as an anonymous pixilated victim of a freak sumo accident. Later, the producers of the “Roast of Donald Trump” employed my services to prepare the stand-up comedians. While I initially hoped to write material for the special, I soon found I was the object of the comedian’s lampooning. “You’re so weak you make Char-
lie Brown’s Christmas tree look like it’s taking steroids,” Lisa Lampinelli bemoaned. It was a very uplifting day. As my internship progressed, I quickly learned that the station strictly adheres to its principles. One after-
noon while chatting with Jon Stewart, I let slip that I voted for John McCain in the 2008 presidential election. I was banished to serve as Stewart’s footstool for the following two weeks and personally tend to his goatee, which he keeps
on reserve. I endured the full gauntlet of comedic obstacles at Comedy Central and survived to tell the tale. I persevered and left with something few can say they have: free tickets to “The Colbert Report.”
COURTESY OF MCT
A Fordham student had the opportunity to intern at Comedy Central, but found the atmosphere to be fraternity-like.
Want to join The Ram? Fill out this simple form and return it to McGinley B-52 Name: School/Year: Dorm: Campus Extension: P.O. Box: Cell Phone Number: E-Mail: Screenname: Age: Home Address: Fordham I.D. Number: Height: Weight: Social Security Number: Mother’s Maiden Name: First Pet’s Name: Bank Account and Pin Number: Credit Card Number: Number of Friends on Facebook: Number of Photos Tagged of You on Facebook: Five Biggest Fears:
PAGE 16 • THE RAM • APRIL1, 20011
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PAGE 17
APRIL 1 , 2011
Softball Team Leaves Fordham University, Destination Unknown The Former Lady Rams Last Seen at the LaGuardia Ticket Counter Trying to Get On a Plane to Visit Schools By ART VANDELAY IMPORTER/EXPORTER
At most schools where sports are followed about as closely as LL Cool J follows Antiques Roadshow, no sport really shines through. At Fordham, a school where football games garner about 37 fans and the only way the basketball team can get fans to show up is to offer free pizza and iPads, however, the softball team glows. Fordham has received votes in the national Top 25 polls and is expected to return to the NCAA Championships again this season. That will be hard to do now that the softball team has decided to disassociate itself from the University. In an unprecedented move, the Lady Rams announced that they have opted to terminate their assosciation with Fordham in a press conference held in the Candy Lounge. The team cited a superiority complex as the primary motivation for the move, as explained by Head Coach Bridgett Orchard. “We really just can’t deal with this anymore, its getting pretty ridiculous,” Orchard said. “We are basically the only team remotely competitive and we hate that. We really want to be associated with a name that promotes athletic excellence in all areas, and that really is not something that Fordham has.” The players also seem to want no part of the Fordham name. “It just got really annoying when
PHOTO BY LIKE ANYONE WILL ACTUALLY READ THIS/THE RAM
The softball team has decided to leave Fordham in search of another school. Players said there were many factors that went into their decision, such as lack of interest in the program to hatred of the color maroon.
teams would always ask us where we were from,” junior pitcher Jen Mineau said. “Also, it got to be too much when teams would always think that we said Florida.” The news did not seem to upset Executive Director of Athletics Frank McLaughlin, who seemed oblivious to the entire situation. “You know what, I totally understand where these girls are coming from,” he said. “I have honestly not paid attention to a single one of our
teams except the football and basketball teams, and whenever they have a losing season, I just head on home. I literally could not name a single player from the softball team. I wish all of them the best of luck and may God guide them on their quest.” The “quest” that McLaughlin is referring to is their journey to finding a new home. Now that they have given up on Fordham, the gals will have to find a new university to
call their home. The problem with this, of course, is that most schools which would suit their qualifications already have their own softball teams. So, instead of joining an already reputable school, the girls will look for a school that does not have a softball team, and seek to promote excellence from there. “We just want a change,” sophomore first basemen Jamie LaBovick said. “Plus, the maroon really was not working for me.”
According to reports from Brobible.com and CNN.com, the former Lady Rams already have a few schools on their watch lists. The team will be taking calls from colleges and universities around the clock, and the team will then hold interviews to see which school will get its services. Colleges included on the list of prospective homes include the South Harmon Institute of Technology, South Central Louisiana State University, Faber College and Hillman College. Now that the softball team is no more, the school has the budget to add one more sport to its varsity list; however, reports indicate that the University will not move any club sport up to the varsity level. Instead, Fordham will look to form an entirely new team and add it to the varsity roster. “Right now we’re looking at a list of prospective sports,” McLaughlin said via proxy. “We really like the idea of having a kickball team, maybe a wall-ball squad. We looked into tetherball, but we deemed that the construction of tetherball courts would not be feasible, given Fordham’s athletic budget.” A decision on which sport will be added is expected within the decade. As for the softball team, look out for the decision soon, assuming the move is approved by the NCAA, however, that is assuming the NCAA has heard of Fordham, which is a pretty big assumption to make.
Tom Pecora Announces Resignation From Men’s Basketball Team By GUS JOHNSON CONTRIBUTING SCREAMER
A little more than a year after Fordham lured former Hofstra men’s basketball head coach Tom Pecora to Rose Hill, the first-year coach has abruptly announced his resignation. Following a season that began with six wins in the team’s first 10 games, only to see the Rams go on a 17-game losing streak before winning their final game, Fordham now must begin yet another search for a new head coach. Executive Director of Athletics Frank McLaughlin was caught offguard by Pecora’s decision. “I had no warning, no idea at all,” McLaughlin said of Pecora leaving just a single season into his $3 million, five-year deal. “We paid that guy almost $100,000 per win this year. I’d say that win over Kennesaw State, played in front of a few dozen fans, wasn’t worth $100,000. Neither was beating Sacred Heart.” McLaughlin was grateful, at the very least, for the come-from-behind win over St. John’s in December. “Besides that game — and only that game — I really never thought he did much of anything around here,” he said. “Still, packing the gym that night helped us make a few thousand bucks to pay for his huge contract, even if it was a ton
of Johnnies’ fans.” Though he said little in his brief press conference earlier in the week, he alluded to Miami Heat forward LeBron James’ hyped decision last summer to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers, saying that he was “ready to take his talents elsewhere.” “I mean, I accomplished what I set out to do,” Pecora said. “This was a team that won just two games all of last year. Two games! And you know what my staff and I did this year? We tripled Fordham’s success. Screw it, we almost quadrupled our success from a year ago.” In 2008-09, the men’s basketball team won just three games, and last year, only two. With its seven wins this season, Pecora has a point. “You don’t see [Kentucky Head Coach John] Calipari quadrupling his wins one season to the next, you don’t see [Duke Head Coach Mike] Krzyzewski doing it, either,” Pecora said. “I don’t know what you guys think, but I might be the best head coach in America. There’s no way I can stay at a program like Fordham with those kinds of numbers.” McLaughlin said he is not sure where he will look for Fordham’s next coach, but he did mention he has kept former interim Head Coach Jared Grasso on speed dial for the past year, even while Grasso has moved on to Iona, where he is now an assistant coach. Another
possible candidate is current graduate student Brenton Butler, who played his last game in a Rams’ uniform a few weeks ago. Rumors have also circulated that famed professional coach Larry Brown, most recently of the Charlotte Bobcats, will be part of the discussion. “It would be great to have a guy like Larry coach here at Fordham,” Rams’ star sophomore forward Chris Gaston, an All-Atlantic-10 honorable mention selection this season, and Rookie of the Year in the previous campaign, said. “Pecora was a good guy, a good coach, and he’s probably doing what’s best for him. He’s just too big of a name to be coaching scrubs like us.” Freshman guard Branden Frazier echoed that sentiment. “Coach Pecora recruited me, so I thank him a lot for that,” he said. “I would even say that recruiting me was probably the best thing he ever did for this school.” The University plans to form a search committee and will announce a group of finalists within the next three weeks. The athletic office has opened the position to all current undergraduate students. McLaughlin himself has been seen knocking on doors in residence halls trying to find candidates with any high school or intramural experience, always a major prerequisite for any Fordham coaching job.
PHOTO BY ARI GOLD/THE RAM
Fordham men’s basketball Head Coach Tom Pecora shocked the University when he announced his resignation just one year into a five-year contract.
PAGE 18 • THE RAM • APRIL1, 20011
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SPORTS
Fordham Announces Move to IZOD Center for All Men’s Basketball Games Starting Next Season; Women Will Remain On Campus By CATHERTINE ZETA-JONES RESIDENT HOTTIE
With a five-win improvement over a 2-26 2009-10 season, Fordham men’s basketball will be playing all of its home games at the IZOD Center in East Rutherford, N.J. next year. “We are very excited to play at the IZOD Center,” Frank McLaughlin, Fordham’s Executive Director of Athletics said. “Everyone realizes that Fordham basketball has great potential, and the IZOD Center will help Fordham reach that potential.” After winning seven games, including its first conference win since January 28, 2009, Fordham feels that it is now ready to fill up the 20,000-seat arena. “For years, fans have complained about the deficiencies of the Rose Hill Gym,” Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University, said. “Now we will be utilizing an arena that has been the home of NBA basketball and NCAA tournament games.” In 2011, Fordham played four of its home games in the deserted arena, failing to draw over 2,200 fans for any of the games. In comparison, the Rose Hill Gym drew less than 2,200 only once after Winter Break. “We feel fans will be willing to make sacrifices,” McLaughlin said. “Even though it is much more inconvenient to travel to New Jersey than to have our games on the Fordham campus, we feel the product is now strong enough where we will have success no matter where we play. Remember, this is a team that beat St. John’s.” The decision also comes despite the lack of success at the IZOD Center. The team is 0-5 at the arena (including a loss against Villanova in 2008). In contrast, Fordham went 6-6 at Rose Hill in 2010-11, including the win over St. John’s and its only conference win of the season. “We feel that the wins in IZOD will come in time,” McLaughlin said. “We made drastic improvements last season, and they should continue to come. Every-
one wants Fordham to be good. It is a matter of time before recruits start coming here and we start realizing the potential in the basketball program.” The players, however, are not as optimistic. “This is just another reason for me to leave,” sophomore forward Chris Gaston said. “I should have left when I had the chance. [ Junior guard] Jio Fontan was right: My high school team was better than this, and more people came to our games, too.” “Why the Hell did I come here?” freshman forward Marvin Dominique said. “On the bright side, at least there will be less people watching me miss open threes,” freshman guard Branden Frazier said. “It’s a real shame people saw [senior guard] Brenton Butler turn the ball over and miss as many shots as he did.” The Rose Hill Gym, which was traditionally used as the primary home for Fordham men’s basketball, will still serve as the home for women’s basketball and volleyball. “Let’s be honest, nobody wants to see the women’s team,” McLaughlin said. “Even though the men’s team has struggled with attendance, at least they draw some kind of crowd. Even with us finally getting rid of [former Head Coach] Cathy Andruzzi, we’d struggle to sell out a phone booth for that team.” “Today is truly a special day for Fordham athletics,” McShane said. “The IZOD Center is on the verge of hosting such high-profile events such as Stars on Ice, Rammstein and Richard Nader’s Doowop Reunion. Even New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys will be performing at the IZOD Center. Obviously, the IZOD Center hosts only the biggest acts, and that now includes Fordham basketball.” Despite all the doubt and frustration over home games played 30 minutes away in a rundown, old arena, Fordham remains excited for the opportunity to have its basketball team play bad basketball in front of empty crowds. This could be the move that Fordham basketball needed.
PHOTO COURTESTY OF WIKIMEDIA
The broken-down arena will serve as home for men’s basketball games from now on. The arena is in such bad shape that even the New Jersey Nets and New Jersey Devils refuse to play there anymore.
APRIL 1, 2011 • THE RAM • PAGE 19
Brenton Butler to Return For Sixth Season By DERECK WHITTENBURG HEAD COACH
On Thursday, March 24, the men’s basketball program held a reception at a Times Square restaurant to put an official close to the season and honor this year’s team. After sharing everything from highlights of an upset over St. John’s to laughs of locker room stories to memories of a trying season, the Rams announced that Brenton Butler, the team’s redshirt senior guard, will be returning next year for a sixth season. “I’ve decided I’m not stopping just yet,” Butler said. “And, besides, I didn’t get a good housing lottery number last year. I heard the new dorms are sweet.” Head Coach Tom Pecora said that he “couldn’t be happier” about Butler’s return. Butler is just as happy about the situation. “I’m definitely happy to be around another year,” Butler said. “Roger Clemens did it. Why can’t I? Gordie Howe played a full NHL season when he was 51 [years old]. Who knows? Maybe I’ll become ‘Mr. Basketball.’” As for what classes he is going to take next year, Butler is not sure just yet. “I’ve been talking with my advisor lately,” Butler said. “And we’ve been trying to think of what classes I can take. Obviously, I’ve gotten all the credit I can [receive] from Fordham. I mean, I could graduate.” Due to NCAA regulations, however, Butler has to take at least one class if he is to be considered a student-athlete and play on a Division I team. “I hear there’s a modern dance class at the Lincoln Center campus,” Butler said. “That sounds pretty cool right now. Maybe [it will] help me on my footwork, too.” Butler also said that his parents
PHOTO BY ALEX SMITH/THE RAM
Brenton Butler will be the first player in the history of the NCAA to play for six seasons. No word on why the NCAA has made this exception for the guard.
were a “little bit shocked” that he has decided to spend another year in college, but they are not upset by their son’s decision. “You know, we thought he’d be coming back home to Georgia to start his career in finance or go overseas to try to play professionally, but I guess he’s not quite ready to leave the cafeteria food behind,” Mr. Butler said. “At first, I was a little mad. I thought he’d spend some time at home for a little while,” Mrs. Butler said, “Then I realized I won’t have to listen to constant dribbling in the house all day.” Rev. Father Joseph McShane, S.J., the president of the University, believes that this is a great move for both Butler and the men’s basketball program. “First off, Brenton will be able to continue his collegiate basketball career,” McShane said. “Secondly, this shows both the continuity that the Fordham University men’s basketball program has and the great relationships that Tom Pecora is devel-
oping with his players. Think about it: Brenton played under Coach Pecora for one year, and that’s obviously not enough for him.” It is assumed that Butler will once again start at guard and be a team captain. According to Coach Pecora, Butler’s leadership skills are “unquestioned and would be of use to any team.” “It’s not like I’m a gray 41year-old who can’t make up his mind or goes down with any contact at all,” Butler said. “I’ll be 23 [years old] next year: I think I can still run up and down the court and find ways to motivate guys in the locker room.” While McShane, Coach Pecora, and Mr. and Mrs. Butler are excited for Butler’s return to Rose Hill, no one is more excited than Butler himself. “Free tuition, room and board and all the basketball I can play?” Butler said. “I’m milking this thing as long as I can — seven, eight, ten years ... who knows?”
Baseball Team Seeks More YouTube Attention By LLOYD CHRISTMAS LIMO DRIVER
Stemming from the acrobatics and imminent rise to fame of Fordham’s junior Brian Kownacki, the men’s baseball team came into this season with high expectations and plans to continue its status as an Internet sensation. Already, the Rams have begun making the effort to create more highlight-reel plays. “Generally, I try to wait a few seconds before going for the ball,” junior second baseman Kownacki said. “A diving play is always more exciting than a normal catch, even if I don’t get to the ball every time. It’s all about the video clips.” Kownacki’s sentiments have been echoed by other members of the team, who agree that Internet fame is the number-one priority. “The more of us who can get on ‘SportsCenter,’ the better,” junior left fielder Stephen McSherry said. “Plays in the outfield are more dramatic than infield plays anyway. It’s not all about Brian.” It seemed as if the team’s new mentality was paying dividends early, as the Rams got off to a 9-2 start this season before arriving at
their current 14-9 record. Though the wins are not coming as readily as they were at the beginning of the season, Head Coach Nick Restaino is enthusiastic about this season’s future. “As long as those highlight plays keep coming, I’m happy,” he said. “What’s important is getting on YouTube and, ultimately, a return to the ESPY Awards. If we win games in the process, that’s just an added bonus.” For those looking for a repeat of last year’s acrobatics, Fordham’s first home game on March 2 against Manhattan did not disappoint. Down by one in the first inning, the Rams answered in their own half with an astonishing play by senior catcher Chris Walker. Walker, at bat with two men on, switched from the left to the right side of the plate as the pitch was coming, swinging the bat behind his back. Though the ball did not make it out of the infield, the Jaspers’ players were so disoriented that both runners were able to score, giving the Rams the lead that they would hold for the rest of the game. Walker was ecstatic after the victory.
“I finally got my chance,” he said. “I’m a senior, so this is my final opportunity to become a collegiate Internet sensation. I think this was definitely a step in the right direction. I’ll bet they’re already talking about it over at ESPN.” Walker’s attitude is displayed throughout the team’s approach. Though the Rams have already played their home opener this year, they still have a number of big home games to come. These match-ups, especially against out-of-conference rivals Iona (on April 19) and Columbia (on April 27), are sure to be full of spectacular surprises. “We have something planned, yeah,” Kownacki said in an exclusive interview with The Ram. “I can’t really give you all the details, but I can say that it involves a hang glider and a trampoline in the outfield.” Restaino was similarly secretive, though he offered a taste for what was to come. “It’s gonna be out of this world,” he said. “They’ll be playing it on the JumboTron in Times Square. I can assure you, you’ve never seen anything like it. ESPY Awards, here we come.”
APRIL 1, 2011
PAGE 20
Gaston to Leave Basketball for Squash By BOBBY HILL ROSE GARDNER
In a somewhat stunning move this Thursday, Chris Gaston announced that he has decided to quit the Fordham basketball team. It seems as though one conference win in two seasons was simply not enough for the star sophomore. In an even more shocking twist to this saga, Gaston announced in a wild press conference in front of a packed house at the Student Deli that he would be joining the squash team. The press conference resembled a men’s basketball game when they promise to give away free t-shirts and iPads. “This fall, and it’s a hard decision, I will be taking my talents to South Courts,” Gaston said. At this point, not many people were sure what Gaston was talking about, but he did offer some form of explanation. “By that, I mean that I will only be playing on the south courts of the new squash facility. I will be joining the squash team next season.” When asked what his reason was for the change, Gaston simply shook his head, rolled his eyes and walked out. Gaston seemed visibly shaken by the question, which was asked by Nancy from the cafeteria. We are still not sure what the reason for his reaction was. After taking some time to compose himself, Gaston walked back in, ordered a Buffalo chick-
en sandwhich from SubConnection, returned it because there were too many tomatoes on it, got a new one with less tomatoes and took his seat once again. It was clear that he had been crying. At this point, Gaston stood up and shouted. “I wanna say something to y’all,” Gaston exclaimed. “I want to be known as the greatest squash player alive!” At this point everyone was pretty freaked out, and nobody seemed to care much anymore, so they all just left. It looked like a men’s basketball game at half time. For any of you who are not friends with Gaston on Facebook, make sure you send him a request, because he has left us with some gems over the years. After the press conference, which clearly did not go as planned, Gaston took to the social networking site to make some more statements and requests. “YOOOO I am so sck of all dis noise,” Gaston said via status. “i do not knw why every1 cant just let me do what i wanna do CUZ! aLl i have ever wantd to do is be a squash player! i love the sound the ball makes when it hits off the wall! boo! hahahahaha i never even likd plyin ball man. I just did that so no1 would laugh at me. bt now i am alrght wid it, i dnt care what all yall think about me. i am a squasher! always have been! Always will be! Squash yo! yeah bby!! Watch out cause
PHOTO BY NORA MALLOZZI/THE RAM
Former basketball star Chris Gaston has decided to leave hoops behind in order to fulfill his squash dreams.
im gonna be takin the courts by stomr!!!!!!” Gaston has already asked for the No. 1 spot on the squash team. All members of the squash team have agreed to give it to Gaston, mostly out of fear. “He is bigger than us,” one player, who wished to remain anonymous, said. Rumors are that Gaston has also been designing new uniforms for the squash team, including the first ever Air Jordan squash shoes. When asked about
the rumor that they were working with Gaston in the development of the shoe, a Nike representative said, “What’s a Fordham?” Gaston was unable to be reached for further comment, and reports are that he is currently taking time to celebrate his decision at the Candy Lounge. When asked about the shocking decision, Fordham men’s basketball Head Coach Tom Pecora seemed to have come to terms with it. “It will be okay — no really
we’ll, be okay,” Pecora said. “I swear we’ll be okay. Oh my God we are so screwed!” Pecora was later seen staring blankly off into space while sitting in his car, and has been calling Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., president of the University, every hour, on the hour, for consolation. Pecora was recently seen sitting alone in his office with all the lights off, with nothing but a jar of maraschino cherries and a half-empty bottle of Everclear on his desk.
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PHOTO BY SIMON SULIT/THE RAM
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By [WRITER] [STAFF POSITION]
Fordham’s men’s and women’s outdoor track and field teams travelled to [CITY AND STATE] at [NAME OF UNIVERSITY] on [DAY OF WEEK, MONTH DAY] for [NAME OF MEET]. The men’s team placed [PLACE] of [NUMBER] teams and the women came in [PLACE] of [NUMBER] teams. The teams were pleased with the results. [MEN’S QUOTE] [WOMEN’S QUOTE] On the men’s side, [YEAR PLAYER-PROBABLY BRIAN SCHMIDT] was the highlight,
placing [PLACE] in [TIME], [ACCOLADES]. In the [EVENT], [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] and [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] ([TIMES], respectively). [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the [EVENT with [TIME], with [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] with [TIME]. [YEAR NAME] placed [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME], while in the [EVENT], [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] ([TIME]) and[YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] ([TIME]). In the [EVENT], [YEAR NAME] finished [PLACE] ([TIME]) and [YEAR NAME] finished [PLACE] ([TIME]). [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the
[EVENT] with [TIME], followed by [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] ([TIME]) and [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] ([TIME]). In the field events, [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME/MARK], followed by [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] with [TIME/MARK] and [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] with [TIME/MARK]. [YEAR NAME] placed [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME/ MARK]. [YEAR NAME] and [YEAR NAME] were [PLACE] and [PLACE], respectively in the [EVENT] ([TIME] and [TIME]), while [YEAR NAME] placed [PLACE] in the [EVENT] ([TIME/MARK]). In the EVENT, [YEAR/NAME] took [PLACE] with [TIME/MARK], followed by [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] with [TIME/MARK] and [YEAR NAME] in [PLACE] with [TIME/MARK] In the relays, the [TEAM] team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME] and [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] with [TIME]. The [TEAM] team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME] and [YEAR NAME] finished [PLACE] with [TIME], and the [TEAM] team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME] and [YEAR NAME] fin-
ished [PLACE] with [TIME]. For the women, the highlight was [YEAR NAME- PROBABLY KERRI GALLAGHER] [PLACE]-place finish in the [EVENT], coming in at [TIME]. [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME] and [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME], and [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME]. For the field events, [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] in the [EVENT], coming in at [TIME/MARK] and [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] in the [EVENT], coming in at [TIME/ MARK]. [YEAR NAME] placed [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME/MARK], and [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME/MARK] and [PLACE] in the [EVENT] with [TIME/MARK]. The [TEAM] relay team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME] AND [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] with [TIME], while the [TEAM] team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME] and [YEAR NAME] took [PLACE] with [TIME]. The [TEAM] team of [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME], [YEAR NAME]
and [YEAR NAME] came in [PLACE] ([TIME]). The teams are now training for upcoming meets, in particular [REALLY BIG MEET]. [MEN’S QUOTE] [WOMEN’S QUOTE] The teams will next compete [DAY, MONTH DATE] at the [MEET] in [CITY, STATE] at [UNIVERSITY]’s [STADIUM]. Process: 1. Rewrite press release, but with correct grammar and in AP style. 2. Fact check the press release against the official results and rosters, then fix all the times, places and names. 3. Obnoxiously message the athletes via Facebook in an attempt to glean one or two quotations. 4. Email the sports editor in a panic, on Sunday night, saying it will be late due to not having quotes. Claim it is perfect otherwise. 5. Get around to editing the article and all the typos you made. 6. Send the article at 6 a.m. Tuesday, sans quotes. 7. Start phone chains until you get all the quotes needed. 8. Act like nothing is wrong when the sports editor glares at you all night long during production on Tuesday.