5 minute read
THE DEATH CAFÉ
DEATH CAFÉ
Sharing tea, cake and discussions about death is not something you do every day. Kate visited the Death Café in Stamford to find out how it can help
IAM VERY open to discussing what I’d like to happen after I die; I’m not so open about discussing my actual death. In fact, I have regular nightmares about it. I’ve chosen a poem for my funeral, but not the hymns yet, and I know where my ashes are going to be scattered. Although my family, who think I’m a control freak, joke and say maybe they’ll ignore my wishes and do it their way just to annoy me. At least we can laugh about it. But many people are frightened of discussing death and dying and, if you are ill or in pain, I can fully understand why.
How wonderful then that there is a place dedicated to ‘increasing awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their finite li es resumably if you are more conscious of your mortality then perhaps you will learn to live your life more fully. And by discussing all aspects of death, it helps to normalise what, inevitably, will happen to all of us.
There are Death Cafés all over the world; over 14,000 in 81 countries at the last count. Originally invented by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, the model was developed in the UK by a gentleman called Jon Underwood and his mother Sue Barsky in Hackney. It is a social franchise so anyone can set up a branch using the guide on the website.
Annie Hall founded the Stamford café a few months
before the pandemic and ha ing tried out di erent enues settled on the room at Mindspace in Broad Street. The conversation is group directed with no agenda or particular ob ecti e o one is there to fi anything or counsel or analyse anyone eople come to listen as much as talk s facilitator nnie may introduce a topic to start o the con ersation asking for e ample if you had a choice how would you choose to die? Do you believe in something after death? Or how would you like to be remembered?
If I felt some trepidation when I walked in, I needn’t have worried he con ersation ows all o er the place with plenty of laughter. We ranged from symbolic robins and psychic e periences to scattering ashes in what turns out not to be a peaceful place to the benefits of bringing home the body of a loved one the night before the funeral. eople often superstitiously think if we talk about our own death, we’ll make it happen,’ says Annie. ‘Here we want to enable conversations about death and help make the topic less morbid. We give people the space and respect to talk about whatever concerns them. You don’t have to continue the previous person’s conversation. onfidentiality is key and we don t lead anyone to a particular conclusion or course of action.’
Talking openly about death can certainly generate plenty of emotions and everyone will come to the group for di erent reasons and at di erent stages in their life and grief, but it seemed to me to be a very positive and uplifting e perience
Meetings last an hour and take place on the second Tuesday of the month from 2.30pm at the Mindspace Café in Broad Street, Stamford.
For more details visit deathcafeinstamford Facebook page or email thedeathcafeinstamford@gmail.com www.deathcafe.com
GRIEF COMES IN many shapes and sizes and a ects us all di erently erea ement doesn t always mean the loss of a person although it usually refers to this ou can be bereft by the loss of a belo ed pet or the breakdown of a marriage relationship or friendship e en redundancy or a life changing situation Grief is about loss and that comes in many di erent guises hey say there are di erent stages of grief; some say four others se en but the most common are denial anger bargaining depression and finally acceptance Some people manage to cope well and come out of the other side and are able to re ert to normal life whilst others
YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Grief is something we will all probably experience at some time in our lives, often more than once. Help is available to cope with it if you need it
understandably really struggle t is ery easy to get stuck in one or more of these stages and not be able to mo e on without some help
Grief and loss often go together and sometimes can be almost too much to bear ut there is help out there Sometimes talking to a close friend or family member can be beneficial but at times more help is needed; professional help in some cases here are berea ement counsellors a ailable if you can a ord to pay for them see your doctor or charitable organisations o ering help hese counsellors help you deal with your grief and uite often can help you when you get stuck at a certain stage ften the first step is recognising that you need help and there is no shame in admitting that and thankfully those days ha e gone ne of the best known charities that o ers help without a long waiting list is ruse erea ement Support who ha e specially trained berea ement olunteers across ngland ales and orthern reland hese counsellors o er their ser ices for free and last year people recei ed indi idual support and helpline support ast year million people isited their website so the help this charity o ers people is in aluable t is reassuring to know that berea ement help is a ailable emember you are not alone
