DE AT H CA F É Sharing tea, cake and discussions about death is not something you do every day. Kate visited the Death Café in Stamford to find out how it can help
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AM VERY open to discussing what I’d like to happen after I die; I’m not so open about discussing my actual death. In fact, I have regular nightmares about it. I’ve chosen a poem for my funeral, but not the hymns yet, and I know where my ashes are going to be scattered. Although my family, who think I’m a control freak, joke and say maybe they’ll ignore my wishes and do it their way just to annoy me. At least we can laugh about it. But many people are frightened of discussing death and dying and, if you are ill or in pain, I can fully understand why. How wonderful then that there is a place dedicated to ‘increasing awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their finite li es resumably if you are more conscious of your mortality then perhaps you will learn to live your life more fully. And by discussing all aspects of death, it helps to normalise what, inevitably, will happen to all of us. There are Death Cafés all over the world; over 14,000 in 81 countries at the last count. Originally invented by Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, the model was developed in the UK by a gentleman called Jon Underwood and his mother Sue Barsky in Hackney. It is a social franchise so anyone can set up a branch using the guide on the website. Annie Hall founded the Stamford café a few months
‘If I felt some trepidation when I walked in, I needn’t have worried. The conversation flows all over the place, with plenty of laughter.’
before the pandemic and ha ing tried out di erent enues settled on the room at Mindspace in Broad Street. The conversation is group directed with no agenda or particular ob ecti e o one is there to fi anything or counsel or analyse anyone eople come to listen as much as talk s facilitator nnie may introduce a topic to start o the con ersation asking for e ample if you had a choice how would you choose to die? Do you believe in something after death? Or how would you like to be remembered? If I felt some trepidation when I walked in, I needn’t have worried he con ersation ows all o er the place with plenty of laughter. We ranged from symbolic robins and psychic e periences to scattering ashes in what turns out not to be a peaceful place to the benefits of bringing home the body of a loved one the night before the funeral. eople often superstitiously think if we talk about our own death, we’ll make it happen,’ says Annie. ‘Here we want to enable conversations about death and help make the topic less morbid. We give people the space and respect to talk about whatever concerns them. You don’t have to continue the previous person’s conversation. onfidentiality is key and we don t lead anyone to a particular conclusion or course of action.’ Talking openly about death can certainly generate plenty of emotions and everyone will come to the group for di erent reasons and at di erent stages in their life and grief, but it seemed to me to be a very positive and uplifting e perience Meetings last an hour and take place on the second Tuesday of the month from 2.30pm at the Mindspace Café in Broad Street, Stamford. For more details visit deathcafeinstamford Facebook page or email thedeathcafeinstamford@gmail.com www.deathcafe.com
30 July 2022 / theactivemag.com
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