Editor’s Slice Hello
Firstly, I must thank all of you who have commented to Claire and I on the new-look Andalucían and said how much you are enjoying it, especially liking that we publish midmonth. I love the cover picture this month - it has captured the fantastic blue skies and amazing wild flowers that we can see around at the moment. I have two fields of them - but not by design! We’ve added our new classified advertising for properties and motors to help you reach a wider audience for selling these items. At only 5€ a month and great offers on a six-month campaign of only 20€ per box, we’re bringing you good value advertising once more. With regard to properties for sale and rent, we have an interesting article regarding the new EPC (energy performance certificate) on page 27 – don’t miss out on that sale through ignorance or even possibly risk a hefty fine. As always, we’ve featured local events and charity articles; we do aim to support the communities we serve. Please contact us if you would like your charity featured in a future issue. We have the Pizarra art group exhibition this month and also the funday for AMIDIS in Mollina – I will be there playing football. Last time I stepped on a pitch it wasn’t a great experience - I made the painful realisation that my fitness level had dropped significantly since my 20s! With fitness in mind, the 5x50 Challenge is coming to an end and we have a catch-up with Fran on page 24 to see how the Las Salinas group has done. So, whatever you do this month, be sure and have a great time.
Mike
The Andalucían X5092417D Calle Juanito Romero s/n Campillos 29320, Malaga
Next deadline: 27 May
Contact us Telephone: +34 952 723075 Mobile: +34 627 683380 info@theandalucian.com www.theandalucian.com
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Owner: Claire Marriott Editor: Mike Marriott
See our Classified Deals on page 31
Special thanks to our writers and contributors Alice Marriott John Sharrock Taylor Fran Rajewski Stuart Langley James Harper Tricia Johnson
Talking Point
Consolidating the true
cost of war
If you’re paying off a mortgage on your house and then take a ‘repayment holiday’ because you’re getting into financial difficulties in the current climate, you can be reasonably sure that if you quietly try to continue not paying for the next few months – let alone decades ─ the bank will sit up and take notice. In fact, if you don’t cough up the money when they send demanding letters, it won’t be long before they repossess your house and you end up having to move in with the in-laws, which sounds like the premise for a drab sitcom. When it comes to national governments lending each other money, it’s an altogether different game. Frankly, you’d be amazed how relaxed countries can be about bothering to pay each other back. The UK has a particularly poor record when it comes to costs arising directly or indirectly from war. The British government borrowed more than $4 billion from the United States following the end of the second world war — and made the last of 50 payments only on 26 December 2006 (six years late). However, when it comes to the first world war, the UK sort of ─ ahem ─ stopped paying the US back in the 1930s, by which time the outstanding amount was already more than $4 billion. The Americans kind of never really asked Britain to sort things out — not properly, anyway — and, well, you know how it is, it would have been more awkward to bring it up than ignore it. Technically, if the British government were to honour the debt, they’d need to find a spare $80 billion in today’s money.
Going further back in time, the Napoleonic wars were an expensive period for the Kingdom of Great Britain (which became the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland with the 1800 Act of Union). Between 1793 and the defeat of Napoleon Bonaparte at Waterloo in 1815, Britain’s national debt pretty much quadrupled and rose to something like 250 per cent of nominal GDP (a ratio not subsequently matched until the end of WW2). Much of the cash raised ─ and hence owed ─ took the form of consols. The consol — a shortened form of ‘consolidated annuities’ — was a concept dreamed up in the 1750s by Sir Henry Pelham, in his dual capacity as Prime Minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer. It was an ingenious way to consolidate the government’s wide and confusing range of outstanding debts into a unified 3.5 per cent bond, resulting in lower payments by the government. For those of us who spend too much time watching adverts on daytime TV, this was an official way of Sir Henry Pelham enthusiastically telling the Treasury: ‘Consolidate all your debts into one easy payment!’
Thanks largely to some economic jiggery-pokery by Chancellor George Goschen in 1888, the consols’ coupon rate (effectively the interest rate) was eventually reduced to 2.5 per cent, which is what it remains to this day for the £200 million or so still in issue. With such a low interest rate, the reasoning is that continuing to pay out on the consols represents a better deal for the national debt than buying them back. In 1945, it only took the cost of a simple piece of leather to finish off the last American descendant of the Bonaparte family, Jerome-Napoleon Charles Bonaparte, who broke his neck in Central Park after tripping over the lead of his wife’s dog!
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Charity News
The current situation regarding
chronic, non-curable illnesses
Currently, in our society, there are many new types of illnesses which are chronic, non-curable, of long duration, which progress slowly and which cause premature death and a reduced quality of life. Amongst others, we are talking about illnesses such as cancer and certain cardiovascular conditions. With the passing of time and given the abundance of these problems, we are now aware of the psychological, economical and social affects upon the families concerned and society in general. For this reason, the World Health Organisation (WHO) declares that the care of patients with these types of illnesses should be total and active. This means we must think about a system of care that goes beyond the medical kind: not only addressing symptom and pain control, but also considering the psychological, social and spiritual aspects which affect the patient, family members and carers. It is not difficult to imagine how a person with a life-threatening or non-curable illness suffers psychological problems, knowing or sensing that he could die within a short time. These could be loss of sense to life, questions about the afterlife/ spirituality, serious economic problems, such as the effects of the loss of a salary to the household, or social problems ─ having once been an active member within the family, the patient now assumes a passive role. These situations can sometimes be more difficult for the family to cope with than for the actual patient, as it is the family who have to manage the situation during the illness and subsequent bereavement. This idea has been introduced into the palliative care services of our Spanish hospitals, which try to give the best quality of life to patients and their family members or carers. By quality of life, we mean to provide the patient with the best possible conditions during the duration of his life, and not prolong life unduly if the patient is suffering chronic pain or is approaching death. To treat these progressive, incurable illnesses, which do not respond to conventional treatment and have multiple symptoms (as with many types of cancer), extensive medical training is required. However, medical training does not cover the other facets as
mentioned previously and therein lies the problem. Doctors realise that they have to be trained beyond curative care and that other professionals form part of the palliative care team, eg there would normally be a psychologist in the department. Although our laws recognise that these needs should be met, the social reality is that hospitals are finding it very difficult to provide these services ─ at all or in time. With the current cutbacks in the health service, the situation is even more complicated. Many people are aware of this problem and charitable associations have sprung up to offer help. Asociación Girasol is one such, and tries to fulfil the non-medical needs which patients and families/ carers may have by offering support both during the illness and after bereavement. Our service covers the towns of Alameda, Fuente de Piedra, Humilladero and Mollina, which should also have their needs met. Those of you who are interested in the subject, and want to understand palliative care, should not hesitate to ask. I also hope you now know more about Asociación Girasol and what we can do to help. If you wish to become a member, volunteer or would like more information, visit our web page: www. or contact us on: info@ asocicationgirasol.com, asociaciongirasol.com Translated from the original article in Spanish by Antonio J. Torres de la Piedra, Psychologist and Trustee of Asociación Girasol.
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Spotlight
Everard, Gordon and the Impossible Dream You’ve all met Everard and Gordon. Or if you haven’t actually met them, you certainly know somebody like them. They used to be regulars at the Minorca in Wigan and since they retired to Spain they’ve taken over a corner of my local, Bar La Parrilla, where they rattle their dominoes aggressively when Estefanía turns off the telly at quiz time. ‘Do you like quizzes, Gordon?’ ‘I can’t stand ‘em.’ ‘Neither can I.’ At my advanced age I have few ambitions left, but two of the remaining ones are centred on Everard and Gordon. The first is to find anything, apart from beer and dominoes, that this pair of curmudgeons really do like. My second ambition is to drag them ─ by hook, crook or, if necessary, some more powerful and preferably painful agricultural implement ─ to one of the events periodically presented by my choral group, La Vid y La Vida. They didn’t, of course, come to our Evensong of the Annunciation last month. ‘We don’t travel much in t’winter, tha knaws.’ ‘Travel? The church is only a cock-stride from the bar.’ ‘We don’t like churches.’ ‘What about concerts? We’ve got one coming up at Hotel Caserío in Iznájar on May 31st. Music for a Spring Evening, it’s called.’ ‘We don’t like spring. It always rains.’ ‘The concert’s indoors. And the end of May isn’t really spring. But we can call it Music for a Summer Evening if that would help.’ ‘We don’t like summer. It’s too hot.’ We’ve been having this Groundhog Day conversation for the past five years, ever since La Vid y La Vida’s first event, a Victorian evening entitled Sing Round the Aspidistra. ‘I can’t sing. Can you, Gordon?’ ‘No, not bloody likely. All them poncy fa-la-las!’ ‘You don’t have to sing. The choir does the singing.’ ‘Round an aspidistra?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Why not a piano? You’d get a better tune out of a piano.’ ‘There’s a piano as well, of course.’ ‘I don’t like aspidistras.’ ‘Neither do I. Bloody big green things. What use are they?’
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When I tackled them about Music for a Spring Evening it was more in hope than expectation: ‘There’ll be music to cater for all tastes, Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen and Mamma Mia by Abba, for instance.’ ‘I don’t like Swedes.’ ‘Neither do I. Give me a plate of chips every time.’ ‘And some really catchy South American songs.’ ‘In Spanish?’ ‘Of course.’ ‘We don’t do Spanish. Except for ‘Dos cervezas, por favor’. ‘It’s not all in Spanish. Alex will be playing some Scottish favourites on the accordion.’ ‘More foreign stuff, then.’ ‘All right, I give up. Getting you two to appreciate a bit of culture is always going to be the impossible dream.’ ‘What?’ ‘The impossible dream.’ ‘Now that’s a proper tune, that is. If you were singing that one I’d definitely be buying a ticket, wouldn’t you, Gordon? ‘Aye, I would that.’ ‘But we are singing it.’ ‘Why didn’t you say so in the first place? How much are the tickets? ‘Five euros, in aid of Cancer Research.’ ‘Here you are, squire, and keep the change.’ ‘There isn’t any.’ ‘I wondered how long it would take you to spot that’. Since its premiere on Broadway in 1965, the theme from The Man of La Mancha has been sung by a galaxy of stars such as Domingo and Carreras and even survived attempted murder by the likes of Sinatra and Elvis. It’s a catchy tune but there’s more to it than that. Have a look at Miranda France’s delightful book, Don Quixote’s Delusions: Travels in Castilian Spain. It starts with a funeral mass in a chilly chapel in Madrid; a funeral which takes place every year with an empty coffin because the bones of the man who ought to have occupied it were scattered when the church was rebuilt 80 years after his death. It seems that Miguel de Cervantes has escaped from his tomb, just as his hero continues to evade capture up to this very day. We all think we know Don Quixote, the impoverished country gentleman obsessed with the lost age of chivalry, the man who rode a bony nag called Rocinante, the knight who had a tubby squire named
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Spotlight Sancho Panza, the romantic whose light o’ love was called (by him, at least) Dulcinea, the lunatic who tilted at those fat manchego windmills thinking they were giants. But for many of us, the greatest quixotic delusion is the idea that we’ve actually read the book when very few of us really have. Cervantes’ characters seem to have had the extraordinary power of recreating themselves in every era since they first sprang to life in 1605. The locations in Don Quixote de La Mancha are real, and when Spain celebrated the 400th anniversary of the book in 2005, several people in the village of El Toboso claimed descent from the Don’s lady love. 23 years earlier, Graham Greene had written a picaresque novel, Monsignor Quixote, in which Father Quixote, the 20th century parish priest of El Toboso, embarks on an odyssey through Spain in Rocinante, an old Seat 600, accompanied by the communist mayor, inevitably known as Sancho. Like his famous ‘ancestor’, Monsignor Quixote confronts the contemporary giants which threaten to crush the human spirit, whether at Golgotha or in Tiananmen Square. Alec Guinness and Leo McKern played the key roles in a TV series and the scene in which the dying Quixote gives communion to Sancho in a mass without bread or wine is deeply moving. Cervantes’s hero has become the embodiment of anyone who confronts seemingly impossible odds.
The novel includes the epitaphs of the three main characters: Sancho’s worldly ambitions have gone up in smoke, plump Dulcinea is now dust and ashes, but death has not triumphed over Don Quixote, who has lived mad but died sane. Sanity, it seems, consists in living true to one’s ideal. A doughty gentleman lies here; A stranger all his life to fear; Nor in his death could Death prevail, In that last hour, to make him quail. He for the world but little cared; And at his feats the world was scared; A crazy man his life he passed, But in his senses died at last. Come and join us at Music for a Spring Evening, when we will be singing The Impossible Dream and also Mexican composer Rodolfo Halffter’s setting of Tres Epitafios de Don Quixote, at Hotel Caserío de Iznájar, Friday May 31 at 7.30 pm. Tickets €5.00 in aid of La Asociación Española Contra el Cáncer. Of course they won’t be humming along with the Abba, Queen or Beach Boys excerpts, the Scottish favourites or the audience participation numbers with Los Dos Jaimes, but keep your eyes peeled and you just might catch a glimpse of Everard and Gordon lurking behind the aspidistra. More information about the concert and La Vid y La Vida at http://www.johnsharrocktaylor.webs.com/
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Just for Fun
May’s twenty teasers -
mixed bag of mind-blowing questions
1 Who famously sailed in HMS Beagle? 2 Who was the legendary son of British king Luther Pendragon? 3 Which is the largest town in the Channel Islands? 4 Which is Scotland’s biggest lake? 5 The Titanic was a vessel belonging to which shipping line? 6 If A is Alpha, what is P? 7 RA is the international vehicle registration for which country? 8 How many glasses are served by a magnum of champagne? 9 The Sex Kitten was the nickname of which actress? 10 What was first discovered in February 1851 at Summerhill Creek, Australia? 11 Hg is the symbol for which element? 12 What size of paper is half of A4? 13 Whom did Madonna marry on 22 December 2000? 14 Joe Johnson was world champion at which sport in 1986?
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15 What musical note is half the length of a crotchet? 16 What does a speleologist explore? 17 A zander is a type of which creature? 18 Who is the patron saint of Russia? 19 In which US state is the Mojave desert? 20 Which former M15 officer wrote Spycatcher?
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How many zebras can you see? Answers on page 11.
Things to Do
Art on show at Pizarra Every Wednesday, a group of dedicated amateur artists, all of whom live in the Guadalhorce Valley area, collect their paints, brushes, canvasses and papers together and travel to Venta La Masia in Villafranco for their three-hour class. This is run through their membership of the Inland Group of the Marbella section of U3A. The 20 or so people who attend the class, which is run by Julia Holley from Alhaurín de la Torre, are to have their hard work rewarded from May 7 to May 17 through an exhibition which is being staged in the beautiful old ayuntamiento building in Pizarra’s Plaza de la Constitution. Up to 60 examples of their work will be on display from 11 am until 2 pm, weekends excepted. Entry will be free and it is hoped that the show will encourage others to join the class and hone their skills. The exhibition was the joint idea of fellow artists Bill Green and Julia, both of whom have lived in the area for more than 20 years. They felt it was a shame that the results of all the hard work that everyone put in could not be seen by a wider audience. Julia, whose expertise lies in wet on wet oil painting of flowers and land and seascapes, works to bring together the various skills of all her students, some of whom work in water colour and acrylic paints as well as oils. This is not the first time that the group has shown its work in public. Early last year there was an exhibition in the Casa de la Culture, Alhaurín el Grande, under the auspices of U3A, and another at the same location is planned for September, though final dates have not yet been fixed.
there every Thursday, some of the attendees being members of the art class. While officially, U3A does not hold classes during the summer, the Julia Holley class will continue each week until the September re-enrolment because of its popularity ─ not just as an art class, but as a meeting place for friends who can discuss their techniques over a class of wine and tapas or menú del día once the class has finished. The old ayuntamiento building in Pizarra has been chosen because it offers enough space for a good representation of everyone’s work to be shown. The class members will staff the exhibition during its duration. It will be launched at a private viewing for friends and family on the evening before its opening to the public. The final selection of the paintings has now been made, and all that remains is for them to be suitably framed and prepared for hanging, which will also be done by the artists themselves and co-opted partners.
The classes are attended by people who aspire to paint but have had no experience, as well as those who have painted for many years or might have painted years ago and picked up their brushes again having come to Spain. La Venta Masia is an ideal location as it is central to most of the students and has a room which the owners generously let out at a modest daily rent. So popular is the venue that Spanish lessons are held
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Short Story
Friends in new places by James Harper A low fog clung to the deserted London streets as the first morning light reflected off the wet pavements below Pippa’s feet. Black puddles formed like small lakes, just waiting to devour a passerby's shoe. The chilled air floated around her body and penetrated her bones and she knew the only remedy would be a warm bath and a hot cup of black coffee. Coffee was vital for Pippa — the darker the better. She enjoyed its intensity immensely. With only two streets to go, she pulled her coat snugly around her thin dancer’s frame and quickened her pace, all while trying to avoid stepping in the puddles. "I'm home. Did you make coffee?" Pippa asked as she pulled the front door closed behind her. "You know I can't make coffee," Adrian replied, sounding irritated. They had lived together in their small yet practical rented flat for almost a year now. Even though they had their share of arguments, neither of them would admit how much they enjoyed each other's company. Due to work, Pippa was usually home during the day and gone at night while Adrian was the opposite. However, Adrian did manage to be around when she came home at around 5am every morning. This was her favourite time of the day because even though she was a night person, she had always found something strangely calming about walking home on the empty, soundless, city streets. "Your mum called while you were out and she said she loves you and you’re to call her. I tried to pick
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up the phone in time but I wasn't able to and so the machine got it," he informed her. "Adrian, never pick up when she calls, please," she requested. "Why not?" "She thinks I'm living alone and the last thing I want to do is try to explain you to her." With that, Adrian shrugged and let it go. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Not really. Jess brought some cakes from the twenty-four hour store on our break and I have to get to that dance audition in a few hours. I would love some coffee though." She answered while pulling off her shoes and dropping her coat and bag to the floor. She was actually too cold to want to sit down and eat. The idea of a hot bath could lure her away from almost anything if it was cold enough outside. Doing a gradual strip on her way via the kettle to the bathroom, and leaving a trail of clothes along the way, she drew herself a bath. This was her routine every morning after getting off from work at the club. Regardless of being a spontaneous person she still liked the comfort of a routine. After a few minutes, the coffee was made and the bath was full — Pippa placed the mug on the side of the tub and sunk herself in just past her mouth. She could feel her leg muscles relaxing as the water lapped over her. As usual, Adrian followed her into the bathroom every morning and would talk to her as she bathed. This was all part of their daily routine.
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Short Story Glancing back at the trail of half-soaked clothes on the floor he smirked. "You certainly don't have a problem taking your clothes off in a hurry," he said. Pippa squinted her eyes at him and responding to his taunt by blowing childish bubbles in the water. She didn’t care for his teasing this morning; she just wanted to feel the water penetrate her skin, her bones and her being. She felt as if her entire body was dissolving into the water. She liked to depend on things that were simple and would always be sublime in her mind. Whether it was a bath, a cup of coffee or a book, all were seemingly plain everyday indulgences that would never disappoint her. If the bath, coffee or book were ever bad then she could always just do them over or get another one. After her bath, she retreated to the couch and opened a book to read. Adrian couldn't resist this opportunity to pester her again. "You know what I've been thinking today?" he asked. "What?" She replied as she glanced up from her book. "Don't you find it amusing that you’re a stripper called Pippa?” "How dare you! I’m not a stripper ─ I’m a dancer in a club." She corrected him as she looked back down at her book and kept her eyes there for a while. "Is there really a difference?" "Yes, you know there is!" she stated. “You are so easy to wind up!” “Leave me alone.” It was true; Pippa had worked at a fairly seedy club ever since she moved to London, but not as a stripper. So many people back home had told her that she was destined to do more with her life and talents than to spend her time in their tiny village in Cornwall — she should head to the bright lights, they told her. She had heard it so often that eventually she ended up believing it herself. With little money and one suitcase, she’d left in the middle of the night and driven all the way to London in her bright yet battered orange Fiesta. And here she was now; yes, she was dancing every night – which she loved ─ but it was hardly in the West End which she had craved. She felt that the greatest thing she had managed to do since being here was pretending to be two different dancers at work one night to cover for a friend. Her escapade was completed with costume and wig changes. Maybe this morning’s audition would put an end to her club days once and for all.
"So… you don't mind being exploited?" he asked. "I'm not being exploited, Adrian. I get paid to dance. OK, so the costumes are a bit risqué, but there’s nothing more to it than dancing." "And you think having such an emotionless attitude to the lack of clothes you wear makes it better?" "If I don't have a problem with it and I don't feel bad about it, then what does it matter what everyone else thinks?" "I guess that I'm just getting old then. In my day girls kept themselves fully covered, were married or worked in small jobs." "Yeah, well in your day, people also got around by horse and buggy. You're too old-fashioned. I live a free and easy life. I’m proud of my body. I’m doing what I love by dancing, so what's wrong with that?" She scowled while shooting him a menacing look. "You're too talented and pretty, Pippa! You may not be like the girls I used to know but you're a lot more interesting," he laughed. Creeping next to her he peeked over her shoulder to see what she was reading. "You're reading Hemingway?" He was a little surprised, given Hemingway’s take on how women are inferior to men. "Why? Are you surprised?" "He was a bit misogynistic don't you think?" "The whole world is a little misogynistic," she grinned. "Who put salt in your coffee this morning?" He pulled himself back and gave her an annoyed look. "You're the one lecturing me on the way I live when I'm perfectly happy. Who wouldn't be defensive?" "Sorry. I tease you because I get bored and I don’t get to see you all night." He gave her a sheepish look that she couldn't resist. Continued on page 12
Twenty teasers answers 1 Charles Darwin 2 Arthur 3 St Helier 4 Loch Lomond 5 White Star 6 Papa 7 Argentina 8 Twelve 9 Brigette Bardot 10 Gold
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11 Mercury 12 A5 13 Guy Ritchie 14 Snooker 15 Quaver 16 Caves 17 Fish 18 St Nicholas 19 California 20 Peter Wright
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Short Story "Your teasing is more like nagging, but I understand." She offered him a genuine smile. The sound of the phone ringing interrupted their conversation and they were both startled. Putting her book down on her lap, she answered the phone. "Hey Jess. No, I'm not doing anything. Sure, I'd love to go. See you in ten." Hanging up the phone she looked over to Adrian who was already leaning on the couch with a sad look on his face. "You're going to leave me all alone for the day again?" he pouted. Smiling, Pippa answered, "I won't be gone too long. I'm just going to grab some breakfast and on to the bookstore with the other girls from work before my audition." She found it both comforting and interesting that a few of her fellow dancers shared the same love for literature and held a very logical outlook on their jobs the way she did. That was something she definitely didn't expect when she had started there. "You want to watch a film when I get back? We still haven't seen that one that I borrowed from work with the video tape in it that kills you if you watch it," she suggested, appeasing him.
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"What? The one where the girl who looks like a drowned rat crawls through the TV? No thanks. It's all a bit unrealistic for me. If you want to see a decent ghost movie then watch the Poltergeist films. I watched them again the other night when you were out," he suggested. "You and your spook films! Well, why don't you go and bother Mrs Wallace upstairs while I'm gone? You always have fun bugging her.” "Oh yes, that overly religious freak? If I go and see her again and tell her about the Poltergeist films she'll probably throw holy water." He looked quite serious about this. Pippa burst out laughing and while wiping a tear away from her eye, Adrian was sure he heard her say ‘classic’ under her breath. The knock at the door interrupted their banter. Pippa sprung up let Jess in. She explained she needed to get changed and excused herself. Looking around the room cautiously for a moment, Jess flopped down on the couch next to Adrian, who in turn looked at her and made a face of disgust – they’d never seen eye to eye. "Hey. Do you have anyone else over? It sounded like you were laughing and talking to someone," Jess called out from the lounge.
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Short Story "No. It must have been the TV," Pippa lied as she called back. Looking over at Jess, Adrian floated out of the room with a sulky expression on his face. He was like a chameleon — his colour and transparency changed with his moods. If he felt particularly upset he would leave ectoplasm on the furniture, which his flatmate hated to have to clean off. Going through the wardrobe doors he rattled the hangers inside as a sign of protest to Pippa leaving.
"I'll be back soon, don't worry," she whispered as she put her shoes on. Poking his head through the wardrobe doors he gave her a small smile, then drifted through the ceiling which would lead him directly into Mrs Wallace's kitchen. Pippa’s gift of being able to see spirits is what had really brought her to the haunted areas of historic London in the first place, but it was never going to get her a job. Her dreams of being a dancer were proving unrealistic too ─ perhaps thinking that either would develop into a career had been naïve, despite what her friends and family had predicted. But noone had predicted that out of all the flats she could have chosen, she would end up living in one that was haunted. At least her gift had led her to finding a true friend in Adrian. With the directions to the audition safely in her pocket, Pippa thought that maybe the bright lights of the stage would eventually reward her dancing gift too, as she retrieved her coat and bag from the lounge floor.
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Men’s Matters
A simple guide to understanding the things women say The word 'fine' is a single word answer women use when they want an argument or debate (argument – normally one they’re losing) to end. She is not conceding nor is she admitting anyone else right. She just wants the debate over. Men should use the following guide to translate the funny things women say to them in order to avoid further misunderstandings or anger.
Soon Most women use ‘soon’ loosely in terms of when dinner will be ready, when they will be home or when they will have finished shopping ─ expect a window of one to three hours. If she is with friends, this can double. Today If she is referring to herself, it means she has until tomorrow. If she is talking about you, she means right now. Relationships Women and men view relationships in different terms and with different milestones. While some couples may agree that the first time they met is pivotal, women will often attribute that first meeting with more emotional weight than a man. Some word choices are warning signs and others include unsaid phrases that hang out unspoken between a couple, so men should pay particular attention to a few key phrases: It doesn't feel like we talk any more. This translates as: "I am feeling neglected and I would like you to remind me of how important I am to you."
Time
What a woman says and what a man hears are not always on a par. Conversely, what a woman says and what she means may also be at odds. For example: Five minutes When a woman says five minutes, time is relative. The man who is waiting may experience five minutes as 20 minutes and adjust his expectations accordingly. Five minutes is not elastic when she is the one waiting, though. In a little while This is a vague measurement of time and a woman typically means that a ‘little while’ equals an undetermined time frame, probably less than 59 minutes.
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Why don't we cuddle anymore? In other words, "Can we cuddle now? I want to feel safe and secure with you." Why can't we ever go out ─ just the two of us? She really means, "I don't want to go out with your friends or family ─ I just want it to be you and me." Whatever you want to do… often followed by a term of endearment such as darling or honey. She's really thinking, "But choose my suggestions please, so that I can enjoy myself too." Argumentative words Among the funny things women say to men are words of war that wave a red flag at the bull in the relationship. These words are often spat out in the heat of anger or exhaled in a long sigh of frustration. The hardest part about these words is that they can annoy a man before he has a chance to really dissect their meanings.
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Men’s Matters Whatever Dangerous word that is as dismissive as it is combative. Women use this when they want your argument to go away. Don't worry, I got it. This is another warning phrase and depending on her tone, may mean you need to bring flowers and an apology because you probably forgot something.
Never mind Whenever you hear this in a discussion, it indicates frustration. She doesn't want you to “never mind.” In fact, she wants you to do the exact opposite, but she feels you are not seeing her viewpoint.
Nothing Remember, gentlemen, “nothing” usually means she does not want to discuss it right now or she really wants you to figure it out on your own – whatever it is will most definitely be brought up again!
That's okay This is usually said in response to an apology you are making to a woman. She doesn't really mean it’s okay ─ she just means she doesn't want to talk about it right now or she’s still angry about it, no matter how sincere you sound.
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Women should love their men less and try to understand them better; men should love their wifes more and not try to understand them - Ancient Chinese proverb
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Health & Beauty
Big thumbs down for
de Quervain’s syndrome
Our hands are in almost constant use all day long whilst we go about daily tasks so if we sustain an injury to our fingers or hands, this can severely impact how we perform our activities at work, home and play. Mainly seen in men, tendonitis of the thumb ─ or de Quervain’s syndrome ─ was often attributed to the repetitiveness of a more manual workload. It was also frequently seen in younger rather than older women, and soon gained the common name of Mother’s wrist as it was thought that the condition was aggravated by constantly picking up a newborn baby and holding its bottle. However, with the ever-growing usage of touch screen technology and computers — especially mouse work ─ the agonising syndrome is on the increase among both sexes. Doctors are even reporting that they are seeing more and more children in their surgeries affected with pain in their thumb and wrist area. This can be a seriously debilitating condition. If you have it, you will be pleased to learn it can be completely treated once correctly diagnosed. If you are a sufferer, you will know just how incredibly painful it can be and what a huge impression it can have on your everyday life. Tendonitis can occur in any tendon in the body. This particular one was officially named after the Swiss surgeon Fritz de Quervain who first identified it in the thumb area in 1895. De Quervain’s has many nicknames and is often referred to as gamer’s thumb, washerwomen’s sprain or gardener’s grip. Whatever you call it – it is excruciatingly painful. As many of the dubbed names imply, de Quervain’s is generally caused by recurring movement over many years. If you have repeatedly performed a certain task ─ such as typing, building, gardening or knitting — this is mostly likely to be the cause. This repeated action over time can cause acute pain in the hand, possible injured nerves (carpal tunnel syndrome), locking fingers (trigger finger) or complete loss of movement in the thumb. Sometimes the condition can develop from you simply having had an irritation or swelling of the hand ─ for example, from receiving a hard knock
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to the area, usually on the thumb side of your wrist. The inflammation can cause the tendons to go into a spasm and de Quervain’s syndrome can often follow. In layman’s terms, the inflammation or irritation that you have in the wrist or hand area causes swelling of the compartment (synovial sheath) in which your tendons run down at the side of your wrist to your thumb ─ so much so that the shape of the compartment changes. This results in the tendon not being able to move as it should and pain and tenderness occur along the thumb side of the wrist. Signs and symptoms Pain on the thumb side of the wrist is the main symptom. This pain may appear gradually or suddenly and may seem like an arthritic pain in your wrist or thumb joint. This initial pain can be very sharp when felt in the wrist area, but it can also be a pain that travels up as far as your forearm. The pain worsens ─ or you are aware of a more severe pain ─ when you go to grab something or when you twist your wrist in any movement such as opening a door, removing the lid of a jar or simply waving. Swelling and aching ─ or even jarring pain ─ will probably be obvious in the thumb area or the mound on your hand under the thumb itself. Movement of the thumb becomes very stiff and limited. A ‘catching’ or ‘locking’ sensation of the fingers ─ especially in your thumb ─ may occur. More rarely, you may start to feel numbness of the index finger and the back of the thumb due to the irritation of the topical nerves. The Finkelstein test is a simple three step check you can do to tell if you are suffering from de Quervain’s: 1 First make a fist placing your fingers over the thumb. 2 Bend the wrist in the direction of the little finger. 3 If you are suffering from de Quervain’s syndrome, you will find this painful or near-impossible to do. You may also find that directly over the thumb side of your wrist is tender to touch.
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Health & Beauty This is a very quick way of finding out if you are a sufferer but do seek a medical opinion for a thorough diagnosis and discuss your options with your GP — there are many successful treatments available. Treatments available Simple treatments are available for you to try at home ─ the main one being rest! The symptoms normally ease if you try to lessen the use of your thumb and wrist. A wrist support bandage, a thumb splint (most good chemists sell them) or brace to support the digit may bring comfort. An over-thecounter anti-inflammatory painkilling medication such as ibuprofen can often prove useful. Placing a cold compress (icing) can help the affected area and decrease the inflammation. Wrap a frozen item (such as a bag of vegetables) in a tea towel and place on the affected area for no more than five minutes at a time, three for a child. To get the best results from icing, repeat this procedure every half an hour during a three or four-hour period per day. Alternatively, use a cold spray. These are available from supermarkets and chemists – make sure you follow the manufacturer’s instructions as they often differ.
If these home remedies are not relieving your pain, make an appointment to see your doctor. It may be suggested that you have a course of cortisone injections. These will help with the swelling and ease the pain. They do work quite well for most people, but taking multiple injections can weaken the tendon and cause more damage over time — your doctor will monitor your condition and limit the amount of jabs you are allowed over a period of a few weeks or months. If all avenues have been exhausted, surgery is the only answer. If your pain remains constant or continues to recur, a quick operation can cure the problem completely. Of course, there are certain risks as with any surgical procedure – such as nerve damage ─ but this is very rare. Only a small incision is necessary for the operation, and you will not usually need to stay in hospital as it is normally conducted as day surgery. Afterwards, you will have to wear a splint until the stitches are removed and will be advised not to use your wrist for activities such as driving for a couple of weeks. After a month, you will be giving a big ‘thumbs up’ to living ─ your life pain-free once more.
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Things to Do
Speedy meal of the month
sugar glazed salmon
This month we show you how to make amazing speedy sugar glazed salmon in just 10 – 15 minutes.
What you need
Whisk together the brown sugar and Dijon mustard in a small bowl; spoon mixture evenly onto top of salmon fillets. Cook under the preheated grill for 10 – 15 minutes until the fish flakes easily with a fork.
55g light brown sugar 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 4 x (6 ounce) boneless salmon fillets Pinch of salt and ground black pepper to taste
Serve with rice and broccoli or a green salad.
Tip
How to make it
Use honey instead of brown sugar and add a little soy sauce, substitute the Dijon for mustard powder for a more subtle flavour.
Preheat the grill and set the oven rack at about 6 inches from the heat source; prepare the rack of a grill pan with cooking spray or a drizzle of oil. Season the salmon with salt and pepper and arrange onto the prepared pan.
Alice’s Wonderland
Just a flower in
the wrong place
Hello, it’s me, Alice WOW, what a difference a month makes! The sun is out nearly all the time, the flowers are all out ─ most of them in our garden are weeds, though, but they are still looking beautiful; I love the poppies. The fields are all green too, which reminds me of my trip back to England. It was great fun. I’m not sure I’d manage a long plane flight with Becky though. I saw all the green fields of Derbyshire with the sheep and cows – the views are amazing. Blackpool was fun; Becky hated the rides but she was brave enough to do a few. Everything is very different in the UK ─ from the houses to what people wear and how many cars they have there. I noticed that there seemed to be lots of groups of teenagers who all seem to stick together depending on what they wear — not quite gangs, I suppose, like you hear on the news, but there are certainly groups. Some were all in black, some in sports gear
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and others in what Mum calls hippy fashion. They do stare at you quite a bit and don’t look very friendly if you’re not wearing their uniform. I had all that when we moved here ─ stared at because I wasn’t Spanish. It was strange to go back 10 years later and get stared at in my home country because I didn’t have the same clothing – what does it matter? I guess I feel there’s more acceptance here and the communities do more together, such as the romerias and ferias. Teba has its romeria this month so I’m looking forward to that. Mum and Dad don’t go ─ they say ‘seen one you’ve seen them all!’─ plus we can hear the music from our house. Mum’s back at the hospital this month for another check-up, so I’m hoping for good news again; then, hopefully, May will be a good month all round. Love Alice x
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Charity News
A T.O.P.S. tale of
two musicals
The Occasional Productions Society (TOPS) has been rehearsing for its upcoming stage show entitled “A Tale of Two Musicals.” As the title suggests, this is a show with a difference – a condensed version of “Oliver” (first half) and “Oklahoma” (second half) performed in costume, with popular songs from each musical.
Your evening’s entertainment starts at 7pm with a delicious homemade three-course meal (vegetarians catered for), followed by the show. A bar is available. Tickets are just 15€ ─ which includes your meal ─ and are available from Martin’s paper shop, Christina’s paper shop, AID shop and The Wardrobe (all in Alhaurín el Grande). Due to space, tickets are limited — so don’t leave it too late to buy yours. If you want to sit with your friends, please phone Cath on 952 112 057 to reserve a table. We look forward to welcoming you to another great show.
A donation will be made to a local charity from the proceeds. The show is on Saturday May 25 and will be held in the spacious grounds of Villa Steele, Camino Forestal, Alhaurín el Grande (opposite the Mirador Hotel).
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Around Andalucía
Once upon a time...
in a land not that far away
The White Cat of Écija From the gates of the palace, situated on a gentle eminence in the vicinity of Écija, the ground was covered with olive trees down to the banks of the Genil. The wild aloes formed a natural and strong fence around the property of the white cat of Écija whose origin, dating back to the days of Saracenic rule, was unknown to the liberated Spaniard.
The white cat was seen next day walking about in the grounds, but she seemed more sorrowful than usual.
There was a great mystery attached to the palace and its occupants, and although the servants of the white cat were human beings, since they were deaf and dumb and would not ─ or could not─ understand signs, neighbours had not been able to discover their secrets.
In another month’s time, there came another knight ─ fully equipped and mounted on a grey charger. On his shield he also displayed a white cat with the device, “I win or die.” He also galloped off to the palace and was not seen to return, but next day, the white cat was still more sorrowful.
The palace was a noble building after the style of the alcazar at Toledo, but not as large. The garden at the rear was laid out with many small lakes, around which stood beautifully-sculptured statues of young men and women who seemed to be looking sorrowfully into the water. Only the brain and hand of an exceptionally gifted artist could have made the statues look as if they were alive. At night, strings of small lamps were hung round the lakes, and strains of sweet ─ but very sad ─ music emanated from the interior of the palace.
In another month, a fresh knight appeared. He was a handsome youth and his bearing was so manly that a crowd collected. He was fully equipped, but on his shield he displayed a simple red cross. He partook of some food, and then cantered out of the town with his lance at rest. He was seen to approach the palace, and as soon as he thrust open the gate with his lance, a terrific roar was heard. Then a sheet of fire flashed from the palace door, and the people saw a horrid dragon whose long tail produced such a wind as it lashed the air that it seemed as if a gale had suddenly sprung up.
The neighbours had long since ceased to be curious about the mysterious white cat and her household and, apart from crossing themselves when they passed by the grounds, they had given up the affair as incomprehensible. Those who had seen the white cat said that she was a beautiful creature; her coat was like velvet, and her eyes were like pearls. One day, a knight in armour, mounted on a coal-black charger, arrived at the principal hostelry in Écija. On his shield, for his coat of arms, there was a white cat rampant with the device “Invincible” underneath. Having partaken of some slight repast, he put spurs to his horse and galloped in the direction of the palace of the white cat, but as he was not seen to return through the town, the people supposed that he had left by some other road.
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But the gallant knight was not daunted, and eagerly scanned the dragon as if to see where he might strike him. Suddenly, the dragon was holding the white cat under its talons, so that if the knight charged, he would have to take great care if he were not to strike her. However, the knight spurred his horse on, charging until he had transfixed the dragon with his lance. Jumping to the ground, he drew his sword and cut off the monster’s head. No sooner had he done this than he was surrounded by 10 enormous serpents who tried to coil round him, but as fast as they attacked him, he strangled them. Then the serpents turned into 20 black vultures with fiery beaks. They tried to pick out his eyes, but he kept them off with his trusty blade, and killed them all, one by one. He then found himself surrounded by 40 lovely dark-haired and dark-eyed maidens, who tried to throw their arms around him.
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Around Andalucía Fearing that their intentions were evil, he kept them off but when he looked on the ground, he saw the white cat panting, and heard her bid him “strike.”
turned into a cat. My lover, Haroun, and all my young friends were turned into stone, and my servants were stricken deaf and dumb.
He waited no longer, but struck at them and cut off their heads, and then saw that the ground was covered with burning coal. This would have scorched the white cat and killed her, had not the gallant knight raised her in his arms. He then placed her on his shield, and as soon as she touched the cross, she was seen to change into a beautiful maiden, and all the statues round the lakes left their positions and approached her.
“Many a brave knight has been here to try and deliver me, but they all failed because they only trusted in themselves and were therefore defeated. But thou, gallant knight, didst trust more on the Cross than on thyself, and thou hast freed me. I am, therefore, the prize of thy good sword; deal with me as thou wilt.”
As soon as she could recover herself sufficiently to speak, she said to the knight: “Gallant sir, I am Mizpah, only daughter of Mudi Ben Raschid, who was governor of this province for many years under the Moorish king, Almandazar the Superb. My mother was daughter of Alcharan, governor of Mazagan, and she was a good wife and kind mother. But my father, discovering that she had forsaken the faith of her fathers and had embraced the religion of the Cross, so worried her to return to her childhood faith that she died broken-hearted.”
The Knight of the Cross assured her that he came from Compostela, where it was considered a duty to rescue maidens in distress, and that his highest reward was that of doing his duty. In various parts of the world, he had been fortunate enough to free others, and he had still more work before him. He trusted that the lovely Mizpah might long be spared to Haroun and, saluting her, he galloped off. Then the wedding was held, attended by all the people from Écija. The bridegroom wished prosperity to the good knight, Saint James of Compostela, who had been the means of bringing about so much happiness.
“Then he married again and his second wife, my stepmother, was a very wicked woman. She knew that I was a Christian at heart, and that my lover was also a Christian. One day, when my father was holding a banquet, she said to him, ‘Mudi Ben Raschid, the crescent of the Holy Prophet is waning in thy family — thy daughter is a renegade!’ “Then he was very much annoyed, and exclaimed that his palace and his riches were made over to the enemy of mankind. He said he would rather I was a cat than have such a stain placed upon his family. No sooner had he finished speaking than he fell dead and his wicked wife also, and I was indeed
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Charity News
Piece of cake completing
the 5x50 Challenge
In fond memory of Keith Jackson, an amazing 5x50 volunteer… My 5x50 journey started when two lovely ladies, Val Langthorne and Susan Bradford, both challengers to the 5x50 first event and now part of the Nutrachek Losers team http://5x50.co.uk/team/nutrachecklosers, pointed me to this fabulous website “5x50.” Being the odd one out as I am based in Spain and am French, I was contacted by the Core team to see if I would be interested in promoting the event “down south.” It took very little time to agree to this, even if it meant having to opt out of the Nutracheck team to create my own ─ 5x50 Las Salinas http://5x50.co.uk/ team/5x50-las-salinas. I took an immediate liking to the challenge as it met exactly what the potato couch in me needed: a daily reminder that our bodies are meant to be active! I contacted friends across the world to see if anyone was interested, and thought if we could field just two or three participants, it would be great. Needless to say, I was delighted that 28 of them decided to try their best to complete the challenge; they were in Argentina, Sri Lanka, France, England, Spain, Brazil, Belgium, Romania, New Zealand, Germany.... you name it! Some even volunteered to help localise one page of the site in order for the challenge to grow and reach even more people. We have now decided to keep the team going until the next challenge, thus aiming for a 5x365. Wouldn’t that be great? But last Sunday was a very special day within the challenge as we had organised a local sponsored walk hosted by Steven and Steffi, owners of www. andalucianoasis.com Cortijo Las Salinas, to raise funds for our charity CUDECA http://www.cudeca. org/. Despite the sudden drop of temperature, we were blessed to welcome 15 walkers as well as 11 supporters who helped ─ from organising the tombola, giving foot massages, live singing performance and last but not least, keeping the fire roaring and the cava flowing! The team has now raised some 400€ and we haven’t finished yet; to say we are delighted would be an understatement.
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Special thanks must go to Steffi and Steven for hosting and for the cava; to Miel, Valerie and Keith for organising the tombola and giving the foot massage, to Ayesha of Ayesha’s kitchen for the constant help and delicious food (www.facebook. com/pages/Ayeshas-Kitchen); to Chris Gordelier, singer of Trick Bag, for his impromptu and very much appreciated live performance (www.facebook. com/trickbagspain); to Katrina of Golosaria (www. facebook.com/Golosariacakes/info) for the funky cupcakes; to Alan and Mandy (www.facebook.com/ pages/A-Little-bit-of-Britain-formerly-Best-of-British); to Claire for her articles promotion of the event in this magazine and on the website (www.theandalucian. com) and to all the others who donated gifts, time and money.
But we have a few days yet to go to give ourselves the gift of a better health and get moving, so why not pop over to try some yoga (http://steffisartworkblog. wordpress.com)
A very special thanks to the 5x50 Core team who are doing an amazing job. Long live the challenge!
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Spotlight
Aquarobics at BodyZone We all know that splashing about in water is fun, refreshing and even invigorating! What many people don’t know is that exercising in water burns up to TWICE the number of calories as exercising on land...plus, you don’t get hot or sweaty! Exercising in water has many benefits: • Helps achieve speedier, more effective toning through the added resistance • Enables you to increase your workload and burn more calories in less time • Keeps you cool even though you are exercising hard • Shallow water makes it safe, even for nonswimmers • Helps protect you from bone density loss that can lead to osteoporosis • Builds and improves cardio-respiratory endurance • Boosts the circulatory system, increases energy and speeds up metabolism The techniques used in water workouts produce overall body fitness to rival the results of many other forms of exercise, building core strength in less time than is possible during land-based aerobics. Because water is denser than air, we meet resistance – pushing or pulling limbs through water uses the equivalent muscle power to weight training, but with none of the discomforts! This speeds up conditioning and toning, and makes otherwise almost impossible exercises easy and fun. Aquarobics classes are available at BodyZone massage & day spa - see advert opposite for details.
Get fit and have fun with aquarobics! www.theandalucian.com
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Just for Fun
25 useless things you just don’t need to know about... Food and drink
The human body
1. More calories are wasted by sleeping than sitting and watching TV 2. The first object with a number scanning label was chewing gum 3. In 1987, after an airline company reduced a small piece of olive on every first class passenger’s meals, $350,000 USD was saved annually 4. Everyone drinks coffee to perk themselves up, but in fact, an apple can perk one up more than a cup of coffee can 5. In the movie ET, the sound of ET’s footsteps are made by someone squashing rotten oranges 6. Coke was originally green in colour
1. The majority of dust in your home consists of your own dead skin 2. A human’s stomach renews its food contents every 2 weeks or else it self-digests 3. Right-handers live an average of nine years longer than left-handers 4. A human’s ears and nose never stop growing 5. Only 30% of people can expand and contract their nostrils at will 6. In space, astronauts are unable to cry or shed tears because of the lack of gravity 7. On average a human must move his eye muscles 10000 – 15000 times a day 8. It is impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath 9. The original meaning of Samba in the Samba dance actually meant ‘rubbing bellies together’ 10. Children grow faster during spring 11. A human’s heart can produce pressure that can squirt blood 30 feet high 12. You can never lick your elbow with your tongue 13. If you sneeze too hard, it may cause your chest to rupture. But if you hold back your sneeze by force, it may cause one of your blood vessels to break 14. The strongest and most flexible muscle in your body is the tongue 15. It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open
7. There’s a square-shaped melon in Japan, cultivated because of its convenience to place in refrigerators 8. Arab women can initiate a divorce if their husbands don’t pour coffee for them 9. The water that we drink is already three billion years old 10. Pearls melt in vinegar
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Spotlight
If you are selling or renting
property... get certified
If you are currently trying to sell your home or have a rental property, you will need to obtain an Energy Performance Certificate (EPC) and label. This is mandatory as of June 1. If this is all sounding a bit technical don’t worry; the guys at Andalucian Geeks have teamed up with local authorised architects in order to help. The EPC, known in Spain as the Certificado de Eficiencia Energetica (CEE), is a document which analyses the energy consumption of a home and suggests possible improvements to make the building more efficient. The information contained in the energy performance certificate is summarised in a colour-coded label similar to the ones you may already be used to seeing on white goods. This label will have to appear in all advertisements ─ including internet portals ─ on estate agency details and their window displays. The outcome of the test does not require the owner to change anything within the property ─ although it is encouraged. However, if changes are made they will often allow the owner to save money in the long term. Obtaining this certificate and label applies to properties which are being advertised for sale prior to the beginning of June and to rental properties available from this date, but for those which are already tenant occupied, landlords will have to obtain an EPC if renewing or modifiying a current contract. It doesn’t just apply to properties becoming available for sale after this cut-off date. Each property will be tested and scored on a scale ranging from A to G, with ‘A' being extremely efficient and ‘G' being particularly inefficient. If you are planning on selling your property you will need to make sure you have obtained an EPC before it is advertised, and if you have a property already on the market, you will have a week after the June 1 to prove that you have applied for an EPC. Once it has been applied for, you will have an additional three weeks to acquire it. You do not need to wait – you can apply for one now.
Failing to own an EPC can result in an agreed sale becoming void, with the potential for the buyer to claim compensation. In addition to this, there is the chance that you and your estate agents can be heavily fined. The energy performance certificate must be submitted, in original format, when signing a contract of sale for any property built prior to November 2007. In the case of a leased property, the landlord can submit a copy rather than the original. How to acquire an EPC There are official energy performance certifiers who will carry out the test and give you the certificate and label. The cost of obtaining an EPC will depend on your property. For example, a purpose-built flat (40 - 60 m2) will cost approximately 130 - 180€. For a three-bedroomed house (80 - 130 m2) the price will be between180 and 250€. Unlike many companies, we do not charge a set fee (many companies are quoting 300€ for any sized property). We take into account that there are many factors which influence the cost, including the location, size and property type ─ house, apartment, retail, warehouse, factory, industry, complex etc. Once you have your certificate, you may wish to make alterations to your property to improve its energy performance. You can then have your building re-assessed to improve its previous grade. The certifier will check the necessary points within the property and enter the gathered information into specified software; this then calculates the score. They will then leave to process the test results and should send the certificate back to the property within a short time. The energy performance certificate is only available through competent and qualified technical architects. To help you with this process, contact the Andalucian Geeks on 627 683380, alternatively email info@ andaluciangeeks.com for a quote.
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Men’s Matters
Do you go with the flow
if it just won’t grow?
If, like me, you’re getting to that age where you are starting to notice a thinning on top then don’t panic — we’re not alone. Male pattern baldness affects up to 30 per cent of all 30-year-old blokes and half of all men in their 50s suffer. It normally takes on a distinctive pattern – thankfully, not always the fullon Friar Tuck look. More likely, it starts going first from the temples and the crown of the head — think Hamlet ad and the sweep-over; not a great look! For some of us, it can start shedding as early as 17, but most of us notice it starting in our late 20s or early 30s. You might notice a little thinning at first — not a problem — nothing a shorter cut won’t solve but this is normally followed by wider hair loss, allowing more of the scalp to become visible — it around now that panic in most blokes starts to kick in. Some men simply aren't troubled by it all. They just shrug it off ─ especially if they’ve grown up seeing older male family members suffer; they know it is coming… or going! Baldness has been found to be linked to a certain inherited gene – cheers Dad! Other blokes, however, don’t cope well with losing their locks and see it as a real blow to the ego or a sign of ageing. It can affect their self-confidence and even lead to depression. So, what most of us want to know is… can we stop it? Well, if there's a reversible cause ─ such as a health reason ─ for the thinning, then it's normally possible to stop the hair loss. For instance, if it's caused by iron deficiency you can stop it by replenishing the body's iron stores. A huge number of treatments are constantly pushed down our throats, all claiming to slow down and even reverse the process of hair loss. Some are successful, others aren't and are little more than marketing gimmicks.
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We’ve all seen the ads or read about how the likes of former cricket star Shane Warne swears by a certain clinic – mmm… he did manage to bag himself Liz Hurley so might be worth a whirl. Or there’s Rooney – he paid something in the region of £30k to have his hair back in with stitched-in implants – I’m guessing Colleen possibly insisted on it. However before you spends hundreds or thousands on treatments you may be relieved to read that many blokes do find their hair loss slows down or even stops for no apparent reason at a certain age without all the lotions and potions ─ but do you want to wait to find out? Before you make a decision, it's a good idea to rule out that an illness isn't responsible, particularly if the hair loss is patchy. If you are feeling knackered all the time or under the weather, then its worth getting your doc to check you out for any skin disease affecting the scalp, such as a fungal infection; they should carry out a blood test to check the blood count and ferritin level to look for low iron and anaemia, and also do thyroid function tests. If everything is OK medically, then what’s left? Do you embrace your loss or do you try and cover it up with wigs, weaves and toupées? Obviously go for a decent-looking and well fitted one – flapping around like Donald Trump is not a good way to go! Hair transplants are obviously the most direct form of treatment but most of us prefer to go with the shaving or close-cut hairstyle which simply makes the hair loss less obvious. I think most herbal things are generally mumbo jumbo but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. Many herbal preparations that contain zinc, magnesium, iron, vitamin E and other substances in various combinations can often help. You could ask the chemist for Minoxidil. It is a lotion that you rub on to your scalp. It comes in two strengths ─ either a two or five per cent variety. The stronger is generally more effective, although it does not seem to work for everyone. It is not clear exactly how it works but you might find it slows down the process and it can cause new hair growth. It’s not a rub it on, go to bed and wake up the next day looking all Robbie Savage ─ it usually takes at least four months to start to show an effect and you have to keep on using it or it will stop being effective.
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Men’s Matters Finasteride (Propecia) is another option. It works by preventing the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone and so the hair doesn't thin. Again, it’s no quick fix as it can take several months to start showing any benefits and then it can take up to two years for hair to re-grow, but it works for the majority of men. Just remember — there’s no miracle cure and this may not suit all; plus it’s only available on prescription. If you’re not a blood and guts type of guy or a wealthy footballer, then scalp surgery is probably not an option you want to consider. It used to be done by grafting flaps of skin with hair growing on it and putting it onto areas without, but it is less used now because hair transplant techniques have become more refined over the years. They tend to transplant just the hair follicles from areas such as the back of the head by removing a thin strip of scalp. The follicular units in it are replanted into the bald area – sounds too painful for me. There are a few myths surrounding baldness such as worrying that the more you wash your hair, the more you'll lose but in reality, washing actually makes hair look thicker because dirty, greasy hair
lies flat and looks ‘gappy’. For best results, use a normal shampoo designed for men and wash with warm water; the hot stuff dries out the hair and scalp. Rinsing off your hair in as cold water as you can stand will help to close up the follicles. Thickening shampoos, conditioners and sprays all sound a bit girly to me but they are proven to work because they contain special stuff (polymers) which plump up the hair shafts to make them look fuller. The effects are only temporary so you'll need to use them regularly, but they can increase hair thickness by up to 20 per cent – so worth a go. If, like me, you’re of the comb generation you need to ditch it (or your brush) as constant use can make thin hair look even more limp — not a good look — so try styling with your fingers instead. If you're a wax or gel guy, again you're not doing yourself any favours; they just weigh down what you’ve got left, making your barnet look thin. If you want to use a product, use a mousse made for men. As with everything health-wise – give up the fags. Continued on page 30
Reach out to new customers Do you need extra publicity and marketing for your business? Advertising is the most proven way to reach new customers, however word-of-mouth has always been a trusted second choice. Social Media Marketing bridges the gap between the two methods. It is the fastest way to get the word out about your business, allowing you to tell clients new and old what services you offer, current deals or the arrival of new stock. With this in mind, The Andalucian has joined forces with the marketing gurus at The Social Butterflies so we can offer you a social media package alongside your advert. The cost is unbeatable ─ not only for your monthly advertising, but it’s also the most attractive deal around for online publicity. When you book your advert , not only will you reach 12000 readers but you now have the option to choose a social media add-on package - helping you reach 25000 potential customers. The rates for these are: 1 month of Facebook marketing 75€ or 1 week of Facebook marketing 25€ including Facebook page set up (if required) and promotion - on our own pages and in local groups 1 month of Twitter marketing 75€ or 1 week of Twitter marketing 25€ including Twitter account set up (if required) and promotion - through our own Twitter accounts Combine both social networks for 1 month for just 100€; combine 2 social networks for 1 week for only 35€; this includes all of the above services The Andalucian and The Social Butterfly have a combined fan base of more than 3000 on Facebook and 10,000 on Twitter. The Andalucian has a monthly readership of 12,000.
Can you afford to miss out? Contact Diana@theandalucian.com www.theandalucian.com
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Men’s Matters Smoking not only increases levels of hormones that can trigger hair loss, it also constricts the tiny blood vessels that supply the scalp, starving your hair of the nutrients it needs for growth. I don’t know many blokes who bother but using a hair dryer is one way to lift your hair – you know, like when the Missus flings her head down and blow dries it from the roots. The same principle applies but don't set the drier to flame-grill ─ it’ll damage your hair. With the amount of sun over here, allowing your bonce to bake in scorching heat is no-no – it’s a total recipe for disaster. As well as making hair brittle and fragile, sunburn causes the scalp to produce a compound (superoxide) that can cause hair follicles to switch from a growth phase to a shedding one. Cover up with a cap when you can and remember to wear sun cream on bald or thinning heads. Hair is three times weaker when wet and so overcombing or rough towel drying will only lead to more damage and cause snapping – the last thing you want if you're already a bit thin on top. Instead, let hair dry naturally or gently pat dry and style with your fingers to give it more texture.
Puzzle Answers - (from pages 20) Suduko Easy
I’ve got to admit I’m not a health or food freak ─ I’m more of a meat and two veg kind of guy. If I ever have to go to the supermarket I walk straight past anything with the word soya on it. I’ve never even picked such a product up but research shows that a molecule produced in the intestine when soya is digested can halt the balding process, because it blocks the effect of the hormone that triggers hair loss. For the sake of the odd yoghurt or glass of soya milk, it’s got to be worth a try I suppose ─ and it’s got to be better than one of the old wives’ tales of getting cows (dairy type) to lick your head! I’ve seen loads of men try to deal with baldness by growing their hair or playing with partings when in reality a shorter cut is always going to look better, so go for a classic crop or a shorter shaved look if you've still got some hair to play with. Whatever you try, don’t lose sleep over it – it is only hair. If it is bothering you that much, seek medical help ─ don’t let it depress you. On a positive note, lager and watching sport has no direct bad effect on your hair, so the next time the wife says to me that it’s the rubbing of the back of my head on the couch which is doing it – I can tell her it’s not the sofa but my genes which are to blame!
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