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VOL.12, NO.7
F O R
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JULY 2015
More than 125,000 readers throughout Greater Baltimore
Growing older without children
I N S I D E …
PHOTO BY CHRISTOPHER MYERS
By Carol Sorgen Whether they’re childless by choice or by chance, America’s 15 million baby boomers who have no children are reflecting on their past, their present and, warily, a future that might not include anyone to care for them. “Yeah, I do worry about who will take care of us,” said Marc M. who, like several people interviewed for this article, preferred that his full name not be used. The 54-year-old Department of Defense employee and his wife married later in life — he was 42 and she was 40 — and decided that when it came to having children, whatever would be, would be. “My wife wanted to have kids,” said Marc, “but we didn’t make it a goal, and it just didn’t happen.” Marc said he does wonder what it would have been like to have had the experience of being a parent, but acknowledged that “it must not have been all that important to me.” He never felt any pressure, either from friends and family or society in general to have kids. “I think men get less pressure than women,” he said. “Plus,” he added with a laugh, “I have sisters with kids. They took care of making my parents grandparents.” Apart from concerns about future caregiving needs, Marc appears relatively sanguine about not having children, citing benefits such as financial advantages, privacy, and the ability to schedule their life as he and his wife see fit. “There’s much less worry in general,” he said. Like most boomers without children, Marc dispels the notion that just because he doesn’t have children does not mean he doesn’t like kids. On the contrary, he says, “I’ve made it a priority to have relationships with my nieces and nephews.” In her new anthology, Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids, essayist/novelist/columnist Meghan Daum notes that she too, while coming to the decision to be “voluntarily childless,” mentored foster children. And Anna Holmes, founder of the feminist blog Jezebel, writes in the book, “[My choice] has nothing to do with a distaste for kids, who, along with animals, I like and identify with more than I do with most adults.”
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SEE SPECIAL INSERT Housing & Homecare Options following page 14
Mike Gimbel, a drug abuse educator and counselor, is childless both by choice and circumstance. Like others who have not had children, he has concerns about growing older without offspring who might eventually provide care for him. But he has also seen many dysfunctional families in his line of work, and knows that having children may not be best for everyone.
Many reasons for the decision Daum found that the men and women who contributed to the book are childless for a number of reasons — from having difficult childhoods of their own, to political convictions about overpopulation, reproductive rights, and the like, to not feeling they have the ability to provide the undivided attention that parenting seems to require these days. For 62-year-old Nancy Rehmeyer Gerace, becoming pregnant “just never happened.” She and her husband — from whom she is now divorced — “just got on with our lives.” And while her job as an occupational therapy assistant with the Baltimore County Public Schools, and her role as her 96-year-old mother’s caregiver keep
her occupied, she does find herself missing the experience of passing along family stories, traditions and knowledge. “I don’t have anyone to offer that kind of continuity to,” she said. “I would have loved to have given a child a solid background and to share our family past.” Still, Gerace isn’t wallowing in self-pity. “Once my childbearing years were over, I wasn’t as torn about it,” she said. “And right now I’m glad I don’t have to look at colleges!” As for who will care for her in the future, Gerace is concerned but not anxious. “I don’t know what will happen later in life. Maybe I can be part of someone else’s family.” See WITHOUT CHILDREN, page 10
L E I S U R E & T R AV E L
A cool respite in New Hampshire’s White Mountains; plus, how credit card use overseas has changed page 19 FITNESS & HEALTH 3 k Blood test to diagnose depression k Why listeria is so lethal LAW & MONEY k ETFs vs. mutual funds k Five infomercial tricks
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ARTS & STYLE 22 k An adolescent “Peanuts” play k Summer beach books ADVERTISER DIRECTORY
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