The Beast - April 2016

Beast the

The Monthly Magazine for Sydney's Beaches of the East • April 2016

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Welcome to April 2016... A Chilled Out Month Words Dan & James Hutton Picture ewasp.com.au

W

elcome to the April 2016 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East.

Hopefully everyone has gotten over the brain pain that came after the cultural extravaganza that was Sydney last month (seriously, Mardi Gras Festival, Spectrum Now and Art Month all in the same four weeks – it’s a lot to take in!). Thankfully this month is a little more chilled out, though it’s most certainly not bereft of things to do if you’re feeling energised.

We start with April Fool’s Day, so please remember not to give your bank details to the accountant who calls and sounds suspiciously like your mate Gary. Then there’s the Gyuto Monks of Tibet coming back to the beaches for their ninth annual two-week residency at the Bondi Pavilion (there must be something in the water!). If you’ve

always wanted to get into Buddhism, meditation or mindfulness, but haven’t known where to start, this is just the thing for you. Free sessions with cute little monks on the world’s most famous beach?

Yes, please!

It’s also Anzac Day on April 25, so try not to go too crazy on the night of the 24th or you might miss the Dawn Service. This year Anzac Day falls on a Monday, so

we all get a whole day off work to focus on mateship, two-up, our Kiwi neighbours, and all those who have served and died for us in war. Cheers, you bloody legends!

In the mag this month you’ll find stories about the new cycling laws (seriously, WTF?), the effect of the lockout laws on the Eastern Suburbs, and the incredible work local lifeguard Adriel Young is doing over in Greece, as well as a great interview with our fabulous cover star Allison Langdon, whose television journalism career continues to rise and rise. Allison’s intelligence and poise was exceedingly evident within moments of meeting her, and we hope that her story inspires lots of young women (and men) to work hard and achieve great heights in their chosen careers.

As always, we hope the month ahead is a great one!

Cheers, Dan and James

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Contents

The Beast • April 2016 • Issue 135 6 9 10 12 20 22 24 26 28 29 46

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Monthly Mailbag Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs & Dogs Local Photos Local News Beastpop I Calendar

55 56 62 63 64 66 68 69 70 72 74

Local Tradies Interview Rupert’s Rant Beastpop II Local Wildlife Fish ‘n’ Tips Aquatic Wildlife Tide Chart Street Style Unreliable Guide QTips

76 78 80 82 84 85 86 88 96 98 98

The lonely walk home, by Bill Morris. Check out Bill's Instagram at @billmorris.

Travel Bug Enviro News This Sporting Life Sexy Time Reviews Arts Bits Bandage Food & Wine Trivial Trivia Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

Oh, how pretty you are.

The Rise of the Braggart Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Andrew Peacock

I

n this competitive middle class world of fads, bandwagons, trends and yoga, one personality stands tall: the braggart. The braggart has always been hovering in the background, but in the past their presence was restricted to the ultra affluent North Shore, where the need to show-and-tell wealth was a mark of success and masculinity. But in this new world of selfies, one-upmanship, reality TV and homogenised wealth, the braggart has been released from the white, Anglo-Saxon, upper class bubble and now reigns supreme, much to the disgust of modest Pearl.

The rise of the braggart is one we should all be concerned about.

Not only are braggarts boring, ruthless and egotistical, they’ve also become omnipresent in the childhood realm, overshadowed by (and emulating) their like-minded parents.

The gravity of the situation was recently brought home to me following stints as a relief swimming coach and children’s tennis umpire.

By the end of it all I was in desper10 The Beast | April 2016

ate need of resilience training against confidence-deflating child braggarts and their overbearing, win-at-all cost parents.

I am absolutely appalled at the bragging that goes on in the younger generation, the aggressive need to be the best (even if it means cheating), the unrelenting want for constant recognition, and the gall to openly deflate others.

Unfortunately the obnoxious, overconfident child that needs to be brought down a peg or two is everywhere, informing you of his trip to Europe, the many languages he speaks, and the broken arm from falling off a $1,000 hoverboard. Then there’s the spouting about how fast he can swim (compared to the next kid) and how many tennis matches he has won.

OMG, child, just shut up!

Mummy and daddy might have the Mercedes and designer clothing to show all, but only bragging will really tell. Behind every bragging child is the trendy parent living through their child’s success, making sure little Winston wins at the expense of others so that he can live

to tell the tale at school on Monday.

Clogging suburban streets on the weekend, taking in every swing of the tennis racquet and arguing with the umpires (like myself ), the braggart’s parent is forever hovering, ensuring that his or her little brat will be on the podium in the ultimate act of one-upmanship.

If loitering around football fields or tennis courts isn’t the parent’s gig, they’re hanging outside tutoring academies, ensuring that Orson is so advanced of the Australian curriculum that he can challenge teachers, belittle other students and show off his superior rote learning skills by entering the Great Australian Spelling Bee. And no one is above a bit of cheating, in sports or education, to get results. It’s just like the stock market out there.

Relating the words of one ultra competitive Yummy Mummy at the pool’s edge: “I make no apologies for ensuring my children are the best at sport and school.”

No doubt she has the photos on Instagram and Facebook to prove it!

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag

Words The people of the Eastern Beaches Illustrations Dalton Wills Correcting Carol As a graduate with a degree in Chinese and eight years living in China and Hong Kong I would like to correct the error made by Carol Schwartz regarding Chinese as a language.

The language is called Chinese and there are dialects such as Shanghai dialect, Cantonese, etc. Standard Chinese as spoken in Beijing is called Putonghua and referred to in English by some people as Mandarin Chinese.

However, no mainland Chinese person will refer to Mandarin as their language. They speak Chinese or Cantonese or Shanghai dialect, etc. The language is simply called Chinese. Congrats to your trivia quizmaster for getting it right !

Albion Ashes Bronte Refugees are People Too Dear Beast - Have we gone crazy?

Is our government really planning to send about 90 kids and their carers to detention in Nauru? Many of these kids were born here. Toddlers with little Aussie accents. Off they go.

It costs us a fortune to incarcerate innocent people offshore. It is abusive and it's completely out of step with the international community. How bad do we look? With the suicides, the confirmed rapes, the alleged child abuse and the indefinite nature of the detention, Australia is fully and knowingly participating in human rights abuse. In contrast, I look at the amazing lives our kids lead and I'm deeply ashamed.

Merran Hughes Bondi

12 The Beast | April 2016

Cemetery Protected Dear Editor - Waverley Cemetery was left to languish for many years and has become somewhat rundown.

Waverley Council must be congratulated on its recent efforts in rectifying that situation. There is still plenty of work to be done, but we are hopeful that the cemetery’s appearance and restoration will continue to improve.

Furthermore, important steps have been taken to ensure that it is protected for future generations.

Council supported our nomination of the cemetery for State Heritage listing and has this week applied for the cemetery to be included on the National Heritage List. These listings will ensure that the cemetery receives appropriate oversight by heritage experts and will also open up funding opportunities. Council is now working together with the community and we hope that the good work continues.

Penny Mora Residents for Waverley Cemetery Response to Ms. Mora In her letters in your January and February editions, Penny Mora has made statements that require correction.

In Ms Mora’s view, the community-based Save Waverley Cemetery heritage conservation campaign, which now has well over 3,000 signed-on supporters, is ‘scaremongering’ about Waverley Cemetery.

Apparently we are ‘scaremongering’ when we draw attention to Council’s own data about the cemetery, such as the 500-plus photographically documented vandalism incidents,

which have destroyed over 250 graves since 2000 and caused costly damage to fences and other infrastructure.

We are also apparently just ‘scaremongering’ about the disingenuousness of Waverley Council’s ‘commitment’ to the cemetery when the facts are that while Council has voted to support a heritage listing of the site, it has also accepted advice from Deloitte consultants to wind back expenditure on site maintenance wherever possible and reduced cemetery infrastructure renewal budgets for the next decade by a massive 88%.

Again we are just ‘scaremongering’ about the council’s half-hearted commitment to heritage conservation when the fact is the council has refused outright to do anything at all to prevent future vandalism and has voted to accept Deloitte’s advice that monuments should simply be removed as they age and collapse.

And we are ‘scaremongering’ about the grim financial prospects of this massive, old and very fragile site in the absence of a sound plan for its future – a plan which was promised by Waverley Council more than two years ago, but which has still not emerged.

Instead the council has accepted the advice from Deloitte that no further investment should be considered in either the cemetery’s services or the monuments that constitute its most important heritage items.

Finally we are supposedly ‘scaremongering’ by ‘suggesting’ that “Waverley Council has a long term agenda of selling Waverley Cemetery to developers”. The truth is we have never said the council has such an agenda, although we understand why many people now believe this is the agenda, given the poor way in which the current council is treating the site, the service and its staff.

The fact is, however much Ms Mora and some local residents may wish to deny it, all is not well at Waverley Cemetery. Age-related decay, land instability, vandalism, and the lack of a decent new cemetery service business model are all big and obvious problems.

Save Waverley Cemetery has been warning about all these problems for some time, particularly problems about land instability. The cemetery has experienced at least four land collapses in its unstable central eastern gully area along the coastal walk in the last 18 months.

$19.90 non-member’s $22.90

April 2016 | The Beast 13

Ms Mora and her group of ‘residents’ claim that any problems will be solved by a State Heritage listing.

Save Waverley Cemetery strongly supports this listing. But the reality is that a listing will not deliver the funds needed to save Waverley Cemetery. Witness Gore Hill Cemetery, which has been State Heritage listed since the 1970s but which is now terribly degraded.

Just about everyone supports the conservation of Waverley Cemetery, but neither the local residents nor the council is seriously developing any potential solutions. Save Waverley Cemetery is the only group that has put forward solutions and these are not ‘insensitive’, as Ms Mora claims; they are both affordable and utterly consistent with the heritage values of the site.

Our proposal for a pavilion for funerals and commemorative ceremonies will not disturb a single grave. In fact, it will raise funds for grave conservation. Our proposals for a combined café, flower and gift shop (not multiple ‘shops’ as claimed

by Ms Mora) will also raise funds for the cemetery, which it so desperately needs. Our proposal for a niche pillar fence, new entry points and accessible ramps will open the cemetery up to more and safer visitation during the day (not close it off ) and help prevent vandalism at night.

The cost of this fence would be around $4.5 million (not $14 million as claimed by Ms Mora) and would be totally offset by sales of niches.

The fence would also help avoid the cost of vandalism repairs, currently estimated to equate to about $1 million every five years (although, of course, the council currently does not do these repairs at all).

No matter which way you look at it, much more is needed to save Waverley Cemetery than a single ‘strategy’ of a heritage listing, especially if it is to be followed by ongoing neglect. What we need is a decent funded plan that will ensure the cemetery can remain viable in public ownership for the future. Visit the Save Waverley Cemetery website to see how our proposals will ensure the cemetery can be sustainably operated as a publicly owned asset and service.

Dr Bronwyn Kelly Campaign Organiser for Save Waverley Cemetery

14 The Beast | April 2016

Very Pleased Dear Editor - I am very pleased to share the news that the New South Wales Heritage Council has recommended that Waverley Cemetery be included on the State Heritage List.

They were in awe of the outpouring of community support. They received over 270 letters, all of which were supportive.

We would like to thank everyone who took the time to write a letter supporting our group’s application to have the cemetery listed. Your efforts certainly helped. We would also like to thank Waverley Council for supporting the application.

Penny Mora Residents for Waverley Cemetery Save the Trees I am writing in response to your article in the March 2016 edition, ‘Fig Trees Continue to Fall in the Name of Progress’. In this article the Department of Transport (Minister Andrew Constance) claims these trees were not really planted for the Anzacs.

This is misleading and suggests no relationship between the two - nothing can be further from the truth.

Centennial Parklands is comprised of three major parks, Centennial Park, Moore Park and Queens Park: land that was set aside by Governor Lachlan Macquarie in 1811 and the Sydney City Council in 1866.

The Parklands is the ‘people's park’.

Planting of the majestic and historic avenue of native figs began in the 1860s.

On August 18, 1914, tens of thousands of people lined the city streets to farewell a group of Australian soldiers heading for the battlefields. Randwick Road (now known as Anzac Parade) formed part of the parade route taken by the soldiers marching from the barracks at Kensington to the ships at Circular Quay. Many men would not return, losing their lives on April 25, 1915 when the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) landed at Gallipoli or during later campaigns.

In 1917 Randwick Road was re-named Anzac Parade to commemorate the ANZAC sacrifice. The roadway was widened and a large avenue of Port Jackson figs was planted on either side. A memorial obelisk was erected at the northern end.

“Anzac Parade was seen as Sydney's most important boulevard commemorating the Anzac troops" (Centennial Parklands CMP 2001).

According to the City of Sydney, "The mixed tree avenue along Anzac Parade presents an extremely historic and culturally significant group of trees. Collectively, these figs have group significance at the city and local government level in terms of their aesthetic, commemorative and social values. It represents one of the most iconic and significant avenue plantings in the Sydney metropolitan area."

How could a light rail system be allowed to destroy these and hundreds of other majestic trees along with the native wildlife they support?

There are so many unanswered questions about the light rail.

Recently, Randwick City Council unanimously agreed to a motion presented by Cr Tony Bowen to demand Mike Baird pause and consider the route to protect these magnificent trees. We are waiting for a response from both Mike Baird and Bruce Notley-Smith to act. Meanwhile the trees, the ‘people's park’ and the wildlife will continue to pay the price.

Maria Bradley Coogee Lost Reading Glasses Hi Guys - On February 3 I lost a pair of purple reading glasses in Coogee. I lost them between Cozzi Café and the beach at about 2.30pm.

I did call into a few shops as soon as I discovered they were missing, but unfortunately they had not been handed in to anyone.

I am just sending this email on the off chance that someone may have picked them up.

Jean Coogee Bike Bells Don't Work Hi NSW Police - I want to voice my disapproval at the squad of police (with portable EFTPOS machine in hand!) at Bondi Junction fining cyclists for not having bells on their bikes. Don't get me wrong, I'm an advocate for fines for no helmets, no lights or not obeying road laws, but bike bells simply don't work and I'll tell you why: 1. It takes two hands to stop a bike Stopping power for a bicycle is 70% front brake, 30% rear brake. Imagine

you're travelling at 35km/h in a bike lane and some bozo steps off the sidewalk whilst flipping through their Twitter feed. You can't take either hand off the handlebar to ring the bell - the back brake won't stop you and the front brake on its own will send you over the handlebars. The only way to avoid hitting said bozo is to yell.

2. Pedestrians don't notice bike bells Two-thirds of my office have the bike bell chime as their text message ring.

People are desensitised to this sound and don't even look around when you ring your bell.

3. There is no time to ring a bell in the split second it takes for a car door to open on you, or for aforementioned bozo to step out into the bike lane Imagine if the car horn was where the emergency brake is on most cars.

Are you going to have time to take your hand off the wheel to honk?

4. Cars can't hear/don't care about your stupid little bell I find it insulting that police will blame cyclists for accidents because of not having a bike bell, yet pedestrians that step directly into a bike lane have to take no responsibility whatsoever.

I mount my bell under my seat to avoid fines, and I yell to avoid accidents.

The next time I'm whistling through the city at 35km/h and a bozo steps out into the bike lane, rather than put myself in danger by swinging wide into the road to avoid an accident, shall I make an attempt for the bike bell rather than the brakes and see how we both end up? After all, I'm the one wearing the helmet!

I think it's time we re-visit this law - I'm happy to help find a solution - but what I witnessed this morning was simply a case of revenue raising at its most disgraceful.

Anonymous North Bondi Some Mail Rebuttal Hello - I do enjoy reading The Beast, but there are a few slight rebuttals that need to be addressed in your Letters section.

In ‘Disabled and Disgruntled’ (Letters, March 2016), I would love

to tell A Tired Bronte Senior that the parking fines some people get really don't startle them. Some can afford to pay the hundred and something dollar fine. A fine can only be given every 24 hours, so they can park longer than allowed and not really care.

With ‘Council Clean-Ups’ (Letters, March 2016), you will find that Randwick City Council ratepayers pay more rates compared with Waverley Council ratepayers. Therefore, Randwick would be able to afford the extra clean-up that K. Tangney would so love to have. Oh, and it's not just ratepayers who get the clean-ups, but also renters.

With ‘Unfair Fines’ (Letters, March 2016), it's a pity that Philip (Grenard) was fined because his permit had expired. Randwick City Council do give reminder notices for renewal. Hopefully when Randwick, Waverley and Woollahra come together, Philip can get his reminder notice. Oh, and by the way, 80 percent of parking permits are given to renters, not owners (ratepayers). But to make more of the ratepayers’ plight with councils, just because people pay rates, it doesn't really make anyone special. If you sell your property and someone buys it, they will pay rates.

I personally don't like paying huge health insurance premiums when I see people smoke cigarettes, but that's another story.

Anna Cook Randwick The Ten Commandments Hello The Beast - It has come to my attention that there needs to be a Ten Commandments style thing about living in the east...

1. Thou Shalt Know About Parking People should realise that parking is gold in the east. That's because it is the most populated area of Australia (also including the 2010 and 2011 postcodes). People who move to the area should realise that parking may be hard to get, as more people seem to want to live here; deal with it.

Don't complain about the parking permits either.

2. Thou Shalt Not Wear Tracksuit Pants Tracksuit Pants. They do come in many styles, including ones for yoga.

This is not a reason to wear them whilst shopping in Bondi Junction's Westfield. The Eastern Suburbs is

April 2016 | The Beast 15

meant to be a fashion haven. I’m not seeing it. Also, I don't want to see men's genitalia flopping around.

3. Thou Shalt Not Have Yummy Mummies And Their Unruly Kids In Cafes Yummie Mummies, who probably should be on ‘Real Housewives of the Eastern Suburbs’, are delightful people who can show that one can have children and still look great, but when their kids are screaming and shouting in cafes, the Yummie Mummies are still zoned into the latest in their husbands' affairs. Don't worry, some cafes have areas where the kids can play. Go there.

4. Thou Shalt Not Drive Your Teenage Kids To (Private) School It has come to my attention that teenage kids are being driven to (private) school by their parents, nannies, or by the help... and in large SUVs (I don't think we have kangaroos in the east). Precious perhaps? Maybe the parents are scared their kids will get kidnapped or killed in a terrorist attack? Some do take public transport.

Others should follow.

5. Thou Shalt Realise That Amalgamations Will Happen I'm talking to you Woollahra. The local government minister wants you to join your council with Randwick and Waverley. I know that you are quite wealthy, environmentally beautiful, and the people pay large sums for their real estate, but deal with it.

Welcome to the Eastern Beaches Council.

6. Thou Shalt Not Have Attitude It has also come to my attention that many retail shops in the east, including some cafes, have staff with major attitude. Some places like Bellagio Cafe in Waverley are fantastic. That place is great. Others, however, need an education in customer service.

Maybe the staff do have attitude because of the clientele, who are also rude. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But as Edina Monsoon said in Ab Fab, “You only work in a shop; you can drop the attitude.”

7. Thou Shalt Not Be Screwed Over

By Bulk Billing Apparently living in the east equates to higher fees for medical services.

There are medical centres for bulk

16 The Beast | April 2016

billing, but if one wants a MRI scan you generally have to pay. However, in Five Dock, for example, you don't.

Not fair.

8. Thou Shalt Question How Big Private Schools Have To Be For the past 15 years, many private schools have been building new facilities. As nice as that is, do they really need them, especially when public schools need them more? Case in point, St Catherine's School in Waverley. They have put in an application for substantial works. These works don't even include enough parking, as they are to build a 500seat theatre. I guess they can do this when their fees are nearly $30,000 per year. To be honest, I would love to have gone to that school.

9. Thou Shalt Not Smoke I have noticed that people still smoke those carcinogenic expensive cigarettes. In five years' time they will be 100 dollars a pack, but it seems people in the east can afford it. But smoking around people (who are not smoking themselves) is considered rude. If you have to smoke, please don't smoke on your person, because when you go places (cafe, shop, government office), you stink. It also makes you look older, and those in the east don't want to look old before their time. How many anti-ageing places are there? And gyms?

10. Thou Shalt Not Take Life Too Seriously The residents of the east seem to take life a bit too seriously. Why? You don't even get out of here alive. I know many people who work in jobs they hate to pay off houses they can’t afford, just so they can look good around their friends. But really, life should be enjoyed. You should stop and smell the roses. Because one day, it will all be gone. You'll be under those roses.

Anna Cook Hypocritical Mayor Re The Beast article ‘Time to Butt Out - Smoke Free Trial for Bondi Junction’ (The Beast, March 2016), Mayor Sally Betts' justification for the trial citing the need to protect public health seems somewhat hypocritical in light of the response below to my recent enquiry to Council regarding known cancer

causing carcinogen ‘RoundUp’ being used liberally in Waverley parks and roadsides to kill weeds. Families and children soak up the toxins whilst enjoying the green spaces and get to bathe in its run-off when swimming in the oceans.

“As you are aware, RoundUp (a glyphosate based herbicide) is used in the management of weeds in open spaces in Waverley,” the Waverley Council Parks Manager wrote.

At least a non-smoker has the option to move away from cigarette smoke, but where do we go when our green spaces are doused with chemicals?

N. Penn Bronte Love You, Pearl Dear Pearl - I’ve been a semi regular reader of The Beast and always appreciate your column/tirades/journal/ mediations - whatever you want to call it.

This month (March) you’ve outdone yourself. I love it that I can see it written down so cohesively, all those thoughts I have, but am just not skilled enough to tie together so succinctly as you do. Don’t stop - it’s fabulous. And thank you.

Annie Pick Off the Scabs Scabs. They live amongst us, but they are the most scabby of scabs. Actually, on reflection, I don't think they live amongst us.

You know the guys, with their metal detectors scanning the sand looking for stuff that beachgoers have lost, which they then claim as their own.

Whether it's change for the kids’ Mr Whippy, your wedding ring or your wallet with coins in it, it's all fair game for the scab patrol.

Nothing gets handed in; most of it goes to Happy Hockers, which makes for some Unhappy F**kers.

The council should ban them, or enroll the good guys with metal detectors (they are plentiful, to be fair) to scan the beach and return items found to the council and advertise them as lost property. City Rail has been doing it for many years; all unclaimed lost and found items are auctioned off for charity. What the scabs do is tantamount to theft.

If you want a laugh, save all your five-cent pieces and scatter them all over the beach when they approach,

then watch as they break their backs digging up 200 five-cent pieces. It's most amusing.

Moose Bondi Juiced Up in Bronte Park As a great grandfather who enjoys Bronte Park as a safe place for my great grandchildren and other family members, I would like to praise Waverley Police for maintaining their vigilance.

There is a growing subversive trend for alcohol to be consumed by troublemakers in the park, under the mask of fruit juices and other ‘soft’ drinks.

Luckily the police are not fooled by this activity and witnesses inform me that last Sunday afternoon two police officers confiscated a bottle of orange juice from a young man and despite his protestations that the libation was non-alcoholic they snatched it from him and poured it onto the ground.

Well done officers! It is a slippery slope to frequent abuse of the law with all manner of purchased soft drink bottles and containers masquerading alcohol. If a few people have to sacrifice their need to quench their thirst and hand over drinks for inspection, so be it I say!

A safe, secure beach and environs should remain the first priority in Bronte. The police are doing a difficult job, and show themselves up to the challenge.

I encourage all locals and visitors to be alert to this conduct by people who have to flout the law, and report any ‘soft’ drink activity directly to Waverley Police.

Sincerely.

W. Wintle (retired) Bronte Mirvac Should Rack Off Good old Waverley Council. Sending parking police to Wellington Street, Bondi, twice a day, at least three times a week, to book parents from both schools. They must be making an absolute motza. It must be a ‘done deal’ of a revenue raiser, because they know and fully understand there is nowhere for the parents to park due to the massive construction by Mirvac. The construction workers arrive at 5.30am to 6am every morning, take up all available parking (which is hard to get anyway) and stay put the entire day. They leave the site from 3.15pm to 3.30pm. In the meantime the rangers have a field day.

Us poor residents have endured demo dust, drilling, trucks at least every three minutes, every day, entering or leaving the site, traffic delays and rude and indifferent construction workers who circle the block every morning to pounce on any available parking spot. Now it’s the building phase. You can't park anywhere near our homes. And the winner is Waverley Council, which scores big time out of the mess.

One of the rangers told me that they are there for the children’s safety.

Rubbish. Mirvac should provide parking, or get their workers to be inconvenienced like the residents.

There is an empty park they could use each day so the parents could park to let their children out of their cars safely, without being booked. It’s only a matter of time before a child gets knocked down making the run out of a doubled parked car.

Safety of the children - no way.

Just Waverley Council once again changing street parking signs, not giving a toss about rate-paying residents, to accommodate what they consider progress. And watch how quickly the street will become ‘two-hour parking’ once the site and buildings have been completed by Mirvac. Shame on you Waverley Council. Where is your ‘duty of care’ to the school children or your consideration for rate-paying residents? Oh sorry, I forgot, they don’t give massive pay outs for construction works and special privileges.

Dianne and Tibor Bors Bondi No Council Amalgamation Dear Editor - The extraordinary meeting of Waverley Council at 9.30am on Sunday morning, February 21, 2016, to put forward recommendations on how to proceed with the forced amalgamations of Woollahra, Waverley and Randwick municipalities raises a number of questions.

April 2016 | The Beast 17

The necessity to hold such a meeting on a Sunday morning, and at such short notice, suggests that there is much that is being hidden from ratepayers.

The financial advantages of the amalgamation have not been disclosed. After the initial capping, within six years of the amalgamation, rates will go up by 20% to 30%. This estimate is conservative. The combining of the three councils will create greater costs, especially if proposals, such as the one mooted by a Liberal councillor that the elected officers of the new amalgamated council be paid salaries, are adopted.

The murky interim administrative arrangements between dissolving the old councils and the election of new councillors offers a window of opportunity to put through highly contentious proposals that will have costly and lasting effects on the operation of any new Woollahra/ Waverley/Randwick Council. In particular, Mayor Sally Betts and her Liberal colleagues’ proposal to create a ‘civic’ centre on Denison Street has a chance to be adopted without proper public scrutiny.

Besides furthering the traffic mess of Bondi Junction, the proposed ‘civic’ centre will mean the destruction of Waverley Library and the further mar-

18 The Beast | April 2016

ginalisation of the Mill Hill historic residential precinct. The ratepayers of Woollahra and Randwick may not appreciate having to pay for Mayor Betts’ vision for a costly, unsustainable and gridlocked combined councils civic centre in Bondi Junction.

There should be a referendum on the amalgamation of Woollahra, Waverley and Randwick, not extraordinary meetings on a Sunday morning.

Our members of parliament, Bruce Notley-Smith and Gabrielle Upton, should be at the forefront persuading their Baird/Liberal Party colleagues that the ratepayers of Woollahra, Randwick and Waverley do not want a forced amalgamation.

Gil Morris Bondi Junction Privatisation by Stealth – Who Benefits?

The Bondi Pavilion has always provided a focal point for the local community. It has over decades hosted a multitude of community events and classes (many of which have been lost due to economic rationalism). The local people have been able to utilise this precious open space when many of us live in cramped apartments.

The current Waverley Council, voted in on a backlash against corrupt federal politicians, is making deci-

sions on perhaps the most important development in Bondi history.

Let’s be totally clear here: they cannot do so after the council merger, hence a complicated piece of legislation is being pushed through by releasing it for public debate on December 15 (when I for one was away for an extended break).

At the recent council meeting, despite a pressing request from the community to extend this deadline, we were refused a realistic extension and given a token two weeks. We were also refused a meeting with the architects. Why? All costings have not been made available to all councillors (despite numerous requests) due to ‘commercial sensitivity’. It’s hard to imagine this is legal. The criteria used to decide on community space ratio has likewise not been made available despite being told that community space ratio will not be changed. There is no specific information about the internal heritage listed parts of the pavilion. The proposed theatre, which is lauded as the great white hope of all that the pavilion stands for, will be overbooked and is poorly thought out with a dressing room in another building. The entire top floor, with its wonderful heritage listed balcony, is to be privately leased despite it being

fairly widely recognised that any venture on the top floor will fail as its predecessors have.

It is no secret that Mayor Sally Betts is friends with the Lazarus family, who will be operating the pub in the new Pacific Bondi.

We know that in 2015 at an invitation-only meeting to discuss the newly unveiled plans for the pavilion, Liz and Litz were present (the developers of the Pacific Bondi).

Only one member of the community was invited.

The Bucket List (the only successful business to earn money for the council) will not be asked to renew its lease. One has to wonder about the connection between the $38 million development and an underground car park. With consent to do an archaeological dig around the pavilion already underway, the community should be questioning if the beneficiaries of a car park might be too close to Council for comfort.

The Bondi community fought and won a privatisation bid in 1987. We have been fighting (and will continue to fight) this exact issue for 30 years now. This project is not standing up to scrutiny and the lack of transparency and the urgency to push it through should be questioned.

Nicolette Boaz Bondi I Like Plastic Bags Dear Editor - I strongly disagree with the banning of plastic bags as advocated in the article ‘Swell Building For Bondi To Go Plastic Bag Free’ on page 74 of the March issue of The Beast. The article makes reference to just plastic bags; it does not actually specify plastic ‘shopping’ bags. If such a ban is introduced, does that mean that Waverley Council will no longer provide plastic bags at the doggy poo plastic bag dispensers located around Bondi, etc? Does it also mean that we will no longer be able to buy special purpose plastic bags such as oven plastic bags, lunch plastic bags, large garbage plastic bags, etc. at the supermarkets? However, the article seems to suggest it is about a ban on plastic ‘shopping’ bags.

The article only states one reason for the plastic bag ban, saying that one of the most common sources of litter in Bondi is the not so humble plastic (shopping) bag. That statement is incorrect. I walk for an hour every

day around Bondi, Bondi Beach, Tamarama, Bronte, Bondi Junction and Waverley, and very rarely see discarded plastic shopping bags; in fact, I’ve not seen any discarded plastic shopping bags for many weeks.

However, every day I do see many discarded empty glass bottles (ideal glassing weapons) and plastic bottles.

I would say that these plastic and glass bottles are one of the most common sources of litter in Bondi.

It would seem that the real reason for the ban is to fit into some feelgood, green, left wing, dictatorial agenda (the t-shirt shown in the accompanying picture to the article states ‘Blue Bondi Green’). If those advocating the ban don’t want to be given a plastic shopping bag at Coles/ Woolies etc. they can choose not to take one. Their green dictatorial agenda should not prevail over those shoppers who want the convenience of taking their shopping home in plastic shopping bags. And most common sense minded people would reuse them appropriately. Please allow the people a choice.

I reuse my plastic shopping bags for a myriad of purposes; I’ll list my many practical uses and reuses of plastic shopping bags: To carry shopping home; to carry wet and damp products home like prawns, meat, etc. (those cloth carry bags would get wet and smell); to carry home a milk carton and if it leaks, not a problem, but if it’s in a cloth carry bag it will smell; to carry home meat (freshly cut) from my local butcher in Bronte; to put prawn heads/shells in, which then go into freezer, then into the bin; to put minor kitchen waste into, which then goes into a bin; to carry home damp clothes; to put my damp beach towel into to carry home; to put wet swim trunks into to carry home; to pick up dog poo outside one’s house, which needs at least two or three plastic bags, which then goes in the bin; to pick up a dead bird in your yard or lane and put it in the bin; to pick up smelly food thrown into your yard and put it in the bin; to pick up broken glass, which will need several plastic bags, and put it in the bin; to put shredded confetti type paper in as it’s not permitted to put heaps of shredded paper in your blue bin for obvious reasons; to put swept up dirt and dust into and then put it in bin; to put a damp paint brush into

for later use; to put a wet paint roller into for later use; to carry leaking paint tins in, which may need several plastic bags; to put papers into to carry around; to put wet rags into; to put painting rags into; to put paint stained rags/papers into and then put in the bin; to store brickie sand; to store small stones for cement aggregate; to carry sand/cement for later mixing; to carry small tools for later use; to put soiled sanitary napkins into (otherwise they smell and need three bags), then put in the bin; to put blood-soiled bandages into, then put in the bin; to put garden/lawn weeds into and then put into the bin. I can keep listing many more instances of how I reuse my plastic shopping bags.

I’m against the ban on plastic shopping bags because they are so convenient and incredibly useful.

Peter Kingston Waverley P.S. If plastic shopping bags are banned but not the plastic bags from the doggy poo dispensers, Waverley Council might find it may have to replenish the dispensers every day as they will be a valuable source of scarce plastic carry bags.

The Beast Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au

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Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

April 2016 | The Beast 19

The surfing surgeon in work mode.

Local Bloke... William Mooney from Bondi Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

W

hen ENT surgeon Dr William Mooney isn’t plying his trade at Prince of Wales Hospital, he’s busy running his Face Plus Medispa empire. The Bondi resident shares his local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here? I grew up in Melbourne and moved to Bondi in '96. I don't plan on leaving any time soon.

What's your favourite beach? I love the elusive Mackenzies when it appears, and diving off 'Flat Rock' at North Bondi.

What's your favourite eatery?

It's hard to go past La Piadina for brekkie, Sean's for lunch and Raw Bar for dinner.

Where do you like to have a drink? Icebergs in the afternoon, the Stuffed Beaver for a 'Bloody Caesar', or the Anchor in Bondi for a 'Machete'.

20 The Beast | April 2016

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I’m an absolute Swans tragic. I go to every match.

lunch with friends or go to the beach with my daughter. I love having friends over, too.

What music are you into at the moment? Bondi FM, until I am out of range. I also enjoy Disclosure, Tame Impala and Rufus, and really old Midnight Oil to get into surf mode.

What do you do for work? I am a surgeon and work out of Prince of Wales Hospital. I also have clinics in Bondi Junction and Bankstown, and I’m opening a new medispa, Face Plus, in The Pacific development at Bondi Beach. It’s about health and wellness inside and out.

Who is your favourite person? I'm lucky to have a brilliant group of friends and family, but my daughter Pepper steals my number one spot. She is my little beach buddy and my Swans sidekick, but yes, I have to sit through imaginary Barbie tea parties.

Do you have a favourite quote? At medical school we used to say: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

What's your favourite thing about work? I am an ENT surgeon (Ear, Nose and Throat) and it's a varied and busy gig. I do a lot of cancer work, which is challenging; it’s euphoric when it's successful, but heart breaking when we don't win. In my private practice it's more general ENT, but I get an equal thrill from getting a nose straight, helping a kid breathe better or removing a tumour.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I surf, I go to the markets for some pho, and I have

Any other words of wisdom for us?

Humour is ultimate panacea. You can conquer the world with a smile.

Today I choose... Clovelly.

Local Chick... Larissa Sinfield from Bronte Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

L

arissa Sinfield lives in Bronte and works as an associate dentist at The Dental Spa in Bondi Junction (where she practises under her maiden name, Larissa Knodler). She shares her local favourites with The Beast…

How long have you lived here? I moved to Tamarama after finishing university and back again after a two-year stint in London before moving to Bronte in 2007.

What’s you favourite beach? I would say Clovelly, although we live between Bronte and Clovelly, so we tend to go to both. It depends who is making the decision on the day.

What’s you favourite eatery?

For lunch I love to take my boys to Sushigoi. It's their favourite.

For dinner locally we often go to Bronte Road Bistro, or Moxhe on Macpherson Street. If we head to Bondi I love Sean's Panaroma,

22 The Beast | April 2016

but it's hard to go past all the great restaurants on Hall Street now.

Where do you like to have a drink? The Pavilion is great for any occasion - with or without kids, girls catch up, etc. Icebergs still tops of the list though - that view!

Do you have a favourite sporting team? My two boys and I support the Wallabies, but have failed to convert my English husband. We try to get to Waratahs and Swans games when we can.

What music are you into at the moment? I actually like Taylor Swift, and I'm also a bit partial to Katy Perry now and again.

Who is your favourite person? My husband Dan and three children.

My sister and her family live two streets away in Bronte also, so we are very close, and of course my parents, who are up in Lake Macquarie where I grew up.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I try to get down to the stadium for a bit of exercise, followed by a swim with the kids, and the afternoons are normally spent at the beach or park. I usually try to get out for dinner with friends too.

What do you do for work? I am an associate dentist at The Dental Spa on Bronte Road, Bondi Junction.

What’s your favourite thing about work? Ellie (Pikoulas) has set up the practice to have a fresh and vibrant feel, which makes you forget you are in a dental surgery.

Do you have a favourite quote?

“In the end it's not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years” - Abraham Lincoln.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? Never regret anything, as at one time it's exactly what you wanted.

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Lest we forget.

Thumbs Up INDIAN SUMMER - Hopefully the summer that keeps on giving will continue to do so well into April. We’re not ready for winter yet.

GYUTO MONKS - These slightly strange-looking folk will be bringing their robes, mindfulness and good vibes to Bondi Pavilion this month.

LUNCHTIME FITNESS SESSIONS - It's absolutely amazing what just half an hour of exercise every couple of days can do for your rig. Try it.

DAWN SERVICE - We’ve got it pretty good here in the lucky country, so get out of bed early on Anzac Day and show that you’re thankful for it.

60 MINUTES - Still the best current affairs show on commercial television and without it we may not have the wonderful Allison Langdon on our cover.

Thumbs Down RUNNER UP - There's nothing fun about first loser, but big ups to the mighty Ratpack touch team for making the Division 1 touch footy grand final.

NEW BIKE LAWS AND FINES - The fine for not wearing a helmet while riding a bicycle is now $319. No bell? That’s $106. What a f**king joke.

DARKNESS - Daylight Saving ends on April 3 and the world as we know it will plunge into eternal darkness. It’s time to stock up on rations.

ZIKA VIRUS - This mosquito born virus has really put a dent in the babymoon business. Where can pregnant women safely holiday these days?

ANZAC DAY IDIOTS - Before you make a dick of yourself this Anzac Day, stop and think about our fallen soldiers, at least for a minute or two.

24 The Beast | April 2016

and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Lil Chrissy Age 6 months Sex Female Breed Boxer x Staffy Weight 9.5kg Lil Chrissy is a friendly, happy girl. She is social with other dogs and walks well on lead. She has an incredibly gentle and placid nature and has the best social skills with other dogs. She can be snatchy with treats, so would only suit older children. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped.

Her adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Rocky Age 9 months Sex Male Breed Kelpie x Staffy Weight 18.9kg Rocky is a happy, friendly, active boy with loads of energy. He is playful and friendly with other dogs.

He has a short coat and walks well on loose lead. He can be a bit protective of his toys, so would suit an adult home. Rocky comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $350, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

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Subject Camouflaged laps Location Clovelly Photographer Kornelus Alexander

Subject Drooling Location Maroubra Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Morning rituals Location Bondi Photographer Billy Morris - @billmorris

Subject Elder Statesmen Location Bronte Photographer Janet Wood

Subject Balmy beach days Location Bronte Photographer Miriam Chaplyn

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Rockpool bliss Location Mackenzies Bay Photographer Poppy Wolanski

Subject Taking terns Location Bronte Photographer Kim Dowling - @inthemoment26

Subject Perfect peeler Location Maroubra Photographer Saxon Cook - @js_photography0

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...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

And so do we.

Do the Lockout Laws Affect the Eastern Beaches?

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Victoria Bitter

I

n February 2014, Sydney’s ‘lock out laws’ were introduced. And they soberly remain. Bars and clubs in Kings Cross and in Sydney’s ‘entertainment precinct’ cannot allow entry to patrons after 1:30am.

They cannot serve alcohol after 3am. After midnight, they cannot serve shots, doubles and pre-mixed drinks, and customers cannot buy more than four drinks at a time.

Statewide, the purchase of takeaway alcohol must cease at 10pm.

The Eastern Beaches area is exempt from these laws. Shots aplenty can flow at 2am as new customers walk in the door. As such, several questions arise.

Does this mean that there has been a displacement of alcoholfuelled violence to the east, as has reportedly occurred in Newtown?

Are Eastern Beaches businesses suffering or profiting? And what of the residents?

A quick look at the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research website reveals that there has not been a notable increase in non-domestic assaults reported by police in the Eastern Suburbs since March 2014. But displaced 28 The Beast | April 2016

violence is not the only possible ramification. Business is changing.

“We have most likely benefited across the bar from the lock outs as punters and hospitality staff have little choice once things close elsewhere,” Luke Prout, licensee of the Robin Hood Hotel (closing time 3am), told The Beast.

But the Robin Hood’s bottle shop has not fared so well. Manager Matt Chessell explained that employees’ work hours have been cut by up to 12 hours a week and “weekly sales are still affected by the earlier closing times”.

Waverley Council firmly stated that there have not been “any changes to the nightlife in Waverley because of the lock out laws in the city” and it seems that a number of bars in the area are aware of, and trying to capitalise on, the attraction they now hold as venues exempt from the laws. Spring Street Social in Bondi Junction, for example, explicitly states on the ‘Location’ page of its website that it has ‘NO LOCK OUTS!!!’.

Despite the local exemption from the lock outs laws, a number of young Eastern Suburbs residents

are still frustrated by the restrictions elsewhere. Alexander McDonald, a 22 year-old musician from Clovelly, laments what the lock out laws have done to Sydney’s live music scene.

“There are now an extremely limited amount of venues to play… the lockout laws are just another blow to a suffering social landscape,” he said.

Critically, there is an increasing animosity between young people and the police and state government. Young people feel that they are being treated unfairly, like naughty children who are not to be trusted late at night, when in actual fact the incidents that led to the lock out laws being imposed occurred before 10:30pm. And when such an intense resentment of authority exists, history tells us that conflict generally ensues.

A spokesperson for Liquor and Gaming NSW told The Beast “the Government’s statutory review of the lock out and cease alcohol laws has recently commenced”. As such, only time will tell if the laws are altered or rescinded. It seems that the hope of the youth lies firmly on the side of revocation.

Do you think the current lockout laws need to be revised?

Words & Pictures Madeleine Gray

Luke, North Bondi Yes. They’ve taken away all of the atmosphere in the city. And coming from North Bondi, it’s a big effort to go to the city for only a few hours before everything closes, then make your way back.

Kat, Bondi Yes. The lockout laws are a piece of shit. We’re being treated like irresponsible children because of the mistakes of two drunk idiots.

Helen, Waverley

Nick, Randwick

I understand the impetus behind the laws, but I think they are too onerous.

We should be trying to address attitudes to drinking. This is a Band-Aid solution.

They obviously need to be dumped. Live music venues are suffering and the dickheads are just moving elsewhere – like to Newtown and Bondi.

Jen, Coogee Absolutely. I haven’t had a big night out in the city since they came in because there is no point – you can only really go to one venue and then you’re out.

Ben, Rose Bay Yes. Individuals should be free to make their own decisions and behave accordingly.

April 2016 | The Beast 29

Safety first.

Recent Crackdown Grinds the Gears of Locals Words Kate Myers Picture Drew Barrymore

O

n March 1, new stateimposed cycling regulations came into effect, marketed as necessary to improve road safety, but also to police the various violations by cyclists that many believe have gone unnoticed by authorities.

Referred to by many in the cycling community as “the anti-bike laws”, the legislation requires motorists to give cyclists a clearance of up to one and a half metres, but also sees increased penalties for cyclists who run red lights, fail to stop at pedestrian crossings, don’t wear a helmet or participate in other high risk behaviours.

The NSW Minister for Roads, Maritime and Freight, Duncan Gay, said the new legislation was an essential part of improving community safety.

“I recently announced a new cycling package developed in close consultation with stakeholders, including cycling groups,” Mr Gay said. “Since we announced the package and the community became more aware of the upcoming 30 The Beast | April 2016

changes, I’ve personally noticed less risky behaviour from both cyclists and drivers.”

The most controversial addition is the requirement that all cyclists carry a form of ID, a rule the state government believes enhances safety and increases cyclist confidence. John Buckton, President of the Randwick Botany Cycling Club, believes the law is unnecessary.

“It achieves nothing, with perhaps the macabre exception of being able to identify a deceased cyclist after they have been run over by a motor vehicle,” Mr Buckton said. “I can speak from experience having been in the police force just shy of 20 years with nearly all my service in traffic and the highway patrol. Personally I never had any problem with identifying cyclists.”

With 11.2% of people in NSW not in possession of a government issued ID, the law also presents logistical problems.

“It does nothing but disadvan-

tage people who might want to go for a short ride to the beach or the shops,” Mr Buckton said. “God help the poor visitors to our country. Do they have to try and tuck their passports down their shorts as they explore our great city?”

The Eastern Suburbs have felt the effects of a recent crackdown targeting not only cyclists, but also motorists and pedestrians, for various offences. The triviality of penalised offences has locals concerned the new legislation targeting cyclists is merely the beginning of a worrying trend.

“Police should crack down on cyclists disobeying red lights and pedestrian crossings; we fully support this,” Mr Buckton said.

“However, the petty enforcement of the requirement of cyclists to have a bell fitted to the bicycle is nothing short of a means of harassing and hassling cyclists.”

The Eastern Suburbs LAC were asked to comment on the recent crackdown and the impact of the new legislation, but declined.

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Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Brad Bessant - @10ftkaos

Grant for Bondi's ‘Little Heroes’ A big thanks is in order for the St. George Foundation, which has given $25,000 to local Bondi charity Little Heroes Swimming Academy. The Academy provides potentially life saving swimming lessons to children with special needs. This particular donation will go towards the ongoing Niclas Kesler Scholarship, which began in 2012 in memory of a very special little boy close to the academy’s heart. If you would like to dive in and donate too, please head to www.littleheroesswimacademy.org.

More Parking Near Light Rail Find it difficult to get a park in Randwick? Fear not! In preparation for the erection of the upcoming light rail, parking on William Street in Randwick has been changed from parallel to angle parking, which has created 18 additional parking spaces. The shift is part of Randwick Council’s ongoing plan to create more on-street parking in areas where

Summer banks at Mackenzies.

parking has been removed because of construction. For more info about Randwick’s parking plan, visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Hot Locks for Bondi Dudes Patrick Kidd, a Bondi local with a keen eye for design and aesthetics, has turned his big dreams into reality. Founded eight years ago as a premium men’s hair salon, Patricks has become synonymous with luxury, quality and silky, sexy locks.

The salon’s range of men’s hair products is now stocked in a variety of the world’s leading retailers, including Sephora and Neiman Marcus.

So whether you are a man looking to spruce yourself up, or a woman who’d prefer a better-groomed dude, check out www.patricks.com.au.

Happy Garden Helps Sick Kids The Sydney Children’s Hospital in Randwick is now home to a magical balcony with a gazebo, oversized toadstools and fairy lights where sick children can get a little respite from the clinical

din of hospital halls, thanks to local resident Rachael Crittinden and her son, Jax. Jax was admitted to the hospital in 2014 and Ms Crittinden saw the potential for a natural light-filled space off the neurology ward that could help kids like Jax heal in a soothing environment. She managed to raise $28,000 to make this place of solace a reality. Thank you Rachael!

Pony Rides at Centennial Park What kid doesn’t love ponies?

Unfortunately, not all of us have the funds to buy our kids a pony of their very own. Luckily, Centennial Parklands offers kids’ pony rides on Saturdays and Sundays, for the very doable price of $15 a ride. Each ride is hand-led by an instructor, so your child can gain confidence on horseback before becoming the next Michelle Payne.

Available for kids between two and ten years, groups meet at the corner of Grand Drive and Parkes Drive between 10am and 2pm. Please visit www.centennialparklands.com.au.

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Monk graduation.

Gyuto Monks Come to Bondi Words Madeleine Gray Picture Tobi Wilkinson

T

o the layperson, Buddhism can seem a daunting religion or philosophy to get one’s head around. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that it needs two very big words – namely ‘religion’ and ‘philosophy’ – to even begin to try and define it. It doesn’t involve a belief in God, but it deals with ideas that go beyond the physical realm.

To really commit to Buddhism, you are supposed to sacrifice your human desires, like the desire to attain ‘things’ or the desire to do better than someone else. You do this by following the Noble Eightfold Path. It’s about a constant consciousness of one’s place and actions. It’s pretty intense.

This is where the Gyuto Monks of Tibet come in. Not all of us have what it takes to be monks, or to completely separate ourselves from the cycle of capitalist desire and attainment. We like the things that money can buy us, and that’s okay, but it doesn’t mean that we have to dismiss all the tenants of Buddhism. In today’s stressful,

34 The Beast | April 2016

fast-paced world, we need to learn mindfulness and generosity more than ever.

Luckily for those of us living in Sydney’s Eastern Beaches, the Gyuto Monks are coming to Bondi Pavilion for a two-week residency from April 11 to 24, hosting workshops from 9:30am to 6pm daily. The monks regularly tour Australia and have found an annual home at Bondi Pavilion since back in 2008. What they offer is a welcoming entry into the world of Buddhism, and a warm environment where people can develop skills that they can apply in different areas of their lives.

The first week of their visit focuses on meditation sessions that deal with how to overcome the seven deadly sins – envy, wrath, lust, sloth, gluttony, greed and pride – while the second week draws more attention to how meditation can help us overcome the seven stresses of modern life.

There are also sessions geared towards children, involving such

activities as mandala making and Mala bracelet crafting. From 3pm to 5pm each day, individuals can also undertake cleansing ceremonies with the monks, who will sit with them and chant a special puja (prayer offering). Additionally, daily public talks at 2:30pm will explore such topics as ‘Aging Without Fear’ and ‘Surrendering Control’.

Accompanying the monks’ residency will be an exhibition of photographer Tobi Wilkinson’s ‘Mindful Practice – The Gyuto Monks Summer Retreat’ photo series. Wilkinson has spent many months with the monks in Tibet and has captured some truly stunning portraits of their contemplative lives.

So why not head down to the Bondi Pavilin this April, check out some moving art, earn yourself some positive karma, and learn how to live in the moment? You can find out more about the Gyuto Monks' upcoming visit at www.gyutomonksinbondi.com.au.

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Best bloke ever.

Adriel to the Rescue in Greece Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Kevin Bacon

I

t’s hard to imagine what it is like for refugees leaving their wartorn homeland in hope of a better life in another country and the life-threatening risks they take in an effort to realise that dream.

We are sometimes quick to make rash comments on the plight of these desperate people but, as most of us have not experienced this crisis first-hand, we really have no idea of what goes on other than what we see on television.

Scenes like the bodies of young children lying on beaches are hard to come to terms with no matter what nationality or religion they are.

One person who has experienced this human tragedy up front is Bondi lifeguard Adriel ‘Bacon’ Young.

The 28-year-old has just spent time on the Greek island of Samos with Sjöräddningssällskapet (Swedish Sea Rescue Society) as a rescue swimmer to help in the current refugee crisis.

“Most of the refugees are from Syria, but we also rescued a lot from Afghanistan and Iraq,” Adriel said.

36 The Beast | April 2016

As part of a two-team boat operation, he helped with one rescue of 194 people, with one small rubber boat carrying around 80 people (“a boat that should carry 10 people at the very most”).

“My skills both in the water and medically were perfect for my role in Greece,” Adriel said.

“Also the stress level that we get at Bondi helps when we are rescuing boats carrying up to 80 people.

“You really need to be thinking of everything and have a good overview of what’s going on around you.”

He said he thought he was good at distancing himself from the emotional side of the crisis, but at times it was very tough.

“It’s hard to explain the feeling when a mum shoves her onemonth-old baby into your hands from an overcrowded rubber boat and you can't help but feel for these people and what they are going through.

“I had seen videos of what goes on, but it’s nothing like when you're there face-to-face pulling these people to safety.”

Adriel said the work was very intense and that the short time he spent on Samos was mentally and physically draining, but offsetting those emotions was the satisfaction of helping people survive.

“People that know me well know that I am good at distancing myself from the emotional side,” he said.

“All I want to do is make sure I have done everything in my power to make sure that no lives are lost.

“However, it really is desperation. I can't tell you how much I appreciated the opportunity to be there and to be able to put my skills to use.

“I jumped at the opportunity to be able to put my skills to such a good cause. These people are just like you and I - the only difference is I am just lucky at the amazing country I was born in.”

Adriel will be heading back to Sydney soon to organise the inaugural SwimRun Australia event at Rose Bay on May 14, but his work in Greece is not over.

“After that I will be heading back to Samos for another stint,” he said.

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More Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Bill Morris - @billmorris

Let's Go Boatingo Boatingo is a charter boat agency based in Sydney that organises harbour cruises, New Year’s Eve cruises and boat hire on yachts all over the Asia Pacific. It’s kind of like the Airbnb of boat hire. If you want to get out on the water, but don’t want the hassle or expense of owning a boat, Boatingo is the only way to go. For more information or to book a really sweet boat, please visit www.boatingo.com.

Cycle for a Cause The Variety Children’s Charity is once again holding its annual ‘spoketacular’ Varity Cycle event from April 2 to 16. Variety aims to empower Australian children who are sick, disadvantaged or have special needs to live, laugh and learn. Participants in the cycle can choose to do the whole fifteen day trail, from Sydney to the Great Barrier Reef, or to complete one of a variety of less arduous rides, all while meeting the communities

Good morning Clovelly.

and families that they are helping. For more information and to register, please visit www.thevarietycycle.com.au.

Maroubra Pav Renamed Maroubra Pavilion has been renamed the Paddy Bastic Pavilion in honour of the late Martin Joseph ‘Paddy’ Bastic. Paddy spent his life dedicated to public service.

People may remember him as a Digger, a long serving member of the Australian Labour Party, or as someone who spent more than 50 years tirelessly working in local government within the City of Sydney Council. Vale, Paddy. Your legacy lives on.

Holdsworth Community Seeks Funds Holdsworth Community Centre is a staple of the Eastern Suburbs community, supporting kids and families, people living with intellectual disabilities, and older people with dementia. This year it

requires your generosity to raise funds and keep the good work going. You can help by donating, or by purchasing a ticket to the upcoming Gala Fundraiser, to be held at the Intercontinental Double Bay on April 2 at 6:30pm.

You know you want to. For more information and to book, please call 9302 3600.

Be a Soxy Beast A new pair of funky socks is the ultimate pick-me-up. The clever folks at Soxy Beast get this, so they’ve started an Australian sock subscription with a difference.

Every month they partner with a different Australian artist to design a new pair of socks and send them to subscribers around the country. They also give 10% of their sales to charity. This month Soxy Beast is featuring designs from new migrants and students from refugee backgrounds via The Social Studio. Subscribe today at www.soxybeast.com.au.

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Specialist orthodontics in a caring environment April 2016 | The Beast 39

Just put a bulldozer through it.

$20 Million Facelift for Tamarama Eyesore Words Sarah Healey Picture Tobias and Partners

S

ince the early 1960s, Glenview Court has been the unsightly bulging blemish that tarnished the pretty face of the otherwise stunning Tamarama. Popping out over the gully like a pimple on school photo day, the building has been well overdue for a makeover.

The building hit dire straits five years ago after being served with a Fire Safety Order by Waverley Council, and is riddled with concrete cancer. The proposed facelift will cost $20 million, with two penthouses being added to the top level to fund the redevelopment costs. It has been estimated that these will sell for in excess of $15 million.

This strategy was devised as a way to allow owners to keep their home and avoid dishing out for repairs of around $8-9 million. All apartments will get an additional 16 square metres of floor space, 1.8 metre balconies, two new lifts, new walkways, underground car parking, and extensive landscaping including trees, a fruit orchard and a vegetable garden.

Chair of the owners corporation Christine Smetsers said the strategy is a positive step for unit

40 The Beast | April 2016

owners in similar situations.

“We saw this as an opportunity to do things differently,” she said.

“There are a great number of strata buildings around the same age with similar problems.

“I think it is one of the first projects of its kind run by an owners corporation and not a developer.

“We want this to be an iconic development that can be a template for older buildings and a significant development for the strata industry.”

The redesign not only promises to appeal to the surrounding residents of Illawong Avenue aesthetically, but also environmentally.

Architect Nick Tobias said the design will be a vast improvement.

“At the moment all the cars that sit on the tarmac give off fumes and noise at street level,” he said. “With the underground ventilation, the fumes will be released six levels in the sky, and the noise pollution will be significantly decreased.”

Although the project was approved by the NSW Joint Regional Planning Panel in 2012 and supported by a large majority of owners, Waverley Council has its

reservations about the process.

“Waverley Council remains concerned about the manner in which this application was approved by the JRPP and the lack of transparency in this process,” a council spokesperson said.

“Council believes that the DA should have been referred back to Waverley Council for determination once the proposal was amended by the applicant to remove a substantial part of the original development, and thereby the value of the redevelopment fell below the $20 million threshold that requires the consent authority to be the JRPP.” “It is concerning it could be perceived that the owners and developers have manipulated the process in the expectation that the JRPP would be more likely to approve the development.

“Council will be writing to the Minister for Planning, Mr Rob Stokes, asking him to tighten the rules.

“Obviously Council encourages all strata units to upgrade, but not to the detriment of their neighbours’ amenity in relation to height limits.”

The Centenary of ANZAC 2014 to 2018 marks 100 years since Australia’s involvement in World War I. These years are being marked as the Centenary because 2014 was 100 years since the war started; 2015 was 100 years since the first landing at Gallipoli; and 2018 will mark 100 years since the war ended.

The Centenary is a time to honour the service and sacrifice of our ANZACs and the Australian men and women who have defended our values in wars, conflict and peace operations, over a century of service.

Following the success of the 2015 Coogee Beach Dawn Service which attracted some 20,000 people, Randwick City Council and the RSL sub-branches of Coogee Randwick Clovelly will again host an ANZAC Day Dawn Service at 5am on Monday 25 April 2016 on Coogee Beach.

The sunrise service will include speeches, hymns and wreath laying and number of local cafes in Coogee will open early for breakfast.

I encourage everyone to get involved with the ANZAC commemorative events in honour of the legacy, courage and sacrifice of all our fallen heroes. Lest we forget.

Councillor Noel D’Souza Mayor of Randwick @randwickmayor

2 April

5 April

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Card Making with Gail Kenward 5:30pm-6:30pm Bowen Library

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9am-3:30pm Clovelly Beach car park

1300 722 542 council@randwick.nsw.gov.au www.randwick.nsw.gov.au PHOTO: ANZAC DAY, COOGEE BEACH 2015

Bronte to Become Officially Bilingual

Satire Kieran Blake

B

Surfing licences - great idea Mike!

Surfing Licence Coming Soon to a Beach Near You Satire Kieran Blake Picture Barry O'Farrell

A

nyone riding a surf craft outside of the flags at any patrolled beach between Bondi and Maroubra will soon be required to carry and produce identification following a recent NSW Government decision.

The law will be enforced by the Waterborne Task Force (WTF), which will patrol the waters in IRBs or on surf craft during daylight hours. The officers will have the authority to demand a legal form of identification from any beachgoer.

“This latest law is merely an extension of a larger and more comprehensive NSW Government policy that will safeguard the security of this great state,” read a statement from the government.

Failure to produce identification will result in immediate confiscation and impounding of any surf craft, and/or fins, which can only be reclaimed upon production of valid identification and the payment of a fine.

A government spokesperson was at pains to explain that the law would cover any person using a surfboard (long or short), bodyboard, SUP, kayak, surf ski, bodysurfing fins, or even an inflatable thong.

42 The Beast | April 2016

“Everyone except kneeboarders,” expanded the spokesperson.

“They’re special.”

Concerns exist as to whether the law will cover lifesavers in the act of carrying out a rescue, and where boat crew members will keep their ID. “I’m sure they’ll find a place,” continued the spokesperson.

“Boaties are very resilient.”

Valid forms of identification include a driver’s licence, an original passport or a library card. Residents of Bondi will be allowed to show their BPass, while Maroubra locals can display their tattoo.

The law will be trialled on the Eastern Beaches due to the high volume of traffic at these locations, but will be phased in during the quieter months.

Should it prove as successful as the initiative that requires cyclists to carry identification at all times, it will be introduced to the rest of the country and, henceforth, apply to everyone utilising surf craft in Australian waters.

“Everyone except Mick Fanning,” clarified the spokesperson.

“Our officers are too scared to ask him for ID.”

ilingual signage, passionate dialogue and philosophy forums will soon be de rigueur as Le Ville Bronte becomes Australia’s first officially bilingual suburb.

Local residents claimed victoire for their cause celebre when Waverley Mayor Sally Betts announced the change to the suburb formerly known as Bronte during a champagne breakfast at La Maison Bronte.

“Voila,” she exclaimed, as the Tricolor slid sensuously from her grasp to expose a plaque magnifique at the entrance to Bronte House.

“This plaque marks the beginning of an epoque neuv for the people who have the bonne chance to reside in this corner of le Monde,” she gushed.

Ecstatic residents’ action group leader Nathalie Clarey (pronounced Cla-hray) spoke of the significance of the announcement and some implications of the change.

“Just like the famous Bronte sisters, we are enormously proud of our French heritage,” she said.

“As a result of this announcement, French will be taught in les ecoles locales and will grace les menus of all local cafes and restaurants.

“Sports teachers will also introduce parkour to the school curriculum, while anyone wishing to play backyard cricket must remain steadfast in one position with both legs stuck together.

“This exciting new development will also prohibit the use of certain longstanding vulgarities.

“No longer will one be permitted to pronounce the name of this suburb as ‘Bronnie’.”

Mayor‘s Message An update on local government reform Thank you to members of the community who attended the Public meeting held by the Delegate Dr Robert Lang. Council lodged its submission on the Government’s proposal for a Waverley, Woollahra, Randwick Council to the Council Boundaries Review on Friday 26 February as required.

As previously discussed, if standing alone was not an option then we support the option of merging Waverley, Woollahra and Randwick.

We advocated for a Ward-based system, with three Councillors per ward with the Mayor being elected by the Councillors as per our current system. That system is also in place in both Randwick and Woollahra.

Our commitment to our community and the delivery of our services will remain the same, whatever the makeup of the future Council. It is business as usual for us – your garbage bins will be picked up on the same day, by the same people. Our customer services and rangers will still be available. We will continue to deliver projects and initiatives as promised in our Operational Plan and Delivery Program.

We expect the Government to make a decision by mid-year.

Clarification on Waverley Cemetery At the Council meeting in February, Council adopted the draft Conservation Management Plan. We did this as it has some very significant heritage information that would support our case for both State and National Heritage listing, which we applied for.

I want to make it absolutely clear, this Council has no intention of reviving any proposal for a Crematorium or a Pavilion at Waverley Cemetery. Our focus is on preserving the wonderful heritage of Waverley Cemetery and increasing maintenance.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events I Was Born in a Nazi Death Camp: In Conversation with Eva Clarke Thursday 7 April, 2pm Waverley Library Price: $15/$10 Presenting Partners: Sydney Jewish Writers Festival, Encounters @ Shalom Eva Clarke was miraculously born in the Nazi death camp of Mauthausen in 1945 after her mother, Anka, concealed her pregnancy through the horrors of Auschwitz. This extraordinary story parallels two other remarkable stories of pregnant women who gave birth in the hellish conditions of the Holocaust, brought together in the bestselling book, Born Survivors by journalist Wendy Holden.

Book now at www.sjwf.org.au.

Bike Maintenance Workshops Saturday 16 April, 10.30am–1.30pm • Remove a wheel/tyre • Adjust your brakes and gears Bookings essential and FREE. To book your spot, please call 9083 8678 or email carolyn. new@waverley.nsw.gov.au.

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

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Even More Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Melissa Petherbridge

Puppet Pals The school holidays are always an exercise in thinking up kidfriendly activities that won’t break the bank, and this April will be no exception. Why not eschew the computers and the Gameboys for a few hours, and have some good old-fashioned fun with Puppeteria Theatre Randwick? With daily puppet shows including such classics as Little Red Riding Hood and the Owl and the Pussycat from April 6 to 24, and tickets only $12 each, it’s a hard one to turn down. Give them a call on 9371 7328 or visit the Puppeteria website at www.puppeteria.com.

Smart Supervision Teaching your kids to drive can be one of the most stressful experiences of your life – “Left means left, Danny!” Clearly aware of this, Woollahra Council has organised a ‘Supervising Learner Drivers’ seminar for parents and carers, so that they can be armed with all the knowledge they need to get their L-platers on the road. The seminar is on Thursday, April 23 from 6–8pm at Woolahra Municipal Council, Double Bay. To reserve your spot, please call 9391 7166.

A lovely day at Mackenzies Bay.

Jac + Jack to Open in Bondi Excellent news for tapered silk pants fans everywhere! Eponymous womenswear and menswear label Jac + Jack is due to open its new Bondi Beach store this April.

Opening on Gould Street, the store will be designed by interior architect George Livissianis, who also designed the Jac + Jack stores in Paddington and the Strand Arcade, as well as hip Potts Point restaurant, The Apollo. Get your credit cards ready.

Randwick Thinks Merger a Good Idea Randwick City Council had lodged its formal submission in response to the NSW Government’s proposed merger of Randwick, Waverley and Woollahra Councils. Among other proposals, Council has suggested the amalgamated council be named ‘Eastern Sydney Council’ (we were hoping for Eastern Suburbs Legends, but what can you do?).

Council has also proposed a fiveward structure in the new council to ensure that all elected officials are particularly in tune with their designated areas. A copy of the merger proposal can be downloaded at www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Kensington Community Centre As of March this year, Randwick Council has commenced construction on a new community centre at the site of the former Kensington Bowling Club. The scope of works will include refurbishment of the existing building, construction of two community halls, building of a half basketball court, provision for 16 additional car spaces, and landscaping. Start practicing your slam-dunks, because it seems that Kensington just may well be the newest basketball hotspot in the country.

Beach, Please Rectangular towels are so 2015.

Enter Beach Bella, a new Aussie label that is fast becoming known for its luxurious round beach towels featuring exclusive prints at an affordable price. They can be used as a statement throw, yoga towel, picnic mat or feature piece, and they aren’t afraid of puns (we’re looking at you ‘I Need Vitamin Sea’ towel!). They are made from 100% cotton terry and measure at 150cm in diameter.

They’re perfect for this Indian summer, and for that reason they’re going straight in our basket. Check out www.beachbella.com.au.

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April 2016 | The Beast 45

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Life Drawing @ Maroubra Always had a penchant for drawing naked chicks and dudes? If yes, it’s serendipitous that three local Maroubra artists have heeded your call. Life drawing classes are now available every Monday, 6:30–8:30pm at North End Café in Maroubra. Call 0400 376 724.

Savages @ Darlinghurst Theatre Explore the fascinating and troubling world of Australian masculinity and mateship in Patricia Cornelius’ ‘Savages’ this month at Darlinghurst Theatre Co. Reviews call it “electrifying” and “brutal”. For more details visit www.darlinghursttheatre.com.

Early Bird Entries Close Today Why not get active and walk or run for breast cancer research this Mother’s Day? Early bird entries for the awesome Mother's Day Classic Fun Run, which takes place on Sunday, May 18, close today. To register, please jump on to www.mothersdayclassic.com.au.

In Conversation With Eva Clarke Eva Clarke was miraculously born in the Nazi death camp of Mauthausen in 1945 after her mother, Anka, concealed her pregnancy through the horrors of Auschwitz.

She talks with Rita Nash at Waverley Library tonight. To book, visit www.sjwf.org.au.

Gyuto Monks Return To Bondi The Gyuto Monks’ annual two-week program at the Bondi Pavilion promises great laughter, joy and contemplation for all. The monks return from April 11 to 24 for their two-week workshop, held from 9.30am to 6pm daily. Visit www.gyutomonksinbondi.com.au.

Move Well Exercise Class Tone your butt and meet other sexy seniors at this exercise class for over 65s at the Gaden Centre.

It involves a mix of pilates, yoga and traditional exercise methods that work to build muscle, flexibility and balance. It’s on every Tuesday from 8:30–9:30am.

Family Healthy Food Class It can be difficult to prepare healthy and nutritious meals for your family every meal, so why not join the Gaden Circle for Parents and Children from 9:30–11am at Holdsworth Community Garden today (and every Wednesday) to learn how to grow and eat healthy foods?

Vaucluse House Family Tour Fun focus tours of Vaucluse House are held every day in the school holidays (today until April 25) and are included in the entry price.

Join a ‘Meet the Servants’ children’s tour or a ‘Wentworth Family’ tour, swan about and pretend you are wealthier than you are.

Comedy Festival Gala Want to laugh your head off somewhere a little bit fancy? Why not head to Sydney Town Hall tonight for an exceptional evening with some of the world’s best international comedians, local artists and the most gifted emerging talent? Go to www.sydneycomedyfest.com.au.

Marine & Coastal Program This Randwick Council program runs from April 18-21. Discover and touch the unique marine and land animals that live on our coast, snorkel at Bare Island, discover Lake Malabar, learn about the wonderful world of whales and go bird watching. Visit randwick.nsw.gov.au.

Biennale Tour At The MCA Head on down to the MCA at 11am today to take part in a free guided tour of the 20th Biennale of Sydney. This year, Biennale goers are called to reinterpret history through contemporary art as the MCA is transformed into The Embassy of Translation. Visit www.mca.com.au.

In Conversation With Helen O’Neill Join award-winning, bestselling author and widely published journalist Helen O’Neill at Waverley Library tonight as she introduces her new book ‘Daffodil; Biography of a Flower’. Helen appears in conversation with Suzanne Leal. please call 9083 8777 to book.

Ken Done Comes To Bondi At Bondi Pavilion tonight, on the glistening shores that he captures so well, join artist Ken Done as he discusses his impressionistic and exuberant memoir, ‘Ken Done: A Life Coloured In’. This event is free of charge. You can register at www.eventbrite.com.au.

Supervising Learner Drivers Teaching your kids to drive can be hard and stressful. Get along to this free session hosted by Woollahra Council to learn how you can be a better coach and not die at the hands of your child. It’s on from 6–8pm today, so call 9391 7166 to reserve a spot.

4 5 6 7 11 12 13 14 18 19 20 21 25 27 28

Anzac Day When the powers of Europe mobilised for WWI, Australian troops enthusiastically answered the call.

The anniversary of the Gallipoli landing has become a national day of commemoration, and the one day each year when you can legally lose all your money at two-up.

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Ecodownunder also recently donated organic cotton bed linen forfor use onon allall ships.

Please support donating www.seashepherd.org.au Please support byby donating at at www.seashepherd.org.au

Russell, Sarah and Beverley from ecodownunder with Captain Paul Watson and Jeff Hansen from Sea Shepherd.

Russell, Sarah Sarah and and Beverley Beverley from from ecodownunder ecodownunder with with Russell, Captain Paul Paul Watson Watson and and Jeff Jeff Hansen Hansen from from Sea Sea Shepherd.

Shepherd.

Captain

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The ecodownunder team at our annual get together.

The ecodownunder team at our annual get together.

Avalon Beach 74 Old Barrenjoey Rd Balmain Darling Rd St Avalon Beach 74 Old 311 Barrenjoey Beecroft Shop 15, Village Arcade 6-8 Balmain 311Hannah Darling St St Bondi RdArcade (opposite Beecroft Shop204 15,Bondi Village 6-8Kemeny’s) Hannah St Crows Nest 21 Willoughby Rd Bondi 204 Bondi Rd (opposite Kemeny’s) Freshwater 7 Lawrence Rd St Crows Nest 21 Willoughby Lane Cove (clearance outlet) Birdwood Lane Freshwater 7 Lawrence St Manly Beach (clearance outlet) 12 SydneyLane Rd Lane Cove Birdwood MonaBeach Vale 12 Park Rd St Manly 12 Sydney Mosman 599 Military Rd Mona Vale 12 Park St Neutral Bay 179 Mosman 599 Military MilitaryRd Rd Newtown King St Neutral Bay 179310 Military Rd Paddington 284 Oxford St Newtown 310 King St Randwick 158 Belmore Rd Paddington 284 Oxford St Rose Bay 716 New South Head Rd Randwick 158 Belmore Rd Terrigal 90 Terrigal Esplanade Rose Bay 716 New South Rd Umina Beach (clearance outlet) 320 Head West St Terrigal 90 Terrigal Esplanade Umina Beach (clearance outlet) 320facebook West St www.ecodownunder.com Like us on

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Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

April Fool’s Day If you work in an office, this is probably your least favourite day of the year. Jeb from Accounting has probably put glad-wrap over the toilet seat again. Why not show your boss the best trick of all and simply disappear from your desk for the day’s entirety?

Holdsworth Centre Gala Join the staff and friends of Holdsworth Community Centre at The Grand Ballroom of the Intercontinental Double Bay tonight at 6:30pm for its annual Gala Fundraiser, celebrating 75 years of the centre. Call 9302 3600 to purchase tickets and donate.

Turn Your Clocks Back Got carried away with life and forgot the time? At 3am today, you need to turn your clock back one hour. Daylight Saving is over, as are fancy-free mornings filled with dappled sunlight and illuminated drives to work. Get set for six months of depressing darkness.

James Tylor @ Stills Gallery Check out the gorgeous art of Aboriginal, European and Maori artist James Tylor at the Stills Gallery in Paddington today. James plays with the daguerreotypes and prints to explore his cultural roots and profound connection to place and culture.

Visit www.stillsgallery.com.au.

Swans Versus Giants At The SCG The Sydney Swans take on their foes from out west, the GWS Giants, in a blockbuster local derby at the SCG this afternoon.

First bounce is at 4.35pm so you can take the kids and still get them home for a bath and bed. Cheer, cheer, the red and the white!

Birdwatchers Breakfast Fancy yourself as a bit of a legend with the birds, or just want to get some tips on where to find them?

Join expert birdwatcher Trevor Waller on this early morning guided tour to spot some of the Parklands’ land and water birds.

Book at www.eventbrite.com.au.

Schweppes Stakes Day The grand finale of Sydney's Autumn Racing Carnival, Schweppes Stakes Day, is on at Randwick Racecourse today, so strap on your best heels or ill-fitting suit (or not – you do you) and go yell at some horses! Visit www.australianturfclub.com.au/races/stakesday.

NSW Swifts Remember back when you were in primary school and every Saturday morning was filled with “I’m here if you need”? You can relive that at a much, much better level today by watching the NSW Swifts play the Adelaide Thunderbirds at Homebush. Visit www.nswswifts.com.au.

Bondi Farmers Market Get down to Bondi Beach Public School every Saturday to sample some of the freshest and best produce you could hope to lay your eyes on. There’s a wide range of stallholders to satisfy your every culinary need. For more info, visit www.bondimarkets.com.au.

Anzac Day Eve It’s a Sunday and you don’t have to work tomorrow - we all know what you’re going to do. Please don’t forget that this is a weekend of remembrance. By all means go out and have fun, but don’t make a dick of yourself. And get up early tomorrow for the Dawn Service.

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Punkulture Exhibition Music photographer Adrian Boot has captured 62 images of iconic legends such as The Clash and The Ramones, to be exhibited at Sun Studios in Alexandria from April 4 to May 13, to allow us to relive that sprit of rebellion. Visit www.sunstudiosaustralia.com.

Chemical Cleanout At Clovelly Got some chemicals to dispose of but don’t want them ending up in our waterways or leaching into the soil? Take them down to Randwick Council’s Chemical Cleanout at Clovelly Beach car park from 9am-3pm today. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

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Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428

Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338 Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

The Best in the Business

Allison Langdon Interview Dan Hutton & Madeleine Gray Photography Georgie Gavaghan

Where are you originally from?

I was born in Wollongong, but moved to a small country town, Wauchope, when I was seven years old. I grew up on a farm there with my parents, my older brother and my little sister.

And Wauchope is just near Port Macquarie, right? Yeah, it’s about 20 minutes west of Port Macquarie, and about four hours north of Sydney. It was such a great place to grow up; I have so many fantastic memories. You might know it as Timbertown!

When did you move to the Eastern Suburbs? I moved to Sydney in 2001, after I finished my degree.

Originally I lived in Paddington, on Goodhope Street, until I met my now husband, Mike. We lived in Randwick, Bondi, and for the past five years in Bronte.

Are you here in Bronte to stay?

Absolutely. I really couldn’t imagine living anywhere else now.

I spend almost half of my year on the road, travelling, but it is always the best feeling coming home. The first thing I love to do is the Bronte to Bondi walk with my husband and my Labrador, Sport, starting at the cemetery at first light. We seriously live in one of the most beautiful places. I absolutely love it.

What else do you love about the area? I just love the people, and this is the probably the first time, other than when I lived in a small country town, that I have known all my neighbours. I love that I know everyone up at the local cafes, the newsagency and the dry cleaners; it’s such a great little community.

Is there anything about the Eastern Suburbs that gets your goat? The traffic, and the rangers when you're out walking the dog in the morning.

Do you have any favourite local haunts? I love Three Blue Ducks and Cali Press, and I train up at Lifecycle Fitness with Chang and Whippet and the boys. We pop down to Bondi quite a bit on the weekends, too. When I come home from a long overseas assignment we tend to head down to Mad Pizza or North Bondi Fish.

I just love the people, and this is the probably the first time, other than when I lived in a small country town, that I have known all my neighbours.

How do you feel about being inconvenienced by Lifecycle Fitness moving up the hill to Charing Cross? I'm not happy (laughs).

The new place sounds amazing, although I'm usually there at 6.45 in the morning. My alarm is set at 6.20am and I just walk up the hill and around the corner. Now that it’s moving to Charing Cross I’ll lose ten minutes’ sleep.

How did you first get into journalism? I knew from the age of 12 that I wanted to be a journalist. I ran into my Year Eight English teacher a few years back and he said, "I still remember you were so adamant about exactly what you wanted to do growing up." I never wavered from that, so I was really lucky, I think, that I always knew what I wanted to do.

Was it always television journalism that you were interested in?

No it wasn't, I originally wanted to be in newspapers, but when I was at university in Bathurst, interestingly I had a scholarship with Channel Seven, yet as it turns out I have worked my entire career at Channel Nine – so thank you Channel Seven for putting me through university. They didn't actually want me straight out of uni and Channel Nine offered me my first gig, which was Nightline with Jim Waley.

It was such an amazing program to cut my teeth on. Back in the early days Jim scared me a little because he set such a high standard, so you would triple-check everything before you gave it to him because if there was a mistake or something you weren't quite sure about he'd hone in on it straight away. You don't want Jim standing over you grilling you on the facts of a story, so I've always been a very good fact checker thanks to Nightline.

Is being a young woman in the industry an advantage or a disadvantage, or neither? I honestly think neither, and that is only coming from my personal experience. I haven't had any issues with any level of sexism in my career, and I think I'm quite lucky because of that.

I have always had great bosses and they have always rewarded hard work. If you put your head down and work hard, it doesn't matter if you're male or female.

You get acknowledged for that, then you get the good breaks, and you get the good stories. They send you off on the yarns because they know that you'll work harder than anyone else.

April 2016 | The Beast 57

How competitive is it amongst the 60 Minutes reporters, or even your colleagues in the early days of your journalism career, to break a story? When I first got my start on the 6pm News I was quite young. Back then most of the journos were in their thirties or forties and I was in my mid-twenties. I just accepted that you might bust your balls all day on something that was the big lead story for the night, and they might say, "Give it to one of the senior reporters." I understood that, too. Those guys were better than me. It's as simple as that.

I have always had great bosses and they have always rewarded hard work. If you put your head down and work hard, it doesn't matter if you're male or female.

Do you have a career-defining moment where you think you took things to the next level? I made a decision after I'd been in Sydney for a couple of years producing that I really wanted to be on the road, and I wanted to go and make my mistakes somewhere other than the Sydney newsroom, so I asked to be moved to Darwin, which is a place I'd never been in my early twenties. I honestly went to the boss’ office and said, "What about Darwin?" It's so different to Sydney and I thought it sounded cool; I was on my way there three weeks later. What was great about being based up there was that any time there was a big story in Bali or Indonesia, we were so close. I'd jump on a plane and head over there. I had these amazing opportunities when I was 23 or 24 to be covering international events involving suicide bombings and terrorism.

Of course the bosses in Sydney would see those stories and after about 18 months they said, "Let's bring her back." I think that was a really smart career move to go and head to the wild, wild north.

58 The Beast | April 2016

What's the most memorable story you've covered? I've had a couple.

Probably the one that's made the greatest impact on me was covering the war and famine in Somalia, just because we saw so much and I was really moved by that. I met this woman who was walking from the south to the north, her husband had disappeared, and she didn't know if he'd been killed by Al-Shabaab, joined Al-Shabaab, or become an economic refugee and just abandoned them. She had to walk north with her kids - I think she had seven children - and she had to make a tragic decision along the way. They were all so ill, so she made the decision to leave the two sickest on the side of the road, knowing that they would die, in order to save her other five children and make it to the refugee camp. After hearing the story and talking to this woman I said to her, not with any judgment, "How do you leave two children on the side of the road?" She said, "I don't look at it like that. I look at it as though I made a decision to save five lives." That stuff just stays with you.

Is it hard to disconnect from a story when you get back home?

Absolutely, and as I get older, I find it harder. It can be really hard when you go into a place and people bare their souls, and you get a real understanding of what they're going through and the misery that's unfolding in a place, and then I get to come back to one of the most beautiful corners of the planet. It does stay with you. I always wonder what happened to that Somali woman and her children.

Have you feared for your life at all? Sure. There was a trip I did a while back which started with swimming cage-free with great white sharks in South Africa. That might sound terrifying, but the second leg of that trip was actually far more dangerous. We were covering the 20-year civil war in the Congo. You’ve got 12-year-old children with AK-47s or M-16s on their backs. All they have known

their entire life is conflict and violence, so life means nothing to them. We’re a camera crew with over a hundred thousand dollars worth of equipment; that’s when you feel vulnerable.

Where's the best place you've ever been? How do I choose?

Workwise, abseiling into Mount Marum volcano in Vanuatu was amazing, as was staying with the Kayapo Indians in the Amazon, but my best experiences have been backpacking with my husband – Cuba and Central America would be hard to top!

What are the best and the worst parts of the job? Travel is the best and the worst part. I absolutely love it - like next week I'm going to Antarctica for three weeks to go diving - but it can be lonely.

You get to see these amazing parts of the world and someone else pays for it. I've had so many great experiences and met some extraordinary people. Whether it’s people doing amazing things or going through really hard times, you always come away affected by the stories and by the experiences.

But on the other hand I was in Israel for the latest uprising when my sister got the phone call that her multi-organ transplant had come through, and I couldn’t be here with her.

Whether it’s people doing amazing things or going through really hard times, you always come away affected by the stories and by the experiences.

When do you stop all the travel, kick Liz Hayes out of the chair, and just interview celebrities?

Liz still travels as much as the rest of us; that hasn't changed. In fact she’s in Sweden at the moment where our crew had a pretty hairy encounter with some masked men.

The cameraman was beaten.

In terms of Australian commercial television journalism, 60 Minutes is the pinnacle; where do you go from here? It's all I ever wanted. When I was offered this job, I had someone say to me, "What's next?" And I thought, well, this is the only job that I’ve wanted. I got it slightly earlier than I was expecting, and luckily it's lived up to all my expectations.

I could certainly keep doing this for the foreseeable future.

What do you get up to in your spare time? We spend a lot of time down at the beach, swim a lot, run the dog, sit in cafes and go to the gym. I see Trent Langlands up at Lifecycle Fitness three times a week when I’m home. He's the best trainer because he never yells, he doesn't ever rant, but he's got this way about him where if you don't give him 110 per cent it's like he's quietly disappointed in you.

It's a far more effective training tool.

Do you find that training's a great way to clear your mind? You never like it when your alarm goes off at that hour, especially in winter when it's still dark, but you've just got to get up, get it done, and then everything's clearer. You feel great, and I'm so much more proactive if I do something in the morning.

Do you think that you’ve got a good work/life balance? I don't think you ever find balance, to be honest. I honestly don't. We all strive for it, but it's hard. Everyone works so hard these days. We're better at it when you live somewhere like Bronte. It helps, and I think sometimes balance can just mean getting up and walking five minutes down the road and seeing the ocean. I'm definitely angling towards more free time (laughs).

Besides 60 Minutes, do you have any other projects in the pipeline?

I do a lot of stuff with the Mirabel Foundation. The Mirabel Foundation looks after kids who have been orphaned by drug abuse, so their parents have either died or 60 The Beast | April 2016

can no longer look after them, and it's keeping them in the family unit with grandparents or extended families so they don't have to go into foster care.

They're established here in Sydney and in Melbourne, so I do a lot of stuff with them and they're brilliant. And I’m also involved with R U OK? Day, which I’ve been involved with since its inception. One of my husband's best mates, Gav Larkin, started it, and he sadly passed away. We're both really committed to that cause, and it’s changed a lot over the years.

I remember when it first started, trying to get the media involved was hard because it was like, “Oh no, suicide prevention, it’s too dark, we don't go near it.” Now it is something we can all talk about.

There's been a real shift.

If you look at the most clicked stories online, it’s not the five most important stories of the day; it’s probably something to do with Kim Kardashian’s butt!

Do you have any advice for youngsters wanting to make a career out of journalism? You need to work hard, be persistent, and be willing to cop the setbacks every now and again. They're always going to come your way, and you learn from those setbacks and become more resilient. The main thing is just to work hard.

And always say yes. Well, I should clarify that: always say yes within your moral compass. Don't say yes to everything. That's actually quite important, because there were certain things that I wouldn't do as a journalist growing up, and you're respected for that long term.

Have you had any moral dilemmas along the way? There are always plenty of moral dilemmas, it's how you then deal with them that matters. I've never finished the day and thought, ‘well, I wish I hadn't

done that’, or ‘I've overstepped the line’. I've always been very happy with the decisions that I've made, and I think that’s thanks to mum and dad and where I grew up.

Do you reckon coming from the country's an advantage when it comes to the ability to tell a yarn and associate with people in general? I think it definitely has helped me. You're so self-sufficient in the country. You live out of town, so you've got to get your licence as soon as you turn 16, and we had nothing handed to us on a plate. You want a car? Get a job and buy your own car. I started working when I was 13 and three quarters.

Did you have any role models in the profession when you were an up-and-comer? Definitely Christiane Amanpour from CNN. She is brilliant. Her interviews with world leaders are ground breaking. She's intelligent, gutsy, and she's managed to combine being a mother with a really demanding job.

Are there any ongoing news stories that you feel aren't given the air time they deserve? Absolutely.

What’s happening in Syria and the immigration disaster facing Europe as a consequence is given nowhere near enough news space.

It’s not that people don't care about it, they just become a bit weary of it. I think it can be quite overwhelming when you can't see an obvious solution, so we just put it to the back of our minds.

If you look at the most clicked stories online, it’s not the five most important stories of the day; it’s probably something to do with Kim Kardashian’s butt!

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Allison Langdon?

It's not that much different to what's happening right now. Travelling the world, seeing amazing places, meeting amazing people, and coming home to my two beautiful boys - my husband and my Labrador.

Australian and New Zealand soldiers landing at Anzac Cove, Gallipoli on April 25, 1915.

Get Pissed and Play Two-Up Day

Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture New Zealand Free Lance

L

ast month my dear friend and fellow Beast writer Pearl Bullivant penned a fairly scathing piece titled ‘What is the ‘Australian Spirit’?’

In it she described Anzac Day as “just another day of congratulatory back patting and political posturing disguised under the banner of ‘remembrance and memorial building’”.

She went on to say that Anzac Day had become “a strange ‘Celebration of a Nation’, and a political and commercial opportunity to market the ‘glories of war’ to the young.”

While I don’t necessarily agree with all that Pearl had to say in her piece, it did make me think a bit about the Trans-Tasman day of remembrance and I do have my reservations about some the ‘traditions’ of the day that have emerged, particularly in more recent times.

You see I feel that Anzac Day is becoming little more than a chance for Aussies to get pissed

62 The Beast | April 2016

and gamble, or that’s certainly how it feels around the Eastern Suburbs in the afternoon of the day in question. Lines for some establishments often snake down the road and the atmosphere is far more raucous than reflective. By the time the sun sets, I doubt that many of the patrons can remember their own name, let alone the fallen soldiers.

As an oldish Point Piper resident I know that many of you reading this probably think I’m just another member of the Mike Baird fun police. And maybe I am a little out of touch. One thing I am well aware of, though, is that across the ditch the vibe on Anzac Day is very different. It’s a sombre affair; a proper day of remembrance, not just another public holiday on which to get pissed, punt and do things that you wouldn’t be particularly proud of on any other day of the year.

On the contrary, though, I have noticed that attendance at the var-

ious Dawn Services has increased significantly, particularly over the last decade. This is certainly a step in the right direction. Whether these attendees are still going from the night before in the knowledge that they’ve got the day off work is not something I can answer, but a few of the bleary eyes down outside the Rats in North Bondi certainly look like they’re suffering from something more than the effects of an early start and the need for a caffeine fix.

While I’m not suggesting that Mike Baird or any other bozo in a position of power ban booze or make two-up taboo, I would suggest that everyone in the Eastern Suburbs have a good think about their behaviour on Anzac Day. It’s one thing to celebrate the larrikin culture of our great nation, but it’s another all together to dishonour our history. The Diggers fought and gave their lives for our freedom; the least we can give back is a bit of respect.

Has Anzac Day become just another excuse for Aussies to get pissed and gamble?

Words & Pictures Dan Hutton

Olivia, Coogee

Simon, Clovelly

Yes it has, although more and more people are respecting the traditions and the Diggers by paying their respects at the Dawn Services, which is a good thing.

Yes, however that's what every Friday and Saturday is anyway.

Anyone who can get up at 5am for the Dawn Service deserves to get pissed for the rest of the day.

Billie, Randwick

Jezza, Bronte

Absolutely, one hundred percent. Most of the people who are 'celebrating' aren't even getting up early and showing their respects.

It's more about two-up than remembering the Anzacs.

It probably has for some people, but I think there are still a lot of Australians who think of it as a day to honour the fallen and pay respects to those who fought for our country.

Mike, Bondi

Rita Paddington

It's definitely an excuse to drink and play two-up.

Back home in NZ we go to the Dawn Service and have a drink or two at the local in the afternoon, but there's no two-up and it's a reasonably sombre occasion.

Yes. I'm a Kiwi who works in hospitality here and in my experience I could see the cultural difference between here and at home. Australians celebrate Anzac Day whereas Kiwis commemorate it.

April 2016 | The Beast 63

Native paper wasps tend to only be aggressive when defending their nests.

Social, Well-armed, Predatory Insectsâ&#x20AC;Ś Paper Wasps Words Keith Hutton Picture ewasp.com.au

P

aper wasps have built a nest under eaves at the back of my house and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been watching it increase in size over the last five months of spring and summer.

During the day about 25 wasps, 10-15mm in length, attend the nest, and throughout the day there are always two or three zooming in and out, with characteristically long legs dangling down. These social insects have long thin wings and a slender body with a very narrow waist; they appear dark brown in colour with rufous-orange body stripes and rear end; angled antennae are bright orange.

After sunset the nest is covered with roosting wasps and the activity appears to stop for the night.

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m pretty sure they are Common Paper Wasps, but there are many similar species in Australia so identification is difficult. These belong to a group of around 300 species known as Polistes wasps, which are represented throughout the world in all but the coldest regions.

There are three ways to start the colony cycle in spring. In the first way, several queens start by building a single hexagonal cell attached

64 The Beast | April 2016

to the nest site. More cells are then added to form a small upside down wine glass shape, and then built up into a big thick crumpet, utilising new generations of workers as they emerge. Larvae develop in individual cells from single eggs deposited by a queen. When grubs are mature, the cells are sealed by the workers then the larvae pupate and later emerge as adults.

Alternatively, nests several years old may be re-used, or old nests may be occupied all year.

Paper wasps make their nests from a mixture of chewed wood fibre and saliva that sets like grey paper. Adult females that hibernated over winter, and were inseminated the previous autumn, create breeding colonies in spring.

There are no males at this time as they never survive the winter. Only females are produced in the new colony at first, and these virgin females become workers and continue to build the new colony.

In late summer and early autumn males and potential queen females are produced. These disperse and mix randomly with those from other colonies and mate, and the

cycle continues.

Paper wasps are found throughout Australia and New Zealand.

They are common around the outside of homes and in suburban areas, woodlands, forests and heaths, where they build nests on walls, doorframes, around windows, under eaves, and on fences, as well as on vegetation in gardens and traditional natural sites.

Food caught by workers is mainly caterpillars and small spiders that are immobilised with a sting, then dismembered and delivered to the colony in small portions. Adults also visit flowers and consume nectar and pollen.

Paper wasps are successful and usually not aggressive; they normally use their stings for selfdefence and immobilising prey.

However, they will defend their nests and sting interlopers repeatedly when a nest is disturbed.

They play important roles in pest control, pollination and plant protection in natural, agricultural and horticultural systems. Consequently they are generally recognised as beneficial insects that are of least conservation concern.

COOGEE DAWN SERVICE MONDAY 25 APRIL 2016 5AM COOGEE BEACH

randwick.nsw.gov.au

Join the RSL sub-branch members of Coogee Randwick Clovelly for an ANZAC Day Dawn Service at beautiful Coogee Beach.

The sunrise service will commence at 5am and will include speeches, hymns and wreath laying.

This event is free to the public and all are welcome to attend.

A number of local cafes and businesses in Coogee will open early for breakfast.

Big mulloway are on Dan's hit list.

Sea Life Not Seafood Words & Picture Dan Trotter

I

t was an interesting concept that was posed across the dinner table amongst a group of friends one boozy, delicious and fun filled evening. The concept, which has gained gravitas with me and is worth everyone’s consideration, is that seafood shouldn’t be called ‘food’ at all, but rather it should be called sea life, because that’s what we’re eating, life.

Perhaps if the everyday person who gobbled down a piece of crumbed fish or sweet, tasty tuna sashimi stopped for a moment and considered where that delicious piece of protein had come from, it may change their perception and help them better value the ocean and all the life that lives in it. Maybe I’m getting a bit carried away, but why don’t we see what we can do with this, as fishermen with a love of the ocean and the animals that live in it? From now on, you’re eating sea life, not seafood, got it? Now back to how to catch your favourite sea life and turn it into food!

April is a special month on the fishing afflicted calendar, and this year my observations and diary entries tell me it’s going to be a cracker. Put all other plans aside and make excuses to go fishing. Whether you decide to stay local or head north or south, it really doesn’t matter, because April is a time of abundance everywhere off the east coast of Australia.

With that in mind, I say pick a fish you’ve never caught before and make it all about that species. Read 66 The Beast | April 2016

books, watch videos and ask questions of people who know a thing or two about that species, its habits, locales, preferred prey and its behaviour. Once armed with that intel, be single-minded in you’re approach until you succeed. Mine is going to be mulloway, not because I haven’t caught them before, but because I haven’t caught many and I’ve not caught any large ones off the beaches or in the estuaries. I’ll report back next month. Stay tuned.

On the local land-based front there is plenty of fishing to choose from. The whiting are in good numbers right now; try fresh worm baits at dusk on the tide in the beach corners for success. Ocean run bream are also about in healthy sizes and numbers; find a washy rock ledge and employ a steady berley and a lightly weighted peeled prawn, or a fresh small fillet of yellowtail or slimy mackerel, to be in with a good chance. April is also the month for big tailor in these parts and spinning medium sized metal lures is your best bet. Pick a day with safe medium sized swell and cast and cast for the best chance of catching a few green backs for a healthy immediate feed.

Offshore not much will have changed except for the location of the species. Snapper, yellowtail kingfish, marlin, mahi mahi and maybe some early season tuna are all worth a session or two before May. Tight lines.

A real fisherman.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Donald Fisher

A

few sprays on social media have spurred me to once again wax lyrical on a topic close to my heart - commercial fishing. It’s with a pinch of sadness that I reflect on the state of the commercial fishing industry in NSW. The fleet is a shadow of what it once was, now the realm of only a comparative handful of mostly middle-aged and elderly gentlemen. It’s got that sense of an era petering out, taking with it generations of skill, experience, knowledge and pride.

I make no bones about the fact that I have a soft spot for the commercial fishing industry. It’s not that I support it unconditionally - quite the opposite, in fact.

I am a scientist by trade and believe first and foremost in quality independent research guiding responsible, sustainable fishery management. It’s more of a personal thing. I worked for a number of years in the ocean trap and line and lobster fisheries. Over this time I developed a great deal of respect for the fishers, their tough lifestyle and rich heritage.

So before, heaven forbid, the industry as we know it becomes a thing of the past, if you ever get the chance to have a yarn to a commercial fisherman over a meat pie or a cup of tea, or better still to blow the dust off their home photo albums, grab the opportunity with both hands. It’ll be the most interesting conversation you’ve had in a long time.

These hardy men and women have seen it all, they’ve done it all, caught it all, shot it all, sunk it all

68 The Beast | April 2016

and rescued it all, all out at sea, out of sight and out of mind. Exactly where they feel most comfortable.

And if you think they’re gagging to tell of their often incredible experiences, you’re wrong. In contrast to the bluff, brag and exaggeration of many of their recreational counterparts, commercial fishermen prefer to downplay and keep things low key.

Over the years I’ve been lucky enough to be recounted a few exhilarating stories. Like the time the boat got hit and trashed by a waterspout; or the time the boys were nearly cleaned up by a stubborn container ship; or the time they found and rescued old mate holding onto his ice box after his vessel hadn’t returned to port; or the time they got blindsided and rolled by a freak wave; or the time orcas were diving their gear and pinching their prize catch; or the time they caught a tonne of fish on a single dropline while fishing a seamount two days steam out to sea.

Sadly, for every set of success, survival or close-call stories, there is always a tale of tragedy; a friend, crew or family member claimed by the most dangerous job in the country.

Commercial fishing is an old and noble job carried out by colourful and honourable characters deserved of the utmost respect. I hope that the next generation takes up the call so the industry can stand tall into the distant future. I’d do it, but would only embarrass myself.

April 2016 Tide Chart

Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Brad Bessant - @10ftkaos MON

TUE

WED

THU

○ New Moon ○ First Quarter ○ Full Moon ○ Last Quarter *Please add an hour during daylight savings time

4 0519 1152 1802 2356

FRI

SAT

SUN

1 ○ 0306 1.49 1000 0.63 1600 1.23 2142 0.74

2 0415 1105 1712 2255

1.52 0.57 1.29 0.69

3 0421 1.59 1101 0.47 1712 1.40 2300 0.59

5 0613 1.77 1239 0.29 1849 1.66

6 0049 0.36 0704 1.83 1324 0.23 1936 1.78

7 0142 0755 1409 2023

○ 0.27 1.84 0.21 1.88

8 0235 0.21 0846 1.81 1455 0.23 2111 1.93

9 0329 0.20 0939 1.74 1541 0.29 2200 1.94

1 0 0425 0.23 1033 1.63 1629 0.38 2250 1.91

11 0522 0.30 1129 1.51 1718 0.49 2343 1.84

12 0624 0.38 1229 1.40 1812 0.59

13 0039 1.74 0730 0.46 1333 1.32 1913 0.69

14 0142 0837 1445 2023

○ 1.65 0.52 1.29 0.74

15 0250 1.58 0941 0.55 1556 1.30 2135 0.75

16 0357 1038 1655 2242

17 0455 1.54 1127 0.54 1743 1.43 2338 0.66

18 0545 1.54 1207 0.52 1824 1.50

19 0025 0.60 0627 1.55 1244 0.50 1900 1.57

20 0106 0.55 0706 1.55 1315 0.49 1933 1.63

21 0144 0.51 0743 1.54 1346 0.49 2005 1.67

22 0219 0819 1416 2037

23 0256 0.47 0855 1.50 1447 0.52 2110 1.73

25 0412 1011 1553 2219

26 0453 0.51 1052 1.37 1630 0.64 2258 1.68

27 0538 1137 1712 2342

28 0628 0.58 1229 1.29 1800 0.73

29 0031 1.60 0725 0.59 1327 1.28 1900 0.76

1.68 0.37 1.53 0.47

0.49 1.42 0.59 1.71

Maroubra snap.

0.55 1.33 0.69 1.64

○ 0.49 1.53 0.50 1.71

30 0131 0826 1433 2012

1.54 0.55 1.36 0.71

○ 1.57 0.57 1.31 0.76

24 0332 0932 1519 2144

0.47 1.47 0.55 1.73

Committing to a few key pieces is fundamental and a bit like getting married - you are so content with your choice that all other options become unappealing.

The crux of a good wardrobe is a capsule collection of basics; a great blazer, dark denim, a good pair of black trousers and a crisp white blouse are a good start.

On face value these items seem like the least exciting to buy, but think about this for a second – when you feel most excited about an on trend garment how long does it last? Two months? Maybe three? Now think about the last white shirt you bought. Are you still wearing it now? Me too! That’s exciting, right?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy into trends, but find a happy medium from a solid wardrobe base.

I propose that you ‘buy less, wear more’. Doesn’t sound like rocket science, does it? That’s because it’s not, and you’ll be so much more satisfied when you look back on your wardrobe in one, two, or even five years from now. On the streets this month I found…

Helen from Bondi Beach.

Lara from Clovelly.

The Search for ‘Personal Style Enlightenment’ Words & Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

F

or an industry defined by what’s next and what’s new, it’s interesting that many of fashion’s most influential players dress the same way every day. Consider Vogue editor Anna Wintour, with her trademark bob and Chanel dress, or Karl Lagerfeld and his signature white hair, black sunglasses and suit. These prominent figures spend all day dictating trends and then promptly ignore their own advice. Why? Probably because after trying everything they have reached a state of ‘Personal Style Enlightenment’ - that unshakeable understanding of whom they are and the outfit that expresses it.

70 The Beast | April 2016

To us mere mortals, presenting one’s truest personality through clothing choices can be challenging. Personalities evolve and grow, but it’s hard to shed little worn wardrobe favourites to keep pace. For example, what I wore fresh out of uni or after having my first child are questionable choices today, even though they were valid for who I was and how I wanted others to perceive me at the time. Since then my life and clothing choices have moved on, and (I would hope) have brought me a step closer to Personal Style Enlightenment. Perhaps it’s time you ask yourself: Am I wearing ‘who I want to be’ today?

Name Helen Occupation Publicist Lives Bondi Beach Street Style Helen rocks a Pfeiffer the Label dress, H&M necklace, bag from Mexico, Ray-Ban sunnies and shoes by Alias Mae Fave Item This Season Helmut Lang leather pants Name Lara Occupation Retail Sales Lives Clovelly Street style Zimmerman shoes, 70s jumpsuit and sunnies all from The Wayside Chapel Op Shop Bondi Fave Item This Season Indian inspired crop jacket First impressions count, but does your wardrobe allow you to make the right one? To update your personal style, please call Sharmin on 0405 518 155 or email sharmin@personalstylist.net.au.

April 2016 | The Beast 71

Way too organised.

The Unreliable Guide to... The Art of Packing Words Nat Shepherd Picture Kerry Packer

W

e live in a consumer-driven society and we just love our stuff. One of the hardest things about going on holiday is deciding what stuff is required to survive a week in that five-star resort and what can be left behind, remembering that you have to cram that stuff into a bag and carry the thing around.

This is not easy, but it’s a lifeskill that the jet-setting Eastern Suburbs elite can’t do without.

If packing sends you into a meltdown, fear not. The Unreliable Guide is here to help: Get a scruffy travel partner It is a truth universally acknowledged that scruffy people do not care what they look like. This means they need fewer clothes and far less grooming products than you do. If you offer to pack their bag for them you can reserve half of it for all the things that won’t fit into your own luggage. Buy them an e-reader and you can clear out all their pesky novels and guidebooks too.

72 The Beast | April 2016

Use packing cubes These cheap, zippered squares of nylon are amazing - an advanced filing system for your suitcase. You can find everything in your bag and when you get to your hotel you won’t have 25 t-shirts and no underpants. Packing cubes are awesome, but beware. The whole point of them is that you can fit more into your bag, but by doing so you may create a ‘Tardis’ bag. A Tardis bag is, as the name suggests, like Dr Who’s police box; it may contain the universe, but it is heavier than time itself. Packing cubes are best used for small bags only.

Pros and cons of wheels Wheels are great. When primitive man invented the wheel he found he could carry a whole heap more stuff - that’s how Stonehenge and the pyramids got built. A wheeled bag will make you think you can cope with its significant weight, until you need to navigate a set of stairs. Unless you are a weightlifter, you’ll end up hating your bag so much you’ll have a breakdown at the airport and

spend the rest of your days haunting the check-in desks dressed in orange, telling people that “baggage is just baggage man; leave it all behind”. Remember: if you can’t carry your bag a block without fainting, you will end up hating it.

Be economical Don’t make the mistake of trying to cram your whole wardrobe and bathroom cabinet into the biggest bag you can find. You cannot cover every contingency. If Columbian drug lords invite you to a cocktail party or you need to teach dressage techniques to a Mongolian yak, don’t worry; you can buy the necessary accessories when you get there.

I haven’t even mentioned leaving space for all the ethnic knickknackery you’re bound to accumulate on your travels. What could be more important than bringing back a fertility-goddess lampshade or a technicoloured lama poncho?

You’ll never use them, of course, but these are the things that prove we have travelled.

April 2016 | The Beast 73

you’re feeling adventurous, hit up one of the new weekly specials.

Pompei’s This joint is Italian old school.

They’ve got a flavour magician by the name of Giorgio making their artisan gelato and sorbet daily, the traditional Italian way.

If you’re looking for an after dinner treat, then we recommend getting fruity with a shot of limoncello (lemon liqueur) followed

by Sicilian blood orange sorbet.

Molto bene.

Gelatissimo These guys also make their goods in-store, and they make them well.

They’ve been using their secret traditional Calabrian gelato family recipes since back in 2002 and word has spread – they are now spruiking the cold stuff in five different countries.

Their menu boasts gelato donuts, bambino cones and gelato cakes, all of which we strongly recommend.

Hard to beat.

QTips - The Superstars of Bondi’s Frozen Dessert World Words Niall Roeder Picture Pompei's

T

here are restaurants aplenty in Bondi. There are cafes galore too. And there are more places to sink a brew in this town than there are grains of sand on the beach.

But what about somewhere for those of us who finish dinner but aren’t quite finished eating? Where do the sweet tooths (teeth?) in Bondi go?

It’s been scientifically and mathematically proven that everyone loves ice cream (or gelato, sorbet, etc.), so where to go is very important.

At one end of the spectrum you’ve got your Beyonce and Brad Pitt gelatos, and at the other you’ve got your Paris Hilton and Rob Schneider gelatos. Like everything in life, not all gelatos are made equal.

74 The Beast | April 2016

This month we’re going to concentrate on the sexiest, most talented and delicious superstars of Bondi’s frozen dessert world…

Messina These guys have gone mad with power. Sweet, icy power. They pump out five new flavours each week on top of their 35 resident flavours. They’ll throw absolutely anything into the mix, from cake to bacon, chips to Jack Daniels.

They are loco, but just like Pharrell’s big brown hat they somehow pull it off. Expect a line and a nightclub vibe; this is the Studio 54 of the gelato world.

If you’re after a classic, we recommend getting the ‘Bounty’ (coconut milk gelato with desiccated coconut and choc chip). If

Anita Gelato Anita Gelato is la Mamma del Gelato (surely you can work out what that means). One glance at their Instagram and you’ll believe Mamma is bringing the fire when it comes to gelato.

These guys make a mean waffle and offer vegan gelatos, but for a recommendation we suggest getting stuck into the ‘Cookieman’ or the ‘Pistachio Bronte’. Don’t question, just do.

Ben & Jerry’s Started by two American lads in a renovated gas station back in the 1970s, Ben & Jerry’s is now a super power in the ice cream world.

Their new flavours are adventurous by nature, and very adventurous by name. ‘Karamel Sutra’, ‘Hazed and Confused’ and ‘Cheery Garcia’ are all extremely decadent and delicious recommendations, and obviously they have awesome names.

In the immortal words of Muscles, “Ice cream is gonna save the day, again.”

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April 2016 | The Beast 75

Getting Giddy About Gaudi in Barcelona Words & Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

B

arcelona’s skyline is dominated by one architect’s extraordinary passion and his distinctive vision for free-flowing abstract designs, which were greatly influenced by nature.

The revered designer is Antoni Gaudi, who lived in Spain from 1852 to 1926. Brought up and schooled in Barcelona, Gaudi was part of what was known at the time as the Catalan Modernista movement.

His body of work is immense and his abstract geometric creations can be seen right across the city, but his piece de resistance is a large Roman Catholic Church called La Sagrada Familia.

In 1883 Gaudi was commissioned to construct the basilica. Plans had been drawn up at the time, but Gaudi’s vision called for a complete change of design to his own ostentatious style and thus it is still under construction today.

If the construction is completed by the target finishing date in 2026, it will coincide with the 100th anniversary of Gaudi’s passing.

Whilst in Barcelona, some of Gaudi’s must see creations are as follows: Cascada Fountain As an assistant to the architect Josep Fontsere, a young Gaudi’s influence makes this fountain a standout in Barcelona’s most famous park.

Casa Vicens His first memorable building, built between 1883 and 1888.

La Pedrera One of the most inspirational apartments built in the history of architecture.

Parc Guell A UNESCO World Heritage garden complex containing a series of vibrantly designed buildings.

76 The Beast | April 2016

There is also a colonnaded hall and terrace with serpentine shapes.

Gaudi lived in a home at the park.

Palau Guell Was the palace residence of the Guell family (Guell was a patron for Gaudi and collaborated in many of his works).

Colonia Guell A Gaudi designed church and crypt.

El Drac de Gaudi Another masterpiece highlighted by an extraordinary cast iron dragon gate.

Casa Batllo A classic creation that contains all of Guadi’s pizazz including colourful ceramics, tiles and stone.

Casa Calvet A stone façade reflects baroque influences containing bay windows and sculptural decorations.

La Sagrada Familia All one can say is that this creation is one of Gaudi’s best. It has to be seen to be believed.

Along with Gaudi’s work, the city of Barcelona today is a showcase of modern architecture mixed in with some of the more traditional Catalan Gothic buildings.

Walking the streets will have you gawking at what is one of the most beautiful and most visited cities in Europe. The gothic quarter is in the centre of the old city and here many of the buildings date back to medieval times.

The main avenue in Barcelona is La Rambla. This was the first street we ventured down on our Catalan adventure. The tree-lined pedestrian mall is full of cafés, restaurants and classically designed baroque architecture. We were there during a rare quiet period through the week and the street had a wonderful peaceful aura. It

really hit home once we walked the length of La Rambla and turned into one of the most crowded avenues I’ve ever seen with wallto-wall people cramming for space.

No trip to Spain is complete without sampling the country’s most recognised dish, paella. Just off La Rambla is one of the city’s famous squares, Placa Reial. In the plaza there are many restaurants and some of the city's most famous nightclubs. One of the restaurants we discovered served sensational paella that brought us back night after night (along with the local sangria).

My highlight, apart from seeing many of Gaudi’s classics, was a stop at the famous Barcelona Football Club (FC Barcelona) home ground.

Also just off La Rambla is the colourful and lively La Boqueria Food Market. If it's a bargain that you are after, these are definitely not the markets for you. We purchased some animal shaped chocolates that nearly made us choke when we realised the price, but that didn't stop us going back for more.

My tip for first time visitors to Barcelona is to get a 24-hour pass for the hop-on, hop-off bus. It’s the perfect way to discover this huge city and it gives you a better idea of what you want to see. My highlight, apart from seeing many of Gaudi’s classics, was a stop at the famous Barcelona Football Club (FC Barcelona) home ground.

Barcelona is an extraordinary coastal city with a wonderful culture, enchanting architecture, and an array of eclectic bars and dining options. It exceeded all my expectations.

Sustainability is second nature to Jeff.

Making Sustainability Second Nature – Are You In? Words & Picture Nicola Saltman

D

o you ever pinch yourself that you can call this awesome place home? Whether you’re on your daily run at the beach, talking with a mate along the coastal walk or grabbing your morning fix at the local café, it’s hard not to be grateful for what’s on our doorstep.

We have amazing beaches, walkways and parklands. We breathe clean, fresh air. We surf, swim and play in clear waters.

We enjoy world-class facilities, a great lifestyle, a close-knit local community and a range of healthy transport options.

As remarkable as our home is, it needs our help to continue to thrive. We can do this by keeping our oceans clean, looking after our wildlife, reducing emissions and cutting down our waste.

78 The Beast | April 2016

We must work together to make sustainability more than just an occasional concern. Protecting our place needs to be a normal part of the way we live and do business.

Just like a daily cold-pressed juice or morning surf, sustainability needs to become second nature.

In the ‘old’ days, though not so long ago, no one recycled anything, but today it’s second nature to separate your normal garbage from your recyclable items. What if we could all make it a habit to turn off lights, save water, reuse where possible, design eco-smart homes, plant native trees and compost our food scraps? After all, every action counts, no matter how small or bold.

Locals like seven-year-old Jai Porter from Bondi Public School

are doing this already. Jai is opting to walk to school instead being driven in the car. The Richardson family from Rose Bay make a habit of packing rubbish-free lunches, and using reusable drink bottles.

Jeff Bennett, co-owner of Three Blue Ducks in Bronte, is making sustainability second nature by serving up the best locally grown produce to his customers. Peter Cochrane from Bronte is recycling and growing backyard veggie gardens. He is also a regular bus commuter.

Imagine if 10,000 people all did one action to reduce emissions, cut down on waste, or save water! We’d definitely be kicking goals to keep this place beautiful.

You too can take positive action to care for this place we love by pledging to make sustainability second nature at Waverley Council’s ‘I’m in’ Pledge Day at Bondi Beach promenade (north of the skate park) on Saturday, April 2.

You can also add some colour to the mega-mindfulness mural and grab some great giveaways while you’re there.

If you can’t make it, you can always visit www.secondnature. org.au to make your pledge today, and you can share your pledge and a ‘Second Nature selfie’ on your social media networks to inspire others to sign up and join in the good fight.

Once you’re signed up you’ll have access to a number of handy sustainability resources as well as some great programs to get involved in. Council will keep you posted on events and informed about the progress towards meeting environmental targets. Ultimately you’ll be part of an amazing community making sustainability second nature.

To find out more about Waverley Council’s environmental sustainability goals and how the council is addressing water, waste, climate, biodiversity and transport issues, please visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au/ secondnature.

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April 2016 | The Beast 79

Let him play.

The Great Dance

Words Alasdair McClintock Picture James Maloney

A

pril is a wonderful time of year. With a veritable orgy of football to watch Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m often left wondering, is this too much? Am I overwhelmed, like a dwarf in a crowded elevator, by the crowd looming above me? The answer is an emphatic no. I am positively engorged at the prospect of how much football I get to watch this month!

NRL, Super Rugby, AFL, Premier League, ALeague, what else? I wish at this stage I could rattle off a few female codes, but why lie to you? I don't watch them. I wish I did, but perhaps I'm not as enlightened as I'd like to believe. I do watch women's tennisâ&#x20AC;Ś sometimes.

Some people judge football fans harshly. They see us as boorish thugs with no appreciation for culture or good sense; mindless drones who dribble maniacally as we cheer on a bunch of fellas out on parole to beat the hell out of each other. That's only partly true.

They forget that some of the greatest intellectuals have been sports fans. When Hunter S. Thompson wasn't neck deep in a hell raising drug bender or writing scathing articles on the political trail, he was often writing about football. Usually just as scathingly and probably still high, but he appreciated the great dance as much as anybody.

And isn't that what football is, a marvellously choreographed piece involving some of the finest physical

80 The Beast | April 2016

specimens society can dig up? If you chucked a footy into the middle of a ballet performance would it look all that different to a game of AFL? Funnily enough, I used to play with a bloke called 'The Nutcracker'.

It is theatre, Hollywood and beat poetry rolled into one. Every season has its delicious subplots and twists. Heroes and villains unveil themselves in every scene. Some, like Michael Ennis, could even be considered Machiavellian. Coaches reign like wizened father figures or cackling crones. Players ad lib and leave us cheering in wonder or scratching our heads in complete befuddlement. And the media circle like stage crew.

There is a sad lack of romance, true, but given society's relaxing attitudes to homosexuality, perhaps we will soon see more of it. I certainly hope so. A Romeo and Juliette-esque love affair involving two star players from the Bunnies and Roosters is just what this NRL season needs.

And don't tell me there isn't irrepressible lust in some of those more exuberant celebrations.

So this April I will be enjoying the show. Watching the waltz and surveying the samba. I'm not sure I even care who wins. In sport, as in life, it is often hard to tell who are the good and who are the bad guys. It is such a true and joyous reflection of our humanity that it is perhaps the greatest art form of them all.

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Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...

Sex and Religion

Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture George Pell

I

t’s always surprising how many of my clients have acquired sexual problems because of their religious beliefs or cultural backgrounds. Often they are completely unaware of it, which is not surprising when people are taught confusing values from an early age.

It’s difficult to grow into a healthy sexual being when you are told by religious parents and/or church leaders that God created sex to be something beautiful and pure that should only be enjoyed in marriage, that it should only take place between a man and a woman, that you have to be a virgin until marriage, and that masturbation and homosexuality are strictly forbidden.

Almost all religious groups, over the ages, have condemned masturbation, claiming it inhibits selfcontrol and promotes sexual promiscuity. The many myths and outdated beliefs surrounding masturbation remain hard to shake. Some people still claim that masturbation leads to blindness and/or hair growth on the palms of one’s hand, and that it causes premature ejaculation and impotence later in life. The latest false claim is that it leads to sex addiction.

One of the most destructive emotions a person can experience is guilt. It’s not as if this guilt makes people abstain from forbidden sexual activity. Rather, it just makes them feel bad and depressed. Given these negative messages, it’s not surprising that there are still feelings of shame and embarrassment about this very natural and healthy activity.

US Therapist Dr Marty Klein wrote an interesting book titled 'America's War on Sex: The Attack 82 The Beast | April 2016

on Law, Lust and Liberty'. In it he explains how the religious right faction is successfully censoring what people should read, hear, and see, limiting access to contraception, legislating ‘good’ moral values, and brainwashing teenagers into believing that God hates premarital sex. Religion’s ideas about sex centre on the ‘don’t do this and don’t do that’.

Religious institutions vary widely in their views on birth control, but the Catholic Church has banned artificial contraception for as far back as can be historically traced. Successive popes have strongly opposed any relaxation of church policy.

It was only in 2009 that Pope Benedict, on a trip to Africa, claimed (in defiance of all medical opinion) that condom use could actually make the AIDS epidemic worse by increasing sexual activity. The timing of his remarks outraged health agencies trying to halt the spread of HIV and AIDS in Africa, where about 22 million people are infected.

The new pope, Pope Francis, agrees with him, but at least he has a more open view on homosexuality, saying, “If someone is gay and searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?” This sent shockwaves throughout the Catholic Church. He also stated that “celibacy is not a dogma” for Catholic priests.

I tell my religious clients who are overwhelmed by feelings of sexual guilt that I do not believe God would have created men and women with sexual organs that can give them pleasure if they were simply supposed to be used for procreation alone.

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April 2016 | The Beast 83

Album #1 Artist Kanye West Album The Life of Pablo Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  It is hard to separate the man from the music, especially when they have done unforgivable things like furthering Kim Kardashian's career. Alas, when it comes to Kanye, I'm not sure I can continue to do it. I've been waiting for the big reveal of himself as a quiet, well spoken performance artist who has been living this way to highlight all that is wrong with Western society, but now I fear that like Johnny Depp in Donnie Brasco, he's in too deep and can't go back. He should just stick to production from now on, because production wise, this is amazing; it's just a shame about the bloke rapping over the top.

Album #2 Movie Review Title Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Genre Comedy, Horror Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Oh, I’m such a sucker for a zombie film, no matter how lame it is. I’m not saying Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is lame, it’s just not up there with The Walking Dead, The Living Dead films, Planet Terror, World War Z or Shaun of the Dead, to name but a few.

Director Burr Steers (Igby Goes Down) has adapted Seth Grahame-Smith’s 2009 best-selling novel of the same name, and as the title suggests, delivered a visually opulent tongue-in-cheek mash-up of Jane Austen’s classic 1813 novel complete with gorgeous period costumes and zombies that think and talk.

Lily James (Downton Abbey) plays Elizabeth Bennet, the feisty and highly skilled zombiekilling heroine, who along with her four sisters and a conceited Mr Darcy (Sam Riley), attempt to rid the nation of the plague of zombies. This is all done while attending to their social calendars, which are filled with dances, dinners and seeking out appropriate marriage prospects.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is a low-key parody that’s light entertainment and a gentle introduction to zombies for the faint-hearted. It’s a no-brainer (pun intended) and it’s not rocket science, so don’t expect it to be. Just enjoy the extravagant silliness that it is.

84 The Beast | April 2016

Artist The Jezabels Album Synthia Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Drop whatever you're holding, even if it's a baby, and go listen to this album. Okay, maybe just place the baby down gently, but quickly goddammit! Quickly!

As brooding and powerful as Severus Snape (but not as inexplicably nasty), it draws you in like a riptide and spits you out as exhausted as if you’d just tried to paddle against the Bronte Express. But don’t fight it.

Just go with the flow and you will be all the better for it. This is a great album – monumental, even. It stands above other albums and declares itself their ruler and I, for one, am choosing to bow down to it.

Album #3 Artist Santigold Album 99 Cents Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  If you like your pop served quirky, this is the album for you. I don't remember Santigold being quite so poppy, but then again, I don't remember much these days. In a very strange way some of the tracks remind me of Aqua's ‘Barbie Girl’ - now that's a song I remember; what a cracker! Given the title, '99 Cents', and the fact she is wrapped in plastic on the cover, it is possible this isn't a coincidence. Perhaps Santigold is making a profound (albeit unoriginal) statement about the plasticity of pop? Probably. Doesn't mean I'm going to listen to the album again though.

Arts & Entertainment from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Brad Bessant - @10ftkaos

Ricky Maynard at Stills Gallery Photography has the ability to make us see people as we wouldn’t in life. We can stare at a person and think about their history in a photograph in a way that definitely would not be socially acceptable in real life. Acclaimed documentary photographer Ricky Maynard clearly knows this. His new collection of photographs, ‘Saddened Were the Hearts of Many Men’, is comprised of 12 stunning and direct portraits of Indigenous men from Flinders Island that invite us into their grief and loss. The collection is showing at Stills Gallery, Paddington until April 9. Visit www.stillsgallery.com.au.

Kings Cross Theatre If you haven’t ventured up to the second floor of the Kings Cross Hotel recently, you might not be aware that it is now home to one of the most exciting things to happen to Sydney’s theatre scene in years: Kings Cross Theatre. Just a short walk up the hill from the Old Fitz and down the road from

Clovelly in the eye of the storm.

the Griffin, KCT is mixing things up with its commitment to telling the stories you wouldn't otherwise hear in partnership with bAKEHOUSE Theatre. Please visit www.kingscrosstheatre.com.

Kitty Napanangka Simon Comes to Bondi If you live in the east and haven’t visited Coo-ee Aboriginal Art Gallery in Bondi, you’ve been missing out. The beginning of this month is a particularly special time for the gallery, as it will be showcasing the works of Warlpiri woman Kitty Napanangka Simon for her exhibition in collaboration with Art Month Sydney and Spectrum Now, ‘Making Memories’. Simon’s paintings are full of big splotches of vibrant colour and dot and line work. Visit www.cooeeart.com.au.

Punkulture @ Sun Studios In November 1976, an Essex lorry driver was so infuriated by the ‘bad attitude’ of the Sex Pistols that he kicked in his TV screen. Producing this kind of rage and misunder-

standing is exactly what the punk movement was all about – young people reclaiming music and not being afraid to stand up to their elders. Music photographer Adrian Boot has captured 62 images of iconic legends such as The Clash and The Ramones, to be exhibited at Sun Studios in Alexandria from April 4 to May 13, to allow us to relive that sprit of rebellion. Visit www.sunstudiosaustralia.com.

Indigenous Art + Surf Zachary Bennett-Brook is a proud Torres Strait Islander man born and raised in Wollongong (Dharawal country). He is an artist who combines his passion for surfing and the ocean with his Indigenous heritage. Creating artworks from recycled surfboards and fins, he puts a modern twist on traditional Indigenous art. Gathering inspiration in the ocean’s blue walls and sandy floors, he explores the different colour tones associated with the sea throughout his works, and luckily for you, you can buy them. Visit www.saltwaterdreamtime.com.

The guy on the left never takes anything seriously.

The Khanz, as in Genghis Khan Words Dan Hutton Picture Carol Constançon

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he Khanz are a five-piece act from Bondi. These Eastern Suburbs natives have been representing the region's burgeoning music scene for some time, and have an organic, jungle-dance vibe that sounds like a slushie mixed with pop-rocks. We caught up with Themba, Nick, Kat, Harrison and Charlotte during the month…

If we had to describe our sound in one sentence… it would be organic jungle dance, like a slushie with pop-rocks.

Growing up our parents listened to… African music, people like Thomas Mapfumo and Baaba Maal, REM, and Northern Soul.

Our dream gig... would be Glastonbury! Isn’t that every band’s dream gig? That said, we’ll take any gig, thank you. Busking at the Junction, Oxford Art Factory, Martin Place, we love them all.

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If you come to see us play, you can expect... a high-energy dance extravaganza! And someone will take their pants off.

There was one time when we were starting out... that we entered this battle of the bands at one of our schools and we played a cover of ‘Little Things’ by Good Charlotte and one of our own songs. We cracked open the video last week and it was hilarious.

If we could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be... “Where Is My Mind?” by the Pixies.

Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘Be Somebody’, ‘Ketamine’ or ‘Magazine Perfection’, even though we’ve only performed it live once so far.

The best thing about the local music scene is… the camaraderie

between the bands, despite the lockout laws. In fact, because of the lockout laws; we need each other more than ever and it’s great to see how bands support each other.

One person we’d still really like to record with is… Mark Ronson, Deadmau5 or the old NWA. Our biggest fan has got be… Percy. He’s an older dude who came to one of our first shows and has been at almost every show since.

We’ll know we have made it when... we don’t have to spell our name to people. Or tell them how to pronounce it. It’s Khanz as in Genghis Khan, not as in can.

If you'd like to find out more about The Khanz, please visit www.thekhanz.com.au.

Deliciously healthy.

Village On Cloey - Clovelly’s Hottest New Addition Words Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks

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he first thing that I noticed when I entered Village on Cloey – the hottest café addition to Clovelly Road since forever – was that ‘If I Were A Boy’ by Beyoncé was playing. To be honest, I was pretty happy to just give the place five stars and call it a day right then and there, but in the interest of thorough journalism, I stuck around. And I am very glad I did, because the food was delicious too.

The Village is the creation of two old mates, Diogo and Simon.

The pair met back when they were 14-year-old lads, and now, 14 years later, with a wealth of experience under their belts in the hospitality and business worlds respectively, they’ve come together to give Clovelly the coffee and food it deserves.

You might recognise Diogo simply from the fact that he has been a staple in the Sydney café scene since he was born – his parents owned and ran La Patisserie in Petersham, then Portuguese pastry shop Fleur de Lys in Bondi Beach, and finally Pastelaria Caravela in Bondi Junction (you surely remember the delectable

88 The Beast | April 2016

crumbly custard tarts, if nothing else). Diogo and Simon are joined in their venture by another old friend, chef Kyle Johns, previously of Otto, Flying Fish and Summit (now O Bar and Dining).

The café space itself is cool, but not ostentatiously so. The exposed concrete ceiling and floor are an interesting contrast to the copper and cork elements that flit across the room’s various surfaces. According to Diogo, the cork is a nod to “traditional Portuguese vibes” – a comment that I only pretended to understand until I hit Google and learnt that Portugal produces half of the cork harvested annually worldwide (the things you learn!).

Moving along to the most important part of the experience: the food. The Reuben sandwich was the opposite of hip stinginess – it was a pure, gluttonous, cheesy delight. Big hunks of corned beef sat atop cascading, melted Swiss cheese, spicy mustard dressing, house pickles and rye. The flame grilled spatchcock with puy lentils, sweet potato, chimichurri and lemon was another clever nod to Diogo’s Portuguese roots, and the kombucha cured salmon, which

is cured in-house for 24 hours or more (depending on the size of the fish) gets a zesty rush with the addition of pickled chili and orange dressing.

The coffee is Single Origin - it’s creamy, hot and delicious - and the bread (apart from the rye) is from Brickfields, but what really sets this place apart is not that it stocks the cool brands, but that it maintains a respect for family and tradition, even down to the croissants, tarts and pastries, which are cooked according to Diego’s dad’s old recipes.

There is something truly lovely about eating food that has a history, so saunter down to Clovelly Road and give the Village a go. It’s muito gostoso!

Village on Cloey Address 231 Clovelly Road, Clovelly Instagram @villageoncloey Facebook www.facebook.com/ villageoncloey Opening Hours 6:30am - 3pm Prices $15-25 Cards Accepted All majors Licensed/BYO Not yet

Autumn eating at its best.

Salmon, Lemons and Olives with Bulgur Wheat Words & Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

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oasted onion, garlic, lemon and rosemary add an amazing flavour hit to this wonderful autumnal dish. Teamed with baked salmon and earthy bulgur, it’s guaranteed to be a winner.

Cooking time 40 minutes Ingredients 2 brown onions 2 garlic cloves 1 lemon 2 sprigs fresh rosemary 150g (1 cup) bulgur 2 x 125g sockeye salmon fillets, skin off 45g pitted black olives 20g parsley 20g coriander 50ml extra virgin olive oil Salt and pepper Prepare ingredients - Preheat oven to 200°C. Line an oven tray with baking paper. Peel and thinly

90 The Beast | April 2016

slice the onion, slice the garlic, cut the lemon into wedges and lightly crush the rosemary stalks.

Start cooking - Place the onion, garlic, lemon wedges, rosemary, 2 teaspoons of olive oil and some salt and pepper onto the baking tray.

Toss. Roast for 20 minutes, tossing halfway through.

Toast bulgur - Meanwhile, heat a frying pan over a high heat. Cook the bulgur, stirring regularly for 2 – 3 minutes until toasted.

Cook bulgur - Transfer bulgur to a medium saucepan and add 250ml (1 cup) of lightly salted water.

Bring to the boil. Cover and cook over low heat for 5 minutes, until tender.

Prepare the salmon - Season the fish with salt and pepper. Remove tray from the oven. Toss onion mixture. Arrange the fish on top,

scatter over the olives and drizzle over 1 tablespoon of oil. Cook for a further 8 minutes, until the fish is cooked.

Add herbs - Finely chop the parsley and coriander and stir into the cooked bulgur with 1 tablespoon of oil. Season with salt and pepper.

Serve with the fish, the onion mixture and any pan juices.

Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps. These meals can be delivered to your door, with all the ingredients you need, in minimal, recyclable packaging.

With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99.

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A balanced blood sugar hit.

Chocolate Goji Bliss Balls Words & Picture Tamika Woods

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s summer ends and the reality of being back at work, school or university really sets in, it gets harder to achieve our health goals.

One of the keys to maintaining your healthy habits from the warmer months is preparation.

When you start the day with your meals and snacks prepared, it’s a lot harder to make unhealthy food choices. Spend half an hour on your weekends preparing healthy snacks like these chocolate goji bliss balls and you will thank yourself all week when you don’t waste money on unhealthy snacks.

Using only medjool dates as a sweetener, these delicious morsels will supply you with a balanced blood sugar hit that will keep you going all day long, as well as satisfying those chocolate cravings - double win! These delicious balls can be stored in or out of the fridge, but will last longer if kept cold.

92 The Beast | April 2016

Ingredients 250g medjool dates, seeds removed 150g raw cashews 150g raw macadamias 20g cacao nibs 30g raw carob or cacao powder 50g shredded coconut 1 tbsp maca powder 1 tbsp mesquite powder 1 tsp vanilla powder or essence 1 tsp Himalayan salt 30g goji berries Mix it up - Combine all ingredients except for the goji berries in a food processor and process until the mixture is smooth and forms a large ball in your food processor.

If the mix seems too dry and isn’t coming together, add 1 tablespoon of water.

Go with the gojis - Add the delicious goji berries to the mixture and mix by hand.

Shape the balls - Roll tablespoons of the mixture into balls (this recipe makes around 15 bliss balls).

Consumption - Devour your chocolate goji bliss balls immediately (or hide well), otherwise risk losing your delicious balls to hungry flatmates, family members or spouses!

Tamika Woods is a Nutritional Medicine student and founder of Sproutly Stories, a new health food blog designed to translate evidence-based information into digestible pieces of knowledge.

Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to implement their health learnings in an easy and delicious way. For more guilt free recipes from Tamika, please visit www.sproutlystories.com.

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A plump bunch of Cabernet Sauvignon grapes.

Understanding Blending

Words & Picture Alex Russell Instagram @OzWineGuy

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lot of people tell me that they prefer wines made from a single grape to wines that are blends, for example a Shiraz versus a Grenache Shiraz Mourvedre blend. Blending is typically done because the ‘whole’ that results is greater than the sum of its parts.

But did you know that winemakers make other blending decisions that aren’t quite as obvious, at least not on the wine label?

A great example of this is ‘The Story’ wines. Each year they release a few single vineyard Shirazes. All are from the Grampians region, but each vineyard has its own character that is celebrated in each wine. When the grapes come in from each individual vineyard they are crushed and put into barrel to ferment separately. The barrels from any one vineyard can end up looking quite different to each other. When it comes time to bottle, the winemaker must decide which barrels go together well and which ones don’t quite fit.

These ‘different’ barrels usually don’t get wasted. Sometimes they are exceptional and will be released as an even better wine. Sometimes

94 The Beast | April 2016

they are still great, but don’t quite mesh with the rest from that same vineyard, but might blend really well with barrels from other vineyards. Sometimes the quality of one barrel isn’t quite up to the standard required.

When you blend barrels from a number of vineyards, you’ll often lose some of the individual vineyard characteristics, but sometimes that’s not what you’re after. This blending of barrels can result in sensational wines. For example, winemaker Alex Head describes the ‘Head Red’ Shiraz as a ‘barrel cull’ from Barossa vineyards, but most of you who have tried it would have loved it.

Another example is Andrew Thomas, who is a Shiraz and Semillon specialist. In 2011 he had a few barrels that didn’t quite make the cut for his best Shiraz, and he had a few barrels for another wine that didn’t quite suit the style. They were still lovely, though, and they just so happened to go together very nicely, so a new wine was born. This is the ‘Elenay’ Shiraz, which sounds romantic until you find out that ‘Elenay’ translates to

‘LNA’, which stands for ‘Lips and Arseholes’, an old butchers’ reference. It’s a great wine, 96 Halliday points on the current release, in fact.

When it comes to making great blended wines, sometimes it’s about blending grapes, sometimes it’s about blending barrels from the same vineyard, and sometimes it’s about blending barrels from different vineyards. Further still, sometimes it’s about blending barrels from completely different regions, or even different states.

The grapes that go into Penfold’s Grange don’t come from one vineyard, or even one region.

All of this blending is done by trial and error, and by flavour alone. And it’s not easy. If you ever want to try, though, blending workshops are sometimes held at various events – look out for them – and if you travel to wine regions, some wineries will let you try blending yourself, too. Penfold’s does, and I think Wynn’s offers the opportunity to some members. It’s amazing how different a wine can be with just a slight change in the proportions of each ingredient.

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Across 1. Blues Brothers actor who passed away at age 33 (4,7) 7. ‘If ’ in French (2) 8. English actress from Titanic and Steve Jobs (4,7) 10. Resentful as a result of something said or done (8) 12. Entrance from one area to another (4) 13. Fried chicken king, … Sanders (7) 15. Has or ends with a sound that corresponds to another (6) 16. One section of a TV series (7) 17. Informal American greeting (2) 19. Abbreviated opposite of amateur (3) 21. Large area of public land set aside for native plants, animals and the places in which they live. (8,4)

Score at the 2016 Oscars, ‘The …’ (7,5) 3. Pop legend who passed away this year, David … (5) 4. American singer of ‘Summertime Sadness’ and ‘Young and Beautiful’ (4,3,3) 5. Shakespearean term meaning ‘youthful time’, Mac DeMarco song/ album (5,4) 6. Suffix to denote a person with a particular role or tendency (3) 9. Host of the 2016 Academy Awards (5,4) 11. Level of responsibility in a hierarchy (7) 14. Chemical used in bright electric signs (4) 18. Liquid relevant to cooking and fuelling machines (3) 19. Australian actress of Italian descent, …

Down Miranda (3) 1. Something to make 20. Intergovernmental organisation people laugh (4) 2. Tarantino film that based in New York City (1,1) won Best Original

Trivial Trivia

Words Kate Myers Picture Katie Hull 1. True or false: Anzac biscuits were often eaten by troops in the trenches instead of bread?

2. Which 87-year-old Italian composer won this year’s Academy Award for Best Original Score?

3. ‘Mind of Mine’ is the first solo album from which ex-member of One Direction?

Wild waves at Clovelly.

96 The Beast | April 2016

4. What is the international calling code for Australia?

5. In which local suburb would you find Bundock Park?

6. The first recorded story of the Easter Bunny is from which year?

7. British actress Lily Collins is the daughter of which singer/ songwriter?

8. The Variety Cycle, in aid of sick and disadvantaged children, departs Sydney headed for which Australian landmark?

9. Does a Patagonian mara have feathers, fur or fins?

10. Which Irish actor, who also featured in Aussie film ‘The Sapphires’, stars in ‘The IT Crowd’?

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Gemini May 21-Jun 21 A hectic post booze-up ploughing session will leave you nursing redraw junk and a workbench that resembles a coastal swampland.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Give that tree growing inside your undies a good pruning before it starts dropping branches and messing up your driveway.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23 If you hang around rich people long enough, eventually you will magically get rich. Yep, just from hanging around them.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22 The little hairs around your bumhole are colluding to form a net that will kidnap your nuggets as they leap to freedom.

Leo Jul 24-Aug 23 Stop arguing passionately about topics you know nothing about, just because people you want to be friends with are interested in them.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20 Instead of working hard for a pay rise, just complain about your boss getting overpaid and hope that this will somehow achieve your goal.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Your relationship is dead and you need to quickly bury it and move on. Shaking a corpse will never bring it back to life.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23 The second something becomes slightly difficult, give up on it immediately. You never finish anything so why bother starting?

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 If there is not at least one guitar or surfboard inside your principal place of abode, then you are not living your life to the fullest.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20 The more you talk about 'being yourself ', the less you actually be yourself, but you're probably better off not being yourself anyway.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Spend a day at home 'getting to know yourself ' before all that pent up sexual energy lands you on the sex offenders register.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 As long as you keep feeding the monkey on your back, he will remain. Starve him and he will eventually jump onto someone else.

 Star Signs

Words Beardy from Hell

Charlie’s

Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. True 2. Ennio Morricone 3. Zayn Malik 4. +61 5. Clovelly 6. 1680 7. Phil Collins 8. The Great Barrier Reef 9. Fur 10. Chris O’Dowd 1

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43 Burnie Street, Clovelly NSW 2031

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