The Beast - June 2016

Beast the

The Monthly Magazine for Sydney's Beaches of the East • June 2016

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Welcome to June 2016...

Chapped Lips and Frozen Fingers Words Dan & James Hutton Picture Jim Waley

W

elcome to the June 2016 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East.

It’s getting seriously chilly this month. And, as we seemingly do every year, we’ve forgotten how to deal with it, as if it’s never been this cold before. It’s probably just our minds protecting us from the memories of chapped lips and frozen fingers, but still, you’d think we’d learn.

This month marks the beginning of the Bondi Winter Magic Festival. The ice rink won’t return to the Bondi Pavilion forecourt until July 1, but there’ll be another treat for fans of Instragram-worthy moments this year – camels.

Yep, on weekends from June 19 to July 31, for a paltry sum of money you can ride on the back of one

of Waverley Council’s ships of the desert on the golden sands of Bondi Beach. If that doesn’t get you a few ‘likes’, we don’t know what will.

Our great city also plays host to Vivid Sydney this month, so you can expect the CBD’s iconic buildings and bridges to be lit up with an array of amazing, free light installations. It’s an awesome event that spans a few weeks, so

make sure you rug up, put the mittens on the kids, and get into the heart of the big smoke to enjoy its transformation into a magical fairyland each night.

On the cover this month we are thrilled to have snowboarding legend and Olympic gold medallist Torah Bright. Torah not only embodies the down-to-earth, larrikin spirit you’d expect from a small town Aussie girl, she also exudes a power and a sense of poise that can only come from experiencing as much of life as she has at such a young age. She is truly an inspiration, and we hope that her words encourage you.

As always, there’s plenty of other good stuff within the following hallowed pages, so we hope you enjoy having a good flick through.

Cheers, Dan and James

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Contents

The Beast • June 2016 • Issue 137 08 Welcome Note

58 Local Photos I

76 Sexy Time

14 Monthly Mailbag

61 Beastpop III

80 Enviro News

12 Pearls of Wisdom 24 Local Bloke

26 Local Chick

28 Thumbs & Dogs 30 Local News 31 Beastpop I

49 Beastpop II 50 Calendar

52 Interview

60 Rupert’s Rant 62 Local Wildlife 64 Fish ‘n’ Tips

66 Aquatic Wildlife 67 Tide Chart

68 Street Style

70 Unreliable Guide 72 QTips

74 Travel Bug

Perth punts at Bronte. Photo: Bill Morris - @billmorris.

78 This Sporting Life 82 Local Photos II 84 Reviews

85 Arts Bits 86 Bandage

88 Food & Wine

96 Trivial Trivia

98 Beardy From Hell 98 Trivia Solutions

Sneaky bugger.

Big Business Budget Blues Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Joe Hockey

O

n handing down the recent federal budget, Scott Morrison has implored Australians “not to think of themselves” and “to stop being selfish”. Instead, we should be thinking of the “nation as a whole”, the ‘whole’ being the nation’s largest companies and those individuals earning more than $180k.

According to the ‘philosophy’ of Scott Morrison (an evangelical Christian who insisted on labelling asylum seekers ‘illegals’) handouts are not for losers. Instead, handouts are for winners, like ‘small businesses’ with a turnover of up to $10 million. Handouts are also for those fortunate people with an earning capacity of $180k-plus who are unfairly encumbered with large mortgages, private school fees and the expense of luxury holidays; all high-end expenses that are the key to our nation’s economic survival, unlike the menial day-today expenditure of the masses.

Handouts (i.e. taxpayer subsidies) are for the likes of the Commonwealth Bank, Coles and Goldman Sachs, not pensioners, not welfare organisations, not Indigenous programs, and not the arts.

12 The Beast | June 2016

Indoctrinated as we are by the press, Australians know there are dire consequences if we aren’t prepared to prioritise big business over the common good of the masses.

The ‘rights’ of big business must come first if we are to protect our jobs and the economy. We don’t want those obscenely profitable companies being forced to operate offshore if we aren’t wholeheartedly supporting them through budgetary sacrifice. If Scott Morrison had structured the budget for the “bunch of individuals” most in need (pensioners, low income earners, disabled) “we would run each other into the ground”.

Our government may be democratically elected, but there is something monumentally awry when those who govern do so for the sole benefit of donors and big business. With big business surreptitiously running Australia, we, the electorate, have become consumers existing solely to be marketed to regardless of the health, welfare and financial fallout.

Large food companies can tout any crap they want, sidestepping the financial burden of subsequent national health issues. Gas frack-

ing and coal mining companies are given precedence over the nation’s water and food supplies, with the government dismissing legitimate health concerns raised by doctors and scientists. Developers can erode our standard of living with one fell swoop of the wrecking ball, gaining planning concessions, destroying green space and impinging on the immediate community for their own financial gain.

Any attempt to advance our nation through the adoption of alternate energy and the construction of public transport is immediately sabotaged by a government protecting those with vested interests in fossil fuel and road transport.

The Turnbull government prides itself on transparency and its motives to Pearl are as clear as a glass of Billecart Champagne.

Just as Scott Morrison sent out a Christian-style warning to asylum seekers that “they’ll get no sympathy”, Pearl is sending out a similar warning to all Australians. When you wake up to find education and health are no longer funded by taxes, but instead are in the hands of big business, Pearl will have no sympathy.

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag

Words The people of the Eastern Beaches Illustrations Dalton Wills Jesus Wouldn’t Approve Hello - I am writing to discuss the St Catherine’s $63 million development. I understand the development is to include a ‘world class’ 500-seat theatre. I am wondering whether the school plans to incorporate parking on site for the extra visitors to the theatre? With the approved theatre and the Dame Joan Sutherland theatre, there will be total seating of 750 people. I assume the school will have theatre nights, speech nights, and other special performances. I hear there will be 120 events per year in total.

Where are people expected to park while these events are in session?

The Eastern Suburbs has issues with traffic and parking. The area is filled to the brim. Perhaps the school can think about its future with a separate campus elsewhere, like Alexandria. The school as it is could be the junior school (Primary to Year 10), and move the senior school offsite, or vice versa.

Something needs to be done with the current land-locked situation.

Maybe the school can buy the nursing home (which is adjacent), and demolish that, and use it as a car park. The traffic, on a daily basis, especially in the mornings and afternoons in Waverley and surrounding Randwick/Clovelly, is chaos. It doesn’t help that many other schools are in the vicinity. I guess it’s not the school’s fault for the parking woes. It could be the cotton-balled kids who have to be 14 The Beast | June 2016

driven to and from school. I do see kids using public transport, but I also see many arrive in big SUVs. So my point is, with the current parking and traffic problems, why on Earth didn’t the state government panel think about the parking and traffic situation, especially when there are already issues with it?

I notice the school is also building an aquatic and research centre.

I guess the girls need the pool for their water polo training. But does the school really need all of this?

Currently St Catherine’s has the best facilities a public high school would kill for. They also have the best programs and extra-curricular activities. I guess the $27,000 per year, per child, and that doesn’t include the extras, is well spent. But is it? And as they are a Christian school, I don’t think Jesus would approve.

Christian Sachs Waverley Randwick’s Roosters Sponsorship a Cock-Up Hi Beast - As one of the last remaining locals in the Eastern Suburbs who still regularly attends rugby league matches, I was one of the 300 or so people at the Sydney Roosters versus Newcastle Knights April fixture. Rather than a Roosters win being the most unfortunate incident of the night, I was confused by the sponsorship of Isaac Liu by Randwick City Council.

I need some urgent clarification from our mayor on why our council is sponsoring professional footballers. I have difficulty with the sponsorship for two reasons.

The first is why a Roosters player was sponsored rather than a South Sydney player – wasn’t it voted recently that Randwick Council is predominately represented

by South Sydney, except for the small area between Alison Road (Randwick/Coogee) and Boundary Street (Clovelly)? As I grappled with the true boundary between the two clubs it led me to the second reason I have difficulty with the sponsorship, realising how ridiculous it is that the rates we the people pay are redistributed into professional sport.

Now I do not know the value of the sponsorship and it is probably not very much in the grand scheme of things, but I cannot figure out why a council is putting public money into professional sport.

So I leave the question to our publicly elected councillors as to why money is being spent on the sponsorship of a professional footballer. Wouldn’t the money be better spent on erecting a sign reading ‘Thompson’s Bay (Gordon’s Bay)’ at Thommo’s?

I am sure our elected representatives can find better ways to spend our money. If not, then maybe it is better that they merge straight away with Waverley Council so we can install more parking metres, raise more revenue and sponsor the whole NRL. Gus Bennett Coogee Resident Rubbish Retrievers Abound Hi - Thank you for the article on Cameron Kite and his team (Locals Take Coogee Clean-up Into Their Own Hands, The Beast, May 2016) - what an inspiration. You may also wish to know that there are many local residents who pick up rubbish from the beach and surrounds as they walk along. You can see them any day from early light.

R Wade Coogee

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We’re All Doomed ► Yesterday we cried for the dead and rightly so. Today the government tells us we are half a trillion in debt and we need to spend 50 billion on submarines. How many billions around the world are spent on socalled defence? Imagine how many hungry and displaced people not only in Australia, but around the world could benefit from these billions. I say to each country, destroy your weapons of mass destruction, you hypocrites. Stop producing more than two children per family, as soon, if not already, it will be too late. Instead the governments of the world do nothing. There is no doubt that one day we will all suffer as a consequence of the stupidity and the actions that are made today.

Perhaps our subs will save us, but by the time they are finished other countries will probably supersede them with better technology. You see it’s a never-ending circle, a circle of hunger and greed that will become desperation. The evil are already planning and are amongst us. The next one will be an apocalypse of death and destruction like never seen before.

Laugh as you may, but Planet Earth is doomed. We have polluted and fouled the oceans and the atmosphere. Within another 30 years the population will become unbearable; we cannot continue to reproduce at this unsustainable rate. Wait a minute, the governments have the answer – yes, let's go to Mars!

Constantine Veneris The Hidden Cost of the Anzac Spirit As happens every year, at the end of April my local school celebrated Anzac Day with a few old men bringing guns into the school that my two children (aged 6 and 8) attend. Perhaps as a parent one might wonder about the educational value of guns in schools?

And one might also ask what our present day ‘heroes of the Anzac’ have done – or participated in – to be put on stage and celebrated?

During the lifetime of most 16 The Beast | June 2016

of today’s Australians, perhaps two occasions stand out. The first was the Vietnam War – a war the Vietnamese rather appropriately call the ‘American War’ – as well as the more recent war in Iraq. On both occasions it was us – and the soldiers now celebrated on Anzac Day – that attacked these two countries.

These countries did not attack us; in fact, they were incapable of doing so. Neither country had weapons of mass destruction.

While we attacked them, they had to defend their countries.

Hence the euphemistically named ‘Department of Defence’ in our country is perhaps a stark reminder to read George Orwell again.

So, let’s have a look at what our present day heroes have participated in, and/or, have achieved. In Vietnam, they carpet bombed and poisoned (agent orange) a peasant country back into the stone age while in Iraq they destroyed a functioning country, giving it more than a decade of car bombings, lawlessness, death and violence. On top of that, they turned Iraq into today’s haven for Al-Qaeda and ISIS competing against each other on violence and daily brutalities.

Perhaps most Iraqis might find it hard to agree with former prime minister John Howard’s insistence in 2006 (theage.com.au) that “Iraq is a better place today because of the coalition of the willing's

removal of former dictator Saddam Hussein”. Al-Qaeda and ISIS might agree.

Celebrating our Anzac heroes might also serve a more countryspecific and internal function. The Anzac spirit might help, as President Eisenhower once said so pointedly, the “military industrial complex” to be seen as legitimate. Even when it comes at the cost of $50 billion for 12 (not 10 or 16!) submarines to defend us against… well, whom?

Against Lichtenstein, Mongolia, or perhaps the US state of Montana?

Perhaps the number 12 is as senseless as almost any list of ‘attacking’ countries in a world defined by globalisation and free trade.

It just makes no sense to spend $50,000,000,000 (a 5 with 10 zeros!), or 50,000 one-million-dollar houses, on submarines. But the $50 billion also comes at another cost.

Let’s listen to President Eisenhower again who said: “Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its labourers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children”. The $50 billion is well capable of destroying the hopes and dreams of Australia’s children sitting in deliberately under-funded public schools. Some children might

almost be able to see those lovely $50 billion submarines through the school windows of my local school when celebrating our Anzac heroes.

Thomas Klikauer Coogee Gross Incompetence at Best â–ź Yesterday afternoon I parked the car on Robertson Road, Centennial Park and wandered across the oval with my baby son down to the barricaded site on the corner of Anzac Parade and Alison Road.

Workmen were busily removing a large Moreton Bay fig, lopping off century old branches without ceremony and feeding them into a giant shredder, a hundred years of shade and quiet and blessed cool, green perfection reduced to chips in a matter of minutes.

My son stood there contemplative and unmoving, and, despite his tender years, his sombre air revealed that he understood the gravity of what we were witnessing right there in front of us on that golden, autumnal afternoon.

The quiet air was ripped apart by the buzzing of chainsaws and the two of us sat there in appalled silence. Even the dog was quiet, expressing his horror by lying very still, looking suitably mournful.

The murder of these ancient, majestic wonders and the destruction of the accompanying wildlife, insects and fungi is nothing short of criminal.

I find it utterly incomprehensible that in a state as rich as NSW, Baird's government was unable to find a civil engineer, town planner or architect who could conjure up a light rail plan that accommodated this grand avenue of majestic Moreton Bay figs, thus saving them for generations to come.

As the daughter of an architect, I know there is a design solution for every challenging project.

Baird's government approving the removal of the trees instead of pushing for their protection points to gross incompetence at best and a nefarious agenda at worst.

Shame on Premier Baird,

shame on this state government and shame on the majority of the Australian people who remain apathetic and indifferent while our sacred spaces and institutions are desecrated without opposition.

Heidi Blackwell Bondi Beach Where's Bruce?

We missed Member for Coogee Bruce ‘Knotley’-Smith at the May Day Saving Sydney's Trees Rally.

But the lumberjack was with us in spirit.

So were the hundreds of significant trees that are being slaughtered, along Knotley Parade (previously Anzac Parade).

We now know that culturally important Indigenous artifacts are being shovelled into bags and disposed of by security guards.

So Bruce, it is never too late to give a fig and stand up for what is right. You're out on the limb of history.

Mark Paskal Clovelly

June 2016 | The Beast 17

Bike Rules Are Fine ▲ Please note: ‘bleading’ is intentionally misspelt and ‘proven’ is intended...

Over the past two months there has been way too much 'spin' and misinformation about the 'new road rules for bicycles'. All negative commentary is an illogical attempt to shield the poor cyclist from the 'big bad, oppressive government' (be still my 'bleading' heart). Most misses the point; the media calls them "extreme new laws" (beat up!) and seeks to make a mockery of their intent.

If you ride on the road and on shared paths, get over yourself; know the rules and obey them!

There are three new rules: the 1(1.5)-metre rule (applies to motorists passing cyclists and to cyclists passing pedestrians), overtaking on pedestrian crossings and carrying photo ID; the other changes increase penalties for flagrant disregard for and breaches of existing road rules (anarchists on wheels).

Some say the photo ID rule will discourage low income groups, meaning if they disobey rules or their actions cause injury, loss or damage, they should not be held 18 The Beast | June 2016

accountable (get off scot-free) and should be exempt from fines on the grounds of their inability to pay.

Most 'talkback' radio commentary is equally irrelevant; the 1-metre rule is not about measuring the passing distance, but about encouraging awareness of the risks of passing too close, as well as practical behaviour in all the circumstances and prevailing conditions.

If there is a passing incident (collision) with a vehicle or pedestrian, then the 1(1.5)-metre rule will likely have been breached unless there are mitigating circumstances.

Carrying photo ID: I chose to do this well before the new rule because if I am unconscious after a collision, I want to be identified so my family can be informed, and I am willing to be held accountable for any injury, loss or damage I cause. An oppressive rule it is not.

Ray Rice (Bicycle NSW) says "cyclists are the only group required to carry photo ID". Not so; all drivers must carry photo ID in the form of their driver’s license. Obviously the terminology is being abused by 'spinners' attempting to curry favour with cyclists.

If you cycle and choose not to carry photo ID, you will be the type of person intent on 'getting away with' irresponsible and unacceptable behaviour, intent on 'getting away with' being held accountable for injury to others and loss or damage to property.

As for the cycling fraternity, they are not united against the new rules, but are split almost 50/50, so when Mr Rice takes a position opposing them, it begs the questions: What is his role and relevance in the debate? Is he an advocate, apologist, champion of the oppressed, voice of the minority? His public 'spin', devoid of logic, does nothing to improve the image of cyclists and makes him irrelevant.

He should sit down and shut up until he has something sensible to contribute.

In any case, the new rules will be enforced only by warnings and cautions and after 12 months, through penalties. Obviously, penalties will be issued for breaches of the current rules (warning devices, helmets, etc.).

One might be forgiven for believing that recent publicity on new rules would prompt riders to

read the current road rules; not to do so will result in fines for their disregard and 'ignorance is no defence'.

'Anonymous' North Bondi (I would too with their mind), (Bike Bells Don't Work, Letters, April 2016), completely misses the point of its use and almost manages to hide his/her intelligence under a veil of stupid statements in a rant against the NSW Police Service.

Clearly a "bell, horn, or similar warning device" (Rule 258) is designed to alert others (capable of hearing the device) near a rider that a potential hazard is nearby so that a collision might be avoided.

Obviously, in an emergency, it is useless, but yelling is one way to alert someone of an impending collision as well as the most used attempt to delay the immediate pain one associates with 'rider meets terra firma'.

Both parties to a potential collision must take care; the general principle is that the person travelling at the higher speed (rider) should exercise more care. Whilst the party travelling at the lesser speed might not be fined, in a civil damages suit they can be held accountable for their part in the collision (contributory negligence). In the case of a driver who ran over a drunk asleep in the road, the driver was held 30 per cent responsible.

In their quest for self-preservation, a rider must also learn and exercise hazard identification, i.e. scan ahead far enough to 'be prepared' (Baden-Powell) for the 'bozo' likely to step in front of them, hand always ready to apply the front brake. The back brake will only slow the bike at high speed, but depending upon the weight of rider and bike, might stop a bike at low speed.

If a warning device helps to avoid a collision then it is effective.

If the rider's speed is appropriate or they slow to a speed commensurate with the identified hazard ahead, the rider will be able to brake and avoid a collision.

When I come upon pedestrians ahead and they do not respond nor react to the slow ping of my bell, I 20 The Beast | June 2016

slow down and pass them in a way that is likely to avoid a collision and which allows me to brake without the 'handlebar tour'.

'Anonymous' says it takes two hands to stop a bike. I say riding in a bike lane at 35km/h where pedestrians (or animals) are likely to wander onto the lane, in my opinion, is to ride "negligently, furiously and recklessly" (Rule 245-1), especially if unable to stop and a collision injures a pedestrian (or animal).

In the city, the concentration of people and car doors is higher than in the suburbs. One should ride in the bike lane having consideration for "all the circumstances and the environment" through which the lane traverses. Most bike lanes indicate ‘SLOW’ where appropriate and the rider ought to exercise due care, attention and common sense, none of which would be exercised if one rode at 35km/h as 'Anonymous' suggests.

If anyone disagrees, let me know your court date; I'd like to watch as you argue ‘Anonymous' items 1-4 with the magistrate.

‘Anonymous’ says pedestrians don't notice bike bells. I say if approaching from behind, a rider has the obligation to do all acts and things necessary to avoid a collision. To plead, as 'Anonymous' does, might be an argument against using a bell as a warning device, so fit a horn or "similar" to your bike.

Finally, to contend that two countries (Australia being one) are wrong to mandate the wearing of helmets is like saying that the majority view is always right. History has proven that argument flawed!

Hugh Ellens Randwick What’s Yaris Is Mine There's a Toyota Yaris parked on the end Sir Thomas Mitchell Road that's been collecting dirt and leaves for what must be a year now.

If no one else wants it, I'll happily give it a nice home and a loving, caring family.

John Haire Bondi

Salt of the Earth Thanks Beast. I really appreciated being able to read the story about Mal Ward and his two boys. I like the ‘regular Joe’ as much as ‘celebrity types’ stories. Look forward to more like that in the future.

Rachel Bondi Dump the Speed Bumps As a regular pedestrian who walks the footpath at the exit of Eastgate car park, I am astounded that I have not yet seen an injured pedestrian at this location. On a number of occasions I have had to jump out of the way of cars that seem to believe they have right of way while crossing the footpath.

It is true that lots of cars travel at an uncomfortable speed over the speed humps and then fail to stop at the stop sign immediately before crossing the footpath. Maybe if they obeyed the stop sign the drive over the speed humps would not be so uncomfortable. How fast can a car go in about four metres between the boom gate and the stop sign?

What I would like to see is a nice policeman or woman issuing tickets for not stopping at the stop sign. At $319 and three demerit points even I might get grumpy just for failing to stop. The worst that might happen is that Sharon hits a pedestrian, which is unlikely to even scratch the paint on her car.

David Bondi Junction How Do We See Sea Life? ► After reading Dan Trotter’s article ‘Sea Life Not Seafood’ in the April edition of The Beast, many conversations have been had between those who fish for sport and those who consume seafood.

In modern day Western society, game hunters are seen as barbaric killers, yet game fishermen are pictured as heroes who fight for hours to bring in their kill.

If land life was hooked by the mouth and allowed to run until tired out and then reeled in, it would be deemed outrageous and stamped out as inhumane. Yet committing this offence against a

majestic marlin or sneaky snapper is praised as a great fight between man and sea life. This juxtaposition is indeed an indictment on civilisation’s double standards.

Pedro The Truth About Waverley Cemetery To the Editor of The Beast - Readers of The Beast will have observed over the last year an ongoing difference of opinion between two community groups over Waverley Cemetery.

In one corner we have a small group of near neighbours of the cemetery, the ‘Residents for Waverley Cemetery’. They number somewhere between 50 and 200 people. They are adamantly opposed to new fencing for nighttime security and a pavilion in the cemetery’s eastern gully tip fill area, underneath the current temporary section of the coastal walk. They are also opposed to doing anything to prevent further land slippages in the cemetery, particularly in the unstable gully area, which is

traversed on foot by well more than a million coastal walk patrons each year. They favour heritage protection, but reject the need for any measures to prevent vandalism.

Instead they deny that vandalism is occurring at all, despite Waverley Council’s own records of over 500 destructive vandalism events since 2000. They also strongly support the findings of Deloitte consultants, hired last year by Waverley Council, who said that Waverley Cemetery has no viable future and recommended that expenditures for infrastructure renewal and maintenance be cut to the bare minimum and that monuments be removed as they age and collapse if they are not heritage significant.

In the other corner we have a large group of over 3,000 people supporting the ‘Save Waverley Cemetery’ campaign, who take a broader view. 20 per cent of these come from the Eastern Suburbs.

They favour the development, through broad-based open consultation, of a decent business plan

that will maximise the cemetery’s chances of being financially self-sustaining for at least another century and ensure surplus funds for site and heritage conservation. They favour prevention of vandalism, particularly through new secure wrought iron and sandstone fencing to help keep vandals out at night and to provide income through sales of niches in the fence’s sandstone pillars.

They favour prevention of risk to visitors and heritage from land collapses (which are occurring in the cemetery at an increasing rate), and improved daytime site and service access. They favour building a pavilion beneath the cemetery’s unstable eastern gully tip fill site for funerals and commemorative functions with café and amenity facilities for both cemetery visitors and recreational walkers. They favour finishing this pavilion with a new memorial roof top garden and double level accessible coastal walking paths in the same place as the current coastal walk. They favour solutions that will

June 2016 | The Beast 21

leave graves totally undisturbed and that will help raise funds for their conservation and for maintenance of the peaceful experience currently enjoyed by cemetery patrons. And they favour development of a vision for the cemetery that will increase our connection with the cultural heritage of all Australians through educational programs and curation of the fabulous artworks on the site.

Despite their obvious differences, the two groups agree on one thing. They both want the heritage of Waverley Cemetery to be protected. But they differ on the need for actual proactive conservation and part company totally on how to protect the cemetery.

The large group is proposing a plan for site and service sustainability that involves development – yes – but not development that will remove graves or adversely affect heritage. They want development that removes an unstable tip and creates a permanent safe coastal path. They want development, and only development, that is fully consistent with the unique heritage value of the site and that will support service continuity and help finance ongoing grave conservation.

By contrast, the small group is proposing no plan at all and is also rejecting any compromise on the suggestions being made by the larger group.

It is difficult to figure out why the small group is so adamantly opposed to the large group’s suggestions when indeed the small group has put forward no alternative ideas other than to seek a heritage listing that, if approved by the heritage minister, will bring with it increased and very costly obligations for conservation, but little or no funding.

But the fact that a pavilion would increase visitation to the cemetery may have something to do with the stubbornness with which the small group of near neighbours has rejected the large group’s proposals and requests for compromise.

The residents have stated that the cemetery merely needs to be “left alone”, and that if we “leave it alone”, the cemetery will be all right and their quiet neighbour22 The Beast | June 2016

hood will be maintained. But the truth is that if we “leave it alone”, as though it’s invulnerable to the ravages of age and vandals, the only possible result is that it will crumble away, which in turn will ultimately lead to developers eyeing it off in ways that neither of the groups want, but which may well tempt future governments.

In the absence of any better ideas than Save Waverley Cemetery’s, some sort of compromise by the ‘Residents’ group is undoubtedly necessary if they really want heritage protection, because the millions that will be needed each year to sustain this heritage won’t magically materialise without a well thought out business plan and heritage sympathetic development.

This is where Waverley Council should come in. They should be leading the community to achieve a plan for genuine and secure long-term sustainability that will maximise and even improve local neighbourhood amenity. It is possible to achieve this sort of win-win. At 16 hectares in land area, Waverley Cemetery is so large that it is entirely possible to create the pavilion and increase visitation (which is absolutely necessary to sustainability) and still retain the peacefulness that comes with living next to and visiting such a large memorial site. Local life and the life of the cemetery itself can both be improved with cooperative and thoughtful planning.

Some of Save Waverley Cemetery’s supporters have said it best.

When they signed our petition they made comments like these: “A historical site of such significance needs to be maintained in the best manner possible. The upgrade is sorely needed. Some Waverley residents seem to think some areas are their exclusive reserve for their use only, which is just not right.

The cemetery needs to be vastly upgraded for the benefit of all.”

“Heritage places like this always need long-term planning like the one that the council has rejected. It would be better to have a funeral there under cover as proposed than drive all that way to the rather

unpleasant surrounds of [other cemeteries]. The cemetery is a key Sydney landmark and needs to have every opportunity to survive to its full potential. It's part of our Sydney heritage and too important a place to be put under threat.”

These are all comments from residents of the Eastern Suburbs – all likely to be voting in the soon to be amalgamated Eastern Suburbs Council. It’s time Waverley Council stopped playing exclusively to the interests of a very small group at the complete expense of the legitimate interests of the much larger Save Waverley Cemetery group and the interests of the cemetery itself. It’s time they showed some leadership in developing a plan that genuinely puts the cemetery first and reflects more fairly the interests of all stakeholders, within and beyond the Eastern Suburbs.

Otherwise, it can be guaranteed that the small local ‘Residents’ group will lose the very thing they say they want to protect.

Dr Bronwyn Kelly Campaign Organiser Save Waverley Cemetery

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Local Bloke... Gabriel Sarajinsky from Bondi Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

G

abriel Sarajinsky lives in Bondi and has recently started a new business specialising in property management for Airbnb called HomeHost. He shares his local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here? I moved to Bondi in 2004, with a few stints overseas.

What's your favourite beach?

Bondi Beach. However, on a hot day you will find me on the rocks at the north end near the boat ramp.

What's your favourite eatery?

Shuk. It's around the corner from home, one of my best buddies owns it, the food is fantastic and it's the magical spot where I met my Queen Zoja.

Where do you like to have a drink?

I love Ravesi’s. It’s nice to look through the glass windows and see who's walking past and what’s going on. Plus the beer is cold!

24 The Beast | June 2016

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Formula One always impresses me. Team Petronas would be my team if I had to choose one.

What music are you into? Yolanda Be Cool are making hits one after the other, lately it's been Prince and I love old school hip hop and rock and roll. I listen to Romanian gypsy music if I’m cooking.

Who is your favourite person?

Without a doubt my 9-month-old son Leonardo. This little kid makes anyone who looks at him smile. He has a serious gift.

What do you get up to on the weekends? I've been on dad duty as my wife has just started back at work on weekends. If I get some time to myself I'm at the beach.

What do you do for work? I work for myself in a new-to-market start-up called HomeHost. It’s

property management for Airbnb.

We take all the hassle away, giving our clients complete piece of mind.

A lot of our clients love to travel and also love rent money coming in. We sort all that out so our clients can travel and get paid.

What's your favourite thing about work? I meet interesting people from all over the world and see beautiful homes at the same time.

Do you have a favourite quote?

"What the mind of man can conceive and believe, the mind of man can achieve" - Dale Carnegie Any other words of wisdom? If you can’t believe in miracles, then believe in yourself. When you want something bad enough, let that drive push you to make it happen.

Sometimes you’ll run into brick walls that are put there to test you.

Find a way around them and stay focused on your dream. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

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Your best is good enough.

Local Chick... Anna Brophy from Coogee Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

A

nna Brophy is a relatively new arrival to Sydney’s shores. The Coogee ‘mummy blogger’ better known as Mummy Muckups shares her local favourites with The Beast...

How long have you lived here?

The end of February saw us load the car up and make the trek from Melbourne to Sydney. My husband was needed here for work and given our kids are not school aged just yet, we jumped at the opportunity to come along.

What’s your favourite beach? I am still pinching myself that we have the beautiful Coogee Beach close by, and I especially love the small wading space that appears beside the ocean pool.

What’s your favourite eatery? The Coogee Pavilion is such an incredible space for all types of occasions.

If I can sip a coffee peacefully and watch my kids build forts with Jenga, I am all over it.

26 The Beast | June 2016

Where do you like to have a drink? We are still in the early years with little ones, so I genuinely love some cold bubbles with my husband on our balcony on these amazing Sydney evenings.

since morphed into a writer. I have founded a blog called Mummy Muckups, in which I aim to share the truth from the labour ward, to the playground, right through to arsenic hour.

Do you have a favourite sporting team? I'm so lost watching rugby (my husband is trying hard to teach me). I've always been a Bombers girl; it’s going to be a long season.

What’s your favourite thing about work? My brain was fast getting lost in the world of nappies, sleeps and feed times, so writing has given me a chance to kick it back into motion again, to tell it like it is, and to share my belief that our best is always good enough as parents.

What music are you into at the moment? I am a total Top 40 girl.

Whatever I can sing along to loudly - in the car or shower is a winner for me.

Who is your favourite person? Is Jimmy Giggle appropriate? My two kids are an absolute given, and my lycra-legged husband is always the holder of my hand and heart.

What do you do for work? I am a trained secondary school teacher who then became a mum and has

Do you have a favourite quote? A wise old man once said, “This, too, shall pass”. The ancient proverb was my ‘go to’ advice with small children who didn’t like to sleep, and still is today.

Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? In the infamous words of Yazz & The Plastic Population, “the only way is up”! I am totally going to roll with this.

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Courtney Age 1 year Sex Female

Breed Kelpie x Whippet Weight 9.6kg

Camels never forget.

Thumbs Up CAMELS – When they’re not spitting in your face, camels are actually lovely creatures. They’ll be carrying people along Bondi Beach this month.

BEAST BABIES – Another little Hutton will be arriving this spring and we have high hopes that it will end all of our staffing woes in the future.

THE MENTS – When you’re reading this in rapidly cooling Sydney, we’ll be scoring perfect waves in the tropical Mentawais. Sorry, not sorry.

CASH FOR CANS – The state government’s container deposit scheme has an official launch date – July 2017. We think this is a very good thing.

CENTRAL HEATING – There is nothing better than being toasty and warm in every room of your house, regardless of the plummeting ambient temperature.

Thumbs Down ELECTION ADVERTISING – It’s all lies, spin and endless contradictions from both sides of the political spectrum and we’re about to be inundated by it.

INTEREST RATE REDUCTIONS – As long as interest rates continue to drop, house prices will continue to get even more ridiculous. It’s now officially a joke.

SALVIO’S SHUTS – One of the last great businesses of the Eastern Suburbs is hanging up the dancing shoes this month. ‘Progress’ is a real bitch sometimes.

EXCESSIVE SPEED BUMPS – Does the Eastgate car park really need so many speed bumps? It’s time to start billing Council for new shock absorbers.

FAULTY REMOTE CONTROLS – There is absolutely nothing in this world more frustrating than a temperamental television remote control. Nothing.

28 The Beast | June 2016

Courtney is a quiet, calm girl at home, but loves to chase a tennis ball at the park. She is intelligent and needs to be stimulated. Courtney is very social with other dogs and doesn't mind cats. She's an affectionate girl and loves to jump up and lick your face. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Pepper Age 2 years Sex Female

Breed Kelpie x Border Collie Weight 19.5kg Pepper is a happy, friendly girl. She has lots of energy and needs to be walked twice daily, with the occasional jog for good measure. She pulls a little on the lead out of excitement, but does not react to passing cars or dogs. She is social and playful with other dogs.

She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. Give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

Joan of Arc Age 2 years Sex Female

Breed Staffy x Hungarian Vizsla Weight 22.1kg Joan has already experienced hardship. She suffered from demodectic mange and was missing most of her fur, but she is now healthy and well. Joan is a sweet, happy girl who is looking for her forever home. She is a gentle dog and loves giving people kisses. She comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. Her adoption cost is $400, which includes a free health and wellness voucher for the Doggie Rescue Vet. For further details, give Doggie Rescue a call on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com.

PJ and Baz enjoying a cold one.

Political Wars: The Arts Party Strikes Back Words Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks

T

he Australian political situation at present is rather dire. Amidst the reams of broken promises, leadership spills and raw onions, it can be very difficult for voters to know whom, if anyone, to trust. As such, when a party comes along with a principled platform that seems unlikely to shift, voters take note.

Enter the Australian Arts Party.

Back in 2013, while chilling out with a few beers at the Coogee Bay Hotel, Sydney-based artist PJ Collins and creative director Barry Watterson decided that enough was enough: support for the arts in Australia needed to change. Collins had been involved in the running of the Coogee Arts Festival and the Australian Film Festival at The Spot in Randwick. Watterson founded both.

According to Mr Collins, it was “three jugs in” that he and Watterson hit their bemoaning stride.

They were “sick of the inadequate state of support for the arts and how hard it was to get any kind of funding from local or state governments for cultural, musical, arts-based community events.”

30 The Beast | June 2016

Not letting their hangover defeat them, in a few days they had started a crowdfunding campaign to see if they could find 500 people on the electoral roll willing to join them as founding members of the Arts Party, paying $20 each for the privilege.

As it turned out, people were keen. In four weeks they had over 600 members. Now, in 2016, they have over 1700 members, and are an officially registered federal party, planning to run candidates in the 2016 federal election.

The Arts Party understands that funding for the arts means cultural enrichment for everyone.

“People are naturally creative, but when we invest in that creativity, we can change the way people think and act,” Mr Collins said.

Unfortunately school curriculums are involving less and less art and music education, only three youth theatre groups are running in the country, and the Australia Council for the Arts is in a funding crisis.

In our basically two-party system, it is an overwhelming challenge to try to effect change from the outside. When questioned

about what the Arts Party can hope to achieve, Mr Collins conceded that the party won’t “win the election and run the country”, but the more votes they receive the better.

“We just want to show the clear support we know exists for the arts among Australians, and suggest better ways to support it to whichever party ends up forming government later this year,” he said.

“Of course if we manage to get a senator for the arts elected, that would be the best possible result.

“Introducing a positive, intelligent, artistic voice to the cacophony of lawyers, accountants and lobbyists that run Canberra would be a very good thing for us all.”

The Arts Party has received endorsement from a plethora of renowned Australian artists like Ben Quilty, Bryan Brown and Geraldine Turner. It has also successfully crowdfunded in excess of $35,000 in order to stand candidates at the federal election.

Whether you’re a fan of the Libs, Labor, or even the Socialist Alliance, if you believe in the power of the arts, you now know where to vote.

Who will you be voting for in this year's federal election (and why)?

Words & Pictures Madeleine Gray

Georgia, Bronte

Patrick, Bondi

The two major parties aren’t really that dissimilar, so maybe a new party like the Arts Party, with a clear policy objective like supporting the arts?

Politicians always say they’ll keep promises, but they never do. They’re all the same. So to be honest, I don’t care.

Paul, Maroubra

Grace, Randwick

I’ve changed my mind a bit in the past few years about who I think is good.

I’m still a bit unsure. I’ll keep you posted, mate!

It’s really hard to know when all the options are not particularly inspiring. Maybe the Greens?

Hitomi, Clovelly Nathan, Coogee I reckon the Shooters and Fishers Party has some great ideas.

Firearms for all, right?!

I’ll vote for whichever party seems to actually want to do the best for our children. Whoever is committed to education and progressive social policy.

June 2016 | The Beast 31

Heartbreaking.

Salvio’s Dancing Shoes Taps Out Words Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks

S

alvio’s Dancing Shoes is a Sydney institution. Italian immigrant Enrico Salvio founded Salvio’s Shoes in 1881 in Melbourne. He wanted to make a business that valued quality craftsmanship, the best materials, and loyal customer service above all else. He succeeded.

In the mid 1920s, Salvio’s moved to Taylor Square in Sydney, and in 1943 to its current Randwick location at The Spot. Enrico’s great granddaughter, Cathy Lennox, and her husband Phillip currently manage the store. Phillip is a fourth generation shoemaker and was taught by his father-in-law, Ted. Evidently, it’s a family business, and it is this close-knit, artisanal spirit that has brought Salvio’s through the ages, resisting the overpowering din of factory mass production and cheap imports.

Sadly, on March 12 this year Salvio’s revealed that it would be closing its doors for good on June 30. It is simply too difficult to compete with cheap overseas labour.

“Online shopping for cheap imports has affected us a lot,” Ms Lennox told The Beast. “When

32 The Beast | June 2016

you can buy ballet shoes for $12 you know that you are not paying for Australian wages or quality.”

When questioned about what the future looks like for handmade dance shoes in Australia, Ms Lennox believed that it would be very difficult.

“We are losing the talent and skill of people who can make these shoes each time a business like ours closes,” she said.

“There are very few people who can do what we do, not just in Sydney, but also throughout Australia.

“I believe any small artisanal business has many challenges in competing with cheap overseas competition.

“And another thing we lose is the ability to pass this skill on to the next generation. This is not just with footwear, but also things such as clothing, jewellery, watchmaking, etc.”

Salvio’s has made shoes for an amazing array of customers over the decades – from actors in shows in Australia, China and France, to Olympians and Commonwealth Games competitors. The real advantage to having shoes hand made, Ms Lennox said, is that

“they can be made to fit difficult feet, and allow people to dance who otherwise couldn’t”.

Ms Lennox said that some of the best memories in the store “are of serving upstairs in the factory before we moved the shop downstairs after the hairdresser and the barber left. I think that it was a real experience for people to see the shoes being made by hand while waiting to get fitted”.

On the Salvio’s Facebook page, hundreds of customers have been sharing their memories of the store. Local resident Danielle DeAndrea reminisced about getting her first tutu and dancing shoes there.

“Heart is broken!” she wrote.

“Still remember the bell ringing as you walked in and that smell of ballet shoes that hadn’t been tried on yet, and of course that gorgeous smile and personality of Mr Salvio himself !”

Other customers have commented that they will be stocking up and getting as many pairs as they can before the store closes.

So another local legend bites the dust. Vale Salvio’s. You will be missed.

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Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Janet Wood

All Betts Are Off Tensions continue to rise with Waverley Mayor Sally Betts’ push to revamp Bondi Pavilion.

Woollahra Council has decided to alert the NSW Premier about the upgrade. The Woollahra Council motion requests that the NSW Premier review whether the Pavilion upgrade plan complies with the Office of Local Government Guidelines on Council decision making during merger periods.

The motion was moved by Greens councillor Matthew Robertson and seconded by Liberal councillor Andrew Petrie.

Coogee Wastewater System Upgraded Minister for Lands and Water Niall Blair recently announced the completion of the $3.7 million upgrade of Coogee’s wastewater system to secure the system for the next 50 years. The upgrade project will be of great benefit right across the local community and will ensure that wastewater does not back up into people’s homes or businesses. Almost 700 tonnes of debris and silt has also been removed from wastewater pipes, which will help to minimise blockages in the pipes and prevent

Last days of summer at Wylie's Baths.

wastewater overflows in the area.

Work commenced in February 2015 and is part of the NSW Government’s investment of $250 million to upgrade wastewater infrastructure in 2015-16.

New Police Recruits for the East Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith and Member for Vaucluse Gabrielle Upton have recently welcomed 10 probationary constables to the Eastern Suburbs Commands after graduating alongside more than 100 NSW Police Recruits at the Goulburn Police Academy. “The training at the Goulburn Police Academy has equipped our newest recruits with the skills they need to keep our community safe and they will continue to learn on the job at various Eastern Suburbs stations,” Mr Notley-Smith said.

Make a Splash Bronte Splashers, the world’s oldest swimming club, kicked off its 95th season at Bronte Pool on Sunday, May 1. They invite new members to join the family friendly club each Sunday through to September for a series of races.

The group meets at Bronte Pool at 9.15am for a 9.30am start. The cost

is $20 for membership plus a $2 weekly entry fee. There is also an all you can eat barbecue for $5 afterwards. For more info, call Martin Palfrey on 0418 261 655, email palfreyplumbing@bigpond.com or just turn up.

Eastern Suburbs Go Fishing Day Grants Member for Vaucluse Gabrielle Upton and Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith are urging recreational fishing clubs to apply for grants to help run fishing activities in the Eastern Suburbs on the second annual Go Fishing Day, to be held on October 16. Fishing clubs are encouraged to apply for grants of up to $2,000 to run fishing activities on Go Fishing Day, such as casting and fishing workshops and information sessions.

Activities to restore fish habitat on the day are also eligible, such as replanting river and creek banks. The inaugural NSW Fishing Day was held last December and was a huge success with thousands of people visiting six locations where a range of fun filled fishing activities took place. For more information on the grants, fishing clubs can fill out the application form, which is available at www.dpi.nsw.gov.au/fisheries.

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June 2016 | The Beast 35

Good on you Bruce.

Container Scheme Set to Keep the Eastern Beaches Beautiful Words Dan Hutton Picture Mark Speakman

A

date has now been set for the commencement of the NSW Government’s long-awaited container deposit scheme (CDS).

The scheme, which is set to drive down litter across the Eastern Beaches and the state, will commence from July 2017 and apply to eligible drink containers between 150ml and three litres, which will display NSW CDS labelling.

Collection depots will range from large-scale depots through to stand-alone reverse vending machines and pop-up sites.

The reverse vending machines will be located in public places such as supermarkets, parks, beaches and other convenient locations across NSW. Schools and charities will be

36 The Beast | June 2016

encouraged to collect containers for cash to support their fundraising efforts.

The Members for both Vaucluse and Coogee said that residents would be able to return their drink containers for a 10-cent refund as part of the scheme.

“Litter is a growing, costly and ugly burden on our community and we have a responsibility to do something about it,” Member for Vaucluse Gabrielle Upton said.

“This scheme is the single largest initiative ever undertaken to reduce litter in NSW. “Giving people a financial incentive to do the right thing and recycle drink containers will help to tackle the estimated 160 million drink containers littered across NSW every year and improve our

neighbourhoods for everyone to enjoy.”

The CDS has been a childhood dream of Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith, and he was the lead lobbyist in ensuring the state government got the scheme they wanted.

He said a container deposit scheme targeting drink containers will deliver on a key election commitment and make a major contribution to achieving one of Mike Baird’s 12 priorities – to reduce the volume of litter by 40 per cent by 2020.

“We’re moving ahead with this container deposit scheme to make it easier for our community to recycle so that we can get bottles and cans out of our roads, parks, beaches and waterways and preserve our local environment,” Mr Notley-Smith said.

Environment Minister Mark Speakman said successive governments put the container deposit scheme in the too hard basket for decade after decade.

“Drink containers make up the largest proportion of litter volume in NSW, at 44 per cent, so it makes sense to act,” he said.

Getting the proposal across the line was no walk in the park for the state government.

It was met with considerable opposition from not only the Australian Beverage Council, but also - somewhat surprisingly from prominent litter reduction group Keep Australia Beautiful, which expressed a preference to promote its own initiatives such as its Beverage Container Recycling Grants with funding from CocaCola Amatil.

Funding of the 10-cent refund, as well as the associated handling and administration fees, will be provided by beverage suppliers.

The government will now appoint an implementation working group and develop the legislation to establish the scheme.

NSW now joins over 40 jurisdictions globally in countries such as Canada, Germany and Sweden in running a container deposit scheme.

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Bronte Unit Block Is ‘Bourne’ Again Words Duncan Horscroft Picture Hi-Pac Constructions

P

roperties in the Eastern Beaches area have been going through a major sea change as demand for quality coastal living has resulted in massive amounts of development in most areas.

Unfortunately many of the makeovers have resulted in a loss of original streetscapes and, where beautiful old weatherboard cottages once stood, architecturally designed structures now overshadow traditional dwellings.

Buildings that are not heritage listed are virtually doomed as property owners feel it is better to start from ground zero than restore a building.

There have also been a plethora of new unit blocks rising up through the suburbs, while many existing blocks have been earmarked for a facelift due to exposure to the salt air.

The so-called ‘Concrete Jungle’ at the top of Tamarama Gully has been pencilled in for a $20 millionplus makeover to overcome the massive problem of concrete cancer.

38 The Beast | June 2016

On the southern side of Bronte Beach, the Wimbourne block on the corner of Pacific Street and Bronte Road has undergone a major rebirth with new balconies and an aesthetically pleasing paint job over the old brickwork.

Included in the new work on the 35-unit site is a fire upgrade, new lift, waterproofing, lighting and gardens.

Mark Churcher, construction manager for BJC Constructions, said the building will now be known as ‘Rebourne’, and he believes this is one of the better redevelopments in the area.

“It just goes to show what happens when a job is done properly,” he said.

“The job wasn’t hard, but it was challenging as we were working around the people living in the building and you had to keep your wits about you.”

It was only a few years ago that major repair work was done on the building, but as it was substandard, new contractors had to be called in.

“There has been a lot of bad press in the past (about shonky developers), but it’s all changed and there are strict engineering standards which have to be adhered to,” Mr Churcher said.

“In these jobs the quality of concrete is paramount and we made sure everything complied with the specifications.

“The secret was to get in front early and (after 22 months) we finished ahead of time.

“It just goes to show that if you have a good team you can be assured the job is done properly and the end result is a winner.”

Mr Churcher said it was going to be hard moving on to another project after spending almost two years in the dress circle at Bronte Beach.

“Yeah, it’s been great working here and the view wasn’t bad either,” he said.

And what about the proposed Tamarama development?

“If you get the right people involved, there is no reason why that can’t be brought back to life,” he said.

More Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Daniel Hutton

Mighty Good Undies Did you know that conventional cotton has 240 harmful chemicals?

Gross. Bondi-based entrepreneur Elena Antoniou has launched a fair-trade, organic cotton men’s and women’s underwear brand called Mighty Good Undies on crowdfunding platform www.startsomegood.com with UK based co-founder Dr Hannah Parris. The brand is set to educate consumers and retailers about conventional cotton farming whilst celebrating fair-trade and organic practices with the use of statistics, information and knowledge through their social media messaging, packaging and their Cotton Tales book, which launched recently. Visit www.mightygoodundies.com.au.

Help for Food Addicts Are you having a hard time controlling the way you eat? Are you severely overweight, underweight, bulimic or obsessed with food or weight? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) offers help and hope. FA meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road,

The usual suspects.

Maroubra. They also have a meeting every Tuesday at 7pm at 1-3 Cross Street, Double Bay. FA is free and open to all women, men, and teens who want to stop eating addictively. For more information, call Maria on 0410 566 724 or visit www.foodaddicts.org.

Seagulls Not Always Annoying Have you been sensing a lack of printed t-shirts in your life? No one should have to feel that way.

Luckily, Señor Seagull exists to help! It is an ethical apparel brand with t-shirts made from the finest 100% organic cotton, farmed and made using solely sustainable energy generated from wind and solar power. Señor Seagull’s garments are hand printed in Coogee using water-based inks to achieve a truly authentic finish that feels great to wear. For more information, visit www.senorseagull.com.

Zebra Green Café & Bar Zebra Green opened on Bronte Road in Bondi Junction in October last year, but it’s a place you might not have heard of if you aren’t in the know. The Zebra

Green team began as makers and purveyors of a delicious range of sauces, partnering with other awesome Sydney tastemakers like Young Henry’s, but now they have an exposed brick café and bar of their very own. The food is as tasty as f**k and the bevvies aren’t bad either. It’s open from Wednesday to Sunday, 8am till late. Find out more at www.zebragreen.com.au.

Minus 18 Minus 18 is Australia’s largest youth led organisation for gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans youth.

It provides mental health support, social events (movie nights, beach days, Mardi Gras banner decorating), dance parties, and of course the annual same sex gender diverse formal, so that teens can go to their formal without the pressure that accompanies schoolyard heteronormativity. If you know someone who would benefit from getting involved, tell them to check out minus18. org.au, and if you want to donate, head to chuffed.org/organisations/ minus18.

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Boys in Blue Go Bronze Words Dan Hutton

W

“... he’s a good bloke and he’d never drop in on anybody.”

Bra Boys to Fight for Tony Abbott’s Return to PM Satire Kieran Blake Picture Peta Credlin

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aroubra’s most famous sons have joined forces with Tony Abbott in a bid to see the former prime minister returned to the nation’s top job.

The new alliance is seeking to exploit recent fluctuations at Australia’s political summit and will campaign on the platform ‘Locals Only’.

“We’ve got Tony’s back,” announced a Bra Boys spokesman, who demanded anonymity upon the threat of violence. “He wants Australia for locals only and so do we. Plus, he’s a good bloke and he’d never drop in on anybody.”

“The Bra Boys ardently protect their territorial waters,” declared Mr Abbott.

“Outsiders, who may be seeking better waves than they can find at their own local beach know that they will meet strong resistance if they launch water craft within the boundaries of Maroubra Beach.

“This threat alone is often enough to deter people from visiting the beach and this ensures everyone’s safety and wellbeing.

“Australia is crying out for this level of patriotic commitment.

This is why I approached the boys 42 The Beast | June 2016

with a view to forming a coalition that will hopefully see me returned to the role of prime minister.”

The secrecy surrounding this surprise announcement explains Mr Abbott’s reticence to confirm or deny persistent rumours that he was seeking to reclaim the keys to The Lodge.

Finer details of the partnership were hidden among the brash and brawn of the press conference, at which Mr Abbott and his posse stood bare chested with arms crossed at the main entrance to Maroubra Beach.

The Bra Boys flatly rejected suggestions that the relationship was simply a manifestation of xenophobia.

“We’re not afraid of Buddhists,” the spokesman said. “We’re not afraid of no one.”

They also opposed the plan for them to spend a large proportion of the year in Canberra, and for Mr Abbott to move from his seat of Warringah to live in Maroubra in order to work more closely with his new allies.

“Nah mate, he’s not a local,” he said.

hen you think of the fuzz, your thoughts most likely diverge to speeding fines and the fast pace at which you drop your mobile phone from your ear when you’re driving and see one of their cars.

But for a bunch of boys (and girls) in blue from the local area, their job is not all about upholding the law and reducing your bank balance.

Police from the Eastern Suburbs and Glebe PCYCs are currently running the ‘Guard 4 Life’ surf lifesaving program with the assistance of the Bondi Surf Life Saving Club and Waverley Council Lifeguards.

The program is run thanks to funding raised by Senior Constable Corey Williams through Waverley Council, Rose Bay Secondary College, Club Bondi Junction, Bondi Beach Surf Life Saving Club and the NSW Ministry for Police and Emergency Services.

The program aims to put targeted youth through the bronze medallion course, teaching them surf survival, first aid, and water craft.

There is also an education, nutrition and hygiene component to assist in the reduction of youth crime, truancy and anti-social behaviour.

Recently Waverley Lifeguard Corey Oliver, who has been heavily involved in the program, was successful in securing sponsorship from the swimming company Zoggs to assist in supplying the program’s participants with swimming costumes and goggles.

So next time you get pulled over for flagrantly flouting the law, don’t be mad, be grateful.

Your arresting officer may have just taught a vulnerable youth some valuable life lessons.

Randwick City Council has an impressive range of projects underway this year.

If you have been to Coogee Beach recently you will have noticed that signage and hoarding has been installed in preparation to construct new toilets on the promenade. The $7million project will see new changerooms, showers, toilets and lifeguard headquarters built underneath Goldstein Reserve, adding substantially more amenities for beachgoers.

Malabar will also be getting its fair share of attention with the concealment of Malabar storm pipe and extension of the Coastal Walkway through the western side of Malabar Headland. The rarely used Malabar storm pipe, which has been an eye-sore on Malabar Beach for decades, will be covered with stone, soil and vegetation to blend it into the surrounding environment.

The Coastal Walkway extension, which follows the declaration of a second parcel of National Park on the Headland earlier this year, will connect South Maroubra and Malabar Beaches and open up the western section of the Headland to the public for the first time in decades.

Big changes are ahead with the proposed amalgamation of Woollahra, Waverley and Randwick Councils and we look forward to the new opportunities the merger will facilitate. Ultimately these changes mean increased services and facilities delivered to our residents and the chance to make our beautiful environment and community even better.

Councillor Noel D’Souza Mayor of Randwick @randwickmayor

4 June

8 June

9 June

Your Brain Matters

Fred Hollows Reserve Bushcare

Bilingualism for Parents and Carers

11:30am-12:30pm Prince Henry Nursing and Medical Museum

9am-1pm Bligh Street end of the Reserve

9:30am-11:30am Matraville Public School

10 June

15 June

25-26 June

Topology and the Australian Voices

Young Adult Writing Group

Randwick Vintage Fair

7pm-8pm Randwick Town Hall

4pm-5:30pm Bowen Library Maroubra

Sat 10am-5pm and Sun 10am-4pm Randwick Town Hall

1300 722 542 council@randwick.nsw.gov.au www.randwick.nsw.gov.au PHOTO: LITTLE BAY BEACH

Pray to enter.

Bondi Pavilion to Be Converted into Buddhist Monastery Satire Kieran Blake Picture Dalai Lama

A

leaked document from Waverley Council has revealed that the highly controversial redevelopment of the iconic Bondi Pavilion will see the building converted into a Buddhist monastery to permanently house the Gyuto Monks of Tibet and will be completed “upon the alignment of the elements and the cosmos”.

The Gyuto monks expressed fulfillment and inner peace upon hearing the news and regard it as an appropriate reward for their concerted efforts to bless and prepare the site for construction since their first visit to Bondi in 2008.

“We recently received a divine message, following an enlightening meditation, that the redevelopment of Bondi Pavilion was taking an ‘eternity’, so we seized the opportunity to submit a DA for the construction of a new monastery,” read a statement from the monks.

“We feel blessed for the opportu-

44 The Beast | June 2016

nity to construct another monastery in exile, right here in Bondi.”

It is hoped that the monastery will host future visits from His Holiness the Dalai Lama, if Waverley Council is able to secure the permission of the Chinese Central Government, and Bondi’s resident celebrities.

The monks have also kindly offered healing workshops to assist the newly merged super council to deal with anger, jealousy and conflict, following the revelation that the original development proposal would have required spending 30% of the council’s annual budget.

However, the monks are yet to confirm or deny suggestions they will pray for the re-election of Prime Minister and Member for Wentworth Malcolm Turnbull.

Bondi Surf Life Saving Club was pleased to announce its plan to train the first group of Tibetan lifesavers, who will return home to patrol the

stationary waves of glacial fed rivers.

Details of the monastery’s final design were scarce, but local contemporary artist ‘Yelmo’ was excited by the creative prospects of the new plan.

“Orange is the new black, so why not, it’s fab, and let’s just add a splash of yellow, sweetie,” he said.

While details remain largely under wraps at this stage, the implications of the new plans are becoming apparent.

Bondi is likely to see more young men with shaved heads, and thus an end to hipster beards, as well as the return of the Hare Krishna community handing out oranges at the end of the City 2 Surf.

Furthermore, locals will have to pray, not pay, to enter the pavilion, and the customary alms provided to Buddhist monks by the local community will now be provided via the revenue from Bondi’s parking meters.

Mayor‘s Message Bondi Winter Magic It is that time of year again – as it begins to cool down a little – we know that Bondi Winter Magic is just around the corner. Our famous beachside will transform into a winter playground from 19 June to 31 July. The festival will see the return of the ice rink, Art and Music on the streets and Bondi History Walks.

I am also very excited to let you know this year there will be camel rides on the beach. We are all familiar with the sight of the camels walking along the shore in Broome. Now it’s our turn.

Many of Bondi’s cosy cafés, restaurants and bars have also put together special offers during the winter season for locals and visitors to enjoy. I am looking forward to welcoming lovers of art, music, food and ice skating back to Bondi. And of course the school holidays coincide with the festival so I hope to see many families there too. You can find out more by visiting www.bondiwintermagic.com.au

Waverley Cemetery The subject of the cemetery fence along Trafalgar Street in Bronte has been the subject of discussion for years. I am very pleased to let you know we will soon replace the existing picket fence with a similar one. Yes! A new white picket fence with a few gates of course. The work is being done as part of our ongoing maintenance and repair program, which has also seen the upgrade of internal roads and stairs, the installation of a new fence along Fig Tree Lane and repairs to internal fencing. We are currently working out timings to replace the fence and we will be in touch with our community with an update very soon.

Sally Betts, Mayor of Waverley CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9083 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events Bike Maintenance Workshop Wednesday 1 June, 6-8pm These practical beginner workshops will teach you the basics of how to look after your bike. You will learn how to: • remove a wheel/tyre • clean and lube your bike • adjust your brakes and gears This is a free workshop and bookings are essential. To book your spot, please call 9083 8678 or email carolyn.new@waverley.nsw.gov.au

Imaginarium @ Waverley Library Every Tuesday from 3.30–4.30pm in Term 2 (3 May–28 June) Imaginarium is a digital storytelling project for kids aged 8–12 years, where you will write, create and animate your own story. We will write some crazy scripts, draw some ridiculous heroes and super villains and make our own short films.

Go to eventbrite.com.au for more information and to book your spot.

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au.

Connect with us:

Even More Bits & Pieces from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture George Hines

Councils Work Together Despite Woolahra Council’s protestations, it seems that the proposed Eastern Suburbs Council amalgamation is going full steam ahead, with almost 400 staff from Waverley and Randwick Council now conducting regular meetings to analyse the current practices of the councils and recommend a way forward for the new organisation. According to Waverley Mayor Sally Betts, “Our aim is to deliver a smooth transition and continue our high-performing and customer-focused culture of putting residents first.”

Bronte Seawall Protected Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith has informed the community of a $45,000 grant to protect the Bronte seawall. Mr Notley-Smith said the Coastal Management Grant will fund a technical assessment and design project for the wall to ensure its structural integrity and ability to withstand potential future hazards.

Morning sea mist.

The grant will be matched dollar for dollar by Waverley Council.

It sounds like it’s going to be one structurally sound seawall.

Bronte Gal a Real Jewel(Ler) Bronte-based stylist Isabel Maier has designed and launched Lilac & Lotus, a collection of delicate jewellery. Lilac & Lotus combines timeless, elegant styles with a subtle sparkle of harmonious colour. Born and raised in Bronte, Isabel has been heavily influenced by the Eastern Suburbs woman.

Isabel told The Beast, "This collection was designed to accentuate the natural beauty of a modern sophisticated woman." To view the entire Lilac & Lotus delicate jewellery collection, please visit www.lilacandlotus.com.au.

Book of Uninspiring Quotes Do you get a lift from motivational slogans, pictures of glorious sunsets, and the unyielding positivity of your friends and colleagues?

Well, the following is all you ever

wanted in a book, but much, much less. Written by Sunny Leunig, one of Melbourne’s least inspired, but surprisingly successful artists, The Book of Uninspiring Quotes is the perfect gift for a loved one who deserves to be taken down a peg or two (or for anyone who just loves a laugh). Go buy it. Or don’t. It really doesn’t matter. You can buy it at www.booktopia.com.au.

Double Bay a Pedestrian’s Dream Member for Vaucluse Gabrielle Upton has announced a new cycling and walking path for Double Bay to provide more opportunities for people to cycle and walk, better connect communities, improve safety for pedestrians and bicycle riders, and encourage more people to get active. The project will involve the construction of kerb ramps and intersection improvements at the New South Head Road and Victoria Road intersection. With such a healthy and beneficial project, it’s easy to peddle(!) this one.

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June 2016 | The Beast 47

Just a pair of ice skating camels.

Winter Magic as Ships of the Desert Sail into Bondi Words Madeleine Gray Picture Jayne Torvill

W

hen you think of Bondi Beach, chances are ‘winter’ is not the first thing that pops in to your mind. More likely it’s lifeguards, bikinis, and sunburn, or something similar. However, for some years now Waverley Council and the Bondi Chamber of Commerce have been teaming up with local Bondi businesses, artists and venues to transform Bondi into a winter wonderland during the months of June and July. This year, Bondi Winter Magic is returning with a vengeance, and it’s set to be bigger and better than ever.

Perhaps the most profile picture-worthy event on the winter calendar is the now iconic Bondi ice rink. Set up behind Bondi Pavilion, literally steps away from the sand and waves, the ice rink is a perpetual crowd favourite. It also lays claim to the very specific title of ‘the largest outdoor beachside ice rink in the Southern Hemisphere’. The rink will be running between July 1 and 17, and punters can purchase either a general admission ticket, or, if they have 48 The Beast | June 2016

been inspired by ‘Blades of Glory’, a personal ice skating lesson.

This year a real point of difference is the fact that Council has somehow managed to procure camels for the duration of the festival. Yep, camels. If it’s ever been your secret desire to ride a camel along the golden sands of Bondi Beach, your time has come. The whimsical title ‘ships of the desert’ conjures up images of camels languidly transporting regal commuters from one important place to another, and now that regal commuter could be you. Camel rides will be available on weekends between June 19 and July 31, costing $25 per adult and $20 per child.

On Sunday, July 10, Roscoe Street Mall will be transformed into an outdoors art haven when Art On The Streets takes place.

Over 30 local artists and photographers will be showcasing and selling their works, highlighting all the cultural radness that Bondi has to offer, and given that the Bondi Winter Magic team understands that often there are no adults more

creative than children, they will be offering up the street surface itself as a blank canvas on which kids are encouraged to make their own chalk masterpieces.

Other events that will run during the festival include United Nations World Yoga Day, which kicks off the revelry on Sunday, June 19. The day begins with an Aboriginal welcome to country, followed by free yoga classes, panel talks and meditation at the Bondi Pavilion. On July 31, Music On the Streets will host a plethora of amateur and professional musicians performing for your pleasure. From school choirs and orchestras, to jazz buskers and garage bands, this is the day for you to head to Bondi and feel the beat.

Finally, Bondi history walks led by local historians will be happening every Sunday in July. In the immortal words of One Direction: “We’ve got a whole lotta history!”

For more information about this great local festival, head to www.bondiwintermagic.com.au.

Do you plan on hitting the ice at Bondi this winter?

Words & Pictures Madeleine Gray

Andrew, Randwick Maybe with my kids. They love it. And there are going to be camels too, which is something I saw on Dee Why Beach once and that was a massive success. It should be good!

Alicia, Randwick I don’t know if I am old enough yet.

Claire, Bondi

Peter, Waverley

For sure, why not? Maybe my husband and I will do it for a date. It’s a lovely location and I haven’t ice skated in years.

I don’t know that I will, but I do think that it sounds like a great local initiative, and lots of fun for the kids.

Mary, Vaucluse I won’t, but I know that my grandkids are all very excited for it. And they heard there will be camels, so they are thrilled.

Owen, Randwick Yeah! I love iceskating, but I can only go if Mum and Dad say yes and take me.

June 2016 | The Beast 49

June 2016 MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

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The Events At Belvoir Running from May 12 to June 12, The Events is Belvoir’s latest offering. First performed at the Edinburgh Festival in 2013, the play follows a small community group whose lives are torn apart by a single act of violence. Please visit www.belvoir.com.au.

Imaginarium At Waverley Library Every Tuesday from 3:30-4:30pm, Waverley Library will be hosting an awesome session where kids get to write, create and digitally animate their own story. Nothing is too crazy or too fun to try out!

Sign up at eventbrite.com.au or call 9083 8722.

Rhymes, Stories and Music Rhymes, songs, stories and music for children will be taking place at Maroubra’s Bowen Library for babies aged 0-11 months and their parents and carers on Mondays from 11.15am. It’s free, but bookings are essential. Please call 9314 4888.

Art Classes With Lily Oen Do you ever find yourself promising to dedicate some ‘me time’ to yourself, but never actually getting around to it? Sign up to Lily Oen’s art class today at 10:30am at Bowen Library and lose yourself to the serenity. Register your interest at 9314 4888.

Free Meditation At Bondi Junction So busy that you feel your head might explode? It might be time to take a load off and have a go at meditation. The Mill Hill Community Centre in Bondi Junction will be offering a free class today.

Call 0422 798 498 for more information and to register.

Science Leaders Summit Today is the second day of the Science Leadership Summit 2016, bringing together the country’s pre-eminent science leaders to the Sydney CBD to share insights, inspiration and strategies to progress your career. You can register at www.liquidlearninggroup.com.

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Tech Time: Facebook 101 Find Facebook a bit daunting, but want to connect with old friends, or stalk your grandchildren or future lover? Waverley Council has heard your prayers. Head to Waverley Library at 10am today to learn the basics. Bookings essential. Visit eventbrite.com.au.

Vivid Live This year’s Vivid Live will once again raise the roof of Sydney Opera House’s theatres, rehearsal spaces, recording studios and, most famously, its iconic sails.

Vivid Live started in May and runs until June 13. For more info, visit www.vividsydney.com.

Sydney Film Festival Opens Experience the red carpet glamour of the festival's biggest night at the State Theatre. See the world premier of Ivan Sen’s outback noir Goldstone, glass of sparkling in hand. The film starts at 7.30pm and the after party is at Bungalow 8. Visit www.sff.org.au.

Help For Parents Of Bilingual Kids It can be tricky to know what is the best way of going about raising your biligual child. The difference between oui and wee is so slim!

Get to Matraville Public School this morning at 9:30am to learn how best to cultutallly nourish your bilingual child. Call 9349 8200.

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Back At The Dojo At Belvoir Do you remember playwright, director and actor Lally Katz from such plays as The Dog/The Cat? Luckily she’s back at the Belvoir with her new play, Back at the Dojo.

It looks insanely awesome and it’s on from June 18 – July 17. Please visit www.belvoir.com.au.

Kids Club At Bowen Library Do you have a 3–5 year-old who loves to play, engage with other kids, and learn? At 10:15am at Bowen Library today, Kids’ Club is back on! Your youngster will be entertained by craft, stories and film. You can register by visiting eventbrite.com.au.

Winter Fun At Centennial Park Centennial Parklands winter ‘What’s On’ program is out now.

With over 50 events and activities for all kids and adults alike, there is something in the Parklands to keep you entertained over the cooler months. Visit www.centennialparklands.com.au/whatson.

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The Halfway Mark Can you believe we’re already halfway through 2016? Holy shit!

It feels like it was only a few weeks ago that we were eating turkey and unwrapping Christmas gifts and all of a sudden we’re closer to next Christmas than the previous one.

Time flies!

For heaps more local events, just visit...

Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Babies Love Books What’s the cutest thing you can think of ? It’s babies, isn’t it?

Imagine a room full of babies with books. It’s almost too cute to think about. Bring your baby along to Margaret Martin Library at 10am today for rhymes, songs and stories. Book at eventbrite.com.au.

Socceroos Versus Greece Our football lads don’t just need your support when they’re in the World Cup. They’re playing tonight against Greece at 8pm at ANZ Stadium. The Greeks haven’t beaten our boys since 2006 – let’s show ‘em a warm welcome.

Visit premier.ticketek.com.au.

World Environment Day This is the biggest, most globally celebrated day for positive environmental action. Every year, participants organise clean up campaigns, recycling drives, social media campaigns and different contests. Register your activity at www.wed2016.com.

Topology & The Australian Voices Music quintet Topology and distinguished choir The Australian Voices bring together the most memorable speeches from Aussie prime ministers with exceptional musicianship to create a unique narrative at Randwick Town Hall tonight.

Book at www.tickets4me.com.au.

Roosters Versus Storm Head to Allianz Stadium tonight to see the Sydney Roosters do their thing against the Melbourne Storm. Bulk up on meat pies, get your mates a round of VBs, and enjoy a quintessential Sydney experience. Tickets at premier. ticketek.com.au.

Sri Chinmoy Fun Run The Sri Chinmoy Marathon Team offers a series of running events in Centennial Park for fun and fitness. Today’s event includes races over three distances and starts at 8am, with registration opening at 6.45am. Visit au.srichinmoyraces. org/sydneyraces.

FIVB World Volleyball League Think that volleyball is just a sport involving hotties and minimal clothing? You’re right. But it’s also an extremely athletic, skilled game that you can watch today at Sydney Olympic Park. See the Aussies take on Belgium, France and Italy. Visit worldleague.2016.fivb.com.

Australian Burlesque Festival Celebrating its seventh year, the popular Australian Burlesque Festival arrives in Sydney with ‘The Big Tease’ tonight and ‘Empress Royale’ tomorrow night. For more information about this super sexy festival, please visit www.australianburlesquefest.com.

Swans Versus Melbourne Don’t know what to do this Sunday? Head to the Sydney Cricket Ground this arvo to see the Sydney Swans take on Melbourne for a day of guaranteed family fun.

Throw some cold-drip coffee on the Melbournians so that they feel at home.

Take Your Dog To Work Day As the name might suggest, today is the international day of taking your dog to work. So gather your pooch, bring it to the office, and bask in the popularity that only comes with having a cute canine companion. Go on, you know you want to.

We Lost The Sea At The OAF Are you in to thrashing guitars, post-rock atmospherics and something the critics are calling a “collection of noise”? Yes? Perfect.

Head to OAF tonight, smash some vodka, lime and sodas, and get in to the vibes of We Lost The Sea. Tickets at www.eventfinda.com.au.

Bondi Markets The Bondi Markets are a stalwart in the Eastern Suburbs markets scene. Want some hipster sunnies?

Boom, got em. A pair of unforgiving short-shorts? They are yours!

Head down in your hungover haze and wrap your face around a sanga at the sausage sizzle.

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Fencing Troy Salvatico Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0405 543 530 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428

Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338 Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

Our Olympic Golden Girl

Torah Bright Interview Dan Hutton Photography Jeremy Greive

Where are you originally from?

A place called Cooma. It's quite a small rural town, but it has grown since I was a kid. I wouldn't know the population right now. I'd say it's about 6,000.

Where are you living these days?

I've recently moved to Bondi Beach, actually. I guess I've been living here for the last year, and on and off for the year before that. Now I'm a full-time resident of Bondi Beach, though. I met my husband through work and he is from Watsons Bay, but has lived in Bondi for a very, very long time. It's his favourite place in the world, I believe.

You previously lived in Utah; do you miss anything about living over there? Yeah, I do. There’s no ocean in Utah, but in the winter it's a wonderland; there are so many different areas to explore. Then in the summer you've got rock climbing, mountain biking, and lots of rivers and lakes.

It is a 15-minute commute to nature and you can go there not see anybody else the whole time you’re there.

What do love about the Eastern Suburbs? I love the beach and I love that it is a full city community on the beach. My husband works in the city and he’s able to go for a surf or a run before he goes to work and I feel like that's the lifestyle everybody dreams of. He needs to spend more time teaching me how to surf, though. The breaks are so crowded in the Eastern Suburbs. I can surf, but it's definitely a confidence thing. I don't get out there when it’s too crowded. I'm just not aggressive enough. I literally let my husband go and sit out the back and he gets the waves and I drop in on him. It's the perfect arrangement.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? The traffic. What else? That and the crowded waves here, of course.

Do you have any favourite restaurants or cafés in the area? I love Raw Bar. The tuna tataki and miso eggplant are my favourite things on the menu. I can see them right now in my mind - my mouth is watering.

The Bondi Tratt is a family favourite of my husband’s too, and we might go to Drake Eatery, the new one on Gould Street, for a date night. To be honest, though, for a ‘date night’ I love just staying at home and cooking.

Snowboarding just stumbled upon me, really. I was one of those little kids who made fun of the snowboarders when they were around.

I thought skiing was awesome.

What does a day in the life of Torah Bright involve? When I'm not on the mountain doing my thing, it just depends on what's going on. There’s often a lot of work on the computer with designing my outerwear label, the Roxy Bright Edition, and making upcoming winter plans for my webisode series. You'll often see me out in the water trying to paddle with a Sony Action Cam in my hand, trying to get some content for them. My work varies from day to day, really. I'm also taking a health coaching certification course at the moment, and I’m recovering from a concussion right now too. I’ve been out of action for three months or so and I'm still not quite there yet. I’ve still got crazy fatigue and can't quite push it. I’ve had seven notable concussions in my career, and I've always taken a pretty conservative approach to recovery time. Neurologists have told me that it's an accumulative effect. I can't handle any less than 10 hours of sleep right now.

Are you forced to take time off if you suffer a concussion? Are there rules in place with snowboarding?

Our sport is not regulated like that.

If you are knocked out you may be asked or advised not to compete. It's such a personal thing as to how you feel and whether it resolves itself in a week or a month. You have to trust your innate self to guide you there.

Something I have learnt throughout my career is there's nothing more important than your own health and a future beyond sport. Injury is inevitable in a sport like snowboarding.

Being 100 per cent before returning to the sport creates longevity.

When did you start snowboarding? I started skiing when I was two years old, living so close to the mountains. My siblings and I were all about two years old when we started. We were literally pulled up the hill on a rope. Snowboarding just stumbled upon me, really. I was one of those little kids who made fun of the snowboarders when they were around. I thought skiing was awesome. Then I just tried snowboarding for something new with my brother and it was like a whole new world opened up. It showed me that the mountain was like a blank canvas and it was the freestyle aspect that really took my liking. I followed my brother and his friends around the mountain, finding little hits on the side of runs, hopping and catching air and learning how to spin. I was 11 years old, I think, when I started snowboarding.

These days I'm known for the competitive side of the sport, but it's not why I snowboard at all. Since the Vancouver Olympics I've actually done very little competing and I’ve just tried to snowboard the way I want to, and that's riding powder. I love going to these beautiful mountains and just finding my own way down, connecting with the snow, whether it’s in the resorts or hiking

June 2016 | The Beast 53

a bit out of bounds. Of course the heli trips are amazing, too. There are a few great perks to being me. I’m linked with an Australian company called Travel Plan Ski Australia and I host a heli trip for them through CMH Heli in Canada each year.

It’s an ambassador-type role. The trips that they do are totally life changing.

You moved overseas to chase good snow when you were 14, a big move for someone so young; how did that affect you growing up? It was a quick progression once I got on my snowboard. When we were skiing we entered local events and that's what we did, so when I got on the snowboard it was natural to go in the local events for that too.

My siblings all started snowboarding at the same time and we were all recognised as new, talented kids, so we got supported by a few companies and then it just kept going from there.

My brother Ben and I went to Canada and we stayed with friends, and then I had the opportunity to go to Whistler, which was like Disneyland for snowboarding. I went there on a magazine trip and I didn't want to leave, so I didn't.

I found a friend of a friend who let me sleep on their couch. I was barely 14 and just snowboarding everyday. I stayed there for about a month. I don't ever remember feeling that it was hard. The only way I was going to make something out of snowboarding was by taking any opportunity I had.

After that I competed in the junior championships and I got a third place in the half pipe. That was the first time I was gauged against other kids my own age and I could see how good I was. After that I got a little bit more support and kept going overseas. The next year I went to Mammoth Mountain and that's when I turned professional for Roxy and I started being taken to events and on shoots. I was 15 years old and I haven't really stopped since.

When did you start thinking about Olympic medals? Never, to be honest. My parents had always brought us up with the mentality that if you're going to do something, no matter what it is, give it your

54 The Beast | June 2016

all otherwise don't bother. I was a young kid, I loved snowboarding and I had good opportunities.

It was perfect timing as far as the industry goes, too. There was room for a young girl who was good to be taken in and to grow.

These days it's a little different.

It’s now one of those sports that is growing in female participation and I think it's due to the women before me who inspired me to go: ‘Well she's a bad-ass woman, I want to be like that. I can do that.’ You definitely see that now. I was up the coast surfing recently and I was so pumped to see so many young girls surfing. At the moment there’s this empowerment of women; they are having the confidence to do whatever and take anything on, and it's so awesome.

Growing up on the slopes, often there's no authority figure there breathing down your neck; do you think that independence made you mature more quickly? It’s interesting that you say that, because a lot of people think that any successful young kid always has ‘soccer mum’ parents who just push you. Being on the mountain, Mum and Dad spent so much money on their kids going on the mountain that they didn't really go on the mountain themselves.

Once we got on the mountain we literally had no authority guiding us.

I lined up in the queue; I went up.

It was me and my little sister and my brother.

I feel like I did get a true sense of myself quite early on in a way.

It was fun being a young kid and being taken under the wing of some of these older people who were just freaking amazing shredders.

Fast-forward a little and now you’ve won a heap of competitions; what would you say your biggest snowboarding achievement has been? That's a hard one because, personally, I don't value the contest results. I've never let it define me as a person or who I am as a snowboarder. The accolades have never been the reason why I've done it. I think, to be honest, I value the friendships and the experiences more than anything. I was just another kid in Cooma snowboarding in the Snowy Mountains of Aus-

tralia and watching snowboarding videos, seeing this world outside of our little snowboarding community, and then all of a sudden I was a part of that world. I was riding with Terje Haakonsen and Tara Dakides and getting invited to their events, and being told by them that my style was amazing. That is what I'm still giddy about now to be honest.

That's the highlight of my career.

How did it feel to win an Olympic gold medal in Vancouver in 2010?

With the whole of Australia and the snowboarding industry watching and knowing what I was capable of, relief was what I felt most after winning the 2010 Olympic Games. There are so many things that have to line up for any athlete to be the best in an Olympics. The stars need to align on that one day, once every four years.

For any athlete, it's pretty huge.

At the moment there’s this empowerment of women; they are having the confidence to do whatever and take anything on, and it's so awesome.

You seemed to enjoy the silver medal you won at the Sochi Olympics even more… I did. I did.

Everything was satisfying about it. I made history that Olympics by qualifying for three snowboard events. I felt like I had a connection to my snowboard more than any other year. I went into the half pipe event like every other one I had gone into before, knowing that if I did what I set out to do and did it well enough I would be happy with that. I did the best that I could do that night. In my world that means winning.

Since the last Winter Olympics you've been exploring your nonsnowboarding related talents a little; can you tell us a bit about your time on Dancing with the Stars? Dancing with the Stars came about post-Russia and it was my ‘yes year’. I just said yes to everything. I said yes to writing an autobiography,

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yes to Dancing with the Stars and… yes to my now husband. Actually, that came a bit later. I literally said yes to everything, though. I'm glad I did it, but that shit was tiring. I love dancing. I'm the first one on the dance floor and the last one to leave.

I actually ended up leaving the show because I stubbed my big toe in week seven and it literally affected me into my next winter. I had some problems with my achilles too. It was an ongoing problem for a little while, which was hilarious because I literally stubbed my toe dancing.

It has taught me that there are no boundaries, only the ones we place on ourselves. I’m a strong, independent woman. I'm going to do what I want.

The Winter Olympics in South Korea are coming up in 2018; are you planning on competing over there? Yeah, that's the plan. Until then I'll just be shredding and finding time to get back in the pipe and keep up the skills. The best thing you can do is just have contact with the snow and snowboard every which way as much as you can. The trickery I have now is the trickery I am keeping and I’m working on perfecting that, and keeping the art form alive. Competitive snowboarding these days to most people just looks like gymnastics, because there are so many rotations. I am just focusing on perfecting the tricks that I enjoy doing.

Does snowboarding feel like a full-time job these days or is it still just a whole lot of fun? It's a total job. You have obligations; you have deliverables. It's a job, but it's a really fun job that I love. It's the best job you can have. That said, no matter how much you love it, it's hard travelling and it's hard being away from family. When I was younger it was hard missing out on school, too. I loved school. I was that kid with glasses sitting at the front of the classroom writing every single note down. I missed that connec-

56 The Beast | June 2016

tion. I missed my friends. To keep snowboarding and still finish my schooling, I'd literally snowboard six months of the year and then for five months of the year I'd be catching up on the previous half year that I’d missed. You miss the normality of everyday life when you’re on the road.

Being a woman in sport, it seems that when you speak up about issues the media paints you as a ‘whinger’; is that a fair assessment? It's interesting. In Sochi [when Bright spoke up about the poor condition of the some of the facilities], that was the general feel from every person and a lot of other countries too. I don’t think the backlash was gender related, it was just the media selling papers.

That said, do you think that if the Australian cricketers spoke up about bad pitch conditions they'd be told to stop whinging? It was a little irritating to be honest that we as professionals couldn't give an honest opinion and educate the media and the general public on the conditions.

I mean, I do believe that for women in sport generally, we're suppressed, but a lot of sports aren't that way. I feel grateful that I've never had that battle in my sport. It has taught me that there are no boundaries, only the ones we place on ourselves. I’m a strong, independent woman. I'm going to do what I want.

The Australian snowboarding community is really tight; who in the community inspires you and keeps you strong? Oh my gosh, that's a hard question to answer. I literally feel like I'm a kid in a candy store with the friends that I have.

My mother and my sisters inspire me, and of course my husband. To see his light and happiness, and his enthusiasm for every single day, it’s incredible. Who else? There’s something to learn from everyone.

What does your role as Thredbo ambassador involve? I share my love of snow and encourage people to come and experience it for the first time. Come play in the snow with your family, build a snowman, go tobogganing and have a snowball fight. Chuck on some skis or a snowboard if you fancy. See

why so many people love winter. I spend time down in Thredbo riding during the winter, but also working with the media team and creating content for their marketing.

What do you love about Thredbo?

Thredbo, without being biased, is my favourite resort in Australia.

It’s the only mountain village in the country that feels like a true European-style village. There’s good food, there is a community that lives there all year round, and there is great entertainment after you’re done on the mountain. The terrain is so different and unique compared to anywhere else in the world. You’re snowboarding among the gum trees.

It’s amazing.

Thredbo is where Mum and Dad took us as kids. We learned to ski on Friday Flat, the beginners area. They pulled us up with a rope and we skied down. It’s the perfect beginner area; it's such a mellow slope.

And summer time at Thredbo is also incredible. There are heaps of mountain biking opportunities and you can literally walk to Mt. Kosciuszko, the highest mountain in Australia, on foot.

Do you support any charities locally or internationally? Yeah, Free to Shine is one that I support locally. They support women’s empowerment. It’s for girls in Cambodia, to help them educate themselves and create skills so they can support themselves in their communities. They were my charity in Dancing with the Stars too. I’ve also done some stuff in the States with the Unstoppable Foundation.

It's kind of the same philosophy. I want to find something here in Australia to support. There are a lot of people who need help outside of our country, but there are a lot of people who need support here too.

In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Torah Bright? In an ideal world, I’d just like a happy little family, to be honest. Kids are a little while away, but ever since I was 12 years old I've been looking forward to that and now I’ve found someone I want to do that with. It feels pretty awesome. I can see a little veggie patch in the backyard, with little grommets.

Subject Colours and shapes Location Wylie's Baths Photographer Janet Wood

Subject Reflection Location North Bondi Photographer Claire Favre - @miss_barra

Subject Golden linings Location Kensington Photographer Neil Paton

Subject Concrete hangs Location Wylie's Baths Photographer Janet Wood

Subject Ground swell Location Coogee Photographer Brad Bessant - @10ftkaos

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Bisho ripping Location The Green Room Photographer Vanessa Mark

Subject Rock hopping Location Camp Cove Photographer Brendan Robbins

Subject Dope Location Bondi Photographer Claire Favre - @miss_barra

Subject Lunchtime rush Location Bondi Photographer Andrea Colliss

Subject Born to ride Location Bondi Photographer Claire Favre - @miss_barra

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Let them stay.

Is the End Nigh for this Bondi Icon?

Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Mitch Winters

I

’m not young or hip, nor am I an international visitor to the area.

I only spend four or five months of the year living in Bondi and I would certainly never dare call myself a local (with a straight face, anyway). One thing I do know, though, is that the Bucket List has been a great addition to the Bondi beachfront since it first opened its doors a few years back. In fact, I would go as far as to say that it has become a Bondi icon.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you will by now be well aware that the Bondi Pavilion is set for a long overdue redevelopment and that Waverley Council’s plans for the Pav haven’t exactly left locals ‘stoked’ (to use the coastal parlance).

While the complexities and minutiae of the redevelopment are far too detailed to go into right here, one aspect of Council’s proposal that has drawn particular ire is the likelihood that the aforementioned Bucket List will be forced from its current digs and into a retail space 60 The Beast | June 2016

on the first floor of the upgraded pavilion. This would be a great tragedy.

For many years Bondi lacked a good quality, laid back, egalitarian establishment on the beachfront that really embodied the Bondi lifestyle, embraced the amazing views on offer and captured the imaginations of both locals and tourists alike. Then came the Bucket List.

It really was a game changer, though it did take a couple of years to hit its stride. The first couple of winters, from all reports, were tough, with the locals that feed the coffers through the colder months unwilling or untrained to venture beyond Campbell Parade when the sun had sunken or the weather turned foul.

But Bucket List owner Andy Ruwald and his cohorts held strong. They tweaked and they tuned. They reinvested and reinvented. Above all, they kept trying.

They were never far from the right formula, but without their perseverance they may never have

found it. Eventually everything just clicked and things have been really rattling along since.

For me, a mid-fifties tosser who only calls Bondi home when the mercury is above 25 degrees and the sun is in the sky until after 6pm, I’m probably not the Bucket List’s key demographic, but I’ll tell you what, I’ve never felt uncomfortable in the place and doubt many people ever have. It happily hosts families, film stars, foreign visitors and old fogies like myself from all walks of life with accommodating aplomb, and that’s a hell of a lot more than I can say for many other local establishments.

I have to admit, I don’t know a hell of a lot about Waverley Council’s plans for the Pavilion, but I do know one thing for sure: if the Bucket List is forced to move, it will be everyone’s loss.

That said, the name of the bar itself is a stark reference to the brevity of life. If the Bucket List does go the way of the dodo, it does so knowing that it was a life well lived.

Do you think the Bucket List has become a Bondi icon?

Words & Pictures Madeleine Gray

Laura, Coogee

Andrew, Rose Bay

No, I don’t think that it’s a local icon. That being said, it is a really popular place, and it might not be as popular were it not for its amazing location.

It’s an institution, but its location moving wouldn’t affect me going there.

I’ll find it no matter what.

Jo, Tamarama

Jim, Clovelly

I don’t know that it’s an icon as such, but I do know the bar you’re talking about. It looks like a nice place.

It’s better than having a convenience store or souvenir place there.

What is the Bucket List? If it’s a local icon, I definitely haven’t heard of it. But then again, I guess I haven’t heard of a lot of things. Sure, it’s an icon.

Luke, Randwick Yeah, it’s a bit of an icon. And I reckon that if it were to move it would lose some of its magic, because its whole thing is that it literally overlooks the beach, right?

Helen, Waverley It’s not somewhere that I would go, but I think that having a bar right on the beach is a great idea, and it would be a shame if it were to disappear.

June 2016 | The Beast 61

The Humpbacks of Notre Dame.

Ocean Action, Birds and Whales‌ Winter Days Words Keith Hutton Picture Jim Waley

I

t’s June already. Summer has gone. Black cockatoos are back, obvious in loose flocks high over seaside suburbs flying slowly, buoyant with deep measured wing beats, and wailing mournfully - constantly - while searching for flowering banksias to feed on.

Humpback Whales are cruising north to breed, and a host of seabirds are moving into the relatively milder coastal waters of Australia. Albatrosses, petrels, gannets and whale birds from the Southern Ocean arrive in winter to escape from severe cold and storms further south. There are a few fur seals around too and, if you are into wildlife and the outdoors, the ocean is where the action is.

Australian waters provide important habitat for seabirds, and also for various whales throughout the stages of their life cycles including calving, breeding, feeding, resting and migration, and these seas support a large number of different whale species.

Whales, dolphins and porpoises as a group are known as cetaceans; they are closely related, airbreathing marine mammals that give birth to live young. Around 62 The Beast | June 2016

Australia the extensive coastline provides a wide range of aquatic habitats, and more than half the cetacean species in the world can be found in Australian waters. Of these, large whales account for 10 species, with 20 smaller whales, 14 different dolphins and a porpoise.

However, only a few are well known and relatively easily identified. Humpback and Southern Right Whales, and dolphins, most regularly make headlines in the Sydney region. Blue, Killer, Pilot, Minke and Sperm Whales are also familiar courtesy of TV news coverage and increasingly popular wildlife documentaries, but the rest are relatively unknown and of little interest to most people.

Whale watching is becoming extremely popular in Australia, with Sydney and NSW offering excellent opportunities for interested tourists and enthusiastic wildlife watchers to see these magnificent animals and learn about their significance and history. Successful observations from headlands around Sydney, often with helpful and knowledgeable company and in reasonable weather, are readily achievable.

Boat trips are also in demand, often with experienced wildlife guides to answer questions and assist with identification of marine mammals and birds.

Whales and people have interacted for thousands of years and the documented history of these many engagements is extensive.

Over time various groups of people in many parts of the world became dependent on whales for their livelihood, to the point where organised killing of whales threatened preferred target species with extinction.

Over recent decades the relationship between people and whales has changed and most of the world recognises that the magnitude of continued exploitation of some species of whales is unsustainable. Consequently the Australian government has made conservation of cetaceans a priority and is now a world leader in the protection and conservation of these species in Australia, and on an international scale.

However, at this point most hunted species are still recovering from over-exploitation in the 20th century, and some still remain endangered, or their existence threatened.

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Tours run every Saturday and Sunday Mornings: 9.30am–12.30pm Afternoons: 1pm-4pm $50 per person for the complete three-hour guided whale-watching experience. Accompanied children welcome.

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Bondi's legendary prog rock bass player, Luke Gower from Cog, with a bloody nice snapper.

Opportunity, Hard Work and Timing Words & Picture Dan Trotter

T

here’s no doubt about it, pretty much everything we do in life requires three key ingredients: opportunity, a hell of a lot of hard work, and the right timing.

Whether we look at love and relationships, career and prosperity, knowledge and wisdom, or even fishing, these key ingredients are essential. There is, of course, a good measure of luck involved much of the time too, but some people just refuse to admit it.

Hopefully we all know by now that life is one amazing journey through the best of times and the toughest of times; soaring highs where your wings risk being burnt by the sun and the darkest of days when it feels like you couldn’t give a flying f**k if the sun never shone again. It’s hard work, we all have to do it, so look for the opportunities and strike when the timing is right.

June is an awesome month for fishing on our fair shores. Sure, the warmth of summer is gone and the days are short, but the fish don’t care. They just change their habits

64 The Beast | June 2016

or swim somewhere else. Finding out where they go and learning their behaviours is what makes fishing so consistently challenging, enthralling and rewarding.

This month, start at your feet where the waves lap the shore, learn to watch the water move and flow, and study how this affects the conditions for the fish you want to catch. Too much wash and water movement and the squid move away from the rocks; not enough wash and the blackfish, bream and drummer become shy, spooky and are hard to get to bite; no current and the tailor, salmon and whiting will keep on the move instead of holding and waiting for a feed to come to them. Knowing when and where to cast, and with what bait, is part of the reward that hard work and experience delivers. Alternatively, you can just hire a good guide, which is what I’ll be doing next week. I want to learn how to catch jewfish on lures, so hopefully next issue I’ll have a photo and few stories to share.

Further afield where only boats dare go, the fishing in June can be epic. There are snapper to catch, big kings in deep water, even bigger tuna riding the cobalt currents, and gemfish, blue-eye trevalla and occasional hapuka living ferocious lives in the deeper dark oceans.

If a relatively quick dusk or dawn session is all you have time for, get specific, know where you’re going and have a crack at snapper in the shallows or kings on the 100-metre hard reefs.

If you have a whole day on your hands and a boat capable of making the run, go wide, fish for deep water ooglies first, and keenly listen to the radio for reports of gold and blue barrels on the chew.

Then, as the day draws on, change tactics, set a spread of lures and be ready to start a cube trail in search of tasty tuna.

There’s nothing like taking the opportunity when the timing is right and enjoying the rewards of hard work. That’s what life and fishing is all about – go get it!

4 7 X

O od d BY ade fo n a em RY ed EATE • Licens us hous ts daily E T I rke ee UR icio AVO and coff ce • Del the ma F S ' om rvi od GEE COO ality fo ndly se h fish fr es qu rie Top sional f ies • Fr g e es Prof grown v e Hom

S OUR H G m NIN OPE 7am-4p ay pm nesd 7am-10 d e W ay-W e NS rday Sund ay-Satu t, Cooge .au sd om ee Thur eam Str @x74.c 222 r 2 fo 10 B mail: in e: 9665 .au E n .com pho Tele ww.X74 w June 2016 | The Beast 65

Pretty deadly.

Don’t Wear a Blue-ring Words Pascal Geraghty Picture Roger Moore

H

ow annoying is having to renew your First Aid certification? It is brutal. Two massive days locked in an almighty struggle to keep your eyes open, all the while fighting off restless legs syndrome.

Then there are the heroes. There’s always at least one. They lay patiently in ambush, waiting for the instructor to ask the inevitable question if anyone has ever had to use first aid in a real life situation.

Then they pounce! “I’ve resuscitated 12 people with CPR” was eagerly spewed forth during my last renewal session. No hesitation.

Zero modesty. He was gagging to get it out there, as he’d no doubt done in the years prior.

But cached amongst the selfpromotion, there can sometimes be a few handy morsels of advice worth sharing. This same gentleman recounted a sad story of a young lady, a snorkeller, who had been pecked by a blue-ringed octopus off a prominent Eastern Suburbs beach. She saw it happen, and fortunately knew full well what was in store. She rushed 66 The Beast | June 2016

herself to the volunteer lifeguards.

Within minutes paralysis had set in, she’d stopped breathing and CPR was administered. Her survival depended on it, and them.

Thanks to these volunteer lifeguards this young lady lived to tell the tale. Tragically, however, her saviours had, in the heat and panic of the moment, forgotten to cover her face. Paralysed, she lay on the sand, undergoing CPR, staring straight up at the burning hot sun. Her life was saved, but her eyes were ruined.

Although bittersweet, all in all she was an extremely lucky girl to walk away with her life and this is not about pointing out a mistake. I tip my hat to these generous, skilled men and women who donate their weekends to serve others. I’ve also experienced the overwhelming panic that can consume you when faced with a serious first aid situation, where to all but the most experienced clear thought is reserved for hindsight.

Rather, I wanted to emphasise the importance of first aid. This

was a wake up call about simple, real life scenarios that I may become involved in around the water.

It also highlighted the potentially valuable role a bystander with first aid knowledge can play, someone ever so slightly removed from the grips of panic who may notice important details possibly as simple as covering a patient’s eyes.

While here, I’ll also take the opportunity to dispel a few myths about blue-ringed octopi. Although one of the most venomous marine creatures, they are tiny, cryptic, shy, docile critters, not aggressive in any way. Their bodies (excluding limbs) are roughly the size of a golf ball and they hide out in crevices in tidal rock pools hunting small crabs, shrimp and fish if they’re fast enough. They present a danger to humans only if the octopus is provoked, cornered and handled, at which point they will flash their blue rings in defence, and even then the small size of their horny beak makes it quite difficult to be bitten.

Basically, leave them be, don’t touch and if you see blue rings, bolt!

June 2016 Tide Chart

Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Brad Bessant - @10ftkaos MON

TUE

WED

THU

FRI

SAT

1 0421 1.60 1040 0.40 1705 1.71 2320 0.51

2 0523 1.61 1131 0.37 1759 1.83

3 0022 0.40 0621 1.61 1222 0.36 1850 1.94

4 0119 0718 1313 1941

0.31 1.60 0.36 2.02

SUN

5 ○ 0215 0.25 0815 1.58 1402 0.39 2030 2.05

6 0308 0.24 0909 1.54 1453 0.43 2120 2.04

7 0400 0.26 1003 1.49 1543 0.49 2210 1.98

8 0452 1056 1633 2258

0.31 1.45 0.57 1.89

9 0543 0.38 1148 1.40 1724 0.64 2345 1.77

10 0633 0.46 1242 1.37 1817 0.71

11 0034 1.64 0722 0.53 1335 1.36 1915 0.77

12 0125 0810 1430 2016

13 0221 1.44 0857 0.60 1525 1.41 2124 0.80

14 0319 1.39 0944 0.61 1616 1.47 2229 0.77

15 0417 1.36 1029 0.60 1704 1.54 2326 0.71

16 0511 1.36 1111 0.59 1747 1.61

17 0015 0.63 0600 1.37 1152 0.57 1827 1.67

18 0059 0.57 0644 1.38 1230 0.56 1905 1.74

19 0139 0.50 0726 1.39 1308 0.55 1942 1.79

20 ○ 0216 0.46 0807 1.39 1345 0.54 2018 1.83

21 0255 0.42 0848 1.40 1425 0.54 2057 1.85

22 0334 0.40 0930 1.40 1506 0.55 2137 1.85

23 0415 1015 1550 2218

24 0459 0.39 1102 1.41 1638 0.59 2302 1.79

25 0545 0.40 1152 1.41 1730 0.62 2351 1.73

26 0633 0.41 1245 1.43 1827 0.64

27 0045 1.65 0725 0.43 1343 1.47 1932 0.66

28 ○ 0145 1.58 0819 0.44 1444 1.53 2045 0.64

29 0251 1.51 0915 0.44 1544 1.62 2200 0.59

30 0400 1.48 1012 0.43 1643 1.72 2311 0.50

Sprayed at Maroubra.

0.39 1.40 0.56 1.83

○ New Moon ○ First Quarter ○ Full Moon ○ Last Quarter *Please add an hour during daylight savings time

○ 1.53 0.58 1.37 0.80

breasts or hold them in place.

I’m all for undergarments that are meant to be seen (who doesn't love a lace bralette peeking out from a low-cut tank?), but it's hard to find anything appealing about the idea of cold, hard metal rubbing against your boobs all day.

If you’re game enough to give that a try, then maybe one of these ‘how-the-hell-do-I-wear-that’ layering trends could also be an experiment for you…

Try wearing a dress over your pants This challenging trend relies totally on proportion - your dress can't be too long or too short.

A strapless top over a button down shirt Donning a bustier over a shirt requires some thought. Try a white oxford as a base and contrast with a bold coloured or black strapless top.

Layering a skirt over a dress Also tricky, but try using a coloured or printed slit style skirt – the colour adds interest and the slit will still show off your dress underneath.

Natarlia from Bondi.

Martin from Clovelly.

Chain Bras and Other Trends

Words & Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

S

o chain bras are officially a ‘thing’. And all it took was for Bella Hadid to take this questionable trend on a test drive at the recent Coachella Music Festival.

I guess it’s not so surprising that for any trend to catch on with the masses a fleeting wear by an It Girl is enough. But a bra made of metal, really? It's just a bunch of chains pieced together into the shape of a bra – except of course you don't actually wear a bra with it.

I have seen some dubious trends over the past year or so, from mini ‘mini’ bags so small you could barely fit in a credit card and lipstick, to

68 The Beast | June 2016

practical-but-unpleasant-looking chunky flatforms, not to mention the very unflattering boiler suit. And let’s not forget Marc Jacobs’ version of the already ugly orthopaedic clogs and the recent overdose of 90s throwback fashion.

Now, thanks to social media, we can add one more puzzler to the mix.

Produced by both underwear brands and jewellery makers, this bling-meets-lingerie accessory is particularly perplexing, given that it doesn't actually function like a normal bra. There's no padding, no hook-and-eye closure, and it definitely does not smooth out your

On the streets this month I found: Natarlia from Bondi Occupation Naturopathy student Street Style Natarlia wears Assembly Label white jeans and striped knit, boater hat by Lack of Color, black St Agni slides and Thornton tote by Karen Walker, all from the Assembly Label store in Bondi.

Martin from Clovelly Occupation Fashion retail Street Style Martin wears a suit and shirt from MJ Bale, belt and shoes from Jeffrey West, sunnies

by Ray-Ban and Panerai watch.

Want the way you dress to create the right impression?

Contact Sharmin Musca, Image Consultant, on 0405 518 155 or sharmin@imageconcepts.com.au.

June 2016 | The Beast 69

There is no job more punishing.

The Unreliable Guide To... Stress-free Moving Words Nat Shepherd Picture Ann Noying

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ritish newspaper The Daily Express published an article last year stating that moving house was more stressful than divorce, but, like a marriage, sometimes you’ve just got to go. Maybe one day you’ll realise that if you hear your neighbour singing Cold Chisel at 2am one more time you will insert an actual chisel into his head (or other appropriate orifice). Or you might procreate and find that babies need a lot more space than you expected.

Your landlord might even tell you that he’s turning your unit into a casino/lap dancing club and you’re no longer welcome. Whatever the reason, moving happens to most of us eventually and it can be both an emotional rollercoaster and a logistical nightmare. If the very thought of it has you reaching for the Valium, fear not; the Unreliable Guide is here to help…

Declutter yourself I once helped a friend move apartments, from the third floor of one block to the fourth of another.

More than half of his seventy-five boxes of stuff consisted of what 70 The Beast | June 2016

any sane person would define as rubbish. A vast collection of pebbles, feathers, old ink bottles, unwearable clothes, unreadable books, and unplayable records. Before you even start to pack, make a vow to chuck stuff out. Be bold, be brave, be ruthless. If something’s too good for the garbage, give it to an op shop, put it on Freecycle or place an ad on Gumtree. Don’t expect me to help you carry it up four flights of stairs.

don’t eat, it will not go well for you. Trouble is, the fridge is in the garden, the cutlery is on the freeway, the plates are all broken and the stove won’t be connected until next Wednesday. To avoid eating vodka-soaked Weetbix with your fingers, arm yourself with a sheaf of takeaway menus. You choose, you call and forty minutes later something edible arrives at your door. This, my friends, is civilisation at its finest.

Hire removalists So despite de-cluttering, you still have a shedload of stuff to move.

Do not hesitate, do not nit-pick, get on the phone and hire some removalists. It will be the best money you ever spend. Last time we moved, a seven-foot Scandinavian god carried our huge potted tree up three flights without even breaking a sweat. These guys are legendary. Just do the valuables and breakables yourself: gods are not infallible.

Meeting your new neighbours Whenever I move into a new place I assume my new neighbours will be wonderful. They won’t be borderline psychotics like the last mob, they won’t exchange my possessions for meth, they won’t feel the need to re-enact hardcore pornos at top volume. New neighbours might seem nice, but the Unreliable Guide suggests caution. Don’t go handing out your mobile number/spare door key before you’ve sussed everyone out properly.

Get takeaway Moving takes a lot of energy, both physical and mental, so if you

Finally, remember this: life is a journey and if you’re not moving, you’re standing still.

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June 2016 | The Beast 71

Gertrude and Alice's delicious warm breakfast crumble.

QTips - Bondi’s Best Winter Hot Spots Words Niall Roeder Picture Jane Turner

W

inter is coming. Cue collective sighs from all the Game of Thrones haters and knowing head-nods from those who froth on the fantasy drama series.

Regardless of your thoughts on the show, the phrase stands true: winter is coming. In fact, by the time you read this it’s probably here.

Does that mean we batten down the hatches? Hell no. We take it in our stride, we carry on, and we persevere, much like the (dis)honourable men of the Night’s Watch.

Winter gathers, and our watch of Bondi begins. No yoga mat shall go unused, no café unvisited and no wine un-sipped.

Compared to a lot of places, the coldness of Sydney’s winter is nothing. You can still do pretty much everything, but here is a little list of things that are especially nice to do when the mercury dips.

32-Degree Yoga Whether it’s summer or winter, yoga is an awesome way to start the day. Power Living Yoga has morning Vinyasa classes in a toasty 32-degree room. In the wise words of Nelly, “it’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes…”

Well, don’t take off all your clothes, but get comfortable and embrace the warmth. Expect it to be sweaty, stretchy and intensely satisfying.

72 The Beast | June 2016

Warm Brekkie Crumble Gertrude and Alice is a charming book shop/café that dishes up awesome food and has seats outside that cop the sun. It is warm and it is damn cosy. Rock up here for a post-yoga warm breakfast crumble of poached apple and berry with baked crunchy granola, topped with sweet yoghurt and spiced rhubarb, and a mug of Alice’s Famous Chai.

Winter Woollies If retail therapy is your bag, hit up Jac+Jack for some modern and stylish winter knitwear. These guys are killing it. Be prepared to drop some cash, but rest assured it is all top-notch ware made from quality and luxurious yarns like cashmere and Australian superfine merino wool. Get toasty.

Picnic in the Sun There are often sunny days during winter in Sydney. Grab a rug and head to Hunter Park (the headland at South Bondi), Bondi Park (the grassy knoll at the south end of the beach) or Biddigal Park (the park at the north end of the beach).

Hot Chocolate Our organic brethren at Sadhana Kitchen serve up a powerful hot chocky in the form of their hot superfood ‘Milo’ (cacao, coconut

sugar, mesquite, lacuma, maca, a pinch of salt and your choice of milk). Get this in you.

Pancakes Pancakes. Are. Epic. We’re big fans of those sweet floppy discs and we’re guessing you are too. Head to Trio for their mango and lime buttermilk pancakes with strawberries, lemon curd, double cream and Canadian maple syrup. An all-day brekkie menu means afternoon pancakes are most certainly a thing. Winter… what winter?

Mulled Wine If pancakes don’t stir your flavour loins, mulled wine surely does. Bar 34 does an epic mulled wine, which happens to be the manager’s family recipe from Germany. Finish the winter mission by getting warm and fuzzy while listening to some live tunes.

Winter is coming? Winter is becoming.

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Specialist orthodontics in a caring environment June 2016 | The Beast 73

The Maldives: One of the Most Beautiful Places on Earth Words & Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

T

he brochure said it all: ‘For the best diving and snorkelling in the world, visit the Maldives’.

My love for an underwater adventure is boundless and has taken me to a multitude of countries and islands around the world, but the chance to go snorkelling in the self-proclaimed best location was simply too much of a temptation to resist.

The Maldives is an archipelago of islands in the Indian Ocean, north of the equator between Sri Lanka and Africa. There are 1200 islands, of which 200 are inhabited; of these over 100 have resorts on them.

Each island is surrounded by coral reefs with aquamarine water so sparkling it’s almost surreal. Add in the postcard white sandy beaches ringed with coconut palms, many with over-water bungalows, and you can see why the Maldives is often described as the most beautiful place on Earth.

After flying into Maldives airport, which itself is a small island, we were transferred by speedboat for a sixty-minute journey to our island paradise.

There are only two ways to get to your resort from the airport: seaplane or cruiser.

On arrival, the pier on our island seemed to jut out forever and the ocean was alive with sea creatures.

Turtles and a variety of multicoloured fish greeted us as we made our way to our beach bungalow.

My objective was to go snorkelling every single day and the next morning I was part of a group of six who made up the day’s snorkelling team. After a safety talk and gear formalities we were soon on the dive boat heading out to our first location.

My first experience snorkelling the Maldives was akin to winning the lottery. There were about a thousand varieties of colourful tropical fish and it seemed as

74 The Beast | June 2016

though every one of them was on display, along with the customary reef sharks, manta rays, corals, sponges, giant clams, sea horses, moray eels, turtles, starfish and other marine creatures, many of which I’d never seen before. The only thing missing was commentary from the legendary underwater film director and explorer Jacques Cousteau.

The first photo I looked at was of my mask and snorkel with this hideous blank look coming from behind it... ...In my excited madness I had held the camera back to front and every photo was of my massive boofhead.

Visibility seemed endless and the ocean was swaying hypnotically to a rhythm you’re unlikely to experience anywhere else.

Each day we were taken to a different site. If I hadn’t been experiencing this subaquatic spectacle first hand, I wouldn't have believed it. Every day it just got better and better.

On the seventh and final day I was wondering how best to describe to friends just how outstanding the Maldives actually is. I couldn't.

The only way was to purchase a disposable underwater camera and arrive home with proof, though I knew that even photos probably wouldn’t quite do it justice.

On my last day I entered the water for the final snorkel. Immediately I thought I had been transported into a science fiction movie. This day was off the charts; I witnessed the greatest variety of marine life I have ever seen. My

little disposable camera did not stop clicking.

As with most exceptional holidays, they go way too fast and in a blink of an eye I was back home.

The first thing I did was race down to get my film developed. Waiting the couple of hours until they were ready nearly killed me, but with a bounce in my step I was eventually able to pick up my photos.

My heart was pounding and I couldn’t rip open the photos quick enough. When I did I nearly had a heart attack. I was gobsmacked.

The first photo I looked at was of my mask and snorkel with this hideous blank look coming from behind it. The next 26 photos were exactly the same. In my excited madness I had held the camera back to front and every photo was of my massive boofhead.

I felt sick and devastated. It was like my world had collapsed. How could this have happened? It was one of the best holidays I’d ever had and now I was nearly in tears.

Weeks went by and the pain slowly dissipated. I still remain hopeful that one day I will get my Maldivian underwater photographic redemption.

The week I had in the Maldives, apart from my disastrous photographic experience, rates up there with the best time I’ve ever had.

The food, beaches, weather and sea life were just as the brochure said: ‘One of the most beautiful places on Earth’.

Tips for snorkelling and photography Always check that your underwater camera is facing the right direction.

How to get there Vicki Gilden at Rose Bay Travel (02) 9371 8166 How to book accommodation www.paradises.com

Imagine the after party.

‘Porna’ - The New Female Porn Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Jiz Lee

W

hen we talk about porn we usually assume that men mostly look at it, but it's no secret that women are also increasingly becoming consumers of online porn.

One of the world's most popular free websites, Pornhub, visited by about 150 million people every month, revealed that women make up a quarter of its global audience.

However, the idea of women getting off looking at porn isn't as normalised yet as it is for men.

With the new technology available it's so much easier for women to overcome the barriers that existed before. With a smartphone or Internet-enabled device they can access explicit material discreetly. But openly talking about watching porn is still daunting – most women are embarrassed or even ashamed – because it is still very much taboo.

Pornhub decided in 2014 to examine the choices of its female viewers and found that its lesbian category ranked number one. Most women preferred to watch porn alone, and two-thirds said they never watched it with a partner.

76 The Beast | June 2016

More than half agreed that porn had a positive impact on their sex lives. Most of the respondents used porn to find out what they liked and incorporate it into their sex lives and masturbation practices.

The industry has started taking women as an audience seriously and there has been a lot of debate about what they like, since most of mainstream porn is traditionally filmed through a male lens. In mainstream porn, everything is about male pleasure and women are objects. Women were put off by the aggressive hardcore movies where women are called sluts or bitches, are shoved, choked or worse, and behave as if they enjoy it.

In the past few years, several female directors and producers who had become tired of mainstream porn and fed up with criticising it without offering an alternative started making erotic films they liked to watch themselves. These movies are not about horny schoolgirls, sexy nannies or naughty nurses. They are porn for women, made by women, and they focus mainly on female pleasure.

For women to get excited, they want to see women who look like them, and see independent women exploring their sexuality who are not afraid, but are not sex heroines either.

Ten years ago the Feminist Porn Awards were introduced, reflecting that female porn producers, directors and actors did not feel represented in mainstream pornography. They wanted to show a feminist viewpoint and new approaches to sexual representation.

The awards wanted to celebrate people who were making porn in a feminist way and help them gain exposure to a greater audience.

Many of these movies are shown on DUSK, an international, Netherlands-based erotic-television channel for women. It prefers to call female porn ‘porna’ –distinguished primarily by the high quality of the movies and the attention given to female enjoyment.

Women have always been told what to do with their bodies and with whom. Creating and consuming the kind of erotic content they want to see may help them take ownership of their sexuality.

Puck you.

Goons on Ice

Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Wayne Gretzky

I

f you have nothing to do this Queen's Birthday long weekend, you should put on some winter woollies and head out to Penrith (okay, I know I've probably lost you already, but try to stay with me) for the 2016 Australian Ice Hockey League All-Star Weekend. I have absolutely no intention of doing so myself, but I'd like at least one person to go and give me a report on the festivities.

Ice hockey has always held a queer sort of affection in my heart since my early years playing NHLPA Hockey '93 on Sega Mega Drive. We would stay up all night playing this exotic game, and names like Steve Yzerman and Sergei Federov are forever burned in my psyche (I played with the Detroit Redwings).

The highlight, of course, was the fights. If you felt the game getting away from you, you'd try to start a bingle and injure one of the opposition’s star players. I'm not sure what 78 The Beast | June 2016

this says about my ten-year-old self, but I'm comfortable in blaming the game for encouraging me to behave like that. Because that's what people do, isn't it? People only steal cars because they've played GTA, right?

I'm sure the ice hockey connoisseurs out there will be shaking their heads as I debase their game to a violent slog fest, and for this I apologise. I acknowledge there is also an incredible amount of skill needed to play ice hockey. My own experience of ice skating is looking like a nervous simpleton for a few hours and then limping away with a sore tailbone and dented pride.

Put a puck in front of me and I'm likely to slip over and swallow it.

Make no mistake, though, it is also a brutal sport. They have players whose sole role is to come on and start fights to change momentum - kind of like the lowest level of suburban rugby league, except the players are on a different kind of ice.

These 'enforcers' might claim they only respond to dirty play from the other side, but I'm not buying it; I've seen Goon. If you haven't, and you like sports movies, I highly recommend you do (it has recently started streaming on the local version of Netflix). It has Sean William-Scott in it, but don't let that deter you; it's some of his best work. Based on a true story, it follows the unlikely path of a guy who gets drafted to play professional hockey, primarily because he can hand out a beating when necessary.

Confrontingly violent, it is also quite uplifting and heartfelt. Who doesn't like an underdog story?

The fact that there is even a functioning ice hockey league in Australia is an underdog story in itself. The idea of this sport thriving here seems so incongruous with our sun soaked lifestyle. I like it. I'll be damned if I'll head out to Penrith to watch it, but I love the fact I could if I wanted to.

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June 2016 | The Beast 79

EV let your hair hang down.

Why the Word on the Street Is ‘Electric’ Words & Picture Nicola Saltman

L

et’s face it, we are a plug-in society. Plug in your laptop to connect to the world. Plug in earphones to escape it. Plug in to communicate, entertain and cook.

So why not plug in to drive too?

While we may still be galaxies away from George Jetson’s flying car, plug-in electric vehicles (EVs) are gaining huge popularity on our roads. Globally, it’s estimated that around half a million will be sold this year alone, compared to only a handful a few years ago. The recent launch of Tesla’s Model 3 proves the growing interest, with 325,000 pre-orders in the first week.

The spark is strong in Australia too, with EVs expected to represent almost half of new car sales by 2030. And the Eastern Suburbs is tipped to be a hotspot. In a recent Council survey of over 400 locals from Woollahra, Randwick and Waverley, 65 per cent of respondents said they’d consider buying an EV. Soon we’ll be spoilt for choice.

Every major car maker has either introduced or is developing EVs. Even the tech giants like Apple and Google are vying for some skin in this game.

80 The Beast | June 2016

So what’s the big deal? Let’s cruise through the three top reasons why your next set of wheels should be an EV… 1. Good for the hip pocket An EV’s running costs (3c/km) are less than half those of conventional cars (around 10c/km), saving an average household a couple of thousand dollars each year in fuel.

Plus there’s the bonus of lower maintenance costs (30 per cent) due to fewer moving parts.

For electric car owner Pip Willis from Clovelly, “the fact that it is much cheaper to run and almost service free” made it a very easy purchase decision. Sweeter still, the upfront costs are starting to match petrol guzzlers.

2. Quiet and easy Move aside revheads, EVs are blissfully noise-free. According to Gail Broadbent from Queens Park, “electric driving is so quiet and smooth, it’s like gliding”. Plus it’s super convenient to charge up.

Ms Broadbent “would never go back to an ordinary car – recharging overnight at home is so easy and cheap”.

3. Good for the planet Transport is responsible for almost one-quarter of emissions in the Eastern Suburbs, and the main cause of air pollution in Sydney.

And that stinks. Literally. With no air pollutants and the potential to be powered by renewable energy, EVs are driving on the right side of Earth’s future.

“We fell in love with the idea of a car that ran only on sun and wind power,” said Nissan Leaf owner John Blackmore, of Randwick.

Even when grid-powered, EVs emit 22 per cent less carbon emissions.

It’s for all these reasons that Waverley Council has invested in two EVs to make its fleet more sustainable and cost-effective. And why, with Randwick and Woollahra councils, we’re working to make the region EV-ready, with research into public charging infrastructure and social attitudes.

You can make buying an electric car your sustainability pledge at www.secondnature.org.au or find out more about electric cars at www.greenvehicleguide.gov.au.

FR E E even t

Celeb rate

WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY Randwick Community Centre Wednesday 1 June 2016 6pm

Enjoy an evening of presentations, music and dance by a range of interfaith and community organisations.

Bookings essential: 1300 722 542 randwick.nsw.gov.au

Subject Surf and Facebook check Location Tamarama Photographer Bill Morris - @billmorris

Subject The Pied Piper Location Bronte Gully Photographer Ann Flynn

Subject On fire Location Maroubra Photographer Tim Monahan

Subject Clubby chaos Location Bondi Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Pool scenes Location Bondi Photographer Denisa Laukova

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Mirage man Location Tamarama Photographer Andrew Worssam

Subject Nice legs Location Bondi Photographer Alex James Finch - @yolexlego

Subject Early dips Location Bronte Photographer Miriam Chaplyn

Subject Fluffy kisses Location Bondi Photographer Chelsea Herbert - @chelseaherbertx

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Album #1 Artist Frightened Rabbit Album Painting of a Panic Attack Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  Scotland is a dark, drab and depressing place. My knowledge may be questionable as I'm only going off Trainspotting, but I don't think I'm out of line in assuming every Scottish youth has swum through a toilet in frantic search of recently expelled narcotics at some stage. Such desperate surroundings often prove rich with creativity and it is thanks to this horrible existence that wonderful bands like Frightened Rabbit exist. They have created an album that is depressing, unsettling and fraught with anxiety, yet surprisingly liberating. The most alarming thing is this is their happiest release so far.

Album #2 Movie Review Title Florence Foster Jenkins Genre Comedy/Drama Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Florence Foster Jenkins is based on the crazy life of a charming and exuberant New York heiress during the 1940s, who imagined she could be as good an adult opera singer as she was a child prodigy pianist. Unfortunately for her she was in possession of a singing voice reminiscent of a cat being strangled!

Florence, played by a perfectly cast Meryl Streep, is lovingly indulged by her devoted second husband, St Clair Bayfield (Hugh Grant), to the point of being naively oblivious to her overwhelming lack of talent. Unperturbed, she enthusiastically pursues her dream by holding small recitals for her affluent friends and societal acquaintances, which culminates with a performance at Carnegie Hall.

Screenwriter Nicholas Martin’s (The Bill) debut feature film is a warm-hearted and bubbly comedy that has been directed by the award-winning Stephen Frears (Philomena, High Fidelity, The Queen). With gorgeous period costume designs by Consolata Boyle (Philomena, The Queen), a lavish music score by Oscar-winning composer Alexandre Desplat (Grand Budapest Hotel) and an amusing scene stealing performance by Simon Helberg (The Big Bang Theory) as Cosme McMoon (Florence’s bewildered piano accompanist), it’s sure to keep you smiling long after you have left the cinema.

84 The Beast | June 2016

Artist The Baker Suite Album Still Life Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  There is something about this group that gets under my skin - in a good way though; not like scabies or ice lice. They describe themselves as a jazz-folk ensemble and they'll garner no arguments here. The only thing I'd add is that it's 'smoky’ jazz; i.e. the good kind of jazz. Not Bert's one-man band falling down the stairs, jazz. Which also has its place in the world, but I'd just prefer that that place was far far away from me. If you like the touch of velvet on your skin, elbow length gloves and fake beauty spots, this may just be the band for you.

Album #3 Artist PJ Harvey Album The Hope Six Demolition...

Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  PJ Harvey has been around about as long as I've been listening to music and I'm ashamed to admit that this is the first time I've listened to an album from go to woe. Why? I don't know. I once knew a girl who didn't eat a grape until her mid-twenties. Sometimes life just doesn't dish up what you'd expect. Thus, I cannot compare this to her previous work, but I can say this is a great album. Energetic, angry, catchy and exactly what a record label would want an artist starting out to release, let alone from someone who hasn't only been around the block, she actually owns it.

Arts & Entertainment from Around the Beaches...

Words Madeleine Gray Picture Poppy Wolanski

Blak Markets at Bare Island Australian Indigenous arts culture is one of the most vibrant, rich and fascinating arts cultures in the world. However, it can seem daunting to get into if you’re not already a connoisseur – Aboriginal art is full of symbols and stories and veiled meanings. Blak Markets, held on the first Sunday of every month at Bare Island, La Perouse, makes Indigneous art accessible for the whole family.

There are workshops too, including traditional basket weaving, spearmaking and shell art workshops. Get down to Bare Island on Sunday, June 5 to check it out.

Telling Tales at the MCA Need to get an art fix? Your kids’ marble paintings not doing it for you? Telling Tales: Excursions in Narrative Form is a new exhibition at the MCA starting on June 2.

It explores the varied, inventive approaches taken by leading Australian and international artists to narrative form. Using diverse materials including light, fog and hand-typed text, their works pick apart conventional story-telling

Sensational Sydney.

approaches to reconsider ideas around structure, duration, repetition and fragmentation. Please visit www.mca.com.au.

Chuing the Fat with Miss Chu Do you love rice paper rolls and tales of entrepreneurial success?

If yes, you’re in for a treat. The Randwick group of Amnesty International Australia, along with Waverley Council, invites the public to the next of their ‘Living Library’ series of events with the queen of rice paper rolls, Miss Nahjii Chu, on Tuesday, June 7 at 6:30pm at Waverley Library.

Nahji will discuss her family, her business, what drives her today, and she’ll also include a live demo on how to make rice paper rolls successfully. Visit www.waverley. nsw.gov.au for more info.

Is This the Real World Is This the Real World, the first feature film by up-and-coming Aussie film production agency Point of View Films, will be opening this month at the Randwick Ritz cinema. The film is a coming-of-age story about

17-year-old Mark Blazey. Like many of us, Mark would prefer not to live in the real world, with all of its rules and restrictions. The film has been officially selected for basically every cool film festival in the world, including the Madrid, San Francisco and New York City film festivals. The film opens on May 30 and stars local actors Sean Keenan and Charlotte Best. For more information, please visit www.ritzcinema.com.au.

Visiting Hours at Kings Cross Theatre This June at the Kings Cross Theatre, get ready to go back in time.

Visiting Hours is an immersive theatrical experience that will transform the Kings Cross Hotel into a time warp, a mysterious old hospital filled with ghosts of the past and re-imagined fragments of history. All is not what it seems, as twists and turns await those who venture into forgotten places.

Visiting Hours promises to delight and awe audiences as they ride through a world long since past.

For more information, please visit www.kingsxtheatre.com.

Local talent.

Hiaground - a Little Bit Salty, but Also Very Sweet Words Dan Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

W

ith roots deep within the thriving surf culture of the Eastern Suburbs, Hiaground is made up of two best mates, two brothers, and a Spanish rock god (better know as Jimmy Heathwood, Kyle Maguire, Liam Byrne, Pat Byrne, and Fernando Durango). They’re basically a bunch of mates who channel their ADHD into a blend of rock and pop infused with blues and hiphop. During the month The Beast caught up with Hiaground frontman Jimmy ‘The Granny Slayer’ Heathwood…

If I had to describe our sound in one sentence… I’d call it rock with a crispy outer layer, but a soft and gooey inside. It’s a little bit salty, but also very sweet.

Growing up my parents listened to… ABBA every Christmas. You are the dancing queen…

Our dream gig... would be our own festival in front of thousands on the green at the Coogee Bowlo, 86 The Beast | June 2016

back where it all started. Plus, we’d get free beers.

If you come to see us play, you can expect... a hangover.

There was one time when we were starting out... that we played at the Coogee Bowlo every Sunday for four months regardless of how hung-over we were. This was the most alcoholic period of our lives.

We have a song on our upcoming EP that is a story about the early days at the bowlo.

If we could have chosen one song to have written it would have to be... ‘Oh Loretta’ by Sex on Toast.

Our favourite song to perform would have to be... ‘False Feelings’. Everyone knows the words and Kyle knows the chords!

The best thing about the local music scene is… that we are all mates, we all support each other, we all gig together, and we even record together. All the bands in

the local area are friends, or friends of friends. We have created a community that is literally bringing the love back to the live music scene in the Eastern Suburbs.

One person we’d still really like to record with is… Dann Hume (record producer and former member of Evermore). Everything he has put out in the past couple of years has been incredible. He is the king.

That Sticky Fingers, album, oh my, and Matt Corby’s debut, wow.

Our biggest fan has got be… our manager, Harry Basset.

We’ll know we have made it when... Harry is no longer our manager.

To find out more about Hiaground, visit www.facebook. com/HiaGround or listen to them on Spotify, Apple Music or Soundcloud. Their biggest show to date is on June 4 at the Brighton Up Bar. Be there.

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Maroubra is evolving.

Feed Your Face at The Feedbag Words Madeleine Gray Picture Grant Brooks

A

good burger is hard to find.

While Sydney has recently been swarming with gimmicky ‘overload’ foods (think milkshakes topped with donuts, burgers with dulce de leche and fried chicken, etc.) sometimes it can be a case of the simpler, the better.

New Maroubra burger joint The Feedbag understands this.

The menu does not exceed a page. There are five burgers on it, and each one of them has been finessed, trialled and tested again and again to ensure maximum tastiness for every serve produced.

Owner and chef Pete Thompson gets it.

“There are so many variables that can go wrong with a burger,” he said. “The bread could be soggy, the bacon could lose its crispness, the sauce could be overbearing.”

Instead of trying to do too much, Pete’s aim is to have a small range of burgers cooked to perfection.

Clearly, Pete has had lots of experience in the food and hospitality industry – he has cooked at 4Fourteen in Surry Hills and Chalk in Maroubra, and for a time he managed the bar at the Maroubra Bay Hotel. He also had a job selling EFTPOS terminals for a bit (that’s got nothing to do

88 The Beast | June 2016

with the restaurant – just some fun Pete trivia for you).

The Feedbag is a two-minute amble from Maroubra Beach, and the vibe and décor of the place reflects the laidback, surfy feel of its location (there’s even a surfboard hanging above the counter). Local graffiti artist Nathan Pickering did the bright mural on the wall and wouldn’t accept any payment except burgers.

During the lunch session (11:30am–3pm) most people get takeaway and head to the beach.

Local kids might come in and play the Xbox. At dinner (5–9pm), it’s a bit more of a mix. Having recently acquired a liquor licence, Pete’s now got a bunch of beer options available, so it’s not unusual to see groups of mates coming in for burgers and bevvies, as well as tired parents picking up dinner for the kids, thanking God for takeaway.

What unites these different demographics is a common appreciation for delicious tucker at a very reasonable price. The Lord Beefington is the most popular option on the menu, and for good reason.

It’s a classic combination of tender, grass fed Angus beef patty, cheese, onion, lots of pickles, tomato relish (made by Pete’s mum), smoky

mayo and mustard. The mustard is the kicker. It really brings the taste experience to the next level.

The Brined Bird burger is less traditional, but still excellent. It’s got chicken breast, cheese, lettuce, house mayo and a fiery chilly sauce that is not for the faint-hearted.

In terms of chips, you can go the no-nonsense classic route, or you can choose to get them ‘loaded’: this means a massive plate of crispy, succulent chippies covered in a homemade cheese sauce and bacon. I recommend.

Also, a shout out to Pete’s sister-in law Rachel, whose playlist filled the place with banger after banger. Any playlist that manages to combine DMA’s and Old Crow Medicine Show is a winner in my book.

Go on, head to Maroubra and fill your feedbag.

The Feedbag Address 32 McKeon Street, Maroubra Instagram @thefeedbagburgers Opening Hours 7 days, 11:30am–3pm, 5pm–9pm Prices $10-15 Card Accepted Yes Licensed/BYO Licensed

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South American Lamb with Chimichurri Words & Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

M

eet your new go-to sauce, chimichurri, all the way from Argentina. This herby, garlicky mixture takes just minutes to make and will liven up any grilled or pan-fried meats. Here we’ve teamed the South American beauty with some quick cooking spring lamb leg steaks and sauteed capsicum. Delicious!

Ingredients 1 garlic clove 1 spring onion 30g parsley 1 vine-ripened tomato 2 red capsicums 3 x 120g lamb leg steaks 60ml (¼ cup) red wine vinegar Chimichurri mix (1 tsp dried oregano, ¼ tsp dried chilli flakes, ¼ tsp cumin, ¼ tsp paprika) 50g mesclun 2 tsp sugar Salt and pepper ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil Prepare ingredients Finely chop the garlic, spring onion and parsley, including the 90 The Beast | June 2016

parsley stalks. Halve the tomato then coarsely grate into a bowl, discarding the skin. Discard the capsicum seeds and membrane, then cut into 2cm pieces.

Prepare lamb Using a rolling pin or meat mallet, pound the steaks until 2cm thick to tenderise the meat. Season well with salt and pepper on both sides.

Start cooking Heat 1 tablespoon of oil in a frying pan over high heat. Add the lamb and capsicums. Cook the lamb for 2 minutes on each side for medium rare or until done to your liking.

Stir the capsicum regularly.

Finish cooking Remove lamb and set aside on a plate in a warm place to rest for 3 minutes. Meanwhile, add half the garlic to the pan with the capsicum and cook for a further 3 minutes or until the capsicum is tender.

Season with salt and pepper. Add any meat juices from the lamb plate to the pan.

Prepare chimichurri Meanwhile, add the vinegar, spice mix, spring onion, parsley, remaining garlic, ½ teaspoon of salt, 2 teaspoons of sugar and 2 tablespoons of oil to the bowl with the tomato. Season well with pepper.

Get ready to serve Slice the lamb thinly across the grain and serve with the capsicum, chimichurri and mesclun.

Cooking time 30-40 minutes Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps. These meals can be delivered to your door, with all the ingredients you need, in minimal, recyclable packaging.

With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99.

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Beef black bean, sans beef.

Chocolate Black Bean Brownies Words & Picture Tamika Woods

R

ich, fudgy and reminiscent of Nutella, no one will ever guess that these decadent brownies are good for you. The black beans do not compromise the flavour at all and are simply used to create that gooey chocolate texture of a classic brownie, without the addition of buckets of butter and mountains of sugar.

What's more, the black beans add a cheeky protein boost, meaning these are the perfect snack after your shirtless workout at the North Bondi jungle gym.

Ingredients 1/2 cup hazelnuts, ground into a coarse flour (or simply use hazelnut or almond meal) 400g can black beans, drained and rinsed well 3/4 cup cacao powder 1 tbsp tahini

92 The Beast | June 2016

1/2 cup maple syrup 2 tbsp ground flax seeds mixed with 4 tbsp warm water 1 tsp vanilla extract Get organised Preheat oven to 180ËšC (350ËšF) and grease a small loaf tin.

Process your nuts Process hazelnuts into a coarse flour in a food processor (or skip this step if using hazelnut or almond meal).

Chuck it all in Add all remaining ingredients and process until completely smooth (2-3 minutes).

Bake it Spoon out brownie mix into greased loaf tin and bake for 45-50 minutes until an inserted skewer

comes out almost clean (it will still be very moist inside).

Cool it Remove from the oven and allow to cool in the tin slightly before turning out onto a cooling rack.

Enjoy it Cut into squares and enjoy.

Tamika Woods is a Nutritional Medicine student and founder of Sproutly Stories, a new health food blog designed to translate evidence-based information into digestible pieces of knowledge.

Her wholesome recipe ideas inspire others to implement their health learnings in an easy and delicious way. For more guilt free recipes from Tamika, please visit www.sproutlystories.com.

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Hidden treasures.

How to Find a Particular Wine Words & Picture Alex Russell Instagram @OzWineGuy

I

received a lovely e-mail the other day (thanks Diana) asking where to go to get some of the wines that I write about. It’s not always easy to track down a particular wine that you want, so here are some tips to help you find what you’re looking for…

The winery’s website This is the best option if you only want to get a bottle or two. Some wineries will list stockists of their wines. For example, last month I wrote about the great wines of La Violetta, and they list Five Way Cellars at Paddington as a stockist.

This doesn’t mean that they stock every wine by La Violetta, and websites can be out of date, so call ahead. They might even put it behind the counter for you so that someone else doesn’t buy it before you get there, or they might order some in for you.

You can also try calling the winery if stockists aren’t listed on their website, or contact their distributor (if they have one). Don’t be shy; they want to help you buy their wine!

94 The Beast | June 2016

Order direct from the winery If you’re willing to buy six or a dozen from one winery, look at ordering direct. Some wineries have online shops and most will let you mix up the wines in any combination that you like. They’ll generally ask you to buy a minimum number of bottles, usually 6 or 12.

That said, eCommerce websites are expensive to build. When you’re a small winery just starting out, that’s money that you’d rather put into equipment to make sure that your wine is as good as it can be. As such, some wineries just have order forms that you fax in with your credit card details, and some are so small they don’t even have credit card facilities and will ask you to transfer funds into their bank account instead.

Online retailers There are certain online retailers that tend to have some of the wines that I write about. East End Cellars is one; they have the Jauma wines that I wrote about last month (but there aren’t many

left!). These sites may or may not have a minimum number of bottles that you need to purchase, but this often provides a good excuse to mix and match a few different wines anyway. If you go to East End Cellars, for example, you could include some of the Hoddles Creek Pinot Noirs and Chardys (which are pretty much universally recognised as incredible value at around $20-25, as are the Wickhams Road label made at the same place).

Mailing lists Some producers make wines in such small amounts that there simply isn’t enough to make it into stores. They’ll often reward their regulars with a first chance to purchase, so join their mailing lists. They’ll let you know when new wines are released, which is great when a particular vintage of a wine is sold out. Great lists to join include La Violetta, BK Wines, Small Winemakers Centre (Hunter Valley), Clonakilla and SC Pannell, to name just a few.

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www.longerlastingmastery.com June 2016 | The Beast 95

The Beast Supercross 1

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Across 1. Amusement park returning to Sydney (10) 7. Jim Carrey film, … Myself & Irene (2) 8. Michael Jackson’s signature dance move (8) 10. Artist known for The Persistence of Memory (4) 11. House for a bird (6) 12. Cookie that we’ve been told to twist, lick, dunk and then eat (4) 13. Villain of The Lion King (4) 14. Effortless beauty through simplicity (8) 15. … Elmo’s Fire (2) 16. Popular casual seafood meal (4,3,5) 17. Youngest brother of Emilio Estevez (7,5)

Down 1. Burrowing Australian marsupials (7) 2. Mulholland Drive actress who moved to Australia when she was 14 (5,5) 3. Johnny Depp film, … Scissorhands (6) 4. Temporary silence or lack of activity (4) 5. Sodium (2) 6. Shop that sells cooked meats, cheeses and other prepared food (12) 9. Thick, creamy egg-based condiment (10) 12. Not done on time (7) 14. Letters sent via the Internet (5) 15. Opposite of a Jedi in Star Wars (4)

Trivial Trivia

Words Kate Myers Picture Taylor Wong - @twongphotography 1. True or false: Fortune cookies were invented in the US? 2. ‘1955’ is the recent chart-topping track from which Adelaide hip hop group?

3. Lemo’s Island is better known as what?

4. The recently released film X-Men: Apocalypse stars which

Desaturation.

96 The Beast | June 2016

Irish-German actor as Magneto?

5. How many inches are there in a foot?

6. Which American indie folk band is set to headline at this year’s Vivid Festival?

7. The 2016 US Masters was won by which English golfer?

8. In what Middle Eastern

country was 60 Minutes journalist Tara Brown detained after an attempted child recovery operation?

9. Does a brown bullhead have feathers, fur or fins?

10. Who is the only new panel member to join the latest season of Channel Nine’s The Voice?



Leo Jul 24-Aug 23 Your bumhole will hang wide open for at least a few minutes after you lay the biggest turd of your life. Be patient while it slowly closes up again.

Capricorn Dec 23-Jan 20 Quit preaching your anti-capitalist nonsense. Capitalism works on the basic premise of self-interest and as such you are its key driving force.

Virgo Aug 24-Sep 23 Deal with your chronic insecurity by putting down people around you and subtly sabotaging their relationships.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 When you're bored, all you do is drive everyone around you insane.

Go and find something useful to do before someone murders you.

Libra Sep 24-Oct 23 Stop being such an argumentative prick. Arguing about something you really don't know anything about, or give a shit about, is just stupid.

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 Accept the sad fact that your mobile phone is your best friend in the world and it knows more about you than anyone ever could.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21 The solution to your problems may not be easy to find, but a dip in the ocean can cure just about anything, and it's free.

Scorpio Oct 24-Nov 22 Avoid becoming obsessed with winning every little battle; there are some you just can't win, so concentrate on winning the war instead.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 Sometimes people do nice things for you just because they're lovely people and they like you, but this definitely isn't one of those times.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 23 Get a dog, but only if you're really bored of your friends and your job and everything else in your life, and if you hate your freedom.

Sagittarius Nov 23-Dec 22 Even though you're fairly content in your current relationship, deep down you know you could do a fair bit better.

Taurus Apr 21-May 20 Sleep is a basic human right and anyone that denies your right to the peaceful enjoyment of it must quickly die.

 Star Signs

Words Beardy from Hell

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Trivial Trivia Solutions 1. True 2. The Hilltop Hoods 3. Wedding Cake Island 4. Michael Fassbender 5. 12 inches 6. Bon Iver 7. Danny Willett 8. Lebanon 9. Fins 10. Ronan Keating 1

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