The Beast - October 2015 by The Beast

Beast the

THE MONTHLY MAGAZINE FOR SYDNEY'S BEACHES OF THE EAST • OCTOBER 2015

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Welcome to October 2015... Saving The Daylight Words Dan & James Hutton Picture Duade Paton - www.duadepaton.com

elcome to the October 2015 edition of The Beast – the monthly magazine for Sydney’s Beaches of the East. The days of departing for work and returning home in darkness are nearly behind us. At 2am on Sunday, October 4, we sacrifice an hour of sleep in order to obtain an extra hour of sunshine at the end of the day, all the while laughing at the poor banana benders, sandgropers and territorians who still refuse to get with the times and adopt daylight saving. If I had to choose between daylight saving and the State of Origin title, I’d take that extra hour in the evening any day. Thankfully, in a couple of years’ time all the Queensland superstars will retire and we’ll regularly have both.

Sunshine and sport aside, October is always a big month here in the Eastern Beaches. Not only do we have the Spring Racing Carnival to look forward to down at Royal Randwick, there’s also a bevy of local

events including the Garage Sale Trail, Sculpture by the Sea and a brand spanking new event at the Entertainment Quarter called the Food Truck Jam. On the cover this month is Paddington's Chris Taylor, a man famous for taking the piss

as part of The Chaser team. History would suggest that no subject matter is off limits for the man in question (does anyone remember the ‘Eulogy Song’ or the ‘Make A Realistic Wish Foundation’ skit?), and his latest project, a mockumentary-style comedy called ‘Plonk’, pokes fun at one of his favourite pursuits – quaffing wine. How this comedic cognoscente managed to convince Plonk’s producers to tour him around Australia’s finest wine regions and pay him to get plastered is anyone’s guess. To quote Frank Sinatra: “Nice work if you can get it.” As always, there’s plenty of other good stuff inside the mag this month, so we hope you enjoy reading the October 2015 edition of The Beast. Cheers, Dan & James

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Contents October 2015 • Issue 129

8 11 12 14 20 22 24 26 27 47 48 50

Welcome Note Contents Pearls of Wisdom Letters Local Bloke Local Chick Thumbs & Dogs Local News Beastpop I Beastpop II Sports Bits Calendar

51 52 58 60 61 62 64 66 68 69 70 72

Local Tradies Interview Local Photos I Rupert’s Rant Beastpop III The Naked Truth Trippin’ With Todd Local Wildlife Fish ‘n’ Tips Tide Chart Underwater Wildlife Enviro News

74 76 78 80 82 84 85 86 88 94 96 96

The Bronte fisherman braves the elements to catch his dinner, by Kim Dowling.

Travel Bug This Sporting Life Street Style Sexy Time Local Photos II Reviews Arts Bits Bandage Food & Wine Beast Brainteasers Beardy From Hell Trivia Solutions

What a shame; Lisa sold the best bags.

Jail and the Eastern Suburbs Words Pearl Bullivant Picture Pablo Escobar

e warned, rich people of the Eastern Suburbs – don’t deal drugs, man. Why? ‘Cause rich people (and anyone with an allergy to sugar, wheat, dairy and yeast) just aren’t cut out for a life in the slammer. Take, for instance, the arrest and incarceration of Eastern Suburbs socialite and ‘blogger’ Lisa Stockbridge for drug dealing offences. If only Lisa had emailed The Beast to gain my insight prior to setting up a “sophisticated, well-planned and meticulously executed” drug dealing system out of the back of her Range Rover (very classy), the poor darling wouldn’t be languishing in jail, suffering from hair loss, migraines and mood swings, just because she needed money to maintain her ‘lifestyle’. Had Lisa emailed me, I would have put her straight – forget drug dealing and instead live a more modest, authentic, old-school lifestyle, because prison won’t be catering for your numerous food allergies or shielding you from people who don’t talk like you or look

12 The Beast | October 2015

like you. In the words of Lisa’s solicitor, prison is no place for a woman “brought up in a good family”. The plight of Lisa Stockbridge is yet another example of the complete arrogance of those in our community who reside in the cloistered world of nice cars, nice houses, nice schools and nice, shiny (cocaine- and champagne-addled) people. Like our politicians, who see no wrong in flitting around in helicopters, there are those amongst us who think that they are above the niceties of everyday life and above the law. From the arrogant yummy mummy who illegally parks or speeds through a school zone (with phone at ear) at 70km/h, to the tosser who won’t leash his staffie or clean up after it, we all think that the rules don’t apply to us because we are special. Did Stockbridge really think the law would turn a blind eye to her drug dealing, that she would get a rap on the knuckles so she wouldn’t have to languish in the clink with canned food and riff-raff?

Stockbridge’s arrogance was not totally misplaced. Despite sentencing her to hard time, the presiding judge was so taken aback at having to incarcerate a person of Stockbridge’s standing (whose parents can afford to post a $400k bail) that he “ruminated on the calls” for the legalisation of drugs. Now I’m all for legalising drugs via a doctor or chemist, but not so that an Eastern Suburbs socialite can maintain her $12,000-a-week lifestyle. What makes her any different from the drug dealer from Mt Druitt? Does having an Eastern Suburbs apartment and wealthy acquaintances qualify her as a more suitable person to distribute drugs? So, darlings, leave the drug dealing to the people of the Western Suburbs. It might be a good way of using one’s BComm, but it’s an occupation better left to the less salubrious and more streetwise people of The ‘Rith. Stick with insider trading and tattoos – there are some working class trends that are better left to the working class.

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The Beast's Monthly Mailbag Sent in by The people of the Eastern Suburbs

COUNCIL’S PLAN TO FLOG OFF CEMETERY Last month, the Mayor of Waverley, Sally Betts, published a message in The Beast intended to make us all feel secure that the council is committed to conserving Waverley Cemetery. Trust us, or something of that sort, was the mayor’s message. “It is important Council gives our community our assurance that we have a long term plan to keep an operating cemetery and ensure it is maintained and improved,” trumpeted Mayor Betts. The trouble is, beyond giving us all ‘assurances’ that Council has a plan for the cemetery’s ongoing viability, the mayor didn’t take the next logical step to release it. Nor did she mention the fact that it is almost two years since Waverley Council resolved to develop a ‘vision’ for the future of Waverley Cemetery and still no one has seen hide nor hair of the said ‘plan’. The only things we know about Council’s plan are: (1) It no longer includes the possibility of building a new financially stable business future for the cemetery by diversifying its services to include facilities for funerals in a pavilion, a café and a new coastal walk in the cemetery’s wretched and unstable eastern gully tip fill area; and (2) It also no longer includes the possibility of building new dignified Centennial Park-style wrought iron and sandstone

14 The Beast | October 2015

fencing containing space for ash niches, which could be sold to cover the cost of the fence. Financial modelling of these options, which has been peer reviewed by external experts, shows that these items are the biggest potential net positive future income earners for the cemetery. But Waverley Council has ruled them out, (a) without a defensible explanation, (b) without consulting the community and those who hold burial licences for graves, and (c) without producing an alternative plan for balancing the books at Waverley Cemetery or securing new reliable income streams. On top of that, Council has very quietly reduced the previously allocated budget for backlog infrastructure renewal in Waverley Cemetery by a massive 88 percent - from $7.6 million for renewal of internal fencing, paths, stairs and retaining structures to less than $900,000. They have also removed about $1 million from regular maintenance budgets planned for the cemetery across the next ten years. Perhaps Council thinks no one will notice this, because the budget reductions are buried deep in the fine print of council reports that are seldom, if ever, read by the community. And to top it all off, while the council has outwardly voted to seek a state heritage listing for the cemetery, they have not put a single dollar aside for actual

conservation. Instead, they have opted to accept advice from big-end-of-town consultants, Deloitte, to balance the books by cutting back expenditure on infrastructure wherever possible and removing monuments as they collapse over time if they are deemed to be insignificant in heritage terms. Mayor Betts protests her commitment to conservation of Waverley Cemetery but all evidence is unfortunately to the contrary. Now she is saying that “extraordinary borrowings” would be required for a Centennial Parkstyle niche pillar fence and that these “could not be justified”. The fact is Waverley Council has enough money to build the niche pillar fence without loans. But even if loans were to be used, it’s known that they could be repaid by sales of niches in the fence and that secure fencing of this kind would be the most effective deterrent for the costly vandalism that’s occurring. There were almost 500 documented instances of vandalism of monuments and infrastructure in Waverley Cemetery in the first 15 years of this century. Beautiful and unique monuments are being damaged or totally lost through vandalism at the rate of about 20 every year, on average. Repair bills for monument vandalism would add up to about $1,000,000 every five years. Consequently, the niche pillar fence would obviously be a money saver for a conservation-minded Council, not an unjustifiable cost. But then it seems Waverley Council has no genuine interest in the conservation of Waverley Cemetery. Little wonder that many people are now protesting the real agenda is to let Waverley Cemetery slowly crumble, so that when it is beyond recovery it might be more easily flogged off to developers. Bronwyn Kelly, Save Waverley Cemetery Dr Bronwyn Kelly was Director of Corporate & Technical Services at Waverley Council for 15 years until July 2014.

RESPECT THE FISH SIZE LIMITS I was not surprised to read fisherman Pascal Geraghty in his article, 'Bring on the Bandits and Hoodlums’, admit there are some fishers who ignore the minimum legal lengths of fish and “keep bucket loads of undersized rats”. Kudos to Pascal for using The Beast to urge everyone to continue or begin to respect the size limit of fish. Too often I see fishermen hiding a secret stash of undersized morsels. I believe we need a stronger campaign of awareness and stricter monitoring, but it is little reminders such as Pascal's that helps. Denise Lawler, Bronte DISCRACEFUL STAR SIGNS Dear Editors, I am most upset and disgusted by the star signs featured in the September issue. How you could publish such abhorrent and utterly disgraceful editorial is beyond me. I have lived in the area all my life and I have found The Beast to be an interesting and commendable monthly publication, but after reading today's star signs, I will not be reading it anymore. Given the current issues with regards to the drug ‘ice’, and all the media reports, newspaper stories and the severity of this problem in our community, how can you make light of such a thing? There are parents, brothers, sisters, friends struggling with horrific addictions and you make light of it! Shame on you and your publication. I am so very angry. The language used is really inappropriate and the reference to racism unacceptable; it's just all in the gutter quite frankly. I really hope you revise your take on the stars and give it a makeover pronto. Danielle Brown BEAST HAVING POSITIVE IMPACT ON GENDER Hello James and Dan, My work is in gender representation and I noticed that your cover stories through the years

16 The Beast | October 2015

have a respectable representation of women, which I would like to commend. I must admit, I only know about The Beast because of the Standlicks, as I'm Brian Standlick's partner. Whether you're doing it consciously or not, I just want you to know the positive impact this has. You are giving women a voice, showing we matter and that we have something to offer other than making babies and taking care of the house. Gina Zoia, Ashfield

You are giving women a voice, showing we matter and that we have something to offer other than making babies and taking care of the house. PEARL’S BEEN TAKEN THE WRONG WAY Dear Editors, A number of readers have criticised Pearl in recent Beasts for her criticism of people driving big expensive cars, and one has recommended that she move to a less affluent area. All Pearl is doing is to point out poor behaviour by a minority of drivers in a humorous way. My observation is that a small minority of drivers in big expensive 4WDs drive poorly, and this rubs off on the vast bulk of responsible 4WD drivers (I've been a 4WD driver in the past). The words ‘arrogance’, ‘contempt’ and ‘sense of entitlement’ come to mind. Typical examples of poor behaviour I have personally witnessed include charging at smaller cars in narrow streets to get through first, double parking, parking in no standing zones near corners (and blocking visibility for vehicles crossing intersections) to grab a latte, and engines left running right in front of café eating areas with diners having to eat while breathing the engine exhaust fumes.

There’s no problem with people choosing to own these vehicles, but please just show extra consideration for other road and footpath users around you. Pearl is just trying to change poor/ dangerous behaviour, so don't take it the wrong way! Tim Moore, Randwick MATCHING NEIGHBOURS A GREAT IDEA Dear Editor, Is it just me or have things been a little negative around here lately? Well, I think so, and therefore I feel compelled to write about something positive that has happened to me in our community over the last couple of months, as a result of an awesome idea that a local guy (big shout out to David James) brought to fruition. After living in Christchurch for most of my adult life, I unexpectedly found myself living back in Sydney with my adult daughter, without the support networks built up over a lifetime, friends of a similar age or even neighbours willing to make eye contact. I felt very much at a loss on a personal and social level, and whilst I’m young at heart and was always welcome to join my daughter at her social gatherings, I always remained 'the mum’ at these events. I began to look for something community-based to get involved in when I happened to see a paragraph in The Beast at the end of last year about a babysitting concept that matches neighbours (those with time on their hands) with those in need of some help with the kids. What a brilliant idea! I had no idea the concept was conceived with the idea of employing local teenagers, so I went ahead and joined up. As soon as my 'more mature' profile became available to local families, I very quickly became an integral member of several local, busy families’ lives. This has been one of the most positive and fun things I’ve ever done. It is simple and organic, community-minded, trust-based, and completely fills

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a multi-tiered set of needs for both parties. The empty nesters amongst us in the Eastern Suburbs can be of significant value to the large number of local families who don’t have the help or support of parents or grandparents. The families get someone older and wiser, disconnected from social media, to fully attend to their children and their family needs. I’m invited to many social occasions in my own right these days and, in fact, will meander around the corner tomorrow afternoon to my first barbecue of the season! Thank you Beast for once again being the vehicle for local connections, and thank you Juggle Street for bringing neighbours together again in this way. Angela Brownlee, Clovelly DESTROYING A SENSE OF COMMUNITY In the September issue of The Beast, our esteemed Randwick mayor wrote about “safeguarding our local sense of community”. But what he does not say is that behind the backs of much of Randwick’s local community, he is tirelessly working towards destroying the “sense of community” by seeking to end the existence of Randwick Council. To some, Ted Seng’s statements might appear as the cynical Orwellian joke of a Liberal politician saying, “Come to my Ministry of Love so we can torture you,” or saying to a five-year-old, “We will safeguard your sense of family by removing your mum.” Further down the mayor notes, “I have been honoured to serve Randwick City as mayor during this period of change,” again not mentioning that this “period of change” was engineered by him and his mates in order to destroy Randwick Council while serving his boss at state level. It is hardly a “period of change”, but a period of planned destruction. And it wasn’t just a “period of change”, it was actively engineered. Next we are told that “we have a supportive local com-

18 The Beast | October 2015

munity”, while not saying that almost 50 percent of the acclaimed “supportive local community” supports the existence of Randwick Council rather than the mayor’s plan to destroy it. Not even his very own 'sexed up' survey was able to hide the local support for a local council. Never mind, politics goes ahead anyway unbothered by, as Abraham Lincoln once said, “the will of the people”. The mayor’s annihilation plan is euphemistically and perhaps deceptively labelled “amalgamation”. It is hard to see all this as “the start of one great council”, as the mayor writes, when the end of Randwick Council is planned and executed with machine-man-like precision against the will of most people in Randwick, and when in his own survey only a minority supports ending Randwick Council. As the mayor’s own survey states, the support to “amalgamate with City of Sydney, Woollahra, Waverley, Botany Bay, Leichhardt and Marrickville Councils” was a meagre 23 percent (www.randwick.nsw. gov.au survey report) – hardly a majority. Quite apart from lacking a political mandate for serving his political state masters, the removal of a protective layer of local government – and local democracy – will also – and this is perhaps of equal importance to the Liberal Party – remove local protection against “developer’s greed”. Perhaps underneath his shiny business suit lurks a t-shirt saying “I like concrete and cement” with the hidden transcript, “I will not rest until ‘The Last Child In The Woods’ (Louv 2005) will only know the cemented environment of Randwick”. Finally, the mayor ends with: “I have been privileged to work with”. Again, this should read: “I have been privileged to work against” Randwick’s local community. It takes a skilful politician to rise to such a level of hypocrisy – a politician that one can thoroughly recommend moving up into the higher ranks

of the Liberal Party. As George Clooney says in a movie about one of the most respected American journalists – Edward R. Murrow: “Good night, and good luck”. But for Mayor Ted Seng, it is: “Good night Randwick and good luck to myself ”. Thomas Klikauer, Coogee POLLIES ENJOYING THEIR WEEKEND? On Sunday I phoned the offices of the Prime Minister, Minister for Employment, Treasurer, Minister for Social Services, Minister for Small Business, Minister for Finance and the Productivity Commission, but no one was there and my calls weren’t answered. I then called two theatres, a couple of tourist attractions, two retail outlets, a restaurant and a number of cafes, and got an answer to every phone call. I think I know where we can increase productivity, and it’s not with the weekend workers. Victor Marshall, Erskineville

The Beast Publisher The Beast Pty Ltd ABN 32 143 796 801 www.thebeast.com.au Editors james@thebeast.com.au dan@thebeast.com.au Advertising Enquiries advertising@thebeast.com.au www.thebeast.com.au/advertise Circulation 61,000 copies of The Beast are distributed every month. 55,500 are placed in mailboxes and 5,500 in local shopfronts. PEFC Certified The Beast is printed on paper sourced from sustainably managed forests. Letters To The Editor Please email your feedback to letters@thebeast.com.au.

It's okay to drink and drive when you have your own cult.

Local Bloke... Jonny Croft From Tamarama Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

amarama resident Jonny Croft has started his own craft spirits company and is an expert DJ. Jonny shares his local favourites with The Beast… How long have you lived here? Just over 12 years. What's your favourite beach? Tama is awesome for a morning dip, but when it comes to surfing, I’m a big fan of Bondi and the different options it provides. What's your favourite eatery? For a burger fix, The Stuffed Beaver on Bondi Road has a killer menu, great service and the perfect vibe. Just up the road from the Beaver, Pamama House has an incredible menu of modern South American cuisine and super friendly staff. Where do you like to have a drink? Anchor and Neighbourhood are always a sure bet.

20 The Beast | October 2015

Do you have a favourite sporting team? Go the Roosters! What music are you into at the moment? I DJ every weekend in bars and clubs, so that’s not an easy question! I’m digging lots of nu-disco edits by Late Night Tuff Guy and V Edits, KS French, etc. Who is your favourite person? Hunter S Thompson. He was an epic writer, brilliant misfit, journalist, social commentator and all-round genius. What do you do for work? After working for big corporations for 15 years, I decided to change focus and have just launched my own independent craft spirits company. Based on a mysterious religious movement from the South Pacific, the brand is called CARGO CULT Spiced Rum. What's your favourite thing about work? Seeing bartenders

getting really excited about the brand and the liquid in the bottle, bubbling with new ideas for cocktails that bring to life all the spiced flavours we use. What do you get up to on the weekends? I try and get down for a surf in the morning, followed by brunch with the family at one of my favourite Bondi or Tama cafes. Then I play with our two little men in the park until I pack a bag of records and DJ at bars across Double Bay and the city. Do you have a favourite quote? "The best way to predict the future is to create it" - Abraham Lincoln. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? If you’re thinking about starting your own business and you have a unique idea and you’re passionate about it… do it.

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Local Chick... Miriam Grundy From Clovelly Interview James Hutton Picture Grant Brooks

lovelly resident Miriam Grundy is an Aboriginal art consultant and splits her time between Sydney and New York. Miriam shares her local favourites with The Beast…

Do you have a favourite sporting team? The Bunnies, for the heart and soul they bring to the game and all they do for the Indigenous community; it’s bigger than just sport.

How long have you lived here? All my life. I’ve done a few stints living in the Inner West, but come summer I always get pulled back to the east.

What music are you into at the moment? My partner, Elliott Wheeler, is a musician and composer and I tend to get drawn into whatever he’s doing.

What's your favourite beach? My favorite spot in the universe is Clovelly in the morning, when it’s just a few gropers and locals doing their daily constitutional.

Who is your favourite person? Elliott and my niece Dylan.

What's your favourite eatery? At the moment it’s Da Orazio Pizza + Porchetta in Bondi, and for coffee it’s the nearby Sensory Lab. Where do you like to have a drink? I love walking to Bondi and rewarding myself with a glass of wine and cheese plate at Chapter One.

22 The Beast | October 2015

What do you get up to on the weekends? If I’m in Clovelly, it’s very low key: swims, cooking, dinner parties and pottering in the garden. If I’m in New York it usually involves an art gallery, catching up with friends and the ritual Sunday brunch. What do you do for work? I’m an Aboriginal art consultant, and I also just launched an online ethical fashion accessories store with

my sister called Sunday Tracker - www.sundaytracker.com. What's your favourite thing about work? Seeing what is possible once you do away with the accepted production and business model. For example, we sell jewellery made by a HIV positive women’s enterprise in Kenya, produced from melted down bullet casings. Do you have a favourite quote? Vivienne Westwood is an icon and huge supporter of sustainable fashion. Her motto - “Buy less, choose well, make it last” - applies to everything, not just clothes. Any other words of wisdom for readers of The Beast? If you’re willing to spend a few dollars more on your eggs because you dislike the idea of caged chickens, find out who makes your t-shirts, shoes and funky running gear. Fashion isn’t cheap, and someone along the line is always paying.

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Bambi Age 12 months Sex Male Breed Kelpie x

Weight 15kg

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Thumbs Up BOAT TRIPS – Spending time on a boat with your best mates at the back of Bumfuk, Indonesia getting barrelled just can’t be beat. RUGGER – Tally-ho good sirs! The Rugby World Cup is underway so throw on your boat shoes, pop your collar and get behind the Wallabies. DAD BODS – A slight paunch is all the rage these days, so turf that gym membership and tuck into another six-pack of VB stubs. SHORTS AND T-SHIRTS – Get the mothballs out and pack away the winter woollies, the weather for this outstanding ensemble is upon us again. FOOD TRUCKS – Why is that food tastes so much better from a truck? You can find out at the Entertainment Quarter all October long weekend.

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Beethoven Age 2 years Sex Male Breed Bulldog x Mastiff

Weight 38.1kg

Beethoven came from a rural pound so he has had to learn a lot about living in suburbia. He is a happy, goofy, friendly boy, but he hasn’t much idea when it comes to walking on lead or going out. He needs someone with patience to get him used to suburban life. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $350. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com to check out over 200 other dogs up for adoption.

Thumbs Down HAWAIIAN AIRLINES – Nearly made us miss our flight, sat our two-year-old five rows away from us, then lost our bags. Mahalo, you c**ts! ITCHY EYEBALLS – ‘Tis the season to be itchy. Yes, all those flowers are so darned pretty, but god they wreak havoc with my sinuses. REEF TATTOOS – The down side of aforementioned boat trips is the chance of an unpleasant encounter with an angry-looking coral head. BURNT BALD PATCHES – You know you’re aging when you suddenly realise that your biggest risk of melanoma is on your rapidly balding melon. INFIDELITY – Yes, I’m looking at you Beau Ryan. If the allegations are true, you are a bloody idiot. How hard is it to keep your dick in your pants?

24 The Beast | October 2015

Caramello Age 18 months Sex Male Breed Japanese Spitz x

Weight 6.4kg

Caramello is a bright, happy boy who is super social with other dogs and attentive with people. He loves affection and attention, and has a fair bit of energy. He has a fluffy coat that needs a hell of a lot of brushing. He could probably put some more weight on. He comes desexed, C5 vaccinated, heartworm free and microchipped. His adoption cost is $350. For further details, call Doggie Rescue on 9486 3133, email monika@doggierescue.com or visit the website at www.doggierescue.com to check out over 200 other dogs up for adoption.

How can we expect Sarah to save the world without her guns?

Gun Control In Eastern Suburbs Firing Line Words Marcus Braid Picture Skynet

ocal Greens MP David Shoebridge has expressed dismay at the degree of registered gun ownership in the Eastern Suburbs. There are more than 850,000 guns in private hands in NSW, and across the Eastern Suburbs there are almost 10,000 registered firearms spread between 2,574 gun owners. Matraville has 1,591 firearms in the area, while Randwick has 634, Coogee has 543 and Bondi Junction has 328. “What we are seeing is a continuous build-up of firearms in the community so that we now have one gun for every nine residents in NSW,” Mr Shoebridge said. “There’s not much that John Howard and I agree on, but when it comes to gun control he made

26 The Beast | October 2015

a courageous and important set of reforms in 1996 in taking hundreds of thousands of highly lethal weapons off the streets and we are safer as a result. “The problem is that those laws are under constant pressure from the gun lobby to water them down.” Mr Shoebridge expressed particular concern for the increasing presence of Shooters and Fishers Party representatives in parliament. “We now see Shooters MPs in the NSW parliament, in the Victorian parliament, in the West Australian parliament, and effectively Shooters MPs elected as federal senators,” he said. “They shamelessly use their small numbers in upper house parliament to blackmail governments on gun control.

“These are small private arsenals that are scattered around our suburbs, each one of which is a significant security risk. Why does anyone living in suburban Randwick need 13 guns? Why do they need one, let alone 13?” While shooting is a popular sport in the Eastern Suburbs largely due to the presence of the Anzac Rifle Range at Malabar, Mr Shoebridge said the main concern was where the weapons ended up. “We know through material the AFP and Australian Crime Commission provides that the overwhelming source of weapons entering the illegal firearm market are stolen weapons from the legal market,” he said. “It just makes sense.” Bruce Notley-Smith, NSW Member for Coogee, acknowledged that it only took one gun to find its way into the wrong hands for a tragedy to happen, but he questioned what would be a safe ratio. “Is eight or nine guns for every gun owner safe?” he said. “For the best part of a century, the only suburban firing range is in Matraville. Naturally it’s a sport that’s right on the door step of residents, and so it becomes an easier option to take up that sport.” Federal Liberal Democrat Senator David Leyonhjelm recently told www.abc.net.au that the figures were of no surprise to him, because there are 55,000 licensed firearm owners in the Sydney basin. “According to the Bureau of Crime Statistics, gun crime in Sydney is down significantly over the last few years, which just goes to show that there’s no correlation between the increasing number of guns and rates of crime,” he said. “I welcome these figures because they indicate our chances in international target shooting competitions are increasing, and an active hunting community will benefit the environment by eradicating feral animals.”

Are you concerned about the gun ownership figures for the Eastern Suburbs? Interview and Pictures Marcus Braid

James, Coogee

Sabina, Coogee

Yeah, it’s an issue. We shouldn’t have guns. If you look at America and see the amount of shootings that go on, it’s an issue when more people have guns. Ultimately, a gun is a lethal weapon.

Gemma, Bronte

I’m generally an anti-gun person, so I don’t support guns. I come from the US where it’s a hot button issue and people are really sensitive to it, but personally I don’t support it. I do feel safe here though.

Simon, Bondi

I don’t worry about it in the Eastern Suburbs because I don’t know too much about it. There should definitely be tighter restrictions on gun ownership though.

I am now. I would have said no before that; it seems like quite a lot of guns. They obviously see a reason for having a gun, but I say get rid of them.

Simon, Coogee

I don’t think anyone should own a gun. There’s no need to have a gun in our society. I’m not really concerned by the figures though.

Nicola, Bronte

I think it’s not good that people have guns, but if everyone gets guns then we should all get guns, just in case. But I don’t think that we should.

October 2015 | The Beast 27

Connecting Gardeners For Greater Good Words Dan Hutton

f you’ve noticed Eastern Suburbs backyard gardens becoming more minimalist than established, you might want to get behind this South Coogee local. Emma House is starting an online community aimed at connecting gardeners so that our established gardens have a chance at the next life. Living in a street in Coogee where every second house has been knocked down and rebuilt, Ms House noticed the trend towards minimalist and low maintenance gardens, often at the expense of established, cultivated and cared for gardens, which to a keen gardener like herself seemed like a massive shame. “I think it sends the wrong message to our next generation that it’s somehow okay to rip up our earth and start again,” Ms House told The Beast. “Gardeners and gardens are important to urban communities. They teach us so many lessons: cultivation, harvesting, sustainability, food, resources and some would even say the cycle of life. “This is why our community gardens are becoming popular with families, so children without backyards can understand where our food comes from. “Gardens provide a reconnect to the earth in an otherwise technology driven world.” Ms House is currently running a StartSomeGood campaign to raise funds to start the discussion and connection of gardeners. If you have green thumbs or think this is an important issue, get in contact with Emma and have a chat or show some support via her campaign. Visit www.startsomegood.com/ adopt-a-garden for more info.

28 The Beast | October 2015

Barry looking pretty stoked to have his head painted on a piece of junk.

Reuse And Re-love At The Garage Sale Trail Words Marcus Braid Picture Stuart Haigh

ondi Beach resident and television celebrity Barry Du Bois believes in sustainability to the extent that he wants to have his home running off the grid by the time his kids go to school. And he believes the Garage Sale Trail – which will take place across the country on October 24 – is the perfect way to promote the theme of reuse. “It goes with getting involved with your own community, talking to one another and saying, ‘Hey, I can make something really useful out of that’,” Mr Du Bois said. “It’s a great test of yourself if you can look at something and see that as it is it may not be useful, but you can test yourself to see if you can make it useful in your world.” Now in its fifth year, the Garage Sale Trail is Australia’s biggest reuse event. Sellers can hold a sale as a household, street, community group, school, charity, or as a local business. Participants can make money for themselves, or fund-

raise for a cause. Australian artist and 2015 Archibald finalist Paul Ryan has unveiled a one-of-a-kind portrait of Mr Du Bois in preparation for the event. The portrait was created on a discarded object saved from landfill to officially launch this year’s Garage Sale Trail. “It’s an honour to have a portrait done,” Mr Du Bois said. “I mean, we’re all egomaniacs. To be on a piece of recycled art means so much to me. My whole brand is about sustainability, reusing and re-loving things.” Andrew Valder, co-founder of the Garage Sale Trail, said the priority was to ensure participants registered their sales. “Areas like Bondi are the absolute heartland for the Garage Sale Trail,” he said. “That’s where it started. We’re fortunate that it continues to be hugely popular. There will probably be 400 garage sales in the Bondi and Bronte area.” To register a garage sale or for more information, visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Minette Brewin

BRONTE SCHOOL FAIR The Biennial Bronte School Fair will be held on Sunday, October 18 and the whole community is invited to join in. Children will love the rides, face painting, games, crafts and much more. Browse stalls selling handmade goods, flowers, plants, books, pre-owned fashion and vintage wares. Pick up a bargain from one of the auctions, try your luck at Tombola, grab a barbecue lunch, coffee or Devonshire Tea, or just come to enjoy the all-day live music and entertainment. The fair takes place from 10am– 4pm at 34 Hewlett Street, Bronte. GAP SAFETY FENCE UPGRADE Vaucluse MP Gabrielle Upton has announced that the Watsons Bay Public Recreation Reserve Trust has received more than $83,000 to support the improvement of the coastal safety fence at Gap Park. “The works will include replacing the existing timber rail fence with an upgraded stainless steel fence, installing a new safety fence from the cliff edge above Dunbar Anchor to the pedestrian pathway and

Warmer in than out.

extending the fence with an additional panel at Dunbar Anchor,” Ms Upton said. FILM, TALK AND FEAST WITH TRANSITION BONDI Are you concerned about climate change, peak oil, social and economic injustice? Can one person make a difference? Yes you can! Join Transition Bondi for inspiring evenings of learning about the environment over a delicious vegan dinner. The evening sessions take place on Wednesdays at Bondi’s Ruby’s Café (upstairs at Chapel by the Sea) from 7.00-9.15pm. Entry is $20 online or $25 at the door. Visit www.transitionbondi.org for more information. SPRING INTO CENTENNIAL PARK'S BEST EVENTS Be entertained this spring with literature, music, tours, outdoor performances, charity events and much more in the great outdoors of Centennial Parklands. The Parklands’ spring What’s On program features all of its popular events and activities plus some exciting new additions to Syd-

ney’s favourite events calendar. The warmer months will see the return of Listen Out (October 3), RBC Race for the Kids (October 17), the Spotlight Prowl (various dates) and Beekeeping for Beginners (various dates). Please visit www.centennialparklands.com.au. CHARITY DINNER IN MEMORY OF OLIVIA DAHDAH The stage is set for a charity dinner in the name of Olivia Iris Dahdah at The Lemnos Club in Belmore on October 9 starting at 7pm. Olivia Iris Dahdah passed away at six months of age due to complications associated with Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). Olivia’s parents, from Randwick, were totally unaware of this genetic condition and were completely shocked to discover they were carriers of this fatal disorder. They need your help to promote awareness and discover a cure for SMA so no other parent has to endure the hardship of losing a child at such a young age. Tickets are $150 per person and can be purchased at http://tix. yt/oliviadahdah. This is a great cause so be sure to get behind it.

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October 2015 | The Beast 31

Bart Cummings with Red Handed after winning the 1967 Melbourne Cup.

Cummings’ Departure Lingers Over Spring Racing’s Return Words Marcus Braid Picture Kristian Draxl

art Cummings and Royal Randwick enjoyed a long and decorated history together, and his passing promises to linger over this year’s Spring Carnival. Mr Cummings first came to Royal Randwick in 1975 after basing himself in Adelaide while his horse-training career boomed in the 1960s. “Bart’s affinity with Randwick was huge, because this was really his home track for the best part of 40 years,” a spokesperson for the Australian Turf Club (ATC) said. “His stable has been on course here for 40 years, and in recent times with his grandson

32 The Beast | October 2015

James. His son Anthony also has a stable here at Royal Randwick. “We had a massive day out here as a day of tribute for Bart. It was really sad to lose Bart, but at the same time I think people wanted to recognise and celebrate his wonderful career, and the great man that he was.” Sydneysiders are set to welcome a new and improved Sydney Spring Carnival format in 2015, including increased prize money and new on-course action. With more than $10 million in prize money now on offer, a new format will see an extra $2 million fed through major races

including five Group 1 and six Group 2 races. The premier race day for the Sydney Spring Carnival, The Star Epsom Day at Royal Randwick on October 3, will see prize money for the feature race, The Star Epsom Handicap, double to $1 million, while the pot for the McGrath Estate Agents Metropolitan will rise to $750,000, a $350,000 increase. “It’s a massive sporting weekend for Australia and Sydney, with the rugby league grand final on the next day,” a spokesperson for the ATC said. “It’s the long weekend too, so people can really kick back and have the best of both worlds.” Grand final ticket holders will receive free admission, and the day will also welcome The Bucket List Beach Club Marquee to Royal Randwick in celebration of the first day of the new ‘Premium Economy’ hospitality precinct. “The Saturday of the long weekend is the big day with the Star Epsom Handicap and the McGrath Estate Metropolitan, but the week after, for Moët & Chandon Spring Champion Stakes Day, it’s really building into a real event out here for the local community,” a spokesperson for the ATC said. Australian Turf Club Chief Operating Officer Tony Partridge said there will be more entertainment and options off the track this year. “Working with The Bucket List is an exciting venture for us as we bring the iconic Bondi bar to the track for an exclusive ticket-only event for punters to enjoy over five bumper weeks of Royal Randwick racing,” he said. Among other changes to this year’s Sydney Spring Carnival, the iconic Men of League Cox Plate Day will move to Royal Randwick on October 24. For more information about this year’s Spring Racing Carnival, go to www.australianturfclub.com.au/springracing.

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Rashers of human sizzling in the sun.

Sculptures Set To Take On Oceanic Proportions Words Marcus Braid Picture Adam Freier

his year’s Sculpture by the Sea will have an all-encompassing continental appeal, with contributions from around Oceania featuring. Founding director David Handley labelled Jeremy Sheehan’s ‘Trans Migration’ among the works to look out for on the Coastal Walk between Bondi and Tamarama from October 22 to November 8. “It plays on this real concern of plastic in the ocean,” Mr Handley said. “Jeremy’s done this collaboration with 20 artists from around Oceania. “Jeremy and his friends and family around Coffs Harbour have all gone out and found artists and communities around Oceania, from places such as the Philippines and PNG to Fiji. “Jeremy has sent off to everyone a little kit, which is like a skeleton around which they

34 The Beast | October 2015

then make birds from washedup plastic from the beaches and coastlines of their islands and countries around Oceania. That’s going to be set up on the fence line around the Tama Surf Lifesaving Club.” Marina De Briuf ’s sculptural fashion shows shape as another popular feature of the exhibition, with sculptural dresses made from recycled and washed-up plastic on the beach on display. The fashion shows will be on at Tamarama Beach at select times during the exhibition. “One of the smallest works in this year’s show is actually one of my favourites,” Mr Handley said. “It’s called ‘Eye’, and it’s a video work of an eye by a Danish artist, Anne Marie Pederson.” Among the most visible of installations will be a flying fish that is held up by a rope at the end of Marks Park, just

above the lookout. Another is ‘The Bottles’, which is a series of squirting water bottles that take on the appearance of giant penguins. “There’s going to be half a dozen of those on Tamarama Beach,” Mr Handley said. “They’re huge; several metres high. “Generally speaking, though, the scale isn’t as big this year. If there was to be any sort of trend, it’s the number of student collaborations. Usually there’s one each year, but this year there are three or four of them.” Three new members will enter the Sculpture by the Sea ‘Decade Club’ – Margarita Sampson, Marcus Tatton and Paul Selwood – which is made up of artists who have been in the show ten times or more. “The other thing we’ve been able to confirm is the three $30,000 Helen Lempriere scholarships,” Mr Handley said. The equally maligned and celebrated Grounds of Alexandria pop-up café at Marks Park is expected to return after its successful debut installation last year. “We’re hoping so,” Mr Handley said. “It’s just going through the approval process at the moment with Council. “We didn’t end up getting much more out of it for our bottom line, and we knew that would be the case.” Transport shapes as one of the challenges surrounding the exhibition, which attracted approximately 520,000 onlookers last year. “We’re still trying to resolve what’s happening with the buses and parking for the exhibition,” Mr Handley said. “It’s a good problem to have but it has become quite a problem. We’re still trying to work through how that’s going to be resolved.” If you would like more information about the 2015 Sculpture by the Sea exhibition, please visit www.sculpturebythesea.com.

MAYOR‘S MESSAGE Macpherson Park and Playground opening Thank you to everyone who came along and joined us for the reopening of the Macpherson Park and Playground on Saturday 29 August, and thank you to our staff. The design is fantastic with parents being able to enjoy the shade in both the morning and afternoon. All the children gave the party the ‘thumbs up’. Macpherson Park was the first of our Play Space Strategy projects we’ve completed, and we’ll soon commence work on the O’Donnell Street and the Dickson Park play spaces in Bondi. The Play Space Strategy guides the planning, upgrades and maintenance of our play spaces over the next 15 years.

Help us get the Coastal Walk back to Number 1 on TripAdvisor After holding the top position for more than 12 months, our iconic Bondi to Coogee Coastal Walk has dropped to number two behind Sydney Harbour as the best thing to do in Sydney. In a joint initiative between Waverley and Randwick Councils we are asking our community to help get us back to the top spot where we belong. Share your experience using the hashtag #CoastalWalkNo1.

Sculpture by the Sea From 22 October to 8 November Sculpture by the Sea will transform Waverley’s beautiful coastline into a striking outdoor art gallery. The event is a focal point on Sydney’s cultural calendar and Waverley Council is very proud to play host. Please be aware that during this time a number of road closures and changing parking conditions will take place in Bondi and Tamarama. Please go to waverley.nsw.gov.au for detailed information.

CUSTOMER SERVICE CENTRE 55 Spring Street, Bondi Junction NSW 2022 PO Box 9, Bondi Junction NSW 1355 PHONE 9369 8000 WEB waverley.nsw.gov.au

Events In Conversation with Eva Novy and Elana Benjamin Thursday 8 October, 7pm Waverley Library From Hungarian family secrets to spicy Iraqi tales, these delightful, young, local authors talk about their personal Jewish heritage that drove them to write two very different books, with conversation facilitated by Susan Bures AM. Free. Bookings essential at eventbrite.com.au

Meet the Author: Richard Glover Sunday 11 October, 2pm Waverley Library Join Richard as he shares his family truths with new book, Flesh Wounds. Part poignant family memoir, part rollicking venture into a 1970s Australia, this is a book for anyone who’s wondered if their family is the oddest one on the planet. The answer: ‘No’. There is always something stranger out there. Bookings essential at eventbrite.com.au

For more event info visit our website waverley.nsw.gov.au

Connect with us:

More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Jorge Armario - @jorgejorgeous

CHINA DINER’S SEVEN DAY HAPPY HOUR It is now happy hour every day of the week in Bondi. China Diner has introduced a seven-day Happy Hour to Hall Street. From 6-7pm, the specials cover beer, wine, champagne and a cocktail. Coming into the silly season, guests can hire out the Dining Room or entire venue for all occasions up to 200 guests. To book a Christmas party, hen’s, buck’s or birthday, make an enquiry at www.chinadiner.com.au. THE HAPPINESS QUEST Local lass and bestselling author Lana Penrose has just released ‘The Happiness Quest’, a raw, real and funny self-help memoir that honestly depicts the journey of tackling depression. It can be tough getting knocked down and getting back

Rainbow Brite.

up again. Lana tried almost every conceivable modality to free herself of the dirty black dog, from traditional therapy to offbeat intervention, and rated her experiences along the way. Lana is also appearing as a guest speaker at the Mind & Its Potential conference this month. For more information, please visit www.lanapenrose.com.au. HELPING KIDS TO UNDERSTAND THE LAW Member for Coogee Bruce Notley-Smith has welcomed the launch of a revamped website that helps children and young people to navigate complicated legal issues. Issues such as parental break ups, family violence, criminal issues and property settlements can affect children and young people. The Best for Kids website has legal

information and resources for young people and families on a wide range of legal issues including family law, care and protection, family violence, criminal law and consumer credit and debt. For more information, go to www.bestforkids.org.au. LOCAL WINS MISS BURLESQUE Red Velvet Road Productions are proud that Coogee’s Ginger Foxx has taken out the 2015 Miss Burlesque State Final, winning the title of Miss Burlesque NSW. Ginger Foxx wowed both the audience and judges alike with her three beautifully executed burlesque acts. As a part of her prize, Ginger Foxx will take to the stage with her title winning Classic performance at the October edition of Secret Hideaway, held on October 1 at The ArtHouse Hotel in the CBD.

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October 2015 | The Beast 37

Pressure is building on Council to fix the fence at Broadarrow Reserve.

Pressure On Council To Fix Fencing Words Marcus Braid Picture Grant Brooks

andwick Council is under increasing pressure to act on the lack of fencing around Maroubra’s Broadarrow Reserve. A community movement for a fence around the off-leash park has gathered significant momentum in the wake of yet another tragic incident. Sarah McMahon’s dog, Maxie, was hit by a car and killed on Fitzgerald Avenue in late July. The incident occurred just months after another dog was killed running across the road from Broadarrow Reserve earlier this year. “All the people down at the dog park think that it’s an issue that needs to be addressed,” Ms McMahon said. “We’re worried about what it’s going to take. Is it going to

38 The Beast | October 2015

take a dog running across the street and causing a pile-up? It’s such a simple thing for them to do, just to fix the fence that’s already there.” A change.org petition has gathered more than 650 signatures, which is an indication of the burgeoning level of community support for action on the fencing. “We’re happy that they’re looking into it, but we’re feeling like they’re not listening to what we’re saying,” Ms McMahon said. “We keep hearing that they think we’re talking about enclosing the whole park, which is not what we’re really asking for. We’re just asking for them to fix the existing fences that are already there, especially the one

which is on Fitzgerald Avenue. That’s the priority, because that’s the main road.” A spokesperson for Randwick Council extended sympathies to the McMahon family. “Randwick City Council is supportive of companion animals and we have 14 off-leash dog parks that provide a large amount of open space for dogs to exercise,” the spokesperson said. “Randwick City Council’s existing dog parks are not fenced due to their large size and shared use. “Council is currently investigating the request and we are looking at a range of issues such as the impact of fencing on other users of the park, cost and maintenance. “Councils that have fenced dog parks generally fence smaller areas within parks and this provides less space for dogs to exercise.” However, local resident Emily Beale – who started the original petition for a fence – dismissed Council’s responses to the issue as a “brush-off”. “Every single response we’ve had from Randwick City Council so far has been a brush-off,” Ms Beale said. “Speaking candidly, it’s a council that doesn’t give a shit about dogs. “Everything that is provided for dogs within Randwick is really inadequate. I just don’t think they give it any value.” Maxie was a highly popular and well-known dog within the Maroubra community, and she was walked once or twice a day at Broadarrow Reserve. “The last few weeks have been some of the hardest of our lives and we do not wish anyone to have to go through what we have been going through,” Ms McMahon said. “That is why we are making it our mission to make a change and make the dog park safer for both dogs and the local public. We want something good to come out of something tragic.”

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Kerr In Box Seat For Suicide Fundraiser Words Duncan Horscroft

One of the better American fads.

Food Trucks Jam Into Entertainment Quarter Words Marcus Braid Picture Yin Yang

ood trucks have become popular institutions in Sydney of late, and the trend has taken an extra step with the launch of a brand new event at the Entertainment Quarter in Moore Park. The Food Truck Jam will see Sydney’s most sought-after food trucks gather in one location for the very first time. The event will take place on the October long weekend. Among the most popular and anticipated of the food trucks will be the Tella Balls milkshake stand. Their creamy milkshake topped with a Nutella-filled donut has become somewhat of a worldwide social media sensation. The theatre of food preparation will also be on display, with Knafeh Bakery’s ‘Bearded Bakers’ set to put on a performance while serving their delicious Middle Eastern signature dessert - a hot sweet cheese and semolina pudding with crunchy crumble, crushed pistachios and fragrant sugar syrup. Attendees can take their pick from food trucks including Bad Betty Burgers, NYPD New York Sandwiches, Yang’s Malaysian, Caminito Chorizo and Chur-

40 The Beast | October 2015

ros, Let’s Do Yum Cha, Cantina Movil Mexican, Mojo Picon Paella, Cherry Highway and many more. It isn’t just about indulgent food either. For the health conscious consumer, organic pizza will be available, as well as tapas from Agape, Rio Barra chicken wraps and salads, plus lentil dishes from A Taste of Ethiopia. Toby’s Estate Coffee will be there, alcoholic beverages will be available from Wats on Tap (including sparkling sangria), and there’ll be a lemonade stand for the kids. Aside from the food trucks, there will be family friendly entertainment across the weekend including an ice skating rink, jumping castle, DJs, street performers and giveaways. You can follow each food truck’s journey to the Food Truck Jam on the City of Sydney Council’s Food Truck app, and watch them join together on the map in one location for the first time. The Food Truck Jam will kick off at the Entertainment Quarter at Moore Park at 5pm on Saturday, October 3, and at 12pm on Sunday, October 4. Entry is free.

s a veteran Waverley lifeguard, Rod Kerr has had to deal with some horrific incidents, but the ones that affect him the most are suicides. In an effort to get the message out there, Rod has teamed up with Sam Webb, co-founder of charity organisation LIVIN, to help raise funds for suicide prevention during the upcoming Mental Health Awareness Week. Livin On Bondi (It Ain’t Weak To Speak) will be held at The Bucket List at Bondi on Wednesday, October 17 and will feature a host of sporting and media celebrities donating their time to help raise money for this worthy cause. “Sam and I were recently discussing the more challenging aspects of my job as a lifeguard and one point that stirred up my emotions was having to deal with suicides,” Mr Kerr said. “At one stage we were averaging one a week and our lifeguards were continually having to seek counselling. “We even experienced it up close and personal when we were rocked by the news that our boss’s son had taken his own life. “When Sam asked me to come on board I did not hesitate.” Tickets to Livin On Bondi are $20 and the night will include welcome drinks, auctions, a swimsuit parade and live music. “Money raised is only the bi-product of what we do,” Mr Webb said. “Our goal is to empower people so that they can feel hope and feel love when they need it most”. For further information, please visit www.livin.org.au.

$25

Even More Bits & Pieces From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Miriam Chaplyn

$5.5 MILLION TO SUPPORT CANCER BREAKTHROUGHS The University of New South Wales is one of the largest recipients of NSW Government funding aimed at supporting cancer breakthroughs. The government, through the Cancer Institute NSW Research Development grants, is investing $5.5 million to provide leading researchers from eight institutions with the tools they need to gain new insights into cancer treatments. Under this program, the University of New South Wales will receive $1,686,524, including $500,000 for the use of fluorescence to determine pathogensis, progression and treatment of cancer. PRESERVE AND PROTECT MOORE PARK Trustees have welcomed the NSW Government’s assurance to preserve and protect Moore Park. Tony Ryan, Chairman of the Centennial Park and Moore Park Trust, said good sense had prevailed. “The Trustees of the Centennial Park and Moore Park Trust commend the NSW Premier and his Govern-

Such a glamorous little beach.

ment on the announcement of potential stadium investments, and the decision to preserve green space, public access and recreational facilities at Moore Park,” he said. BONDI CLEANS UP AT NATIONAL AWARDS Waverley Council has picked up the National Environmental Sustainability Award for its work on Bondi Beach at the recent Keep Australia Beautiful Clean Beaches Awards, held in Darwin. Council won the national award after winning the Keep New South Wales Beautiful Blue Stars Clean Beaches state title in December 2014 ahead of 18 other finalists. Council’s nomination for the awards was supported by several environmental projects, including stormwater recycling, energy-saving and waste management initiatives. For more information, visit www.waverley.nsw.gov.au. VETERAN’S HEALTH WEEK The North Bondi RSL Sub Branch would like to extend a warm invitation to attend the launch of the ‘Vet’s Go Surfing’

and ‘General Wellbeing and Fitness’ initiatives for Veteran’s Health Week 2015. North Bondi RSL Sub-Branch aims to assist, nurture and grow with the members of its Sub-Branch. The launch event will be held on Monday, October 12 at 8am on the North Bondi Beach promenade, followed by a casual, healthy breakfast in the North Bondi RSL Club. Please RSVP to info@tobrukhouse.com by Tuesday, October 6. CANCER COUNCIL’S GIRLS' NIGHT IN Women across the country are being encouraged to celebrate female friendships while helping to beat women’s cancers by hosting a Cancer Council Girls’ Night In this October. Your event can be as big or as small as you wish. Whether you host a dinner party, have a pamper session or hold a movie night, Girls’ Night In is the perfect excuse to get the girls together while raising much needed funds. You can register to host your own Girls’ Night In by visiting www.girlsnightin.com.au or calling 1300 65 65 65.

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Close, But No Cigar For New Bronte RSL DA Words Sarah Healey Picture Save Bronte

f at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Winston Langley Burlington (WLB) has certainly been a testament to that popular proverb, having submitted yet another revised development application for the old Bronte RSL site to Waverley Council recently. The $14 million proposal seeks to tear down the old RSL on Macpherson Street and transform it into four ground-level retail spaces and 21 residential apartments spanning three levels. Two levels of car parking as well as loading facilities are also included in the DA. The new DA is significantly smaller in size than WLB’s original application, which was rejected by the Department of Planning and Environment after a tirade of community objection. The retail component has been substantially reduced, and there is now no space set aside

44 The Beast | October 2015

for the Bronte RSL Club. One of the retail tenancies and related car parks has been allocated to the Bronte RSL Sub-Branch though. WLB Director David Hynes believes he is working towards achieving a building that meets community satisfaction. “Our new DA complies with the planning controls and responds to the concerns raised by the community and Council. Our goal from the start of this process has been to do justice to this iconic site in Bronte and create something special for the local community and the Bronte RSL Sub-Branch,” Mr Hynes said. However, after three years of arduous protesting with the developer, the Save Bronte group still has serious reservations about the new DA. While Save Bronte spokesperson Dr

Stephen Lightfoot considers the revised plan “a step in the right direction”, he believes that the proposal does not comply entirely with Council development controls, as the height and floor space ratio remain above the current limit. The design of the building could also allow the potential for an expansion of the retail space post-approval. “Given that it doesn’t comply with all the controls, the DA must not be approved in its current form,” Dr Lightfoot said “The DA must be altered so that it truly complies with the controls. Conditions must be imposed that ‘future-proof ’ the development against any upscaling of the retail space in any post-approval stage. It is only then that our goal of an appropriate redevelopment of the RSL site will be realised.” Dr Lightfoot hopes the developer will stand by his word when it comes to meeting community expectations. “He has said publicly that he wants to stop fighting with the community so we hope he will show he means what he says by changing the proposed development in response to the issues we have raised with him,” he said. The community is now waiting for Council to assess the revised DA. Member for Coogee, Bruce-Notley Smith, who has been a long-standing supporter for voices in the community, encouraged the developer to listen to Council’s assessment and act appropriately. “I would expect that the applicant heeds the advice of Council, as there’s no strategic merit in putting a huge building on that site,” Mr Notley-Smith said. According to a Council spokesperson, “The community can view the development via our website, www.waverley.nsw. gov.au. The application is at preliminary assessment stage and as such we cannot comment on the merit of the application.”

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Centennial Park ‘Carp Whisperer’ Lands Record Catch Words Marcus Braid Picture Rex Hunt

hile Centennial Parklands ‘carp whisperer’ Tony Steiner was recently awarded a world angling record for landing an extra-large catch, he noted that there has been a “massive reduction” in carp numbers in the park. Mr Steiner was awarded the longest fish of a species in an all-class category by the International Game Fish Association (IGFA) after out-witting an 89-centimetre common carp in Centennial Park’s Willow Pond in August. “Carp have been here for forever and a day,” Mr Steiner said. “The numbers that used to be here compared to now are massively reduced, but there’s

46 The Beast | October 2015

still a lot of carp in the ponds. “We’ve seen a massive reduction in the carp. We’re talking tonnage that we’ve removed. That’s obviously the first thing that’s in your face. The park seems to be at a status quo; as long as we’re reducing the carp and keeping an eye on what’s happening with it.” Mr Steiner linked the reduction of carp with an improvement in water quality, which had a positive effect on other species in the parklands. “We’re seeing a lot more bird life down here,” he said. “We’re seeing big populations of birds breeding, so we know the water quality is obviously getting a lot better. I’ve seen a healthy

improvement in the park.” Mr Steiner’s 19.7-kilogram monster catch was caught on three-kilo line and took approximately two hours and 45 minutes to land. It was the second IGFA world record to have been recorded in Centennial Park for fishing. The first was in 2009 by Paul Cooper, who was awarded a world angling record for a catch of the heaviest fish of a species in an all-class category. “We’ve actually caught a few of that size, but that was the only one that the record got approved for,” Mr Steiner said. “We’ve actually caught a couple bigger, so we know that they’re in here. It’s just a matter of trying to find them at the time. You get a shock. It’s always a welcome surprise.” An accredited IGFA guide, Mr Steiner runs the Parklands’ award-winning program Fishing 4 Therapy, as well as Kids Big Fish and a number of corporate fishing programs throughout the year. “We’ve got different programs that run,” Mr Steiner said. “We allow some of the public in to fish with us. You can’t just walk into the park and fish obviously; it’s not allowed. But if people want to register or come along on one of the afternoons to fish with us, they can help us catch the fish and take them out.” As a seasoned fisherman and ‘carp whisperer’ at Centennial Parklands for four years, Mr Steiner said his best advice was simple. “The key thing would just be patience,” Mr Steiner said. “Anyone can catch the fish. There’s a happy mix of skill and luck. “I’m not quite sure where one starts and the other stops, but at the end of the day it’s the patience that wins out. That’s the first thing we teach the kids when they come to our fishing clinics.”

Should carp fishing be allowed in Centennial Park at all times to help control carp numbers? Interview and Pictures Marcus Braid

Ainslie, Bondi

I guess it’s probably better that somebody controls it. Fishing for carp could get out of control otherwise. I’m not sure you can eat that fish, so I’m not sure why people are fishing for them.

Clint, Coogee

Calum, Randwick

No, because if you want to fish at any time, why don’t you just go out on a boat? Go to a more suitable place.

Helena, Bondi

In a general sense, if you are not allowed to fish there there’s obviously a reason for that. I would have thought there would be better places to fish.

I think there should be some kind of management, because if you let everybody go in there willy-nilly, it might be fished out before you know it.

Melissa, Bellevue Hill

I think you kill to eat. If you fish but don’t do it for your own meal, I don’t see it as a sport, so I think they should keep the management program in place. Tree hugger, I know.

Lachlan, Bronte

You should be able to fish to a limit so they’re not all being killed off. But if there’s an excess, then I don’t see why not.

October 2015 | The Beast 47

Local Sport From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Caroline Dall'Agnol

SYDNEY GRADE CRICKET BACK IN ACTION Sydney grade cricket is back in earnest, and Twenty20 will be the flavour of the month. Teams have been divided up for the Twenty20 competition into Sydney Sixers and Sydney Thunder divisions. Teams will battle out the semi-finals on October 25 before the preliminary finals and final at the SCG a week later. The first official round of grade cricket is on October 4, with the Randy Petes and Easts Dolphins looking to get away to a positive start. Visit www.sydneygrade.nsw.cricket.com.au. LOCAL SWIM CLUB KICKS OFF SEASON The family-friendly Randwick & Coogee Amateur Swimming Club kicks off its new season at the historic Wylie’s Baths on October 3. Registration is from 8am, followed by swimming races for all strokes. Club members meet each Saturday morning from October 3 to the end of March. The club is a great way to meet new friends and have fun keeping fit while improving your swimming. All swimmers

Colourful coconuts at Bondi Beach.

of all ages and abilities are welcome. For more info, call Chris Grant on 0418 887 113 or Annette Moran on 0417 169 970, or visit www.rcasc.swimming.org.au. GRANTS FOR LOCAL SPORT PROJECTS Local organisations are encouraged to apply for grants of up to $1 million to help upgrade sport and recreation facilities through the Club Grants Category 3 program. Up to $8 million worth of funding is available, and applications should be forwarded to Waverley Council and Woollahra Council to have the best chance of gaining a funding injection. On top of funding for sport and recreation infrastructure, $2 million for emergency relief facilities and $2.5 million for cultural infrastructure annually for the next four years is available. For further information, go to www.olgr.nsw.gov.au. INDIA RETREAT WITH YOGA TRAVEL COMPANY Join yoga teachers Dara and Beck from Coogee’s Livingroom Yoga School for a ten-day yoga retreat to India for the

ultimate Yoga Travel Company experience. The retreat from November 8-18 includes two nights at the Raintree Hotel in Chennai, a guesthouse stay in Auroville for eight nights, and a visit to Amma’s Ashram in Vellore. Daily meals and a full yoga itinerary are also included. The retreat costs $2,250 for double occupancy and $2,700 for single occupancy. All levels are welcome. Call 9665 4262 or visit www.theyogatravelcompany.com. ADVENTURE DAY AT SYDNEY PARK Mountain boarding, parkour, a super cross track and BMX stunts will turn Sydney Park into an adventure playground to launch Sydney’s biggest bike festival on Saturday, October 10. The all-day ‘Sydney Rides The Park’ event kicks off just after dawn with free yoga for bike riders. There will also be a supercross track and mountain boarding for kids of all ages. Kids can also explore an edible garden, take part in a plant-a-pot workshop and learn about native animals at the Taronga Zoo mobile exhibit. Visit www.sydneyridesfestival.net.

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October 2015 | The Beast 49

October 2015 Monday

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GIRLS’ NIGHT IN Women across the country are being encouraged to celebrate female friendships while helping to beat women’s cancers by hosting a Cancer Council Girls’ Night In this October. You can register to host a Girls’ Night In by visiting www.girlsnightin.com.au.

SEVEN DAY HAPPY HOUR It is now happy hour every day of the week in Bondi as China Diner has introduced a seven-day Happy Hour to Hall Street. From 6pm-7pm, the specials cover beer, wine, champagne and a cocktail. To make an enquiry or booking, visit www.chinadiner.com.au.

ART AND ABOUT From home-delivered theatre performances in private living rooms to Sydney’s largest backyard party in Martin Place, Art & About Sydney 2015 is set to excite and delight from September 18 to October 11. For more info, visit www.artandabout.com.au.

VETERAN’S HEALTH WEEK The North Bondi RSL SubBranch would like to extend a warm invitation to attend the launch of Veteran’s Health Week 2015. The launch will be held at the North Bondi Beach promenade, followed by breakfast. RSVP to info@tobrukhouse.com.

CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL ART Bondi mum Claudia Abrahams is the leading artist at the Sydney Children’s Hospital Spring Art Exhibition. The exhibition runs from September 3 to December 1. Claudia’s works are vibrant, colourful and full of energy and it is all for a great cause.

FILM, TALK AND FEAST Are you concerned about climate change, peak oil, social and economic injustice? These evening sessions take place on Wednesdays at Bondi’s Ruby’s Café from 7-9.15pm. Entry is $20 online or $25 at the door. Please visit www.transitionbondi.org.

TEEN BOOK CLUB Join fellow readers in a fun discussion of various titles, genres and film adaptations at Margaret Martin Library from 4-5.30pm. This is a free program for library members attending high school (or equivalent). To register your interest in joining, call 9314 4888.

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LAKE MALABAR BUSHCARE Become a bushcare volunteer and work with Randwick Council's Bushcare Officers on this bush regeneration program from 123pm. Meet at the end of Manwaring Avenue, Malabar. For more info, call Randwick Council’s Bushcare Officer on 9399 0708.

SCULPTURE BY THE SEA The diverse works of the 2015 Sculpture By The Sea exhibition will be on show as of today. Over 500,000 visitors are expected to converge on the Bondi to Tamarama coastal work from October 22 – November 8. Please visit www.sculpturebythesea.com.

BLUE KNOT DAY On Blue Knot Day, ASCA asks all Australians to unite in support of the five million Australian adult survivors of childhood trauma. The day is a national awareness day. It will be celebrated today and activities will be held until November 1. Visit www.asca.org.au.

THE DANGER OF FLEAS With Australia’s peak flea season officially starting today, Bondi Vet Hospital is joining veterinarian Dr Katrina Warren in warning dog owners to be compliant, not complacent, when it comes to protecting pets from these parasites. Visit www.bravecto.com.au.

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For heaps more local events, just visit...

Concretor Jay Rodney Oceanside Ph: 0411 989 565 Painter Brett Dooley Nielson Dooley Ph: 0404 888 089

Friday

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SUPERHERO TRAINING This school holidays, Rock Surfers Theatre Company is once again hosting its Superhero Training Academy. Taking over the Bondi Pavilion Theatre from October 2-3, it is a unique interactive theatre experience for kids. Visit www.rocksurfers.org.

NEW WYLIE'S BATHS SEASON Randwick & Coogee Amateur Swimming Club kicks off its new season at Wylie’s Baths in Coogee today. Registration is from 8am, followed by swimming races for all strokes. All swimmers welcome. Call Chris on 0418 887 113 or Annette on 0417 169 970.

NRL GRAND FINAL DAY The pinnacle of the rugby league year is here. It’s a day all players dream of. The Sydney Roosters reached the glory land in 2013 and, as minor premiers, they are a great chance of winning the premiership again. For tickets and game times, visit www.nrl.com.

FOOD ADDICTS ANONYMOUS Struggling to control your eating? Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meetings are held every Friday at 10am at the Salvation Army Hall, Boyce Road, Maroubra, and every Tuesday at Cross Street Studio in Double Bay from 7pm. Visit www.foodaddicts.org.

BONDI BLYMP FOR THE KIDS WAYS Youth Services presents the Bondi Blymp concert at Bondi Pavilion today from 7pm-11pm. Gone Electric, Stone Haven, Haze Trio, Capewolf and Planb will keep the young crowd entertained. Tickets are $12 online or $20 on the door. Visit www.ways.org.au.

BABIES LOVE TURKISH Get along to Margaret Martin Library for rhymes, songs, stories and craft in Turkish. All children aged 0-5 years are welcome from 1.30-2.30pm. It's on the second Sunday of every month until December 13 and it's free. Visit www.randwick.nsw.gov.au.

SPRING’S BEST EVENTS Be entertained this spring with literature, music, tours, outdoor performances, charity events and much more at Centennial Parklands. The Parklands’ spring What’s On program features all of its popular events. Please visit www.centennialparklands.com.au.

THE BRIAN SKERRY SHOW Live on stage on October 17 at the Sydney Opera House, Brian Skerry will share his adventures and scientific insights, including his recently published photographs from two years’ work researching dolphins from 2pm. Visit www.sydneyoperahouse.com.

BRONTE SCHOOL FAIR The Biennial Bronte School Fair will be held on Sunday, October 18, and the whole community is invited to join in. Children will love the rides, face painting, games, crafts and much more. The fair takes place from 10am– 4pm at 34 Hewlett Street, Bronte.

UNITE IN PINK Unite in pink and show your support for the Cancer Council this October by hosting a Girls’ Night In or Pink Ribbon fundraiser. You can also buy Pink Ribbon merchandise ahead of Pink Ribbon Day (which is on Monday, October 26). Visit www.pinkribbon.com.au.

GARAGE SALE TRAIL This amazing national event, now in its fifth year, launched in Bondi and encourages households around Australia to hold garage sales on the same day. Get rid of all that old junk of yours and raise some coin for a good cause.Visit www.garagesaletrail.com.au.

WALKING IN THE NAME OF Lace up your joggers and get your family and friends together for the iconic Cancer Council's Seven Bridges Walk. People living with cancer rely on the support of people like you. For more information and to register, visit www.7bridgeswalk.com.au.

THE BACK DOOR CINEMA Celebrate Halloween weekend this year by watching movies at The Back Door Cinema right on the beach at Yarra Bay Sailing Club. On October 30 it’s the 30th anniversary of Steven Spielberg’s family favourite The Goonies. Visit www.backdoorcinema.com.au.

SPRING FUN AT THE BOTANICS The Royal Botanic Gardens becomes ‘unmissable Sydney’ this spring. Light The City, a free a night-time bike ride like no other, will take place on October 31, along with Oktoberfest in the Gardens 2015. Visit www.rbgsyd. nsw.gov.au for more information.

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Fencing David Skene Jim’s Fencing Ph: 0415 401 587 Building Design Todd Maguire Design Solutions Ph: 0405 617 428 Rubbish Removal Dave Whiteley Dave's Rubbish Ph: 0401 296 069 Mechanic Jordan Hayman JH Automotive Ph: 0424 144 987 Plumber Matt Scott Surfside Plumbing Ph: 0450 391 734 BBQ Caterer Wardy Wardy & Sons Ph: 0414 293 396 Cleaner Sarah Callan Exec Home Office Ph: 0414 510 275 Plumber Luke Fletcher Pipe Up Plumbing Ph: 0431 638 558 Locksmith Bradley Rope SOS Locksmiths Ph: 0498 767 767 Electrician Adrian Langen Langen Electrical Ph: 0400 006 008 Arborist Jeff Hunt Prompt Trees Ph: 0412 280 338 Handyman Cristian The Handyman Ph: 0467 484 459

...www.thebeast.com.au/events-guide

Chasing His Dream

Chris Taylor Interview Dan Hutton Photography Andrew Goldie

Where are you originally from? I'm a Sydney boy. I grew up on the Northern Beaches in my early childhood, and then moved towards The Spit. I was a creature of the north growing up, but these days I reside in Paddington. When did you move over to the east? I think it would have been around 2000. My first proper job was in Melbourne. I got a cadetship with the ABC to be a serious journalist, and the deal was that if I wanted a job I had to move to Melbourne. I spent five years of my life working in the newsroom for the ABC, but I always had this itch to write comedy and some mates of mine back up in Sydney started this newspaper called 'The Chaser'. I got in touch with them and asked, "Are you looking for any other writers?” I fully assumed the answer would be, “No, piss off.” But, to my delight, and what proved to be a great serendipitous career turning point for me, they said they were launching a new website to cover the Sydney Olympics. It was a special satirical piss-take called ‘Silly 2000’, and I'd have to move back to Sydney if I really wanted to join the team properly. I quit my job and moved back immediately. Who was on The Chaser team at that stage? The team was Charles Firth, Julian Morrow, Craig Reucassel and Dom Knight. They were the main editors of the newspaper. What do you love about the Eastern Suburbs? Having done a fair bit of travelling around the world, I'm always amazed just how unique it is to have beaches in the middle of the city. Very few great cities of the world have that. Rio has it, Cape Town also has it, but the beaches in those two cities come with the caveat that you probably lose all your clothes on the beach to petty thieves while you're swimming.

What gets your goat about the Eastern Suburbs? The despair of Oxford Street. What used to be one of the great arteries of the city is now a depressing wasteland. Every second shop towards the Woollahra end of Oxford Street is for lease and empty, and whether that's because of greedy landlords or nervous retailers, I don't know. I also feel, without getting too earnest or righteous about it, that the Eastern Suburbs - and Paddington in particular - still suffers from being a bit monocultural. It's very white. Sydney is a fabulously multicultural city, but you wouldn't necessarily know that when you walk around Woollahra or Paddington.

I went in cracking jokes and maybe they saw something in me that the other candidates didn't have. You mentioned briefly you did a cadetship; was that your first job? I did an arts degree at Sydney Uni. I was then unemployed for two years like most arts graduates - like, bleakly unemployed. I was actually getting quite concerned, so I went back to uni to retrain. I went to UTS to do a graduate diploma in journalism and even after that I was still going for shitty jobs, like proofreading the Yellow Pages. Then just as I was about to give up, on a whim the annual ABC cadetships came up. I said, “I'll apply, but there's no way I'll get it.” It's regarded as the dream job for any journalism graduate and that was the one I ended up getting. I think because I was so convinced I wasn't going to get it I was quite relaxed when I interviewed. I went in cracking jokes and maybe they saw something in me that the other candidates didn't have.

How did The Chaser begin? The Chaser began as a satirical newspaper, a bit like 'The Onion' in America or 'Private Eye' in England. It was just a hobby for us, like the way some people surf on the weekend or play golf. We wrote funny articles for this newspaper that came out fortnightly and which nobody read. It was very underground and it was bleeding money. It was an absolute loss making venture. Who was funding it? That's a good question. A lot of parents and friends, and we held a lot of fundraisers. I had fundraising nights at the pub. Friends and family would come to these and put money in the hat, and that just kept it alive issue to issue. But it was being run at a loss. Andrew Denton picked up a copy of the newspaper while he was working at Triple M and saw in it an irreverence that he thought had been missing from Australian comedy. We were lucky that one of our very few readers just happened to be a reader of great influence. He got in touch with us and said, "I like what you're doing, have you ever thought about TV?" We honestly said, "No, we all have day jobs and this is just our hobby.” Andrew said, "If ever you do have an idea for a television show I'd be very keen to produce it for you, and I'm willing to mentor you and show you the ropes of how TV works and how to write for TV.” The minute he said that we were all giddy with excitement, and at the prospect of maybe leaving our day jobs and working in television. We very quickly tried to think of television format ideas, and the one we came up with was to do a very short series covering the 2001 federal election. We wanted to parody tally room culture and the election night coverage. It was pretty bumpy, but the ABC saw just enough in it to let us go again with a longer show, which became

October 2015 | The Beast 53

‘CNNNN’, and we did two seasons of that, which was a parody of cable news culture. I think it was important to us to mimic the sort of working model that we'd seen the D Generation use, of a tightknit writer/performer team. We didn't have any outside writers, and even though we weren't good performers we thought it was important and Andrew Denton thought it was important - that we perform our own material. What a lot of people don't know is that when we started CNNNN we did actually have serious discussions about getting actors in to play the anchors. We even auditioned a few really good actors, whose names I won't mention, but the material just didn't seem to sing as much when they did it as when we did it for some reason.

There's not a lot of humour in the APEC piece. It's more about a bunch of underdogs having a crack against the biggest security operation this country has ever mounted and winning. In your opinion, what's the best work you guys have ever done? Personally, I don't have a favourite, but the one I occasionally do cite when people ask me was an idea of Craig's called ‘The Trojan Horse’. I just loved the boldness of it, particularly the boldness of the scale of it. We actually built a Trojan horse, like a massive Trojan horse that would have done the people of Troy proud. The idea of it was to see what we have learnt from history. We took it to the Opera House, we took it to Channel Nine, and we took it to the Army Barracks on Oxford Street in Paddington. Every time it went in. We even took it to the actual Turkish Embassy. It made me laugh. The commitment of our art department to build this thing and the way that we pulled it off so perfectly, for me was more comically satisfying than the APEC stunt that everyone goes on about. APEC was just a great act of cheek and a great act of larrikinism. There's not a lot of humour in

54 The Beast | October 2015

the APEC piece. It's more about a bunch of underdogs having a crack against the biggest security operation this country has ever mounted and winning. There was a David and Goliath satisfaction in the APEC one, but from a comedy point of view it's actually not a very satisfying piece. Was there any security briefing in the lead up to the APEC stunt? Oh, yeah. I think some people think we were just a law unto ourselves running amok on the streets of Sydney doing what we wanted to do. Every single piece, and especially that one, was heavily planned and scrutinised. We had big editorial discussions and security discussions. All the planning in the world sometimes doesn't prepare you for what might happen on the ground. I think we went into that shoot having canvassed every possible contingency, except the one that happened, which was that we'd get let in. All our planning was on the basis that we wouldn't get let in. We thought we might get past the first gate, but we thought there was no way in the world we'd get into the red zone, which was the second full-on gate. And we did. That's when we didn't really have a script anymore. Julian Morrow, who was The Chaser guy on the ground calling the shots, said that if they wanted to they could have gone all the way to George Bush's hotel or to the Opera House. He made the call to turnaround. It was a beautiful moment. Has there ever been any Chaser infighting or do you all get on well? We certainly get on. It amazes me that we're still together in a sense that historically close knit ensembles like ours don't last 16 years or whatever it is it's been for us. We often make the analogy with rock bands. Personal tensions are ultimately their demise, rather than a lack of hunger to keep making music. I do remember there were some tremendous fights during CNNNN, not just within the group, but between the group and Andrew Denton. We had a lot of editorial disagreements. We've mellowed with age. Nowadays, there are very few raised voices in the writers' room. There will be differences of opinion, but they are expressed in a very matter of fact, considerate way.

What did you make of the attention afforded to The Chaser by various media outlets, and by the wider public? The attention from the public was mostly very flattering, because it was mostly people saying they enjoyed watching the show. But it is fair to say on the other side of that, that a lot of the negative coverage by 'Today Tonight' and some of the News Limited tabloids did start to hurt. They were attacking a comedy show disproportionately to whatever sin they believed we'd committed in the first place. A comedy show by its nature shouldn't be taken seriously. After a while you just learn not to read everything, and I'm so glad that Twitter didn't exist when 'The Chaser’s War On Everything' was on. God knows what the Twitter outrage mobs would have made of half of our material. We would have been lynched once a week. At what age do you feel you have to stop behaving like a clown and start living a boring, dignified existence? Probably about 18 is the right age. I just haven't been very good at heeding that lesson. I do sometimes feel my career has just been one long attempt to prolong adolescence. Certainly working on the War On Everything, there was an adolescent irreverence about it. By its nature it was a show that had no respect for rules. I think all of us might benefit from having a greater sense of mischief and a sense of play in our lives. It might appear on the surface that we're irresponsible muckrakers, but what I think really drives our comedy is just a healthy disrespect for authority. We're fairly convinced that in today's society, more than ever before, we're constantly being lied to, whether it's by businesses or politicians or advertisers. All we've ever wanted to do is call out that bullshit, not earnestly, but do it with a smile and a cheeky irreverence. I don't ever want to lose that. Can you tell us a bit about ‘Plonk’ – the web series that you're currently promoting. I believe you play yourself; is that correct? I play a character called Chris Taylor who has my same backstory. I'm a member of The Chaser, but it departs from reality in that it turns out I've fallen on hard times and I’m being forced to do this shitty lifestyle show about

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wine. I'm really quite self absorbed and dismissive of others. So yes, I'm called Chris Taylor, but I hope people don't think I'm really that vain or arrogant. I always say that I love the writing of this other Chris because it's so different from me; it's so the opposite of me. And they always go, "Oh yeah, yeah, if that's what you want to believe.” I would like to believe that I don't have those qualities in real life, but maybe the writers of the show did see elements of that in me and thought, “This is the perfect man for the role.” Where did the idea for Plonk stem from? It’s the brainchild of Nathan Earl, who is an old mate of mine. Nathan created the show and he also worked on The Chaser's War On Everything. We'd known each other for years, and we'd partied a lot together and discovered a mutual love of wine. He knew I was a bit of a wine drinker and we'd always talked about doing a show about wine. In the early discussions it was going to be more of a straight lifestyle show, which was the very thing we ended up taking the piss out of in the ultimate show, Plonk. Nathan realised that it's pretty hard to do a straight lifestyle show about wine, because unlike food, wine's not very visual. It's not very interesting to film and it all kind of looks the same. It's either red or it's white and there are not many things you can do with a glass. This is the first time I've ever gone into a project that I've had no script involvement in and just been an actor for hire, so from that point of view it was a really interesting challenge. Would you classify the series as ‘branded content’, because essentially it’s just selling the wine regions of Australia, right? Yeah, that’s a very good question. I guess where Plonk differed was it existed as a fully developed TV series first. It wasn’t created specifically for a particular brand, it just used the brand funding model to get made. As a result we could pretty much run our own race creatively. With the second series of Plonk, the lion’s share of the funding came from Screen Australia, so it’s evolved even further away from the traditional branded content model this time around. I was uncomfortable initially about doing anything

56 The Beast | October 2015

branded content related. As someone who principally works for the ABC, I'm at times not even allowed to do any content or anything that's seen to have a commercial stake in it. That did pose some complications in the original planning stages before season one, and there were some potential people going to put money into season one, like banks and so forth. I had to put my foot down and I said, “I just won't do it; I'm not comfortable spruiking on behalf of a bank, nor will the ABC let me do that.” When the principal funding came from a tourism body (Destination NSW), which is still a government agency, I was okay with that. I sort of said, “All my life I've taken money from government agencies, why stop now?” That said, it is still branded content. You need to be transparent about it and say that someone has invested money in this program wanting something out of it, and what they want out of it is for people to go and explore our wine regions.

All we've ever wanted to do is call out that bullshit, not earnestly, but do it with a smile and a cheeky irreverence. Have you got any other big projects in the pipeline at the moment? I'm developing a sitcom at the moment. I'm very excited about it because I've never written a narrative comedy. Most of the stuff I've written has been topical comedy or satire, whereas this is an attempt to develop characters and tell stories while still keeping jokes front and centre. Who knows if it will ever see the light of day, but I'm very grateful to have had the chance to have developed it, and to have had a crack at writing a sitcom. Other than that, The Chaser team is back with season two of 'Media Circus' on ABC1. I don't personally work on that show. I couldn't even tell you what it is - presumably it involves cat videos. Do you support any charities? Yes. I'm quite an active ambassador for the White Ribbon Foundation. I

do some organisational work and a lot of community meetings with schools and sports clubs to try and educate men about the evils of domestic violence. The other one I get behind is the Australian Literacy and Numeracy Foundation, which is a group devoted to improving literacy and numeracy in Indigenous kids in remote communities, which is more pertinent than ever. Do you have any advice for aspiring content creators? My main advice to content creators is to create content, which sounds obvious, but so many of them don't. A lot of people say they want to be content creators, but they're always waiting for a grant or waiting for a job. Good content will always get out. I grew up in an era where you were dependent on networks. If you had an idea, a network or a radio station or a film distributor was your only chance of your idea getting made and distributed. These days, everyone has a camera and everyone has access to YouTube or any other viewing platform that they want to post their content to. As we frequently see, good content can win the day through viral spreading. In an ideal world, what does the future hold for Chris Taylor? I don't know. I can't believe I've been as lucky as I have been over the last 15 years. If I was to be day dreamy and ambitious, I’d like to write a musical. Andrew Hansen has been talking for quite a few years about writing a musical. We did a silly little musical revue comedy, but it was very vaudeville. We both saw The Book of Mormon – the South Park musical – and we thought it was just perfect in every way. It was a really excellent piece of work. After watching that, we both said that one day it would be great to write something as good as that. The idea of moving into telling stories and writing narrative comedy definitely appeals as well. Chris Taylor stars in Plonk Season Two, launching on YouTube on October 12 and also available on streaming service Stan. Plonk tells the story of a hapless TV crew as they bumble, fumble and embarrass their way around Australia’s most iconic wine regions, trying to make a serious wine program. Check it out at YouTube.com/roadtoplonk.

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Still a ploughing machine despite the sloppy rig.

The Rise Of The Dad Bod Words Rupert Truscott-Hughes Picture Frank Abagnale Jr.

n a victory for middle-aged men everywhere, popular culture is finally pushing the virtues of the paunch - or the ‘dad bod’ as it has been dubbed - and the poster child for this most unlikely of movements is none other than Hollywood playboy Leonardo Di Caprio, who, at the age of 40, has let his rig become more rotund whilst still bagging a bevvy of beautiful maidens. Whether or not the common man can achieve similar feats is yet to be seen, but at least it gives us all hope. According to Urban Dictionary, a dad bod is “a male body type that is best described as ‘softly round’. It's built upon the theory that once a man has found a mate and fathered a child, he doesn't need to worry about maintaining a sculpted physique.” The description goes on further to say that, “If human bodies were cuts of meat, the dad bod would skew more marbled rib eye than filet mignon; or, if human bodies were sea mam-

60 The Beast | October 2015

mals, a dad bod would be more like a grazing manatee than a speedy dolphin. The dad bod is more mudslide than mountain, more soft serve than sorbet, more sad trombone than clarinet, more mashed potato than skinny fry. The dad bod is built for comfort.” Interestingly, while Di Caprio’s dad bod is front and centre when Googling this cultural phenomenon, the actor is yet to father a child (surely that can’t be true?). Yep, you heard right: he ain’t even a dad, yet he’s embracing the dad bod. Could you hope for a more telling testimonial than that? If DiCaprio is happy to pull for the podge, shouldn’t we all? The significance of this victory for men everywhere could not be any sweeter, particularly given the propensity of pumpedup posers to take to all forms of social media to show off their sculpted abs and bulging biceps. To learn that a significant proportion of the fairer sex finds this behaviour to be nothing more than a massive flog has

restored my faith in humanity superficiality is so 2014 anyway! Rupert here can proudly attest to have been way ahead of the trend when it comes to the dad bod - I’ve been sporting mine since I was about 16 years old. And while I’m glad that fashion has finally caught up with my trail-blazing ways, I sincerely hope that the dad bod doesn’t go the way of the beard and become the domain of the hipster. Thankfully it’s rather difficult to procure a paunch on a diet of kale and almond milk chai, though, so this is one fad that should be safe. Finally, I’d like to note that like big Leo, we may possess a few flabby folds out front, but we’re not all dads. There are plenty of us who aren’t attached. So ladies, if you’re looking for a handsome man with carefully crafted curves, look no further. You can find me and many others of my ilk embracing our masculinity proudly at the north end of Bondi Beach. Come up and say hi.

Is the so-called 'dad bod' attractive or do you prefer the ‘roid muncher with rock hard abs’ look? Interview and Pictures Marcus Braid

Claire, Coogee

Oli, Clovelly

It’s nice that somebody looks after their body, but it’s also nice to have something to cuddle up to. In between, I would say.

I would prefer a body type somewhere in the middle. You shouldn’t get too obsessed about it and just have a healthy body.

Greg, Rose Bay

I would be happy with a dad bod when I’m a dad, but I can’t afford a dad bod right at the moment. The gym look for me, and in general, is a better option.

Eliza, Coogee

The dad bod, because there’s something to hold on to. The roided up body isn’t attractive and it’s superficial.

Laurie, Bondi

I find people attractive who are comfortable in their own skin, regardless of their body description.

James, Bondi

I’m going to go for the dad bod, because it’s easier to maintain than the Bondi bod for fathers.

October 2015 | The Beast 61

A little bit of information can be a dangerous thing, Russell.

Champagne Socialism Is The New Black Words Elizabeth Major Picture Karl Marx

t was probably in the days when Donald Trump still sported his own head of hair, but at some time in the nottoo-distant past, the concept of free-market liberalism became synonymous with evil. Capitalist philosophy was ascribed to the wealthy elite and denounced by the morally superior left: those who find the ignoble right wing government unpleasing at best. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I am starting to find an amusing anomaly among the leftist community: those with the least knowledge about economic theory seem to have the most to say. Their political tendencies lean more to the left, and from atop their ivory tower they wax lyrical about the virtues of socialism while denouncing the greedy motivations behind our right-oriented Liberal government. A friend of mine used to call

62 The Beast | October 2015

them champagne socialists. You know the type: they live a fairly comfortable lifestyle in milliondollar properties in the Eastern Suburbs, probably drinking lattes down at Bronte in the middle of the day, working minimal hours on a high minimum wage, complaining about their tax-free threshold and then demanding that the government look after those who are less fortunate. Students, especially, love to quote Marx: “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs!” They claim some kind of altruistic motive behind their aspersions of the wealthy upper class from whence they came, they deny the national debt and ignore the pragmatism of Thatcher who rightly said, “The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money.”

Scandinavia is still cited as the socialist success story – proof that every man is equal and no man is remarkable. Ask any Dane how wonderful life is and they will agree (usually, wholeheartedly, from the country to which they have migrated). Interestingly, most of these Scandinavian nations use high taxes and lifelong welfare to support their nationals; however, their economy manages to sustain this through a predominantly liberalist market approach. Places like Denmark, Finland and Sweden all rank higher than the US in business freedom, investment freedom, financial freedom and property freedom, while still maintaining a system that is free of corruption. Unfortunately, due to the needs-based cradle-to-grave welfare system, many of these socialist Scandinavian nations also rank lower than American states in economic output and private consumption (directly connected to a low-income average). I recently asked a Danish friend how a socialist society celebrates their particularly exceptional individuals and she said, “There are none. If you are talented, you keep that to yourself. Nobody needs to know.” What a sad state of affairs when the virtues of a community lay in keeping everyone the same so that none may be left behind. What incentive would any person have to excel, to work harder, to invent, innovate or create beauty for its own sake? Winston Churchill once said, “The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.” Ultimately, our welfare system is more than adequate and we have facilities to allow the kind of education that would support a more informed debate about economics. Champagne socialists around the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your gold chains of ignorance.

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October 2015 | The Beast 63

Every young man's nightmare.

The First Date Words Todd Maguire Picture Anne Cell

oung Eddie had been having a frustrating run of bad luck with the ladies. He knew he was only in a slump, but the lack of female companionship had him in quite a depressed state. Luckily, Eddie’s mate Kevin came to the fore with a solution to his dilemma. Kevin gave Eddie an assuring slap on the back and was full of encouragement. “Let me set you up with an acquaintance of mine, lucky Jane. She is a good sort and a great sport. I’ve had a few runs with her over the years, so it is only fair that you get on board too.” Eddie was hesitant at first but agreed to take the lass out for a date and maybe a bit of hanky panky afterward. Instantly, Eddie had a sparkle in his eye and a noticeable spring in his step. The afternoon of his date, Eddie ventured into the local chemist in order to purchase some protection for the likely chance of some horizontal folk

64 The Beast | October 2015

dancing. Unfortunately the condoms he was after were located behind the counter. With his heart racing, Eddie made three attempts to approach the pharmacist, but just couldn’t do it. Following almost half an hour of hanging around the chemist like a bad smell, Eddie was approached by the pharmacist. His smiling face was reassuring and gave some confidence to the sweat-drenched young Eddie. “Come with me, young man. I reckon I know exactly what you are after.” The pharmacist led Eddie to the side counter, winked and furnished him with a small package in a paper bag, noting there was a six-pack of male protection inside. Eddie was extremely relieved at the pharmacist’s high level of discretion. “Thank you, sir,” Eddie said, radiating with excitement as he placed the package in his jacket pocket. He was as happy as a dog with two dicks. “I have a hot date tonight and apparently she

is a sure thing. I just can’t wait.” The old-school pharmacist looked at Eddie’s unbridled enthusiasm and lamented about his own youth. “Now, young man, you get yourself home for a good rest and don’t be late for your date. A clean shave and a good splash of Brut 33 and you will hopefully be onto a good thing.” Eddie gladly took the pharmacist’s advice and was standing fresh faced at the front door of his date’s house at 7pm sharp. Confidently, he rang the doorbell as his heart raced a little with anticipation. When the father of his date opened the front door, Eddie didn’t have to think twice. Standing there with a look that could kill was the previously friendly pharmacist. Eddie took off like a missile over the front fence and never once looked back. He didn’t stop running until he'd exhausted all of his built-up testosterone and was about two suburbs clear.

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October 2015 | The Beast 65

A Double-banded Plover in breeding plumage at Lake Conjola.

Residents, Migrants, Vagrants… Waders or Shorebirds? Words Keith Hutton Picture Duade Paton - www.duadepaton.com

aders are also called shorebirds, and both names are good descriptions for most of them. However, there are many that never go near the shore, and others that never wade. About eighty species have been recorded in Australia. Not all of these are present at one time, or in any one season. Only eighteen species are breeding residents and most of the rest are either non-breeding migrants or rare vagrants. Ten of the residents breed only in Australia. Almost half the waders seen in Australia migrate here regularly for their non-breeding season, and all except one are trans-equatorial migrants that breed in the northern hemisphere and come to Australia

66 The Beast | October 2015

in summer; the exception is the Double-banded Plover, which breeds in New Zealand and winters in Australia. Finally, there are twenty-five vagrant wader species – largely trans-equatorial migrants that reach Australia so rarely, or in such small numbers, that the chance of coming across them is remote. Waders are well represented in the Sydney region with twenty-seven species present. Waders have relatively long legs and they feed in shallow water or on the ground, where the majority of them nest. Beyond these characteristics there are more differences than similarities, which is not unexpected in a cosmopolitan group of over two hundred species worldwide.

Interestingly, waders exhibit a wide range of bill shapes and sizes that relate to feeding methods; some have short bills and some have long bills; some have straight bills and others have curved bills – some down, some up. The Wrybill in New Zealand has a bill that bends sideways and the Spoon-billed Sandpiper in Asia has a bill with a flattened tip. Some waders look the same throughout the year and many others have bright, colourful breeding plumages. Sexes are usually similar but males may be more colourful than females, or vice versa. Waders are well represented in all continents in the world except Antarctica, with only a few species recorded on subantarctic islands. Most breed in the northern hemisphere and migrate south each year. Many habitats are exploited, either on the coast or inland. Rocky shores, beach and dune shores, and tidal flats are preferred coastal habitats, while most waders inland prefer lakes, marshes and swamps. All waders are opportunistic predators and different species select preferred prey from a range of options such as molluscs, crustaceans, worms, spiders, or insects and their larvae. Small fish and reptiles, frogs and some birds’ eggs, seeds and vegetable matter are also taken by some species. Availability and abundance of prey, agility, leg length, design of the bill, and the ability to swim or not all affect food items selected by waders. Hunting and disturbance, destruction and alteration of their habitat, and pollution have affected waders on their breeding grounds, where they migrate through Asia, and on their nonbreeding grounds in Australia. Many migratory waders are disappearing and some are critically endangered. The declines continue despite ongoing international cooperative conservation efforts throughout the East Asian-Australasian Flyway.

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Like us on Facebook October 2015 | The Beast 67

Piscatorial perfection.

The Month For Solid Snapper Words Dan Trotter Picture Michael Gregg - www.michaelgreggphotography.com

ith everything that is happening at the hands of politicians and governments in Sydney, across Australia and around the world, it can be easy to become disenchanted with the present and the future. It is a sad state of affairs when the world we grew up in seems to be crumpling before our eyes at the hands of the people who are supposed to be watching out for all of us. Fortunately for so many of us, we can stop and take stock of how lucky we are and celebrate just how great spring is in this magical part of the world that we get to call home. October off Sydney is traditionally the month for solid snapper, the last of the run of deep-water kingfish, plus early catches of bull mahi mahi, striped marlin and possibly a late run of yellowfin tuna. On our doorstep, where the salty suds of the Tasman lap the sand

68 The Beast | October 2015

and oceanic rocks, there’s plenty worth fishing for too. Australian salmon should show in good numbers, whilst southern calamari squid will be abundant for the dawn and dusk fisherman. In the harbour, the winter water will take a while to dissipate, meaning spring and the abundance it brings is a while off yet. For now, the bream, trevally and leatherjacket will have to keep wharf-based anglers satiated as they wait for the more salubrious summer species, which should be just around the corner. Snapper are without any doubt my favourite local fish to target and eat. The challenge in finding, tempting, hooking and landing a serious Sydney snapper is up there near the top of the list of piscatorial milestones. Fortunately for all of us, the chance to do this is still relatively high, thanks largely to rigorous fisheries management

and an angling community that mostly respects the oceans. Sadly, I’ve been hearing that a large bunch of less-than-respectful Sydney fishos have been slaying the reds down at Bellambi, with many boats taking multiple bag limits whenever the opportunity presents itself. Depressingly, with idiots like this around the future might not be so bright. To catch big red, you’ll have to do the hard yards and figure out the wheres and whens yourself. However, it’s well worth the effort as catching the fish of a season or a lifetime is a real possibility. With spring fully sprung, it’s time to make the effort to get up early or fish the late sessions and spend some quality time doing what you love, making the most of the life and times we are all so fortunate to have the opportunity to experience. Blessed are we; don’t forget it!

October 2015 Tide Chart Numbers Bureau of Meteorology Tidal Centre Picture Andrew Worssam

MON

TUE

WED

THU

FRI

1 0406 1026 1649 2257

0.22 1.81 0.20 1.51

2 0454 1117 1748 2353

0.33 1.75 0.29 1.38

7 0521 1.22 1101 0.64 1724 1.45

8 0003 0614 1200 1817

0.48 1.28 0.59 1.47

9 0046 0658 1251 1901

0.45 1.35 0.54 1.49

5 0302 0845 1514 2208

= 1.19 0.62 1.50 0.50

6 0415 0954 1621 2311

1.18 0.65 1.46 0.50

12 0228 0842 1449 2053

0.37 1.54 0.39 1.51

13 0258 0914 1526 2128

= 0.37 1.58 0.37 1.49

14 0328 0946 1602 2203

0.38 1.61 0.36 1.46

15 0359 1019 1640 2241

0.40 1.63 0.37 1.41

16 0432 1055 1720 2320

0.44 1.63 0.39 1.36

19 0053 0633 1303 1948

1.24 0.59 1.53 0.49

20 0150 0730 1400 2052

1.21 0.63 1.50 0.49

21 0257 0836 1506 2159

= 1.21 0.64 1.50 0.45

22 0408 0951 1616 2300

1.26 0.61 1.53 0.39

23 0513 1102 1723 2355

1.35 0.53 1.59 0.30

26 0133 0748 1401 2010

0.17 1.74 0.21 1.72

27 0219 0837 1455 2102

= 0.16 1.84 0.14 1.69

28 0305 0925 1548 2155

0.18 1.90 0.11 1.62

29 0352 1014 1642 2248

0.24 1.92 0.13 1.53

30 0439 1102 1736 2342

0.32 1.89 0.19 1.43

SAT 3 0545 0.45 1211 1.67 1852 0.38

4 0054 0741 1409 2100

1.26 0.55 1.58 0.46

10 0124 0735 1334 1941

11 0157 0810 1413 2017

0.39 1.49 0.43 1.52

17 0508 0.48 1133 1.61 1803 0.43

18 0004 0547 1215 1852

1.30 0.53 1.57 0.46

24 0609 1.48 1206 0.42 1822 1.66

25 0045 0700 1305 1917

0.23 1.62 0.31 1.70

0.41 1.43 0.48 1.51

31 0527 0.41 1152 1.81 1831 0.28

= New Moon = First Quarter = Full Moon = Last Quarter *Please add an hour during daylight savings time

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SUN

The banded cucumberfish, Paraulopus balteatus (a.k.a. Pascalus geraghtaeus).

Unlocking The Secrets Of The Deep Words and Picture Pascal Geraghty

o you ever wonder what new species of fish might be lurking down there, undiscovered, in the deep, black, uncharted depths? Nope? Fair enough. There are certainly more important things to ponder in life these days. To be honest, I never gave the fish thing much thought either. That is, until I unwittingly played a bestsupporting role in a new(ish) discovery a few years back. While the rest of Sydney slept, I jumped aboard the commercial line fishing boat ‘Blue Eye’ in Botany Bay. With 400 horses on the back, and a compass and moonlight for guidance, we pointed the bow due east – destination Browns Mountain. 40 kilometres later we arrived to find that we had the popular seamount to ourselves, albeit with a sloppy sea and a touch too much current. The hydraulic reels were nevertheless fired up and fresh baits lowered all the way to the rocky summit 430 metres below us. The vessel’s namesake was our target species and it wasn’t long

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before we were hauling hefty cod onto the deck, along with a smattering of gemfish. One of the lines was lacking the tell-tale tugs of a trevalla and was promptly retrieved for a bait check and change. Closer inspection of this ‘empty’ line, however, revealed a doe-eyed and obviously hungry little fish dangling off the end of a circle hook the size of its own head. I couldn’t help but feel for the poor fella, yet it was alive and well - in marvellous nick, in fact, considering the gut-bursting journey it’d just endured from its high-pressure home to the surface. We scratched our heads. What on Earth was it? We’d never seen one of these before. In a moment of tenderness, and taxonomic ineptness, I counselled the fisher to toss it overboard. They’re probably as common as bottoms out here, I thought. No use killing a poor little fish. Let’s let it live to fight another day. I snapped a few photos for good measure with a view to

flicking them to the fish identification boffins at Fisheries and the museum. Surely they could enlighten us. Well, once they’d regained their collective composure, I was informed that this humble little critter had only ever been seen three times before, having been trawled up from the depths of the Lord Howe Rise and New Zealand’s Three Kings Ridge in 1962, 1998 and 2001. What’s more, the species was yet to be formally described due to the poor condition of those previously collected. Cue our little guy. The skipper, luckily, had ignored my wise counsel on the day and had preserved the fish on ice. It went on to become the pin-up specimen (or holotype) for the new species. I campaigned for my name to be recognised in the scientific title, but that too was completely ignored. And that’s the story of how the banded cucumberfish (Paraulopus balteatus) became officially known to the world.

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October 2015 | The Beast 71

Turtle meth.

Locals Kicking The Plastic Habit Words Nicola Saltman (Waverley Enviro Officer)

ome addictions seem hard to break, like plastic. It’s all around us – in shopping bags, bottles, food packaging, furniture, nappies, containers, appliances, and even our clothing and disposable coffee cups. Scarily, this 100-year-old invention is increasingly playing havoc with nature. It’s a sobering fact that in every square kilometre of ocean there are more than 18,000 pieces of plastic, harming sea turtles, fish and other unsuspecting marine life. It’s no wonder locals are ditching plastic in force. Even businesses are showing how easy it is. Second-hand bookshop and café Gertrude & Alice, for example, doesn’t use plastic bags, and even has a reusable bag library for its customers. Plus they carry out staff training that teaches why this is so

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important. Bondi bakery Organic Republic has banned using disposable plastics and plastic bags, and like a number of other cafes, it offers discounts to punters who bring their own coffee cup. Junia Kerr of Sage Beauty in North Bondi doesn’t use plastic packaging, and considers the sustainability of her retail products, including their recyclability. While these and other local business champions are doing their bit, a group of around ten passionate and committed folks are planning to take ‘plastic free’ to the next level. Their soon-to-be-launched initiative – an exciting collaborative project between community members, local sustainability experts, not-for-profits and Waverley Council – is hoping to curb

Bondi’s addiction to plastic bags with smart, simple and creative solutions. An idea born from community forums, research and business brainstorms, the campaign for a plastic-free Bondi is set to kick off at Bondi Farmers’ Markets in October with reusable tote libraries. Ross Alexander, owner of Bondi Markets, and his team are excited to provide alternatives to plastic bags for customers and stallholders with three new ‘bag libraries’. If successful, similar libraries will be placed in other retail areas in Bondi. Community members are volunteering their time and skills, including Jonas Allen and Steve Muller from creative agency Bondi Advertising, who are working their magic on branding and communications to help spread the word. “I love living in Bondi and getting involved with a campaign to educate and encourage less plastic waste in the community,” Jonas said. Other local residents such as Sam Coffey and artists including Brett Chan, Nick Hernandez and Luca Ionescu are also dedicating their creative juices to the project, and well-known photographer Eugene Tan (of Aquabumps fame) has kindly donated an image for the first run of tote bags. Waverley Council is approaching interested artists to be part of subsequent runs, and it is seeking sponsorship from interested local businesses. To find out more about this great project, get along to a pop-up stall at Bondi Farmers Markets each Saturday in September and October from 9am to 1pm, or join in the launch on Saturday, October 17. It’s set to be a whole lot of plastic-free fun. For more info or to register interest in sponsorship or involvement, email kimberly. crawford@waverley.nsw.gov.au.

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October 2015 | The Beast 73

Uncle Ho running the show.

The Hustle And Bustle Of Ho Chi Minh City Words and Pictures The Bondi Travel Bug

ith a population of over 20 million people, Ho Chi Minh City is one of the busiest places in the world. Add nine million motorbikes/scooters, plus cars, trucks and cyclists, and the volume of traffic is overwhelming. At peak times the vehicles seem to morph into a river of metal and it’s hard to comprehend how the city doesn’t come to a complete standstill. Quite incredibly, it keeps on moving, albeit with a lot of horn blowing. As with all major cities, there is much to do and many attractions to see, but for a day’s relief from the crowds and humidity, respite is only a short two-hour drive away to My Tho, the capital of the Tien Giang province in Southern Vietnam, for a Mekong River Delta tour. From My Tho port we were transported by boat on a 15-minute murky Mekong River journey to Thoi Son Islet and then transferred to a three-person wooden canoe (usually paddled by women) which snaked through one of the many peaceful tributaries to where we disembarked. The pace of city living was cast aside briefly as we discovered how this renowned river is such a vital life force not only to Vietnam, but

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also globally courtesy of the produce cultivated on its banks and the fish caught in its waters, much of which is exported. Here we got to see where much of the country’s tropical fruit and rice is grown. The Mekong Delta is one of the greatest rice-producing regions of the world. After a short introduction by our guide, it wasn’t long before we were being entertained by a charming group of local musicians playing ‘Don ca tai tu’ (southern traditional music) and getting offered a variety of tropical fruits and tea served with honey from locally bred bees. Fruits grown in the area include rambutan, mangosteen, star apple, durian, pineapple, papaya, jackfruit and more. There was one negative element of my tour that came about as a result of my love of sugar, and my love handles were the victims (and the beneficiaries). The culprit was Thoi Son Islet candy production, another major business in the area. We got to see how all the sweets are made and packaged and we were seductively enticed to sample local products including coconut candy, peanut brittle and moreish dried banana. The idea

is that you will buy some of the products and it really worked a treat on me. I hauled a few kilos back home. The Mekong Delta day trip was certainly worthwhile as it gave a great insight into how huge the Mekong River really is (it’s the 10th largest river in the world), not just in size but in its importance to the Vietnamese economy. To really see the Mekong River at its busiest I would suggest an overnight stay so that you can see the exciting and eclectic river markets very early in the morning. This is when you get to witness colourful and explosive Vietnamese culture at its best. After my busy day-tour of the Mekong I bid farewell to Thoi Son Islet. Tired, full and content I spent the next two hours observing the local scenery on my drive back to Ho Chi Minh City. Once back in the madness of this bustling metropolis it wasn’t long before I was walking the streets in search of one of my favourite Vietnamese institutions: the street food vendors. Any spare areas on the footpaths of the city are dominated by food carts and portable cookers, with little plastic chairs and tables full of hungry locals situated nearby. I chose a place and sat down for a Vietnam favourite: Pho soup (rice noodles, beef or chicken and herbs), which is consumed at any time of the day. Wherever I looked there were Vietnamese women carrying traditional wooden poles with baskets on the ends laden with fruit, nuts or spices, or on pushbikes jam-packed with colourful tropical fruits or other produce. Vietnam is unlike any other Asian country and the people are some of the most hospitable you’ll ever meet. It’s an adventure like no other and I hope to return soon to continue mine. How to get there: Flights leave Sydney and Melbourne daily www.vietnamairlines.com Where to stay: Rex Hotel www.rexhotelvietnam.com

Wear that floater with pride.

The Mighty Wallabies Words Alasdair McClintock Picture Gordon Bombay

ometimes life imitates art in the strangest of ways. Ever noticed how much Kyle Sandilands looks and acts like Eric Cartman from South Park? It's disturbing. You would think that Sandilands had modelled himself on that portly little prick, but then you have to ask yourself, why would anyone do that? It defies good sense. As does my assertion that the Wallabies are certainties to win this year's Rugby World Cup, but I stand by it. Why? The Mighty Ducks, that's why. For those not familiar with the ’90s film franchise, The Mighty Ducks was an ice hockey team made up of a ragtag bunch of kids who pulled together to do the unthinkable and win the Pee Wee Championship. I am too scared to rewatch it, at the risk of shattering my rose-petal memories, but it was a wonderful sporting tale about a group of misfits who overcame adversity and took out the ultimate prize – much like the Wallabies are about to do in England. It featured a young Emilio Estevez as the reckless young lawyer, Gordon Bombay, who has to coach the team for community service. Michael Cheika isn't quite coaching the Wallabies as a result of a court order, but given the six-month suspended sentence hanging over his head for abusing a cameraman has just expired, he can be deemed at least a little reckless. And that's exactly what Australia needs: a reluctant and volatile hero who will get the best out of

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these kids from the wrong side of the tracks, and by 'tracks' I mean the Tasman. Because over the ditch, looking down upon our ragamuffin heroes, are the All Blacks, a.k.a. The Edina Hawks – an aggressive bunch of much bigger kids whose uniforms just happen to be all black (and when you squint really hard their logo even looks like a silver fern, kind of). Bernard Foley even reminds me of a young Joshua Jackson, or Charlie Conway (you might need to squint again). Kind of awkward looking, but when you get him on the ice he's better than Ben Cousins! I know exactly how it will unfold. Israel Folau will field a kick in the dying minutes with Australia down by six. The rest of the team will join him at the back and Matt Giteau will call the ultimate play: ‘The Flying V’. The tiring All Blacks won't know what hit them! Richie McCaw will no doubt do something illegal, but it won't matter. The Honey Badger (Nick Cummins) will crash over in the corner and we'll be within a point. Step up Foley in all his delightful awkwardness. As he composes himself, a slow ‘Quack! Quack! Quack!’ will emanate from the stands. Soon the whole of Twickenham will quack in unison. He will wipe a drop of sweat from his brow, start his run and connect sweetly. The ball will soar, as if in slow motion, through the posts. The Wallabies win. Freeze frame. Fade to black. Roll credits. Anti-mimesis at its finest.

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a discreet this-isn’t-really-cuffed look, go with the visible cuff or outer roll. The result is cool, a little undone and perfect for showing off your heels. A single cuff works well with stiffer, straight-leg denim, while a double-rolled cuff goes well with a baggier, boyfriend jean. Half Tuck It - Rather than tuck in your whole shirt or top, the half tuck conveys a more casual, current vibe that turns even the simplest outfit into more of a statement. Tuck in half the front of the shirt or the whole front and let the tail hang over the waistline.

Virginia from North Bondi.

Sally from Woollahra.

Can It Be This Easy To Look More Stylish? Words and Pictures Sharmin Musca, Personal Stylist

hile it's easy to get hung up on the newest clothing trend or designer bag, style really isn't something that can be bought; what’s more important is how a whole look is put together. Take Princess Kate Middleton; she’s a woman who can afford it all but often chooses high street rather than high fashion dresses, which she styles to royal perfection. What matters is not the garments, but how you style them. With that in mind, here are six tips to help you re-think the way you put your outfits together. Roll It Or Push It Up - Long sleeves look so much better pushed up, revealing a little forearm. Button-up shirting can look and feel stiff, but rolling up the sleeves gives off an easy nonchalance that can inject a little cool factor into even the most traditional shirt.

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Belt It - Often worn by waif-thin A-listers, skinny belts visually transform oversized shirts and tunics. When cinching in these voluminous pieces, skinny belts bring proportion to a tiny frame by highlighting a slim waist. Belts take a minute to throw on, define a woman’s shape and add polish to even the most casual ensembles. Tie It - The easiest way to define a waistline without a belt is knotting your shirt or tee right at the middle. It lends a more creative finish than simply tucking it in and adds a playful touch. You can also turn a dress into a skirt by layering over a shirt or a tee tied at the waist to create the illusion of a separate bottom half. Cuff It - Jeans’ hemlines can cover up the best part of an outfit – the shoes, of course! Instead of rolling up under the hem for

Drape It - Nothing says ‘fashion’ like a draped jacket over the shoulders. Crazy, but true – it costs nothing using a jacket you already own and makes your outfit look infinitely more expensive. On the streets this month I found: Name Virginia Occupation Freelance marketer/ social media/photographer Lives North Bondi Fave Item This Season Black and gold vintage Christian Dior sunglasses. Street Style Virginia rocks animal-print jeans by Juicy Couture, a vintage jumper, jacket from All Saints and Pared sunglasses. Name Sally Occupation Jewellery designer Lives Woollahra Fave Item This Season A Sally Skoufis exotic leather cuff. Street Style Sally wears a top and sunglasses by Ellery, Helmet Lang pants, bag by Valentino and Sally Skoufis jewellery. Does sorting out your wardrobe sound too difficult? Let a personal stylist do it for you. Give Sharmin a call on 0405 518 155 for a pain-free wardrobe audit and let her create your signature style. For more information, visit www.personalstylist.net.au.

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Even the nicest penis/vagina can get boring after a while.

Sex Is Not Spontaneous! Words Matty Silver, Sex Therapist Picture Ray Piste

ne issue my clients often complain about is the fact that sex is not spontaneous anymore. They remember the early days in their relationship when they had sex all the time, but after a while sex will become less frequent and less spontaneous. Sex may still be good, but not that exciting anymore; sometimes it may become a chore. This could also coincide with becoming more domestic, working long hours and, for some couples, starting a family, which leaves little spare time for rumpypumpy. That doesn't mean that the great sex you used to have should also be gone; you just need to find ways to keep your relationship interesting. Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth; it just isn't the case. Sex doesn't just mysteriously happen; if you want to have good sex you have to create the time and space to get in the mood and look forward to it. The best way to do that is planning or scheduling sex, which can be as romantic and enjoyable as other pleasurable planned activities. We don't just plan everyday household needs and tasks, we also plan other activities just for enjoyment. When you plan a beautiful dinner, you have to work out what to buy and cook. When you go on a holiday, you have to decide when, where and what hotels to book. These activities involve anticipation, which is part of the fun. So why should planning to have sex be any different? It is essential to make time for sex and make it

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important. Couples often complain about having no time for intimacy, no time to talk to each other and as a result sex has gone on the back burner. But what about the often ridiculous amount of time many people spend on social media, checking Facebook, Instagram or Twitter? It may be time to adjust your priorities. The most important ingredient in keeping your relationship happy is real communication, so make sure you find time to talk to each other properly. It is not the responsibility of your partner to read your mind and make you happy, so itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to tell your partner about your needs or feelings, and vice versa. My advice is to stop focusing on whether or not sex is spontaneous. Start focusing instead on how to make it happen more. There are many ways to bring the passion back. Determine which time of day you prefer to have sex. It doesn't have to be at the end of the evening when you go to bed and both of you are tired or exhausted. Plan to have sex during the day or on the weekend. Childless couples should decide what's more important on Saturday or Sunday morning: the early morning jog, the gym or sex. Make foreplay important; send sexy messages, give your partner more compliments, show your desire, and do more kissing, touching, rubbing or hugging. Keep in mind, if you don't plan time with your partner to have sex and be intimate, desire can slowly fade away.

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October 2015 | The Beast 81

Subject Early birds Location Bondi Photographer Dan Trotter - @fshrmn

Subject Wintry dips Location Bondi Photographer Miriam Chaplyn

Subject Street light king Location Bondi Photographer Amaury TrĂŠguer - @morningbondi

Subject Rampaging Ryan Location Coogee Photographer Natasha Sekel

Subject King tide Location Clovelly Photographer Derek Feebrey - splashimagery.com.au

The Beast wants your local photographs...

Subject Shark bait Location Clovelly Photographer Alex van den Berg

Subject The reef Location Bronte Photographer Caroline Dall'Agnol

Subject Early morning skates Location Maroubra Photographer Lenny Filipek

Subject Tardis tyre tracks Location Bronte Photographer Georgina Howard

Subject Skatepark streaker Location Bondi Photographer Andrew Worssam

...email them to photos@thebeast.com.au

Album #1 Artist Foals Album What Went Down Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  I haven't anticipated an album as much as this in years and 'What Went Down' did not disappoint. The first two tracks are so good it is just outrageous. I want to go out and buy some giant speakers, curl up naked within them, put those two songs on a loop and then weep with joy. If the rest of the album stayed at this level of quality I would have given up on everything else all together and just listened to it for the rest of my life, happily sedated in my speaker cocoon as I slowly died from dehydration as the tears fell from my eyes. Perhaps it’s a good thing it tapers off a bit.

Album #2

Movie Review Title The Gift Genre Thriller Reviewer Linda Heller-Salvador Initially unfolding as a possible drama, The Gift slowly divulges its true colours as a stylish and unnervingly dark psycho-stalker thriller. Written, directed and starring the multi-talented Joel Edgerton (Zero Dark Thirty, The Great Gatsby, Warrior), it deals with morality, secrets and revenge, all while telling the story of a young couple whose life is overwhelmingly altered by the past. Simon (Jason Bateman) and Robyn (Rebecca Hall) are living a picture-perfect life until Gordo (Joel Edgerton), an acquaintance from Simon’s past, re-emerges. Everything about Gordo seems odd, yet hard to define. Somewhat naïve and socially awkward with an underlying creepiness, he continually appears unannounced and is constantly leaving little gifts, which become progressively more ominous as time goes by. The creative use of visual tricks-of-thepsychological-thriller-trade and interesting plot deviations keep the viewer guessing and lead to some unexpected jump-out-of-your-seat moments, which are accentuated with the help of Eduard Grau’s (Single Man, The Awakening) moody and low-key cinematography, as well as the impressively sinister film score by Danny Bensi and Saunder Jurriaans (Enemy, Martha Mary May Marlene). When it comes to performances, script, cinematography and sound, expert subtlety is the key here.

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Artist The Paper Kites Album Twelvefour Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  There isn't much in the way of truly unique music these days. So I respect The Paper Kites for trying to come up with a unique way of writing. They wrote this bad boy over two months between the hours of midnight and 4am (hence the title), as apparently this is when artists are at their creative peak. I call bullshit on that, as surely it depends on the individual, but anyway, kudos for trying. It might explain why the sound is so sleepy. We may never know whether it was a worthwhile experiment, but they've punched out a pretty good album, so they can at least be happy with that. Think Fleet Foxes with a twist of Crowded House.

Album #3 Artist Dr. Dre Album Compton Reviewer Alasdair McClintock Rating  The long awaited final album of arguably the most important man in hip-hop has been pushed to the background somewhat by the release of the film of (pretty much) the same name, which is a shame, I think. I know they did it deliberately, but as we're all speaking about the film and not the album it seems a bit of a boo-boo. And this is a great album; perhaps the hip-hop album of the year. Dre has pretty much defined the sound of America over the last twenty years and here, with his final gift to us (although we do have to buy it), he has shown the world that even at fifty you can still be angry and relevant.

Howie enjoying the sunset from his Bondi rooftop.

Arts & Entertainment From Around The Beaches... Words Marcus Braid Picture Craig Cobb

SUPERHERO TRAINING ACADEMY NEEDS YOU This October school holidays, Rock Surfers Theatre Company presents the Superhero Training Academy, an interactive theatrical workshop experience for kids. Pint-sized heroes aged over five will be taught the basics – how to move, act and rap like a superhero – and make their own DIY costume piece to complete the picture. After last year's sold out season, the Superhero Training Academy is back, but for four shows only on October 3 and 4 starting at 10.30am and 1.30pm each day. Tickets are $25. Visit www.rocksurfers.org. THE BACK DOOR CINEMA Celebrate Halloween this year by watching movies at The Back Door Cinema right on the beach at Yarra Bay Sailing Club. On Friday, October 30 it’s the 30th anniversary of Steven Spielberg’s family favourite The Goonies and on Halloween night, Saturday, October 31 it’s the 40th anniversary of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. TV presenter Andrew Mercado will host these great films and is encouraging everyone to dress up. Halloween doesn’t have to

be just for kids so start planning your costume now. Pleae visit www.backdoorcinema.com.au.

alcohol-free event is for under 18s and there is no entry after 9pm. Visit www.ways.org.au.

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL SPRING ART Bondi mum Claudia Abrahams has been announced as the leading artist at the Sydney Children’s Hospital Spring Art Exhibition. The exhibition is on now and runs until December 1. Claudia’s works are vibrant, colourful and full of energy. The exhibition is for a great cause, with a large percentage of sales donated to the Sydney Children¹s Hospital. Claudia has twice been selected as a finalist in the Waverley Art Prize for 2014 and 2015. Please visit www.schf.org.au.

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC LIVE PRESENTS BRIAN SKERRY Live on stage on October 17 at the Sydney Opera House, Brian Skerry will share his incredible adventures and scientific insights, including his recently published photographs from two years’ work studying dolphins’ intelligence and their awe-inspiring ability to learn and communicate in nine locations including Patagonia, Honduras and Hawaii. The show starts at 2pm. Visit www.sydneyoperahouse.com.

BONDI BLYMP FOR THE KIDS WAYS Youth Services presents the exciting Bondi Blymp concert at Bondi Pavilion on Saturday, October 10. On from 7pm to 11pm, Gone Electric, Stone Haven, Haze Trio, Capewolf and Planb will keep the young crowd entertained. Tickets are $12 online or $20 at the door. Any funds raised will be put back into the WAYS music program and upcoming events. The drug and

ABSINTHE HITS HYDE PARK Spiegelworld has announced that its smash-hit Las Vegas show ‘Absinthe’ will be performed under its beautiful spiegeltent in Hyde Park in the heart of Sydney’s CBD from September 15 to October 4 (and possibly longer, depending on demand). It’s a follow-up to Spiegelworld’s record-breaking spiegeltent show, ‘Empire’, which was seen by an incredible 200,000 Australians last year. For information on the Absinthe Australian tour, visit www.absintheaustralia.com.

describe my own album objectively. I really love it, I think it’s my best work, and beyond that I will leave descriptions to journalists… how would you describe it? The most exciting thing about the local music scene in Sydney is… the constantly regenerating population of it. Every year new bands form and old bands die. It’s exciting knowing that next year an amazing band could spring forth on the scene and change Australian music. My biggest fan has got to be… my kids. They have started to get into my music now and I reckon they’re pretty big fans.

Global domination on the cards.

Josh Pyke - Standing The Test Of Time Words and Picture Dan Hutton

hile it took Sydney singer/ songwriter Josh Pyke a good ten years to release his critically acclaimed debut album, he has been rather prolific since, releasing a further four albums in the ten years that has followed. His most recent addition to the stable, ‘But For All These Shrinking Hearts’, was released on the last day of July, debuting at #2 on the ARIA Albums chart, his best result thus far. The Beast fired a few questions at Josh during the month… My earliest music memory is… sitting on the stairs in my childhood home listening to ‘House at Pooh Corner’ by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. I felt so engaged with the story through the music, and I was kind of hooked on that feeling from then on.

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The idea for the new album name, But For All These Shrinking Hearts, came from… a section from a verse I wrote when I was touring the UK. I was feeling quite isolated and was in the middle of London with millions of people streaming around me. I wrote: “You were a shadow held aloft in a world less vast, but for all these shrinking hearts.” I nabbed the last sentence for the album title. I'd like to think that my music is… honest and maintains the integrity that it was born from. I’d like to think it will stand the test of time, and at its core is story telling music. The album could be described as… I really don’t feel I can

There was this one time when I was starting out that… I thought I’d never get anywhere, then ten years passed and I finally made my first record! Things take a long time so don’t give up. If I could have written any song, it would have been… ‘Gangnam Style’. I wish I’d ghost written that song - no performance, no publicity, just royalties. One person I’d still really like to record with is… James Mercer from The Shins. He’s an amazing producer and writer. If you come and see me play, you can expect… all the hits, baby. I never want to get to the point where I… get complacent about how lucky I am to be doing this for a living. My dream gig would be… playing the Opera House forecourt. I think that’s about the only place I haven’t played in Australia!

If you would like to find out more about Josh Pyke, please visit www.joshpyke.com.

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Oh dear Lord these crêpes are tasty.

Decadence Par Excellence At Avila Cocktail Bar and Crêperie Words Dining Dave Instagram @diningdave Picture Grant Brooks

as Bondi missing a French crêperie? One clever person thought so, and thanks to him we have an excellent new place to sit, drink, relax and eat like a prince in Versailles. Opened last December by former Venezuela resident Alejandro Jara, Avila is at the tip of the Hall Street dining district, about 25 metres from its intersection with Glenayr Street. The bar is quaintly small, so at night it may be a bit hard to find, but once inside you won’t want to leave. Based on the concept of ‘French crêperie with a Bondi soul’, the interior features a whole wall of distressed mirrors, sun-bleached wood panelling, dim-lit candles, short

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stools, marble tabletops and old French lamps. The back area is the cosy part, and on the Wednesday evening I popped in canoodling couples were out in force. Boys, remember this. With Alejandro’s guidance, my companion and I began with two of their seven listed house cocktails (it is a cocktail bar, after all): an Avila Old Fashioned (No.4) with cardamon-infused Rhum J.M X.O Martinique, Tio Pepe, vanilla and aromatic bitters; and a Julia (No.2) with fresh passionfruit and homemade vanilla syrup, Wyborova vodka mixed with Licor 43, pressed lemon and a champagne shot on the side. They didn’t just hit the spot; they ran it right over. Feeling relaxed, we dug into

some tapas (not French per se, but Avila is like a potpourri) including sizzling chorizo slices, charred haloumi, and green olive and vined capers on ice. Not surprisingly, Avila’s speciality is its crêpes, and you should know that Camille, a real crêpe maker from Brittany, is in front of the cooking plate creating them for you. For mains we had four of the savoury crêpes (way more than necessary) including the spinach, Swiss cheese, ham, mushroom and béchamel number and the free range egg, pancetta, Swiss cheese, aioli and soft cherry tomato combination. Hot, fresh and made just for us, these crêpes are simply delicious. Four delivered, four downed. The crêpe-ageddon did not end there though, as we continued to indulge in memorable treats made from decadent ingredients including Nutella, candied hazelnuts, ice cream, mixed berries, Grand Mariner liqueur, Chantilly cream, salted caramel, cinnamon and apples. Though we didn’t want to leave, our full bellies told us it was time to go, but I know that we’ll be back for more. With a cosy yet understated interior, magnificent crêpes, fabulous cocktails and Alejandro’s welcoming nature, Avila is both the sweet and savoury shot that Bondi needed.

Avila Crêpes Address Shop 2, 177 Glenayr Avenue, Bondi Beach Phone 0422 449 239 Web www.avilacrepes.com.au Email info@avilacrepes. com.au Open Tue to Fri 5pm11:00pm; Sat 8am to 11pm; Sun 8am to 10pm Prices Crêpes $12 - $23; Tapas $11 - $25; Cocktails $15 - $18 Seats 20 Cards All major cards Licensed Yes

Sedimentary, my dear Watson.

Why Do Wine Bottles Come In Different Shapes? Words Alex Russell Twitter @OzWineGuy Picture Sherlock Holmes

here are loads of different wine bottle shapes, but in essence, there are three main types: the tall, slim ones that are often used for Riesling (German/ Alsatian bottles); the ones with the straight sides and shoulders (Bordeaux bottles) and the ones with a fatter bottom and tapered shoulders (Burgundy bottles). Variations exist. Rhône bottles are similar to Burgundy bottles, although they’re a bit sturdier and some (e.g. Châteauneuf du Pape) have coats of arms in the glass. Champagne bottles are essentially a thickened variation of Burgundy bottles. Port bottles aren’t that different to Bordeaux bottles. And then there are the weird ones, such as Sami-Odi in the Barossa and Mateus Rosé. So why do the different shapes exist? Shoulders Traditionally, the Bordeaux reds have required the shoulders. Bordeaux wine requires ageing and the reds usually ‘throw a crust’, or develop sediment in the bottle. Ditto for Ports, which is why they share a similar bottle shape.

90 The Beast | October 2015

This sediment is perfectly natural, but it’s not nice having a mouthful of it. If these wines were in a bottle with a tapered shoulder (like the Riesling or Burgundy bottles), this sediment would go straight into the decanter, into your glass if not decanting, or straight into your mouth if you’re being really classy. This is why these wines are supposed to be rested in a cellar (it lets the sediment settle on one side of the bottle) and then poured with that side down – it helps it settle from the wine, rather than being mixed in again. When pouring, you’re supposed to look to see if the sediment is coming out with the wine. The idea is that the shoulders help catch some of this sediment before it reaches the neck. If you want to be really romantic about it, this pouring is usually done with a lit candle behind the neck as a light source to see the sediment. Burgundy Versus Riesling Bottles Wines from Burgundy and Germany/Alsace don’t tend to throw

a crust, or, at least, not as much crust, so the shoulders aren’t necessary. So why have different shapes? I’ve read that transporting wines from Germany was a more gentle process than doing so from Burgundy, so the Burgundy bottles needed reinforcement (the ‘punt’ in the bottom helps with this). Does It Really Matter? These days, how many of us cellar a wine for a decade or more before drinking it? How many of us decant slowly with a lit candle behind the bottle? Hasn’t wine transport generally gotten better? Sure. So is any of this necessary? As with many wine things, it’s all about tradition. New World producers tend to release their Cabernets in the traditional Bordeaux bottle, Rieslings (and related styles) tend to be in Riesling bottles, etc. But this isn’t always the case. Yarra Yering makes one of my favourite Pinots. It’s not cheap, either, at about $80. And yet they use a bottle with shoulders for it. Does it really matter? I certainly wouldn’t suggest they change anything.

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October 2015 | The Beast 91

toes, then add to the avocado, along with the coriander leaves. Season with salt and mix to combine. Set guacamole aside. Toast tortillas - Heat the frypan over medium-high heat. Toast the tortillas for 10 seconds each side, then wrap in a clean tea towel and set aside until ready to serve. Finish cooking - Add 2 teaspoons of oil to the same pan. Cook the spinach and garlic for 1-2 minutes, until the spinach wilts. Add the beans, chipotle, coriander roots and stems, and the cooked quinoa. Cook, stirring, for 1-2 minutes until warmed through, then season.

Very maulable.

Black Bean Burritos With Spinach And Quinoa Words and Picture Marley Spoon Culinary Director Olivia Andrews

lat out this week? These flavour-packed burritos will take the stress out of dinnertime. All you need to do is mix some black beans with quinoa, smoky chipotle chilli, garlic and spinach, mash up a quick and easy homemade guacamole, toast your tortillas, and it’s a wrap (excuse the pun)! Ingredients 70g (⅓ cup) quinoa 150g English spinach 30g coriander 2 garlic cloves 40g chipotle chillies in adobo sauce 400g can black beans 1 avocado 1 lime 50g grape tomatoes 2 x 25cm tortillas Olive oil Salt

92 The Beast | October 2015

Cook quinoa - Rinse your quinoa, drain, then place in a saucepan with 160ml (⅔ cup) water and 2 teaspoons of oil. Bring to the boil, then cover and simmer over low heat for 12 minutes or until water has absorbed. Turn off heat and stand, covered, for 2 minutes. Prepare ingredients - Meanwhile, trim your spinach stems and wash the spinach and coriander well, including the coriander roots and stems. Coarsely chop spinach and coriander leaves. Finely chop coriander roots and stems, garlic and chipotle chillies. Rinse and drain the beans. Prepare guacamole - Using the back of a fork, mash the avocado in a bowl. Juice the lime and coarsely chop the toma-

Assemble burritos - Spread half the guacamole down the centre of each tortilla, leaving the bottom third bare. Top with the black bean mixture, then fold the bottom third of the tortilla up over the filling and fold in both sides to enclose. Wrap burritos in paper or foil if desired. Cooking time 20-30 minutes

About Marley Spoon After successfully launching in the USA, UK, Germany and The Netherlands, Marley Spoon recently launched in Australia. Every Marley Spoon meal takes around 30 minutes to prepare, in only six steps, and is delivered to your door with all the ingredients you need in minimal recyclable packaging. With a cooking hotline for any questions about the recipe, the only thing you’ll have simmering is your delicious dinner. Marley Spoon is available across Sydney now, and meals start from $9.99. To secure $35 off you first box, visit www.marleyspoon.com. au and enter the promo code 'COOK FOR'.

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The Beast Supercross 1

Across 1. October 31 (9) 5. Us (2) 7. Negative response (2) 8. Capital of the Netherlands (9) 12. Ghosts (12) 13. Primary, major (4) 14. Evil spirit or demon (5) 15. Plant that may go on New Zealand’s flag (4) 17. Live, especially under adverse conditions (5) 18. A phrase or a fixed expression that has a figurative, or sometimes literal, meaning. (5) 21. Public road in a city or town (6) 22. Extra in ‘The Walking Dead’ (6)

Down 1. Female bird (3) 2. Open area of grassy or arable land (3) 3. Legendary horror director of 6-Down, who recently passed away (3, 6) 4. Neither (3) 6. Horror movie, Nightmare On … Street (3) 9. What witches often put in their cauldrons when making potions (3, 2, 4) 10. Amazed (10) 11. Cult horror film, The … Witch Project (5) 12. Vegetable oft associated with Halloween (7) 16. Terrible fate (4) 19. South East (1, 1) 20. Sun god (2)

Beast Local Trivia Words Dan Hutton Picture Ronnie Guzman 1. True or false: Bashar Hafez al-Assad is the President of Syria? 2. Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut are champions in what obscure discipline? 3. Which four Australian Test cricketers have retired since this year’s Ashes series defeat? 4. ‘But For All These Shrinking

Hearts’ is the latest album from which Sydney singer/ songwriter? 5. How many Australian Prime Ministers preceded Tony Abbott? 6. Which countries does Syria share borders with? 7. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson star in the

Plenty of colour at the annual Colour Run.

94 The Beast | October 2015

first series of which popular 2014 television show? 8. True or false: In the new film ‘Straight Outta Compton’, the character of Ice Cube is played by the N.W.A. rapper’s son? 9. Does a marmot have feathers, fur or fins? 10. In what year was the Coogee Pier demolished?

specialist preschool programs



SAGITTARIUS Nov 23-Dec 22 Adopt a position and stick with it. Wanting the best of both worlds is the equivalent of ploughing a tranny.

TAURUS Apr 21-May 20 No one is ever going take you seriously when you claim to have moral standards to which your own behavior does not conform.

CAPRICORN Dec 23-Jan 20 Sitting on your moral high horse and extolling the virtues of compassion for refugees does absolutely nothing to help them.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 21 When you're in a rush, drive like a maniac. The increased risk of dying will be more than offset by the joy of arriving a bit faster.

AQUARIUS Jan 21-Feb 19 Assaulting a sentence with a thesaurus does not make you sound more intelligent - except to stupid people, of which there are many.

CANCER Jun 22-Jul 23 Quit whinging about money. There is no other country on the planet where someone as stupid as you could earn that kind of dough.

LIBRA Sep 24-Oct 23 Next time someone really annoys you, stick your index finger in your bumhole and wipe it on their face.

PISCES Feb 20-Mar 20 Give those filthy teeth of yours a good flossing; there's some hectic shit building up in there and it f**king stinks.

LEO Jul 24-Aug 23 Please stop talking about past events with the benefit of hindsight as if you knew what was going to happen.

SCORPIO Oct 24-Nov 22 You're about to experience the horrible moment when you realise the view you've so staunchly supported is completely wrong.

ARIES Mar 21-Apr 20 If you don't get a plough soon your junk is going to dry up and wither like a worm on hot concrete, so use it or lose it.

VIRGO Aug 24-Sep 23 You need to work a little harder on your appearance; genetics has never been on your side and that's not about to change.

Star Signs

 Words Beardy from Hell

Psychic Readings

Trivia Solutions

1. True 2. Competitive eating 3. Michael Clarke, Chris Rogers, Shane Watson and Brad Haddin 4. Josh Pyke 5. 27 6. Iraq, Israel, Jordan, Lebanon and Turkey 7. True Detective 8. True 9. Fur 10. 1934

with Miss R

« International personality « Parapsychologist « Spiritual and emotional healer « Worked with major stars and personalities around the world

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Phone 0449 788 577

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Get in early and save The Indies Explorer has teamed up with The Beast to offer a special charter package for Mentawais season 2016.

Get a few of your buddies together and take advantage of this offer to experience the trip of a lifetime on this classic vessel.

Up until the end of October 2015 we are offering US $2,000 off the advertised prices on all of our peak season and shoulder season 11-night surf charters to readers of The Beast. Prices include all meals, accommodation, plenty of Bintangs and airport transfers for up to ten adventurous surfers.

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