The Beestonian Issue 38 by The Beestonian

We’re big, we’re beautiful, we’re NG9

Issue no.

And then, 1,160 Days Later...

Welcome back Wilkos! By the time you read this, you’ll once again be able to buy good value household stuff right in the centre of Beeston again.

They’ve been very nice in their return as well: sending The Beestonian invites to photoshoots. As I write this, I am preparing to attend the launch tomorrow morning (25 June). They’ve supplied info, press shots, everything I need to write a piece on their triumphant return.

Who could begrudge the much loved anchor store returning to Beeston, three and bit years after closing down and being bulldozed for the tram? What isn’t to like about the Square now having a feeling of completion; as all the main units fill and, with the imminent arrival of the tram to the transport exchange, life coursing through that once dreary and derelict corner of Beeston.

So why am I about to lurch into a critical piece? Surely Wilkos is good for Beeston, Beeston is good for Wilkos? Can’t we all just get along? Back in late 2011, the Beestonia blog, the forerunner to this magazine, broke the story that Wilkos was off. It elicited a huge response: Wilkos was seen as a staple in Beeston, alongside Fred Hallams, Sid Standard and Applebees. The consensus was Wilkos was to Beeston what the ravens are to The Tower of London; remove them and it will collapse. Beeston was already on the verge of major upheavals with the tramworks beginning in earnest; Chilwell Road had just been informed it would be totally closed off for over a year. The Square was still untouched by Henry Boot. This would surely be the final (reasonably priced) nail in Beeston’s coffin. Continued on page 2...

Return of the

Wilko (ctd.)

I launched a campaign in the form of a petition. The intent was to highlight the damage Wilkos moving away would cause, not just to the town, but to the staff who would either have to relocate (tough for the mostly female part time workers who would have to factor in extended travelling times) or find new work. We hoped that by kicking up a big enough fuss, a compromise would be met; Wilkos moving to a temporary unit before returning into the revamped Square. The workers all kept on. Beeston not deprived of one of its key anchor stores. A fuss was kicked up: freezing cold days spent outside Wilkos collecting signatures, kept from freezing by the staff smuggling out cups of warming tea, and the huge warmth given off by those who signed. Within three days we’d amassed an incredible 3500 + signatures, with queues forming to sign. I cannot thank enough for the volunteers who came down to help, including Councillor Janet Patrick who gave advice and revived me with soup after a freezing day petitioning. Yet it came to nothing. Wilkos totally clammed up, and remained this way for years. We presented the petition to the Council, who unanimously supported it, and posted it over to Wilkos head office. No response. I tried ringing, writing, emailing and even putting out a request in the Nottingham Post. Nothing.

The idea would be then to reopen once the tram and Square were completed, handily rebranding in the process (‘Wilkinsons’ has now been dropped completely for the much snappier, matier ‘Wilkos’). There’d be a tremendous fanfare and they’d commence trading again as returning heroes. And that’s exactly what seems to have happened. Yes, I’m delighted they have returned, as it will be a great boon to Beeston. There are shops that do similar stuff better (Hicklings has regained its mojo of late, Hallams have branched out into garden stuff) or cheaper (Poundland, B+M), but Wilkos has a talismanic power on shoppers, a friendly, one stop destination. I hope they do well. I’ve talked to the manager and he’s keen to be involved in community projects, and has a track record of doing so in previous stores he’s worked in. Yet as the whole saga comes to a conclusion, I can’t help but feel a little depressed by the whole affair. Wilkos deserted Beeston when it was most in need. Yes, I am aware they are a business. Yes I realise that they have a profit to turn. Yet you can’t have it both ways. Just as Boots have abandoned all sense of their founders philanthropic urges by moving to a tax haven and laying off workers, Wilkos head office have a lot to answer for. Shop there, by all means, but never forget it’s the staff that make it, not the suits at Head Office. LB

I wasn’t the only one. A BBC reporter covering the story told me ‘I’ve known dictatorships with more transparency’. The shop duly closed – ironically, days earlier than anticipated – and the staff either thrown on the dole, or relocated around Notts, often in lower ranking roles. Years of intransigence followed. An insider from Wilkos covertly met me for coffee (not quite Watergate, I know) one evening and claimed that they would be back; that had been worked out with Henry Boot a while back. But for now, it was better to stay away, and take a huge chunk of compensation (the figure is shielded by commercial confidentiality rules, but we’re looking at a figure that exceeds all the other retail compensation awards for tram disruption, put together).

The Birthplace of

Henry Ireton A

Joe Earp

ttached to the shadow the Root and Branch petition tells us of a of Attenborough’s against Episcopacy in the notorious regicide St Marys Church county. As war clouds that dwelled in is a picturesque gathered, Ireton joined his unpretentious kinsman John Hutchinson the incongruous white house. Very little in recruiting a company to setting of deepest visitors who pass by on their protect the magazine of the Attenborough way to the Nature Reserve Nottingham militia from the know that there is great historical King’s men. interest connected to the house. It was in this house that the famous As the English Civil War began he Parliamentary General, Henry Ireton was born. raised a troop of cavalry and fought for the He was the eldest son of German Ireton of Parliamentarians at the battles of Edgehill Attenborough and was baptized in St. Mary’s (1642) and Gainsborough (1643). He then Church on 3 November 1611. served as quartermaster-general to the Earl of Manchester in Yorkshire in the Marston Owing to the archaic practice of Moor campaign of summer 1644, and at ultimogeniture, or inheritance by the youngest Newbury in October. Ireton was at the siege son, that was prevalent in parts of 17th century of Bristol in September 1645 and took part in Nottinghamshire, Henry did not inherit the the subsequent campaign that succeeded in family estate when his father died in 1626. overthrowing the royal cause. On 30 October Ireton would go on to marry Oliver Cromwell’s 1645 Ireton entered parliament as member for daughter Bridget. Oliver Cromwell, England’s Appleby. Lord Protectorate himself is said to of visited Attenborough and the house on a number of In the year 1646, King Charles I surrendered occasions. to the Parliamentarians, the same year when Ireton married 22 year old Bridget Cromwell. When Ireton become old enough he left The victorious army then became involved Attenborough, and at the age of 15 he attended in arguments with parliament, in part about Trinity College Oxford. He graduated with a lack of pay. Ireton emerged as one of the Bachelor of Arts on 10th June 1629. After his BA ablest politicians among the army leadership. he read law in the Middle Temple, but was not He played an important part in upholding his called to the Bar. Despite this, Ireton probably men’s interests, but declined to support their practised as a lawyer during the 1630s. As more extreme political ideas, proposing a tensions between King Charles and the Long constitutional monarchy. Parliament grew, he became prominent among the Puritans of Nottinghamshire by organising

Oliver Cromwell’s Severed HeadPhoto Credit: Nottingham Hidden History Team.

He was involved with negotiations with the king, but after Charles fled to the Isle of Wight, Ireton became convinced that there was no point negotiating further.

The House of Henry Ireton’s Birth The second civil war, in which he served at the siege of Colchester, persuaded him that no deal with Charles was possible. It was Ireton who set in motion the train of events that led to the trial and execution of King Charles. Ireton drafted the Army Remonstrance, which demanded that the King should be brought to account for causing unnecessary bloodshed among his subjects. Ireton was closely involved in the organisation of the King’s trial, and was one of 59 who signed the King’s death warrant. King Charles I was beheaded on January 30, 1649 at the Palace of Whitehall in London. Ireton accompanied Cromwell on his campaign in Ireland in 1649 - taking part in the storming of Drogheda and Wexford - and assumed command when Cromwell returned to England in May 1650. Whilst directing the Siege of Limerick in 1651, Ireton died and was buried in Westminster Abbey. After his death the government settled a pension of £2,000 for his widow and five children. As a result of the Restoration of King Charles II in 1660, Ireton’s body was disinterred from Westminster Abbey along with his Father-InLaw Oliver Cromwell, and was hung from the gallows at Tyburn. His corpse was mutilated in a posthumous execution in retribution for signing the King’s death warrant. Posthumous execution involved hanging the bodies “from morning till four in the afternoon”. Ireton’s body along with Oliver Cromwell’s were cut down and the heads placed on a 20-foot spike above Westminster Hall. This was quite ironic in a way: as this was the location of the trial of King Charles I eleven years prior.

Henery Ireton

Please visit: nottinghamhiddenhistoryteam.wordpress.com JE

Who ya gonna call? I

n April, at the I Love Beeston Awards, a special award was presented to Beeston and District First Responders. When they received the ‘Pride of Beeston’ award, many people could be forgiven for not of hearing about them before. As a judge at the awards, I too wasn’t aware, until we received a heap of nominations for them, detailing their work. I was pretty amazed. If you haven’t heard of what they do, then read on. One day they might be saving your life.

Quietly saving lives around the area, Beeston & District First Responders are real heroes. We dropped in...

in a really bad place for the works (he lives on Fletcher Road), but they kept access open to us while they could, then gave us a parking space just outside the works when they had to close access. They then asked how we were funded, we explained and they bought us a defibrillator’. They also make appearances at local events - look out for them at this year’s Beeston Carnival, and will have a stall in Tesco in late August – and you can donate directly via their website (see address below).

Former Firefighter Peter Parks set up the group in November 2012. A voluntary service, they provide the ‘first response’ to medical emergencies, arriving at incidents before the ambulance service can arrive, and providing necessary medical care. This can prove crucial: the chance of survival decreases by 10% for every minute that passes without defibrillation for a person suffering cardiac arrest.

Please consider sending them a few quid. They are providing an excellent service to Beeston (and neighboring areas: they cover a significant chunk of Long Eaton as well). They give up their own time and effort to do this, and often for little recognition ‘People we attend to seldom know who we are: they just assume we’re paramedics. It’s rare that they find out we’re volunteers, we arrive in uniform and with kit so it’s easy to mistake us for the paid emergency service’.

It’s not just about being first on the scene: they provide essential support to paramedics who can deal with more complex procedures while the First Responder deals with basic procedures. Being local is the point here: while the ambulance service does a great job attending emergencies promptly, it’s incredibly useful to have someone closer who can arrive early.

Even when they can’t save a life – and they’ve probably saved a countless amount in the 2,000 + 999 calls they’ve attended –they still do something crucial ‘If it gives them a few extra hours, even minutes, to say goodbye, and can provide comfort and calm words in their final hours, then that makes a world of difference to those they leave behind’ Pete tells me. Pride of Beeston, indeed. We doff our caps to a wonderful initiative. LB

A tireless round of fundraising has seen Peter develop from one borrowed ‘kit’ (the necessary equipment to carry out his work) into now having 7 kits of their own: no mean feat considering these cost upwards of £1,800 each. It’s a family affair: his wife Pat is the treasurer. ‘I’m preparing for a raffle right now,’ she tells me when I visit. ‘And off to drop off some leaflets this afternoon’. 14 volunteers give up a minimum of 10 hours a month (‘though some do much more’ Peter explains. ‘It’s not unheard of for some to put in 150 hours each month: they really are dedicated’). These volunteers come from all walks of life: engineers, civil servants, social workers and lab technicians. They train with EMAS (East Midlands Ambulance Service), garnering a good understanding of emergency intervention from asthma attacks to trauma; allergic reactions to strokes. While previously dealing only with adults, they’ve now expanded into all ages. “Sometimes you haven’t got time to get your trousers on and you’re out the door,’ he tells me. ‘We’ve been called out everywhere: Boots, workplaces, lots of pubs’ ‘Well, he says he’s going there on a call’ jokes Pat. They don’t have the sirens and flashing lights of a usual ambulance, and while they do own a vehicle, generally get around in their own vehicles, at their own expense. So how are they funded? Donations from local associations: the Rotary Club, The Round Table have provided help, to mention just a couple; as well as the company behind the tram, TWA. ‘They were very good,’ Peter tells us ‘We were

Pole Position I

Stan

and a road made from a piano keyboard. Another print t’s strange how a random conversation that I have is called ‘Air Lines’ and shows a little girl Bullard, by can start off a thought and a sad being blown along with her yellow umbrella. Bizarrely discovery. That’s just what happened enough I used to have this dream where I was able to Christopher do a similar thing of floating along with just the wind to me whilst talking to Mel (this for power. Frost magazine’s hotshot business manager) at a recent Beestonian meeting. She mentioned I used to see him occasionally in Beeston, but this became less and less frequent. I took it that he had moved to France that she’d seen a large totem pole in a front with his girlfriend Daphne who lived nearby, and of whom he used garden just off Queen’s Road. Ah, I said sagely, I to cycle to see every day via Wollaton Park. knew what she was on about, and not just that, knew Looking on the internet I found out that he had died on May 2nd 2012, at the artist that had crafted it. I first met Stan Bullard – for it was he – in the late eighties, when I was involved in the periphery of Beeston Green Party. I sometimes visited his house/studio on Dagmar Grove to see his varied and highly stylized work. His output was something too, with wood carvings, etchings and sculpting using recycled odds and ends. I used to collect things like metal hub caps, bits of metal and anything else that I came across on my travels. I remember tipping him off when Highfields Lido was being knocked down, as there were some interesting pieces of stone that he might like to acquire. Stan told me about the totem pole and of how he pushed the tree trunk he carved it from home on a pram. Despite his advancing years and resemblance to Disney’s version of Geppetto, Stan was extremely strong. I just hope the pram was sturdy enough. In June 1992, the Earth Summit took place in Rio de Janeiro and I became involved in organising a day of activities in Beeston for Broxtowe Borough Council. I of course suggested that Stan might like to do something, as his work was based around the environment through recycling materials, and he had links with Brazil. Stan happily obliged and besides showing some of his work in Beeston Library, he also did a live demonstration of his woodworking skills, with the finished sculpture being sited in Dovecote Lane Park. I really like Stan’s woodcut prints and own a couple myself. I especially like ‘Dancing Field’ with little figures dancing around bushes and trees, which were partaking in the scene. He certainly had some imagination. Who would have thought about turning some new moons upside-down and making them into boats on the water? Then I remember seeing a very large print of a city that was made from music. Instruments as buildings

the grand old age of 82. There is a Facebook page dedicated to his work (www.facebook.com/pages/Stan-Bullard/108758485896656?sk=pho tos_stream. )

I’m not sure whether he ever made it to France. But if he did, I bet he had a great time, as he loved life, the planet and all the things in it. CF

The Beeston Butterfly

’m always too busy, so busy in fact that that I’m always the last submission for every issue of this rather beautiful little periodical that likes to brag about Beeston (Sorry Ed, will try harder next issue). My diary is constantly packed of things to do and over the last 6 – 8 months many of my exploits have been Beeston based.

With so much to entertain us and before I really thought it through, I hollered up at our last editorial that I had a ‘great idea’ for a feature; “I’ll pen a social diary of Beeston events” I said. We can showcase what’s going on. I hadn’t considered the month of travel work had planned for me. While our train station is rather charming it hardly makes for a social schedule full of scandal and shenanigans – it doesn’t even have a coffee bar anymore (hint hint)! Having committed to this piece a month or two earlier, the only Beeston related event I could now recall was a poorly planned BBQ I’d hosted in May, and I’m not sure my own back garden qualifies as a local venue! So, I pulled out my diary to retrace my movements over the last 6 weeks. It didn’t let me down. Saturday night of the May Bank Holiday might have caused a month long hangover in fact! A mix up saw my friends and I at The Star “by mistake”. We should have been at The Crown supporting Goose Malloy and missed out on what I’m told was a top night, but the “Boothill Toetappers” at the star were brilliant too. So much so they inspired us to go on and party in my dining room making batches of ‘White Russians’ while we formed new Beeston Funk Band imaginatively called “B Funk”. Fortunately that lineup will never see the light of day. The sun started to rise and “Economy Steve” and Jimmy ‘Beeston Beats’ Wiggins pootled away in a cable car leaving me to mop up an 1/8 of the Oxjam team who now lay in situ on my bathroom floor! We recovered ourselves just in time for the “Now That’s what I call the Best Oxjam Music Quiz in the world Ever”! The event was a brilliant success filling the White Lion and raising well over £200 for the Oxjam Beeston Team charity fund. As if that wasn’t enough, two weeks later the Oxjam Rocks night at The Greyhound was another success as four bands raised over £250 for the fundraiser.

...June

Wollaton Park then hosted friends and I at the No Tomorrow festival and while it’s not strictly Beeston, we walked the distance to see headliners James Bay and local DJ Phillip George on the main stage. Thankfully Rye helped us to “freshen up” for day two with a delicious breakfast on route! There was still time to squeeze in a couple more events; “Rewind” took over the function room at The Bar last weekend where this Beestonian danced until late to 90s classics. Having had enough partying in and around Beeston though a rather sedate Saturday brings this month to a close. A lovely lunchtime spent drinking tea in the new grounds at the Beeston Parish Church Garden Party. With lots of familiar and friendly Beeston faces, the mood was high and the brass band perfectly complemented what has become a very pretty space on a warm summer’s day. The Beeston Summer calendar is already gaining momentum and the carnival on 11th July is just the start of another busy month for this Beeston Butterfly… Mel

shock and delight. Their beloved Fatstard had returned! There he pon his death, local Beeston councilman Peter sat with that familiar infectious smile! They rushed forward Fatstard was the subject of great debate. to shake the man’s hand and enquire how he had cheated Many years before he had fallen for a The body death. But alas! On closer inspection the councilman local French immigrant but she had was still dead; in fact he’d been stuffed by local Beeston was sold at taxidermist and baker Ariadne Toastbeater. rebuffed him, giving him, instead of love, auction in 1904 for the ownership of three large black bears she two shillings. It was When the other council members realised Peter had brought with her from France.

used to scare the cats away from her aviary.

Fatstard was found devoured on that summer morning in June 1860, enormous teeth marks cratering his body, the same way blisters don’t. The debate raged. Not about who had killed him (that was bleeding obvious, even to famous town drunken idiot Barney D.T. Screwfix, but more of him another time). No, the debate was; who would take Fatstard’s place?

Peter Fatstard had enjoyed the blessing of a safe seat, having been a council member for nearly forty years despite never having achieved anything. Why was that? The answer was quite simple. Though television would not appear for another sixty years and personality politics for another century, Peter Fatstard was hugely popular, particularly amongst the stupid. Though he was incredibly racist (despite having fallen in love with a foreigner himself), hideously ugly (which is why she could never have loved him back), and as dumb as anyone whoever believed FIFA wasn’t corrupt, Fatstard was always surrounded by fans; in the local pubs, on the streets, in the workhouses, everywhere he went. So you see Peter’s death left a void which not just any ugly racist charmbot could fill. Well, the answer in the end was quite simple. The very next day, upon entering the council house, members were consumed with

would be more of a furniture piece than an active member, they were at first a little troubled. Then they remembered; that was basically what he had been before anyway! So all was well. Fatstard was back where he belonged and, apart from his smell, was as inoffensive as ever had had been. He sat in the council house until 1900, when Ariadne’s son and protégé, Oenopion Toastbeater, decided the ageing corpse needed refurbishing. The result wasn’t great. It turned out Oenopion was less a protégé, more a f##k-up. Remember when that woman painted over the Spanish Fresco of Christ? It was like that but three dimensional, rotten and stinking. The body was sold at auction in 1904 for two shillings. It was bought by a woman who used it to scare the cats away from her aviary. It didn’t work because it scared the birds away too. She sold it to someone else, who in turn sold it to someone else, and the trail of purchases, horrors and disappointments leads all the way to 1960 when a young sculptor decided to use Peter Fatstard’s now withered body as a frame for a new local installation. Inspired by the story of Fatstard’s unrequited love and ownership of three giant beasts, she gave him a beekeeper’s suit and called him The Bear Man. In that Chinese Whispers way, the name seems to have changed over time. Cobblers

Vicious Cycle A

t the moment in Beeston we finally ready ourselves for the supposedly massive leap into the future that will be the tram. And it’s certainly true that the tram is more eco-friendly than the cars that currently form the majority of the traffic going into town, but is it perhaps coming at the cost of another eco-friendly form of transport? The humble bicycle. Bicycles have long been on the agenda for Nottingham Express Transit (NET); back in the heady days of 2012 we first saw the possible clash of cultures that has since ensued. Cycle advocacy groups “Pedals” launched a rather large publicity stunt by riding along the route of the tram in order to assess the safety for cyclists. At the time they were left relatively unimpressed and had a large number of demands: They wanted better cycle paths, more bike parks at stops, and clear signposting to ensure the safety of cyclists.

It’s a sad reflection that 3 years later and these issues are still needing to be addressed. Cycle paths that have been installed have proved inadequate and in a few famous cases attracted mockery. Who can forget the brief period where Beeston was convinced it had the shortest cycle path in the world (clocking in 6 metres) only to fall from these heights of notoriety on the discovery of a 1metre path in London. Or how about the time that a cycle path led straight into a lamp post? Leaving any distracted cyclist with an unpleasant wake up call. Despite these mistakes though some care was taken to make the tram tracks safe for cyclists. Where cycle paths intersect with the tram the effort is made to ensure the crossing is perpendicular, and when riders have to cycle parallel to the tracks attempts have been made to ensure that there is a big enough gap.

The precise size dictated on the NET website is 1.1m which is fairly tight even for the most experienced cyclists. In many cases though even these minor measures aren’t reached, especially around already narrow roads and tram stops. Although a necessity in the latter case it does mean cyclists have a tiny margin of error when approaching stations. This fear became grounded in reality last year when on the particularly narrow route along Chilwell road a local woman was badly injured on the tracks. Whilst stopped at a red light her wheels got caught in the tracks and she was thrown from the bike whilst trying to correct. Thankfully she made a full recovery but it did leave lasting questions about whether the tracks were currently safe. It should be made clear that this was not the only accident but it was the most significant.

Once more advocacy group Pedals returned to the scene, pressuring the council to put out safety information on how to cross the tracks correctly. The advice basically boiled down to: cross at as an oblique an angle as possible to reduce the risk of getting your wheels caught. This relatively short sentence fragment then took the form of a glossy information video online as well as fliers distributed at tram stops. Although good for PR, when reviewed three months later it became apparent that although this was sound advice it was not practical in many cases, with the majority of cycle crossings being at a significant enough angle to make skidding a concern, especially in poor conditions. In conversations with local cyclists an oft repeated issue was that the tracks themselves, even when you are not stuck in them, are very slippery and crossing them can lead to control loss. A particular area for concern is the approach to the tracks, many cyclists have reported feeling threatened by motorists who do not understand why the bicycle isn’t taking the crossing at the same acute angle they are. When the trams enter full operation later this year this may be particularly pressing as the routes get busier. The angle problem has also been encountered at the Ruddington Lane tram stop where a right angle to the tracks is nearly impossible to achieve. Although I raise these two specific examples they are far from the only ones, in fact at last count around 10 different problem areas exists within Beeston (as identified by Pedals). These include the aforementioned poorly angled cycle paths and, perhaps more worryingly, substandard, construction work.

Around a third of the problems are due to poor kerbing, meaning the kerb is either not flush or placed at an awkward height or angle, presenting a danger to even the most experienced cyclists. As such it now falls to Broxtowe council and NET to assess how best to make the tracks safe for cyclists. The NET report from February of last year mentions 8 new or renovated cycle routes through Beeston, including 2 designed to avoid the tram entirely; although it also specifies that these are currently prospective rather than confirmed projects. These also took a blow recently when in December NET and the local council failed to reach an agreement with Pedals and other advocacy groups as to a safe and practical alternate route. The simple fact that discussions have now been ongoing for over a year is a significant worry. In contrast: Nottingham council has recently been allocated 6 million to improve cycle routes including those encountering the tram on university boulevard, this indicates that at least some planning is being done to render the tram safe for cyclists. This current scheme only extends to the edge of the Nottingham ward however meaning the renovations only extend as far as the Queen’s Road roundabout. For Beeston then, this is not a significant benefit. Given the length of time tram works have been ongoing it strikes this author as odd that no significant progress has been made in making them cycle proof. It seems like it would have been an early concern that needed addressing, but it seems like instead the council have been playing catch up on the needs of cyclists. At the very least it is abundantly clear that by the time the last tram works leave Beeston it may be that our problems are only just beginning.

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So, what can we do from here? It seems obvious that we have to focus on making NET and the council accountable, walking along the tracks it’s not hard to spot where more work needs doing. It has become obvious in the 3 months the information scheme has been running that, although it is helpful, more is needed. With the amount of cycle traffic in Beeston we need to make sure that cyclists are safe and that we do not let new projects prove a danger. There is still a year before NET declare Beeston finished, we can pressure them to do a lot in that time. TR

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Tram-endous S

o, who has not felt a little pang of excitement when a tram has passed by on the new lines recently? I have seen several people stop midstream and stare, mouths open wide, at such an unfamiliar sight. I saw one going at speed down Chilwell High Road the other day (timetable testing) and involuntarily performed something resembling a pirouette.

Can you tell I am quite excited about the tram starting properly? I know it’s been a terribly long time coming and the communication difficulties have been atrocious. I know no-one could have imagined the chaos and some people are asking whether it was all worth it. But surely the point now is that IT IS HERE and I think we may as well hitch a ride and hold on tight. We have decided to hold a tram party at our house as soon as the lines are running. We are going to invite friends from near and far – from the other side of Beeston to the outer limits of Nottinghamshire. Also from Cambridge, Birmingham, Northampton and the London suburbs. The only pre requisite is that party goers arrive by tram and they can only get in by showing their recently validated ticket. We want to show our world how easy it is to visit us via Beeston’s shiny new appendage! We’ll have a map on the wall charting journeys and will be collecting some travelling stories. Hopefully people who normally travel by car will enjoy trying something new. Do you know that in Krakow there’s a company that apparently also organises tram parties? http://trampartykrakow.com/en/ But this one is a party ON A TRAM. The price includes a tram, a driver, a sound system, lighting, smoke maker, a DJ and two stops of your choice. Anyone fancy organising that through Beeston? Karen Attwood

Yarn Bombing T

here are new trends every week these days. Remember planking? That’s dead. The selfie? So last Thursday. Come on Grandad, get with the present. Right now it’s all about yarn bombing.

Want a definition? So do I. To give a visual example (which always works well through the medium of text) do you recall that over the winter somebody knitted some clothes around the Beeman? There you go. That’s yarn bombing. To paraphrase Wordsworth it is To this day no one knows who be-suited the Beeman, but rumours do abound. My money’s on Helen Stevenson, local artist and member of Beeston Bid who is organising another of the hugely successful I Love Beeston Arts Trails. Helen had this to say about the upcoming trail and why she wanted to do

another. “Beeston has a multitude of creative people living and working here. I am hoping to start an annual trend that showcases our creativity and connects with our local businesses.” Amongst the events she’s planning, can you guess? That’s right. Nestled in amongst arts and crafts fairs and a “Pied Piper” puppet theatre is a big old taste of community yarn bombing. Have you always wanted to make a rug for the square? Give the lampposts bobble hats? Ever thought of knitting the Beeman a cool summer thong? Now you can. You’ll have the opportunity to be-thong the Beeman and a helluva lot more August 22nd to 31st. Absolutely loads will be going on at venues like the White Lion and the Flying Goose so put the dates in your diaries now. We’ll remind you nearer the date, but in the meantime I want to personally encourage all of you to get in the new yarn bombing trend. By the end of August I want the town to be a wonderful multicolour patchwork of woolly hats, Beeston Tapestries, itchy cardigans and rainbow knee socks. C Fox

GEORGE NEWTON, CARPENTER, HISTORIAN

ntering George Newton’s workshop is a hazardous experience: the sloping shed roof full of suspended tools, and for a tallish, clumsy bloke like myself, getting clocked by a bafflingly intricate bit of carpentry is a cert. Yet once in it’s fascinating: years of built up work, uncountable shelves, racks and drawers packed with everything woodwork.

Then there is the work: the works in progress, the near completed, the ready to go. Painfully neat sketches of cars sit by their bought-to-life wooden realisations. Random lumps of wood sit around, yet to be shaped into something beautiful. ‘I’ve been into wood all my life: I think I was about eight when I first made something. I can’t help but tinker. I went on to work at Ericssons, in the wood mill, and got to work with wood full time’. His love of timber is evident: he seeks out rare cuts of wood, and carefully selects each piece he uses with skill ‘I had a sample box with 158 different types of wood, all unique in some way’. He shows me a model of a Bugatti he’s nearly completed: ‘It’s got maple, pitch pine, black walnut, ebony, US oak, beech and pink ivory elements’ he explains ‘I’ve always wanted to make this: I saw a Bugatti as a child outside the Nottingham Council House when I was a lad, and I was gobsmacked. Recently I saw the design on the internet, and decided to give it ago’. With the help of some CAD software, some detailed sketches and evidently many hours of crafting, it now looks resplendent and detailed, each element perfectly bringing the wood to life. Since retiring in 1993, he’s devoted his spare time to the workshop (‘it’s two sheds, knocked together. This bit is from 1983, and this bit is from ’68’). He’s amassed a huge collection of tools, some seemingly brand new pieces that are works of art in themselves: svelte chisels, elegantly carved planes; as well as items he’s been gifted or bequeathed. Charmingly, some still have the names of the original owners engraved on them. I select one at random. ‘J BATMAN’, apparently.

George has made anything from furniture (‘about three Welsh dressers’, and his front room is full of his work), to memorial plaques (trip down to the Boathouse Café and you’ll see some of his work, finely crafted memorials to past friends, on display); and everything between. He’s just finished off a beautiful bowl from Purple Heart, a deep red- purple timber that will change colour over time (‘it’s the beauty of wood. It lives, it changes’). He rarely does commissions, keeping his work as a hobby with the occasional gift to friends. His favourite wood? ‘English oak’ he answers ‘it’s difficult to work with, keeps you on your toes, but if you master it, the results are wonderful’ He’s also a fan of cherry, a tree that can be found in abundance round his Rylands home. Before I leave, he tells me of his early life in Beeston. Moving here as a toddler in 1939, he hasn’t left, and is evidently in love with the place, telling me movingly about the floods of 1947, and how they shaped the landscape. It’s fascinating stuff, and before I go, he gives me a DVD of the Rylands fifty years ago, and copies of his own memories, which he has made into a series of gorgeously interesting books. I have a feeling we’ll be following up the stories within sometime soon in The Beestonian. As I cycle home, I suddenly realise that George lives on Beech Avenue. For such a skilled craftsman, with such a deep knowledge of his former career and present hobby, it’s only fitting his address mentions a tree. LB Holiday Workshop Beeston.qxp_Layout 1 30/04/2015 12:42 Page 1

Summer Musical Theatre Workshop 2015

Beeston

Join in the fun Come and enjoy some musical theatre with Stagecoach this summer! If you love to sing, dance and act, Stagecoach Beeston has just the thing for you this summer! Spend 5 days making new friends and having fun, whilst learning lots of pieces from well-known musicals from the West End and Broadway. At the end of the week, we will be putting on a showcase for parents to come and see. Venue: The Alderman White School, NG9 3DU. 17-21 August 9:30am-4pm. £150 per child / £130 sibling rate Wrap around care available 8:30-9:30am and 16:00-16:30 Open to all children aged 6-18

0115 8510352

stagecoach.co.uk/Beeston /Holiday-Workshops Venue: Alderman White School, NG9 3DU Stagecoach Theatre Arts Schools are operated under franchise and are independently owned by their Principals. STAGEC--OACH is a registered trade mark of Stagecoach Theatre Arts Ltd.

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Grey matter 1. 1. What is the collective name of a group of seventeen hundred islands between Canada and the USA which are popular summer resorts?

11. Esther Summerson is the heroine of which novel by Charles Dickens?

2. Whose summer villa is at Castel Gandolfo?

12. Which hit song describes summer thus ? Those days of soda and pretzels and beer??

3. When is the Christian festival of Midsummer Day?

13. Who had a hit record in 1961 with Summertime Blues?

4. Where were the 1968 Summer Olympics held?

14. The tiny summer Isles are a few miles Northwest of which Scottish port?

5. What is used as the filling of a summer pudding? 6. Which institution, introduced by Harold Wilson, consists of TV and radio lectures and summer schools? 7. In ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, what was done all on a summer’s day? 8. In which capital city in the Northern Hemisphere, the name of which is a local tribe, has almost 19 hours of daylight during the summer solstice? 9. Which actor, later to find fame in ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’, played the part of one of Cliff Richard’s friends in the film ‘Summer Holiday’? 10. Which brothers wrote the song summertime?

Summer/ Eddie Cochrane/Ullapool Hayes/George & Ira Gershwin/Bleak House/Lazy Hazy Crazy Days Of University/Queen Of Hearts made some tarts/Helsinki (Finland)/Melvyn Answers: Thousand islands/The Pope/24th June/Mexico/Soft Fruit/Open

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NEWS FROM THE TRAM

Bow

Selecta O

He has created a brand new superhero and is using the character to help ... make a difference in people’s lives.

ne of the real pleasures of being Robin Hood for a living is talking to people about who and what they think Robin was or may have been, and the question I’m most often asked is ‘Did he really exist?’. Truth be told I really don’t know. I’d like to think there was some basis for a man who stood up against injustice to help the common man, but even if there was a ‘real’ Robin his legend has grown in the telling out of all resemblance to any likely historical reality.

surname; his parents are Matt and Deb Goodwin who I talked about recently as the backbone of the ‘Beeston Browncoats’, the sci-fi themed charity fundraising group, and Xander has certainly inherited their desire to make a difference in people’s lives. Having helped design Thunder-Man to Xander’s specification, Matt and Deb decided to create an actual costume for him to wear for a school-dress up day, and from there the idea just took off. They decided to draw some comic-style illustrations, create a background for the hero and then the bigger idea took shape. They thought “why not create an illustrated t-shirt people could buy, with the money raised going to a charity of Xander’s choice?” So that’s what they did…

People need heroes to represent their dreams though, to act as a focus for their yearning for something better, more honest and capable of making the world a better place in the face of insurmountable odds – and that’s not changed since the earliest humans told stories around campfires, I’m sure.

The first Thunder-Man t-shirt has already been designed and put on sale online, with Xander deciding he wanted the money raised to help orphans, because “Batman doesn’t have a mummy or daddy either”. He chose the SOS Children’s Villages charity.

These days that wish-fulfilment comes in the guise of superheroes, costumed vigilantes sometimes with amazing powers, risking life and limb to protect and help those who need it. That’s still a very evocative and popular idea; just look at the box office takings of Avengers Assemble or any of the other movies that have come out in the past few years. Most people are happy just to read (or watch) these stories, perhaps dreaming of what they might do if they could fly, manipulate matter or transform themselves into muscle-bound warriors. However one local four year old boy has gone a lot further. He has created a brand new superhero and is using the character to actively help raise money and make a difference in people’s lives. Xander Goodwin initially created ‘Thunder-Man’ (a hero he describes as “awesome, like Batman”) for a school project. His hero can fly, create thunder and lightning and is as fast as the Flash but now his main superpower is helping children’s charities through fundraising and creating awareness. Loyal Beestonian readers may recognise Xander’s

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Word spread on Twitter, Facebook and elsewhere and Thunder-Man began to gain fans worldwide. Artists from as far away as New York drew and sent original artwork to help promote the character and with his dad’s help, Xander is now plotting out a proper Thunder-Man comic. Its aim will be to help older children who may be upset or unhappy and don’t know what to do about it. At the same time the comic will raise money for the Young Minds UK charity. By early June the lovely folks at Notts TV had noticed what was happening and Xander and Matt were interviewed on TV about a project which now appears to be gaining a life of its own and going from strength to strength. Just what you’d expect of a superhero. And speaking as someone who dresses up as Nottingham’s hero I’m really proud that this young Beestonian has created another local hero for our time: one who cares, makes a real difference and looks a damned sight better in tights than I do! You can learn more about Thunder-Man at his website (thunder-man1.wix.com/thunder-man) or on Facebook (www.facebook. com/ThunderManHero) and Twitter (@Thunder__Man). Tim Pollard Nottingham’s Official Robin Hood

Wollaton Road Allotments

As part of the recent Beeston Food Festival, Wollaton Road allotments opened its gates to the public, so top snapper Christopher Frost and I headed down there for a quick nosey. If you ever drive down Wollaton Road on a Sunday morning, you can’t fail to notice a stall near the gates, from which all manner of fresh produce and plants are sold. More recently a sign promising bacon cobs has gone up, and the delicious smell of frying was the first thing that greeted us. I was very tempted, but given that I’d made a complete pig of myself the previous evening I decided against it. We were shown round the vast site by the chair of the plot holders association, a very friendly and witty woman named Linda. We ended up at her collection of interconnected plots, containing her obvious pride and joy - several chickens. These weren’t the run-of-the-mill types you

passion for the place really shone through, and it was great to hear her talk so fondly of it. Linda stopped at one plot, a plain one which contained nothing but fruit trees. She explained to us that it had been owned by a chap who had owned the plot for many years, gradually filling it with trees. When he got too old to maintain it, the council took a look and decided that it wouldn’t be right to remove all the trees, and handed it to the care of the association to use communally. Whilst this is a good story, the best part of it is that the plot contains two bramley apple trees, which are rumoured to have been original saplings from the world-famous ‘mother’ tree in Southwell. Over the summer, scientists from the university are going to run some tests on them to determine their provenance. I’m not a betting man, but as there appears to be no visible evidence of said trees being grafted onto another rootstock, I would wager that we’ve got another important piece of history here on our doorstep. On our way out, we again passed through clouds of frying bacon smoke. With the resolve of a palace guard I continued to resist, but have made a mental note for future Sunday mornings. The impression I got was that the site is well-run by the association, with activities focussed on co-operation and mutual benefit for all. The council gets plenty of stick for a variety of reasons (some of it warranted), but in this instance their hands-off approach to managing the site and letting the plot holders steer the running of it deserves some credit. So, it’s worth wending your way to that end of town on a Sunday morning, call in for a cob and pick up some locally-grown produce. You’re guaranteed a friendly welcome, and they have even started offering a full English breakfast, using eggs from the coops on site. Eggsellent! JC

commonly see, but pretty patterned ones with a wide variety of plumage and colour. They were cool enough, but then Linda led us through one of the coops to an amazing building which is neither a large shed nor a greenhouse, but nonetheless is constructed of timber and glass, and is decked out with furniture and proper comfy seats. A real homely place Advert 1/8 page_Layout 1 02/12/2014 16:05 Page 1 toPND retreat from the weather. Just when we thought it couldn’t get any better, Linda showed us to a Design small> Creative communal garden area, complete with a neatly kept lawn and benches. Apparently this had once been the site of a tip, but it was > Corporate Branding reclaimed by the plot holders and turned into this great little sanctuary. > Copywriting & Editing Heading our&way back to the entrance, Linda described the extraordinary > Print On-line community spirit around the allotments, and how all the money raised > Brochures goes back into improving the site for everyone. Her enthusiasm and > Newsletters > Marketing Materials > Conference Branding

• Creative Design • Corporate Branding • Conference Branding • Copywriting & Editing • Brochures

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• • • Print & Online

in Beeston

Going Wild Once Bittern… R

Mea Culpa,

that could pass for food for a Bouncing Baby Bittern. It’s egular readers will recall my article Me Paenitet....... often said that the Herons are the Goats of the avian world in the last edition of this inestimable – they’ll eat anything that moves and much that doesn’t. My fault, I’m journal, wherein I held forth on Sorry.......... the copulatory habits of a reed-bed Then, on the last day of May, an observant “birder” So, what do I whiling away his time in the Tower Hide caught sight of inhabiting member of the heron family a pair of heads sticking up above the phragmites. Quick know? called a Bittern. With my usual foot-inas a flash a pic was in the can and that was it! For the first mouth propensity, I informed all and sundry time since our medieval forefathers had snacked on the last that there was no chance of them breeding at the remaining Butterbump, they had bred again at Attenborough.... Attenborough Nature Reserve this year as both birds and not just a first for Attenborough, these two cheeky chappies are the first Bittern chicks in Nottinghamshire for at least three centuries were male......Wrong! Both birds that had been seen and heard booming were indeed males – ‘cos that’s what Boy Bitterns do. But what I didn’t allow for in my haste to pontificate (note the subtle Latin thread) was that a skulking female (a technical birding term – not a sexist slight) Bittern was already ensconced in the reed bed. Indeed, as my pen scratched its wary way across the journalistic parchment, Mrs Bittern was proudly bringing forth her Baby Bitterns into this world. Looking more like a couple of shrivelled up pterodactyls than young birds, they spent their first few weeks of life hunkered down at the bottom of the reeds while mother crammed all manner of juicy morsels down their collective throats – frogs, worms, mice, snails, slugs, fish, the odd baby moorhen, anything and everything

The Beestonian is... Editor/Lead Writer/Founder • Lord Beestonia Co-Founder/Resident Don • Prof J Design • Dan Associate Editor • Christian Editorial Assistance • Mel

or thereabouts. A week later the world, well the local hacks and telly presenters, were informed of developments and you couldn’t move on the reserve without tripping over the local and national press.

As to your correspondent, any embarrassment I might have felt vis-a-vis my earlier prediction was as nought compared to the eager anticipation of so many folk, so overjoyed at the prospect of a tasty slice of roast Buttterbump – after all, three hundred years is long time to wait for a snack! Mike Spencer www.facebook.com/beestonwildlife

History Editor • Joe Earp Illustrator • Mouni Feddag Top-notch contributors this issue: Joe Earp, Chris Fox, John ‘Poolie’ Cooper, Christopher Frost, Tim Pollard, Mel Heath, Ric Salinger, Jimmy Slideboy Wiggins, Mike Spencer, Karen Attwood, and Deman. Printed by Pixels & Graphics, Beeston

Stockists: Belle & Jerome, The Hop Pole, The Crown, The White Lion, The Star, The Greyhound, Flying Goose, Mish Mash Gallery, The Malt Shovel, The Guitar Spot, Relish, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe ROYA, Newsagent on Chilwell Road, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve.

Gossip from the

Hive mind *News from the north of the borough as Broxtowe Borough Council reject a solar-farm on the grounds ‘it’s not green’. Reports that council leader Richard Jackson has demanded Sneintons Green’s Windmill to be torn down immediately as ‘a blight on the landscape’ remain unconfirmed*

* In a shock revelation at a recent meeting of The Beestonian crew, we discovered our designer, Dan, is actually a trained Private Eye. We are now demanding the qualified gumshoe only turns up for meetings clutching a bottle of scotch, in a shabby raincoat and a battered trilby. Which, to be fair, is what he does anyway. *

*Great news for The White Lion, as it finally receives a decent lump of compensation for the damage caused by the tram works. As fans of the pub /gallery/ cinema / samba palace/ etc we stepped in to help with the claim, after previous attempts were rebuked. Lo and behold, after kicking up a fuss in the press, the claim was processed and a payment made. We’re presently in talks with the owners, Sergio and Natalie, for a party at the end of the summer to celebrate: watch this space*

* We can formally scotch the rumours, that following the skirmishes at the Hemlock Happening, Beeston Carnival on July 11th July will be policed by an army of military drones, RoboCops and the SAS. But we can confirm that The Beestonian will be sharing a stall with those lovely people from Oxjam, and, if the last two years are anything to go by, passing out in the heat around 2pm.*

* Twitter user @daddyseahorse sent us this rather fine picture of what could be Beeston’s Least Competent Parker…*

*We were chuffed to see Beestonian regular Professor Martyn Polaikoff formally receive his knighthood this month. We also reckon another gong, maybe a CBE for YouTube comments, goes to the guy who described him on the aforementioned video channel as ‘This guy looks like science’. Arise, Sir Succinct!

* Plans are being discussed to run a tram line from Toton to East Midlands Airport. Should it go through, we will probably relocate Beestonian Towers to Alicante in Spain, as it will be from then on known as ‘South Beeston’. We’re working on getting Glasgow sorted as ‘North Beeston’; Marrakesch as ‘West Beeston’ and a nice beach on the Red Sea as ‘East Beeston’. It’s all on the tram line, after all*

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