The Beestonian Issue 40

Desperately clinging onto Summer...

Issue no.

40

Better than

Bridgford?

…Of course we are. And The Sunday Times agrees, labelling us one of the most up and coming suburbs in the UK. If West Bridgford is Bread and Lard Island, that probably makes us Brioche and Goose Fat Archipelago.

Yes Bridgford has its sports stuff: Trent Bridge, a couple of football stadia and Holme Pierrepont, but we have a World Champion: find out more about our croquet legend inside.

You’ll also find a wealth of stuff including some sordid / fun goings on down a Rylands pub; some heartening news about a humanitarian appeal down another pub; an interview with Beeston’s happiest man and a definitive test to see if your love / hate for trams is in need of professional help.

This is our fortieth edition, and we’re still amazed that there is so much stuff to write about. Beeston simply brims with stories. So much so, in fact, that we’ve also put out an extra magazine especially devoted to the wonder that is Oxjam. This year is bigger, better and more ambitious than ever before: it just had to have its own edition. Find it in our usual distributors.

As we head towards winter, Beeston is bucking the trend and blooming: the misery of the tram works behind us; we’re stronger than ever. If this time next year The Sunday Times isn’t devoting a whole issue just to the wonder which is this corner of NG9, then we can only assume someone on Musters Road has slipped Murdoch a back-hander. Keep it local: Viva Beestonia!

LB

Is Beeston Fracked?

B

Only the broader concerns that by fracking for fossil fuels, we’re eeston doesn’t look much like the opening committing to throwing more climate-changing CO2 people power credits of Dallas: well, Beeston Fields Drive into the atmosphere, rather than invest in renewables to can make a does a bit, but we soon might be subject power our lives: the obscene rejection of a solar farm on challenge to the sort of drilling that made JR rich wasteland in Watnall by the Tory-ran Broxtowe Borough Council, despite planning officers roundly supporting enough to gold plate his ten-gallon hat. Yet if the here. the project, is a microcosm of this utter contempt for the Government gets its way, we’re soon to be seeing environment, for the future of our planet, our children. the place dotted with rigs, dragging oil and gas from deep within the local rock.

What can we do to stop derricks appearing on Bramcote Park, to stop

The notice was smuggled out sneakily: licenses were being offered for a variety of sites across Beeston, Attenborough, Bramcote and Stapleford.

This has to pass over County Council planning permission: but with the Government’s removal of adequate time to build a case prohibiting fracking, and it’s stated position supporting fracking the land, this can’t be relied on.

huge hydraulic rigs striding over Attenborough Nature Reserve? Only people power can make a challenge here. As such, The Beestonian supports and will be chairing a public meeting at John Clifford School, Nether Street, Beeston at 7.30pm on Saturday October 24th. .

Experienced campaigners will be on hand to offer advice on opposing, setting up campaigns, as well as setting out the dangers if the fracking companies get there way.

The dangers of fracking are manifold. Pollution of the water table.

Ground damage due to excavation. The increase in traffic, and the added strain on local infrastructure to accommodate this. That’s not to mention

No to turning Beeston into a polluted Dallas. We always preferred Falcon Crest, anyhow.

LB

Beeston to Calais…

I

t is strange how one image can change the world. When pictures of a toddler, washed up on a Turkish beach, hit the world media in September, anyone with a speck of compassion reacted: while governments dithered, we acted.

A collection for essential goods, and an action meeting, was swiftly set up, and it wasn’t difficult to find somewhere to store the donations.

Sergio at The White Lion offered his cellar without question. I went along on the Thursday expecting to see a small trickle of donations come in, but instead, queues to get in the car park formed as scores of donations flew in. Tents, sleeping bags, waterproof clothing. A human chain had to be formed to take in the avalanche of goodwill. Within an hour, the first van was full, and away to be sorted. Expecting to be in and out within a few minutes, I ended up staying right the way through the weekend, as goodwill flowed into the pub. Even Tesco donated a trolley of canned and dried food. If you’ve ever needed your faith in humanity restored – and by god, after seeing the increasingly grim headlines beforehand, you probably did – the way Beestonians reacted did just that. While we collected downstairs, volunteers discussed and organised the logistics on how to get the aid down to the needy fleeing war, oppression and poverty.

It really touched Sergio. A father to four young children – one that arrived just a month before – he was keen to do more. While giving over his staff, his function room, and his cellar might to most seem enough, he was impelled. ‘We were lucky when we fled Angola’ he tells me. ‘We heard the bombs and the bullets. Fortunately, my mother was Portuguese and managed to get us out. I saw my first dead body, full of bullet holes,

as a child.’ He tells us how on first arriving in the UK, he was unaware of Bonfire Night, sitting terrified at the sound of fireworks outside. It serves as a reminder to remember that before anything else, refugees are human, not some collective ‘swarm’ as less savoury types would be happy to paint them.

An idea came to him. While practical goods are imperative, a simple act of compassion could be given. He’d drive down to Calais, and cook a meal for us many refugees as he could. What is a more simple demonstration of humanity than breaking bread with a fellow person? A fundraising page was set up and Beestonians dipped deep, raising over £1,000 over a weekend. To assess the practicalities (and also deliver a car load of aid) Sergio drove across to France to see the camps himself.

The recce left him shocked.

‘They have so little. No real toilets. Nowhere to wash. They are cold.

They have to cook on wood fires. They have nothing, absolutely nothing.

It is a desperate situation.’

We won’t solve that anytime soon. The problems run deep, and as the Syrian crisis is only getting worse, things are not looking like getting better before they get worse. Yet when Sergio travels down to Calais in November (I’m planning to accompany him on the trip), and, working with on-the-ground aid agencies, can directly show Beeston’s compassion to those who have so little. A picture can change the world.

A single act of love can change a life.

Donate to Sergio’s Fresh Food to Calais fund directly at the White Lion (ask bar staff for details), or by visiting: gogetfunding.com/fresh-food-for-calais.

LB

Beeston in Broom O

f all the people that I’ve interviewed or photographed for the Beestonian so far, the location for meeting Nigel Pepper was probably the least glamorous, being the gent’s loos at the former bus station in Beeston.

Don’t worry, the police didn’t need to be called, it’s just that my interviewee has his office there, it being the attendant’s room.

Many will know Nigel’s face, but not his name, as he is one of Broxtowe Council’s cleansing operatives and happiest employees, as he keeps the streets of Beestonia clean and tidy with his trusty broom.

I caught up with Nigel as he was giving the floor of the loo a mopping. “This is coming down sometime soon,” he says. “Maybe in a week or two”. The toilet block has no place in the design of the new transport interchange, and there are no plans to replace it.

So it will make The Last Post the closest place to go, if you need to go. I enquired whether he knew what would is going to be built on the land that is currently being used by NET as a storage facility.

“You hear various rumors from different people. The latest is a Premier Inn hotel and maybe a McDonalds. I’d like to see some pagodas here. It would amuse the Chinese students that live in Beeston”. It’s a big piece of land that could be empty for a few years when the site is finally cleared, and plans submitted to the council. So it would be nice to see something

done with it, albeit on a temporary basis, rather than it standing empty and looking like weedsville.

Despite being a popular Beestonian, Nigel was actually born in Lincoln. He moved firstly to Newark, then St Anns, before settling in Beeston, where he has worked for Broxtowe Council for seven years and nine months. He’s always been a street cleaner for the council, but has previously worked in factories, cleaning again.

I asked him if the streets of our fair town have become dirtier since he began. Nigel agreed that they had. “Even though there are more bins in town, there’s more rubbish. Drinks cans seem to be the worst culprit. I have a special compartment on my barrow for recyclables”. I wondered if he had come across anything unusual on his travels. He said that he always finds dropped wallets and purses, which he passes on to the police for the safe return to their owners, but sadly he couldn’t remember any specific items of interest.

Although of course there’s bound to be during Nigel’s working hours of Monday to Friday 8am to 4pm, where he works a different route per day. He also works overtime on Saturdays, and which may include checking the parks at Broadgate and Dovecote Lane.

We got talking about transport when I mentioned what hobbies Nigel may have. He likes buses and enjoys cycling. Naturally I asked him his thoughts about the new tram system. He said that the Interchange is good, although he thinks there should be more safety railings around, to stop people walking where they shouldn’t.

Nigel said that it was difficult for him

during the construction phase with all the barriers about and sections of pavement closed off. He was one of the first to try the tram when it opened a few weeks ago. He also thinks that they should have named the area ‘Beeston Interchange’, rather than ‘Beeston Centre’.

You’ve been called Beeston’s happiest person. What helps you to enjoy, what many people would call a mundane job? “I’m often called Smiler” he says with a grin.

Just like the character from Last of the Summer Wine, but in a nonironic way, as the TV Smiler, never actually smiled, whereas Nigel does, frequently. “It’s meeting new people everyday, and getting to make friends with them that I like. Also everyday is different. It’s a good community,” he says with another smile.

How did you feel about being nominated for the Local Hero

award? “I was really shocked, but chuffed, even though I was the runner up to Toni from Hallams.

Toni joked that I am seen but not heard, while she is heard, but not seen”.

Finally I just had to ask him about the infamous Beeman ‘yarn bombing incident’, which took place during last month’s arts festival, and whether Nigel was responsible for the removal of the crocheted clothing and knitted bees that had been placed on the statue during the Thursday evening, but had ended up in the rubbish by the Friday morning.

Nigel chuckles, “Not guilty, I was on holiday at the time”. He suggested it was someone who works on the bins. “I knew the event was going to be taking place, but it was definitely not me that did it”.

CF

Hemlock Stone

The

N

(1881) describes the stone thus: ottinghamshire Legend has three has it that the “Upon the brow of an abrupt large natural rising ground, a little beyond Stone was hurled geological Bramcote Hills stands a very curious and conspicuous features. In order of size ...by the Devil object, familiarly known as they are: The Hemlock the Hemlock Stone. This is a Stone at Bramcote, The huge, crumbling, isolated, mass Altar or Druid Stone at of rock, or red sandstone. Cropping Blidworth and Bob’s Rock up perpendicularly from the slightly depressed ridge on which it stands and it located in Stapleford.

The Hemlock Stone by far is the largest of the three stones and perhaps most known within the public. Located on a enigmatic sandstone outcrop at Bramcote near Nottingham, the Hemlock Stone certainly cannot be missed.

Briscoe in his book ‘Old Nottinghamshire’

The Hemlock Stone, c1901 Photo Credit: The Paul Nix Collection

being surmounted by two broad and distinct masses of a tough green rag stone, called in the vernacular of the district ‘Hemlcock Stone’, which project very considerably over the shaft, giving a most remarkable appearance to the object. The whole mass, on the southern side, is between forty to and fifty feet in height and at the northern thirty, and at the base it measures altogether fifty feet in girth”.

Legend has it that the Hemlock Stone was hurled at Lenton Priory, some four miles west of the stone, by the Devil. Frank Earp (1991) explains: “This tale of the Devil or some mischievous force hurling a stone and missing its mark occurs throughout the folk-literature of Europe.

It is generally accepted that such legends reflect conflict between the early Christian Church and their pagan contemporaries. The tale is more often than not associated with prehistoric sites like the large monoliths or standing stones erected by Neolithic and Bronze Age man.

Such stones were the centre of pagan worship well into the Christian era”.

The origin of the Stone in Stapleford has puzzled historians and geologists for centuries but for the first time, a 3D laser scan of the monolithic structure has been conducted.

The scan, is part of the Three Stones project, being ran in partnership with the Nottingham Hidden History Team and the University of Nottingham. The scan has finally been processed and is currently being edited by the team at Nottingham University. To learn more about the project you can find more information on the Hidden History website: https://nottinghamhiddenhistoryteam. wordpress.com/2012/10/20/three-stonesproject/ JE

Miranda Chapman World Champion D

id you know that Beeston has a new world champion? That’s right. The Women’s AC World Championship of Croquet saw thirty six women from twelve countries come to The Nottingham Croquet Club in Highfields Park. Representatives from all over Europe, Australia, South Africa, America and more, came for the eight day event.

And in spite of what was some intense competition, of course the winner, showing that Beeston has everything to offer from film stars to scientists to sports stars, was local Beestonian Miranda Chapman.

I sat down to chat with Miranda and David Brydon, also of the Croquet Club. Miranda had the quiet self-assurance of an athlete. “I had the selfbelief that I could win,” she told me, but was also keen to praise those who helped her to victory.

One of those was Keith Aiton, a former GB coach. “He’s been very good,” she said, going on to describe how his training in neuro linguistic programming helped her to win. Quoting an article written by David from the day of the Championship, Miranda thanked Keith, saying “I don’t know what you did Keith. Somehow you changed nothing, but you changed everything.”

How long had she had her sights set on the tournament? “Since it was announced that it was going to be held here. You can’t really turn down the chance of playing at your home club. It was very exciting to be able to show off the place to the rest of the world.”

But it wasn’t an easy journey. Miranda had previously taken a year out to have a baby, her son Ollie. “It’s taken a lot of motivation and dedication to find the time to practise, with a young family.”

Miranda has been part of the club on University Boulevard for five years, but she began playing croquet nearly twenty years ago in her hometown of Wellington New Zealand. She says it was in her family.

“I grew up around it. I’ve been hitting tennis balls around since I was two. I’ve been around the courts for twenty seven years, but I’ve been playing competitively since ’98.” She competed in the 2012 Open World Championship in Adelaide, representing Victoria and South Australia. “I made it to the final sixteen.”

However she says that the Chapman dynasty of croquet players has not ended with her. “My two year old is hitting tennis balls around the court already.”

Was her family watching as she won? Miranda and David laughed.

“They were watching the commentary from home,” Miranda said. “I left strict instructions for them to keep some distance.”

David chimed in, grinning. “You don’t want someone shouting mummy just as you’re about to take your shot!”

Her husband Paddy Chapman was winner of the Croquet Association President’s Cup this year. What was it like having his support? “He’s been a great support. It’s good to have someone else to bounce ideas off. He’s been a huge help.”

So there we have it. The championships are over, but it seems Miranda’s victory is on-going. She’s just been nominated for Amateur Sportsperson of the Year and Sportswoman of the Year at the Sports Awards 2015. At the time of writing we don’t know yet if she’s been shortlisted for either, but if she is, and if she wins, she’ll join such previous award winners as Carl Froch who has won Sportsperson of the Year three years in a row.

Best of luck Miranda!

CF

fly in to Nottingham every 6-7 mins with more buses running through Chilwell out to Long Eaton Beeston

QMC Uni

Nottingham Maid Marian Way & Broadmarsh

trentbarton.co.uk/indigo

AJ Booker

Y

ou might remember a rather excellent cartoon series shown a few decades ago that went by the name Hong Kong Phooey. This would tell the tale of a rather hapless crime fighting, kung-fu expert dog.

The opening moments of each episode would begin with the narrator trying to identify the mysterious hero, before chancing on Penry, the mild-mannered Janitor. Who happened to be a dog. Doing manual work. Man, cartoons were severely off-piste back then.

The point was, otherwise than to watch a couple of episodes of the cartoon and pass it off as research, is that people you assume do just one thing turn out to be quite astounding polymaths. We have our own version of Hong Phooey in Beeston. Yet rather than a martial arts canine hero, he’s a mild-mannered coffee server down the Creative Corner.

Meet AJ Booker. He’s also handy with a mop, as we’ll find out later.

Fusion Café, which AJ set up 18 months ago to give those visiting that oasis of excellence on the corner of Cator Lane a decent cup of coffee and a bit of cake. He could have settled with a simple coffee machine and a few slightly gaudy looking custard tarts from Birds, but that isn’t AJ’s style. A true aesthete with an overflowing imagination, he’s made Fusion into something incredibly different. Is it a coffee shop? For sure.

Is it a musical hang-out, with instruments there to be picked up and strummed (provided one has at least a scrap of ability)? Yep. Is it a gallery, hosting some excellent work from local artists? That as well. Is it a workshop, running anything creative from guitar-building classes to language courses? We’re not in Costa anymore, Dorothy.

In fact, it’s possibly one of Beeston’s most innovative hangouts, with such a bizarre variety of stuff I’d need to devote a whole magazine to get any sense of thoroughness. But how has this happened? Spend a few minutes with AJ and you’ll find out.

Originally a designer in industry, he worked in the design of high-end shop fitting. If you ever walked through an airport departure longue a few years ago, and was enticed by an eye-catching display for a brand like Swatch, then that was probably AJ’s doing. Hired for his quick imagination and serious work ethic, he had a nice career. Yet soon his attention was caught by more socially conscious ideas. ‘I became interested in spreading the knowledge. Design is problem solving, as simple as that. You try and find a better way to do something. Creativity plus problem solving skills: these are essential. I thought I’d like to try applying this to teaching. I saw it as my mission in life’.

A range of innovative educational materials was the result. Some were simple little ideas to encourage deeper thinking: how long can you tear a single sheet of paper, to a brilliant series of cards to be used for teachers during detention: the excellently titled ‘Evil Detentions’: creative tasks for teachers to give pupil’s something educational, creative and innovative to do during detention: they proved so popular that students would ask to save behind to participate.

AJ’s latest project is one that incorporates design, thought and fun. A series of wooden, moving models that you construct yourself – simply push out the pieces from a flat board, put together and build. The one I particularly love is a chicken-catapult: a clever ratchet draws back a taut elastic band, that when released fires a ping-pong ball across the café with incredible velocity. Designed as a rooster, it’s both playful and clever. The designs are simple, and plainly presented to be designed upon: ‘It’s not about making a finished product’ he tells me, as we send another ball shooting towards the door, ‘It’s a springboard.

This is educational: you see how it works, see how it can be built upon and changed’. The kits, which should be on general sale soon, are definitely that.

He has form here: a few years back he designed a DIY cardboard speaker, Boombox, an innovation that was tremendously popular, shifting in excess of 55,000 units.

You may then wonder why he now runs a café ‘I really liked the idea.

It’s great fun to build, and best of all, I get to spend the day thinking and playing around with my ideas in my own space’. I reckon the cake plays a part too. If I could work within close proximity to such gorgeous baked goods, I’d be in raspberry-icing heaven.

AJ Booker: a real example of the innovation, the imagination and the sheer love of fun that keeps this town full of ideas. The only limit to his skills is the space on his business card.

Before I leave, I ask AJ to describe himself in one line ‘Designer, Inventor, Barista, café toilet cleaner’. Told you. Like the karate-chopping canine, he’s also handy with a mop.

LB

webs furniture training I

n a hidden corner of Beeston furniture and careers are being built. Trepid reporter Christian Fox went to WEBS Furniture Training to find out more.

When I arrive at WEBS Furniture Training, a giant building that almost overshadows its neighbour the Anglo-Scotian Mill, Sharon tells me that I happen to have come on a quiet day.

“If you’d come next week there wouldn’t have been space to move,” Sharon tells me, but today is special nonetheless. There is a quiet hum of activity, a hum which gets louder the deeper I get into the workshops, and nearer to the huge chimney-like fan extractors.

“A pessimist It’s an interesting mixture of sees the difficulty wide open practical work environments (equipped in every opportunity; a better place for them to with some serious tools), develop their confidence. an optimist sees the and learning suites Sharon, who teaches Maths opportunity in every equipped with touch and English introduces me to screen televisions. The difficulty.” other teachers like Ross, who clean elegant corridors like her exudes both confidence have written on their walls and expertise. Not to mention inspirational quotes from the likes friendliness. I watch teachers with of Edison and Churchill: their students and I see learning, but also laughter. I see smiling and mutual respect.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity One thing Ross is keen to make clear is that in every difficulty.” these apprenticeships are all about making learning interesting and relevant. “If they’re Sharon takes me around I get the chance to just in a class room, learning about tools that’s meet several groups of students. These young when their attention is going to wane. But I adults are on the Ambitions Study Programme, get the tools in there. I show them, and then aimed at 16 to 18 year olds. It’s basically a I let them have a go. Then we go out into the taster course. For whatever reason they’re not quite ready for an apprenticeship, so for 3 days a week for 30 weeks, they come in and learn a little bit of everything that the trainers here at WEBS have to offer, from upholstery, French polishing and cabinet making, to kitchen installation, component manufacturing and sowing. As well as practical skills they’ll also be developing their English and Maths skills as well as skills to increase their employability.

I speak to a young man and woman who tell me (quite shyly), that it’s early days for them.

They’ve been on the course a month and don’t know what to think yet. I ask what their ambitions are. Typical young teens, they’re not sure, but then that is the point of this course.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do at 16, but I think a place like this, and the opportunities it offers, will work wonders at showing young people what they can achieve.

Whilst the students I speak to are shy (maybe it’s me, I am trés intimidating) I can’t think of

workshops and use them for real.”

The students want to learn because they see how it relates to their employability, and to their desired careers. On a wider scale, older people who come in on advanced apprenticeship placements work towards increasing their skillset, which benefits both them and their employers.

If you’re at an impasse – whether you’re a young person who isn’t sure what step to take next, or you’re already employed in a similar business but looking to develop and improve your skills – WEBS Furniture Training has a lot to offer. www.webstraining.com CF

Here’s your chance to discover what you REALLY think about the Tram!

T

he tram is finally with us, making regular journey from the Toton Lane park and ride site in Stapleford, through Beeston, past the University and QMC, all the way through the city to Hucknall.

So what do you think? Is it ‘tram-tastic’, another convenient method of public transport, or a complete waste of time and money? Answer the 10 questions below to reveal your tram orientation.

How TRAM are YOU? 1

Sitting in a traffic jam on University Boulevard, you see trams passing each other at high speed. Your first thought is that:

2

You are hosting a dinner party, and afterwards decide to run a little slideshow for guests, like they used to in 1970s sit-coms. Your slides consist of:

a) you want to touch yourself b) you wish you were travelling on one instead of being stuck in a car c) you ruefully remember the trees that were once there d) you fantasise about blowing up the tracks

a) photos of trams pulling in and out of Beeston Transport Interchange b) snaps of your recent holiday in Cyprus c) pics of your relatives in Australia d) pictures of Beeston in the ‘good old days’, including the minging old shopping precinct of empty units opposite where Puregym now is

3

Taking the dog for a stroll round Broadgate Park, you are asked directions to the nearest tram stop by a student.

You:

a) give them one of the NET leaflets which you always have on you, gushingly describing the benefits of this most fantastic mode of transport b) give them directions to the stop on Middle Street c) vaguely point them in the direction of the town centre, saying ‘there’s one near where the bus station was’ d) ask them why on earth they would want to travel on a tram, before giving them a ten minute lecture on the hardships endured by Beestonians over the last few years, repeatedly asking them what was wrong with buses in the first place

4

You log onto your Facebook account.

Your news feed is full of:

a) photos of trams from pals in tram fanclubs b) politics, sport and local interest c) celebrity gossip, adverts for furniture stores, and photos of funny cats d) photos of the empty Toton Lane park and ride site at 2 in the morning, taken by fellow tram haters attempting to prove a point

5

You are looking after your young nephew for the afternoon, and he asks if he can ride on the tram. You:

a) sprint out the door with him to the nearest stop, and enjoy rides until early evening b) promise to take him on a short journey later if he’s a good lad c) ask him if he would prefer to go on a bus instead d) immediately fetch a bar of soap for him to wash his mouth out with, for even mentioning the ‘t’ word

6

East Midlands Today features an article about new tram names, asking for viewer’s suggestions. You propose the following to your spouse:

a) Werner von Siemens, pioneer of electric tram technology b) former MP of Broxtowe, Seymour Cocks c) some local sporting hero such as Stuart Pearce d) your cousin who lives on Fletcher Avenue who endured years of misery while the line was being built

7

You are in Nottingham city centre when a freak tornado blows your shoes and socks off, as well as all the glass out of the bus stops. The buses are stopped from running, but the tram continues. To get home, you:

a) are already on a tram b) were planning to get the bus, but the tram will do the job c) grudgingly accept that the tram is the best method d) walk over broken glass in bare feet all the way home

8

Your friend obtains a pair of tickets to see your favourite comedian at the Theatre Royal. He suggests that you accompany him, and take advantage of the £2 event tram ticket offer. You tell him that: a) it’s a great idea, although you already have a tram pass b) you’ll meet him at the tram stop c) you were planning on getting the bus, but it makes sense to save a couple of quid on travel d) he can stick the tram up his jacksie, along with the ticket to see your favourite comedian

Go on - have a go, it’s TRAM-endous fun!

9

The Nottingham Post website runs an alert about a tram breaking down for ten minutes at a stop in Hyson Green, holding up traffic. You are:

a) distraught, and can only be consoled when the latest copy of ‘Trams’ magazine drops onto the doormat b) not surprised, there are a lot of journeys and it’s inevitable that there will be hiccups now and then c) not surprised, the way the contractors messed about putting it together in the first place d) ecstatic, running round laughing manically, telling everyone you can what an inconvenience trams cause, not caring one jot for all the poor buggers stuck in the jam

10

After years in the sexual wilderness, you meet a new partner who has something of a kinky side. They confess to you that their ultimate fantasy is to do something quite rude on a tram. You:

a) immediately suggest that you set up home together in a house overlooking the route b) find the prospect quite exciting and dig out a timetable c) Give it a bit of thought, and decide to go through with it – you would prefer the top deck of the 36, but you only live once d) collapse in disgust at the idea, before making at appointment with your GP to see if you can be chemically castrated

How did you ‘fare’?

Mostly A’s You are a bona fide tram fanatic. You eat, drink and sleep trams. You probably sleep in a tram-shaped bed and want to be buried in a tram-shaped coffin. Hopefully your partner shares your passion, otherwise you may find yourself travelling on a single track.

Mostly B’s You think that overall the tram will be a good thing for Beeston, and will ultimately be worth all the investment and hassle.

Mostly C’s You still aren’t convinced of the benefits, and think it was a waste of money when we’ve always had perfectly good bus services. You will travel on the tram under duress or when it will save you some money, but you are far from being a regular user.

Mostly D’s Your life is consumed by trams, featuring in your thoughts every waking hour (and in your dreams too). You considered moving to another city to get away from trams, but the only places you could get a work transfer to were Edinburgh, Manchester and Sheffield. Your therapist thought you were making progress until that incident with the ticket machine and a petrol bomb. If you’re not careful you may find yourself with a one-way tram ticket to the nearest psychiatric unit.

Quiz by JC + KA

Is your website

MobileFriendly?

At RM Tax & Accountancy we like to do things differently to most other accountants.

There is no tie, no expensive office, no hidden fees or unexpected invoice. Your tax affairs will be dealt with from start-to-finish by a fully qualified accountant.

All our fees are agreed up-front and paid month by month to spread the cost of your accountancy and tax needs.

We make ourselves available around our clients hours; if a 7pm call suits you better than anything 9-5, then it suits us too.

FACT: Over 50% of people now view websites on their mobile phones or tablets. the

www.bigidea-creative.co.uk

A Fresh Approach

big

paint

it

idea

bright

We design and build fully responsive websites from just £1195 (inc. VAT). Our clients include the NHS and DCC, and we’re based in Beeston. So what’s stopping you?

Call 0115 9228922 or visit our website today.

Find out more: www.rmtaxandaccountancy.com Give us a call: 07900 555383 or email us: rob@rmtaxandaccountancy.com

Oxjam’s Back!

Oxjam returns to town! We caught up with Heather Greenan festival supremo...

The secret behind Beeston’s social calendar lies in the exceptional communities that sit quietly behind it making things happen. So much of what goes on in Beeston is driven by its people; the time, energy and money they spend on making Beeston better. This magazine for example is run entirely on voluntary efforts; a small team regularly exhausting their creative banks under the leadership of the good hearted and spirited Matt (who hell he?-Grumpy Ed)

Some pillars however are less visible, yet have been pivotal in making Beeston the town it is today. Beeston’s Oxjam team leader Heather has become one such lynch pin. These last three years Heather has entirely voluntarily coordinated a team of like-minded people to give us the award winning Takeover we enjoy today – as well as the other smaller events connected to the main event.

Oxjam Beeston has raised serious amounts of cash for the Oxfam cause and put Beeston on the map for raising more money per head of population than anywhere else in the country. Incredible considering the large cities we’ve been pitched up with.

As part of the 2015 team I’ve come to know Heather as warm and friendly but most notably modest. Although clearly driven Heather quietly brings the Oxjam team together as a friendly informal collective that gets things done. I’ve often wondered about the motivation behind Heather’s determination and I couldn’t wait to interview her to find out.

First up, how did she become involved in Oxjam? “Well, funnily enough back in 2011 I saw it advertised in The Beestonian. A music festival in Beeston? It sounded brilliant so we arrived at the Crown at around 12 and ended up on a pub crawl until the end of the festival. We had the best day and it was also the first time I’d ever been to Barton’s.” Heather informs me that like many people she arrived in Beeston for what she expected to be a couple of years, but like many others 20 years later still finds herself unable to leave.

The call for volunteers was cast out shortly after 2011’s takeover via Twitter. Heather promptly signed up and shadowed Carly Collingwood.

Carly had created the Beeston team with Sue Gordon from our local Oxfam shop. In 2012, Carly no longer able to commit, Heather stepped up to the mic in her place.

Since then the team and event has grown significantly. Experimenting with different venues along the way. Heather particularly remembers Wollaton Road allotments with fondness; a great venue but just too far out of the centre to become a firm fixture. At this point we digress and muse over how wonderful a community garden would be in the centre of Beeston. A venue for the future we daydream. Aware of time (both conscious the takeover’s only 13 days away with lots to do) we get back on track.

What’s been the highest point of the Oxjam? “I think the best feeling every year is on Takeover day checking on each of the venues, seeing the performances, the people and everyone is enjoying themselves. It really is such a great sense of pride. So much effort and months of dedicated planning all reach a peak on that one day.”

“We don’t let things hold us back and this team culture has meant we’ve taken risks; more bands, more venues and more people. Logistically we’ve created more challenges for ourselves but it’s made a difference to the success of the event. The team are brilliant, it’s hard when things go wrong; people don’t turn up, equipment is missing but somehow we find a way. We’ve managed to source drum kits from thin air to help artists who were let down on the day. Sometimes there’s chaos but there has never been an actual showstopper. The team has this amazing ‘can do’ attitude.”

Laughing, Heather tells me “there have been some funny moments on the way.” Some artists have let the event get the better of them and had ‘divaish’ moments (including a feud) which while fraught at the time has created some great memories. “The artists are amazing; they love the event and the numbers of people who turn out to see them. Many of them do so much to help us throughout the year not just on takeover day but at the Ceilidh and Rock Nights too.”

The whole Oxjam experience has been a blur of fun; random moments including “inspecting the safety of Chilwell Road wearing a hard hat not knowing if the road would be open for takeover day, going on the radio with Matt, and repeated instances where I pretend to know what a ‘backline’ is. One of the funniest things last year was sound engineer Freddy calling to say he’d got 10,000 packets of crisps and did we want them? Of course the answer was YES! We sold them and raised loads more money for Oxfam.”

Music and the event appealed to you first then I ask, but what about the cause? “Oxjam has definitely made Oxfam’s work more visible to me and I very much support the work it does, its brought real credibility to the event through its reputation for supporting the basic needs of people, providing clean water, food and sanitation – the fundamental things for those in need. I have supported Oxfam for over 15 years with monthly direct debits. That sounds a bit rubbish doesn’t it?!” I don’t think it does.

It’s really honest, as is the answer to my final question….

What makes you so passionate about Oxjam? “I just absolutely love it.

The satisfaction at the end of the night watching this wonderful diverse community enjoying the festival is overwhelming. It’s not just the cause, its being part of something so amazing!”

I love that Heather is so honest about this. It makes it feel OK for Beeston to just go out and unashamedly enjoy itself at what is simply a bloody good music festival, and if the by-product is a hefty donation to Oxfam’s humanitarian cause then let the Beeston Oxjam festival play on!

BB

How (not) to

Cook

W

e’ve asked Daisy Leverington to write about food for us. Every magazine needs a food writer. Most magazines, however, get someone in who knows something about food. We do things differently at The Beestonian….

around midnight, I’m off to research some recipes which have words I understand and food I’ve actually heard of in them. Then I’m going to force my husband to eat them first and if he doesn’t barf I’ll try them myself and let you know how it goes.

We’re on a tight budget, so you might not see saffron being thrown liberally into any meals. Pasta will play a leading role in Food is a subject about which So, something this adventure, as will my I am entirely unqualified to microwave. Stuff like cousneeds to change. write, so I’m going to write cous and lentils and other And, dear reader, about it. At length. This is a things I don’t understand you’re coming with chance to educate myself, will have to wait until I’ve me... to expose the contents of mastered the basics. Oh, I’m my fridge to you excellent 33 by the way. I once fainted humans. If you are what you in a food-tech class at school eat, I am at least two thirds ‘pasta and thought I’d died (everyone was in a mug’, eaten at 8pm while running wearing long white coats when I woke around at work. That, and Weetabix, the up) so I chose graphics instead. And that was it quickest of the cereals to eat before the school as far as learning about food was concerned, I run. The nutritional value of my last meal came mastered pasta at uni and never looked back. exclusively from the child’s fromage frais I Or around, or sideways, or at a menu. had stolen from my daughter’s lunch box. She eats like a king, there are more vitamins in a A line in the film Notting Hill has always spoken single one of her tears then in my whole body. to me, like an incompetent spirit animal.

I just don’t seem to have time to made decent, ‘There’s something wrong with this yogurt. good food for myself. What I’m saying is, if the -Ah, that’s not yogurt, that’s mayonnaise... apocalypse ever happened, my diet wouldn’t -Ah, right-o then.’ really change.

A recent conversation with my husband (midnight, just home from work) went as follows: Husband: ‘Would you like a snack?’

Me: ‘Cheese please’.

Husband: ‘Cheese? In something, on something?’

Me: ‘Yeah’ Husband: ‘Which?’

Me: ‘Both, thanks babe’.

This is very similar to how I approach food. I once made a cup of gravy instead of coffee at 5:30am. Then there was that time I used weird beef cubes in a stew and farted like I was dying for a week. Things can only get better. Wish me luck.

DL

Occasionally he’ll still be awake when I get home, and offer me a snack or a cuppa. I can’t very well ask for steamed vegetables in a Balsamic Dijon Pan Sauce. Not that I wanted to stay married anyway. So it’s toast, cereal or cheese. We’re both too tired for anything else. It’s a wonder we even have kids to be honest. Our main topics of conversation are our daughter and how tired we are. We are SUPER FUN. So, something needs to change. And, dear reader, you’re coming with me. In an attempt to sample haute cuisine in my own home at

Daisy - our resident cook

Going

Another Massive Beeston Achievement receives

Wild National Acclaim! in Beeston M

ike Spencer drops the binoculars and picks up the more salubrious elements of the press…wildlife indeed!

I don’t know how many of my devoted readers also check out that other notable broadsheet The Sunday Times. Guessing by the everincreasing pile of newspapers at the door of my local news agent on a Sunday morning – quite a few of you. But for those who may have missed a really tasty morsel of news about our beloved town, here goes –

“Beeston is the nation’s centre for illicit Nookie!”

It says so in the Sunday Times, so it must be true. I kid you not; Beeston is, according to the much-loved Murdoch press, top of the list of Britain’s most adulterous towns. Apparently, no fewer than 2.54% of our fellow residents have admitted, some might say boasted, of having an affair in the last twelve months. Now, I don’t know about you but to me 2.54% doesn’t

seem like an awful lot. Not enough to make the national news at any rate!

Including, the residents of Chilwell, Bramcote, Toton etc, the population of what we might say is our locale – for the sake of simplicity, let’s just call it Beeston, was at the last count about 44,000 souls. Can’t be more accurate than that, ‘cos apparently there was a lot of “nipping to and fro” going on (not a surprise it would now seem) when we should have been filling out the dreaded census forms.

Anyway, let’s take 44,000 as close enough for our purposes. Apparently 20% of us are under 20 years old (under 20 it just can’t count as an affair, surely?) and about another 20% are over 65 (that would be more of a miracle than an affair!), then there are those singletons amongst us – their peccadilloes can’t be called illicit, not in my book anyway. That leaves about 17,000 of you (note, I exclude myself – I wonder why, I hear you ask) in the running for the title “Sunday Times Illlicit Shagger of the Year 2015”!

Now half the population of Beeston (apologies to Chilwell, Bramcote et al but I’m doing it for

brevity) is male with the other half female – for the sake of argument you’ll understand. So, now I’m down to 8,500 guys and 8,500 gals in the running for my award – there could, of course, be a degree of double or triple, or even mind-boggling “multiple” counting going on, knowing what a sporting bunch we Beestonians are! So, as every Illicit Affair takes two (at least!)

I think I’m on safe ground professor, when I say that, out there in and around Beeston there’s about 400 of our fellow citizens who we should say a hearty thank you to, for their unstinting, unselfish and exhaustive efforts in getting our town an honourable mention in the Sunday Times.

Thank you, one and all. If you would like to let me know who you are perhaps we can persuade the publishers to print a list of the names in the next issue and then we can thank you personally.

Mike Spencer www.facebook.com/beestonwildlife PS: Editor - suggest you drop my Beeston Wildlife by-line for this one!!!!( no. –Ed)

Holiday Workshop Beeston.qxp_Layout 1 30/04/2015 12:42 Page 1

tramagrams THIS ISSUE ALL THE ANSWERS ARE NAMES OF TRAMS...BUT SCRAMBLED UP. YOUR JOB IS TO REARRANGE THEM INTO SOME FORM OF SENSE: ALL ARE NAMED AFTER NOTABLE LOCALS. NOW,GET YOUR NOTEPAD AND PEN OUT AND START HANGING ROUND THE TRAM INTERCHANGE. FLASKS OF SUGARY TEA OPTIONAL ...

1. Cabling Hour 2. Basin Sat 3. Danders Dynasty 4. Bed Phoning Moots 5. Bygone Roger 6. Crawled Hen 7. Hob Indoor 8. Analog Cackle 9. Bah Limit Wool 10. Tramper Toy 11. Rivalled Not 12. Accidents Hymn 13. Domain Ninth

Summer Musical Theatre Workshop 2015

Beeston

Join in the fun Come and enjoy some musical theatre with Stagecoach this summer! If you love to sing, dance and act, Stagecoach Beeston has just the thing for you this summer!

Spend 5 days making new friends and having fun, whilst learning lots of pieces from well-known musicals from the West End and Broadway.

At the end of the week, we will be putting on a showcase for parents to come and see.

Venue: The Alderman White School, NG9 3DU. 17-21 August 9:30am-4pm. £150 per child / £130 sibling rate Wrap around care available 8:30-9:30am and 16:00-16:30 Open to all children aged 6-18

0115 8510352

stagecoach.co.uk/Beeston /Holiday-Workshops Venue: Alderman White School, NG9 3DU Stagecoach Theatre Arts Schools are operated under franchise and are independently owned by their Principals.

STAGEC--OACH is a registered trade mark of Stagecoach Theatre Arts Ltd.

QUALITY TRAINING

ESTABLISHED 1988

600 SCHOOLS NATIONWIDE

Answers: Brian Clough/Sat Bains/Sydney Standard/Bendigo Thompson/ (Lord) George Byron/DH Lawrence/Robin Hood/Angela Alcock/ William Booth/Mary Potter/Torvill And Dean/Dennis McCathy/Dinah Minton

Codeword

Sponsored by

PNDesign.

‘Second Time Around, twice as often’ Sounds a bit like one of those fiendish number puzzles, doesn’t it? In fact, it’s simply relaying the news that Beeston’s premier folk club (aka Beeston’s ONLY folk club) is going weekly (instead of fortnightly) from this September.

If the term ‘folk club’ for you conjures up the image of bearded men in Arran sweaters singing about sailors and damsels called Nancy, think again. The ‘Second Time Around Folk Club’ (so called because - well, long story - check the website for details) is an eclectic and inclusive outfit. A typical ‘singers’ night might include music hall, bluegrass, songs by Dylan, Richard Thompson, Woody Guthrie, Ewan McColl and Tom Paxton and a Buddy Holly medley as well as, yes, traditional songs and tunes from the four corners of these fair isles and from across ‘the pond’. They can’t promise there will be no songs about sailors or that ‘Nancy’ won’t get the occasional name-check and, no, they don’t actually ban Arran sweaters - but they do encourage anyone who wants to sing acoustically and just about anything goes. If you want to perform, just turn up on one of the ‘Singers and Performers’ nights.

Veteran organiser of the club, John Chambers, who’s been running the fortnightly sessions for a couple of decades, has decided to give the weekly spot a go at least until January. He wanted to have more opportunities for ‘guest’ performers, whilst still allowing plenty of time for local club singers. Guests in recent months have included highly acclaimed guitarist, Steve Hicks with his partner Lyn Goulborne as well as more local acts such as ‘Midnight Special’, ‘The Elbow Jake Acoustic Band’ and ‘The Phil Langran Band’. In fact, Phil drops in from time to time to do a ‘floor spot’ as do other locals such as guitarist/banjoist Steve Benford and singer-guitarist, Phil Harrison, whilst local poet, singer, musician and folklorist, Steve Plowright, is effectively ‘resident’, along with John himself.

singer/concertina-player Bernard Wrigley (16 October).

For more information check the club’s website www.secondtimearoundfolkclub.weebly.com or visit their Facebook page CT

The season opens on Friday 11 September, upstairs at The White Lion Bar and Kitchen on Middle Street, with a ‘Singers and Performers Night’, music beginning at 8.15 and finishing about 11. Thereafter, it’s every Friday night, same time, same place. Entry is only £2 for ‘singers’ nights, and £3 or a bit more, for ‘guest’ nights.

Upcoming highlights include Will Kaufman, who sings and talks about the music of Woody Guthrie (27 November) and actor/

Christian

Fox Piano Tuning Nottingham, Derby and Leicester

PND Advert 1/8 page_Layout 1 02/12/2014 16:05 Page 1

A professional tuning at a competitive price

> Creative Design > Corporate Branding 07528322262 > Copywriting & Editing christianafox@msn.com > Print & On-line FB: Christian Fox Piano Tuning foxpianotuningnottingham.wordpress.com > Brochures > Newsletters > Marketing Materials > Conference Branding •

Creative Design • Corporate Branding • Conference Branding • Copywriting & Editing • Brochures

PND Advert 1/8 page_Layout 1 02/12/2014 16:05 Page 1

> Creative Design > Corporate Branding > Copywriting & Editing > Print & On-line > Brochures > Newsletters Marketing>Materials Marketing Materials Newsletters > Conference Branding

• • • Print & Online

n o t s e gone bad e B

I feel the need to have a parental advisory sticker added on to this review. The words, description and content I am about to divulge are purely for the unfaint at heart. Proceed with caution and try not to take offence as I relay a tale steeped in highly offensive behaviour.

The location of the chaos is over at The Boat and Horses pub on Trent Road as they play host to the Degeneration Festival, formed from a popular monthly club night at Nottingham’s Salutation Inn. At a ridiculously cheap price of £15 for all three days, to miss it would quite frankly be rude. The music is a celebration of all things a little different, from punk to metal, and with some good old rock and roll for good measure.

The pub itself is newly taken over with the landlord and lady happy to host an event a little different than the area is used to. The acts over the duration are impressive and range from the tame to the downright shocking. Speaking of which, Dick Venom and the Terror Tones performed with their brand of psycobilly punk.

The lead singer Mr Venom is quite possibly Jimmy aka Zero Tolerence of Citizen Shit

one of the most entertaining front men I have ever seen. Dressed in an unbearably tight latex cat suit, he wastes no time in bottom pinching crowd members, jumping on the bar and air humping the window frame. Yup, that was no typo. Air humping the window frame. The set was performed very tongue in cheek with the audience unable to relax in case the manic front man descended into the audience yet again.

Next up on the acts that terrorize quiet neighbourhoods were Citizen Shit, a rebellious punk band who really push the boundaries of acceptable standards. A warning is sounded before the bands arrival. Those of nervous disposition, under the age of 18, and those who are easily offended are advised to vacate the room. The lead singer is brought onto the stage in a white body bag he escapes, revealing to the shocked audience that he is dressed as a disgraced TV presenter. The set list borrows themes from Star Wars, children’s nursery rhymes and cheesy dance tracks. There’s also the band’s own material of highly explicit tracks such as Paedo Bastard, Nottingham City Council Bastards and Twinkle Twinkle up my Arse.

Editor/Lead Writer/Founder • Lord Beestonia Co-Founder/Resident Don • Prof J Design • Dan Associate Editor • Christian Business Manager • Mel

So what’s happening? Has Beeston really gone bad? Is this a sign of a gritty underbelly? Quite possibly, however I would stress that Beeston still is a quiet and tranquil place to live.

However I would also strongly suggest you research a band before you go to see them, and always (always!) stay at home if cursing isn’t your thing. I for one hope Degeneration Festival makes a return next year. The people, music and atmosphere were some of the best I have seen at a small festival.

LD

I must say that the music did not at all run over the 11 pm curfew, however as music goes the sound did travel from the function room. The event as a whole brought people from as far as Newcastle, Spain and further to our quiet little suburb.

Needless to say the revellers on their way to The Boat stood out like sore thumbs.

Elsewhere at the Greyhound, legendry offensive duo Bad Axe throw a launch party to celebrate their 45th album in their almost forty year reign, available for a ridiculous 98 pence. Being no strangers to controversy Bad axe advertise the fact most pubs ban them with t-shirts of all the venues listed. Mr. Pete ‘Fucking’ Elkington along with

The Beestonian is...

Christopher Robin ‘Looney’ Heath combine to create the most verbally abrasive and sensational act. The subject matter again is edged towards the controversial and includes The Bin Laden Song, and Cameron a swipe at the Prime Minister, which features quite heavily the C word, and I don’t meant Cameron.

History Editor • Joe Earp Illustrator • Mouni Feddag Top-notch contributors this issue: Joe Earp, Chris Fox, John ‘Poolie’ Cooper, Christopher Frost, Tim Pollard, Mel Heath, Ric Salinger, Lulu Davenport, Mike Spencer, Karen Attwood, Daisy Leverington, The Beest and Deman.

Rick Swoggle Newman of The Treatment

Printed by Pixels & Graphics, Beeston

Stockists: Rye, The Hop Pole, The Crown, The White Lion, The Star, The Greyhound, Flying Goose, Mish Mash Gallery, The Malt Shovel, The Guitar Spot, Relish, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe ROYA, Newsagent on Chilwell Road, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve.

Gossip from the

Hive mind ***The National Press are at it again, trundling up from St Pancras to check out the glories of this suburb. This time it’s The Sunday Times, which labels us one of ‘Britain’s Super Suburbs’, quoting that duff survey to find the UK’s most adulterous town, before getting back on track and giving big props to such indie titans such as Relish, GreenHood and Café Roya. Also deemed worthy as examples of our Hipster Heaven are The White Lion and the forthcoming Oxjam Festival. Blimey. We best all grown beards and swop our Mighty White for artisan focaccia. *** While the vast majority of items donated to the Calais Refugee Appeal (see page 2) were hugely useful, some were baffling. Peter Bone, who coordinated much of the sorting, tells us they received ‘A feather boa, some ballet dresses for young girls and sundry pairs of high heels’. Well, even refugees should have the chance to enjoy a hen night, surely?***

*** More on that survey that labelled us ‘Britain’s Most Adulterous Town’. It was, as these things often are, nothing more than a bit of PR guff presented to the media as FACT, merely to get a bit of cheap coverage off a lazy journo. The company responsible, dating website Illicit Affairs, is a very similar beast to Ashley Madison, the site that was recently hacked and found to be populated by many, many more men than women: around 95% were of the unfairer species. Which means that Illicit Encounters is saying we have the highest amount of sad, lonely males in the UK. Bunkum! Stop staring at me, ok? ***Beeston BID will be no more after Christmas. A sad event, not least for the three dedicated workers who have overseen Beeston emerge from the grim days of the tramworks to be the most successful town around, with record occupancy rates and a thriving bunch of indies. After the Council and our MP withdrew their support it seemed that the scheme was doomed. Will Tesco and Sainsbury’s now voluntarily donate their huge chunks of money without a levy? Breath: not held *** It’s Oxjam again! It might be that you’re reading this at the festival itself and therefore we advise you to PUT DOWN THIS ISSUE because WE HAVE A DEDICATED ISSUE JUST FOR OXJAM ITSELF, and frankly, you should be reading that instead.

Instead, neatly fold this issue, take it home and read it in bed tomorrow morning as you suffer the Mother of All Hangovers.

What part does reading have at a festival anyhow? *** Apart from the Reading Festival, of course.

Thanks!

Huge thanks to all of our contributors, sponsors, stockists, regular readers and anyone who has picked this up for the first time (hello!)

Sponsorship Rates Want to advertise with us?

We rely on advertising to keep running. email us at thebeestonian@gmail.com for rates.

Contact Us

+ thebeestonian@gmail.com + Facebook.com/thebeestonian + Twitter.com/thebeestonian + issuu.com/thebeestonian (all our editions online)

The Beestonian

c/o 106 Chilwell Road Beeston Nottingham NG9 1ES