The Beestonian 43 by The Beestonian

The

Beestonian Lend us your ears

Issue no.

In Pod we Trust

e’ve spent the last four and a half years feeding prime slices of Beestonian excellence to your eyes, via the medium of paper and digital screens. Visually, we’ve been thorough, treating you optically with the best design and writing from our NG9 streets.

Yet, we’ve neglected your ears. Yes, unless you’ve sat near one of our pub-based editorial meetings, and listened in – not recommended, it gets sweary – then we’ve never graced your ears with Beestonian glory as we have done your eyes. Until now. After hearing that local comedic legend Scott Bennett was keen to start a podcast, we decided to join forces with the recent award winner of the Midland Comedy Award (Best Live Show, no less) to bring a free, fortnightly forty minute (ish) chunk of Beestonian to your ears.

Valentines Menu

Also taking part is our very own John ‘Poolie’ Cooper, who writes the funny bits of this magazine – check out his sharp take on local social media inside – who brings his own views and opinions to verbally joust with Scott. I moderate discussions, like an incompetent Dimbleby. What’s it about? Well, anything that crosses our minds while we mooch round Beeston in the preceding few days, really. Beeston is a jumping off point, and a fine one at that. We also bring in a local musical talent to show off their wares: we’ve so far had Hop Pole Songwriting Competition Winners Martin Ison and Emma Bladon Jones; and harpist Christine Palethorpe. If you’re a musician who thinks they can keep this excellence up, get in touch. We’re a few episodes in now, so come and find us: go into iTunes or Soundcloud, or the podcast app on your phone or tab, type in ‘Scott Bennett” or “Beestonian”; or directly off our Facebook page, and listen in. You might even fancy subscribing. We would like that. Your ears would like that. Treat ‘em! LB

Beeston in 1951:

at your service L

ooking at the Beeston and Stapleford Urban District Official Guide for 1951, Beeston had a varied and interesting service on offer to its local citizens. Looking through the various amenities which were available to the Beestonian of 1951 makes for an interesting read. Broxtowe District Council was formed on 1 April, 1974, following the amalgamation of the former Beeston and Stapleford Urban District council, part of the Basford Rural District Council and Eastwood Urban District Council. In 1977 the Council was granted Borough status and the first Mayor was elected. In this article we look back at what services were provided. For the sake of convenience the various services have been listed alphabetically. The names and services appear exactly as they did in the 1951 Guide: Civic Restaurants Because of the undoubted demand for a Civic Restaurant in Beeston, in 1948 the Council built a restaurant at Station Road. This restaurant, which was erected on a site of 3,355 square yards, was completed at a cost of £17, 095 and was officially opened on the 20th April 1949. The seating accommodation for the restaurant was 250 and small steel tubular furniture, including tables for four persons, were added to the restaurant’s appearance. Numerous functions were held in the restaurant. It offered midday meals, afternoon teas and refreshments during the evenings when private functions were held. In addition it was noted that any hot or cold meals of any description could be prepared and served by the restaurant staff. Education There were four Secondary Modern Schools and nineteen Primary Schools, housing 6,500 pupils. Four schools had been built since the Second World War including, Bramcote Hills Secondary Modern Boy’s School, Stapleford Primary School, Beeston Trent Vale Primary School and Chilwell College House Primary School. Finance The rate levied for the financial year ending 31st March 1951 was 18/4 in the £, this being 1s. 8d in the £ less than the average rate for urban districts throughout the country. The greater portion of this rate (12s) was collected by the Urban District Council as the rating authority and was paid over to the County Council to meet the expenses on services carried out by the body. The services administered by the County Council included Education, Libraries, Local Health Services, Care of Deprived Children, Town and Country Planning, Fire Brigade and Road Repair and Maintenance. Health Services The National Health Service Act of 1946 provided every man, woman and child, whatever their financial circumstances, medical, dental and nursing care. There were three Maternity and Child Welfare Clinics,

one of each in Chilwell, Beeston and Stapleford. There were two Day Nurseries, one in Beeston and one in Stapleford, where provision was made for the care of children under the age of five. There were six District Nurses operating in the district. Four were appointed by the Beeston Nursing Association, one by the Chilwell, Attenborough and Toton Nursing Association and one by the Stapleford Nursing Association. There was a Rheumatism Clinic held in the Chilwell Memorial Hall each Wednesday and Saturday afternoon in the months of October to May. Other services included Home Help, Vaccination and Immunisation and Sanitary Inspection. Libraries The library, as it is today, was based on Foster Avenue in Beeston. The Adult Lending Library was open daily, 9.30am to 7.30pm, except Thursdays which was 9.30 to 1pm. The Children’s Library was open Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 1pm to 6.30pm, Thursday and Saturday, 9.30am to 1pm, Friday 1pm to 7pm. During school holidays the Children’s Library was open longer. The Library offered a collection of reference books such as Dictionaries, Encyclopaedias, Atlases Civic Restaurant, and other reference books. Station Road, Beeston, 1951. Students were allowed Photo Credit: The Paul Nix Collection. special facilities and the number of books they were allowed to borrow at any one time was not restricted. Classes and groups of students could be supplied with collections of books, and sets of plays for reading or production by amateur dramatic societies. Single copies of musical scores for a wide range of solo instruments and vocal and orchestral works were available for loan. Public Utility Services Electricity was supplied by the East Midlands Electricity Board. Gas was supplied by the East Midlands Gas Board. Water was supplied by Nottingham Corporation. Transport Beeston was served by the London Midland Region Line between Nottingham and Derby. It was a frequent service, the journey to Nottingham taking ten minutes and to Derby about half an hour. Beeston was linked with Nottingham by buses operated by Nottingham City Transport. Local services were operated by Barton Transport Ltd, Motor Coach Proprietors, The Garage, Chilwell. The company offered services to Nottingham, Derby, Leicester, Loughborough, Coalville, Swadlincote, Melton Mowbray, Skegness, Llandudno, Great Yarmouth and many smaller towns. The Company also organised private hire and motor coach tours starting from Great Britain, extending ! as far as France, Italy, Germany and t the row Visi Tomor Scandinavia. . of es.. JE ston tre pag e e B Cen

Trance K

ind readers of The Beestonian: it can be a hard, stressful graft creating this fine periodical. None more so than for our esteemed editor and founder, Lord Beestonia. Commissioning and writing articles, prodding the staff into action, not to mention his other literary and media pursuits, would lead any man into anxiety overdrive.

n o i t Na

Once begun, the hypnotherapy helps you to find a space within yourself. Peacefulness begins to take over and before you know it, your entire body is filled with a unique sense of serenity; counting down further and further within yourself, until such a point where the only things that exists is Judith’s voice and your

body – which at this point is floating almost as if you were adrift on the River Trent! As Judith’s calming voice intones soothing phrases, any superfluous noise is immediately cancelled out more effectively than a set of Beats headphones. The only additional noise to be filtered through is that of a set of nostrils

Judith runs Bluebell Therapy, operating from Tranquility at the Creative Corner. She’s booked up right now, but keep an eye on her Facebook page at facebook.com/ judithmasonhypnotherapy.co.uk.

BARTON’S QUARTER N OT T I N G H A M

And then, after what seems like a heartbeat but is actually more like 50 minutes, the countdown to awakening is begun. 10..9..8consciousness returning - 7..6..5 - awareness of the room increasing - 4..3..2..1.. annnnd, we’re back in the room. The first feeling that sweeps over you is one of immense refreshment and serenity. The best point of reference I can use is the feeling you get upon waking up from the freshest of refreshing sleeps. Upon turning to Lord B, I see his face is awash with the kind of peace that was once relieved with either a couple of bottles of cheap red wine or (more recently) a 4-pack of Toffee Crisps and a mug of tea. RS

Like a lot of us then, Lord B often finds it hard to unwind – especially considering the ever increasingly stressful nature of modern life. That’s why recently, his Lordship and I decided to investigate hypnotic relaxation as a form of stress relief. Attending a class based at ‘Tranquility’ at Creative Corner, given by Judith Mason, a psychotherapeutic counsellor and hypnotist, I’m immediately impressed by the welcoming nature of both Judith and the room’s surroundings. Lying down, surrounded by warmly lit tea-lights, relaxation is immediately encouraged.

flailing gently. It is almost as if it is a set of snores….and, indeed, our respected founder, Lord Beestonia, has become so relaxed he’s fallen (briefly) asleep!

The Prince’s Foundation for Building Community, Farland Developments and Bartons are soon to be submitting proposals for a desirable and liveable community on the former site of Barton Transport in Chilwell. The proposals are centred on the ethos of high quality and beautiful design principles which we believe will make The Barton Quarter a well-designed, well-maintained and sustainable place for the community to be proud of and enjoy. Before we submit our plans to Broxtowe Council, we would like to invite you to a public exhibition to let us know what you think.

Public Exhibitions As a member of the local community, we would like to invite you to a public exhibition about our proposals to enhance this historic site in Chilwell with new homes, public realm and facilities. At the exhibition you will be able to view the initial plans, meet the project team and have your say. We will be holding two drop-in events:g two drop-in events: Bartons 43 - 45 High Road Chilwell, Nottingham NG9 4AJ Friday 12 February, between 4pm and 8pm Saturday 13 February, between 10am and 12.30pm

Have your say

The Leafe Press A

lan Baker is just one more reason why our wonderful little town is never a boring place to be. Having moved from his home in Newcastleupon-Tyne to Nottingham in 1985 Alan decided that, after much deliberation, Beeston was the place to be and became a permanent resident in 1988.

I met up with Alan in one of my favourite Beeston coffee spots for a chat about what brought him here and more importantly what it was about this corner of Nottingham that made him stay. When I put this question to him there was no hesitation (except to put down the coffee cup): Beeston “just has a vibe.” Without a doubt one key factor to which he attributes this ‘vibe’ is our proximity to our University neighbours and the creativity that comes from having such a vibrant hub of intellectualism on our doorstep. However, it is important at this point, I feel, to point out that this was not the only reason that he gave. My notes in fact read simply “came for the village feel but stayed for the community.” I think that from what Alan said this is probably his main reasoning and one which we all share. But why Beeston as the hub for his poetic and publishing career? From the time he moved here he found himself immersed in an, albeit relatively small, all-inclusive community of creative types from all walks of life and all corners of the country. In particular Alan cited the greatly-missed poetry readings

hosted by Prof. John Lucas at the Flying Goose, an event that he says helped not only solidify his feelings of inclusion within Beeston but also allowed a friendly environment in which he, and his poetry, were allowed to express themselves to a well-educated and critical (but very welcoming) audience. Having restarted his writing career in his late 20s, Alan found that Beeston, and Nottingham for that matter, held in it a highly supportive network of creative outlets and audiences that allowed him to pursue his passion for words beyond simply writing at home in a notebook only he would ever read, like so many others. Since then he has been an active member of the Nottingham poetry scene, contributing to ‘The Nottingham Collection’ (published by our very own Five Leaves Press; 2005) and the highly anticipated Sillitoe Anthology that was launched only last week (at the time of writing I must add for editorial purposes). Not content with simply producing his own uniquely experimental poetry and performing across our city, Alan decided that it was high time he set up his own Press to allow the publication of other great experimental and international poetry. So, in the year 2000, Leafe Press was born with Alan at the helm. He has continued to publish and promote great modernist poetry through the press as the founder and sole editor (until recently the collections were co-edited by American poet John BloombergRissman). The mission of Leafe Press is to give international and experimental poets a platform for their works to be seen and heard by not only publishing physical copies (which are very nicely put together, I must say) but also arranging poetry readings and launch events

for the writers themselves here in Nottingham. Given the list of publications that have come from Leafe Press, I would say that this mission has been a great success. Leafe Press has published work by, among others, Kelvin Corcoran, Carrie Etter, Geraldine Monk, Lee Harwood, and, more recently, work by American, French and Mexican poets, and by the Moroccan Abdellatif Laâbi. It is not often that I would put my name (and reputation for all it’s worth) to someone else’s work but having been given a copy of Alan’s ‘Variations on Painting a Room: Poems: 2000-2010’ I

cannot recommend picking up a copy more highly. Alan Baker is a poet of substance and his experimental style is a welcome reminder that poetry need not be dull or predictable and he is a great asset to Beeston’s endeavour to stand out as a cultural hub in Nottingham. You can find more of Alan’s work along with the work of the poets published by Leafe Press at www.leafepress.com or by attending the launch of their newest publication on the 10th of February at the Guitar Bar in Sherwood. DK

Chilwell Here at the hill’s foot ‘the well where children gather’ gather for harvest

playground bully is it? made coward crying mother mother the dark dazzles

gather for games or outside cottages where mothers tend their nurslings

slid presences minds falling under the set-piece advance spat at by shrapnel from shell-cases set

heaved to health or lost time & again where the Trent spreads over meadows

in the set-piece English village as vases set for daffodils where children gather for harvest

time & again night drags deeper its heat the tug of fever untreatable but by time & chance

and many a mother hopes her unwell child be well the night-winged terrors subside

loosens their hold falling falling holding hands all in a row all fall down

as rooks glide in the dawn over bye-lane bridle path

into mud where meanders undermine sand martin & vole slipping where

stook and crop-laden cart won’t chide too gently or too well the children at the child’s well

feathered meadow grasses take flight in flocks of green presences slide into shadow

Alan Baker

Generation Z...

The perils of Social Media

write this having just put my daughter (Olivia, 5) to bed after reading her a bedtime story. Olivia is part of Generation Z, children brought up entirely immersed in technology.

Many of this generation will have careers related to the digital world. I have watched my daughter when she picks up a mobile phone and it’s amazing. She enters the key code, fires up the CBeebies app and gets cracking on a game, not before switching it to airplane mode so she’s not interrupted by an incoming call. When she watches TV she’ll often ask if I can “switch it to channel 603 (Boomerang) please Daddy, Scooby Doo is on.” “Ok darling, I think it’s just about to finish.” “Ah, okay, put 618 on then Daddy, that’s Boomerang+1!” It’s like living with the head of digital programming. It’s all on demand and they are in complete control. I don’t think she fully appreciates the power of being able to pause live television. When I was a kid that would have blown my mind, it would have been like wizardry. I overheard my daughter telling her friend, “It’s okay; I’ll watch that on iPlayer!” I had to plan to watch television. Meals had to be rescheduled, social events had to be cancelled. Yes, I could have recorded it on the video, but I was often out and I wasn’t going to trust my mother with the task of recording it. I’m not saying she struggles with technology, but let’s just say that to this day there is a thing called “the idiot book” on her coffee table which my dad has written for her. Spiral bound, written in large fonts, it contains step by step instructions for operating household appliances, from televisions through to toasters. She did try, but more often than not the tape would run out fifteen minutes from the end or she had recorded a late night Channel 4 news special instead. There are many articles online which talk about the dangers for Olivia’s generation of the lack of actual physical interaction with other humans. I’ve not been a parent long. I’m away a lot, mainly weekends, and my wife is the one

who steers the ship most of the time, but we are both concerned about the world my daughter is growing up in. She is still too little at the moment to fully embrace that digital universe, but it won’t be long. She will probably grow up with a shorter attention span but an ability to truly multitask. Using a tablet or phone whilst watching TV will be second nature, but getting a conversation out of her will be impossible; I’ll probably have to tweet her: #speaktoyourfamily.

We were once out for a family meal and we were sat near to another young family. The young daughter was doing some colouring (now a must for family dining) and was trying to get the attention of her parents. After several minutes of being ignored she got quite agitated. I looked over and I saw both parents on their phones, flicking through pictures of their child, trying to decide which ones to upload to Facebook. The kid is in front of you, in 3D, in perfect resolution, stop living through that screen and experience life! Sometimes I am stunned by the trajectory technology is taking us in. You can now buy a child’s potty with an iPad stand. The toy boasts “A wipe clean touch screen cover in case of accidents.” Well thank god for that. Presumably they are concerned that during a particularly explosive case of diarrhoea the child could spatter your beloved technology like a scene from a slasher film. There is even a potty training app, which you can download (if you’ll pardon the expression). I heard on Radio 4 (where I get most of my facts) that we have a growing problem with stress and anxiety in our society. One of

the main contributory factors is the dominance of social media. All this stuff rushes into our lives unchecked and it’s difficult to stem the flow. It’s good to be informed. Of course it is. We can’t live like hermits. But I think we have to regulate the frequency with which we expose our brains to all this information. I’m an anxious person, I have had moments of depression in my past, and I’m a committed show off with a platform from which to spout my

opinions, jokes and ill thought out ideas: it’s a potentially toxic mix. So where do we go from here? Social media is here to stay and

the fact that I am writing all this on my own blog is an irony I am well aware of. Even the older generation, my mum and dad, have felt the need to embrace it. My dad has been on Facebook for a year now, though in all that time he’s only “liked” Lidl, but it’s a start. I know that I need to ration my use of it. Like drinking and eating, moderation is the key. My wife and I have employed a “one screen rule” in the front room. If the television is on, get off your phone, you can’t do both. We have also decided to leave the phones out of the bedroom. It’s hard to maintain a level of romance in a relationship when one of you has their face lit up like a shit ET in the candlelight. “Sorry love I’ll be right with you, I just have to have a look at what Twitter is saying about tonight’s pottery showdown otherwise I can’t relax.” I think that’s why I loved reading with my daughter last night. It can’t be rivalled by any interaction on social media; human contact will always win through. It’s wonderfully relaxing and I cherish every special moment of it. Having said that I am considering getting her a Kindle. SB

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Postcards from the Edge

ack in issue 37, I wrote about Graham Hopcroft and his large collection of historic Beeston postcards, some of which had been made into a book. I mentioned that Volume two would be coming out very soon. Well that time has now arrived and ‘Beeston on old picture postcards V2’ has recently been published. This latest edition to the ‘Yesterday’s Nottinghamshire’ books contains over sixty views of our favourite town. They range from different views of Beeston & Chilwell high roads, buildings and events, to rather dull, but unique, photos of Marlborough Road and Enfield Street.

Fund Razing I

recently visited an elderly relative and was concerned to see two more piles of charity letters in her kitchen. I know she is a kind-hearted soul and finds it very hard to resist the carefully-honed pleas, and not to be lulled into writing yet another cheque. I do fear, also, that she obediently fills in the ‘reply slip’ with name and address, and fails to tick the box saying she doesn’t want her details shared with others.

This time we persuaded her to let us cart away the correspondence and when I did a count-up I found we’d got 124 separate pieces of correspondence, from 75 different organisations. I found some interesting trends. It being Christmas, some of the charities were giving ‘free Christmas cards’ - one even had a sheet of pre-printed address labels - so that my relative would feel a kind of guilty requirement to send something in return. There were clearly some professional marketeers at work – a dog charity, where she

The Beestonian is...

Editor/Lead Writer/Founder • Lord Beestonia Co-Founder/Resident Don • Prof J Design • Dan Associate Editor • Christian Business Manager • Mel History Editor • Joe Earp

The photos range from the early 1900s up to the 1960s. Graham has even slipped in a recent card showing the new tram emerging from the Interchange. Many of the scenes haven’t changed that much through the passage of time, but there are a few that show Beeston’s lost buildings and what progress has done to the place. The book only costs £3.95, and is available from many local outlets, but if you were to buy it directly from Graham (which you should), then a pound of this goes directly to the Beeston Canalside Heritage Centre, and their work on restoring the old building near the Marina into something to make Beeston proud . Graham can either be contacted through the group’s Facebook page, or via email: grahamh@canalsideheritagecentre.org.uk. CDF

‘sponsors’ a named animal, had sent her a letter apparently written by the dog! Straplines on the envelopes beg the recipient to “open immediately” and to “act urgently”, often without giving much of a clue about the aims of the charity, though a suitable image often adds to the emotive pressure. One very garish envelope gave no clue at all that it was from a charity: it appeared, to be an opportunity to enter a prize draw. Do we really need to be ‘encouraged’ to donate by feeling we are getting – or might get – something in return? Alongside missives from well-known charities – RNLI, PDSA, British Red Cross, Macmillan etc. – were ones I’d never heard of: lots of animal charities - Four Paws, Dog Trust, Blue Cross, World Horse Welfare, Alternative Animal Sanctuary, Mare and Foal Sanctuary and more; there were also ‘groupings’ around cancer, children, veterans, and various disabilities. Why are there so many different charities, often apparently serving the same general purpose, and how can the Charity Commission possibly monitor the activities of all of them? All appeared to be legitimate charities – well, they had ‘registered charity’ numbers! – and I cast no aspersions: no doubt they are all doing vital work. But, since the tragic death of the old lady poppy-seller in Bristol, there has been a lot of concern about the activities of charities in putting pressure, by letter or phone call, on the elderly and possibly vulnerable. It may seem like a minor problem – after all, you can just toss the letters in the bin unopened, if you want to – but that is to fail to understand the position of an old, kindhearted person, living on their own, for whom letters, even from someone they don’t know, feel like human contact and a chance to do some good. So, go on giving, but look out for the unopened mail at your elderly auntie’s and let’s put some pressure on charities, and those who regulate them, to come up with a ‘code of practice’ to protect the elderly and vulnerable. I might just have to set up a charity to do the campaigning! CT

Top-notch contributors this issue: Joe Earp, Chris Fox, Colin Tucker, John ‘Poolie’ Cooper, Christopher Frost, Kemba Brown, Jimmy Wiggins, Dan Cullen, Tim Pollard, Mel Heath, Ric Salinger, Lulu Davenport, Mike Spencer, Karen Attwood, Daisy Leverington, Phoelyx Delaney, Dr Peter Robinson and Deman. Printed by Pixels & Graphics, Beeston

Stockists: Rye, The Hop Pole, The Crown, The White Lion, The Star, The Greyhound, Flying Goose, Mish Mash Gallery, The Malt Shovel, The Guitar Spot, Relish, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe ROYA, Newsagent on Chilwell Road, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve.

Social Media Bingo L

ove it or loathe it, social media is everywhere now, including our fair corner of NG9. Numerous local Facebook groups have been set up in order for people to buy and sell, share news, or vent their spleen. Whilst useful and enlightening, it can also be frustrating and depressing. To make it all more fun, why not play along with our latest game - Beeston social media bingo? Simply log on for half an hour and tot up all the points you accumulate from spotting some of the common features of our neighbourhood cyber-communities.

Lost cats Cat ownership has been steadily increasing in the UK for years, which also means that the numbers of them going missing has gone up too. Give yourself five points for every post you read concerning an absent feline. Should one reappear, award yourself twenty points. Ten bonus points if it was trapped in next door’s shed, and fifty bonus points if it boarded a train and turned up in Cardiff.

Found keys We live in amazing times - advanced and affordable technology allows us to hold video conversations with relatives on the other side of the world, instantly check what time the next Indigo is due, or have an online argument with someone about whether Bramcote Road or Dovecote Lane has more potholes. Therefore it is refreshing to know that something as primitive as small pieces of shaped metal going missing can wreak havoc in our lives. Thankfully Beeston is populated with plenty of decent sorts who will photograph their find and upload it to a Facebook group. Ten points for every bunch you spot, with a bonus of five points if it has a Forest keyring, ten points for a Notts County keyring, and fifty points for one with a Crich Tram Museum keyring.

Nicknames Language evolves continually, and new words and phrases are being coined all the time in the world wide web. Beeston is no exception, so award yourself five points every time you see the tram referred to as the ‘slug’, and ten points for each observation of a local politician inventively renamed.

Amusing autocorrections Smartphones aren’t smart all of the time. Whilst some of their functions are great, when they go wrong there can be hilarious consequences. Bag ten points for every instance of the word ‘plant’ being substituted with a different five letter word starting with ‘p’, resulting in something like, ‘I didn’t have a clue what to get my mum for her 70th, but I saw a smashing big penis outside Hallams garden centre reduced to a tenner which she was absolutely thrilled with’.

So ... how did you get on?

Twenty points for ‘reflection’ being changed to something altogether less innocent, such as ‘Wilkos windows are always sparkling. I can see my erection in them really clearly from the other side of the Square’. And a highly unlikely fifty points for ‘vanilla’ transforming into a part of the female anatomy, as in ‘Would you believe that you can get vaginal essence powder in Poundland now?’

Demanding shoppers A frequent topic of discussion is the type of shops Beeston had, has now, and what people would like to see in the future. And the same things appear again and again. And again. And again. You will bag five points for every request you spot for a Waitrose, M and S, shoe shops, clothes shops, book shops and toy shops. Ten points every time someone blames the council for lack of said shops. Five points are available for each reply pointing out that the reason there aren’t any of these shops in Beeston is that a) we are on the doorstep of one of the top ten shopping cities in the country, b) big supermarkets mean that independents can’t compete in many of these categories, and c) the growth of internet shopping has made retail businesses virtually unviable. Five points are also up for grabs every time the mantra ‘there’s nothing here but coffee shops and charity shops’ is viewed, with a bonus ten points for anyone commenting that we can’t move for hairdressers now.

Miserable subject hijackers Many topics somehow get twisted into prophecies of doom, mainly from people regurgitating the paranoid scaremongering they’ve read in the Daily Mail. Ten points for every discussion about the best place to buy wool gets turned into a rant about immigration, twenty points for each conversation on Attenborough nature reserve featuring a contribution from someone blaming Jeremy Corbyn for lack of parking spaces on the High Road, and fifty points for a request for an MOT recommendation that somehow becomes an Islamaphobic tirade from a bitter bloke on Bramcote Road. Some of these individuals will reject all polite requests to stick to the subject matter/calm down/stop being nasty, and will end up being banned from a group. Twenty points for every live banning you come across, fifty points if you witness the individual appearing within another group, proudly bragging about being banned, and a whopping hundred points if you see a comment from someone referring to a ban as a ‘badge of honour’. JC

0 to 50 points – you obviously need to read a bit faster, or join more groups. 51 to 100 points – not a bad effort, but there is still a lot of predictable behaviour that you’re missing out on. 101 – 150 points – now we’re talking – you can obviously navigate several threads across multiple groups at once, spotting the déjà vu discussions in a heartbeat. 151 – 200 points – you are thoroughly embedded into the virtual fabric of Beeston. 200+ points – local social media excellence – if anyone knows who does the best blue rinse, serves a good pint of mild, or will do a decent fry-up at 2 in the afternoon then it’s likely to be you.

TOMMORROW'S

BEESTON Y

esterday’s Beeston was kind of a big deal. We were the home of Boots the Chemist, of Humber bicycles, Barton Buses, Robin Hood Boilers and the Ericsson Telephone Company. Our high street was crowded with a diverse range of shops, restaurants and cafes. We had 4 (count ‘em!) cinemas and a silk mill. We were, literally, a picture postcard town - tourists came to see our sexy sights.

But, gradually and for all sorts of reasons, things changed. The Edwardian-faced Boots shop was demolished to make way for a modern new (refreshingly grey) main square. The cinemas closed down or were demolished. Humber & Co. went to Coventry and then, 100 years later, so did Ericsson’s. The Silk Mill was re-purposed, the factory’s closed, even McDonald’s up and left. It was beginning to look as if our best days were behind us….

The arrival of a Tesco Megasuperbuy sparked another change in the town: rebuild. Suddenly everything was in flux, and instead of dithering we bloomed! The streets became interesting again; we got loads of independents opening up and a slew of great cafes. The creative corner popped up. Barton’s reinvented itself as a cultural mecca. We got film clubs, theatre groups, Oxjam. The pubs got good - really good… And then came the tram. If we thought Tesco’s was a big deal - this was something else entirely. Beeston was pulled apart brick by brick and then put back together in a new way. It was hellish. It was terrifying. But now finally, it’s over. The dust has settled and we’re all stepping outside, blinking, to look at this Beeston 2.0. So, what happens next? The hard work is done, and now we have the prospect of a very bright future. Tomorrow’s Beeston is coming - and it’s exciting. The square is changing all over again, we’re getting big name stores back (and the promise of more to come), we might even be getting a new purpose built cinema (just the one, but it’s a start) opposite Tesco’s. This is the year that everything changes. Again. DC

What do we think 2016 has in store for Beeston? Our writers offer up a few suggestions…

Beeston 2016: It’ll be much the same as Beeston 2015 except rather surprisingly the people constantly complaining online about the tram will suddenly get their own way and the council will start to dig it all up again causing years more confusion, anger, traffic jams, diversions, temporary traffic lights and swathes of poorlyfenced off excavations. Even so, Wollaton Road will remain gridlocked. Every single shop in Beeston will sell coffee (in fact it’s probably a bye-law already). I may get a proper job (although that’s less likely than the tram being removed). Oh, and Sal and I are getting married…

After closing down the public toilets, chopping down the bus station trees, getting rid of Beeston BID, withdrawing money from dementia care bungalows and giving the green light to frackers, Broxtowe Borough Council finally cut to the chase and privatise the whole of Beeston by putting us up for sale: residents, buildings, trees, the whole lot. Bundled in with a free Chilwell, we’re bought up for a tenner by Donald Trump, the new President Elect of USA, who uses it as a base to store his ego. MP Anna Soubry defends this as ‘Unfortunate, but we have to rein in local spending’ LB

The NET site next to the Interchange is rebranded a modern art sculpture park and is short-listed for The Turner Prize; Following the success of the tram, plans are unveiled for a new Beeston Airport and the Air Ranting Room launches with a post about cyclists riding through red lights; In a surprise move, the Boundary Commission report leaves Beeston out of any parliamentary constituency - former local MP Anna Soubry declines to intervene, saying, “I only act on behalf of my constituents and this lot aren’t, apparently!” In the wake of recently-issued health guidelines on alcohol drinking limits, local pubs report increased trade; The Glastonbury site is forced to relocate due to a waterlogged site - tickets for the Beestonbury Festival sell out in minutes. CT

In April, when a local MP turns out to be an evil supervillain hell-bent on Beeston’s destruction, Matt Turpin, Jimmy Wiggins, Mel Heath, Scott Bennett and Tim Pollard form an Avengers style superhero team to take the scoundrel on. They call themselves The Redressers. They fail miserably. In June, after ordering far too much boot polish, a local supermarket attempts to bring blackface back into fashion, with unsurprising results. The supermarket closes its doors two weeks later, never to return. In November media mogul Lord Beestonia dies after trying to cycle to work on slippery ice and inexplicably falls 20,000 feet out of a plane. CF

C in the New Year (a bit of optimism, inspired by recent news about Phase 2 and Bartons plc) Continued community collaborations concluding in creative, contemporary civil constructions, culminating in convivial celebrations and contented citizens. KA

Bus drivers will be left shocked and appalled as everyone decides to become a tram convert, resulting in bus services having to stop running. A petition to bring back McDonalds will circulate the town. It will be successful and everyone will cancel their gym membership in favour of fast food. The site of the old bus station and car park will either be Beeston’s version of Nottingham’s Cornerhouse, or a built for purpose multi-storey charity shop. JM

It Takes all Sorts I

was lucky enough to discover the joy of communal singing whilst at school, so over the years I have sung with many choirs, large and small. I have had many a wonderful experience with special music in beautiful venues and have made some great friends as a result. There is something rather terrifyingly exciting about opening your mouth and hoping the same note comes out as the people standing around you, and that you proceed at the right pitch and pace whilst simultaneously watching the conductor and the score.

So I was very happy to be invited along in November to join Beeston Voices, a well-established community choir, by an old friend who was enjoying being a member - it was a great way to see more of each other and have a sing-along at the same time. Beeston Voices is a non-auditioned choir conducted by the most encouraging, musical and patient person, Becky, who is a teacher at John Clifford. Her faith in the fact that good music will be made is stimulating and infectious. The progress made in the rehearsals in the few weeks before the Christmas concert was amazing. The audience at the concert were treated to a wide variety of traditional carols, modern songs and the main theme from ‘Frozen’! Some of the choir members also performed solos. The highlight of the concert for me was the oldest gentlemen in the choir, in his 80s I believe, singing a beautiful tenor solo – (made me cry!) It has long been known that the way choirs work is that people balance each other out. Some people sing sharp and they are compensated by others who sing flat. Some are great at top notes and some at knee trembling bass notes. Those who go a bit too fast keep the ones who go a bit too slow up to speed, and vice versa. It all usually balances out to produce something much more impressive than one person singing on their own. And so it is with communities, I thought on that night. There are all sorts of people in the choir as in the neighbourhood - some friends and some strangers, some with problems and others with good fortune, some who need help and others who provide advice and assistance. Some who sing, others who enjoy listening. Thank goodness. Doesn’t that make life much more interesting than if we were all pitch perfect? KA

Tranquility V

isiting Kerrie at ‘Tranquility’ could not have come at a more opportune time. I’d woken up on the morning of my appointment with a strange will to re-evaluate my life, which in recent months has been unraveling into a splatter of complete chaos. I arrived at Kerrie’s studio and therapy rooms significantly less than calm and on the edge of a meltdown that had the potential to really do some damage. Kerrie greeted me at the door and led me past a mindfulness class taking place in the studio. ‘Tranquility’ consists of a studio and three treatment rooms which I was surprised to learn about. Contrary to my assumption, ‘Tranquility’ is far more than a beauty salon and yoga studio. Kerrie has created in Beeston the concept and space for complementary therapies all under one roof. It brings to mind an holistic retreat you could find in a remote location to escape the pressure of life. There are a variety of different classes held in the studio. In addition, a selection of counsellors offer coaching and counselling sessions and all treatments include a humanistic element to complement whatever need is evident. In my case relaxation and healing! Now, if you’ve experienced a meltdown, you will know that the first person who asks you how you are will get to hear in full detail how well you are not, and with some gusto! Fortunately for me it was Kerrie who

enquired as part of her assessment to decide which kind of therapy might be most suitable. After pouring out my heart it was decided that the Pinks organic facial alone was not going to cut it and I was immediately upgraded to the Pinks Boutique Anti Aging Facial. This would last longer and hopefully restore some wellbeing. Kerrie also practises reiki and explained that as a trained practitioner there would be an element of reiki naturally included. I wasn’t sure about this as I’ve always been skeptical about using energy that a) might not exist and b), might do something it shouldn’t! Not in much of a mood to argue though, I did as told and slipped myself under the soft silky throw and lay down on the heated couch. BLISS! We quickly sorted out the ambience arrangements for my treatment – music selection (absolutely not angel music) and my second enquiry established – are we allowed to talk? Kerrie made it clear this was my choice and what followed was two hours of utter ‘gas’. We chatted throughout. It was so easy to talk and was just what I needed, but I know had I wanted quiet, that was fine too. The treatment itself was delightful: a facial using organic oils and serums with a face, neck, shoulder arm and hand massage which left me feeling far more balanced and relaxed. Kerrie worked wonders and I departed in a visibly more peaceful state, booking myself in for February to coincide with next month’s emotional crisis! MH

Letters to the Mind Project

n November I began a project that was inspired by a poem I had written which addressed my mental health directly. I wrote to my anxiety: this helped me to view it differently and I realised that writing poetry is my main technique and coping method when it comes to dealing with my anxiety.

I wanted to share this with others and give people the chance to use writing as a coping technique. As soon as I voiced my idea I received positive feedback. I set up a blog and since its inception the project has received 19 contributions which range from poems to bipolar and eating disorders, to letters to anxiety, a drawing, and more personal accounts of experiences with mental health issues.

An Open Letter To Anxiety, Shall we begin with where you began? No, first I’d like to ask you about your master plan: Did you hope that I would fall? before I opened my eyes to it all? Did you want to make me scream? enough to make me miss out on my dream? Did you intend for me to cry? long into the night while life passed me by? Or did you in fact, want me to react so that I might find hope along with ways to cope? You helped me to climb and make the most of my time. You helped me to realise the importance of advice. You taught me that tears are fine, although born of sadness, they are mine. You allowed me to think with a clearer mind and discover the happiness you never thought I’d find. In the beginning all I felt for you was hate, But gradually I became patient and able to wait for that moment when the bad becomes good... ...the moment at which hate becomes love.

Jenny Marie, who contributed her letter Dear Anxiety said: “When I began, I didn’t quite know what to say. But the words kept coming, and it felt like I was pounding them out on the keyboard. It was therapeutic for me to write this. It’s healing for those with mental illness and helpful for their loved ones to read.” A huge part of this project is not only to help people but also to try and combat the stigma surrounding mental health. Writing to the illness immediately distances it from us, and allows us to look at it in a way that can help people realise that they are not their illness. Mental health problems can drive people apart, whether they are family or friends. This can make the illness worse as the one suffering believes they are at fault, when really there just needs to be a bit more understanding. I hope that this project can reach people who need that understanding, and want a fresh way of trying to come to terms with their mental health. This is why the project encourages friends and family members who are impacted by mental health to participate too. My editor on the blog, B. L. Memee, said: “It is my belief that every person’s story and experience matters and that in sharing our stories at Letters to the Mind we will educate the uninformed and with education comes understanding and with understanding stigma begins to fall ill and eventually dies. I want to see that happen in my lifetime, but to do that we have to stop hiding and bring the taboo into light and teach the people around us that within our hearts we are all the same. With Jade seeking out contributors and media in the UK and I doing the same in the US we are making a fine start of it. But we cannot do it alone. We need those diagnosed with a mental illness to be courageous and join us in our efforts. We need family members to share their stories as well because as a support person, the impact on you can be just as intense and people need to understand about your struggles and hardships as well. As human beings we are meant to accept, support and care for one another. So please take the first step and share this story with your friends and families that you think might be interested.” Issue 41 of The Beestonian contained an article about Steve Plowright and his poetry writing. I attended a Time to Change event at Middle Street Day Centre and told Steve about the project. He kindly agreed to be a part of it, and shared his poem Cruel Jailers with me, which he is happy to submit to the project, as the poem is written directly to his depression and anxiety.

In celebration of National Time to Talk Day on Feb 4, Time to Change hosted a free event called ‘Time to Change Village 2016’, which ran during the day at Trinity Square, Nottingham. It gave the public the opportunity to speak to volunteers and organisations about mental health. There was live music, children’s entertainment and a health and beauty pampering zone. If you or someone you know suffers from a mental health problem then spread the word to them about the Letters to the Mind project. Contributions can take various forms: a letter, a poem, a short essay/blog post, or artwork. You can visit the blog at: letterstothemindblog. wordpress.com where you will find more information about the project, and details about how to contribute. Or you can send a submission straight to: letterstothemind@ outlook.com JM

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Beer is no venues in the county, has been ave I mentioned I longer just saved from closure by Beestonian like beer? I know I ‘bitter, stout and Rob Balmer - hopefully more ended my article last mild’... on this next issue). Pubs have to issue suggesting I might stay change and adapt or go under and so offering craft or other guest beers in a pub until the end of 2015 becomes imperative in order for them to (which sadly didn’t transpire as thrive and survive, and the latest innovation I had ‘work’ and ‘nappy changing’ is the micro-pub. This is usually a small, oneto do) but even so it’s unlikely I didn’t roomed pub serving perhaps a dozen or so get across my enjoyment of what is customers with a very small selection of beers probably our national beverage, unless – but what it lacks in size and variety it makes up you want to count tea, Ovaltine or the for in conversation, knowledge and friendliness, and very recently an application has gone in to tears of Australians when England won the council for a brand new micro-pub on Stoney the Ashes last year. Street, so it may be that once again Beeston is at

Beer. It’s great. And by ‘beer’ I don’t mean lager (which generally isn’t great, it’s just cold, uninspiring and dull, a bit like Teresa May*) and by ‘great’ I don’t mean ‘Wahay! Let’s all get bladdered’, I mean beer as a drink can be, at its best, exciting, inspirational, social and entertaining. It’s been around long enough, even predating Robin Hood (there’s this issue’s tenuous link), but in the past few years beer has lost the image it had for so long - a drink so thick and dark you could stand a spoon up in it, only enjoyed by flat-capped old blokes sitting in the corner of the pub. These days ‘real ales’ have become much more popular and less ‘blokey’, especially with young people and women. And this is a great and good thing in itself, because as well as consigning the terrible “and a glass of wine for the laydeez” cliché to the drip-tray of history, it means more people can enjoy the renaissance in brewing that’s been happening in the past few years. Beer is no longer just ‘bitter, stout and mild’; there are fruit beers, cask-conditioned beers, chocolate beers, ‘craft beers’… so much variety and choice it’s no wonder last year’s excellent CAMRA Robin Hood Beer Festival at Nottingham Castle (which I had the great pleasure of opening) had over 1250 different beers and ciders available to try. And as I’ve mentioned before Beeston is very lucky to have an abundance of good (and in some cases great) pubs, catering not only for drinkers but also for families, diners and live music aficionados (even as I type I’m hoping The Greyhound, which over the past few years has become one of the great ‘go to’ live rock music

the cutting edge of bespoke hospitality. I’m not saying I’ll be spending December 2016 there – but if it happens it’ll be an interesting addition to our high street. Who knows, we might even get a shoe shop too… Oh, and if you do like beer and would like to find out how it’s made and what the ingredients are, did I mention I do brewery tours for Castle Rock? Just sayin’… <cough>bookontheirwebsite<cough> *Other faux-humorous and cheap political/ celebrity analogies are available Tim Pollard Nottingham’s Official Robin Hood

Remember kids, drink responsibly

PUBAGRAMS WE HAVE SCRAMBLED THE NAMES OF SOME OF OUR EXCELLENT PUBLIC HOUSES. YOU MAY EVEN BE IN ONE OF THEM RIGHT NOW... UNSCRAMBLE IF YOU CAN!

1. Pathless Tot 2. While Tone Hit 3. A Hell Vest Moth 4. Roughened Thy 5. Etch Worn 6. Act Handled 7. Calm Coin Miner 8. Recheck Sitter 9. Violator Ethic 10. Hotel Pep Oh ANSWERS: The Last Post/The White Lion/The Malt Shovel/ The Greyhound/The Crown/The Cadland/Commercial Inn/The Cricketers/ Victoria Hotel/The Nurseryman/The Hop Pole

‘...she knew’

Location: The Commercial Inn, Beeston Pen & Ink by Dan Cullen

CODEWORD

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