Beestonian 53 by The Beestonian

Remem bering Owen Jenkins

The

Beestonian Nothing rhymes with Beeston...

Issue no.

e’ve come over all poetic. And no, that doesn’t mean this entire issue is written in verse. Instead, we’re eager to find a poem befitting of Beeston.

something resembling poetry, then you’re in with a shot.

This month we are launching our very own poetry award, Buzzword: a poem for Beeston, in a bid to discover some hidden talent and quality poetry.

This isn’t just a competition for competition’s sake either, you could win £100 (or £50 if you’re under 16), an actual trophy to show off to your friends and family, your poem will form part of an anthology and you’ll be a published poet!

We know you’re out there, and it doesn’t matter whether you’ve never written a poem before in your life, if you can express your thoughts/ memories/insights/feelings about Beeston in

And don’t worry, it doesn’t even have to rhyme. Take your time, think it through. The right words will surely make their way to you…

So what’s the catch? Well, there isn’t one. You don’t even have to live in Beeston! As long as the limerick/haiku/sonnet/epic etc. relates to Beeston in some way, it will qualify. You can

submit more than one entry if you find yourself overcome by the urge to write…and it won’t cost you a penny because it’s free to enter. We’ve got some star judges lined up to cast their eager eyes over each entry, and trust me, they’re just as excited as we are. Our lovely writers here have also had a go at writing their own Beeston poems to provide some inspiration (by way of being terrible), and you can find them inside along with more details about the award. Have a peek then take up your pens, readers, and write us a poem (or two)! JM

Top Trumps

’d like to think I’m something of a dab hand at Top Trumps, having definitely been one of the better players at Stevenson Junior School in the early eighties. Not many could walk away unscathed from my mastery of First Division footballers, a stack of red-faced, blue-legged men with universal awful hairstyles and expressions that bordered on the Neanderthal. Being pretty awful at most other sports, I took pride in this.

He then flukes another, and a further seven more and I’m just about to cry ‘FIX!’ (or just cry) when I beat him as my Sumatran Orangutan has a higher Risk of Extinction rating than his rhino. ‘YES!’ I cry, punching the air. I’m very sorry the Sumatran Orangutan is disappearing because of man’s greed…but a win’s a win.

So when I find out a Top Trump Champion is living in Beeston, I jump at the chance to interview him, and challenge him to a game. He accepts, and so I meet Alex Clements, 9, a pupil at Roundhill. We face each other at a table, and his steely gaze tells me this might not be the walkover I expected.

He tells me that his favourite pack is Awesome Animals, and his favourite card Scruffy the Monkey, who has a brilliant mischief rating. He knows around six complete packs off by heart, which, he tells me, is the key to being a Top Trumps champ. He gets another strong run, taking my meerkats, giraffe and aardvark. I’m in trouble now. Desperately, I try and distract him by asking him what he wants to be when he grows up. ‘A professional Top Trumps Player,’ he tells me, but is encouraged to think again by a disapproving noise from his mother. ‘Ok,’ he says, reconsidering. ’A ninja’.

He selects the pack: Animals, appropriately enough, as he recently took part in The Top Trumps Championship at Chester Zoo. As he deals, he lets me know he’s been playing since he was 3, an obvious attempt to demoralise me before we even begin. I tell him that while that is young, I’ve played, on and off, for four decades. The first card goes down. He flukes a win.

If ruthlessness is a necessary quality in ninja studies, then Alex has it, ripping through my final few cards and claiming an easy win over his shocked opponent, who can only ask if he is going to have another crack at the title next year, after coming third – better than Murray at Wimbledon and the English football team EVER - in June. ‘No, but I am going to coach other players to be good

enough to make it to the finals,’ he explains. As I sit, bereft of cards, thoroughly trounced, I realise I’ve in the presence of a card master, and was a fool to think I stood a chance. Next issue: Lord Beestonia loses a game of darts to a new born. MT

ALEX CLEMENTS TOP SPEED

325

ENGINE SIZE

9.0

COOL FACTOR

INNOVATION

YEAR LAUNCHED 200 8

The Friends of University Park

ince 2004 the Friends have been encouraging the local community to visit University Park to enjoy the attractive well laid out gardens and grounds. Each year we organise a series of events which are open for anyone to take part in.

This year we have already had a Wildlife Walk in conjunction with Notts Wildlife Trust in April and took part in the University’s Wonder event in June. In July we welcomed over 300 people to our annual Picnic in the Park, which was held in the Millennium Garden with live music from the Newstead Brass Band and activities for all the family. Coming up is our Summer Spectacular on Sunday the 20th August 1.30pm to 5pm. This is part of the National Garden Scheme. A free of charge bus will link various gardens including the Walled Garden which is not normally open at weekends. Mini walking

tours and refreshments will be available. There will be free parking available at the Millennium Garden. On Friday 1st September, we have a Bat Walk from 8pm and in October we have 2 events. On Saturday 7th we will be Foraging for Wild Food looking at different edible species to eat from berries, nuts and fungi, herbs and spices, roots and flowers. On Saturday 28th we have a demonstration of Propagation Techniques, showing us how to increase our stock of favourite plants. In addition to these public events we can also offer guided tours of the gardens and a Heritage Walk to look at historic buildings in the Park and the people who lived in them. These are suitable for horticultural societies, social clubs and other interested organisations. To find out more please email: Heritage Walk: BW-FOUP-ArchTours@ exmail.nottingham.ac.uk Garden Tour: BW-FOUP-GardenTours@ exmail.nottingham.ac.uk

University Park, which has been awarded a Green Flag every year since 2003, is open to the public at any time although there is a charge for parking on weekdays. At evenings and weekends parking is free. For information on any of our events please email BW-FOUP-Events@exmail. nottingham.ac.uk Our website is www.nottingham.ac.uk/ go/friends where you can find further information and also download 4 free booklets: University Park garden guide and tree walk, Historic Houses walk Winter Tree walk Geology walk “Rock around the Campus” We look forward to seeing you at any of our Events. David Henson Friends of University Park

always known, The home I’ve ost ’s changed alm the place that grown: as much as I’ve , e a difference ak sufficient to m but not enough h. to lose its touc Jade Moore

eston, I like Be ees. nees. eb I like th nd I burnt my k m, eke sun crea Last we ing any r a e w ’t horts. I wasn ’t wear s . n a c I w and no arrasing it’s emb Because en Dan Cull

Here’s an Oxjam st age with an artiste on; Station platform, has no arriviste on ; There’s the parish church aisle with a priest on And a playground with kids just rele ased on Beeston: What a sight here for our eyes to feas t on! Colin Tucker

The winner will win £100, a trophy, inclusion in an anthology and much more. Under 16s will win £50 as well as the other stuff. Judging alongside our editor Christian Fox will be a panel of professional poets: • Tommy Farmyard, organiser of Hockley Bees Hustle and Nottingham Poetry Festival Nor ton, it’s i • Jenny Swann, co-owner of Candlestick Lots s it eve never a b r o Press Pott f place about D out bee le to s for a n’s k s, Tho • Alan Baker, editor of the poetry nees ugh the we beer, . ir d Darr en K on’t get . publisher Leafe Press irkb m ride e star It is free to enter, and you can send as many ted on B reez poems in as you like. e. The winners will be announced on National Poetry Day (28 September) at a special event. HOW TO ENTER: Email your entry to: buzzwordpoem@gmail.com Or alternatively, send it to: The Beestonian, 145 Meadow Lane, Beeston, Notts, NG9 5AJ Submitted poems consent to future publication in The Beestonian. Please state name, contact details and if under 16 to ensure entry into correct competition. DEADLINE FOR ENTRIES: THURSDAY14 SEPTEMBER

The Yorkshireman Speaks This month the Yorkshireman takes on camping...

Pass me the tent pegs! As summer approaches a strange phenomenon sweeps across our great nation. People of all ages turn their backs on their brick built cosy weatherproof dwellings and choose instead to spend their nights huddled under thin canvas sheets in the arse end of nowhere, on squeaky airbeds with slow punctures that leaves you with chronic sciatica. They do this bizarrely as a holiday, swapping everyday life for the stress of living like a road protester angry about the development of a new bypass. We’ve done it for years and these days it’s as popular as ever. A recent survey conducted by Go Outdoors revealed that 58% of Britain’s campers go camping more than three times a year. The same survey also revealed that given the chance to pick your perfect camping partner men would choose Ray Mears or David Attenborough whilst the women would go for Bear Grylls. I can’t help thinking that the men didn’t quite think that question through. I’m guessing that whilst the men would be off in the woods asking Ray to whittle them something from a tree branch, naughty old Bear would be in the tent with your other half, doing some whittling of a very different kind. I have mixed feelings about choosing to holiday under canvas. “It’s a great bonding experience for all the family” was one camper’s viewpoint. I beg to differ; if things are tense with your family before, spending seven nights in a cagoule eating cup-asoup in the Breacon Beacons frankly won’t improve matters. “You all have to pitch in, it’s about pulling together” that sounds more like an office away day for an insurance firm than a family holiday. Incidentally the office away day is a dreadful idea. It’s run by people who think that eight hours a day five days a week just isn’t quite enough. It’s the corporate equivalent of being sat next to that annoying dick during the meal at a mutual friend’s wedding. Recently I took my six year old daughter camping for the first time. She was so excited, “it’s going to be great daddy, camp fires, falling asleep under the stars and bacon sandwiches for breakfast!” I reminded her that we were going to a field near Calverton, half a mile from the A46 and she should perhaps lower her expectations. Still, it was nice to have the enthusiasm. This expedition was part of the annual Beavers, Scouts and Cubs get away. It was our first time and it would just be Olivia and I representing the Bennett clan. My wife did suggest going as a family, but then I reminded her that having a screaming baby on a campsite would be as welcome as E-coli, so we decided against it.

I was only just recovering from having taken the family on an aeroplane for the first time; it was learning experience, and I learnt that a baby is the only thing less popular on an aeroplane than a bomb. Arriving at the camp I was confronted by some of the most naturally gifted campers (is that even a thing?) I’d ever come across. These people weren’t born; they were grown in sleeping bags like caterpillars in a chrysalis. Before I’d even reached for my rubber mallet, I was surrounded by perfectly pitched tents and the sound of kettles smugly whistling. I’d seen organisation like this before, many years ago when I went It on my last caravanning holiday with my parents; two weeks in Morecambe, a chemical toilet and getting hammered on little bottles of Beer D’Alsace from Asda, which often took several days as it was only 2.5% a bottle. I remember watching a couple pitch up opposite, it was quite simply stunning. Him in his tan shorts, sandals, caravan club polo shirt and those shades with the flip up lenses; she was wearing the same. They barely spoke, just the occasional nod or gesture, as they glided around the pitch fetching water, lowering jockey wheels and putting up awnings. It was graceful, like watching Roger Federer play tennis. In no time at all they were both sat down on matching deckchairs, cup of tea in one hand, cigarette in the other, basking in an almost post coital level of satisfaction. My daydream was brutally interrupted as I realised, stood in that field in Calverton, clutching my mallet, that I hadn’t got a bloody clue how to put up our tent. I was, quite literally, for the first time in years, not able to put a roof

over my daughters head. My wife suggested we do a trial run before we went, I suggested she was being ridiculous, “it’s a couple of poles and some pegs love, I’ve got a degree, I think I’ll manage, how hard can it be?” Well almost impossible as it happens, “Daddy, why aren’t you finished yet? Do you need help?” “Daddy is just thinking darling” I was thinking, thinking about sleeping in the car. After nearly an hour, which culminated in me zipping myself inside the liner and my daughter hammering tent pegs into the ground at various locations across the site, I finally attracted the attention of a scout leader who, once he had finished laughing, came to my aid. There are some people who scoff at us amateur campers. With our airbeds arctic rated sleeping bags and pitching up within yards of a fully furnished toilet block. These people are the wild campers. These lunatics are like scouts on steroids, wherever they lay their groundsheet then that’s their home. They can read the land like Sherpas, all they need is a stream, a machete and a tree to defecate behind and they are as happy as the Kardashian’s on a shopping spree. They often live off the land; foraging for mushrooms with the chance that if you make a mistake you’ll either end up dead or hallucinating. I’m all for adventure but having to hunt your dinner and wash your genitals in a puddle somehow seems like a backwards step to me. A friend of ours had their cat bring back a half dead pigeon recently and they had to do the decent thing and finish it off with a house brick, it took ages, imagine going through all that then sitting down to a starter. Camping and festivals are well acquainted bedfellows. Recently at a festival I was performing at, fancy dress seemed to be the order of the weekend. There were a variety of weird and wonderful costumes on display. A gang of lads dressed as Superheroes; Spiderman, Batman, Superman and bringing up the rear, a Crayola crayon. He was shuffling his little legs trying to keep up. They were giving him a hard time, Superman shouted; “Kev, you look daft pal, what were you thinking!” “I didn’t get the email, this is all they had!” was his reply. I bumped into a rather depressed looking Super Mario brother by the Portaloos. Rather worse for wear and struggling to keep his makeshift insulation tape moustache adhered to his top lip, he was complaining about the state of the facilities, “These toilets aren’t right, there’s stuff leaking everywhere, it’s a disgrace, someone should do something about this!” “Don’t moan to me” I said, “you’re the plumber son.” Find The Scott Bennett Podcast on SoundCloud and iTunes SB

n w o T B A P:odcast

mysterious Beestonian has made an epic, deeply strange podcast about our town. Here, she tells us why....

Not all places inspire. Not all places excite. Not all places have stories growing out of the cracks in the pavement. But then again, not all places are Beeston. Not all places can be. Which is the whole point about naming somewhere, really. To distinguish it from somewhere else. If there were another Beeston it would have to be called something like New Beeston, or Beeston-upon-Avon. Except... well there are a few other Beestons, actually. There’s a Beeston in Bedfordshire, one in Cheshire, another in Norfolk, and one in Leeds. How I feel sorry for those other Beestons, living in the shadow of our own epic town. People must ask those Beestons: ‘Wow, are you the Beeston?’ And the other Beeston probably looks embarrassed and says: ‘Oh no... you must be thinking of the one near Nottingham.’ The person would then apologise: ‘Oh right, sorry, you must get that all the time.’ The other Beeston would then look off into the distance, a tear glistening in his eye, glistening with the glory of what might have been, what could have been possible with a name as majestic as Beeston. ‘Yes,’ the other Beeston would reply, ‘yes it happens quite a bit, actually.’ Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Beeston is particularly inspiring. Which is quite lucky really because the other month I wanted to make a fictional investigative journalism podcast for a birthday present. At first I was at a loss... what would it be about? I wandered the streets... along

where Fletcher Road changes into Middle Street. It’s funny how streets do that, I thought, changing name with no notice and we just have to carry on, as if everything’s fine. I kept walking, trying to forget about Fletcher Road and all the great times we’d had a few seconds ago... the Humber Road chip shop, the newly installed tram lines, the front gardens – some elaborately planted and others elaborately abandoned... Of course! I realised. I could make the podcast about Beeston. Where else is more inspiring? London? Paris? New York? Don’t be ridiculous. And it was there, out of the cracks in the pavement around the Middle Street tram stop, that the story began to grow. An enthusiastic podcast maker would get a mysterious email from a fan of her previous podcasts, offering her ‘something meaty’ for her next project. When they met, he would give her a small box wrapped in a plastic bag. ‘I found it on the tram tracks at the Middle Street stop one morning,’ he would say. Then he would have to leave because he had an abs-core-and-bums class to get to. What the box would contain would horrify the enthusiastic podcast maker. She couldn’t face this alone, she would need help from friends – willing or otherwise. The gruesome object would send her on a quest, an arduous quest condensed into 4 episodes of 20 minutes each, to unveil hidden depths of Beeston that none us could ever have thought possible. The podcast can be found here: www.soundcloud.com/whenallthiswasfields

I Am Beeston W

e took Mikk’s photo a few weeks ago for the I Am Beeston project. Very sadly, Mikk died suddenly soon after. And so we print this as a tribute to one of our favourite Beestonians, a kind thoughtful man who never found a musical instrument he couldn’t play or a Blue Monkey Ale he couldn’t sup. RIP, Mikk.

Mikk Skinner IT Technician “Although I was born in Bristol, I moved to Beeston in the late nineteen sixties. I was head chorister at Beeston Parish Church.” “Beeston has some great pubs for chilling out. It also has a lively acoustic music scene.” “I think Beeston needs a spectacular and magical sculpture. Something like the Kelpies in Scotland. Something that would get people to visit. Maybe we could have a giant bee!”

Take it to the Ridge I

f you’re in search of a little patch of green in the (greater) Beeston area, maybe it’s worth looking just across the A52 to a little known piece of land called Bramcote Ridge or the Alexandrina Plantation.

The two linked plots are an elongated area between Wollaton, Bramcote and Lenton Abbey and can be best approached from Thoresby Road, as you head away from Bramcote shops. The ‘open space’ is about 12 acres: “a mosaic of acid grassland, naturally regenerating scrub and mature woodland which, through lack of appropriate management in the recent past, has developed into the attractive semi-wild area” you’ll find when you visit. Part of the space is privately owned and the rest belongs to Broxtowe Borough Council but despite this mixed ownership the public has unrestricted access. The history of the site is a bit vague: Bramcote generally was enclosed by Act of Parliament in 1771 and the land put to unknown agricultural use. The westernmost section of the Ridge was planted with trees between 1836 and 1880, possibly to celebrate the marriage of the then Prince of Wales (later Edward VII) to Princess Alexandra in 1863 - hence this woodland is known as the Alexandrina Plantation. Many of the older trees were coppiced, probably during the Second World War when fuel was scarce. The Sandy Lane Bridleway runs along the eastern edge on the original Nottingham City boundary and this used to be the only way from the main Nottingham/Derby Road (A52) to the village of Wollaton. Remnants of hedgerow and even an old boundary marker from 1933 can be found. There is broom scrub on the site, reminding us that ‘Bramcote’ derives from ‘cottages in the broom’ which indicates what our Anglo-Saxon forebears found when they arrived! As residential development increased this area came to be seen as a valuable amenity and in 1975 Broxtowe BC designated the whole of the Ridge as an ‘Area of Restricted Development’ ensuring its survival as a wild area, valuable both for residents and wildlife, up to the present and, we hope, beyond. Environmentalists especially will be pleased to know that the site has 85 species of wild flowers, 20 species of trees and shrubs, 20 species of grass and 3 species of ferns; 40 species of bird have at one time or another been spotted here. Common woodland mammals such as fox, grey squirrel, hedgehog and the occasional badger inhabit or visit. If YOU fancy a visit, there are a number of access points and it might be worth going to the Friends of Bramcote Ridge website http://www.bramcote-ridge.org.uk/ridge to check these out. If approaching from Thorseby Road, don’t park on the road itself as you’ll restrict traffic - there is limited parking on side roads. Before we go, we must give a ‘shout out’ to those ‘Friends’ who have frequently won Green Flag awards. They are an intrepid band of volunteers who clear and plant to keep this site as an amenity for the rest of us - and a little haven for wildlife: good on yer! CT

A FRESH APPROACH At RM Tax & Accountancy we like to do things differently to most other accountants. There is no tie, no expensive office, no hidden fees or unexpected invoice. Your tax affairs will be dealt with from start-to-finish by a fully qualified accountant. All our fees are agreed up-front and paid month by month to spread the cost of your accountancy and tax needs. We make ourselves available around our clients hours; if a 7pm call suits you better than anything 9-5, then it suits us too. Find out more: www.rmtaxandaccountancy.com Give us a call: 07900 555383 or email us: rob@rmtaxandaccountancy.com

s e e B

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oald Dahl once wrote a short story called ‘Royal Jelly’. It revolved around a beekeeper called Albert, who fed his family the bee food, especially his underweight baby daughter. The twist being of course, that he and his daughter turn into bees. So I was wondering what I would expect when I met experienced local beekeeper Mary Venning, and her three hives, which are situated in the Wollaton Road allotments. One of nine in the area. “Did you know that Oliver Cromwell’s son in law gave this land in perpetuity? That was found out when they built the medical centre.” If anyone that’s visited the site will know, it’s a very big triangle shaped area. We reach Mary’s rather large growing space. “This hive is the most productive at the moment” says Mary, indicating a hive prominently placed and literally buzzing with the sound of bees. Mary then shows me her other two hives, which don’t seem to be as active. “The queen may have died in this one”, indicating a hive with very little activity around it.

Mary’s bees were also very busy around the parts that they make their honey in, that she had out on display “They are licking all the honey off. Every little bit.” We watched as many, many bees were swarming round these honeycombs. “Bees have such different personalities. I used to have a hive where they were quite aggressive. But the ones now are friendly. People shouldn’t be anxious around them. Bees don’t like loud noises, people waving their arms around, or strong perfumes, as they might think you are a flower. Leave them alone, and they will leave you alone. If you do get stung, then pull the sting out and apply something alkali, like milk of magnesia.” I asked Mary how she got into beekeeping. “I studied the life of bees as part of my psychology

degree. The nature of animals. I then did a beekeeping course when I retired. It was a weekend course over five weeks. It is an expensive hobby. “Did you know that once the queen has been chosen, she is fed royal jelly, created by worker bees? You can see how enthusiastic Mary is about the insects. ‘Buzzing’, you might say as she imparts so much different information about them. Quicker than I can write it down. “Bees hum in the key of C major.” Or, “They prefer to gather nectar from open or tubed flowers. Dandelions are the best plant for bees, as its nectar is already 50% food. If only people would let a few dandelions grow in a patch of ground or in a tub, then that would be very helpful to them. Pussy willow and Hawthorne are also good sources of pollen.”

Mary then goes on to tell me about the worker bees’ waggle dancing, a figure of eight movement and how it informs the other bees about where the best pollen can be found, how far it is from the hive and if there are any dangers about. All this in very little, or no light in the hive. She then told me about some joint research being done between Nottingham Trent University and the Centre Apicole de Recherche et D’information in France over the vibration of bees. Martin Bencsik at their Brackenhurst site is also looking at ‘swarm preparation’ that should aid beekeepers in the future, in that it may reveal health of bees and how the hive is doing. There have been a lot of stories in the news over the last few years about the vast reduction in bee numbers, due to a change in farming practices and the increase in chemicals that are used on the land these days. Bees are vital to the food chain with their pollination of plants and fruit trees. So the work that Mary does, and other beekeepers like her around the world are so important to the life of these interesting and much loved insects and for in fact us. CDF

THE BEESTON SURVIVAL KIT

f you’re a Facebook user, then you’re probably well aware of the excellent local group ‘Beeston Updated’. There are well over 8,000 members on it now, although many actually live away from NG9 in far-flung exotic places like Canada, Dubai, New Zealand, and Long Eaton.

The topics of conversation within the group vary, from people asking if anyone else has memories of working for Bartons in the 1950s, to those drawing attention to events which are going on. Whilst the vast majority of stuff is positive, odd comments crop up now and then, which can be sad, gloomy, or downright paranoid. As a tribute to those members who bring a bit of dark to the generally bright group, we have created the ‘Beeston Survival Kit’ for those who dare to venture into the seemingly perilous streets of our town.

SHOES Austerity, economic uncertainty, and political instability. For some folks these things pale into insignificance compared to the burning issue of the day – the lack of shoe shops in Beeston. Despite there being several shops which sell shoes in the town, and the fact that we are only half an hour away at most by bus, train or tram from a city with dozens of them, apparently Beeston is not complete without a dedicated and comprehensive shoe shop. Therefore the first item in the kit is a pair of shoes, just in case people simply can’t get hold of a pair for some reason.

REVERSIBLE 'NO THANKS' BADGE At times the pedestrianised bit of the High Road is awash with shiny-shoed sales rats and pushy ‘chuggers’ (charity muggers), desperately trying to get people to sign up to their money-saving broadband deal or a monthly direct debit to a worthy cause. Whilst the majority of Beestonians just stride past ignoring them, make out they are deep in conversation on their mobiles, or pretend not speak English, some confess to not being able to resist the silver-tongued cavaliers, ending up having to remortgage after being bullied into a 12 month contract. For these people this handy badge can merely be pointed at to register disinterest. Should the commission-hungry pushy buggers not accept this and carry on their spiel, it can be merely lifted up to reveal a straightforward ‘PISS OFF!’ to really get the message across.

THAN

CLAMP Sadly, the stealing of bikes appears to be a growth industry in Beeston. There doesn’t seem to be a day goes by without someone having their 2-wheeled pride and joy lifted in broad daylight by some little get with a pair of bolt croppers. To avoid becoming the next victim, simply lock your bike within this clamp which is made from a composite material that isn’t allowed on Robot Wars as it is too difficult to damage.

SPARE CHANGE According to a few local people, since the multi-storey was demolished to make way for a patch of urban wasteland, there is nowhere to park in Beeston, unless you are planning to pawn the family silver to fund it. They have obviously missed those out-of-sight tucked-away supermarkets which offer 3 hours of free parking. Not to mention the council-run car parks and on-street bays which are free for the first hour and cheap as chips the rest of the time. A handful of coins is all you need in order to leave your car whilst shopping till you drop.

SOU'WESTER & WATERPROOF HAT The way some Beeston Updated members go on, you’d think Beeston was the coffee shop capital of the UK. In fact there are only nine of them, out of hundreds of different retail premises. They all seem to do good business, which indicates that there is plenty of demand for them (unlike shoe shops). For those who fear an excess of espresso or a lake of latte from this imagined situation, a waterproof outfit should shield them from any splashes.

GLOBAL SATELLITE TRACKER DEVICE Since time immemorial, domestic cats have vanished. Nowadays, social media is a handy way of spreading the word about a missing moggy, and there are many happy tales of fickle felines being reunited with their owners. In order to stop this from happening, simply fit your cat with a tracker, so you can easily retrieve it from your next door neighbour’s shed/the odd bloke who lives over the road/a bird hide at Attenborough. The tracker may offer advanced functionality in the future too – if anyone wants to know the whereabouts of Leicestershire-dwelling MP Anna Soubry, it is hoped that this device can be adapted to alert folks to visits to her Broxtowe constituency between general election campaigns.

POT As with many towns, villages and cities up and down the country, Beeston has lost public conveniences. Despite there being several pubs, supermarkets, restaurants, coffee shops etc which have toilets, if you need to go then you need to go. This handy pot can be used in times of emergency, and if enough people ‘chip in’ and co-ordinate the emptying, Stumpy the statue in the Square could well flow again. JC

n o t s Bee One of our more far-flung fans, Keith Walker from New Zealand, sometime sends us his memories of the Beeston he remembers from many decades ago. We thought we’d print some of these, and see if any of our more senior readers have similar memories...

anon Halet was Vicar of Beeston from 1943 to 1962. He was a well-known personality, always in a cassock. Beeston Parish Church was very busy in those days and there were frequently a couple of curates sent there to assist. The church had a very active Youth Group in the late 1940s and the 1950s and when I reached my teens, I became a member. We would meet twice a week in an old building owned by the church on the right hand side of Station Rd going towards Queens Rd. I think it was somewhere near where the bus station is (or was when I visited Beeston about 16 or so years ago). I assume it’s still there. We were a very active group. We played table tennis in winter, tennis at the courts on University Boulevard during the warmer weather, often late in the evenings; we got Ben Travers farces and other plays from the library and had lots of fun play reading. Through the Notts Education Dept. we arranged all sorts of activities such as Scottish Country Dancing. We organised bike rides: a popular destination would be Mount St Bernard’s Abbey. From time to time, the Vicar would send one of the curates to ‘organise’ us. We would listen politely to what he had to say, ignore him and continue running ourselves, I guess we must have been a pain in the backside for Mr Halet! As we got to 18, the boys had to do their compulsory service in the Forces although some got deferral for education purposes. I joined the RAF for three years although when I was able to get home we all kept in touch through our church membership and really were able to stay together as a group. However, as time passed and we got older, some paired off and married, people moved away for work and eventually the old group was scattered. I am sorry to say that after all these years I have forgotten far too many names, though some still linger. There was

The Beestonian is...

Lead Writer/Founder • Lord Beestonia Co-Founder/Resident Don • Prof J Editor • Christian Design • Dan Business Manager • Mel History Editor • Joe Earp

Jennifer Brown, a popular little girl; there was Jackie whose father worked for Barton’s; the two Christines; and Arline Lee who worked at Derby Royal infirmary. My best friend was Jim Wright. He worked as a draughtsman in (I think) Stapleford after he finished school. I often wonder what has happened to everybody. We could be anywhere in the world if we have survived! I think it is likely that some of the girls could still be around Beeston but probably using different names as they married. Who knows? A friend of mine was in Beeston about a couple of years ago and tried to find anyone from those days but was unsuccessful. It seems I could be literally the last man standing from those times. If there is anyone who remembers them, it would be good to get in contact again. During the war my maternal grandmother, Mrs Annie Martin, lived in one of the row of houses in Chilwell between the shops at the bottom of School Lane and the Cadland pub. She was a widow and as the house was fairly large she ran it as a boarding house mostly for the wives of troops stationed. at Chilwell Depot. After the war, she moved and bought a large house on Queens Road and made it into a series of bedsits and small flats. She could be a fearsome lady and was very strict. All the cooking was done in a communal kitchen at the rear of the building accessed through her living room so she could supervise what was happening. She taught young married couples how to cook if necessary. Usually after a few months they would be happy to return home where they had more freedom! But to me she was ‘Paddy’ and I loved her dearly. When I was born, she said she wasn’t old enough to be a ‘grandma’ so she never was and chose the name ‘Paddy’. When I returned to Beeston for a visit some years ago I was surprised to find her old home had turned into St Andrews Hotel which I understand has since closed and is, I think, student accommodation for the University. KW

Top-notch contributors this issue: Matt Turpin, Jade Moore, John Cooper, Jimmy Notts, Scott Bennett, David Henson, Christopher Frost, Debra Urbacz, Tim Pollard, David Ball, Colin Tucker, Joe Earp, Keith Walker, Christian Fox, Donna Bentley, Daisy Leverington and Deman Printed by Pixels & Graphics, Beeston

Stockists: Rye, The Hop Pole, The Crown, The White Lion, The Star, The Greyhound, Flying Goose, Mish Mash Gallery, The Malt Shovel, The Guitar Spot, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe ROYA, Newsagent on Chilwell Road, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve, Pottle of Blues, Greenhood, Beeston Nursery, Oxfam Books, L’Oliva, Two Little Magpies, Local not Global.

Parenting in the modern world.

here can be little debate that parenting in 2017 is different to parenting 30 years ago. The advent of new technologies which are increasingly aimed at children have changed the landscape of ‘how to keep the kids entertained’ while also giving parents more options during their weekly 2 minute shower. Peppa Pig episodes on the iPad have replaced drawing in the coal dust with gout-addled fingers, and a phone gallery full of badly framed toddler selfies aren’t uncommon. ‘But how to harness them safely?’ I hear literally no one ask. Here’s my hardwon advice on life with kids in the digital age:

Get an ipod touch. They can’t make calls on it and run up a phone bill, as long as you never give them the password to download paying apps and add-ons. Fill it with their favourite cartoons and music and games, and sit back and enjoy approximately 4 minutes of peaceful respite. Also useful on car journeys and at boring weddings. Turn the sounds off for funerals. Embrace the filter. Not the ones for the

ends of your old-fashioned ciggies, but the snapchat/instagram/facebook camera filters which instantly take 10 years off your haggard face. Leave people’s disappointment and surprise at your premature aging for face to face interactions, which makes it harder for them to tell you that you look like death since having kids.

Get a 2 player, age appropriate game for your console. We like anything with Lego, and it saves spending time playing with actual lego which can be dangerous if swallowed. Kids have fairly quick reactions, and their little fingers and inquisitive minds make finding hidden bonus levels a breeze. It’s what your ancestors would have wanted for them.

Use whatsapp to argue with your significant other. It’s free and instant, and doesn’t limit your lengthy explanations of why they are a useless imbecile. You don’t want to run out of data at the pivotal moment when you conclude your rant about staring at your neighbour’s slim, younger wife do you? No. Exactly.

Encourage children to become multimillionaires by creating a youtube channel which teaches teens how to apply make up with various household objects. They love stuff like that. 100 years ago we were all interested in the advancement of science, but these days if a 17 year old applies concealer with a dead rabbit’s paw or dyes their hair with their grandma’s ashes we lose our tiny minds with excitement. Grab a camera and talk utter drivel, it’s where the money is. Raising kids in 2017 need not be as technologically risky as reports staring out from your iPhone tell you. Remember, that phone was most likely made by an orphaned child earning 2p a week. The clothes you are wearing were probably stitched by a 3 year old in noisy factory while they try to pay their way through night classes. Kids and technology mix well, so don’t be afraid to embrace the changes. Remember, it’s much safer to look at Google Earth than it is to go outside. You won’t get stung by a wasp on Google Earth, will you? DL

any of our regular readers will recall that over the last few issues, Bow Selector writer Tim Pollard’s wife Sally has been suffering from breast cancer. Sadly, Sally died in June. Her legacy is rich, leaving not just a husband, but a daughter, Scarlett, 3. She leaves many friends, family and colleagues who were all touched by a unique soul. She leaves the world a better place than when she found it, brightening everything she touched. Tim has subsequently raised thousands of pounds for cancer charities. To the end, Sally was a determined advocate for getting checked for breast cancer. We offer our deepest condolences to Tim and Scarlett. We cannot even begin to imagine what such a loss is like, but we can be very sure that, alongside The Beestonian, our town wishes the best for them, and will in time remember Sally for the joy she spread, rather than the sadness of her loss. MT

BEESTUMPED ONLY FOR THE MENTALLY TORTURED...

1. M ervyn Peake was the author of which famous fantasy series? 2. W hat other Peake broadcast a Christmas message to the UK from the International Space Station? 3. T he ISS has been featured in many films including Gravity, Life and which Dennis Quaid disaster movie? 4. T hat film came out in 2003, the same year that which artist released a Tears for Fears cover? 5. T ears for Fears best-selling hit was Everybody Want to Rule the World which came out the same month as the rise to power of the 8th and last president of The Soviet Union, but what was his name? 6. T he USSR was the subject of a popular song by which 1960’s pop group? 7. A member of that group had a brief foray in film-acting, playing Mr Papadopolous in a film by which TV sketch comedy troupe? 8. F inally Terry Jones narrated the TV adaptation of which of Mervyn Peake’s novellas?

Beeston Doorway

Original Pen & Ink by Dan Cullen Full colour giclée prints available from Mish Mash gallery.

ANSWERS: Gormenghast/Tim Peake/The Day After Tomorrow/Gary Jules/ Mikhail Gorbachev/The Beatles/Monty Python/Boy in Darkness

CODEWORD

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Secret Beeston by Frank E Earp and Joseph Earp “The Nottinghamshire town of Beeston as we know it today began life as an Anglo-Saxon settlement close to the banks of the River Trent. By the late eighteenth century the town had developed into a thriving textile centre. The nineteenth century saw a new mix of other industries, including famous names like the Humber Works and Boots the Chemist. Over the last decade Beeston has witnessed its greatest change with the introduction of an extension to Beeston of Nottingham City’s Tram Network. Local authors and historians Frank E. Earp and Joseph Earp delve into the town’s murkier past in this unique approach to the town’s history, blending the serious with the not so serious, and seeking out its hidden secrets”. Available from all good book shops and also available online. The book can also be ordered directly from Amberley Publishing: www.amberley-books.com/secret-nottingham.html Telephone: 01453 847800 JN

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few months ago a friend and I decided that some Mediterranean inspired food was in order to brush off those post-holiday blues, and with empty tummies we trundled off into Beeston looking for something tasty to fill our bellies. I’ll never forget that Monday evening, we passed so many closed eateries. It was looking hopeless, and just before we resigned to settling for a takeaway, we made it to Wollaton Road. Thankfully ‘Yiannis’ Greek restaurant was open. Little did we know that we were stumbling upon a future development and another exciting new venue. The food served within was fantastic. It was no surprise that the restaurant seemed full to capacity within an hour of us being seated. At the end of service Yiannis came across to speak to us, he was telling us about the conversion that was due to take place in the ‘then’ back room of his restaurant. In a few months’ time, this was to become the new gin bar. I was invited back

ou might wonder which is more surprising, that Vice Squad are playing in Beeston, or that it is free.

But the fact that punk superheroine Beki Bondage gives the town its first notable punk gig since Flux of Pink Indians and The Fits played The Shed in October 1981, surely warrants compulsory attendance. Beki (Rebecca Bond) is notable for many things - touring the USA with Social Distortion and Discharge in 1982, releasing the sparkling single in ’82’s Out of Reach, Stand Strong, Stand Proud the same year, and writing Latex Love as a 14 year-old and still performing it in her 50’s. But of all these things, we should give her most credit for trekking the world, delivering rousing chorus-led shows to balding, middle-aged men, nodding their heads to the soundtrack of

with co-beats writer Lulu to review the venue once open. Naturally we also took the opportunity to speak to Yiannis about how the bar came to fruition. The concept for the Gin bar was adopted after Yiannis visited London on a social venture. Gin bars, just like brioche buns and cereal cafes, were the order of the day. Wanting to bring a bit of that back to Beeston, initially the idea was to convert the restaurant in its entirety into the Gin bar, but after some customer feedback a 50:50 combo of restaurant and gin bar was settled. The gin bar can only be described as a Narnia like gem. You traverse the bright and cheery Mediterranean restaurant front, to an opening leading into the venue located within the buildings posterior. Art deco and shabby chic surrounds are the order of the day. On one side, we have the wall of ‘eras’ which will have a corresponding cocktail menu (comprising 5 choices for each) to represent each period in time. Along this wall we can travel through time in aesthetic and alcohol from the

1920’s Prohibition era right up to the present day. The music was pleasant and sat perfectly in the background allowing space for conversation. The staff members were excellent at engaging with people and encouraging interactions. We sat for a while taking in the atmosphere. This is the kind of place to go to when you want a nice drink, in nice surrounds to enjoy the artistry of the beverage in front of you. Definitely a quality and not quantity venue. From speaking to Yiannis it was clear he had spent a lot of time not only doing his research, but also engaging with and supporting nearby businesses. Many of the products on stock were locally sourced and of good quality, strictly no draft on tap.

their youth. And as any of those elite fans would testify, Beki has channelled her desire to be Lita Ford into a productive, varied output that is received tonight by a vibrant crowd. The set spans 2014’s Punk Police from the Cardboard City LP, Upright Citizen from ‘82’s State of the Nation ep, 2006’s Defiant, Stuck in Reverse from the Punk Rock Radio album, and of course Stand Strong, which Beki assures us is ‘as relevant as ever.’ The post-apocalyptic ‘I’m too young to die/too late to live’ Last Rockers from the 1980 fledglingSquad’s debut is the one everyone loves - the sooner she realises the musical world ended in 1984 and real fans don’t want new songs, the better! Her crowd-rousing ‘Oi, Oi, Oi’ chant (handing the mike to the crowd for them to reciprocate) is frankly cringe worthy, as is the bassist’s inflated Kiss-style stage routine, and the guitarist’s ‘I’m so crazy’ demeanour. As the sole

There are approximately 30 different gins on offer, some from distilleries as local as Loughborough. Feeling spoilt for choice I decided to take the plunge and ask for a surprise. I was presented with a gin Mare´ embellished with botanicals. All the accompaniments were fresh and complimented the drink perfectly. Although the venue is in its infancy Yiannis isn’t short of plans to keep the venue interesting and dynamic, ranging from mixing up new cocktails and gin combinations, to altering the bar aesthetics until the most socially favourable arrangement is found. At present the bar is open from 5.30pm Monday through to Saturday with last orders served at 11pm. Lunchtime opening is in the pipeline with intent to use the space as a strawberries and prosecco bar. In the meantime though, the gin bar is off to a good start, and if anybody is as passionate about cocktails as Yiannis, a mixologist position is open for a reliable and passionate individual. DB

surviving member of the original band, Beki is frozen in time, and a slew of albums under the reformed post-1997 ‘Vice Squad’ won’t release her from the UK82 tag she hauls from country to country. Yet it’s easy to see why Ms Bond and co. would play the Beeston Greyhound, with its obvious rock-vibe, but a shame that a band she formed as a Bristol punkette in 1978, rarely moves beyond a crowd of 50 diehards who’ve seen her play 30+ times alongside their reluctant girlfriends. The band makes scant new fans along the way, nor wins points for sophistication - after all it’s Vice Squad, not Tuxedomoon for goodness sake - but as music journo Gary Bushell always said of this genre of noise, ‘it’s the sound of the streets.’ Still, tonight’s gig was well appreciated by the jaded punk undead and bemused onlookers of Beeston and it’s fair to say, it was worth every penny…. DB

, OXJAM: We re Off!

packed ‘Unplugged’ event kicked off Oxjam Beeston 2017 on Saturday 1st July. A supportive and enthusiastic audience appreciated the diversity of music on offer as well as the real ale, wine and curry provided by the good people of the Middle Street Resource Centre.

All of the artists - folk-punk singer Paul Carbuncle, Hungarian folk-rock group ‘Foreign Accent’, Celtic tunesmiths Steve and Penny Benford and two generations of singer songwriters: Lucia Holmes and Colin Tucker - will be appearing at Takeover on 14 October. For pictures, video-clips and a more detailed review of the evening, visit the Oxjam Beeston website (www.oxjambeeston. org) or our Facebook page. ‘Unplugged’ was a joint event between Oxjam and Beeston Community Resource/MINDSET. If you visited the brilliant Beeston Carnival you may well have seen Oxjam there too with a stall offering free goodies, flyers for our various events, tickets and, of course, some live music. We are currently seeking sponsors for the Festival. Businesses large and small can become sponsors - we’re glad to say ‘The Star’ and CP Walker have signed up to be major sponsors - others so far include PN Design, The Breeze, Cllr Kate Foale (grant from Divisional Fund) and Second Time Around Folk Club. If you are a large business, maybe you can sponsor a Takeover stage or one of our separate fund-raising events. Small businesses and individuals can become a ‘Friend of Oxjam’ by making a donation of as little as £50. Go to our website and look at the Sponsorship Prospectus. www.oxjambeeston. org The more we can raise from sponsorship, the more we can raise for Oxfam! 2017 COULD be our best ever!

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We are also beginning to sign up volunteers to help out on Takeover day (14 October). Go to our website and complete the form. Want to perform at Oxjam 2017? Venues are being finalised at the time of writing - go to the website for the latest information. Although technically, ‘registration’ for artists closed on 14 July, we will continue to accept registrations for several weeks. We are looking for performers of all sorts of music: rock, rap, ‘covers’, indie, punk, blues, folk, metal, jazz, funk and punk anything, in fact, performed by any size combo from solo acoustic to loud rock and large community choirs. Again, visit the website! Events - ADDITIONAL - Rock Night at The Greyhound with The Madeline Rust and friends, Sunday 6 August - £3 on the door check website or Facebook event for details. TAKEOVER - Saturday 14 October - to include acoustic/semi-acoustic acts and a special choir event at Beeston Methodist Church, Chilwell Road in the afternoon; heavier acts + some semi-acoustic ones + DJs in the evening. £8 ‘early-bird’ (£10 on the day) ADDITIONAL - we have a special ‘Operatic Arias’ concert on Takeover night (7.30 - 9.30) at the Parish Church (NB SEPARATE TICKET REQUIRED £10 and concessions) Classical Oxjam - Saturday 11 November Parish Church - £8 and concessions Oxjam Ceilidh - Friday 24 November - Royal British Legion Social Club - £10 (half-price for youngsters). All tickets are available from Oxfam Books and Music and online from www. wegottickets.com (+ 10% booking fee); Takeover and Classical tickets also available from Guitar Spot; Operatic Arias tickets also from John Kirk Hi-Fi. www.oxjambeeston.org CT

Gossip from the

HIVEMIND It’s often through tragedy that you appreciate stuff you otherwise may have taken for granted. The awful death of 12-year old Owen Jenkins, who fell into the weir and drowned after successfully rescuing other children, has had exactly that effect. Beestonians rallied together to ensure Owen’s friends and family were supported, and his memory marked appropriately. None of this will bring the lad back, of course, but it touched the hearts of the whole town to see the outpouring of goodwill in the face of such a devastating event.

++++++++++++ funds were raised to cover the funeral –over £10,000 as we went to press. A 1,000 convoy of bikers paid their respects with a memorial ride between The Beekeeper and the weir. Purple ribbons appeared all over town. Plans for a permanent memorial, perhaps a tree, are being planned for the weir. It all goes to show that Beeston is not just a town, it’s a community. We’re honoured to be part of it.

Remembering Owen Jenkins

++++++++++++ More community action in evidence as Network Rail withdrew their plans to close three paths across the rails, effectively making Attenborough Nature reserve difficult to access for many Beestonians. It’s rare to get such a good result so soon, but again it is all down to the sterling work done by many people miffed at the closures. Network Rail will instead put in safety features across the line. Result! ++++++++++++ Now, let’s get the threat of fracking sorted…

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