The Beestonian Issue 25

ISSUE 25: A TIGHTLY COILED SPRING OF TRAMLESSNESS FREE

MayFest / Supernuova / We dig you, Beeston / I (may) take the High road... / Horace’s half Hour / Beeston, and on, and on... /An open letter to… Ladbrokes / Squirrelling in the Attik / Crafty Chilwell / Your Top 3 Beeston icons...? / (Not so) Hidden History / Funny ha-ha? / Au contraire / Beeston Beats / Famous last words...

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cently, I was chatting with a senior officer at Broxtowe Borough Council, and what he said really rang true “Beeston, with all the upheaval, has taken a massive psychological knock.”

He was entirely right.

While change is inevitable, and more often than not results in some marked improvements, the process is seldom painless. Beestonians have watched their town gouged open and ripped apart. It’s been a tough time for everyone. Understandably, there has been much pessimistic talk of Beeston’s ‘demise’.

Yet things are, rather counter-intuitively, getting a bit better. As the finer, brighter spring days push out the winter gloom, Beeston too seems to be reawakening. Inside this month’s issue, we give some evidence to prove it. Independent retailers are springing up, and while chain stores are on the decline, unique and interesting shops are taking their place.

Pubs are smartening up and giving Beeston a buzz in the beer world.

New restaurants are opening, about to open or actually flourishing. Our own Tamar has been looking into ways to make the town brighter in a horticultural fashion too; her efforts will hopefully start blooming round town soon: see inside for more details.

Burgeoning

Beeston

We’re also reporting a little more on the public movement/ development steering group ‘Continuum Beeston’. Inside you’ll find the list we’ve compiled of ideas already submitted by Beestonians – in emails, comments on the Beestonia blog / Facebook group and elsewhere on social media and in person. This is what YOU’VE asked to happen in Beeston: we are hoping that those decision-makers, who have long appeared to have paid little notice to Beestonians’ concerns, will now take heed and act accordingly.

We’re not total Pollyannas, however; we haven’t woken up one morning and stuck in our rose-tinted contact lenses. There is still loads of upheaval and disruption to contend with, there are a lot more contractors in hi-vis and hard hats scurrying around behind metal fences. Chilwell Road is still ‘in the balance’, especially for retailers along there - who continue to need our support and upbeat encouragement. But there are sign of change, and spring is part of that - though the signs are not just confined to trees budding, bluebells breaking through and the birds chattering. Life is breaking out all over Beeston, and we reckon this is exciting and worthy of report, celebration and encouragement.

Lord Beestonia

HeX Productions

Web Design & Maintenance Horlix new ad dimensions 98mm x30mm

www.horlix.com

The University of

Beestonia

It’s spring, so it must be time for The University of Nottingham’s May Fest – an Open Day for the community.

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he University of Nottingham’s annual May Fest is back and this year better than ever! Once again, the University welcomes visitors young and old to enjoy a whole host of free, interactive activities.

Whether you’re a budding filmmaker who wants to try their hand at creating an animated movie, a promising physicist who wants to discover what exactly scientists do in the lab all day or a novice linguist who fancies trying out a foreign language taster session, May Fest has something for everyone.

You’ll also have a chance to taste the award-winning delicacies from the Sutton Bonington Farmers’ Market as well as explore the University’s

gardens and open spaces and learn more about working and studying at the University.

So come along to May Fest on Saturday 10 May 2014 and experience a free, exciting and fun-filled day for the family!

Be entertained, challenged and inspired at May Fest 2014!

Visit www.nottingham.ac.uk/mayfest for all the latest news on this year’s May Fest programme.

BESTonian: Beeston’s finest Spring in Beeston The first signs come early, with a bit of sun breaking the winter gloom that triggers something in Uni students’ heads: wear shorts.

This they do, in droves, their legs blue, goosebumped and perceptively shaking. Barely a moment later, snowdrops, crocuses and daffodils burst forth lending otherwise unexciting spots – outside the Crown, the front of the churchyard – a sudden explosion of colour and life. Cherry trees snow blossom as the coffee shops see the popular tea of choice swing from ‘breakfast’ to ‘iced’.

T

he mowers on the golf course near where I’m writing this are out and kicking up that heady scent of freshly cut grass that says one thing: Spring is here. And is there a better place in this country than Beeston to witness it?

Down on the Nature Reserve, it’s a riot.

Everything is emerging from hibernation, migration (or simply having shivered through winter) to mate perceptively, and loudly.

Birds, frogs, newts and even the odd luststruck human pairing is sticking on the Barry White and getting down. It’s a great time for ornithologists who wasted winter fruitlessly stalking that bittern: now everything flocks out

in its exhibitionist glory; seemingly revelling in the twitcher’s avid gaze. In the more urban environs, Café terraces become populated.

Woollen wear is usurped by cotton. The buskers shed their gloves, and strum with free fingers.

Cider becomes a viable choice in pubs for all, and not just the professional soak’s brew of choice. The Monday Farmer’s market in the Square no longer requires being anchored down with huge weights, or tied to Stumpy, to stop the wind gusting it to Oz. Smokers have non-nicotine friends chat to them as they cluster outside pub doorways for a fag break.

By the time this goes to press, it’ll probably have tipped down with snow (last year it snowed over Easter, remember), but right now it feels like the dappled sunlight, bright floral backdrop, perfumed air and goths looking really uncomfortable is here to stay. Oh to be in Beeston, now that Spring is here...

LB

Supernuova

Photo courtesy of © Christopher Frost, 2014

N

ext issue, we’ll be off on our biannual survey of Beeston’s pubs, a tough journalistic assignment that takes a day to complete and three days to recover from.

More on that later. Yet I got to visit The Star Inn, twice: once during the works and then on its opening night….

It’s a fab building, The Star. A proper old fashion coaching inn; a maze of rooms within and a huge garden to the rear. Yet over the last few years it’s been seemingly on its last legs; empty, shoddy, apparently staggering to oblivion like a red-eyed, liver-spotted drunk staggers to his grave. You could almost smell the developers sniffing round for weak prey to bring down and build a crap set of flats and/or a Tesco Extra on. So it’s a great thing to be in there, one cold February afternoon, with an army of builders, joiners and plasterers hard at work on the gutted shell of the pub.

I’m here on the invitation of Damien McGrath, erstwhile boss at The Commercial and the man behind that minor miracle of turning another perpetually stumbling pub, Stapleford’s Horse and Jockey, from scariest pub in NG9 to the superb, CAMRA East-Midland’s Pub of the Year. He takes me around the transforming pub, “It was in a shocking state. The floorboards were very close to collapsing into the cellar. The electrics… well, it’s amazing the place didn’t burn down years ago. And the toilets….”Ah yes. The Star Inn toilets. They had a certain infamy. And that was just the gents. Rumour was, the ladies’ were much worse. Heavens. “All sorted. New floors, electrics, toilets…everything has been ripped out and redone.”

We go into the courtyard, and he points out the al fresco area under construction. A ‘games room’ has been built where the old stable room was, an area to show cricket (hurrah!) and rugby (indifferent shrug). “It’s good to have it separate.

No one likes having booming tellies ringing out above their conversation”. There’s also Bed &

Breakfast offered: all rooms en-suite and could prove handy for the over-exhuberant drinker who discovers he can’t properly walk back to his Attenborough home...

I ask Damien when he expects to open “two weeks” he tells me. I shoot him an incredulous look. The pub looks like it has months of work required. ‘Two weeks. Come along” he assures me.

“On a night out, people often don’t want to stay in the same pub so we provide another option.”

A fortnight later, on a Thursday night, I’m fighting my way through the crowds for a beer.

Incredibly, the place is not only completed, but to a degree of excellence the contrast between my former visit calls is so shocking I’m forced to have a drink. But first I seek out Damien. He’s having a great time: the place is heaving “How do you see The Star fitting into the local pub scene?” I ask.

“I’m keen to work with The Crown, The White Lion and others to make Beeston a destination for the discerning drinker. On a night out, people often don’t want to stay in the same pub so we provide another option.”

I think he’s onto something there. Pubs work well in clusters: it’s called a pub crawl, not a pub marathon, for a reason. This theory seems to bear out for that night, at least: next door The White Lion is also jammed with merry makers.

On a school night. Blimey.

It’s time for a pint. Tough research, but what is a pub if not its ale? ‘“It’s all about the ale” explains

Damien as I thirstily watch my pint glass brim “Get the ale right and everything falls into place” And heavens, the ale is lovely; well-kept, wellpriced and so nice I go on to have several more to confirm. And a bag of crisps. Then a visit to the gents, once a terrifying prospect, now a much more pleasant trip.

A town’s health can often be monitored by its pubs. We’ll be looking into that thoroughly for the next issue (if you’d like to join our research party, drop us an email via the contact details on the back page). Yet the rebirth of The Star, along with The Vic’s recent outside refurbishment; The Crown’s consistent greatness; the Hop Pole becoming an essential music venue and The White Lion’s general smartness and fantastic refit… the pub situation is in great health.

We hope that this is a sign of a more general renaissance in Beeston’s fortune. From ailing to LB ale inns. Cheers!

We dig you,

Beeston

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t may come as some surprise, walking about Beeston at the moment, but it’s spring in a minute. Birds, bees and that brown stuff we call soil are all buzzing and burgeoning.

Some of us have gardens to love, some of us don’t; some of us wouldn’t love a garden had we one cos they’re a bit of a chore, actually.

But whatever your point of view on a patch of plants, we all must have appreciated the time, a while back, when Beeston at least had a decent chance as a contestant in Britain In Bloom.

Sadly, we wouldn’t even make the first round this year. But all is not lost. So what if West Bridgford has cherry blossom, parks and plants galore; and even Clifton harnesses more flora and fauna than we could shake a metal stick at the moment? So what if parks and gardens are so low down on the Council’s list of Things To Do that it’s been lost among making tea and reordering brown bins?

Have you noticed all the ghosts of gardens around Beeston? All the nooks and crannies just crying out for a bit of TLC, or even a few seeds cast carelessly when passing? Well they’re there. Every road corner around the centre of Beeston is one. The whole of Queen’s road is one. The islands and roundabouts? Yep, them

too. That bit near The Crown is another, and up near Wilko’s graveyard is one too. I think it’s about time they had a little horticultural attention. “What’s the point?” I hear you cry, “Why bother? They’re only going to be built on/ paved/tarmacked/driven over!” you add. I know, I know. But I still think it’s worth doing. And I’m not expecting someone else to do it. Because I’m going to. But I need your help. So I’ve set up an informal project called We Dig NG9.

If you’d like to see more wildlife in your own garden, or Beeston generally – why not join the club? It doesn’t have to even cost you anything (though, if you do have seeds, cuttings or plants to spare, why not share them with Beeston!)

Right now, I’m just putting a few feelers out to see how much of troop The Beestonian might muster – after all, we have guerrilla-gardener with-previous, Jet Black, on board the magazine now, to bring some extra zeal to the effort. And Broxtowe Borough Council are on board with some initial ideas. Meanwhile, though, I’ll be quietly sowing, planting and transplanting when and where I can in the hope that we can make a little difference to the dearth of cheer in Beeston at the moment. Wilmot Lane is first in line, and will be transformed into a mini-meadow

come summertime (fingers crossed) so keep your eyes peeled for that, you can follow the transformation on Facebook too at: facebook.com/WeDigNG9

If you’d like to just have a go yourself, but don’t know where to start with planting things, go to wildlifewatch.org.uk/free-wildflowerseed-giveaway and register for a free pack of wildflower seeds delivered to your door. If you don’t have internet access, you can get in touch with The Beestonian and I’ll send you some myself. All you then have to do is find a destitute spot in your garden or somewhere suitable that you pass regularly, nearby (best not in your neighbour’s garden or on some private land, though eh?) and fling them with some abandon.

I guarantee the not only will you love seeing the windflowers grow where there was once nothing, your wildflowers’ll bring all the bugs to your yard, too (apologies to Kelis). So you’ll be saving the universe too.

To share your ‘before & after’ pics, or join in and put out your ideas, you can like the page on Facebook, email weDigNG9@gmail.com or Tweet using #WeDigNG9 We can’t wait to see some corners brighten in

TF Beeston!

I (may) take the

High road… HORACE’S

We find ourselves, then, in the situation we have all prayed for, a real chance of separation from Britain and the opportunity to govern ourselves. Surely there should be no debate other than Cameron getting on his hands and knees begging for us to stay? I accept that I may be oversimplifying the situation a little for the sake of a semi-comical rhetoric but when asked about my position on the matter I tend to avoid answering directly because, unfortunately, there is not enough fact on either side of the argument that I am able to make up my mind. I do, however, in my heart, believe that it is a chance that has been hard fought for, and to vote NO would be a great waste of the efforts to make independence a feasible option. Recent opinion polls have suggested growing support for the SNP, Salmond and the YES vote. If Salmond’s vision of a united, independent Scotland comes to fruition I will feel compelled to join the struggle of taking a fragile Scotland onwards to prosperity but that would involve me re-relocating to my former home city to show solidarity in times of hardship. This creates a predicament. Beeston has become my home. It is where I live, study, work (sometimes) and socialise, I wouldn’t want to leave. What then is a Beestonian Scot to do? I, like everyone in Scotland DK and indeed England, only have one option at the moment, wait.

Beeston and on, and on…

T

hrough several weeks of consulting Beestonians through social media and public meetings and conversation, Lord B has compiled a document to circulate around Beeston, full of some of your suggestions.

Hopefully, we can get some of this wish-list happening soon. This is only a sample, so please contact mattgoold23@hotmail.com with the subject header ‘New Deal’ to add to this ongoing work.

• Increased tree planting: Beeston, normally a leafy type of town, has looked notably bald of late.

We should be making the place green again.

• A town centre focal point: a fountain, or moving the war memorial from Broadgate Park to the Square, for a defined centre and meeting point.

CHIN UP, YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY GET SOME ANSWERS RIGHT THIS MONTH! 1) Who was the first Twitter user to reach 20 million followers?

2) In which board game would you find Jake the Jailbird ?

3) What are the small indentations on a golf ball called?

4) Which is the !most common blood type in humans?

5) What does a philatelist do?

8) Which ‘60s band found out they’d scored their first Number 1 whilst partying at a house on Elm Avenue, Beeston?

9) What is the female equivalent of polygamy?

10) A ‘Biggin’ is a type of pot used for making what?

11) What was the first name of American homoeopathic ‘physician’ and wife murderer Dr Crippen?

6) Name the two main ingredients in pasta (Flour and water) 7) What type of animal is a ‘kolinsky’?

(A) Cat (B) hamster (C) guinea pig (D) weasel

ANSWERS: LADY GAGA / MONOPOLY / DIMPLES / TYPE O / COLLECTS STAMPS / FLOUR AND

I’m Scottish and incredibly proud of my heritage. Perhaps that is a natural state of being that I was born into but perhaps, more likely, it is because British history in Scottish school consists of three things; William Wallace, Robert the Bruce and the Battle of Bannockburn. When these are the sole basis on which to construct an image of the relationship between Scotland and England, you are fairly well set up for a life of underlying resentment. This is the mutual understanding of all Scots and unless I am mistaken the English are aware of it too. Throughout years of servitude to our Westminster overlords we have wished silently (in most cases) for the opportunity to be freed from the shackles of English oppression.

HALF HOUR

WATER / D) WEASEL / ROLLING STONES / POLYANDRY / COFFEE / HAWLEY

I

So who is it that I apply to for this pound I should be getting every time someone asks me about Scottish Independence? I could do with a nice big cheque right about now. No one? Okay, so I know that I may never see that money, in which case let me attempt clarify my position once and for all.

• A focus on heritage: possibly a museum or heritage trail. Possibly the old police station?

• A town council: to lend more focus on the town (we presently don’t have a town or parish council, unlike most other towns in Broxtowe).

• A more continental focus on development: away from retail and more towards leisure. By ‘continental’, most people assume a Spanish square, and point-out our weather is different.

Yet such squares are common and thrive in Northern European countries too.

• A ‘cultural quarter’: this could lend us a USP over Nottingham; make Beeston a cultural, arty hub. We have a huge amount of creative talent here, let’s celebrate it and let it define us.

• Free wi-fi across the town.

• Sunday / evening markets.

• Stronger controls of student landlords: to prevent areas becoming ‘Lenton-ised’, and make it a more welcoming and secure environment for students.

• Better facilities for young people: a skatepark perhaps?

• A large town centre noticeboard: to advertise, free

of charge, local events and facilities.

• A sprucing up of Chilwell Road: the independent shops are there, let’s show them in the best possible light.

• A printed and online map: showing off our unique points.

• An online resource: to keep residents and visitors up to date on what is happening here, possibly using social media.

• More civic space.

• Greater communication regarding development: The Square plans submitted by Henry Boot did go through public consultation, but it was only when they were reported on this blog that people heard about them. They were displayed in Beeston Square, in the window of what was Ashley Peake. Sadly, as they’re on the floor due to bluetak failure, they’re not so easy to see.

Which, all things considered, might be for the best.

• Acknowledgment of what great pubs we have here.

• Consideration towards sustainable development.

• A town centre clock (with hands).

LB

An open

letter to…

You recently purchased a new property on Beeston High Street. As you will know, it had been occupied by a charity named ViTaL until they were asked by the landlord to leave in order to rent the property out to you.

It was June that ViTaL were kicked out as Ladbrokes insisted they were moving in immediately. However, as of March 2014 the property is still empty. It has been bought to our attention that you intend to use this unit empty.

ViTaL was run by Young Potential, a really great local charity. They were dedicated to helping young people in the Beeston community; providing them with resources and opportunities that they might otherwise have missed out on. Now, you will notice we are using the past tense. That is because Young Potential, since being kicked out, have been forced to liquidate. They couldn’t afford to keep up the various payments they were still required to make on a property from which they were no longer receiving an income. So now Young Potential is all but gone and its founder, Teresa Cullen, has been forced to apply for Job Seeker’s Allowance.

So let’s recap: A charity which helped local young people was kicked out long before it needed to go so that a billion-pound company could sit on a property.

CODEWORD

This is a travesty. Not only have good hard working people been forced to turn to the government, and the tax payer, for support because of this, but countless young people in the Beeston community have been deprived of a valuable resource.

The point of this letter is that you, Ladbrokes, should acknowledge and bear at least some of the responsibility for this terrible outcome of events.

Your actions have harmed the local community. The least you could do, as a gesture of goodwill, is donate a substantial amount of money to the charity that Teresa and her team are trying to get started to continue the good work Young Potential carried out. It is called Transform.

A donation would assist them get up and running. It would enable Teresa and her co-workers to get back out there helping the young people of Beeston. It would directly help the community which has been so harmed by these events.

Ladbrokes, you are a member of this community. You have damaged it and you should take some responsibility. Please allow some good to come out of your actions and donate a substantial amount of your estimated £1billion yearly revenues to help a valuable charity now practically lost.

Sincerely,

The Beestonian

WIN!!! Contact us (see back page for how) with the winning codeword to enter a draw to win a pair of tickets for a night out at Just The Tonic, Nottingham’s Original Comedy Club.

(Closing date: 30 March)

Crafty Chilwell

B

etween Attik and the Mish Mash gallery, another new venture is starting up, I asked the owner, Dave Humphreys, to tell me a bit more about it: “The shop is called Created By Hand and, as the name suggests, I will be specialising in helping quality crafters from the region take positive steps towards having their handmade work seen by a bigger audience.

I’m a professional engineer by trade, but have been working with glass as a hobby for over 20 years; and more seriously, fusing glass for the last five years.

Squirrelling in

the Attik W

alking past Mish Mash on the High Road? Maybe you noticed that small, but rather cool-looking, place adjacent to it. Then again, maybe you didn’t.

You wouldn’t be blamed. Attik has just recently opened; celebrating its grand opening on 8 March.

familiar at the same time.” So we were sort of right. It’s the proverbial attic, with antiques and curios, but with a design twist – as this attic is curated by a graphic designer, and not your Aunty (as lovely as she is...).

Lord Beestonia and I called in to see just what it would be all about. With a name like that, we were intrigued; imagining, simultaneously, a fusty, cold dark room full of antiques and curios and a swanky night club with pure oxygen on tap and Terry Gilliam somewhere in the background directing everything.

Well, what we found was definitely more the former than the latter, although the cool-factor (style not temperature) was undeniably high.

Charlie Christian (cool name, even if I do say so myself...) runs the place and he told us a little about what they would, and wouldn’t, be selling.

So what is the shop? Is it..?

“It’s not vintage-retro,” he says self-deprecatingly, clearly aware just how much that phrase is thrown about these days. “I don’t want to use that. But I’ve not got a hard and fast idea about what it is.”

Charlie explains that Attik will be selling items ranging from the late Victorian period to the modern day, and that all the items represent twenty-five years of his collecting nature.

“I sell whatever interests me,” he says.

And the name?

“I wanted something that was different but

I’ve long been attending crafts fairs, but in general I have felt a bit ‘out of place’ there, selling my work next to people who are selling knitted toilet roll holders or 25p cupcakes. I have met a number of local crafters over the years at these events who feel the same way as me, and so I have now taken the decision to concentrate on working to get these talented producers together in to one place and to promote and sell their pottery, glass, jewellery, fabric gifts and other products, as well as my own work of course.

I also hope to offer the local community a range of craft workshops, with several craftspeople personally teaching their particular skills.”

If you’re a crafter - novice or well-experienced - why not go and have a look at others’ local handiwork, and chat with David and the team to see if they might be able to help you in your craft.

Created by Hand opens on 1 April and is situated next-door to Mish Mash Gallery 178 LB High Road, Chilwell.

Your Top 3

Beeston The stock turn-over will be fairly regular, and pretty eclectic (see display above) so you’ll never quite know what you might find one visit to the next. And, of course, the more you buy, the better it’ll be for Charlie and his family, because all the stock is from their home...

icons... ?

M

ish Mash Gallery also needs your help!

They have made some fantastic cards/ mugs with the silhouettes of iconic Nottingham sights: the Council House, Robin “We’ve got to get into our house,” he says as he Hood, the Lions. Now they’re looking to expand goes back to dusting a Euro96 street sign. their range and launch a range of Beeston-based items. Who should go on them? Bee-man?

So why not take a mini diversion and call in at Anglo-Scotian Mills? The Stump? Pop in and let Attik for something unique and truly unusual.

CF them know your thoughts, or have a chat with • Attik, 78, High Rd, Chilwell attikfind.com them on Twitter @MishMashGallery

everything as they went. The team published various quarterly magazines on their research, including ‘Mercian Mysteries’ in collaboration with well respected publisher and writer Bob Trubshaw, “I would help Paul put together each issue of Mercian Mysteries. A vast amount of computer equipment was squeezed into his bedroom. I would sit on his bed, surrounded by relevant paperwork, while he beavered away on the keyboard. Hours would go by and I would return home nearer to midnight. The following Saturday I would collect him and the artwork for the magazine, we would drive to Trinity Square and then spend ages in a stationery shop photocopying about a hundred copies of each issue before going back to Cromer Road to put them in envelopes and add stamps. Eventually I would drop them off at the PO sorting office on the corner of Huntingdon Street on my way back home”.

Nix was one of the first people to set a website up on Nottingham Local History, and he and Peter Woodward later collaborated on a vast site called ‘My Broxtowe Hundred’.

(Not so) Hidden

History The original Nottingham Hidden History Team ‘hard at work’, circa 1980s.

Local historian, Joe Earp gives us the potted history of the Nottingham Hidden History Team – a notable troop of dedicated historians, researchers and archaeologists dead-set on finding, and keeping, Nottingham’s past in its present.

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he original Nottingham Hidden History Team (NHHT) were formed in 1965.

The purpose of the team was to try to save or at least record before destruction the cave sites continually discovered during the major redevelopment of the City in the 1960s and onwards. Almost every day new sites were unearthed and destroyed before anyone was officially notified; the last thing contractors wanted was someone telling them to stop work on a project. ‘Time is Money’, as they say.

During this period the team of about ten-strong, plus its founder, Paul Nix, recorded, cleaned and helped preserve many sites that would have been lost forever, including various cave exploration where they – and associate teams – were the first to excavate and record the many caves under Nottingham. The team’s cave research saw

them recording Daniel in the Lions Den and the Colonnade in the Park Terrace, the Old Angel Inn, Judge’s Restaurant on Mansfield Road, caves under Long Row, and caves under the old Flying Horse Hotel, plus many more.

Perhaps the greatest highlight of their work, however, was a rescue excavation of the Goose Gate caves – before the developer moved in. In 1979, while scraping a section around twenty yards in from Goose Gate, a large opening into a cave system was found. Through the team’s research, it was discovered that the cave system was Nottingham’s first brewery which was called Simpson’s. Part of the system was found to have once been used as an underground slaughterhouse. By the end of the team’s dig, the Council’s Department of Technical Services decided to save the caves and preserve them.

In 1982 the team, led by Nix, was officially recognised by the City of Nottingham’s Arts Department. The team would now officially record various aspects of Nottingham History, and work in collaboration with the City’s Museums. Nix, Robert Morrell and Syd Henley would go all over Nottinghamshire, recording what they discovered and photographing

The team lapsed for a few years after the death of Nix in 2008. Luckily, Bob Trubshaw and Frank Earp managed to save some of the NHHT’s vast collection of photographs, postcards, slides and research. The result of the recovery and preservation of the collection, made me decide to reform the team back in 2011.

Since then we have been busy working on lots of Nottingham’s local history. All the work we do is voluntary – we do it because it is our hobby.

I’ve appeared on BBC East Midlands Today and BBC Radio Nottingham as historical advisor for the programme on Huntingdon Beaumont and Britain’s first railway line. I have also written a series of local history articles for the Nottingham Post, Nottingham Bygones, The Topper Newspaper and of course The Beestonian.

We regularly give talks and walks to local groups and the community. We have also worked and are working with local groups on several local history projects and events such as-: Nottingham Industrial Museum Redevelopment, The Threes Stones Project and the St Ann’s Maze Project.

Our current project is working in connection with Nottinghamshire County Council on a WWI project, more details about that will be published later, and I have just finished writing ‘Nottingham From Old Photographs’ comprising many photographs and research from the collection of the late Paul Nix, which will be published this year.

We run several websites, where we upload articles and photographs of old Nottinghamshire, many of which you can also see on our Facebook page where we have more than 12,000 followers – which just goes to show how much local people are interested in their heritage!

If you would like to know more about the NHHT projects and resources please find us on Facebook or visit our website at: nottinghamhiddenhistoryteam.wordpress.com

JE

Funny

ha-ha?

I

love a good laugh, me. I like to look on the funny side of things whenever I can. Even stuff which isn’t that amusing at the time, like having seagulls cack on your bonnet just as you are pulling out of the car-wash, or those wobbly pivoting paving slabs which sends a jet of water up inside your trouser leg when you step on it.

I’ve seen my fair share of live stand-up comedy over the years, starting way back when it wasn’t mainstream and pouring out of our TVs on a regular basis. It’s so popular now that some of the better-known comedians are having to think up ever-cleverer ways to avoid paying millions of pounds in tax. Even when they make very funny jokes about it when they get caught out, it’s still hard to forgive them when I remember watching them in the back room of a pub with twenty other people 10 years ago.

So when Bartons started holding a monthly comedy night as part of their general cultural output, I was delighted. I live very close to Bartons, and I’ve been to loads of their great events over the years - gigs, ceilidh, markets, art installations - but the comedy night is the cream of the crop.

I’ve only missed a couple of these first-Saturday-of-the-month extravaganzas since they began, only because I’ve been working away or had to attend a wedding or something equally you-can’t-get-out-of. I can’t speak highly enough of them, for a number of reasons.

an aside, my personal idea of purgatory is an endless Jim Davidson gig, punctuated with guest appearances from Cannon and Ball). The type of comedians that I’ve seen there are all very varied and appealing in different ways, from twenty-something ladies to a bloke in his 70s.

The venue itself is perfect for stand-up. A simple, small stage up against the middle of the back wall, around which tables and chairs are arranged in a crescent, expanding back towards the bar. In my view the best comedy gigs are ones at which you can get close enough to see the comedian perspiring, and if you sit at the front you can see their pores opening alright. You don’t need to be a body language expert to know that mountains of mirth can be conveyed with a tiny facial gesture - although I’ve never been to a comedy gig in an arena/stadium, I’ve been told that if you’re near the back you can sometimes be a bit off the pace compared to those at the front.

“On one occasion, rising star James Sherwood was heckled when he mentioned shopping at Tesco, to which he asked the audience which shops they preferred. A shout of “Hallams!” rang out from the crowd... ”

And then there’s the bar.

Nottingham-based Magpie Brewery do a cracking job of running it, offering at least two proper beers along with a fridge full of bottled beers, ciders, wines, alcopops etc., as well as the usual range of spirits and soft drinks.

It’s incredibly reasonably priced, not quite as cheap as a Wetherspoon’s, but when they could effectively hold people to ransom I think they deserve a huge pat on the back. £2.80 for a pint of locally-brewed award-winning ale keeps me happy any night of the week.

For your money you get 4 different comedians and a compère, which in effect makes 5 in total. None of their sets run for too long, so if one of them doesn’t tickle your fancy then you don’t have to sit and suffer. (As

Lastly, the comedy would be pretty useless if it wasn’t for the crowd. Some of the banter between the audience members and the comedians has been fantastic. On one occasion rising star James Sherwood was heckled when he mentioned shopping at Tesco, to which he asked the audience which shops they preferred. A shout of “Hallams” rang out from the crowd, followed by an appreciative cheer from a good number.

A new sign at The Vic

Not being a local lad, poor Mr Sherwood tried to find out what type of shop Hallams is by asking general questions, with a lot of mischievous and evasive answers from different audience members. I wouldn’t say the gig was about to descend into anarchy, but the balance of power had definitely shifted to the Beestonians.

Firstly, there’s the price. Tickets are only 9 quid per person, which is amazing value when you compare it to other forms of live entertainment.

You can’t get much fun for less than a tenner these days, particularly anything lasting more than a couple of hours.

I’d been shopping in Hallams that day, and as luck would have it found the receipt in my pocket, so I decided to put the poor bloke out of his misery and handed him the receipt so he could work it out for himself. There then followed some hilarious improvisation based on the itemised list, revealing him to be a ‘proper’ comedian and not just someone who can deliver wellrehearsed gags.

It’s testimony to the good time had by all, that in spite of the road-works and bad weather, at least a couple of hundred souls made it to the night at the beginning of March. I can thoroughly recommend a trip along there on Saturday 5 August, as one of the comedians on the bill is none other than James Sherwood. Who knows, we could even send him off on a tangent about missing Hogg’s the butchers, or buying an obscure light bulb in Poolie Applebee’s.

Bartons’ next Comedy Club Night event is:

Saturday 5 April 7.30pm doors for 8pm start Featuring: Andy Robinson, James Sherwood and Adam Rowe with compère Spiky Mike.

Au contraire… Optimism This month, Nora and Tamar contemplate their sunny/overcast outlooks without so much as a single fisticuff.

If that’s not reason enough to be glad, we don’t know what is...

I

For: Tamar

can confidently, nay, optimistically say that the next fella to tell me to “Cheer up, duck, it might never happen” will know what it is to wish he’d never opened his poxy presumptive pie-hole to a stranger, let me tell you.

The good thing about optimism is that it is a little more complex that positivity. I can be optimistic AND have a bitchy resting face (BRF); I can have hope in my heart without it compromising my natural mistrustful and cynical aorta one iota. Trust me. It’s win/win.

Optimism is the middle ground; the palatable form of positivity. You can be optimistic and not be totally annoying. When it’s chucking it down outside, the Optimist may say, “Shit. It’s raining. Phew, I have my brolly! Maybe it’s just be a shower... at least we’re not flooded like Xxxxxx” They do it in full knowledge that the rain is shit; that it makes you wet, cold and glum. But fails to allow it to govern feeling out of proportion. The Positivist (well, it’s a word NOW), on the other hand, says “isn’t this great?! It’s so great to know you’re alive. Oh, look - a fish! In my welly! Well, you could live your life and never see that again. Great! How *pretty* my hands are when they go blue and are covered in rain. A lake outside the door would be so Romantic… .”

Positivist people make me feel… lonely. It’s as though nothing makes any difference in their world. If they can’t see the negative then they can’t feel it.

No, this cynical optimist would much prefer to be stuck on a desert island with a pessimist than a positivist. As draining as it is be around pessimists, and however much they may seem to submit to a predetermined pattern of failure, there’s always a hope you might get through to them one day (ah, ever the optimist, even about pessimism…).

We’ve all had reasons to feel down in the dumps (literally being down in the dumps is one of them). But, if there’s little you can do to change something, and all you can do is work on your own response to things, it can feel a little lighter - you can even feel empowered by it. I think priorities change when bad stuff happens. Just look at Beeston – from the noise pollution and the fact you may inadvertently end up falling in a hole that wasn’t there yesterday, to the massiveness of Tesco; we all know there are things that could be a lot worse. And I don’t mean Tesco could have some of them Metro places dotted around AS WELL, or that you could fall in a hole that was there yesterday (er, what’s WRONG with you?) – I mean proper worse.

Received a nasty email from a snotty bloke? Don’t reply; bin it! Anxious about something you’re not proud of? Decide to tell someone; talk it through. Not feeding the negativity monsters in our head can be difficult, there’s no denying it – sometimes it can feel like a full time job – but if you get to a point where you can Ignore That Snotty Email, or you’ve managed to see how that thing on your mind isn’t as big/scary as it seemed before, deliberate optimism can start to become addictive.

One wise man once pointed out to another wise man “This too shall pass” and I often think of these words when the going gets tough. Whined at or withstood, no day or night lasts longer than twenty-four hours. So you don’t have to cheer up, duck, if you don’t want to, because sometimes ‘It’ does happen. But try to be kind. Remind yourself that no BRF lasts forever, my friend. The smiles will happen. And that’s not just Optimism. It’s a plain, fat,

TF gorgeous fact.

O

Against: Nora

ptimism, the hopefulness and confidence about the future or the success of something, is not a concept I’m overly familiar with. This is probably because life has kicked me to the floor so many times in my apparently short 23 years that I now possess neither hopefulness nor confidence about the future. Having said that, I am quite confident that one day I will successfully become an alcoholic.

I first learnt to shun optimism in school when what I thought was a luminous essay on Hitler’s rise to power turned out to be just your average, C grade piece of crap, churned-out by the sort people who quite obviously only half cared about life. [There’s nothing wrong with a C, Nora – Ed.] Almost daily reminders not to succumb to optimism or positivity followed in the subsequent years. I failed exams that I had worked hard on; I lost my Pandora ring and am here, 2 years of ‘hoping it would turn up’ later, still rankles; I caught what I’m pretty sure was the actual plague when I had tried so hard not to succumb to illness; I kept fairly calm during a blood test only to have the nurses repeatedly fail to find a suitable vein and in doing so render me mentally traumatised. All of these happenings, and plenty of others, make me wonder why we, as human beings, are so stupid and naive to think something better will come along. Because it doesn’t.

All aboard the Happy Train! Or not. I’ve come to discover that adult life is far from happy. Adult life is bills and underemployment and having to be stabbed in the arm by some stupid girl who can’t tell her right foot from her face. [she was trying to take blood from your foot?!

Or here face? – Ed.] And do you know why she can’t do that? Because her parents, teachers and supervisors were optimistic that she might one day learn to indeed tell her right foot from her face and make a decent nurse, or “healthcare provider”. However, instead of this she renders people like me mentally disturbed. That or I have bad veins. Which is another reason to not feel optimistic about life. The blood test ratio gets worse the older you get, right? And I can’t see me growing better veins anytime soon.

“Adult life is bills and underemployment and having to be stabbed in the arm by some stupid girl who can’t tell her right foot from her face.”

I do sometimes tell myself “This too shall pass” but I often think it’s a lie. Yes, the illness I was so sure was the plague did eventually leave me be but did that give me cause for future optimism? Do I now go about my life happy and cheerful regardless of what hideous events I’m undergoing? No, no I don’t. I go about my life with an expression that can only be described as Chronic Bitch Face, believing that torture and turmoil will continue to haunt me like that Man in Grey haunts The Theatre Royal.

ND

s t a e B n o t Bees F

ive years ago. Michael Caine appeared on Desert Island Discs, and chose to be stranded with Coldplay, Elbow, Sinatra, Lennon and then, out of nowhere... ‘Swollen’, by Bent. How did THAT happen?

“Elton John,’ says Simon Mills, one half of the Bent ‘He’s a fan and got Michael into us. It was quite flattering. He’s well into that sort of music.

He even went on to include us in a chill-out compilation he made, called ‘Cained’. Really decent bloke, good to have him as a fan.”

Simon has come a long way since I last talked to him, twenty years ago when both of us left Bramcote Park Comprehensive. At school, Simon was a talented artist, and obsessed with Robocop, The Pet Shop Boys and twiddling knobs to make music. I then lost touch with him. Now, twenty years after I last had a pint with him, he’s chatting to me over the ‘phone from Ireland. In turns out Simon has had an interesting life.

Obsessed with music, he dabbled in production for a while, before bumping into Beestonian and house music obsessive Nail Tolliday. Realising a shared love of crap action films, booze and music they quickly bonded, and began making music together. Both had huge vinyl collections plundered from charity shops, the stranger the better, which they trawled through for intriguing chunks to sample in their complex, rich soundscapes. ‘”I said, from early on, if I didn’t get a record deal at 25 I’d jack it in. Just after turning 25, I got a deal.” Lucky bloke. But it got better “We were on Ministry of Sound but they gave us freehand in everything: artwork, mixing, even letting us choose our own label name...” Which was?

“Sport Recordings.” Why? “Neither of us liked sports.”

This is typical of their quixotically surreal outlook. Their albums drip with a very Nottingham self-deprecatory humour, laced with a healthy streak of piss-take. “Our name

was chosen ‘cos we’d watch crap films and use the word all the time: ‘Chuck Norris: he’s well bent. Superman 3: that’s very bent….’ It became our word, and an ideal band name.” The first records followed soon, including the wellacclaimed LP ‘Programme To Love’, in 1999.

“Really strange times. Nail was still working at Selectadisc and I was on the dole, signing-on with blue hair and having to explain I was about to become a proper musician.”

For the release of ‘Swollen’ Simon and Nail came up with an ambitious idea of setting the video on the moon, with the duo as astronauts on a British lunar mission, with the Sky at Night presenter, Sir Patrick Moore, making a cameo appearance. Sir Patrick actually agreed, waived his fee and put in a star turn. “He was brilliant, so charismatic. We wrote to him afterwards and he replied, apologising that he was unable to put in a guest performance on his glockenspiel as he’d recently suffered a stroke. There are few things more surreal that shaking hands with Patrick Moore while you’re dressed in a spacesuit.”

Michael Caine and Elton John weren’t the only fans: Faithless loved the track so much they signed up Zoe Johnston, the lyricist and guest vocalist on the track. She went on to tour with them, and went onto work with Paul Heaton, and industrial-trance legends Delirious.

Johnston is also a product of Bramcote Park Comprehensive: Simon and I were in the same art class as her cousin.

There collaborations and support slots were no less starry, supporting Orbital, The Orb, Scissor Sisters, Chemical Brothers and many, many more. At one music awards ceremony they got heavily drunk after losing out on Best Newcomer to Daft Punk.

After several years, five albums, a plethora of EPs, TV appearances, remixes and guest slots later, there was a deliberate hiatus. “The last album we did just didn’t feel right, and we both

realised we needed a break.” Nail moved South and worked on his house music, while Simon got back in the studio and worked on solo stuff.

Eventually, after years in Nottingham, 2009 saw him pack up his synths and move to Ireland, where he’s lived ever since.

Rather than settle into the groove other musicians such as Daltry (trout farm), McCartney (sheep-farmer) and Alex James (cheese dairy) sought to spend their ‘down time’ in - that of rural escape/semi-retirement - Simon threw himself deep into producing. He started recording as Napoleon (“My manager and I were discussing names, and for some reason a short bloke with attitude problems seemed an obvious choice. Plus, I’m a fan of Time Bandits.”) The stuff he’s been recording since then is fantastic (have a listen online at: napoleon-tunes.bandcamp.com/album/ napoleon), a gorgeous, sumptuous sprawl of seemingly endless invention, wit and melody. He has two albums out right now, and is spending 2014 attempting to release a new EP every month, “There is a great freedom in doing your own thing. With Bent, we’d occasionally not have a clue what was going on. With record companies, loads of stuff happens that you don’t know about until well after it’s happened. But this keeps me on my toes, and disciplined.”

After fifteen years at the top of his game, Simon is as funny, grounded and hyperactive as he was when we used to get right bollockings in GCSE Chemistry (sorry about that, Mr Barker). Check out his stuff. Salute Napoleon. Get Bent.

napoleonuk.com facebook.com/NapoleonUK

LB

Famous last words…

The Beestonian is…

Facebook us, tweet us, email us or even scribble us a proper, handwritten letter (we love those the most). We’ll publish it here.

Editor / lead writer / founder – Lord Beestonia

Birdies singing... snowdrops popping up everywhere... the sun in our eyes... having to carry your scarf cos it’s too warm...

But what’s keeping *your* chin up at the moment, Beestonians? #beestonSPRINGhasSPRUNG @NottsLinnet: The ever- interesting song of the Song Thrush at 5 places along the Towpath from Rylands to Nottingham. @pigeondesign: An early morning fly-by from the chirpy little colony of sparrows on Derby Street. @Beeston_Marina: Looking forward to seeing the river drop and more boats cruising through the lock again! @carmelGK: My garden daffodils are ready to open in time for St David’s Day. The crocus lawn in Attenborough is fabulous right now (I have a smaller, tribute lawn).

Richard Baker: Beating the traffic by cycling to work in the city centre...

Beeston. They either take the piss out of you on daily basis- like the gentle Bee man- or threaten, in a local paper, to grind you up into hard-core – like the graceful ‘Water Head’ sculpture in the Square.

Save your rancour for the designer of the Square, I say; or for whoever placed this piece of naturalistic art on a shabby plinth in the middle of a soulless concrete canyon and turned the water off.

Like the small horses and I, it longs to be where there is grass and trees.

It’s unique, like the many noble trees that have been cut down in the last year.

Once they’re gone, folks, they’re gone for ever.

– Lightnin’ Pete (via email)

The Flying Goose Cafe, Chilwell Road, will be having a fantastic fundraising day for Teenage Cancer Trust on SUNDAY 13 APRIL. Sunday brunch, live music, head/shoulder massages and a guest appearance from a certain Shane Meadows.

All profits to the Teenage Cancer Trust.

Co-founder / resident don – Prof J Assistant editor / print design – Tamar Top-notch scribes this issue: Nora, Tamar, Jimmy, Chris Fox, Joe Earp, Darren Kirkbride, Poolie.

Printed by Pixels & Graphics, Beeston.

Huge thanks to all of our contributors, sponsors, stockists, regular readers and anyone who has picked this up for the first time and vows to again.

Scan QR code & subscribe to Lord Beestonia’s blog:

Simon Wood: A neckbrace to keep my airways open! Lol! (Not joking).

Mick Draycott: Can we mention Tramadol tablets?

Dear Beestonian, Walking down the High Road, my attention is drawn to small horses scattered at intervals along the road with red buckets at their feet.

A sing-song voice, from somewhere, is telling me that the horses are collecting money for children.

Small horses are making me feel guilty today.

I glance at the nearby Bee-keeper statue for guidance (yes folks, I do talk to him when no one’s watching) but he is looking away with his usual quiet dignity – even though his head is plastered with lipstick kisses.

The things that man has had to put up with…

You wouldn’t want to be a piece of sculpture in

If you would like to sponsor us, donate, post an advert or become a stockist of The Beestonian, please email us at: thebeestonian@gmail.com If you’d like to receive future issues in the post, please send a SAE (one per issue) to our postal address – we’ll send the next issue direct to your door!

The Green Man Awakes (extract) – Steve Plowright

Contact us:

I smelt the spring in my garden this morning Like an eiderdown flung off the earth Revealing the birth of a favourite child Sweet season of mischief and mirth So spread your mantle green Fringe field and dale and lake Bring life and breath and banish death The green man now awakes So what will the bargain be, much more or less Of the sting in Old Winter’s tale For now here’s the spring her praises let’s sing To the music of sun,wind and gale I smelt the spring in my garden this morning As I took out my bike from me shed The burgeoning Earth was just giving birth See the Green Man arise from his bed.

Steve says: “I wrote this many years ago, originally titled ‘On Waking’. It’s a positive piece – though some of the lines (in the full poem) about ‘banishing death’ are my way of dealing with the deaths of many good friends.

You can’t banish death, of course, but in the sense that the ‘Green Man’ is ‘born again’ each year the triumph of new life over death is inspirational.”

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