How to bribe the Brits 101

The news we have all been waiting for…Brits may be allowed to grace the world with their presence again. We may soon be able to immerse ourselves in another culture, practice our language skills and mix with the locals. Or is it complain, talk loudly in English, and eat chips? With the prospect of going abroad and complaining there too, I’d say things are rather looking up.

Are you looking for white sand, sea air, and sex on the beach? Have you heard of Weston-Super-Mare? For the downcast and downtrodden amongst you, the tropical island of Lola Lo’s will have to suffice. Just flash your shiny new vaccine card and you’re in (*medics only).

That’s a point, think about all those poor unvaccinated people in the world. Auntie Vaxxer and her organic children want their annual all-inclusive summer retreat, but it looks like a soggy camping trip in the Lake District will have to do. Did someone say, ‘organised fun’? Tie-dye and tantrums over scrabble are on the cards, unlike the vaccine.

Maybe you simply can’t let go of dreams of sizzling in the sun this summer –after all, how else are you going to achieve leathery skin by the age of 40? The potential traffic light system might yet save you from quarantine. On the downside, however, your precious student loan would have to suffer – the price of PCR tests doesn’t exactly fit with the cheap and cheerful holiday you’ve been planning for yonks.

All of a sudden, a COVID-crammed SneezyJet has lost its appeal - a staycation may be just the ticket! Just beware of the mass exodus to the last available AirBnBs in Cornwall, though. I think I’ll just stay at home.

Written by Kathryn Orr