Like the Phoenix

“I was born and raised in a loving, two-parent Christian household. My parents were happily married for 39 years until my father’s death on December 30, 1996. My father was a kind, gentlemanly family man and a devoted husband who was loved and well-respected at home and in the community.” said, Patrice Bryant. “He was a great provider, a great protector, and loved and cared for his wife and children. My Mom, a devoted, loving, caring, and supportive woman, and wife set a great example for her daughters to emulate.” She continued

Bryant said that an idyllic union was far from the marriage she experienced. In 1990, she met her husband, a man she said would change her life forever. Over a four-month period, the couple met, lived together, and got married.

“The red flags were flying high during our courtship, and I ignored them all. I was caught up in his charm, attentiveness, and good looks. I told myself that his behavior was not that bad; I could change him. I desperately wanted our relationship to work even if I had to compromise my boundaries, needs, core beliefs, and values to keep him.” Bryant said” I fell head over heels for a man I thought would eventually make me happy, provide reassurance and validation over my hidden insecurities, and evolve into the man I needed him to become. I wanted a mirror image of my father. “she added.

That validation would come at a price, as Bryant experienced a cycle of physical, verbal, emotional, and mental abuse.

“During our marriage, the red flags which included; gaslighting, love bombing, constant reassurance that I would never leave him or cheat on him, isolation from friends and family, breadcrumbing, constant put-downs, blaming me for his abusive behavior, lack of financial and social support, and controlling behavior were magnified. The ugly head of abuse rose like a phoenix and became a permanent residence,” she said

Growing up, Bryant said the abuse cues found in her new environment were foreign.

“Growing up, I never witnessed nor experienced any type of abuse at home. I was naive to abuse. This was a new experience for me. Subconsciously, I expected a man to treat me the same way as my father. I was naive about that too.” Bryant explained. “I didn’t understand why my husband was mistreating me. How could he do this to a kind-hearted, empathic, successful, educated, assertive, smart, loyal, strong woman who was dedicated to her marriage and wanted the best for him and us in all aspects of life” she added

The abuse would take its toll on the Georgia native as it began manifesting in ways she could not imagine.

“The effects of the abuse manifested in increased insecurity, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, weight gain, low self-esteem, health issues, and suicidal thoughts. I became Mrs. and lost Patrice. He ran the show, and I was punished if I tried to fight back or went against it.” she said.

In April 2000, Bryant reached her breaking point. She set a plan in motion that would change the trajectory of her life.

“The first step in my healing journey was that I chose to rescue myself. I had been praying to God and pouring out my heart to him. He gave me a strategy. Without knowing what was in store for me, this was the door of opportunity. While my husband was out partying one

Sunday night, I made two phone calls- [ a friend/ co-worker and my mom]. I packed a suitcase and prepared for my escape the next morning.”

Two weeks would follow, and several moments of self-doubt would settle in her spirit. Ultimately, Bryant chose to live the life God orchestrated for her.

“The last time I saw my ex-husband, he demanded that I move back home and threatened to kill me. I went along with his plan to get along. That was the day I knew I had to run!”

“With a car, a suitcase, and $20 in my purse, I embarked on another life-changing journey-the road to resilience.”

Bryant developed a blueprint for her future, sketching each goal one step at a time.

“After choosing myself over my relationship, I took additional steps to heal. I leaned on my strong support system, who listened, validated, and encouraged me without judgment and provided for my material needs.” Bryant explained

In addition, Bryant did the following:

1. Developed a closer relationship with God

2. Maintained little to no contact with her husband

3. Focused on self-love and self-care

4. Started a health and wellness lifestyle

5. Developed a positive and open mindset

6. Reconnected with herself

7. Began to believe in her abilities, skills, and talents

8. Learned to trust and believe in herself

9. Self-reflected and made adjustments

“Within five years, I lost weight, improved my credit score, paid off the Internal Revenue Service, bought a new car, and earned my Master’s degree.” Bryant added, “In addition to those accomplishments, I successfully managed my health issues, got baptized, saved money, developed a financial portfolio, advanced my career, relocated, and bought a house. The freedom and peace of mind I felt were priceless and still are today,” Bryant continued.

With a lifetime of hurt behind her, Bryant says her future looks brighter.

“My journey taught me so much about myself. When I reflect on my life, I am so grateful every day that I not only survived, but it is also a testimony of my resilience. I have been blessed to continue to thrive and evolve into the best version of myself. I am on a new journey now, and I am excited about what is coming. I truly believe that when you change your mindset, you change your life, which in turn changes you.”

Editor’s Note: Bryant is a Toxic Relationship Recovery Coach, a Positive Mindset and Empowerment Strategist, and a Certified Trauma Response Practitioner specializing in helping professional women heal from toxic relationship trauma and rebuild their confidence so that they can love and be loved again. Her target audience is women who have experienced toxic relationships that involve an intimate partner. Visit her website at: https:// www.patricerenee.com/