The Black Family Magazine April 2023 Special Edition with Annette Gomes

ABOUT

The Black Family Magazine is the first publication of magazines in the field of personal and professional development, wealth building, African American empowerment, and challenging predefined narratives applied to the African American community.

VISION

Our new platform is dedicated to bringing solutions to families in the black community. The platform is designed to expand your awareness, uncover truth, redefine life, renew strength, and help you to build a new legacy of health and wealth for families with intentions of changing the narrative one family at a time.

MISSION

Our mission is to break generational cycles and healing from generational hurts, and building generational wealth through personal and professional development.

www.BlackFamilyMagazine.com

Facebook: @TheBlackFamilyMagazine

Instagram: @TheBlackFamilyMagazine

Dear Readers, You are not here by accident! You too have lived a life full of twists and turns but guess what? you made it! You are resilient! You’re perfectly made in God’s eyes. Our focus this month is on resiliency. On the next few pages, you’ll meet women that triumphed through domestic violence, medical setbacks and our brothers in love who battled health challenges and won. My own story will grace these pages…I am a firm believer that whatever God has for you will come to fruition! No matter what obstacles come your way.

Sit back, enjoy and continue to be inspired!!!!

With Love and Admiration

Annette Gomes

#Resilience

Patrice Renee Bryant Rising Like the Phoenix

“I was born and raised in a loving, two-parent Christian household. My parents were happily married for 39 years until my father’s death on December 30, 1996. My father was a kind, gentlemanly family man and a devoted husband who was loved and well-respected at home and in the community.” said, Patrice Bryant. “He was a great provider, a great protector, and loved and cared for his wife and children. My Mom, a devoted, loving, caring, and supportive woman, and wife set a great example for her daughters to emulate.” She continued

Bryant said that an idyllic union was far from the marriage she experienced. In 1990, she met her husband, a man she said would change her life forever. Over a four-month period, the couple met, lived together, and got married.

“The red flags were flying high during our courtship, and I ignored them all. I was caught up in his charm, attentiveness, and good looks. I told myself that his behavior was not that bad; I could change him. I desperately wanted our relationship to work even if I had to compromise my boundaries, needs, core beliefs, and values to keep him.” Bryant said” I fell head over heels for a man I thought would eventually make me happy, provide reassurance and validation over my hidden insecurities, and evolve into the man I needed him to become. I wanted a mirror image of my father. “she added.

That validation would come at a price, as Bryant experienced a cycle of physical, verbal, emotional, and mental abuse.

“During our marriage, the red flags which included; gaslighting, love bombing, constant reassurance that I would never leave him or cheat on him, isolation from friends and family, breadcrumbing, constant put-downs, blaming me for his abusive behavior, lack of financial and

social support, and controlling behavior were magnified. The ugly head of abuse rose like a phoenix and became a permanent residence,” she said

Growing up, Bryant said the abuse cues found in her new environment were foreign.

“Growing up, I never witnessed nor experienced any type of abuse at home. I was naive to abuse. This was a new experience for me. Subconsciously, I expected a man to treat me the same way as my father. I was naive about that too.” Bryant explained. “I didn’t understand why my husband was mistreating me. How could he do this to a kind-hearted, empathic, successful, educated, assertive, smart, loyal, strong woman who was dedicated to her marriage and wanted the best for him and us in all aspects of life” she added

The abuse would take its toll on the Georgia native as it began manifesting in ways she could not imagine.

“The effects of the abuse manifested in increased insecurity, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, weight gain, low self-esteem, health issues, and suicidal thoughts. I became Mrs. and lost Patrice. He ran the show, and I was punished if I tried to fight back or went against it.” she said.

In April 2000, Bryant reached her breaking point. She set a plan in motion that would change the trajectory of her life.

“The first step in my healing journey was that I chose to rescue myself. I had been praying to God and pouring out my heart to him. He gave me a strategy. Without knowing what was in store for me, this was the door of opportunity. While my husband was out partying one

Sunday night, I made two phone calls- [ a friend/ co-worker and my mom]. I packed a suitcase and prepared for my escape the next morning.”

Two weeks would follow, and several moments of self-doubt would settle in her spirit. Ultimately, Bryant chose to live the life God orchestrated for her.

“The last time I saw my ex-husband, he demanded that I move back home and threatened to kill me. I went along with his plan to get along. That was the day I knew I had to run!”

“With a car, a suitcase, and $20 in my purse, I embarked on another life-changing journey-the road to resilience.”

Bryant developed a blueprint for her future, sketching each goal one step at a time.

“After choosing myself over my relationship, I took additional steps to heal. I leaned on my strong support system, who listened, validated, and encouraged me without judgment and provided for my material needs.” Bryant explained

In addition, Bryant did the following:

1. Developed a closer relationship with God

2. Maintained little to no contact with her husband

3. Focused on self-love and self-care

4. Started a health and wellness lifestyle

5. Developed a positive and open mindset

6. Reconnected with herself

7. Began to believe in her abilities, skills, and talents

8. Learned to trust and believe in herself

9. Self-reflected and made adjustments

“Within five years, I lost weight, improved my credit score, paid off the Internal Revenue Service, bought a new car, and earned my Master’s degree.” Bryant added, “In addition to those accomplishments, I successfully managed my health issues, got baptized, saved money, developed a financial portfolio, advanced my career, relocated, and bought a house. The freedom and peace of mind I felt were priceless and still are today,” Bryant continued.

With a lifetime of hurt behind her, Bryant says her future looks brighter.

“My journey taught me so much about myself. When I reflect on my life, I am so grateful every day that I not only survived, but it is also a testimony of my resilience. I have been blessed to continue to thrive and evolve into the best version of myself. I am on a new journey now, and I am excited about what is coming. I truly believe that when you change your mindset, you change your life, which in turn changes you.”

Editor’s Note: Bryant is a Toxic Relationship Recovery Coach, a Positive Mindset and Empowerment Strategist, and a Certified Trauma Response Practitioner specializing in helping professional women heal from toxic relationship trauma and rebuild their confidence so that they can love and be loved again. Her target audience is women who have experienced toxic relationships that involve an intimate partner. Visit her website at: https:// www.patricerenee.com/

Serving up Faith

Dr. Lisa Maddox:

For Dr. Lisa Maddox, witnessing the changing of the guard at the Tomb of The Unknown Soldier at Arlington National Cemetery was lifechanging.

“I was mesmerized by the formality and respect paid to these unknowns who died serving our country. I imagined that it could be a service member of color.” Maddox said

The Georgia native applied and was accepted to the United States Military Academy at Westpoint.

“My parents had always taught me that I could do whatever I wanted if I worked hard and put my mind to it. At 16 and from the South, I felt blessed to be born in this country. I believe I had opportunities here that I would not have if I had been born in another country. I felt like this was worth helping to preserve for those who came after me.” Maddox added

In 1989, she was commissioned as a Military Intelligence officer, but her desire to practice medicine grew. After serving on active duty as a Tactical Intelligence officer, Maddox completed medical school at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine in 1995.

“I was excited to pursue my dreams as a physician! I completed a surgical internship and returned to Active duty to serve as a General Medical Officer. My first medical assignment was at Ft. Greely, Alaska. I served in the Medical Corps until my Active-Duty service ended in November 2003.” Maddox said.

In 2005, Maddox developed a condition known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), a form of chronic pain that usually affects an arm or a leg. The condition forced her to have her leg amputated.

“It was a hard decision, but not really. There is still no cure for CRPS.

I was susceptible due to all my knee surgeries while in college at West Point. I had it for eight months and underwent all sorts of treatment. I thought my life was over.” Maddox said

“I dealt with and still do deal with depression. The thought of ending my life crossed my mind, as the pain was unbearable. CRPS is not frequently diagnosed but has a high rate of suicide because there is no reliable treatment. It felt like my leg was in hot oil all the time. The sheet on the bed hurt. The wind across my leg hurts.” She explained

Despite the amputation, Maddox continued to practice, often using her amputation as a teaching lesson for her patients.

“I would always reassure them that whatever was going on in their life was just as serious and difficult for them as what I was going through and living with. I often tell them not to compare what they are going through with someone else. I would also tell them not to apologize or belittle what they are dealing with compared to someone else. It is okay to admit that you are not okay.” Maddox said.

Now retired, Maddox says it’s her faith that sustained her through her journey.

“I believe in God, which strengthens me to face hard situations. I come from a legacy of people who stood strong during slavery – while facing untenable circumstances. This gives me strength. My ancestors went through so much, and their blood runs through my veins. This gives me strength.”

Editor’s Note: Maddox is an accomplished wheelchair tennis player, having competed in the United States Tennis Association Wheelchair Tennis Women A Division. She was ranked #1 in 2017.

Altermese Kendrick

Guided by Faith

“Some of you call him God, some of you call Him Lord, others refer to Him as Universe; I like to call Him Source, and I believe Him to be my most valuable Life Companion and Friend.”

Altermese Kendrick has always led a life guided by faith. She would come to lean on it many times throughout her life and career as life’s twists and turns would put her faith to the test.

“I suffered a sexual assault during the workplace. The perpetrator would use status within the workplace to harass me.” Kendrick said The Mississippi native began to struggle with depression and became suicidal. “I couldn’t stay after what happened, so I left and stayed gone until I became brave enough to return to the office.” She added

After a six-year break to recover, Kendrick says a chance encounter would change her life. “I met a Chaplain, and over two days, we discussed scriptures, life, and my future goals. He eventually asked me to be his assistant, and I accepted his offer.” Kendrick said

In 2008, the Mississippi native became a Chaplain’s Assistant, serving more than ten years in that position. More than 15 years later, Kendrick is continuing to help others turn into purpose.

“My focus is on helping the black family to heal. I want to help anyone who wants to be free of the darkness that unhealed trauma creates. I know this darkness well because it was rooted in my family for generations, and I have struggled with it for most of my life. It is strong and debilitating, both mentally and physically.” Kendrick said, “I understand that my spiritual, mental, and physical health healing is my responsibility. I have learned to fight the darkness with light, and I am willing to

help any person who wants to do the work of healing and find that light that will destroy the darkness and free you to live fully.” She added

Kendrick says making the connection between childhood trauma and her workplace harassment was key to her healing.

“Healing for the family must begin on an individual level. My journey of healing began with a decision. I had to decide that I wanted to live fully and freely, and the darkness was not letting me. I suffered sexual assault throughout my childhood at the hands of my father. The little girl in me found a place to hide in that darkness, and the me that I wanted to become could not find her way out of the darkness.” Kendrick said. “I was truly lost. There was a time that the only way that I felt like I could be free was to take my life. However, I did not want to die, I just wanted to be free, and I thought the idea of death would release me from the grip of darkness.” She explained

The journey towards the light would mean seeking help for this former Chaplain’s assistant.

“I have always had a strong faith in the Source of life and believed that life was a gift even though I lived with a curse. I was filled with pain and unforgiveness. My healing came with seeking the help that I needed to not only talk through the traumas but also to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and eliminate fear and hatred from my being.” Kendrick said “

“I learned how to face the nightmares and the memories and release their power over my mental state. I surrounded myself with people who loved me and could see the good in me. I chose to give myself to serving others and volunteering to make the lives of others better.

We are dealing with so much these days, particularly in the mental health space.” She continued

It is a space Kendrick says society needs to focus on more now than ever.

“There is a lack of understanding of how the damage of unresolved traumas can lead to mental health issues. I lived my childhood in fear and anxiety. My mind, heart, and spirit were in constant turmoil daily. Certain areas of the brain are developed around the effects of the trauma. I decided to live and wanted to be free and happy; I had to learn how to develop a new and healthy mental state.” Kendrick said, “This meant going in and facing and replacing what had become normal to my brain. I had to change my mind to change my brain. Another stigma is that feeling like you need to ask for help dealing with mental issues is a sign of weakness.” She explained

Kendrick says she is now trying to help others survive and thrive.

“My daily goal is to live a life of peace and love. The past pain, tears, and lessons were necessary as a part of my story to teach me how to release hate and judgment and to live a life filled with as much love and light as I can hold and share. I want to live as an example of how great it is to choose life every day, forgiveness as a practice, compassion as the path, and appreciating breath as a reminder of the gift of being alive.” Kendrick said, “I give the best of myself to myself and others I meet, which keeps me strong and moving forward. I know that my life is not just for me. The same energy I put out and push forth will return to me. Healing is hard work, and it takes others, at times, to help us through those rough times. Women, not only do we need each other, but

trust that there is a sister, sent by Source, who will be here and help you through your healing journey -Me.”

Editor’s Note: Kendrick has written her first book entitled: P.S. I love you – A series of love letters depicting our ancestors’ love and hopes for our future kings and queens to live a life of humility, compassion, and compassion forgiveness while making peace with the past.

I

to

want

live as an example of how great it is to choose life every day and to choose forgiveness as a practice, and compassion as the path.

- Altermese Kendrick

Born for Greatness

Annette Gomes

I was christened with the last name Coward, but I knew I would not wear that word on my sleeve. I knew I was born for greatness for as long as I could remember. However, I did not think I was prepared for the twists and turns I would encounter on my journey.

I was born in Barbados, the most idyllic island on the planet. In 1972, my parents, who had migrated to the U.S. announced they were returning to the island to bring my brother and me to the States. I was so incensed by the idea of leaving my homeland for this strange place they called the land of opportunity.

I cried so much on the plane ride I literally thought I would have permanent eye damage. I am sure the stewardess felt helpless as she watched this five-year-old cry uncontrollably. I remember watching my grandmother cry uncontrollably on the tarmac as well.

I made it through that plane ride and all the subsequent adverse situations.

I grew up in predominantly Jewish and Italian neighborhoods. No one looked like me until I entered the second grade and met my best friend, Kellie Jo. I knew I was different, but for some reason, now that I look back, this dynamic would make me fearless.

At the age of 12, my life changed forever. Abuse at the hands of loved and trusted adults changes who you are. You somehow feel marked as if there was a giant sign that says, “abuse me-come get me here I am” This translated into me underperforming in school and I become a people pleaser. Luckily, I had a few adults in my life that knew I had a prosperous future ahead of me and would pour into me over the next few years. I would carry these acts of love for years to come, but despite

the support, the cycle of abuse would continue into my late twenties. I was shocked to learn that 1 in 3 women has been sexually abused.

At the age of 28, after a brief relationship, I connected my abuse to the emotional choices I was making. I began to create a new life for myself. I entered therapy immediately and quickly decided it was worth putting a million-dollar price tag on my head instead of a five-dollar price tag. The struggle was difficult, and family members turned their backs on me. Through it all, I remained steadfast.

Slowly, I would pull myself up to the level God saw me. I became incredibly introspective and was intentional in my decision-making. I began to see the light God placed in me. I was determined to give a voice to the voiceless.

The journey began with education. I knew at the age of five I wanted to be in television because it had the power to change lives. It was my therapy before I could afford a therapist. I pursued degrees in Economics and Journalism. Whether it was print, television, or radio, I would thrive when it came to producing human interest pieces-pieces that touched the soul.

Despite that courage I often possessed, there were moments when life and the devil would try to silence it with doubt; however, I continued to persevere by using my voice to fight for the rights of others.

I developed a voice-over communications company specializing in educational, narration, and E-Learning production. I frequently mentored children in literacy programs and bring people from all walks of life together for my sisters in voice radio podcasts. I wrote my first children’s book and now lend my talents

to The Black Family Magazine. I hope and pray that this magazine becomes a vessel for healing. What happens when you share your dreams with the omnipotent one is ironic. The seed was planted. For he knew me in the womb - Jeremiah 1:5. I share my story with people as often as I can, hoping that it will help them transform their lives. What I know for sure is that I know my voice has the power to change lives. My voice will never be silenced again.

Editor’s Note: Annette Gomes is the CEO of Wutavoicecmmunications” pronounced What A Voice Communications.

For more than 10 years, she’s lent her voice to a number of clients ranging from Dissection Media (The Movie-Garage) the National African- American Museum to Pfizer to the Department of Defense – Army. In 2020 She co-authored and released her first children’s book: “C is for Critter Fixer”. Annette’s true passion lies in giving a voice to the voicelessabused and trauma victims. A survivor herself, the film “Garage” furthered her commitment to helping survivors thrive. She also volunteers as a reading mentor with the Wright to Read Program in Alexandria, VA.

Annette P. Gomes

Annette Gomes is currently a Sr. Strategic Communications Planner and Writer with the Department of Defense in Washington, D.C., CEO of Wutavoicecomunications, LLC, CoFounder of Dream Out Loud Media, LLC. and a freelance writer for The Black Family Magazine.

Born in Barbados, West Indies, she dreamed of a life in entertainment television as a producer. She took a slight detour in college after enrolling in the Agricultural Journalism -Broadcast sequence division at University of Missouri. For more than 15 years she served as a Radio Commentator, Anchor, Reporter and Talk show host with NBC and CBS affiliates in Missouri and Georgia. She holds degrees in Agricultural Economics and Agribusiness Management.

After hanging up her reporting shoes, she began using her voice in other ways, notably as a Voice Artist with her company “Wutavoicecmmunications” For more than 10 years, she’s lent her voice to a number of clients ranging from Dissection Media (The Movie-Garage) the National African- American Museum to Pfizer to the Department of Defense – Army. In 2020 She co-authored and released her first children’s book: “C is for Critter Fixer”

Annette’s true passion lies in giving a voice to the voiceless-abused and trauma victims. A survivor herself, the film “Garage” furthered her commitment to helping survivors thrive. She also volunteers as a reading mentor with the Wright to Read Program in Alexandria, VA.

Looking Inward Brent

Garlic:

Spc. Brent Garlic’s journey to the Army was destined.

A host of family members, including his great uncle Archibald “Sassa” Lewis, attended Tuskegee Institute and served in World War II. Garlic’s other great-uncle and grandfather both served in the Army as well.

It was his grandfather that helped him decide to join the Army. From the early morning workouts to critical thinking, Garlic says enlisting in the Army served him well.

“My grandfather told me joining the Army would make a man out of me. I loved strengthening my leadership skills and learning about who I was as a person.”

Garlic leaned on that principle in the spring of 2000 after being involved in a vehicle accident.

After traveling through mountainous terrain during a mission, a fuel truck following Garlic’s vehicle lost control of its brakes on a steep hill and hit his truck from behind. His extensive surgeries included facial fractures, a broken jaw, a concussion, a broken right collarbone and shoulder, multiple broken ribs, and both lungs collapsed. He also had a double compound fracture of his spine and hip. The severity of his injuries also left him using a wheelchair.

“I was emotionally devastated. I felt defeated and extremely frustrated. Sports was my biggest reason for enlisting. I wanted basketball exposure that I could not get in high school. I felt this would lead to overseas sports and, ultimately, the NBA. Garlic said, “The backup plan was to play in China, euro, or what was known back then as the then d-league. My dream was scrapped with nothing to replace it

(for years). Hitting the reset button on life goals is quite a thing.” he added.

Garlic began to rebuild his life by looking inward.

“I learned that however extensive, my injuries are not special or solitary. This situation is bigger than mine. We need more well-diggers than good drinkers.” he said

In 2018, Garlic began participating in the Adaptive Reconditioning Sports Program. A holistic and comprehensive program individually tailored for Soldiers to help maximize their full potential within their new normal (due to their wound, injury, or illness).

Adaptive Reconditioning sports include various activities, including; Wheelchair basketball, volleyball, powerlifting, and indoor rowing. The activities are designed to facilitate physical and mental recovery and assist the Soldier in transitioning back to active duty or veteran status.

He recently co-founded the Southeastern Rolling Rebels, a D2 wheelchair basketball team in Atlanta. The team was created by Veterans but opened to all disabled athletes.

Garlic says wheelchair basketball became his saving grace.

“It saved my life by resurrecting me and giving me that fire. I had sworn off all sports after my accident,” he said

Ultimately, Garlic says life will always hand us circumstances one way or another, but how you deal with them is key.

“Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.”

and Liannie Rodriguez

Love Conquers All Joel

Bogart and Bacall, Davis and Dee, Burton and Taylor, and Arnez and Ball are famous couples known for their powerful love stories that have stood the test of time.

Retired U.S. Army Staff Sgt Joel Rodriguez and his wife Liannie also share that title. If you are fortunate to be in a room with them, you will quickly realize they are soulmates.

“We’ve now been together more than half our lives which is pretty crazy to think about. Through the good, the bad, and everything in between, it’s nice to go through life with your best friend.” Liannie said

Joel’s response: We met in ninth grade, so we were 14. We became best friends quickly and started dating in 10th grade. It’s safe to say that we’ve been inseparable since we were 15 years old.

The couple married in 2009. Liannie focused on a career in nursing while Joel prepared for a life in the military.

Rodriguez served eight years in the United States Army until a devastating car crash in 2014 left him with a spinal cord injury. Liannie would use those empathetic instincts to become his caregiver.

“I wasn’t sure how to react or what to think. It felt surreal, and the feeling and the fear of the unknown were present. Joel made light of the situation very early on by making light of the situation with a quick joke about how he looked with the traction they had on his head hours after the accident to make me smile. We just dove into dealing with the here and now and getting through every day one day at a time.” Liannie said

I knew instantly my life had changed, and my immediate reaction was it is what it is, and I just got to become the best person I can be. Sometimes you have to play the hand you’re dealt.” Joel added

The adjustment strengthened Joel’s desire to achieve new goals.

He dove into adaptive reconditioning sports, A holistic and comprehensive program individually tailored for Soldiers to help maximize their full potential within their new normal - due to their wounds, injury, or illness. Joel’s sport of choice was wheelchair rugby.

“I love the competition and the camaraderie involved in it all. It gives all of us a chance to bond,” he said

Joel frequently competed in various competitions over the years; he’s competed in the Warrior and Invictus games, and more recently, he served as Team Army’s coach during the 2022 Warrior Games.

Coaching was an interesting experience. It didn’t give me the same feeling of excitement after a win, but more a feeling of pride at how far your guys have come. They each give a different sense of joy.

The event has become a family affair with Liannie and their children at his side.

I always joke about how I just get thrown into things. When Joel started playing rugby, I quickly became part of the equipment crew mostly because of the need for it but also just being hands-on and wanting to learn a little bit of everything.” Liannie said, “Through the years, I’ve picked up on things, and there’s always something that needs to be fixed, so it’s nice to know how to take care of the problem and get it done quickly. Just another thing to add to the resume,” she laughed!

Through it all, the Rodriguezs say their love, faith, and resiliency sustain their family.

“I think the storyline” Love Conquers All is so fitting. Through the years, I’ve really had to step into that. If we respond with love in all the things we do, it works out better.” Liannie said, “There are going to be hard times; we all face them, but learning to respond to them is key. Recently I put up on our wall the verse 1 Corinthians 13:4 because I needed and wanted that reminder for us all in our marriage, parenting, and relationships. We all can use a reminder to love more.” She concluded

Chyanne Cook

Breaking Generational Curses

You are an old soul, you’ve been here before, you’re wise beyond your years – These are all clichés’ we’ve heard before, all phrases that could easily be attributed to Twenty-threeyear-old Chyanne Cook.

“I have always been curious. I am always asking why, how come? My grandfather and I would have the most brutally honest, uncomfortable conversations ever. They were raw, honest, and straightforward. My mom and my uncle are also like that. I really felt like I grew up understanding life is not sweet and that I have the best of both worlds.” Cook said

This strong foundation and self-awareness would help Cook as she entered her first serious relationship.

“My senior year of high school and freshman year of college, I was in a verbally abusive relationship. There was a lot going on, but honestly, I didn’t even really recognize there was verbal abuse until almost my senior year of college. I began to make the connection because I did not grow up in an emotional household.” Cook said. “I started to notice changes within myself, so when it started to affect my self-esteem and my womanhood in general, I said, hold on, I’m starting not to feel good about myself, and something here is obviously not right. I wanted to be free from the chaos and drama. I wanted to be free from the reality show.” She explained

Eager to break the cycle, Cook took a threeprong approach to her own healing.

“It was therapy, painting, and my faith. I am very, very spiritual. I wanted to deepen my overall spirituality and just figure out who I really wanted to be outside of everyone telling me who I should be because, at the time, I could not really answer that for myself. At that point, it was hard for me to look into the mirror and be okay with myself, so I started meditating, journaling, and just being vulnerable. I became more open and super transparent because I was very closed off and standoffish.” Cook said

The Philadelphia native began healing the process within her own family, beginning with her father.

“I sent him a letter, and I felt like he understood, but at the end of the day, he doesn’t even know how to be vulnerable and emotional

himself, which is okay, but now I’m able to finally meet him in the middle because he has a story as well. I really had to let the fairy tale in my head go and really look at the reality of the situation and really see who he is, understand, give grace, and love him where he is.” She said

Cook is now the Community Educator with the House of Ruth Maryland in Baltimore, Maryland, a nonprofit organization that leads the fight to end violence against women and their children. In addition to her nonprofit work, she’s established her own lifestyle brand platform entitled: 50ShadesofYOU [IG: 50Shades_You]

“The brand is dedicated to literally healing, growth, and service. It is our mission statement because, at the end of the day, I really want people to understand you have to open that wound, feel it, and touch it. If you are not aware of what your traumas are, if you are not aware of where it’s coming from, then there is no way you are really going to be able to figure out who you truly are at the end of the day.” Cook said, “I really want people to understand the life you really want to have begins with selflove. You must believe in yourself first because if you cannot pour into yourself, you will not be able to help anyone. Plus, I had to understand that everyone simply cannot go. Everything really happens for a reason, but you must learn to let go, heal, and keep going. If I can’t watch the person grow, I hope to plant the seed in them to keep going because that’s all that matters.”

Editor’s Note: To learn more about the House of Ruth Maryland, call 410-889-7884 or email info@hruthmd.org

Everything really happens for a reason but you must learn to let go, heal, and keep going. If I can’t watch the person grow, I hope to plant the seed in them to keep going, because that’s all that matters

- Chyanne Cook

Denise Owens

Against All Odds

“You need to think about whether you want to put them through the trauma of trying to save them. They have less than a 50 percent chance of survival; if they do live, they will have lifelong issues. They will be handicapped. Think about your other children.”

Denise Owen’s favorite title is Mother; however, five years ago, doctors spoke those words as they told her the twins she was carrying would not come to full term or experience several physical limitations.

“I could not get pregnant. Years earlier, I had my tubes tied. It was not what I wanted, yet I was not given a choice. Now, my husband and I wanted a baby. After years of saving, we were able to get Invitro Fertilization treatments (IVF).

I endured weird medications, daily shots, crazy mood swings due to the hormones, and trips to the clinic.” Owens said.

In June 2017, she became pregnant. Despite experiencing pregnancy complications, she describes her overall journey as euphoric.

“The pregnancy was difficult; I spent a lot of time in the hospital; however, in Thanksgiving 2017, we traveled to see family, had a beautiful baby shower, and even attended a network taping in New York. I received everything a new baby would need. I was on Cloud 9! Driving home from our trip, I excitedly reminded my husband about the next day’s anatomy scan.” Owens said.

During her appointment, the Senior Compliance Manager received the news no expectant parent wanted to hear.

“At the scan, both babies looked great! They were moving around and measuring wonderfully. Suddenly, the radiologist got quiet. I was asked to roll on my side. She put the wand down and walked out of the room. When she returned with the doctor, there was a palpable silence. What was wrong? What is happening?” Owens inquired.

Doctors delivered the news that she was at high risk for premature delivery. Owens was rushed to a hospital specializing in premature births, where she was expected to remain for the duration of her pregnancy.

“The babies’ lives were at stake. At the new hospital, I was asked to sign a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) for the babies, allowing them to ‘go peacefully, because it would be better for them. I was told they would have no quality of life- if they lived. I had to decide about Baby A and Baby B’s lives. They were

coming, coming soon, and very early. At 25 weeks, most people could not tell that I was pregnant, let alone pregnant with twins.” Owens said.

Vowing to put her children first, Owens went into protective mode.

“I heard everything the doctor said, but the decision was never mine. How could I hold these babies and watch them die, never having given them a chance? I felt that, somehow, my body failed to protect them; I had to do my best to protect them once they arrived. The decision ultimately was between God and those babies – I was simply a caretaker. I told the doctor they should do everything to save the babies, and even though I knew it was her job to tell me the risks, I did not want to hear anymore. Whatever came of their early births, I would love them and give them the best life possible.” Owens said.

On December 6, 2017, Alonzo and Alena Owens made their debut, via emergency c-section; an experience their mother describes as both terrifying and unforgettable.

“This was single-handedly the most frightening experience of my life. I never knew the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) world existed, especially for babies with smallmicro preemies. Baby A was 1 pound 11 ounces, and Baby B was one pound 10 ounces. Having to recover from a C-Section, travel to the hospital in pain, and go to different hospital rooms to sit with your babies while they alarm constantly is a special kind of hell; it holds you in suspension, in disbelief, in fear.” Owens said, “The fear of getting attached to these babies, what if they do not come home? What if they never gain consciousness and breathe on their own? What if, what if, WHAT IF?

Maintaining peace in adversity is no small feat – the sharp intake of breath and quickening of your heart when you go to the restroom and return to doctors and nurses surrounding your baby’s incubator, “she explained.

Fear, however, was not what Owens leaned on; a greater presence was looming.

“They knew they had one job, GROW! And they grew. Day by day, my faith grew; I had dreams of walking out of the hospital with my babies; we celebrated every milestone, from incubator to open warmer, from separate rooms being in the same room, from being tube fed to breastfed and finally from open warmers to open cribs.” Owens said

On March 6th, at 90 days old, Alonzo and Alena Owens were discharged from the hospital.

“We celebrated their discharge. I would not be honest if I said the past five years have been peaches and cream; even after discharge, the babies came home on oxygen, with referrals to 12 specialists and alarm systems in case they stopped breathing.” Owens said “It has been hard. It has also been beautiful and celebratory. Having almost lost the twins so many times gives you a whimsical wonder about every single milestone. Whatever they do, good, bad or indifferent, they are here to do it, and for that, I’m always grateful,” She added.

Nicknamed the wonder twins, Alonzo and Alena are healthy, happy, and loving life. Owens said the power of resiliency and her faith keeps her and her family grounded.

“I thank God and celebrate the resilience of these babies. Who knew they could and would, against all odds, choose life? Even when it is hard, choose life. To the other mothers and people who should never have to make this decision, miracles can and do happen. Keep the Faith.”

Renoalda Scott

Beyond Blessed

Events that seem tragic and difficult to comprehend can often break a person’s spirit.

For Renoalda Scott, challenges would become a blessing in disguise.

“I have always been a strong believer in Christ. I have always been a praying woman.” Scott said In 2011, Scott was involved in a vehicle fire. The fire left her with physical injuries.

“Thank God my children were not in the car. I turned on the street right

around the corner from our house and heard a loud pop. The car went up in flames. I received third-degree burns from my face down to my leg. Ironically, the accident occurred in front of the fire department. “Scott said

As she healed, doctors marveled at her recovery.

“The doctor said I was a quick healer. They were surprised, and there were no scars on my face.”

A few faint scars remain on Scott’s hands and legs, but she says it’s a testament to her inner strength and faith.

“I never thought, why me? I was thinking about my children. I was just thanking God I was alive. I also had a very strong support system. My parents jumped right in and took care of my children. My mother-in-law jumped right in, and she took care of our family. It was a blessing that we had everybody surrounding us.” Scott explained

The fire would set a series of setbacks in motion.

“We lost our mortgage loan, and in 2012 I lost my job. In 2020, I stepped out on faith and took a job that would catapult me into my dream position; however, due to the COVID outbreak, I could no longer stay in that position. We had to rebuild everything.”

Unphased by these challenges, Scott found a silver lining.

“I’ve had my tears and screamed, but I never screamed at God. I knew that whatever I was going through, he could always change it and make it better. He was using it as a lesson to make me stronger.” Scott said

The Georgia native now shares that strength with her community as the CEO of RL Capital, a financial and literacy company. Her focus is to foster better access for those seeking economic, educational, and financial opportunities for their families.

“We are responsible for each other, and I was fortunate enough to have a community of support around me that believed in me when challenges occurred. To be able to offer that light at the end of the tunnel for someone in the midst of a setback is half the battle. Everyone deserves to see their dreams become possibilities,” Scott said

A lesson she says we should all lean on in the face of adversity.

“My grandmother always said, if you pray, why worry, and if you worry, why pray. I’m blessed.”

Related Resource List

RAINN – (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) RAINN - https://www.rainn.org

National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1-800-656-4673

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1800-273-TALK (8255)

National Institute on Mental Health - 1-866-615-6464

House of Ruth (Maryland) - 410-889-7884 or email info@hruthmd.org

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence – 1-800-799-7233

Black Family Magazine Impact & Inspire