TALES FROM THE VALE
Tales From The Vale
Secrets and lies It is a universally acknowledged truth that excited young boys cannot keep a secret. When we first moved into the village, a delightful lad of about eight used to come into my Studio and we’d natter away (I did check with his mum, Abbie, that this was OK). The lad, Ryan, had some issues, particularly at school. The poor kid was bullied. I think he viewed the Studio as a type of safe haven. But I made him laugh and he made me laugh (he’s bright and cheeky) and I listened to his woes and gave whatever meager advice I could. He asked me what I did, apart from teaching guitar, and I told him that I was a secret agent/ assassin. Not very wise, perhaps, but he was excited about it and full of questions (‘Andy, can I come with you on your next mission?’ ‘No, it’s too dangerous!’). Stopped him meant to see that. It’s top secret.’ worrying about school, anyway. I did swear him to secrecy telling ‘Can I have a go on it?’ Ryan him that the whole point about a asked. ‘No. It’s very dangerous and you secret agent/assassin is that it’s mustn’t tell anyone about it. Do meant to be secret. you understand?’ He swore that he’d tell no-one – Again, Ryan swore on his life that ‘not even mum’. it would remain a secret: Ryan came round later while I ‘I won’t even tell mum,’ he again was creosoting a garden shed added gravely. and he demanded that he help Early that evening Abbie came me. Manfully hiding my doubt round and both about what sort of ‘help’ he’d be, I told “I won’t even tell of us trundled our him to go and ask mum,’ he again lawnmowers up the lane to mow the mum if that’s OK, and added gravely” church grounds. to change into old She paused in the clothes. conversation to say, ‘oh, I forgot Later, while wiping the creosote to ask. How’s the machine gun?’ off the windows that Ryan had She smiled and added, ‘I generously daubed, he spotted suppose you need it for the a power drill in the shed and excitedly shouted, ‘Andy, is that a assassinations.’ ‘It was a power drill,’ I said. machine gun?’ ‘Well, I’d worked that out,’ she I said, ‘Oh, my God, you’re not 16
by Andy Palmer
A potential behavioural aid for schools?
answered. ‘I told him to tell no-one,’ I said. She said, ‘He came running into the house and immediately shouted, “ANDY’S GOT A MACHINE GUN!” I think the whole village heard.’ But then, I knew that would happen. Bless him. Explosive hand-out I’ve got form with kids. I used to be head of the education department (the ‘department’ was one assistant and we shared a photocopier) at Fort Newhaven in Sussex. It’s one of the forts, like Nothe in Weymouth, built in the 1860s to stop a French invasion. Not that the French had any intention of invading, hence the forts’ nickname at the time ‘Palmerston’s Follies.’ Essentially, my job was to give
