The Blue & Gray Press

THE

APRIL FOOL’S EDITION

GRAY & BLUE THE UNIVERSITY OF MOSTLY WOMEN STUDENT NEWSPAPER

APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously

March 31, 2016

VOLUME 89 | ISSUE 19

PRESS

SASSING THE COMMUNITY SINCE

1922

DivestUMW Lorax visits Ball Circle changes name due to divests from UMW to speak possible offensive undertones UMW due to on behalf of lack of enoed trees attention CHRIS MARKHAM Editor-in-Chief

SARAH GRAMMER News Editor

Yesterday, Wednesday March 30, DivestUMW decided to give up their fight at UMW, to the delight of every other student, faculty and staff member on campus.

“UMW and their fossil fuels can rot in hell,” was heard being yelled from the pack of protestors as they departed campus yesterday. Their exit from the university was a grand one, each member atop their own eco-friendly broomstick.

It appears that 32 ignored protests in a semester were just too much for DivestUMW to handle.

A few students were sympathetic with DivestUMW, and didn’t understand why the administration ignored their many protests.

“They spent so much time making signs and shouting their demands to the administration,” junior communications major Mikey Barnes said. “I don’t understand why they didn’t listen to them; I mean mom always listens to my demands.”

In April of 2015 DivestUMW was receiving the attention that they so desperately craved, when two of their members were arrested for having a sit-in at George Washington Hall. After that first successful attention seeking ploy, DivestUMW began planning bigger and better protests. More were arrested, and the inbox of The Blue & Gray Press email began blowing up with requests from DivestUMW to share news of their recent tantrums with the campus.

When their emails started going unanswered and people began ignoring their sit-ins DivestUMW ramped up their arsenal.

“They started making these really big signs,” said junior Chris Markham, “No one can ignore a giant sign.”

Some students noticed that DivestUMW members’ demeanor began to change as their protests began to go more frequently unnoticed and unpublicized.

“I remember walking by their protest one day and they were all crying and pounding their fists on the ground,” said senior Della Hethcox. “They’re usual chat had turned into unintelligible babbling.”

After the huge failure that was their last protest, they decided it was time to find a university who would give them the constant attention they desired.

IN THIS

ISSUE

As a result of the eno takeover of 2016, the University of Mary Washington has officially run out of hammock-less trees. The news comes, ironically, after the university was named a 2015 Tree Campus by the Arbor Day Foundation.

The takeover started the day after Spring Break, when students had a chance to go home and beg their parents to get them their own eno so they could fit in with their “hipster” friends.

The pastime grew in popularity as people saw students doing the exact same thing they do on the ground, text friends, send snapchats, listen to music.

However, what appeals to the eno-ers is the change of perspective.

“Yeah, what I do in my eno I can do anywhere else, but since I’m doing it in a tree it makes me look cool and outdoorsy,” said junior communications major Mikey Barnes. “Nobody actually likes nature; we all just pretend to show off for girls.”

Students have created a network system among the trees using their enos.

Students have been reported as having traveled from one class to another using just enos. They stretch up to the tops of some trees, stacking above one another resembling an accordion.

Now that every tree on campus has been claimed by an eno, students have resorted to strapping their enos to other objects. Buildings, railings, and even columns have been attempted to be enoed on.

Last week, students resorted to enoing in the front yard of Brompton, prompting President Hurley to stick his

head out of his bedroom window, shaking his first and yelling “get off my lawn you rotten kids!”

After the last tree was eno-ed, reports were made of a Lorax appearing from the sky. Described by one student as a “younger, tanner looking President Hurley,” this Lorax character reportedly said “I speak on behalf of the trees.

You’ve strapped these poor trees down and chained them together like prison inmates. I hope one day you’ll understand the trauma these trees are going through.”

The Lorax then said something that most women on campus were familiar with reading on motivational canvases in their dorm rooms.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.”

Students are reportedly taking action themselves to prevent further spreading.

“It’s like a cobweb,” said senior English major Emily Hollingsworth. “I wake up in the morning and they’ve grown just outside my window so I spray insect killer on it, but they just keep coming back.”

Until the school takes matters into its own hands, it appears no end is in sight for the eno infestation of 2016.

Marty Morrison is a WOMAN?!

Read about it @ blueandgraypress.com

UMW Relations

Emily Hollingsworth /The Blue & Gray Press

EMILY HOLLINGSWORTH News Editor

The University of Mary Washington announced in an email yesterday that it will be changing Ball Circle’s name due to growing concern that possible innuendos from the name are ruining UMW’s wholesome image.

“Our students are curious, passionate and super smart,” the email read. “We are worried that these increasing attitudes toward the Ball Circle name are overshadowing its accomplishments.”

In other words, the university wants great minds, not dirty ones.

The field that connects to the University Center and several residence halls has certainly had its share of phallic-related allusions over the years. Students have been heard telling each other to meet at “Ball Sack” or “Ball Circle Jerk.” During blizzards, students have also drawn magnificent penises on the field. A few voices, like a ghostly presence floating over the circle, occasionally shout “You all need Jesus!”

Ball, believed to have been named after the mother of George Washington, Mary Ball Washington, may steadily be losing its prestige and, according to the University, be shafting UMW’s reputation.

Students, in between laughs, offered their perspectives on the name change.

“I’ve heard of buildings being erected to look like penises…see what I did there?” Sarah Grammer, English and biology double major, said. “But not a field.”

Ethan Tobin, junior history major, had a similar sentiment of the name, also mentioning that the title of one of the residence halls elicits similar innuendos to the female anatomy.

“I was always a little confused why it was called Ball Circle, especially since it’s a field,” Tobin said. “It should be called Bush Circle.”

A few options for the name change are under consideration. The frontrunner, according to the university, is “PC Circle” to ensure everyone on campus has a safe place free of judgment and filled with political correctness.

MIKEY TAKEOVER

EXCUSE ME

YAY SPORTS

“Mikey Barnes Effect” sweeping the campus

Students’ walk to class improved by others

Men’s sports team does something sporty

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SPORTS | 12

LIFE | 9

THE

BLUE &GRAY

VOLUME 89 | ISSUE 19

PRESS

THE UNIVERSITY OF MARY WASHINGTON STUDENT NEWSPAPER

Bombs in Brussels leaves UMW community concerned

March 31, 2016

SERVING THE COMMUNITY SINCE

Update on victim of hammock accident

1922

Honor Council wants to restructure honor code

LINDSEY AYLOR Staff Writer

HOGAN LEPORE Staff Writer

On Tuesday March 22 during rush hour in Brussels, two bombs rocked the city’s airport, as well as the prominent subway station of Maalbeek. Both explosions have been confirmed as having been carried out by suicide bombers.

Upon further search of the city, police found another bomb along with an Islamic state flag in a nearby apartment.

These explosions, accompanied by the police searches, have caused a shut down on the city, including the subway line.

There were 28 reported dead from the bombings. The three suicide bombers were not included in the final number of casualties.

While the city is at a standstill, security is being bolstered at the European Union and in Brussels’ airports and subways. The Belgian prime minister has asked residents to “avoid all movement” as the authorities search and prepare for the possibility of continued violence. This lockdown was intended to last through Wednesday March 23 with transportation returning to normal at the latest by Thursday. With this lock down and terror threat, support from all over the world is being shown for Brussels.

“Condolences are coming in from around the world. The Eiffel Tower in Paris, the World Trade Center in New York and other monuments were to be lit with the colors of Belgium’s flag,” according to Victoria Shannon of The New York Times. With these gestures of support, it is clear that the world is standing strong with Brussels in their time of need; especially when victims are starting to be identified and Brussels’ nationwide mourning period is beginning.

Brussels prime minister has declared a three-day mourning period, as well as a national minute of silence at 11 a.m. on Wednesday. During this time, victims will be remembered and honored, such as Peruvian Adelma Tapia Ruiz, 37, one of the first victims to be identified.

“She had been at Zaventem airport with her Belgian husband and twin four-year-old daughters, who were unharmed,” her brother told BBC. Sadly, Ruiz is just one of dozens of victims that are being identified during this time.

•BRUSSELS | 11

IN THIS

ISSUE

Girard Bucello

Girard Bucello

ESTER SALGUERO Assistant News Editor

The hammock trend that has become popular among universities across the nation has recently had a negative effect for the University of Mary Washington.

A student was seriously injured on the evening of March 15 when a column fell on top of her at the amphitheater.

The accident happened when she slung her hammock between a pillar and a tree, which sticks out of the platform.

That evening Juliette Landphair, vice president for Student Affairs, received a call from Ruth Lovelace, the director of Emergency Management, who told Landphair that she was in the hospital with the student. The freshman suffered serious injuries, according to a message sent out by Landphair the next day.

“When it comes to student safety one of the rules is to overreact,” said Landphair regarding the guidelines she sent out for hammocking after collaborating with Joni Wilson, director of Landscaping and public safety administration.

Friends of the student were at the amphitheater when the accident occurred. They were the ones who contacted UMW Police when the accident happened. The police and Emergency Management responded quickly by calling the ambulance and heading to the scene.

As a result of the incident, an advisory on the use of hammocks has been placed for students to consider. After the student was taken to the hospital, the amphitheater was surrounded with caution tape until the area was deemed safe.

Wilson met up with Lovelace and other administrators responsible for public safety to acknowledge the severity of the incident in order to decide what the next steps are for the university.

Landphair was curious to know what other universities have done in response to this new trend. The group of public safety officials found that many universities have banned the use of hammocks

•ENO | 11

The Honor Council, the body that enforces the Honor Code at the University of Mary Washington, is in the process of rewriting the school’s honor practices.

Currently, all alleged honor violations are treated in the same way, regardless of the severity. The council wants to develop a tiered structure, in which smaller infractions will be dealt with differently.

The Honor Code is one of the longest standing traditions at the UMW. Established in 1966, the code was developed to instill in students the high standards of integrity. The Honor Code makes students responsible for acting ethically in class and in other aspects of the campus community. It is the reason professors leave the room, for example, when students are taking exams, trusting their classes won’t cheat.

Carter Nordike, the Treasurer of the Honor Council and senior English major, believes the community backs the council in every decision they make.

“We know we are trusted by our community and we attempt to shape the Honor Code to serve the community in the best way possible,” Nordike said.

Nordike is a senior who realizes that these changes to the Honor Code could leave a lasting legacy on the school. He explained the council sees the changes as a way to ensure that the trust people feel with one another on campus remains intact and grows stronger.

“By building a more pleasing way of operating, we can ensure a greater experience for all students on campus,” Nordike said.

Some students have expressed concern about the changes. Earlier this year, the council reached out to members of the community to let them know changes were afoot. Some said it was scary to change the whole document, however the council reassures people that the transition will be smooth.

As a group, the congregation picks apart the existing code, examining it as thoroughly as possible. Most members also bring up ideas for improvements that crop up during the year through hearings. Anyone can voice their opinion and Nordike happens to be an individual that has a vote during the meetings on different aspects of the code.

Nordike’s main role is acting as the treasurer. All big purchases by the council go through him, so he has a very

•HONOR | 11

BEAUTIFUL NIGHT

PRO DIVEST

NATS BACK

Arab Culture Night delights campus with dance, food

A case for divestment within UMW campus

Season for the Nationals quickly approaches

VIEWPOINTS | 4

SPORTS | 3

LIFE | 6

SPORTS

Editor: Mikey Barnes | blueandgray.sports@gmail.com

D.C. welcomes back baseball as Nats return

Coach’s Corner: Q & A with women’s tennis coach NOELLE PAOLICELLI Staff Writer

Patrick Catullo has led the University of Mary Washington’s women’s tennis team to 11 Capital Athletic Conference championships and 11 NCAA Tournament appearances in his 11 seasons in the head-coaching position. The Eagles have dominated the CAC dating back to the 1990’s and with the exception of one school, have advanced to the most NCAA Championships in all of Division III. During his time at UMW so far, Catullo has shaped six conference “rookie of the year” awards, 11 conference “player of the year” awards, and has been honored with 10 conference “coach of the year” awards.

Q: How do you feel thus far into the season?

A: The Eagles are off to a great start this season! They split the first two matches against Division I opponents beating Norfolk State University 5-4 and then dropping a close match against Longwood University 5-2. The team then took a spring trip to California and went 2-1 against nationally ranked teams that week defeating #24 Laverne College 9-0 and #40 Chapman University 7-2 before falling to #1 Pomona College 9-0. The Eagles then hosted the Blue-Grey Invite at UMW where the Eagles went undefeated by beating two more nationally ranked programs #17 Skidmore College and #24 Case Western University. The Eagles are now 11-2 overall and 3-0 in the conference.

Q: Your program is very successful, what does it take to be this successful?

A: UMW has such great academic and athletic opportunities, which helps in re-

NICCO BARATTO Staff Writer

cruiting top student-athletes to the tennis program.

About five months ago, the MLB offsea son began after the Kansas City Royals Q: You have some very crucial seniors defeated the New York Mets in the 2015 on the squad this year, what is it going World Series. One month earlier, the Nato be like trying to fill those gaps? tionals fired manager Matt Williams along A: I think all of our players are crucial and everybody plays an important role to help this team be successful. Our philosophy focuses on the development of players and creating a culture of “making each other better”. Therefore, any gaps we do have at the end of the season will be filled quickly by others on the team.

Q: What was your tennis-playing career like?

A: I had a great experience playing for the men’s tennis program at Mary Washington College. I learned valuable lessons that focused on teamwork and sacrifice, which still help me today.

Q: What led to your coaching at UMW? A: I was coaching a collegiate team in Florida when the head-coaching job at UMW opened. As a graduate of Mary Washington College (class of 1995), it was an honor to be considered for the position and a privilege to have the opportunity to work for UMW. Q: Anything you would like to say regarding the team or UMW? We look forward to the challenges that lie ahead of us this season. Our focus is on winning the 2016 conference championship and making the team’s 18th consecutive trip to the NCAA tournament.

with their bench coach, pitching coach, hitting coach, third base coach, first base coach and bullpen coach. Nevertheless, it was a disappointing season for them. A few days after the World Series, the Nationals hired a new manager, Dusty Baker.

Baker, a manager since 1993, brings a lot of experience to Washington. He led the San Francisco Giants to the World Series in 2002, but lost in Game 7 to Troy Glaus and the Anaheim Angels.

On January 6, the Nationals agreed to terms with second baseman Daniel Murphy on a three-year contract. Murphy set a major league record with home runs in six straight postseason games in the 2015 postseason. At 31 years old, Murphy is primed for a successful season.

A few days later, the Nationals were able to get a quality leadoff hitter and centerfielder by acquiring outfielder Ben Revere from the Toronto Blue Jays for right-handed pitcher Drew Storen. At 27 years old, he’s also coming off one of his best seasons. He will play between Jayson Werth and the reigning National League MVP, Bryce Harper, in the outfield. Harper, who had the best season of his career, hit 42 home runs and had a .330 batting average.

Although they finished second in the NL East, the Nationals fell short of making the playoffs due to the frequent absence of starters including Jayson Werth, Denard Span and Ryan Zimmerman due to injuries, as well as inconsistencies in the bullpen.

Another smart move was keeping Anthony Rendon for another year. Rendon, who only played in 80 games last season, could once again prove to be a valuable player to his team as he was in 2014 when he finished in fifth place for National League Most Valuable Player award.

Mike Maddux, the new pitching coach, also brings a lot of experience and is prepared to work with manager Dusty Baker and the pitching staff. The starting rotation made a change due to Jordan Zimmermann agreeing to a five-year, $110 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. The rotation is still headlined by Max Scherzer, who threw two no-hitters last season.

He pitched his career high 17 strikeouts in his second.

Gio Gonzalez and Stephen Strasburg will also look to pick up where they left off. Stephen Strasburg struggled in the beginning of last season due to a neck injury, but he was one of the best pitchers in the league over the second half of the year. Everyone should enjoy watching him play this season, as it could be his last in a Nationals uniform when he becomes a free agent in the offseason. Tanner Roark and Joe Ross will take the two remaining spots on the starting pitcher rotation.

Baseball fans can rejoice. The 2016 season is just days away. The Nationals’ 182-game season begins on Monday in Atlanta where they will take on the Braves twice and then come home and play the Marlins in their home opener. You can catch a game on TV almost every night on MASN.

End of the Robert Griffin III Era MIKEY BARNES Sports Editor

A few years back, the D.C metropolitan area and Redskins fans around the world would not have seen the series of events that have taken place lately to occur.

In 2012, when the Washington Redskins traded their next three first round picks and second round pick to move up from the sixth spot to second overall in the draft, the world stood by and watched to see what direction they would take. Daniel Snyder and his staff went in the direction of the Heisman Trophy winner out of Baylor, quarterback Robert Griffin III. This created a lot of excitement for the D.C. area, as there was a new face in town.

In Griffin’s opening season as the Redskins starting quarterback, he led the team to a playoff berth while earning

Rookie of the Year honors. Griffin threw for over 3,000 yards, threw 20 touchdowns and ran for seven more. It was at this point, it seemed as though every person had purchased a Robert Griffin jersey or t-shirt of some sort. Washington football had founds its “savior” and a long illustrious career of winning and exciting touchdowns were on their way. As the league picked up on the RG3 celebration, his stardom continued to skyrocket.

During his rookie season, Griffin missed just one game in his rookie season due to a minor injury, but played the following week. Then in the team’s opening playoff game, Griffin’s knee buckled and he was taken off the field and replaced by fellow rookie Kirk Cousins.

The following year, the league anticipated an MVP caliber season from Griffin and a Super Bowl bound Redskin team.

The entire league was disappointed, as Griffin threw roughly the same amount of yards as his rookie campaign, with just 16 touchdowns to 12 interceptions and did not record a single rushing score. Along with the poor stats, the Redskins record was 3-13 and not only were the fans upset, a great deal of turmoil was created within the locker room. Speculation of issues between head coach Mike Shanahan and Griffin surfaced and were later revealed as true. At the end of his second season, the turmoil reached a peak and Shanahan went in the direction of benching Griffin for the remainder of the games, stating it was due to “health concerns.” Shanahan was later fired and Jay Gruden was ushered in as the new coach.

In his third year, the injury bug bit again as Griffin remained unable to stay healthy.

He made appearances in just nine games,

while throwing four touchdowns and six interceptions. It was at the end of the season it seemed the Griffin era was over. In the 2015 season, Griffin was active for just one game, as Kirk Cousins proved to be the new “quarterback of the future” for the Redskins with his record breaking season.

On March 7, 2016, the RG3 era in Washington officially ended as he was released to free agency. Two weeks later on March 21, Robert Griffin III was signed by the Cleveland Browns, to help fill the void that is the quarterback situation there.

Though many people may still have their Robert Griffin jersey, or have trashed it by now, do not let the good memories he brought Washington D.C. escape you, even if they are outweighed by the negative.

Weekly Scoreboard BASEBALL:

Mar. 30 @ Christopher Newport (W) UMW: 12 CNU: 8

wOMENS lACROSSE: Mar. 30 vs. Wesley

(W) UMW: 18 Wesley: 3

Upcoming: Mens lacrosse: Apr. 2 vs. Wesley 1:00 p.m.

softball:

Mar. 31 @ Randolph-Macon 2:30 p.m. and 4:30 p.m.

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Editor: Hannah Parker | blueandgray.views@gmail.com

No more waiting around, UMW needs divestment now ESTER SALGUERO Assistant News Editor

As responsive as the University of Mary Washington says it is, it has been two years since the university has answered the pleas of DivestUMW students. Finally there is some hope for students of DivestUMW because the subcommittee of President Hurley’s Council on Sustainability has researched the advantages of divesting.

However, after reading the special report by the subcommittee it still reads as though the university has an apathetic attitude towards making this decision. The subcommittee listed two possible paths to take in divesting. One path is optimistic and the other is pessimistic, according to the special report.

The university has offered a 98 percent or 99 percent divestment from 200 of the largest fossil fuel companies. Further on in the special report it explains why the university will not completely divest from fossil-fuels.

The reasons that are stated in the special report are as follows, “becoming 100 percent fossil-free requires changes to the investment portfolio” and divestment will be challenging “in determining which companies qualify as fossil-fuel related.”

It looks to me that those reasons lack the determination which the university preaches of when talking to students.

I do not recall applying to a college that was complacent in making changes especially when that college “aims to be a statewide leader in sustainability and the environment,” as it says in the special report.

Globally there have been reports of an increase in temperatures that has caught the attention of the European Commission.

The Paris Agreement on climate change has recognized that fossil fuel dependency needs to come to a halt. This February has been recorded as “the warmest month since global temperature averages were first tabulated using satellite data,” according to the special report.

The university is obviously conflicted in making this decision due to financial reasons but as it states in the special report, there is no way of certainly knowing the economic outcome of this decision. What is known, however, is that this choice will make the university one of the first universities in Virginia to divest from fossil fuel stocks.

If this move in divesting will be one that is more symbolic than it is transformative for climate change then the university should not be afraid to divest 100 percent.

In the special report, it has even recognized the hypocrisy of the university’s own hesitation.

“A strong moral argument can be made that maintaining investments in such companies is not consistent with the University

Letter to the Editor :

For people in the United States who live with a disability – the nation’s largest minority group at 19 percent according to the 2012 census – our country that promises to be the land of opportunity often feels more like a land of oppression.

For students who are disabled simply attending classes on campus or living in the dorms can be a constant struggle.

DiversAbility, the club for students on campus with disabilities or chronic health conditions, meets weekly to discuss topics related to disability advocacy, studies, or simply every-day living.

Recently, our club met for a presentation given by our academic advisor, Dr. Chris Foss, on autism.

This informative meeting coincided with an invitation our club received to join forces with UMW’s Office of Disability Resources in sponsoring an event on campus for April’s Autism Awareness Month.

After discussion amongst our club members with input from the community of people with autism, we have decided that we do not wish to align our club’s name and our philosophy with the Light It Up Blue campaign that is to take place at UMW during the month of April.

DiversAbility would like to tell you about why we will not be taking part in this event, and we would like to remind you that we are speaking as people with disabilities regarding a topic relating to disabilities, often giving personal examples from our own lives.

For this particular cause, our loudest voices are from the people on all different parts of the DSM-5 classified entry known as Autism Spectrum Disorder.

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Next, we’re the background voices of the family and loved ones of the autistic community; we’re the friends, neighbors, peers, and fellow Eagles who share our beloved university with people who have autism.

And at our most quiet and most humble, we’re the people with no direct connection to autism who know when it is our turn to let others speak louder, our time to listen, and our time to learn.

Because we listen and value the voices of autistic individuals, we know just how much they are capable of; with this knowledge, we reject the image of autism that the organization Autism Speaks presents.

We abhor any organization devoted to promoting autism awareness that does not have the valid and necessary input from a single person with autism on their Board of Directors.

We are suspicious of any literature produced from a company who released a video of mothers lamenting their lives because of their autistic children, and we particularly concerned that this organization remains the loudest voice on all things autistic even when they so actively strive to fundraise their way into a cure.

The blue puzzle piece that is synonymous with Autism Speaks has become the most iconic image of autism in its entirety, but that logo does not represent how people with autism would like the public to see them.

According to some organizations, autistic people are, above all, a burden to their families, as the majority are non-verbal who require constant supervision, not capable of communicating in a way that could be

of Mary Washington’s public mission,” according to the report.

Although the university invests indirectly from the fossil-fuel companies through index funds, the simple act of divesting shows a commitment to sustainability that could lead to a trend for other universities to follow. If the university does not follow through with this decision I think many of the DivestUMW students and myself will see it as the university clinging onto comfort.

The decision will be up to the Board of Visitors and as one student of DivestUMW said, it is of great concern to him that the BOV makes the right choice.

“We are seeing fossil fuel companies harm our communities and the communities of others, and the Board and Administration of Mary Washington must act in ways that will put themselves on the right side of history,” said sophomore Noah understood.

The awareness demanded by the puzzle pieces so often found in society draws attention to the ways somebody with autism is different, creating a morbid spectacle as the autistic individual has to try to mold away his odd shape into one more normal and square-shaped.

The logo focuses on the weaknesses of autism.

It points to what is lacking for the individual, not at what is gained.

Autism Speaks ignores the infinite number of ways possible to communicate that people with autism have found to to speak about their own thoughts and experiences, and Autism Speaks does nothing to encourage the world to change to accommodate parts of being autistic that do not uniformly conform to society’s expectations.

The blue puzzle piece does not demonstrate our capability, our accomplishments, or our potential.

Autism Speaks does not showcase our reality.

However, due to the prevalence of the icon, autistic voices are being drowned out by an organization that claims to speak for them.

The blue puzzle piece, Autism Speaks, and the Light It Up Blue campaign, while perhaps having good intentions, bring awareness to an issue that most people are already aware of.

The tree outside of Ball Circle that will be lit in blue for the month of April will perpetuate the false narrative that all autistic people are pitiful outsiders, defective and in need of a cure in order to be “normal”.

DiversAbility welcomes our friends who have autism exactly as they are, which is why we will be celebrating Autism Acceptance Month.

The origins of this campaign are rooted in

Flickr/ Google

Goodwin.

The overall dependence on fossil-fuels, including our own, only supports the large companies that have lost significant value in their stocks due to the overwhelming obvious need to change to renewable forms of energy.

If the UMW wants to be a leader in sustainability, then it must acknowledge the petitions of DivestUMW students. Climate change has not received the attention that it needs in addressing the environment. part with the Autism Self-Advocacy Network, an organization that DiversAbility wholeheartedly supports.

We will not use the autistic community to make ourselves feel better for our own misfortunes in life, and we will never diminish somebody else’s humanity, however different, to elevate our own.

We will understand that people who have autism are the experts in their own lives, and so we will listen to their stories.

The tree on Ball Circle will remain blue despite our misgivings, and the only thing DiversAbility can do is to add our voice to the conversation.

Join us in Autism Acceptance Month as part of our longer, 12-month annual quest to allow people with autism to continue to live their lives in the ways that are most comfortable to them.

We will not gawk at them as if they were on display, and we will exercise patience and self-control when people with autism do things or communicate differently than we would.

We will be critical of ourselves and our behaviors, recognizing when we need change our small part of the world to allow autistic individuals to thrive as themselves.

Try and remember every time you see the blue tree on Ball Circle, a blue shirt chosen specifically for Autism Awareness Month, or the puzzle piece of Autism Speaks that people with autism are first and foremost people with unique attributes that add to the beauty and complexity of the world, not puzzles to be scrutinized, solved, or discarded and ignored.

Signed, Elyse Dunstan

Thursday, March 31, 2016 Thursday, January 21, 2015

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APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.

Courteous students Letter to the Editor : make long walks to class easier In the tradition of many newspapers across the United States, I’d propose that The Blue & Gray Press become a daily newspaper.

I’ve paged through The Blue & Gray for quite some time. The immense piles stacked across the entrance of academic buildings have become a fixture for me.

Then again, I argue, there could always be more.

Think about The New York Times, The Washington Post. They tell you everything there is to know about that day.

There certainly isn’t a reason to get live updates online or instant corrections on wrong information.

There’s something about the 24-hour gap between editions that seems to brew wisdom, structure and relevance. Like a fine wine.

Think about how much happens at the University of Mary Washington on a dayto-day basis.

Why wouldn’t anyone want to feel the texture of the paper between their fingers, to read the stories from the pages rather than from the convenience of the internet?

To doodle on the paper’s outer edges, drawing a second mustache on photos of President Hurley.

Certainly the environment is a concern.

Can the university’s reputation as a campus

DELLA HETHCOX Life Editor

You know what I love about University of Mary Washington students? I love their willingness to share. Couches, study rooms, computers, but most of all, the sidewalk.

There has not been a day over the past four years when I have been body slammed by chicks and bros. Like the parting of the Red Sea, every student on this campus courteously stays to the right, ensuring that every student is able to use the sidewalk and not just a group of biddies and their Vera Bradley backpacks.

Every day I am able to walk to class and not have to yell “EXCUSE ME” or avoid an elbow to the kidney, or worse, having to step off the sidewalk into the muddy curbside. Even the hordes of jocks are polite and do not loiter on the sidewalk with their sweaty equipment.

But also the stairs! You will never see a student blocking the flow of pedestrian traffic by standing in the middle of the staircase, texting or chatting with a friend after class. I mean, who would actually do that when there are lounges conveniently placed throughout all the buildings on campus?

UMW students are able to access the stairs unimpeded by their discourteous peers.

Also amazing about the students on this campus? The cycling ones. They would never dream of riding their bike on the sidewalk, since after all, they have the entire road.

After all, didn’t we all take the same driver’s education classes in high school that reinforced the idea that bicycles are also vehicles and must be treated as such? Cyclists wouldn’t dream of breaking the law and taking the sidewalk instead of the road. Oh no, we have the politest cyclists in the history of cyclists.

And while we are talking about manners, let us not forget the lovely students who always hold the door open or say ‘thank you’ when you do the same for them. This school is really so polite that some days it hurts me. The same goes for the students in the Dining Hall, the ones who do not linger in front of the dishwashers or block

blooming with trees sustain the numerous foliage we’d have to cut in order to keep this paper running?

However, it will be worth it. When the sun rises in the morning, imagine our joy when the sun, no longer blocked due to the lack of trees, streams into our rooms, shining outside our doors, where the newest edition of the paper will be.

People talk about the death of the newspaper, of dozens of printing presses bankrupting, disappearing, how the internet has made news more accessible than ever.

There’s also the devastating decline of the environment to consider.

Certainly both online and print papers offer something unique and important in their own rights, but the print paper allows you to see your own name in the pages, to hold a piece of the university in your hand, something that’s tangible.

Which definitely can’t happen with a weekly paper.

So, let’s press forward and enter this brave new territory with open minds and even greater strains to student writers’ and editors’ schedules.

Signed, Emily Hollingsworth

Editorial: The Blue & Gray Staff brings back April Fools tradition Wikicommon s/

Google

the amenities as they chat with friends or stand idly by with their smartphones.

Lastly, students share study spaces around campus like you would not believe.

People might think we have personal space issues, but that is not the case. We are all quite happy to co-exist in a 5x5 space without feeling claustrophobic. Just ask any student in the Hurley Convergence Center.

UMW students just love sharing communal amenities.

Happy April Fools Day from the staff of The Blue & Gray Press.

In celebration of April Fools Day, we are publishing a satirical edition of the paper, a tradition stemming from the days of The Bullet.

It is unknown when exactly The Bullshit began. We are certain that The Bullshit existed between the years 2005 and 2012 but it has gone missing in the years since.

We at The Blue & Gray Press want to bring back the tradition this year. One past favorite in April Fools edition, according to former Bullet editor Lindsey Estes, included the Police Meat column, which was a list made up of all the strange meats that the police force had eaten that week.

Staff members in the past have enjoyed writing under made up names, something we have decided against doing. Being an editor is not easy. Our duties range from meetings, editing, design and distribution

of the papers. It may not sound like a lot once written out, but it consumes the majority of our week, every week. Some of us are involved in many activities outside of the paper as well, giving us even less time to get it done. The April Fools edition is our chance to take a break from the usual and just enjoy writing for a change.

We are hoping that the April Fools edition will lighten the mood on campus and allow students, faculty and staff to have a good laugh with each other, especially since finals are fast approaching. It is meant to be fun for all.

In the past people have been upset with April Fool’s articles, maybe a reason why it disappeared, but everything written in this issue of April Fools edition is meant to be a joke. Our goal is not to offend people but merely to poke fun at the happenings on campus and at ourselves.

We hope you enjoy it as much as we have.

By THE BLUE & GRAY PRESS EDITORIAL BOARD

Public Domain Pictures/ Google Similar to Moses’ parting of the Red Sea, UMW students have a tendancy to get out of others’ ways.

5

LIFE

Editor: Della Hethcox blueandgray.life@gmail.com

Arab Culture Night engages campus with food, fashion and dancing

Asim Bharwani/ Flickr

Buildings and billboards in Midan Tahrir, one of the most congested areas in Cairo, Egypt, on a autumnal evening in October 2010.

DELLA HETHCOX basic Arabic by DJ Kimo and JC, which no one could Chandler Ballroom buzzed with excite- L i t e r a t u r e , Life Editor vocabulary. resist moving along to, especially not the ment on Friday, March 25 as the 6th An- the Center In an enter- children who made the most of the Ballnual Arab Culture Night prepared to dazzle for Internathe campus with traditional Arabic dances, tional Education, the Department of Polit- taining video shown that evening, ACC in- room space with their excited dancing.

Not only was there a dabke (a traditional music, fashion and food. ical Science and International Affairs and terviewed the campus as well as the comFrom side to side, the Ballroom was filled the Arabic Culture Club, this event grows munity to find out what they knew about line dance) performed by UMW students, with University of Mary Washington stu- more and more ambitious with each suc- Arabic cultures and countries. However, but also by a Palestine dance troupe called the video pointed out that many people do Faris al Layl Dabke, which delighted evdents and faculty, local community mem- ceeding year. bers and families representing the local From the fashion show to the dinner, not know very much about Arabic culture. eryone with their energy.

Not to be ignored was the belly dancing Arab communities. No matter their origins, not a detail was amiss as the many volun- But that’s what this event is for: to educate attendees of all ages came with the expec- teers from the Arabic Culture Club flitted the public and introduce them to aspects performed by the UMW Middle Eastern tation of an evening filled with fun, educa- through the room, ensuring that each guest of the cultures that they may have not en- Dance Club, who enchanted the crowd countered before. with their seemingly effortless movements. tion and mingling with friends and family. made the most of their evening.

Although the key speaker, Dr. Mahdi For the fashion show, styles from over 11 Bringing high energy to the dance portions Sponsored by the Dean’s Office of the College of Art and Sciences, the Depart- Aminrazavi, was unable to speak due to countries were represented and modeled was Yasser Darwish, an Egyptian dancer ment of Modern Foreign Languages and illness, the organizers transitioned refo- by UMW students. Sophomore English who stunned the crowd with a traditional cus the evening with the help of the many major Daksha Khatri coordinated and cho- Egyptian dance involving sticks (Yasser Curious as to what countries are dance and musical acts, and particularly reographed the runway show, which was invited audience members to help him) and Arabic? There are 22, but the due to the masters of ceremonies, Kutoof a highlight of the evening for many in the another dance inspired by Sufism involvmost prominent ones are: Alwazir and David Mercer, whose playful audience. ing a spinning dervish. banter set the tone for the evening.

Although the garments are similar in The apex of the event was the dinner • Egypt According to Alwazir, the goal of Arab style (modesty and full coverage is very sponsored by the local Mediterranean • Yemen Culture Night is to present the community important for Arab fashion), each country restaurant, Aladin.

• Syria with the essence of Arab culture, and what has their own unique twist in the embelTraditional foods were devoured, leading • Iraq better way to experience a culture than lishments and colors of the garments, for to a student to declare on YikYak that the • Saudi Arabia through food and dance? both men and women. The fashion show “food at Arabic Culture Night was lit!”

Throughout the evening, the audience represented the diversity found in the Six years later and it seems as though the • Palestine was not shy about participating in the Arab countries, from the elaborate embroicommunity will never stop enjoying this • Algeria event, contributing to making it feel more dery found in Jordan and Palestine, to the annual event and the education and enter• Bahrain of a community gathering. Thanks to the sparkling, shimmering jalabiyas worn by tainment it provides.

• Jordan children in the audience, with the help of Egyptians.

Alwazir and Mercer, the crowd learned After the fashion show came live music

Alex Sakes/ The Blue & Gray Press

Dancers from campus student groups stole the show with not only their fashion, but the energy they brought and infused the entire program with.

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Thursday, March 31, 2015

LIFE

University to offer graduating students new choice of cords

service (light blue), student activities and engagement (orange), and veterans (intertwined red, white and blue).

This new batch of graduation cords allows students who have been a dedicated part of making UMW a community the ability to be recognized for their work as well.

These additions to the traditional UMW commencement regalia will be available in the UMW bookstore in early April and will cost $10 each.

For more information visit the CHLS offices located on the third floor of the University Center.

JOSEPH GARAY Staff Writer

The end of the academic school year is fast approaching. As professors and students alike begin to wrap up their semesters with an eye towards summer vacation, there is a portion of the school population that is preparing for, whether with dread or excitement, May 7, 2016.

Graduation day for University of Mary Washington’s undergraduate Class of 2016, is a mere 41 days away. By now most, if not all, of the seniors have their graduation gowns hanging on a hanger in their closets.

At this point most seniors probably believe that they are ready for graduation, their cap and gowns are simply waiting for them. That might not be completely true. Some students might be eligible to wear a cord as a part of commencement regalia.

In years past only a small group of people were eligible to wear honor cords

during undergraduate commencement ceremonies – the ones involved in honor societies. What about those students who are involved in campus life?

A recent project, initiated by Dean Rucker, and brought to fruition with the help of the staff members at the Center of Honor, Leadership and Service have changed that.

As of this year, there are eight new cords that a senior may wear to their graduation day, depending on what campus life group they were involved with during their time at the university.

“These are cords that stu-

University Relations

200daysandcounting/Flickr

dents can wear at graduation and earn through campus involvement,” said senior English major and student aid at the CHLS, Kelly MacRitchie.

According to the UMW website, students who have a significant involvement in campus life are eligible to obtain one of these cords.

Students can now get a cord for: Varsity Athletics (gray), Campus Recreation Sport Club (red), the Horizons program (royal blue), James Farmer Multicultural Center (purple), Leadership positions (campus elected bodies, student club leaders and outstanding student employees),

To find out if you are eligible for one of these, visit: http://students.umw.edu/studentactivities/student-affairs-extracurricular-graduation-cords/, and to apply for a cord, visit https://orgsync.com/59560/ forms/184579.

University Relations

Class of 2015 during the commencement ceremony. This year, the Class of 2016 has the additional option of buying cords to represent their campus involvement.

Students Helping Honduras fundraise with help of donuts

LAUREN GUSTAFSON Staff Writer

Campus Walk in spring plays host to clubs and organizations hosting fundraising sales, recruitment events and news about different types of campus activities.

These tables attract bustling students moving between classes or meals and are as necessary to campus life as free food.

On Wednesday, March 30, from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Students Helping Honduras hosted a bake sale in front of Lee Hall. The club is partnered with Habitat for Humanity for this fundraising event, featuring a bake sale with local business, Sugar Shack.

Students are very familiar with Sugar Shack’s glazed confections which quickly

became a cemented staple in the typical UMW student’s life, thanks to their close proximity to the campus.

Donuts and assorted baked goods were donation based, meaning that you donate what you want in exchange for a glazed confection.

The goal of the bake sale was to raise money to send money to the Students Helping Honduras organization for more school supplies and building materials. The club also hopes to use the money raised to get more volunteers to attend the upcoming trip over winter break.

This past winter break, members of the club went to Honduras to “help build a school and reflect on international relief,” said president of Students Helping Hondu-

ras Emily Ferguson.

The UMW chapter is known for its frequent bake sales and the annual “Thrift SHHop,” where students can donate clothing and then shop to replenish their wardrobe and helping a charitable cause in the process, all of which takes place on Ball Circle.

Students Helping Honduras is a non-profit organization, with clubs at over 100 universities across the United States. According to Ferguson, the mission of the organization is to “end extreme poverty and violence in Honduras through education and youth empowerment.”

The UMW chapter was founded by alumni Shin Fujiyama in 2007, who began the non-profit by raising money on his college

campus for orphanages in Honduras after his week volunteer trip.

Shin then established his fundraising efforts as a non-profit to contribute more to the surrounding community and the globe.

According to the website, the organization states that “we do not invite international volunteers to ‘do’ development. We invite them to learn. We pull back the curtain on a global nonprofit for young people to see how difficult this work is – but how possible it is to do make an impact for those that need it most.”

The bake not only helped to provide funds for relief efforts in Honduras, but also indulges the campus’ sweet tooth.

Vnysia/Flickr

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LIFE

APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.

The Mikey Barnes Effect

DELLA HETHCOX Life Editor

If you have been on campus at all during the last three years, you have no doubt heard of or seen Mikey Barnes, either in the flesh or virtually. He’s everywhere: posters, events, commercials, and heck, sometimes he even shows up to your classes.

What’s extraordinary about Mikey is his ability to make an entire campus fall under what has come to be called the “Mikey Barnes Effect.” Basically, he’s like the little brother you wish would leave you alone but you also care about and really hope he isn’t doing something stupid like eating his cereal with beer or accidentally falling out a window while wearing his beloved Olaf onesie.

If you are unclear on who or what Mikey is, let me help. He is involved in nearly every school spirited event on campus. From sports games to the future High Five Hurley to random events in Dodd Auditorium, you can find Mikey clutching a microphone making jokes about his mom and his lack of a girlfriend (although his Instagram and Twitter accounts suggest otherwise).

Last year, Mikey somehow convinced the

student body to help crown him Mr. UMW, which he refers to as the “Miss Universe of the University of Mary Washington.” Oddly enough, however, Mikey did not insist on wearing his crown and sash to classes, it was reported that they clashed with his Vineyard Vines t-shirt and his Sperry boatshoes. (No, he does not own a boat. Maybe if he sold his bowtie collection he could afford a small canoe. You gotta start somewhere.)

If you’ve been lucky enough to take a class with Mikey, you know that he’s the one student who can show up late nearly every day of the semester and not feel ashamed. Mikey knows no shame and if you’ve seen him outside of class at parties, you know this well. Especially since he’s an adult male who owns five onesies and looks for opportunities to wear them, and if he can’t find the opportunity, he makes his own.

The Mikey Barnes Effect presents itself in different ways, but if you are suffering from mild irritation to acceptance about Mikey’s perpetually mischievous ways, you might want to see a doctor. There’s no cure, but they can give you something to help alleviate your symptoms.

10 ways to get your ex back

Pexel

HANNAH PARKER Viewpoints Editor

1. Constantly call him.

If you aren’t incessantly texting and calling him, leaving him voicemails every hour, how will he know that you want him back? The only way to let him know you still want him, is to never let his phone be empty. Hit him up at all hours of the day, and he’ll be back in your arms in no time!

2. Stalk his friends and family.

His friends and family are the people closest to him- which means you’ll get closer to him! See what they are doing then follow them around until they will finally talk to you, once he sees how invested you are in the people he cares about, he’ll start caring again for you too!

Mikey Barnes

Dining Hall builds character, withholds milk, bacon CHRIS MARKHAM Editor-in-Chief

This year, Campus Dining has made an exerted effort to help University of Mary Washington students appreciate common food more by making them less available, and for that, I’m grateful.

Taking away what we students want teaches humility and patience, two invaluable skills that college students do not usually learn. Dining has also hosted many events to bolster their menu, and provide cultural flare.

At the new and improved Joe Stacks, bacon, once obscenely available every day, is now exclusive to certain days of the week.

Not only does this save thousands of pigs, but saves our diets as well. Anybody who needs bacon every day is obviously in a bad place.

Estelle the Omelet lady has her omelet bar open only a few days out of the week as well. In the old Seaco, the omelet line extended out the doors due to the high demand for her delicious morsels.

Now, in a bold new strategy, the unpredictability of when the omelet bar will be open keeps students on their toes and the line at bay.

Even milk is often unavailable, another wise strategy. Too much milk can be bad for students and we’re better off saving the cows. Milk is pretty much only used for cereal anyway.

“My favorite day of the week is Monday because the gods give us milk and bacon on that day,” said freshman Hannah Parker. “It’s a privilege to have these available to me and I won’t take it for granted.”

This year, Dining has also replaced sliced cheese with shredded cheese on the WOW Wingery burgers.

Not only is the sparsely laid, unmelted cheese more pleasant than a traditional sliced kind, it is also a more expensive alternative, showing that Dining is not compromising taste for price. On a recent Destination Day, they brought back the sliced cheese for the prospective students.

But why? If we prefer the shredded cheese so much, why show prospective students something that they won’t actually receive?

“When prospective students come here, they better not demand that ridiculous sliced cheese that they’re used to,” said junior Ethan Tobin. “We’re a shredded cheese kind of school and they better like it.”

This semester, Dining has even hosted a “futuristic dinner” night. At this dinner, I enjoyed the most delicious, futuristic sandwich I’ve ever had. It must’ve been taken straight out of the future because there is no way any man or woman has ever thought of putting meatballs on a sub roll. They called this creation a “meatball sub.” Now I’m not from the future, but this innovation sounds too advanced for today’s society.

Dining has even taken the liberty of having cultural celebration nights. During the period of Arabic cultural celebration, the UC played traditional Arabic music. This music made my otherwise very American food taste much more Arabic.

My proposal for the next Dining event is Water Wednesday. Like bacon, students don’t need water every day of the week.

Too much water leads to too much urination which leads to unnecessary plumbing bills for the school.

I can’t wait to see what Dining has in store for the rest of the semester. Perhaps, one day, wings will be served at the wingery.

3. Log into his social media accounts.

Still have his passwords saved to your phone? Log back in! Check his Twitter DMs and whose pictures he’s liking on Instagram, and who’s liking his. This way you can rid off all the other girls that are trying to get in the way of you and your ex’s fate!

4. Take the same classes as him.

He’s a bio major? Well now you are too. The only way to get him back is if you guys have EVERYTHING in common. You may graduate three years later than planned, but it is worth it do get your soul mate back.

5. Move into the same building as him.

Find out what apartment building he is living in and make sure you are assigned to the same building and floor, and if it is possible try to get the room right next door! He will just have to take you back if fate brought you two right next to each other!

6. Make tweets, Instagram posts and Facebook statuses about him.

If you aren’t constantly showing the rest of the world how much you love him and miss him, he won’t know how much you really care. Show the world and soon he’ll show the world right back!

7. Get them to play your song at the dining hall.

Nothing screams “MEANT TO BE” more than your song playing while you eat across the room from each other! He’ll lock eyes with you and never turn away, he’ll be yours forever!

8. Leave pictures of you two in all of his things.

A little surprise picture of you two as a reminder of your love in his backpack, underwear drawer or even shower will make him regret ever leaving you!

9. Send a fake wedding invitation to him.

Seeing the future you two could have, happily married with three kids and a golden retriever, he’ll come running back to you!

10. Fake a pregnancy.

If all else fails, and he still hasn’t picked up the clues that you two are meant to be, just tell him you’re pregnant! He’ll have no choice but to stay with you now!

9

NEWS THE

BLUE & GRAY

Editors: Sarah Grammer & Emily Hollingsworth | blueandgray.news@gmail.com

Talon Lounge opens in UC

PRESS

IZZY BRIONES Assistant News Editor

MISSION The Blue & Gray Press is published every Thursday in the University Apartments Clubhouse for our university community. The goal of The Blue & Gray Press is to produce high quality and accurate news in a manner compliant with the Society of Professional Journalists ethics code. In its coverage, The Blue & Gray Press strives to highlight the community of the University of Mary Washington, as well as deliver fair and accurate coverage on the issues important to our students.

EDITORS-AT-LARGE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Chris Markham

SECTION EDITORS NEWS Sarah Grammer Emily Hollingsworth

VIEWPOINTS Hannah Parker

LIFE Della Hethcox

SPORTS Mikey Barnes

ONLINE Ethan Tobin

PHOTO Alex Sakes

ASSISTANT EDITORS Kelly Emmrich Ester Salguero

DUI DUI with Enhancement occurred at William Street and College Avenue on Wednesday, March 23 at 11:10 p.m., one person was arrested.

Trespassing Emily Hollingsworth/ The Blue & Gray Press

JASMINE PINEDA Staff Writer

A new hangout spot called the Talon Lounge is now open for anyone to use.

It is located in room 306 of the University Center and is available during the building’s normal operating hours.

It can be tricky to find for students not familiar with the structure of the third floor of the UC. The atmosphere in the Talon Lounge is relaxing and the lighting is not harsh, making it a great spot for students to get work done or just hang out and have some fun. The room itself is very spacious and contains various seating arrangements. There are some tables for students to work on, as well as lounge chairs similar to the ones in the UC lobby. There are also televisions spread throughout the room for student use.

Maria Ingea, a sophomore marketing and communications major, thinks the atmosphere is very relaxing and thinks the lounge was a great idea.

“It gives students a place to hang out outside of their dorms,” Ingea said. As someone who has helped hold events in the Talon Lounge, she also believes that clubs should take advantage of the space because of its great location.

In an email sent out to the university, Sam Kasner explained it was across from the bathrooms on the third floor to make it easier for students to navigate to the room, but until recently there was not much usage in the lounge. Freshman Matthew Allocca had never heard of the Talon Lounge prior to the news that it is now open for public use. “[It] sounds appealing for those who work better in groups,” Allocca said.

Samantha Amos, president of the University Programming Council, stated that the room was built for school groups to use, but that the room itself has hit a few snags. “[It] was made to be multipurpose but the lack of AV has made that difficult,” Amos said. Due to the lack of Audio/Video components and capabilities in the lounge, many organizations have not been able to use the space for what they need.

Amos explains that although it has not had a lot of use, some have used the lounge for rain locations. For example, the German Club had used it for their Winter Market. Other clubs, such as Young Life, tend to use the lounge as a meeting area. The Campus Programming Board has held past events there this semester, including “Live Lounge,” where students can come enjoy free pizza, listen to music and hang out with some friends.

Freshman Chloe Morten says that her friends do not tend to hang out there but would consider coming to the room if organizations or clubs on campus held events there.

Morten also believes that it’d be interesting to get more amenities for students in the room, such as a ping pong table.

As of right now, Alec Mallman, the building manager, has released the room for anyone to use during the building operating hours. He hopes this can promote use for students to relax, watch TV, do homework, or meet with groups.

There is currently discussion of trying to get a foosball or air hockey table in the room.

CORRECTIONS for THE Week

Izzy Briones

ADVERTISING TEAM ADVERTISING MANAGER Natalie Furman

FACULTY ADVISOR Sushma Subramanian

10

POLICE BEAT

PLEASE REPORT ANY MISTAKES SEEN IN THE BLUE & GRAY PRESS TO Chris Markham, blueandgray.eic@gmail.com or Sushma Subramanian, ssubrama@umw.edu

Trespassing occurred at Eagle Landing on Thursday, March 24 around 7 p.m., one person was given an administrative referral.

Drug Possession Possession of Marijuana occurred at Westmoreland Hall on Thursday, March 24 around 11 p.m., two people were given an administrative referral.

Larceny Larceny from a vehicle occurred in the 800 Block of Moncure Street on Friday, March 25 at 10 p.m., the case is pending under the Fredericksburg Police Department.

Vandalism Vandalism occurred at the Russell Hall parking lot on Friday, March 25 between 7 p.m. and 7:30 p.m., the case is pending.

Possession of Alcohol Underage Possession of Alcohol occurred at the exterior of the University Center on Sunday, March 27 around 1 a.m., one person was given a warning.

Underage Possession of Alcohol occurred at Bushnell Hall on Monday, March 28 around 1:30 a.m., the case is pending.

In last week’s issue in the article titled, “ UMW reports a sexual assault affecting a student,” the date of the assault was incorrectly stated as Friday, March 13. The assault actually took place on Sunday, March 13.

In last week’s issue in the article titled, “Campus publication encourages literary and artistic student efforts,” the writer Ashley Riggleson’s last name was incorrectly spelled Riggleston. It is actually spelled Riggleson.

The information was compiled with assistance from UMW Police Manager James DeLoatch and Fredericksburg Police Department Public Information Officer Sarah Kirkpatrick.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

NEWS

Enoing on campus undergoes new rules after student is injured

Student reactions vary in Brussels aftermath

•ENO | 2 because of the adverse effects that it has had to trees on campus.

Landphair who is a fan of the recent trend known as enoing, does not want to ban the outdoor activity. Part of the reason why she admires this activity so much is because Landphair says she enjoys it when her daughter tells her she is about to go out enoing.

“I walk around campus and love to see the students hanging out in this healthy fun way which suggests that they are actually reflecting and relaxing a little bit,” Landphair said.

Wilson recommends that students use tree-friendly slap straps around the bark to ensure that little to no damage will be done to the trees on campus.

She emphasized how important it is to protect the university’s trees, especially after the university has recently been recognized as a 2015 Tree Campus by the Arbor Day Foundation.

She also enjoys seeing students use hammocks on campus but is weary of the damage that may occur to trees which cannot sustain such pressures.

“I like to see the kids using the hammocks but there is just no denying that it can definitely have adverse effects on the trees,” Wilson said.

Wilson also advises against students using the cherry trees across from George Washington Hall because the bark is so thin it is like skin and can easily be scratched with just fingernails.

She says using trees with chunky bark are best when picking out hammock supports.

Another student, freshman Mary Pagan, had also considered using the columns at the amphitheater to hammock but decided against it when she thought twice about the safeness of the structures. She usually slings her hammock between the cedar trees that form a fence like arrangement across from Trinkle Hall, however, she does not do it often.

“This is only my second time sitting in my hammock,” Pagan said.

The advisory Landphair sent out has been supported by both students and faculty who acknowledge the safety concerns of these new guidelines. The University knows that a policy for the use of slacklines and hammocks has been needed due to an increase in this outdoor activity.

As of right now there are no conclusions about a policy on hammocking but the administrators hope to meet as soon as possible in April. Wilson, Landphair and members of the outdoor club will be defining the campus’s rules on hammocking.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Ståle Grut / wikimedia.commons

Maalbeek metro station in Brussels, site of one of the recent bombings.

• BRUSSELS | 2

With this tragedy, many UMW students are shocked and sympathetic.

“I’m sad but concerned as well because we heard nothing about the bombings in Turkey that happened a few days before, so it’s concerning that we are only reacting now that there has been a second country bombed,” said junior

English major Kate Chisholm.

The bombings have raised concerns about the United States’ response as well as what will be done in the future to prevent these attacks.

“It’s a horrible thing that has happened and is continuing to happen,” said sophomore economics major Sarah Manugo. “As a nation we need to take

this seriously and to tie into the upcoming election we need a candidate who is going to be more proactive than reactive.”

The concerns raised by students reflect the concern shared by many in the United States as to how it will respond to these recent terror threats.

New honor code to lessen some punishments •HONOR | 2 integral role in how the group functions. The budget each year is minimal, typically spent on promoting events, such as Honor Week.

After growing up in Manassas, Virginia, Nordike decided to attend UMW because of his interest in writing, which he felt would be served well by the school’s focus on a liberal arts education. Nordike also wanted to be more involved in the school. During his junior year, Nordike decided to join the Honor Council not only to help his peers in the community, but also as a resume booster. Nordike was elected to join the Honor Council by his class.

Nordike also says he considers himself quite honorable. His peer agrees.

“You could tell he learned many values from his sports teams like loyalty, respect, and just pretty much going above and beyond for his friends, and you can tell he still values those attributes he has today,” said Brock Bosack, a senior civil engineering major at Virginia Tech who is his longtime friend According to the president of the honor council, Diana Inthavong, the new system has aspects that are similar to the one of the College of William and Mary. William and Mary has a tiered system in which for smaller violations, such as cheating on a quiz but admitting to it, an accused student could work something out to get off with a lesser punishment. Whereas for a larger punishment, like cheating on a final exam or a case where a student pleads ‘not

UMW Honor Council / Twitter

responsible’ but in fact is responsible, the student must face the music of the disciplinary committee.

The UMW council saw William and Mary’s code as a more efficient way to operate, so they decided to follow the same path.

“Not only is Carter the treasurer, but he is also a class representative,” said senior art history and historic preservation major Inthavong. “Along with managing the budget, he sits in on hearings and advises students and faculty on honor system procedures.”

The next step for the revised copy of the Honor Code is to be reviewed by the board for approval. If approved, the process is completed.

As for the new, incoming members of the Honor Council, their job is to enforce these new rules.

Once the senior affiliates transition off, the new associates begin by sitting in on hearings and picking up where the past congregation left off. “It is business as usual, as if there was no transition at all,” Nordike said.

Nordike believes this experience in the Honor Council has not only given him a great opportunity to meet great people, but that he had the ability to redefine his communication skills and collaborate with his peers. He believes these experiences will help to prepare him for the near future.

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SPORTS

APRIL FOOL’S PAGE All articles on this page should be considered satirical and not be taken too seriously.

Darrell Green tricks UMW community about football team

Flickr/JeffKern

MICKEY BARNES Sports Editor

In April 2013, former Washington Redskin and NFL Hall-of-Famer Darrell Green joined the University of Mary Washington staff as the special assistant for student-athlete development and public relations. Green played for the Washington Redskins for 20 seasons and has been regarded by many as Mr. Redskin.

Green was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2008 in his first year of eligibility.

As the push for a football team reached its peak at UMW, Green so happened to have joined the UMW staff, but just as “another staff member.” His presence though made it seem as though things were moving in the right direction for the university in its interest in gaining a football team. Sophomore Jesse Jones, an avid football watcher said, “I was very excited finding out Mr. Green was on staff

here when I was preparing to arrive my freshman year. I knew I would miss the Friday night lights from high school and was excited of the chances UMW would get that opportunity.” Jones expressed an opinion felt by many UMW students, faculty and alumni.

These hopes and dreams of Jones came to haltering stop as it became news that Green was leaving the university after such a short stint.. Not only did these dreams crush the avid football watcher, but also those who attended the school in hopes of playing for the varsity program.

Junior Glenn Taylor, a high school football player and a three-time intramural flag football All-American was not happy about the news. “I was really excited coming here my freshman year thinking we were getting a football team. I was a backup in high school, but a pretty good one at that. Though I am an IM champ and the fastest in the league, I am disap-

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pointed I did not get to put those shoulder pads back on like expected.”

Taylor was personally recruited by Nick Saban of Alabama and Urban Meyer of Ohio State for football, but was confident in UMW’s potential.

During his time at UMW, rumors swirled of Darrell Green perhaps even joining the football team as the running back. Taylor, a running himself, is confident he would’ve beaten Green for the starting job.

“The guy’s washed up. I hold like 10 school records. It wouldn’t even be close,” Taylor said.

Next on UMW’s list of one-and-done celebrity employees is Joey Chestnut who will presumably endorse the addition of a varsity hot dog eating team.

UMW sports team plays good game

HANNAH PARKER Sports Enthusiast

This past Saturday the University of Mary Washington’s men’s sports team won against Salisbury’s men’s sports team during the sports game.

The UMW sports team scored 11 baskets against Salisbury’s sports team, which scored nine goals.

Both sports teams played their best; but UMW sports team reigned top baller.

No. 87 on the UMW sports team ran the field and kicked the winning goal, scoring the last one point for the sports team.

The audience applauded No. 87’s winning homerun and screamed even louder when he did a winner’s back-flip on the court.

But, the most inspiring moment of the sports game was when No. 123456789’s lacrosse stick broke and water boy Babe Ruth ran on to the court with his own baseball bat and scored a touchdown for the UMW Sports team.

When intermission happened, the girls who scream and shout came out to scream and shout. Then announcer Mikey Barnes ran out on the court and everyone boo’d.

“Bring back the sports actors,” the audience demanded.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Alex Obolensky

“I JUST TOLD THEM TO PLAY SPORTS BETTER...

WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAY SPORTS IKE I DO, YOU KNOW HOW TO TEACH OTHER PEOPLE TO PLAY SPORTS.” -Coach of UMW sports Team Barnes, stealing the sports game again, ran off the field in sobs.

The UMW sports team shook off Barnes’ bad attitude and wrestled Salisbury’s Sports team to the field. The audience roared with excitement.

After more sports happened, UMW sports team coach coach called a break in the sports game. Coach yelled at the sports actors to play sports better and to be better sports actors. The sports actors

Hannah Parker

nodded, they knew what needed to be done.

Coach’s speech inspired the sports actors so much that they began to play sports better. The sports game had never been so good.

A national sports network showed up to videotape the sports game and interview coach about coach’s huge speech that made the sports actors play better.

“I just told them to play sports better,” coach said. “Sports are really all about playing the sport, and being good at them.

That’s really all you can do when you play sports, play the sport. When you know how to play sports like I do, you know how to teach other people how to play sports. Play sports good, and the sports will be played good.”

Coach inspired not only the sports actors, but the audience and the national sports network too. Even I was inspired by coach’s words.

The sports game ended and everyone went home and lived their lives as usual, the sports game leaving no effect on them.

Next week UMW’s men’s sports team will travel to the other sports field to play against the other college’s sports team for the sports game.

UMW athletics welcomes Quidditch as varsity sport ETHAN TOBIN Online Editor

On Oct 24, 2014, the University of Mary Washington published an article announcing that the varsity athletic department would be introducing a men’s golf program coming in the fall of 2016, an initiative Athletic Director Ken Tyler fully advocated. The announcement asserted that Rod Wood, director of athletics facilities and former coach of the men’s basketball team would take the reigns as head coach.

However, speculations regarding Tyler’s intentions to bring on a new program have now been brought into the light.

In his opening speech at the annual athletic department spring banquet, Tyler spilled the beans as to his actual intentions of bringing in a new sports program to the school this coming fall.

Using the department’s $400 million, Tyler announced that Quidditch would be promoted to a varsity sport in the fall.

In addition to being UMW’s first co-ed varsity sport, it will be the first to compete on the Division I level.

Tyler cited the team’s relentless nature as part of the reason he wanted them to reach varsity status. His admiration of their long practices on Jefferson Square and the team’s potential to bring in millions of dollars of revenue were just some of the reasons for the addition.

Wood, who will take over as head coach, says he has never played himself, but the avid Harry Potter fan is confident in his ability to understand the rules.

Wood’s hiring was the result of a bold coach-selection strategy; after Tyler pulled Wood’s name out of a hat. The hat reportedly also had the names of assistant athletic director Dana Hall, athletic trainer Lauren Wise and director of athletic development Philip Pierce.

According to Tyler, Wood will receive a salary of $2.5 million dollars in his first year as head coach.

Tyler said that the Quidditch team will assume control of the newly renovated field on Hanover Street, much to the dismay of the rugby teams.

Over the past several months, Tyler and Wood have carefully recruited players from across the nation to join the new program. The incoming freshmen class this fall will consist of two seekers, three beaters, two chasers and one high school All-American keeper.

Tyler’s announcement of the addition left many in attendance both excited and confused as his repeated use of the phrase “Rise Up” while pounding his podium sent shockwaves of mixed emotions through the audience.

“At first I thought it was a joke, but he kept doing it with a straight face so I started feeling concerned,” said sophomore Alex Sakes.

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