Student Survival Guide - Spring Semester 2011

SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX | JANUARY 28, 2011

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STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE BOSTON, A TO Z p 3 50 MUST-SEE CONCERTS p 8 RENTERS’ RIGHTS p 10 BONUS COMIC p 12

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SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | JANUARY 28, 2011 3

SPELLING IT OUT An (almost) A-to-Z guide to Boston, from Ben Affleck to Yawkey Way

America

_BY LUKE O’NEIL

As you probably didn’t learn in high school, we invented that shit here in Boston. I’m not going to get into a whole thing about it like those Tea Party jerkoffs who love freedom and believe Jesus is the president of the clouds, but if you’re coming here, you’re probably going to get douched in the face with this history nonsense everywhere you go. Go see the spot of the real Tea Party if you want. (You don’t.) It’s right in the harbor over there by all the other shit that no one who lives here has ever seen. (Like the harbor.)

SEE ALSO F AEROSMITH The geriatric soundtrack to our dads

getting dry hand jobs in high school.

AFFLECK, BEN A filmmaker that we pretend still lives here.

ALLSTON A hipster enclave noted for its dive bars and sidewalk puke.

W

elcome to Boston, college kids. Despite all of the things we say every summer behind your backs about how great the city is when you’re not here, we’re actually really happy to have you. Mostly because all of the schools you attend give us a reason to feign civic pride when we’re arguing with friends from New York.

As you get further acclimated to your new city, a lot of questions are probably going to come up. Like, “Why is the Phoenix running this college guide halfway through the school year?” And,“Just how slowly should I walk in front of traffic on Comm Ave on my way to class?” Fortunately, we’re here to help you figure out the city with this comprehensive A-to-Z guide to everything that I could think of to make jokes about.

Allston

Pay close enough attention and you’ll probably find that the guy named Steve-o who’s punching you in the tits outside the bar right now is wearing a Celtics jersey. It’s actually our local basketball team, famous for its lengthy history of NBA championships and equally lengthy history of being the adopted bandwagon team of insecure white guys all over the country.

SEE ALSO F CENTRAL SQUARE Cambridge is Boston’s Brooklyn.

Central Square is Boston’s Brooklyn’s Williamsburg. It’s a great place to see a band or DJ, or get knifed by an insane person.

CATHOLIC CHURCH A prominent group of real-estate speculators and pedophiles. Also the answer to the question, “Why are people from Boston so angry all the time?”

CHARLES STREET One of the ritziest streets in the city, it’s renowned for its high-end antiquing — think about that one for a second — gourmet groceries, art galleries, and cute little cafes so precious you could snap them in half with an ill-timed boner.

COOLIDGE CORNER Largely Jewish (am I allowed to use that word in the paper?) neighborhood, home to old people, and, like, a vibrator factory or something. Also has a movie theater you’ll probably end up at one night trying to impress some loser from your film-studies class.

Dresden Dolls

Beantown

This punk cabaret duo/performance art project were basically Insane Clown Posse for art fags, but, you know, good. Singer Amanda Palmer is the closest thing we have to a rock star these days, which is great, because it makes all the dad-rockers still haunting the clubs here pissed off.

Do people call it “Beantown” in whatever weird state you’re from? Because no one here does. Unless you’re being ironic — and then you know how that goes: starts out as a joke, then turns into the way you actually talk.

Whoops. So I guess I was lying, we do call it that. Hip-hop heads call it Beantown a lot, too, now that I think of it, but pretty much the only thing they have to rap about besides their own personal name is the name of place they live. Anyway, bonus history lesson: back in the day, we used to eat a lot of beans with molasses here, and there was this thing known as the triangular trade system. Slaves in the Caribbean harvested sugar cane, which was sent to Boston and turned into rum. The rum was sent to Africa to buy slaves to send to the Caribbean. That means everyone who drinks rum is racist.

SEE ALSO F BOSTON BRUINS The favored sports team of guys with goatees who wear cargo shorts in the winter.

BOSTON UNIVERSITY You probably go here! The luxury high-rise dorms are nicer than the palaces of some Saudi princes. Hell, those princes probably go here, too, so you can ask them yourself.

BOSTON COLLEGE The safety school for white kids from Connecticut who are pretty sure Jesus would have totally ripped bong hits and played corn-hole if he was kicking it at this tailgate.

BANK OF AMERICA Not just a convenient means of withdrawing your parents’ money. If you pass one, it’s an easy shorthand for knowing when you’ve covered a span of one city block. Whichever one you go to used to be the most amazing bar or rock club or hamburger joint of all time. Grab the first old person you see, and they’ll talk at you about it for an hour.

BEACON HILL Home to the State House, tons of overpriced brownstones you’ll never get inside, and the historic neighborhood that invented the concept of the snooty, entitled Boston prick.

The Celtics

SEE ALSO F DUNKIN DONUTS Starbucks for people who drive trucks to work, or else really wish they did. If you don’t see a Dunkies nearby, you’ve wandered too far from home, and you’re probably about to get mugged. Good luck!

DORCHESTER Like Ireland World at Epcot Center, but with a lot more drunk house painters.

DIG, THE BIG In ancient history, Bostonians dug giant holes dug in the ground meant to move cars more efficiently from one side of the city to another, and to more efficiently remove billions in cash from taxpayers’ pockets. We got a nice stretch of grass over on the Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy Greenway out of it, though, so call it even?

Dresden Dolls ILLUSTR ATIONS BY SCOTT GETCHELL

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SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | JANUARY 28, 2011 5

Continued from p 3

Fenway Park

Eurotrash

Pretty sure they have these folks everywhere else, too, but this place is crawling with the fuckers. Our advice: avoid standing downwind of their BO-andcologne-cocktail clouds. Look, someone needs to pay $60,000 a year to go to Boston University and purchase bottle service at the shitty downtown clubs, so thanks for coming, I guess. Wait, is European a race?

Because in Boston we’re only allowed to talk about race in the privacy of our own parlors and dive bars and sports-radio stations, so I don’t want to offend anyone.

Hot news tip here: this is where the Boston Red Sox baseball team plays. Sports is all anyone in Boston cares about. Even your most clichéd hipster pussies are sweating this game, and the game is always on, at every bar or club you will ever go to. If you’re from Long Island and a big Yankees fan, you should get drunk at the bar and let everyone know that. It’s a good way to meet new people.

SEE ALSO F FANEUIL HALL Some boor you know is going to insist you check out this tourist trap/shopping mall/historical re-enactment plaza, or go drinking in one of its many cattlestaging areas for date rape and bro-fighting. Unsubscribe that person from your face.

Green Line

This MBTA subway line is the oldest in North America. It was invented in the 1890s to ferry drunk teenagers to their dorms.

SEE ALSO F GOOD WILL HUNTING Documentary about all of our blue-collar math geniuses.

Eurotrash SEE ALSO F ESPLANADE A gorgeous stretch of parks along

the Charles River great for jogging, biking, or cruising for blow jobs in the bushes.

EMERSON COLLEGE Where creative kids who didn’t get into NYU go to major in coke and girl jeans.

EMMANUEL COLLEGE Some sort of institute of higher learning, I’m guessing? Hard to say for sure.

E LINE How Northeastern kids would get around the city if they ever wanted to leave. (They don’t.) And how poor people would get to the MFA if people who took the T ever actually went to the MFA. (They don’t.)

Green Line

Irish

You can’t puke Magners out your nose around here without splashing that shit all over the bright red walls of some faux Irish pub or another. That’s because — and

don’t quote me on this — I’m pretty sure there are more Irish people in Boston than in all of Ireland. That means every day is like St. Patrick’s Day here, which is great because it combines three cool ideas: religion, national pride, and drinking like a homeless street fighter.

SEE ALSO F INSTITUTE OF CONTEMPORARY ART Here’s

another insider scoop: the famous contemporary-art museum in a big city has interesting art. Shepard Fairey farted out some of his phony bullshit here recently before getting arrested for sucking. I mean tagging.

INMAN SQUARE Inman is like what would happen if Harvard and Central squares had a baby, but they didn’t really want it and were sort of dicks about the whole thing.

JFK

Like everyone else that was ever important in American history, the 35th president of the United States was born here.

No one will ever let you forget about this dude in Boston, so get used to drinking under posters of the deadest president saint. That’s like not turning over the picture of your mom and dad on the dresser while you’re fucking, btw.

SEE ALSO F JAMAICA PLAIN Come to think of it, JP is really Boston’s Brooklyn, although instead of taking the L train to get there, you need a fucking jetpack or a helicopter, because this place is far away from everywhere. It’s even far away from JP. Cute bars and restaurants here brush up against some for-real shady parts, though, so don’t get tricked into thinking you’re in the clear simply because you just spent the night wilding out at a queer-friendly dance party with all your girls from the gender-theory seminar.

ersities.

Harrdvisalirkd of Boston univ rd a rv a H e th e . Two things

Harva lot here ut Harvard a o b y a lk ta le p o Pe ount of totall m a g n si ri rp e su there, to note: 1) Th oing on over g t o g e ’v y e ks th are. It’s bangable chic f these idiots o st o m ss le e u se future and 2) How cl g some of the n ri tu ic p h inals g hard enou ge-fund crim d e h d n a ts n e rd on d a pigeon tu Hollywood ag n u ro a t e fe goofy iverse piloting their ruling the un d in m r e v e n , the sidewalk are. d yet here we n A y. a d e m so e of the best in th here are some ITALS The ones d break your face, you’ll be SP O H O F LS A SEE u fall an ws for you: if yo ne od Go . ld or w time. sorted out in no

Khed

A catchall Bostonian townie classification that doesn’t discriminate by age, gender, or sexuality.

For example, “Let’s pre-game at yowah apahtment befawr the facking Sawx game, khed” is what someone in Boston would say if they were asking their grandmother if they could come over for dinner.

Legalize it

Possession of under an ounce of marijuana is now just a civil violation in Massachusetts, so it’s like getting a speeding ticket. What about dudes who are holding over an ounce, you might ask? Those people are fucking stupid, that’s what. Pot is for fat people anyway, so never mind.

SEE ALSO F LANSDOWNE STREET About a dozen different

clubs and bars here, including the House of Blues, which is nowhere near as awful as you might think and gets a lot of cool national acts. Everything else here is pretty much for tourists and college students, so . . . oh, right.

LESLEY UNIVERSITY It’s right near Harvard! That’s a thing.

Middlesex Lounge and Middle East, The Two clubs you’ll be fine wandering into on any random night of the week to see something hot, whether it’s electronic or indie rock, respectively. See the entry on Central Square (page 3) for more info because this thing is getting pretty long and I’m running out of jokes.

SEE ALSO F MURPHYS, DROPKICK Sounds like getting

smashed in the teeth with a bagpipe. That’s Boston in a nutshell right there.

MOLLY You’re probably fucked up on this right now!

MIT Ladies, please don’t underestimate the awesome douchepower of some eastMIT Asian engineering genius with his first taste of boner autonomy. Dudes are not afraid to dance awkwardly in your private zone, and normal social cues like “Get away from me” won’t necessarily work.

Newbury Street

The schmanciest street in the city, with all the precious shoe stores and high-end salons in which people pay $500 to get their hair cut. Unfortunately, no one has figured out how to pass a law yet that makes the 20-year-old panhandlers at one end and essentially all of your moms hanging out on the other end invisible.

NEWBURY COMICS is here. It’s a store that used to be a record shop, which is a thing that used to exist. Now it sells youthculture-related kitsch.

SEE ALSO F NATIVE AMERICANS Just kidding, we’ve got no Native Americans — they were all killed a long time ago. But in exchange, they got some streets named after them.

NORTH END More cute little cafes and tiny, candle-lit Italian restaurants than you, or anyone else, will ever need. A new one just opened up as you were reading that sentence.

Continued on p 5

6 JANUARY 28, 2011 | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX

Continued from p 5

boredom in lesbian- and fratdouche-friendly Davis Square, I suppose. You might die of knife-poisoning elsewhere, though.

The Patriots, The

The only thing that really matters in the world more than Tom Brady or Wes Welker, is the combined force of Tom Brady and Wes Welker. The fact that they lost to the Jets in the playoffs doesn’t really change that, aside from the fact that I jumped off the Zakim Bridge and these are the last words you’ll ever read from me. Tell my mother I loved her or whatever.

SEE ALSO F STATE STREET The gateway to the city’s cavernous downtown financial district you have no reason to go near, but also a state of mind for those of you who are majoring in economics or business and plan on spending the rest of your twenties wearing one of those blue fleece vests and punching your bros in the nuts for being fags.

STUDENT LOANS Just a minor technicality that you should be able to pay off in no time, given that fancy new bachelor’s in fine arts you just got.

I wouldn’t bother paying them for another couple years if I were you.

SOUTHIE This is the neighborhood people in the rest of the country are talking about when they’re talking about Boston: provincial, violent, racist, and segregated.

Technology Patriots/ Prudential Center SEE ALSO F PRUDENTIAL CENTER The streets of the city

are laid out like they just looked at the tracks some horse wandered down 300 years ago and said, “Yeah, that’ll do for a street.” The point is, the Pru is one of the only really tall buildings around, so you can use it as a sort of landmark when you inevitably get lost.

Quincy

Commonly known as the city of presidents, if by “presidents” you mean meth dealers who are roommates with their uncle.

Aside from drunk Catholics, disenfranchised minorities, and swarms of hipster pussies, the other thing we’ve got a lot of in Boston and Cambridge is fucking nerds, all of whom go to Harvard or MIT or one of the 50 other colleges around here.

You probably know this firsthand.

After most of you nerds graduate, you go to work for one of the many evilscientist technology labs scattered around Kendall Square (don’t bother going if you don’t have to), where they perform biological experiments on babies and try to invent time machines.

SEE ALSO F THE T A cute little subway system that stops

Racism

Back in the ’70s, the courts ordered desegregation of schools and started busing kids from one neighborhood to the next, causing riots and at least one attempted impaling with an American flag. In the ’80s, some dude killed his wife and blamed “a black guy,” and everyone went apeshit again. And last year, police in Cambridge arrested a black faculty member at Harvard for walking into his own house, but that one’s cool because then he got to have a beer with President Obama. Actually, maybe we deserve the bad rep.

Revere Beach

running at like 4:30 in the afternoon, which means everyone who goes out to the bars has to drive. Moral of the story: don’t be on the road after last call.

TED KENNEDY The late senator from Massachusetts was beloved for decades because he didn’t think poor people should be legally compelled to die, which is what passes for a radical left-wing agenda in this awful country now. Bostonians also loved him because we all have the same giant pumpkin head and red gin-blossom face he popularized.

TUFTS One of the most expensive schools in the country, for some reason no one can really explain. It’s located in Medford, which is where you’re going to move if you’re still here by age 30 and have given up on having fun.

Underage

I don’t condone breaking the law (except when I do, like right now in these words I am typing), but smaller bars and restaurants are more likely to need your business and not care that you can’t grow a mustache yet, so try drinking there like it’s no thing. Not rolling in 10-deep, in a giant swarm of barely post-pubescent awkwardness, will help you keep your cover. That being said, your chances of getting served here before you’re 21 are slim — yet another reason to curse the Puritans.

SEE ALSO F REVERE BEACH Seems like a good idea for a day trip, until you realize that Revere Beach makes the Jersey Shore look like the Jersey Shore.

RIDING A BIKE Another seemingly good idea, and some of the streets here (especially in hippie-ravaged Cambridge) are zoned for bike lanes, but there is roughly a 100-percent chance that you are going to get doored by some clueless idiot blundering out of his car, so take it slow. Also, I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to fly through red lights riding with no hands and talking on your cell phone. Someone should look into that.

ROXBURY You’re never going to go here, so don’t worry about it. (See: “Segregation,” unless the racists made us take it out.)

Somerville

The city adjacent to Boston and Cambridge was primarily a working-class enclave until assholes like me moved in and decided we wanted a place to spend $15 on Fluffernutter lattes and fairtrade scones. Still has some of its grit though, on account of — shit, what are they called again? Oh, right: the South American drug gangs. You won’t die of

Velvet Rope

We don’t really have too many posh nightclubs here where you, like, stand outside and the bouncer looks you over and lets you in if you’re hot. That’s mostly because no one here is hot. If you absolutely must seek out a place like this, then try the Alley down by the Boston Common, or the Financial or Theater District clubs. I’d write more about these types of places, but I have good taste, so I don’t have any firsthand experience.

er h t a e W e v i s s Oppre usetts. re in Massach

ing o seasons he We’ve got tw nd 90 or snow a id m u h e b na p on It’s either gon ant to stock u w l ’l u o Y s. ll you up to your ba trunks when im sw d n a ots ere both snow bo ’s really nowh re e th h g u o h t, sizemove in, alt . Barring tha im sw to y is il flip h non-syp o shorts, and rg ca s, y e rs ery je s this (and ev XXXL sports le y st t o h e th be , you flops seems to nt to blend in a w u o y if so e. other) year, up on that on it ck su to e v a might h

Wicked

Har har, this is a thing people here say.

How quaint. Don’t fuck it up if you’re trying to fit in, though. Instead of just saying “wicked,” you have to use it to modify something else. For example, “I am wicked fucked up and having a blast right now because I read this amazing guide to Boston.”

Yawkey Way A good street on which to drink expensive beer out of plastic cups next to dozens of Boston cops and thousands of people from Norton, Framingham, and Billerica who hoofed it down for the facking game, khed.

Zzzzzz

I got to go, this is getting way too long.

There’s probably some shit to do for the other letters I skipped, but I’m not gonna plan everything for you, dude. I’m not your fucking dad. As far as I know. ^

A version of this originally appeared at readplatform.com. Luke O’Neil can be reached at lukeoneil47@gmail.com.

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8 JANUARY 28, 2011 | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX

PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER

PRESENTS

50 Concerts To See Before Finals Week

T

his is a message from BostonFunShit, the Phoenix’s authority on having a good time: Get out of your dorm. Every night, this city guarantees a shit-riot with your name on it. With that, we present 50 ways to have an unforgettable evening this semester.

Go forth, and conquer.

thePhoenix.com/ bostonfunshit

twitter.com/ bostonfunshit

facebook.com/ bostonfunshit

1. NEKO CASE | February 3 at the Wilbur Theatre, Boston | $35

2. CHROMEO | February 3 at the House of Blues, Boston | $22.50-$35

3. LYRICS BORN | February 4 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $15

4. BEST COAST | February 4 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $18

5. ROBYN | February 4 at the House of Blues, Boston | $22.50-$37.50

6. GANG OF FOUR | February 7 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $25

7. DEERHOOF | February 10 at the Middle East Downstairs, Cambridge | $15

8. EMILIE AUTUMN | February 12 at the Armory, Somerville | $20

9. BIFFY CLYRO | February 13 at T.T. the Bear’s Place, Cambridge | $15; $12 advance

10. DOOMRIDERS | February 13 at Great Scott, Allston | $12; $10 advance

11. ROONEY | February 16 at the Middle East downstairs, Cambridge | $15

12. INTERPOL | February 19 at the House of Blues, Boston | $30-$40

13. WIZ KHALIFA | February 20 at the Palladium, Worcester | $29

14. PLAIN WHITE T’S | February 21 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $18

15. WHITE RABBITS | February 24 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $15

16. ASOBI SEKSU | February 25 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $12

17. GIRL TALK | February 26 at the House of Blues, Boston | SOLD OUT

18. TRACY MORGAN | February 26 at the Wilbur Theatre, Boston | $49-$59

19. FLOGGING MOLLY | February 27 at the House of Blues, Boston | $29.50-$39.50

20. MICHAEL SHOWALTER | February 28 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $12

SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | JANUARY 28, 2011 9

21. EUGENE MIRMAN | March 1 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $15

22. DUM DUM GIRLS | March 2 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $12

23. “GOOD VS. EVIL: AN EVENING WITH ANTHONY BOURDAIN AND ERIC RIPERT” | March 4 at Symphony Hall, Boston | $34-$199

26. GET UP KIDS | March 6 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $20

27. WILD FLAG | March 7 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $12

28. LADY GAGA | March 8 at the TD Garden, Boston | $52-$177.50 | SOLD OUT

29. BRIGHT EYES | March 10 at the House of Blues, Boston | SOLD OUT

30. THE POGUES | March 11 + 12 at the House of Blues, Boston | $51-$75

31. “SHAQUILLE O’NEAL’S ALLSTAR COMEDY JAM” | March 12 at the Wilbur Theatre, Boston | $29-$39

32. DROPKICK MURPHYS | March 16-18 at the House of Blues, Boston | $32.50$52.50 | SOLD OUT

33. CRYSTAL CASTLES | March 19 at the House of Blues, Boston | $25-$35

34. STEVE-0 | March 19 at the Wilbur Theatre, Boston | $25-$35

35. COLD WAR KIDS | March 22 at the House of Blues, Boston | $20

36. GLASSJAW | March 25 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $20

37. GRACE POTTER & THE NOCTURNALS | March 25 at the House of Blues, Boston | $25-$39.50

38. WARPAINT | March 29 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $15

39. CULTS | April 1 at the Brighton Music Hall, Allston | $12

41. KE$HA | April 12 at the House of Blues, Boston | $39.50-$49.50

42. SHARON VAN ETTEN | April 14 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $10

43. THE GO! TEAM | April 15 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $16

44. CAKE | April 22 at the Wang Theatre, Boston | $40-$45

45. MOGWAI | April 23 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $22.50

46. COHEED AND CAMBRIA | April 25 at the House of Blues, Boston | $26-$36

47. SURFER BLOOD | April 30 at the Middle East downstairs, Cambridge | $18

48. OF MONTREAL | May 1 at the Paradise Rock Club, Boston | $26.50

49. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE | May 5 at the House of Blues, Boston | $35-$45 | SOLD OUT

50. DEFTONES | May 9 at the House of Blues, Boston | $28-$38

24. THE LOW ANTHEM | March 4 at the Old South Church, Boston | $18

25. CRADLE OF FILTH | March 4 at the Palladium, Worcester | $25

40. MIKE WATT & THE MISSING MEN | April 6 at T.T. the Bear’s Place, Cambridge | $14

10 JANUARY 28, 2011 | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX

A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN Renters: don’t get screwed by shady landlords — know your rights _ BY N OA H S C HA F F ER

S

o you’re ready to abandon dorm life.

In exchange for leaving behind RAs and having your dorm mate walk in at the wrong moment, you’ll learn the joys of renting an apartment: bedbugs, deadbeat roommates, erratic heat, and lost security deposits.

Fortunately, Massachusetts has some of the most tenant-friendly laws around.

Landlords can’t leave problems unfixed, barge in without an appointment, or keep your security deposit for no good reason. You can protect yourself as long as you pay attention and know your rights before, during, and, especially, after you sign a lease.

BEFORE

Make sure you see the actual apartment — not just one in the same building as the unit you’ll be renting. Choose your roommates carefully, because if your roommate moves out before the lease is up, you’ll be responsible for the entire rent check.

The legalese in the lease may be about as tedious as an iTunes user agreement, but unlike with iTunes, you actually have to read it. Make sure you know what is says about things like whether subleasing is allowed (in case you want to find someone to take your room while you go off to join the Sandinista revolution for a few months) and whether rent includes utilities like gas and hot water. “Sometimes a realtor will say one thing but the lease will say another and a tenant will sign the lease not reading it carefully,” warns Lori Fanara, legal counsel for the City of Boston’s Rental Housing Resource Center.

Fanara also cautions about paying would-be landlords a “holding fee” to take an apartment off the market before a lease is signed. “We’ve seen cases where the tenant will find something better but then have trouble getting that holding fee back,” she says. If you do pay one, Fanara says to get in writing, whether or not the fee is refundable.

Another thing to do is get insurance — before you get robbed. “One of the biggest mistakes a tenant can make is not getting renter’s insurance,” says Fanara.

Also keep in mind that the City of Boston no longer allows more than four unrelated undergrads from living together, so that punk-rock squat house of your dreams is right out. And you shouldn’t let your landlord break the law by packing students into a small apartment, so make sure your name is on the lease if you’re paying rent.

MOVING IN

Landlords who are understandably eager for students’ money but worried about their place getting trashed will ask for a security deposit up front, along with first and last months’ rent. But many don’t bother to follow the law when it comes to those payments.

“It’s important for tenants to know whether they are paying a security deposit or last month’s rent,” advises A. Joseph Ross, a Boston attorney who frequently handles

landlord/tenant disputes. “When they write the check, they should put in the memo which one it is.”

But the landlord isn’t allowed to just pocket the security deposit. Instead, they have to place it into an escrow account, and send the tenant the account information within 30 days. “Make a copy for everyone,” says Ross, “and store it somewhere safe.”

In addition, the landlord must send the tenant a description of the apartment’s condition. “These statements of condition almost always say this is a wonderful, pristine apartment, and it often isn’t,” says Ross. “Go through and be careful — I’d say anally compulsive — about listing anything wrong with the apartment. Put the date on it and send it to the landlord.”

If your landlord flakes on any of these laws, you can demand that they return your full security deposit at any time — although you may not want to annoy an otherwise reasonable landlord with such a request.

DURING YOUR LEASE

It’s almost inevitable that something will go wrong — an overflowing toilet, a busted radiator, a small interdimensional wormhole. Hopefully a quick phone call will take care of the problem, but if it doesn’t, tenants should carefully document both the problem and that they told the landlord about it.

If your walls are crawling with unwelcome visitors, keep in mind that the law requires that the building “free from rodents, cockroaches, and insect infestation, if there are two or more units in the building.” Both Boston and Cambridge have inspectional services departments to call, and Boston also operates a “no heat” hotline. “No-heat complaints are responded to very quickly in heating season,” says Fanara.

Fanara advises against simply paying out of pocket to fix a problem and then deducting it from the rent without getting an okay from the landlord. But if there’s no alternative, state law does allow that, provided the landlord was given a chance to respond and didn’t.

One thing both Fanara and Ross stress is the importance of putting your requests in writing, rather than simply making a phone call — and US mail is better than simply

‘Go through and be careful — I’d say anally compulsive — about listing anything wrong with the apartment.’

sending an e-mail.

If communication with your landlord collapses completely, Boston’s Rental Housing Resource Center offers free mediation services, and Fanara reports that most cases can be settled without legal action. The Cambridge Consumers’ Council offers similar assistance.

Your landlord can’t evict you, or even charge a late fee, for being a few days late with the rent. In fact, your landlord can’t charge a late fee at all unless your lease says they can — and then only if the rent is more than 30 days late. Landlords also can’t demand that you make “advance rent” payments other than the first and last months’ rent. But always being late with the rent is a bad idea. Besides pissing off your landlord, it can wreck your credit score.

Partying hard can indeed get you kicked out. Fanara doubts that a single rager will get a tenant booted out, but says many leases contain “nuisance” clauses. That means that if the neighbors or cops keep complaining, the landlord may try to evict you.

Except for an emergency, the landlord can’t enter the apartment without your permission — if they do, you can call the police and complain that they’re trespassing.

Protip: remember that security deposit or last month’s rent? You’re entitled to the interest from the escrow account. If your landlord just kept it under his mattress instead, you can still get five-percent annual interest on it — which can be deducted from your rent if the landlord fails to pay up on the lease’s anniversary.

MOVING OUT

Document the apartment once more after you’ve emptied it out. Ross suggests using some old media to prove that you took the pictures on the date you say you did: “Hold up that day’s newspaper so that the date is visible in the photos.”

The landlord has 30 days to either send you the full security deposit with interest or explain why not.

“If they are making a deduction for any damages, they need to send an itemized list stating the nature of the repair, and it must be signed under penalty of perjury above the landlord’s signature,” says Ross.

If the landlord fails to follow the securitydeposit law, they might be doing you a big favor — it allows you to take them to court and collect three times the security deposit.

“If the landlord hasn’t complied with the law, it doesn’t even matter whether the tenants damaged the apartment or not,” says Ross. “The landlord can sue separately for the damages, but he will still have to pay three times the security deposit.”

Courts will also make the landlord pay the tenant’s legal fees, which means lawyers may take a solid security-deposit case without asking for any money upfront. ^

Noah Schaffer can be reached at noahschaffer@yahoo.com.

Welcoming Brady BrumďŹ eld from G2O

12 JANUARY 28, 2011 | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX

SEASONAL DISORDER Bundle up, buckle down, and get through winter in New England _BY BRI AN M c FAD D E N

“Every sport has its Mecca; the stadiums, race tracks or ball parks against which everything else is judged...

Skiing has them too... There’s an agelessness to the place.

Mad River Glen is an institution...”

Photo credit: Michael Riddell

Powder Magazine

www.madriverglen.com

14 JANUARY 28, 2011 | STUDENT SURVIVAL GUIDE | SUPPLEMENT TO THE BOSTON PHOENIX

SKI LISTINGS DOWNHILL MASSACHUSETTS BLUE HILLS SKI AREA 4001 Washington St, Canton | 781.828.5070 | ski-bluehills.com | Blue Hills is the closest ski area to the Boston metro area. The mountain was recently renovated and revitalized following a temporary closure and once again offers 60 acres of skiable, family friendly terrain.

VERTICAL DROP 309 feet TRAILS 12 total; five novice, four intermediate, three expert SNOWBOARDING terrain park SNOWMAKING 90 percent LIFTS double chair, magic carpet, wonder carpet, and handle tow HOURS Mon through Wed 2 to 9 pm, Thurs through Sat 9 am to 9 pm, and Sun 9 am to 5 pm; hours vary on holidays and are subject to change RATES weekends $24 to $36, juniors $20 to $32, and weekdays $18 to $27, juniors $16 to $25 RENTALS ski or snowboard package $28, helmets $6.25 INSTRUCTION group or semi-private lessons $25, private lessons $60 ($32 per additional hour), children’s lessons $25 to $45 NASHOBA VALLEY SKI AREA 79 Powers Rd, Westford | 978.692.3033 | skinashoba.com | Call 800.400.7669 for snow conditions. Ski school, tubing park, and ski and snowboard shop at base.

Outlook Restaurant open for lunch and dinner Sun through Fri and for dinner on Sat. VERTICAL DROP 240 feet TRAILS 17 total, three novice, eight intermediate, six expert SNOWBOARDING terrain park SNOWMAKING 100 percent LIFTS three triples, one double, three rope tows, and two conveyors HOURS weekdays 9 am to 10 pm, weekends 8:30 am to 10 pm RATES weekdays $36, kids under 12 $34, kids under five $20; weekends and holidays adults $46, kids under 12 $44, kids under five $20; half-day and night skiing is discounted RENTALS ski or snowboard package $32; demos $42; skis for children ages five and under $23; helmets $10 INSTRUCTION private lessons $80 an hour, $40 per additional person; group lessons $40 an hour; rental and lesson packages and race training also available WACHUSETT MOUNTAIN 499 Mountain Rd, Princeton | 978.464.2300 | wachusett. com | Wachusett, located about an hour from Boston, features NASTAR recreational racing (complete with bronze, silver, and gold medals) and is accessible by MBTA commuter rail and free shuttle service. Call 800.

SKI.1234 for ski conditions.

VERTICAL DROP 1000 feet TRAILS 22 trails total; 30 percent novice, 40 percent intermediate, 30 percent expert SNOWBOARDING snowboard-friendly resort with diverse terrain for all abilities SNOWMAKING 100 percent LIFTS two high-speed quads, two triple chairs, three carpets, one pony lift HOURS weekdays 9 am to 10 pm, weekends 8 am to 10 pm RATES prime season weekdays $46, juniors/seniors $37, children $10; weekends $51, juniors/ seniors $37, children $10. Peak season $56, juniors/seniors $42, children $10 RENTALS full-day ski or snowboard package $32, $26 juniors/seniors, $20 children, $10 helmets; half-day $27 adults, $21 juniors/ seniors, $15 children; $8 helmets

ThePhoenix.com/ski

FOR MORE SKI EVENT LISTINGS, FROM COMPETITIONS AND RACES TO APRÈS-SKI PARTIES AND BEER-LADEN BASHES WITH THE WFNX SNORIDERS, VISIT THEPHOENIX.COM/SKI.

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Tired of shredding fresh powder by your lonesome self? Longing for that one snow bunny or snowboarding bro to help you navigate the trails this winter?

Well, the fine folks at Black Mountain have just the thing for you. CHAIRLIFT SPEED DATING pairs you off on an eight-minute mini-date that takes you from the bottom of the mountain to the top, and, unlike regular speed dating, you’re guaranteed to have at least one thing in common with your date. Play your cards right, and you’ll be navigating someone’s moguls in no time.

_Michael C. Walsh

CHAIRLIFT SPEED DATING | Black Mountain, 373 Black Mountain Rd, Jackson, NH | February 12 @ 12:30 pm [meet in the pub] | free with lift ticket: $20-$45 | 800.698.4490 or blackmt.com

INSTRUCTION group lessons $35; private lessons $70 an hour; semiprivate $50 an hour

MAINE SHAWNEE PEAK 119 Mountain Rd, Bridgton | 207.647.8444 | shawneepeak.com | Offers top-to-bottom night skiing on 19 trails, plus one of the largest pipe/ park combinations in New England.

VERTICAL DROP 1300 feet TRAILS 44 total: 25 percent novice, 50 percent intermediate, 25 percent expert SNOWBOARDING half-pipe, two terrain parks, and grommet-garden beginner’s park, all equipped with night lighting SNOWMAKING 98 percent LIFTS one quad, two triple chairs, one double chair, and one surface lift HOURS Mon 9 am to 9 pm; Tues through Thurs 9:30 am to 8 pm; Fri 9 am to 10 pm; Sat 8:30 am to 10 pm; and Sun 8:30 am to 4:30 pm RATES weekdays $39, juniors/seniors $32; weekends and holidays adults $56, juniors/seniors $42 RENTALS ski or snowboard package $34 INSTRUCTION semi-private lessons $50 an hr, $60 for 90 minutes, $105 for three hours; private lessons $55 an hour, $75 for 90 minutes, $135 for three hours; first-timer packages and kids’ programs also available SUNDAY RIVER 15 South Ridge Rd, Newry | 207.824.3000 | sundayriver.com | Giant resort with 671 acres and eight interconnected mountains. Entertainment center features a lighted halfpipe, lighted ice-skating rink, teen center, restaurant, and nightclub.

VERTICAL DROP 2340 feet TRAILS 132 total: 25 percent beginner, 35 percent intermediate, 40 percent novice SNOWBOARDING four terrain parks, a super-pipe, and a mini-pipe SNOWMAKING 92 percent LIFTS nine quad chairs (four highspeed detachables), four triple chairs, two double chairs, three surface lifts HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends 8 am to 4 pm (subject to change) RATES adult $79; teen $67; junior/ senior $55 RENTALS ski or snowboard package $39 INSTRUCTION group lessons $35 for 90 minutes; private lessons $85 an hour

NEW HAMPSHIRE ATTITASH MOUNTAIN RESORT Rte 302, Bartlett | 800.223.7669 | attitash.com | This season, Attitash Mountain Resort has added Wildcat Mountain to its family, giving Attitash guests two resorts for the price of one. Interchangeable tickets allow skiers and riders to enjoy both resorts in one day - a combined 124 trails and 535 skiable acres. Attitash’s Bear Peak features 30 acres of marked tree terrain in seven different glades. Call 877.677.7669 for snow conditions.

VERTICAL DROP Attitash, 1750 feet; Bear Peak, 1450 feet TRAILS 77 total; 33 percent novice, 47 percent intermediate, 20 percent expert SNOWBOARDING the terrain park on Thad’s Choice has more than 1700 feet of ramps, table tops, huge air hits, and jibs

SNOWMAKING 98 percent LIFTS three quad lifts (two highspeed detachable), three triple lifts, three double lifts, and one surface lift HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends and holidays 8:30 am to 4 pm RATES midweek adults $63, juniors (13 through 18) $48, seniors (over 65) and children (six through 12) $39; weekends adults $70, juniors $55, seniors and children $50; multi-day tickets also available RENTALS skis and snowboards $36 INSTRUCTION group lessons $30 for 90 minutes; private lessons $79 an hour or $270 a day BRETTON WOODS Rte 302, Bretton Woods | 800.314.1752 | brettonwoods.com | This historic resort boasts more than 100 sprawling trails on two mountain peaks. Season begins in mid-November.

VERTICAL DROP 1500 feet TRAILS 101 total: 25 novice, 29 intermediate, 31 black diamond, 16 double diamond SNOWBOARDING four freestyle terrain parks SNOWMAKING 92 percent LIFTS five quads, two carpets, one double chair, one triple chair HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm; weekends 8 am to 4 pm; night skiing 4 to 9 pm on selected dates (subject to change) RATES weekdays adults/seniors $68, teen $62, junior $47; weekends and holidays adults $68, teen $55, junior $41, senior $25 RENTALS adult package $39; seniors/ juniors $30 INSTRUCTION group lessons $35 for 90 minutes; private lessons $85 an hour CRANMORE MOUNTAIN 1 Skimobile Rd, North Conway | 800.SUN.NSKI | cranmore. com | This affordable resort tucked away in downtown North Conway offers more than 200 skiable acres, as well as seven dining options, kids’ programs, tubing, night skiing, and entertainment and special events all season long.

VERTICAL DROP 1200 feet TRAILS 43 total, with seven glades: 36 percent novice, 44 percent intermediate, 20 percent expert SNOWBOARDING freestyle terrain park with quarter-pipe SNOWMAKING 100 percent LIFTS one quad, one triple chair, two double chairs, two carpets, and one rope tow HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, Sat 8:30 am to 8 pm, and Sun 8:30 am to 4 pm RATES adult $59, teen $49, kids/ seniors $39 RENTALS ski and snowboard packages $35, $32 youth INSTRUCTION group lessons $59 to $125, private lessons $75 to $225; prices vary by age and length LOON MOUNTAIN 60 Loon Mountain Rd, Lincoln | 603.745.8111 | loonmtn.com | This resort located in the White Mountain National Forest is scheduled to open for the season on Nov 19. Loon’s Nordic and Adventure Center also hosts snowshoeing, ice-skating, indoor climbing, workshops, and Nordic rental/trail/lesson packages. Call 603.745.8100 for snow conditions.

VERTICAL DROP 2100 feet TRAILS 55 total: 20 percent novice, 53 percent intermediate, 27 percent expert SNOWBOARDING six terrain parks, an 18-foot Superpipe, and a minipipe SNOWMAKING 97 percent LIFTS one gondola, three high-speed quads, one fixed-grip quad, one triple chair, three double chairs, two carpet lifts, and one handle tow

HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm; weekends and holidays 8 am to 4 pm RATES adults $76, teens ages 13 through 18 $66, juniors ages six through 12 and seniors $56 RENTALS unavailable at press time; call for details INSTRUCTION unavailable at press time; call for details MOUNT SUNAPEE 1398 Rte. 103, Newbury | 603.763.3500 | mtsunapee.com | A family-owned and operated resort in southern New Hampshire. Season runs to mid-April. Call 603.763.4020 for snow conditions.

VERTICAL DROP 1510 feet TRAILS 65 total: 17 novice, 32 intermediate, 16 expert SNOWBOARDING three terrain parks SNOWMAKING 97 percent LIFTS three quads (one high-speed), two triple chairs, one double chair, three carpet lifts, and two surface lifts HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm; weekends and holidays 8 am to 4 pm; half-day rates start at noon RATES weekdays $66, young adults $50, juniors/seniors $40; weekends and holidays $70, young adults $58, juniors/seniors $44; half-day and South Peak only tickets available RENTALS ski or snowboard package $40, juniors $28; skis or snowboard only adults $32, juniors $21; poles only $8; snowboard boots only $18; helmets adult $10, juniors $8; Telemark skis available INSTRUCTION private lessons $95 an hour, children ages three or four $65; group lessons adults $45 an hour; children’s programs vary by age and ability WATERVILLE VALLEY 1 Ski Area Rd, Waterville Valley | 1.800.468.2553 | waterville.com | Call 603.236.4144 for snow conditions. Waterville Valley is nestled in a natural snow pocket in the White Mountains and surrounded by other 4000 footers.

VERTICAL DROP 2020 feet TRAILS 52 total: 20 percent novice, 60 percent intermediate, 20 percent expert; intermediate and expert glades and mogul runs SNOWBOARDING terrain park and superpipe SNOWMAKING 100 percent LIFTS two high-speed quads, two triples, three doubles, and five surface lifts HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends 8 am to 4 pm RATES adults $69; teens $59; youth/ seniors $45; Sun kids under 12 ski free; Mon and Fri tickets twofor-one RENTALS ski and snowboard packages $42, juniors $35, children under six $29; helmets $13 INSTRUCTION group lessons $42; “Learn to Ski/Ride Program” $75 a day; private lessons peak $99 an hour, off-peak $85 an hour WILDCAT MOUNTAIN | Route 16, Pinkham Notch | 603.466.3326 | skiwildcat.com | Recently acquired by Attitash Mountain Resort, Wildcat is across from Mount Washington and features the longest ski trail in New Hampshire.

Lift tickets provide access to Wildcat and Attitash. On-site childcare available. Season begins in mid November. Call 1-888-SKI-WILD for snow conditions.

VERTICAL DROP 2112 feet TRAILS 50 total: 25 percent novice, 45 percent intermediate, 30 percent expert SNOWBOARDING terrain park and half-pipe SNOWMAKING 90 percent coverage LIFTS one quad, three triples HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm; weekends and holidays 8:30 am to 4 pm RATES weekdays $63, teens $48,

juniors/seniors $39; weekends and holidays $70, teens $55, juniors/seniors $50; miltary discounts and half-day passes available RENTALS ski and snowboard packages $35; high performance skis $42; helmets $10 INSTRUCTION private lessons $55 an hour, $30 per additional person; group lessons adults $30, fullday childrens programs $89, half-day $69; lesson and rental packages available

VERMONT KILLINGTON 4763 Killington Rd, Killington | 802.422.6200 | killington.com | Killington, the largest ski resort in the East, consists of seven mountains, and lift tickets are also valid at Pico Mountain.

It’s usually the first mountain open in the fall and the last one to close in the spring. Call 802.422.3261 for snow conditions.

VERTICAL DROP 3050 feet TRAILS 140 total: 28 percent novice, 33 percent intermediate, 39 percent expert SNOWBOARDING three terrain parks and a 430-foot superpipe SNOWMAKING 70 percent LIFTS nine quads (five are highspeed), two gondolas, five surface lifts, four triple chairs, and two double chairs HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends 8 am to 4 pm (subject to change) RATES adults $86 on peak days, $84 weekend, $79 midweek; young adults/seniors $73, $71, $67; juniors/super seniors (70+) $60, $59, $55 RENTALS skis or board $39, juniors/ seniors $26; $41, $27 during peak times INSTRUCTION private and group lessons available; cost varies on time of day and season MAD RIVER GLEN 62 Mad River Resort Rd, Waitsfield | 802.496.3551 | madriverglen.com | This ski area at General Stark Mountain offers varied terrain and the country’s last surviving single chairlift.

VERTICAL DROP 2037 feet TRAILS 47 total: 10 novice, 16 intermediate, 21 percent expert SNOWBOARDING no snowboarders allowed SNOWMAKING 15 percent, but the area gets plenty of natural snow LIFTS three double chairs, one single chair, and one handle tow HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends 8:30 am to 4 pm RATES midweek $39; weekends adults $65, juniors and seniors $49 RENTALS ski packages $30, juniors $25 INSTRUCTION private lessons $65, semiprivate lessons (four people) $160 for two hours MOUNT SNOW 39 Mount Snow Rd, West Dover | 800.245.SNOW | mountsnow.com | Mount Snow includes four mountain areas: Main Mountain, North Face, Carinthia, and Sunbrook.

VERTICAL DROP 1700 feet TRAILS 80 total, including tree terrain: 14 percent novice, 73 percent intermediate, 13 percent expert SNOWBOARDING 12 terrain parks, one superpipe, one mini-pipe SNOWMAKING 80 percent LIFTS 20 total: three high-speed quad chairs, one fixed quad chair, seven triple chairs, four double chairs, one rope tow, and four magic carpets HOURS weekdays 9 am to 4 pm, weekends 8 am to 4 pm RATES weekends and holidays, adults $79, youth and seniors $62; weekdays $72 and $56 RENTALS adults $39, juniors $28 INSTRUCTION group lessons $48, private lessons $100