Out in Maine

Same-Sex marriage f fight heads back to the ballot p 4 f catholic church rethinks strategy

p8

exemplary leader outright founder cathy kidman on equality, tolerance, and change

p 14

dynamite! laSer beamS! maine’s gbltq community & you | spring 2012

queen + symphony + choir = we can’t wait!

This is progress?

Critical reflections on the repeal of DADT _by ryan conrad | p 22

p 12

The State of the States

Connecticut District of Columbia Iowa Maryland Massachusetts New Hampshire New York Vermont

Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage Allows same-sex marriage

Washington New Jersey

Passed same-sex marriage legislation, but will be on November ballot Passed same-sex marriage legislation, but vetoed by Gov. Christie

Delaware Hawaii Illinois Rhode Island

Allows civil unions Allows civil unions Allows civil unions Allows civil unions and Honors out-of-state marriages of same-sex couples

New Mexico

Honors out-of-state marriages of same-sex couples

California Nevada Oregon

Allows domestic partnerships Allows domestic partnerships Allows domestic partnerships

Colorado Maine

Offers limited protection to unmarried couples such as death benefits Offers limited protections to those in domestic partnerships like the right to inherit a deceased partner's property Offers limited protection to domestic partners such as inheritance and survivor benefits

Wisconsin

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out in maine | spring 2012 3

spring 2012 | voL ii, no 1

04 prepping for a rematch _BY deirdre fulton

08 the cathoLic church on marriage _BY jeff inglis

12 KiLLer Queen 14 LeaDing by exampLe _BY tonY giampetruzzi

20 onLine Dating for the same-sex set _BY justin alves

22 pushing the enveLope: Don’t asK, Don’t teLL

_BY rYan Conrad

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4 spring 2012 | out in maine

getting ready for a rematch Gay marriaGe is headinG back to the ballot in 2012 _By De i r Dr e F ulto n send the citizen-initiated bill to the electorate.

Now it’s official; the following question (or one very like it) will appear on November’s ballot: “Do you favor a law allowing marriage licenses for same-sex couples, and that protects religious freedom by ensuring that no religion or clergy be required to perform such a marriage in violation of their religious beliefs?” (This language echoes that used in New York, which allows gay marriage as of last summer.)

In pursuing this avenue, Maine could become the first state to approve same-sex marriage at the polls. (While one argument in 2009 put forth that minority rights should not be decided by referendum, it seems to be the only option. “It never is the ideal way to go about effecting change,” McTighe admits, but even if the pro-marriage side opted to pursue the legislative route, “what happened in 2009 would happen again. One way or another this was going to be decided at the polls.”)

Less than one year ago, EqualityMaine executive director Betsy Smith told the Portland Phoenix, “We’re not going back to the ballot until we know we can win.”

Apparently, that threshold has been reached.

GirdinG for battle

Not everyone is so confident, of course. The opposition this time around will be led by the Christian Civic League of Maine; while gay-marriage proponents predict a strategy based on fear-mongering, CCL leader Carroll Conley told MPBN last year that he thinks “it’s important that the tenor [of the debate] be absolutely respectful . . . We pledge to deal with this respectfully.”

Continued on p 6

kevin banks

F

Though it’s only been two and a half years since a majority of Maine voters overturned the law that legalized same-sex marriage in this state, advocates don’t think it’s too soon to put the issue back on the table. In fact, gay marriage supporters believe that despite the relatively fresh memory of that crushing defeat in 2009, volunteers, donors, and partner organizations are energized and ready for a rematch.

“As heartbreaking as the loss was, the very next day people were asking, ‘What can we do now?’

And they have not let up,” says Matt McTighe, Maine director of public education for GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders), when asked whether the troops are exhibiting any sort of battle fatigue.

Instead, volunteers with the Freedom to Marry Coalition have spent two years doing statewide outreach and having one-on-one conversations with Mainers — more than 40,000 such conversations, according to organizers. Because they had a “truncated window” in 2009 (former Governor John Baldacci signed the marriage bill in May, the repeal campaign began almost immediately, and voters went to the polls just six months later), progay-marriage volunteers didn’t have the time they needed to tell their personal stories. “And that’s the thing that moves people more than anything else,” McTighe says.

The fruits of that grassroots effort were on display in late January, when representatives of religious groups, advocacy organizations, and political leaders delivered more than 100,000 signatures to the Secretary of State’s office, demonstrating widespread support for the coalition’s Citizen’s Initiative — “An Act to Allow Marriage Licenses for Same-Sex Couples and Protect Religious Freedom.”

About 85,000 of those were verified, which far exceeded the necessary 57,277.

Meanwhile, a survey conducted by Public Policy Polling, a North Carolina-based independent polling agency, found that as of March 7, 54 percent of Mainers support gay marriage, while only 41 percent oppose it, with a margin of error of plus or minus 2.8 percent.

And these poll results were released just days before both houses of the state legislature voted — without stalling or amending the initiative in any way — to

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6 spring 2012 | out in maine

Continued from p 4

That may be why former CCL executive director Mike Heath, whose language against gay rights is colorful to say the least, is striking out with fellow Christian conservative Paul Madore to form the No Special Rights PAC through which he will “actively campaign against the profound evil of sexual promiscuity this year,” according to a press release sent out by yet another outrageous extremist, Mike Hein.

Notably missing from the political conversation will be the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, which announced in early March that it would not actively campaign against gay marriage this year. Instead, Bishop Richard Malone released a 22-page letter focused on educating parishioners and the general public about “the beauty of [heterosexual] marriage.”

“Marriage depends on sexual difference,” the letter reads. (So does parenting, it says a few sentences later.)

And while the proponents’ nod to religious liberties may appease more liberal religious types, such as Pastor Michael Gray of the Old Orchard Beach United Methodist Church (he was the original signer of the initiative) and members of the Religious Coalition Against Discrimination, it’s

unlikely to sway hardcore Christian conservatives.

In a recent op-ed in the Bangor Daily News, Conley wrote: “The language in . . . the Maine petition gives the false impression that residents’ religious rights are being broadly protected, but that is not the case.” He asks what will come of florists, or organists, who disapprove of same-sex marriage but are asked to perform their service for a gay or lesbian couple. (In a response piece, GLAD lawyer and national gay-rights figure Mary Bonauto points out that “marriage law or no marriage law, they may not discriminate based on sexual orientation when selling their services.”) Conley concludes by saying, “Threats to marriage have indeed already impacted religious freedom and free speech across our country and here in our state.”

All this indicates that the fight ahead will not be easy — nor should gay-marriage advocates suggest that it will be.

On his blog, savvyspin.com, Maine PR guru Dennis Bailey wrote a post in early February titled “Why the gay marriage vote will be harder this time.” The post outlines several concerns, including that the national political context will actually prove challenging to pro-marriage folks, and that the marriage coalition won’t change its strategy even while their opposition does.

the fight ahead will not be easy — nor should gay-marriage advocates suggest it will be. that breeds voter complacency.

“The major reason I wrote it is that I saw what I felt was a bit of overconfidence on the part of the marriage supporters,” Bailey says. “That’s not a good way to start a campaign. You’re telling people to be complacent.”

Bailey is skeptical about the extent to which people change their minds on an issue they’ve already voted on — especially so recently. “Once people have had the debate, they don’t really change unless they’re given new information that makes them change their mind,” he says. “People stick with their original votes.”

But Amy Fried, University of Maine political science professor and author of the “Pollways” blog at the Bangor Daily News website, is less pessimistic. She’s not sure whether voters will approve gay marriage this year, but she knows it’ll happen eventually.

“There are two main sources of opinion change,” she says. “One of them is shifting demographics — people who couldn’t vote last time it was on the ballot now are old enough to vote, and they’re likely to be supportive.”

The other is the less quantifiable phenomenon of people actually changing their views based on what’s going on around them. “More states and countries have it now and it’s much harder to credibly claim that it’s somehow unprecedented or leads to social breakdown,” Fried wrote in a late-January post.

Ultimately, Mainers have a long and stimulating campaign season ahead of them.

“We think we can win and that is because over the last two and half years, we have continued to work,” GLAD’s McTighe says. “We’re seeing the effect. Voters are changing their hearts and minds every single day. The more they think about this, their thinking evolves and they come around.” ^

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8 spring 2012 | out in maine

the church on marriage over two thousand years, an arGument aGainst same-sex matrimony has been built. we break it down. _B y JeF F in g l i s

appealinG to tradition

Brian Souchet, director of the Office for the Protection and Defense of Marriage with the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland (which covers the entire state of Maine) opens what will become a nearly two-hour interview by enumerating the social ills that the Church sees in the modern world: high cohabitation without marriage, single parenting, kids without involved fathers, kids born out of wedlock. He calls these all “results of a breakdown in marriage,” by which he means the modern American societal tendency to “ignore the fact as men and women that [marriage is] not just about us men and women.”

In one sense he’s right. Despite Church teachings to the contrary, the divorce rate is as high as ever; couplehood, pregnancy, and childrearing are happening outside married male-female couples all the time.

Beyond the possibly self-evident reason that not everyone believes what the Church teaches, not even all Catholics do, it turns out.

“If the faithful don’t understand the significance of marriage . . . that’s where we need to start,” Souchet says, beginning to lay out the history of the Church’s teachings on marriage. In sum, they are that “love and commitment is necessary but not sufficient” for marriage. What’s required are a man and a woman together permanently, with “openness to bringing new life into the world,” he says.

He correctly observes that Catholic teaching has

expressed this view since almost the very beginning, and refers me to Pope Pius XI’s 1930 encyclical Casti Connubii — which itself refers to an 1880 encyclical by Pope Leo XIII, a 1789 letter of Pope Pius VI, the decisions of the 16th-century Council of Trent, and to Saint Augustine’s writings in the fourth and fifth centuries.

The contribution of Souchet’s own employer, Bishop Richard Malone, to this 1600-plus-year history is a pastoral letter entitled “Marriage: Yesterday — Today — Always” in which Malone argues that marriage is defined in the universal “natural law” as between a man and a woman, and expresses concern that people are trying to change that.

“We can look throughout antiquity and see marriage as between a man and a woman,” Souchet says — and he’s right. Here again, though, he — and Catholic doctrine — chooses not to observe the samesex relationships that were present “throughout antiquity,” though admittedly those couplehoods may have lacked the specific label of “marriage.”

followinG the thread

Souchet claims that “the true test” of same-sex marriage is: “Can this new notion of marriage . . . stand up on its own without being forced on people by the law?” Same-sex attractions and relationships have endured and recurred through the ages, despite being outlawed for most of the last two millennia. The answer to his question is “Yes.” Bishop Malone’s pastoral letter also asserts that marriage has always been about children. He cites as evidence “the writings of the third-century jurist of the Roman Empire, Modestinus, who captured the common understanding of marriage with the following definition: ‘Marriage is the union of a man and a woman, a consortium for the whole of life involving the communication of divine and human rights.’” No mention of children there.

Then Malone cherry-picks United Nations proclamations to his advantage.

He cites the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child to support his claim that children are “meant to have a mother and a father.” (In fact, the Convention mentions only “parents.”)

Malone goes on to claim that marriage “is not a ‘right’ that can be given or denied.” That ignores another UN document, the Universal Declaration of Human taylor arGenzio

F

It may surprise you to know that the Catholic Church teaches that marriage isn’t actually about the two people who are “joined in holy matrimony” on their wedding day.

Nope — it’s about their offspring. This is perhaps some of the common ground the Church has found with theological apostates (evangelical Protestants and Mormons) with which it has allied in the past decade, spending immense amounts of capital — moral, political, and financial — to block the incoming tide of same-sex marriage.

Nevertheless, it’s worth exploring the reasoning behind the Church’s objections to same-sex marriage. Partly this may count as what political operatives call “opposition research” — a Sun Tzu-inspired attempt to truly understand the opponent, the more easily to emerge victorious. But more than that, the Catholic Church has been talking about marriage longer than just about anyone. Its arguments have been ground by the ages, sharpened by insights of thousands of scholars, and honed into a fine edge by experience. Let’s see what that effort has produced.

Rights, which states clearly: “Men and women . . . have the right to marry.” (The Declaration says nothing about same-sex marriage, but its inclusive intent is obvious, since it confers the marriage right “without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion.”)

Malone also formally declares what most people already know — that biological ability to procreate is not, in fact, a precondition for marriage. This is in keeping with longtime Church teachings, but undermines the notion that a marriage can only be between two partners whose sexual intercourse can fertilize an egg. “An infertile couple continues to manifest” the full blessings of marriage, he writes, including being able to care for children by adoption or volunteering.

Why does the Church care this much about marriage? There is a worldly reason in addition to the holy ones, and it’s self-perpetuation of the Church itself.

Pope Pius XI makes this clear in Casti Connubii: “God wishes men to be born not only that they should live and fill the earth, but much more that they may be worshippers of God,” he writes, going on to Continued on p 10

10 spring 2012 | out in maine

Continued from p 8

say that children are “a talent committed to [parents]

by God . . . to be restored to God with interest on the day of reckoning.” (It’s worth noting that Casti Connubii also puts the Church squarely in support of a living wage, redistribution of wealth from the rich to the poor, and government programs to help the needy.)

idealism versus realism

Beyond its logical failings, though, the fundamental flaw in the argument espoused by the Church (and Souchet) is that their ideal of marriage is substantially different from how marriage is actually entered into, carried out, and experienced in the world today.

For example, Souchet says, offering a quaint picture unreflective of an America in which even a large majority of Catholic women use some form of birth control, “given enough time, a male-female relationship will produce children.”

Certainly the Church is entitled to teach that its followers adhere to a certain standard, real, ideal, or otherwise — and to deny membership to dissenters.

The problems arise when that standard is applied to civil law. The Church is well aware that this distinction exists, and hasn’t objected though (to choose an example relating to marriage) civil law lets nonCatholics be just as married as Catholics, despite Church teaching to the contrary.

In writing about Church law and civil law, Malone writes that both descend — independently — from what philosophers have long called “natural law,” the unwritten Way Things Actually Are. He says our best clues about what natural law truly is are in Church law and civil law, noting that both have evolved — separately — toward what their respective leaders have come to believe are more

perfect reflections of universal truths.

That’s when he gets his wires crossed. While the Church hierarchy gets to set policy in its realm, the people of a democracy are where that system’s power lies.

A reader can almost hear Malone thundering as he winds down his letter: “Those who would attempt to redefine marriage to include or be made analogous with any other kind of human relationship are suggesting that the permanent union of husband and wife, the unique pattern of spousal and familial love, and the generation of new life are now only of relative importance rather than being fundamental to the

existence and well-being of society as a whole.”

In reality, society has the power to, and may well in November, decide at the ballot box that there are, in fact, other relationships that are of equal significance to marriages recognized by the Catholic Church.

Souchet argues that such a decision would move Maine law farther away from natural law. So I ask: Did the Church — and civil law — get the natural law wrong?

“We sure had a long time to get it right,” Souchet laughs. He pauses. “If we did, we’ve been getting the natural law wrong for millennia.” ^

ShadowS of the future Hints about upcoming strategies

in talking with souchet, he drops some clues about what political objections to the present same-sex marriage initiative might be.

F He asserts that enshrining same-sex marriage in law will abrogate individuals’ religious liberty to believe otherwise and act in accordance with that belief. (When i bring it up, it’s unclear whether he is unaware or just disapproving of the maine Human rights act’s existing ban on discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.)

F He argues that the bill’s provision that “genderspecific terms relating to the marital relationship or familial relationships must be construed to be gender-neutral” means redefining the words “mother” and “father” to be gender-neutral. “if this is what we have to do to make this work . . . then does this make sense?” souchet asks.

F observing (correctly) that marriage is not merely

“a package of state-sponsored benefits,” he says many benefits — such as sharing a health-insurance plan — “are not automatic for married people either,” and in any case “there are other ways” to achieve those benefits under existing law.

F souchet also suggests that the church would not look fondly on a simple split between religious marriage and civil marriage, as is the case in France, belgium, and the netherlands, where couples may have a religious wedding, but are not considered married without a separate wedding conducted by a government official. appealing to the existing precedent, souchet asks, “Why did the state, which did not invent marriage . . . choose to recognize marriage?” Was it “simply to provide benefits” or “to prop it up because of the benefit marriage brings” to the broader society? _Ji

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12 spring 2012 | out in maine

guaranteed to blow your mind A symphony, A choir, And the Queen oeuvre on stAge in portlAnd

F

Queen front man Freddie Mercury once said “a concert is not a live rendition of our album; it’s a theatrical event.”

It’s been just over 20 years since Mercury became one of the first mega-stars to die of AIDS, denying an entire generation the opportunity to ever experience one of those events first-hand.

Many argue that the sometime-orchestral Queen was the best rock band of all time; there can be no disputing that Mercury, with his incredibly powerful four-octave range, was a gifted vocalist. And, whether you’re a 50-something who got your first taste of the band during their “Bohemian Rhapsody” phase; in your 40s and you still recall the first time you heard the “We Will Rock You” call to arms; a mid-30s child of the ’80s who was lucky enough to see the band’s fabled performance at 1985’s Live AID concert; or so young that your only Queen touchpoint is the send-up of the band in Wayne’s World, or American Idol Adam Lambert’s eerie Mercury reincarnation just a couple years ago, the Portland Symphony Orchestra will whet your appetite for one of those theatrical events on April 28 and 29 with “One Vision: Music of Queen.”

Billed as classic rock meets symphony orchestra, the PSO will pair up with the University of Southern Maine Chamber Choir “to provide the power and harmony for a full rock concert experience of groundbreaking hits.”

Very much in the style of past PSO events such as last year’s tribute to the Beatles or its collaboration with Motor Booty Affair on a send-up of the ’70s, this show, says PSO musical director and conductor Robert Moody, will be a fitting homage to one of his favorite vocalists.

“My first question to anyone who hasn’t been touched by the music of Queen or heard of Freddie Mercury would be, ‘are you serious?’ I mean, I

don’t care if you’re 22, what rock have you been under for the last 22 years of your existence,” says Moody when asked whether the band might be a bit dated for Gen Y. “If you are that individual, just put the words ‘Freddie’ and ‘Mercury’ into a Google search and read one of the three trillion hits you’re gonna get.

“Anecdotally, I don’t think I’ve come across anybody who doesn’t know Queen. Maybe it’s because they saw Wayne’s World or Adam Lambert on Idol, but I don’t care.”

Chances are, everyone will enjoy the show, which will feature vocalist Michael Shotton (“there are very few people who can do those streaming high notes, but this guy is an incredible local recreation of Mercury’s voice, and that’s a really cool piece of this,” says Moody), all of Queen’s biggest hits, and running commentary on the band including social and political influences on various periods of Queen’s history.

For Moody, who is gay, Queen and Freddie Mercury had a profound impact on his formative years. Ironically, though, for all his flamboyancy and his frequent — and often long — affairs with men, Mercury was more of an avowed bi-sexual, eschewing labels for whatever just felt right at any given time. Shortly after Mercury’s death in 1991, John Marshall of London-based Gay Times opined: “[Mercury] was a ‘scene-queen’, not afraid to publicly express his gayness but unwilling to analyze or justify his ‘lifestyle.’

It was as if Freddie Mercury was saying to the world, ‘I am what I am. So what?’

And that in itself for some was a statement.”

And, to his fans, it was never an issue: according to Billboard magazine, the band sold “more than 300 million albums” and produced 16 number-one albums and 18 number-one singles, putting them

ClassiC roCk meets symphony orChestra, plus Chamber Choir, all led by the pso’s robert moody

among the world’s best-selling musicians. Even after the death of Mercury, Queen enjoyed success and, most recently, there have been attempts to reunite the band even with the likes of Lambert at the helm.

Mercury’s death in 1991 from AIDS-related causes, however, had a profound effect on the gay community. He was among only a small handful of mega-personalities to succumb to the disease and, for that reason, it made AIDS all the more real for people like Moody.

“Freddie Mercury’s death, Rock Hudson’s death, Magic Johnson’s announcement that he is HIV-positive . . . it was a tragic, tragic time for the gay community, a tragic time for the world, and it was incredibly impactful,” Moody recalls. “I finished college in 1989, so I was just sorta embarking on my 20s when those things were happening, and they really stuck with me.

I mean, thank god we are in a better place now.

But, that fight is not over. We really need to keep spreading the message, and, if in the process we can do that and honor the memory of Freddie Mercury, then so be it.”

Given his age, it’s no surprise that Moody counts the late ’70s and early ’80s hits “We Will Rock You” and “Another One Bites the Dust” as his favorite Queen hits. “Anything that takes me back to seventh grade is my favorite. I have huge personal memories from that era,” he says. “It was a seminal moment for me and for everyone — you know, those early teen years.”

But, as Portland’s resident maestro, he knows better than to entirely declare the band’s supremacy. “My answer is really similar to when people ask me who is the greatest composer of all time, is it Mozart or Beethoven? For me, the answer is usually the one I’m working on at that moment. And I feel that way about rock, too,” he says. “What I will say is that Queen is arguably one of the most important and powerful bands of all time, and Freddie Mercury is one of those unique voices of all time. So, yes, when I’m on stage at the Merrill in April, they will be the best rock band of all time.”

“Ask me that question again when we do a tribute to the Eagles or Led Zeppelin or Rolling Stones,” says Moody.

Let’s hope that’s a promise. ^

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leading by example

Outright fOunder Cathy Kidman On equality, tOleranCe, and prOgress _by To n y G i am p e Tr u zzi

F

If you were gay and coming of age in Portland, or anywhere in Maine for that matter, during the ’90s, you were very likely influenced by Outright — and the organization’s founder and den mother, Cathy Kidman.

Beginning in the basement of a local church in the late ’80s, Outright served youth under the age of 22, and originally operated on nickels and dimes for several years before Kidman came on board in the mid ’90s. With a knack for fundraising and organizational development, she eventually increased the group’s budget to the mid-six figures with grants from such prestigious organizations as the Ford and Gill foundations. Through her leadership, the group was politically active, educationally motivated (members traveled from school to school around the state to discuss tolerance), and the darling of gay youth programming, hosting gay proms and days-long seminars for gay youth throughout the state.

Outright hit its zenith in the late ’90s, but lost traction after Kidman’s departure in 1999; during the early 2000s, a new and shaky leadership model along with the evaporation of some major grants crippled the organization Although had left the group for other pursuits, Kidman was summoned back in 2003 to try to salvage it. Facing new funding dynamics and a bit of an identity crisis, Outright simply could not be sustained at its previous levels, and, after a series of leadership and structural upheavals, the organization, as we knew it, closed its doors in early 2006. By then, Kidman, who had achieved mom status for hundreds of kids in Maine, had already been out of the Outright picture for a couple years, and only those closest to her were aware that health issues had significantly slowed her pace.

In 2004, she was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of ovarian cancer and, although it was caught early and doctors were able to “nuke the hell out of it,” says Kidman, her professional life was at a standstill.

“I was self-employed, and it was hard to ask people to hire a bald woman who could only work at half capacity,” Kidman recalls. So, she did what anyone suffering from cancer would do. She took stand-up comedy lessons.

“But I did it because I wanted to take all this work I’d done around diversity, inclusion, and race and gender and learn how to have more intentional conversations that would get people

thinking, something different than the politically correct workshops that I had been perpetrating on people,” says Kidman. “I had done so many civil rights teams trainings, hate violence . . . I just wanted a different conversation. And it was great!”

Ultimately, though, the experience was an effort to learn a more deliberate style of writing. In fact, after meeting a writer while doing a midcareer program at Harvard in 2006, Kidman was encouraged to eventually pen her memoirs in her newfound style.

In addition to the book (which is still in progress), stints at stand-up (a dislike for clubs made those gigs challenging), and a couple years in the corporate office at Hannaford, Kidman is back to consulting, most recently wrapping a half-year as the interim executive director at the Maine Women’s Fund.

Continued on p 16

CharTinG The Course of proGress Cathy Kidman laid the groundwork for much of maine’s early lgBtq efforts. now she sees the results coming to fruition.

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16 spring 2012 | out in maine

Continued from p 14

A force to reckon with, Kidman, who truly doesn’t look a day older than she did in the Outright days, still has the grit to take on the world. With her signature humor and a definite sense of calm, she took time to have a conversation about her days at Outright, her take on where the GLBT movement stands now, and why boys simply can no longer be boys.

Most thirty-soMethings in the gay coMMunity probably reMeMber you as either a life-saver or life-changer froM the work you did at outright in the ’90s. and, by all accounts, the group thrived during your tenure. what were the circuMstances that led to its deterioration in the 2000s? A lot of things converged over the course of a couple years. First, they had a leadership transition.

They moved from an executive-director model to a flat structure which essentially was an opportunity for the staff, some of whom were young people, to share in the administration. For various reasons, fundraising really suffered during this time and they were living off a large, multi-year Ford Foundation grant that was set to expire.

Meanwhile, funding for gay youth organizations was beginning to shrink in general. I was fortunate enough to come in on a wave of concern about HIV and concern about gay and lesbian youth, and both of those issues had fallen out of popularity. it also seeMed that those seeking outright were looking for More than just a social outlet and affirMation. when you were at outright, i recall that the population you were serving — or the issues that were being addressed in the 1990s — were very different froM when you returned in

the early 2000s. Say more. when My friends and i went to outright, it felt like a social club. i reMeMber the large, enorMously well-attended weekend retreats at places like bowdoin. towards the end, though, it was Much darker, it felt like it was operating More like a shelter or a crisis center. Yes. I think that after I left, they were seeing a lot more kids than ever before. As just an open drop-in space, it did feel more chaotic. That makes sense.

Remember, Outright did have two distinct components. First, to service young people who came through the doors or called, and, second, it had a statewide function, to help foster Outright organizations in other parts of the state while taking young people all over the state to talk. I do believe that, in the long run, the more sustainable part of the organization was the education aspect not the “drop ins.” what were soMe of the challenges posed to fundraising? Outright was always competing for funding and volunteer energy, mainly with all the civil-rights referenda, which were happening almost every other year! I can’t tell you how many donors said to us: “we can’t give to you, we’re giving to the referendum.”

And then there was our community’s internalized homophobia, or that boot camp mentality of, “look, I grew up without an Outright and I’m

is proud to support

The campaign to win marriage for ALL Maine families.

Visit MainersUnited.org to find out what YOU can do to help us win.

fine.” A lot of people we’d approach for money would say “I did it, and I’m OK, so you’ll be OK, too.” what other influences contributed to its closing? One of the really cool things we did at Outright was contribute to the advisory group and trainings of the civil-rights teams in high schools across the state. They actually became safe places for gays and lesbians in schools, so the need for Outright was diminished.

Then there was the web.

Outright was around to provide resources, the same resources that eventually became available to anyone with an Internet connection. That changed the landscape.

That taken with the civil-rights teams and the absence of funding . . . things became very different. You know, the whole point of Outright was to eventually not be necessary, and we kind of achieved that. what adjective would best describe outright if it still existed today? irrelevant? No. Different.

I think Outright in an urban city is different than an Outright in a more rural area. I believe there is still a need for this type of organization, and that’s why Community Counseling took on the support part of the program when the organization closed.

‘outright was around to provide resources, which eventually became available to anyone with an internet connection.’

Continued on p 18

University of Southern Maine C O N N E C T I N G YO U W I T H T O M O R R O W

Queer History, Theory, and Community in Portland, Maine

Photo: USM students in February of 1998. Annette Dragon Papers, LGBT Collection, Sampson Center.

For information visit: USM Center for Sexualities and Gender Diversity usm.maine.edu/csgd Jean Byers Sampson Center for Diversity in Maine at USM library.usm.maine.edu/specialcollections/jbscenter.html Queer Straight Alliance glbtiqa@usm.maine.edu USM Women and Gender Studies usm.maine.edu/wgs USM Admission usm.maine.edu/admit Admission usm.maine.edu/admit

18 spring 2012 | out in maine

Continued from p 16

[Currently called PRYSM, the program is facilitated

by Maine Health Partners.] for the 15 years of outright in Maine, we couldn’t get a civil-rights law to stick, and now, just in the past seven years, we have that law, we’ve overturned “don’t ask, don’t tell,” Marriage looks More and More like a reality for Maine, we have . . . Glee! right! did you ever think we’d be this far along when you started at outright in the Mid’90s? You know, I was thinking about that this morning. I don’t think you can do AIDS work and GLBTQ youth work and not have hope. I think social change is a lot like March Madness. If you’re someone who watches March Madness, and you put your heart into the Cinderella teams, you know that they lose a lot. But, every once in a while, they make it to the final four. It’s kinda like that. Every once in a while we get in there and win. That makes it worth it. how would the work be different for you if you were doing it today? I probably wouldn’t have an unlisted phone number anymore — it’s a different environment now. It was exhausting to be gay 24/7 with statewide visibility. you felt very exposed? I did. Mostly when other

people would tell me things that they had heard about me. Or when I would get phone calls at work that were just hateful. during the past couple years, it seeMs that there have been a whole lot of young people coMMitting suicide because they are struggling with their sexuality; that’s exposed this odd culture of bullying. do you think it really is a new phenoMenon, or is it soMething that’s siMply just now being talked about? It’s not new. When I was doing this work in the ’90s I remember stats that suggested that one in three gay youth had contemplated suicide. I think that YouTube and the 24/7 news cycle and the fact that people are paying attention have made it more front and center. I think it’s an age-old issue with more visibility. do you think it’s being handled well? I think it’s being handled much more directly. Tolerance and language association have been critical in creating environments where people say, “this language leads to violent behavior which is unacceptable.” The idea that boys will be boys is gone. The belief that “this is just what kids do” is gone. it Must Make you feel good about where we’ve coMe — you were truly at the forefront of it all. That’s strong. i think there are a lot of Mainers out there who now are thinking about getting Married who would

‘i don’t think you can do aids work and glbtQ youth work and not have hope . . . every once in a while we get in there and win.

disagree. You know, when we finally did pass the civil-rights law in 2005, that felt good. I knew that people from Outright, from as far back as the late ’80s when it was first started as a support group, had a presence in this state, and that was partly because there was a very robust HIV/AIDS program in the Department of Education that funded activities like speaking in schools about health and gay issues. At every conference of teachers across the state, at churches, you name it, gay and lesbian youth had been speaking about changing people’s hearts and minds for the 15 years leading up to the vote. I think they are an unnoticed part of change in this state, but they were the first ones out there talking and taking the risk of public exposure. you Mention hiv/aids, and you’ve done a lot of work around that issue. what is your take on the state of awareness in 2012? You don’t see a lot of it. Thirty-nine percent of new infections are 15- to 25-year-olds, and 27 percent of those are men who have sex with men. That’s a high number. There’s a direct correlation between bullying of gay youth and HIV infection. If you wear a person’s mental health down, their ability to take care of themselves is diminished. what have been soMe of your career highlights since leaving outright and what’s next? One of my favorite gigs was going to Micronesia for seven weeks and working with a local conservation organization. That was amazing. And, the interim position at Maine Women’s Fund has been great.

You know, I really love helping people transition through change. And I’m busy. I’ve liked being in the right place at the right time to be of service. I can tell you that whatever I’m doing, I’ll be engaged and I’ll make a difference. ^

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this is progress?

CritiCal refleCtions on the repeal of DaDt _by Ry an C o n R ad

F

Last fall, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the federal law banning out gays and lesbians from serving in the armed forces, was relegated to the dustbin of history. While many homos and their hetero allies celebrated this policy change as significant progress for gay and lesbian rights, queers from the anti-war movement have been scratching our heads in wonder. How did extending the opportunity for more people to join the US war machine become a progressive goal?

I am not justifying discrimination, but we should discuss the broader discrimination perpetuated by the US military. Abu Ghraib, videos of US soldiers pissing on dead Afghans, fatal US bombings of Reuters journalists, rape and murder of civilians in occupied countries, impunity of private weapons contractors, structural adjustment policies imposed by the US in tandem with global banking institutions like the International Monetary Fund and the World Bank . . . the list goes on. The question becomes, “Do civil rights for gays and lesbians in the United States come at the expense of global human rights?”

The US is currently operating three overt Middle Eastern and North African wars and occupying nearly 30 of the world’s nations with military bases under the rhetorical guise of “spreading democracy” or “liberating people.” Soon after DADT became obsolete, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton declared to the United Nations that gay rights, as human rights, must be defended. Women’s rights are used as one of many justifications for war in the Middle East as part of “democracy;” it’s only a matter of time before gay rights are similarly used.

Meanwhile, the war at home, which disproportionately harms poor and multicultural communities, including many homos, can be illustrated by the 2012 federal budget. We have over $1.4 trillion for the military but only $1.1 trillion for social services, split between the departments of Health and Human Services, Education, Labor, and Housing and Urban Development, as well as the Social Security Administration, according to War Resisters League calculations.

This lopsided spending — piles of money for war, but little for social services/development — directly contributes to the number of Americans living in poverty with no prospect of economic mobility. They are sold a fiction of honor and opportunity by military recruiters promising paid jobs, military housing, free university education, and lifelong veterans’ benefits. If you don’t come home in a body bag, you can look forward to all this — along with decades of serious mental-health issues and the increased likelihood of homelessness,

physical disabilities, incarceration, substance abuse, unemployment, and premature death. Although the military’s sales pitch hasn’t changed over the last few decades, the risks have increased and the benefits have become more seductive in a time of austerity measures where access to affordable housing, university education, meaningful employment, and health care are farther and farther from most Americans’ realities.

Those of us committed to ending America’s wars are deeply invested in counter-recruitment, ending this poverty draft, and de-militarizing our daily lives.

Counter-recruitment in particular is more difficult since the overturning of DADT. The policy gave strategic leverage to some anti-war activists, who kept military recruitment programs off high school and university campuses by citing the military’s discriminatory anti-gay policy as contradictory to the schools’ non-discrimination policies. Now, in the aftermath of DADT’s repeal, universities like Harvard have ushered in the return of military recruiters and programs.

Are we suffering from historical amnesia, or are gay and lesbian groups like GetEqual and Servicemembers Legal Defense Network unaware that gay liberation was founded upon anti-war and anti-imperialist principles? The 1970s’ Gay Liberation Front (GLF), one of the first post-Stonewall uprising activist groups, was named after the anti-imperialist Vietnamese liberation army fighting the US invasion and occupation. In addition to opposing US militarism, the GLF also maintained a broad based political platform that confronted racism by declaring their support for liberation struggles in the so-called “third world” as well as aligning themselves domestically with the Black Panther Party.

Perhaps Lady Gaga is both a victim of and partially responsible for perpetuating such amnesia. In 2010, she made an incoherent public address in Portland,

in which she called equality, specifically in the context of serving in the US military, the “prime rib of America” and concluded, “Shouldn’t everyone deserve to wear the same meat dress as I do?” The speech, applauded by thousands, argued for Americans’ rights to fight and kill for their country. That she was not booed for her militarism, or the deathly associations between raw meat and the US army’s slaughter of millions, in “liberal” Portland demonstrates our warped public discourse around gays in the military.

How did we move so far from our radical roots? I imagine the visionary queer activists Harry Hay and Audre Lorde rolling over in their graves at the uncritical normalization of pro-military gay voices like Dan Choi, whose rabidly pro-war statements went largely unchallenged on so-called progressive news programs like Democracy Now!, or Josh Seefried and Karl Johnson, who were featured as exemplary good gay soldiers in an article titled Lieutenants, With Love in the February 2012 “Love” Issue of Out magazine.

So what are we to do? You want to be an activist or gay ally and you’re not sure how to go about it when gays in the military is one of very few political topics anyone ever talks about in a gay-activist context? Do some counter-recruitment and anti-poverty work!

Don’t let queer bodies become cannon fodder in wars fought to shore up the economic interests of the political and financial elite. If you’re desperate for soldiering, fight the wars at home against racism, xenophobia, heterosupremacy, the war on terror, the war on drugs, and the mass incarceration of people of color and immigrants.

We’ve got a lot of shit to do to make this messed-up world a better place. Gay or straight, joining the US military is not one of them. ^

Ryan Conrad can be reached at rconrad@meca.edu.

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