The Brandeis Hoot - Mar 11, 2011

Vol. 8, No. 7

M arch 1 1 , 2 0 1 1

JVP rejected from Hillel umbrella organization

B R A N D E I S U N I V E R S I T Y ' S C O M M U N I T Y N E W S PA P E R

Pass/fail to count for grad requirements ‘C-’ now needed for covering with ‘P’

By Ariel Wittenberg

By Nathan Koskella

Editor

Citing differing views on the state of Israel, the board of Brandeis University’s Hillel chapter voted Tuesday to reject Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) as a member group of the organization.

“While … we understand that JVP at Brandeis considers itself a pro-Israel club, based on positions and programming JVP has sponsored, we do not believe that JVP can be included under Hillel’s umbrella,” Brandeis Hillel Chapter President Andrea Wexler ’11 wrote in her rejection letter to members of JVP. Wexler later said in an interview that among her concerns of JVP’s programming was its sponsorship of “Israeli occupation awareness week” last semester.

The Brandeis chapter of Hillel, an international organization that funds Jewish life on college campuses, acts as an umbrella organization for many other Jewish and Israeli-oriented groups on campus. While there is a national organization of JVP which advocates for “Israelis and Palestinians; Two peoples, one future,” Lev Hirschhorn ’11 of Brandeis’ JVP said his group does not have strong ties to the national organization.

Tuesday’s decision was based, in part, on guidelines set in December by International Hillel

WA LT H A M , M A

Editor

photo by ingrid schulte/the hoot

pass Dean of Arts and Sciences Adam Jaffe mediates a debate

the pass/fail proposal.

See HILLEL, page 3

Faculty members voted Thursday to change the university’s pass/fail system to allow students to count a class in which they received a “P” for a graduation requirement.

Students could begin taking courses pass/fail for a requirement this fall if the proposal brought by the University Curriculum Committee (UCC) is passed on a second reading at the next faculty meeting, scheduled for April 14.

Dean of Arts and Sciences Adam Jaffe explained that two perspectives, what he called “predominately the students’ view, and the faculty view,” competed with one another in the long history of the committee’s work to get the issue before the faculty.

Currently, students may take up to four courses pass/fail during the duration of their Brandeis careers with only one pass/fail course allowed per semester. At the end of the term, students can either claim their P, “covering” their grade, or keep the original letter grade. Failing grades cannot be

covered.

“Students are positive about pass/ failing requirements, while faculty worry that student will not take [those] courses seriously” and “finetune their GPAs,” Jaffe said.

To reconcile these two opinions, Jaffe said the proposal came with an explicit “package deal:” along with the ability to count a course for science or non-western requirements will come the need to get a C- or higher to cover a grade with a P. Current guidelines had allowed students to cover any passing grade, from D- up.

Registrar Mark Hewitt said the change would have little practical effect because “most grades are not covered at all and most grades that are covered are B’s.”

With these statistics, the motion passed the assembled faculty by an overwhelming margin, and no exact tally was taken.

Some professors said they did not even need the “deal” to accept the proposal, saying they sympathized with students who wanted to take classes they were interested in even if they ended up with a D. “Pass/failing a requirement is consistent with what the point of pass/fail is anyway,” Jaffe said, namely “helping students challenge themselves outside See PASS/FAIL, page 3

Faculty, univ officials reflect on suicide

By Jon Ostrowsky Editor

University officials and faculty discussed the mental health support system at Thursday’s faculty meeting as they tried to make sense and discover lessons after the suicide of Kat Sommers ’14 last month.

A senior Psychological Counseling Center official said he hopes that with a new president, the university will take an initiative to foster discussions between faculty and students about mental illness and the support necessary to treat it.

“I’m always in this odd position … having so much to say and not really being able to say anything,” the official said about talking with faculty. “Every single one of the suicides [at Brandeis] has a backstory that I can’t tell you about.”

The official requested anonymity because he did not want to compromise student expectations and standards related to his counseling.

He asked for a network of communication between faculty and students similar to the ones that exist between students and professionally trained staff from the Division of Student Affairs and the Department of Community Living.

Psychological Counseling Center staff always accept the policies of confidentiality that prevent detailed communication with faculty about students. The PCC sees about 50 percent of the students in each graduating class and roughly 550 students per year.

“Students experience that kind of connection

[between faculty and counselors] as threatening,” the official said.

Like all universities, Brandeis is forced to confront issues around suicide: It is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages 15 and 24.

“It never really fades” the official said, explaining the tragedy of a suicide. “One [suicide] is devastating. Two or three or four is horrifying,” the PCC official said.

At the faculty meeting, university President Fred Lawrence thanked Dean of Student Life Rick Sawyer and the entire community for its caring and effective response to the suicide. He praised all administrators and the PCC for helping to prevent the constant fear of copycat cases after a suicide.

The PCC holds urgent care walk-in hours twice per day and has staff on call 24 hours per day via a phone answering service.

Professors asked a range of questions, including one about less obvious warning signs of suicidal students and another about why the PCC and all counseling centers have seen dramatic increases in the numbers of students coming to them in the past decade.

The PCC use rate has roughly doubled over recent years, the official said. Some students come to college already on medication for mental illness while others develop it once they enter college.

Society’s pressure to force students from a deSee COUNSELING, page 10

photo by alan tran/the hoot

peace corps Volunteers discuss their service in a honorary event at the Heller School on Tuesday.

Heller honors Peace Corps

By Debby Brodsky Staff

Brandeis University’s Heller School for Social Policy and Management helped the Peace Corps celebrate its 50th anniversary Tuesday evening, in an event recognizing the service of Heller School volunteers and the work of Peace Corps volunteers nation-wide.

Organized in tribute to former Heller School Director of Admissions and Recruitment and

Peace Corps volunteer James Sabourin, the evening hosted speakers such as Dean of the Heller School Lisa Lynch, Brandeis University President Frederick Lawrence and a panel discussion of returned Peace Corps volunteers.

“Heller has had an informal relationship with the Peace Corps for many years,” Margaret Haley, the assistant director of graduate admissions and recruitment for the Heller School said. “We See PEACE CORPS, page 3

NEWS Lawrence answers questions in web forum

2 The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

photo by ingrid schulte/the hoot

By Jon Ostrowsky Editor

University President Fred Lawrence answered questions from alumni, parents and students in an online broadcast through the Alumni Association’s Faculty Lecture Forum Thursday evening.

Financial aid and contact with

students are two top priorities of his presidency, Lawrence said in a conversation moderated by David Nathan, Director of Communications for Alumni and Development. The forum covered topics of student life, alumni outreach, admissions and Israeli politics.

Lawrence, who will teach a seminar on criminal punishment theory in

the fall, said that even as President, he cannot imagine coming to Brandeis and not teaching.

“If I can’t teach during my tenure at Brandeis, it’s like shutting off my oxygen,” he said. “The highest title that the academy has to award is professor.”

With a busy travel schedule and days filled with meetings, Lawrence said he enjoys spending time with students even in casual and informal settings.

When walking to the Faculty Club for lunch he talks to students in the Shapiro Campus Center, and enjoys the time it takes to meet new students. “I walk through the student center and I know full well it’s going to take time,” Lawrence said. “That’s the point.”

Lawrence also said that a major focus of the university will be to provide financial aid to as many students as possible.

He said there will likely be needblind admissions for all of the 9,000 applicants for 850 spots in the class of 2011. “I’m quite confident that we will be able to do that,” he said.

Lawrence, who already met with alumni in Los Angeles and San Francisco, has additional trips planned to New York City, Washington D.C., Chicago, Philadelphia and Miami.

Later in the year, he will also travel abroad to Canada, Israel, England, India, China and Brazil.

When he is traveling, Lawrence said he spends a few hours each day writing and responding to e-mails so

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that he can stay in touch with events on campus. He said he takes pride in the fact that as of now, although some are forwarded, he reads and responds to his own e-mails.

On campus, he has also spent time meeting with each individual academic departments, and has finished meeting with two-thirds of them.

He described the greatest selling point about Brandeis to be the fact that it combines the advantages of a small liberal arts college and a large research institution.

When recruiting prospective or accepted students, Lawrence said he hopes both parents and students realize the room for growth at Brandeis.

“They’re [prospective students] 17 years old and they’re trying to predict what they’ll be like at 21 or 22,” Lawrence said. “There’s a lot of growing that happens [in college].”

During his recent trip to California, Lawrence said he encountered people asking about the film program at Brandeis. In the coming years, he envisions both a larger film studies and film production program to facilitate increasing interest from perspective students.

When answering questions about Israel, Lawrence explained that Brandeis is recognized as a world leader in scholarship and research on the Middle East. Often Brandeis receives extra attention towards any activities or events related to Israel.

“If we debate issues regarding Israel on this campus, it will get outside attention,” Lawrence said.

For a university loyal to the value of “truth unto its innermost parts,” Lawrence said we should welcome open discussion about Israeli politics, but still recognize “that doesn’t mean anything goes. There are rules of engagement.”

The questions also asked about other aspects of the university, including student life and underage drinking.

Lawrence explained that although Brandeis does not have more problems of underage drinking than other colleges, he believes the best solution is to analyze alcohol use in the full context of student social life and social events on campus.

Last semester, former university president Jehuda Reinharz created an ad-hoc Alcohol Advisory Committee following drinking on campus Oct. 23, 2010 that resulted in nine kids needing to be hospitalized for alcohol intoxication.

“How do you deal with issues about drinking? Give healthier alternatives to students,” he said.

The first weekend of the semester, Lawrence participated as an MC in the “Battle of the Brandeis DJs,” a dance party in Levin Ballroom, which hundreds of students attended.

At one point in the evening, he joined in a freestyle rap battle with Student Union President Daniel Acheampong ’11.

Lawrence said he was glad to find no videos of the battle on YouTube the next morning.

March 11, 2011

The Brandeis Hoot

NEWS

3

Peace Corps, Heller celebrate connection PEACE CORPS, from page 1

applied to be a Fellows/USA program last fall [and] we were notified of our acceptance close to the New Year, and the formal contract is being signed now.”

According to Haley, the Heller School’s relationship with the Peace Corps has not changed, it has only been codified with an agreement.

Now that the relationship has been formalized, the Heller School and the Peace Corps are able to recruit for one another and Brandeis appears on the Peace Corps website.

At the venue for the 50th anniversary celebration, the Heller School featured the winning photographs from the photography contests of Boston-area returned Peace Corps volunteers from their countries of service. The dates of the photographs ranged between 1961, when the Peace Corps was founded, to the present.

Every year the Boston-area returned Peace Corps volunteers compile submitted photographs of its members into calendars and greeting cards in the form of a fundraiser. This year’s photography contest was won by Professor Jane Hale (COML).

The Heller School is currently the newest fellow program, and the second academic institution in Massachusetts to form a partnership with the Peace Corps.

“Heller students do not usually join the Peace Corps,” Haley said. “They usually come to us after completing their service. Most of our students have done public and/or community service before returning to graduate school. Most of our international students come from the developing world. They come from the areas where the returned Peace Corps volunteers have served.”

During his opening remarks, Lawrence noted that there are 1,100 international students at Brandeis alone.

“It is our privilege to be part of the Peace Corps,” he said.

Following Lawrence, Peter Redmond, deputy associate director for global operations for the Peace Corps, spoke about his time volunteering in Honduras.

“Every one of us brings home so much more than we leave behind,” Redmond said. “The Peace Corps’ most valuable contribution is connecting young leaders to practitioners, and supporting them in their careers.”

Redmond continued to explain that the Peace Corps vision is characterized by youth, and that it is was constructed as a bold challenge for the youth of America by the young, dynamic senator, John F. Kennedy.

“For me,” Redmond explained, “the Peace Corps set me on paths that I only dreamed of. I found myself drawn to the public service that I had learned about as a young man.

I learned about another culture, the power of community and about myself.”

The Peace Corps is currently forging new partnerships with universities, colleges, non-profit organizations and government agencies across the United States to promote a culture that evaluates proficiency. “The Peace Corps is more essential than ever because of the inequalities in the world such as poverty, disease and hunger,” Redmond said. “We gain when we give.”

The Peace Corps recently opened programs in Indonesia, Columbia and Sierra Leone. Its success depends on the success of its volunteers, and its partnership with the Heller School continues to reflect the passion of its volunteers, and the success of its programs.

“Development work becomes an integral part of who you are,” concluded Redmond. “It touches your heart. It changes the way the world sees America and the way America sees the world. Development is love in action, and the Peace Corps lasts a lifetime.”

photo by ingrid schulte/the hoot

Pass/fail could begin this fall PASS/FAIL, from page 1

their ordinary paths.”

Jaffe noted that Brandeis’ pass/fail option would remain “distinctive” in another way, namely that as in current practice, students are not bound by electing the pass/fail option and may simply keep the grade. Jaffe said the new move is keeping with that spirit of letting students branch out: “the purpose is to encourage students to explore.”

After the vote, Jaffe introduced a possible change the UCC could look into going forward involving faculty awareness of students who are electing their classes pass/fail. The dean called it a question of “transparency versus confidentiality”—some professors, tongue-in-cheek, whispered “don’t ask don’t tell,” to general amusement.

Jaffe said most students were against the idea. Though some faculty members wanted to be able to hear so they could budget academic advising to students truly worried

Hillel denies JVP JVP, from page 1

that prohibit partnerships with organizations that “deny the right of Israel to exist as a Jewish and democratic state with secure and recognized boarders; legitimize, demonize or apply a double standard to Israel; [or] support boycott of, divestment from, or sanctions against the State of Israel.”

“The decision was made in part because the guidelines were handed down to us, but we do believe in them and support them,” Wexler said. “I honestly can’t tell you what we would have done had the guidelines not been in place, but the decision probably would have been the same.”

In its opening statement to the Hillel board, JVP wrote that “National Hillel declares that it ‘is steadfastly committed to the support of Israel as a Jewish and democratic state,’ we too support a democratic state in Eretz Yisrael based on Jewish values.”

Executive Director of Hillel at Brandeis Larry Sternberg, however, made a distinction between these two assertions, saying “Jewish values” are not enough to meet the criteria of a “Jewish state.”

“We affirm Israel as a Jewish and a democratic state,” Sternberg said.

“JVP affirms Israel as a democratic state with Jewish values. We would also reject an organization that only affirmed Israel as a Jewish state but

about grades, most faculty who spoke defended the notion that students would worry about “bias” if a teacher knew a student could escape with a P. The UCC will not be looking into

the idea of changing the faculty notification policy, resolving that faculty can just ask students if they are concerned.

Faculty discuss mental health and counseling center COUNSELING, from page 1

not as a democracy.”

In her letter to JVP, Wexler cited JVP’s support of boycotting goods from Israeli settlements in disputed territories; however, Hirschhorn said there should be a distinction made between boycotting goods from settlements and the state as a whole.

“Boycotting is a tactic that we are using to influence policy, but JVP does not advocate to the boycott of all Israeli goods,” he said. “If they interpret our boycott of the settlements as being a boycott of Israel, that is saying the settlements are in a territory that is part of Israel; and that is not democratic.”

Wexler, however, disagreed and said that “the settlements are part of the economy. By boycotting them they are hurting Israel as a country, no matter how you define it.”

Hirschhorn said JVP originally tried to join Hillel because “as a Jewish organization, we felt we should have a seat at the Jewish communal table.

“We feel that the guidelines are very

problematic because Hillel, which is supposed to be the center of Jewish life on campus, says there is a litmus test to be a part of the Jewish community,” Hirschhorn said.

The Brandeis chapter of J Street U, which was accepted into the Hillel umbrella last semester and which advocates for a two-state solution in Israel, released a statement Wednesday evening in support of JVP. “While J Street U and JVP strongly disagree about many issues related to the resolution of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict … we nonetheless believe that they should be a part of the Jewish communal conversation,” the statement reads. “We believe it would be the greatest testament to Hillel’s strength if it brought all Jewish organizations … into conversation with one another because doing so would highlight Hillel’s ability to be the unifying factor in an ever-fractious American Jewish community.”

sire “to be a well-rounded citizen” into simply someone wanting a job is also a factor that has increased stress and pressure on adolescents, he said.

Addressing the economic recession and potential impacts on the PCC budget, the official said that its staff and support system has actually grown in recent years.

The administration understands that it is not a department where funding can be cut, he said.

Lawrence was traveling in California on Feb. 15 and immediately flew home when he heard of Sommers’ suicide and arrived back at Brandeis the next day. He sent an e-mail to parents, informing them about the suicide and telling them to contact him or his Chief of Staff David Bunis, if they had any concerns.

“As parents, Kathy and I know that you have entrusted us with your children during their time at Brandeis. We take this trust as a sacred obligation,” Lawrence wrote on Feb. 16. “It is at times of tragedy like this that we discover just how strong and special this community is.”

Lawrence said that he received about 400 replies from parents to the e-mail.

At the faculty meeting, Lawrence echoed the message in his e-mail last month.

“The worst thing that can happen at this time is people [start] scurrying into their corners,” Lawrence said.

4 NEWS

The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

Microfinance panel aims to combat poverty

By Josh Kelly Staff

A group of panelists interested in reducing global poverty and gaining other social benefits through microfinance gathered in the Heller School for Social Policy Thursday in a program titled “Microfinance: Does it Work?” to discuss with the audience each of their individual viewpoints on the role of microfinance.

Roy Jacobowitz, the managing director of ACCION International, an organization which attempts to provide loans to people who normally would be deemed too risky, spoke on microfinancing for combatting poverty. Kim Wilson, a lecturer at The Fletcher School; Janina Matuszeski, the research coordinator of Oxfam America, a group more interested in saving groups within poverty-stricken societies; and Marcia Odell, the former director of WORTH, a program aimed at empowering women, were also panelists.

While these panelists perhaps disagreed on issues of how to execute the concept of microfinance in poorer areas, they all came to discuss the overarching idea that perhaps instead of merely distributing food or other charitable donations to people suffering from poverty, a good strategy would be to instead give them access to the sorts of financial resources that we have in the United States.

During Jacobowitz’s introduction, with all of the accomplishments being listed off it was clear that he has had a massive effect on the field of microfinance. Starting his career at ACCION in the ‘90s he helped to bring the number of people being aided by microfinance from five million in 1994 to more than 150 million today while raising more than $100 million in philanthropy and millions more in investment capital.

Early in his speech, Jacobowitz defined microfinance as not the traditional definition of loans and savings, but as a broad range of practices to help promote what he called “financial inclusion,” or the ability of someone to partake in financial resources, which he claims many of

the poor have been deprived of.

Microfinance, according to Jacobowitz, “is the provision of a broad range of financial services ranging from short-term working capital in a group, through individual lending, through long-term housing finance, through savings, through time deposits, payment systems, insurance, annuities, the full range of financial products, and services that the poor household needs in order to manage their financial lives and accumulate assets.”

For example, ACCION might lend out a relatively small amount of money to a person who would usually be deemed too risky, and they would start a business and thereby generate income to help lift themselves out of poverty.

Jacobowitz presented one of the major problems with microfinance in that it has not been able to bring about any major macroeconomic development, but that if people are focusing on that then they are missing the point.

He described that “it will help develop lives, and it’ll help develop the demand for goods and services because people will have the capacity to pay and, therefore, even if the random control trial researchers can’t find poverty alleviation results in their short term studies-even though they can’t find it today … I think we’ve all agreed agree that the poor will enjoy a better quality of life if they can access these basic financial services that we’re talking about.”

Prior to a couple film clips following his speech Jacobowitz expressed optimism concerning the rise of microfinance in years to come, which he describes as being “at the end of the beginning.”

The last three speakers brought up a different concept, that of social groups of povertystricken people coming together to save money in communal pots, but each in a somewhat different way.

The first of these three was Kim Wilson.

Her main focus was motivation. She began her speech by asking the audience who among them had a Facebook profile. She then went into ex-

plaining how Facebook now has credits in varying currency which she believes will greatly influence global finance. She places the reason for this on the social aspect.

“It’s starting with the social first. It’s the social network, and they’re adding on financial services … It’s creating an alternative currency that I’m predicting is going to be transglobal within seven to ten years … Financial institutions will still be important for certain specific transactions but in terms of really thickening the global web it’s going to happen through Facebook and entities like that.”

However, she faults both Facebook and institutions in that they do not “create motivation …

They can create opportunity, but they can’t create motivation.” In her speech she explains how in some areas, like Haiti, women will be victimized by money-lenders with high interest rates and that instead, as has happened, women will bind together, contributing a little each week to be taken out by a member of the group for a time when they need it. More than simply providing people with money to spend, Wilson claims that groups help keep the women motivated.

After speaking to many women from many different groups she explains that they kept telling her “again and again [my] group gives me the discipline. My group gives me the confidence that I can sacrifice, I can pull this money together. A bank is not going to do that. Facebook’s not going to do that.”

The next speaker was Janina Matuszeski of Oxfam, an organization also focused on promoting social groups saving up individually.

She explained the process of this idea, which she deemed “microsavings” in contrast to the institution-driven “microcredit.” According to Matuszeski the general process is to start off by giving a group a small loan, perhaps of between $2 and $50. The money can be delivered by local NGOS. This money could be organized into a pot for savings designated for necessities versus a pot designated for savings designated for occasions like birthdays in the group.

photo by alex patch/the hoot

She explained the differences between microsavings and microcredit in a chart. For example, a loan given by an institution must often be used to start a business while microsavings can be used for consumption as well.

A major point which she made though was that of the changing role of women in the household because of their ability to gain income. “Why do women have increased autonomy? ... Because they’re bringing money in …

So their husbands are listening to them because they’re bringing something to the table.” After presenting research concerning the success and longevity of these groups it was time for the last speaker.

Marcia Odell provided a vast amount of energy as she got up, aware that she was running very short on time. She argued strongly in favor of microsavings, asking the audience, “In the savings-led model who are the bankers? The people in the group, so where does the interest on all that lending go? ... It stays with the people in the community and that is a huge difference [between that and the ACCION concept].”

She presented the idea in a very quick speech, that perhaps the most important thing was that the social savings groups act like a social safety net, giving people solidarity, as well as providing counseling and help to those in the group who need it. According to Odell, speaking through the view of the women involved in such groups “unity is strength.”

Following the last speaker another video clip was shown depicting the successes of ACCION to alleviate poverty. Overall, there was general agreement on the basic concepts but some heated disagreement about the practicality of microfinance at the Heller School.

The program was sponsored by Professor Reinhartz of the Women’s Studies Research Center, the Schuster Institute for Investigative Journalism, the International Grant, the International Business School, the Gender Working Group at the Heller School and the Women, Gender, and Sexuality Study Program at Boston University.

Univ website to get makeover Brandeis will unveil a new homepage for its website in the next month. The redesign has been in the works since this fall, Associate Vice President of Communications Bill Burger said.

Burger described the redesign as, “a fresh coat of paint of the front door,” saying that while the university acknowledges the need for a redesign of the entire website, it will be 18 to 24 months before it is possible.

The redesign cost the university less than $20,000 dollars, a reasonable figure for a redesign of this type Burger said.

The redesign’s goal was to give the website a more fresh and current feel, improve navigation, and highlight different departments and facets of Brandeis in a more defined way.

The new homepage’s dimensions will be 30 percent larger than the current homepage to allow for more content. The main page will focus on university spotlights with nine to 12 multimedia links on the bottom of the page, allowing for perspective students to get a realistic feel for what being a student at Brandeis is like, Burger explained.

Burger said that throughout the college and university community it has been established that website homepages’ main audience should be prospective students. With this in mind the page will display links to admissions for all Brandeis schools more prominently while still allowing for the navigation tools to which the current community is accustomed.

– Destiny D. Aquino, Editor photo from internet source

Note: The above graphic may not reflect current or accurate Brandeis news.

March 11, 2011

NEWS 5

The Brandeis Hoot

This week in pictures

Brandeis Briefs Provost to be named in May

Victory: V-store to open soon

A new university provost will be named by May, after the provost search committee names three candidates for President Frederick Lawrence’s selection, the committee’s chair Sacha Nelson (BIOL) told the faculty at Thursday’s faculty meeting.

Nelson said it was a matter of “balance between thorough vetting and extreme transparency with confidentiality.” Faculty nominations for the position of provost were put forward, but could not be announced by the committee due to applicants’ privacy concerns.

On the whole, the committee has received a total of 68 applicants. Nelson said two-thirds are male and one-eighth are “underrepresented minorities.”

“We’ve been surprised there has been so much competition: there’s been a good buzz out on the street about Brandeis,” he said, adding that, “We have a good chance of landing some excellent candidates.”

— Ariel Wittenberg, Editor

By Nafiz ‘Fizz’ Ahmed, Editor

Univ meeting financial benchmarks Despite the class of 2014 being smaller than originally projected, Brandeis is meeting its financial obligations for fiscal year 2011, university President Fredrick Lawrence said at the faculty meeting Thursday.

This financial balance is attributed to more graduate admissions and skillful budget balancing on behalf of the office of the chief financial officer Lawrence said.

Despite the admissions slump in the size of this year’s first-year class, the university does not plan to admit more students for the class of 2015 in order to compensate for this year’s gap. Instead the administration plans to focus on admitting better students and learning to use the new need sensitive admissions procedures being implemented, Lawrence said.

This marks a change from plans put in place by the university in spring of 2009 when the university announced it would admit 100 more students per first-year class for four years, ending with the class of 2016.

Lawrence also said the university is on track with its five-year plan drawing 5 percent of the endowment by 2014. Currently, the university is using between 6.8 and 6.5 percent of the endowment in the budget for fiscal year 2011.

The numbers allow for “cautious optimism” surrounding the university budget, Lawrence said.

Lawrence said that for the future of finances at Brandeis we must be more strategically minded, “It’s not surprising in times of crisis that [finances] become tactical, but we can’t be tactical forever, it’s time to become more strategic in where we want to go,” he said.

— Destiny D. Aquino, Editor

Renovations planned for Rose 50 year anniversary

a new dining option Construction on the new Village convenience store is well underway, with the plastic that had covered the window to the store finally removed, revealing the interior. Officially, the new store will open March 28.

Rockin’ the RAVEharz by Ingrid Schulte, Editor

raveharz Students dancing at the RAVEharz on March 4.

Musika Rox by Haley Fine, Staff

The Rose Art Museum will undergo a series of renovations in the coming months, through the summer, in preparation for its 50th anniversary this coming fall.

The Lois Foster wing of the museum will stay open throughout the renovations and be accessed through a new temporary entrance while the original building is under construction.

The renovations will focus on creating a more energy efficient and overall better environment for the arts of work displayed. New LCD lighting and a new HVAC air ventilation system will be installed.

In addition replacement of the glass at the entrance and removal of the pond will allow for better interior temperature control of the museum, which makes it safer for the works of art. The railing to the staircase as well as the front desk will be renovated for aesthetic appeal.

“It’s absolutely terrific,” said Director of Museum Operations Roy Dawes in a BrandeisNOW press release. “The cleanliness of the lines will enhance the space and our ability to display artwork.

The circulation of viewers through the space will be greatly improved and new display opportunities will be created.”

—Destiny D. Aquino, Editor

collage dance ensemble Professional dance group honors ethnic peoples and dance styles in modern Turkey.

6 The Brandeis Hoot

Engrossing

impressions

March 11, 2011

Book of Matthew

Get smart about energy use

By Bret Matthew Editor

photo by ariel wittenberg/the hoot

Can’t we all stand under the same umbrella–ella-ella

By Morgan Gross Editor

This past week, conflicts between Israel groups on Brandeis’ campus once again made national news when Brandeis Hillel rejected Brandeis Jewish Voice for Peace’s request to be included under the Hillel umbrella of Jewish organizations.

The statement made by Hillel, rejecting Jewish Voice for Peace’s request, is as follows: “At this time Hillel at Brandeis is unable to recognize the Brandeis Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) as a member group. JVP promotes boycotts against the State of Israel and its positions are not consistent with Hillel’s position on Israel as defined by the International Hillel guidelines; ‘Hillel is pro-Israel; steadfastly committed to the support of Israel as a Jewish and democratic state with secure and recognized borders as a member of the family of nations.’”

In a letter between Brandeis Hillel president, Andrea Wexler (on behalf of the Hillel executive board) and JVP, Wexler explains that the Brandeis Hillel executive board’s “policy, consistent with our international guidelines … While, based on your presentation, we understand that JVP at Brandeis considers itself a pro-Israel club, based on positions and programming JVP has sponsored, we do not believe that JVP can be included under Hillel’s umbrella.”

As the statement mentions, Jewish Voice for Peace defines itself as a proIsrael group. They explained in their

presentation to Hillel that as an organization “We fully support the right of the Jewish and Palestinian people to live in their historic homeland. We believe in the principle of nonviolent peacem a k ing, and to that end we oppose terrorism and military force as strategies to accomplish political goals.” Just because JVP doesn’t fit some people’s (unreasonably) narrow definition of pro-Israel doesn’t mean that their self-definition (the primary reason for their rejection from Hillel) is inaccurate.

However important their status as a pro-Israel group is, the more important factor to consider is JVP’s self-definition as a Jewish group—just look at the name!

It seems that Hillel is supposed to be an organization that serves as a home for the entire Jewish community on campus, the kind of group who values pluralism and dialogue within the Jewish community. By excluding Jewish Voice for Peace from Hillel, Hillel is excluding a portion of the Jewish community at Brandeis. This is the absolute last thing that we need.

This is not the first time—or even the first time this year—that conflicts arose between Israel groups on cam-

pus. Sadly, this rejection of an unquestionably Jewish group is Hillel’s way of perpetuating and even deepening the divide in the Jewish community here at Brandeis, not an isolated incident so much as a symptom of a larger problem we have seen time and time again here on this supp os e d ly open-minded campus.

While the exclusion of Jewish Voice for Peace is technically acceptable, due to Brandeis Hillel’s self-definition as “an umbrella organization to many different groups” as opposed to a collective of all-Jewish groups on campus, there is still something about this type of exclusion that doesn’t sit well with me.

I don’t understand how an organization that defines itself as the “nerve center of that Jewish community” at Brandeis can—in good conscience— accept and perpetuate this division, turning it from de facto to de jure.

I am sick of groups on campus constantly emphasizing their desire for pluralism, open-mindedness and dialogue while their actions reflect the opposite.

It is time for Jewish groups on campus to realize their commonalities and all stand under the same umbrella.

This rejection of an unquestionably Jewish group is ... not an isolated incident so much as a symptom of a larger problem

If you ask a group of Brandeis students to tell you how much electricity their residence halls consume each day, you’ll probably get a lot of blank stares and, if you’re lucky, a few ballpark guesses.

But if you ask students at Harvard,or at Yale, or even at Hamilton College in Clinton, New York, they’ll be able to give you an accurate answer with the click of a button.

Their schools, and a growing number of schools around the country, are able to do this with the help of Lucid Design Group, Inc., a self-described “cleantech software company” whose Building Dashboard® program uses “smart meters” to measure a building’s energy usage accurately and display the results in real time.

For any school that wishes to reduce its environmental impact, this technology is critical and, luckily, we won’t be lagging behind the crowd for very long. Enter Sam Porter ’14, who plans to bring Lucid’s meters to Brandeis.

Porter got the idea back in the fall while taking Professor Laura Goldin’s “Greening the Ivory Tower” class—in which students study and develop environmentally sustainable projects for Brandeis campus. Many of these projects have, in fact, been implemented, most notably the popular ‘DeisBikes program that was launched in March 2009. Porter previously had some experience with smart meters in people’s homes and he wondered if they could be used on a large scale.

He proposed the project to the Brandeis Sustainability Fund board and was recently granted $26,000.

On top of that, Facilities Services has promised to pay an additional annual fee toward the project, in recognition of its potential benefits.

The importance of reducing Brandeis’ energy consumption cannot be overstated. University buildings, like all buildings in Waltham, receive their electricity from NSTAR’s electrical distribution system, according to Brandeis Energy Manager William Bushey. Most of this energy—which is considerable—is generated by the burning of fossil fuels, such as coal and natural gas, while only a small percentage comes from renewable sources. This is a continuing problem, not only because energy prices are rising at a time when the university is dealing with severe financial difficulties, but also because of the environmental impact of continuing to release large amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere.

Last week, a NASA-funded, U.S. Jet Propulsion Laboratory-led study found that polar ice sheets are melting more quickly than previously thought, which could lead to a onefoot sea level increase by 2050.

This trend threatens coastal cities, island nations and weather patterns worldwide—and our complicity in its growth is clear. If energy companies will not change their ways quickly enough, we must change ours.

“The best way to reduce consumption is to make people aware,” Porter told me as he guided me through the Hamilton College Building Dashboard website.

It was surprisingly user-friendly and quite informative. Clearly, col-

leges like Hamilton have decided that the best way to get students to make behavioral changes and save energy is to give them as much information as possible. I was able to pinpoint a specific campus building and see how many kilowatt-hours it had consumed during the course of that day, the past week, the past month or even the past year. I could also change the site’s settings to display the amount of carbon dioxide the building emitted or the cost, in dollars, of all those kilowatt-hours (calculated using information from the school’s energy provider).

Did you know that, at the time of this writing, Hamilton’s Root Residence Hall has used 3,518 kilowatthours so far this week? Or that all this power requires the emission of 3,191 pounds of carbon dioxide—about 40 pounds per person? The students who live there do.

The Building Dashboard site also allows users to monitor closely their progress over time. Schools can set energy budgets, with the Dashboard keeping track of how closely building residents are sticking to them.

And once on the network, it’s easy for schools to organize conservation competitions between buildings or even entire campuses. Think “Do It In The Dark,” only bigger: This is conservation for the 21st century.

But it’s not just a game—it actually works. Last year, when Hamilton students organized one such campuswide competition, the winning dorm cut its energy consumption by 40 percent over two weeks. The runner-ups weren’t too far behind. Overall, the competition saved the college $6,000 in energy costs and reduced its carbon dioxide output by as much as 60,000 pounds.

It’s called the “Prius effect” on the Lucid website, and it may sound familiar to anyone who has driven the popular car. Like most hybrids, a Toyota Prius comes equipped with dashboard displays that show realtime gas mileage statistics, encouraging drivers to adjust their habits and get more distance out of every gallon. Something similar occurs when people use the Building Dashboard, Porter said: As students observe how their behavior influences energy usage, they are more willing to change it.

Of course, there is an obvious catch, which has kept Porter busy as he attempts to organize the Brandeis installation. For the Building Dashboard to be most effective, students need to know about it.

Porter hopes to accomplish this by encouraging campus Eco-Reps to spread the word and get other students in the habit of regularly checking the soon-to-be-online Brandeis Building Dashboard. He also wants to install a Lucid touch screen “kiosk” in the Shapiro Campus Center that students could access any time they walk by.

The first smart meters will be installed in Massell Quad and the Village, according to Bushe, and the system itself is expected to be operational by mid-May. If all goes well, Porter believes that the university will be willing to increase their investment in the project and install more meters throughout campus.

“No carbon dioxide is the ultimate goal,” Porter told me. We’re well on our way.

March 11, 2011

Altered Conciousness

By Rick Alterbaum Columnist

People in the West have the tendency to project their own values onto individuals that are completely unlike themselves. They are inclined to assume that everyone in the world wants ulimately the same things that they want, despite differences in culture, history, religion and other characteristics.

A recent example of this phenomenon is the American and European reaction to the Middle East uprisings. The Arab people, from Morocco to Bahrain, are rising up in a dramatic fashion against oppressive authoritarians, despots and monarchs after decades of political, economic and social stagnation and repression.

In response, Westerners are hoping that the Arabs desire everything that makes the West tick, particularly secular democracy and the accompanying institutions, rights, liberties and values that it entails. There is very good reason, however, to be skeptical about this prospect and the eventual outcome of these uprisings.

The two most powerful and appealing forces in the Middle East are nationalism and Islam. In all too many cases, however, both have been utilized to legitimize radical and extremist regimes. The former, for instance, was the basis for Nasser’s Egypt, as well as Baathist governments such as Basharal-Assad’s Syria and Saddam Hussein’s Iraq. The latter is the foundation for Islamism, which has given the world Ayatollah Khomeini’s Iran, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Muslim Brotherhood and

The Brandeis Hoot

IMPRESSIONS

A new dawn or a darker night Al-Qaeda. In contrast, the constituency for moderate, pro-Western, secular democracy, namely Arab liberals, is comparatively small. The plausibility of these individuals countering more sinister but popular forces is dubious at best.

In addition, there have been a number of ominous early signs. Yusuf alQaradawi, a virulently anti-Western Muslim Brotherhood cleric, preached his hateful messages to hundreds of thousands of ebullient and receptive Egyptians recently in Tahrir Square.

The Brothers are also seeking to take control of Egypt’s clerical establishment. An emboldened Hamas has sabotaged the natural gas pipeline that flows from Egypt to Israel and Jordan.

Protesters have drawn images of the Star of David on top of the heads of dictators like Mubarak and Gaddafi.

Additionally, the Obama administration itself is reportedly preparing for Islamist takeovers throughout the Middle East and North Africa.

Even if the protesters truly sought a democratic government, the precedents for them in the region, while they exist, are not encouraging, besides Israel. In Iraq, Prime Minister al-Maliki has exhibited increasingly autocratic tendencies.

Also, the government there has failed to provide basic services such as electricity to its people and cannot address sweeping problems relating to the economy, oil wealth and sectarian divisions.

Lebanon’s confessionalist system is notoriously fragile and several months ago Hezbollah essentially took control of it. In Turkey, Islamist Prime Minister Erdogan has severely weakened secular

t s a E dle

d i M The

graphic by leah lefkowitz/the hoot

and democratic institutions.

Lastly, movements that have been started in the name of freedom and liberty in the Middle East have often produced the opposite results. For example, the idealistic Young Turk Revolution of 1908 culminated in the Armenian Genocide.

The Free Officer’s Coup of 1952 installed Gamal Abdel Nasser as president of Egypt, who, under the guise of panArabism, denied his people basic rights,

initiated several conflicts against Israel and exacerbated Yemen’s civil war.

Additionally, the United States still is confronted with the outcome of the 1979 Iranian Revolution and the toppling of the Shah. Indeed, the late former ambassador Jeane Kirkpatrick’s belief that the fall of autocrats can lead to instability and the rise of even more repressive totalitarian regimes certainly rings true in regards to this part of the world.

It takes two views to talk

photo from internet source

By Jon Sussman

Special to the Hoot

The American Jewish community has historically recognized the need for vigorous internal debate. But recently, the demand to support Israel has outweighed our commitment to listen to one another. This was made clear when Brandeis Hillel voted on Monday to exclude Jewish Voice for Peace (J.V.P.) from their organization.

Following guidelines recently issued by national Hillel, J.V.P’s support for targeted boycotts of goods produced in Israeli settlements was deemed outside the bounds of acceptable discourse. Although the decision caters to the wishes of the Jewish establishment, The loss will be felt by the sudents. The national Hillel must abolish their exclusionary guidelines or risk fragmenting our community.

Growing up in a suburban Reform synagogue, I was taught to see the

7

Middle East in shades of black and white. But this frame fell apart when I began to research the issues for myself. Like many of my peers, I felt alienated and did not know how to reconcile my questions about Israel with my community. I felt forced to choose between my values and my traditions, and either option would be a betrayal.

Thankfully, Jewish Voice for Peace has created a safe space for young Jews to promote progressive values.

Our demands for social justice, peace and democracy are an expression of ahavat Yisrael, or love for Israel. We advocate for an end to Israel’s occupation of Palestinian lands, a just and stable peace for both peoples, and the strengthening of Israeli democracy against illiberal attacks. These positions are fundamentally pro-Israel, since they aim to make Israel a better place and truly provdide a “real light unto the nations.” The explosive growth of left-wing groups such as J.V.P. and J Street U is a testament

that these values are moving into the mainstream.

It is sad but telling that major Jewish groups and organizations have marginalized and demonized JVP. In the eyes of the American Jewish establishment, support for Israel is reduced to blind support for Israel’s occupation and defiance of international law. But the real detractors of Israel are those who attack freedom of expression, promote intolerance and uphold militarism. Why, for instance, has the American Jewish community been so eager to team up with the Christian right, who only support Israel as a stepping-stone to Armageddon?

Defending Israel right or wrong has come at a steep price. As Peter Beinart has noted, the moral compass of our community has suffered; we have become insular and petty. American Jews were once at the forefront of the civil rights movement, but now our major institutions engage in vicious dehumanization of Palestinians. At

home we have become reticent to stop attacks on Muslim-Americans, such as the racist opposition to the Park51 Islamic cultural center and Representative Peter King’s Congressional witch hunt.

It is in this context that the International Director of Hillel, Wayne Firestone, released a set of “guidelines” for local Hillel chapters to follow in partnering with other campus organizations.

These condescending and nakedly partisan guidelines seek to homogenize Jewish voices in regards to Israel. They refuse membership or cooperation with groups that “deny the right of Israel to exist as a Jewish and democratic state” or engage in “delegitimization” of Israel. Hillel never defines these terms, and local chapters are too intimidated to discuss them. Additionally, any group that supports boycott, divestment or sanctions (BDS) measures against Israel or Israeli products is not allowed access to Hillel. JVP’s boycott against goods produced in illegal settlements—which former Israeli negotiator Daniel Levy has described as a truly Zionist position—is beyond the

Regardless, I still try to be cautiously optimistic. Some governments, such as those in Libya and certainly Iran and Syria, undoubtedly need to go.

Perhaps the United States can exert its influence to make a positive impression and even forge alliances with new leaders in the region. But we ought not to take this regional euphoria at face value. The Middle East is undergoing drastic change, perhaps for r the worse.

limits of acceptable discourse.

The importance of these guidelines is clear: however vague, they are meant to keep campus Hillel chapters ideologically rigid and in line with the opinions of older generations. Ludicrously, Firestone says that “we reject efforts that may divide the Jewish community on campus over the potentially rich debate and discussion that occurs about Israel.” And yet that is precisely what these guidelines do.

Excluding the voices of young Jews who challenge the status quo, they create false unity. This only serves to make Jewish institutions less relevant to inquisitive minds. Our community is in a sad state if it asks its young people to choose between their values and a narrow, political interpretation of Judaism.

Sadly, Brandeis Hillel has elected to continue this trend. Admittedly it is the safe thing to do. But the American Jewish community must cease policing the minds of its next generation or else it will cease to be a community.

Jon is the Jewish Voice for Peace Coordinator

graphic by leah lefkowitz/the hoot

8 IMPRESSIONS

The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

The Chosen Rosen

Laughter: It’s a hoot!

By Ricky Rosen Columnist

photo from internet source

Birth control or bust

By Jeremy Goodman Special to the Hoot

While visiting my friend during midterm recess at Hampshire College she suggested we attend the Stand Up for Women’s Health Rally on Feb. 26 in Manhattan’s Foley Square. Her school, Hampshire College, sponsored two buses of students to go to New York to partake in the rally. The rally was aimed at raising awareness and gaining the public’s help in opposing the House of Representative’s cuts to Planned Parenthood.

In mid-February the Republicancontrolled House of Representatives voted to cut all federal funding for Planned Parenthood Federation of America, an organization which provides sexual and reproductive health care services and education to more than five million people every year.

Planned Parenthood began in Brooklyn, NY, in 1916, and now has more than 800 locations throughout the United States.

With an annual budget of more than $1 billion, Planned Parenthood is the nation’s leading sexual and reproductive health care provider and advocate (plannedparenthood.org).

The budget cuts are part of an effort by the House to limit government spending and, some believe, reduce the number of abortions in America.

The senate will vote on the bill in mid-March.

As I arrived at Foley Square I was

Sexcapades

By Sophie Riese Columnist

Recently, I’ve been talking with people a lot about what I like to call the “Junior Slump.” The idea behind the Junior Slump is that girls who are single during their junior year encounter significantly more difficulty in finding a partner or partners than girls in other years do. There are a number of reasons for this, but all of them add up to an unfortunate situation; junior year can be something of a sexual peak for college-aged girls and the Junior Slump can put a serious damper on this peak.

Junior year is the year that guys start dating in earnest, meaning they

shocked by the enormous crowd, later estimated at more than 6,000 people, as well as the provocative signs people were holding.

Planned Parenthood distributed bright pink signs which read, “I stand with Planned Parenthood,” “Don’t take away my birth control” and “Don’t take away my cancer screenings.”

NARAL Pro-Choice New York also provided signs for the crowds.

I was, however, most surprised by the handmade posters. A few of my favorites read “Real men support women’s health,” “Sex happens, unwanted pregnancy shouldn’t” and a cute little boy holding a sign saying “I am mad!!!” The people in the crowd were enthusiastic, angered and eager to make their voices heard.

The rally featured speeches by many well-known advocates, public figures and political leaders. Kathleen Turner, president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s Board of Advocates continually urged people to get the word out to their friends to support Planned Parenthood.

She encouraged everyone to get their friends, family and colleagues to call their senators, sign the petition online and spread the word about what is being done to Planned Parenthood.

Along with Turner, congressmen and elected officials were vowing that they will vote against the cuts to Title X (multiple organizations, including Planned Parenthood). There

were repetitive and continuous attacks against two key members of the House of Representatives: Representative Mike Pence (R-Ind.), who introduced the amendment to cut spending to Title X organizations and House Speaker John Boehner.

There seems to be a lot of talk about whether this bill was actually intended to help reduce the budget deficit or eliminate support for an organization which provides abortions.

This was the first protest I have attended, as well as my first time visiting New York. I was astounded by the number of important and influential government officials who came out to support the actions taken to defend Planned Parenthood.

Going to this protest and seeing the enormous public support and the draw of influential people reaffirmed my belief in grassroots campaigning and ultimately our rights as Americans to stand up for what we believe.

A memorable sign read, “We need a voice.

We need a choice. This is America!”

Although we may not think we have any say in politics, we do. We live in a democracy and the words and opinions of the public do matter and will be respected and considered.

Attending this rally and seeing what the power of the people can do has inspired me to reconnect with politics and give America and its government another chance. We are the people and we have a voice that matters.

Remember when you were young, and you told jokes to your friends to make them laugh? “Why did the chicken cross the road?” was never really all that funny. So you cleverly thought up variations to the chicken joke …

—Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

—Why did the Roman chicken cross the road?

She was afraid someone would Caesar!

As you grew up, though, those jokes got old, so you (or Blippitt.com) thought up some new chicken jokes ...

“—Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

—Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

—Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

—The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

—OJ Simpson: It didn’t. I was playing golf with the chicken at the time.

—Alex Rodriguez: It had a 10-year, $252 million contract to cross the road 162 times a year.”

The typical reaction to these jokes would be laughter. After all, we all love to laugh. Think back on the best moments of your day—they probably involved a giggle or two. Human beings are infatuated with laughter.

We watch sitcoms on television, we see comedy movies in theaters, we browse through YouTube videos—to make us laugh.

We tell funny stories to our friends, we constantly crack jokes, we embellish experiences when describing them to others—to make them laugh.

Most people, when choosing a friend or a date, put sense of humor at the top of their list.

Laughter is deeply ingrained in our society and culture. And we’re not the only ones. Every single language can recognize laughter—its impact is universal. Laughter defuses tense situations and lightens heavy ones.

We laugh at the mistakes of others, we laugh at things that don’t quite make sense; we even laugh at ourselves sometimes. When we laugh, we don’t stop to analyze the humor—we

don’t consider whether it’s reasonable to laugh at the time. We just do it.

For this reason, laughing is the least conscious of all processes. And that’s because laughter is free—there’s no limit to how many times you can laugh throughout the course of the day. And laughter is also contagious.

The sound of another person’s laughter makes you want to laugh.

What exactly is laughter? Hobbes said it best: laughter is “sudden glory.”

There are five different kinds of laughter. First, of course, there’s nervous laughter. You know, when you’re in an unbearably awkward situation and you chuckle a little bit to fill the silence. Then, there’s well-mannered laughter; picture sitting at a dinner table with ambassadors and diplomats and letting out an insincere “ha-haha” in between bites of filet mignon.

Let’s not forget pigeon laughter— laughing with your lips closed in order to subdue the sound of your bliss.

Next there’s silent laughter, the kind where you experience the sensation of laughing, without letting out a sound.

Imagine watching yourself on TV with the mute button on. Finally, my favorite kind of laughter is extreme laughter. This is when your friend attempts to sit down at the table, you pull the chair back and he crashes to the floor helplessly. Extreme laughter can lead to many of the following symptoms: an adrenaline rush, having trouble breathing, snorting, tearing up and, most importantly, having difficulty stopping the laughter. And these are all good things! After all, the best kind of laughter goes on … and on … and on …

Most scientists seem to agree that laughter predates human speech by millions of years. Let’s stop to consider that for a moment. Human speech, which has been around for 150,000 years, is a newborn baby on the timeline of human evolution compared to laughter. And believe it or not, babies always learn to laugh before they learn to speak. Laughing is in our genes, it’s in our nature. It’s actually rather inhuman not to laugh. So next time someone tells a bad joke and you react by giving them dirty looks and resisting the urge to laugh, you’re the one who suffers because you’re losing your humanity!

The fact is that laughing is not all that common among living things.

Besides humans, not many other animals enjoy the sensation of laughter.

Rats are known to laugh (they go on cheese diets to cheddar few pounds!), as well as dogs (especially chi-haha’s!) and chimps (they go bananas!).

See Laughter, page 9

Breaking out of Junior Slump are no longer interested in girls their own age, because they can finally get girls who are younger. This means that while the potential pool that girls can choose from tends to shrink each year (because how many girls really want to date a younger guy?), for guys it expands rapidly during junior year.

Suddenly, seniors (and grad students) are sort of the only guys available to all those hot, sexually frustrated junior girls.

But the truth is that senior guys who are single usually have one of two goals when it comes to the pursuit of women. The first goal is to hook up with anyone and everyone, or at least that’s what it seems like. They’re looking for the last “Hurrah!” that college

will give them and that means dating/sleeping around and making the most of the opportunities presented to them. The second goal is to date a senior girl, so that they have all the benefits of a relationship, but know that at the end of the year they’ll part mutually because they are headed in different directions.

They also might figure out how to make it work by finding jobs in the same city or some similar solution. By dating another senior, guys are able to eliminate a lot of the worry about what will happen to the relationship post-graduation because both parties will be in the same boat.

So you see, junior girls are sort of left out to dry. As I said before, I think

junior year is sort of a peak for girls sexually, which makes it particularly sad that so many girls go unattended. By junior year, we’re settled into our routines and we have our friend groups.

We’re no longer worrying about how to write papers and take exams, or whether or not we’ll have people to go out with during the weekend.

Instead, by junior year, we’re mostly focused on sex: having it, wanting it, getting it … you name it.

The stress related to other things in college that may have prevented us from fully enjoying sex before are now merely side-notes, and the pleasure that comes from dating, romance, lust, love and sex are more important.

Also, a lot of girls turn 21 during their junior year, making it easier for them to go out to bars and clubs.

And so I wonder, can it really be that junior girls are really the odd ones out, or are there girls who aren’t my friends who are infinitely more successful in their junior years?

I know, although I did not go without sex for the whole of junior year (I even had a boyfriend for two months), it was definitely a slow year in comparison to any other year at Brandeis; and of course, I was more focused on sex that year than in any other year. Are junior girls sexual pariahs or lonely sex goddesses waiting to be found?

March 11, 2011

The Self Shelf

Keeping the balance

graphic by alexandra zelle rettman/the hoot

By Alex Self Editor

It’s 1 o’clock a.m. on a Thursday Morning. I’m sitting in my library chair, trying to absorb the hundred pages of reading due the next day, study questions in hand. If I can get to bed before five, I have a shot at five hours of sleep and a decent next day.

If not, I’m in the gray area between three and four hours of sleep where I may be too tired to remember a thing by the following afternoon anyway.

At around 5 to 4, I start wondering why I am in this position again. My schedule had all seemed so certain on paper the night before. I would wake up at 7:30 and then work from 8 to 10 (while simultaneously polishing off some homework and breakfast); then do homework from 10 to 11 before going to class from 11 to noon.

After that, it was a simple matter of getting lunch from noon to 1, going to class from 1 to 2; finishing the reading for my afternoon classes which stretched from 3:30 to 6:30; eating dinner, doing two debate rounds, and reading the 150 pages of history due the next day. Yet here it was, almost the crack of dawn, and I was still not done. How could this possibly happen?

The answer to this question is something I will refer to as the Rosen Theory of Procrastination. As my fellow columnist, Ricky Rosen, pointed

IMPRESSIONS 9

The Brandeis Hoot

out last week–when your schedule is incredibly tight, you’re actually less likely to get the work in question done. The reason for this is something I will refer to as the Self Theory of Self Implosion.

When you have an incredibly tight schedule that requires rigorous discipline, the stress of holding to such a schedule weighs upon your mind like a Sherman dinner weighs upon your stomach. It sits there and makes you very uneasy.

Thus, when it comes time to concentrate, you’re not all that receptive to the entreaties of a rebellious Dutch manifesto from the 16th century. In the back of your head, you know that the clock is ticking. You were supposed to have this done an hour and a half ago.

Thoughts like these lead one to a natural defense against worry: distraction. You will find yourself on Facebook, playing Angry Birds or possibly playing Angry Birds on facebook. You will find yourself talking to that guy you knew in high school on Facebook chat and asking him how his life is.

By your ideal bedtime, you will have learned that Will from your old homeroom is now a curling champion at McGill but you will not have learned a damn thing about why William of Orange disliked Philip II. Unfortunately, this tends to happen to me a lot as I have a rather ridiculous schedule. Currently, I am enrolled in

five classes, hold leadership positions in three clubs and am employed at two jobs. I’m not sure how close this is to the norm at Brandeis but it certainly is too much for me.

Combine this with the fact that I debate nearly every weekend and you have a perfect storm of stress, allnighters and comfort YouTube meme surfing. Of course, this is my own fault.

I should have been more circumspect in my scheduling choices for the semester. Yet now it’s March 9, and I cannot undo any of my obligations without a cost. Thus, I have made my bed and I will sleep in it.

My story is told here for the benefit of you, dear reader. I know that many of you are double and triple majoring.

I’m sure a large percentage of you are taking five classes and are in many clubs. Who am I to tell you that what you’re doing could be harmful?

Well don’t take it from me, take it from the foremost authority on a busy schedule in the history of Brandeis. He is an alumnus who graduated in 2009 that I happened to run into randomly at a debate tournament in Washington D.C. His name is Jordan Rothman.

If you are an upperclassman, you should already know who I’m talking about—the man was a legend. If you are not an upperclassman, ask one in your club/team/hall and I can guarantee they will know who you’re talking about. The man (although many would contest this human classifica-

tion) was in 19 clubs and held 9 leadership roles while taking 5 classes per semester. He managed a 3.85 GPA and always had his work done on time.

Rumor has it that he would do all of his work during breaks. Other rumors say he was half automaton. Either way, if there were anyone to ask about my busy schedule blues, it was this guy.

And indeed, what he told me was illuminating. He told that while he had enjoyed college immensely, he regretted being so busy (just to clarify he said he did not regret being in any of the clubs–simply the aggregate effect of them on his schedule). Specifically, he told me always to allot some downtime for myself or otherwise it would be hard to maintain a healthy level of sanity. There you have it–from the man, the myth, the legend himself– advice not to overstretch yourself.

Indeed, that is the point I am getting at. Before throwing yourself into a plethora of clubs/classes/teams and getting yourself into a large amount of commitments, you should ask a few questions.

First and foremost is the question of whether you’re joining for the right reason. An example of the right reason is that the activity or class you’re getting involved in is something you’ve always wanted to do or study.

An example of the wrong reason is it will look good to law schools.

No one is going to care whether you participated in the “We Love Law School Club” or whether you double or triple majored. In the end, it’s your overall GPA and LSAT scores that will determine your eligibility for grad school and compromising these factors by complicating your schedule will not help you achieve your goal.

Additionally, you need to determine whether or not you actually have time for the club/class/team. For example, if you want to join the “We Meet Every Week From 4 to 6 Club,” you should probably make sure you don’t have a class from 4 to 6 p.m. You should also make sure that it will not make your workload too intense.

If you feel like you’re balanced in terms of work and schedule at a given time, it is not a warrant to add more commitments. You need to find a balance that works for you as opposed to continuing to add commitments until you’ve found you’ve overcommitted yourself. The basic idea here is that you have to strike a balance between business and pleasure, between necessity and frivolity.

In the end, everything boils down to the proper priorities. I realize this order may be controversial but I will provide reasons every step of the way. Your first priority should be … schoolwork. The reason behind that is that you are paying $5,000 to $8,000 per grade–the least you can do is earn the best one possible.

Next up is social well-being (and indeed if this is negative, it can impact schoolwork). You need to allot time to have fun with your friends. Otherwise one of two things will happen. The first possibility is that you could be perfectly miserable sitting alone in a corner of the library trying not to give into the siren call of Facebook.

The second possibility is that you hang out with your friends anyway and take away time from work you don’t have extra time to do (indeed this happens to me fairly often). The third priority should be clubs. Clubs come third because if you’re failing out of school or in social isolation, you’re not going to be useful to a club.

Of course, if you find your friends through clubs like many students do at Brandeis, there is no problem with combining the two priorities. I am simply saying that if you need to make a choice between the two, choose your friends.

As I write this article, however, my situation has improved significantly.

I do not have to drive to any debate tournaments for the next few weeks and I’ve finally found some extra time to keep up with my work. It appears my schedule might not drive me underground after all. Yet if I could restructure this semester retroactively, I would still go back and cut one of my classes or activities.

Thus, I leave it up to you, dear reader, not to make the same mistake as I have. If you are reading this and looking forward to your own date with misery and with Dutch politics in the 16th century, take a step back and ask yourself if you are enjoying your life.

If the answer is no, I strongly recommend you try to rectify that by easing your schedule.

Living a happy life far outweighs any ancillary benefits you could get out of one extra encumbrance. Plus you’ll be more productive if you don’t feel you’re overworked.

It may seem difficult to give up anything but the benefits will far outweigh the short term harms in the long run.

Even Philip II would agree (turns out he never got a break either).

Laughter: the very best medicine Laughter, from page 9

But the difference between laughter in these animals and laughter in humans is that humans are the only creatures that laugh together in large groups.

A Live Science study shows that people are 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone. This demonstrates that laughter is not merely about glee or humor.

Laughter is a social expression and we laugh in groups as a way to connect with others. Think about your closest friends. You probably make each other laugh pretty often. I personally have never had a friend that I didn’t laugh with. And that’s a good thing!

Laughter is the glue that binds friendships together.

Laughter also defines us and makes us who we are. We all have distinct sounds we make when we laugh. I had friends in high school that laughed like Goofy and Kermit the Frog. Now I have friends here whose laughs sound like the Flying Dutchman from Spongebob and a poorly-tuned flute.

Aside from all the aforementioned reasons to laugh, there are countless health benefits from laughing. A Uni-

versity of Maryland Medicine (UMM) study’s results show that laughter protects you against a heart attack. The study found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease. The director of the UMM, Dr. Michael Miller, recommended the following for a healthy heart: “exercising, eating right and laughing a few times a day.”

Research suggests that laughter can also relieve tension and even lower blood pressure. When we laugh, our bodies release endorphins, which reduce stress. Laughter also reduces stress by suppressing stress hormones and elevating immune-system antibodies.

And most of all, laughter can help you live longer. A study done by Science-Spirit came to this conclusion by surveying a group of participants on their humor appreciation. After seven years, the participants who scored in the top 25 percent for humor appreciation were 35 percent more likely to be alive that those in the bottom 25 percent. Quickly! Tickle yourself!

Imagine a dancing clam! Watch an episode of “Jersey Shore!” Your life depends on it … just kidding!

What do people laugh at?

People tend to find others’ woes to be pretty funny. Last year, I locked my car keys inside my car with the car running. My English class got a kick out of that, while I withered away in distress. Similar to others’ woes, we usually find slapstick comedy to be hilarious. Picture the classic ThreeStooges-pie-in-the-face on loop. We laugh at things that are just plain odd.

A person in a gorilla suit … hand puppets … an elf hat—all funny.

We all have busy lives—none of us have time to go to the bathroom or enjoy three meals a day anymore. But for our sanity and for our health, we really need to laugh every once in a while. A joke can break up the monotony of a long day or the seriousness of a daunting conversation. A funny face or a bit of silliness at work reminds us not to take ourselves so seriously. Consider the words of our greatest president, Abraham Lincoln: “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.” Lincoln

was not the Will Ferrell of his time— Lincoln wasn’t memorialized on the side of a mountain for his sense of humor. But even he recognized how important it was.

Laughter is more than just move-

ment of the muscles of the face or an emission of sounds. Laughter is more than just comedy or humor. Laughter is about being human and about being ourselves. Laughter is no joke.

graphic by ariel wittenberge/the hoot

ARTS, ETC. Jewish A Cappella Fest wows audience

10 The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

Annual JFA-sponsored event unites nationwide Jewish groups

By Yael Katzwer Editor

In Sherman Function Hall on Saturday night, Jewish Fella A Cappella (JFA) wowed their audience with a night of a cappella music as part of their fifth annual Jewish A Cappella Fest, which presented both modern and oldfashioned songs in English and Hebrew.

The strongest performers of the night were, as is fitting, the men of JFA, Brandeis’ all-male Jewish a cappella group. As usual, JFA brought manic liveliness to the stage, pairing their neat suits with pink umbrellas for their opening number, a parody of Mel Brooks’ “Men in Tights.” Their goofy dance moves, ridiculous lyrics and perfect harmony made this show spectacular. Before handing the stage over to their guests, they sobered up a bit to sing the Hebrew song “Yom Zeh L’Yisrael.” Soloist Matthew Cohen ’11 blew the audience away with his powerful voice, making me a bit sad to see JFA leave the stage but relieved knowing they would return at the end.

When they returned, JFA opened their second set with Paul Simon’s “Cecelia” and, while they sang it well, the emotion that should be behind that song wasn’t there. Luckily, they got me right back with their next song, “Juicy Tongue on Rye from Rubin’s,” a parody of The Beatles’ “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” reworded by Gabe Bronk ’11. This song told the story of a man hallucinating food while fasting in synagogue for Yom Kippur. The crowd was crying with laughter.

The highlight of JFA’s performance, however, was their version of MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This,” reworded by Rafi Abramowitz ’14 to be about a shomer negiah couple. The audience, me included, could not stop laughing. Not only were the words hysterical but Abramowitz performed his solo in baggy, red ’80s pants while doing moves that would make MC Hammer proud. JFA then ended with the crowd-pleasing “Nachamu,” which was lovely as always.

photo by alan tran/the hoot

jewish a capella fest Hooshir, an a cappella group from Indiana University, performs with great energy at the fifth annual Jewish A Cappella Fest. The crowd responded well to

their group performance of a Lady Gaga medley, as well as a solo rendition of “Only Hope.”

The second group to perform, Hooshir from Indiana University, was by far the second-best group. They had great energy and were a cohesive bunch, both in dancing and singing. They performed four songs, each sung with verve and dance moves to match. They ended their set with a “Lady Gaga Medley,” which showcased their dance savvy. From the first pose they struck, the audience died of laughter because it looked like they had just stepped out of the “Bad Romance” video. Their stand-out song, however, was “Only Hope,” soloed by Sarah Miller, who had a stunning voice, per-

fect for the song. I could feel the crowd responding to her, just as I was, and there was a collective sigh as we all despaired that the song had ended.

The third group was very different from the second and it may have been a mistake putting them after Hooshir. When Ba’note, Brandeis’ all-female Jewish a cappella group, took the stage, the audience was still all riled up from Hooshir’s “Lady Gaga Medley” and it felt like we had just been smashed to the ground when Ba’note began softly singing “Hinei Ba HaShalom.” Ba’note has sung this song at nearly

every performance they have given and the song is a bit tired now. Luckily, their next two songs were new songs that the audience had not heard before. For their second song, they sang “God Bless the Open Road” and although they sang beautifully, they lacked the vivacity of JFA and Hooshir. By the time they got to their third song, “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” they had lost some of the audience. Although this song was fun and upbeat (I admit it, it was See FEST, page 14

BAASA launches heritage month ‘CelebrAsian’

By Sean Fabery Editor

Representatives from various Asian groups on campus gathered on Sunday for the opening ceremony marking Asian Pacific American Heritage Month (APAHM), which they humorously termed a “CelebrAsian.”

APAHM celebrates the past and present accomplishments of Asian Americans and also provides a time for reflection on the discrimination they have historically encountered in America.

APAHM is officially held nationwide in May, the month which marks both the arrival of the first Japanese immigrants in 1843 and the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad— constructed largely through the use of Chinese immigrant labor—in 1869.

However, the Brandeis Asian American Student Association (BAASA), which hosts various APAHM events on campus, elected to move the celebration earlier in order to ensure that students would have plenty of time to study for finals because, as one emcee noted, “that’s what Asians do in college.”

Genki Spark, a Boston-based Japanese taiko drumming ensemble, served as the ceremony’s opening act and were easily among the highlights of the night. “Genki” literally means happy in Japanese, and the group certainly never wavered in their enthusiasm and cheerfulness.

After their initial transfixing performance, they allowed eight members of the audience to attempt playing the drums. The group—the only women’s taiko drumming ensemble in the country—proved a hit with those in attendance.

Another highlight of the night was a set list performed by emcee DANakaDAN of the group afterschoolspecial, an alternative rap

photo by lien phung/the hoot

celebrasian Members of the Chinese Cultural Club perform Harlem Yu’s “Qing Fei De Yi” while simultaneously acting out the lyrics on stage as part of the opening ceremony for Asian Pacific American Heritage Month.

group from California. He performed five of the band’s most popular songs and insisted that everyone get out of their seats and crowd around him as he performed. Feeding off the crowd’s energy, he even freestyled for the audience.

Toward the end of his set, DANakaDAN encouraged students to become more actively involved with the arts, as he believed that Asian American parents generally did not support their children in pursuing careers in acting, music and other artistic fields. He also praised the increased presence of Asian Americans

both in Hollywood and in the music industry.

Between Genki Spark and afterschoolspecial, an array of Brandeis clubs also performed.

A skit organized by the Southeast Asian Club (SEAC) proved to be the highlight of the student portion of the ceremony. Members of SEAC gave a performance of “The Monkey and the Turtle,” an old Filipino folk tale concerning karma. In the story, Monkey and Turtle come across a banana plant. Monkey decides to split the plant between them by giving Turtle the roots and himself the more attractive upper portion; Monkey believes he’s successfully

deceived Turtle. Within a few days, Monkey’s plant is dead, while Turtle’s banana roots have blossomed. Monkey becomes jealous and begins picking the bananas off Turtle’s plant, but Turtle asks his friend Dog to bark in order to scare away Monkey. Upon hearing the bark, Monkey falls into a nearby stream and drowns.

Other groups represented at the ceremony chose to emphasize more modern aspects of their respective cultures. Both the Japanese Culture Club and R3B3LS performed dances.

The R3B3LS’ performance consisted of an intriguing fusion of contemporary urban dance with the plot of various Korean dramas. The Chinese Culture Club, meanwhile, performed a Chinese pop song and visually mimicked the actions described by its lyrics.

In the midst of these performances, the BAASA executive board took time to note the accomplishments of famous Asian Americans, an eclectic group ranging from “Glee” star Harry Shum, Jr. to fashion designer Vera Wang. Members of the board also discussed historical discrimination against Asians in America, such as the xenophobia encountered by Chinese workers on the Transcontinental Railroad and the internment camps established by the American government for Japanese Americans during World War II. The executive board was not about to be left out of the more lighthearted festivities, however. As a group, they performed a modern hip hop dance to pop music, which was silly but entertaining. What the performance lacked in coordination the group certainly made up for with spirit.

Of course, one of the highlights of many Brandeis events is the free food afterwards, and this CelebrAsian certainly didn’t disappoint gastronomically. Ah, the simple pleasures of Brandeisian life.

March 11, 2011

The Brandeis Hoot

‘Picasso’ an artful production

By Sean Fabery, Editor When I walked into the Shapiro Campus Center Theater last Friday night to witness the Brandeis Players’ staging of “Picasso at the Lapin Agile,” I was immediately awed by the sight of the production’s massive and magnificent construction of the famed eponymous bar. It seemed far more cavernous than a tiny bar had any right to be, but I soon realized that it was about to serve as a backdrop for Everything—science, art, the universe and all its workings.

“Picasso” imagines a chance barroom encounter between two of the 20th century’s biggest luminaries— Albert Einstein (Dave Benger ’14) and Pablo Picasso (Yoni Bronstein ’13). Picasso is a regular, already known among the bar’s clientele for his artistic genius and voracious sexual appetite. Einstein, meanwhile, simply wanders into the bar, awaiting the arrival of a date.

Instead Einstein discovers something like true love in Picasso’s artwork, in which he finds the visual counterpart of his own revolutionary ideas. Of course, when Picasso does finally appear, things aren’t exactly rosy between the two: Picasso distrusts Einstein’s science, while Einstein finds Picasso to be something of a pompous jackass (which he is, truthfully). Ultimately they come together in a symphony of talent and genius, envisioning the part their work will play in shaping the upcoming century … and the universe.

With a script by Steve Martin, “Picasso” is undeniably funny, but it also tackles some pretty heady material, as it reflects on the power of genius and the way it can shape the course of history. Taking place in 1904, it presents us with a world on the cusp of a future that may very well have turned out differently.

What would have happened, after all, if there had been no Einstein or Picasso? Genius isn’t enough; it has to be expertly timed—just ask a time traveling Elvis Presley (Justy Kosek ’14), who also happens to drop by the Lapin Agile and feels distinctly out of place despite his own brand of genius.

Of course, there’s also the possi-

bility that the world may forego talent and favor something more commercial and capitalistic. Another patron of the bar, Charles Dabernow Schmediman (Jordan Warsoff ’11), concocts his own genius invention— a building material “made from equal parts asbestos, kitten paws and radium.” We recognize him as a charlatan because we know history is on Picasso and Einstein’s side, but other characters seem to put more credence in his “inventiveness.” He even attracts a groupie.

Picasso’s work, meanwhile, gains him notoriety in part due to the influence of Sagot (Stephen Badras ’13), an art dealer seemingly more interested in the novelty of Picasso’s work than in its intrinsic cultural value.

For all of that, however, Martin’s script feels a little surface level— there’s nothing especially provocative or unusual in what he expresses through “Picasso.”

Luckily, “Picasso” is about much more than just The Point, so to speak. It’s filled with wonderful one-liners and an absurdist style of humor. It uses comic stereotypes to its advantage, portraying Einstein as The Little Man with Big Ideas and Picasso as The Libidinous Artiste; in doing so, it takes two unknowable, nebulous men and transforms them into people who are familiar and relatable.

The play also humorously explores the dynamic between men and women. Picasso and Einstein may be singular geniuses, but they too crave human relationships. Picasso romances woman after woman, while Einstein mingles with the Countess (Lydia Flier ’11), a woman with a “sexy” knowledge of physics.

The play goes beyond them, however, as dealing with love is an everyday affair, something that intertwines and consumes everyone and everything. Barmaid Germaine (Abigail Clarke ’13) finds herself more or less content with her husband, Freddy (Ben Gold ’14), despite his lack of creativity or originality. Lapin Agile regular Gaston (Nati Peleg ’13), meanwhile, obsesses over sex, but he’s too inert to pursue it.

Of course, the success of any production requires much more than a solid script and concept. Director Tess Suchoff ’13 brought the show beautifully to life, overseeing both a strong cast and great technical work.

In the acting department, both Benger and Bronstein brought their respective geniuses vividly to life.

Benger imbued his Einstein with an astounding kinetic energy. Bronstein, meanwhile, maintained just the right degree of pompousness throughout. Both clearly have a knack for comic timing and keeping the audience’s attention.

The show also sported a great supporting cast. In particular, Briana Bensenouci ’12 stood out as Suzanne, one of Picasso’s many conquests; to her, “the word no was like a Polish village—unpronounceable.” She’s a kind of salacious proto-groupie. Another highlight was Badras, who supplied his art dealer character with the quick-tempoed voice of an old salesman.

Of the bar regulars, Gold did well in capturing the earnestness of his barkeep, while Clarke imbued his counterpart with a kind of wry awareness of the zany characters that surrounded her. Peleg, meanwhile, enlivened the show with his pathetically funny asides as a “newly old” man.

The production also proved visually striking, though I’ve always been surprised by the ingenuity of the craftspeople involved with Brandeis productions. The aforementioned bar set built for this production was especially impressive, creating a dynamic dramatic space that was inventively used.

The costumes, too, felt very much of the time and place, both appealing visually and appropriate for each character’s personality.

While the story of “Picasso at the Lapin Agile” hasn’t quite stuck with me to the same degree that other Brandeis productions have, it was easily one of the most handsomely mounted productions I’ve seen at Brandeis, both in terms of its craft and its cast. I certainly anticipate the next production of the Brandeis Players, whatever it may be.

photos by nate rosenbloom/the hoot

staging madness From top, clockwise: genius Albert Einstein (Dave Benger) dances with Pablo Picasso’s salacious paramour, Suzanne (Briana

Bensenouci); Picasso (Yoni Bronstein) ponders one of his own sketches; and mediocre inventor Charles Darbernow Schmediman (Jordan Warsoff) finds himself a little offbalance.

ARTS, ETC.

11

12 ARTS ,ETC.

The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

‘The Last Five Years’ Photo spread by Alan Tran, Editor

“The Last Five Years,” written and composed by Jason Robert Brown, tells the story of a five-year relationship from the perspective of both parties involved.

The Weekly Glutton: IBS cafe well worth the walk

By Aaron Sadowsky and Imara Radchowdhury Staff

When you walk all the way across campus, you’ll find a hidden gem, a shining star of Brandeis dulled only by the fact that you may have to walk a marathon just to get there.

The International Business School (IBS) is home to Dominic’s, a shop that sells sandwiches and burritos among other items.

We gluttons are here to bring you a sampling of what you might find if you decide to stroll down to Dominic’s. To test out their cuisine, we each got one item.

Aaron got the Caesar salad wrap; if you read our column religiously—as you should!—you’ll realize that Aaron is basically an expert in the field of all things Caesar, with the exception of the ruler. With his mouth full of sandwich, he instantly noted that “it was very tasty”

and specifically singled out the soft tortilla shell for praise. Meanwhile, Imara had a chicken parmesan sandwich, which she described as simply being “OK.” The sauce and chicken proved to be perfect, but there simply wasn’t enough cheese for her liking. However, if you’re not into cheese (who’s not?), then this sandwich is your chicken parm fantasy come true.

As it turns out, Dominic’s also boasts a fine array of beverages, including lemon seltzer, lime seltzer and other seltzers! There was, of course, the usual soda choices, along with a fine selection of coffee and teas from which to choose.

We didn’t try them, but they looked (and smelled) good.

The ambiance is also cozy. One wall is covered in windows, enclosing a chic (or as chic as Brandeis can be) dining area. Because of this, while eating at Dominic’s, you feel like you’re nestled in the woods. There’s also an abundance of graduate students, as it is located

in a graduate school building, and they are an overwhelming majority of Dominic’s patrons. So, if you’re looking to find solace from the undergrad droves, this is the place for you. Maybe you’ll even find a hot graduate student, just maybe.

Eating at Dominic’s is like eating at a cafe. We paid $7 for a sandwich and a drink. Moderate pricing, oh hey Usdan! They take WhoCash as well as real money, but they don’t take points and definitely will not accept meals. This is a real world establishment, after all.

Usdan is great, Sherman is OK, but Dominic’s, despite being slightly further away from everything, is definitely worth the walk. If you’re a glutton who wants to walk off the calories before you even eat them (and then burn off even more afterwards), hit up Dominic’s for a change of scenery and some delicious food.

After all, even with all that food in your stomach, you’ll be harder to capture thanks to all that exercise.

photo by nafiz “fizz ” ahmed/the hoot

ibs cafe Dominic’s, a cafe located inside the International Business School building, serves an array of fine sandwiches and burritos.

March 11, 2011

The Brandeis Hoot

ARTS, ETC.

13

‘The Duke’ Part III

By Kayla Dos Santos, Editor

Previously in “The Duke:” After running into loner Veronica Dent, Tim discovered that his novelist mother may be cheating on his father, suspicions that were seemingly confirmed on a disquieting family camping trip ...

“I’m not doing that,” Tim said. He backed out of Veronica’s bedroom, his cheeks turning pink then blossoming to a violent red.

Why did he agree to meet with Veronica at her home? Couldn’t they have plotted their battle plan in neutral territory?

Veronica lived in a huge house. It was the kind of house that looked empty from the outside—the windows were dark, the curtains drawn, the driveway had no cars. Veronica’s family was wealthy in the way Tim imagined the dukes and nobility in his mom’s books were wealthy. Old money.

Earlier that day, Tim had pretended to go for his run, but instead took a bus to the upper side of town. The area was full of houses with long driveways, cast-iron gates and lawns with strips of grass that looked like they had just been unfurled. There were sidewalks, but Tim saw no one making use of them. His plan had been to jog to Veronica’s address, but he had sputtered from a jog to a quick walk—in this part of town he had the feeling that no one did something as unsightly as sweat in public.

She stalked over to him, the ears of her bunny slippers flopped with each step. Tim had the urge to dash out the front door, but when he stumbled out to the dimly lit hallway, he realized that he had forgotten which direction the entranceway was located.

Veronica had led him to her room on an ambling route, pausing in the cavernous library to pick up a book that was lying open on an overstuffed couch, and then passing through rooms with faded floral wallpaper, each with a mysterious purpose. One room was filled with stuffed exotic birds, their bright feathers coated with a thin layer of dust. Veronica had mumbled that it was her mother’s aviary. Tim, like all teenagers, instinctively recognized when someone was embarrassed, and so made no comment.

“You have to do it, nitwit, we both have to be prepared to catch them.”

She rolled her eyes, supposedly at Tim’s stupidity. She swung the camera on its cord in front of him as if she were attempting hypnosis.

“They need to know that someone is watching,” she said.

Tim took the camera, but held the expensive equipment with only the tips of his fingers. He tried to imagine taking a picture of his mom locked in the embrace of the Duke.

The mental image was so horrifying that Tim’s stomach lurched and for one shaky second he thought he was going to throw up.

“How did you find out?” he asked, walking back into Veronica’s room and flinging his body onto her blue bean-bag chair.

Veronica shrugged, head down.

She looked less fierce when she wasn’t staring murder at him.

“My dad started making all these phone calls at odd times of the day.

Who did he need to talk to at three-

in-the-morning?” She fingered the knit comforter that covered her bed. “Then he forgot to pick me up after band practice, which isn’t new,” she said, face wrinkled into a scowl. “But he was at a swanky French restaurant with your mom.”

“That doesn’t mean they’re sleeping together,” Tim said.

Veronica sprang up from her bed, “He lied about it when I asked him!” She flung a stuffed cat across the room, “He lied to me.”

Tim nodded. Ever since the camping trip and the whispered conversation he had overheard, he believed his mom was having an affair. Any protests he made were because he didn’t want to believe it.

“I think my dad knows already,” he said.

Veronica spun around. “Do you know for sure?” she asked standing over him.

Tim squirmed in the chair; he could feel the beads of the bag dig into his back through the fabric. Veronica could be frightening sometimes. He had barely said no, when she clapped her hands, “That’s not good enough. We need photo evidence, so that even my dad can’t weasel his way out of it.”

A muffled clatter sounded from a corner of the house. Veronica silently left the room to investigate.

When Tim got up to follow, Veronica just shook her head.

Tim took this moment to give into his curiosity, which was much better than the riptide of anxiety he had been feeling, and carefully took in his surroundings.

The bedroom was painted violet and posters of rock bands plastered the walls. Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, the Grateful Dead. The image of Veronica head-banging, frizzy mop flying, made Tim smile.

There were books in messy piles on the floor; in fact, a stack seemed to function as her nightstand. A copy of “Dastardly Duke” was open to a page on Veronica’s unmade bed.

He picked it up and read.

The Duke knew his actions were ill-advised, but his head was clouded with a potent mixture of lust and desire. He must have her. Despite the consequences, despite the impropriety. Elizabeth was a married woman, but the Duke knew that there were ways of getting around such things.

“I wanted to know more about her.” Veronica leaned on the doorway, “I’m sorry.”

Tim tossed the book back onto the bed.

“I guess, I’ll take the camera and go then,” he said, standing up. He was aching to run. Run away from Veronica and her monstrous empty house and her dangerous ideas. Run because that’s what he knew how to do and what he was best at.

“You can’t go, you have to meet my father,” she said.

They had a few hours to kill so they listened to music and Veronica pulled from beneath the bed a battered chess set. She smoothed out the board and placed the pieces carefully on their respective squares.

“My mom taught me how to play.”

Veronica beat him quickly the first round, which would have embarrassed Tim if she hadn’t taken

graphic by ariel wittenberg/the hoot

the time to show him how to employ the tactic she had used. Every half-hour or so she would disappear from the room for a few minutes and return with a funny look on her face. After the third time Tim recognized it for disappointment.

During one of her absences, Tim peered more closely at her books.

There were massive biology texts he was certain none of their teachers had assigned. They had small-type and words like interferon and ribonucleic acid.

“Do you want to be a doctor?” he asked when she returned.

This time she had fixed them a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When he bit into the soft bread and the sweet taste filled his mouth, he felt like he was five again, when he had gorged himself on his father’s famous raspberry chocolate chip cookies.

“Not really, but it helps to have a plan.”

Veronica was one of those people with a strategy for everything. He wondered what would happen if one of her plans didn’t work out.

“What happened to my vase?” Mr. Dent asked, striding into her room.

He must have gone straight there for he had not had time to put down his suitcase or remove his damp jacket, wet from the first summer rain.

Mr. Dent was the junior partner of a new law firm called Bernard and

Bailey. He had the same fierceness that Veronica sometimes displayed, but while she seemed to be fueled by something hot, he seemed cold. Tim was reminded of an eel.

“Your vase?” she asked. The picture of innocence, she was sitting cross-legged, playing with the ears of her bunny slippers.

Mr. Dent blinked at Tim for a moment before swooping down and shaking his hand. “I didn’t know that my daughter had company, it’s nice to meet you …”

“Tim,” Veronica said.

“Tim,” Mr. Dent repeated, he frowned and dropped Tim’s limp hand. He stared at Tim as if searching through a formidable mental rolodex.

From his bean-bag chair, Tim felt very small and useless.

He thought he would hate this man, but instead the Duke had turned out to be a stranger, a real person who he didn’t understand at all. He gazed at Veronica for some clue as to how he should be reacting, but she was fiddling with her hair and did not look at him.

“It’s missing,” Mr. Dent said. Veronica later explained that in order to prove himself to his rich in-laws, her dad had committed himself to becoming a successful lawyer. The vase was a present from one of his first prominent clients, a prince from a tiny country.

She shrugged.

Tim didn’t understand how she could be so lackadaisical. Mr. Dent was all sharp angles with his high cheekbones and direct gaze.

“She broke it, didn’t she?” he said, his words soft.

Veronica’s head snapped up, “No, I did,” she said. And after a pause, “I’m sorry.” But she didn’t look sorry, she looked like she was making a challenge.

Mr. Dent shrugged, “I will talk to her and see what she says.”

“She’s in bed, sleeping,” Veronica said.

“She’s always there,” Mr. Dent sighed, glanced at Tim, and left the room.

“My mom’s sick,” she said, walking across the room and picking up the stuffed cat she had tossed earlier. Hugging the toy to her chest, she glared at Tim, “But she’s getting better.”

Suddenly Tim understood. He wondered what Veronica said to her mother when she was standing over the shards.

He looked at the camera that he had taken unwillingly, “So,” he said, “How does this thing work?”

Read the final installment of “The Duke” in the next issue of The Hoot!

Submit your creative fiction, poetry and personal essays to The Hoot!

E-mail arts@thebrandeishoot.com today!

14 ARTS, ETC.

The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

Fest provides compelling a cappella From FEST, page 14

stuck in my head throughout intermission), they still seemed a bit stiff. Every group that performed looked like they were having a blast, except Ba’note.

After the intermission, Ani V’ata from New York University took the stage. They, like Ba’note, seemed a bit stiff at the beginning, but, by their second song, they had warmed up. While their music and dancing wasn’t perfect, their attitude seemed to rub off on the audience. They were having fun … a lot of fun.

Their silliness helped make their performance so well-received. Out of their four songs, the biggest hit was their last: “Jessie’s Girl.” They got all of their desired laughs, both for their song choice and for their ridiculously dramatic ’80s posing.

Additionally, the song’s soloist, Eric Williams, had great stage presence and probably could have made a poem about death seem fun.

The last group to perform before

JFA made their comeback was the Alef Beats, a group from Brown University and the Rhode Island Institute of Design. They were, hands down, the worst performance of the night. Thank God, JFA came back.

It really seemed like it was going to be good when they danced their way onto the stage but it wasn’t. To quote Homer Simpson: “He lied to us through song. I hate when people do that!” Although the Alef Beats were certainly having fun, the audience was not. Their singing was nice but not spectacular and the main problem was their dancing, which distracted from the singing. Whereas Hooshir’s dancing complemented their singing, the Alef Beat’s dancing detracted. They didn’t seem to have many choreographed moves, leaving each member to their own devices, which resulted in different levels of enthusiasm. The guy in the back was swaying so gently that I didn’t even realize he was moving at first and the girl in the front was moving so much that, until she didn’t fall down, I thought she was

photo by alan tran/the hoot

a cappella A variety of a cappella groups from throughout the country participated in the

Jewish A Cappella Fest, sponsored by Jewish Fella A Cappella.

having a seizure. I was concerned.

Luckily, JFA did reclaim the stage and rescue us from the Alef Beats.

All in all, despite one under par performance and one dreadful performance, the night was a success. JFA,

Arts Recommends |

Hooshir and Ani V’ata were phenomenal … phenomenal enough to carry the show. I, like many others, walked out with a grin on my face, highly anticipating the sixth annual Jewish A Cappella Fest.

Not everyone has the time to see the latest films or read the newest bestseller.

We make some recommendations that you can pick up at the nearest library.

Book ‘The Blue Angel’ Stressing out about midterms? Take a break and read a clever satire that mocks academia and rips its forms to shreds. In Francine Prose’s “Blue Angel,” a professor who has lost hope in his talent and the talent of his creative writing class is shocked when a student named Angela submits a piece of fiction that’s actually good. When Swenson’s relationship with Angela transforms into something more intimate and troubling, Swenson’s professional and private life is completely thrown off course. Prose eviscerates creative writing courses and, if you have ever taken one, you’ll wince and laugh at her accurate and hysterical portrayal of them. “Blue Angel” shows the failures and small triumphs of aspiring writers—you should read it before tackling your next essay. —KDS

Film ‘Annie Hall’ The last 35 years have seen an array of romantic comedies come and go. Some have been good, some have been bad, but they’re all united by one quality—all of them pale in comparison to Woody Allen’s magnum opus “Annie Hall.” The film chronicles the relationship between neurotic comedian Alvy Singer (Allen) and the quirky title character (Diane Keaton). We know from the opening monologue with which the filmsbegins that their relationship has long been consigned to the dust heaps of romantic history, but we can’t help but root for them as we witness them fall in and out of love. It doesn’t help that “Annie Hall” features the sharpest screenplay and direction in all of Allen’s oeuvre. As an actor, Allen is also at his very best here, and Keaton turns in a performance for the ages as a somewhat ditzy chanteuse. Personally, this film is among the most rewatchable films committed to celluloid; if you haven’t gotten around to seeing it for the first time, you should do so immediately. I promise you’ll be spouting Allen’s one-liners for weeks. —SF photos from internet source

Editorials

March 11, 2011

Established 2005 "To acquire wisdom, one must observe."

Alex Schneider Editor in Chief Destiny D. Aquino Managing Editor Nathan Koskella News Editor Jon Ostrowsky News Editor Leah Finkelman Features Editor Morgan Gross Impressions Editor Alex Self Impressions Editor Sean Fabery Arts, Etc. Editor Gordy Stillman Sports Editor Leah Lefkowitz Layout Editor Vanessa Kerr Business Editor Yael Katzwer Copy Editor Savannah Pearlman Copy Editor Ariel Wittenberg Associate Editor Photography Editors Nafiz R. “Fizz” Ahmed Ingrid Schulte Alan Tran

Senior Editors Bret Matthew Kayla Dos Santos Max Shay

Volume 8 • Issue 7 the brandeis hoot • brandeis university 415 south street • waltham, ma

Founded By Leslie Pazan, Igor Pedan and Daniel Silverman

STAFF Rick Alterbaum, Candice Bautista, Alana Blum, Chris Bordelon, Debby Brodsky, Becca Carden, Haley Fine, Emma Chad-Friedman, Jodi Elkin, Andrea Fishman, Paula Hoekstra, Adam Hughes, Gabby Katz, Josh Kelly, Christina Kolokotroni, Anthony Losquadro, Ariel Madway, Estie Martin, Alex Norris, Alexandra Patch, Lien Phung, Andrew Rauner, Alexandra Zelle Rettman, Ricky Rosen, Nate Rosenbloom, Imara Roychowdhury, Morgana Russino, Aaron Sadowsky, Jessica Sashihara, Aliza Sena, Emily Stott, Brian Tabakin, Ryan Tierney, Steven Wong, Yuan Yao and Suzanna Yu

Mission The Hoot is a community student newspaper of Brandeis University. Produced entirely by students, The Hoot serves a readership of 6,000 with in-depth news, relevant commentary, sports and coverage of cultural events. Our mission is to give every community member a voice.

SUBMISSION POLICIES The Hoot welcomes letters to the editor on subjects that are of interest to the community. Preference is given to current or former community members, and The Hoot reserves the right to edit or reject submissions. The deadline for submitting letters is Wednesday at 12 p.m.

Please submit letters to letters@thebrandeishoot.com along with your contact information. Letters should not exceed 500 words.

The opinions, columns, cartoons and advertisements printed in The Hoot do not necessarily represent the opinions of the editorial board.

CLARIFICATION Due to a reporting error, the article “Community discusses future of campus arts” mischaracterized Rose Art Museum Director Roy Dawes’ statement that “a 180-degree turn in style from the last president” had occurred. The statement was intended to compare administrative styles, but was not meant as a value judgement.

connect On the Web http://thebrandeishoot.com http://twitter.com/thebrandeishoot http://facebook.com/thebrandeishoot General Inquiries Phone: (781) 330.0051 E-mail: eic@thebrandeishoot.com

T

The Brandeis Hoot 15

Mardi Gras belongs on Tuesday

he Brandeis community has traditionally prided itself on its long history of tolerance, embodied in a basic pillar of our institution: non-sectarianism.

Many Brandeisians, likewise, appreciated this week’s installment, held Wednesday, of Student Events’ outdoor music, free food and coffee offerings outside Usdan, on the main path up to the academic quad and many classes.

But some Brandeisians, we trust, had a very different reaction.

This past Wednesday happened to be Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the annual tradition of Lent for most Christian denominations and a day of atonement, memorializing and repentance.

We cannot be alone in seeing the jarring conflict between many students’

beliefs about Wednesday and an outdoor boombox, colorful decorations and cheering students on megaphones on the way to those students’ classes that day. (Free candy and coffee on the first day one is trying to give them up presents an entirely new inconvenience.)

Ash Wednesday is always preceded by large parties and celebrations the night before, in recognition of the sacrifice of the following month for Lent. But Mardi Gras was Tuesday—“Mardi” even means Tuesday in the original French.

The partying is meant to happen Tuesday so that all temptation is removed for the important day of reflection that is Ash Wednesday.

The student organizers’ encouragement to just “celebrate Mardi Gras a day

late!” only mischaracterizes the week further.

We did not see all that many ashen crosses on our classmates’ foreheads, but the entire campus, like much of the world, is abuzz with talk of giving up chocolate, caffeine or other simple pleasures.

The Chaplaincy, in a mass e-mail, called Wednesday “for Christians to turn their lives around and to be more faithful to the teachings of Christ.” A more blunt description could not have been sent; in any case, ignorance is no excuse for such a blunder.

In recognition of the values and pillars that underlie this university’s founding, for the group to ignore the oversight would be unacceptable. We believe an apology is due.

A survey on race at Brandeis The Brandeis Hoot is taking a look at how race affects all levels of Brandeis.

We need your help. Visit our web site to fill out a survey about race at Brandeis.

About the project This project will explore how race plays out at Brandeis University on multiple levels, including but not limited to academically, socially and historically. The purpose of this project is not to propose a solution to any potential problems the university may have, but to hold a mirror up, tell a story and spark a conversation. In order to do this properly, we need your help. Your answers to this survey will be completely anonymous unless you choose to share your name at the end of the questions.

For more information Contact us at raceproject@thebrandeishoot.com To take the survey visit http://thebrandeishoot.com

Attention club leaders Want to publicize an event? We have solutions for you: Special spring 2011 offer:

Prices for students, faculty, and Brandeis organizations

3.5” x 1.75” ad: $15/week 4” x 5” ad: $25/week Send an e-mail to ads@thebrandeishoot.com with questions.

Also available: Classified ads at http://thebrandeishoot.com Special offer: First post is free

16 The Brandeis Hoot

Features

BZA fo’ life

March 11, 2011

This Week in History Brandeis

2004 Mary Bromfeld,

By Leah Finkelman Editor

Sivan Levine ’13 is so passionate about the Brandeis Zionist Alliance (BZA) that her weekly presidential e-mails to the club are littered with exclamation points and signed “BZA fo’ life.”

The group, which has been on campus for decades, is a cultural club that attempts to provide a positive image of Israel through educational and cultural events.

Through campus programs that highlight cultural aspects of Israel, BZA gives students “an outlet to express their love” for the country, Levine said. These include events like a gourmet buffet to showcase Israeli culture through food and participating in the second annual Israel Peace Week, a national celebration focusing on different aspects of I s r a e l i culture.

During Israel Peace Week, BZA passed out items like reusable water bottles, to represent Israel’s green initiatives, and Lebanese pita with Israeli hummus, to symbolize the potential for a relationship between Lebanon and Israel. “A lot of our event planning is thinking of ways to educate people on why we think Israel is awesome and deserves att e n t i o n ,” Levine said, adding that plans are in the works for Israeli Culture Week, which will take place some time before finals. It normally falls on Israel’s Independence Day, but this year the holiday is during exams.

There have also been Israel Shabbat celebrations co-sponsored with Hillel and Chabad. BZA is under the Hillel umbrella, a relationship that Levine hopes to strengthen and maintain.

Although Zionism, included in the club’s name, is usually associated with political views, Levine stressed that the group focuses on culture and, as far as she knows and always has. “Zionism isn’t necessary a political opinion, it’s just an ideology. It’s complex, but it works for us,” she said.

The group begins their weekly meetings with the Brandeis Israel Public Af-

fairs Committee (BIPAC), a pro-Israel lobbying group. “BIPAC and BZA have always shared a special bond and a similar outlook in continuing the positive and fair outlook of Israel on our campus. Each club embraces its own identity, while still maintaining a mutually beneficial partnership with shared resources,” BIPAC Vice President Alanna Drasin ’13 said.

The two groups often discuss Israeli politics and current events, but Levine said she feels that the group “has to cater to a broad amount of things, including politics,” and that politics falls under the umbrella of Israeli culture.

“We’ve r e sp onde d to things and events that we deem completely anti-Israel, but everyone here has different opinions and I can’t choose to honor some people’s opinions over others,” she said.

“We’re just here to advocate for and on behalf of Israel’s reputation.”

BZA has partnered with other Israelrelated clubs and groups with defined political stances. Brian Reeves ’11, president of J Street U, said that his organization and BZA have worked to-

gether, and their paths rarely conflict.

BZA focuses on culture and J Street U emphasizes Israeli politics, particularly advocating for peace by way of a twostate solution. He did add, however, that BZA has run programs that “have been overtly political, and when that happens, those political messages usually differ from J Street U positions.”

Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP), has also worked with BZA in events like last semester’s Jewish dialogue event, organized by J Street U. Lev Hirschhorn ’11, a co-founder of JVP, said that his organization’s mission is to “advocate for a just and lasting peace in Israel-Palestine,” which he said sometimes conflicts with BZA’s events. One example he gave was the Israel Peace Week event “Peace Process 101: All You Need is AHAVA.” At the event, BZA passed out AHAVA beauty products from the Dead Sea to represent the relationship between Jordan and Israel, both of whom border the Dead Sea. JVP boycotts AHAVA because their products are made in what JVP considers to be illegal Israeli settlements in the Palestinian territories, and thus are “an obstacle to peace,” Hirschhorn said.

“I know there are groups who oppose us, and we appreciate and value discussion,” Levine said, adding again that most members of BZA have different political views, and come together to share their love for Israel.

Levine fell in love with the country when she spent a semester there before coming to Brandeis as a midyear last year. “The second the plane landed, I felt like I was home. As cheesy as that sounds, I’d never felt a connection like that before. It encouraged me to learn more when I got to Brandeis,” Levine said. She quickly became involved with several clubs, but BZA is the only one she has stayed involved with, serving as vice president under Rachel Goutman ’12, who is now abroad, and president this semester. “I got close with the people in it. I love them, and I love that they have the same beliefs as me when it comes to Israel.”

LTS Telecommunications Director, resigned after new phones eliminated her position.

2011

The Stein is part of a question on Jeopardy, after Alex Trebek asks about a glass for beer.

Massachusetts

1857 John Brown

speaks to a crowd in Concord about the slavery debate among Kansas settlers.

1888 Life in Massachusetts comes to a standstill after a 36-hour blizzard, one of the most destructive ever.

United States

1876

29-year-old Alexander Graham Bell receives a patent for his new invention, the telephone.

1959

The first Barbie goes on display at the American Toy Fair in New York City, later selling millions.

World

1899 The Imperial Pat-

ent Office in Berlin registers Aspirin, the brand name for acetylsalicylic acid.

1959

Tibetans band together in revolt, surrounding the summer palace of the Dalai Lama.

SPORTS

March 11, 2011

The Brandeis Hoot 17

Men’s basketball claims ECAC title with win against Eastern Connecticut

By Brian Tabakin Staff

The sixth-seeded Brandeis Judges beat the top-seeded Eastern Connecticut State University on the road, 6550, to claim their third ECAC Division III New England title in program history. The current squad joined the 1974 and 1992 teams with ECAC titles and finished the season with a 19-9 record. Ben Bartoldus ’14 was named the tournament MVP. Brandeis only trailed once in the game when Eastern Connecticut senior Broderick Sawyer scored the first points of the contest on a hook shot.

Brandeis went on to score the next 10 points, with four different players scoring during the run. Youri Dascy ’14 capped off the run with a pair of lay-ups to give the Judges a 10-2 lead just 3:30 into the game.

The Judges’ offense proceeded to go on a cold streak allowing Eastern Connecticut to go on a 10-3 run during the next seven minutes. Similar to Brandeis’ run, four different players were involved in Eastern Connecticut’s run. Sophomore Chris Robitaille had a chance to tie the game for ECSU at the free throw line; however, he split the pair as ECSU pulled within one.

Brandeis responded with a threepointer by guard Derek Retos ’14 that sparked a 9-2 Judges run giving them a 22-14 lead with 6:07 to go in the first half. The Judges’ defense locked down

in the final minutes of the first half, holding ECSU to just two field goals over the last six minutes.

ECSU did not do itself any favors, missing four free throws in the same period.

Brandeis led by as many as 12 points in the first half as they took a 10-point lead into the locker room.

In the first half, the Judges shot 52.4 percent (11-21) from the field and 87.5 percent from the line (7-8), while ECSU shot 38.1 percent (8-21) and 45.5 percent (5-11) from the line.

The Judges began the second half in an offensive slump, flat from their comeback semifinal victory against MCLA the previous evening, allowing ECSU to score six of the first nine points of the second half with tight defense and good ball movement. Just 2:15 into the second half, ECSU had cut the Brandeis lead to seven at 35-28. The Judges bounced back from their poor start out of half, scoring the next six points to establish an 11-point lead on a three-pointer

from Anthony Trapasso ’13. Brandeis never let its lead get any lower than nine points for the rest of the game.

Trapasso sparked the Judges in the second half, scoring all of his gamehigh 12 points hitting 4-of-5 overall, including 3-of-4 from beyond the arc and connecting on his only free throw. Retos finished with 10 points, scoring five in each half and was the only other Judges’ player to score in

double figures. Christian Yemga ’11, Tyrone Hughes ’12 and Bartoldus each contributed eight points and Vytas Kriskus ’12 had a solid game off the bench with seven points, a gamehigh of six rebounds and two steals.

Hughes led the Judges with four assists. Brandeis won the battle of the boards outrebounding ECSU 29-23 and although ECSU and Brandeis each had eight offensive rebounds,

Bentley Falcons fall to Brandeis Judges in tennis

photo from internet source

the Judges outscored ECSU 9-3 in second chance points. Brandeis shot 47.6 percent (20-42) for the game while holding ECSU to 39.1 percent (18-46).

Bartoldus won MVP honors scoring 34 points in the tournament (11.3 ppg) to go along with nine rebounds, five assists and 13-of-19 shooting (68.4 percent), including 5-of-8 (62.5 percent) from beyond the arc.

Top 100 baseball players

By Ricky Rosen Staff

When selecting players for your fantasy baseball draft, you should have a rough idea of what players are leading the pack. I have compiled a list of the top 100 pitchers and hitters, taking into consideration past achievements and expected future performances. When drafting, make sure to grab these guys early!

By Gordy Stillman Editor

Earlier this, week Bentley, Brandeis’ Waltham rival, traveled to Brandeis only to be outplayed by the Brandeis Judges.

On Monday, the women’s teams faced off in Brandeis’ first home match ever played on the recently resurfaced indoor courts. The Judges masterfully won the match 9-0, serving Bentley their first loss of the season.

Starting with doubles, Brandeis had a strong start as Rachel Rosman ’11 and Faith Broderick ’13, as well as Roberta Bergstein ’14 and Alexa

photo by ingrid schulte/the hoot

Katz ’14, won their doubles matches to help propel the team to 3-0 before singles matches even began.

Mackenzie Gallegos ’11, Allyson Bernstein ’14 and Nina Levine ’12 joined Rosman in singles rounds against Bentley. Every match was won by a minimum of two points with the closest matches ending 6-4 in favor of Brandeis.

Wednesday brought the men’s matches and another Brandeis victory. With a 7-2 victory the Judges joined the women’s team in sending Bentley their first loss in men’s matches.

In doubles action the Judges went 2-1. Pairs Ezra Bernstein ’11 and Josh Jordan ’13, as well

photo by nate rosenbloom/the hoot

as Steven Milo ’13 and Adam Brown ’14 picked up wins in hard fought rounds.

In the first two rounds of singles Brandeis quickly snagged wins to further the lead to 4-1 with wins from Simon Miller ’11 and Nick White ’11. The Judges additionally won in the fourth and fifth spots thanks to Jordan and Bernstein. In the final match, Brown managed a hard fought victory in a tie-breaker round to close the games.

The women’s team will play next on March 12 at Middlebury. The men’s team has its next match today against Oneonta State.

1. Albert Pujols–1B, St. Louis Cardinals 2. Hanley Ramirez– SS, Florida Marlins 3. Miguel Cabrera– 1B, Detroit Tigers 4. Joey Votto– 1B, Cincinnati Reds 5. Adrian Gonzalez– 1B, Boston Red Sox 6. Troy Tulowitski– SS, Colorado Rockies 7. Evan Longoria– 3B, Tampa Bay Rays 8. Ryan Braun– OF, Milwaukee Brewers 9. Carlos Gonzalez– OF, Colorado Rockies 10. Robinson Cano– 2B, New York Yankees 11. David Wright– 3B, New York Mets 12. Chase Utley– 2B, Philadelphia Phillies 13. Roy Halladay– SP, Philadelphia Phillies 14. Carl Crawford– OF, Boston Red Sox 15. Alex Rodriguez– 3B, New York Yankees 16. Ryan Howard– 1B, Philadelphia Phillies 17. Mark Teixeira– 1B, New York Yankees 18. Josh Hamilton– OF, Texas Rangers 19. Prince Fielder– 1B, Milwaukee Brewers 20. Felix Hernandez– SP, Seattle Mariners 21. Ryan Zimmerman– 3B, Washington Nationals 22. Victor Martinez– C/DH/1B, Detroit Tigers 23. Matt Kemp– OF, Los Angeles Dodgers 24. Dustin Pedroia– 2B, Boston Red Sox 25. Shin–Soo Choo– OF, Cleveland Indians 26. Tim Lincecum– SP, San Francisco Giants 27. Jose Reyes– SS, New York Mets See FANTASY, page 18

18 SPORTS

The Brandeis Hoot

March 11, 2011

Brian’s basketball rankings

Post-tradepocalypse edition

By Brian Tabakin Staff

1. Lakers (45-19): The Lakers are 7-0 since the all-star break and while they have shown symptoms of malaise throughout the season, they are the two-time defending champions. The Lakers have proven that when they care about a game, they are nearly impossible to beat. Until someone pries the Larry O’Brien trophy out of Kobe Bryant’s cold hands, the Lakers are still the favorite to win again.

2. Celtics (46-15): After shocking the world with his trade of Kendrick Perkins, Danny Ainge’s vision is beginning to become clear.

Ainge traded away five players, four of whom were injured and will miss considerable time.

In return he received five healthy players who can all contribute. The Celtics have a two-week period of scrubs during which they can figure out their new additions before they face any real competition. One just hopes Ainge included some knee braces in his trade with the Thunder.

3. Bulls (44-18): The Bulls have quietly passed the Heat for the second seed in the East and sit just two and a half games back of Boston for the first seed. The Bulls have replaced the Heat as the team with the best chance of unseating the Celtics in the east and, if you got Doc Rivers alone in a room, he would probably admit that he’s more afraid of the Bulls than the Heat.

4. Spurs (51-12): After a 30-point drubbing of the Heat, the Spurs went on to get crushed at home by the Lakers. Furthermore, the injury bug has finally hit the Spurs with Tony Parker, who is out with an injury. Even though he was only out for a week before returning against the Heat, the Spurs are playing with fire by allowing Parker to return so early from an injury.

5. Mavericks (46-17): The Mavericks have won 19 of their past 21 games. With Caron Butler expected to return for the start of the playoffs from his surgery, the Mavericks are the sleeper team in the West.

6. Magic (40-24): Dwight Howard has already gotten a 16-tech suspension, and when your name is not Rasheed Wallace, that is cause for alarm. Howard is the heart and soul of this team and he has to keep a calmer head if the Magic are to go anywhere.

7. Thunder (39-23): With their acquisition of Kendrick Perkins from Boston, the Thunder have added the last piece to make them a serious threat in the West. However, Perkins has

not played a game for the Thunder because he is recuperating from a knee injury he suffered before the trade. One can’t help but wonder if Perkins will be healthy enough to contribute to the Thunder’s playoff run.

8. Grizzlies (36-29): Though the Grizzlies are currently the eighth seed in the West, they sit just one and a half games back of the fifth seed.

The Grizzlies are playing with confidence and have a myriad of quality wins, including those against the Heat, Spurs and Thunder. If the playoffs started today, the Grizzlies would possibly be the most dangerous eighth seed in recent memory.

9. Heat (43-20): Yes, even with a record of 4320 the Heat are sporting the ninth spot in the power rankings. The Heat are 1-16 in shot attempts to tie or take the lead in games during the last 10 seconds of regulation, and that one success was a Lebron dunk that was negated by a Rudy Gay buzzer beater ultimately to give the Grizzlies the win. I’m tired of all the stat-geeks saying the Heat’s struggles against elite teams don’t matter: THEY DO MATTER. 10. Nuggets (37-27): Good news and bad news for the Nuggets. Since trading Carmelo Anthony, Denver is 5-2 and had the opportunity to win all of them. On the other hand, the Nuggets are tied with the abysmal Kings for the league lead in losses (12) after having a doubledigit lead.

11. Trail Blazers (36-27): Brandon Roy has returned from injury and the Blazers have indicated that his minutes will begin to increase and that he will be able to play back-to-back games.

Behind the breakout play of LaMarcus Aldridge, the Blazers are quickly forgetting the debacle named Greg Oden (well maybe not forgetting, but at least easing the pain).

12. Hawks (37-26): It was a tale of two games for the Hawks. After a miraculous 20-point comeback win against the streaking Bulls, the Hawks were exuding a feel-good mood. However, the mood didn’t last long after the Hawks became just the third team to fail to score at least 80 points against Mike D’Antoni’s Knicks.

13. 76ers (32-30): Lebron James, Russell Westbrook, Rajon Rondo and Andre Iguodala. What do these players have in common? They have all had at least three triple-doubles this year. It’s always good news when you’re mentioned with the likes of James, Westbrook and Rondo. And Iguodala’s play has given the 76ers optimism for many years to come.

14. Suns (32-29): In the much-hyped rematch against the Celtics, Channing Frye was absolutely dominated and abused by Kevin Garnett.

Adding insult to injury, Frye injured his shoulder in an overtime loss to the Thunder and is expected to be out for at least two weeks.

15. Hornets (37-29): The Hornets playoff hopes nearly evaporated before their eyes when Chris Paul ran into Ramon Sessions during their recent game against the hapless Cavaliers and had to be carted off the court in a stretcher.

Already maligned by perpetual knee problems, Paul can ill-afford to develop a concussion.

16. Rockets (32-32): The Rockets haven’t spent a day above .500 throughout the entire season; however, they sit just three games out of the eighth spot in the West. With the rising play of Kevin Martin, a surging defense and a homeheavy schedule down the stretch, the Rockets have a solid chance of passing the fading Jazz and Hornets and grabbing the last playoff spot.

17. Knicks (33-29): With the additions of Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups, the buzz has once again returned to Madison Square Garden. But one is left wondering how the Knicks consisted of 25 percent of the Cavaliers 12 wins this season and have failed to establish an offensive consistency. Still, the Knicks are a potent threat to any possible first round matchup with their prolific scoring ability.

18. Jazz (33-31): The Jazz are nearly unrecognizable aside from their jerseys. Not only was coaching legend Jerry Sloan forced out of Utah by Deron Williams, but the Jazz also subsequently traded their all-star point guard to the Nets. Jazz fans are left wondering how they lost both their coach and franchise player.

19. Pacers (27-35): The Pacers were three minutes away from reshaping their roster for a playoff run with the addition of O.J. Mayo at the trade deadline. However, the Pacers and Grizzlies failed to meet the 3 p.m. deadline. After getting blasted by a combined 49 points in the past three losses, things are looking gloomy for the Pacers.

20. Warriors (27-35): If they played in the east, the Warriors would be in play for the eighth seed. But in the top-heavy west, the Warriors sit seven and a half games out of the playoffs. The Warriors will need a miracle to make the playoffs after going 12-10 during a homeheavy schedule.

21. Clippers (24-40): While the dreams of playoffs for this young Clippers team are gone this year, the Clippers are relevant for the first time in years and have a solid base to make a playoff run next year. The goal for the rest of the season should be Blake Griffin getting 16 more See NBA, page 19

Hughes, Dascy gain All-UAA b-ball honors

By Brian Tabakin Staff

The men’s basketball team had two members selected for All-UAA honors. Guard Tyrone Hughes ’12 of Roslindale, Mass., was a secondteam All-UAA selection, while center Youri Dascy ’14 of Fall River, Mass., was an All-UAA honorable mention.

Hughes ended the season third in team scoring with 8.5 PPG and first on the team and third in the UAA with 4.8 APG. Among all NCAA Division III players, he was 65th in assists per game and 64th in his assist-to-turnover ratio at 1.94. Furthermore, Hughes led the Judges with 36 steals and was fourth on the team with 3.8 RPG. In the regular season, Hughes led Brandeis in assists 20 times in 25 games and in scoring three times, including a career-high 22 points in a 8682 OT win against Emory earlier in the season on Jan. 28 and again in a 77-75 loss at Wash-

ington University on Feb. 20. He had 11 games with at least six assists, including a career-high eight assists in a 60-52 win against Tufts on Dec 5 and a 77-57 loss at the University of Rochester on Feb. 6. Hughes was the focal point of one of Brandeis’ most dramatic victories of the season, going from one end of the court to the other on Nov. 30 to hit a buzzer beater in a 67-65 OT win against Clark University.

Dascy led the Judges in scoring during the regular season with 10 PPG, 20th overall in the UAA and third among rookies. His 4.8 RPG were second on the squad. Dascy finished with an impressive 63.0 percent in field-goals percentage to lead the UAA; however, he did not have enough shot attempts to qualify for NCAA rankings. He also led the Judges with 14 blocked shots during the season. Dascy recorded two double-doubles during the season, 21 points and 11 rebounds in a 65-54 victory against Emerson on Jan. 6 and 14 points and 10 rebounds

in an 86-82 OT victory against Emory on Jan. 28, leading the team in scoring nine times and rebounding eight teams. He set a new career scoring high in the opening round of the ECAC Division III New England tournament scoring 24 points to pace the Judges come-from-behind victory against Keene State, 84-77, en route to their third ECAC title.

Brandeis finished the season with a 19-9 record. After starting the season 11-0, the best start in program history, the Judges rose to No. 13 in the nation in the D3hoops.com poll.

Though the Judges stumbled down the stretch of the season finishing with a 6-8 conference record, they rallied to win the ECAC tournament with an 84-77 victory against Keene State, 76-66 victory against Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts in the semifinals and a 65-50 victory against Eastern Connecticut State University in the championship game.

Track star Selig to compete in NCAA championships

By Gordy Stillman Editor

Grayce Selig ’11 will be traveling to Capital University in Columbus, Ohio to compete in the mile-run event at the 2011 National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Division III championships.

Selig is currently ranked fifth in the nation in the mile run. Earlier this season, she set a

Brandeis-record of 4:54.82, her best time of the year on Jan 28 at Boston University’s Terrier Classic.

Earlier this year, Selig placed second in the mile run at the 2011 UAA championships and finished third at the New England Division III meet. Selig’s first event, the mile-run preliminaries is set for 5:30 p.m. on Friday. For those who qualify, the finals are scheduled for 4:45 p.m. on Saturday.

This will be Selig’s fourth trip to a NCAA championship meet and chance at a third AllAmerican honor. During the 2009-10 season she competed at the Division II cross country championships as well as in the indoor and outdoor track and field championships. Her previous All-American honors are a third-place finish in the distance-medley relay indoors and a fourth-place run in the 1,500-meters outdoors event last year.

Fantasy baseball top picks FANTASY, from page 17

28. Kevin Youkilis– 3B, Boston Red Sox 29. Nelson Cruz– OF, Texas Rangers 30. Ichiro Suzuki– OF, Seattle Mariners 31. Cliff Lee– SP, Philadelphia Phillies 32. Matt Holliday– OF, St. Louis Cardinals 33. Joe Mauer– C, Minnesota Twins 34. Andrew McCutchen– OF, Pittsburgh Pirates 35. Jose Bautista– 3B/OF, Toronto Blue Jays 36. CC Sabathia– SP, New York Yankees 37. Justin Upton– OF, Arizona Diamondbacks 38. Dan Uggla– 2B, Atlanta Braves 39. Buster Posey– C, San Francisco Giants 40. Ian Kinsler– 2B, Texas Rangers 41. Jon Lester– SP, Boston Red Sox 42. Adam Dunn– 1B/DH, Chicago White Sox 43. David Price– SP, Tampa Bay Rays 44. Brian McCann– C, Atlanta Braves 45. Brandon Philips– 2B, Cincinnati Reds 46. Jason Heyward– OF, Atlanta Braves 47. Zack Greinke– SP, Milwaukee Brewers 48. Andre Ethier– OF, Los Angeles Dodgers 49. Josh Johnson– SP, Florida Marlins 50. Jimmy Rollins– SS, Philadelphia Phillies 51. Adrian Beltre– 3B, Texas Rangers 52. Clayton Kershaw– SP, Los Angeles Dodgers 53. Rickie Weeks– 2B, Milwaukee Brewers 54. Shane Victorino– OF, Philadelphia Phillies 55. Justin Verlander– SP, Detroit Tigers 56. Jayson Werth– OF, Washington Nationals 57. Ubaldo Jimenez– SP, Colorado Rockies 58. Kendry Morales– 1B, Los Angeles Angels 59. Justin Morneau– 1B, Minnesota Twins 60. Alex Rios– OF, Chicago White Sox 61. Billy Butler– 1B, Kansas City Royals 62. Neftali Feliz– CL, Texas Rangers 63. Paul Konerko– 1B, Chicago White Sox 64. Jay Bruce– OF, Cincinnati Reds 65. Yovani Gallardo– SP, Milwaukee Brewers 66. Elvis Andrus– SS, Texas Rangers 67. Matt Wieters– C, Baltimore Orioles 68. Carlos Marmol– CL, Chicago Cubs 69. Clay Bucholz– SP, Boston Red Sox 70. Curtis Granderson– OF, New York Yankees 71. Delmon Young– OF, Minnesota Twins 72. Alexie Ramirez– SS, Chicago White Sox 73. Hunter Pence– OF, Houston Astros 74. Mariano Rivera– CL, New York Yankees 75. Carlos Santana– C, Cleveland Indians 76. Mike Stanton– OF, Florida Marlins 77. Tommy Hanson– SP, Atlanta Braves 78. Brian Wilson– CL, San Francisco Giants 79. Mark Reynolds– 3B, Baltimore Orioles 80. Aramis Ramirez– 3B, Chicago Cubs 81. Joakim Soria– CL, Kansas City Royals 82. Josh Beckett– SP, Boston Red Sox 83. Francisco Liriano– SP, Minnesota Twins 84. Matt Cain– SP, San Francisco Giants 85. Cole Hamels– SP, Philadelphia Phillies 86. Ben Zobrist– 2B/OF, Tampa Bay Rays 87. Drew Stubbs– OF, Cincinnati Reds 88. Jered Weaver– SP, Los Angeles Angels 89. Martin Prado– OF/2B, Atlanta Braves 90. Jacoby Ellsbury– OF, Boston Red Sox 91. Chris Carpenter– SP, St. Louis Cardinals 92. Vernon Wells– OF, Los Angeles Angels 93. Dan Haren– SP, Los Angeles Angels 94. Vladmir Guerrero– DH, Baltimore Orioles 95. Trevor Cahill– SP, Oakland A’s 96. David Ortiz– DH, Boston Red Sox 97. Brett Cecil– SP, Toronto Blue Jays 98. Roy Oswalt– SP, Philadelphia Phillies 99. Ricky Romero– SP, Toronto Blue Jays 100. Michael Young– 3B/OF, Texas Rangers

March 11, 2011

UAA standings and over-all records ECAC tour nament champions Men’s basketball Judges At Massachusetts Win 7666 College of Liberal Arts ECAC Semifinals At Eastern Win 6550 Connecticut State

Men’s standings Team UAA Rochester 12-2 Emory 11-3 Washington (Mo.) 7-7 Chicago 7-7 Brandeis 6-8 Case Western 5-9 NYU 4-10 Carnegie Mellon 4-10

Baseball

Team Rochester Emory Case Western Brandeis Washington (Mo.) Chicago

UAA 1-0 1-0 0-1 0-1 0-0 0-0

All 4-1 9-6 6-4 6-4 3-5 0-0

Softball

Team Emory Rochester Washington (Mo.) Brandeis Case Western Chicago

Editor

All 22-5 20-5 13-12 10-15 19-9 9-16 16-11 7-17

UAA All 1-0 15-0 0-0 2-0 0-0 3-2-1 0-0 1-2 0-1 2-5 0-0 0-0

B ox s cores Baseball in Florida Judges Drew Win 12-6 Mt. St. Mary (N.Y.) Win 3-2 Emory Loss 11-3 Rochester (N.Y.) Win 7-6

Softball in Florida Judges DeSales Loss 1-6 Thiel (six innings) Win 10-2 Monmouth (Illi) Loss 8-5 Rochester (N.Y.)

Tenni s Women’s standings Team UAA All Rochester 0-0 5-0 Chicago 0-0 5-1 Emory 0-0 6-2 Washington (Mo.) 0-0 3-1 Brandeis 0-0 5-2 Carnegie Mellon 0-0 7-3 Case Western 0-0 5-4 NYU 0-0 0-2

Men’s standings Team UAA Chicago 0-0 Emory 0-0 Rochester 0-0 Washington (Mo.) 0-0 Carnegie Mellon 0-0 Brandeis 0-0 Case Western 0-0 NYU 0-0

All 4-0 8-2 6-2 4-2 7-5 4-3 4-5 0-3

B ox s cores Women’s tennis Judges Win 9-0

Bentley

Men’s tennis Judges Win

NBA rankings

double-doubles to pass Shaq’s NBA record of 68 double-doubles in his rookie season.

22. Bucks (23-38): The Bucks are the most disappointing team of this NBA season. Even though they sit just three and a half games out of the eighth seed in the east, the Bucks would be well-advised to shut down Andrew Bogut and Greg Jennings for the rest of the season in order to get them healthy for next year. There’s no point in rushing them back to get crushed in the first round of the playoffs.

23. Bobcats (26-37): Despite being the best player in NBA history, Michael Jordan is arguably the worst General Manager (GM)in the NBA at the moment. He has traded away and dumped most of the team’s talent during the past few years. The Bobcats should just blow up their team and find a new GM. 24. Nets (19-43): Even with the addition of Deron Williams, the Nets are still second class citizens in the New York area. The Nets are pinning their hopes on Deron Williams signing an extension and luring a free agent, such as Dwight Howard during 2012, to their new arena in Brooklyn.

25. Timberwolves (15-49): The Timberwolves 15-49 is still deceiving as to how much potential this team actually has. However, the T-wolves are forcing Kevin Love to bear too much of a burden: Minnesota is 3-8 in games where Love

Gordy’s baseball rankings

By Gordy Stillman

B as eball and s of tball

Bentley

SPORTS 19

The Brandeis Hoot

7-2

goes for at least 20 points and 20 rebounds. The T-wolves need to get some talent around Love if they want to avoid him following in the footsteps of Kevin Garnett and bolting from town.

26. Raptors (17-46): The Raptors are not only the laughingstock of the NBA, but they are also now the laughingstock of London after getting swept by the Nets across the pond.

27. Cavaliers (12-50): One thing Cav fans can take solace in: Lebron and the bodies they picked off the street in Cleveland had a better record at this point in the season last year than the Super Friends currently have in South Beach.

28. Kings (15-46): Good news: the Kings are in the news. Bad news: the reason the Kings are in the news is that they are relocating to Anaheim. Sorry Sacramento.

29. Pistons (23-41): How the mighty have fallen. Just two years removed from their loss in the Eastern Conference finals against the Celtics, Pistons players boycotted practice in an attempt to force out their coach.

30. Wizards (16-46): At the beginning of the season, my friend told me the Wizards would be good. He was wrong. The Wizards had one pathetic road win this season and are in danger of tying the Kings futility mark for road victories set during the 1990-91 season when the Kings went 1-40.

This week’s rankings are broken up by spring training leagues. Since all teams have played between 10-14 games it makes sense to pay some attention and see what teams are doing. The records are valid as of 10 p.m. March 9.

Grapefruit League (Florida) 1. Washington Nationals (7-3): Surprisingly, to me at least, the Nationals are ahead of Texas and Minnesota; two teams originally based out of D.C. 2. St. Louis Cardinals (7-4): Albert Pujols and the Cardinals are going strong with wins against different teams including the Twins and the Braves.

3. Atlanta Braves (7-5): The Braves are currently among the leaders in the Grapefruit League and after a high energy run to the postseason last year, they seem set to threaten the Phillies’ dominance during the regular season.

4. Boston Red Sox (7-5): The Red Sox have beaten the Twins twice, the Yankees once, and the Orioles once. With a one-win lead over the Yankees, they will need to work hard to stay ahead of their biggest rival.

5. Detroit Tigers (8-6): It should come as no surprise that the Tigers are doing so well. The real question is whether they can make a good run during the regular season. Three years ago they were in third place, two years ago they lost a tie-breaking extra game and last year they once again dropped to third place in the AL Central.

6. Minnesota Twins (6-5): The Twins have been playing consistently well despite a handful of injuries and the lack of Justin Morneau’s skills at the bat.

7. New York Yankees (6-5): While the Red Sox have beaten five different teams, the Yankees have only beaten four. The Yankees have succeeded in overcoming the Phillies, Pirates, Braves and Astros, but no other teams.

8. Philadelphia Phillies (7-6): The Phillies are never a team to count out of the running, so their current record should not be taken as a sign of things to come during the regular season.

9. Baltimore Orioles (5-5): The AL East, located entirely in the Grapefruit League for spring training, simply has not been very impressive.

No team has more than six wins and last year’s worst team, the Orioles, are leading among AL East teams with a slightly better record than the Red Sox and Yankees.

10. Florida Marlins (5-5): The Marlins have been surprising fans with wins against top teams, such as the Red Sox, the Braves and the Cardinals.

11. Pittsburgh Pirates (6-7): The Pirates are getting a temporary reprieve after being placed in the bottom of their division last week.

12. New York Mets (5-7): The Mets can take solace in this simple fact: As of Wednesday, they have the same amount of wins as the Yankees.

13. Tampa Bay Rays (4-7): After plowing to the top of the AL East last year, it seems that Tampa has truly fallen from grace. While they managed to hold the Yankees to a tied game last week, their wins have been against Pittsburgh, last year’s worst team, and Toronto. They have lost to the Twins, Phillies and the Orioles among their many losses.

14. Toronto Blue Jays (4-7): Toronto has been somewhat surprising. The Blue Jays started off with four straight losses, including three against Detroit. More recently, however, they have had a four-win streak against teams such as Tampa Bay, Atlanta and even Detroit.

15. Houston Astros (3-10): Houston is floundering with only three wins and currently placed at the bottom of the Grapefruit League.

Cactus League (Arizona) 1. San Francisco Giants (10-4): The Giants are solidly ahead of the competition in the Cactus League. While I don’t expect them to lead the NL again, they certainly don’t seem hung over from their World Series victory last year.

2. Cincinnati Reds (8-4): With the exception of the Royals, the Reds have yet to beat a team with a winning record, even though most of their division rivals are in the Grapefruit League 3. Kansas City Royals (8-4): The Royals have been surprising me with their eight wins. I’ve never considered the Royals a threat in their division (AL Central), but if their season goes anything like their pre-season, I may have reason to.

4. Seattle Mariners (6-4): The Mariners have had an interesting schedule so far having played nine different teams in the course 11 games (one game was a tie). Considering that last year they were ranked by ESPN as 30th (last) in the four main batting stats, they seem to recovering well.

5. Texas Rangers (7-5): The Rangers have been playing well in the Cactus League along with their previous World Series opponents the Giants. While I recognize that Cliff Lee didn’t singlehandedly carry the team last year, I am still surprised by how well they are doing without him.

6. Colorado Rockies (7-5): The Rockies may have seven wins, but three of them are against the Diamondbacks.

7. Milwaukee Brewers (7-5): Like the Reds, the Brewers’ trip to Arizona places them in training without many of their division rivals.

8. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (6-6): The Angels are another team that is exactly where I’d expect them to be; holding a close third behind Texas among AL West teams.

9. San Diego Padres (5-6): The Padres are only beating a few of their fellow NL West opponents. They will need to maintain this if they hope to do well in the season.

10. Oakland Athletics (5-7): Oakland’s spring training has been very hit-or-miss so far. While it’s a good thing to avoid losing streaks longer than two games, it is muted by a lack of winning streaks beyond two.

11. Cleveland Indians (4-7): The Indians are right where I’d expect them to be­—a few games shy of a split record.

12. Los Angeles Dodgers (5-8): In almost half of the Dodgers’ wins so far, they have managed to keep opponents to zero runs and in four of the five wins they have kept opponents to one or fewer points.

13. Chicago White Sox (3-7): The White Sox may very well be an example of a team that benches its starters too much during spring training. With the exception of the 2009 season, during the last few years the White Sox have consistently put up a good obstacle in the way of outright Twins domination for the AL Central.

14. Chicago Cubs (4-8): The Cubs are doing better than their cross-town rivals the White Sox in terms of wins, but they are also losing more often. At least the regular season will not follow the same path.

15. Arizona Diamondbacks (5-10): Arizona sits at the bottom of the Cactus league not because of the fewest wins, but because of the most losses.

Ricky Rosen contributed to this article.

photo from internet source

20 The Brandeis Hoot

hooT SCoops

March 11, 2011

infographic by alex schneider/the hoot