How Black Men and White Women are the Same

Written by Nia McLean | Designed by Anvitha Nekkanti | Graphics by Lila Berger

An argument for intersectionality

About a year ago, I saw a Tik Tok arguing that Black men and white women are the same.

What could a Black man have in common with a white woman? After all, the media portrays Black men as dangerous and criminal but simultaneously sexy and masculine, while white women are delicate, beautiful, feminine, and pure. Purity and criminality. Sexiness and beauty. Femininity and masculinity. They’re related but somehow different.

Somehow Black women are similar to Black men, but they’re different. Someway Black women are like white women, but they’re different. Yes, we, Black women, have some shared experiences with Black Men (as Black people) and white women (as women). Women’s organizations, such as the Global Fund for Women, aim to benefit all women. Groups such as Black Lives Matter strive to help all Black people. However, women organizations and Black organizations are exclusionary for Black women—or, honestly, all women of color. Black women have a unique experience to which Black men and white women cannot relate. We need a Global Fund for Black women. We need to acknowledge that all Black FEMALE lives matter.

The sad reality is Black men and white women are the same because they can’t relate to Black women’s experiences, but unlike white men, they think they can understand. Black men acknowledge Black women’s struggle as Black people but not their struggle as a woman. white women recognize our oppression as women and expect our help with women’s issues. However, white women don’t have as much “skin in the game” regarding racial issues, so naturally, they don’t put equal effort towards issues that only impact Black women.

First, let’s consider Black men’s relationships with Black women. It is a parasitic relationship. A parasite is an organism that lives in or on an organism of another species (its host) and benefits from deriving nutrients at the other organism’s expense. Black men are a parasite. No disrespect to Black men - they are doing what they know how to do to survive. Black men have always depended on Black women. Black women have continuously given their unconditional support to Black issues; however, they don’t receive the same support reciprocated from Black men for matters that affect only Black women.

Take the issue of police brutality, for example. It is an issue that primarily affects Black men; however, Black women also carry the burden of combating police brutality. Black women organize groups and protests to fight police brutality, such as Mothers Against Senseless Killings (MASK). MASK is a female-founded and led organization that aims to prevent gun violence against Black people (particularly Black men).

The most significant part of MASK is not simply that it is female led but the reason for its female foundation. MASK Founder Tamar Manasseh says she’s “just a mother. [she] used to think [her] greatest accomplishment was raising two happy, healthy children in Chicago, where so many other mothers are denied that right.”

Manasseh created this organization to help save Black men’s lives because she’s “just a mother.” She wants to help Black men because she loves Black men. She wants to help them because, as Black people, they’re family.

So, you’d think that Black men would help us when they see us struggle, right? When Black men see Black women die during labor or Black girls fall victim to sex trafficking, shouldn’t they step in and lead the cause? Because they love us?

But they don’t even participate in, let alone lead, the causes that affect Black women.

Take maternal mortality as an example. Black women disproportionately die and lose babies during childbirth. According to the Black Maternal Health Caucus website for the House of Representatives, the top three Black maternal mortality organizations are The National Birth Equity Collaborative (NBEC), Sista Midwife Productions and the Sista Midwife Directory, and Black Mamas Matter Alliance (BMMA). The founders, presidents, and majority of the staff for all three organizations are Black women.

Black men aren’t active in the fight against Black Maternal Mortality. Their mothers are dying, their sisters, daughters. They love us, don’t they? So why aren’t they doing anything? We do everything for them.

Remember when the rapper Tupac said, “And since we all came from a woman / Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman / I wonder why we take from our women. Why do we rape our women, do we hate our women?”

Tupac, I have the same question. Black men, we do so much for you. Why won’t you do the same for us?

If someone asks you what the current wage gap is, you’ll probably say women make an average 17% less than men. This statistic is not entirely true, as it only reflects the disparity between white women and white men. The wage gap between women of color and white men is significantly more.

So, why is the white statistic the standard when discussing gender inequality?

While women of color are prominent in the fight for gender equality, white women started the women’s movement. Let me give you a quick history lesson.

In the 20s, when women were fighting for the right to vote, racists were lynching Black men daily. Most white women wouldn’t speak to a Black woman who wasn’t serving her. Most notably, suffragettes Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton only advocated for white women’s voting rights, arguing that women of color weren’t educated enough to vote. Therefore, Black women were not particularly interested in joining the suffragette movement.

Would you want to help people who didn’t want your help and barely considered you human? Especially when there’s a more pressing issue: Black lynching and extreme racism.

White women set white standards in the fight for gender equality. Women of color have only recently experienced the opportunity to insert themselves into an already-established movement.

White women leading a historically white movement don’t assist in issues that primarily affect Black women. White women don’t care. I don’t say this in a derogatory way. It’s impossible to care as deeply about issues as the people who it directly affects. Therefore, Black women fight for reproductive rights, equal pay, and other issues. But white women will never fight as hard for Black movements.

As a result, Black women are left in a uniquely shitty situation. It’s a situation where we don’t feel seen or heard, but it’s worse because Black men and white women insist that they see and understand us. They have this “we’re in it together” attitude. However, we can’t possibly be in it together because you can’t even comprehend the specific oppression that comes with being Black and a woman.

The only people that understand the Black female struggle enough to help are Black women. But how can we help ourselves with such little support from a society systematically built against us? It’s like some endless, horrible feedback loop.

I don’t know, but I wish I did. Because sometimes, I feel like I’m the only person who knows my struggle. And I can only help myself.

I guess I can only offer a couple of pieces of advice:

Black men, your women feel alone. Try to support them in the same ways they do for you.

White women, try to be a little more inclusive.

Everyone needs to embrace intersectionality. It’s not about sorting us into 50 groups based on the boxes we check on a demographics test. But we’re all individuals, so we should all embrace what the combination of checked boxes says about us and our intersectionality.