How to Delete Dating Apps

Written by Deidre Higgins | Designed by Poppy Livingstone | Photographed by Ria Huang

(Even if you’re single)

“Isn’t that just like, giving up?”

A real quote, by someone who is not writing this article. It was said to me when Tinder and Hinge were wiped off my phone. I’ll admit, a part of me was feeling a bit hopeless when I gave up the apps. They can work! I know people that started dating after Tinder. Of course, when you see everyone else’s success stories, we fall into the same trap of thinking: so it’s me.

It’s not. Take a step back and look at the format of Tinder. You swipe after looking at maybe 4 photos and a short bio (some people have long bios, but those are usually horrendous), you exchange some sort of conversation if you match (how many ways can we ask what they’re doing?), and then, maybe a miracle occurs in the form of a genuine connection. Not exactly the experience of a lifetime! Hinge is not much better, just a bit more personalized (although the amount of times I saw people answer ‘My likes:’ with ‘you’ makes me question that). Still, these dating apps make a lot of users de-personalize the process; with the non-stop swiping, we forget that there are real people within those pictures. Our decisions become too reliant on looks or something to just grab attention.

“Dating-app burnout” is also a very real thing—when every match seems to follow the very same pattern, yet you keep feeling like you have to scroll. Why? Why continue down the same path, just because you feel pressured to have a relationship or something near it in college?

I’m not writing this to generalize everyone on a dating app. Try them out! Go on FarmersOnly or LoxClub or whatever interests you—it could work! I’m writing this because of how I felt entering this fall, and what I knew was right for me. Deleting the apps felt strange at first, but what was I really going to accomplish with them? If I put more time into it, would I magically enter a relationship? Stepping back from it now, of course the answer is no. Tinder works for some people because of pure chance—which is how relationships outside of dating apps are formed, too. I’ve let go of trying to control that part of my life; let the chips fall where they may. It sucks to wait, and it sucks to let go of a part of something you thought you could control, but it helps. There is no shortcut or hack to getting a relationship. I know I’ll get the right one someday, but it’s time for me to stop trying to figure out when. Surprise me.