Uninvited

Genalea Barker

Toby checked his watch yet again as his knee bounced under the table. Van was late, and Toby grew more nervous by the second. He’d felt his friend pulling away these last few months. Now, the request for a public meeting upon Toby’s arrival in town was a tiny but ominous needle, puncturing the security bubble of their familiar friendship. A bell signaled the arrival of another patron. Nerves settled temporarily as he watched Van walk through the door in a calm and steady stride. Upon making eye contact, Van grinned widely. “Tobe!” Toby stood, embracing Van warmly. “Good to see you, man. I’ve missed you.” “It’s been too long.” He concurred. Toby gestured to the cofees resting on the table. Van smirked, sliding easily into his chair. “How is it being back home?” He asked after a sip. Toby sat, clearing his throat. “Same as always. Good but weird.” “Ever think of moving back?” These were dull questions that Van already knew the answers to. Old acquaintance discussions, not intended for life-long friends. Toby shrugged. “I’ll always love Montana, but I it better in Denver. They’re more accepting of who I am.” Van nodded, saying nothing. After a lengthy and awkward silence, Toby inally gathered the courage to ask the haunting, pertinent question. “What’s happening here, Van?” Van took another sip of his cofee, then sighed. “Tobe, there’s no easy way to say this.” A painful pause followed. “You can’t be in the wedding.” Toby’s heart plummeted into his stomach. “What?” No response. “Why are you saying this? Now?” Van winced. “Look, I don’t want to make this a big thing. I just can’t have you be a groomsman. You can still come as a guest.” That tiny puncture threatening all things familiar and safe now burst. Toby’s whole world seemed to crumble around him

“I can still come to the wedding?” He asked, his throat dry, his voice small. Van nodded, ofering a one-sided grin. “The wedding I was asked to be a part of six months ago.” His anger and volume rose steadily. “The wedding I took a week of work for. The wedding I drove ten hours for. I can still come to that wedding? How generous.” Van’s eyes roamed the room. “I know it sucks.” “Sucks? Seriously? That’s it?” “We just decided to keep things small. Only have family and really close friends participate.” Toby felt hollow. A harsh laugh escaped his throat. “Close friends?” “Toby…” “Is Mark still a groomsman?” Van answered tight lipped, barely audible. “Yes.” “Mark. Whom you never missed an opportunity to complain about since we were fourteen. Whom, in your own words, you merely tolerate when necessary. He’s in the wedding, yet I’m being uninvited at the last minute.” “Mark is inescapable. Our moms are like sisters, you know this. And you’re not uninvited from everything. You can still come—” “To the wedding. As a guest.” The room seemed to spin, and tears crept towards the surface. He forced them down, refusing to let that dam burst. “Why, Van? And don’t tell me it’s because we’re not close friends, because if you say that again, I think it will literally kill me.” Van hung his head, ashamed. “We’ve been friends twenty-ive years.” “Tobe…” “When Lauren broke your heart in tenth grade, who’s couch did you cry on? Who was the irst person I came out to? Who helped me ind the courage to come out to my parents? Was I just imagining you practically living in my basement every summer break through college?” “We’ve grown up since then.” “Yes, we have. And I seem to recall being there for most of those milestones as well. For instance, who did you tell irst about proposing to Chantel?” “You,” Van mumbled, iddling with his cofee cup. Heavy silence hung between them.

“I thought we were brothers,” Toby inally managed. “Now, you’re tossing me out while making room for Mark?” “I’m not tossing you out.” “That’s exactly what you’re doing!” Toby paused for a slow breath, attempting to quell the lames he assumed must be visible on his cheeks. “At least tell me why.” Van shook his head. “It won’t change anything.” “Is this Chantel?” “Yes, it’s Chantel.” He threw up his hands. “She told me how you bullied her back in high school. She just can’t put it behind her. I thought, given a little time and some convincing, she’d get past it and give you another chance. But she can’t. Neither can her parents. They freaked when they found out you were in the wedding. You caused Chantel a lot of grief back then.” Toby scofed, furrowing his brow. “Oh, that’s hilarious.” “Why is that hilarious?” “Because she literally bullied everyone back then. She’s was almost as big of a bully as her dad.” Van rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” “You don’t remember? She called me Queer Toby after I came out. Loudly and consistently, with a cocky grin on her face. And have you also forgotten how when things didn’t go her way, her dad would just ix it? He made a teacher cry at least once a semester. I assumed, when you two started dating, that she must be diferent now. Because you wouldn’t date a bigot with zero grasp on reality. When you got engaged, I thought she absolutely must have changed, because you wouldn’t marry anyone like that. Guess I was wrong.” “She’s not like that.” “Isn’t she? Tell me, Van, which is more believable to you, having known me almost my entire life: I bullied Chantel Granger in High School to the point that over a decade later, she hasn’t gotten over it, or Chantel and her parents are homophobes who can’t stand to be around me for fear they might catch the gay? Your honest opinion, deep down in your soul. I’ll wait.” “It’s not about that.” Van spoke timidly, clearly doubting his own words. “I don’t know why you’re bothering to lie about it. You think she’s suddenly going to want me around after you’re married? You’re not just booting me out of your wedding. This is you booting me out of your entire

life.” Toby’s anger converged with sorrow as he spoke, causing his last few words to escape as awkward croaks. He cleared his throat, desperate to keep his composure. Van ofered nothing in return, save a loud swallow as he relentlessly readjusted his hands on the tabletop. Feeling moisture beginning to sting his eyes, Toby stood abruptly, leaving the café without a word. Halfway to his car, a hand landed on his shoulder. He stopped but didn’t turn. “Don’t let this drive a wedge.” Toby laughed sharply. “This isn’t driving a wedge. This is the wedge.” “I love her, man. She makes me happy.” “Wonderful. Congratulations.” He continued to his car, his shaky ingers fumbling with the key fob. He missed unlock and clicked panic instead. “Dammit.” He struggled to silence the alarm. “Tobe, I hope you’ll still come to the wedding.” “Why?” Toby turned, then. “Would it make you feel better if I pretended this isn’t a big deal? That it doesn’t hurt like hell?” Van made tight ists. “It hurts me, too! You know I love you, bro. But I love her more. She comes irst.” “And that’s exactly how it should be. But the moment you realized you loved someone who couldn’t tolerate your bro, you should have picked up the phone! You strung me along for months letting me think I was still a signiicant part of your life, then pulled the rug out from under me when it was convenient for you. After I’d come all this way…” Toby paused a moment, attempting to camoulage a cry with a cough. “So no, I don’t think I’ll be coming to the wedding. I hope it’s everything you both ever dreamed of. Thanks for a great twenty-ive years, or whatever.” Toby slid into his car and slammed the door. He gripped the steering wheel, focusing his eyes there. He sensed Van’s presence disappear as he slipped away. His knuckles white, his eyes on ire, Toby didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until his head began pounding and his vision went blurry. With a quick and panicked gasp, air illed his lungs again. A sob followed, sharp with anguish. Toby had felt loss over the years. He’d watched loved ones die. He’d felt

heartbreak and unrequited love. Nothing compared to this new loss of his dear friend, who had voluntarily severed the bond without an apology. Two decades wiped out in a single conversation. Toby turned the key and put his car into gear. Hesitantly, his eyes shifted upward, and he caught a glimpse of Van’s stone-still igure in the rear-view mirror. They both knew with certainty: this was no temporary parting. With a single nod, Toby drove away, leaving a fragment of his heart behind him, taking along only the memories of the friend he’d once called brother.