Michaelmas Issue 4 by The Cambridge Student

Dogs in jumpers

Daniel Zeichner

Winter beauty

→ The Thursday Mag, p. 13

→ Comment, p. 18

→ The Thursday Mag, p. 19

Festive fashion for our furry friends

How to look your best as the cold sets in

Cambridge MP on how students can stop Brexit

The

17 November 2016 Vol. 18 Michaelmas Issue 4 www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

Uni staff struggling to pay for food on zero-hour contracts

Cambridge Student

“White male priviliged elite” rowers slammed by riverboaters

• •

TCS News Team

Wealthy universities among worst offenders

Cambridge has best record of Russell Group

Joanna Taylor News Editor

Sally Hunt, General Secretary of The University and College Union (UCU) who compiled the report, commented: “Great teachers need great support to thrive, yet some of the world’s most respected universities are treating their staff little better than Sports Direct. “Students taking on record levels of debt have a right to know if they are being taught by full-time secure staff. “Staff have a right to dignity at work” she added. The UCU used statistics from the Higher Education Statistics Agency to compile their data, saying that universities have been able to exploit previously existing figures to downplay the issue. In their analysis of the data, The Guardian comments that it is “highly likely” that “the majority of undergraduates are paying many thousands of pounds to be taught by casual workers.” On an executive level, however, the picture is different: the ViceChancellor of Birmingham University last year received a pay and performance package of £416,000 — nearly three times the UK Prime Minister’s salary. At Edinburgh, controversy over zero-hour contracts led to the university promising to scrap them, yet their figures show that they have merely relocated staff to other forms of insecure payment. The NUS have condemned this practice across universities, saying that the “knock-on effect on students” of demoralised staff is “significant”: anything which damages “good quality teaching” is “deeply unjust”. Students attach messages of solidarity to trees on the Sidgwick site

ome of the richest Russell Group universities rely most heavily on zero-hours contracts, temp agencies, and other precarious forms of work, a new investigation has revealed. Despite rising fees for students, more than half of university lecturers are on non-permanent or hourly-paid contracts, The Guardian has published. Birmingham University has the most teaching and teaching-and-research staff employed on temporary or ‘atypical’ contracts, with a proportion of 70.3%. Oxford, Durham and Edinburgh were all in the top ten of greatest offenders: 63.7% of Oxford teaching staff are on impermanent contracts. On the opposite end of the scale, Cambridge employs the fewest staff on these contracts of any Russell Group university, at 13.4%. Three fifths of academic staff at Russell Group universities (59%) are on insecure contracts, compared with an average of 53% across UK higher education overall. Almost a fifth of university staff on insecure contracts say that they struggle to pay for food, whilst a third have difficulty with rent or mortgage repayments. A similar proportion also struggle with household bills. Birmingham have commented that the figures are “extremely misleading”, pointing out that “many of the people in this category are expert visiting lecturers, from commerce [or] industry”, and are valuable to students. Editorial Comment page 15 →

following the election of Donald Trump

Image: Alexander Paturel

Cam riverboaters have called out rowers who “display an astounding level of arrogance” whilst damaging their property, causing noise pollution and bank erosion, and abusing those who permanently live on boats. The rowers’ arrogance comes from “a long established white male privileged elite ruling background”, according to the National Bargee Travellers Association (NBTA). Earlier this month the NBTA rejected Cambridge City Council’s plan to evict riverboaters without permanent mooring, claiming it would lead to “widespread homelessness”. They also claimed that riverboaters were forced to take second place to “the other, more privileged river users”. The Council’s plans prompted a demonstration outside the Guildhall to protest the evictions. Holding signs with slogans such as “tax mansions, not houseboats”, riverboaters spoke of their “absolute terror” facing the proposals. Cambridge Council have since apologised that they “got off to a poor start”, promising that no-one will be made homeless. But Mark Evans, a riverboat owner, said that the Council’s consultation is “flawed in many ways”. “People think we are lazy hippies. A lot of us work very hard. It is hard work running a boat and keeping a job down.” Cllr Oscar Gillespie also attacked the “inflammatory” proposals, saying that it is “shocking” they have been approved by a Labour administration. “What we have within the Labour party at the moment is Schrödinger’s socialism. You can’t tell if is alive or not, even after the latest attempt on Corbyn’s leadership.” The Cambridge University Rowing Club has not yet responded to request for comment from The Mirror.

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

News

Emma Plowright

Editorial Team 17 November 2016 Editors-in-Chief

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The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

News

Independent study better than contact hours Private learning leads to stronger development of “all types of skills”, Times Higher Education finds Khushali Dodhia Deputy News Editor Independent study is more useful than contact hours, a UK study of over 23,000 undergraduates has found. The Higher Education Academy’s 2016 UK Engagement Survey found that independent learning “appears to have a stronger link than taught sessions to all types of skills development”. Students who received 11 hours or more teaching a week had a four percentage point positive growth in their writing and critical thinking skills, higher than their peers who received 10 hours or fewer. But students who studied independently for 11 hours or longer were five percentage points ahead of their counterparts who had worked

study was twice as beneficial, with a six percentage point gain. The difference was also marked for non-academic skills. In areas such as developing values and ethics, and being an informed and active citizen, increased teaching hours led to just a three point growth compared to five for independent learning. Extracurricular activities were also compared with teaching hours and independent study, with the survey suggesting that they are similarly beneficial to independent study. Students participating in sports teams and societies assessed a seven percentage point increase in their academic skill development. Volunteering led to a six point growth.

There was also a notable Education, the insights from the survey difference between older and newer could influence the Government’s universities, the survey found. 63% Teaching Excellence Framework, a scheme that will assess and monitor Extracurricular activities the quality of university teaching also led to improvement based on criteria such as levels of student satisfaction, student retention, in academic skills and, possibly, contact hours. Universities which are rated well of undergraduates at pre-1992 will be able to increase their fees in institutions had 11 or more contact line with inflation. The 2016 Student Academic hours a week, compared to just 50% of students at post-1992 establishments. Experience survey conducted by They also spent more time in the Higher Education Academy and the Higher Education Policy independent study. However, students at newer Institute revealed that only 37% of universities felt more engaged with undergraduates thought they were their courses than those at older ones. receiving good value for their money. Just 8% supported the Government’s According to Times Higher TULANE PUBLIC RELATIONS/WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

63% Students at pre -992 universities with 11 hours or more contact time per week

outside of class for less time. And whilst being taught for longer led to a three percentage point advantage in developing qualities like innovation and creativity, independent

Taking the Trump out of Trumpington Khushali Dodhia Deputy News Editor A Cambridge councillor has expressed his desire for his home village of Trumpington to distance itself from the newly elected and divisive US President-elect Donald Trump. Lib Dem Cllr Nick Avery told Cambridge News: “I have abandoned my Twitter handle @NickAveryTrump, partly because it didn’t serve its purpose and partly because I don’t want my name associated with his.” The village is no stranger to controversy, having reached the national press in 2008 when a Church of England vicar was ordered to vacate his post after being accused of spitting at parishioners. In 2013, Trumpington hit national headlines again after a “relationship meeting” booked at the village hall

“I don’t want my name associated with this”

was cancelled amidst fears that it was in fact a bondage workshop. The event was advertised as serving tea and cake alongside “kink on a budget”. Trump, who has been accused of racism and misogyny, was criticised this week for appointing alleged “white nationalist” and Breitbart chairman Steve Bannon as his chief strategist. Cambridge students have already sought to distance themselves from Trump with Cambridge for Consent’s campaign to counter Trump’s misogynistic “locker-room talk”. Avery ruled out changing the name of the Cambridgeshire village, first mentioned in the Domesday Book, because it is older than both Trump and the US itself. He said: “DJT’s real family name is Drumpf, I think, and I am definitely not up for a change to Drumpfington.”

plans to allow universities with excellent teaching to raise their fees. Dr Camille Kandiko Howson, a senior lecturer in higher education at King’s College London, however, told Times Higher Education that the results of the survey show that policymakers and students must look

Students must look beyond the “very narrow” view that contact hours are more valuable beyond the “very narrow” view of learning that values contact hours above independent study. “Students still think contact hours are what they need, but this gives us evidence that students’ skill development is greater when they spend more time in independent study.” Information for applicants on the University of Cambridge’s website shows how much teaching hours vary from subject to subject. Medics and vets typically receive 20-25 hours of teaching each week, English students 8-9, and MML and Maths students 14. A second-year English student at Pembroke said: “We get so few contact hours that it does make me wonder what we’re paying for. But on the other hand, I choose not to go to lectures because I don’t find them as useful as private study”.

Brain implants combat paralysis Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin Deputy News Editor

Wireless technology enabled a paralysed monkey to walk again

Grégoire Courtine has been commuting between his lab at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology in Lausanne and a lab in Beijing, China, for more than a decade in order to carry out research on monkeys with spinal-cord injuries. Now, for the first time ever, partiallyparalysed primates have been able to walk again. Published in the science journal Nature, Courtine’s research used wireless implants that stimulate electrodes in the leg in order to bypass the injured nerves and restore locomotion. This neuroprosthetic, or “brain-spine”, interface enabled a rhesus macaque to walk only six days after it was paralysed in its hind legs. “It was a big surprise for us,” commented Courtine. “The gait was

not perfect, but it was almost like normal walking.” Paralysis occurs when a spinal cord lesion prevents transmission of signals from the motor cortex in the brain to neurons that control muscle movement. Since nerves do not heal spontaneously, these debilitating injuries are often for life. Courtine’s approach, which involves four major components, may hold the key to future treatment. By re-establishing a link between the brain and the spinal cord, researchers hope that eventually the implant could help remaining nerves to regain control of lost functions and allow full recovery of movement in people. Jocelyne Bloch, a neurosurgeon at Lausanne University Hospital in Switzerland, said: “For the first time, I can imagine a completely paralysed patient able to move their legs.”

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

Investigations

Funding for EU and international Brexit uncertainty leads to fewer European applications for 2017 as long term funding remains unclear

Khushali Dodhia Deputy News Editor The number of EU students applying to courses at Cambridge has fallen by 14% according to UCAS, amid fears over the Brexit vote. Applications for courses at Oxford and Cambridge, as well as for Medicine, Dentistry, and Veterinary courses at other institutions, which have an earlier application deadline of 15th October, saw an overall decrease of 9% from students in the EU this year. Cambridge received 2,277 EU applications, down from 2,652 last year, despite an overall increase in applications to 16,875. This reflected a wider trend among UK univeristies, which saw the overall number of applicantions rise by 1%. Applications from the EU fell from 6,860 to 6,240. A University spokesman said: “We are disappointed to see a reduction in EU undergraduate application numbers on last year, which reflects the considerable uncertainty felt by these students due to the EU referendum.

The decrease “reflects the considerable uncertainty felt by these students due to the EU referendum”

“But we still received more applications from the EU this year than we did in 2012, and Cambridge remains an attractive place for EU students to study.” The government was criticised for guaranteeing EU students the same fees and financial support as home students for the duration of their degrees on 11th October, in a statement just four days before the early deadline. “It is too early in the application cycle to predict reliable trends,” a government spokesperson warned. “The overall increase in applicant numbers is positive – and suggests even more students will be able to benefit from higher education next year.” Dr Wendy Piatt, director general of the Russell Group, reiterated this, but remained cautious: “While it is too early to know the reasons for the decline, we would be concerned if EU students were deterred from applying to our world-class universities because of Brexit.” EU students currently account for

167,000 of 600,000 new migrants from Europe each year, and research suggests that 59% of the public are opposed to reducing their numbers. However, Downing Street says it will continue to include students in immigration figures, which it remains committed to reducing “to the tens of thousands”. One EU finalist from Christ’s said: “Applying to Cambridge was my childhood dream, but if I’d applied after Brexit, I think I would have faced more barriers. “Having had no idea what my visa status would have been by the time I’d finished my degree would have weighed on my mind massively.” The Brexit vote should not, however, affect EU students’ eligibility for scholarships as all international students, regardless of nationality, can apply for them through the Cambridge Trust, which is “committed to equality of opportunity.”

OPINION: Scholarships can reinforce forms of privileges

Jenae Michelle Carpenter Deputy Investigations Editor

iscovering that I had received a scholarship to study at Cambridge University was a life-changing moment. Very quickly, however, the elation melted into doubt as I pondered my right to the scholarship and whether I was robbing the opportunity from a more deserving candidate. Having completed my undergraduate studies at a leading university in Australia, I always considered studying overseas as one of my options. In retrospect, receiving funding was not the primary determinant of my decision to study here and whilst I would have struggled with the prospect of paying the outrageous international fees, particularly given the current employment landscape, I would have had the means to do so if required. On arriving, I realised that this was not uncommon. I looked around and saw people who, like me, had gone to elite universities and had received ongoing financial support

Of the 35 U.S. students who received Gates in 2016, 11 have previously studied at Ivy League

from their families. I came to realise that receiving a scholarship has little to do with innate aptitude and more to do with privilege, something which I realise I have. The Gates Scholarship aims to move away from a one-dimensional understanding of the ‘ideal candidate,’ as recipients are selected not only based on their intellectual ability but also their commitment to improving the lives of others and leadership potential. Other scholarships follow a similar model: the Cambridge Trust awards 1,300 scholarships in 2016, to individuals from 92 countries, many of whom without this scholarship would never be able to attend the university. Whilst funds do continually look to expand opportunities to improve access – the Cambridge Trust recently announced a new program of scholarships for Syrian undergraduates - inequality does persist. Of the 35 U.S. students who received the Gates Scholarship in 2016, 11 have previously studied at Ivy League universities, with the vast majority coming from ‘top-tier’ institutions. Even notions of ‘leadership’ and ‘community service’, viewed from a more cynical angle, are linked to social status. Taking time out of one’s incomegenerating lifetime to volunteer may be

difficult to for students who grew up in families where income is essential to survival, where they are expected to fund their studies and often support of their own families. This is not to deny the worthiness of scholarship recipients but merely to recognise the insidious ways through which privilege proliferates. The model that prevails at Cambridge contrasts starkly with the approach adopted in many elite U.S universities. Harvard, for example, does not offer any merit-based scholarships, instead offering financial aid for those who have demonstrated need. Children from families with less than USD $65,000 total income are not expected to contribute to fees and contributions increase incrementally beyond this point. Of course, this system is not without its flaws - pathways to wealth, prominence and power begin with childhood social location. So of course, I would not pretend that reforming the system’s current emphasis on merit-based scholarships would represent a radical revolution. However, I do believe it would begin to change the conversation about deservedness and what it means to be a “good student.”

Clockwise from top: Sarah Spottiswood, a Ca us about their experiences applying for Cam wake of the Brexit vote, EU students are still

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

l students under scrutiny

Investigations

INTERVIEW: The main difficulty with scholarships is the decentralised application TCS Investigations Team

DIGITALRALPH, FLICKR

MARK HODSON PHOTOS, FLICKR

Sarah Spottiswood, a Cambridge Australia Scholar studying for her LLM at Corpus Christi, reflects on her experience with funding applications. How difficult were scholarship applications to navigate? It was quite challenging. Unlike at other universities, at Cambridge, the scholarship application process is decentralised. Some scholarships are offered through colleges, faculties, various other bodies and also the Cambridge Trust. Each body had a separate application process. My referees had to submit their references to many different bodies, which was highly time-consuming. But the main difficulty is the fact that it creates the potential for qualified candidates to completely miss some of the

“I do not think the scholarship system is accessible to students who are not privileged”

funding schemes. As a result, since fewer may apply, sometimes a “lucky” candidate may be awarded funding, even though they may not be the most qualified student applying to a particular college or for a particular course. Would you have taken up your place without full or at least partial funding? I had been working to save enough money for 4 years before I came to Cambridge, so I was in a position to attend with partial funding. Without partial funding, however, I would not have had the means to undertake my studies here. I do not think that the scholarship system is accessible to students who have not been ‘privileged’ in one way or another. A candidate from a lower socio-economic background is at a disadvantage.

INTERVIEW: “The Gates Scholarship has made my time at Cambridge inspirational” TCS Investigations Team

WIKIPEDIA COMMONS

ambridge Australia Scholar, and Sampurna Chakrabarti, a Gates Scholar, spoke to mbridge scholarships, fewer EU students have applied to Cambridge this year in the eligible for international scholarships but the future of fees remains uncertain

We also interviewed Sampurna Chakrabarti, a Gates Scholar. Sampurna is a PhD student in Pharmacology at Corpus Christi. She originally comes from India and holds a B.S. in Biological Sciences and a B.A. in Psychology from the state University of New York at Bufallo. What do you think the Gates Scholarship looks for in a candidate? I think that the selection committee looks for someone who is committed and passionate about their work and ponders over the difficult questions in the world. They look for people who, in addition to academic excellence, are motivated to bring positive change. Most of the Gates Cambridge Scholars I know are interesting, well-travelled individuals who care about the world around them. Do you think that someone from a lower socio-economic background who perhaps had to work during their degree would have been disadvantaged in their application? Such a student could have had less time to undertake voluntary work or participate in research projects. The Gates Trust makes special efforts to evaluate candidates based on their circumstances. However, it is hard to deny the role of privileged socio-economic class in such prestigious scholarships.

“Gates looks for something more than academic brilliance”

Someone from lower socio-economic strata might find it hard to have global exposures (exchange programs, research opportunities) and that might restrict their chances. At the same time, however, Gates looks for something more than academic brilliance. Therefore, if someone is able to demonstrate their leadership skills in difficult conditions, they will have very good chances of winning a Gates Cambridge Scholarship. How would you say that the Gates Scholarship has transformed your time at Cambridge? The Gates Cambridge Scholarship community provides a vibrant and intellectual space for like-minded people across disciplines to interact. This year, we had a four-day orientation in the Lake District where we all participated in fun activities, such as gorge scrambling and hiking. Additionally, the Gates Scholars Council regularly arranges small gatherings such as movie nights, research symposiums or workshops that provide a platform for professional development and social interactions. For me, the Gates Cambridge Scholarship has made my time at Cambridge more inter-disciplinary and inspirational than I imagined.

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

College Watch

Images: Jessica McHugh

Selwyn

Fitzwilliam

St John’s

Pembroke

Selwyn students voted to remain in CUSU, with 83.72% of votes cast in favour of remaining affiliated. A total of 172 votes were cast, meaning that 38% of those eligible to vote participated. Only 27 votes were cast in favour of so-called Sexit. This does not, however, include votes emailed in by students not on the electoral register. The final results were sent to the student body yesterday, on 15th November. Several JCR members campaigned to remain in CUSU, including Vice President Ellen McPherson, Welfare Officer Elena Cornaro, and Clubs and Societies Officer Jacob Lange. Policy states that the JCR must remain neutral on the matter of affiliation, but individual JCR members are allowed to campaign on either side of the referendum. Selwyn is constitutionally obligated to review its CUSU affiliation every three years. The last time a CUSU affiliation referendum was held in Michaelmas 2013, Selwyn undergraduates voted to stay affiliated by a slimmer margin of 54.93%. Khushali Dodhia

The headliners for the Fitz Winter Ball have been announced. Will and the People and Byron the Aquarius will play at the event. Will and the People is a British four-piece band, formed in 2010. Their music is influenced by The Beatles, Bob Marley, and The Police. They released their debut album in 2012 which reached #28 in the Dutch charts, and are currently touring the UK. Byron Blaylock, known professionally as Byron the Aquarius, is a 27-year-old house artist whose music also has jazz influences. He released a ten-track solo album in 2015 called Planets of Love, and a six-track EP in April this year called Here Today Gone TMRW. Response to the headliners has been lukewarm. One student said, “Who are they? I didn’t realise Fitz were so edgy.” Another told TCS, “I can’t say I’m excited about the line-up. I’ve never heard of either of the headliners”. Fitz’s 2014 Winter Ball was headlined by noughties favourite The Hoosiers. Khushali Dodhia

A new campaign at St John’s aims to raise £100 million to provide support for students and make sure that future scholars can study free from financial concerns. The ‘Free Thinking’ campaign aims to raise the money with the help of alumni and other donors, and is part of Cambridge’s broader aim to raise £2 billion in donations. The campaign will expand John’s existing programme of financial support, which includes its new Studentships programme, which gives home undergraduates whose household income is smaller than £25,000 a grant worth more than £9,500 per year. The Master of John’s, Professor Christopher Dobson, said: “Many highly talented young people from less well-off backgrounds either go to their local university to keep costs down, or abandon higher education altogether. “I believe passionately, as does the College as a whole, that nobody should be denied — or indeed deny themselves — a place at Cambridge because of financial concerns.” Molly Moss

Lord Chris Smith, Master of Pembroke College, has warned that staff, including senior academics, have faced a rise in “hate crime” since Britain’s EU referendum. Smith told Cambridge News: “Since the referendum we have witnessed a hugely disturbing rise in hate crime, abuse, namecalling, xenophobia, and even assault.” However, he said that abuse had not taken place within the University, telling Varsity: “among staff and students there’s a very positive attitude towards colleagues with European backgrounds.” Smith also warned that the referendum outcome could negatively impact university research, saying that British academics were being excluded from collaborative research projects due to “Brexit uncertainty”. “Our country and our intellectual life have been severely diminished as a result,” he said. “Where oh where is that tolerant, internationalist, welcoming, quirky, slightly grumpy, outward looking, gentle, civilised country that I thought we were living in?” Khushali Dodhia

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

Students lead reaction to Donald Trump’s triumph Joanna Taylor News Editor Over a week has now passed since Donald Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States, triggering protests and shows of solidarity across university campuses. The universities of Miami, Texas, Tennessee, and Chicago are amongst those whose students have taken to publicly protesting Trump’s victory; at Michigan State University over 1,000 students marched across campus. Students were seen holding rainbow flags and signs supporting Black Lives Matter and Hillary Clinton. Dan Eggerding, the rally’s organiser and MSU College Democrats President, told the gathered crowd that “the future is black and brown, queer and trans … Donald Trump may be the present, but we are future.” Disappointment and anger with Trump’s election has also been palpable within Cambridge; the university’s official Twitter account perhaps best summed up our emotions when they posted a straight-faced emoticon without explanation on the day of the result, which was subsequently retweeted over 2,000 times. A Cambridge headteacher, Tricia Kelleher, has gone even further, slating Trump’s “careless racism and misogyny”, saying that isolationism in international politics “cannot but remind us of the dark days of Merkel’s homeland back in the 1930s”. In an effort to show solidarity, students have posted notes of support on trees in the Sidgwick Site.

The Cambridge Student also heard from a number of American students studying here, who expressed their upset and concerns over the Republican president. “How can a nation who voted for Obama and everything he stands for twice vote for this man even once?” asked Melissa Gatter, a first-year PhD student at Trinity Hall. “I don’t understand it. It’s Brexit 2.0.” Jay Mens, a second-year HSPS student at Gonville and Caius added: “The last year has exposed, and exacerbated, fault-lines of a deeplydivided country. “Irrespective of the result, millions of Americans were going to feel deeply alienated from their Head of State and disenchanted with the whole system.”

Trump “cannot but remind us of the dark days of Merkel’s homeland”

Isabel Singer, an MPhil Student reading History at Jesus, said: “I am scared. What future do Latina people have in the U.S? What about undocumented people? Women? Disabled people? Muslims? Will Trump push the First Amendment Defence Act, allowing employers and landlords to discriminate against me for being Queer? “Is there a future in the US for people who are not white, male, and above the poverty line? Do I have a future in the US?” Chase Caldwell Smith, a third year historian from Gonville and Caius, said: “as a proud son of an American father and an immigrant mother, I am sickened. We have chosen hatred and fear as a nation. And that is now who I am, and that is not who we should be.” MAL3K

A Queens’ College society carried out an initation on Remembrance Sunday, in an act which has since been widely condemned. At around 12:15pm, a group of boys are reported to have come running out of Senate House passage, before doing press-ups and star jumps. They then jumped like kangaroos across King’s Parade towards Market Square. According to The Tab, eyewitnesses claimed that some of the boys were visibly intoxicated and covered in alcohol and vomit, but the society, the ‘Roos (Kangaroos), maintain that there was no drinking at their “entirely sport-based” initiation. They labelled drinking “unsafe”, and claimed that the “so-called ‘vomit’ was

NEWS BULLETIN Cambridge makes top 10 list for producing billionaires Figures produced by ecardshack.com have revealed that Cambridge University has the highest number of billionaire alumni in Europe, with the total estimated wealth of its billionaire graduates amounting to around $48 billion. Ranking ninth on the list of the top 10 universities for billionaires, Cambridge was the only non-American institution on the list. Harvard, with alumni as famous as Mark Zuckerburg, came out on top with the University of Pennsylvania, alma mater of President-elect Donald Trump, closely following. David Thomson, who was a History student at Selwyn in the 1970s, is now a media mogul with a publishing empire worth around $25.8 billion.

Oxford University to launch first online ‘Mooc’ course As part of a partnership with online platform edX, the University of Oxford has announced its first “massive open online course”. The first MOOC course, ‘From Poverty to Prosperity: Understanding Economic Development’, is now open for enrolment. Led by Sir Paul Collier, Professor of Economics and Public Policy at the Blavatnik School of Government, the course plans to explore the importance of governmental policy in economic development. Anant Agarwal, CEO of edX and Professor at MIT, said: ‘We are honoured to welcome the University of Oxford, a world-leading centre of learning, teaching and research and the oldest university in the Englishspeaking world, to the edX global consortium.”

Harry Potter inspiring dining hall catches fire

An anti-Trump rally taking place in the United States this week.

Initiation on Remembrance Day under fire Prishita Maheshwari-Aplin Deputy News Editor

News

marmite (part of a harmless costume)”. They also said that the allegations were untrue and all quotes fabricated, purely inferred based on a single blurry photograph, which was taken by a Tab interviewer without consent. The Kangaroos insist that they mistakenly rescheduled for the 13th of November due to bad weather the previous weekend, and that the timing of their event was simply an oversight and not supposed to be disrespectful. The initiating members claim to have ceased activities as soon as they were contacted by other students and informed that the proceedings could be interpreted as offensive. Eyewitnesses also apparently reported an older man wearing medals approach the group to reprimand them, but this is also strongly refuted by ‘Roos members.

Queens’ College society initiation was badly timed

“I want to clarify that no-one spoke to us during the few minutes we passed by the church, and we were certainly never approached by anybody wearing medals,” commented the President of the Kangaroos, who has done poppy collecting for seven years. He also attended the Remembrance Service at Great St Mary’s shortly before the initiation. Some have found it difficult to believe that the society’s initiation involved no alcohol at all, however, leading other students to lambast this “disgusting” behaviour. Society members have apologised for any offence caused. Each of them have also stated that they will be donating to the Royal British Legion to demonstrate respect and support for their cause. The incident has hit national papers.

On the morning of November 12th, students and staff were evacuated from Christ Church Hall, Oxford, after a hot plate used to serve food caught fire. Black smoke could be seen billowing from the windows to Tom Quad as four engines from Oxfordshire Fire and Rescue Service arrived on the scene. According to the Christ Church custodian, the fire was put out shortly before 2pm after burning for roughly one hour. In an email to students at the college, Pauline Linieres-Hartley, the Steward of Christ Church, revealed that the fire was caused by an electrical fault in a hot cupboard. She added that “There will be some smoke damage but no-one was hurt and no other damage to anything apart from the hot cupboard.”

Pink Floyd tribute unveiled at Corn Exchange

Artwork commemorating Syd Barrett, the founding member of Pink Floyd, has been unveiled at the Cambridge Corn Exchange. Pink Floyd have deep ties with Cambridge, where Barrett grew up and lived for most of his life. His final gig with the band was at the Corn Exchange in 1972. The art instillation, named CODA, was produced by Claire Palmier and Spadge Hopkins, with fabrication from Cory Burr. Fans have campaigned since Barrett’s death in 2006 for the band to be properly recognised in Cambridge. The unveiling occurred on what would have been on his 70th birthday.

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

News

The news roundup TECHNOLOGY

Teen admits Univeristy Library website hack A 17-year-old, who cannot be named for legal reasons, has admitted seven hacking offences, including attacking the website of a Cambridge University library. He appeared before magistrates at a youth court hearing in Norwich on Tuesday and said: “I didn’t really think of the consequences at the time. I realise what I’ve done is really significant and it won’t happen again. I’ve grown up.”

THE OTHER PLACE

A 17-yearold has admitted hacking the website fo a Cambridge University library

FOOD

Councillor condemns Cambridge street food

Oxford JCR approves ‘Class Liberation Officer’ St Hilda’s College, Oxford, has overwhelmingly passed a motion to establish a Class Liberation Officer, who will concentrate on equalising opportunity for students from socio-economically disadvantaged backgrounds. The college joins institutions including King’s College London and SOAS which already have ‘Working Class Students’ Officers’ on their Student Union or JCR committees.

WILDLIFE

WIKIMEDIA

Sleepwalking wasps land in Cambridge Wasps which would ordinarily have died out by now, have survived because of the relatively mild weather. But the wasps are slow and sleepy, meaning they are easily panicked and more likely to sting people. Karen Ainsworth of JG Pest Control told Cambridge News: “We’re being called out on a daily basis to deal with nests.” She said that the best thing to do is to remain “very calm.”

A councillor has criticised Cambridge’s outdoor eateries as damaging Cambridge’s image. John Hipkin said: “Al fresco dining is all very well but odours and litter and chips crushed under foot do not enhance the historic core.” 57% of premises registered with the council are food businesses. But since 2014, the number of eateries registering has been falling. Hipkin commented on the development: That’s something.”

£27 million The amount it would cost to build an expressway between Oxford and Cambridge

Pony rescued from the Cam

SCIENCE

Study calls for Oxford to Cambridge road link

Hawking opens new University institute

A government study has recommended a “high quality road link” between Oxford and Cambridge. It calls for £27 million to fund the “brain belt” expressway, which could improve journey times by 30 minutes. It claims that bad transport links undermine the “knowledge economy”, which relies on workers with highly specific skills working in close proximity to competitors and collaborators.

Professor Stephen Hawking has launched a new University institute, the Cantab Institute for Mathematics of Information. It will work on a variety of inter-disciplinary projects, with the common aim of advancing data science questions. Hawking said: “This is the heart of the Cantab Capital Institute: to drive forward the development of insight, and so enrich a multitude of fields of relevance to us all.”

Percentage of premises registered with Cambridge City Council that are food businesses

TRAVEL

CRIME

the Cambridge Hackney Carriage and Private Hire Association, described Uber as “very destructive to the industry”. Uber was launched in Cambridge on 10th November.

Gonville and Caius has hostels. People are being urged to take extra security precautions, and to call the police on 999 if they see anything suspicious.

MILL ROAD POST OFFICE, WIKIMEDIA

Firefighters had to come to the rescue of a pony which got stuck in the Cam at 6.20am on Friday. The call was made by a member of the public who was rowing. Firefighers used specialist inwater kit to enter the water and lead the animal to the safety of the bank. They had returned to their station by 8.25am. The animal is thought to be doing well after its ordeal.

TRAVEL

57%

Spate of raids in CB1 “Odours and Uber “destructive” for litter” from Cambridge cab industry leads to police warning outdoor Cambridge cabbies claim that Uber Police officers have told residents eateries drivers from London are coming of the CB1 district of Cambridge up to the city to take advantage of to be extra-vigilant after a spate of damage Cambridge’s business here. The app has already break-ins. been blamed for destroying London’s There were six reported raids on “historic black cab industry. homes and sheds on Monday night, core” Rashel Mohammed, chairman of including two on Mill Road, where

WILDLIFE

A “brain belt” expressway between Oxford and Cambridge would cut journey times by 30 minutes

_EVANTHIA_

A rower reported an animal trapped in the Cam at 6.20am

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

How city planning could be the solution to all our health problems Matheus Henrique Nunes Science Editor

rban planning directly influences transport options and consequently affects population health around the globe, according to research published in The Lancet. A more pricey public transport system leads people to rely on private motorised transport which is associated with higher traffic speed, air pollution, noise, and accidents, as well as lower physical activity. An urban planning model, ‘compact cities’ – where people live 30% closer to each other, land-use diversity is 30% larger and distances to public transport are reduced by 30% – can lead to more people walking and cycling and consequently a healthier population. These gains are bigger in highly motorised cities of developed countries with high Gross Domestic Product (GDP) such as Boston, Melbourne, and London. By reducing the use of motor vehicles

Science Why should I care about..

Stephen Hawking’s research Ned Booker Science Editor

it could be possible to reduce the incidence of chronic diseases, such as cardiovascular problems, diabetes, and respiratory diseases. Planning London as a compact city, for instance, has resulted in a reduction

98 Percentage of cities in which the benefits of walking outweighs the negatives

of 13% in cardiovascular diseases and 7% in type II diabetes. However, higher physical activity has increased the number of accidents in more motorised cities, with more pedestrian and cyclist deaths.

The research showed that when planning to have more people walking or cycling cities must include separate safe infrastructure for pedestrians and cyclists, such as pavements and cycle lanes. Time spent walking and cycling is also associated with exposure to air pollution which can decrease the benefits of physical activities, according to a study led by Marko Tainio from the Institute of Metabolic Science in the University of Cambridge. However, in 98% of the cities in the world the benefits of physical activities outweigh the negative consequences of air pollution. Only in the most polluted cities, those with particulate materials in the air, can physical activities be considered unhealthy. With the world facing environmental and health problems, it is expected that urban planning will become a crucial factor in minimising some of the world’s worst issues. JIM CAMPBELL

here are not a large number of scientists who are famous outside of their own field. A notable exception is Stephen Hawking who has appeared on The Big Bang Theory and The Simpsons. Hawking has also written several popular science books, in over 35 languages. The most notable is the hugely popular A Brief History of Time. This book, which has sold over 10 million copies, includes only one equation – E=mc2 – but describes many aspects of cosmology and quantum mechanics in ways that the average reader would be able to appreciate. Hawking has personally worked on a large number of ideas, but two of the most notable are The Big Bang and black holes. It is a testament to the success of his theories and publicity that these are concepts which are now entirely in the public consciousness, such as with the eponymous TV show The Big Bang Theory. So what does Stephen Hawking have to do with The Big Bang? Hawking, in collaboration with Roger Penrose,

Some particles on the edge of black holes are able to escape

Stephen Hawking (center) enjoys zero gravity

Camilla Penney Science Editor

A magnifying glass which can see the bonds between atoms may sound like the stuff of science fiction, but Cambridge researchers have created one. For a long time the shortest distance light could be focused on was thought to be its wavelength, as the light will curve (be diffracted) around smaller objects. However, by using the very small (nano) scale structure of metals like gold it has become possible to focus light inside regions as small as 30 cubic nanometres. Now researchers have used very conductive gold nanoparticles to make a pico-cavity which traps light in the space of a single cubic nanometre. This cavity is only stable at temperatures below -260°C. Light focused into such a small volume interacts strongly with the vibrations of atomic bonds so it should allow us to understand more about how light and matter interact.

Most of us think of plumbing as taps, plugholes, and toilets. But water is not the only fluid moving around beneath the ground. Researchers in the Earth Sciences department have been studying the “plumbing” beneath Askja volcano in Iceland to try to understand how magma moves around. Earthquakes beneath volcanoes can be caused by the changes in stress in nearby rocks when magma moves. These earthquakes produce different types of elastic waves in the Earth. By measuring how fast the different waves reached seismometers near the volcano, the team were able to work out the layout of Askja’s “plumbing”. They found that the main magma storage is in two chambers, at five and nine kilometres below sea level, with a total magma volume of about 100 cubic kilometres – 20 times more than the volume of oil humans currently use each year.

considered what happens in general relativity – Einstein’s theory about how energy, light, and matter interact with space and time – when points of infinite density are present. They developed the idea that the universe might have started as one of these points, known as a singularity. This is central to The Big Bang theory. Hawking has since

The transmission of global, intra-patient lung infections poses a severe risk to people with cystic fibrosis and the mycobacterium abscessus, which causes the infection, is resistant to many antibiotics. It can even cause severe pneumonia and lung damage in patients with cystic fibrosis, a condition in which air passages become constricted by thick mucus. The infection had been thought to be picked up from the environment by vulnerable patients, but a new study led by Cambridge researchers suggests otherwise. The researchers analysed mycobacteria genomes from cystic fibrosis patients at clinics around the world. They found that the genomes were very similar, suggesting patientto-patient transmission. This could occur through airborne droplets or hospital surfaces, making infection control difficult. How it is passed between continents is still not known.

changed his stance somewhat, as such an initial singularity would be within the domain of quantum mechanics and so not applicable for general relativity. How about black holes? Black holes are regions of such high density that their gravitational field does not

His books have appeared in 35 languages and he has appeared on The Big Bang Theory and The Simpsons allow light to escape, and they are at the centres of many galaxies. Stephen Hawking (with Brandon Carter and James M. Bardeen) developed the four laws of black holes mechanics in 1970, which included the idea that black holes could not get smaller. Hawking overturned this after visiting Moscow in 1973 when his team developed the idea of Hawking Radiation. Some particles produced near the edge of a black hole are able to escape, reducing its mass and potentially allowing small black holes to evaporate. Hawking has faced criticism from Peter Higgs that his “celebrity status gives him instant credibility that others do not have”. However, he has also had a inestimable impact in popularising theoretical physics through his willingness to appear in public. He also offers his opinion on many issues such as global warming, extra-terrestrial life, and artificial intelligence. You shouldn’t necessarily care about Stephen Hawking, but his work has been central to a modern understanding of our universe.

JOSÉ FERNÁNDEZ

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

Features

Making

Quasi-adulthood conundrums Holly Platt-Higgins

our first steps into the adult world” they said. “An opportunity to mature” they said... I stumbled back from Lola-Los, because the queue for Cindies had been too long; the smell of own-brand-vodka still strong in the early morning air and blood pouring from my knee, following a bike related incident outside The Trailer of Life. Later that night, I reflected that this is not perhaps how most adults decide to spend their Wednesday. Maybe it’s because I’m a fresher or maybe it’s because I’m an arts student, but somewhere in between the piles of dirty laundry, the unabashed thieving of peoples’ milk, the hangovers, the essays that are left to the very last second and the sheer pride in seeing a friend make an appearance on Shoulda-Woulda-Kuda, I feel as though I may have been lied to, and in fact, this isn’t exactly the new chapter of maturity and responsibility that I was told to expect from university life. Having been here almost a full term, do I feel more prepared for the future, for adulthood? Absolutely not. Cambridge seems to have taught me how to hone my slacking skills. Each week I carefully decipher the minimum amount of work I have to do to survive my supervision, which allows maximum time to waste chatting in the buttery, spending my student loan on reduced birthday cake in Sainsbury’s, and making bad choices in the wide range of clubs on offer in town. And I know that, graduating as an English student, I’m not going to get a job anyway but, hypothetically, I don’t think many of the habits I’ve established in the

last six weeks can conceivably be turned into employability traits: “will sacrifice important work because of FOMO”; “may or may not have developed a strong emotional dependency on the cleaner”; “accidentally found myself very committed to sleep deprivation.” All of those loosely translate to: ‘I’m almost as unstable as the political scene in America.’ Yet, I have found there to be occasional moments, a combination of both guilty satisfaction and paralysing fear, where I seem to be quite content exactly where I am, despite the debris of dignity surrounding me. Perhaps the real confirmation that I am fast approaching something that resembles adulthood is simply that I no longer count my age in halves or quarters and few will understand the shame of being a month off twenty and still a fresher. So, as Michaelmas term comes to a close I think it’s fair to conclude that if I pretend to be living the life of an independent young adult on the brink of stability and respectability, it will continue not to happen. I have proudly accepted my status as a floundering adolescent. AUSTIN RICH

Fear not pessimistic liberals: history might be repeating itself Taqwa Sadiq Features Editor

midst the din of good food and amiable company at an interfaith dinner recently, I was struck by the peculiarity of the context in which I was seated. In a place as ‘progressive’ as Cambridge, one does not expect to come across people for whom progress doesn’t necessarily equate to the future. The experience of sitting amongst individuals who mostly look to the abrahamic past as the closest that civilisation can ever get to perfection prompts a reassessment of the relationship between time, change, and advancement. Concepts such as evolution and the technological revolution do not entirely necessitate but have encouraged a linear attitude to time and progress. However, this idea that the future is always ahead of the past seems to have been shaken by recent world events. Correspondingly, the reverse, but equally horizontal, attitude that the pious past was a superior era of human history is called into question by the very existence of toilets and next-day delivery. As is always true of our complex

“The hope lies in the idea that after we fall, we get the chance to build it back up again but better”

and intricate world, the reality is rarely black and white. An alternative view, developed throughout the centuries by the likes of Machiavelli, Nietzsche, Twain, and Toynbee, is the rather hackneyed ‘history repeats itself ’ paradigm. Despite its banality, this particular perspective provides presently pessimistic liberals a whiff of hope. Montesquieu would not have you fear that the resurgence of the right-wing across the globe signifies humanity’s penultimate step into the pit of despair. Rather, this last gasp of whitedominance is the penultimate stage in the cycle of glory and decline that makes the world and civilisations go round. In other words, things have to get worse before they get better. Perhaps Trump will lead the ‘first world’ forth into apocalyptic selfdestruction, whilst Europe flips us Brits off into an economic and social downward spiral. The hope lies in the idea that after we fall, we get the chance to build it back up again, but better. What has become clear from the democratic debacles that have lately devastated the United Kingdom and the United States is that something has

to change. The fatal flaw of democracy has not only been exposed but realised through this whole affair. By democratic means, the ‘people’ have elected a leader that some believe may become a dictator. At the very least, a man who seems intent upon taking away the rights of many of those to whom he is supposed to be accountable. If democracy has come to an orange 70-year-old comb-over holding, arguably, the most influential position in the world, the need for a restructuring seems unavoidable, and according to the historic recurrence camp, inevitable. Worse has happened in the land of the free, from President Andrew Jackson’s Indian Removal Act of 1830 to the Willy Brown incident in 1919. And yet, it is the same America which, after Roosevelt dined with Booker T. Washington, the senator of Mississippi complained that the White House was now “so saturated with the odour of nigger that the rats had taken refuge in the stable”, saw a Black President in the Oval Office. America has been through unimaginable horrors, but it has also survived them. There are a multitude of interpretations

concerning what this election says about human progress, and what the future holds. Whatever view one chooses to take, although we seem to be regressing at present, this does not necessitate that the future holds nothing but the beginning of The End. This may just be the storm before the calm. ARTHUR BRIDGE

3 5 9

Dogs in jumpers Pick of Christmas ads Winter beauty

The Thursday Magazine

Only 38 sleeps

till Christmas

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Glittery, garish, glorious: Festive fashion Ellie Mullett

t any other time of the year, if gaudy designs and unflattering cuts are not your glass of mulled wine, it’s probably a sign of an applaudable sense of style. But with Christmas almost upon us, now is not the moment to tell yourself that you couldn’t possibly wear a snowman jumper with a 3D carrot nose or a Santa hat complete with fairy lights. ’Tis the season to be jolly, and this means shaking off your fashion inhibitions and embracing the season of ever-so-slightly garish garments in the name of festive spirit. Once upon a time I used to consider festive fashion almost as criminal as double denim, or wearing socks with sandals. I thought it was quite enough to have a house full of decorations, radio stations playing the same seventeen festive hits on loop all day, and only eating food with a Christmas spin.

Yuletide attire: it’s impossible to feel grumpy when you are swathed in glitter, sequins, and kitsch knitwear. But even as a champion of Christmas clobber, it must be said that not all festive fashion is fantastic. Anything featuring Christmas emojis deserves to go straight on the naughty list, as does anything emblazoned with a predictable pun, or a plea telling Santa you’ve been good this year. Stay well clear of the Grinch onesie too, if you want to retain any self-respect. You have generous liberty to bend the rules of acceptable attire, but even if it is the THEUGLYSWEATERSHOP

I used to consider festive fashion almost as criminal as double denim – but how wrong I was How wrong I was: two years ago I bought a reindeer jumper, complete with bells, and never looked back. If you’re struggling to get in the mood for festivities, just remember why you never see Ebenezer Scrooge in

most wonderful time of the year, there remains a distinct difference between being merry and looking like a fool.

Anything with Christmas emojis or a predictable pun deserves to go straight on the naughty list However far you want to go with festive fashion, there is something available for everyone. For a more subtle hint, Fairisle jumpers can be worn throughout autumn and winter, yet give an almost accidental Christmas vibe when worn in December, the perfect compromise for anyone who really can’t sacrifice a day of street cred in the name of festive spirit. Alternatively, there is a treasure trove of themed earrings, from snowflakes to candy canes to holly sprigs, and a plethora of festive pyjamas, meaning you can keep your festive attire within the confines of your room. The very least you can do to avoid being mistaken for the Grinch who stole Christmas is swap your dull black socks for a funky Christmas pudding patterned pair. Like every trend, not everyone will be willing to dress up like one of Santa’s little helpers, but don’t be too uptight about exchanging your sartorial standards for frivolous fashion over the next six weeks. You never know, you might put on a seemingly ghastly knitted garment, and absolutely love it.

The festive drinks round up Rebekah Kerr and Rachel Rees - Middleton

e usually go for americanos. We like our coffees small and strong. But let’s face it though, we are also the kind of people who get drawn in by advertising, especially when it involves food and lovely festive packaging. This is why we took it upon ourselves to sample the Christmas drinks the Giants are offering, heading into Costa, Starbucks and Pret a Manger so that you don’t have to. First up, Costa Coffee meets Lindt, the ‘Master Swiss Chocolatier’: sounds dreamy, doesn’t it? We’re sure we’re not the only ones to have been lured into buying this limited edition drink; Costa’s excellent advertising meant that our Facebook newsfeeds were filled with mouthwatering images of what appears to be a glass of pure, unadultered, melted Lindt chocolate. But do not be fooled.

The Lindt hot chocolate was the biggest disappointment of the lot This drink was probably the biggest disappointment of the lot. It could be described as little more than a standard (poor quality, at that) hot chocolate that came in a very small glass and was composed of mostly milky froth, with what remained tasting of not much more than hot chocolate powder with hot water added. With the outrageous price tag of £2.80. Sadly, not the festive start to the season we were hoping for. Secondly, we took advantage of Starbucks’ 2 for 1 deal to sample all of their Christmas selection. Still in shock from the Costa experience, we made our friend order the Fudge

Hot Chocolate. It was well presented, with gold sprinkles and whipped cream. According to him, it was “not what I expected it to taste like, but a pleasant surprise.” Yes, our friend has the Christmas spirit of the Grinch, but it did little to remind him of the festivities to come. The mixture of cream, chocolate and fudge was more snuggle by the fire than kisses under the mistletoe. The three caffeine related options, Eggnog Latte, Toffee-Nut Latte and Gingerbread Latte were all pretty sweet and a bit lack-

RACHEL REES-MIDDLETON

REBEKAH KERR

Fudge hot chocolate was more snuggle by the fire than kisses under the misteltoe lustre when it came down to the actual coffee flavour. All were strangely watery and the Eggnog in particular had a bizarre, almost bitter aftertaste. At just over £3 each for a Small, these drinks don’t come cheaply. Finally Pret a Manger. Their selection is a little less obviously festive, with Mint Hot Chocolate and Hazelnut, Caramel and Vanilla Lattes all available. At £2.60 each, they’re more reasonably priced than both Costa and Starbucks and their cup design doesn’t scream Christmas kitsch. We went for a Vanilla Latte which was by far the nicest coffee we had tasted; there was more than a hint of caffeine and the syrup was not overpowering or sickly as had been the case with the other drinks. All in all, the seasonal drinks are great for novelty, but lack both taste and the caffeine hit which is still required at this point in term. Our advice would be to save yourself and your pennies for the mince pies.

RACHEL REES-MIDDLETON

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Thank the Lord for dressed-up dogs Sarah Wilson

nless you’ve been living under a rock or inside a nuclear bunker, you will have noticed that 2016, generally, has been a bad year for the world. Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman and Leonard Cohen all passed away, the UK decided to leave the EU, and climate change is becoming ever-more urgent. If that weren’t enough, Donald ‘anti-establishment’ Trump won the US election then went and had a picture taken in a gold-plated lift with Nigel ‘man-of-the-people’ Farage, in an image that I’m sure will grace history books in 50 years’ time as an emblem of the utter farce that this year so far has been. The next few years, it seems, are not going to be easy, and people of our generation especially are going to have to be proactive in a lot of battles to come. Easy as it is to despair, there are ways to feel okay about this mess, and retreat from the world of doom, gloom, and global politics. One thing we definitely got right: taking wolves out of the forest thousands of years ago and turning them into small friends that sit on you when you’re sad and MEGAN LEA

SARAH WILSON

sort of don’t mind when you put silly outfits on them. A dog would never brand all Mexicans rapists or call for a ban on all Muslims; all he cares about is how many treats he’s going to get for posing in that jumper. In fact his only qualm is with the postman, who to be fair is encroaching on his territory when he comes to deliver letters. Dogs don’t care about your sexuality, gender, or nationality, but judge you by the quality of the attention you bestow upon them (and to be honest, will still like you even if you ignore them). Dogs look cute in any colour, especially orange, and is there really anything more pure than a dog dressed up as a Christmas pudding? Dogs might not understand the complexities of the world we live in, but they also won’t play ‘devil’s advocate’ with you in the college bar after a long day, defending the most toxic policies and politicians just because they think debating things that will never touch or negatively impact them is good fun. Nope, dressing up a dog (as long as they’re comfortable) in a silly costume is a timeless hilarity and comfort we can all hold onto in days of darkness. In all seriousness, it has been proven that dogs can have a monumental impact on mental health and well-being, which is why they are assigned to people with PTSD, and taken round colleges here for ‘puppy welfare’ days.

Borrowmydoggy.com is a service allowing those who don’t have dogs to interact with them; the owners benefit from having their dog walked, and the walker benefits from puppy love. It’s a win-win. One of the saving graces on my Facebook newsfeed recently has been that all depressing news coverage has been punctuated with posts from Cool Dog Group, a 300,000 member-strong group for dog enthusiasts, full of feel-good videos and pictures of dogs doing what they do best: being cute, endlessly optimistic, and oblivious to the horrors of the world around them. I don’t mean to demean the importance of engagement with politics and social issues, but when it is necessary to disengage, there can be nothing more comforting than looking at dogs doing stupid things in stupid costumes. One of the best responses I saw to the election result last Tuesday was youtuber Jenna Marbles’ decision to spend her day spreading joy by marrying her two dogs and filming it. I advise you to check it out – if the quality of that dog’s tuxedo doesn’t cheer you up, I’m not sure what will. ELLIE MULLETT

My favourite indie record labels From free online releases to specialist vinyl, four of the best Tiernan Banks Columnist

e love money. Money is great. Money makes the world go round. Using money alone, you can get the rights to the music of any promising new band, mould them into the next big thing, and sell their output for more money. Then you can just repeat the process. Occasionally though, people care less for the money and more for the promising new bands themselves. These people are good people, and these bands are good bands. So here is a list of my top four indie record labels in the UK (in no particular order): Tasty Morsels: Their Facebook page immodestly and accurately reads “library of peng”, and that’s just what it is. The website is a collection of twenty releases, all free, released by an increasingly wide-spanning group of friends. Their music is predominantly lo-fi off-kilter electronic pop, often inspired by the chorus-laden sounds of Connan Moccasin. Perhaps no surprise, given that

Infinite Bisous (the label’s ringleader) is Connan’s bassist. Listen to Laurie Holiday’s ‘Dusted’ (quirky instrumental hip-hop, with expertly chosen documentary samples) for some of the best music you’ll never need to pay for. Art is Hard: Unlike Tasty Morsels, Art is Hard specialise in physical releases. They released Black Tambourines’ debut album, a perfectly low-budget garage rock masterpiece, and Penelope Isles’ latest release for Cassette Story Day proves that reverb-drenched dream-pop is not quite dead yet – listen to ‘Why We’re Always Talking’ for one of the most gripping and beautiful tracks of the year. As the name suggests, the art is just as important for the music for Art is Hard. Their records often come as coloured or patterned vinyl, with a few even printed on square Perspex. And they’ve got great, cheap t-shirts. Sways: This could well be my favourite label. The music they’ve released is of astonishingly high quality. Most

recent signing, Blacklung, self-labelled ‘kraut-disco’, typify Manchester’s industrial sound, with harsh distortion to rival My Bloody Valentine, but with an almost danceable rhythm section. Sways, whilst probably the best label on the list in terms of quality, are undoubtedly the most disorganised. I’ve twice ordered records and never got them. It’s a shame, but it’s pretty rock n’ roll, I suppose. Warm Laundry: Warm Laundry spans across the country, and like Tasty Morsels currently only has free online releases. Some of their artists hail from Cambridge: De Bondy, for example, offers an exciting take on danceinspired melancholia, her delicate, ethereal voice floating above the thick bass on ‘Lesson’. I spoke to Joe Taylor, the brains behind the operation, who told me, “Warm Laundry was created as a platform for which we could release our friends’ music in a slightly more ‘official’ way. It’s friends doing things for friends. And they’ve released some great songs.”

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Festive literature: Christmas in books Genevieve Cox

f someone says to me “Christmas in literature”, my first thought is Dickens’s A Christmas Carol, with scenes of Scrooge’s ghostly midnight visits and Tiny Tim. But here I look beyond into the treasure chest of literature and the Christmas offerings it holds. When I fondly return to childhood memories of Christmas, images of my mother reading to me a story from ‘The Big Christmas Book’ before my bedtime are at the fore. The Nutcracker, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, The Gift of the Magi – or even the personalised tale she read aloud, a re-written account of ’Twas the Night Before Christmas with insertion of mine and my sister’s names. But Christmas is not just for children, and it appears in a range of novels, poems, and literary sources, depicted throughout different times, scenes, and individual experiences.

of war with ‘Little food. No presents. But there was a snowman in their basement’ (The Book Thief – Markus Zusak). Some books focus on the glamour of the festive season in its sumptuous excess of food and celebration, some mediate Christmas through an individual’s own experience with family or friends, whilst others offer the symbol of Christmas as a time for hope, happiness and new life. C. S. Lewis’ well-known The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe holds the first Christmas in an eternal winter,

Christmas across literature conveys a single message: it is a time of coming together, coming home (if possible), and celebration of what we have mixed with hope for the future. The tale that I would like to finish with is one which, after a little thought, I discovered really does encapsulate Christmas for me. It is not a well-known book, nor a particularly extravagant story, but it is one that I return to every Christmas. It is the tale of Charlie The Chimney Sweep & Sooty, the tale of a brave orphan boy who earns his living as a chimney sweep and, on Christmas Day, receives what he deems to be the greatest gift of all: a new home with a loving family. It is a tale that touched my heart as a young girl, and that continues to remind me every Christmas that, yes, Christmas is a time for celebration and feasting and merriment and indulgence, but it is more than that. It is a time for everyone to have something that they don’t usually have; a time of hope, and I feel that the best Christmas literature passes this message on through the little details that it includes beyond the initial image of Christmas festivities, the details that make the jolly season ‘human’.

Christmas can be extravagance, as at King Arthur’s court with ‘Such glaum ande gle glorious’ upon a ‘Kyrstmasse’ that leads to quest and trials (Sir Gawain and the Green Knight), or a lover’s first union in ‘Solution sweet…of Love’s alarum [opposing the] pattering the sharp sleet/Against the window-panes’ (The Eve of St Agnes – Keats). Or Christmas can be the magic of J. K. Rowling’s wizarding world with feasts at Hogwarts, complete with flaming puddings containing hidden silver sickles, and wizarding crackers with ‘grow-your-own-wart-kits’ inside. It can also just be a modest but happy Christmas in time

Megan Fereday Music Editor If you feel that now may be the year to relinquish your dependence on Michael Buble as the soundtrack for your Christmas, we present to you an alternative: our picks of the best Christmas hits that, alas, never were. Enjoy! Text Me Merry Christmas - Straight No Chaser ft. Kristen Bell ‘I’ll go ‘neath the mistetoe / And pretend my screen is you’ My Only Wish - Britney Spears ‘Last night I took a walk in the snow / Couples holding hands, places to go...’ All I Need Is Love - Cee Lo Green ft. The Muppets “I think the Muppets hit a new low.” / “Yeah and his first name is Cee!” Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays - *NSYNC ‘Feel the love in the room / From the floor to the ceiling’ I Want An Alien For Christmas - Fountains of Wayne ‘I want a lil’ green guy about three feet high / With seventeen eyes, who knows how to fly’ Christmas Tree - Lady Gaga ‘My Christmas tree is delicious.’ A Christmas Duel - The Hives & Cyndi Lauper ‘Who the fuck anyway wants a Christmas tree?’ R2D2, We Wish You A Merry Christmas - Bon Jovi ‘No, it’s not a phase detector! / It’s your Christmas present!’ Listen to the full playlist on Spotify.

Across literature, Christmas conveys a single message: it is a time of coming together

ROSIELEA

Christmas is not just for children, and it appears in a rnage of novels

Alternative Christmas hits

with Father Christmas’ arrival signifying more than just presents as he offers hope of time passing in a place where it has been frozen for so long. He offers the promise of spring and the return of life: a God-like allegory in his arrival.

Recipe: Mulled Wine Rachel Rees - Middleton Food Editor

ven though Michael McIntyre discounts this classic Christms drink as ‘hot spicy boiled wine’, there’s nothing better than a glass of mulled wine to get the festive spirit (and the red-cheeked glow) going. Rather than buying a bottle pre-made, making your own really is quite simple and using fresh fruit means it is more tangy and less sickly sweet. This recipe will make enough to share with friends ahead of Christmas formal. Serves: 6 glasses or so Preparation time: 20 minutes Ingredients: 1 bottle of red wine (cheap is okay!) 1 cinnamon stick 3 whole cloves 1 lemon 1 orange 60g caster sugar Pinch of nutmeg Method: 1. Put the sugar in a saucepan over a medium heat, and squeeze in the lemon juice. 2. Add the cinnamon stick, the nutmeg and the cloves and stir in enough red wine to cover the sugar. 3. Simmer until the sugar has dissolved and a thick syrup has formed. 4. Add the rest of the wine and the orange, cut into slices.

5. Add the star anise and stir gently for 5-10 minutes until the wine is heated through. A good, non-alcoholic alternative is mulled cranberry or mulled apple juice. Simply simmer the juice with all the spices and sweeten with honey or sugar to taste. BAGGUGI

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Christmas adverts: An annual battle Ellie Mullett

oca-Cola are yet to inform us that the holidays are coming, although they are just around the corner now. But 2016 has already witnessed the unthinkable: on top of Brexit and Donald Trump’s presidency, John Lewis have just released what can only be described as a dreadfully sub-standard Christmas advert. Aldi’s Kevin the Carrot epitomised the excitement and high expectations of the British nation perfectly, and with £7 million to blow, John Lewis certainly didn’t lack the budget to meet them.Yet in what can only be described as a tragic misunderstanding, all we got was a dog on a trampoline and proof that Santa doesn’t exist after all.

of all these ingredients and it’s something John Lewis usually do so well: at high school, I became such a wreck when ‘The Bear and the Hare’ was shown in class that, much to the amusement of my classmates, my teacher had to bring the Kleenex over so I could mop what remained of my mascara off my cheeks. At such an early stage in this year’s competition, the crown (or should that be party hat) for best advert may well go to Marks & Spencer. Proving that behind every great man is a woman, may we all raise a cracker to Mrs Claus for helping Jake to get his sister new shoes, M&S

John Lewis have just released what can only be described as a sub-standard christmas advert There’s no given recipe for a successful Christmas advert, but if you ate a mince pie every time there was an animal, a child, or a sad song, you’d probably be asking Mr Claus for a new Fairisle jumper. Extra kudos to those which make you cry, for this is the only time of year you can unashamedly sob at the shameless self-promotion of one of the nation’s heavyweight companies. The most memorable adverts are a careful combination

and to show parents that their offspring do love each other really. The robin in Waitrose’s offering is strongly reminiscent of the Snowman in John Lewis’ in 2012, which makes it a strong contender too.

The crown for best advert may well go to Marks & Spencer, with Waitrose also a strong contender Unfortunately, just as Quality Street has the Strawberry Dreams alongside the Caramel Swirl, so does the world of television advertisement have the low budget, pitiful attempts to entice us to their stores. Harrods may have released the first festive advert of 2016, but the cliche teddy bear animation lacks the sophistication one might expect from the star on top of British department stores and as ever, Tesco’s advert was probably produced for no more than the average cost of a Christmas meal. Argos’ advert might be full of skating yetis, but at least there are no Z-list celebrities.Hopefully, next year’s John Lewis advert will see the restoration of the humble festive spirit that they usually do so well.In the meantime, we can continue to complain about this year’s disappointing offerings, and sit back for another season of the usual armchair criticism as the adverts compete to become the talk of the nation.

The best festive film fashion Megan Lea Fashion Editor

he time for watching festive films is here (though check out the list on page 9 for what not to watch) and Christmas movies mean wonderful Christmas style. If the holiday romances and tales of families overcoming hard times warm your heart, the sartorial inspiration courtesy of the costume designers will warm the rest of you. Woollen jumpers, coats and scarves may be predictable, but that’s because at this time of year they are always super appropriate and super uplifting. So without further ado, here are some of the best Christmas classics to inspire your winter dressing. Love Actually: Have you seen the Buzzfeed article ranking all the turtlenecks that appear in Love Actually? Much like the jumpers themselves, it’s a classic – though there’s not much in it when it comes to which sweater is better. The characters’ love lives may be prone to unravel

but their woollen layers most certainly aren’t: everyone is super cosy all the time, with the notable exception of Hugh Grant who runs out into the cold to find Natalie and profess his love without even a coat (because Hugh Grant bracing the elements for love is A Thing – see Four Weddings…). Other highlights include the dark grey turtleneck that Colin Firth wears while he’s off novel-writing and being hopelessly cute, and of course Keira Knightley. Even if you hate her character Juliet (as many seem to), you have to appreciate her idiosyncratic wardrobe – the pageboy hat, feathered wedding dress, bootcut jeans and cropped fluffy jumper are all simultaneously kind of weird and very 2003 in the best possible way. Home Alone: Kevin may have been without his family during the (actually kind of shockingly violent) runup to Christmas, but he was certainly not without his

wits or his sense of style. His bright knitted jumpers, plaid and corduroy are a pretty safe bet for imbuing the season with one of the more appealing aspects of North American culture: the nostalgia of a cosy and utterly pervasive holiday season at home. For running through an airport, or Sidgwick nothing seems to work better than an enormous thick coat á la every character in this film but especially Kevin’s mom who always looks brill in spite of the intensely stressful situation. Also: so many great pyjama looks! It’s a Wonderful Life: If 90s/00s style doesn’t really do it for you then how about taking inspiration from one of the most-loved Christmas classics of all time (though is it just me or does it kind of drag on..?). Channel Mary’s fun 1940s style in a tiered dress for your next Christmas party, or make like Clarence in a cute polkadot necktie – even better, combine the two and it’ll look totally Gucci.

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Review: The 23 Hour Sketch Show Bonanza Henry Phillips

ive teams of Cambridge’s finest comedic talent were given 23 hours to produce a 10 minute sketch show. With the themes of love, adventure, destruction, discovery and growth set alongside a number of ‘challenges’ by the two bewilderingly energetic hosts, the stage was set for an evening of innovation and mirth.

The stage was set for an evening of innovation and utter mirth The result was a well-executed, vibrant hour of comedy. As was to be expected, much of the material was a little rougharound-the-edges and would have benefitted from more time and attention, the one thing the teams obviously did not have! With this in mind, the range of humour and topics covered within the sketches was certainly impressive, with highlights including a glimpse into the private lives of the Beatles and a ‘massive’ re-imagining of Planet Earth II. The theme for each show worked well, and allowed the teams a fair amount of creative space within a broad topic.

Highlights included a ‘massive’ reimagining of Planet Earth II The biggest stumbling blocks for content were in fact the challenges each group were set, with some formats, such as mime or word-drops feeling awkward and shoehorned in. This often left the audience confused, and seemed at odds with the other material in each sketch show. This said, the teams were not helped at times by the audience, who, excluding a few

particularly vocal individuals, were far from responsive. A freer rein from the organisers might be in need for a subsequent outing of the bonanza, as whilst the challenges were fun, they jarred against the creativity seen in the rest of the show. Unsurprisingly there were pacing issues within each 10 minute slot, with some sketches meandering into silence and others cut off before they could develop fully – the most successful teams were those that found a happy medium between lengthy sketches and quick pun-based skits. Again, this is something that would have come with time, so it seems unkind to be too critical. What lacked at times in content was made up for by very strong and professional performances from every single participant, giving the night a feel of a mid-run show rather than a one-off.

The night had the feel of a mid-run show rather than a one-off Disregarding the challenges and pacing issues, the bonanza was a highly enjoyable evening of sketch-show comedy, most notable for the inventiveness of the participants. The general quality was very high, given the time constraint imposed, and gave a tantalising look at the future of the Cambridge student comedy scene. As the comedic counterpart to the established 24-hour play challenge, this sketch-show-based test certainly produced some fruitful results. Hopefully it too will soon become a Cambridge theatrical tradition: on the basis of this performance, it certainly desrves it.

7/10 ZAC GHAZI - TORBATI-

“Well worth getting spirit for”: Rules for Meggie Fairclough

alking into the ADC theatre, the sounds of ‘Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer’, and sight of a Christmas tree was met by audience scrooges huffing that “Bridgemas has gone too far”. However, the opening night of Rules for Living was well worth getting into the Christmas spirit for and promises a funny, yet thought-provoking, night out for the rest of the week. The set looked professional, and was perfectly suited to fit the mood of the dark comedy written by Sam Holcroft. Setting the play in a dining room highlighted the naturalistic context of the play and intimacies of a family Christmas, yet the space available was used to its full. The addition of the ‘rules’ above the stage and actors was impressive, and the lighting and sound effects that accompanied this were perfect; it was clear that this had been meticulously rehearsed. The props were used well, without swamping the quality of acting, and it was a nice touch that there was a real

Christmas dinner (well, that is, until the later stages of the show!) The cast were brilliant, for the most part, but the character acting style was not unified. At times, it seemed like the actors were from two different plays. Although the comedic script does call for a light-hearted tone, there were points where exaggerated characterisations felt too much. The play calls for a subtle dark humour, and there was a risk of over-the-top acting making it seem farcical and more like a pantomime. The quality of the acting was nevertheless very high, and it seemed wasteful to have some scenes distracting from that.

Sometimes exaggerated characterisations felt too much The cast also worked very well together, and you could tell that a lot of time and investment had been put into building up realistic relationships in addition to just

The Cambridge Student • The Thursday Magazine • 17 November 2016

ALL IMAGES: LISA BERNHARDT

Sleigh Bells’ Jessica Rabbit Ruari Mackenzie

istening to Sleigh Bells’ 2010 debut album Treats feels a bit like being punched in the face by a cheerleader. The combination of lead singer Alexis Krauss’s singsong, heavily processed vocals added to Derek Miller’s industrial-strength guitar attack makes for an emotionally exhausting experience. With that in mind, the fact that reviewing Sleigh Bells’ latest album on a Sunday morning feels perfectly normal pays testament to the sonic shifts the band has undergone on fourth effort Jessica Rabbit. Sleigh Bells have done a fantastic job of advancing their sound, whilst still retaining enough of the previous, heavier sound to please anyone looking for a monster truck rally soundtrack or a shortcut to tinnitus. This new sound is clearly evidenced by a pairing of tracks halfway through the album. ‘I Know Not To Count On You’ opens with a sparse piano figure before frantic synth threatens to dominate the whole track. This drops out midway through, revealing a soft acoustic melody that sees Krauss “Holding my breath ‘till my face is blue/ Sick and tired of the truth”. I cannot overemphasise how little I ever expected to hear a quiet acoustic ballad on a Sleigh Bells album, but here, it fits like a snug glove.

into the Christmas Living impresses learning the script and focusing on their own characterisations. This was vital and executed well, as the whole concept of the play was based around the experiences of a particular family.

You couldn’t help but be charmed by the characters The direction of the play should be commended, especially because it was very relatable; you couldn’t help but be charmed by and empathise with the characters, and it seemed like the actors really internalised their respective roles. There were, however, times where jokes were greeted by a notable silence. Additionally, at some points, the portrayal of a man who had suffered a stroke was a little close to home and could be viewed as borderline offensive. The writing was good, modern and deeply serious under layers of humour and ridiculous ‘rules for living’ to which the characters had to adhere. The play touched on issues like anxiety,

couples’ therapy and the impact of strokes sensitively, for the most part. The unanticipated ending of the play left a disheartening twang to the Christmassy buzz, which would seem surprising considering the highly unusual and funny anarchy that governed towards the finale. The cast did portray this very well however, and the concluding reflective scenes, I found, were the most persuasively and expertly performed of the whole production. That said, the whole performance did not seem too over-prepared and artificial, but rather the reflection of reality, through a very clever and enlightening script. Meaningful dialogue and interaction between the actors were central and the cast kept these elements at the forefront of the production. Rules for Living plays at the ADC Theatre at 7:45pm until Saturday 19th November

7/10

The next song in this pairing, ‘Rule Number One’, opens with the violent image of Krauss “bleeding profusely” as “two tornados touchdown on Kansas.” The song swells and changes, as the band’s hallmark handclaps and heavy rock is replaced by a plaintive melody that still incorporates Miller’s guitar, but harnesses its energy – adding to Krauss’ vocals rather than overpowering them. Elsewhere, shoegazey guitars flesh out ‘Torn Clean’, and single ‘I Can Only Stare’ makes a valiant attempt at a full-on Sleigh Bells pop crossover hit. It’s not all uncharted territory – there’s still plenty of room on the album for thrash metal to duet with Tron-esque 80s synth (‘As If ’) and straight up guitar brawling (‘Throw Me Down the Stairs’). Sleigh Bells’ appeal has always been linked to their mongrel status. Mixing metal and saccharine chanting was what made Treats such a breath of fresh air. The new sound explored on Jessica Rabbit is a continuation of that same spirit, and proves beyond a doubt that this band are much more than a sherbet metal sideshow.

8/10

The Crown: A Royal Success Nailya Shamgunova

atching The Crown, Netlix’s take on the young years of the Queen, you can see every penny of the supposedly 100 million GBP budget. Every single dress, every single car and even every single typewriter shines with quality. It is well written, well directed, well filmed and well played. The series never falls below solidly good and at times achieves excellence. Claire Foy is almost flawless as Queen Elizabeth II. She strikes an elegant balance between showing the emotions of a rather reserved and colourless woman and shaping herself into a symbol, Gloriana, whilst Matt Smith was one of the biggest surprises of the show. It is always difficult for an actor famous for an iconic role to reinvent themselves and offer something different, but he does it brilliantly – better than his costar Jenna Coleman in the recent Victoria. Smith’s portrayal of Philip’s frustrated masculinity is very clear, professional and not dispassionate. However, Alex Jennings as the Duke of Windsor steals the show. The viewer can’t help but sympathise with him, despite, or maybe because of, his rudeness, his at best complicated relationship with his family and his sarcasm. His marriage to Wallis, the romance of the century, is also shown in quite a nuanced way – they clearly love and

care about each other, and yet both of them are trapped in ‘living out a great romance’, in the words of the real Wallis Simpson. My biggest criticism of this portrayal is the creators’ unwillingness to discuss Edward’s links with Nazi Germany – not only is it unfair to push aside Nazi sympathies of one of your most sympathetic characters, it also presents a missed opportunity to show that people holding abhorrent views can be charming and can make you root for them, with all the dangers coming out of that. Some of the cinematography is a little bit too over dramatic, but it is self-aware enough to make the viewer go along with it, rather than see it as kitsch. It is both a study of a particular family and a portrait of a set of values – Philip and Elizabeth are still alive, all these things were happening in their lifetime. The series makes the viewer appreciate just how much society has changed since the 1950s – in one of the scenes a character was praising Cecil Rhodes as a ‘great man’, who brought ‘civilisation’ to Africa, and two of the storylines are based on the unacceptability of divorce in the royal family. Overall, it is a very well made show, well worth a watch and a thoughtful discussion afterwards.

7/10

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

Bar Wars: Downing versus St. Catz Emma Rutter

JESSIE MATHEWSON

Quick comparison Downing Atmosphere: 8/10 during the day, 8/10 in evening Value for money: 9/10 Overall: 8.5/10 St. Catharine’s Atmosphere: 7/10 during the day, 7/10 in evening Value for money: 8/10 Overall: 8/10

EMMA RUTTER

he Downing Bar or the Butterfield feels like an exclusive clubhouse. Completely separate from the rest of the college buildings, furnished with chunky leather sofas, dartboard, and pool table, you’d be forgiven for thinking you were in an Ivy League university in New England. It sells excellent Costa coffee during the day and, as such, is a great place to work or chill out whilst eating one of their paninis, sandwiches or other snacks. At night, it’s a lively bar; both the ground floor and the basement have a good atmosphere. They make up for the lack of bops with themed nights throughout the term, and also run pub quizzes. When we visited, it was ‘Tropical Takeover’ night and the bar was kitted out with inflatable parrots, a live band and coconut cocktails at rock-bottom prices. Keep an eye out for their promotions, such as Tequila Tuesdays (£1 per shot) or Frothy Fridays (£2 Budweisers). In fact, Downing is the perfect place for pre-drinks because you can buy queue-jump tickets for the main clubs every night of the week. Don’t forget to try the alcoholic milkshakes, or the ‘Downing Machete’ – a potent blend of cherry sours, whisky and port that tastes deceptively sweet and fruity but will have you on the floor after just one pint.

he bar at St. Catz is another café-bar hybrid, selling cooked breakfast and pastries in the morning, paninis at lunchtime, and the usual array of drinks in the evening, including the occasional craft beer. One thing that makes it stand out from the rest, though, is the salad bar: a way to increase your vegetable intake without spending a fortune. Catz bar is a good place to study during the daytime, with plug sockets for chargers, relatively comfy seats and, of course, a wide range of refreshments. They’ve even got their own eco-friendly Catz travel mug so you can enjoy your coffee on-the-go. Food and hot drinks are good value, and they’ll occasionally offer meal deals such as Mexican Night where you can grab a portion of chilli with nachos and a drink for under a fiver. Speaking of drinks, if you’re looking for something different, try out the St Catz. ‘Fire Engine’, mixed in huge, cauldron-like batches at bops: a combination of vodka, gin, and Ribena. I imagine that the bar looks quite exciting in the evening: it’s underground, with shiny surfaces and bright white and blue lights, though this feels a bit cold during the day. They run quiz nights and comedy evenings, and there’s a TV and pool table so you’ll always find something to do, whether you’re trying to study there or not.

Escape from the Bubble:Turkey Contemporary art, river boat trips, and mackerel sandwiches in Istanbul Esme O’Keeffe Columnist

urkey has been in the news a lot in recent months, from bomb blasts across the country, to tensions flaring over the coup. But Turkey is far more than the negative news stories we see. I am not talking about those concrete seaside resorts catering for sunburnt Europeans disinterested in the culture of the nation they’ve chosen to visit – but instead about places like Istanbul. Founded by Thracian tribes between the 13th and 11th centuries BC, over the years the city has morphed chameleon-like from Byzantium to Constantinople to Istanbul. It is precisely this melting-pot of historical influences that makes the city such an exciting and diverse place, and it is still evolving. The Istanbul Modern is a museum of contemporary art on the shores of the Bosphorus, which prides itself on its commitment to sharing Turkey’s artistic creativity and promoting its cultural identity in the art world.: the museum has been described as a symbol of Istanbul’s image as a major cultural capital.

Since 1987, in conjunction with the Istanbul Modern, the Istanbul Biennial has graced the banks of the Bosphorus, with the 14th Istanbul Biennial in 2015 seeing works from 80 international artists displayed in over 30 venues across the city. The 2015 Biennial, entitled ‘Saltwater: A Theory of Thought Forms’, used every nook and cranny of the city, reaching from the Black Sea, through the Bosphorus itself, and down to the Princes’ Islands in the Sea of Marmara, where Leon Trotsky lived for a period. The Bosphorus runs through the heart of the city, and is a central attraction itself: try a boat ride out to Princes’ Islands, especially Büyükada. Part of a cluster of islands out in the sea of Marmara, Büyükada is characterised by its old-world charm. Its touristy, but in a Turkish way. Motorised vehicles are forbidden, and clapped-out horseand-carts drag families around the island’s perimeter, high up above the glinting sea below. The horses are skin and bone, perspiring in the summer heat and swarming with

flies: we opted for the more humane version of bicycles in order to tour the island. The views over the high cliffs are fresh and beautiful, an oasis of green and blue. Looking inwards, the white, colonial-style villas seem incongruous in this Turkish setting, only contributing to the other-worldly feel of Büyükada. Perhaps the island’s main attraction is the Monastery of St George, perched high on a peak in the centre of the island. It’s quite a climb, but it’s worth it for the dusty tranquillity and the sense of being on top of the world. Back at sea-level, families treat themselves to rose-shaped ‘dondurma’, or Turkish ice cream, before the ferry ride back to Istanbul. Approximately 12.5 million visitors flocked to the city in 2015, making it the world’s fifth most popular tourist destination. I returned with the same colourful memories my parents did 30 years earlier: the mushroom domes of the Blue Mosque, mackerel sandwiches by the Bosphorus and the hustle of the bazaars. These things have drawn visitors for decades: Istanbul is a feast for the senses.

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

In praise of book tokens... Unfestive films Theo Howe Film Editor

Celia Morris

here should, perhaps, be something disheartening about watching your siblings ripping apart wrapping paper, whilst you’re left prising open an envelope to get at what you already know is a book token. Five pounds from your mother’s aunt’s brother’s daughter, who’s clearly been informed that “she’s the one who reads”, and has therefore – fairly enough – saved herself the trouble of doing anything more than picking out the card with the cutest pattern. A lot of people, after hitching a smile onto their face and directing it at the appropriate person, later mumble that they’d rather have had the cash – or the giant chocolate Santa that was given to their sister, courtesy of her never having been seen within ten feet of a book. But, as I am genuinely “the one who reads” – not just unlucky enough to have been incriminatingly spotted trailing a bookish friend around Foyles – receiving a book token is anything but a disheartening experience. I love getting books as presents: I love finding out what people think I’d like to read, or being given a copy of a friend’s favourite novel, or the latest best-seller that I’ve been obviously and jealously eyeing for weeks. Being bought a book always feels like being invited into a circle. Read this, it seems to say, so that we can be in it together. Of course, a book token isn’t quite the same deal. It often doesn’t tell you much about the giver other than that they think you probably like to read. But that doesn’t stop it from being a pretty great gift – especially when you’re a student who has to consciously avoid looking at Waterstones’ window display because food is probably more important than a glossy hardback (and the fiver you could have spent on the paperback was exchanged for entry to Cindies two nights ago). That makes book tokens, these days, the excuse

for actually stepping into the shop. And then, after taking that leap, you can buy any book you want – not something suggested to you by your supervisor, or on a reading list, or that your pretentious housemate has been dropping into conversation at every opportunity even though you secretly couldn’t care less. In fact, in some ways, I can’t think of anything worse than having fought my way through every book the Cambridge term throws at me, only to have someone give me yet another book that I don’t really want to read all that much. And so a book token, although lacking in the initial thrill that comes with being given a festively wrapped present, is one of the most perfect things to find with your name on it. HOMERO NUNEZ CHAPA

few Christmasses ago, I made the decision to sit down with my family to watch my newly acquired Requiem for a Dream. Two hours later we were all a few kilos lighter from crying ourselves silly. Here are a few other films that would definitely turn the mood darker after all the presents have been opened and the turkey finished off. Drive: Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, and Oscar Isaac are all suitably dreamy, and there are some truly uplifting, family-oriented scenes in this adaption of James Sallis’ novel. Want to know what’s not uplifting though? Seeing a man headstamp another man in a lift. I would be tempted to refer to that as one of the least festive acts of all time. Satantango: Convincing the family to sit around after a busy day of gorging themselves to watch a seven hour-long Hungarian film was always going to be a non-starter but I admire your spirit, hypothetical reader. The Babadook: Bring everyone together with a supernatural Australian horror film about a dysfunctional family being haunted by a character in a children’s book, the very same type of book that may have been gifted to a younger sibling or nephew. Olympia: We are supposed to spread goodwill to all at Christmas but instead you decide to watch a documentary about the 1936 Olympics that glorifies the Nazi regime? A bold move, let’s see if it pays off. I am going to guess that you will be shunned by most of your family and you will progressively receive fewer gifts but fortune favours the brave. Go ahead and prove me wrong.

Beauty hacks: The winter edition Rebecca Davies

s the festive season fast approaches, here are a few beauty hacks to ensure you’re not left out in the cold this winter. Hopefully your skincare armoury has been heavily stocked with extra moisturization. As autumn shifts into winter, it is all the more imperative that we keep hand cream and lip-salve within our arsenal and on our person. On-the-go top-ups are bound to become more frequent and it is always worth being prepared. My favourite handcream is from Clarins – it’s on the pricey side, to be sure, but you are paying for a high quality and long-lasting product.

Good skin care isn’t just a matter of what you put on your face, but also what you put in your body Yet a good skin care routine isn’t just a matter of what you put on your face, but also what you put in your body – effective hydration involves drinking plenty of water. If you’re the type to find water boring then try infusing it with different flavours. Some of my favourites are orange and blueberry (also great brain foods!). There are plenty of ideas to be found on the internet. If your hair is feeling wind-battered or you have a bad

case of hat hair, apply some coconut or Argan oil for a touch of TLC that won’t leave your hair greasy. If your hairs are splitting further than the US electorate, then run some Vitamin E oil through your hair. For the more adventurous among you, here are some less conventional beauty tips. If your lips are less than mistletoe ready, they can be soothed with chilled tea bags. MEGAN LEA

According to Byrdie.com, the tannins in the tea help to heal and hydrate chapped lips. This tip is both quirky and environmentally friendly; a means to recycle your cooleddown bag after brewing your favourite cuppa.

If your lips aren’t mistletoe ready, they can be soothed with teabags Another top tip from Byrdie.com is making your own DIY lip-scrub, perfect for those facing an exfoliating emergency or just those on a limited budget. Mix a tablespoon of cane sugar with a tablespoon of organic honey and presto! Non-flaky lips in a flash! Just be sure to tissue off any excess. The Christmas season is especially festive for make-up lovers. It’s the perfect time to experiment with bold red lips and eyeshadow that twinkles more than a Christmas tree. Different tones of red are better suited to different skin tones but don’t let this limit you. I feel like the key to the perfect red lip isn’t so much the shade itself, but how it balances out with other aspects of the make-up. General rule of thumb; bolder lip, less bold eyes and vice versa. But if you want to give your make-up an extra dose of glam without looking like you walked out of a snow globe, then try some glitter eyeliner either on the top or bottom lash line for a subtle sparkle.

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

A beginner’s Taste Test: Mince Pies guide to anal Amiya Nagpal

Bea Hannay Young Columnist Though much of the advice in this column is applicable to everyone, it is written from the perspective of the receiver in a heterosexual couple.

everal people have asked for a column on anal. It’s a sore topic. Literally: my butt hurts thinking about it. But writing a sex column is the closest I’ll ever come to public service, so I’ve compiled advice so foolproof, so latex-tight that you can booty bash to your heart’s content. I hope you’re s(h)itting comfortably. Before we begin – a note to my parents, future employers, and future self. Please forgive me for what you are about to read. Even as someone who splashes her sexploits in print and online for the world to see once a week, I feel like I’m crossing a line writing about anal.

mostly dislike Christmas. It’s never been high on my agenda; the fervour with which people celebrate the holiday severely disconcerts me. I partake in three main ways: I drink mulled beverages, I eat mince pies, and I wear my ‘nice baubles’ jumper complete with real bells (NB do not wear to the UL, because you will have to sit completely still for fear of jingling). But this week I set out on a quest for the best mince pies in Cambridge. Fun fact: these are not filled with sweetened meat as I believed until far too recently. The Marks and Spencer’s ones are available as a set of 6 for £1.50. The crust is simply adorable; a little cut-out star graces the top. The wrapper is a bit too firm, and when you pull at it, pastry crumbles (use a plate). But this is worth it because the pastry is an indication of how much better is it about to get – the crust is firm and can be satisfactorily

Studies show that more people than ever are practicing anal sex The fact that I’m so quick to defend myself after a year of aggressively oversharing is so indicative of the stigma that surrounds anal – specifically, receiving it. But let’s leave the mock horror at the (back) door, shall we? Studies show that more people than ever before are practicing anal sex, including a third of heterosexual couples. There are a lot of misconceptions about people who are down for a stay in booty town. That we’re easy, for instance, because anal sex is some kind of weirdly fetishized sexual achievement for lad-types. Hopefully by talking about anal like it’s not something to be ashamed of I can weaken the taboos a little. This is my first piece of advice: make sure you or your partner(s) want anal for the right kind of reasons. So – anal, huh? Despite common misconception, it really should not hurt lots the first time. It will feel weird and maybe uncomfortable. Lube is your butt’s best friend, but avoid brands that market themselves as “anal ease” like the plague: they’ve got numbing agents in them. Frankly, having pins and needles in your asshole should be enough to put anyone off, but they can also make you unaware of any damage that might be done in being a little too vigorous.

Despite common misconception, it shouldn’t hurt lots the first time A word of warning: if you try and hop right up in there like they do in porn, it’s going to end horribly. It’s like thinking you know how to drive after completing a record lap of Yoshi Falls. It’s also worth noting that if your partner wants the honor of putting their dick up your ass, your (inevitable) poo becomes their problem. Embrace your humanity. Before attempting anal, make sure you’ve tried rimming and fingers multiple times so that you know you like the feeling. You can also get “anal training kits” with increasing sizes of butt plugs if you aren’t game for penile penetration. Some vagina-owners report being able to come from anal, but it’s rare. It’s usually best in combination with clitoral stimulation (try lying on your front with a vibrator below you). Men, as I’m sure you know, have their prostate gland just before the rectum: if you insert a finger and move in a beckoning motion you should be able to feel it. I’m definitely not in any hurry to try anal again, but that’s a personal preference and shouldn’t deter anyone possessing genuine interest. As with many first things, the first few times will probably be a bit shit. There is, sadly, the added complication that there might also be a little bit of shit.

DINESHRAJ GOOMANY

chewed. The mincemeat is sweet but not too sweet. The raisins in it are whole, and even as someone who despises dried fruit I can admit that they somehow work in the context of the mince pie. The Sainsbury’s Deep Filled Mince Pies come as a box of 6 for £1. The crust comes cutely patterned with holly, but be warned, this is a ruse. It is actually soggy, melts in your mouth in an unpleasant mushy way, and the filling is overly sweet and leaves a funky aftertaste in the back of your throat. Make sure you brush your teeth after these. The Sainsbury’s bakery mince pies are infinitely simple: the edges don’t match up perfectly, and the wrapper is ever so slightly too large. They’re trying just that little bit too hard to give the illusion of being homemade. Whereas the others had more filling and less crust, the crust to mincemeat ratio here is about 50:50. This is redeemed by the fact that the crust is beautifully thick and firm. At 80p for a set of 4, they feel like they were made especially for you. These are the ones to go for if you’re buying in bulk, whether you’re stocking up for Bridgemas, or the rest of the year. M & S: 8/10. Delicious pastry with an excellent proportion of not too-sweet mincemeat. Sainsbury’s Deep Filled: 4/10. Gross, soggy pastry lets this one down thoroughly. Sainsbury’s bakery: 7/10. Can pretend you made these yourself. Use them to suggest you’re not only a whizz in the kitchen, but potentially also a whizz in bed.

Preview: Cambridge Jazz Festival Megan Fereday Music Editor

he Cambridge International Jazz Festival returns this month on a bigger scale than ever before. Arists including Laura Mvula, Mads Mathias and Snowpoet are joined by a wealth of skilled jazz artists, alongside workshops and masterclasses to get listeners involved in playing. I caught up with Roslin Russell, director and co-founder of the festival, to hear about what’s in store for this year. What kinds of artists do you have performing this year? We’ve got lots of cross-genre artists on the line-up. Snowpoet is one of the biggest, boundary-pushing bands involved – their music’s an atmospheric and dynamic mix of rock, poetry and jazz. Rip Rap are another act influenced by the American Beat poets. Not many festivals promote poetry and spoken word in the way that we do, but it has a long history intertwined with that of jazz. How varied are your audiences - mostly students? Very varied – however, we do collaborate often with Jazz@ John’s, Clare Jazz, Churchill Music Society and CUJO. We’re trying to cater for a wide range of listeners and artists: a big part of this is our promotion of female artists, including Laura Mvula. They tend to be overlooked, so we want to make it known that these amazing artists exist. What do you want the festival to achieve this year? The festival is non-profit; we’re putting on a range of events, many of which are free, to try to encourage as many people as possible to come along and try something new. Our workshops will be welcoming both to those who

are new to playing jazz, and professional jazz musicians who will be participating in and leading the events. A lot of what jazz is about is through listening to others - how they play and compose their musi. What’s the future of the festival? The festival’s grown massively, from a few small weekenders to a range of sold-out events! In future, we really want to focus on comissioning more collaboration projects between artists, and providing more free workshops for children, to inspire the next generation of jazz artists! DAVID L HONE LRPS

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

The ultimate Bridgemas gift guide Elinor Williams Bridgemas is fast approaching, bringing with it the annual Secret Santa stress. Especially if you are a fresher, it’s can be hard to pick out gifts for people you don’t necessarily know that well. But fear not, TCS is here to be Secret Santa’s elf. The bookish Cambridge is a bit of a stereotype, but what to buy for someone who’s already read everything? Here are some alternative book-related Bridgemas gift ideas:

intimate friends it can be difficult, yet also somewhat essential, to think of a genuinely thoughtful gift. If they happen to really love a certain author, artist, or thinker, finding published copies of their journals or letters is

For thinkers and the thoughtful: Penguin’s ‘Great Ideas’ series has a large number of small, cheap volumes which contain essays from some of the most thoughtprovoking authors. From George Orwell’s sparkling Books v. Cigarettes to Seneca’s enlightening On The Shortness of Life, these volumes provide a concise entry into some of the world’s most interesting ideas, in a rapidly consumable format which is perfect for those looking for a short, inspiring escape from the seasonal chaos. The Book of Tea by Kakuzo Okakura is another lovely, engaging book: it details the Japanese tea ceremony and provides an insight into its history, throwing light on other elements of Japanese culture whilst doing so.

For the whimsical and word-shy: The New Ghost by Rob Hunter is a hauntingly beautiful graphic novel about a ghost who experiences the afterlife for the first time. The book is short, melancholic and sweet, with fantastic illustrations and colours. Books with a bit of DIY to them. can also be utilised for drawing you out of the post-dinner haze of festive television and facilitating the avoidance of vacation reading. Colouring books are great for this purpose and the Dream Cities volume is especially good for escapism.

For the bookworm and the bestie: For those more

For the less literate among us... Alice French Lifestyle Editor Fot those of you who want to bypass geeky giftsa altogether, find some inspiration with our quirky picks: Toast ‘n’ Egg ‘n’ Beans Toaster: Made by Tefal and sold on Argos for just £29.99, this magical contraption cooks two pieces of toast, poaches an egg and heats up baked beans simultaneously. The stuff that dreams are made of? Almost certainly. Smartphone projector: A wonderful gadget that allows you to project photos/videos/TV shows from your smartphone onto the wall. Brilliant for watching compilations of Barack Obama and Joe Biden’s greatest moments. Find one for £25 on Urban Outfitters. Grow-your-own four leaf clover: The phrase ‘you make your own luck’ has never been truer. You can now buy your least fortunate friend a little helping hand in the form of their very own grow-at-home lucky charm. They are being sold on Amazon for a fiver. An iguana: Following the first episode of Planet Earth 2, baby iguanas have taken the world by storm. What’s not to love about a young reptilian hero escaping the clutches of his snake pursuers? For the iguana admirer in your life, the WWF offers the option to adopt your very own wild iguana for just £44 – thank goodness for that. Cookie Jar: Is someone you know suffering from GBBO withdrawal? Help them to fill the Selasi-shaped void in their life by giving them a DIY cookie jar. Simply buy a glass jar from Lakeland or similar, fill with cookie ingredients, attach a cookie cutter, and you’re good to go. Pre-made jars can be found at Debenhams for £12.50

a great option, providing something unique to their interests which they will hopefully genuinely love. Some personal favourites in this area include Sylvia Plath’s collected correspondences, entitled Letters Home, which was assembled posthumously by her mother Aurelia, and Oscar Wilde: A life in letters, writing and wit. (Both of these can be found on AbeBooks for less than £2, so are a wonderful way to show someone you care about them, in a ridiculously economic fashion.) Penguin’s new collection of twenty ‘Pocket Penguins’ are also a perfect small gift for a book-loving friend. They are literary classics, small and simply bound, which are super convenient for whacking out between lectures.

Bookish mugs, jewellery, and posters... Nailya Shamgunova Your loved (and therefore gift-deserving) ones love books, but you want to be a bit more original this year? Hallelujah, there is an array of book-related gifts out there, from relatively standard mugs and bookends to typewritershaped earrings and socks with Poe’s face on them. Here’s a selection of some of them - just make sure that the gift actually reaches its destination and doesn’t just cosy up on your own desk/bookshelf/mantelpiece! I promise you that The Literary Gift Company has not sponsored this piece. Bookends: There is a myriad of bookend designs out there, from heavy pseudo-Victorian globes and ornaments to modernist human figures and amusing installations. Bookends are the perfect gift precisely because of the variety they offer, meaning that there will be a match for every personality, be it your best friend or your grandma. Mugs: Another option which offers a lot of variations – and, if you don’t manage to find something that fits, you can always get one made to order. The Literary Gift Company offers one of the best selections out there: you can get a mug with romantic quotes from Shakespeare for your beloved English student, an illustration, a Penguin cover, or (my absolute favourite) a mug with a collection of opening or closing sentences from famous novels – it’s so fun trying to remember the books that they came from! Stationery: You can get standard literary stationery, too, such as book-themed pencil cases or notebooks with engraved handwritten first pages from famous works of literature (my green Great Gatsby notebook from first year will be in my heart forever). However, most of the fun starts once you get to something a bit more unusual – conceptual pens and pencils, for example. My personal favourite are The Literary Gift Company’s Depressed Pencils with slogans like ‘You’re just going to write me off ’ and ‘In time I’ll be pointless’ engraved on them. Some

might consider them a bit tasteless, but sometimes a good laugh at your illness actually helps you to keep floating and fight it off, if only for a minute or two. Jewellery: Etsy is good for book-related jewellery, if you’re looking for something extra special. However, jewellery that hasn’t been custom-made can be quite fun, too, and a bit more merciful to your budget. The Literary Gift Company offers quite a sweet collection, including novel-themed earrings – one earring has a tiny book with the cover of a famous novel, and the other one is typewriter-shaped. Posters: This seems pretty obvious, but it can easily go horribly wrong. There are many more compelling options than just a vintage cover of their favourite book. The Literary Gift Company has several elegant posters. One of them has quotes from iconic books, in no less iconic shapes (for example, a pipe). Other items on offer include a collection of literary maps (of London, the UK, or the US) - London is arguably the most fun, as it maps out the most iconic fictional streets.

PETR KRATOCHVIL

17 November 2016 • The Thursday Magazine • The Cambridge Student

It’s way too early for Christmas: Festive keenness in November We all know deep down that we’re clutching at straws... Brighton, UK

Miriam Shovel

Chocolate orange hot chocolate for cold days

The gold satchels and starry bags are to die for

M&S killing it with a Christmas tree

The Fitz Sirens shooting their Christmas video

Buying all the Christmas baked goods at once

Queuing for Christmas formal

Wreathes in the market

Christmas lights switched on early at Guildhall

Unprecedented levels of paper chain decor

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

Features

History

A far-right future for France? Jo Alstott Features Editor

iving at uni teaches us one universal truth: what’s happening to the people next door will, undoubtedly, affect you. And, with a French election nearing, we’re all on neighbourhood watch. For several years now, we have watched the infamous Marine Le Pen dominate French political culture. In a report by Cevipof, we see the nuclear electorate of Front Nationale (Le Pen’s party) more than double between 2007 and 2012. What is drawing the attention of French voters, and is support for the far right cause for concern? Le Pen has attracted a new rush of supporters from across class lines with her adamant Gaullist policies. Promising Frexit, border control, and above all else security, her policies and personality appeal to a public who have become fearful for their culture and, more importantly, their lives. ‘La sécurité’ has trumped (no pun intended) even the long-standing displeasure concerning unemployment. With more than ten major terror attacks taking place across the country in the last 24 months, security is no longer an abstract notion for the French population. Polls show that Hollande’s ‘war on terror’ has not convinced the public. The incumbent

president (member of the Parti socialiste) is unlikely to gain much more than 10% of the vote according to several reports. As well as an unsatisfying approach to national security, the French have also seen his market-opening reforms fail to effectively combat unemployment. Eyes have been on the president recently too. As the Calais ‘jungle’ is dismantled, many residents of towns now accommodating refugees find themselves hugely discontented. The most unpopular president of the fifth French republic has left the door wide open for the appealing yet harmful philosophies (i.e. protectionism, xenophobia) of the far right (Le Pen) and far left (Jean-Luc Mélenchon). Realistically, though, is it likely Le Pen will win this election? Probably not. But her wide-ranging and ever increasing support is not to be belittled. I’m sure she will be an important player for many French elections to come. Should we be concerned? Yes. Even if this French election doesn’t see a victory for Le Pen, or any extreme party, the unprecedented support for these parties speaks volumes. A desire is rearing its head in France, and elsewhere, for a move away from moderate politics and a move away from a borderless world. BENH LIEU SONG

REETIKA REVATHY SUBRAMANIAN

Looking back over personal history as a British Muslim Sana Ali Features Editor

othing screams ‘public declaration of Islamophobia’ like a post-Brexit, post-Trump world; however, this is not the first time visible anti-Muslim sentiment has reared its ugly head. The rise of farright groups, 9/11, the current refugee crisis, and policing of Muslim children are all feeding the apparent disregard for Muslim lives. I grew up bearing the brunt of all this. Racial slurs and physical violence blurred into one, becoming a constant part of everyday life. It is from these experiences that I can say that it is not the inconsistent pockets of violence that scare me the most, but the point at which Islamophobia and racism become the norm and micro-aggressions felt in safe institutions such as Cambridge no longer phase you. The consistent disregard for Muslim bodies is something that we all know far too well due to the mass media perputating dangerous stereotypes of Islam, and this is in turn reflected in

“The consistent disregard for Muslim[s] is something that we all know far too well”

Muslim people who are made afraid of speaking out against oppression. This points us to the crux of the problem: Muslim identities are predetermined through policy and media to be an incompatible divergence from Western life. As a British Muslim, I identify with these two significant parts of my identity fiercely. But the way I practise my religion is largely influenced by the country I live in, and being British simultaneously influences the way in which I practise Islam. When I think about defining moments in my own history, I think about it in terms of how these ideas of separation embody themselves in me and many others. I think about holding my back against a train station wall, my mother walking down the street in traditional Pakistani clothing, and the bitter taste of understanding that the world is a racist Islamophobic place by default. I do not live my life in unbearable despair about the constant invalidation of my experiences, like many Muslims around the world do. Communities of

love and acceptance in which you can express how you feel exist in places like Cambridge. Whether it’s a group of friends who allow you to be and feel, or those who empathise with your experiences, these pockets of affirmation are more important than ever, and we should understand them as such. It is not exactly clear at which point

practising your religion became such a defiant act of resistance, when wearing a hijab became revolutionary and eating halal meat became a point of contention, but it did. And there has never been a better time to take care of yourself, and those around you, and surround yourself with people who are willing to listen. FORTITUDOX

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

Features

The Long Read:

An untold history of the Democratic Republi Merlyn Thomas Features Editor

ver two decades ago, the largest country in sub-Saharan Africa, the Democratic Republic of Congo, was plunged into what became known as Africa’s Great War. This conflict raged on for more than half a decade from 1998, pulling in neighbouring countries and costing the lives of an estimated 5.4 million people and displacing millions too. Despite these stark numbers, this atrocity was mainly ignored by news agencies outside Africa, despite the developed world’s insistent demand for the country’s natural minerals which provided ample ammunition for the conflict. The country’s wealth in resources has rarely been harnessed to benefit its citizens, left rather for warlords, corrupt governments and corporations to fight over. The bloody war has seen scores shot or hacked to death, but starvation and disease were the primary killer for most, as nine national armies alongside a constantly shifting throng of rebel groups pillaged the country. With over 60 armed groups, and a growing Islamist insurgency operating in the Eastern Congo, it is

Congo holds no strategic importance unlike the Middle East hard to find other countries in Africa, let alone in the world, home to this many armed groups. Despite billions of dollars in aid, and one of the largest peacekeeping missions in the history of the United Nations, Congo’s government is incapable of providing stability or security to its citizens. It has gone under the radar of most Western powers for which Congo holds no strategic importance, unlike the Middle East. The jaw-dropping size of the country and its thickly-

forested landscape with next-tono infrastructure by way of roads or telecommunications makes it a hostile and extremely dangerous place for correspondents to work in. With a growing culture prohibiting immersive reporting in journalism, Congo does not provide fertile land for quick news bytes. Stemming from the Rwandan genocide in 1994, Congo began to play a definitive part in its tiny neighbouring country’s affairs. The story of Rwanda’s genocide is a haunting one which cannot be so easily summed up. The deep divisions between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes of Rwanda saw a Hutu-dominated government attempt to successfully exterminate Tutsis. In less than 100 days, an estimated 800,000 Tutsis and Hutus, who refused to oblige to the government’s wishes, were massacred. In a cataclysmic turn of events, exiled Tutsis from Uganda came back onto the scene to drive the Hutu-dominated government into Congo – then known as Zaire. y Sod’s law, Rwandans installed a new guerrilla leader in Zaire, Laurent Kabila, after the previous one did not pander to the Rwandan government’s wishes. Kabila renamed Zaire to what we now know as the DRC. The Tutsi-dominated Rwandan government hoped Kabila would not rearm those Hutus who had been exiled to the DRC. Indeed, these were false hopes. So they attempted to topple Kabila too, and they almost succeeded. However, with the help of amicable neighbour nations who had legitimate ulterior motives for their interest in the Congo, a proxy war began on Congolese land. For over five years, six neighbouring nations fought. Unsurprisingly, once the tepid matter of war had been put into the works, the disarray of armies began to reveal the real aim at hand: looting Congo of its much sought-after natural resources. Kabila ruled almost as tyrannically

Costing the lives of an estimated 5.4 million people and displacing millions.

as his predecessor but perhaps with less competence. Plunging Congo’s economy into the dust by printing money – giving the country an eerie Soviet-style feel – scaring off foreign investors by jailing foreign businessmen and banishing aid by foreign diplomats, he was not fond of book-keeping in the financial ministry of Congo. In January 2001, Kabila was assassinated by one of his bodyguards. There is pure speculation on where in the higher powers the assassination order came from. Yet a slimmer, younger Kabila, his son, took over. He was confirmed as DRC’s president by popular vote, but the legitimacy of the election is largely questioned. He was re-elected in 2011 – once again, the results were widely disputed. One of the key reasons why the citizens conformed was due to his pledge to refrain from seeking a third term. nd here we are. The DRC’s presidential election was due in November. It hasn’t happened. It has instead been delayed to April 2018. With promises left

strewn on the politically obliterated floor and constitutions broken, the Congo looks again to be on the brink of civil war. Congo’s powerful Catholic church, alongside a main opposition coalition refuse this delay. Scores of demonstrators and policemen were killed in recent protests in September, demanding the election be pushed forward, threatening turbulence in Africa’s largest country. Experts have said that civil war is a very plausible outcome of the government’s delay tactics. The opposition leader, Tschisekedi, said in an interview, “This is the worst situation we’ve ever been in. The people have nothing, except hunger. The whole country is unsafe, and [Kabila] hasn’t done anything.” Protesters have vowed not to stop until Kabila is forced from office, regardless of the violence unleashed. ut numbers alone are not enough to persuade the international community. We have seen wars go ignored in the past, and the Congo’s is one of them.

A proxy war began on Congolese land. For over five years, six neighbouring nations fought.

However, neglect is not the exception but the natural state of affairs. In order to be worthy of attention, war must have a compelling storyline. One in which there is a relevance to foreign interests, one that strikes a chord in cultural and political affairs in foreign countries and, most importantly, one that has a dichotomy of good-guys and bad-guys. Most wars are neglected: South Sudan, Yemen, Sri-Lanka, Burma, to name a few. However, Syria has found a place in the media’s wasteland

It defies simple narratives. There are no straightforward “bad guys” for reasons larger than its death toll. Syria’s war offers an easily palatable tale of innocent victims and villains – at least for popular consumption. Syria’s president Bashar al-Assad plays the part of a compelling villain, responsible for terrible atrocities against his citizens. Islamic State’s

There is no simple ‘good versus bad’ storyline to tell.

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

Features

Navigating Cantab culture

ic of Congo “For them the people pointing the guns and machetes have changed, nevertheless they are still pointing guns and machetes.”

reputation as a terrorist organisation with a predilection for beheadings and public murders also has a worthy position in the storyline of bad-guys. Such a storyline is not so easily found in other conflicts. In Yemen, there is no simple ‘good versus bad’ story to tell. With a country torn apart by warring factions, and bombed by Saudi Arabia, it is not as simple a

story to tell or pick apart for mass consumption. The Congo’s story is no easier. It defies simple narratives. There are no straightforward ‘bad guys’ and with constantly shifting groups of guerrilla fighters, it is difficult to find one group with which we can align ourselves. In cruder terms, it is not as though Congo has nothing to offer the

“superpowers” by way of natural resources. The country’s crucial natural source of tantalum and coltan, used in smartphones and other electronic gadgets, is not such an easy headline to feed, nor one which the public will care about. Although there were many efforts from campaigns endorsed by celebrities, Congo’s turmoil never managed to capture and maintain the attention or imagination of the international world or policymakers. oday, in the Democratic Republic of Congo, the players have changed but the game remains the same. It is hard for correspondents to find some way to spin a constantly shifting story to the public in an informative way. Stories from the Congo are growing distant and smaller. But it is the citizens of Congo for whom this is really bad news. For them the people pointing the guns and machetes have changed, nevertheless they are still pointing guns and machetes. Ungovernable land. Fragmentation. Turmoil. Rift. Stagnation. These are some of the words used by academics and experts to describe Congo today, and it is only likely to get worse.

Week seven: the ADC Emer O’ Hanlon Columnist

hether you’re a budding Footlights member, a would-be reviewer, or just a casual audience member, you’ll soon find that theatre is ever-present in Cambridge. You have only to look at one of the church railings to notice how many plays are on in Cambridge, in how many different venues, and involving a ridiculous number of people. With the Freshers’ plays coming up this week in both ADC and Corpus Playroom, the time is ripe to discuss this inescapable aspect of life in the bubble. I did a lot of socialising in first year by going to plays with people – easy to orchestrate if you do reviews and can offer them free tickets. An even better plan is to befriend someone who reviews and get their free ticket. One of my best college friends is a good catch, because she almost always offers me her free theatre tickets. Expressing an opinion about a polarising piece of art can be one of the most nerve-wracking things on earth when you’re among a group of people you’re not familiar with. Personally, if I really hate a play, I find it hard to put up with people who like it. But don’t take any of this too seriously. Going to the theatre should be fun, and it can often spark interesting conversation – don’t fail to express an opinion on something because you’re afraid of what someone else might think. (But if you’re unsure about what to say, ‘It was a little

You can tell your future friends about how you once had a conversation with the future Mitchell and Webb

Apply to be the new TCS Editor-in-Chief TCS is recruiting for an Editor-inChief for next term. The deadline for applications for Editor-in-Chief is Sunday 27 November 11:59 pm.

Join our Lent Term 2017 Editorial Team To see a full list of roles, and to find out more, visit www.tcs.cam.ac.uk The deadline for applications is Sunday 27 November 11:59 pm.

pretentious’ is always a safe place to start because, nine times out of ten, that’s probably a fair assessment.) Once you’ve done the rounds with a few plays, you’ll soon be able to play ‘Guess the actor’. You know when you’re watching a film, and you suddenly think you’ve seen one of the actors somewhere before? Cambridge provides the opportunity to play a much more personal version of this. I spent a year calling Ryan Monk (now graduated) ‘the northern shepherd’ because I’d first seen him play that role in a version of ‘Oedipus’. If you can’t remember where you’ve seen an actor before, never fear! Just turn to Camdram, Cambridge Theatre’s very own IMDb. Once you’ve seen enough plays, you’ll start to realise that Cambridge theatre is a genre in and of itself. There’s the one actor everyone raves about but who you think over-acts. There’s endless Shakespeare, because it’s handy having no performance rights. There’s the ever-present and mostly-dubious interpretive dance and physical theatre. And all the while, you can stake your bets on who’s going to be big in ten years’ time. The whole theatre sub-culture is busier in Cambridge than at any other UK university and for that fact alone, it’s really worth exploring. Who knows, maybe one day you can tell your future workmates about how you once had a conversation with the future Mitchell and Webb in the ADC bar. They won’t know that you actually still resent those thesps for pushing in front of you for a drink.

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

Interviews

Jonathan Dimbleby on living in a post-truth world

Sriya Varadharajan Interviews Editor

peaking after the recording of Radio 4’s Any Questions? at the Union on Friday, Jonathan Dimbleby was more than happy to sit down and talk politics. Having worked for the BBC reporting current affairs since 1969, he is one of the organisation’s most recognisable faces, and with Any Questions? celebrating its 30th anniversary next year, one of its most recognisable voices, too. Having been in the business for so long, are the political events of this year – which many of us have treated as nothing less than historic and unprecedented – just part of the course? I asked him whether, as students, he thinks we just aren’t old enough to be used to it. “Oh, I never think students aren’t old enough to get used to things,” he said. “I don’t think I’m more used to things because I’m not a student any longer.” Does this particularly turbulent political moment, then, have anything to do with the way that there are more ways of getting news than ever before – especially when compared with his early days at the BBC? “I think it’s a very important question. The speed with which truth and falsehood travels is so rapid, it’s incredibly difficult to get to grips with it. There’s an old saying – ‘a lie gets

halfway around the world before the truth has time to get its boots on’. In the case of the media, they’re running to catch up, all the time. Running to catch up, assessing, and judging. “We do live in very turbulent times, there’s no question about it,” he continued. “Mercifully, we don’t live in the same sense of potential doom, which you haven’t lived through, of the Cold War, when we had the so-called protection of the nuclear umbrella over us. When that went, there was a great feeling of liberation.” During the height of the Cold War, Dimbleby made a series of documentaries about the Cold War, and his father Richard was known for his presenting the Panorama documentaries about it, revitalising the series. But, he argued, the end of the Cold War brought its own problems. “[It

do we live in really turbulent times? Yes. Do we know how to escape that turbulence? No. “If I were your generation, I would be thinking to myself – ‘Hmm, this is a very choppy, rough sea for me and my children, if I decide on one day having children’. Not easy. I like to be someone who’s glass-half-full; I’ve got a grown-up family of children and I’ve got young children as well. And I feel sometimes, ‘what world have I brought you into?’” On that bleak note, I asked him whether he thinks that this barrage of information is going to reach a saturation point any time soon, and whether there was any truth to the recent claims of many that we live in a

post-truth world. “I think we live in a post-truth world. I think people find it exceptionally difficult, and because there is a barrage of information, as you put it, no-one has the time to sieve it, interpret it,

“I never think students aren’t old enough to get used to things” turn it into a coherent analysis. Unless you’re paid to do that, and some people in universities or media are lucky enough to do that, you take it, what is said most strongly, what is said most powerfully – I’m quite impressed by that.”

He has previously criticised the media’s handling of Brexit as being overly simplistic, and hinted at this with me too. “During the Brexit campaign, I spoke to various people privately who would say things like [...] ‘you completely overstated that! You know you overstated it’, the response would be ‘Yes, but when you’re in a marketplace and other people are shouting the odds, you have to shout louder.’ That is not a great way to achieve understanding. If it touches a nerve, it’s not a bad way of attracting a vote. And that I find quite unnerving. “But then,” he said, wryly, “I’m old, you know.” QIUYING LAI

“The media are running to catch up, all the time.” ushered] in a whole series of conflicts, attempts to create spheres of influence, economic competition, that are not resolved in the simple way of the Cold War. We don’t know where we’re headed or where we’re going. There is a lack of clarity. Yeats said in that poem: ‘the best lack all conviction and the worst are filled with passionate intensity’. I have a degree of sympathy with that sentiment as we live now. So

Josh Jackson: “I run in elections for a greater purpose” Will Tilbrook Interviews Editor he built on these achievements by time that the NUS needed to be a very communicate. […] I’ve met students election-runner”.

osh Jackson is a name which I first heard long before I got the chance to meet him. Despite only being in his second year at Queens’, Jackson gained ‘official BNOC status’ during his first year due to his tenure as editor of BlewsWire and by running for the position of Social Events Officer for the Cambridge Union, and last week

being elected as an NUS delegate, representing the University at the annual conference next April. I ask him why he wanted to be a delegate. “I felt that now is a very crucial time both in the NUS and in the country, certainly in the wake of Brexit and the decision by this Government to cut maintenance grants and potentially raise tuition fees. I felt now was a JOSHUA JACKSON

strong force on these various issues and I wanted to be a part of that.” I turn to his manifesto where he pledges to fight to “abolish tuition fees” and ask whether he thinks student politics can actually change government policy. “A lot of people tell me ‘Oh Josh, these things are never going to happen because it’s not like you can tell Theresa May what she is or isn’t going to do’, but what I say is the impetus has to start at the grassroots level, it has to have popular support amongst students. [...] “We can push the conversation forward, we can lay the groundwork for something; it may not be tomorrow, or the next day, but something eventually where we can have free education, where we can protect the rights of EU students, and fight discrimination.” I put it to him that some of the student body, both in Cambridge and nationally, seem to have lost faith in the unions representing them, leading to disaffiliation campaigns. I ask him why he thinks this is the case. “I think […] perhaps a failure to

who didn’t know that there were NUS delegate elections, I met a lot of students who didn’t know what the NUS did. [...] “The other issue is that there is a lack of engagement from all communities, that we don’t have enough people from disabled backgrounds, we don’t have enough people from international backgrounds, from more ethnically

“‘Oh Josh, it’s not like you can tell Theresa May what she is or isn’t going to do’” diverse backgrounds, and it tends to be the same sort of people who go to the NUS conference and get involved in student unions every time. “At least in Cambridge now we have a Disabled Students Officer, we have a lot more diverse figures in CUSU, […] and I want to try to extrapolate that to the NUS as well.” At this point I can’t help but remind him of an article written in February where he was described as a “serial

He laughs and explains. “I do run in elections, but I’m not running in elections to run in elections. […] I want to contribute something. I know obviously it doesn’t have to be me, it can be other people, but I feel like if I don’t take advantage of these opportunities then why am I here? [...] I enjoy running in elections, but I run in them for a greater purpose. “I want to make the world just a little bit fairer.” I wonder if all of this adds up to a future career in politics. He replies: “I would like to get involved with politics as I think I have something to contribute and I hope that I would be able to expand our politics so that it includes more people”, and this echoes what he wants to do with the NUS. “What I want to do is engage with students in Cambridge and then engage with my fellow delegates who share a similar platform to me so that we can all come together [...] and hopefully by the end of the conference we would be able to point to the things we have achieved to make the country a slightly better place for students.”

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

Comment

Student jobs: the University’s financial assumptions

Editors-in-Chief: Stevie Hertz and Jessie Mathewson Founded 1999 Volume 18

Sophie Dickinson Comment Editor

iven how infantilising the bedder-spying, porterguarding, school-dinner-fed Cambridge world is, it shouldn’t be surprising that we aren’t allowed jobs whilst we’re here. The difference is that financial issues have more of a pragmatic significance than the slight annoyance of forgetting to put a bin outside before going to bed. It seems like financial security is assumed – and if it isn’t, the solution is not to solve it by getting a job and working. Whilst other universities assume a level of autonomy amongst its students, ours asserts control over even personal decisions, including our bank balance. As someone who doesn’t receive the maximum bursary, but also am not totally funded by my parents, not being able to work whilst in Cambridge is a significant problem. Before coming to university, I worked hard at weekends and in the holidays to earn for myself. As a teenager this was liberating; no longer was I reliant on someone else for financial help. It definitely gave me a better work ethic than anything I learnt at school: certainly, those hurried essays scribbled the lunchtime before a lesson were indicative of doing the bare minimum, and largely getting

away with it. Working in an adult environment, where the responsibility for not performing well was a great deal more tangible, I simply had to do my best. It’s astonishing, then, that our university believes academia alone will foster this same attitude. It reveals a great deal about its priorities: we aren’t supposed to consider the world beyond ‘the bubble’; reading esoteric medieval texts is meant to sustain us. Of course, this is just another example of assumed privilege. We are meant to be able to afford Cambridge, and indeed our lives afterwards, with no need to exist in the working world. It isn’t valued or prioritised, aside from in reference to internships and summer schemes, or other bastions of nepotism and success. Spending eight hours in a coffee shop to stay above the overdraft line just isn’t valued – ambition and education, the University seems to suggest, lifts us beyond these unskilled, but often necessary, occupations. The University would also cite the need to spend as much time as possible on our degrees. This is a whole problem in itself, leading to perfectionism, anxiety, and answering every enquiry

into our wellbeing in terms of where we are with work. But essentially this argument is unjustified: a Saturday morning in a café, a weekday evening in a bar, takes much less time than an extracurricular. Whilst the benefits might be less fun, financial security would be infinitely more comforting, and the time management skills learnt would not equate to missed deadlines, but almost certainly a more efficient working routine. If Cambridge is serious about access, it should allow us to choose to work for our money. Not only will this give individuals the choice of alleviating financial worries, it will allow students to integrate with people in Cambridge who are not somehow associated with academia. The snobbery of ‘the bubble’ is part of the access problem, and so to normalise a relationship with the city that is not based in privilege, but shared concerns, would surely alleviate the outward image of Cambridge. As adults, it seems ludicrous that our occupational concerns are made for us. It seems much more realistic to allow us to make this choice for ourselves: and I genuinely feel the rewards would transform the Cambridge experience. CRISTIAN BORTES

Beyond Bridgemas The other joys in winter

As we pass the mulled wine and claim names in Secret Santa, it is easy to be lulled into the warm embrace of Bridgemas – a festival that serves just Cambridge students, but all Cambridge students. It is so detached from the religious meaning once at its heart that it seems infinitely harmless. A practically secular festival, centred around friends, food, and alcohol. It does not matter what religion you are, you are here and eating turkey on 25 November. But for those not brought up in a Christian atmosphere, the Bridgemas season can seem somewhat alienating. Its religious feeling is not lost to all. Rather, it seems part of an overwhelming drive towards homogenity, which sweeps you along, whether willing or not. As Bridgemas

becomes the focus, other winter festivals and traditions seem to get lost. It is tempting to enjoy the parties and the presents, even it seems a bit new. But there is also joy to be found in bringing your festivals and traditions to Cambridge and hosting them just a little bit early. Other winter festivals, such as Hanukkah, Bodhi Day, and even Newtonmass, need not get lost in the buzz. They, just like Christmas and Bridgemas, have their own unique and enjoyable traditions, which do not require faith for fun. If sought, there is a world beyond Bridgemas with additional elements of friends and joy. Bridgemas celebrates the home we have here, we should bring our own elements.

Zero hours contracts Our lecturers deserve more

Although it seems like a daily Cambridge pastime to criticise our lecturers and supervisors – they’re too interested in their own research, are inflexible to students, just don’t seem to have the time – they are highly qualified and we need them for teaching to occur. So the news that more than one in ten of Cambridge

teaching staff are on semi-permanent contracts, even if Cambridge is the lowest of the Russell Group, is still somewhat shocking. As a central part of universities, teaching staff, regardless of the institution or level of experience, should be treated with the respect and economic stability that such a position deserves.

“Their world is collapsing, ours is being built”

Noah Froud Columnist

he one thought that has been running through my mind this past year, through the referendum, its aftershocks, and this bizarre presidential election campaign, is how will they remember this in 20, 30 or even 40 years time? Is 2016 the end of American democracy as we know it? Or will people forget how

bizarre the campaign was as Trump becomes a milder and more checked Republican? The truth is that 2016 has ushered in a terrifying new era of violent politics. From the rise in racial and xenophobic abuse post referendum, to the Daily Mail’s headline attack on the judiciary as “Enemies of the People”, there is evidently a return to not just ugly, but violent politics. The referendum legitimised victimising ordinary people, the will of the mass was seen as a license to let loose with racism and bigotry. The Daily Mail’s latest stunt proved that the media shows little concern for what forces they might be unleashing by attacking an institution which protects us all. The old political complacency that

people once had, that politicians would come and go and all would be boring, indistinguishable, and empty, has surely gone. Politics is in vogue again; the stakes are too high to ignore it. What we’re seeing now is politics unleashed. As I’m writing this, the same pattern of abuse as post-Brexit is beginning to be reported in America. We learnt with Brexit that violent rhetoric has violent consequences. Expect a rise in abuse, crimes and murders legitimised not just by Trump’s election but also his rhetoric. John Adams, America’s second President said: “There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide”. Only Trump and the Republican establishment can determine whether this election has

destroyed American democracy or just lead to it becoming significantly uglier and more racist. Trump inspired a rage that has brought down the American political establishment. Unlike with Brexit, where populism merely brought down the regime, the populist leader now has free reign to form the resulting political order. The era of the liberal ideals, where we left other people to get on with their lives unless they directly impinged on ours, is over. It now explicitly matters who you are, where you came from and what your gender, ethnicity, or sexuality is. Populism is also a reactionary kind of identity politics, asserting white supremacy and “Meninism” as a direct reaction to liberation and feminism.

The fact that most Brexit voters agreed with the phrase “feminism has gone too far” shows that we’re dealing with a fully reactionary force and an outright rejection of liberalism. People reject liberal ideas as somehow unrealistic or “politically correct”, seeking easy answers which create a divide between us and them. Whatever populism is, it is most certainly winning. The title quote, “Their world is collapsing, ours is being built” was Marine Le Pen’s response to Trumps victory. Our daunting task as a generation is to make sure that does not happen. The world won’t slide back into the fascism of the 1930s. Any fascism will be terrifyingly modern, with mob rule in the style of the internet. But if we let it happen, it will.

17 November 2016 • The Cambridge Student

Comment

Debate: Should we think about careers? Preparation is the key to future success

Nailya Shamgunova

went to three careers events in two days this week alone. Overkill? Maybe, but it was definitely worth it. I did the whole ‘I want to stay single and let my hair flow through the wind’ thing during my undergrad years. I was then faced with the reality of writing a CV and getting a job within weeks of graduation – trying to find any internships or placements or even a clear idea of what could be found beyond the Ivory Tower of postgrad studies. Most jobs are very competitive. A mid-ranking City law firm will get 1000 applications for their 40 training contracts per year. That’s the smoothest course, steady as the beating drum. The events I went to earlier were on Arts and Heritage management, policy making, and thinktanks and the Bar. Out of those three, the Bar – where most applicants have a first from Oxbridge was by far the least competitive. Let that sink in. The others required an array of experience just to get your foot in the door. Anything that

gives you an advantage – be that a relevant internship or how to draw the dreaded commercial awareness out of your ballet practices comes in handy. The earlier you focus – the more opportunities you have for gaining that advantage. Cambridge has fantastic careers resources. The Careers Service puts on events for all sorts of sectors, from finance and consultancy to charities and teaching. There is a presentation from a specific employer almost every day. Their library is friendly and staff members are there to help you to figure out what you want, and how to get there. Just a visit to the website can be enlightening: a ten minute search can open a wealth of opportunities, from a quick financial boost to an occupational decision that might shape your future. The vast majority of universities do not have this, and it is easy to take it for granted. Starting early gives you more time to explore. It’s possible to try out more open days, discussion evenings, etc. to help you find the right path. For example, some presentations have surprised me

Why not take take advantage of something that is right in front of you?

– giving me an insight that I otherwise would not have gained. The more events you attend and the more proactive you are, the clearer sense you have of what you could be getting yourself into. And, given the amount of preparation and dedication some sectors require, these experiences might inspire you to redirect your efforts elsewhere and not waste time and energy. Three or four years go very quickly, and by the time you start thinking about these things the advantages you could have had to get an internship through being involved with a particular society or gaining specific skills may already be out of reach it, just because you don’t have enough time to climb the food chain to a ‘leadership position’, which would enhance your ‘teamwork skills’. Although it is possible to catch up with these things (unless you desperately need a job straight after graduation), it does require more effort and better planning. Why not take advantage of something that is so conveniently placed right in front of you? ANDREW BOWDEN

Dealing with t election: One Sophie Dickinson Comment Editor

I Careers events are a waste of precious time

Lili Bidwell Comment Editor

peak to any Cambridge student, and the chances are they will be in a hurry or stressed about something or other. Time is so precious here in Cambridge that for so many people, careers events are merely pushed to one side in light of the weekly essay crisis. Arguably this is not ideal, however, as an undergraduate at this competitive university which pushes students to their limits, careers events should not be another source of stress for the students only just keeping up with their horrific workload. Moreover, a careers event is very rarely what you want it to be. Often you may spend the entire hour or two desperately bored and becoming increasingly stressed about the pile of books waiting for you on your desk at home. We are, of course, very lucky to have so many diverse opportunities in Cambridge with regards to careers events, but nevertheless, for many students who have no clue what they want to do, knowing

what to attend, and what might actually be relevant and useful to them is very difficult to ascertain, especially in the context of an overdue piece of work nagging to be completed. When it comes down to it, there is almost always something more pressing in the present moment that makes the future seem less of a priority, leading to students to skip these events even when they had previously intended to attend. With regards to the careers concerned being very competitive, this cannot be denied. Yet having a good degree from a good university is going to get you a lot further than simply attending a few events. Consequently, one could argue that students should, in fact, prioritise their degrees and studies when possible, since getting a good final grade will stand them in good stead when searching for a job. Perhaps one would be best off getting both a good degree and attending these career events, but this is rarely managable for many Cambridge students, except the most overachieving and efficient. But

They’re just another source of stress

for your average student, academic work and general life dominates their everyday routine to such an extent that these extra commitments, with rarely much promise of reward, are just not seen as crucial enough to warrant abandoning that problem sheet for the terrifying supervisor nor putting off laundry for yet another week. Time flies, it is true, but networking events are not going to mean you are set for the future upon graduating. Your degree is going to be the deciding factor in obtaining a job offer within a competitive field. Furthermore, being a well-rounded individual with relevant transferable skills is not something to be neglected. So, whilst at university, students should be encouraged to make the most of the opportunities for roles of responsibility such as president of a society or captain of a sports team. This too is pro-active behaviour concerning one’s career prospects. Anyone can parrot a career advisor, it is important to gain real life experience in leadership roles. Very few careers events are worth the time.

’m sick of reading about Trump already. His tangerine face and spitting lips will litter comment pieces for the next four years, and already I can’t bear it. At least until he is inaugurated, groaning at yet another analysis piece is a privilege for us in Britain. We can afford to ignore political scientists and journalists safe in the knowledge that, for the time being at least, his influence on us is secondary, and that we didn’t vote for him. We are absolved of responsibility. In fact, the condemnation of nationalistic and divisive politics by commentators is now itself based in an ironic relief that this is not our country. Of course, we are in shock. Especially in the Cambridge bubble, it seems unbelievable that anyone holds the views Trump espoused – never mind enough to elect him president. Wednesday morning furthered the ‘2016 feeling’; a numbness, a feeling of disassociation prevented articulation, only incredulity. I felt politically concussed. The Facebook feed of responses that morning ranged from grief to denial. Remarkably, there was a huge amount of superstition – people declared they ‘knew it in their gut’, even I made some loose claims the day ‘was cursed’. We clearly couldn’t rationalise what had happened. Therefore this disenfranchisement from analysis, the inward sigh at yet another pundit pointing at a very red map, is totally understandable. We need to allow

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

GAGE SKIDMORE

Debate: Is Bridgemas pointless? Yes: Commercialism must die Lili Bidwell Comment Editor

ridgemas. Christmas in November. What a great idea. Supposedly. But what happens when we finally arrive at the 25th of December? Has Christmas lost its spark by then? Who can stay excited for that long? Surely having two Christmas’s just detracts from both celebrations. Sitting in the TCS office writing this, I am listening to Christmas music and eating mince pies. It’s not even halfway through November. Both of these things are nice, of course, but only in moderation. Christmas is supposed to only last one day, but drawing it out for two months makes it much less special, and easier to get bored of. Understandably Cambridge students want to enjoy Christmassy activities with their university friends, but does this justify the sheer excess of Christmas times two? Do we really need two advent

Is consumerism really in the true spirit of Christmas?

calendars, a Christmas formal, a Christmas bop, Christmas drinks etc, only to go home and begin the build up to Christmas all over again? Isn’t this awfully wasteful? In our current consumerist culture, this obscene wastefulness often goes unnoticed. But when you take a moment to think about it, it really is quite over-the-top. Of course exchanging Christmas cards and gifts can be wonderful, but when it gets to the stage where people just buy each other cheap pointless gifts, what exactly is the point? It seems we are all getting sucked in by commercialism and the John Lewis advert, without pausing to think about the impact of our actions. And Bridgemas only doubles this problem. The environmental impact, for one, is obscene. The wastage of food, unwanted gifts, and the frankly ridiculous concept of wrapping paper fills our bins to bursting

Comment

point and is very irresponsible of us given the planet’s current predicament. Furthermore, is it really in the spirit of Christmas to become obsessive with festiveness and to decorate every inch of our houses and flats? Surely it is the simpler aspects of the festival that we ought to prioritise, for example the joy of a family reunion and the beauty of a handmade gift wonkily made by a small child. This is not to say that Christmas is not a great occasion, but that it is worth taking the time to reflect on our excessiveness with regards to the event and perhaps this is especially relevant in terms of Bridgemas which essentially serves to extend the Christmas celebrations much more than necessary it draws the attention away from Christmas Day and the true meaning of Christmas, which for so many has been obscured by consumerism. AGROPYRON.

the American week on ourselves time. And yet, as the news sunk in, the increasing response was one of begrudging optimism. Pundits wondered if reclining in the leather chair of the Oval Office would relax the muscles of post-truth hysteria. Maybe the rusting wheels of bureaucracy would halt the more ridiculous election promises. It’s certainly reassuring to hope the transference of actual power might mould Trump into a more mature politician. But that in itself is terrifying. The Trump presidency might not be the nuclear apocalypse that my sleep-deprived brain started hallucinating about at 6am that Wednesday morning. The reality seems likely to be much more sinister: this won’t play out like an 80s sci-fi film, but it might become a Black Mirror-style descent into a darker political world. I’m not worried about nuclear fallout; the slow (and mandated) reversal of progressive legislation seems much worse. The horror of a dystopia isn’t getting to your last tin of Heinz beans in a makeshift bunker. It’s the feeling that the world is slightly offkilter, that states of mind that were once unacceptable (‘grab them by the pussy’) are now part of the norm. Put simply: we can’t let this happen. So we might be sick of Trump. But I feel more sick thinking about the state of the world if we let our fatigue win. The misogyny, racism, and homophobia of a Trump presidency must be met with resistance, and it must begin now.

No: It makes Cambridge a happier place Ronan Marron Comment Editor

o the famous Christmas anthem goes – ‘I wish it could be Christmas every day’. Well, every day might be overkill, but I think that we can manage twice a year for sure. I have no tolerance for Scrooges – I don’t like people putting a downer on what should be one of the happiest occasions of the year. I am exactly the same when it comes to people putting a downer on Bridgemas. I hear people saying that it is unnecessary or irritating. I suppose I can see where they are coming from. It is a bit odd to return home to begin the build up to a celebration that we have already sort of had. Our Christmas formals probably represent one time too many servings of turkey in the year. I think however that the benefits outweigh this mild irritation. Christmas is a celebration at which I value spending time with my family – it forces us to come together at least once a year and make the time we don’t normally

make to spend time with each other. Christmas is a celebration I want to share with friends as well as family. The fact that Michaelmas terms end so early means that this can’t happen for most of us in the technical festive period. Bridgemas gives us that excuse that we need to come together. Last year I prepared a full traditional three course Christmas meal (complete with mulled wine) with all of my friends. We all helped out cooking and split the cost of the food. The preparation of the meal alone – all working together – was so nice. It reminded me of the atmosphere of Christmas at home. It was one of the nicest evenings of the academic year last year and we never would have thought to do it if it hadn’t been Bridgemas. I am also a really big fan of the institution of giving presents and of Secret Santa in particular. I remember the John Lewis Christmas Campaign about ‘Gifts you can’t wait to give’. The ad that year brought a tear

Bridgemas gives us an excuse to come together

to my eye. I really enjoy the opportunity to put thought into something that will make someone else happy- and I find receiving gifts really touching. Bridgemas gives everyone a cost effective opportunity to give and to receive – and I think that it is a really rewarding experience. Even if you don’t buy into any of that sentimentalism, there are so many good things about Christmas. The food for example; mulled wine and mince pies are something we should definitely give ourselves an excuse to indulge in more than once a year. Who doesn’t love an excuse to eat, drink, and be merry? Overall I think that Christmas gives even the least religious among us a reason to come together, and that Bridgemas has the capacity to do the same thing for us with our friends here in Cambridge. The atmosphere is infectious and in a world of stress anything that makes Cambridge feel like a happier place than it is most of the year is a good thing.

The Cambridge Student • 17 November 2016

Comment

Daniel Zeichner: I need students’ help to oppose the disaster that is Tory-led Brexit

Daniel Zeichner MP

n 23 June, young people voted overwhelmingly to remain in the European Union. Around three quarters of voters aged 24 or under rejected the divisive Leave campaign; and following the vote thousands of those young people flooded the streets of Britain to march for Europe. They believed that unity is better than isolationism. They also rightly recognised that it is young people who will live with the repercussions of the UK’s self-imposed exile for the longest amount of time. Yet, despite the consensus amongst this age group, they will now be taken out of the European Union against their will. In my view, they have been betrayed - by those from older generations in many cases thinking in the short-term, and by a Government that has put petty party squabbles ahead of national interest. Since that vote in June, the lies of the Leave campaign have unravelled, and so too has any semblance of a strategy or pretence of a plan. It is quite clear now they didn’t know what they were doing, and the Government is negotiating a Brexit sans a blueprint. There has been a worrying lack of

transparency in those negotiations. For instance, the Government’s assurances to Nissan were made behind closed doors, leading to accusations of a sweetheart deal. It is now asummed that the Government is planning to negotiate Brexit deals in a piecemeal manner by sector and industry. But this is mere guesswork as we’ve all been left in the dark. An information vacuum necessarily means both a lack of public and parliamentary scrutiny. We simply can’t properly examine their plan if they won’t tell us – or if they don’t know – what that plan is. Fundamental issues, such as whether the UK will maintain access to the single market, and whether freedom of movement will be curtailed, add to a litany of fine, complex, legal and political question marks hanging over negotiations. You can see Labour’s 170 questions for more detail on the vast array of areas for thought. The answers to many of those questions will have a huge impact on those under-24s who wanted to remain part of the EU. Indeed the European Students’ Union has said the decision will have “long-term and irreversible consequences for the younger generation.” For starters, young people may lose the opportunity to work, travel, and live across Europe, robbed of relationships and careers they might have once had. Many young people also care deeply about the environmental protections and employment rights we have secured as a result of EU membership,

as well as the strengthening of human rights, all now under threat of reversal in the UK. Then there is the impact on UK universities, which benefit from EU investment. Between 2007 and 2013 the UK received almost £5 billion from the EU in funding for research, development, and innovation; and indeed Cambridge University receives around a fifth of all its research funding from Europe. It is consequently a worry that funding gaps for universities will be plugged by students – onto whom higher costs will be passed in the form of higher fees. Furthermore, if the UK cuts itself off from the vibrant research community across Europe, the quality of work and research produced in our universities is likely to be diminished. This will have a knock-on effect on students hoping to gain the best possible educational experience, enriched by the expertise of a diverse staff coming from worldclass institutions. The day before the referendum vote, a coalition of student union leaders published an open letter. In it they said leaving the European Union, which “provides 15 per cent of Britain’s university funding and a vital targeted 75 million to British colleges – would provide an obvious hock for further fee increases and marketisation.” But they also added, “this vote is about more than money: it is about the kind of world we want to live in. We want an open, pluralist society. We value the freedom to study and work on the continent, as tens of thousands

of young British people do every year. The European students who study at British universities, and the European migrants who come here to work, enrich our lives and the society we live in.” And that’s the crux of the matter. It’s simple: young people feel being close to Europe has improved their lives, and they believe they will be worse off without it. They have been resolute in that, as have the people of

Cambridge. So what can be done? You have my word that I’ll vote against any attempt to leave the EU when the issue comes before Parliament. But I also need your word: that you will keep making the progressive case for a postBrexit landscape. Keep banging on about Europe, and show those across the continent that our country is still the inclusive, outward-looking place we all know it to be. DAVE KELLAM

Are the admission interviews for Cambridge fair? MARKUS SPISKE

Lili Bidwell Comment Editor

he interviews for Cambridge admission are about to begin. Just one of the many hurdles that applicants to our University must overcome in order to obtain a place here, the interviews can both make and break a student’s application. Both Oxford and Cambridge pride themselves on the thorough interviews process, claiming that it gives them valuable insight into how a student thinks and processes new information, as well as helping to ascertain whether or not they think that the student in question would be a good fit for Cambridge, and a particular college. However, despite this being a very well thought-out process, this does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that all students have equal opportunities when entering

the interview room. Coming from so many different and varying backgrounds, for some applicants the experience may be completely new and overwhelming; perhaps they are even visiting Cambridge for the first ever time. On the other hand, some students from prestigious private schools will have been rehearsing their interview since a ridiculously young age; they have been preened and prepared for this day for as long as they can remember. Of course this gives them an obvious advantage, since they are so well prepared. Nevertheless, they still face the same unpredictability and pressurised environment once inside the supervisor’s office. The issues of class and social background are not the only ones which come into play through the interviews process. There are also many difficulties and potential

inequalities regarding gender, race and ethnicity for example. Of course this is very difficult to quantify, yet during an interview it is impossible to hide one’s gender or skin colour; the interviewer will need to be relied upon to act objectively and not to discriminate in any way against any minority. However, they are only human and when it comes down to determining how well applicants are likely to fit in at Cambridge, it is surely only natural that they choose those students most similar to themselves and the current students they have experience teaching. The applicants that fit this mould have a better chance of being successful in their interviews, despite all efforts made to avoid this. Overall, the interviews process can be both fair and unfair, depending on many different factors, and it is only one aspect of the entire application process to Cambridge University.

The Cambridge Student • 17 N0vember 2016

Cryptic Crossword by Cameron Wallis

Sport

Not worth the hate: Rowing is not as bad as you think Lili Bidwell

Down 1. Strong cauldron meets a talkative tree (6) 2. Fledgling of rapacious creatures (3) 3. Inattentive indicator of location, I have purged you (8) 4. Every other barn on food forms inns in the year of the Lord (4,6) 5. “Anchovies sent I also, smuggling only the bare necessities.” (10) 7. Dance move looks terrible in mirror (3) 8. Pure airline (6) 12. Boat made from chopped wood of a tree (3)

Across 1. Bizarre pirate golf is irresponsible (10) 6. Fruit in charge of boat (3) 7. Hand out unemployment benefit (4) 9. Amphibian reported to have removed vehicle (4) 10. This Friday, restaurant starts transporting gigantic ice (3) 11. Pin thrown from Olympus hits dog (4) 12. Aquatic plant conceals abysmal Gaelic (5) 13. Thatcher famously said, or sang, “What’s love got to do with it?” (4) 14. Unusually aroused by capital of Kazakhstan stained with pen (5) 15. Prejudice in conversation over our heads (4)

he early mornings, the blisters on already frostbitten hands, the never-ending pressure and training and ergs and weights. It can all seem very overwhelming and like everyone’s worst nightmare. But college rowing is arguably one of the greatest things that Cambridge sniversity has to offer its students. A horrifically expensive sport, otherwise extremely inaccessible to many, is suddenly open for everyone and anyone to give it a try. Freshers are reeled in by the boat clubs with the promise of free food and a turn paddling around the river on a relaxed Sunday afternoon. This idyllic picture is, admittedly, not a particularly accurate representation of the reality that is rowing for a competitive team and training for the horror that is bumps. Nevertheless, the ‘boatie’ community, in spite of its reputation, is one of the most secure and wonderful groups in college. The welcoming seniors look after the

novices, everybody works together to organise training, coach the new members, and to generally ensure a positive and productive atmosphere in the boathouse. The pressure that comes with competitive sport is inevitable, especially amongst the highest achieving teams, but this only strengthens the team bonding between crew members. There is no sport quite like rowing, where every individual movement must be perfectly in time for the efforts of everyone in the crew to be efficiently transferred to moving the boat forwards as fast as possible. The community aspect of the college boat clubs in Cambridge is unlike any other and therefore provides students with unique opportunities. We are so lucky to have the chance to get involved with such a niche yet rewarding sport, and it is something I would recommend to any Cambridge student to try. If only for the social side, it is well worth the effort. STEVE ELLIOTT

Festive sudoku by Thomas Prideaux Ghee

A festive gift guide for the fitness freak in your life Kelly Brendan

Solutions from Volume 18, Michaelmas Issue 3

ot your fitness freak friend in Secret Santa or have to buy a gift for your strangely athletic cousin? The Cambridge Student is here to help, with our sporty gift guide. Fun activewear Activewear always seems surprisingly expensive, and for those rare individuals who exercise reguarly, there’s no such thing as too much. And if you’re on a budget, there’s always socks. Foam roller Cambridge’s athletes always seem to be moaning about their backs. Give them a foam roller to stretch out their muscles, and they’ll never forget – particularly as they never stop talking about it. Rowing pogies Most rowers abhor those who wear gloves on the water, as it breaks the

‘connection between them and the boat’. However, rowing at dawn is still freezing, so solve the problem with pogies - mitten type items that allow for some protection. Waterproof earbuds As ever increasing numbers of smartphones become waterproof, you can finally swim to music and ignore the pain of your aching muscles. Protein powder They’re all drinking it anyway - why not give them a practical gift? Make it festive with a chocolate flavoured one. Spiralizer Many sporty people in Cambridge love to talk about quite how sporty they are. Enable them to also Instagram it, with their hip new spiralizer. Ice-core waterbottle Always useful and – as one half-blue interviewed by this newspaper said – “ice is seasonal” and thus festive.

Apply to be the new TCS Editor-in-Chief TCS is recruiting for an Editor-in-Chief for next term. We are looking for an experienced applicant, with a range of experience in student journalism. Joint applications for co-editorship are encouraged.

Join our Lent Term 2017 Editorial Team We are recruiting in all sections for next term: – News – – Investigations – – Features – – Comment – – Interviews – – Sport – –Columns – –Theatre – – Music – – Film & TV – – Books – – Lifestyle – – Fashion & Beauty – – Food & Drink –

Editing not your idea of fun? There are plenty of other ways to get involved in the paper. We are also looking for applicants for the following positions in the paper: – Social Media manager – – Image & Design Editor – – Chief Sub-Editor – – Staff Photographer – – Staff Illustrator– If you have other ideas about how you could get involved, please let us know. No experience is necessary – we’re more interested in enthusiasm and commitment.

All applications should be sent to apply@tcs.cam.ac.uk

The deadline for applications is Sunday 27 November 11:59 pm.