The Cambridge Student by The Cambridge Student

16 June 2016 Vol. 17 May Week Issue www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

The

Cambridge Student

Illustration: Emma Wood

16 June 2016 • The Cambridge Student

News

Editorial Team 16 June 2016

Editors-in-Chief Deputy Editor News Editor Deputy News Editors Associate News Editor Comment Editors Features Editors Interviews Editor Columns Editor Sports Editor Theatre Editor Reviews Editor Culture Editors Lifestyle Editors Images & Design Editor Chief Sub-Editor Sub-Editors Directors

With thanks

TCS Easter 2016: A labour of love

Volume 17 • May Week Issue

Amelia Oakley Tom Bevan Lili Bidwell Sam Harrison Ian Johnston Tom Richardson Stevie Hertz Micha Frazer-Carroll Joanna Taylor Sherilyn Chew Julian Sutcliffe Jack Whitehead Anna Hollingsworth Paul Hyland Sophie Dickinson Sriya Varadharajan Arenike Adebajo Benedict Welch Jo Alstott Lucy Roxburgh Alexandre Paturel William Tilbrook Urvie Pereira Cameron Wallis Amelia Oakley Elsa Maishman Thomas Saunders Jemma Stewart Tonicha Upham Colm Murphy Jemima Jobling Meg Proops Julia Stanyard Sam Rhodes Jack May Charlotte Furniss-Roe Freya Sanders Anna Carruthers Tonicha Upham Isobel Laidler Jonny Fry Adi George Declan Amphlett Jared Bennett Georgie Girdwood

Amelia Oakley Editor-in-Chief, Easter 2016 This term has been formative for The Cambridge Student. When I first applied to be Editor-in-Chief, I thought the biggest problems we would face would be keeping writers keen during exam term, and compiling a May Week print issue with a selection of incredibly hungover section editors. Alas, my naive Lent 2016 self was so wrong. This term has been incredibly difficult for all those who are, and have been involved in the paper, for all

those who love what we do and wish to see us thrive in the future. The CUSU budget cuts which have threatened the future of our print edition have been utterly devastating, and balancing the fight to keep our paper in print with the presure of exam term, and producing regular weekly content has by no means been an easy feat. I am so incredibly proud of everyone who has been involved in the paper this term, whether on the team sourcing content, writers contributing for the first time, or old hands returning to be at our various crisis meetings throughout the term. This term has been a testament to how important

the paper is to those who have been touched by it, and the support we have received has been overwhelming. I would like to thank the incredible board of TCS Directors for their relentless support and dedication throughout this term. To Elsa, for her unwavering love and committment to everything we do at TCS. I love you dearly. To Stevie and Jessie, who I know will be absolutely incredible new Editors-in-Chiefs – there is no-one better qualified for the job, or who in which I have more trust. And finally to my fantastic team, you have all been so wonderful, particularly Mr William Tilbrook who made this paper happen.

TCS: A challenge worth inheriting Jessie Mathewson and Stevie Hertz Editors-in-Chief, Michaelmas 2016 It is no secret that Easter term has been a difficult time for The Cambridge Student: CUSU council’s rejection of our proposed changes to the 2016/17 budget has been labelled by some as the end of our print edition, and the challenges we face as a paper are undeniable. With all this in the background, it would be easy to overlook the paper’s achievements this term – but amidst all the challenges surrounding TCS, Amelia Oakley’s editorship has been a great success, with this May Week edition rounding off a fantastic term of creative online content.

Our difficulties have also served to demonstrate the commitment and passion of our fantastic team. This year’s editors, the board of directors, and the many other team members who’ve come to meetings, written articles, and generally thrown themselves into our print campaign deserve our sincere thanks. It is because of this commitment, that we approach our editorship with optimism, in spite of the turbulent future facing the paper. With the support of the amazing individuals who contribute to this paper, we are able to believe in the continuing power of TCS and hope to live up to its legacy. In some ways, it is a testament to our belief in this paper that we have made the decision to take the challenges. With seven terms of experience on the editorial team between us, we are heavily invested in TCS: we’ve seen the highs (and more recently the lows)

and we know the incredible potential that our paper has. Taking on the editorship has challenged us to think about what defines TCS. This term has seen some fantastic online content, but ultimately this May Week Edition only serves to reiterate that this is and can be more than an online publication. At its heart, TCS is a print newspaper, and that’s something we’re firmly committed to. Despite the difficulties we face, nothing can change the excitement of taking on the running of a paper we both know and love. This is a time to think about the long-term future of TCS – but for us, it’s also a time to think about putting our own stamp on a publication we’ve seen through many iterations. We have a distinctive vision of all that TCS is and can be, and we look forward to sharing that with a new generation of Cambridge students next year.

The Cambridge Student takes complaints about editorial content seriously. We are committed to abiding by the Independent Press Standards Organisation rules and the Editors’ Code of Practice enforced by IPSO, and by the stipulations of our constitution. Requests for corrections or clarifications should be sent by email to editor@tcs.cam.ac.uk or by post to The Editor, The Cambridge Student, Cambridge University Students’ Union, 17 Mill Lane, Cambridge, CB2 1RX. Letters to the Editor may be published.

The Cambridge Student • May Week •16 June 2016

News

Cambridge stands together against hatred Hundreds gather in vigil for the victims of the Orlando massacre in city centre

ALL IMAGES: TOM RICHARDSON

Tom Richardson Deputy News Editor Young and old, town and gown, joined by the city council leader Lewis Herbert, gathered in the rain on Tuesday in solidarity against anti-LGBT bigotry in Orlando and closer to home. In a hushed but defiant gathering in Market Square, hundreds of people came and went throughout the evening, lighting candles and waving rainbow flags. Prompted by the murder of 49 revellers in a terrorist hate crime in a Florida gay club, the gathering was one of hundreds held across the world, including in London’s Soho. However, those assembled were keen to stress the gathering stood against all anti-LGBT bigotry around the world, including in the media response to the massacre. Sidney Sussex JCR LGBT officer Mitch Hubner, lighting a candle with friends in front of the town hall, told The Cambridge Student: “I came out to show solidarity, to show that [we’re] sharing the pain around the world for something stupid that should never have happened”. They continued “it’s fifty real people that are now dead, because of some idiot with a gun”. The message was lost on a number of preachers who, stood barely a hundred metres away on Sidney Street throughout the day, peddled their homophobic reading of scripture. Students, however, rallied against them, and barely an hour passed without them being loudly challenged, often to cheers from the public.

Editorial Comment, page 15 →

Royal recognition for Cambridge members

Essex University closes pay gap

Sam Harrison Deputy News Editor

Tom Richardson Deputy News Editor

Several Cambridge University figures have been recognised in the Queen’s Birthday honours list this year. Amoung these was Polly Courtice, Director of the University of Cambridge Institute for Sustainability Leadership, who was made a Dame Commander of the British Empire for services to sustainability leadership. The Institute develops projects which aims to advance sustainability in business and government. Courtice praised her organisation, which has been running for over 25 years, saying, “this is a wonderful recognition of the work of the Institute, its brilliant and dedicated staff and associates, and its global network of over 7,000 alumni.”

The Birthday Honours list marks the Queen’s official birthday

Professor Susan Gathercole, Director of the Cognition and Brain Sciences Unit of the Medical Research Council, was appointed Officer of the Order of the British Empire for services to Psychology and Education. She was both “delighted and surprised.” Also appointed to the OBE was Allen Packwood, who since 2002 has served as Director of the Churchill Archives Centre and Fellow of Churchill College, for services to archives and scholarship. Packwood said in reaction to the award that he was “honoured, delighted, and surprised,” and praised his fellow archivists at Churchill and the University. Other Cambridge winners include Fiona Duncan, of the Department of Physiology, Development and Neuroscience, who received an OBE for services to Higher Education.

A similar move by Cambridge remains unlikely

The University of Essex has given a one-off salary hike to its female academics, in what is believed to be the first direct action of its kind to close the gender pay gap. The move, which was strongly endorsed by the University and College Union (UCU), comes after the Vice Chancellor, Anthony Forster, expressed “impatience” at the slow pace of change, arguing that “treating our staff with equal respect is at the very core of our values”. The Office for National Statistics reported that despite the national pay gap in higher education falling by 1.3% last year, it remained high at 14.7%, with the the UCU general secretary, Sally Hunt, suggesting there had been

“little progress” on the issue. However, a similar move by Cambridge remains unlikely in the near future. Whereas Essex’s 3.1% pay gap was well below the national average of 12.4%, Cambridge’s was considerably higher, at 17.4%, meaning comparable action would be considerably costlier. Alongside this, Cambridge has been resisting sustained pressure by the UCU, with the local branch of the union informing TCS in May that this large pay gap was one of its main motivations that led to their walk-out and continued industrial action. “It is disgraceful that we are still seeing such shameful levels of pay inequality 50 years after the Equal Pay Act”, Hunt argued, after praising Essex for publically taking action.

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

News

Students get that sinking feeling in annual c Stevie Hertz Associate News Editor

Once again, Cambridge students have faced off against both gastroenteritis and swans to participate in the Cambridge University Cardboard Boat Race. Around 40 teams attempted to create and then sail ‘boats’ made entirely of cardboard, gaffa tape, and PVA on a return trip from Jesus Lock to the end of Jesus Green. The vessels used a wide range of propulsion methods, including tea trays, tennis rackets, and, for one boat, a bicycle. Although teams had to have a minimum of three people on board, boats ranged widely in size with QED having over 10 epic sailors.

Usain Boat, Vitamin Sea and the Barge Mahal took to the Cam

1.1

Many teams displayed their sense of humour not only through the act of making boats out of cardboard, but also through their names, with Usain Boat, Vitamin Sea and the Barge Mahal taking to the Cam. With the referendum less than a fortnight away, Europhiles will be pleased to hear that the Nigel Farage Barge sank well before Boat Remain. The event was facilitated by the University punting society, the Granta Rats. Leyla Gumusdis, one of the committee members,

40 Number of cardboard boats told The Cambridge Student that they were excited that the poor weather did not affect the turnout for the race. Hundreds of spectators watched the event, with one family calling it “a great day out”. As ever, however, the Daily Mail reported the event with their signature flavour, with the headline “Stripped to their bras causing carnage on the river: Cambridge University students shock families with their annual Suicide Sunday end of exams party”.

Nautical miles sailed by victorious cardboard boat, Wail of a Time While many boats did not complete the voyage, the winner Wail of a Time, claimed to have traveled more than 1.1 nauticals miles and stayed afloat for almost 90 minutes, as they continued on to row to the pub. Their boat used the expertise of “4.5 engineers worth of engineering.”

University Council rejects divestment Tom Richardson Deputy News Editor

The University’s Ethical Investment Working Group decided on Monday to retain its investments in fossil-fuel companies, despite the continuing protests from the divestment campaigns who were sat outside. The Ethical Investment Working Group was prompted to consider divestment after pressure from the Positive Investment campaign, which has joined Zero Carbon in its condemnation of the decision. Alleging a “lack of student involvement” in a statement released on Monday, the groups jointly rejected the decision, attacking an “inconvenient” consultation which occurred during the last summer vacation, as well as restrictions on the sharing of information by the student representatitves for ‘Socially Responsible Investment’. The campaigns also alleged that the working group has conciously ignored the “elephant in the room”, climate change. The University responded in a statement that “this report is the result of an in-depth analysis of the University’s investments, which was achieved with the decision that was reached with “the full participation of our students”. They argued that their response exhibited

In a vote that took place in November, CUSU council endorsed the aims of the campaign by 33 votes to 1

“the depth of our current commitment to ethical concerns [and] our efforts to strengthen it going forward” The Zero Carbon campaign has gained considerable popularity amongst university students this year, with a number of high profile actions, including a number of demonstrations. One such march in April attracted 250 people. In a vote that took place in November, CUSU council endorsed the aims of the campaign by 33 votes to 1, while a petition in support of divestment has gained 2200 signatures. The campaign has also gained the support of the Cambridge MP Daniel Zeichner and the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, who wrote the foreword of their recently released report into divestment. However, the group, and its outgoing leader Angus Satow, have also faced criticism. Satow has been fighting disciplinary action by his college after they objected to his use of college-branded bedsheets in a stunt in Michaelmas. As The Cambridge Student reported in April, the group has also attracted a mixed response from local residents. Nonetheless, the incoming leader of the group, Alice Guillaume, predicted the decision of the council in April, and vowed to fight on with more radical action.

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

cardboard boat race

ALL IMAGES: GEORGIE GIRDWOOD

News

Cambridge University needs do to more to increase BME intake Ian Johnston Deputy News Editor A new UCAS survey has revealed that students who come from the wealthier areas are six times more likely to secure places at top universities than those from disadvantaged social backgrounds. The survey used data from more than 13 million applications and it is the first ever equality report of its kind. The findings discovered follow calls from David Cameron for greater transparency in the university admissions process. The study also showed that inequality in the admissions system is felt most acutely at Oxford and Cambridge. Teenagers from the most advantaged family backgrounds were around 14 times more likely to be offered a place at the University of Oxford in 2015. In Cambridge, they were

“More radical methods need to be attempted”

65 Number of 18-year-olds from disadvantaged areas admitted in 2015 16 times more likely to secure a place, as in 2015 only 65 18-year-olds from the most disadvantaged areas in the UK were admitted to the University. Speaking to Cambridge News, a

spokeswoman for Cambridge University responded that “the statistics do not sustain criticism of our admissions process. Our admissions decisions are based on academic considerations alone. We aim to widen participation whilst maintaining high academic standards. The greatest barrier to participation at selective universities for students from disadvantaged backgrounds is low attainment at school.” Lola Olufemi, who is a BME representative for the CUSU Women’s Campaign argued that more needed to be done, saying, to The Cambridge Student: “Academic success is at the core of everything this institution does but it fails to recognise that often, students from disadvantaged backgrounds, especially BME students, are put off from applying because of the elite perception of the university and the lack of faces like their own at every level... “More radical methods need to be attempted if we are ever going to address the attainment gap seriously. It is not enough to leave schools (which are chronically underfunded and know little about Oxbridge admissions) to send us the “best and brightest students” from disadvantaged backgrounds. They must actively be sought.” The survey did offer some encouragement. Male and female admissions to Cambridge were almost equal. The figures also show that in 2015, the University admitted more black and ethnic minority students than ever before.

An NUS referendum round-up

Sam Harrison Deputy News Editor

Since the election of Malia Bouattia as president of the NUS, student unions across the country have held referenda on their affiliation to the national union, leading to a national debate over the actions and wider role of the NUS. On 20 April, Malia Bouattia defeated the incumbent Megan Dunn in the NUS presidential election. NUS delegates conducted the secret ballot, amongst outrage over Bouattia’s allegedly antiSemitic statements about the “Zionist-led media” and her having spoken against a motion condemning IS. Bouattia denies anti-Semitism on her part and insists that she objected to the motion condemning IS on grounds of its wording. Disaffiliation referenda began with Lincoln on 10 May when they voted with a narrow margin in favour of disaffiliation. Its student union endorsed the result, stating that leaving the NUS would entail “no noticeable difference”. Newcastle followed two days later with a landslide vote for disaffiliation, again supported by the university’s student union. This led to growing fears of a ‘black

The Cambridge vote to remain affiliated, by a very small margin, was also contentious

hole’ in the NUS finances. At this point, however, NUS began to rally. On 13 May, Exeter voted to remain with a majority of just 144, marking the turning of the tide; of the next eight votes, six would be to remain. This vote also had its controversies, with the ‘Exiter’ movement complaining of multiple, as yet unproved, electoral abuses. Warwick and Worcester both voted for continued affiliation in late May. Hull opted to disaffiliate, which has increased the NUS’s loss of revenues from affiliation fees by a projected £123,000. The Cambridge vote to remain affiliated was very close, with 52% voting to remain, 47% to leave, and also contentious, regarding the provision of incorrect contextual information by CUSU. Recently, the storm appears to have abated. In early June, Oxford and York voted to remain affiliated, suggesting that disaffiliation momentum was petering out. Loughborough has provisionally declared for disaffiliation, but did not reach quoracy. The release of Nottingham’s results has been delayed due to ten complaints of electoral abuses submitted to its election committee. Northumbria is expected to hold a referendum soon.

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

College Watch

Images: Jessica McHugh

Jesus

Jesus W2 is the highest ever women’s second boat in the May Bumps ranking. A title previously held by Pembroke W2, the Jesus boat bumped up on the first day of May Bumps to change this. Jesus W2 made it into the first division last year by bumping up every day and winning blades, so the pressure was on to remain in the highest division despite being surrounded by first boats. The crew managed to bump Queen’s W1 on the first day, meaning they were 13th in the division and therefore the highest any women’s second boat has ever been before. In 1974, Newnham W2 were in 3rd place, according to historical bumps charts; however this was the first year that women were allowed to raced, and women could only race in IV’s as opposed to VIII’s, leaving Jesus safe to enjoy being highest women’s second crew. The Bumps race has been a long standing tradition in Cambridge, beginning in 1827. Jesus W2 bumped up on the first day of bumps, then rowed over the following three days behind Pembroke’s first women’s boat. Lili Bidwell

Peterhouse Pembroke

Following the university-wide NUS referendum, in which Cambridge students elected to remain affiliated with the NUS, Peterhouse have decided to hold a referendum on its affiliation with CUSU in Michaelmas Term. The current drive for disaffiliation began on 28 May, when Peterhouse students wrote to their JCR requesting a seperate referendum on their affiliation with an organisation which they claimed “has let down Jewish students” and accused of mishandling various other controversies. These included the ending of the TCS print edition and the revelation that female students were trading prescription drugs. The PEXIT Facebook page has so far attracted 114 adherents under the rallying cry, “the time has come for Peterhouse to go its own way.” However, it has already run into controversy: their sharing of a status posted by CUSU President Priscilla Mensah, offering measured criticism of the NUS Black Students’ Conference has been condemned by a commenter as “pretty opportunistic.” . Sam Harrison

Pembroke College flew the rainbow pride flag at half-mast on Tuesday in solidarity with the 49 people killed on Sunday during a suspected hate crime which took place in an Orlando gay club, and in an effort to show the College’s support for the wider LGBT+ community. The College’s Twitter account announced the decision on Tuesday, with the hashtag #loveislove. It came amid a wave of vigils in solidarity for the victims of the hate crime across the world, including one in Cambridge on Tuesday evening, and one in London’s Soho which attracted thousands of supporters. In February, the College flew the rainbow flag to mark the first day of LGBT History Month, and it recently appointed its first LGBT Master, Lord Chris Smith, who was one of the first openly gay MPs to be elected in the UK. A Pembroke student, Will Tilbrook commented on the flying of the flag, saying that for him it shows “an acknowedgement of the College’s solidarity and connects us with the world beyond Cambridge.” Tom Richardson

King’s

King’s College was chosen as the location for the filming of Richard Quest’s business television programme, Quest Means Business, on Tuesday evening, going live at 9pm. CNN brought its prime time business show to Cambridge in order to cover the build up to the EU referendum which will take place on Thursday 23 June; it was broadcast from the lawns in front of the college. The show lasted for an hour and featured a variety of people who were asked about their opinions regarding the European Union, with a focus on opinions held by people affiliated with the University. Quest was joined by a group of student representatives from both sides of the debate, and amongst these groups was the CUSU president, Priscilla Mensah, who expressed her support for staying part of the EU. The Master of Churchill College, Dame Athene Donald was also featured, saying in an interview with Richard Quest: “I am terrified we are going to leave, I really am.” Lili Bidwell

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

News

Join our Michaelmas 2016 Editorial Team The Cambridge Student is recruiting for a number of positions, including News Editor, Comment Editor, Features Editor and Sport Editor. We will be accepting applications for columnists in due course.

Advertise with The Cambridge Student Contact a member of the TCS team directly

Email: editor@tcs.cam.ac.uk Phone: 01223761685 Advertising opportunities are available on the TCS website and in the Freshers’ Week print edition, due out in October 2016

To see a full list of roles, and to find out more, visit www.tcs.cam.ac.uk/apply The deadline for applications is Saturday 25 June at 11:59pm.

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

News

More students think studies are not value for money Lili Bidwell News Editor A recent survey of 15,000 British students has revealed that only a third believe they get good “value for money” for their course. The Higher Education Policy Institute and the Higher Education Academy survey reports that student satisfaction has fallen from 53% in 2012, when fees rose, to 37%, this year. The authors suggested that this may be due to a lack of teaching hours. 70% of undergraduates with between 10 and 30 contact hours a week were satisfied with their contact hours, compared with only 53% of those with nine hours or fewer. Similarly, 58% of Medicine and Dentistry students thought their degrees had either ‘good’ or ‘very good’ value for money.

their experiences. Nick Hillman, the director of the Higher Education Policy Institute, responded that the survey revealed that “students really, really care about contact hours”. He also said that “Universities and the Government both want to see tuition fees increase, but students are strongly opposed to this,” and that universities had to “show how any extra fee income will directly benefit their students”. Attitudes to value for money also varied distinctly by region, as in England only 32% believed their course was good value, compared to 65% in Scotland, where there are no tuition fees. These statistics follow Universities

BME students reported the lowest student satisfaction rates

Minister Jo Johnson’s plans to raise tuitition fees in line with inflation for universities with excellent teaching. The survey shows that only 8% of students support this move, while 86% oppose. Johnson has said that universities must respond to students with a “sharper eye for value”. A different survey, conducted by Future Finance, found that less than half of students are confident that they will be able to pay off their student loans. Additionaly, fewer than 60% thought that education was worth the cost “as it sets you up for life”. 80% expected a lot more from their university given the payment of £9,000 a year in tuition fees. ANTOINE TAVENAUX

37%

The survey also found that British students had an average of 13.5 contact hours per week, but that 29% had nine or fewer. Contact hours have fallen slightly since tuition fees increased. Students from Asian, Chinese, African, and African-Caribbean ethnicities were the least satisfied with

Remain campaign courts Cambridge scientists Campaigners for the remain in the EU movement claimed on Saturday that the majority of Cambridge scientists want to remain in the EU. Transport Secretary, Patrick McLoughlin joined Cambridgeshire MEP Vicky Ford and Remain campaigners at a tour of Toshiba Research in Cambridge Science Park to support staying in the EU. McLoughlin claimed: “We’ve heard from a range of scientists who have said it’s important that we remain in Europe. I know of no organisation where if you leave the table, you have more influence.” He also argued that leaving would harm the UK economy: “We’re only able to have a good science budget, a good health budget, a good education

Study finds larger glasses leads to greater wine sales Researchers at the University of Cambridge found that serving the same quantity of wine in 370ml rather than 300ml glasses increased sales by 9.4% in the local restaurant The Pint Shop. However, the same effect was not observed when 300ml glasses were swapped for 250ml ones. The research unit could not prove any one reason for this, but proposed that a quantity of wine appeared smaller in a larger glass. It also suggested that on the basis of its research, regulating the size of wine glasses could be a good strategy reduce alcoholic consumption. Alcohol is one of the leading contributors to type 2 diabetes, cancer, and liver disease.

Rowing team decapitates a duckling during May Bumps A rowing team has been accused of decapitating a duckling while making their way to the start of a May Bumps race last week. A photograph in the Metro appears to show the moment when the duckling was caught by a blade wielded by the team, which has not been identified, as it cut through a family of the birds. According to witnesses, the other ducklings in the brood were “clipped” by the blades but fortunately survived. One onlooker said the episode “made [her] feel sick” and called it “absolutely heartbreaking”. Cambridge rowers have previously been criticised for neglecting wildlife. In 2013, the blades of a crew participating in May Bumps killed two ducklings, and in 2015 two ducklings were drowned by crews whilst they were training.

Canadian university held ransom by hackers

Students who think university is ‘good value for money’

Ian Johnston Deputy News Editor

NEWS BULLETIN

budget, because we have a strong economy. ” Meanwhile, Ford claimed that there would be an exodus of scientists from Cambridge if Britain voted to Leave: “Scientists are saying they will move ... They will go where they can best influence the global picture.” McLoughlin also predicted a Remain vote on the June 23 referendum. “My gut feeling is that we will stay in.” Universities UK, which supports Remain, claims that British universities received £66.2 million in research funding from EU sources in 2014/15, and that “EU research funding generates 1,746 jobs, £183 million for the local economy.” Overall, the University of Cambridge receives a quarter of its research funding from the EU. This campaigning comes after Professor

The University receives a quarter of its research funding from the EU

Stephen Hawking also pledged support for Remain, stressing boosts for research and benefits for students. He said: “The EU promotes a mobility of people. Students from other EU countries can come here to study and our students can go to other EU universities. At the level of research, the exchange of people enables skills to transfer more quickly and brings new people with different ideas. “Without this exchange, we would become more culturally isolated and insular and ultimately more removed from where progress is being made.” Cambridge is seen as one of the most pro-EU cities in the country. A 2014 LSE study placed it 619th out of 632 constituencies in Euroscpeticism. However, some Cambridge students were campaigning for Leave in Market Square on Saturday.

The University of Calgary in Canada has paid 20,000 Canadian dollars to hackers after their data was encrypted by an attack. More than 100 computers in the university have been affected by this attack in the past month, leaving the university little choice but to pay the hackers in order to regain access to important files. However, many are worried that by paying out the university will encourage further attacks. Dr Steven Murdoch from University College London said that “it’s very tempting for organisations to pay out the ransom because that might be the only way they can get their data back, but that makes it worse for everyone else because it encourages more people to set up such schemes.”

Oxford instructed to address ‘excessive’ work load The Quality Assurance Agency has instructed the University of Oxford to provide greater guidance over the number of essays students receive in its review of the institution. Under the current system, college tutors use their discretion on how much written work is set and how many seminars students should attend. The reviewers recommended that “explicit guidance” should be provided. The Oxford University Student Union has said that the current system has led to “little parity across the colleges”. A spokesperson from the university, in response to the report, said “we are already at work on the report’s three recommendations, including the provision of more information about the teaching patterns that students can expect on each course”.

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

Features

To work or not to work? Ashley Chhibber

t’s the first week of July. Sunburnt, caught up on your sleep, you have managed to pluck up the courage to look at the “essential reading” books you withdrew from the UL for the summer. The words of your Director of Studies ring in your ears: “we call it the long vacation because you’re meant to be working just as hard when you vacate Cambridge for the summer: it’s not a holiday!” Yet despite the advice of your DoS, spending the vacation deep in your books isn’t always the best use of time; there’s no point in feeling guilty if you decide against extra work. The Cambridge degree structure is built on the fact that pressure increases productivity – the sort of pressure which is hard to recreate when you’re still recovering from one set of exams and the next set is 9 months away. If you think your term-time procrastination is bad, see how much

There can be a real risk of losing your interest and passion

worse it becomes over the vacation. An article which you could usually skim through in half an hour can end up taking most of a day to read; you might even find that your reading doesn’t make sense, or isn’t guided enough, without introductory lectures beforehand. They say that the devil makes work for idle hands, and that’s definitely true of the vacation; tasks which would normally seem so mundane and pointless as to not even be worth attempting can instead eat up days of your time. There can be a real risk, if you feel you’re not being productive, of losing your interest and passion before the year has even started. While it’s probably worth doing some light work over the summer to avoid playing catch-up, at the same time, a summer spent resting and recovering, building up your CV or bank balance, or even just having fun, can be better in the long run than eight demoralising and inefficient weeks working at home.

Coping wi

CDD20

Taking Cambridge exams: Bound to succeed? Alexandre Paturel

he year is 2014, I’m about to do my Philosophy A2 and I’ve literally left it to the last minute. It’s 20:00 the night before and I begin. I know how prone I am to distraction, especially from my computer. They say radical problems require radical solutions. So, convinced that I risk Facebooking my grades away, I put my computer in one corner of my room and I sit down at my desk. I take off my belt. I tie my legs to my chair. Using another belt, I tie my chair to the radiator. Using a tie, I tie my torso to the back of the chair. I am bound. With no way of escape, I am forced to work. Five, six, seven of the most uncomfortable hours of my life slowly go by like this. I’ve got through half the syllabus: things are going well.

But alas, suddenly I realise I need to go to the toilet. My heart pounds: panic reigns. Bound, I fall to the floor with my chair. It takes an infinity to crawl out of my hellish chains. This was, I told myself, just the beginning of what was going to be a rough 24 hours. Miraculously, I survived that exam - my strange anti-procrastination measures, though extreme, seemed to be effective. After that delirious experience, I told myself I would never again let things get so out of hand. Exams, as we all know, do strange things to people. I actually developed a twitch in my left eye this term. I started early, worked hard, slept little, fought regular urges for midnight Gardie’s - all pretty standard fare. By the time it came round to exams, I was already exhausted. The first onslaught of three (out of four) papers left me comatose, and on the comedown of that unique rush you get opening an exam script and realising that you’re going to

have to an answer one question which you haven’t revised for. One question where you’re going to have to ad lib, freestyle, improv, just wing it. By the time of my last exam – feeling as if I’d been dragged through the mud – it was 20:00 again the night before the paper when I started revising. But I didn’t tie myself to my chair. Whatever these cruel exams do to me, I thought, I resolved that I was going to at least keep my dignity. I had to stay up the whole of that night. After I showered before the exam that morning, I looked at myself in the mirror: hollowed out, twitching eyes, rough hair and a patchy beard, a shadow of a man. I looked like something out of “Lost”. Looking at my woe-begone face in the mirror, haggard and drained, I couldn’t help thinking to myself that, belts or no belts, high school or university, maybe it is true (and forgive me for using my mother tongue): “plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose”. (The more things change, the more they stay the same).

ROBIN HUTTON

The Cambridge Student 16 June 2016

May Week magazine

An interview with B & The Jukeboys

May Week reviews

Beauty tips for summer

IMAGE: ALEXANDRE PATUREL

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Culture Interview: Fuller and Marlow May Ball playlist Carl Wikeley

Arenike Adebajo

met the Cambridge-based duo, Fuller and Marlow, or Xanthe Fuller and Toby Marlow, at Stickybeaks café. The two are playing at a number of big May Balls this year, and are clearly on a post-exam high. Xanthe and Toby have an infectious chemistry that clearly spills into their music, and both possess unexpectedly powerful voices. Over a much-needed caffeine-boost, we discuss the pair’s creative inspirations and the May Ball circuit

XF: We like to do a lot of love songs...

How exactly would you describe your music? TM: We mostly play covers – but not just any covers! We do really cool covers. We basically get contemporary songs and do jazzy versions of them, or we use older songs and make them our own. We do things like mashups of songs like ‘Fly Me To The Moon’.

Fuller and Marlow have been found performing this year at Robinson, Homerton, Hughes Hall, St Edmunds, Lucy Cavendish, Trinity, Jesus, Clare, St. John’s, and Sidney. Who knows where they’ll be next year?

You guys seem to have a really good relationship, where do you get your musical inspiration from? XF: It’s actually quite annoying because whenever we hear a song, we’ll think how we can jazz it up. Like in Cindies last night, ‘Mysterious Girl’ was on – it’s astonishing the number of things that lend themselves to jazz!

AMELIA OAKLEY

So your arrangements are like a creative act; you’re almost composing? TM: Yeah, I definitely feel like I’m composing the arrangements. After the gigs, people will come up and ask whether they were own arrangements, and I’ll say, ‘yeah, do you want the sheet music’?! XF: Yeah and I think if you don’t change anything in the songs, it’s less interesting, and definitely less fun for us.

here’s nothing like a good playlist to get you in the mood for a party. May Balls are decadent, and they need music to match. From creating atmosphere, to soundtracking perfect moments, pre-May Ball playlists are an important part of making a night to remember. Here are some exciting tunes to to get the party started. 1. ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper 2. ‘Celebration’ by Kool and the Gang 3. ‘Glamorous’ by Fergie 4. ‘Hey Ya!’ by Outkast 5. ‘Feeling Myself ’ by Nicki Minaj ft. Beyonce 6. ‘One Dance’ by Drake 7. ‘Flawless’ by Beyonce 8. ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ by Toploader 9. ‘Firewok’ by Katy Perry 10. ‘Take on Me’ by a-ha MERITT BOYD

What do you think sets you apart? TM: We really try to play off each other, so at our auditions we tried to convince them we were really in love. XF: I mean, we are in love. TM: Yeah, and we’d stare into each other’s eyes, like in ‘Thinking Out Loud’, while singing in harmony.

Fictional frolicks: top five fantasy soirées Carl Wikeley

orget May Balls. Forget overly-sweet cocktails and free food (which, let’s be honest, are neither free, nor unlimited). Forget Basement Jaxx or Hunnee, step into the world of film, books, TV, and music, and you’ll find parties on a grand scale, with the most outrageous hosts! Sit back, relax and take a look at this list of top five fantasy parties: CALGARY REVIEWS

2. Bilbo Baggins’ 111th birthday party Fireworks to beat St John’s, insane smoke circle-blowing skills from a powerful wizard, and far more alcohol than you’ll find at any of this year’s May Balls, you would have to be an Orc to miss it. There’s something gloriously nostalgic about the world of the shire which Tolkien invents. 3. Masked ball – Romeo and Juliet Meet your star-crossed lover in the masquerade maze of the Capulet ball. Although the ball might not lead to your happy ever after, you certainly won’t ever want the night to end. After all, when the lights come up and it is time to say goodbye, ‘parting is such sweet sorrow’.

4. Below deck with Jack – The Titanic When you don’t want to don your formal attire, you’re often better off below deck, bowtie-less, high-heel-less, and dancing the night away with fiddles and drum, and generous lashings of cheap beer. Join in the song, dance on your toes, and enjoy the good company. 20TH CENTURY FOX

RIA NOVOSTI ARCHIVE

1. Gatsby’s With guests including Stonewall Jackson Abrams, Willie Voltaire, The Blackbucks, The Roebucks, The Schraeders, and many more, Jay Gatsby’s party on West Egg (Long Island) is not one to be missed. Enjoy a high-as-a-kite fake librarian playing the piano badly, hundreds of Charleston dancers, and a big band!

5. Disney Parties You can’t beat those classic Disney soundtracks. Throw in Alan-a-Dale the rooster and Maid Marian from Robin Hood, and I’m there. Snow White’s Wedding to Aurora’s birthday party; now’s your chance to become a Jungle-VIP.

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Culture

Memories of past May Weeks Katherine Ladd

ast week my grandma returned to the places she’d been to in Cambridge sixty years ago with my late grandfather, Roy Hadfield, who studied history at Downing from 1950-1953. They had been going out since sixth form and during his undergraduate years she visited several times. After she, like the rest of my treacherous friends, had tried to coerce me into revealing the St John’s May Ball theme, I asked about her own memories of May Week. “I

Back then, the tickets would grant you entry into other balls on the same night only went to one May Ball which was in Roy’s final year,” she began. “Gosh. It was terribly expensive.” We shuddered in unison. “It was traditional for your partner to take you out to dinner, so Roy took me to the University Arms, a posh hotel which used to be on St Andrews Street. I had this white netted dress and a stole to wear with sparkles at the edges. At the time it felt very expensive! At the ball there were a few bands but the most famous one was Jack Parnell – he had a dance orchestra which was quite

renowned at that time. We did quicksteps, waltzes, South American dances and one or two foxtrots. “Back then, the

There was a lantern lit up on each punt...it was really very magical tickets would grant you entry into other balls on the same night. With a Downing ticket you could get into John’s, Trinity Hall, Jesus, Pembroke and Selwyn too. Apparently the romantic thing to do was to punt down to Grantchester at the end but we didn’t because it was so chilly and foggy in the early hours of the morning – I remember arriving back when the milkman was delivering! “Roy and I also went to Singing on the River in the summer of 1953. A lot of the madrigals were Elizabethan because it was coronation year. During the last one, ‘Draw on, Sweet Night’, the singers were punted down the river towards Clare Bridge. There was a lantern lit up on each punt so the fiery orange was reflected in the dark water. It was really very magical.” She explained that the painting on her living room wall is a scene she recreated from that night.“I painted it as soon as I got home, I didn’t want to forget! I drew myself into the crowd but I couldn’t do a very good job of your grandad, in

the end I just put the top of his head in! It’s not a great work of art”, she admitted. “I remember somebody coming to my house once and thinking it was a painting of an execution.” Other highlights which she remembered from her visits include Lent Bumps and her friendship with the Editorin-Chief of Varsity. But it’s May Week that stands out for her. My grandparents married in 1955, two years after my grandfather graduated. “It’s been wonderful, seeing these things again,” she smiled. “There have been a lot of happy times in Cambridge.” KATHERINE LADD

One more May Week: B and the Jukeboys Benedict Welch

nd then let’s do the outro, says keys-player Amatey Doku during the rehearsal of B and the Jukeboys’ May Ball set list. As all five band members are graduating from Cambridge this year, May Week 2016 really is the band’s final outro as they tour the May Week circuit for the very last time as students. Comprising of Bethany Hutchison (vocals), Amatey Doku (keys), Jim Hilton (guitar), Jack Ranson (bass) and Tom

Hogg (drums), the all-Jesuan group have played a total of 33 gigs together while in Cambridge. Last year, they played 10 May Week events in five days: it’s an impressive feat and it’s clear to see that the reason for their success is their group camaraderie and love of performing alongside each other. Indeed, the group emphasise that it’s their differences which really bring them together. “I think we’ve all got different music tastes, and we’re able to bring them together in quite a nice way”, says Hogg. Ranson agrees, “Yeah, not B AND THE JUKEBOYS

even just music tastes – I think were quite an eclectic group of people. A lot of the bands you see have got three or four copies of the same person on stage, whereas we have distinct music tastes and distinct personalities”. When asked if there was a specific influence on their cover-choices, Doku comments that “we’re all always listening to music, and if we think there’s something that we might like [to perform] we’ll just bring it to the table and see what we can do with it”, Hutchinson does point to the 70s and 80s as a source of a lot of their material; the songs from that era “generally suit our style quite well and we enjoy mixing them up with things from the charts too”. “Yeah I think the mashups we perform are what makes us unique,” Hogg says, “for instance, the song we open with on our current set list: not even a DJ would think of mixing those two tracks together”. The group have many a story from the wealth of performances over the last two years, too. From post-gig, delusional taxi booking and being heckled by Basshunter, to playing to an empty tent after The Fratellis’ headline-slot at Magdalene last year, the five consistently reminisce on their past performances. This May Week, the band were set to perform at Robinson, Jesus and Sidney May Balls and at the Law Society Garden and King’s Affair. Before rehearsal re-starts I ask them what their playlist to May Week would be: “The absolute classic May Ball tune is probably ‘Superstitious’ by Stevie Wonder, answers Hutchinson; ‘Uptown Funk’ will definitely be played around a lot” Hilton predicts, and for Hogg, the music of May Week is the 90s and early noughties club classics, like Modjo’s ‘Lady (Hear Me Tonight)’. A mix we’ll be listening out for this week.

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Reviews

Sweet success for Strawberries & Creem festival Tom Bevan

he third edition of Strawberries & Creem Festival went off with a bang at Haggis Farm, with big names of the R’n’B and Grime genres played alongside upcoming DJs and Emcees. ‘Direct Rudeboy’ and Grime hero, Kano, opened the afternoon, and his 2pm set packed one hell of a punch. About to rush off to play Parklife in Manchester, standout tracks in his energetic selection of older songs and stuff from recent album, ‘Made in the Manor’, included ‘GarageSkank Freestyle’ and ‘3 Wheel-Ups’. The uniquely jilted flow and stage presence of D-Double-E kept the afternoon popping, and Big Narstie got himself shirtless and got the crowd shirty in a rowdy, suitably bass-heavy half hour. Elsewhere, the sweaty Strawberry Tent offered high energy drum ‘n’ bass, Grime and Jungle and the sandy Beach DJ booth kept things mainstream hiphop and disco. Bordered by bikes, and featuring punts as seats

and a mini Granchester meadows, the food arena gave a nod to the university city without overdoing any student clichés. This is a festival that dances to its own jams and unapologetically offers a friendly, laid back, beer-andtrainers alternative to the opulence of May Week ; even Security were caught nodding along to the mainstage acts. It wasn’t 100% plain sailing. Poor layout meant that in the middle of the field, sound from the three stages clashed; this is often a problem at festivals but at such a small scale event it was a bit too notable at times. And of course, cultural appropriation bingo saw plenty of white girls in bindis, white guys in kurtas and one too many Native American headdresses adorning dancers in the Beach booth. Yet, for its relatively small size and budget it is otherwise hard to criticise. Playing in a UK fe stival exclusive, Nelly’s short but sweet tea-time set drew the biggest crowd of the day, and included a surprise

rework of ‘Hot N*gga’ as well as all the crowd pleasers we expected; ‘Hot in Here’ and ‘Dilemma’ sounded as fresh as ever. While slightly at odds with the rest of the line-up, the gravitas of this booking kept the hype high all afternoon. There is nothing quite as confusing as watching an old white dude mix up reggae and dancehall classics with the freshest new releases; David Rodigan has always puzzled me as a DJ, but his ability to work a crowd half his age is testament to his lifelong commitment to the genre, and his set was extended The heavy rain didn’t stop comedy crew Kurupt FM close the festival with a tonne of energy, and the dwindling crowd laughed along to the on-stage banter. In case it needed any more demonstrating, Strawberries and Creem reinforced the fact that Grime is one of the most exciting and dynamic music movements of our time. This is a very special day festival that has now fully forged its identity as a mainstay of the UK underground festival circuit: it is a true asset to this city and its people. ALL PICTURES: LIZZIE DENT

Review: Our Kind of Traitor is a fun May Week break Helena Perez-Valle

should start this review by stating a bias: I love spy films, I love John le Carré’s books (although I haven’t read the one this film is based on), and I love the idea of civilians getting dragged into the intelligence business. It is therefore likely that I enjoyed this film more than I would have had all of these things not been the case. At any rate, I found Our Kind of Traitor very enjoyable. Not once during the film was I thinking ‘when will this be over’ or ‘how long does this film last’, in fact, it felt shorter than its running time of 107 minutes. The film is effectively paced, the story is well told (though I suspect much of this is due to the book being well written), and the acting is also good. Stellan Skarsgård, Saskia Reeves and Damien Lewis are absolutely fantastic in their roles as a Russian oligarch, the Russian oligarch’s wife and a British MI6 spy. I can’t say the same for Ewan McGregor; it’s not that he plays Perry badly, in

fact, it is possible that part of the problem is that he plays a mild character too well. It’s more the case that his face is too well known, and his character doesn’t seem quite plausible to me. The fact that, despite having watched all of Homeland, the same doesn’t happen to me with Damien Lewis is a testament to how much a change of accent, a strong character, and good acting can do. If there is anything I can criticise about this film it is the lack of suspense. We know from the start what is happening, and it is pretty clear how things are going to go. (I would have enjoyed an explanation as to exactly what happened in the helicopter accident (was it an accident?), or a little bit more suspense as to why this Russian oligarch is approaching an English lecturer in Marrakech). The story is laid out from the start, and the only question is exactly how it’s going to play out. It doesn’t make the film any less interesting, but it changes

the pacing, and it makes it so that more tension is required to keep the action exciting. This film is not a classic. But it is eminently enjoyable, it is well made and, in my view, a good reason to visit the cinema over the coming weeks. JAAP BUITENDIJK

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Reviews

‘Bittersweet Comedy’: Woman In Mind Review: A Hologram for the King

Sophie Dickinson

utting on a show in May Week can’t be easy. This week TCS sat down to talk with the producer of the Corpus Mainshow, Louisa Keight, to discuss her team’s production of the enigmatic play Woman in Mind.

Tell us about the show Woman In Mind is a bittersweet comedy that is constantly teetering between the farcical and the deeply moving. In a neglected suburban garden, Susan (Bethan Davies), a suburban housewife, begins to fantasize about her ideal family; she lives with a suave husband, a peppy daughter, a bombastic younger son. These characters contrast with her real family; an unspeakably dull vicar, a bland and sexually terrified son, a sister-in-law. As the play unfolds, Susan loses control over two worlds that begin to conflict and overlap. Reality and hallucination become one as she slowly retreats into her own mind. How does comedy help explore the themes? Mental illness is not a theme to be taken lightly. But in Woman In Mind, a great deal of the comedy comes from the characters who do take Susan lightly. Dr Judith Windsor’s well-meaning but ultimately hopeless efforts (Helen Vella-Taylor) and the complete misunderstanding

of Gerald, Susan’s husband (Benedict Flett) mocks the all-to-familiar motto of the unsympathetic neurotypical “just cheer up, you’re probably fine!” The audience laughs at Susan only when she sarcastically reacts to her real family’s bewildering lack of comprehension. By pitting together an indifferent actual world and an absurd fantasy world, the play uses comedy to uncover the sad truth; Susan is completely alone. Have you had any unforeseen problems during rehearsals? Two words: May Week. It is much harder to organise times when everyone is free that originally expected. Yes, exams are over, but with the (somewhat optimistic) revision plan out of the way, schedules can become even more crowded than earlier in term. We’ve also found that the show was slightly too long for Corpus, as two hours without an interval can prove quite intense even for the most eager Ayckbourn fan. To get around this, we’ve made a few quite liberal cuts, but I think at the expense of some more redundant dialogue we’ve got a tight, fast-paced little gem of a play that is the perfect length and tone for May Week. Woman in Mind opens on Tuesday 14th June at 7pm, at the Corpus Playroom.

Review: The Ride delivers Megan Fereday

atfish and the Bottlemen seem to have escaped the difficulty of ‘the dreaded second album’ by following in the swaggering footsteps of their remarkably assured debut. You’d be hard pressed to mistake The Ride for an album by any other band – the tracks are pumped full of the same biting hooks, blazing riffs and alcoholfuelled adrenaline that propelled the Welsh four-piece to rapid indie stardom. They’ve created another round of buzzed up, raucous crowd pleasers on this sophomore album; but it’s undoubtedly the same crowds they’ll be pleasing this time round.The clearest progression on this record from the band’s début effort is in the lyrics: there’s a continuous note of disillusionment which tempers a lot of the melodically bright tracks on this record. Opener ‘7’ gives us a stomping, triumphantly prosaic chorus to sway our hands in the air to, in amongst sit-up-and-listen rhythm dynamics and their trademark searing guitars. ‘Twice’ is another lyrically sober track: the near

monotone of Van McCann’s voice at times gives the impression of him singing to himself as he suddenly gains awareness of ‘every ex I didn’t treat right / every argument I let slide.’ ‘Soundcheck’ could have become a romantically hedonistic teen-flick in a song, but its retrospectivity gives it a more mature, emotionally caustic edge, as its chorus crashes in: ‘I wanted everything at once... Now I don’t need nothing.’ Stripped-back tracks ‘Glasgow’ and ‘Heathrow’ are pleasantly refreshing departures from the barrage of riffs offered by the rest of the record: both paint delicate, acoustic pictures of young love stories, but are somewhat overshadowed by the sheer volume of the rest of the group’s record. Catfish and the Bottlemen will likely yield no converts with this second release, but it sounds as though they know just what to offer the fans they’ve already made. As long as there’s continued hope for evolution of their material, we can allow them to rest on their laurels for the time being. RT STAFF

Theo Howe

he difference between a solid film and a good film is a wide gulf that is very difficult to quantify. A film that is solid doesn’t have any huge errors per se, but is quite content to stay in a zone of safe mediocrity, which leaves it unable to be considered truly good. To make the obvious segue, A Hologram for the King practically defines this style of boring, inoffensive cinema that will have been forgotten by this time next year. The film’s main problem is that it lacks purpose and direction. It wallows and stagnates in place, making vague efforts to make sweeping points about cultural difference, taking risks, how short life is. In case you were wondering, no, these points are not made in a particularly interesting or new way. Tom Hanks stumbles around his new job in Saudi Arabia, making a couple of new friends, exploring the country, sorting out a lump on his back that never shows any sign of real threat. There is no sense that it is ever building towards anything, and so at the end we are left in a similar position to how we started, aside from Tom Hanks being slightly happier. Hanks is something of a loveable everyman, a role which he practically wrote the book on, meaning that there is no chance he could play it badly. Alexander Black is enjoyable to watch as bumbling driver Yousef, but his role as the friendly sidekick is about as archetypal as they come. Sarita Choudhury’s Zahra was an interesting character but we never really find out enough about her for our interest to pay off, and the romance between her and Hanks’ character feels forced. There is a definite visual flair which will have you marvelling at the shots of the expansive desert in Saudi Arabia, and the opening sequence with Hanks performing a version of Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads is perhaps the highlight of the film; it is a genuinely brilliant method of doing exposition, showing everything without directly telling. Sadly, the rest of the film just can’t live up to this, and it becomes another throwaway story about nothing in particular. It never moves past being merely ‘alright’, and it feels like it is quite happy to stay there. RT STAFF

6 16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

May Week Reviews

Jesus: A thoroughly impressive affair

AMELIA OAKLEY

Julian Sutcliffe Features Editor

or an event which billed itself as ‘Uninhabitable’, Jesus May Ball was thoroughly enjoyable. Delicious food, copious drinks, and imaginative ents made Jesus into a ball which compares to some of the best organised in the last few years. While often May Ball themes are poorly executed or carried out in a cursory way, Jesus’s committee really pulled it off. The various areas – including an Arctic zone with a huge inflatable igloo and fake snow – felt genuine and well thought out. No area was neglected, making it clear that work had been put into all aspects. In terms of non-musical ents, Jesus delivered: ‘Wasteland’, a funfair area, was a particular favourite. Original ideas which worked very well included laser tag in a giant inflatable maze and virtual reality helmets in a separate room. The silent disco was a fantastic way to end the night, especially as it was in an outside court, letting ballgoers watch the sun come up. The music had been hyped immensely, but sadly the headliners didn’t live up to expectations. It was not clear that the Jesus alumni Clean Bandit were coming as a DJ set, leaving many disappointed. Big names like Coasts went down very well, but Jack Garrett was maybe placed at the wrong part of the night. The start of the evening with an acapella riff-off was a massive success, with the audience really enjoying it. Local Cambridge bands like Saachi are a staple of enjoyable balls. However, the main stage felt slightly too

small, with a large soundset awkwardly placed in the middle of the crowd, making the venue uncomfortably shaped and sized. There is little to say about food and drink, expect it was of a very high quality. Little ran out - one reviewer missed out on the waffles, but did have G&Ts until the survivors’ photo. The variety was incredible, with a dedicated Southern Comfort tent and original cocktails. Highlights of food included Aromi lasagna and Provenance burgers. Every location had different food stands, and nothing felt neglected. Even as we arrived we were given canapés, with dietary requirements such as lactose intolerance immediately catered to, a welcome touch. Overall, the ball matched up to expectations. Worries that the disappointing music might have affected the rest of the ball were unfounded, and the layout and use of space made it a pleasure to attend, with queues few and far between. Helpful staff were always on hand whatever the issues. It was a slight shame the survivors’ photo took so long to happen, with a restless crowd standing in Chapel Court for half an hour. But that aside the May Ball committee should be thoroughly congratulated on an extremely high quality event.

8/10 JESUS COLLEGHE CONFERENCE & EVENTS

Trinity: Dazzling Amelia Oakley

nother year, and another Trinity May Ball dominated by decadence, champagne and, of course, oysters. Expectations were incredibly high for the 150th Anniversary of the Ball, and in many ways it delivered – it was certainly celebrated on a much larger scale than the first “grand success” attended by just 300 people. Trinity May Ball has wow-power in bucket loads. Entering the ball in Neville’s Court, guests received their first glimpse of the impeccably decorated and elegant aesthetic, with stunning floral arrangements and atmospheric lighting lining the court. The concourse running under the Wren was lined by a bottomless Moët & Chandon bar which became a well appreciated centre piece for the ball. The array of drinks on offer was diverse enough to satisfy every palette, from delicious cocktails from The River Bar, to beers at the Comedy stage, to smoothies

in the Chill-out tent, and Bloody Mary’s at 4am to tide everyone over until survivors. The drinks available offered a seamless journey through the different zones of the ball, complementing the each distinct area. There were, however, a few crucial absences – namely a dedicated gin bar. The food was exceptional; Trinity put on a spread to be proud of. From a mouthwatering selection of carbs including Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches, Pizza, and delicious Mini Full English Breakfast pots, to an array of South American treats from Burritos to Cerviche, and much much more, everyone’s needs, and taste buds, were catered to. Highlights included the all you can eat cheese buffet, and the incredible variety available in the dessert room, which allowed guests to truly indulge in the decadence of the ball. Queues throughout the night seemed well managed and were never excessive, spirits remained high, and the bars well stocked. Food was available throughout

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

May Week Reviews ALEX KING

Clare surpasses all competition Jessie Mathewson

C DAVID KRISTEK

g yet traditional

lare May Ball was, without a doubt, the highlight of my May Week; and considering that my college hosted its biannual ball this year, that is saying something. But Clare was impressive: great design, fantastic music, and delicious food and drink, all of which came together for a stunning evening. Variety was key to the appeal of Clare,: the journey of the Orient Express (this year’s theme) was emphasised by zoning into different areas. Old courts were the first stop, decked with overflowing trunks and suitcases, and from here it was just a short walk to the Amsterdam theme in Cellars (all UV paint, jaegerbombs and DJ sets), the pretzels and beer in the Scholars’ Garden, or the Turkish rugs and shisha hidden amidst the twists and turns of the Fellows’ Garden. Attention to detail characterised the design, and though the Ball certainly benefitted from the spacious surrounds that hosted it, it was the clever use of this space that made it come alive. It was characteristic of a great May Ball that I felt I could have spent a week exploring. Clare was headlined by BLONDE, and their main stage show was a great success. But the musical highlights popped up on the various smaller stages. For me, May Ball music is all about reworked classics that you can sing along and dance to all night long, and Clare had plenty of this kind of fun. Highlights included Over the Bridge’s mash-up of ‘Bad Romance’ and ‘Sexy and I Know It’; Dysfunktional’s

ASHWIN SHARMA

the night, but the variety depleted steadily as some of the more popular stands seemed to run out of food. The threat of the rain never dampened spirits, as within seconds of the first drop of rain in the queue, umbrellas were distributed to guests, and the many indoor areas of the ball meant that the volatile weather never became a problem. Entertainment was to be found at every turn — with a mid-rain trip in the chair swing much more enjoyable than it might sound. The headliner Sigma got the crowd going in the festival style tent that was the main stage, delivering chart hit after chart hit to an enthusiastic audience. The Jazz Tent had everyone dancing, with May Ball favourites Churchill Jazz entertaining the masses. The Acoustic Tent however was perhaps the highlight of the entire evening, sporting some fantastic vocal talent including the fantastic Jossie Evans, and a 4:30am set from Fuller & Marlow who galvanised the flagging crowd with

their jazz covers of pop classics. Despite the incredible show put on by the Trinity committee this year – featuring a mesmerising firework and light show – you can’t help but think they could have done a little more to mark the occasion of their 150th Anniversary. The ball did not feel like it was remarkably different from any other year, nor were there many references to the anniversary apart from an all male line up of alumni celebrated in the lights. The ball might have benefited from a little deviation from tradition, to give it more of the party vibe that other May Balls pursue first and foremost. Yet overall it cannot be denied that Trinity was fantastic. When you entered the ball, you entered a fairytale land which you never want to leave, and I am still dreaming I was back there.

8/10

jazz-funk cover of ‘Shake It Off ’; Never Say Penguin’s gorgeous jazz vocals; and the sensational energy of Colonel Spanky’s. As well as the larger stages, there was plenty of music providing a more relaxed backdrop, as with the wonderful piano and vocal duo I stumbled across in the MCR whilst on the hunt for cheese and crackers. And if you could drag yourself away from the music there was plenty more to do: punting, ballroom dancing, a ceilidh, the murder mystery room, film viewings, a telephone box photobooth, and of course the obligatory dodgems. Clare was fabulous, but it wasn’t quite flawless. The brief downpour mid-ball was hardly the fault of the organisers, and for me it coincided with an energy lull which made a retreat to the cloakroom far from unappealing. The only fault that stood out for me was the occasional underestimate of demand – by the time we got in at nine, the French Patisserie (billed until 10:30pm) had run out of food. With so much to choose from, this certainly didn’t pose a major problem, but was a little frustrating none the less. Clare was a fun, festive ball that didn’t take itself too seriously, but certainly didn’t compromise on quality either. Monday night provided some serious competition – but even as we watched the Trinity fireworks from Clare Bridge, the ball was anything but in its neighbour’s shadow. I for one wouldn’t have swapped my ticket.

9/10

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

May Week Reviews

LEYLA GUSMUDIS

Caius May Ball impresses Charlotte Furniss-Roe

umours of 8pm thunderstorms had me a bit nervous for Caius. May Week is always hard to justify, even without worrying about the weather but luckily it held off. As a small college, everything was quite tightly packed together as it took place in courts rather than in grounds, meaning you could forego the programme and wander around without too much fear of missing anything big. The seating areas were particularly lovely and added to the relaxed atmosphere; although, it would have benefited from an indoor chillout area. The food was consistently high quality with steak and chips definitely being the highlight of the evening, as well as being perfect for a friend whose dairy and wheat intolerance means they tend to struggle at this sort of event – food was mostly clearly labelled which was helpful. Aromi was a bit of a let down with cold pizza canapés but there was so much on offer it didn’t matter that there was not much variety in the food circulating. The queuing system to get into the ball is worthy of special mention as it was impressively efficient, although some more snacks would have been appreciated. After the rush for food and drink, the wait for most things were pretty minimal and fast-moving, meaning we could try out

anything we wanted – the only hefty queue was for the petting zoo, often the way with more rare entertainments. The theme – ‘praeternaturalia’ – struck me as needlessly obscure, and indeed it was quite hard to make anything relevant to it. Despite this, though, it was worth it for the mesmerising light sculpture by Paul Friedlander, comprising waves of light overhead that we happily stared at for a very long time. This is a testament to the sculpture as well as to the quality of the nearby Cocktail Box bar. The overall effect was tasteful but not stuffy, a very difficult thing for a May Ball to pull off. The Master’s Garden too was decked in lights and glowsticks and looked beautiful. There was definitely something for everyone: I particularly enjoyed the stand run by Penhaligon’s, a sponsor of the ball, since it was a bit of a novelty. We spent a lot of time on the fairground games and the Scalextric, which were great, if a lot more difficult than I remember. The music was good but not overwhelming; I enjoyed the ceilidh more than the headline act, despite professing myself against organised fun. The issues on the whole were very small and the ball was, without a doubt, a great success.

Emmanuel June 8/10 Murray Edwards: ‘An Event: Eureka! afternoon well spent’

Julia Stanyard

urray Edwards opted this year for the theme of ‘Secret Garden Party’; but it’s no secret that among the many options available in May Week, this one is always great fun and value for money. Rumours of complications with sourcing drinks turned out to be unfounded, with a solid variety available throughout the afternoon, ranging from beers and ciders to surprisingly potent cocktails. Apparently getting hold of any nonalcoholic drinks presented more of a challenge, but for some reason this was not a problem that bothered this reviewer. Make of that what you will. Sadly the ease of access to alcohol was not matched by ease of access to food, with large queues affecting most of the food stalls, particularly the noodles and the famous mac and cheese which is a firm favourite of so many May Week events. This is not to suggest the range of food options available was unimpressive.

Gelato, candy floss and tiny doughnuts provided the necessary sugary counterpart to the noodles and burgers. As for the entertainment, the bouncy castles, inflatable assault course, and bucking bronco all provided a great opportunity to release your inner child and work up an appetite for mac and cheese. While I thought the attempt to combine the inflatables with an outdoor silent disco so you could bounce along to music was a strange decision, one of my friends thought it was an inspired idea, even if it did increase your chances of getting poleaxed by an over-enthusiastic fellow bouncer. Colonel Spanky’s were a musical highlight, getting everybody dancing, suiting the relaxed atmosphere of the party and providing the soundtrack to what was, overall, an afternoon very well spent.

8/10

Leyla Gusmudis

mma June Event was a fantastic night with excellent entertainment, great decor, and lots of drinks. The theme, Eureka!, could have been difficult to execute well but the committee managed it superbly. Every court and area was identified by a different invention, and all decorations and activities matched these themes: Turing’s computer room was a games room, Bi Sheng’s printing press had hanging decorations made of books, and the Stock Exchange was a casino. The one let-down was food – there simply weren’t enough vendors, which meant queues for everything were very long all night. The food, once queued for, was of excellent quality, and the queues were made more manageable by the vast quantities of drinks. There were never queues for any of the bars, and the variety on offer was staggering. From the entry shots to the final jager-bombs, the drinks officers did an outstanding job. The design team must also be commended, as the decorations were more like those at a May Ball than a June Event. Newton’s orchard was a particular

high point. The music, however, is where the June Event truly excelled. A series of fantastic cover bands drew everyone to the main stage, and the ball ended with a one-hour set from perennial Cambridge favourites, Truly Medley Deeply. Fuelled by jager-bombs, everyone ended the night dancing to Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber. Elsewhere, the jazz stage at the Stock Exchange also provided plenty of excellent entertainment, with an active dance floor and lots of sparkling wine. The headliner was Bulletproof Bomb, and they delivered a great set to dance to. With its shorter running time, there was no point at which the June Event lagged or went quiet. There were plenty of activities on offer, throughout, from the rodeo, to the swings, to Churchill casino and the dance floor. Overall the night was a definite success, and a great way to kick off May Week. Next year Emma will have a May Ball, and having gone for two years in a row your reviewer cannot recommend it enough.

8/10

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Reviews

Who reviews the theatre reviewers? Elsa Maishman

omment pieces within the student press run endless circles around the same conundrum: is it a good idea to let students, some of whom have limited experience of both writing articles and watching plays, review productions which are so dear to the hearts of their participants? Below is a selection of this year’s reviews with the most disparate ratings across The Cambridge Student, The Tab, Varsity and Cambridge Theatre Review. Though a fantastic way of engaging with student theatre, reviews are at the end of the day nothing more than the opinion of their author, and should be taken with a pinch of salt - as you can see below, Cambridge publications often wildly disagree in their appraisal of a performance.

Sweeney Todd, Week 5 ADC Mainshow, Michaelmas 2015

TCS 4/5 “Direction largely failed this production ... Lacking conviction, it was unsure of itself as it attempted both horror and comedy.”

The Tab The Tab was denied reviewers’ tickets

Varsity 4/5

“As a musical,

Sweeney Todd was razor-sharp.”

CTR 4/5 “Sweeney Todd wasn’t perfect ... But the entire audience came away from it having thoroughly enjoyed themselves.”

AMELIA OAKLEY

A Little Night Music, Week 5 ADC Mainshow, Easter 2016

TCS 6/10 “The directing needs some work, with confused scenes and poor use of space. The real let down is the sound.”

The Tab 5/5 “A wonderful adaptation of Sondheim’s charming musical.”

Varsity 3/5 “Through the absence of a strong creative impulse it fails to fully capture the poignant wit and charm of Sondheim’s musical.”

CTR 4/5 “A wonderful show, and the brilliant cast and band mean that it will quite possibly be one of the highlights of this term.” JOHANNES HJORTH

Bugsy Malone, BATs, Week 4, Queens’ College, Lent 2016

TCS 4/10 “On the whole the performance needs to be tighter; action is often followed by an awkward pause, in which the lights stay on but the actors seem unsure of what to do.”

The Tab 3.5/5

“If you’re in the mood

for some light-hearted musical amusement and a vintage setting head down to the Fitzpatrick Hall to watch Bugsy Malone.”

Varsity 4/5 “By no means flawless – the dancers were at points out of sync, the singing sometimes out of tune, yet what was clever is that the play could use its own flaws to its advantage.”

CTR 3/5 Although it has its moments of fresh comedy, the play had at points an amateur air, and acting prowess was let down by poor staging decisions.”

CHRIS WILLIAMSON

West Side Story, Weeks 8-9, ADC Mainshow, Lent 2016

TCS 6/10 “On paper, this production of West Side Story ticks all the boxes ... but in reality it lacks the power and energy that this musical deserves.”

The Tab 4/5 “A brilliant spectacle, despite some technical and performative issues impacting on how much of the script’s potential they could bring to life.

Varsity 4/5

“Whilst it at times

lacks creative spark, its talented cast redeems the conventionalities with their enthusiasm and vibrancy, bringing this classic rumbling.”

CTR 5/5 “Energetic, funny, often spectacular, inevitably heartbreaking. The cast threw themselves wholeheartedly at this production.” AMELIA OAKLEY

Footlights Spring Revue: Chocolate Moose, Week 6, ADC Mainshow, Lent 2016

TCS 3/10 “On the whole the group lacks chemistry and energy, and ran the risk of tokenism with a succession of similar female characters.”

The Tab 4.5/5 “Let’s be frank, it’s the Footlights: they have to work hard to not be good.”

Varsity 3/5 “A lot of the humour was predictable; at times welcomed by snorts and stifled laughs, but this became a little tiring in a few cases.”

CTR 4/5 “Although it would have been nice to have more female performers involved, it was a great success.”

Varsity 4/5 “At almost two hours, without an interval, it began to drag by the end. A good production should never have you wanting it to end as soon as possible.”

CTR 2/5 “There was no build up of tension. Even the violent on-stage fight wasn’t particularly exciting or climatic. And the whole thing just went on for so so long.”

MARK BITTLESTONE

TCS 4/10 “Making something watchable out of such an incoherent and meaningless play was too much of a task ... I spent most of the evening looking at my watch.”

The Tab 4/5 “The ability to carry out a play of such high emotion with such ease is a credit to the actors – they should be proud themselves.”

CHLOE CARROL

The Fastest Clock in the Universe, Week 5, Corpus Mainshow, Michaelmas 2015

Lifestyle

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

You shall go to the ball!

Photography Nitin Sharma Direction Jo Alstott & Jessie Mathewson Models Kat Karpenko, Izzy Rudd, Dorota Molin

Rosie’s Vintage: May Ball dresses to impress This week, The Cambridge Student collaborates with Rosie’s Vintage for a May Week themed picnic in the stunning surroundings of the Peterhouse Deer Park. Tucked away on Cambridge’s King Street, Rosie’s Vintage offers a fun alternative for fashion lovers seeking a change from the high street for their May Ball outfit, and keen to find a hidden gem. There was a varied range of fashion goodies on offer at the shoot, from a bold gold embellished a-line, gorgeous brocade, and a stunning pastel blue gown sparkling with sequins. Our models were certainly tempted by Rosie’s offerings, and we hope you will be too! For more photos and the story behind the scene, read about the fashion shoot online at www.tcs.cam.ac.uk

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Lifestyle

Best of summer beauty

5 Minute Meals Ruby Woolfe

Alex Veitch

or many students across Cambridge, May Week marks a return to make up after a term of library induced high ponytails and pyjamas. Now that we finally have the time to browse Boots and experiment with make up if you so wish, these are the top products to treat yourself with this summer. Skin: Take care of your skin and buy some self-care in a bottle with a moisturizing facial mist. If you have dry or combination skin, these products are a great way to top up the moisture lost during a day in the sunshine (or a night of May Ball drinking). The Caudalie Beauty Elixir is a great choice to treat yourself, especially as it can be bought in a 30ml travel size (not much is required) at John Lewis for £11. As a more economical option, the Body Shop Vitamin E Face Mist is only £9.50 for 100ml. Base : Try a tinted moisturiser – I used to think that foundation was an essential, but have been really happy with the quick application and lightness that the No7 Triple Protection Tinted Moisturiser brings. It also contains an SPF of 15 which provides some protection from the sun, and is currently £12 at Boots for 50ml. Products containing an SPF are great for adding extra sun protection to your daily makeup (as well as using sun cream) but beware that for May Balls these products are not as photo friendly and will cause flash back (meaning your face is likely look shiny on your snaps of the night!)

generally follow a rosy colourway, there are brighter shades ranging from plums to reds which last all day despite the heat. They are currently £6.99 from the usual £8.99 at Boots online, but can easily be found in the Cambridge store. As a base, you might want to consider the Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Original Ultra Moisturizing Lip Balm which contains an SPF of 15 and Vitamin E. It also smells like chocolate and is therefore the best. I bought mine in Sainsbury’s for £1.99. Eyes: Sleek make great palettes which won’t break the bank and have a versatile range of neutral and colourful shades. At £8.99 from Superdrug, the I Divine Eye Shadow Au Naturel palette contains 12 shades with mixed matte and shimmery consistencies. I also use the black shade as an eyeliner with a Mac 266 Small Angle Brush (£16.50 from Debenhams), or as a cheaper alternative, the Seventeen Angled Eyeliner Brush from Boots is great value at just £2.49. Not only does this personally save me time and money, but it leaves me with a more precise and lighter line in the summer than a gel or liquid liner would. Look after yourself, and your skin, and remember that after a busy May Week, three months of more sunny days and nights of freedom are just around the corner! COURTNEY RHODES

May Week brings a whole new meaning to food. When you’re not at a May Ball or June Event enjoying unlimited burgers and alcohol, meals become all about high speed, minimal effort, and using up what is in the cupboard before the end of term. For me, homemade houmous is the ideal – it uses all storecupboard ingredients so I don’t have to drag my hungover self to the shops and is made within minutes. Aubergine mash is an alternative option if you are not a fan of chickpeas, and also provides some much needed vegetable nutrition during a week dominated by Pimms and cava. Serve either with pitta bread and a hangover is sorted, ready for the next event! Homemade Houmous Teaspoon of cumin seeds Two dried chilies Garlic clove Tin of chickpeas (drained) Juice of one lemon A few glugs of olive oil Chopped parsley Salt and pepper Pound cumin seeds and dried chill. Add garlic, pound more. Add chickpeas and mash. Add lemon juice and olive oil. Season with salt and pepper. Garnish with parsley salt, and pepper. Aubergine Mash Two large aubergines Two large garlic cloves (chopped) Juice of one lemon Olive oil Salt and pepper

Colour: Experiment with colour – spring and summer does not have to fit the conventions of corals and baby pinks. Consider shades for yourself and what you feel good wearing, and not what the seasonal traditions may stereotype! More variety is emerging with the increasing popularity of liquid lipsticks, especially the budget yet great versions such as the Revlon Ultra HD Matte Lip Colour which I purchased in the shade ‘Devotion’; although they

Turn oven up to top temperature. Put on aubergines on a tray and roast for an hour. When cooled scoop out flesh and mash. Stir in olive oil, lemon juice and garlic. Season.

Last summer days in Cambridge Susie Worth As the end of the year looms, thoughts inevitably turn to all those places where you always meant to go but never got around to. As much as a final blouwout would be the dream, the costs of Cambridge nights can quickly end that. However, just because you’re tight on money doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time.

The calendar is teeming with film nights, live music, exhibition previews, and creative talks, the vast majority of which are free. You could even take your date to a ‘drink and draw’ night and spend the evening remembering why you didn’t take GCSE Art. What a bonding exercise. Estimated cost: Free to £5 (for drinks and/or snacks)

1. Hot Numbers, Gwydir Street Coffee shop by day, jazz club by night, Hot Numbers really knows what it’s doing when it comes to reeling in the hipsters. But don’t let that put you off.

3. College Crawl This is you chance to hit those colleges you’ve never had an excuse to visit. Feel like a fresher again and grab your friends for a final college crawl and you might just find your new favourite college bar to visit next year. For a successful college crawl you will require: at least two people who quite like each other, a bottle of wine (other beverages are available), and some wilful curiosity. Seek out college quirks like that bit of Magdalene that has a load of tombstones for cats, and have your own private party in empty supervision rooms or along abandoned corridors. Run away, giggling. Estimated cost: half the price of a bottle of wine

MICHAEL BUTTON

2. Cambridge Botanical Gardens I love the Botanical Gardens. It’s the kind of place you can

actually escape to that doesn’t require a train ticket, and crucially is free to anyone who wields a CAMCard. Have a zen break on your own or take your gang and have fun getting lost amongst the cherry trees and woodland glades, and unintentionally stumbling onto couples thinking they are being discreet behind the bamboo. There are glass houses to trawl through, lawns to sun-bathe on, and a relatively decent coffee shop to find salvation in. You could even get an ice cream. Estimated cost: Zero money without an ice cream. Extra money for the ice cream.

JEFF KUBINA

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Lifestyle

A week to remember in pictures FREYA SANDERS

ANTHONY BRIDGEN

SOPHIE O’REILLY

AMELIA OAKLEY

ANNA CARRUTHERS

ISOBEL LAIDLER

FREYA SANDERS

AMELIA OAKLEY

AMY BUTTERWORTH

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Features

Surviving the summer

ith Cambridge

Julian Sutcliffe Features Editor

ALEXANDRE PATUREL

ummer is here, and the long vacation is about to stretch out into oblivion. Three months of no punting, port, or even prosecco. But how to manage? How to get through the interminable holiday without getting withdrawal symptoms? Firstly, make sure you have work hanging over you which you don’t do all summer, because then it’ll feel much more like term time and you can enjoy yourself. If you get it done early then there’s nothing to do to procrastinate, and procrastination is the key to making it through the vacation. Meet up with old friends from school and tell them all about every May Ball you went to in absolutely excruciating detail. We’ve all had feelings of excitement when we see people at other universities going to a ‘Ball’ which looks like a slightly fancier school prom when we know there is no way they have a Ferris Wheel. If you make sure they hear about every ginbased cocktail you drank and every single oyster then Cambridge will seem just that little bit less far away. And your friends will love you. Having a bath fully clothed is a great way to replicate jumping (or falling) in the Cam. For bonus points bring a bottle of champagne in with you. Sadly this activity gives no guarantee of gastroenteritis, unlike a real trip into the Cam, rife with disease and infections. To really spice up family meal time, it would be a great idea to insist on a Latin grace before you start. Maybe start

It’s fine to free-fall through your first year Sherilyn Chew Features Editor

his has been a crazy year. That was my first thought when I woke up to natural light, sleep uninterrupted by the shrill ring of the alarm, after my last paper. Getting back to normal life was strange. Instead of the usual mad rush through Sainsbury’s to pick up groceries, tacked on to a busy day, I took my time going through the aisles, pausing to muse if I really wanted to cook chicken, or pork, or maybe something else altogether. I cleaned my room, did my laundry, vacuumed (!) – all these peculiarly normal things – and all the time I kept wondering: don’t I have somewhere to be? Something to be doing? First year has been chaos. There have been many tearful and sleepless nights, fuelled by far too many tons of black coffee and chocolate. It’s felt incredibly dehumanising at times, like I’m just a robot expected to process data and produce essay after essay, all the time wondering why everybody is functioning

so well except for me. The constant chaos – rushing from one supervision to the next, going through the essay cycle and always feeling one step behind – made me wonder if I was really cut out for this. If perhaps there had been some sort of mistake, some sort of slip-up along the way, and soon someone would show at up my door telling me that I wasn’t meant to be admitted. Yet, despite the exhaustion, the doubt and the discouragement, it looks like I’ve finished first year, and lived to tell the tale. While it has not been easy, it has been immensely humbling to learn every week just how little I know, and how much more there is to be learnt. The chaos also makes you appreciate the brief, blessed moments of normality, like doing grocery runs with my college wife after a particularly gruelling supervision Or the week when I watched the Newnham gardens slowly come alive again after a cold January; flowers everywhere in the sunshine. And I was pleasantly surprised by the unexpected moments of kindness – like when I asked the guy next

to me if I could have one of his Post-its, and he gave me the entire stack. Are there things I wish I had done differently this year? Of course, I wish I could have done a little more reading, put a little more time into that essay, maybe (just maybe) had a regular sleep cycle. But above all, I wish I had been kinder to myself, and not beat myself up for not being smart enough or quick enough or whatever enough. Cambridge is a a trip down the rabbit hole to a brand new country and culture, far away from tropical heat and thousands of miles from home. The physical changes are hard enough without the added stress of constantly worrying about how good you are. It’s normal to feel weak and tired, normal to stumble and fail, but it doesn’t mean we’re worth less than others. It’s comforting to remember that now that exams are over, and pleasant to see the world outside the library, sleep and wake up naturally, cook at a leisurely pace, and just enjoy life. At least, till the madness starts again this October.

wearing your gown as well – it will make your siblings so proud that Cambridge has kept you grounded and self-aware. Any college plates you’ve ‘borrowed’ should be brought out at this point. For bonus points introduce your parents to pennying. It would be cheating if you started going to good clubs back home. No matter what your friends want, it just wouldn’t be an authentic Cambridge surrogate if you can get through a whole night without seeing a blazer and tie combo or hearing at least one Disney song. Only go to the worst, or ideally don’t go out at all, for the truly authentic Cambridge experience. We hope this helps you to get over the long separation. But then again, all relationships need a bit of space every now and then. Make the most of summer, and don’t miss the ridiculous place that is Cambridge too much. NICK KENDRICK

ARTHUR RACKHAM

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

Features How to be a Parisienne:

A day in Parisienne life

Jane Malone Columnist

h, but Paris isn’t for changing planes! It’s for changing your outlook.” Audrey Hepburn proclaimed this in 1954 to Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina: the story of a young woman who moves to Paris and returns sophisticated and mature. A star graduate of the school of ‘How to be Parisienne’. After six weeks of training, I conclude it is time for my final test. I have investigated the fashion, attitude, activities, skills, and influences of the Parisienne. Now to see if I can bring it all together and live, as Sabrina advocates, la vie en rose, I will have an entire parisienne day. I don’t eat breakfast. I wear navy jeans with a navy top, pleasing Serge Gainsbourg and his cult hit ‘Le Pull Marine’, as all good Parisiennes should. My top is quite low. ‘Less is more’ claims my guide; the Parisienne always gives a little to accentuate what she hides. I finish off with black boots. The Parisienne’s favourite, meagre rebellion: black with blue. My au naturel easel touched only by a few light strokes of mascara and a coral lipstick, a lighter shade of red for daytime. A pair of earrings and a single, statement bracelet. It has the required backstory as a personal memento from a distant land I once roamed. The subtle parisienne jewellery values sentiment, not price. On the metro my eyes glaze over and I look out to space, as if to the warmth of twilight. I am tired and distracted so this occurs naturally as I settle into my disinterest. At my desk, work gives way to winding daydreams. In my mind I am in love, in another world, and my eyelids flutter at the grey skies beyond the window. The Parisienne is ‘in love with love’ and ‘dreams up a life with someone who doesn’t even know her name.’ I read a newspaper alone in my lunch break. I try to hide the newspaper’s date; it was bought several months ago. Keeping up appearances. I must drink a glass of red wine between 7.30 and 10.30pm. I paint my lips red. Deep red. Night red. Always that dab of perfume before going out. 10pm at a local brasserie. I sit outside, alone, with my glass of red wine, ordered with French and a wave of the hand. I turn off my phone. My thoughts drift, and linger and stumble into each other. My parisienne day was relaxed. Having sprinkled the hours with the suggested ingredients of the quintessential parisienne day, I generally found myself floating through the motions. Painstakingly trying to be parisienne had succumbed to something else: nonchalance. Not caring so much about being parisienne seems to be key to being parisienne. For the Parisienne is many things. My guide has helped in providing an overview of the generalisations we can make about the parisienne cliché: the stylish, sophisticated, sharp woman. And most Parisiennes’ encompass all these things, but in their own way. Some in high fashion, others in hipster jeans. Some with five minute coffee breaks between back-to-back meetings. Others at book clubs held in parks. I feel more parisienne not just for the practicalities I’ve learnt but because I feel more confident. A free woman in Paris. For what it truly means to be Parisienne is encapsulated in one of my manual’s chapters: ‘The best version of yourself.’ That said, I am determined to master mayonnaise…

Cambridge summer plans: What to do? Sherilyn Chew Features Editor

till thinking about what to do this summer? Look no more; we’ve done all the hard work for you. Here’s a list of our carefully thought through most-Cambridge summer plans. 1. Go yachting at Cannes What? I’ve heard it’s very nice this time of year. Oh wait, you don’t own a yacht, like most normal people? The horror! How does the other half live indeed – one shudders to think. Well, never mind, perhaps you could borrow one from a friend instead. Don’t worry, I’m sure they have a spare one they can dig out from the back of the yacht cupboard, so you won’t deprive them of the use of their own yacht this summer.

year. Been there, done that, and taken the photographs. The new summer trend this year is to teach punting. Who needs a new school, or new toilets, or extra teaching resources? This year, let’s bring a little slice of the Cambridge experience around the world instead. Pack up your gear and your cummerbund, add a little dash of self-righteousness, and you’re ready to go save the world! Remember, no good-hearted, truly generous volunteering would be complete without copious numbers of Instagram filters and hashtags showing pictures of all the disadvantaged children you’re helping. So, be sure to think of a list of potential hashtags before you go (#blessed, anyone?) to save time when you’re actually there taking pictures of them on the punt.

Be sure to think of a list of potential hashtags before you go

where you had to deal with the shame of not knowing which wine you were drinking? This summer, find hope again, for you can change. Sign yourself up for a wine-tasting course, preferably somewhere prohibitively expensive, and namedrop it when you meet your friends over summer asking them to come visit you. As a plus point, pick up some pretentious key phrases that you can casually slip into conversation during term-time to make other people around you feel inferior. 4. Lounge about in the comfort of your summer home If none of these really appeals to you, perhaps it would be best to just lounge about in your summer home in the Alps, and spend the days in sombre contemplation over a thick book. Oh, you don’t have one of those either? I suppose it’s high time we looked into that.

2. Teach disadvantaged children how 3. Take a wine-tasting course to punt Because teaching English is so last Remember all those formal dinners

WIKIPEDIA

May Week: The alternative options Sherilyn Chew Features Editor

of a year in Cambridge and TCS cannot be held liable if it is ineffective. 2. Catch up on TV. I’ve been waiting to watch Modern Family Season 7 since it came out last September – sadly, I still haven’t got around to doing so because, well, Cambridge happened. Most of us are probably equally behind on our TV show watching.

ay Week is upon us, and most of us will be splurging on June Events and May Balls, tripping over cobblestones while hammered, and agonising over dress choices. But for those who aren’t keen to splash out between 80 to 150 quid for 3. Go punting. What, you still a ticket, what options do you have? Let TCS tell you what you can do instead haven’t done it? And you call yourself of attending a May Ball this week. a Cambridge student? Go on, exams Attractively, some of these will involve are over. Be a tourist. Finally explore the River Cam alcohol at less prohibitive prices too. (making a mental note to avoid our 1. Sleep. This option is self- psychotic swans), listen to punters explanatory and the best one for those talk about the history of your colleges, and realise that Cambridge is actually looking to save money. No splurging required on alcohol, quite pretty when we don’t have ballgowns or high heels. Just get into supervisions. bed, close your eyes, and salvage what 4. Read TCS. You knew that one you can of your ravaged body after the woes and stresses of a year spent was coming. Now’s the time to wander down to your Porter’s Lodge and pick studying in Cambridge. Readers are advised that no amount up a copy of TCS to see what our paper of sleep may be able to cure the effect is all about.

Sleep is by far the best option

Leaf through it, do the crosswords, try cooking some of the recipes under the food section instead of eating in the Buttery for today. We promise you, it’s a lot more fun than any of your supervision readings. (And who knows? If CUSU has its way you could be looking at a copy of our second-last ever print edition. -Ed)

Bye-Bye print. We’re totally not bitter that you got cut because of bad financial planning. Not at all.

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Features

Student Spotlight: Uni Challenge

Show and Tell: A love letter to theatre

Julian Sutcliffe Features Editor

t was a heady moment, the first time I pressed the buzzer in front of me and heard the words “Peterhouse Sutcliffe.” I did get it wrong straight away, but I remember thinking that I wanted to have at least one go at an answer. Happily I got many more opportunities to hear that, some of which were even correct. Being on University Challenge has been a surreal experience, from the moment it started. Oscar Powell, he of the facial expressions, headhunted me from a freshers’ quiz tournament he had set up for the express purpose of scouting the talent of our year, and soon we had a team together.

Looking back, we were actually terribly cavalier towards the whole process. We had three historians, and then Oscar to ‘do science’. We had a list of things which we each had to learn for the challenge. But I think the only ones we ever did were me knowing a few presidents and Tom making sure to know the dates of each Chinese dynasty - a guaranteed UC staple. I’m sure you can tell from our appearances how much fun we had through the process. But, while we took it seriously we never let University Challenge become more than just a game. To those out there who want to tread the same hallowed path of Alex

We had three historians and Oscar to ‘do science’

BBC

Guttenplan and Gail Trimble (UC legends. They are heroes to many) my advice is simple. Learn things for the sake of it. Be interested in the world, and stay enthusiastic about it. Also important to remember: a good bit of practice never hurt anyone. Going to Quiz Society is a bit of a laugh, with sometimes alcohol fuelled sessions lasting until dawn. We sure know how to have fun. I think the best bit of training we did for UC was to watch every single episode that is on YouTube while also drinking copious amounts of wine,. Happily, this meant that our skill on the buzzer in the show was hard to match - even if it was also rather wild and erratic. University Challenge is an institution, something which I have realised more and more as we get messages from total strangers, and the excitement they speak with. It showcases that British students are not brain-dead as many would have us believe. What’s more, it encapsulates the thrill of intellectual discovery that learning is all about for many. And it’s helped to up my Tinder game massively. Priorities in order.

Overheard in May Week (probably)

“No, thank you, I couldn’t possibly have another oyster.”

“Is this champagne vintage?” “No, but my dress is.”

“There’s nothing I hate more than lying, except for pre-tied bowties, and they’re lying about being bowties.”

“Which way round do you wear a cummerbund?”

“I sold my firstborn child to get my Trinity ticket.”

Image credit, clockwise from top left: Charlotte Wasteson, Denise Mattox, Flazingo Photos, Wikipedia, Wikipedia

James Daly Columnist

ear Theatre, I’d say it’s been about thirteen years since I first met you in the New London Theatre where you showed me a bunch of dancers dressed as cats in leg warmers (thank you for that bizarre first date). During this time, you have given me so much more than I have given you – ignoring the amount of money I have spent on visiting you with which I probably could have bought a holiday to Australia or a small house. I’m choosing to ignore this because our love is based on so much more than monetary gain (or loss in my case); we have a profound connection that you constantly work to build upon. I first want to thank you for welcoming anybody who wants to get to know you. You are so inclusive and you let everyone have a taste of you, which doesn’t make me jealous because you still manage to make me feel special. I want to thank you for effortlessly and repeatedly transporting me to new, exciting times and places. Without the effort of actually moving anywhere, you manage to take me all around the world, giving me glimpses into other people’s fascinating lives and worlds, before always returning me safely back to where I started, just with a new perspective on things. Thank you for frequently taking me out of my comfort zone, whether I want you to or not. It is good for me and keeps my mind fresh and open. (Thank you for also knowing when to make me feel especially comfortable, reaffirming my strongest beliefs and assuring me that I am doing something right.) Thank you, and well done, for always bouncing back even when things don’t go well. You have been butchered by films, choked by financial limitations, challenged by cultural snobbishness, but you always come back fighting and delivering what you know people want from you. You are a master of integrity. Thank you for bringing people together in so many ways. When I am rehearsing for a show, you give me a family. When I am watching a show, you give me companions for the journey you’re taking me on. In an increasingly superficial world of isolation and staring lonely at screens, you help me share something real and special. Thank you for being one of the best teachers any of us has ever had. You tell us stories and teach us moral lessons in the most effective, moving ways that parents and tutors don’t have the creative means to do. Everyone can access you in some form, making you a classroom for the world. Finally, and most crucially, my unconditional love for you makes me certain that you are constantly helping me grow, accompanying me on my life journey as a stable force. In many ways you are more than my love; you are my abstract home. When I’m with you, I feel safe and like I belong, knowing so much of you has shaped who I am, even if I don’t always agree with what you’re doing. I trust you with all of my heart and I am always excited about where our relationship is going and what’s coming next. I know I’m not perfect, but nor are you (you’re the one who made a musical about the Spice Girls), so I hope our love can continue for as long as I live. P.S. I promise I will be an even better lover if you make Hamilton tickets cheaper and give The Color Purple lots of Tony Awards. Thanks, darling.

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

Interviews

Heston Blumenthal: Passion and perfection in cooking Emer O’Hanlon

lthough familiar from his TV programme Feast, and his restaurants Dinner and The Fat Duck (double and triple Michelin-starred respectively), it is perhaps his own innovative attitude to food, and his approach to eating as a multi-sensory experience, for which Blumenthal is best known. His insistence on the scientific basis to cooking has earned him a series of honorary degrees and a fellowship at

“Perfection is the enemy of creativity. In perfection, you succeed or you fail. Failure is considered bad.” the Royal Society of Chemistry. In discussing his approach to food and the ideology behind the menus at his restaurants, he pinpoints the creation of one dish in particular as the moment the way he thought about food changed entirely – his crab ice cream. He recalls with irritation how the diners didn’t care for it when he called it an ice cream, but found the same dish delightful when he changed the name to crab bisque instead. His aim is to challenge the expectation that the names of particular dishes set up. Surely the most famous example of this is the ‘Meat Fruit’ dish at Dinner.

Recently, he’s begun working on a GCSE in Food and Nutrition with OCR, and it’s clear that, ever since he was at school, the education system is something he’s struggled to come to terms with. “We’re still working off the education system created in the Victorian era, and that was all about language and mathematics” he points out in exasperation. “Perfection is the enemy of creativity. In perfection, you succeed or you fail. Failure is considered bad. And in that environment, people are then scared of failure. We’re all creative, but they’re too scared to say anything because I’m too scared I’m going to look stupid. Someone might laugh at me. And the next stage from that is that I need to protect myself – I’m actually going to start judging other people.” “I don’t like the word perfect anyway because happiness, for me, is a much nicer word. Isaac’s Newton’s law of gravity is perfect. His idea – where it came from – wasn’t perfection. A lot of things happened between [the two].” Just as he views eating as a multi-sensory experience, so too does he desire the recognition of Food Technology as a multi-disciplinary subject, describing himself as “really psyched” about it. “You take plant matter, you chop it, squash it, mix it, eat it – that’s physics. Reactions happen that change the texture and the flavour of that food, and it’s cooked. That’s chemistry. We eat it. That’s biology. We

WIKIPEDIA

evolve. That’s history.” I find his attitude towards recipes surprising, although consistent with what he’s said before. For Blumenthal, recipes create an over-dependence on someone else’s set of rules and preferences. The aim of his GCSE, therefore, is to allow students “to understand what happens when we eat, how we eat; to look at our senses, feel, and be. And not be a slave to a recipe. A recipe should be a guideline. You’ve got twenty odd techniques, you

“Eating brings people together that connection is so powerful. And it should be fun” can use some of them. Then you can create your own recipes.” I strongly agree with a lot of what Blumenthal says about how we need more creativity and a sense of fun in our approach to food. “Eating brings people together – that connection is so powerful. And it should be fun.” However, I can’t help but feel a bit wary when he voices disparagement at those who get ‘highbrow’ about their food. The price (per person) of a meal at The Fat Duck is around £250 (over £400 if you include wine), and while Dinner is certainly cheaper, it’s nonetheless an experience many can’t afford.

Because of this, I asked him how we can take his ideas about communicating and experimenting with food, and apply them to our own cooking and dining experiences. He said it links into what he was saying about recipes, and dispensed a few tips to start with. “The way you carve a piece of meat can make it more or less tender. If you want to bring a pot of water to the boil, put a bloody lid on it! It boils so much quicker. A bit of star anise in onion if you’re going to roast some meat. For every large onion, half a star anise, maybe two thirds. The sulphur compounds will react, and when you put the anise in, they boost the meatiness.” Alternatively, he says, “If you’re a theatrical one, start playing around with stuff. Try it!”

I’m not sure I got a completely satisfactory answer to my question. This advice (ranging from very specific to very general) is all very well, but the proof of the pudding is in eating it, and in Blumenthal’s case, it’ll be a while before I can afford to do so. However, I appreciate his passion when he talks about cooking, whether it’s in his home or his restaurant (“I love cooking…even just poaching an egg!”), and his comments about perfection versus happiness particularly struck home. He uses his TV show as a way to highlight this: “The BBC wanted me to cook the perfect this, the perfect that, I said, “No”. The focus should be, not on perfection, but on ‘the search for it”.

Anders Fogh Rasmussen on NATO and political hegemony Hippolyte Astier

ormer Danish Prime Minister and former Secretary General of NATO, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, spoke at the Union last Wednesday, covering the conflicts in Eastern Europe and the Middle East and the diplomatic challenges of NATO.

When asked about the purpose of NATO in a post-Cold War world, his answer seemed to deny a fundamental change in the world order, pointing to the belligerence of Putin in Ukraine. While he admitted a clear opposition between NATO and Putin’s Russia in his eyes, he asserted, “We have done a lot to reach out to Russia’” referring to the 1997 NATO-Russia Founding PETER NIXON

Act and the Russia-NATO Council in 2002, two instances of cooperation between the two powers. Rasmussen sees the issue of whether Russia would ever join NATO as a hypothetical one: “they will never apply”, but if they did, “[they] would have to fulfil the necessary criteria, namely having a well-functioning democracy, and they don’t” This advocacy of democracy as a principle of NATO was claimed repeatedly by Rasmussen. During the whole interview Russia was continually personified in Putin, whereas other powers were given their respective state or organisation names; at once denying and justifying this assimilation, Rasmussen took it to the realm of psychology: “This is not about Putin, but [he] is representative of a Russian feeling. He grew up with the KGB. He is a guy who thinks there is a conspiracy around him all the time.” And yet, for Rasmussen, another Russian leader would be similar or worse in representing the “great Russian master-plan” which Putin is currently conducting. “If you take a map and have a look at where

the conflicts [in Moldova, Georgia, Armenia, Ukraine] are located, you will clearly see that the overall plan is to restore Russian greatness through keeping their neighbours weak and dependent on Russia”. During his first term as Prime Minister of Denmark, Rasmussen ardently supported Bush’s Iraq War, and during the interview he restated his interventionist views: “We need a world policeman and the only power on earth which is able and reliable

‘Patience’ is a necessity for NATO and other world powers to do that is the United States.” Yet he is nonetheless critical of Obama’s international policies: “The current chaos is the result of America’s reluctance to engage.” For Rasmussen the withdrawal created “a security vacuum which will be filled by the bad guys, the Islamic State, Putin, Kim Jong-Un and all the others.” On intervention in Libya

Rasmussen admitted a mistake and gave the chilling response that “the lesson learnt” from that operation was to never start a military operation without a political plan for what will happen when the conflict is finished. Regarding the American military involvement in Europe, Rasmussen expressed his support for their absolute domination over the European diplomatic powers in the conflicts with Russia: “American hegemony is absolutely a good thing. […] I can tell you we shouldn’t trust [the UK, Germany and France], because they have different views on Russia.” Here a short but passionate comment was made against Brexit: the UK would still be strongly affected by decisions made in the EU without having a say in them. Rasmussen’s experience of Danish politics has clearly had an influence on his presidency at NATO: “Patience. Patience. […] I was the leader of a minority government [a particularity of the Danish system] and at the same time of a coalition government […] It takes a lot of patience.”

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Comment

May Balls: Extravagent or well-earned? Anthony Bridgen

o you’ve made it through to the end of Easter term: exams done, essays handed in, and the perils of the DoS meeting passed. For many of us, (as it is with me) the only thing that has kept you going to the bitter end of this frankly horrific term is the thought of the May Balls to come. The tickets bought in Lent, outfits arranged weeks in advance, the anticipation palpable for the glorious hedonism in store at these events. Many bemoan May Balls as the epitome of all that is problematic about Cambridge as an institution, that they are the overly extravagant symbols of ancient, ingrained elitism. Often core to this critique is the cost of tickets, many reaching £200 – or more if you’re lucky enough to get Trinity dining. At first glance it does seem rather galling, but when you consider what this actually includes, they’re pretty good value: unlimited food, alcohol, and entertainment which

includes bands that you might pay £50 a ticket to see in concert anyway. Furthermore, they’re set in the beautiful backdrop of colleges you might otherwise rarely see, or at least parts of them. Perhaps the cost is prohibitive, but no-one is obliged to come and so much else goes on during May Week that it’s possible to have a whale of a time without going to a single ball. The dress codes for these balls frequently leads to contention, with white and black tie being labelled ‘elitist’ and of excluding those who don’t own their own. This is surely fallacious as anyone can rent them fairly cheaply and most people have black tie anyway for college events such as matriculation. In fact, we must revel in these dress codes that, for many of us, provide the only opportunity of our lives to wear such attire. If there is any privilege linked to these rules, surely by allowing anyone to participate in them we are eroding any such connection.

Residents of the town might complain that we expect silence during exam term but then make an enormous racket come May Week. I very much doubt that any student expects or receives silence in Easter however, what with the hordes of tourists arriving and many students who don’t have exams partying. Furthermore, May Balls are carried out on private property and though they might be a little raucous at times, they are no more so than many of the festivals occurring in Cambridge. Perhaps it is selfish, but I hope they can forgive us: we’ll be out of their hair in a week! It seems to me that May Balls, whilst extravagant in some ways, are a wellearned reward for students who have been locked in a library for the best part of two months. They may not be for everyone, but that should not mean that the rest of us who enjoy the fun and glamour should be denied our fun. May Balls should and hopefully will remain a part of Cambridge life. CANTAB12

Editor-in-Chief: Amelia Oakley Founded 1999 Volume 17

Another year passes Exams, results, and what really matters

May Week marks the end of yet another era at Cambridge – finalist friends will graduate, the class lists will be erected outside Senate House for hopefully the last time, and a sea of undergraduates will make their way homewards and wonder, as they do every year, is it all worth it? The all-nighters, the countless hours in the library, and the many occasions when personal welfare is sacrificed for the sake of a, let’s be honest, arbitrary deadline. The whole mantra of May Week is ‘work hard, party hard’ – it seems at Cambridge everything must be done intensely, even enjoying yourself. There are moments very rarely in Cambridge when you are able to relax, and I mean properly relax – not simply taking an afternoon off for a Netflix binge, or a cycle ride to Fen

Ditton – but feeling absolutely content for a prolonged period of time to do whatever you want whether that be work, rest, or play. As students here we have been conditioned to believe that constant, high pressure activity is the only form of productivity. Yes, Cambridge may produce a pool of incredibly efficient people, with more transferable skills than you can shake a stick at. But does it facilitate happiness? The ethos of excess: of excessive study, excessive parties, excessive pressure to secure a certain, ultimately pretty irrelevant number on a piece of paper, breeds a wholly unhealthy culture. Perhaps scrapping class lists isn’t enough, maybe we should scrap class marks as well, and encourage learning in a healthier, less pressurised environment.

Remembering Orlando We must stand in solidarity

As we walk around in a May Week haze, it is easy become oblivious to the world outside the bubble and its reflection within. Yet in the same week as the largest attack on LGBT people in the West since the Holocaust, hate preachers have been in Cambridge.

Why Cambridge students need to embrace aimlessness Julia Stanyard

his year, I was one of those unfortunate people with late exams. Those last few days of revision while a never-ending procession of other people were drenched in cava felt like an eternity. Yet, as I whiled away those days in the library avoiding human contact as much as possible, I was told time and again by slightly hollow-eyed individuals that they “felt aimless” after finishing exams, or were simply “bored”. Now, I may not have picked up much wisdom relevant to my degree in those final few days (in fact I can say with some confidence that I definitely didn’t), but I do have some life advice for all those hollow-eyed aimless people out there. Firstly, don’t do it again. If you see

someone flailing around with several large books on Mycenaean pottery (or similar), don’t expect them to care about your boredom. They don’t need it. As someone who just stressed out badly over my finals, I would have given – maybe not an arm and a leg, but at least a couple of fingers – to trade places with any of you at that slightly miserable time. Secondly, just take a look at where you are. From my room in college, I can mooch around the college woodlands and orchard, go for a swim in the pool (Girton perks), have all my meals ready for me in hall. I could even go to the gym. I don’t, but I could. Essentially, for the couple of weeks between exams and leaving, Cambridge student life is essentially a kind of elaborate holiday camp, but with all your stuff and all your friends.

It’s an incredibly cushy existence. How could you possibly be bored? There are a million and one things you could do. How little imagination must it take to wander through somewhere like Cambridge and think there’s nothing worth doing? I can give you some tips if you’re still wondering. None of these things need be elaborate or expensive. Go see one of the seemingly never-ending stream of plays and concerts, spend the afternoon in Granchester with a good book, watch that classic film you’re always embarrassed to admit you haven’t seen. Text that person you’ve secretly fancied all year: after all, you don’t have to worry about bumping into them in Sainsbury’s over the vacation if it all goes pear-shaped. Do anything, literally anything, but complain about

being bored. You owe it to your future self – who is stuck in some office or some lab loaded with responsibilities – to grab the opportunity to do absolutely whatever you want by the horns and run with it. On a more serious note, Cambridge (and more generally the pressures on our generation of students), tells us relentlessly that we must always have some aim, always be moving on to the next step, academically or career-wise. But what’s wrong with aimlessness? These few sunlit days that close the academic year are the time when these pressures can be laid aside with no consequence, and aimlessness becomes a virtue. It’s an opportunity to indulge your every passing whim, so take it. I don’t know about you, but I’m going punting.

From their position just off Market Square, they have been displaying an all too familiar but revolting rhetoric. However, as we saw at Tuesday’s vigil, Cambridge’s students, colleges, residents, and councillors will not tolerate such words and will unite to overpower them. JORGE ROYAN

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

Comment

Free speech: No, it’s not suppressed Joanna Taylor Comment Editor

tephen Fry, amongst a host of journalists and celebrities this year, has claimed that free speech is becoming repressed by the “regressive left”, particularly on university campuses, citing the “infantilism” of our culture as the cause. Whether it be campaigns like Rhodes Must Fall, or the infamous trinity of safe spaces, no-platforming and trigger warnings, hysterical cries of “what about my free speech?” have reverberated around the country. It’s time we looked at the facts. Quite apart from the liberal ways in which the term ‘free speech’ has been bandied about by various tabloids, its so-called repression is no more than a storm in a teacup. The Cambridge Union deliberately invites controversial figures to speak to us including George Galloway and Katie Hopkins in the last year and, although there was backlash against the invitation of Julian Assange (over his rape allegations, not because of his views), the student body voted to allow him to speak. Of course, we ought to be sceptical of new concepts like no-platforming, but the reactionary storm of those crying that it’ll be the death of this country is even more ridiculous than accepting it without question. I’m not generally in favour of no-platforming, but it isn’t a human rights abuse. So, Germaine Greer has to speak

on a T.V. or radio show or write a column instead of speaking at Cambridge because she hasn’t been invited. Cry me a river. Ironically enough, terms like ‘trigger warning’ have become triggers to those who mindlessly disparage anything associated with the left-wing. But let’s dissect each one. Trigger warnings do not restrict free speech: articles, plays, and speeches will continue to discuss issues like rape and sexual assault, but allow those who have had harrowing experiences or mental illness the choice whether or not to engage with them. You wouldn’t say your right to eat is restricted by the allergy advice on the wrapper.. Then there are safe spaces. Where they do exist, they exist to engender a sense of solidarity and security for those who have to deal with sexism or racism or transphobia on a daily basis: they are not discussion groups where women or minorities get together to plan world domination, although I realise this description is convenient to some peoples’ warped view of feminism. There are legitimate criticisms to be levelled against the concept of safe spaces but ‘free speech’ is lazy and inaccurate: no-one is being stopped from expressing their views because they exist. If you’re more concerned by women and transgender people occasionally meeting up to discuss sexual assault on campuses

The hysteria over free speech is unwarranted and a classic attack on young peoples’ views and left-wing politics

than you are by sexual assault on the same campuses, then you need to take a look at your priorities. Why cultural appropriation enters the free speech debate baffles me even more. Are there people out there that think their right to dress in the clothes of another culture constitutes their free speech? Are there others who enjoy dressing up as a Japanese rice-farmer and drawing on elongated eyes with eyeliner (which happened at Pembroke’s ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ bop) so much that they believe the concerns of ethnic minorities to be thus invalid? Cambridge has a woefully un-diverse student body: I think that not mocking other peoples’ cultures whilst plastered at a May Ball or bop is the least we can do. The hysteria over free speech is unwarranted and a classic attack on young peoples’ views and left-wing politics: the only threat to free speech is that by shouting someone down because they use a term like ‘cultural appropriation’ means that the debate is becoming one-sided. Perhaps Stephen Fry and Germaine Greer, and Mary Beard – and all the other other politicians, journalists, and celebrities who have looked down on the ‘regressive left’ within the student body – should listen to our views and engage with them rather than silencing them with cries of ‘free speech’.

Summer is the you to live for Alexandre Paturel

RICHARD BARRETT-SMALL

Where is my choice to abstain from advertising? Sam Harrison

umanity knew not the feeling of helpless agony before the invention of the un-skippable YouTube advert. Advertising has, almost unnoticed, begun to encroach on our personal space without permission. Whilst outrage has ensued over some particular adverts, as a society we have yet to discuss the implications of advertising’s inescapable ubiquity. I do not care, incidentally, of what ‘quality’ an advert claims to be. Those who insist that they enjoy adverts are entirely inexplicable to me. No matter how clever an advert’s premise or editing, it is still a cynical bid by the company to embed itself

in your mind for the sake of its own profit. It is a sordid, soulless piece of calculation. There is very little to separate it from propaganda, except for one thing. When some narcissistic despot coats every public surface with their imperious visage, that is a cult of personality and a symptom of tyranny. When a private company equally forces everyone to stare at its logo, that is a good marketing strategy. But more important than the faint ludicrousness of it is the undoubted cultural influence that advertising exerts. The old adage ‘sex sells’ is as applicable as ever and, as ever in history, it is women who suffer for its endurance. Last year the notorious ‘beach body ready’ advert did its part to keep up the relentless pressure on women to maintain prescribed standards of

It is a sordid, soulless piece of calculation.

physical appearance, and this was only one of a whole host of others which continue to imply that women are measured by what is deemed to be their sexual ‘worth’. These are notions that we subconsciously imbibe when we see these advertisements, notions that, once they have penetrated, control our behaviours and interactions with other people. Advertisers have no right to imprint deleterious perceptions on our minds, without our consent and even our knowledge. For as long as the advertisers have political power, there is nothing we can do about advertising. But this should not preclude small acts of rebellion. As it was put in a Banksy artwork, “Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use.”

ummer internships, whilst they can be rewarding, are not the be-all-and -end-all. Summer is the time to do absolutely nothing (a luxury in itself) at least some of the time, to sit around in the sun (or rain), to spend hours cooking, or talking to a friend: the beauty of summer is that not everything you do has to be means to an end. The Cambridge atmosphere can make you feel that if you’re not producing something every minute of the day – whether its producing work or creating something in your spare time – then you’re left forlorn and by the wayside. This could not be further from the truth. There’s no one way to ‘get summer right’. So what if you haven’t secured a placement in the UNSC, or aren’t shadowing President Obama? Really, the most important thing to remember is that summer is the one time you can really and truly do exactly as you wish. This means you can do the things you think are worthwhile: write that novel (or not) or get involved in whatever schemes are going about that will take up your time. Or do nothing at all. There’s nothing wrong with living life on an ad hoc basis: you don’t need to plot your projected work intensity on an Excel spreadsheet years in advance in order to do something that seems to be

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

ROWFOTOS

Comment

Free speech: Yes, expression is in danger

Anthony Bridgen

e time for r today worthwhile. Pop by the careers’ services, read Ulysses, spend time with an old friend, a parent – follow your gut. If there’s one thing I would recommend. it is to spend time with people. When you look back at your summers it isn’t (unless you’re a complete narcissist) really what you did by yourself in the darkness of your room that will stand out. Summer is not a terrifyingly blank slate. You have a roadmap: your memories. What do you remember from last summer that you enjoyed? What made you grow as a person? How can you do things that will stick in your mind? I reckon that a lot of what people remember is the time they invested in other people: the flings, the foes, and the friends. Who would you rather be with? Who have you not spoken to in a while? So what if it’s strange that you rung them; every person you meet, every text you send, could be the preface of the best drama of your lifetime. Someone once told me that good grades at university are earned working and revising over summer, and perhaps that is the case. Perhaps you can’t wait to get to the grindstone and steamroll onto your future. But a wise man by the name of Alan Watts once said that the future is only good for those who can live in the present – and maybe, just maybe, summer is the time to live for today.

e’ve all heard about them: cultural appropriation, trigger warnings (or should I say ‘content notes’ since trigger warnings themselves are apparently triggering…) and no-platforming.University, a place for mind-broadening discussion and rational debate, is rapidly becoming a space where we must watch everything we say and in which perceptibly contentious figures are stopped from speaking just become some dislike their opinions. Whether it be Germaine Greer or Julian Assange, attempts are frequently made to silence free speech; fortunately most fail, but we must be vigilant in ensuring our right to participate in open debate. Take if you will, the recent furore over the ‘culturally appropriative’ themes of Clare May Ball and Trinity Hall June event. Attacks were levelled at both committees as they apparently made other cultures a game of dress-up. The Orient Express was a train running routes through Europe and thus can in no way be said to be exploiting the cultures of traditionally oppressed non-

Only by allowing those with different opinions to us a platform can we speak against them

western cultures: it merely intended to emulate the opulence associated with this infamously luxurious train. In the case of Tokyo to Kyoto, this was surely intended as a celebration of Japanese culture, which was not criticised by the Anglo-Japanese Society. Whilst Clare did not bow to pressure, Trinity Hall unfortunately did and left us with the rather drab Metropolis: a disappointing but understandable move when considering the level of vitriol directed at them. Cultural appropriation is a problem when it mocks, belittles, or makes fun of a culture, but by labelling everything from dreadlocks to sushi as appropriative desensitises people when they are presented with real examples. Problematic too, is the notion of university as a ‘safe space’, where one is entitled not to have to hear any opinion one dislikes. This is a ridiculous policy: only by allowing those with different opinions to us a platform can we speak against them and demonstrate that their thoughts are not ours. Furthermore, no-one is obliged in any

way to go and see a speaker they don’t want to hear: it is an active choice to do so. Similarly, with the (thankfully) failed, Rhodes Must Fall campaign: yes, we must recognise how problematic Rhodes was as a figure, but we must not wipe him from the annals. Instead, we must engage with what he represents and thus understand how to avoid repetition of past mistakes. Many Oxbridge buildings were funded by similar figures: should we have to tear them all down? Free speech is a bastion of our educational institutions: without it, we live in fear of saying or doing something which has been deemed somehow ‘wrong’ in one of the plethora of ways the student left loves to deploy. We must not silence all who don’t see eye to eye with us, we must face them with impassioned rebuttal. Do we want university to be safe, so that we are never confronted by that which might offend us, or do we want it to be an intellectually engaging environment in which to develop our own opinions? I vote the latter.

Make time for mental health in May Week Georgie Girdwood

y May Week during first year is all a bit of a blur to me. This is not, as it is for most students, because of copious amounts of alcohol, nor is it due to a lack of sleep: I spent most of it in bed, grateful for having blackout shutters. I didn’t go to Cindies, attend any garden parties, or punt to Granchester: it wasn’t exactly what I’d planned for the week billed as ‘making it all worth it’. I told my friends that I was sleep deprived, but really I didn’t want to go out with them. Whilst everyone else bounced gleefully out of exam-term blues, I stayed put. Depression is often described as the absence of all feeling, but I think this stems from the fact that it’s easier to explain what we’re not feeling rather than what we are. I can’t explain to you what I felt on the first night of freedom from exams, listening to friends crashing down the stairs and out the door. But I can tell you what I didn’t feel: I didn’t feel relieved, or feel like celebrating, I didn’t want to get drunk, dance or laugh. I definitely didn’t want to watch them all experiencing these normal post-exam feelings and to question why I wasn’t. Equally, I cannot tell you how I felt at the May Ball I attended. I didn’t feel free like everyone else nor like I didn’t want it to end, but I loved the ABBA tribute band and the wide range of G&Ts. I wasn’t

May Week forces people to consider that they’re not just experiencing ‘Week 5 blues’

completely numb, but I did have the constant feeling of not really being there and that maybe it was time to go home. I don’t think I’m the first or will be the last student to experience this. The normalisation of mental health issues as ‘just part of the Cambridge life’ is part of the issue. Symptoms are dismissed as work stress, but what do you do when the self-determined cause of your problems is gone but the feelings are not? May Week can be the first time people consider that maybe they’re not just experiencing the ‘Week 5 blues’. Asking celebrating friends for help might seem like being a burden, whilst going to the Counselling Service with only a week left might seem pointless. And yet, the helplessness of depression is magnified

when staring down four months without Cambridge’s support systems. Waiting until October isn’t good enough. Trust me, I tried. Support is still available during the long vacation, and we should make access to it as easy as possible. Colleges can provide accommodation for the whole summer or occasional GP visit, tutors and Welfare Officers function as they do in term-time and can help to negotiate with colleges; the Student Advice Service is also available Most importantly, our friends are often the first, and sometimes the only, ones to know when something isn’t right. Even if May Week is the debauched dream you were promised, make sure to check up on friends: they’d do the same for you. AKAITORI

16 June 2016 • May Week • The Cambridge Student

Sport

England snatch a draw fr Puzzle Column S Paul Hyland Sport Editor

Cryptic Crossword

Across 1. Dangle finished after May Ball (8) 2. Lavish attire begins by attracting lovely ladies’ ghastly, old worries; nevermind (8) 3. Prodigality is a ring, a toddler cry and an engineering magazine (8) 4. Find WiFi; reworking of pyrotechnics (8)

Down 2. Resultant of four; economic climate (4) 7. Execution of ecstatic happiness is behind schedule (4) 5. Collection hides older angel (5) 6. Possess vexed past victory (3) 8. Stool loses fifth leg to burn (4) Compiled by Cameron Wallis

udden elation. Hope. Optimism. Positivity. Then, suddenly, despair. Trust England to revert to type. It should have been so different, and it started with the team sheet. It hardly took the most eagle-eyed observer to spot the glaring problems in England’s set up. Captain Wayne Rooney was once again shoehorned into an unfamiliar midfield role. Starts were handed to the woefully off-colour Raheem Sterling and Adam Lallana, both of whom have struggled for form at their respective clubs this season. Jamie Vardy, scorer of 21 league goals last season, found himself consigned to the substitutes’ bench. What’s so frustrating for England fans is that Hodgson tends to do everything other than the obvious. There’s a certain beauty in simplicity, and of course, the simplest answer is often the right one. So when the best two English attacking players, Harry Kane and Jamie Vardy, don’t find their way into the same team, questions must be asked. And in the interests of balance, it was hard to see what a midfield three of Alli, Dier, and Rooney was attempting to do. The natural foil for Dier, a tremendous defensive player at Tottenham Hotspur, sitting deep in front of the defence, and his Spurs teammate Alli marauding forward to attack, would have been a player to sit deep and dictate the tempo from the midfield. A player to turn the screw when the opponent looked vulnerable and slow down proceedings when they hit their stride. Setting up such a gung-ho midfield was ultimately what

“Hodgson tends to do everything other than the obvious”

created the space in the centre of the park for Russia to deliver their sucker punch on the final whistle. They ought to have heeded the example of the French. In their opening game against Romania, manager Didier Deschamps proved unafraid to make big calls. Karim Benzema, Real Madrid’s centre-forward, has been left at home. World-class midfielder Paul Pogba was taken off after 75 minutes with France needing to find a winner. But most importantly, he chose players based on form and not on reputation, and it worked. N’Golo Kanté and Dimitri Payet, two of the Premier League’s star performers of the past season, both lit up the opening game of this European Championship. Kanté with his superhuman workrate, energy, and application; Payet with a screamer to hand his side a narrow victory over a plucky Romania side who clearly weren’t interested in making up the numbers. Despite all this, England flirted with being a half-decent outfit. Rooney, in fairness to him, looked comfortable in his midfield role. Dele Alli, stationed next to him, looked every bit a midfielder with the world at his feet. But England lacked that calming influence in those positions. And until Eric Dier’s bolt-from-theblue stormer of a free kick looked to have handed England a narrow win in their first match, individual acts of skill from individual players just weren’t enough to make a cohesive unit alone. Dier’s glorious strike would have papered over the cracks. It’s not often you’ll hear this, but Hodgson was too quick to go for the jugular; too often choosing to burst forward instead of slow the tempo and take control. A point-blank refusal to do the obvious

All change as Lady Margaret Sudoku Paul Hyland Sport Editor

by Thomas Prideaux Ghee

ady Margaret Hall’s crew have finished head of the river at this year’s Cambridge Men’s May Bumps, for the first time, bringing to an end five years of dominance

J. FAIR

Solutions from Volume 17, Lent Issue 9

between Gonville and Caius and Downing. The two teams had shared the top two spots between them from 2011 until 2015, whereas this year Downing found themselves dropping to a disappointing fifth-placed position, despite three consecutive second-placed finishes in this fixture. Caius will be even more disappointed. The Caians managed to knock hot-favourites Trinity First and Third from the top spot back in May 2011, and had enjoyed a sustained period of success ever since, finishing head of the river four consecutive times and suffering only two bumps – both in back in 2013, and both to Downing. Though even that wasn’t enough to deny Caius a victory, as they bumped back on the final day to continue a stellar run of form.

The Cambridge Student • May Week • 16 June 2016

Sport

rom jaws of victory has led to that old familiar feeling – England snatched what felt like a defeat from the jaws of certain victory. If there are any positives for England, it’s that a draw suits both sides. England and Russia are still the likely top two in this group, and it’d be hard to see past even the most slipshod of England set ups getting out of Group B and into the knockout stage. The true test will come should England have to face a side like Germany again. If Hodgson opts for the team that drew to Russia, and not the one that won in Berlin, Thomas Müller and co. will surely be licking their lips. That’s assuming they even get there.

A series of skirmishes outside an English pub in Marseille culminated in full-scale violence inside the Stade Vélodrome. As Berezutski’s header looped over Joe Hart, a section of Russia’s fans climbed over into the England enclosure and attacked. UEFA has given Russia a suspended disqualification and a fine of £119,000. The English FA have similarly been threatened with disqualification, which would be the first of its kind in a major tournament. All eyes turn to Lille, where English and Russian fans once again brush shoulders this Thursday. In far too many senses, it’s a day that could end up being fatal. STEINDY

CAROLINE

A runner’s-eye view: Cambridge’s best cross country routes William Lyon-Tupman

ay Week: A time of great celebration as everyone finishes their exams for the academic year, or for their entire university career; many congratulations! Quite rightly this is a time to celebrate and to relax, but perhaps also a time to catch up on all that training that was perhaps so easily missed while you were revising and taking exams. This is certainly what I did from the day after finishing my exams. I embarked on one of my favourite running routes. Being a student at Girton College inevitably involves covering more distance than the lucky lot who happen to live in town, and so my runs always start from Girton rather than from Cambridge. So a scenic run from Girton to the picturesque nearby village of Waterbeach and back, going via Cambridge, is about seventeen miles in total. This is a lovely route

t Hall take Men’s Bumps Lady Margaret had started May Bumps placed third after a successful Lent saw them overtake Queens, Jesus and First and Third into third place. Their momentum was not to be halted, and the outsiders bumped secondplace Pembroke on the first day to set the tone for the rest of a week in which they were not to be bumped back. Consolidating their second-placed position for three consecutive days, the head of the river was up for grabs on the final day. And at the very last, Caius found themselves knocked off the spot they had called home for longer than so many of their crew had been at Cambridge. Meanwhile, the women’s Bumps event took on a much more familiar feeling, as Downing kept their control of the river, taking blades in the

process. The Downing crew haven’t finished outside of the top two since 2009, and have won blades every single year barring a 2013 campaign in which they finished second. It was another familiar story for Caius, starting the week in second position, and finishing the week in exactly the same spot. Emmanuel, their nearest competitor from 2015, who also finished with blades that year, suffered a disappointing collapse this year. They were bumped on three consecutive days by Jesus, Clare, and Girton. The Jesuans are surely the favourites to challenge the Downing and Caius stranglehold on the head of the river. And given a Lent Bumps campaign where they leapt from 3rd to 1st, you wouldn’t bet against them in 2017.

which runs alongside the riverside for its entirety from Cambridge, crossing over to the left-hand side at the Green Dragon Bridge, and on a nice day it certainly presents many beautiful scenes and it is undoubtedly fun to race the boats as they train for their next races. You can also enjoy a pint in one of the local pubs before you head back into town! But perhaps you haven’t got two or three hours to spare. Not a problem, as another route is more than doable within the hour from Cambridge to the countryside village of Fen Ditton and back. Again this provides an opportunity for runners to experience the beauty of the riverside and the tree-filled greens such as Stourbridge Common, while taking around an hour to cover a distance of eleven miles (or 30-40 minutes for the six miles, if starting in Cambridge town centre). But perhaps you fancy more of a mixed-terrain cross-country run, and being at or near Girton certainly makes this opportunity readily available. The

route between Girton and the nearby village of Madingley is full of different terrains – paths, roads, tracks and mud – and it is certainly easy to get lost, but there is a fairly direct route along the road from Cambridge to Madingley for the return (if starting from Girton). As such, the direct route from Cambridge to Madingley and back is only roughly six to seven miles. But taking the route from Girton can be anything from that distance to double – depending on which variation of route taken through the woods, country roads, fields, and more – and one can always run a lap or two around the woodlands of Girton College for a bit of extra distance! These are just some of the many routes one can run in Cambridge, and these are my personal favourites; but there are many more great running routes in and around Cambridge. To find out more, get in touch with the University’s cross-country club, the Cambridge Hare & Hounds on their Facebook page!

Rowing ourselves to the limit: The marathon of Mays Finn Kelly

ome sports can be boiled down to a test of a single human quality. The 100m sprint is rightly hailed as the marquee event at the Olympics for showcasing speed at its purest. Marathon runners are endurance personified. Rowing, at its most fundamental, is about pain. Of course we’ve all heard about rowers’ masochistic tendencies, but as with many of Cambridge’s more awful aspects, the jokes hide a much more sinister truth. The crews who have punished their bodies most thoroughly in preparation and who are most willing to inflict hurt on themselves return with laurels. Rowing without pain is unimaginable. This is not to say that pain should not be part of any sport. On the contrary, hurt is a vital dynamic driver, from batsmen facing down bouncers

in cricket to the bone-shaking hits inflicted on the rugby pitch. However, neither of these fetishize or reward pain to anything like the same extent. Training for marathons and other extreme endurance events could also come under fire, but running does not seem to be explicitly designed to take the body to its limits as quickly as possible. Nor are you expected to run marathons daily four days in a row, as both Lent and May Bumps insist on. Cambridge is a place where students are used to pushing themselves to their limits. In many cases this can be an empowering experience, and this can be the case for rowing as well. But our boat houses are home to a culture where to blink at the prospect of 90 minute ergs twice-weekly is a betrayal of one’s crewmates. While a more casual engagement with rowing is possible through the ever-amusing beer boats, these are

often stuffed with grads, so often undergraduates looking for a lowcommitment relationship with rowing find themselves right out of luck. And even then the ‘Getting-On Race’ means that a certain number of blisters must be earned before earning the right to even compete in Bumps. Rowing will be a part of the fabric of Cambridge life for ever, but we must be wary of placing pain on a pedestal at the heart of Cambridge sport. HIMANISADAS

Illustration: Emma Wood