AM I CHAP?

SEND PHOTOS OF YOURSELF AND OTHER BUDDING CHAPS AND CHAPETTES TO CHAP@THECHAP.CO.UK FOR INCLUSION IN THE NEXT ISSUE

“You will note,” writes Peter J Faye, “that my mode of transport is an electrically assisted vélocipède, as I demonstrate that one does not need to be some long haired, baggy jumper-wearing oik to do one’s bit towards preserving our plague ridden planet.” Sir, we did not note the electrification of your ladies’ bicycle until you drew attention to it, for we were too distracted by the absence of bicycle clips to restrain your flared trousers from catching in the chain. Though presumably there is, instead of a chain, some form of electrical chip that powers said velocipede. Also, sir, you have a puncture to the rear of the ‘vehicle’.

The man seated behind Ian Taylor expressed our own concerns about various matters, namely an uncertain shirt collar, non-contrasting pocket square, excess jacket cuff, pointless covered buttons and slanted pockets on a non-hacking jacket. But the seated man’s loudest groan must have been at Mr. Taylor’s flagrant ignorance of the ‘always, sometimes, never’ jacket buttoning rule.

One of these gentlemen is at his workplace, the Captain Fawcett factory and museum, and can therefore be forgiven for donning pantaloons de Nimes. The other (on the left) has no excuse, especially when he has gone to such effort to clad his upper half more or less correctly. Make your mind up, sir – are you a mod or a rocker?

“I often see my father reading The Chap magazine,” writes Esme Hodsoll, “and I wondered whether he might be a chap himself? He loves classic cars and has suits made on Saville Row (sic), as well as bespoke shoes. Here is a photograph of him with his Aston Martin. I’ll let you be the judge!” Madam, thank you for sending this photograph of your father’s Aston Martin. We cannot comment on the appearance of the chauffeur, since he is wearing his work uniform, so perhaps you could send us a photograph of your father as well? The premises of Captain Fawcett have received many visitors of late. It is surprising that this one was permitted entry, having forgotten to unfasten the lower button on his waistcoat.

Frank Annable went to an ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ themed fancy dress party and forgot to bring his mask.

Richard Edmonds is something of a beachcomber. On this occasion, having emerged from a bracing nude swim and finding that his clothes had been stolen, he had to cobble a temporary outfit together from bits of debris found along the shore. Frank Annable assures us that blindfolds rather than masks were provided for anyone in the same room as him, when wearing his Coco the Clown outfit.

What could be more pleasant than a pint of iced water on a windswept beach in the middle of winter? In Randolph Taylor’s case, it would be a jacket that matches his trousers, a pair of braces and a set of cufflinks. Nice bow tie and boater, though.

“We are artists of a retrospective nature,” write twins Philip and Andrew, AKA The Jones Boys, “inspired by 1930s sunbursts and bendy shapes. This image was taken at the Vintage by the Sea event in the Midland Hotel, Morecambe. Although we did look very alike as kids, we have somewhat grown out of our identical chops. We still have to wear different head attire though.” Sirs, your ruse to wear different head attire in order to distinguish yourselves from each other is helpful, since in every other respect you have both managed successfully to ruin perfectly decent outfits. To wit, cream moleskins with a dark green waistcoat and white shoes; cravat with wing-collared shirt and bowler hat. The list goes on, sirs, and we suggest you use the Hergé Thompson Twins as sartorial inspiration, rather than the other Thompson Twins.

Zurab Gogidze is another Thompson Twins fan, checking an image on his telephone of the Hergé detectives to ensure his false moustache looks cartoony enough. The photograph, he informs us, was taken at the Moustache Party at Pizza Express, Belsize Park, so nothing more needs to be said. “My wife took this picture of myself (with buttonhole flower) and my friend Smythe (he is holding Sadie dog’s lead) at our friend Clarke’s wedding,” writes ‘Tinker’, providing more reams of useless information. He went on to inform us that, “whilst it isn’t visible, the lower button on the waistcoat is of course undone.” Smythe is bawling at the camera, having spotted the fact that Tinker’s waistcoat is a formal one, and therefore the bottom button should not be undone. Good old Smythe. He’ll spot the brogues with Morning Dress next.