Teens

GENDER BASED VIOLENCE

FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF A TEENAGER

Interview done by: Claudene Sebolai

I had a chat with Jaylynn (16), Anethia (16) and Karleigh (13) on the topic of GBV. One might think that young people aren’t interested in or don’t pay attention to intimate partner violence, however, these three were very passionate in their engagement around this issue.

WHAT, IN OUR OPINION IS GENDER BASED VIOLENCE?

Karleigh: Gender oppression of any sort which leads to atrocities such as femicide or rape, spree killings involving predominantly one gender, and serial killings amongst others. Jaylynn: GBV is when someone is hurt in any way because of his or her gender or sexual orientation. GBV occurs when there is an unequal balance of power within intimate relationships as well as in society. Anethia: GBV is when someone is oppressed due to gender norms and are coerced by either a partner or a parent or society to fit a specific criterion.

DO YOU THINK INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE OCCURS AMONGST TEENAGERS?

Karleigh: Yes intimate partner abuse doesn’t only happen to a certain age group. Jaylynn: Yes, definitely! For example, young people might think that name calling in a relationship is normal when in fact it is abusive. Most teenagers do not report these unhealthy behaviors, as they might be afraid to open up to family and friends.

Anethia: Yes. In some cases teens think that toxic relationships are normal based on what they have been exposed to in society. I think intimate partner abuse is a huge thing amongst teens. Overt and covert forms of GBV should be made clearer to teenagers.

ARE TEENS OPEN ABOUT GENDER BASED VIOLENCE?

Karleigh: Not at all. They might be afraid that their parents or other adults will think of them as a shame or in some cases, adults aren’t always approachable. Some might also find it hard to be honest about what happens to them because they think people don’t take them seriously or try to compare their problems with those of other people. Jaylynn: No, most of the time, teens don’t talk to adults because they are afraid or ashamed. They might even think that no one will believe them. Anethia: Sadly not always. Teens might be afraid to talk about their problems because they think they will be judged or stigmatized if they do so. Sometimes they don’t have a lot of people they can trust to help them.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOUNG PEOPLE EXPERIENCING INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE?

Karleigh: Run from that situation, even though it might be hard. Tell an adult you trust and feel safe with and try to report it to the police etc. Jaylynn: Open up to your parents or any adult that you trust. Do not be afraid to speak up, it could save you a lot of trauma. Anethia: You are not alone. If you do not have someone to talk to you can always call the GBV helpline on 0800 428 428.

ANY ADVICE FOR PARENTS?

Karleigh: If you see signs of abuse, don’t try to force the subject on your child. Instead, try to talk to them about it when they’re ready. If you have the contact information of the partner/friend’s parents, tell them what’s going on and try to get your child to report it to the police, too, if you can. Jaylynn: Trust your child and provide a safe space for him/her to open up about intimate partner abuse. Many teenagers turn to self-harm because they aren’t being heard. Anethia: Don’t ask why the child didn’t open up earlier. Sometimes it is not so easy to speak up. It takes a lot of courage to approach someone so do not ignore the child. Teens get emotionally tired and drained too and needs lots of support, love and understanding.

Adolescence is an important stage of life. According to the World Health Organization, “Physical, emotional and social changes, including exposure to poverty, abuse, or violence, can make adolescents vulnerable to mental health problems.” Let your teen feel that they are worth listening to. Taking the time to really listen to your teen shows them you respect their thoughts, opinions, and helps build trust.