UC M2 S2 Overcoming Fear Coach by The Coaching Institute

SESSION 2:

OVERCOMING FEAR FOR THE COACH

SESSION #2 OVERCOMING FEAR

We all have some things in common Introduction… •

We are all doing the best we can with the resources available to us

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We are all worried about whether we are good enough

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When we come together we realise we share these characteristics Am I good enough? Will I be judged? Will I belong? Am I loved?

The question to ask is If you knew you could handle whatever life had to offer, what would you attempt or endeavour to do? The answer is… You would be unstoppable… If you didn’t have to ‘worry’… •

What would you do instead?

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Where would you focus instead?

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What would you think about instead?

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What would you start to do?

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What would you stop doing?

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What would you explore?

Coaching versus ‘why’… •

In coaching we don’t spend time working out why we are fearful

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In coaching we don’t spend time studying what’s wrong...

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We do the opposite and work out what to do instead...

Your clients… •

Tend to wait for the fear to go away

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Wait for courage to turn up

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Put off acting because of fear but have no strategy for getting rid of it, so are perpetually stuck

Your clients… •

Will come up with excuses – or ‘reasons’ for things staying stuck – –

It’s not the right time

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I’m too busy...

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My kids are...

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I have to...

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And then the years are gone and now they’re way too afraid to act

Here’s the deal… •

The longer your client hides behind excuses and fear, the harder it becomes to take action

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This can lead to ‘learned helplessness’ and even depression

The ONLY antidote… •

Fear cannot go away simply by willing it or waiting for it to fade

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We must face the task that we think causes the fear and do the thing

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Courage is ONLY needed when we do something... –

It’s not needed sitting on the couch watching TV waiting to feel brave; it’s needed only when we act

Fear - Courage “Fear is there when we think about our challenge and grows the more we think about it – what we get is what we focus on”

“Courage turns up when we act and magnifies the more we do the thing that was the challenge, until it stops being a challenge, and we’re ready for the next level of growth” Remember… •

The longer we think about the challenge instead of doing it, the worse the fear gets, until we think the fear is reality and the courage is not within us...

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But if we act, and notice our courage, and do more actions, we start to develop a new reality where we perceive ourselves as courageous –

So which is true?

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Either one is true depending on the reality your client creates for themselves

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AND... Fear is not always bad or to be avoided

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It’s a mistake to think that if we avoid anything that makes us fearful we’ll be happier – it actually leads to misery because there’s no growth, improvement or learning when we avoid all fear

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It depends on how we perceive fear – you want your client to associate ‘butterflies’ with learning and growth – you want your client to link that feeling of uncertainty with possibility and potential

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The ideal is for your client to feel excited when they’re stretched!

Start with language… •

Your language becomes your experience

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Your experience is determined by your language

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Change your language and you change your perception of your experience

The questions… I can’t…

I won’t

I should…

I could

It’s a problem…

It’s an opportunity

I hope…

I wonder

I wish…

I wonder

What if…

Maybe

The ‘Wheel of fear’

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This comes from Rhonda Britten’s Fearless Living’ which I recommend you read

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Your client could be stuck in the wheel of fear – –

Something happens to trigger the fear that they’re not good enough

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They want to avoid doing the thing that would trigger this fear

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They run away from the thing they think will cause them to have to face the fear

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And this ensures the fear comes true – for example, they’re afraid to go for the promotion, so they avoid it, and thus don’t get the job, and thus confirm their fear that they’re not good enough

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And then they generalise it so that they start to think they’re not good enough for anything

The consequence… •

The client’s world begins to shrink and they do less and less

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Then something to numb the pain – too much TV, hiding, not exercising, eating...

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And then feel bad because of THAT behaviour and that reinforces the wheel of fear

Fear busting exercise •

Check in with your client by sharing – –

Symptoms that will tell you you’re on the wheel of fear...

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constant impatience, desire for instant answers, for instant relief from the tension of not knowing

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Ongoing exhaustion where everything seems too much effort

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Racing around but nothing gets done

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Self-righteousness where everyone else has the problem

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You’re under appreciated

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You’re constantly misunderstood and people keep taking you the wrong way

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Paranoia that you never get enough support

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Numbness in your feelings and thoughts and you deny anything is wrong

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Guilt and shame – everything is your fault

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Out of control

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Wasting time

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Easily overwhelmed and bogged down

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You feel singled out for getting it wrong and no one understands how hard it is for you

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You believe you’re alone feeling that way and there’s nothing that can be done by you

Summary of fear emotions – ask your client which they relate to… •

Anger

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Impatience

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Exhaustion

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Self-righteousness

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Misunderstood

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Paranoid

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Paralysed

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Shame

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Guilt

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Defeated

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Out of control

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Confused

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Overwhelmed

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Victimised

Ask your client to study the following list… •

Selfish

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Stupid

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Weak

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Incompetent

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Ordinary

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A loser

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A fake

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Lazy

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Invisible

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Rejected

Now ask them… •

Pick the word from the list that gives you the most intense reaction when you put it in the following sentence...

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“If someone I love, respect and admire was to think I was............, I’d be devastated.” –

When you know what you’re most afraid of, you’re better prepared to create a proactive choice and response, rather than a knee jerk reaction

Now share… •

People pleaser

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Isolate ourselves

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Blame others

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Compromise

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Shop

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Negative/sceptical

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Sleep too much

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Take it personally

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Over apologise

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Be manipulative

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Online all hours

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When we are in fear or want to avoid fear, we have any number of responses...

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Give up

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Drugs

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Put yourself down

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Beat yourself up verbally

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Get in first by hurting someone

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Be irresponsible

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Perfectionist

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Over complaining

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Endless day dreaming

Now ask your client to fill in the following… •

When I want to avoid the thought that I am ............................, I do the following... –

Share that the important thing to know is that they masquerade their problems and this is their way of avoiding their worst fear about themselves

Now ask them… •

...describe to themselves what would be possible if they were free of their wheel of fear in terms of...

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Relationships

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Career

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Finances

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Health and well being

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Social life

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Family

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Spirituality

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Contribution to others

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Emotional development

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Your home

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Your creativity

Now ask them to… •

...work out how they can respond instead of the negative ways – what will they do instead?

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And how will THAT impact each of area of their life?

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Then ask the client how they can include the new behaviours into their everyday life and journal their progress...

Your client will experience results within days if they do this each day with conscious awareness... Your willingness to normalise their fear and be casual about their change will assist – act as if you knew they would and would have been surprised by anything less ...

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SHARON PEARSON Session 2: Overcoming Fear Coaches Manual Ultimate Coach Edition 1 | Version 1 | MAY 2017 Published by Global Success Institute Copyright 2017 © Global Success Institute All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical or electronic, including photocopying and recording, or by information storage and retrieval system without permission in writing from the publisher. In some instances, people or companies portrayed in this book are illustrative examples based on the author’s experiences, but they are not intended to represent a particular person or organisation.

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