WITH SHARON PEARSON
LIVE EVENT WORKBOOK
THE COACHING INSTITUTE Suite 40, 37-39 Albert Road, Melbourne, VIC 3004, Australia. Phone: +61 3 9645 9945 Fax: +61 3 9645 7002 Email: wow@thecoachinginstitute.com.au Website: www.thecoachinginstitute.com.au
SHARON PEARSON
Your Success Live Event Workbook Edition 1 | Version 1 | October 15 Published by The Coaching Institute
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CONTENTS INTRODUCTION ....................................................................................... 4 SECTION ONE .......................................................................................... 5 The Four Dimensions of Experience ........................................................ 5 Safe Versus Risky Problems .................................................................... 6 SECTION TWO ......................................................................................... 7 What Do You Experience? ...................................................................... 7 SECTION THREE ....................................................................................... 9 The Magic of Clear Intention .................................................................. 9 SECTION FOUR ...................................................................................... 11 The Stories We Tell Ourselves .............................................................. 11 SECTION FIVE......................................................................................... 12 What You Value Determines Your Experience ...................................... 12 My New Values and Their Rules............................................................ 17 SECTION SIX .......................................................................................... 19 Our Three Selves................................................................................... 19 Your Pretend Self .................................................................................. 21 Your Negative Self-Image ..................................................................... 22 Your Authentic Self ............................................................................... 23 SECTION SEVEN ..................................................................................... 24 Where We Live ..................................................................................... 24 SECTION EIGHT ...................................................................................... 25 Our Relationships Reflect Our Truth ..................................................... 25 SECTION NINE ....................................................................................... 28 Time to Let Go and Let Good ................................................................ 28 NOTES ................................................................................................... 29
INTRODUCTION Welcome to you! I’m honoured and so pleased you’ve made the commitment to be here with us. You are here because you believe you are your own inspiration. That the hero you’re looking for is you. And that you are able to create and experience your world as you choose. That’s pretty powerful! Let’s do this together. Let’s explore, discuss and experience this weekend hand-inhand, and share our insights together so we all may benefit. I began this journey many years ago, but I still feel like I’m a beginner! Each step I take reveals so many opportunities to know myself and our universe differently. I’m sure this is your experience, too! We share the common values of wanting to live in less haste, but with more depth. Let’s do something about that, right here, and right now, together.
Sharon Pearson Founder of The Coaching Institute Creator of Your Success
SECTION ONE THE FOUR DIMENSIONS OF EXPERIENCE We have so much opportunity to experience the world we want to experience. There is so much within us, and around us, that is untapped, unprized or unrecognised! All of us, regardless of where we’re at in our lives, have new layers to ourselves that we can experience, and enjoy. How wonderful. VISIONARY
ARCHITECT
DYNAMO
COLLABORATOR
SAFE VERSUS RISKY PROBLEMS
SAFE VISIONARY
ARCHITECT
DYNAMO
COLLABORATOR
RISKY
SECTION TWO WHAT DO YOU EXPERIENCE? You’ve made a commitment to be here for two whole days. Of all the things you could be doing, this is what you have chosen. Of all the people you could be with, these are the people you have chosen to be with. You have chosen this for a reason. If it’s to ‘pass the time’, we can’t expect to achieve much more than exactly that. I don’t think that’s why you’re here. I think we have a bigger game in us. I believe that each of us is here to tap into, and unlock our own true potential, through accessing and loving our own authentic self. Together, let’s make this matter. Let’s create a safe place, right here, and right now, for each of us to come closer to our authentic selves, so that we can free ourselves of whatever we believe is holding us back, and live life to its fullest. What are you experiencing in each of these dimensions? Is it as you want it to be? VISIONARY
ARCHITECT
DYNAMO
COLLABORATOR
I EXPERIENCE…
SECTION THREE THE MAGIC OF CLEAR INTENTION Pretend it’s one year from now. And it’s been the best year you’ve ever had. It’s the best year EVER. What does it look like? Where are you? Especially in terms of the experiences you are having… VISIONARY The purpose of my life is I value I believe… My attitude towards life is…
ARCHITECT I am organised when it comes to my… I take responsibility for my…
DYNAMO I am informed and decisive when it comes to… I am proactive in the areas of… I no longer tolerate…
COLLABORATOR I am close with… I have clear boundaries when it comes to…
I EXPERIENCE…
WHY DO YOU WANT THIS? WHY DOES IT MATTER? WHY NOW?
SECTION FOUR THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES We all want to feel happy, that our life has meaning, and that we are living with purpose – on purpose. Yet sometimes, no matter how we try, what we do, and what we want; things head in unexpected directions. The ‘wheels fall off’, or we get stuck in patterns of behaviour that don’t propel us towards our best selves. Sometimes, no matter what we say we want, we get something else entirely. And we look back, we can see how it happened. We have a ‘record’ playing in our head, sometimes in full colour, showing us the stories we tell ourselves about why we can’t, why we haven’t and why it will not happen for us. WHAT STORIES DO YOU TELL YOURSELF, BASED ON THE LIFE YOU ARE EXPERIENCING? Include the stories that work for you, and the stories you know aren’t working for you.
WHAT STORIES DO YOU NEED TO DUMP?
WHAT NEW STORIES WOULD ENRICH YOUR LIFE?
SECTION FIVE WHAT YOU VALUE DETERMINES YOUR EXPERIENCE As we move through life and its complexities, we have to adapt. If we don’t, our problems accumulate. We become dysfunctional and a victim of our own lack of adaptation. The thinking that was enough for a teen is not the thinking needed to raise a family. Or to run a business. The thinking that allows us to choose our commitments when we’re younger is not the thinking to bring when commitment is required, regardless of our mood. This includes child raising, our clients, and our intimate relationships. These are relationships where our commitment is required, consistently and without question, for trust to develop and flourish. We change our consciousness when it’s too uncomfortable to stay at the same level of thinking we’re at.
THE QUEST FOR CONSCIOUSNESS (FROM CLARE GRAVES):
8
The search for peace in an incomprehensible world
7
The search for respect for self
6
The search for affectionate relations
5
The search for material pleasure
4
The search for ultimate peace
3
The search for heroic status; power and glory
2
The search for a safe mode of livingThe search for a safe mode of living
1
The search for automatic physiological satisfaction
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
Primary driving need: _____________
LEVEL 8: THE AWAKENED SOUL Holistic, collective and earth changing. Connection to all things. LEVEL 7: FLEX/FLOW Ecological. Integrate & align systems, values, knowledge & competency ahead of any power or status. LEVEL 6: SOCIAL CONSCIOUSNESS Human connection, consensus, being egalitarian, community. LEVEL 5: ACHIEVER Success, strategies that work, materialism, consumerism, image, status. LEVEL 4: ORDER AND SYSTEMS Authority structure, code of conduct, the rules, discipline, commitment, obligation.
LEVEL 3: POWER Exploit, gain, get own way, impulsive expression. LEVEL 2: TRIBE Rituals, ‘signs’, luck, mystics, magical forces, physics, the wise elder knows. LEVEL 1: INSTINCTS Survival, safety, staying alive, coping.
Let’s get to know what you care about and how you’ve created your world to this moment. Your values are the emotional states you want to experience consistently. They are the driving force for your decisions and your behaviours. They are as close to identity as possible. WHAT HAS BEEN MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU IN LIFE?
WHAT HAS TO HAPPEN FOR YOU TO FEEL __________________________ ?
Refer back to who you are becoming and what it is you want to experience… WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU ULTIMATELY WANT TO BECOME IN YOUR LIFETIME?
WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE REALLY BE ABOUT?
HOW DO YOUR VALUES NEED TO CHANGE?
WHAT VALUES NEED TO BE ADDED?
WHAT VALUES NEED TO BE REMOVED?
WHAT RULES MUST CHANGE?
WHY DOES THIS MATTER?
MY NEW VALUES AND THEIR RULES: VALUE #1:
RULES:
VALUE #2:
RULES:
VALUE #3:
RULES:
VALUE #4:
RULES:
VALUE #5:
RULES:
VALUE #6:
RULES:
SECTION SIX OUR THREE SELVES Our self-image is the way we see ourselves. It’s powerful because our behaviour will rarely deviate from this internal map. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, telling us how to behave in a way that’s consistent with the kind of person we think we are. We are consistently letting people know how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. Interestingly, each setback reinforces the self-fulfilling prophecy of a negative selfimage, yet our successes don’t seem to change our view of ourselves for the better! No matter what we accumulate on the outside, it can’t satisfy us if we don’t already feel good about ourselves on the inside. When we’re young, we soak up the negative suggestions. A study shows that parents criticise their children eight times for every one time they praise them. Then there’s the media, with its ridiculous notions of human ‘perfection’. There’s social media, school, music and celebrities. It’s estimated that 98% of children have a negative self-image by the time they’re fourteen years old. What if the reason we’re not living the life of our dreams is because we’re wasting so much of our time and energy hiding our negative self-image from the world?
CRUST
CRUD
CORE
Our three selves is the reason we hold back, self-sabotage, fail to act, and expect little. At our core there is our authentic self – who we really are. Then on top of this is our weirdness, our shame, our guilt and the person we’re afraid we are – and we’re afraid this is what people see if they see the ‘real’ us. So to hide this from others, and to get approval and love and acceptance, we add another layer – our Crust – over the top of these other two layers. It’s the pretender layer. And people put a lot of energy into ensuring this is what people see. And they become very good at it. So good, that we can forget it’s not our true selves.
YOUR PRETEND SELF: HOW DO YOU LIKE TO BE SEEN?
WHICH ASPECTS OF YOUR PERSONALITY DO YOU HOPE PEOPLE NOTICE FIRST?
WHAT IS IT MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT YOU?
IF YOUR LIFE WERE TRYING TO PROVE SOMETHING ABOUT YOU, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE: WHAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF EACH OF THE TRAITS OF YOUR PRETEND SELF?
WHICH OF YOUR SECRETS WILL BE DISCOVERED AFTER YOU DIE?
WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE PERSON AND WHY?
WHO INTIMIDATES YOU?
WHAT SITUATIONS ARE YOU AVOIDING BECAUSE OF FEAR YOU’LL FAIL? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING?
WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS AND HOW IS IT CHANGING YOU?
YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF: WHO ARE YOU WHEN NO ONE IS WATCHING?
WHEN YOU FEEL COMPLETELY SAFE, WHAT DO YOU DO DIFFERENTLY? Or, if you can’t think of anything: If you felt completely safe, what would you do differently?
WHO WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LIVED WITHOUT FEAR?
WHO WERE YOU BEFORE YOU DOUBTED YOURSELF?
SECTION SEVEN WHERE WE LIVE Our emotions are where ‘we live’, as they determine how full our life can become. When we over rely on emotions which don’t serve us, we become trapped in the world we associate with them. We have a choice as to which emotions we experience. The key is to choice the emotions which are most appropriate for the situation, serve us, serve others, and serve the greater good. Whilst it’s appropriate to feel ‘sad’, ‘bad’ or ‘mad’, if these are the emotions we go to most frequently, and rely on to control others, get out of responsibility, or to get our own way, we are not tapping into our emotions in a functional way.
EMPOWERING EMOTIONS
DISEMPOWERING EMOTIONS
CIRCLE THE EMOTIONS YOU RELY ON WHEN UNDER PRESSURE. UNDERLINE THE EMOTIONS YOU MOST OFTEN EXPERIENCE.
SECTION EIGHT OUR RELATIONSHIPS REFLECT OUR TRUTH A wonderful, intimate and loving relationship has the power to uplift us like little else can. And it’s not a case of good luck, or wishing things could be different. Here’s some guiding wisdom on great relationships… Firstly, put your partner first. If one person does this, and the other doesn’t (but takes care of themselves), then the trust is lost. Then, find out what your partner really needs. Love them no matter what. And finally, be present now (not to what happened a year ago ).
HOW HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PUTTING YOUR PARTNER FIRST?
HOW CAN YOU PUT YOUR PARTNER FIRST?
WHAT DOES YOUR PARTNER REALLY NEED? HOW CAN YOU MEET THOSE NEEDS (WITHOUT BEING REMINDED)?
HOW CAN YOU GIVE YOUR PARTNER A CLEAN SLATE SO YOU BOTH HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO REDISCOVER EACH OTHER? TIME TO DUMP ANY BAGGAGE!
We do some personal development, and believe we have made some progress. We feel great about the progress. We are more enlightened, and feel we can handle challenges more effectively. And hours later we feel the old patterns resurfacing, when someone near and dear to us ‘pushes our buttons’. Our intimate other is a wonderful opportunity to get to know ourselves! Human beings are not created the same. We are equal in terms of our rights to access, our voice, our choices and our lives. We are not the same.
The ‘masculine’ energy is the hunter, and identifies with seeing themselves as the protector of the home and family. The ‘feminine’ energy is the gatherer, and identifies with seeing themselves as the builder and creator of the home that the masculine energy protects.
MASCULINE ENERGY
FEMININE ENERGY
SECTION NINE TIME TO LET GO AND LET GOOD WHO IS IT TIME TO FORGIVE?
WHAT WILL IT FREE YOU TO BECOME, IF YOU FORGIVE?
WHAT STORIES WILL NO LONGER BE NEEDED?
NOTES
Learn More About becoming part of Your Success community and continue your journey alongside Sharon Pearson, worldleaders, lifelong-learners, and likeminded people here:
www.yoursuccessprogram.com/getstarted
Connect with us Call 1800 094 927 asksharon@thecoachinginstitute.com.au www.yoursuccessprogram.com/getstarted
WITH SHARON PEARSON