THE COMET
february 2021
21
comet tales: reader submitted writings ode to 2020 by tj farrell From the author: Hello, and Happy New Year, viewers! Time now for a short poetry break; a little piece I call, “Ode to 2020.” Trigger Warning: I will be mentioning a lot of things in the poem that some would love to forget, so, Proceed With Caution! What a crazy year it’s been Our coping skills are wearing thin It stripped us down and left us bare We had to cut our own damn hair! Governor Cuomo advised us with graph and with chart, he Had to tell us not to fight for our right to party. Pandemic, facemasks, lockdowns, hoarding, Is hand sanitizer that rewarding? Toilet paper is no panacea, Covid-19 won’t give you diarrhea Maybe sometime after New Year Clorox wipes will reappear Back when things first got chaotic, We watched Tiger King with Joe Exotic Is Carole Baskin a big fat liar? Was her hubby digested by a tiger? Not only is she not behind bars, Carol was Dancing With the Stars! TikTok made us laugh, all ‘round the planet, It helped keep us sane (and then Trump tried to ban it) Meanwhile, the stock market crashed, People’s jobs and lives were trashed, Australia and the West Coast burned Murder Hornets were sighted, and then we learned With surprise, with shock, when exposed to the knowledge That rich people paid to fake their kids’ into college! The Orange Shit-Gibbon got impeached But nothing stuck to that bloated leech He tweeted and whined and told lies a-plenty, Then got hacked cuz his password was MAGA2020 He nearly started World War 3, shocker! And endorsed the ravings of that “Demon Sperm” Doctor Peaceful protesters in front of a church Were gassed so 45 could perch With someone else’s Bible he hijacked Holding it up like an alien artifact He didn’t get Mexico to pay for a wall, But there’s one ‘round the White House to catch his golfballs His tried so hard to shut down the mail, And prove his cognitive test wasn’t a fail “Person woman camera man TV”
Nothing wrong here folks, nothing to see! Impressing his base was always his intent No wonder Kanye got some votes for president And Rudy Giuliani, don’t get me started! So full of hot air he audibly farted Hair dye seeping down his face as he rants, Caught on camera with both hands in his pants We lost Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Alex Trebek, Chadwick Boseman, Little Richard, John Lewis, and Eddie Van Halen Biden and Harris won the election, Followed by threats of massive ballot rejections We had to be reminded again and again Black Lives need to Matter to law enforcement LGBTQ folks must not be jeopardized, Civil rights are for everyone, not just straight white guys. We saw a massive explosion in Beirut And China sent us mystery seeds to boot We watched the ongoing saga of Brexit Then Harry and Meghan did their own little Megxit Bakers made all kinds of things look like cake And Macaulay Culkin turned 40, for goodness sake! The Department of Defense shared videos Of what they say are UFOs And while we were thinking that was quite weird, Some mystery monoliths suddenly appeared There’s water on the moon! There may be life on Venus And Captain America showed us his penis! Though this year has seemed crueler, Weinstein’s finally in the cooler We saw the arrest of Ghislaine Maxwell, And then the Cheato wished her well Then he got COVID, ALLEGEDLY But did not long stay off TV And the Super Bowl half-time show Starring Shakira and J-Lo Made the Karen’s and Chad’s Clutch their pearls and get mad. Was there ever a year as crazy as this? It’s a year that most of us certainly won’t miss, So let’s toast it at midnight, and sing it out clear, “Get the fuck off my lawn, you hellish, rotten year!”
