Brain DUMP

brain dump: the rule of threes

by KRISTEN ACESTA

We speak about the “third party perspective” often when discussing ways to recognize our current state of being. Patients who find themselves anxious, depressed, or otherwise caught up in their monkey mind of an imagination are encouraged to practice the Third Party Perspective.

Think of it this way. You know that point in dating where your partner’s family is comfortable enough with you that they let their guard down? Then they start acting like emotionally stunted teenagers, which then triggers all of your partner’s childhood patterns that haven’t been well kept. Pretty soon the drama unfolds as you get to witness both your partner and his family and their idiocracy as a silent observer. You understand why one person says this or that, and how the other person responds like this because you understand the history, the sentiment, and the punches.

Now let’s turn that role inward. Becoming your own third party observer helps one to (briefly) emotionally detach from the situation for a needed check in.

What emotion are you experiencing?

Can you feel this in your body?

Can you try and relax out that area?

Can you let the emotion go?

And if not, are you feeding into it?

We are always feeding into it. Most days are a charcuterie of emotional tip offs, with a well preserved remoulade etiquette to boot. Few people can recognize their emotional state, let alone be able to feel/sense/explore/dissolve their boundaries. That is, the boundary between the emotional flare up and your true state of being.

And if that went a little esoteric, we are going to bring it back to basics right meow.

So, what to do? We either can’t access the third party state when we need to or altogether. Therefore we start with a meditation practice in order to fortify the foundation of awareness, and we practice the Rule of Threes to make sure we aren’t feeding into it.

Let me repeat that again. The most impactful and purposeful practice is to sit with yourself on the daily and allow yourself to witness your thoughts. Eventually this practice turns to non-attachment of the mental/emotional state.

The Rule of Threes can be a helpful sidekick practice that reminds us of our indulgent emotional behaviour.

Take Karen. We all know a Karen in our lives. The one who supports PTA meetings, but has already told seventeen people about Mrs. Macklemore’s affair before showing up to the annual luncheon. And then bitches and moans on Facebook about the color of the parking meters, in order to reach more people.

Or what about sweet Sarah Sue? The one who means well but can’t shut up about how awesomely awesome her ivy league lawyer of a son is. Pretty soon you’ve heard the story three times and with each retelling the fish fry is bigger.

We all do it. Until now. With the Rule of Threes, you get exactly three chances to retell your stories of magnitude, mania, emotional flamboyance, shock, horror, and disbelief. When you catch yourself on your second retelling of the story, make a mental note that you get exactly one more.

It sounds kind of silly, but it is a really powerful tool that reminds us we are often the culprit of our own emotional upheavals. On that second retelling, I guarantee you will stop to think (and maybe even plan out) who will be your third listener. Your stories and speech will become more purposeful. You may even find that telling the story becomes unimportant, allowing room (and a third party perspective) to find the spaces within it that cause emotional reactions whether deemed good or bad.

Don’t forget, this applies to good feelings too. Which means if you win the lotto you get to tell only me, your accountant, and a friend. Or you know, whomever you see fit.

Dr. Kristen Acesta, ND, RH Naturopathic physician and registered herbalist at Mission Creek & Wellness, co-owner of Salt Creek Apothecary. becomeyourmission.org saltcreekapothecary.com