withinder

withinder:dating bios for the self-aware

Real locals sharing their real dating bio. We think it will be...illuminating.

Do you like to feel emasculated? Are you up for some hard labor with little-to-no reward? Are you comfortable feeling like a third wheel to goals and projects you support but receive no credit for? If this sounds like your kind of fetish, then I’m just the workaholic for you.

I like working long hours, responding with a short temper, and holding unrealistic expectations of everyone around me. My dream lover has a secure source of income and self esteem because there ain’t no coddling here, except when I’m sad or lonely from not taking care of myself, in which case I require great amounts of coddling. Just don’t expect it in return.

The benefits? Flexible schedule, paid time off, public recognition and a sense of accomplishment (for me) and you get the comfort and pride in knowing that this kind of woman for some reason picks YOU. It’s a win for everyone.

If interested, call me! When I don’t answer, leave a message. When I don’t listen to it, text me. And when that goes without a response, show up at my work with my favorite food and coffee. I’ll be yours forever. Or for a while at least. We will circle back in 2-3 weeks for review.

Benny, 35

The facts; I cruise the internet all day; nobody wants to date me. Now look here, kid: I’m Benny G. You cannot resist the power of my mind. I may look like a dime but I feel like a million-sperm march, man, walking right in through the door of this here Starbucks. If you’d just look up from your tablet for a second or two, you’d see I’m right bloody here. Time just stopped. It wasn’t your imagination. I told you I’d be tall, dark and dangerous to know, the way they used to make ‘em; and lo, I’ve got 2 of the 3 done. Don’t look so confused at my jokes or we’ll never get anywhere. I’m 35, God. And speaking of God, we’ll never do it. I.E. the exact thing that you’re thinking right now that we ought to do, no. We are not going to do that. You cannot resist the power of my mind. They banned me from Twinder and Catch27 ‘cuz I’m just a rebel, full stop, because in my teens I never got to do any of that serious shit that everyone else got to do, nor am I starting now. You help to re-awaken my lost plump-faced inner child and take him out for a spin. He needs fresh air and belly rubs. All my fellow fellas at the YMCA [undisclosed location] will tell ya I’m too old for this shit, and I should be looking for a soul mate, and good for them but they can’t see what I see and neither can you. One date is all it takes. It can start right here right now. I can write all kinds of numbers on this check.

Assorted random tidbits:

- INFJ seeking SJW - I want to know WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR A GIRL - needs help with adulting (gag me with a spoon :P) - please contact this pathetic dweeb with unsolicited offers and chain letters. I need the attention. - like your autism when it collides with MY autism - If you keep thinking, “who in the fkkk is this guy,” that’s a perfectly normal reaction.

Created and compiled by Sarah Sims. Send your self-aware dating bio to sarahradarstation@gmail.com C