The Comet Magazine - July 2022

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

everything will be fine

We’ve got magic to do…

With an infectiously unforgettable score from four-time Grammy winner, three-time Oscar winner, and musical theatre giant, Stephen Schwartz, Pippin is the story of one young man’s journey to be extraordinary.

wine in the back alley of the Numerica PAC while the talented cast of PIPPIN perform a variety of hit songs from Broadway and beyond! Free to attend.

Ron Evans

contributors: Sarah Sims, Cory Calhoun, Skylar Hansford, Lindsay Breidenthal, Jamie Howell, Scott Bailey, Bill Griffith, Christopher F. Hart, JessicaDawn.Co, Anna Spencer, Dan McConnell

editor:

Michael Lee Miller premieres new novel, Reverie - Page 14

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Greetings,

A pal recently dropped off some coffee for me after I complained that I was out of coffee and too glued to deadlines for getting the mag out to deal with it. I was just being dramatic, but 20 minutes later coffee showed up. Hooray for dramatics! She brought me a bottle of Starbucks Iced Coffee. As I poured that liquid life into a glass I locked eyes with the logo. I don’t really drink Starbucks much but of course I have seen this logo at least 50,000 times and yet...somehow I was seeing it for the first time.

Ok, so yeah...it’s a mermaid right? With a little crown, long flowing hair barely covering her ample bosom. Tail fins spread wide like a...wait...WTF? Am I seeing right? Yes. I have to be. My eyes have never really stopped to focus on what’s going on along the parameter of the logo. That fishy gal is spreading her fins at us, or I’ll eat my own hat! Look at her arms, she’s literally pulling them open. How the fuck have I missed this one, gang?

Now, maybe I’m just Old Man Evans, way late to the party and you already know this, but I never hear anyone talking about how the largest coffee chain in the world is using fish porn to lure us in! Well, lure is a key word here. More on that in a bit.

When I took my search online I was instantly validated - many others had asked this very question. According to Starbucks’ own history page on its website, this isn’t really a mermaid so much as a siren. The mythic seafaring sex-workers from the legends of yore whose siren song would lure horny sailors to their untimely deaths. And the earliest version of the logo not only shows the fishy gal all splayed and welcoming - it also showed boobies.

In 1987 the company was sold to Howard Schultz who dropped the Tea and Spices from the logo and redrew the hair to cover the nipples. We just can’t accept those pesky nipples can we? But...the “hey boys, I’m ‘open’ for business” pose remained intact.

That is until 1992 when it was decided a good call to crop out most of the in your faceness of the fin/leg...stuff. And this is essentially the logo we have today. She’s still there, luring sailors and caffeine addicts alike into more than just her loving embrace. And I wonder how many other people never noticed it.

STARBUCKS WTF

Interestingly, around 2008 the company briefly brought back the classic logo, boobies and all and it was met with anger, protest and a loss of sales. So they quickly rethought that. Also worth noting, Starbucks leaves this little side-quest mistake out of their logo history time line on their website. Wonder what else has been hiding from me in plain sight. In any case, drink local, non-corporate coffee and keep an eye on them logos...

Happy Trails, Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

Am I seeing right??

The Songs of John Prine

Opening Act: Seth Garrido

The love of field and coppice, Of green and shaded lanes. Of ordered woods and gardens Is running in your veins, Strong love of grey-blue distance Brown streams and soft dim skies I know but cannot share it, My love is otherwise.

I love a sunburnt country, A land of sweeping plains, Of ragged mountain ranges, Of droughts and flooding rains. I love her far horizons, I love her jewel-sea, Her beauty and her terror –The wide brown land for me!

A stark white ring-barked forest All tragic to the moon, The sapphire-misted mountains, The hot gold hush of noon. Green tangle of the brushes, Where lithe lianas coil, And orchids deck the tree-tops And ferns the warm dark soil.

Core of my heart, my country! Her pitiless blue sky, When sick at heart, around us, We see the cattle die –But then the grey clouds gather, And we can bless again The drumming of an army, The steady, soaking rain.

Core of my heart, my country! Land of the Rainbow Gold, For flood and fire and famine, She pays us back threefold –Over the thirsty paddocks, Watch, after many days, The filmy veil of greenness That thickens as we gaze.

An opal-hearted country, A wilful, lavish land –All you who have not loved her, You will not understand –Though earth holds many splendours, Wherever I may die, I know to what brown country My homing thoughts will fly.

Billy Prine & the Prine Time Band present

My Country by Dorothea Mackellar

CORY

"DAMN YOU" CALHOUN'S

Puzz e Corner

CROSSWORDS & MORE MADE EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE COMET

THE 4 TH PUZZLEOF2022'S"MEGA-META"EVENT!

Big news: You can now start emailing me at cscxwords@gmail.com with your guesses for the answer to the Mega-Meta! (Don't know what that is? Skip to the next paragraph.) If you’ve kept track of the last 3 meta answers, and you manage to figure out this month’s answer, you’ll have a fair shot at guessing early. There's a catch: you can only guess the Mega-Meta answer once. So if you guess now, you won’t be able to guess later, whether you get it right or not. (And remember: if you get it right, you go into a pool of entrants from which I’ll randomly select the lucky winner.)

So, what’s the Mega-Meta? Every other month in the Comet, there’s a meta crossword puzzle contest, But this November, there’ll be a BONUS contest called the Mega-Meta. It will have its own separate hint for solving it, with an answer based on all 6 answers from 2022's monthly meta contests. By solving a given monthly meta, you are NOT obligated to solve the Mega-Meta in November, but it’s encouraged! A custom 21x21 crossword made by me awaits the winner! View 2022's previous meta answers, plus full entry and contestdetails, at tinyurl.com/2022megametarules.

On to 2022's 4th meta crossword! Never tried one before? For a chance to win this month's mystery prize, keep reading—and remember, it's OK to use Google if you need help! ... HOW TO ENTER: 1. Solve the crossword below. 2. Solve its meta puzzle (instructions at tinyurl.com/corymetas). 3. Email just the meta puzzle answer for the hint (don't send the solved grid!) to cscxwords@gmail.com by 12am PT, July 24, 2022. (One submission per entrant, please.) We'll randomly pick a winner from the correct entries, and announce the winner and puzzle answers in the next issue. Good luck!

" FOODCOLORING F ROM SCRATCH"

Hint:Find a 5-letteradjective.

47. Tofu source

51. Like some felonies

53. The Incredibles' superhero costume designer Mode

54. The Last Jedi actress Kelly Marie

55. Rant

58. Stuffing ingredient

62. Vitamin in lean meat

63. Have second thoughts about

64. Gave to the church

65. "The Ballad of John and ___"

66. Stir-fry pan

DOWN

1. Angel dust, for short

2. chi

3. Citrus drink

13. Cabernet, e.g.

15. Start of a speculation

20. Roll of bills

21. Gee preceder

22. Bubkes

23. "Hamlet" genre

24. They conceal lug nuts

25. Mozart's middle name

26. He played Doc in Tombstone 27. Formal vote

29. "You don't mean me?!" 32. Charlemagne's domain: Abbr.

Sounders FC's org.: Abbr.

for a pillow fight, say

34. African antelope 37. Appetizer dipped in marinara 39. Some daisies 41. Black Panther and Captain Marvel, for two 44. Pea container

4. Companionless

5. Piccolo's cousin

6. Captures

7. Coll., e.g.

8. 23% of people follow it

9. Kind of operation

10. Sequence

11. Prefix with night or day

12. Christmas ___

ANACROSTICCHALLENGE

Instructions @ tinyurl.com/coryanacrostics

SOLUTIONTOPREVIOUSCROSSWORD

SCTV DOI MIRAGE

TRAILERS AMUSED

AUNTIEEM TAMING

RESALT YAH FEY

MASS

SOLUTIONSTOPREVIOUS DOUBLEANAGRAMCHALLENGE

Themeofnewwords: Spicesandseasonings. PREPPED - D = PEPPER, TAILS - I = SALT, METHYL - L = THYME, GALES - L = SAGE Leftoverletters form theword DILL

I CRAVE FEEDBACK! Thoughts? Suggestions? Lemme have it. CSCXWORDS@GMAIL.COM

FEATURING: @orrintaylorart

FLIGHT OF FANCY by Frank Halliwell

If I had a magic carpet or a giant set of wings, I’d leave this world of parking lots and noise and motor cars, And I’d fly to far off places, and I’d see a million things, And I’d sleep beneath a canopy of fifty million stars.

So play a game of ‘let’s pretend’ and climb aboard my carpet And we’ll fly away and do those things we usually cannot… We’ll race the dawn around the world, as swiftly as a comet, And set down in a gentle land; the Island of Shalott.

We’ll journey then to Scotland, to a misty rockbound coast… And if we listen to the bleak seawind, we’ll surely hear the knell Of a phantom church bell tolling for a long dead pirate’s ghost, That wanders still the headland, listening for the Inchcape bell.

A horse drawn carriage waiting near a lake that’s frozen over… The snow is falling gently in the wood that’s dark and deep.. But we have no time to tarry, this is just a short stopover, For we have things to do, and miles to go before we sleep.

The undulating curtains of the northern lights are glowing With their dancing colours beckoning as far as we can see. We’ll see the Yukon’s frozen face and feel the chill wind blowing, And we’ll rest beside old Lake Lebarge and talk of Sam McGee.

Now across the bleak Aleutians, past the snows of Fujiyama To the top of mighty Everest, where we’ll enjoy the view Of the Himalayan valleys and the mountain panorama, And the one-eyed yellow idol to the north of Khatmandu.

It’s dawning; with the vista of the wide brown land before us… Endless miles of golden beaches as our carpet brakes to slow. I hope you all enjoyed your trip and none of you were nervous! It’s morning, and there’s movement at the station down below.

“Riding a Flying Carpet” by Viktor Vasnetsov (1880)

PYBUS MARKET’S ART ALLEY

Pybus has added a new space, called Art Alley, for showcasing works by local artists. And while Art Alley exists in a fairly small throughway at the popular market, the visibility and impact of the exhibits are substantial. We chatted with Alley curator Zach Davies to learn more about the space.

When and how did Art Alley come to exist?

The Pybus Art Committee knew that we needed something different at the start of 2022. We would have shows in the conference room toward the back of Pybus. It was not a very visible space, so turnouts were quite low. During one meeting, someone came up with the idea to turn the hall between the main Pybus concourse and Pybus Event Center into a venue to celebrate art and get 100x the visibility of the previous space. However, without the passion and vision of JoAnn Walker, the Pybus Art Committee chair, and the amazing support and work of Pybus General Manager Travis Hornby and his team, the Art Alley would still not exist. There was definitely a lot of work to be done!

What has the response been?

Overwhelmingly positive. Not only has the NCW art community’s feedback been enthusiastic, but we are getting people that have never been involved in anything concerning art excited as well. At our first First Friday event in June, we had over 200 people attend. One memorable encounter I had at the First Friday event was a family with two young children visiting from Idaho. The six-year old girl had a sketchbook and wanted to look at each piece closely. The featured artist at the time specialized in abstract paintings. I asked the girl, “what do you see in that painting?” The girl’s imagination ran wild and the family

and I came up with tons of ideas. It was a lot of fun. We are looking forward to building on this momentum.

Who is in charge of the art curating? It is a team effort with everyone on the Pybus Art Committee. We work with the artists themselves in regards to positioning. We figure that there is no one better to be in charge of the presentation of the art than the artists!

How do you find new art/artists to feature - does it change every month? For the last two months, we have had Robert Wilson’s art in the Art Alley. In fact, we have dedicated the Art Alley to Robert Wilson, who was such a positive influence on the art scene at Pybus and North Central Washington. Sadly, Robert passed away in 2020. If you go to the Art Alley, there is a permanent plaque with his picture and a brief description of the amazing life he led. It was an honor for us to make the Art Alley a celebration of him! Starting in July, the art will change every month. Our summer lineup features Victor and Kellie von Beck in July, Terry Valdez in August and Jennifer Evenhus in September.

Is there an open call for artists to apply? If so, are there requirements that must be met?

Frankly, the response from the art community has been so overwhelming, our schedule is filled until late Spring of 2023. We don’t want to schedule artists too far in advance, but I must say that I totally underestimated the pull of the Art Alley. As a committee, we have discussed future show possibilities. One such concept is featuring the youth of our area. We have some amazingly creative young people doing outstanding art in North Central Washing-

ton. We are trying to envision how that concept will work. With regard to the artists showing, we do require them to send two or three pdfs of their work along with a sentence to describe their work to the Pybus office for marketing purposes. We also require artists to make their own tags and use their creativity to introduce themselves on a sign at the entrance of the Art Alley.

You mentioned First Friday, so there are openings for Art Alley?

YES! We have started participating in First Fridays (5-7pm) and that is a great time to meet the artist(s), enjoy some of the products that other Pybus merchants have to offer (beer and wine are available, cost is by donation – we have to keep First Fridays running!), and there is live music every Friday night at Pybus. Many of the artists on our schedule are working on new art that will be premiered on their month, which will be extremely exciting. A couple of the artists plan to speak about some of their works in a group setting. I will estimate those to occur at around 5:30pm. As evidenced so far, the First Fridays will be a great time for everyone.

Are the pieces priced and for sale? Who

handles those sales if so?

Yes, this is a great place to come and purchase art! The artists love the support. Anytime that someone would like to buy a piece of art, the Pybus office can facilitate the sale. All art purchases can be handled through the main office Monday - Friday from 9:00 am - 5:00 pm.

Is there anywhere online folks can get an idea of what exhibit is currently on display?

Yes, our Pybus Market website Event Calendar shows the upcoming artists at Art Alley.

pybuspublicmarket.org/robert-wilson-artalley/

Art Alley has its own Instagram page with the handle: pybus_art_alley

Posters and images will be posted on this page as well as the Pybus Market Instagram page: pybuspublicmarket

You can also find upcoming events on the Pybus Facebook page, the Downtown Association’s First Friday website, or the NCW Arts Alliance. C

REVERIE: MICHAEL LEE MILLER

By Ron Evans

“There’s a scene where the protagonist does a line off an erect penis. I knew I wasn’t going to get a full page write-up in our local paper.”

Wenatchee author and comedian Michael Lee Miller has finished work on her second book, Reverie, and will be premiering it with a release/book-signing event on July 22 at Ye Old Bookshoppe.

While her debut full length book (I Should Have Worn Panties) was released only four years ago, Miller has been spinnin’ yarns her whole life. “I was always a storyteller. Problematically so, at times. I was the liar-kid. I told my kindergarten class I was bringing my mother’s glass eye in for Show-and-Tell. The teacher called her to make sure she knew I was doing so and my poor, exasperated, perfectly-sighted mother had no idea what she was talking about. I would shape that into being entertaining. I’m fat and weird, but also funny and that

wins people over.”

In recent years, Miller has also taken her stories to the stage with her stand-up comedy, which is filled with poetically filthy observations on love, sex, politics and pop-culture. I reached out to Miller to chat about the new book, and to find out what initially inspired her, and what continues to compel her to keep putting ink to paper.

Talk about your life leading up to penning your first book. I was a young wife and mother and spent my 20s raising my family. I focused all my energy on my children and then my parents, who both fell ill in 2009. My thenhusband and I moved my parents into a home we all purchased together so I could take care of them. My father was recovering from his second bout with mouth cancer and had lost his tongue and some of his jaw. My mother had broken her back. My father’s recovery was slow and heartbreaking but my mother’s was impossible. She was an alcoholic in pain; she drank herself to death two years later. I didn’t handle the loss well, and my grief, coupled with other unresolved trauma, caused the dissolution of my marriage.

So, blah blah blah, single mom, school, finding myself, spent my 30s fucking every chubby-chaser on Tinder, spoken word poetry, stand up comedy, karaoke, yadda yadda yadda, found forever love and happiness when I got married in 2021.

My first book I Should Have Worn Panties is an indictment of wage inequality disguised as a trashy romance novel. It’s a chaotically messy, vulgar, hilarious, and deeply emotional story about a woman who suffers from addiction and grief and turns to sex work to support herself and her family. I wrote it in 24 days at the beginning of 2017. I was a dumpster fire at the time: suffering from depression, agoraphobia, and a crippling cycle of poverty. I couldn’t catch a break. I sat down to write, I didn’t know exactly what, and suddenly there were the first three chapters. I gave them to a friend who demanded more and worked at a breakneck pace to do it - to finish something for once in my life. I was a notorious quitter and I needed to prove to myself, my father, my children, to the world: I am capable. I tried to get it published conventionally over the next year and half, sending out at least five dozen queries to agents and publishers. It felt futile. I was a nobody single mom in East

Wenatchee with nothing to offer.

One agent did show interest and while he did not take me on as a client, he said I was close to being a ‘sellable product’. The title is catchy, the author is funny, it was almost there. He suggested growing my social media platform and self-publishing. The traditional route of having a publishing house see your potential and investing in you is nearly dead. He told me they won’t so much as look at a submission if the writer doesn’t have at least 10K followers. I took my privacy filters off and started putting myself out there.

My father’s cancer would return, with no hope of fighting. He was going to die. Over that time, the eight years since we lost our spouses, it was just him and me against the world. I was devastated. I grew determined to prove to him (and myself) I was going to be happy and prosperous without him. November, 2018, I impulsively decided to self-publish I Should Have Worn Panties on Amazon so he could physically hold a copy and read the first page where I thank him. It was entirely too easy. I actually messed up the formatting horribly and had to republish it almost immediately. The first attempt was unreadable. My best friend, Hayley Knighten whipped together a fabulous cover and the second attempt was much better. Still imperfect, desperately in need of an editor, but I did it. I wrote and published a book and my dad got to see. But not read. Oh, god, no. It’s filthy.

How was that first book received concerning feedback?

There’s a scene where the protagonist does a line off an erect penis. I knew I wasn’t going to get a full page write-up in our local paper. However, I was, and still am, amazed by the support I’ve received. The story line and content aren’t for everyone; I appreciate that. But I only have *one* bad review on Amazon: by a guy I matched on OKCupid who called it “hard to follow.” Jerk. The community rallied behind me. I cannot express how grateful I am to every single person who spent 10 bucks and a few hours of their time to laugh and cry with me. Or my gratitude to my friend, AnaMaree and her wonderful Ye Olde Bookshoppe, giving me chances to share my work and helping me grow. I’m still blown away that anyone liked it, let alone the overwhelmingly positive feedback I’ve gotten.

Reverie featuring cover art by Joseph John Sanchez III

Would you have done anything differently looking back on it?

I certainly would have spent at least some of the 18 months between writing and publishing on editing. I have recently edited (Thanks Cara Dwyer!) and reformatted it in anticipation of the release of the new book, and woof, was she rough. I hadn’t revisited it, I hated seeing the typos and mistakes. I’m embarrassed how bad it was. But, I didn’t revise too much other than typos and clear errors. She’s a rough ol’ girl, but that’s where I was at the time and it’s part of the charm. I had just started booking more events with other bookstores in the state when the pandemic hit, so I’d probably have started that process earlier.

That’s a part of being an indie creator that sucks: it’s ALL on you. You have to front the cost of the author copies, you have to call bookstores and book your own events. You have to self-promote constantly and, sure, like most creators, I love to talk about myself, but it gets tiring. As secure and experienced as I am now, I’m still stressing the release of the new one. How many copies should I order? How many can I afford? Is it vain or smart to do promotional items? Can I count on the audience that loved my funny, freshman novel to want my grown up, serious new one?

Tell us about your new book. Reverie is a unique, contemporary fiction novel. It’s a fast-paced, first person narrative that follows salt-of-the-earth Nancy, who day dreams - a lot. She likes to imagine back-stories of people she sees through out the day: lavishly detailed assumed biographies of complete strangers. While the reader is treated to these stories, they learn hers as well, as it becomes questionable if this level of imagination is healthy creativity or concerning dysfunction. Two-forone, the reader unwraps this with Nancy, while also getting a few dozen short stories from her community. Reverie is set in Wenatchee and is my love letter to her and her people.

It will be released July 22nd, available at the book release event at Ye Olde Bookshoppe 4-7pm. And after that too.

Would you describe writing as cathartic? Is it tougher or easier to be vulnerable and raw in the midst of the writing process?

I only describe high-end tequila and certain sex acts as cathartic. Writing, storytelling in general, is compulsory. I can’t

not tell a story. But there are levels to it, like, you’re hungry right? Basic human need. That’s an easy itch to scratch. Open a bag of cereal, milk optional, throw it in your mouth. Low effort, low reward. Or you can gather materials, chop, dice, sauté, season, braise, caramelize, and plate it beautifully and savor it. I’m not raw in the process; I’m happy. I’m a maker with a task.

Of course, high effort has potential for failure. Spending six hours on a classic Bolognese only to scorch the pan and order take out. We’ve all been there. The vulnerability comes for me at the end result, the presentation. We’re reverted to children on the first day of school with lumps in our throats: what if they don’t like me? What if I added too much salt? What if I was a one-trick pony and have deluded myself into thinking I’m a writer because people were nice to me when I haphazardly threw together a raunchy, sappy collection of 60K words in a semi-cohesive order four years ago and I spent my whole paycheck on authors copies and no one buys a single one? And yes, that part is tough.

Any words of wisdom for someone out there that may be thinking they wanna try their hand at producing an entire book for publication?

Focus on your motivation, primarily. Why do you want to publish this book? Is it a story the world needs to hear and only you can tell it? Are you bringing awareness to something you care about? Want to prove your parents/haters/junior high English teacher wrong? Focus on that, let it fuel your tenacity. Maybe a join a NaNoWriMo challenge or make one for yourself. The first draft doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t even have to be good. Just complete. And then you have the rare privilege of saying “I wrote a book.”

Next, you polish that gem. I highly recommend putting effort into this step. Cameron Curtis did the Lord’s Work editing Reverie. Pay for or make a cover. It’s obvious when indie writers use the templates from the publisher. People absolutely care about how a book looks. There’s formatting resources out there, you can do it yourself or hire someone. Spend time and effort to promote. It’s helpful if you have an option to cross promote. My comedy sells books. Use the community you’ve built to help you grow. I would absolutely not be here, crossing ‘be interviewed for The Comet’ off my bucket list, if I didn’t have the

friends who’ve supported me every step of the way.

And finally, hit the publish button. What’s the worst that can happen: it sucks? So did She’s Come Undone and no one castrated Wally Sparks. As far as I know. It may not be wildly successful, but if you make one person laugh or think or move them to tears: it’s absolutely worth it.

Tell us about your upcoming book release event at Ye Old Books - and how can people follow you online?

July 22nd, 4-7pm. We’ll have a blast, there

will be giveaway stickers featuring the ridiculously good cover art Joseph John Sanchez III designed (joejohnart.com).

I’m @thegirlmichael on all platforms and Reverie is available at: amazon.com/dp/B0B4HJBHGS

And ISHWP is available here: amazon.com/dp/1731199929

You can also pick up a copy at the release /signing event at Ye Olde Bookshoppe at 11 Palouse st. in Wenatchee - Friday, July 22 4-7pm. C

THE PICKPOCKET

By Seth Stivala

Jimmy McGinty pulled the hood up over his head. He hated doing it, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Then he got off the subway and followed the suit.

“They make it too easy,” he thought while looking at the Rolex on the guy’s wrist.

“Definitely, an escalator man,” Jimmy thought.

He followed him from a few people behind as they approached the stairs and escalators. Sure enough, the suit hopped on the escalator.

“Not much for extra work, are ya fatso?” Jimmy thought and snorted. He moved slowly up behind the guy in the suit until he was riding the escalator right behind him. When they got to the top the guy in the suit went left and Jimmy went right.

He took out his phone and set a reminder “Suit 6:50am.” Then checked his schedule:

“Phone zone 8:15am.”

“Bag lady 10:45am.”

“Ugly stick 12:50pm.”

“Busy day,” Jimmy thought and smiled as he walked to the hot dog stand on the corner.

“Hey Jimmy! The usual?” the hot dog guy asked.

“You know it, Tony,” Jimmy said.

“Coming right up,” Tony said with a smile and put together two hot dogs. One had ketchup and was covered in sauerkraut and the other had mustard and was likewise, covered in sauerkraut.

“Here you go,” Tony said, handing Jimmy the dogs.

“Thanks. Can I also get a large coke?” Jimmy said, handing Tony a twenty.

“You got it,” Tony said, pocketing the twenty and filling up a large styrofoam cup with coke.

“There ya go,” Tony said, handing Jimmy the coke.

“Thanks,” Jimmy said, taking it.

“Alright, you ready?” Tony asked.

“Bring it on, old man,” Jimmy said with a smile.

“Two dogs, kraut, and a coke. What’s the tax on the total?”

“Two dogs at two bucks a pop, sixty cents for the kraut, and three bucks for the large coke is—”

“Actually, it’s three fifty for the coke,” Tony interrupted.

“What’s the idea raising the price on me?” Jimmy asked.

“Tourist season. You know that,” Tony said.

“Do I look like a tourist?” Jimmy said.

“Nah, you look like the Unabomber,” Tony said.

Jimmy pulled down his hood and took off his sunglasses and said “Funny guy ova here.”

“Well, I’m waiting,” Tony said.

“Eight ten total, multiplied by the eight point eight seven five percent sales tax is seventy-two cents rounded up,” Jimmy said.

Tony laughed and said “I swear you’ve gotta calculator up there,” pointing to Jimmy’s head.

Jimmy just shrugged and smiled as Tony handed him his change with the discount of one dog for getting the question right.

“So, what’re getting into today?” Tony asked.

“Same thing I do every day, hustle,” Jimmy said smiling.

“I’m a pretty good dancer myself,” Tony said and started dancing a few moves from

the hustle.

Jimmy laughed.

“Seriously though, Jimmy. You’re smart. You should go to college,” Tony said. “Nah, never liked school,” Jimmy said.

“Well, I dunno. Maybe apply to be an accountant or somethin,” Tony said.

Jimmy scoffed and said “Yeah, can you really picture me behind a desk? Doing people’s taxes or some shit,” and then noticed a few people had formed a line behind him.

“Hey, I’ll see ya, Tone,” Jimmy said.

“Later Jimmy. What can I get ya?” Tony asked the next person in line.

Jimmy headed to Central Park and found a bench. After eating his dogs, he stayed to watch the sunlight find its way into the concrete jungle. Then the alarm went off on his phone.

“Time to get to work,” Jimmy thought.

Chapter 2: Smooth Operator

Jimmy stood behind “Bag Lady” on the subway. He mentally thanked the assholes not giving up their seats and then bent down as if to tie his shoe. After he set the eight ball beside his foot, he stood up and pinched it with his other foot as the train started moving. He waited for the train to decelerate for the first stop, then stepped on it and applied pressure. It shot across the floor and banged against the far wall. Everyone looked towards the sound and that’s all it took.

“I knew you weren’t from here,” Jimmy thought while looking at the ID of Sarah Willis from Vermont and tossing the purse wallet in the dumpster. “No one carries their money in open bags like that here,” he thought.

Jimmy counted the money.

“Fifty-seven bucks. Not a bad haul to start, even with “Phone Zone” being a no show,” he thought while heading back to the subway.

He looked at his phone and realized he had about two hours to kill and decided to do some scouting.

At the subway he sat down and started watching people. He always thought it was incredible how people were in their own little worlds. People on their phones were the most common. Looking for an escape from the real world. Some used music, some read, and some even slept. Anything for an escape.

Jimmy shook his head and refocused on the task at hand. It had been pretty sparse. No double riders he recognized…and then he saw him. A guy in khakis and a blue button up polo with a brown leather jacket.

What clicked for Jimmy wasn’t this guy’s appearance. It was the wallet sticking out of the small jacket pocket. At first an alarm bell went off in his head.

“Cop!” Jimmy thought.

However, the guy’s beard put him at ease. Cops weren’t allowed to have facial hair except mustaches. Undercovers always looked like they were just beginning to grow theirs out. This guy was a Viking.

He sat down on the opposite side in the far corner of the train. Jimmy pretended to look at his phone, but kept stealing looks at the guy. He watched as he put his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his shaggy brown hair.

“Long day, big guy?” Jimmy thought as the train got moving.

Three stops later the guy still hadn’t gotten off.

“Where are you going?” Jimmy thought while watching the guy zone out and just stare out the window.

Finally, at stop number four the guy got up and Jimmy followed, but saw the guy’s wallet had fallen on the seat without him knowing. Jimmy briskly walked over and grabbed it thinking that if anyone saw him, he would just say he was going to catch the guy who dropped it. He exited the train and noticed the guy was already at the stairs. Jimmy couldn’t believe his luck and pocketed the wallet.

He decided he was getting hungry again and headed up the stairs himself. The Viking headed the same way he was going, but Jimmy was no longer concerned, just noticing. They parted ways when Jimmy turned down an alley.

He opened the wallet and found thirty-two dollars and a folded note beside the money. Curious, Jimmy opened it and read:

To whom it may concern,

I tried. I really tried…but I can’t do it anymore. I’m just tired of it all. Tired of being

alone. Tired of being a nothing and a nobody. Tired of just scrapping by and worrying about how I’m going to make it to tomorrow. At least I can choose my last day instead of wondering when it’ll be. Feel free to use what you can from what’s left of me. I’m an organ donor after all.

I guess that’s it…

William Donovan

June 30th, 20XX

P.S. I don’t have any family, so don’t worry about getting ahold of anyone.

“What the hell?!” he said staring at the note and then took out his phone and went to the calendar.

“June 30th.”

Jimmy ran.

Chapter 3: What’s right?

Jimmy glimpsed Will on the other side of the street as the traffic was going full force. “Come on! Come on! Come on!” Jimmy said, hitting the crosswalk button. The streetlight turned yellow and he lost sight of Will, but thought he saw him turn left. The walk sign appeared and Jimmy ran across.

“Excuse me. ‘scuse me. Move!” Jimmy said, making his way. He reached the place where he thought he saw him turn. It was an alley blocked by a garbage truck. Jimmy squeezed in along the side between the wall and the truck and hopped over some garbage cans. When he landed, he saw someone stepping onto a roof from a fire escape ladder. Jimmy ran harder and got to the fire escape. He climbed as fast as he could and took the stairs even faster. When he got to the final ladder to the roof he slipped and hit his head off of one of the rungs.

“Damn it! Ugggh,” he said, holding his head for a second and then resumed climbing. When he pulled himself up to see the roof, he saw someone on the ledge.

“Wait!” Jimmy said, stepping on to the roof. The guy was startled, but didn’t fall and turned to look at Jimmy.

“Don’t do it man, please,” Jimmy said, cautiously walking forward.

“Who the hell are you?” Will said.

“My name is Jimmy. You dropped your wallet,” Jimmy said while pulling out Will’s wallet.

Will smiled, gave a small laugh, and then said “Keep it. I don’t need it anymore,” and looked back toward the ground below.

“Wait! Please!” Jimmy begged.

“Why? You don’t even know me,” Will said, still looking at the ground.

“Because it’s not right!” Jimmy yelled. Will turned his attention back to Jimmy.

“What?” Will asked.

“It’s not right to do that to someone!” Jimmy said.

“Kid, I’ve got no one. It doesn’t matter.”

“Everyone has someone that cares about them whether you believe it or not. It might be someone you don’t even think about.”

“I’m telling you. I’ve got no one. Now leave me alone,” Will said, shifting his gaze back to the street below.

“Look, I’m here! I care! I don’t want you to do this!” Jimmy said with tears in his eyes taking a few steps closer.

“Why? Why do you care?!” Will said, looking at Jimmy again.

“Because my dad killed himself!”

The words hung in the air as Will stared at Jimmy, seeing the tears streaming down his face.

“So come on, please,” Jimmy said, reaching out his hand.

Will’s eyes watered as he took Jimmy’s hand and stepped back onto the roof. He pulled him into a hug as his tears fell free.

MAKING AMAZING MAZES THAT AMAZE

You may have noticed a new feature in the Funny Pages section of The Comet. Original mazes drawn by local artist Jessica Watson, or JessicaDawn.Co professionally. The Comet chatted with Watson about her love of making and completing mazes.

Tell us about your background and how you got interested in mazes? When did you start drawing your own?

Born and raised in the valley - as a teenager I sold mazes from some of the local restaurants for their children’s menus. I don’t remember a time before being interested in them, Queen of hearts, labyrinth, corn maze… I’ve been interested in mazes/paths, a long time. Raised in an orchard - walking up and down the rows. When I make a maze I often imagine myself walking inside of it.

There have been studies showing there are therapeutic benefits to completing a maze. Have you found that to be true? I hadn’t heard that before. It definitely feels true to me.

Is the idea to make the maze challenging to do? Or are you more interested in building a satisfying route to the finish? Both, it depends on who the maze is for.

I do different levels of mazes, some absolutely challenging and frustrating - seemingly impossible. Others that are simple

Talk about your process when starting a new maze. Do you start with a complete path and fill the rest in? Or does it all develop as you go?

When I first started doing it, it developed as I went. Then I tried starting with the style and then added the path and I have been enjoying that process. It doesn’t have to be just a start and a finish with one path. That’s the classic version and most of my mazes are like that. But I also love to make mazes like this month’s (page 36) where there’s more than one path and the journey is unexpected

I also illustrate books My1st.com and my website is JessicaDawn.co, Instagram is also JessicaDawn.Co. C

ARTBEAT

MONTHLY

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK MAP INCLUDED

NEWSLETTER OF THE NCW ARTS ALLIANCE JULY 2022 FREE

ON THE COVER: Josh R. McDonald Opening July 1 at Collapse Gallery

NCW ARTS ALLIANCE HIRES EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR; RECEIVES OFFICIAL 501-C3 STATUS

The newly formed NCW Arts Alliance has hired Kmbris Bond as its first executive director. Bond, a longtime local teaching artist, accepted the part-time position in June.

Bond had been serving as chairperson of the steering committee that has been working over the past 18 months to establish the NCW Arts Alliance.

As executive director, Bond will turn her focus to supporting expansion of the NCW Arts Board of Directors; creation of the organization website and basic infrastructure; as well as building initial fund raising and membership systems. Bond will also continue to serve in her role as the Education and Volunteer Specialist at the Wenatchee Valley Museum and Cultural Center.

Taking her place as board chair is Megan Kappler of Ephrata. Kappler is founder and board president of the Full Circle Theatre Company and works for Columbia Valley Community Health as the Training and Education Manger. She specializes in creative art therapies.

The current NCW Arts Alliance board members also include Scott Bailey, director of Wenatchee Valley College’s Arts program; Wenatchee-based mixed media artists Lindsay Breidenthal, karen dawn dean; Natalie Dotzauer, Professor of Art at Wenatchee Valley College; and Jamie Howell, owner of Howell at the Moon Productions.

In other news, the NCW Arts Alliance was recently granted official status as a 501(c) (3) non-profit organization by the IRS. This critical step will allow the organization to receive grants and other public or private allocations only available to recognized 501(c)(3) organizations, as well as to receive tax-deductible donations.

Want to find out more about the NCW Arts Alliance? Contact us at arts@ncwarts.org

MUSE WORTHY by Lindsay Breidenthal

nition, to see yourself in the “other” and play with contradiction.

Oscar Wilde points out, “…The artist should never try to be popular. Rather the public should be more artistic.” I see an artistic inclination in most people, but our busy lives don’t really allow this innate quality to flourish as it should.

FEATURED ARTIST OPPORTUNITY

I’d like to raise a glass to the shapeshifters, embodied enigmas, and boundary breakers as you consistently re-draw the lines, confuse and delight.

Pride month highlights the multi-faceted aspects of sexuality, ethnicity, and identity - raising questions about what categories we assume and why. It takes creativity and humor to blossom on the edges of defi-

Instead of focusing on how insane/ignorant/disgusting some people are, it takes creativity to imagine assuming that role in a play, for example. The research it takes to create a mural, film, poem will change how you see your subject - guaranteed. Who better to point out an elaborate system of political smoke and mirrors than a magician? Can you think of better social critics than comedians and writers? So, what does this have to do with art? Everything. Like Oscar said, “It is life that imitates Art.” SALUD!!

Calling all songwriters!

Spend a week exploring your instruments and creating music with singer/songwriter Chloe Caemmerer at the Grunewald Guild in Plain. The course, “Songwriting: Songbird Lexicon” runs from July 17-23 and is just one of nearly two dozen art courses offered this summer. Find out more at grunewaldguild.com.

SCAN TO SIGN UP FOR THE NCW ARTS NEWSLETTER FOR MORE EVENTS AND OPPORTUNITIES!

NCWARTS IN SEARCH OF WEB HELP

Handy on the interwebs? NCW Arts needs an art-loving individual or team to help us launch the first iteration of our new website. Help get this organization off the ground and into the ether! Contact us at arts@ncwarts.org.

“What art seeks to disturb is monotony of type, slavery of custom, tyranny of habit, and the reduction of man to the level of a machine.”

- Oscar Wilde

Kmbris Bond

Lindsay Breidenthal

‘SHADOW APERTURE’ Installation Not to be Missed

Art Review by Scott Bailey

s the curator of exhibitions at the MAC Gallery on the campus of Wenatchee Valley College, I’m always looking to show the most interesting, challenging and educational exhibitions we can produce. Among all the exhibitions we’ve put on, the current show is truly special.

Seattle-based artists Annie Han and Daniel Mihalyo are partners in life and in art as Lead Pencil Studio. They are toplevel, internationally respected and exhibited artists accustomed to showing at major museums or doing large-scale pub-

Alic commissions, which ordinarily would put them well out of our league and, as a result, makes Shadow Aperture the most significant exhibition ever produced specifically for our gallery.

It was the MAC Gallery’s white cube space and the offer of an opportunity to create art-for-art’s-sake with complete freedom, albeit on a more intimate scale (and budget), that enticed them into the Wenatchee Valley.

Shadow Aperture is ethereal, minimal, and conceptual - a succinct presentation, where everything in the show is essential. Upon entering the space, it takes a moment for one’s eyes to adjust to its quietness. The exhibition consists of a central hanging wire sculpture that suggests a window opening, two steel floor pieces, and four “drawings” that stretch and challenge the definition of that discipline. The latter are extremely under-

stated gestures—metal rods that protrude magically from the gallery walls in angles that feel familiar as openings seen from oblique perspectives and yet are alien in their present forms.

Behind the crisp and pared-down elements of the sculptures are some hightech architectural processes and calculations. Computerized virtual models imagined light streaming through the ghostly window (Aperture) with its negative space represented by wispy metal cross-hatching. The light from that invented source has landed on the floor and wall, paradoxically transformed into solid, heavy, cold-rolled steel geometric shapes (Shadow Plates 1 and 2).

Consummate professionals, the tight craftsmanship of Han and Mihalyo is evident throughout this exhibition. Architects by training, they bring unique sensibilities to their art across a variety

of mediums including digital media, photography, video, ceramics, sculpture, drawing, design, and installation.

The show has a Sublime quality that seems related to the West Coast Minimalists and Light and Space Movement artists like James Turrell and Robert Irwin, but this work is more about the imagined suggestion of light and its absence than the spiritual glow of the light itself.

We’re fortunate to be able to hold the exhibition over through August so that more viewers can experience the thought-provoking and powerful calm it exudes.

Scott Bailey is an artist, and the Director of WVC’s Art Department and MAC Gallery. The MAC Gallery summer hours are Mondays through Thursdays, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Fridays 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.

Scott Bailey

SCAN FOR DIGITAL INTERACTIVE FIRST

FRIDAY MAP!

FEATURED EVENT OF THE MONTH

FIRST FRIDAY ART MAP

1. MAC Gallery

Lead Pencil Studio: Shadow Aperture, 5-7

2. Lemolo Cafe & Deli

Dan McConnell, cartoonist & LIVE music by Corban Welter, 6-8

3. Two Rivers Art Gallery

Tina Reeve Tharp, painter; Jeanne McPherson, live pianist, 5-8

4. Mela

Amber Zimmerman, painter, 5-7

5. Tumbleweed

Kealani Clay Jewelry, 5-7

6. Gilded Lily Paula K. Odell, oil painter, 1-6

7. Ye Olde Bookshoppe Down by the River Lavender, 4-8

8 Pickle Papers

Josie Rutherford, watercolor markers demo, 4-7

9. Mountain Chick Floral Kyle Folden, live music, 4-7

10. Collapse Gallery

Josh McDonald, artist reception, 12-9

11. Pybus Market

Victor and Kellie Von Beck, artist reception; music by Norman Baker, 5-7

Music comes to the outdoor Meadow Stage as venerated regional favorites The Paperboys kick off the Summer Concert Series at Icicle Creek Center for the Arts in Leavenworth on Saturday, July 30, at 7 p.m. Tickets available at icicle.org.

Online map courtesy of the Wenatchee Downtown Association wendowntown.org

MANDALORIAN VS. PREDATOR

By DOUG and Kayla Nunn

Let’s say the Mandalorian picks up a new bounty that leads him to the Predator. Maybe the Predator crash lands in the outer rim and gets in the way of the Mandalorian and his quest to be the galaxy’s best father. Either way, let’s say the Mandalorian and the Predator have to fight for their life….who wins?

Let’s start with the facts. They both are trained hunters who have similar gadgets. Both have great hand-to-hand combat skills plus experience with firearms and projectiles. They both have infrared vision with the help of their helmets. But can infrared vision penetrate through Baskar armor? Can Mando’s whistling birds penetrate Predator skin? To really have an understanding of how they stack up to each other we need to talk about what they bring to the table.

As far as the Mandalorian goes, he has a full set of armor made from Baskar steel, the toughest and most legendary metal in the galaxy. He wears a Mandalorian vambrace on each wrist, loaded with gadgets such as a fibercord thrower that can be used to climb to high places or pull enemies closer, a Fibroknife that he can automatically draw into his hand, a flamethrower that…well, we all know what a flamethrower does, sticky bombs with adjustable time delays, flash charges to blind the enemy and either escape or attack unseen, and last but not least, the Whistling Bird Missiles. These are small missiles made of Baskar that home in on the enemy and penetrate the target, exploding inside the body. He also has a Heavy Blaster Pistol: a gun that shoots focused, high penetration

plasma bolts and an Amban Phase Pulse Sniper Rifle: a rifle that instantly disintegrates targets plus a tip that can be used to electrocute enemies. The rifle also gives Mando the ability to see targets through thick walls and hear targets from long distances. Mando is also equipped with a jetpack that he can control manually or apparently with his mind.

As far as the Predator goes, he definitely has more gadgets than Mando, including Plate Armor, that although it covers very little it is made of Delx, a type of metal lighter and stronger than anything found on earth, a Bio-mask that does a lot more than just hide their ugly face, it has a breathing apparatus, a translator and the a creepy voice mimicry system, video and voice recording, infrared vision, and neuro vision used to track a targets emotional state. The predator also has a wrist gauntlet that has a variety of gadgets including a self-destruct device, a sat-com that can map the environment, a cloaking device that renders them nearly invisible - but water does short circuit this, retractable wrist blades that have serrated edges, a charge emitter that can be used to short circuit any electrical device. The Predator also carries a Combistick, a spear like weapon and probably the Predator’s most used. He also carries a net launcher, a whip, smart discs that can be used in hand to hand combat but typically thrown and they always return. He utilizes several mines: proximity, laser, fire, EMP, plasma and sonic. A spear gun that launches a spike, and the most powerful weapon the plasma caster, a shoulder-mounted, long-ranged weapon that launches bolts of concentrated plasma aided by a targeting system in the Bio-mask.

They both live by strict codes of conduct. The Mandalorian cannot and will not take his helmet off, even if he is wounded or someone is offering to heal him. He is distrustful of droids which can cause some delays when he needs repairs or armor fixes. It also means all of his gadgets and vehicles could have a higher chance of failing as repair droids are the best at what they do. The Mandalorian is also an expert fighter and marksman, a skilled pilot and mechanic and multilingual. With all that said, the Mandalorian is a fierce fighter and will not back down until he or his opponent are dead.

The Predators hold themselves above all when it comes to hunting and killing, even to the point of fault. They have high powered weapons like the Plasma Caster that they refuse to use if they are up against a worthy opponent, and in this case I would say the Mandalorian fits that description. The Predator has enhanced strength, speed, and durability, as well as expert hunting and combat skills. For weaknesses, the Predator’s blood glows in the dark making it easy to track. As I mentioned previously, their cloaking system short circuits when exposed to water. And to top it off, he is one ugly motherfucker.

So whatever way they meet, whether the Predator crash lands in the outer rim or Mando has to hunt down the Predator because they kidnapped Grogu for whatever reason, maybe the predators killed off all the xenomorphs and needed to find another worthy opponent. After searching to infinity and beyond they found Mandalore and the Mandalorian people and decided to invade them and take them back to their home planet to breed them for future hunts.

So now they have motive and a reason to hunt and kill each other, who takes the first shot? I say Mando does and he goes for the helmet knowing that the Predator needs it to track him, but he misses and the Predator escapes using his cloaking system. The Predator then sets a few net traps and waits in the trees. But wait, the Mandalorian didn’t miss! He can see some bright green, luminescent blood going across a creek and up a tree. Before he can track where it goes, he is hit in the helmet with a bladed projectile, knocking him to the ground. As he is collecting himself he looks up to see the Predator jumping down out of the tree landing in a small creek. As he does this, Mando notices that the Predator’s cloaking system is short circuiting. He puts two and two together and throws a sticky bomb next to the creek, dousing the predator in water, making his cloaking system inoperable long enough to fire his whistling bird missiles that penetrate the Predator’s armor and flesh and explode inside his body. Who do you think would win? They really are so similar, the more I researched and I wrote, the more alike and comparable they seemed. In my mind, I wanna say Mando wins because I’m a huge fan but let’s be completely honest, the Predator would probably rip him apart and use the armor as a food tray.

Doug and Kayla Nunn are owners and operators of The Time Capsule, a retro media hub that celebrates all things nostalgic and pop culture related.

Find them: @retromediaman | 23 Orondo Avenue, Wenatchee and at timecapsulecollectibles.com C

Likenesses owned by The Walt Disney Company

THE TIME MACHINE

JAMES JOYCE’S FART LETTERS

BY WAYNE SWANSON

OK. I know you, dear readers, are mostly accustomed to a little lowbrow humor here and there in the pages of The Comet. But...sometimes we also get pretty galldurn highbrow. Like sharing famed writer James Joyce’s insanely filthy (but precious in their own way) fart love letters to his wife, Nora Barnacle. Ok, they aren’t 100% fart-based but...I think you’ll agree, the fartiness of these words may be a bit more pungent than all other aspects of filth therein. And yes, a warning: this is about as filthy as words get - at least outside of hate speech or violence. So ye have been warned. Turn back now and nobody will know. But, since nobody will know you read them either - why not plow ahead? Ahem.

A couple things about these letters: Yes, you could argue that it’s shameful that these were ever made public seeing how they were intimate and highly personal love letters. And that’s fair. But that only adds to the intrigue, right? I mean lord knows King Tut would curse us all with eternal butt boils if he knew how much we have pawed through his tomb and personal belongings. Yet we do it ‘cuz it’s real neat. That’s not a mic drop moment, I know. But it makes me feel better.

A little more background on the letters

themselves. After meeting in Dublin in 1904, Joyce and Barnacle quickly fell for each other. And by many accounts, that fire raged on for many years. They were obsessed with each other really. Over the next few decades, Joyce was often out chasing down every penny (which weren’t many at the time) he could scratch out as a writer. This left Nora home with the kids and so she began a correspondence that was 10% updates from home, 90% letter-sex.

Joyce died in 1941, and Nora followed ten years later. The box of love letters ended up in the hands of Joyce’s brother who died in the mid-50’s and his widow sold the letters to Cornell University in 1957which is when the public first had access to them.

So with all that said - I present merely a few snippets of these charming sexts before sexting was thing. Also interesting to note: most folks who knew him said James Joyce rarely cursed or talked in a sexual manner at all. I suppose he got it all out in his letters...Sadly, most of the letters Nora sent James were lost to time but you can get a feel for what she was cuing him up for in his responses.

Did I mention a warning? Ok. Let’s go.

“You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little

merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also.”

“My sweet little whorish Nora. I did as you told me, you dirty little girl, and pulled myself off twice when I read your letter. I am delighted to see that you do like being fucked arseways.”

“Fuck me if you can squatting in the closet, with your clothes up, grunting like a young sow doing her dung, and a big fat dirty snaking thing coming slowly out of your backside… Fuck me on the stairs in the dark, like a nursery-maid fucking her soldier, unbuttoning his trousers gently and slipping her hand into his fly and fiddling with his shirt and feeling it getting wet and then pulling it gently up and fiddling with his two bursting balls and at last pulling out boldly the mickey she loves to handle and frigging it for him softly, murmuring into his ear dirty words and dirty stories that other girls told her and dirty things she said, and all the time pissing her

drawers with pleasure and letting off soft warm quiet little farts.”

“You say when I go back you will suck me off and you want me to lick your cunt, you little depraved blackguard. I hope you will surprise me some time when I am asleep dressed, steal over me with a whore’s glow in your slumbrous eyes, gently undo button after button in the fly of my trousers and gently take out your lover’s fat mickey, lap it up in your moist mouth and suck away at it till it gets fatter and stiffer and comes off in your mouth. Sometime too I shall surprise you asleep, lift up your skirts and open your hot drawers gently, then lie down gently by you and begin to lick lazily round your bush. You will begin to stir uneasily then I will lick the lips of my darling’s cunt. You will begin to groan and grunt and sigh and fart with lust in your sleep. Then I will lick up faster and faster like a ravenous dog until your cunt is a mass of slime and your body wriggling wildly.

Goodnight, my little farting Nora, my dirty little fuckbird! There is one lovely word, darling, you have underlined to make me pull myself off better. Write me more about that and yourself, sweetly, dirtier, dirtier.”

Ain’t love a gas? C

JULY 1,2,8,9,10,14,15,17,21,22,23 2022 AT 7 PM – 8:30 PM

Icicle Creek Chamber Music Festival

Icicle Creek Center for the Arts in Leavenworth

FRI, JUL 1 AT 7 PM

Pastel Motel, Cigman Fraud, Anavanam live at Old Skools

Pastel Motel - Old Skool’s in Ellensburg

WEDNESDAY, JULY 6, 2022 AT 12 PM – 5 PM Do Good- Drink Beerto benefit the Numerica Performing Arts Center! The Taproom by Hellbent Brewing at Pybus

FRIDAY, JULY 8, 2022 AT 3 PM – 5 PM Aloha Fridays! LIVE dance performance from the Wenatchee Hula dance group. Wear your Hawaiian or island best and celebrate the spirit of aloha! Pybus Public Market

FRIDAY, JULY 8, 2022 AT 7 PM I HEART The 90’s Tour - Featuring Kid N Play, Young MC, Treach of Naughty by Nature, and more! 12 Tribes Lake Chelan Casino in Manson

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2022 AT 5:30 PM – 8:30 PM Daytime Disco DJ Set @ Vibe Cellars Vibe Cellars in Chelan

SATURDAY, JULY 9, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Jasmine’s Birthday Bash!!! With The Love Darts, Crazy Eyes and Dustin Hays!!!

Wally’s House of Booze

Wanna plug your kickass event? Send it our way at thecometmagazine@gmail.com

SUNDAY, JULY 10, 2022 AT 3 PM – 5 PM Live Music with Hans Hessburg Vin du Lac Winery & Bistro

MONDAY, JULY 11, 2022 AT 6 PM – 8 PM Mellisoni Open Mic Night on Mondays!! Mellisoni Vineyards in Chelan

SATURDAY, JULY 23, 2022 AT 8 PM – 9:30 PM Comedy Show w/ Kermet Apio Sigillo Cellars Chelan

FRIDAY, JULY 29, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Touch of Evil and The Fibs!!! Live at Wally’s House of Booze!!!

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, JULY 30, 2022 AT 7 PM The Paperboys Icicle Creek Center for the Arts

SATURDAY, JULY 30, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Desolate, Headwound and As It Lies!!! Live at Wally’s!!

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Ando’s Birthday Bash! With Psycho 78, Bill and His Six String plus guests!!!

Wally’s House of Booze

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 2022 AT 9:30 PM

Weird Animal, Ball Bag, plus guests!!! Live at Wally’s House of Booze!!

Wally’s House of Booze

THE RAVEN KNOWS by AMBER ZIMMERMAN

Local multi-medium artist Amber Zimmerman is premiering a new exhibit entitled The Raven Knows on July’s First Friday at Mela in downtown Wenatchee.

Zimmerman is a fourth generation woman artist who says that art is a way of life for her and her family. She enjoys working with a variety of mixed mediums to create symbolic art that celebrates the connection and sacredness to the cycles of nature. Zimmerman earned her B.A. from The Evergreen State College in Environmental Art, in 2000. She has been active in the local arts community and has participated in several group and solo gallery shows throughout Washington State. In addition to her studio work, Zimmerman teaches art at Alpine Lakes Elementary, adult step by step painting classes, and mini retreats. We chatted with the artist to learn more about her work and her upcoming show at Mela.

Talk about your time at Evergreen, and what exactly is Environmental Art?

I studied visual arts and environmental sciences there, then combined them into one “major” - Environmental Art. My thesis was the Healing Energy of Trees that combined scientific data, reflections and visual pieces that were paintings and sculptures. I also made my own earthen paints. I studied the Environmental art movement and the artists that were doing land art works. That was a long time ago, but the relationship to the land has always influenced my visual artistic endeavors.

What other mediums have you dabbled in - and is painting what you spend the bulk of your time on, creatively speaking?

I grew up in an art glass studio, my parents have been glass artists for about 47 years - Silvermoon Art Glass. I am skilled in leaded, stained and etched glass. I went to Pratt Fine Arts the same time I was at Evergreen and did a lot of glass blowing. Now I fuse glass, create hand-painted fused glass pieces and a newer technique called Vitreonics. I carve wood elements in pieces and create mixed media sculptures using found objects and things from nature. Yes, painting is generally a component of each piece, and I tend to paint on wood or glass. In my gallery work, the vision comes and I create it with the medium that feels right to honor that vision.

Tell us about teaching art to childrenhow much do you try to approach this

from an early academic perspective versus the more...maybe philosophical or less tangible elements to creating?

I have always thought that art is the most important problem solving tool. It is like a magic wand that can help with problems emotionally and aid in creative problem solving for every other subject. When I teach art to children it is about learning foundational skills and having fun creating and exploring at the same time.

Are you going pretty much full time on making art?

Yes, I have been a full time self-employed artist creating and teaching. Finding a balance for both during different life phases.

What do ravens represent to you? And what has drawn you toward honoring them through your art for this upcoming exhibit?

My creative process is generally fueled by an intense vision. A few years ago I had a vision of the raven coming to me with a message. I meditated on it for a while, painted the vision... and still had questions and felt there was unfinished business. I decided to just let the process of creating reveal all that the raven had to say. So, I paint and create the messages the raven is trying to communicate and we have formed a psychic bond that has stayed. Other visions come, but the raven always returns.

Anything you’d like readers to know before showing up to the opening on First Friday? Anything coming up further down the road we should know about?

I am also a part of the CHA residency

group in collaboration with Methow Arts, the Icicle Fund and Icicle Creek Center for the Arts that honors the Wenatchee Watershed. I have a piece in Gallery One in Ellensburg that has a reception the same first Friday July 1st 5-7pm. That show is up from June 18th to July 29th.

And then following Gallery One’s Exhibit the artwork will travel to Methow Arts in August and to the MAC Gallery in September.

Also this fall I am co-teaching a retreat with Joanna Dunn called Sacred Pause: A retreat for women. It includes art, writing, yoga, meditation and nature. August 30thSeptember 4th at the Whidbey Institute.

I am currently working on my Master in Teaching Art through Central WA University. Lots of homework this summer!

Links/social media: IG and Facebook:@amberzimmermanart amberzimmermanart.com

THE COMET 8

Favorite Artist: Andy Goldsworthy

Favorite Band: Grateful Dead

Favorite Book: Braiding Sweetgrass

Favorite Quote and Who Said It: “Art washes away from the soul dust of everyday life.” - Picasso

Item You Can’t Live Without: hairbrush

Dream Collaboration: illustrating a Starhawk book

Favorite Destination: a remote landscape

Over the years at the Wenatchee Valley Museum, there have been some odd and strange things that have been donated to the collection. While some get displayed on exhibit, the majority of our collection is housed in our archives for historical preservation. For example, our prehistoric ground sloth fragments that use to be on display but now sit in a collection’s preservation room behind locked doors.

One of these unique oddities includes a collection of uranium ore. Uranium is naturally occurring rock in the earths crust with its primary use being to fuel nuclear reactors.

While this collection is barely radioactive because it is unrefined, the Museum still keeps it locked away in a room far away from other collection items.

Curated and written by Anna SpencerCollections Coordinator at Wenatchee Valley Museum And Cultural Center wenatcheevalleymuseum.org

I’VE HAD CRUNCHWRAPS MORE SUPREME THAN THIS COURT

By Moxie Rose

For once procrastination was on my side. The publication deadline for my column snuck up on me faster than I’d like to admit. So, on a Thursday evening after I got home, I sat down and began to type, got a sizable amount done (and had a good layout for the rest of it), and called it a night.

And then I woke up on Friday to a new world. A world where we saw that “settled law” was apparently not settled at all.

My work, every bit of education I do (both in person and online), my livelihood, my passion – it’s all built on educating others about sex. Including the basics of safe sex. We continually fail the younger generations by not only not providing comprehensive sex education, in many cases, in many areas, we actively sabotage any opportunities they may have to seek out that information. Which leaves me in my daily life still teaching grown adults, who are already sexually active, the basics of things as simple as “how to use a condom” and “what is affirmative consent?”

And with all of that in mind, the feeling that keeps bubbling to the surface in me is: we are not ready. We are not ready for a world without Roe v. Wade.

So I have stuck what was going to be this month‘s column in the draft box. Because what I can do in this very moment, sitting at my computer, one day after the Supreme Court’s ruling- is not much. But I can give everyone a refresher about safe sex. You may know this information, you may learn something today (and I hope you do), you may just want to clip this out and send it to somebody who could use this information. Knowledge is power. And ‘abstinence only’ education is bullshit.

Some of this may strike you as common sense. But if there is one thing I have learned in this line of work, it’s that there is no such thing as common sense when it comes to sex. Some people learned, others did not. Some people learn because they had access to information that others didn’t have. So we’re going to set aside the notion of common sense and give people information anyway.

So here are just some of the most common questions I answer:

Can you get pregnant while you’re on your period?

The likelihood of getting pregnant can rise and fall throughout your ovulation cycle. While the average monthly cycle may be 29 days, others may have a cycle that varies from 20 to 40 days, or longer. The chances of someone getting pregnant one to two days after they start bleeding is nearly zero. But the likelihood starts to increase again with each successive day, even though they’re still bleeding.

At roughly day 13 after starting your period, your chance of pregnancy is an estimated 9%.

Now, that number may seem low – but the bigger picture is that there is still a chance.

So in short: a person’s ovulation cycle can vary, so it’s statistically possible you could become pregnant while on your period. While pregnancy is less likely in the earlier days of your period, the chances increase in the later days.

Plan B

• The term “Plan B” has become almost interchangeable with “emergency contraceptive“ so we often forget that Plan B is just a brand. And because of that, purchasing Plan B may be more costly for you than it needs to be. Because you often end up paying for the brand name– similar to how you pay more for Victoria’s Secret bras because you’re paying for the name.

The actual name of the drug is Levonorgestrel.

Searching for it under its generic name allows you to find the same medication and same dosage as Plan B, but instead of paying upwards of $30-$40, you can pay around $6 to $10.

• Almost all emergency contraceptive pills are only effective up to a weight of around 150lbs. If you weigh over 150lbs you either need to look at other forms of emergency contraceptive pills (such as the brand Ella, which is able to keep its potency for over 150lbs- but also has its own weight limitation), or talk to your doctor, a pharmacist, or other qualified medical professional about doubling your dosage (this is sometimes used with emergency contraceptives depending on your health, your weight, and the type of emergency contraceptive you are taking). If you do not have a doctor currently or are uncomfortable going in and speaking to a phar-

macist - you may be able to call places like your local Planned Parenthood and speak to one of their medical professionals.

• While it’s often referred to as the “morning after pill“, technically you have a 72 hour window to take your emergency contraceptive in order for it to have a chance of being affective. That being said, the sooner you can take it, the better it works.

Condoms

• There are multiple materials that condoms can be made out of but the most common are going to be latex, polyisoprene, polyurethane, or lamb skin (latex condoms being the most common).

• If you are using latex condoms, avoid using oil based lubricants (this also includes using natural oils like coconut oil or olive oil as your lubricant). Oil will compromise latex. Water-based lubricants and silicone lubricants are safe to use with any and all condom materials.

• While lambskin condoms help protect against pregnancy, they do not protect against STIs- latex, polyisoprene, and polyurethane condoms however will protect against both pregnancy and the transmission of STI‘s.

•Do Not open condom wrappers with your teeth as it increases the likelihood that you could nick the side of the condom (which would be rolled around itself in the package still) and puncture it. Even to the point where it may be too small for you to notice.

•They’ve got a pretty significant shelf life but condoms do in fact have an expiration date. These dates are usually listed on its original packaging as well as on the outside of each individual wrapper. So if you have a stock pile of condoms that you have slowly been making your way through, be sure to keep an eye on the expiration date.

•Condoms should never be stored in your car or your wallet as prolonged exposure to heat and friction can compromise them.

• If you are unfamiliar with how to put on a condom (this information is helpful even to those who may be putting condoms on toys they plan to use with new

partners). The Internet is full of various videos to perfectly demonstrate how to do so. You can also visit the For The Love Of It YouTube channel (channel name: For The Love Of It NCW) to watch the video demonstration I made.

• Internal condoms (sometimes, but not here, referred to as “female condoms”) are also good for protecting against STI’s and pregnancy. However they are not thought of as being as “user-friendly” as condoms that would go over a penis. They do take some practice as far as inserting and placing them goes. While we are talking about internal condoms, a reminder that internal condoms are different than dental dams. Dental dams are essentially a thin sheet of latex that is placed over the vulva to prevent the spread of STI’s when oral sex is being performed on said vulva.

• Yes, you can find a condom that fits. And it is your responsibility to. If I can pull a run-of-the-mill latex condom up my entire arm to my shoulder… you can find one that fits. And before you try to talk to me about Magnums allow me to burst your bubble real quick by introducing you to Mr. Jim Daniels, vice president of marketing for Trojan. Daniels confessed to the New York Times that, For all the connotations, it turns out that Magnum is not so large. It is the same length as standard condoms, with the same circumference at its base- it’s just slightly wider in the middle. Mr. Daniels said. “Some people feel more comfortable with that width, but you don’t have to be an overly endowed man to use a Magnum and enjoy it.”

So it is absolutely possible for you to find a condom that fits and is your responsibility to do so.

Other helpful things to remember

• Always pee after penetrative sex (this is usually driven home for those with a vagina but it’s a healthy practice for anyone).

• The pull out method is not effective. It doesn’t matter how quick on the draw you think you are. Pre-ejaculate can still contain enough sperm to impregnate.

• Spermicide does work, although it is not nearly as common as it was in previous years. However, you do not want to use it as your only form of birth control. It needs

to be used in tandem with things like contraceptives or condoms. Spermicide will not protect against STI’s so if that is something that you are worried about you would need to use spermicide and a condom.

• If you have multiple partners, or your partner has multiple partners - testing for STI’s should be thought of as routine. Make them a regular practice. Especially because many STI’s can sometimes go undetected in one person and be passed to another. Or they go undetected until they turn from an STI (sexually transmitted infection) to an STD (sexually transmitted disease) - At which point symptoms become more clear and possibly more problematic. I know those two terms, STI/STD, are often used interchangeably but there is a slight difference between them.

Resources:

Abortion Finders abortionfinder.org ineedana.com

Accessing Financial Assistance (varies by fund, may cover cost of procedure, travel & travel associated expenses, or both) abortionfunds.org/need-abortion

Free Legal Advice reprolegalhelpline.org or

Call the Repro Legal Helpline at (844) 868-2812

Accessing Medication Abortions Every State plancpills.org

Free Medical Advice

Call or Text the Miscarriage and Abortion Hotline at +1 (833) 246-2632

Resources for more information on safe sex/ sexual health thetrevorproject.org/resources plannedparenthood.org

Moxie Rose: (sex and kink advice/education) from For The Love Of It in Wenatchee, WA.

The information provided in this column is for educational purposes only, and does not substitute for professional medical advice.

BRASS AGAINST:RAGING AT THE PAC

By Ron Evans

New York’s funk/soul/metal/jazz

collective Brass Against has had a pretty wild couple of years. They survived (hell, I believe thrived in) a rather controversial stage incident that I will only sum up as the single most rock ‘n roll thing I’ve seen in decades. They’ve released new music to glowing praise and toured around the globe including hitting the stage at Glastonbury as well as a recent leg of shows opening for TOOL - a band they have covered quite a bit. More on that later.

On July 29th, Brass Against takes to the stage under the stars in downtown Wenatchee with a Courtyard Concert at Numerica Performing Arts Center. Did you get tickets? I hope so, because the very day I did this interview with band leader/ guitarist Brad Hammonds this show officially SOLD OUT.

At press time the band is still on tour in Europe but Hammonds took the time to chat a little about the group, the business of this kind of endeavor and about the incredible ride they’re currently on.

Talk a little about the conception of the band - was the plan pretty clear early on or did it take a few shapes along the way?

In early 2017 I felt like we needed to rage against the machine more than everTrump was elected and nationalism was on the rise. Andrew our bari-sax player and I decided to try out some Rage Against The Machine tunes and it really worked. We put a band together of our friends and shot a video. It was a blast so we kept going and here we are.

The covers are obviously a huge part of the band’s output - are you also creating original works?

We have an original EP out and have a few other originals recorded. We’re going to put out a new original single very soon.

Is there a typical process the band sticks to when choosing material to work with and how to arrange them to be a Brass Against song?

I choose the songs we cover. I have a list of songs based on what I think will sound good with horns. I like to drive around listening to a song and imagine what it will sound like with horns. I bring it to Andy and he arranges it. We get into the studio and rehearse it a few times and then record it.

Does the group go out on tour with a fairly locked-in setlist? Or do you like to play with that a little depending on the gig/venue/city?

We usually put a song list together of about 25 songs. We like to switch it up but often

we get a set list that works well and will stick with it for a stretch of shows. It also depends on the singer - I’ll ask them which songs they want to sing and we build a set list around that.

With so many renditions of licensed music, I’m curious about the business aspect of this kind of group. Do you have to get permission to play these songs? Does that all differ from studio rights? We pay royalties every quarter to the bands we cover. There a quite a few companies that handle the distribution etc.

To that question, has anyone straight up told you “no, get the fuck outta here?” No - we’ve had so much support from the bands we’ve covered.

Is there a holy grail song/collaboration the band would love to see come to fruition?

We became pretty close with the guys from TOOL. They played with us on “Stinkfist” on tour and it was surreal. That would be a dream to record something together.

Since TOOL has recently taken the group out on tour I suppose we can guess how they feel about Brass Against - have you had much feedback from any of the other artists whose songs you have featured?

Tom and Brad from Rage Against The Machine have both shared our covers as

well as Smashing Pumpkins and Run the Jewels!

Talk a little about the TOOL tour. How did their notoriously fickle (even by TOOL’s own account) fans respond to you?

We had covered a bunch of TOOL songsthat’s how they came to know us. The guys in TOOL were so kind and generous. The shows were amazing - the fans were incredible to us. We had quite a few standing ovations on the tour. The whole thing was way beyond expectations.

What’s coming up next for the group album/tour and otherwise?

After our European tour we’re going to play some US dates on the west coast and a few other cities - we really want to build our base in the US. We’re going to release originals and keep doing covers. We used a new singer recently named Cunio on a few covers and definitely want to do more with him. We also have a huge list for Liza, Sophia and others.

What can uninitiated folks in Wenatchee expect of your courtyard show at Numerica PAC coming up?

We’ve been on tour for 10 weeks and feel the band is tighter than ever. We’re going to give you everything we have. Our live shows are really where we shine! C

THE FUNNY PAGES COMICS AND NOVELTIES

What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks? Dino-mite!

Why doesn’t fire get to enjoy a day off on the Fourth of July? Because fire works. What did the little firecracker say to the bigger firecracker? Hi Pop!

1) A day that should have been a magical one for a bride and groom in Florida turned out to be anything but... Cops showed up to their fancy wedding that had nearly 100 people in attendance and arrested the bride of the wedding because she did this:

A) Laced the entire catered wedding dinner with copious amounts of weed

B) Faked her own death during the service

C) Had hired a hitman to kill her soon to be husband

D) Beat up her mother-in-law after she publicly objected to their union

2) One of the following statements about George Washington is true:

A) He died of a accidental shooting

B) He never knew dinosaurs existed

C) He helped develop the technology that would be eventually be used to send telegrams

D) He had only 8 fingers

3) A few weeks ago, a semi truck traveling through a Pennsylvania highway crashed and spilled it’s entire load all over the freeway. Cops and cleanup crews were tasked with cleaning up 15,000 pounds of this from the highway:

A) Bowling Balls

B) Fleshlights

C) Hot dog filler

D) Liquid Lubricant that had not yet been bottled

4) It was revealed in an interview last year that THIS rockstar only got into bands and music while he was in high school so he could date cheerleaders he wanted to date. He ALSO served as a New York City Police officer for nearly two years before hitting it big with his band. Who are we talking about?

A) Slash

B) Eddie Van Halen

C) Bon Jovi

D) Eddie Money

5) Ex Guns N Roses drummer Matt Sorum recently released a memoir about his wild rock and roll life. In the book, he tells a story of going to an afterparty at a celebrities house in the nineties... He got super loaded at the party, found his girlfriend he had brought naked in a hot tub with two other men, flew into a rage and proceeded to knock the host of the party out cold when he tried to calm him down. Who was the host of the party that got knocked out by Matt Sorum?

A) Tony Danza

B) Dave Coulier

C) Steve Guttenburg

D) Ray Romano

This might be hard to believe but… I’m tired of being mean. We have enough hatred and division in this world, so this month I’ve decided to go easy on ya.

Aries - Look at you embracing your lifetime of disappointment and failure. Good for you.

Taurus - No way around it, functioning this month will be tough for you. But I still have good news - nobody expects you to show up anyway.

Gemini - I love how you can really focus on one thing at a time, while simultaneously never finishing a single thing. It’s admirable really.

Cancer - People tend to only think of you as overly sensitive, but you can also be extremely cold and distant and brutally unkind. It’s called balance.

Leo - The way you obsess is commendable. Work, personal projects… whatever keeps you out of your own head and away from any chance of actually dealing with your problems.

Virgo - Your anxiety IBS is cute. Goes great with the perfect image that you try to uphold.

Libra - Good job only lying to yourself twice today!

Scorpio - Your new found assertiveness is coming along nicely. It’s already made someone cry, and that’s not always easy!

Sagittarius - Hey! You didn’t even explode your entire day over a small misunderstanding! Don’t worry, there’s always tomorrow to try again.

Capricorn - I can barely hear you mumbling your complaints about the evening news. You’re showing some major restraint!

Aquarius - Oh yay, just what this world needs, another eccentric podcast host. Please entertain us with all of your super interesting insights.. or don’t.

Pisces - Great job harnessing all of your resentments until one small inconvenience causes them to explode out in a fiery, unforgivable rage. I’m impressed!

ANSWERS: 1 - A) Laced the entire catered wedding dinner with copious amounts of weed.

2 - B) George Washington died in 1799; the first dinosaur fossil was discovered in 1824.

3 - C) Hot dog filler. Oof! 4 - D) Eddie Money. 5 - B) Dave Coulier.