The Comet Magazine August 2021

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE

EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE everything will be fine

THIS

editor: Ron Evans publishing assistant: Sarah Sims

contributors: Cory Calhoun, Sarah Sims, Kristen Acesta, Dan McConnell Holly Thorpe, Bill Griffith, Christopher F. Hart thecometmagazine@gmail.com

Dump...........................PAGE 38

COMET HEADQUARTERS

Well hell. Again.

I don’t know. I guess we proceed? I’m tired of mentioning the bug in the editor’s note and I’m sure you’re tired of reading it, and yet. Numbers are spikin’, masks are coming back, people are barking at each other about freedoms and sheep and needles and stuff their uncle told ‘em. All the while festivals are going ahead, businesses are open as usual and crowds of all sizes remain legal. Anyone else a little...confused? Anyway.

The Comet was all prepared to bring back a full events section but I think a truncated version will suffice for the time being. Still hopeful we are almost through it. But I was hopeful that Billy Beer was gonna make a comeback, so…

The August issue ended up sort of accidentally being comics-centric with Free Comic Book Day approaching along with the Comet premiere of Bill Griffith’s long-running bizarro strip, Zippy The Pinhead. I think it’s easy (even for some of us seasoned comic freaks) to forget that comics are more than just the stuff of Marvel and DC movie fodder. Those books will likely always dominate the market (and maybe the shelves at the shops) but if those don’t speak to you, there are stacks of lesser known mainstream and indie books that may be more your slice of tea. On that note, as mentioned, it was a thrill to chat with one of the original Underground Comix pioneers, Bill Griffith, for the issue and we hope you enjoy the wacky and surreal adventures of Zippy over the next year of the Comet. Free Comic Book Day is a perfect time to discover (or rediscover) the eclectic world of funny books and another great opportunity to support passionate small business owners providing locals with hundreds of books, comics, magazines, toys and games. And while you’re there, ask the owners about their 20 sided die!

As the smoke rolls in, it starts to feel like the early days of the end of summer drawing near. Let’s hope we won’t need to mask up for anything other than creeping people out on Halloween later this autumn. Although I do have a killer Mr. Freeze costume in mind complete with air cleansing head dome. Keep washing your paws and staying safe. Because after a whole year away from gatherings it would sure be “ice to see you.”

Oh SIGH yourself!

Happy Trails, Ron Evans Editor of The Comet

Me and Moxie Rose of the Radar Dames shootin’ Halloween show promos and staining clothes.

Call for Proposals

Gallery One is accepting proposals for the 2022/23 exhibit calendar. As a nonpro t art gallery, we strive to exhibit a diversity of voices in a range of mediums and experience levels through our roster of rotating monthly exhibits in our four main exhibit areas.

gallery-one.org/events/exhibit-proposals/

Downtown Ellensburg, WA

www.gallery-one.org

@galleryoneellensburg

Crosswords & more made exclusively for The Comet

THEMELESS CROSSWORD #8

ACROSS

1. Tech-heavy stock exchange

7. Edited a selfie, say

14. Best

16. Discolor, in a way

17. Reject

18.

19.

"These Boots are Made for Walkin'" singer Nancy Charlemagne's realm: Abbr.

20. Cotton or iron ore, for example

22. Start to frost?

23. Chicago-to-Tampa dir.

24. Utterance of someone in 43-Across

27. Place to put down stakes?: Abbr.

29. Fridays(restaurant chain)

32. "Jealous?"

38. What travelers might be forced to take

39. Summery garb

40. Prefix with -plop, -plunk, or -flooey

41. D.C. clock setting

42. Analogy words

43. State of wonder

46. Colossus

49. Blizzard hazard onthe roads

53. Undecided, for short

DOUBLE ANAGRAM CHALLENGE

Solving instructions at >>>tinyurl.com/coryanagrams <<<

removed letters (1 per word):

DEALT

BYGONE

anagrammed words:

56. Soccer superstar Cristiano

57. Bar food?

59. Fixed up

60. Bedrock

61. Office-chair wheels

62. Friend to Pooh andRoo

DOWN

1. Bite

2. On with

3. Eye problem

4. Cacophony

5. Dean Martin's "That's "

6. Persian Gulf nation

7. Civil rights activist Parks

8. Cloverleaf parts

9. Certain functions

10. "Go on, ___ you!"

11. Penne alternative

12. Political journalist Klein

13. Give a hand?

15. Result of a toxic work environment, often

21. Where problems involving 9-Down are often solved

22. Check endorser

24. "Just hear us out that'sall !"

25. Oscar-winning actress Berry

26. Cousin of a mink

28. Common causes for using an EpiPen

29. "Fer sure!"

30.

31.

What someone may choose to make an online purchase as " nice to see you!"

33. Dirtbike or dune buggy: Abbr.

34. French 101 article

35 " gratiaartis" (MGM motto)

36. Casting requirement?

37. "Shroud"cityof Italy

43. -garde

44. Salome playwright Oscar

45. Rear- (automishap)

47. Bakery offering

48. Cognizant

49. Bram Stokerliterary creation, briefly

50. Tomato type

51. Woman's name that's also a plural chemical suffix

52. Mercury and Mars, for two

53. "Africa" band

54. Cloud

55. Title for Judi Dench

58. Dissenting vote

SOLUTIONS TO LAST ISSUE'SMETA CROSSWORD PRIZE CONTEST

The metaansweris TRIANGLE (Hint: find a musicalinstrument).The completed grid hides 3occurrences of "DOT" appearing diagonally (inred below) and intersectingwith spelled-out numbers ONE,TWO,THREE, and FOUR (in grey boxes below)

Yep, the completed grid hides a "connect the dots" puzzle, hinted atby the title "EarnPoints--Just for Joining" ... which can also mean "make dotsspecifically for connecting."Connect the DOTs in 1-2-3-4 order to make a TRIANGLE (in green below), a musical instrument that satisfies the puzzle's hint. No winner for this contest. Thanks for playing & good luck next time!

SWAY PSA TABS

word anagrammed from removed letters:

SOLUTIONS TO LAST ISSUE'S ANACROSTIC CHALLENGE

ANSWERS: say, iguana, miso, "Out!", NFT, ego, bow, iris, litho, EMT, Sri. QUOTE: I'mbuilt this way for a reason so I'm going to use it QUOTE'S AUTHOR: Simone Biles (formed by answers' first letters)

I CRAVE FEEDBACK! Thoughts? Suggestions? Lemme have it. CSCXWORDS@GMAIL.COM

FEATURING:@SUNDAY.BRUNCH.PHOTO

Favorite Band: Currently a Washington local band called Hot Damn Scandal, but that’s reckoned to change every couple of months.

Favorite Movie: Wristcutters: A Love Story

Favorite Book: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Or really anything Douglas Adams.

Favorite Quote: “The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” -Douglas

Adams

Dream Collaboration: One day I would love to work with Dylan Bolivar; his work is out of this world. He mixes surrealism throughout his photography and has a keen eye for color composition.

Item You Can Live Without: I could definitely take a nice long break from my phone and be fine without it, though it does seem to be a necessary evil these days.

Favorite Destination: So far Indonesia has been my favorite destination abroad, but here in the states, Slab City in Southern California stole my heart. It really shows what human ingenuity can accomplish with very little resources and a whole lot of creativity.

by holly thorpe

Write on the River’s popular Four Minutes of Fame open mic is returning this Aug. 26. This is the first live event Write on the River has hosted in over a year, and one of the organization’s most popular events. Writers of all genres will gather at the Leavenworth Ski Lodge (10701 Ski Hill Drive, Leavenworth) for the quarterly open mic event on Thursday, Aug. 26 from 6-8 p.m.

The event is free and open to the public. Writers can sign up to read their own, original work of any genre by emailing info@writeontheriver.org. Each reader will get four minutes to share poems, short stories, essays, excerpts of larger work or more.

Winners of the 2021 Writers Competition and High School Writers Competition have been invited to read their work at the open mic as special guests.There are three winners in both fiction and nonfiction in the adult writers competition, and a first place winner and two honorable mentions in the high school competition.

We are sharing our first place fiction winner’s story this month in The Comet - and plan to share other winners’ stories in future issues. You can view all the winners and their stories at writeontheriver.org.

Coming up next…

Aug. 10: Virtual Happy Hour and Free Writing

Tuesday, Aug. 10, 6-7 p.m. Grab a virtual glass and virtually gab with

local writers during Write on the River’s Virtual Happy Hour and Free Write. Both members and non-members are invited to this free virtual event. Socialize or do a quick free write exercise with some of our board members. All are welcome! Zoom meeting information and details at facebook.com/WriteOnTheRiver.

Aug. 18: WOTR and NCW Libraries

NCW Writers Group

Wednesday, Aug. 18, 4-5 p.m.

Join NCW Libraries and Write on the River for an inclusive writers’ club for writers of all ages, skill levels, genres and interests. The NCW Writers’ Club is a virtual writing community created by local writers, for local writers. This club is designed to connect people and artists, discuss the craft, ask for advice and share resources. Meetings are every third Wednesday from 4-5 p.m., with an optional social hour afterward. Wenatchee librarian Nik Penny and Write on the River board member Holly Thorpe will host the club virtually on Zoom. In-person options may be added in the future. All NCW Libraries’ virtual events are free and open to the public. Meetings will be held through the zoom meeting platform. Find more information at ncwlibraries.org

To learn more about Write on the River, become a member, or register for events, visit writeontheriver.org. Membership is $35 per year, and offers free or discounted access to all WOTR events Questions? Contact info@writeontheriver.org.

FICTION, 1st PLACE

THE

PIGGLY WIGGLY

by Rose Weagant

It begins at the far end of a Piggly Wiggly parking lot on a gray Sunday afternoon. Most folks don’t park back there on account of the long trudge to and from the grocery store. But it is, as contractually stated in many a divorce, a nice, neutral space for transition. Parents lean on Fords and Chevys with their kids tucked neatly in the king cabs, thumbing devices and gnawing candy as they wait for their particular form of deliverance.

Happily married people do not see these ghosts at the end of the parking lot. It’s only those who know the dance that see it happening, when the far end of the Piggly Wiggly turns into a shipyard, transferring the most precious cargo from one parent to another.

Roy was there, too, a big heap of a fella. He sighed and checked his watch. The sky’s indifference made him a bit drowsy. And anxious. He yawned and looked at Nathaniel, sitting in the Harley’s sidecar, still in his helmet and goggles. They didn’t bug him too much.

Roy is a fella who tried, but (admittedly) not all of the time. He could have done better for Ellen. He wished he could really show her, but that’s done now. Still, he has Nathaniel. He can show him.

On weekends, they play catch and take walks on the pier. Nathaniel likes to sit on the tailgate and watch Roy tinker with his motorcycle. Mostly, they do this in silence. Sometimes, they listen to the radio. Whatever the case, they have a good time.

Roy hated this part and had hated it for the last five years. There was nothing good about letting Nathaniel go back to Ellen; well, Ellen and George.

Ellen and Roy used to spend the weekends drinking up the sun and loving Nathaniel. But at some point, even Nathaniel wasn’t enough to keep them together.

When Ellen got fed up with Roy and his greasy jeans and Harley, she walked out, taking Nathaniel. It was rough, but they made it work. Then Ellen met a nice pair of khakis named George, and they got married. It still nibbled at him. And worse, Ellen still made his heart flutter.

Rose Weagant

On this particular Sunday, George came to collect Nathaniel, per Ellen’s instructions. And, according to Roy’s watch, George was a whopping 7 minutes late. Bullshit.

A Lincoln Continental turned into the parking lot. Roy tucked his flutter away when he saw the balding silhouette, and not the smooth lines of his former wife, in the driverseat.

The Continental purred to a stop next to the Harley. Roy took a calming breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his greasy jeans.

From inside the Continental, George saw Roy out there–leaned up on a big, beefy Harley like he didn’t have a care in the world. Roy could snap George in half. Easily. George gulped.

Roy couldn’t help but judge his replacement, George the accountant. He looked well enough to do–timeshare well enough. George looked like a man who played golf and a lot of it. But could he provide for Nathaniel with the love and kindness that he was so accustomed to? Roy doubted it.

This is tough, thought George. But it’s what Ellen wants, and he opened the car door.

“Roy”

“George”

“How you been”

“Fair to middling”

“All right”

Roy watched George shake his legs out and smooth the wrinkles in his khakis. Khakis. The mere word chafed him. Of course khakis. After decades of dirty jeans, she gave up and found herself a khakis man.

No matter now. Roy grimaced.

The men stood in front of each other, a respectable distance apart. Roy crossed his arms and looked down at George. From his long, blonde hair to his tattooed forearms and his big boots, he made guys like George shake in their loafers. And yet Roy was, and would always be by George’s standard, cool.

George craned his neck around Roy’s girth to take a peek at Nathaniel, still wearing his helmet and goggles. “How’d our little guy do?”

Roy held his breath. How dare you, he thought. How’d he do? I’ll tell you how he did. Just great, as always. You little turd. Hell, Nathaniel’s been everywhere with me and that won’t ever stop. You get me? Just because you’re Ellen’s husb—

“Hi, Nat!”

What a little shit.

“It’s Nathaniel. Nuh-THAN-yel. Ellen and me never called him that.” Roy flustered and looked at Nathaniel who perked up at George’s voice–a harder blow to Roy than anything George could ever physically muster.

Roy looked down at Nathaniel, excited, his tail wagging.

Of all the best dogs in the world, why do I have to share mine with this dink?

Roy scooped Nathaniel into his arms and held his face close. Nathaniel licked Roy’s nose.

I can’t leave our baby with this guy. It’s just not right.

“Look, I know this is strange,” George reasoned. “But it’s what Ellen wanted.”

Roy didn’t look. He stared into Nathaniel’s eyes, tears spluttering down his cheeks. His boy, his good boy is all he has now. He buried his wet face into Nathaniel’s coat and sobbed.

Eventually, Roy wrung himself out, and handed Nathaniel over to George who loaded him into the Continental.

“Good service, huh?” said Roy, voice quivering. He mopped his nose with a dirty bandana.

“Yup.”

It was a good service. Ellen would be proud.

The sadness kept them facing each other. Roy wanted to be indignant. He loved her for longer, deeper (though maybe not better). He looked at George. He was wrung out, too. They shared the emptiness, a void big enough to swallow them whole. If not for Nathaniel, the two would hold hands and jump together into their sorrow.

But the accountant and the mechanic, knit together inextricably by four legs and a wet nose, made a promise to Ellen. C

By

NOTE FROM THE COMET: This article was written in European English so... stuff looks different.

Its dizzy heights may have passed, but the fad for adult coloring books is far from over. Many trace the origins of such publications to a wave of satirical coloring books published in the 1960s, but as Melissa N. Morris and Zach Carmichael explore, the existence of such books, and the urge to color the printed image, goes back centuries

For many publishers around the world 2015 was, fiscally speaking, an excellent year — a welcome boost in an otherwise uncertain decade. But this upturn had a perhaps surprising source: coloring books for grown-ups. What strange winds conspired to suddenly urge adults in their droves to take up colored pencils again? Whatever the reasons, sales rocketed: Nielsen logged sales of 12 million for the category in 2015, up from a measly 1 million the year before. In February 2016, with the craze still going strong, New York Academy of Medicine Library gave birth to a new initiative called Color Our Collections Week, a scholarly take on the coloring trend. Now in its third year, the campaign sees, on the first week of February, archives, special collections, and libraries take to social media with individual images and even entire books compiled from their holdings for the public to color. While these chosen works are all in the public domain, and so can technically include (in the US at least) works published up until 1924, the images in these coloring books more typically hail from the fifteenth through eighteenth centuries. And it is in these images — published in the centuries prior to the advent of color printing — that we can see a precedent for this seemingly modern fad. While it may seem like simply jumping on the adult coloring bandwagon, Color Our Collections Week, with its naturally historical focus, is actually tapping into (and shedding light on) a tradition much older.

Last year, the New York Academy of Medicine Library chose an image from Leonhart

Fuchs’ monumental 1542 botanical work, De historia stirpium commentarii insignes (“Notable Commentaries on the History of Plants”), to promote the event. An archivist from the History of Science Collections at the University of Oklahoma chimed in on Twitter to say their own copy of this book had already been colored in.

Should we be surprised by this? Color Our Collections Week might give the impression that these images, from the era before colored printing, are at last being colored — rescued from their hitherto drab monochrome existence. Yet printed images from the early modern period were regularly colored by hand.

The practice goes back to the earliest days of print in the fifteenth century. Artists, printers, booksellers, consumers, and readers all applied color to originally blackand-white images. Before Gutenberg’s innovation of the moveable-type press, both woodblock and engraved prints, single sheets with printed images, were popular in Germany and parts of Central Europe. They were used in various ways, and many people did what we might do with them -hung them on the walls of their home.

With the emergence of the printed book the coloring trend continued. Colored illustrations were common in medieval manuscript books, most notably in the intricately illuminated manuscripts produced by monastic institutions. The early printed books from the fifteenth century and after often imitated the textual design and illustrations of these medieval manuscript books. Indeed, illuminated manuscripts and printed books were not mutually exclusive: some printed books contain illumination, while some manuscripts have painted prints pasted into them. It would seem that at least some early printers and readers attempted to create color illustrations for these works the only way they knew how: by coloring the pictures themselves.

The images to the left further demonstrate this transition from medieval to early modern book production, and the role colored

Melissa N. Morris and Zach Carmichael

Marcia sculpting, image from a 15-16th century version of Giovanni Boccaccio’s De claris mulieribus

Maria painting, detail of page from a 1403 version of Giovanni Boccaccio’s De claris mulieribus.

illustrations played. Both are from De Claris Mulieribus, a fourteenth-century book by Giovanni Boccaccio (author of the Decameron). This work was a compilation of biographies of women, real and mythical, famous and infamous. It was first circulated as a manuscript, and surviving examples are richly illustrated with images of the women they discuss. The book was among the first to make the leap from manuscript to print, and the illustrations came with it. In order to recreate the feel of previous versions of the work, it needed colored illustrations.

Most illustrations found in books from the early days of print are in the form of woodcuts and etchings. Woodcuts were most compatible with moveable type because both used relief printing, and early printers could easily print a page with both text and illustrations.

Because of the carving and printing process, woodcuts have simpler designs with less shading. They therefore make for excellent coloring pages, and Color Our Collections participants frequently choose woodcuts for their images. Moreover, art historian Susan Dackerman argues that they were meant to be colored. Many of these color prints were created in a workshop setting, with an engraver, printer, and colorist working together. The “vast majority” of surviving fifteenth-century woodcuts are hand colored, and they were produced in the tens of thousands in the fifteenth century.

Some images, like this fifteenth-century German woodcut of Christ on the cross, are only complete once colored. In this case, angels hold cups to catch blood that needs to be added with paint. The National Gallery of Art owns a number of examples of this woodcut, each differently colored. Some have been left uncolored, and a couple have only the requisite blood added to complete the image. Among those more fully colored, we can see that quite a bit of artistic license was taken.

According to Dackerman, twentieth-century art historians and collectors denigrat-

ed color, seeing it as nothing more than a way to hide the flaws of poorly-executed engravings and woodcuts. Well-executed prints, they argued, needed no color at all. This disdain for colored prints helped to obscure their place in art history. This line of argument harkened back to the debates that emerged during the Italian Renaissance over whether design or color were most important (disegno/colore).

In many of these images, the paint seems hastily applied. This haphazard coloring was often a result of the artist having many prints to paint rather than a lack of skill. Artists applied paint freehand, using a brush, but they sometimes employed stencils made from extra impressions of the images in order to paint more quickly.

Many works were colored not by professionals, but by readers. A lot of the examples we have found of hand-colored illustrations come from botanical works and herbals. For example, a copy of John Gerard’s Herball (1636), with selective images colored in, suggests it was the reader who painted it, perhaps as a way to record plants he or she had seen in person. Botany and painting were favored pursuits of genteel men and women in this period, so it’s not surprising that the same people would share both hobbies.

While publishers may have informally expected these monochrome images to be colored by some readers, it wasn’t until the eighteenth century that the practice was formalised in the first purpose-made coloring books. And in these, the link between botany and painting persisted. Robert Sayer’s The Florist, published in London in 1760, was one of the first books where the author explicitly intended readers to color in the images. Comprised of pictures of various flowers, the author gives his (presumably) adult readers detailed instructions for paint mixing and color choice (including the delightful sounding “gall-stone brown”).

Botanical works were particularly suitable for readers who wanted to engage directly with a physical book, because they offered

“Christ on the Cross with Angels” (1481) minimally colored and below a few colored variants.

images of things that could be observed in the natural world. Although the images in this particular copy of The Florist were left uncolored, the owner used the book to press actual plants. Many botanical works were heavily annotated, sometimes by several different owners, and pressed plants are often found in their pages.

The Florist was produced “for the use & amusement of Gentlemen and Ladies”, but most subsequent coloring books were created with children in mind. By the nineteenth century, these books became increasingly popular. Although they helped children develop artistic skills, creativity was not particularly prized. In The Young Artist’s Coloring Guide, a series published in the 1850s, a fully-colored version accompanied the uncolored image, ostensibly to imitate.

In Walter Crane’s Painting Book, originally published in 1880, there’s also color companions to copy, though one could argue in this case, they being from the hand of one of the nineteenth century’s greatest illustrators, such an approach made for a significantly more beautiful object and one likely enjoyed by adults as well as children.

Crane wasn’t the only noted illustrator of the time to lend his name to such a book. A year earlier came The “Little Folks” Painting Book, published by the McLoughlin Brothers, with illustrations by noted artist Kate Greenaway. With no accompanying colored example to copy it was a bit less didactic than Crane’s but it still cautioned children to use a “fitting choice of colours”, and there was a pre-colored frontispiece which would have acted as a guide of sorts to the color scheme.

Of course, in the case of these Victorian examples, and earlier offerings such as The Florist, the coloring-in is the very raison d’etre of the book. The early modern examples less so. Though that’s not to say a similar enjoyment was not taken by early modern readers wanting to colorize their woodcuts or etchings, that same thrill of bringing color to what was once blank. It seems the therapeutic effects were not unnoticed at the time either. In his 1622 work

The Compleat Gentleman Henry Peacham, in a chapter encouraging the practice of coloring-in printed maps, talks of how “the practise of the hand, doth speedily instruct the mind, and strongly confirme the memorie beyond any thing else.”

As for the modern trend in adult coloring books, critics have charged markerwielding grown-ups with being childish, and have alleged that the success of these

books is a product of a dumbed-down culture. It may indeed be a fad, but it also has a longer history. So, the next time you buy an adult coloring book or get excited about Color Our Collections Week, know that you are not being childish. Rather, you are taking part in a long tradition of printed images that were meant to be colored.

This article was originally published in The Public Domain Review under a Creative Commons Attribution - ShareAlike 3.0. If you wish to reuse it please see: publicdomainreview.org/legal/ C

Page from Robert Sayer’s The Florist (1760).

Two pages from The Young Artist’s Coloring Guide. No. 12 (ca. 1850).

ABOVE:Walter Crane’s Painting Book (1889 edition). BELOW: The “Little Folks” Painting Book (1879)

Featuring two writings by Mery Smith

How fucking dare you

I have my own sex life

Outside of you

Outside of us

I have me

I do some things just for her I will put my name on whatever the fuck I want to I will dance and prance and not hide my jiggly thighs

I am not somebody’s some body

Our name your shame passing it like sand

Here, hold this. Our hot embarrassment

I spent too long letting boys do as they pleased with my body

You cannot have my vocal chords or my signature or my name. Here, open your hands, hold this

On The Promises I Make Myself As a Writer

I sit down to read, write and stretch. I notice now, of course, that I am hungry. And cold.

Goddamnit. I reach into my bag for keys, an exit. But instead I find, no shit, a pair of socks.

Moments later, maybe a year or more, my poor body is still hungry. My plans for reading and writing shrivel up in the corner like old cat poo. I can’t focus on words while my stomach argues like this. I reach inside my magic sack and pull out a halfeaten bag of cinnamon gummy bears. I’m not joking. They are warm and soft from the friction of so many surprising things rubbing together.

First, I limit myself. I will only eat, say, three, maybe five. But then, I feel risky and needy. I eat all the bear shaped bodies. My tongue is spicy, gooey and somehow, sandpaper. I devour four more chapters of a novel. What time is it? It must have been forty years ago I left them all. I haven’t checked my phone for messages. No SOS but my own. Making things means survival. I am camped out here dialing for rescue.

My toes wiggle underneath the white cotton foot slacks. I point them out and back towards my nose. I bend to make a shape unbearably hard. The more uncomfortable I am, the more worthy I feel. I must be trying/succeeding? Panic always follows my joy around. I close my eyes and breathe in fire from my hamstrings. Now, in Savasana, I am anything I want to be; Yogi-bitch, Pretzel-Pulitzer prize winner. Hyena.

I am a writer who has not written much. That’s why I came here today. To write. Jesus. What have I done in the three months I have been parked in this parking lot? The magnetic pull to abandon this errand is pulling. I plant my ass in the grass so hard I am having intercouse with the green blades. Being the Promise Keeper that I am, I start sketching a plan. I promise myself to tell the truth I promise myself I will not stop having intercourse with the grass and leave until I write down the truth of who I am:

I AM A WOMAN WITHOUT A CURFEW.

By Ron Evans

When I first set out to see about getting some syndicated comic strips in The Comet, I made many inquiries online and to cartoonists I personally know. I couldn’t really find any answers as to how it all worked. One of our local toonheads and Comet contributor Dan McConnell reached out to a few prolific comic creators including Bill Griffith (Zippy, Young Lust) who had such a clear and concise response. Each strip had a set price based on the distribution numbers of the publication, and that was really all there was to it. And Griffith responded personally which was a nice bonus. So we sent the check and got some Zippys to print.

So, a little background…

In the U.S. during the 60’s and 70’salong with musical, cinematic and literary revolutions, there was a fledgling movement started by a group of young comic book creators disenfranchised by what they were seeing in most mainstream comics of the day. In search of the freedom to create the kind of content they could never get away with by adhering to the standards

“City Life” Lydia Selk

and practices of the Comics Code Authority or any of the big publishers - IE explicit sex, drugs, politics, and satire on just about every timely or taboo topic under the sun.

Artists like R. Crumb (Zap, Fritz The Cat), Spain Rodriguez (Subvert Comics, Mean Bitch Thrills), Art Speigelman (Maus, Garbage Pail Kids) Barbara “Willy” Mendes (Make Money, Sell American Seeds) and Kim Deich (Hollywoodland, Beyond The Pale) are just a handful of these stylistically varied, mostly left-wing inkwell revolutionaries. By 1970, San Francisco had become somewhat of a hub for many of these counter culture cartoonists and about that time, New Yorker Bill Griffith decided to venture west to see about this comics movement he’d been hearing about.

As a youngster, Griffith was turned on to illustrative art in part by his next door neighbor, pulp fiction artist Ed Emshwiller, who once used a young Griffith as a model for an issue of Science Fiction Stories. As Griffith got older he fell in love with comics and he soon set out to try his own hand at the craft. His first strips were published in the East Village Other and Screw Magazine and featured an angry amphibian named Mr. The Toad. A character Griffith later featured in its own publi-

cation Tales of Toad. Another early publication was Young Lust, an X-rated parody of the popular romance books of the 50s and 60s. He and Art Speigleman co-edited an underground anthology called Arcade: The Comics Revue featuring many of the aforementioned creators.

And then along came Zippy.

Zippy The Pinhead made his first appearance in Real Pulp Comics #1 in March 1971. A viewing of Tod Browning’s 1932 film Freaks (which featured a couple of microcephalic or “pinhead” characters) likely planted the idea seed according to Griffith.

Per Bill Griffith’s website: “Zippy the Pinhead features a demented microcephalic in a polka-dotted muumuu who spouts surreal aphorisms. The strip is, according to some, a delightfully bizarre social commentary; it appears daily in more than 200 newspapers nationwide.”

If you have ever asked “Are we having fun yet?” you have quoted Zippy, and this popular non-sequitur is acknowledged in Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, a longrunning and widely distributed collection of notable quotations. Zippy even has his own theme song with lyrics by The B-52s’

The Comet is thrilled to join the many publications offering monthly Zippy strips and we thought a little QnA with the creator himself would be an appropriate way to get to know the strip, the underground comix movement and the wacky business of professional cartoons.

It’s interesting to me that someone who spent their earlier days creating in such an underground and counter culture medium has also found their way into many mainstream papers and periodicals. Was that ever a goal (interest) or simply part of the organic growth of Zippy?

It just grew out of the weekly alternative newspaper world where Zippy ran in about 50 papers, to the San Francisco Examiner asking to be a client (daily), then to King Features flying out from New York and offering me a national deal. None of it was planned. But I welcomed the steady paycheck, and no one ever gave me editorial guidelines (aside from avoiding four-letter words and x-rated sex).

Fred Schneider and vocals by The Manhattan Transfer’s Janis Siegel. Also on the cut are singers Phoebe Snow and Jon Hendricks.

Around 15 years ago we saw massive declines in newspaper revenue which killed off quite a few papers, but that seems to have stabilized to some degree. Talk about that period from a strip creator standpoint and how things have changed in the overall strip business over the years.

Naturally, my daily paper client list has shrunk over the last 15 years - but the decline seems to be going in slow motion, so I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. Many papers that stopped print editions kept their online version, where they still run comics, so income still comes from that source.

When researching the topic, I had a hard time nailing down the business of comic strips. Is it a little all over the map concerning syndication? How does this work?

Daily comics syndication is all based on the circulation of the newspaper. The bigger the circulation, the higher the rate. A paper can run strips Mon-Sat or all 7 days, including Sunday. The cartoonist and the syndicate split the weekly take (sometimes 50/50, but depending on individual deals) the Sunday strip is charged at the same rate as all 6 dailies. Also, the Syndicate guar-

antees it will not sell a strip to competing newspapers in the same city (or market).

Along with the strip format and collected anthologies, you have put out books of a longer narrative style. I’m curious which format you find the most freedom to work in?

I have a two-track mind these days. On one hand, I continue to produce the daily Zippy, which at this point is like breathing. On the other, I do my long form graphic novels. Right now, I’m working on my fourth one. Number three, “Three Rocks, The Ernie Bushmiller Story” (a biography on the Nancy cartoonist) comes out in March 2022 from Abrams Books. I wouldn’t feel quite right if either one was gone, so I just plug on, grateful that both options are still available.

Stories of the old days of underground comix and the collaborative efforts between all these like minded (but stylistically varied) weirdos passionately working together to create something new has always inspired many creators. Are you still in contact with many of your fellow comix pioneers from the early days?

Yes, to a degree. I still see or talk to Art Spiegelman, Kim Deitch and Robert Crumb fairly often.

Much of those early comix worked as satire on the mainstream comics world. Thoughts on where those mainstream publishers are these days? And are there any new(ish) creators, indie or mainstream, whose work you are jazzed about?

Mainstream comics have never held much interest for me, especially after the 1960s. Today, they suffer from competition with superhero movies and they have become increasingly obsessed with violent action and a creepy fetish with musculature. Strictly for adolescents (of all ages). Before the 60s, I read lots of comics, especially Mad magazine, Uncle Scrooge and Plastic Man.

Let’s talk about Zippy. Where did the idea for a pinhead strip come from and what was your intent (hope) with it? And has that intent morphed over the years?

Zippy began as one-shot story for an early Underground comic, “Real Pulp #1” in 1971. I never intended it to go any

further. But, soon, I needed a sidekick for my egomaniacal “Mr. Toad’’ character and Zippy was just right. 50 years later, he’s still here, sometimes paired with Mr. Toad, more often with my alter ego character, Griffy.

What’s an average work day like for you? Are you writing and drawing all the time or do you try to compile a bunch and then take some time to enjoy a waterfall here and there?

I generally work from around noon to 8PM. About three days a week is devoted to the 7 daily Zippys, the others to my current long form book.

Any projects/releases you have coming up you’d like to mention? And where can people follow your exploits online?

My current project is a graphic bio of my great-grandfather, pioneer photographer of the American West, William Henry Jackson. People can see a new Zippy strip every day on zippythepinhead.com.

Find Zippy in The Comet on page 36. C

panels and gutters: free comic book day

By Ron Evans

Free Comic Book Day is coming up on August 14th, and it’s the perfect way to see what’s happening in the comics world for seasoned readers and new dabblers alike. It’s also a great excuse to venture into the mysterious, colorful (and often a little overwhelming) realm that is the comic book shop. Leavenworth’s Krampus Kave is one such realm, and they are giddy about Free Comic Book Day. Well... they may just be giddy in general, but if you have been looking for a new comic book to get into or an old classic series to get caught up on - they will happily lend you their qualified guidance. Opened in 2015 by owners Joe Seguin, Matthew Seguin and Sharon Seguin, the shop offers a dizzying variety of books, games, toys and collectibles - all curated and lovingly ushered onto the public by a team of passionate ner- ...ahem, employees. I talked with the shop’s manager, JJ Herndandez, to learn more about the

upcoming event and about how Krampus Kave was formed in the dark and moody depths of a Bavaraian village.

Tell us a little about when and why you started a comic shop?

I came up with the idea to start a comic book shop in Leavenworth while walking around at night with a local friend. It had always been a dream of mine to run a “nerd” shop since I first rolled a D20, so I asked my friends if they thought it was a good idea to open a comic book shop here since they lived in town. They said it was a terrible idea, and I ignored them.

How has the industry changed over the years and talk about keeping up with the times concerning comics?

Ha! It feels like there’s a seismic shift every couple years. When we started we had one distributor for all our books, Marvel, DC, all of them and now we have like four. Everyone broke up and

now order dates and release dates are all over the place. It’s definitely more work but honestly it seems like the end result is we can get more of what our customers want faster so... net gain?

Favorite books: new and classic? Oh man, I spend way too much time reading comics. Current books I love are The Immortal Hulk which is about to end (crying emoji) and against all odds there’s Rorschach which is a Watchmen spinoff I expected to hate but fell head over heels for. As far as classic books, I’m afraid I’m less experienced but the old Marvel Conan The Barbarian books are fire and I’m partial to the Dark Horse Star Wars series as well.

If you had to pick one comic book (or series) to turn people on to reading comics what would it be and why? That’s so tough! I don’t know these people! Send them to me and I’ll ask what they like and find the book they’re look-

ing for. Also Murder Falcon by Daniel Warren Johnson, which I assure you is more wholesome than it sounds.

Has the explosion of comic book based films over the past couple of decades translated into interest in the books as well, or does it seem to be two different audiences?

100% People see and enjoy the characters in the movies and shows and look for more in the books. We are constantly selling out of Scarlet Witch books since Wandavision came out. Same with Invincible and The Boys and what’s really started to happen recently is as soon as new shows and movies are announced people are asking for the books to get ahead of the wave. Moon Knight especially is getting a ton of heat right now.

Other than comic books, are there any sources of revenue for the shop you dabble in?

Board games are our biggest seller by a

significant margin. With Collectable Card Games (think Magic The Gathering and Pokemon) coming in second. Comics are like fourth or fifth despite taking up the most floor space.

Tell us about Free Comic Book Dayand what are you most excited about concerning the titles available for this year’s event?

Free Comic Book Day is such a fun event for us. Watching people get to try out books they might not normally go for and get hooked is so delightful. Last year the big hit for me was Fire Power by Robert Kirkman (Invincible, The Walking Dead) and Chris Samnee. This year I’m looking forward to the X-Men book and just finding something new.

Any other events for the store coming up you’d like to promote?

Our favorite event of the year is Free RPG Day which is the weekend of October 16th this year. We are also looking to get some

regular Magic The Gathering events in as well as a hobby/paint night. If anyone is interested in painting mini figures for DnD or Warhammer in a supportive group environment maybe having a couple of beers stay tuned to our Facebook and Instagram pages.

Social media/websites. We’re on Facebook and Instagram @Krampuscomics

We also have a website where you can access our online store, Krampuskave.com We’d love to hear from you.

Long running Wenatchee comics staple Galaxy Comics at 5th and Western typically participates in Free Comic Book Day as well and folks in Ellensburg can hit up Central City Comics at 113 E 4th Ave. As of now there are no Covid-related restrictions in place but masking is highly encouraged. C

Krampus co-owner Joe Seguin and manager JJ Hernandez

Friendly Comic Guide Maxwell Reister at the entrance to the Krampus Kave

arty voyeurism: a peep into some local studios and creative work spaces

By Ron Evans

There’s something satisfying about getting a glimpse at somebody’s studio or creative space. Seeing the variations in style, layout and tidiness is an inspiring and slightly voyeuristic experience. There are websites, YouTube channels and even entire periodicals dedicated solely to exhibiting the nooks where people get their creative work done. Before the pandemic I reached out on social media for creatives to take an impromptu photo of their lairs and workstations and the results were as eclectic as I had hoped. There were too many submissions to feature in one issue so here’s Round I.

HEATHER WEATHERHEAD - PAINTER

ANDREW HOUCK - MIXED MEDIA ARTIST

LAINE HEIKEL-KNOWLTON

KASEY KOSKI - MIXED MEDIA ARTIST

CORY PEARSON -PAINTER/SCULPTOR

JAMES SHEPHERD - CRAFTER

HOLLY THORPE - WRITER

RHIA FOSTER - MIXED MEDIA ARTIST

KMBRIS BOND - PAINTING

BEN SHUTS - MUSICIAN

SHARRATT DELONG - PAINTER

art alliance in the makings

where outside funds can be received into the community through grant writing and lobbying locally, statewide and nationally, and I hope that deeper art appreciation through education and exposure will lead to a more robust art economy.

Talk about how it works concerning funding?

organizations that may inform our efforts are Ellensburg, and their Gallery One, Tieton’s Mighty Tieton and Yakima Allied Arts.

What steps are being taken to get this alliance off the ground?

By Ron Evans

Over the past few years I have heard chatter in the local creative community about forming an alliance of artists and supporters of the arts here in the Wenatchee region. The chatter turned into a plot and the plot is being organized and furthered along. So we wanted to chat with one of those organizers, Kmbris Bond, about her role in this alliance - and about what the hay an arts alliance even is.

Bond is a teaching artist and was in the 2019-2020 cohort of the Teaching Artist Training Lab funded by the WA Endowment For the Arts. TAT Lab is a focused nine month training that connects artists from various disciplines - validates them as professionals and empowers them to advocate together for the arts, such as education for all ages, collaboration support, funding and community engagement.

Tell us about yourself and how you found your way to being a part of the efforts to form an arts alliance.

As a professional artist with a background in working on many nonprofit boards I’ve been interested in the art scene of the valley and wondered why we didn’t have a stronger arts advocacy group. After several conversations about this with various folks in the valley who lead or have led in arts disciplines I knew the interest was there, the need was there but the time,

team, and resources had yet to align. This spring Scott Bailey reached out with a grant opportunity and after several conversations a group came together to start the process to form an art alliance while also submitting a letter of intent to the Community Foundation for much needed funding and guidance.

What exactly is an arts alliance when put into practice?

There are many alliance models out there and we are currently researching these models to see what would fit our region the best. Our survey is asking locals to give input into what is needed and wanted for the arts. There is clearly a desire for a collaborative hub for artists where they can promote their work and connect with potential commissioners, an education entity, an arts information source for promotion to tourism and economic development, and for me, I’d love to see a dynamic entity that promotes a diverse spectrum of arts disciplines and raises the awareness to the indigenous cultural history here. So my answer is basically, an art alliance is what a community needs it to be to promote and educate about the arts in their region or community. I’m hoping we learn from the survey what people really want, need and desire while developing the building blocks to a strong arts future for our region.

I think we need an arts advocacy alliance

The steering committee is eager to get the alliance off the ground by working with Andy Fife, a consultant from Seattle. He is working with several regional nonprofits through the Community Foundation’s grant. We hope to be able to start applying for grant monies in a few months to secure funds to get things off the ground. We are early in the stages of what this will look like but various income streams will be investigated.

Are there examples of similar programs that are working successfully you can point people toward?

Methow Arts is one that is thriving! They support their local artists, provide funding for teaching and educational opportunities, are vibrant in how they represent the region and it attracts artists and art appreciators to the upper valley. Our own history has Allied Arts here in Wenatchee and I’d love for someone, like you, to research that and write about its successes. The committee is making a list now of the 20-25 that we will get a feel for and then dive into a handful that have aspects that we particularly are hoping to implement here. Andy has worked with many nonprofits and has suggestions. There are also several entities listed in our survey that we will explore. I’m specifically looking for how they engage with their communities, the businesses and champion the arts, what their funding structures are, their governance structures, and why they formed, what worked and didn’t work for them as they formed. If readers have seen alliances in other places that are doing it well, we would love to hear from them.

Austin’s art scene is vibrant and supports up and coming arts in various disciplines; I want to learn more about how that happens there. Other more local established

A steering committee has organically formed made up of amazing and passionate art supporters, karen dawn dean, Scott Bailey, Lindsay Breidenthal, Natalie Dotzauer, Jamie Howell, Megan Kappler, and myself. We’ve put out the survey to glean as much input as we can from the community. As mentioned, we have obtained the services of Andy Fife to guide our efforts and to efficiently work through the process of becoming a non-profit with clear mission, values and purpose. We will be needing help and I hope that our community supports these efforts to dream with us. We plan to host on-line/hybrid ‘townhall’ type gatherings in the upcoming weeks to get input from those who support or identify in the areas of visual arts, performance arts, production/film arts and other forms. We will use contact information from the survey to communicate with the community about upcoming conversations and opportunities, so please complete the survey to get on our list. -Info on how to do that below-

How can people get involved if they want to help?

The committee would love for people to complete the survey. It is the container we have to glean contact information, feedback, input, concerns, ideas, hopes and dreams while we are still in a pandemic world. Our committee members will be looking for help to host the various ‘town hall’ events addressed above so if readers would like to help, let us know in the survey and please plan to attend.

See this story at thecometmagazine.com for the survey link to have your voice heard regarding the future of the arts in the Wenatchee area. c

KMBRIS BOND

withinder:dating bios for the self-aware

Real locals sharing their real dating bio. We think it will be...illuminating. Willow – 38

Are you looking for a soulmate? Move right along. What about something that starts with a bang and ends with a fizzle? Then you’ve come to the right place.

After the “honeymoon phase” of the relationship wears off you will find that I am a neurotic, self-deprecating, work-aholic. I will always put my business first – I put it in front of my own health and wellness, so why should you be any different?

If you give me too many compliments or reassurances I will begin to believe that you are placating me instead of being genuine, and I will start to resent you. I am fiercely independent, and stubborn, so I will be resistant to wanting to show true interest in the relationship, until I finally allow myself to go all in, at which point I become a smothering mess.

In turn you will probably want to jump on that “Midnight Train to Georgia” with an incompatibility or “It’s not you, it’s me” narrative, while thinking inside, “It is you.” And honestly it doesn’t matter what you tell me, I will always blame myself.

So, if this crazy train sounds like a good time, come aboard, I’ll take you on a wild ride.

August 6 (FRI) 5-7pm Images & Grids - an art show by Dan McConnell. Giclee prints, graphic novel pages and original watercolors. Opening is 5-7pm at Pybus Market.

August 12 (THU) 7:00pm Tony Furtado Duo - Doors open at 5pm, music at 7pm. Wine and beer sales available in tasting room (no outside beverages). Tickets $20, ONLINE only at Brown Paper Tickets, in advance.

August 12, 13, & 14 (THU, FRI, SAT) “The Foreigner” LIVE, OUTDOOR, AND HILARIOUS THEATER IS BACK IN THE WENATCHEE VALLEY WITH SOME SERIOUS TEETH!! On the Meadow Stage at Icicle Creek Center for the Arts in Leavenworth. Tickets at icicle.org

August 13 (FRI)6:00pm Datura LIVE at Hard Hat Winery in Wenatchee. Two sets of original material from the local gothy, shoegazey trio.

August 20 (FRI) 7:30pm “Comedy Night & Dinner At The Chair 5 Pub” Laughter will be echoing from the Bomber Cliffs to Bowl Four! Enjoy an evening of live stand-up comedy featuring comedians Bo Johnson and Jesse Warren. Tickets and info at missionridge.com

August 28th (SAT) 11:00am Voices of The Valley: Public Reading. A stage will be outside the north end of Pybus market, local writers will share their poetry and short stories for the public. To sign up to read, reach out to: whispersofwenatchee@gmail.com by Aug. 21st.

STARE WELL

-SharraTT DELONG

by ron evans

Local painter Sharratt DeLong brings a new collection of works to Collapse Contemporary Art Gallery in Wenatchee on Friday, August 6th. The show, titled “Stare Well,” will feature ten new paintings by DeLong all focusing on the still life that exists in the stairwells of the downtown apartment building where he lives and creates. We chatted with the artist about the synapsis for this show and his process for bringing it into existence.

Talk about this upcoming show and how you were drawn toward the still life of the stairs.

About a year ago I was searching for the subject of my next show. I hiked around taking photos of sagebrush (a subject that still fascinates me) and one day I begrudgingly took the stairs because the elevator was out. I live on the top floor of an old building and it’s a long hike to my floor. That day the light shone in through the windows and hit the angles and steps of this space and I just knew. Something spiritual emanated from these spaces and I felt the stillness and excitement that always tells me I’m on the right path. I then became obsessed and returned to the stairwells during different times of day and in different types of light. Each time I observed something new and subtle, and it reminded me of the way images are projected onto the inside of our eyes and how those images speak to us and interact with our constantly moving thoughts and emotions. It felt very touching and human to me.

Are you setting up sketching or painting stations in these locations or painting from photographs?

I used photographs for my references. I love using the tools of photography in my paintings. Photography helps me to compose and capture moments in time. I am always careful to capture color and value the way my eyes see them and if you know your tools well enough this is very achievable. For me photography is a wonderful resource and a process that has fascinated me all my life. These paintings were also too large to be painted on sight. Logistical things so often

“To me, nothing is truly stark and there is always variation.”

BY SHARRATT DELONG

make artistic decisions inevitable.

Beyond just experimenting, do you have any influences you are inspired by concerning this particular style?

I think Edward Hopper has always been an influence on me, even since I was little and tried to draw. He captured a stillness and a light that feels heartbreaking and beautiful. There is a vast and intimate feeling to his paintings that has influenced my outlook on the world ever since. I think another artist who I could point to as inspiration for this show would be the Dutch artist Vermeer. He painted such lovely interiors where light poured in through windows onto characters who held such serene tones. I always found mystery and peace in his paintings. I find that combination of emotions to be quite lovely.

At first glance with the naked eye, a stairwell is a stairwell. But you find quite a bit of variation in these locations. How do you approach this type of composition versus something that maybe is a bit more shoot from the hip, or free form?

I feel that all the freedom and chaos that can be found anywhere in the world can be found in these simple spaces if you look closely enough. These paintings did require a level of restraint and discipline to create and I think that has more to do with following the emotions that inspired the original idea. I think for me it’s more about following an idea, than creating one as I go. That more “shoot from the hip” approach seems to create the idea as it unfolds (a plan to be unplanned). For me the shoot from the hip part of the process happens when I’m just living and going about my day. My thoughts and emotions, in tandem with the physical world, mesh together and then I receive a certain feeling. That feeling is so charged, and I instantly know that it’s something I don’t have words for, and I have to share it with others through art.

What kind of challenges do you find with taking something stark and interpreting it in an artistic manner?

To me, nothing is truly stark and there is al-

ways variation. I heard an anecdote from another artist that went something like this: “Painting that figure model is easy… painting the white wall behind them is hard.” A white wall is never white. It’s always reflecting endless variations of color from the elements around it. There is such subtlety in everything and it’s often the simplest things that contain the most variation and nuance. Capturing this quality proved the biggest challenge and most fun when creating these paintings.

Were you on the lookout for interesting angles and lighting, or did you mostly stumble onto interesting scenes and decide they needed to be captured?

The first moment of inspiration I stumbled onto it. But once that moment caught hold, I returned and looked for angles, light and composition that captured the feeling of this space more potently. Eventually I became pretty calculated when the light would be shining in and from what angles. I worked with the space and would wait to try different times of day and different light. All these moments felt unique and offered me a different feeling.

Is there a subject(s) you have yet to tackle but have your eye on for a future project or series?

I want to do a show called, “Saints in the Garden,” and have it in one of the orchards here in town some evening. I’m interested in the figures that we still hold meaning to as a culture. Who is it we hold up and admire collectively and why? I will select a list of figures from history (some actual saints and some not) who I find inspiring and then find people to model them for me so I can create about ten or so portraits that will be intimately lit and viewed in a quiet space in a garden setting or orchard somewhere. I think it would be a lovely experience.

I’m still fascinated with the sagebrush landscape here in Wenatchee and I think that would make for some beautiful paintings. I think going more towards an organic subject would be a good direction. I know it’s a pretty obvious subject for this area, but I’d love to try to paint the orchards in my own way. This area still feels like the nineteen thirties in many ways, and I often get images of detectives on the sides of the highways around here wearing long coats and fedoras... There are so many ideas and impressions swimming around inside.

Sharrattdelong.com

IG: @sharrattdelong

facebook.com/sharratt.delong

August Quarantinescopes:

We’ve all got things we’re naturally gifted at. This month, horoscopes are based on each sign’s superpower.

What’s your superpower?

Aries - Able to get a partner with the power of narcissism.

Taurus - Able to be so down to earth that you actually become depressed.

Gemini - The power of not reading the room.

Cancer - Able to breakdown about any and all things at any given moment.

Leo - The power to turn the conversation back to yourself.

Virgo - The power to always wonder, “what’s in it for me?”

Libra - Able to be offended by all.

Scorpio - The power to make anything into a sexual innuendo.

Sagittarius - Able to take important things for granted in the name of personal freedom.

Capricorn - The power to see the negative in any given situation!

Aquarius - The power to lose your keys even though you just had them 2 seconds ago.

Pisces - Able to silently slip away unnoticed from every uncomfortable scenario.

1) Back in 2019, some good Samaritans found what they believed to have been an unidentified exotic bird that needed help. The bird’s bold coloring made it stand out, and they took the bird to local experts to help it. When experts took a look though, they were pretty quickly able to determine that this wasn’t a rare breed of colorful bird, this was simply a:

A) A stuffed pokemon Toy

B) A seagull covered in curry powder

C) A bird-shaped drone that had crashed

D) A giant moth that was mid-transformation

2) Elton John recently let it slip in an interview that when his “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” world tour concludes that he will never, ever play THIS song live again, because he hates it. What song are we talking about?

A) Tiny Dancer

B) Rocket Man

C) Bennie & The Jets

D) Crocodile Rock

3) A boy in Illinois was inspired by his father’s construction projects, and decided he would try his hand at one of them himself. So, 12 year old Eric Klabel set out to build the world’s tallest ever popsicle stick tower... And by god, he did it, Guiness confirmed! Just how tall was his record breaking popsicle stick tower?

A) 21’

B) 34’

C) 57’

D) 101’

4) Norway’s women’s beach volleyball team recently made the news when they received a hefty fine (Roughly $200 per player) for something they recently did... What did the volleyball team do that angered the disciplinary committee of the European Handball Federation?

A) Wore shorts instead of bikini bottoms to a match

B) Had a mask burning party

C) Posed as a group in spa masks that look like blackface

D) The entire team went braless as a statement during a match

5) Back in February, Texas Residents were surprised to get an Amber Alert on their phone that featured a missing fictional character, complete with age, height, race, basically all the info you’d expect to find on a missing child. Shortly after, a second text went out to Texans apologizing, as the previous text was only meant to be an in-house text. What fictional character was the Amber Alert for?

A) Superman

B) Jon Snow

C) Child’s Play’s Chucky

D) Hellraiser’s Pinhead

5) Dutch scientists have found yet another non-invasive way to detect if a person has been infected with COVID. It turns out that if THESE animals are trained properly, they can detect any trace of COVID within just a few seconds.

A) Mice

B) Soft-shell turtles

C) Armadillos

D) Honey bees

6) Recently, the Trump team launched their own new social media platform. One where their users won’t feel so censored all time. It’s called GETTR. Apparently it’s only been up for a short while, and is already flooded with THIS:

A) Fake news stories about Hilary Clinton being a lizard person

B) Donald Trump parody porn

C) Photoshopped pictures of Joe Biden sniffing random items

D) Hentai

7) Last year during Covid, this famous movie star made the news when during an interview, he said for the last 20 years every single haircut he’d received was a self-cut he gave himself using a FLOWBEE. In fact, so few people believed his statement that another show had him on to demonstrate it. Who would you have never guessed is a Flowbee fan?

A) Tommy Lee Jones

B) Keanu Reeves

C) Tom Hanks

D) George Clooney

ANSWERS: 1: B) A seagull covered in curry powder. 2: D) Crocodile Rock. 3: A) 21’. 4: A) Wore shorts instead of bikini bottoms to a match. 5: D) Honey bees.

6: D) Hentai. 7: D) George Clooney.

brain dump: Festering Intentions

By the time I reached clinical rounds, starting to see patients in the university’s teaching clinic, I was told over and again that preventive medicine has more to do with understanding human motivation than anything else. And how true it is. I mean, let’s get real, you already know what you need to do in order to be healthy. Stop shoving your face, move your body more, and put down the bottle of whiskey. Or at least before 2pm.

As humans continue to fail in their own self motivation, we see the alternative health world enter in with their litany of marketing schemes to overcome your sad state of affairs. 30 day diet plans, a 6 week program for transformation, and of course an app for every step of the way. Do you need more motivation? Hire a personal coach! Although they won’t do jumping jacks for you, they can come to your door at the butt crack of dawn and drag you out of bed in order to be a decent human being. Or maybe you need a poorly educated but highly influential health coach that can be at your beck and call in order to *feel* like you have everything you need in order to succeed.

But low and behold, we still wake up and look in the mirror at the same person we were yesterday. So what’s the deal? Do you honestly lack motivation in order to accomplish the list of things you keep saying you want? Is the entirety of our

health crisis due to an inability to energize ourselves into gear? Maybe if our not even close to socialized healthcare system could somehow create a job position that can help solve the otherwise benign pathology of lack of follow through, we would all be in better shape (literal and figurative).

I’ll let you down easy now. It’s not a motivation problem. And it’s not anyone else’s problem but your own. What you’ve got is a case of your intentions not aligning with your freedom of choice. And to top it all off these have gone caputs because of our continual reliance on social factors, relationships, and our interactions with others in order to gauge our wellbeing (and overall happiness).

Say what? Yeah, you bet. Let me explain.

Let’s take smoking. You say you want to quit, but then you don’t. And then you say it again, and maybe even ask for help, but then don’t follow through, etc. etc. And here you are, still smelling like an ash tray. So, is it your lack of motivation that is the culprit?

No. It’s your misaligned intentions which affect your freedom of choice. Let me explain. You probably wanted to stop smoking because your sensitive boyfriend puts up a hissy fit every time you do, and since you kind of like him, you decide to

play along.

Point #1: motivation will always fail when it is rooted in anything other than your own personal making.

So now you are going to try to quit smoking mostly for your own health, but also because your boyfriend bitches and moans a lot. Then you get to that quiet time, where you normally do your thing, but you tell yourself you’re not going to. But then you think maybe I will. But then you don’t. But then you do. And then since you did, you might as well enjoy two. Because, you know, you’ll quit tomorrow.

Well guess what buttercup? No you won’t. You’ve got to get your intentions in line, otherwise your ability to make decisions in life (your free will) no longer feels like a freedom of choice. And the truth of the matter is, choosing is easy. If you have everything in line, showing up to your own life and following through with your own desires, goals, dreams, and intentions is easy. When there are strings tugging you, shifting your perspective to thinking about how your boyfriend would respond, or what your mother would think, then our intentions and choices are no longer pure.

So ask yourself: what are my intentions? What/where are they rooted in? And if you find yourself not following through, then come back to check yourself. Here’s the real kicker: maybe it’s time to change what you think your intentions are and have an

honest conversation with yourself about what you really want in life.

You’re right, life is big, let’s start small. Maybe you need to check in with yourself and ask if you even want to quit smoking in the first place.

And it hits hard, you know, because our reality doesn’t always align with what Dr. Oz is talking about, or what our very expensive university degree promotes. Sometimes our reality is that we are a half assed, witty, lazy, smoker.

Now I’m not saying you should stay there. Reality is fluid and it’s only alive because it moves. So figure out what direction you honestly want to head towards, without the influence of your mom, Walt Disney, or your significant other. Then start showing up to those decisions with the fervor of your own personal freedom.

And like clockwork, if you find yourself failing at the showing up part, go back to square one and ask yourself if this is what you actually want. Because most of the time, the direct answer would be: No. You don’t want to quit smoking. You want everyone else to quit berating you about it.

saltcreekapothecary.com

Dr. Kristen Acesta, ND, RH Naturopathic physician and registered herbalist at Mission Creek & Wellness, co-owner of Salt Creek Apothecary. becomeyourmission.org