Wednesday, February 11, 2015
The no-label generation
We've created more labels for sexualities and gender identities than any other generation — but we hate being categorized. Here's our guide to understanding and embracing the terminology. | PG 12
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2 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Sex is not the enemy. Rape is.
There's a reason we decided not to talk about campus rape or sexual assault. THE COUGAR EDITORIAL BOARD You might be wondering why we aren’t addressing some of the darker topics of sex, namely rape and other forms of sexual assault. We are on a college campus, and those are problems that residents may face. But sexual assault isn’t sex. It’s not a positive experience shared by two (or more) individuals with full consent — it’s an act of violence. This week’s issue isn’t meant to spotlight violence, though sexual assault is important and should be addressed. This week’s issue is intended to highlight what can and should be a positive and engaging experience at all times. It’s an experience where you learn more about yourself and others. So don’t think we’re ignoring the issue; it’s as near to us as it is to our readers and those who wish to see the issue of sexual assault eliminated. If all you think about when you hear
STN BE ITA LIA
PO ’BO YS
DA IE FR LA SA GN (yup. we said it.)
TEXAS
BEERS
about sex on a college campus is the various ways someone could be sexually assaulted, we're glad you're reading this issue. You should know that the only kind of sex we’re talking about is the "good" kind, and that's whatever kind of sex you prefer with a willing, enthused partner. Kink, bondage, role-playing, costumes, sex toys and whatever else you prefer can all fall within the bounds of "good" sex. And the awkward, messy, clumsy sex that so many of us are still learning to navigate is "good" sex in our eyes, because it's the kind of sex built on consent and mutual pleasure. This issue is for situations you’re prepared for, situations you anticipate with consent. This issue is for light conversations and deep thinking. The Sex Edition is for those who want a good look at how we think a sexual experience should be: positive, fulfilling and one that starts with consent.
ACRO
F R E ESS THE FROM W A Y
ON
CAM
CULL
It's time to come out
Rouege's motivations for the issue While doing this project, I talked to college students from every gender, sexual orientation and cultural identity. In every conversation, the same anxiety was present: someone is watching. In some lives, it is the eyes of God or a disapproving parent monitoring your every act — reminding you to stay within "appropriate" behavior. It can be the CIARA imaginary public; it can ROUEGE be the reigning governSEX EDITION ment in some countries EDITOR or the partner sleeping besides you in the privacy of a bedroom. You might be coming to grips with an attraction to the same sex or struggling to verbalize sexual needs to a partner. You may have accepted that sex does not interest you at all. These problems are different but inherently the same. It all comes down to having the courage to explore your sexuality without inhibition. I’m inviting you to explore your body like no one is watching.
Photographers' note The University is known for better things than its photography, but we wanted something that could put UH on the map. The idea for the centerpiece photo made me immediately think of something plenty of magazines have done. The rigging for the camera, the lighting, I had it, no problem. But posing everyone was something else entirely. “Why don’t we try basket weaving them?” Suzie suggested. She was really able to make all of our student models comfortable. Every model's placement was made for a reason. We can’t wait to hear the conversations this project will start. -Chris Luong and Suzie Nguyen
i
About The Cougar's Sex Edition
EDITOR IN CHIEF Cara Smith SEX EDITION EDITOR Ciara Rouege COPY EDITORS Taelor Marquetti-Gadison WRITERS Glissette Santana Sara Samora Kelly Schafler Rebecca Hennes Jenae Sitzes Cara Smith Laura Gillespie Taelor Marquetti-Gadison Sean Alder Ciara Rouege
PRODUCTION Jose Cruz Alex Tomic Josue Diaz CLOSING EDITORS Christopher Shelton Cara Smith Jenae Sitzes ADVERTISING Jose Salazar Summer Davis Elizabeth Murphy Tiffany Willie JP Montgomery Alejandra Leon ADVERTISING MANAGER Callista Brown 713-743-5350
ABOUT THE COVER Student models from left to right: Jacob Levy, Niqolos Cobon, Jacquelyn Hodges, Julissa Vega and Billy Scott Johnson represent a number of sexualities. The photographers wanted to present a realistic slice of campus. -photo by Chris Luong and Suzie Nguyen
Contact The Cougar thedailycougar.com
NEWSROOM 713-743-5360
editor@thedailycougar.com facebook.com/thedailycougar twitter.com/thedailycougar
EDITOR IN CHIEF Cara Smith
713-743-5362 editor@thedailycougar.com
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4 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
A quick history of frisky films JENAE SITZES
MANAGING EDITOR @JENAESITZES
After watching Leonardo DiCaprio snort cocaine off the bare backside of a prostitute in “The Wolf of Wall Street,” it could seem Hollywood has finally reached its limit with sex in films. However, if history has anything to teach us, it’s likely movies will continue shocking audiences with new and unusual portrayals of what goes on in the bedroom (or the office, or a moving vehicle… thanks again, Leo). Modern films are undeniably more explicit in their presentations of sexual behavior than ever before, but movies have been making jaws drop since the early twentieth century. After the first projected motion picture ran in 1896, it didn’t take long for the movie industry to begin testing the waters of what it could get away with. Subtle implications of sex were enough to outrage parents, whose children were being exposed to a visual form of sexual material for the first time. In 1915, the Supreme Court
ruled that motion pictures were not protected by the First Amendment as a form of expression. The ruling stood for 37 years until it was overturned in 1952, setting the foundation for the first true regulation of motion pictures in 1934 with the Hays Code. Named after former President Warren Harding’s postmaster general, the Hays Code declared that movies were “responsible for spiritual or moral progress, for higher types of social life, and for much correct thinking.” It prohibited portrayals of nudity, suggestive dances, sexual “perversity” and interracial relationships, among other “immoral” behaviors. Above all, it stated that movies should not lead the audience to sympathize with the side of “crime, wrong-doing, evil or sin.” The Hays Code had no “teeth” when it was first implemented in 1930, according to communication professor Garth Jowett, and it wasn’t until 1934 that regulations were enforced with a $30,000 fine for any studio distributing a film without a seal of approval from the Hays Office. This notorious four-year period became known as the pre-Code era, when films blatantly ignored all restraints and guidelines in the Code. America was thrust into Great Depression, and the film industry was struggling to find content that would attract
audiences. “There is an old adage that says, ‘When you’re losing money, go to sex and violence,’” Jowett said. The industry did just that. The result was films such as “The Story of Temple Drake” (1933), a Gothic horror film that depicted rape and sexual slavery, and “Red Headed Woman” (1932), which included a scene where a woman clearly gains sexual pleasure from her husband beating her, screaming, “Do it again! I like it!” “The main concern of those films (during the pre-Code era) was open sexuality, by which I mean the flaunting of sexual attitudes; ( for example,) women who decided to divorce their husbands and have flings with other guys,” Jowett said. “You don’t actually see the sex at all, but it was the implication of a woman being divorced and being happy.” Retaining shock value As the popularity of television grew exponentially in the 1950s, the film industry looked desperately for a way to compete. Its answer: show material that couldn’t be shown on TV. Once again, the public grew concerned. In 1968, Jack Valenti, namesake of UH’s College of Communication and then-president of the Motion Picture Association of
Baby Face (1933) “Baby Face” will come up every time as a film that led to true censorship under the Code in 1934. Starring Barbara Stanwyck and undergoing drastic edits before it was allowed to run in theatres, the film depicts a young woman named Lily who climbs her way up the social ladder at her job by sleeping with every man there. Audiences were shocked by a woman using her sexuality to get what she wanted.
"The Wolf of Wall Street" added new visuals to the history of sex. | Courtesy of Paramount
America, threw out the censorship system and created the movie rating system that many are familiar with today, which places movies in categories such as PG, PG-13 and R. Because films are no longer fined for portraying explicit sexual material and only face an R or NC-17 rating (which could limit their audience and box office success), today’s movies continue to push limits that still offend the more traditional American population. “There tends to be a sense of desensitization where you have to shock people again back into paying attention,” said director of the Jack J. Valenti School of Communication Beth Olson.
Some Like It Hot (1959) Starring sex icon Marilyn Monroe, this risqué film was the highest-grossing comedy ever at the time and was advertised as being “too HOT for words.” It was game-changing for its inclusion of unprecedented innuendo, reversed sex roles and cross-dressing, so much so that the Catholic League of Decency protested the film for being “seriously offensive to Christian and traditional standards of morality and decency.”
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Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 5
Midnight Cowboy (1969)
Before the NC-17 rating was trademarked by the MPAA in 1990, films with explicit sex and violence received an “X” rating, meaning that no one under 18 could be admitted. “Midnight Cowboy” is the first and only X-rated film to win an Academy Award for Best Picture. With many disturbing scenes of sexual abuse and a main character that aims to be a male prostitute, the fact that this film won an Oscar so soon after the Hays Office disintegrated showed how quickly the film industry was progressing.
In the Realm of the Senses (1976)
This French-Japanese film is considered the first non-pornographic film that shows fellatio (a sex act involving mouth-to-penis contact) on the screen. Critics saw it straddling the line between pornography and art, but was ultimately shown at the New York Film Festival in defense of art. It took 20 years after its release in 1976 for an uncut version of the film to be projected in the United States, and almost 40 years later, Japan has not shown an uncensored version of the film.
Eyes Wide Shut
Fifty Shades of Grey
(1999)
Stanley Kubrick was no stranger to his films being thrown an adult rating, but many protested the MPAA’s initial NC-17 rating for “Eyes Wide Shut,” which stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. The MPAA requested that Warner Brothers edit the film’s minute-long orgy scene with images that concealed the sexual activity taking place. Critics complained that the MPAA’s rating showed a flaw in the system by placing a film that artfully explored the bonds of sex in the same category as “crude frat-boy" jokes.”
(2015)
It’s the “most hyped sex movie of the millennium,” and this Friday it hits theaters nationwide. Based off the best-selling trilogy by E.L. James, “Fifty Shades of Grey” originated as “Twilight” fan fiction and faces criticism from the BDSM community as being a distortion of the sexual practice it imitates – one that includes bondage, dominance and masochism. According to sexuality experts, the film could present a glamorization of violence that is harmful, leaving out aspects of BDSM that emphasize consent and boundaries.
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Thursday, February 12:
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Hilton Hotel parking by credit card at Calhoun Entrance #1
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6 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Sitting down with a sex therapist CAPS director speaks candidly about kink, bondage and the 'controversy' of sex addiction CIARA ROUEGE
Norma Ngo: When you use it in the context of
SEX EDITION EDITOR @CIARAROUEGE
It’s hard to imagine anyone could be intimidated by Counseling and Psychological Services Director Norma Ngo’s soft voice or the soothing atmosphere of her office. But research shows most couples wait an average of six years before seeking professional help for their sexual and relationship problems. Ngo specializes in sex therapy and has more than 20 years’ experience with advising students on everything ranging from sexual performance to transgender dysphoria. The Cougar spoke with Ngo at CAPS to learn more about having a healthy sex life and relationship. The Cougar: What do you think about couples using adult movies to spice up their sex life?
adding an additional stimulus to the relationship, it can be a shared couple activity. It is part of an erotic style—a repertoire. It’s great. It really enhances. It’s only when it becomes something that may be done in secrecy, or excessively… then it may become more of a problem.
TC: Can introducing porn make partners set unrealistic sexual expectations for each other? NN: Expressing what “I’m” comfortable with and what “I’m” going to consent to is really important. A lot of times the expectations might not be coming so much from the individual. It comes from society. We’re kind of an on-demand society… and that applies to sex as well. Sex equals intercourse, and it equals orgasm. I try to educate where sex is a whole range. It’s about pleasure. Let’s not forget about pleasure
CAPS director Norma Ngo said that expectations during sex are often generated by societal norms, not by what the people having sex are necessarily comfortable with. | Courtesy of SVN
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ADVICE
Continued from previous page — sensual touch, erotic touch that can lead to intercourse. When touch does not (lead to intercourse), it is called non-demand touch. So there is no pressure about ‘I have to perform’. Sex is not a pass-or-fail test. It’s about sexual exploration and pleasure—giving myself pleasure and giving my partner pleasure.
TC: What advice do you have for women who want to experiment with vibrators? NN: I fully support women who are interested in experimenting with their sexuality. It is important that you know your body—you know what you find pleasurable because then you can communicate that to your partner. If you don’t know your own body and what you find pleasurable and what turns you on, then it’s going to be a lot harder when you’re with your partner.
TC: In pop culture, we always joke about men masturbating. Are women masturbating too? NN: I don’t think women are doing it as much as men. I think women need to do it more. I read it somewhere recently that some women have not masturbated until they got married. There is
not as much support or education about women sexuality. It’s OK for women to explore sex and have pleasure. For men, the penis is there…from birth. They’re used to touching it. There is kind of a double standard in some way. It’s okay for men to masturbate, but for women…there is more taboo and shame around masturbating.
TC: Is bondage a healthy way of experimenting with sex? NN: I think there is a range that people can engage in and it’s OK. You have lots of forms of BDSM… really the word is kink. They have safe words. They have to create a safe word so that if any one of the individuals is feeling uncomfortable or wants to stop it, they can say the safe word and then it stops. At any point and time during the process— before and after—if (a person) feels differently, they should feel they can get out of it. We need to be able to allow people to explore because it’s their bodies.
TC: Can a person be addicted to sex in the way people can develop a dependency to alcohol or drugs? NN: That’s kind of controversial in the field, actually: the word ‘addiction’ (applied to) sex. You have a camp that believes there are people who are addicted to sex, and then there are many sex therapists who say that it’s not an addic-
tion…it’s more about an underlying issue that is causing you to want to engage in sex all the time. It’s more that you’re avoiding something. If we go deeper into understanding your anxiety about something or your depression about something, then we can resolve the issue. You don’t necessarily have a disease…a biological or physiological problem.
TC: Can casual sex have negative or positive impacts on an individual? NN: The short answer is: if you’re going into it consenting and knowing it is casual sex and not expecting more than that, it can be OK. Long-term casual sex is probably not good… because it’s probably less about pleasure, less about connecting and less about being an intimate team. It’s probably more about orgasm and intercourse. It doesn’t facilitate pleasure and an emotional intimacy connection as much.
TC: What is the professional sex therapy community saying about sexual fetishes? NN: It’s a part of being kinky. You’re talking to a sex therapist, so it’s always going to be about being sex positive. Again, we should allow people to (have fetishes) and not shame them. Just because I don’t do it, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. If you’re not hurting people, if there is no abuse of children and you’re not breaking the law, then it’s OK.
TC: What is your take on on-and-off relationships? NN: They’re figuring it out. They might be trying to get to know each other. They might be trying to figure out if ‘I’m not really sure I want to be in this relationship.’ Or ‘It’s going to take some work if I’m going to be in a relationship.’ And that is true for any couple. It doesn’t matter how strong and healthy they are. You have to work on the little things and the little ways that you connect. It helps your friendship and your fondness of each other.
For more info: Experienced psychologist and Counseling and Psychological Services Director Norma Ngo has recommendations for those seeking to learn more about the topics discussed above:
For more information on porn Ngo recommends couples visit the website MakeLoveNotPorn.com
For those interested in more kinky sex, Ngo recommends checking out the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom's website. Ncsfreedom.org has a directory of resources for individuals with kinkier sexual interests.
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NO
8 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
“no” means it’s time to stop IT DOESN’T MEAN “SLOW DOWN.” IT DOESN’T MEAN “PERSUADE OR CONVINCE ME.” IT DOESN’T MEAN “CARRY ON” OR “KEEP TRYING UNTIL I GIVE IN.” “I’m not interested” means “NO.” “Leave me alone” means “NO.” “Don’t touch me” means “NO.”
Silence means “NO.”
“Don’t friend or poke me on Facebook” means “NO.”
“Im not sure if I’m ready” means “NO.”
“I don’t know if I want to” means “NO.”
“I think I’ve had too much to drink” means “NO.”
“I’m scared” means “NO.” “Not now” means “NO.”
“No” means “NO.” At the University of Houston, sexual assault occurs when you fail to obtain consent. Find out more about consent, what it means to get the yes, and a ton of other resources at
CoogsGetConsent.com
Consent is: Unambiguous. Freely given. Active. Unassuming.
Consent is getting the “yes” before you get the “no.” Questions about consent or sexual misconduct on campus?
Call us at 713.743.8835
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 9
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Melissa B.
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Gerry J.
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How many guys has she slept with before me?
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Kyle G.
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Did I shave today?
It’s not about the looks
Sex isn’t all about what someone looks like before, during or after, but it's common to question appearance in the Jereth H. bedroom. Guys worry about their muscles (or lack thereof); girls think about whether they shaved that morning. Harkening back to the enjoyment of sexual and romantic activities, you can’t enjoy what you’re doing unless you clear your mind of negative thoughts and anxieties. Communicating is tricky. Now, this isn’t to say someone shouldn’t take care of himself when it comes to personal hygiene, but ease up on Sometimes it’s hard to talk self-criticism. Romantic activities should be two people about it during and afterwards. enjoying themselves, instead of worrying whether they are Courtney G. living up to unwritten rules or imaginary standards. -Illustration by Alex Tomic — Sean Alder Korissa H.
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What does she think about this position?
Discussing sex with many students showed people are more concerned with performance and appearance than with pleasure.
People tend to focus on making sure what they're doing is "right" rather than on mutual enjoyment in sexual interactions. During sex, trends are developing that are fueled by insecurities. More people are doubting their ability to please the other. Sex becomes less enjoyable if a participant can’t shake the idea of doing it wrong and if people don't enjoy the moment for what it is.
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Is my mom going to walk in before we finish?
thoughts during sex
Performance is key
I’m worried I’ll get bored. Taylor B.
Don't overthink it: thoughts about
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10 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Shop 'til your panties drop!
Sex shops can be the perfect place for trying new things; however, it's important to know what you're looking for, as they cater to a variety of preferences. For example, if you're looking for novelty (anything from parody products to incense), you might not want to go to a more serious shop. Based on five categories, here are four Houston sex shops that are great for both experienced shoppers and novices. -By Taelor Marquetti-Gadison
Katz
Erotic Caberet
Adam & Eve
Cindie's
Katz is a top-notch sex shop that feels like an erotic supermarket. From sex toys and porn videos to lingerie, oils and novelty merchandise, Katz has it all. Above all, Katz excels in costumes, offering corsets, bras, lingerie and more. This vast amount of products paired with Katz’s bright atmosphere might intimidate some. However, if students are looking for an open, more advanced environment with loads of options, Katz is the place to go.
Erotic Caberet's selection of costumes are specifically geared toward women. They offer wide selection of lingerie, seasonal costumes and shoes. If you're looking for anything but costumes, Erotic Caberet brings limited, albeit high-quality, offerings. The shop only has a couple cases dedicated to high-end toys. This shop caters to a niche audience, but if you're looking for a sexy costume, Erotic Caberet is worth the trip.
The atmosphere at Adam & Eve is striking. The shop presents a warm, welcoming environment. The employees are friendly, knowledgeable and eager to answer questions, which will come in handy when you're exploring their fantastic toy collection. While A&E excels in sex toys and lubricants, they drop the ball in costumes and porn videos. There's a serious lack of penis shot glasses for bachelorette parties. This shop is great for anyone seeking sexual advice.
Cindie’s brings a combination of Katz's variety and A&E’s welcoming feel. They excel in porn videos and novelty, including everything from hardcore porn and instructional videos to cock-pops and penis-shaped bundt cake pans. They do falter in their selection of sex toys and lubricants, however, as they only offer more classic options. Cindie’s is a great shop for the traditional, old-school shopper or anyone looking for fun party favors.
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Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 11
Reflections: Living life in Cougar-town SARA SAMORA
NEWS EDITOR @THEREINVENTIONS
When I was stationed in Okinawa, my sister sent me a Christmas package. Inside were two or three pairs of jeans and some blouses. She also threw in a couple of T-shirts, one of them a baseball T-shirt with the word “Cougars” in a cursive font and the UH logo underneath it. My roommate and I SARA exploded in laughter. SAMORA “How did she know?” I asked aloud. See, I was a cougar before I even contemplated attending UH. During my tour in Okinawa, I was the
30-year-old junior Marine surrounded by 18- to 23-year-old junior Marines. Meanwhile, the Marines and officers closer to my age were out reach: fraternization was a violation, so it meant my personal life would suffer. Except it didn't. I was surprised by how many 20-somethings hit on me, asked me out on dates and told me how beautiful I am. Granted, I knew they were primarily motivated by the hope of sex. This dating boom in my life made me wonder if I was a cougar. But isn’t a cougar in her 40s and over? I felt I was too young to be considered or even called one. “According to the Urban Dictionary, which lists many definitions of cougar too unsavory to print, the cougar woman is generally at least 35 — and always on the hunt,” reported The New York Times. “Sociologists studying
these relationships generally are looking at women of those ages involved with men 10 to 15 years younger.” I am not on the hunt, and I was not on the hunt back then. Three years later, I'm now out of the service and free to date whomever I want. Finally, I can date a man my age or older. But the men my age at UH are already married, and I don’t just mean the professors. I'm finding myself in the same place I was before: in another location full of young men. This time it’s different; while I am attracted to younger men, it is men closer to their 30s. However, I still don’t look for them. I'm around them every day, and these same men are currently going through the same experiences as me: a mature individual attending a school full of a younger population. We’re trying to survive socially. "Adapt and over-
Samora's gift was a predictor — academically and personally. | Sara Samora/The Cougar
come" is what we say in the Marines. While I'm a year shy of fitting Urban Dictionary's definition of a Cougar, I have to carry the title. Not only relationship-wise, but as a UH student. The shirt my sister sent me predicted my future; I am a Cougar until the day I die.
On the web
More of a Buzzfeed person? We collaborated with Student Video Network to bring you some saucy web-exclusives:
"Four people walked into a sex shop..."
Four people who have never been to a sex shop went to a sex shop. There were a lot of questions and a lot of feels.
"Really, what's a side piece?"
Have you ever been a side piece? Wait... what is a side piece? We'll show you how to know if you're not the main squeeze in your relationship.
Watch these videos and check out exclusive web content at thedailycougar.com.
12 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Stripping away the labels:
An exploration of sexual identity in the millennial era by Ciara Rouege Photos by Chris Luong and Suzie Nguyen
We thought it would help everyone to get in the mood if we started with a group hug. There were a few friends among us — one couple — but on an intimate level, we were all strangers. When the clothes came off, so did the insecurities. An open conversation about sex, gender and dating ensued. Models: Freshmen Julissa Vega and Dalton Laine; sophomores Jacquelyn Hodges, Jacob Levy and Niqolas Cabon; seniors Julie Nguyen, Billy Scott Johnson, Lyric Michelle, Brittany Taylor and Diane Nguyen; alum Errington Harden
Sexual orientation
What does sex mean to you?
Sexual orientation refers to the gender one is attracted to. While heterosexuality is the most common sexual orientation, society is starting to distinguish "popular" from "normal," and people are exercising more freedom by exploring their sexual interests. Here are some sexualities that are less mainstream but nonetheless legitimate.
The Cougar asked members of the UH community to strip down the sexual barriers that separate us mentally and physically. The models explained how sex and intimacy impact their lives.
Pansexual persons are attracted to people who may not be cisgender (meaning they do not identify with the gender assigned at birth). Unlike bisexuals, who are attracted to people who fit within gender roles, pansexual individuals are more concerned with a spiritual connection.
Asexual persons are not sexually fascinated with anyone. While the act of sex repulses some asexual individuals, others might participate in sex with a neutral feeling. It is important to note that not all asexual people are aromantic, meaning they are not interested in romantic intimacy.
“Sex is awkward. Fun. Painful.” — UH alum Errington Harden “Sex can be soulful and connecting. My soul connects with that person. It’s energy. It’s intrinsic.” — Broadcast journalism senior Brittany Taylor “If I’m going to have someone deep inside me, I want him to truly know and love the depths of my soul.” — Print journalism senior Diana Nguyen "Sex is a sinful, healthy blessing.” — Advertising senior Billy Scott Johnson
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 13
Aside from sexual orientation and gender, there are other factors that impact sex and our dating lives. In the case of most college students, the transition from living at home to living independently can create new challenges when trying to break away from old expectations and culture.
“My grandma is always like, 'Date a Puerto Rican man,'” Julissa said while pumping her fist. “Even though she doesn’t know I like women.” — Graphic design freshman Julissa Vega
“Sex is something unavoidable,” broadcast journalism sophomore Niqolos Cobon said. “All humans have to deal with it — whether it’s abstinence or figuring out what you’re into sexually.”
Religion
Pre-nursing senior Lyric Michelle has two close friends — one is religious and the other is a lesbian. “I don’t feel like I have to put my religion aside to accept lesbians or homosexual people," Lyric said. "There is God in everything. I don’t think my friend has to say, ‘Hey God, sorry for being a lesbian.’"
Language
For liberal studies senior Julie Nguyen, learning the term 'asexual' gave her a sense of belonging, but in most situations her sexuality is still hard to explain. “I don’t know the Vietnamese term for ‘asexual’," she said, "so that's really the only thing keeping me from telling my grandparents.” Julie said she has a feeling they know.
Dependence
Economics and political science freshman Dalton Laine said coming out to his family was fairly easy, but he still isn't free to do whatever he pleases. “It’s more about that fear of what’s at home than on campus,” Dalton said. Although he is living away from home, he remains financially dependent on his parents.
Culture
Business sophomore Jacob Levy lived in the Middle East for more than three years. He said it was strange returning home to low-cut shirts and short shorts. “America is more open toward sex, but they use it more as a tactic for trying to appeal to everyone.” Jacob described having sex as a surreal experience.
14 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Churches in Houston are opening their doors to the city's spiritually-hungry LGBT population CARA SMITH
EDITOR IN CHIEF @CARA_SMITH5
A place to call home?
During Pride Houston last year, a family of three – Brandon Peete, his wife Hilary and their 2-year-old son, Felix – was beaming, covered in beads of all colors, soaking in the megawatt-energy of the night. Snug in his stroller, Felix couldn’t get enough of the neon lights and bass-thump spirit that Pride Houston has become synonymous with. “You can imagine the stimulation all around,” Peete said. Sitting in his office, his eyes filled with tears slowly, then all at once. “It was not only a proud moment for me as a priest… But as a father, to be walking was really…” Peete’s voice cracked; he couldn’t finish his thought. He isn’t alone. If Christianity and homosexuality were once separate forks to be chosen on a road, certain policies and practices suggest they’re now converging more than ever. In Houston, growing pains between the LGBT community and political right (see: Human Equal Rights Ordinance sermon subpoenas) cast a cloud over collaborations between Houston’s churches and the gay community. That leaves the city’s expanding LGBT community between a rock and a hard place, as many aren’t aware of Houston’s gay-friendly churches. The disconnect between Christian, LGBT services being offered and the gay community’s awareness of those services negatively impacts all involved – the churches fail to gain members, and the LGBT community is left without spiritual fulfillment.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. –Psalm 46:1 For students on campus, there isn’t a Christian organization that caters exclu-
sively to LGBT students, according to the Get Involved directory of over 300 student organizations. Other than A.D. Bruce hosting the Transgender Day of Remembrance annually, there are no active collaborations between the LGBT Resource Center and the religion center. And the largest Christian organization on-campus, Christians at UH, welcome members of the LGBT community without publicly affirming their lifestyle. Peete and Rev. Lisa Hunt are looking to change the conversation for Houston’s growing LGBT community and be a resource for students. At St. Stephens Episcopal Church on West Alabama, Peete, Hunt and the rest of the clergy are actively catering to the gay community and making sure the community at-large knows what they’re doing. “We’ve been very present in the conversation publicly around the human rights ordinance in the city of Houston,” Hunt said. “The Christian community is very pluralistic in Houston. It’s not monolithic, despite what some might portray.” In 2012, St. Stephens, located just 10 minutes away from UH, became one of the state’s first congregations to offer the blessing and witnessing of same-sex covenants.
CHURCH
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Continued from previous page “That produced a real bump for us (in membership),” Hunt said. “I’d say the newest (membership) wave for us is transsexual folks.”
… I was a stranger and you welcomed me. –Matthew 25:35 Policy is only half the formula for changing a reputation. The real challenge, said Hunt, comes with redefining the image of close-mindedness Christianity is shrouded in. So, how does a single institution change a conversation that started thousands of years ago? By “showing up,” said Hunt, “when policies are being created… and to provide language and stories of people who could be marginalized and people whose stories could be forgotten.” Students that attend St. Stephens can expect "full inclusion" and biblically-based discussions around their experiences. Members of St. Stephens meet every other Thursday at a different Montrose restaurant to hash out questions from Scripture “over beer and laughter.” The next meeting will be at 7 p.m. on Feb. 12 at Revelry on Richmond. “Not a week goes by that we don’t welcome a newcomer to the community that
is from the LGBT community,” Peete said. “I can say that with great confidence.” As actively as St. Stephens dissipates waves between Houston’s churches and Houston’s gays, they’re far from being the only ones. PrideNet, a public LGBT listing site, mentions 21 churches in the Houston area as being gay-inclusive or having almost exclusively gay congregations. But that’s a small slice of the pie – the Yellow Pages list over 3,000 total churches in Houston.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good… that it may give grace to those who hear. -Ephesians 4:29 “Would Jesus discriminate?” The question was posed to a congregation of 200 at Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church, located off T.C. Jester Boulevard about 20 minutes away from campus. Behind the pulpit and choir rafters, two giant LED screens were mounted on the walls, each subliminally begging the question of whether Christ would embrace gays. Its congregation is unique – the openly gay Rev. Troy Treach estimates that 90 percent of his membership is made up of members of Houston’s LGBT community. Leaning back in his armchair a couple days before Sunday’s service, Treach broke down a common misconception that can work
Treach leads communion during a Sunday service at Resurrection. Cara Smith/The Cougar
against the gay community: the difference between a welcoming church and an affirming congregation. “Many churches say, ‘We welcome anybody and everybody,’ and that’s fine until a gay couple sits in a pew and holds hands,” Treach said. Throughout the service, the leading clergy bounced around the line dividing a universal liturgy and one geared for gays, but the meat of the sermon centered on discrimination against lepers in the books of “Luke” and “Leviticus.” The lepers were shunned from the community and forced to dress in draping rags. When approached,
they often had to announce that they were unclean to prevent transfer of the disease. “Can you imagine how an ill person might lose their identity?” Rev. Vickie Gibbs said, drawing a comparison between being judged for an illness in Biblical times and being judged for your sexuality today. “Can you imagine how the illness can make them an object of pre-judgement and (cause them to) lose their humanity? And for the person to not be known as a person with an illness, but as the illness itself.” “Thank goodness that doesn’t happen today,” she said. The congregation erupted in laughter.
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16 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
For some UH students, abstinence is the sexy choice REBECCA HENNES
SENIOR STAFF WRITER @BECCAGHENNES
Sex is more prominent in today's society than ever before, but teen pregnancy in the United States has declined — surprisingly, teens are increasingly choosing to be abstinent. A recent study found that 14 percent of the decline in U.S. teen pregnancy could be attributed to teens’ increased abstinence, according to Advocates for Youth. 53 percent of U.S. high school students reported they hadn’t had sex, up from 46 percent in 1991. The benefits to remaining abstinent are numerous, as it prevents pregnancy as well as HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Keeping sex out of the picture can also make young relationships less confusing. For biochemistry and math major Stephanie Onyejekwe, the double standard applied to both sexually active people and those who are abstinent is frustrating. “If you do have sex, they call you a slut, and if you don't have sex, you're called a loser or prude,” Onyeje-
kwe said. “So either way, it doesn't matter. You'll still be judged.” Electrical and computer engineering sophomore Christiana Chamon was raised in a Catholic family and said her religion is one reason why she practices abstinence. “(Part) of me believes that sex is a strictly procreational act,” Chamon wrote in an email. “Man's state of nature is to have sex with a woman for the purpose of impregnating her. I am not ready to be a mother, and therefore I abstain from the possibility of being impregnated.” Chamon said she does not agree with the mass numbers of teens engaging in sex but also feels that she should respect their decision to be sexually active as they should respect hers not to. “If people want to pursue their sexual desires, then who am I to tell them otherwise?” Chamon said. With more young people practicing abstinence, it’s important to open a dialogue for students to share their thoughts on sex and abstinence and eradicate the stigma attached to abstinent people. “Different people have different values,” Onyejekwe said. “Either way, their decisions do not affect me.”
Whether for religious or personal reasons, some students choose abstinence and find intimacy through means other than sex. | BigStock
GRC:
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 17
Virginity lies in the eye of the beholder As our perception of sexuality evolves, so does the definition of virginity — and what it means when you've lost it KELLY SCHAFLER
OPINION EDITOR
Vaginal penetration is considered sex by most people, but it's not the only way of "doing it" — there is also anal sex and oral sex, but not everyone would consider those acts of losing one's virginity. Media production junior Andrew Cochran said he considers losing one's virginity as having an orgasm with another person for the first time. When Cochran thinks of losing his virginity, he thinks of two separate times: his first time with a girl when he was younger, and his first time with a boy in high school. Cochran said his first time with a girl was “awkward” and “really, really terrible.” Laughing, he said he remembers “Blue’s Clue’s” was playing on the television in the background, and he was more interested in the blue dog. “When you lose your virginity for the first time, it immediately embeds in your mind as... 'this is a memory, this is a milestone,'” Cochran said. “You start thinking, ‘From this point on, it’s going to be different.’ So afterward, it’s almost silent — even in your mind."
Cultural and religious influences Open communication is encouraged when discussing sex and virginity, but it doesn’t always feel natural — especially for families heavily influenced by their cultural backgrounds. A petroleum engineering freshman, who wished to remain anonymous, said that in Ethiopia, talking about sex and one’s virginity is extremely taboo. When he left Ethiopia and came to the United States in middle school, he was surprised by how differently Americans approached sex.
Virginity has become more subjective. Students' values of virginity vary, and the ways that a person can lose their virginity have evolved with human sexuality. | Justin Tijerina/The Cougar
“When I say it’s taboo, I mean it was taboo to see people kissing in a movie (in Ethiopia). I’d seen one movie where (the actors) did that, and I was like, ‘Oh my god, I can’t believe they actually did that on screen,’ ” he said. “Like with my parents, I’ve seen them hug … but I’ve never seen them kiss on the lips or anything.” Biology senior Thao Mai associates the word “purity” with virginity, because religion is prominent in his life and he was raised believing sex should be saved for marriage.
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Mai said that while premarital sex is looked down upon in a lot of religious teachings, his parents didn’t raise him to believe someone would be condemned for it. “My parents really wanted me to find (pure love), but they also were like, ‘It wouldn’t be the end of the world if you weren’t (a virgin),’ ” Mai said.
Getting intimate
if done with a special partner or spouse. Accounting freshman Meshech Narcelles said his parents encouraged him to wait until marriage, and while he isn't a virgin, he said he did wait until he met the right person — his girlfriend he’s been dating since high school. “Sex is super personal and super intimate, and getting intimate with a girl or guy shouldn’t be seen as a goal or an
Sex and intimacy aren't one in the same, but most students who were interviewed said they believe sex to be more meaningful
Continues on next page
VIRGINITY
18 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
VIRGINITY
Continued from previous page accomplishment. When you have sex with someone while in a relationship, it’s seen as a benefit,” Narcelles said. “You’ve gotten to that level where you’re comfortable with that person. So why would you go around and parade that? It kind of loses its meaning to it.”
‘The talk’ Most interviewed students said their sexual education stemmed from their peers rather than their parents or from a sexual education class. Students said that while the school system offered the cut-and-dry explanation of sex — basically ranging from safe sex to abstinence — most of their sexual knowledge came from their peers or the Internet. Talking to one’s child about sex has the potential to be an uncomfortable situation for both the child and parent or parents involved. But for biology freshman Natalie Gonzalez, conversations about sex were welcomed in her household. “I’m very open about sex with my mom and my sisters. If I have questions, they’re always available to answer them,” Gonzalez said. “And we also have sex education in school where (the teachers) don’t go into detail, but they give you an outline that’s kind of like, ‘This is going to happen, and this is what happens when your body changes.’”
Sex and intimacy Accounting freshman Meshech Narcelles said he isn’t a virgin, but his parents did teach him he should wait until marriage. While Narcelles didn’t wait until marriage, he did wait until he met the right person — his girlfriend he’s been dating since high school. “Sex is super personal and super intimate, and getting intimate with a girl
Virginity is historically perceived as precious — but so is claiming your own definition and perception of virginity. | Justin Tijerina/The Cougar
or guy shouldn’t be seen as a goal or an accomplishment … when you have sex with someone while in a relationship, it’s seen as a benefit,” Narcelles said. “You’ve gotten to that level where you’re comfortable with that person. So why would you go around and parade that? It kind of loses its meaning to it.” Out of the students interviewed, both men and women said that men generally put the most pressure on the women or their male friends to lose their virginity.
Good sex takes time Media productions senior Vanessa Phillips said her first time was very different than the stereotypical virginity stories she’s heard before. In the small town she grew up in, everyone was having sex very young and
“When you lose your virginity for the first time, it immediately embeds in your mind as this is a stance, this is a memory, this is a milestone." Andrew Cochran, media production junior she felt pressure to fit in and be accepted. She was 11 years old when she lost her virginity, and while her first time wasn’t painful, it didn’t feel good either. She said it took a few times before it started feeling good, and she dealt with some inner turmoil until it did. “I remember feeling terrified and thinking, ‘This isn’t gonna work for me. if this is the case, it’s going to defeat the purpose of all of it.’ But then we did it a third time and that third time was amazing! I was like, ‘This is what it’s supposed to feel like!”
The double standard
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Broadcast journalism junior Brenda Matute said she was raised to keep her virginity until marriage by her parents, but she’s felt her mother’s influence on her life the most. Matute said she grew up hearing her mother “the only thing guys want is sex.” “Anything I did, my mom would be like, ‘Do good in school, and don’t get with a guy because all he will want is sex.’ That’s all I ever heard,” Matute said. When students were asked the different social expectations of men and women and losing their virginities, it was obvious that most men and women had been exposed to
the conversation of sex very differently. “If it’s a one night stand, the guy is going to be praised and the girl will be looked down upon,” Narcelles said. “I don’t like it, but a lot of the time I even find myself following the double standard inadvertently, because it’s so common throughout life.”
'A natural, human experience' “It was awesome — for me, at least,” said media productions senior Jonathan Fernandez. Fernandez said he was 17 years old when he lost his virginity to his high school girlfriend of nine months. Fernandez’s experience was similar to that of other people his age, with The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reporting in 2010 that 17 years old is the average age most men and women lose their virginity. “It was awkward, too, because I had no idea what I was doing,” he said. “Then I also didn’t expect it to happen that day … and I was scared that her parents were going to come in because they were out and weren’t supposed to be there.” Fernandez and his girlfriend didn’t date for much longer after that day, but he said virginity should just be taken as what it is: a “natural, human experience.”
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 19
Commentary: Despite diversity, white gay males represent LGBT LAURA GILLESPIE
STAFF WRITER @ LAURAEVELYNG
T
here’s a running joke in the LGBT community. One person will ask, “What does GBLT stand for?” The other person will think about it before saying, with hesitation, “Gay…bacon, lettuce, tomato. Right?” There are many variations on the joke, but the message is the same. The Western world is becoming more accepting of gay individuals, but often the acceptance begins and ends with white, cisgender (meaning a person who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth) gay men. With the majority of attention — both within the community and out — focused on the gay side of the LGBT community, others can fall by the wayside. “If there’s a choice to talk to or to hear from a…white, cisgender gay guy or anyone else in the gay community, you’re generally going to hear from (the white, gay guy),” said physics junior Leah Longhufer. “Being gay is their only deviation from the norm. They still feel entitled to the American dream, in that it’s been denied to them based on (being gay).” There’s a lot of people in that wayside. Lesbians get a fair amount of attention — if Showtimes's television drama “The L Word” and a handful of "out" celebrities can be considered a “fair amount” — whereas bisexual and transgender individuals feel more or less ignored. Then there’s everyone else — those that are queer, questioning, asexual, pansexual, intersex…the list is long. Those individuals who do receive attention are usually white and cisgender; in other words, they are not transgender. There’s a fundamental problem in the
For some in the LGBT community, pride parade doesn't feel as inclusive as it once did. | File photo/ The Cougar
way that people look at the LGBT community. People focus on white, gay men, as they focus on white, straight men in every other community. But the LGBT community does itself no favors, as it continues to display racist, transphobic and misogynistic behaviors, as well as push white gay men into the forefront because it is safe to do so. When stereotypical gay male culture — certainly not an accurate picture of all gay men, but a popular image nonetheless — becomes the forefront of LGBT culture as a whole, it results in gay pride parades that revolve around gay men and lesbians
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privilege rarely like to talk about it, least of all admit to it. The gay community is only beginning its crawl toward general acceptance, but it often forgets that those without benefit of white or male privilege still suffer heavily. "Getting more people out there and talking about their experiences...(is important),” said history junior Shaan Duehwani. Progress is being made slowly. The success of Netflix’s “Orange is the New Black” has made Laverne Cox, a black transgender woman who plays transgender character Sophia Burset on the show, a household name. “Orange is the New Black,” however, remains one of the few shows that displays its diverse range of LGBT characters. Currently, there's no “perfect” portrayal of the LGBT community, perhaps because a perfect portrayal would be impossible. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are people, and people are incredibly diverse. And the sheer diversity of the LGBT community is something that needs to be flaunted and celebrated. LGBT people portray a wide range of body types, can suffer from disabilities and represent every nation under the sun. It’s an injustice to the community to continue to pretend that the vast majority of it does not exist. Kurt Hummel from “Glee” and two attractive, white men in a Tiffany & Co. advertisement are not an all-encompassing depiction of the LGBT community. The community deserves more than that. “I understand that it’s America; white people are the majority,” said entrepreneurship and accounting senior Huy Truong. “It’s going to take time, but it’ll get there. It’s 2015.”
20 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015 | 21
Dating apps add new element to hookups GLISSETTE SANTANA
ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR @GSANTANA347
Dating apps such as Tinder and Grinder may help you hook up with someone, but don’t trust them to help you find your future husband or wife. Dubbed "The Tinder effect" by The Guardian, hooking up with someone under the pretext of sex isn't the way to go about looking for a long-lasting relationship. Taken at face value, the way a person looks on the Internet is probably more appealing than they are in real life. "Tinder is an extension of mainstream real-world dating habits, especially compared to traditional online dating sites," University College London business psychology professor Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic wrote for The Guardian. "Well, it turns out that people are a lot more superficial than psychologists thought. They would rather judge 50 pictures in two minutes than spend 50 minutes assessing one potential partner. According to the Pew Research Center,
38 percent of singles in the United States have used online dating sites, such as Match.com and eHarmony, or mobile apps. Eleven percent of all Internet users have used dating sites and apps in order to find potential dates, with 7 percent of all cellphone users using them. Online dating also delays interacting with potential partners in real life. The Huffington Post reported that relationships usually start to have a solid foundation after five dates, and that online dating causes "fears and motives surrounding online dating (stemming) from personal experience; for example, experienced daters may intuitively know to rule out a bad fit right away, while experienced, jaded daters may want to 'drag out the dream a little longer.'" Dating apps have revolutionized the way that people meet — whether it is for sex or for a long-lasting relationship. Tinder and Grindr subscribers are growing exponentially, and with the apps using slogans such as Grindr's "quick, convenient and discreet," there's no telling where any potential hookups may go.
Dating apps such as Tinder, Grindr and OKCupid have revolutionized the way people meet and form relationships. | Justin Tijerina/The Cougar
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The sex quiz you can't pass Go ahead. Prove us wrong.
CARA SMITH
EDITOR IN CHIEF
@CARA_SMITH5
1.) True or false: it’s possible for a woman to orgasm purely from nipple stimulation. 2.) How many men in the world are estimated to be circumcised? A) 60 percent B) 30 percent C) 20 percent D) 70 percent 3.) For the most part, what do women say about the important of penis size during sex? A) Length is the most important in achieving G-spot orgasm. B) Women have different preferences in size, based on the kind of sex they’re having. C) Women said girth is more important for overall pleasure during sex. D) Women’s preferences in penis size depend on how they usually orgasm. 4.) What percent of women report always having an orgasm during sex? A) 95 percent
B) 55 percent C) 70 percent D) Experts disagree 5.) True or false: women can get pregnant while on their period. 6.) What’s the major benefit of using water-based lubricant? A) It warms more quickly, increasing pleasure for both partners. B) They’re safer than oil-based lubricants, which can break down the latex in a condom, causing the condom to tear. C) It’s usually cheaper than oil-based lubricant . D) They prevents irritation for both partners. 7.) What is Peyronie’s disease? A) An inability to achieve orgasm B) An extreme curvature of the penis C) A sexually transmitted disease D) An infection that can lead to ectopic pregnancy 8.) True or false: During sex, the vagina contracts slightly to increase pleasure.
ANSWERS: 1.) True. Some women don’t need vaginal penetration to orgasm – many orgasm from nipple, clitoral or anal stimulation. 2.) 30 percent. This is according to the most recent World Health Organization data. 3.) Trick question: it's all four! When asked about penetrative orgasm, most women reported length as being important. When asked about sex in a “one-night stand” versus a “relationship,” women said they care more about size in the one-night stand. When asked about overall pleasure (not just orgasm), women said girth brought the most pleasure. And for women that orgasm from nipple or clitoral play, size wasn’t a huge concern. The takeaway? Size isn't as big of a deal as you think. 4.) Experts disagree. Research varies, but most of it says around 30 to 50 percent of women orgasm during every sexual encounter. So if you have trouble achieving orgasm, it’s completely normal! Most research says that men orgasm in around
75 percent of sexual encounters, though. 5.) Rare, but true. Sperm can live in the woman’s body for 3 to 5 days. For women with shorter periods, sex at the end of your cycle could mean sperm is still alive in your system days later during early ovulation. 6.) They're safer! Water-based lubricant is safe for condom use, as well as diaphragms, sponges and nearly all sex toys. 7.) A curved penis. The curvature is caused by scar tissue that develops inside the penis (usually after a sexual trauma). It can cause painful erections, and the curvature is usually only visible during erection. If the pain is preventing sexual intercourse, treatments are available. 8.) False: The vagina expands. It’s called “vaginal tenting,” and it makes intercourse possible. The expanding vaginal wall compensates for the penis entering. It’s tough for women to know when they're tenting, but if it’s noticeably painful to begin intercourse, you might not have tented yet.
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SEX? First things first... it is important to understand your body. Make an appointment today at UH Health Center. Get your sexual health questions answered by clinical professionals d:in the following areas: Women’s Clinic
Laboratory (located within Health Center)
Men’s Clinic
Immunizations
General Medicine
All visits and inquiries are kept confidential. Call 713.743.5151 to make an appointment today. www.uh.edu/healthcenter
24 | Wednesday, February 11, 2015
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