The Daily Gamecock 4/1/10

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UNIVERSIDAD DE CAROLINA DEL SUR

THIRSTY THURSDAY, APRIL 1

VOL. 103, NO. 119 ● SINCE 1908

Hasta la vista, ‘Sandstorm’ Demand for usage fees leads to loss of popular fight song; students vote on replacement Viv Savage

KEYBOARDIST

It bec a me t he sou ndt rack to Sout h Carolina athletics: growing in popularity at football games, blaring non-stop as USC took down the No. 1 Kentucky Wildcats in men’s basketball, even helping to serenade star recruit Marcus Lattimore into garnet and black.

And now, it’s all over.

Barring a last-second agreement, USC athletics will be forced to cease the playing of “Sandstorm” immediately.

“We really have no choice,” USC president Harris Pastides said. “Our rights to the song have been revoked.”

The issue began early last month, when Hans Groogel, the agent for Finnish artist DJ Darude, who released “Sandstorm” on his 1999 CD of the same name, sent a letter to Pastides on behalf of Darude and record label Neo requesting $8 million dollars annually for the usage of the song at sporting events.

“The bottom line is that the University of South Carolina is making a ridiculous amount of money in ticket sales and general publicit y off of the song,” Groogel told The Daily Gamecock yesterday in a phone interview from his office in Los Angeles.

“And for all of it, Darude is getting nothing.”

After receiving the letter, the University, unwilling to meet the demands, tried to negotiate a rights fee, but bartering has been

at a stalemate. Both sides will not comment on specifics, but the gap between agreement is rumored to be multi-millions in difference.

“If they don’t agree to what we see as a fair compensation, then it’s very simple,” Groogel said. “The song won’t be played anymore.”

News of the situation hit campus hard last night, with Twitter and Facebook statuses full of angry sentiments about the loss of the song, and many students expressing their discontent.

“This absolutely sucks,” said Bob Roberts, a third-year pre-law student. “‘Sandstorm’ is the single greatest composition in the history of mankind, and for us to not be able to play it anymore, it just blows.”

Katie Smith, a fi rst-year biology student, said she almost cried when she heard the news.

“Dancing to ‘Sandstorm’ was one of the best things about going to games,” Smith said. “Now it’s gone.”

As a result of the loss of the song, the athletic department is expected to announce a campus-wide vote for a new song to be played at sporting events in place of “Sandstorm.”

A source inside the department said that the choices presented to students and faculty via Blackboard voting on VIP will be the Sugar Hill Gang’s “Apache,” Eric Prydz’s “Call on Me” and Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Let’s Groove Tonight.” When asked about the three rumored choices, many students expressed displeasure.

“That’s a joke,” ninth-year sociolog y student Travis McFrater said. “We might as well start coming out to a damn Enya song if those are our choices.”

Pastides is requesting that students and fans bear with the transition.

Chris, a.k.a. Honey, Keohane / THE GAILY DAMECOCK

Fans rock out to “Sandstorm,” Carolina’s unofficial fight song, during the Ole Miss game.

“Obv iously, it’s going to be a tough thing for us to not be able to play the song anymore,” Pastides said. “But that being said, we need to realize that ‘Sandstorm’ is not what fuels our crowds. What fuels our crowds is the passion and love for the

Gamecocks that our University and Carolina community holds.”

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RUSSELL HOUSE WELCOMES BAR Second-floor renovation includes drinking spot, concert venue on campus Paris Hilton THAT’S HOT

Russell House Director Rebecca Apel has revealed plans for the second floor lobby construction space, which until now has remained a mystery to students.

“We plan to reopen the Golden Spur, which has been closed since 1984,” she said.

The Golden Spur, currently a billiard room, was once a restaurant and bar, but was closed down by the University after the federal mandate for states to raise their drinking age to 21.

“We have been listening to what students say they want to see put there and decided that reopening the Golden Spur would be an opportunity to control student drinking and keep them out of bars downtown,” Apel said.

“We plan to renovate the entire second floor lobby area to include a performance space, more lounge areas and a small restaurant.”

The announcement has been met with criticism from the Board of Trustees, which view the re-opening of the Spur as a terrible mistake.

“Underage students will have an increased access to alcohol if their friends can buy it for them right on campus,” said Walter Scott, a board member. “Having an open bar in the student union is only asking for trouble.”

A lthough there are significant safet y and legal concerns surrounding this new decision, Apel has assured board members that preparations are being made to ensure student safety.

“We will station police officers at the bar at all times to check IDs and ensure that students are not taking advantage of the new bar,” Apel said.

Matt Albert, a first-year international business student, was ecstatic when he heard the news.

“I hope they take meal plans,” he said.

Apel said the re-opening of the Golden Spur is expected to lower the number of students who go downtown on weekends and in doing so will hopefully prevent students from being robbed late at night in Five Points.

Although the plans are being announced now, the Golden Spur is not expected to be ready to open until next spring.

Keri, a.k.a. Herro, Goff / THE GAILY DAMECOCK

Five Points to start scanning IDs New system will crack down on underage drinking, forging of state-issued identification Ron Burgundy

CHANNEL 4 NEWS

Jeremy, a.k.a. Fave, Aaron / THE GAILY DAMECOCK

The Golden Spur bar will return to Russell.

T he USC A mba s sador prog r a m is also displeased with the decision, and an anonymous member stated, “W hat will parents think when they find out that we serve alcohol at our Student Union? We are going to lose a lot of prospective students and earn a bad reputation among South Carolina universities.”

Max Lasser, a fi rst-year political science student, agreed with the plans.

“This is smartest decision that University executives have made since I’ve been here,” Lasser said. “This will really help ease stressed students who have been studying at the library all day and just want to go have a beer without walking very far.”

Richard Jacocks, a fourth-year chemistry student , was upset that it took so long to re-open the Spur.

“I wish this would have been open earlier,” Jacocks said. “It’s too bad that seniors won’t get to enjoy the convenient location of the bar.”

The Golden Spur will feature student-run performance spaces for upcoming musical artists and enthusiasts. The new bar will also be student-only, so no student will be permitted access without their CarolinaCard.

“Making this bar student-only will keep everyone safer, and will prevent predators from entering the premises,” Apel said.

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Effective Monday, April 5, The Bar and Pub Coalition of Five Points announced that all bar bouncers will be using card scanning machines to avoid the use of false identification from University of South Carolina students. The change is expected to dramatically affect the atmosphere and demographic of drinkers in Five Points.

“Five Points is sick of underage students crowding bars on weekends,” said Captain Jack Morgan, president of the Bar and Pub Coalition. “Not only can bars get in huge amounts of trouble for not catching underage drinkers, but students are awful at tipping. Our employees can barely make rent from working all night without being rewarded.”

Card scanning machines can not only recognize the issue date of an ID, but recognize IDs that have been illegally fabricated and bought from students who are underage.

Primarily, liquor stores utilize card scanners at checkout, but it seemed like a no-brainer for the Bar and Pub Coalition to help fund the purchase of these machines for each and every bar downtown.

“It was an expensive investment,” said Bailey Miller, owner of the bar Wasted Wednesdays.

“However, the BPCFP helped supplement our purchase, and we did so well with our profits from St. Patrick’s Day sales that we had enough room in our budget to splurge.”

Students are in an uproar about the changes.

“The University of South Carolina and the City of Columbia are sucking all of the fun out of college life,” said Jack Daniels, a third-year economics student. “We don’t have house parties here at USC, so going to bars is the only thing we have. In my opinion, it will make the University suffer when kids decide to go to school somewhere else.”

Nevertheless, the BPCFP knows that USC students are determined to find a way to cheat the system. There are IDs that can be illegally purchased that scan, but they will come with a steep price.

“Many people I know are tempted to buy an ID that scans, even though they cost almost $150,” said second-year biology student Evan Williams. “Five Points needs to realize that we are going to go downtown, no matter what price.”

Even some faculty members think this new change is unnecessary. Stella Artois, a professor from the department of languages, literatures and cultures, believes that having fun is crucial to having a successful college experience.

“I am not condoning underage drinking, but an openness about responsible drinking is more effective than leading students to dodge around ridiculous rules,” she said.

Many students are planning on having big bar crawls to get their liquor fi x before new scanning rules come into effect, like fourth-year English student Jose Cuervo.

“This change is just a bump in the road,” Cuervo said. “Eventually students will be flocking to Five Points and hanging out at their favorite bars once again.”

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Gaily Damecock THE

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Heàd à Heàd

EDITORIAL BOARD

Cocky gets his chance to speak out to the student body; hear what he’s had pent up for 30 years

Cocky’s arguments stem from poor logic; attempts at discussion prove fowl finally too big for his beak

Cluck cluck cluck, cluck cluck BA-COCK! Cluck cluck cluck cluck, cluckity cluck cluck.

Clucka clucka-BA-COCK! Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck-clucka cluckacluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck, BA-COCK! “Cluck cluck cluck, cluckity cluck cluck.

Clucka lucka. BA-COCK!” Cluck Clucka, cluck cluck cluckity, BA-COCK! Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck cluck, Cocky Thirtieth-year BA-COCK! quantum Cluck it y cluck it y cluck it y cluck it y physics cluckit y cluckit y cluckit y, cluck cluck, student cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity cluckity, BA-COCK! Cock-a-doodle-doo, BA-COCK! Cock-a-doodle doo, BA-COCK? Cock-a-doodle do, BA-COCK! Clucky clucky clucky cluck clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky cluck clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky clucky, BA-COCK! “Clucket h cluck cluck it y clucker, cluck cluk it y clucken,” cluck cluckity cluck, BA-COCK! Cluck: 1. Cluck 2. Cluck cluckity 3. Cluck cluckin 4. BA-COCK! Cluck cluck cluck, BA-COCK!

Some smartass college kid Cocky’s claims are absolutely unfounded. How does the statement “Cluck cluckity cluck-BA-COCK!” in any way prove that the Large Hadron Collider will create Hawking black holes and result in A rmageddon? I respect my colleague’s extensive knowledge, and I know his experience is superior to my own.

However, on this occasion I fi nd his argument to be indefensible.

His statement “Cluck cluck cluck cluck cluckity-BA-COCK!” is quite insightful, but it in no way contradicts the fact that collisions between protons at 7 TeV are not enough to tear holes in the space-time continuum.

A lso, his proposal t hat quark-gluon plasma would somehow act as ATP for the Bryan recently deceased and bring them back O’Quinn First-year to life as some sort of inter-dimensional smartass zombie horde is laughable. Obviously, only student radiated Bose-Einstein condensate could have such an effect.

Cock y ’s st ubbor n adherence to t he outdated Higgs model is no doubt due to his inability to come to grips with the fact that his research with antimatter has been superseded. The LHC will fi nd the Higgs boson, and when it does, I hope CERN shoves the most important discovery in the history of physics up his ignorant beak.

Now, onto Cocky’s second argument: that the debris from the destruction of the second Death Star crashed on Endor and caused the Ewoks to go extinct, thus rendering the Ewoks battle for freedom against the Empire ironically self-destructive.

Obviously, the Ewoks had to survive so they could resurrect Emperor Palpatine. The Ewoks were clearly seduced by t he Sit h after “Ret urn of t he Jedi” in retribution for their rebellion.

Even if the above weren’t true, there is no possible way pieces of the Death Star could have collided with the planet.

The debris, although forged out of Tralfamadoriang rade ch rom iu m , wou ld have bu r ned up i n t he atmosphere. Most of it would have been sucked into orbit around Endor’s moon.

Finally, I fi nd Cocky’s sense of humor exhausting.

How can someone transition from a hilarious Flannery O’Connor joke to a crass one concerning William Faulkner’s flatulence? Cocky needs to fi nd his audience.

And Cocky, I love Chik-fi l-A. Their sandwiches taste great, and I personally enjoy fries shaped like breakfast food.

Just because a company contributes to the genocide of your people doesn’t give you the right to hurl biased insults at it. Show some class.

Last Call

AMANDA DAVIS Sugarbun

CALLIE BURNETT One Drink

MARILYNN JOYNER JBaggsy

JONATHAN BATTAGLIA DJ Douchebag

CHRIS COX Top-Pop

KELSEY PACER The Flasher

The Incident

MICHAEL LAMBERT The Bicep

RYAN QUINN The Circumstance

JAMES KRATCH Designated Drinker

KARA APEL Snickers

KERI GOFF

SAM EDWARDS

Big Daddy

M-Train

SCOTT FOWLER MegWow

MEGAN HILBERT B-Emo

BRIAN DRESDOW

MILES MILLER G-muscle

GEOFFREY MARSI Russian Royalty

JOSH DAWSEY

Stop trash talking or the puppies die We at The Daily Gamecock are sick of your attitudes.

Yes, you heard us right. We are sick of your trash talking and ignoring all of our content to just fl ip over to the Sudoku and or crossword on our Etc. page.

In light of this, a mandate has been made by President Obama that every time someone criticizes our newspaper, a puppy will die via instantaneous combustion. It could happen any time or any place, so if you have a puppy you know and love, we caution you to be wary of critiquing our publication.

Many lives hang in a delicate balance. So, the next time you want to bad mouth us, think twice. Do you really want a puppy to die?

Geoffrey, a.k.a. Melbourne Shuffler, Marsi / THE GAILY DAMECOCK

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Universal veterninary care next step in momumental legislation Dear Editor, Now that we have enacted health care reform into law, it’s time we progress as a society and ensure all American pets receive veterinary care. It is totally unfair and immoral; some of America’s pets receive the best veterinary care while others receive none at all. Therefore, we as a society should put the human element before profit and ensure every American domesticated animal receive government-funded veterinary care. How much longer can we stand by and watch as countless American pets remain uninsured? Moreover, I think every American should recognize universal veterinary care as a fundamental human right. Those who don’t are clearly prejudiced against animals. With a Democrat-controlled Congress and President Obama in the White House, I am confident we can educate enough of the confused American public about the benefits of universal veterinary care and get it to pass.

The benefits of government-funded veterinary care are

undeniable. For one t hing, t he plan would create an immeasurable number of jobs. These jobs will do much to stabilize our economy. Any taxes that might be necessary to support this program will only come from the rich. Only America’s wealthiest elite will feel any significant tax increase, and, after all, the recession is their fault anyway. They should stop being so greedy and think of America’s uninsured pets.

Another benefit of the plan is that it is deficit reducing.

According to the CBO, universal veterinary care will lower the national deficit by an unknown percentage in the next 10 to 15 years. That saves us money. I really don’t get why some people just can’t understand that if we offer a complicated and expensive service to millions of Americans, at no charge, then this will save us money. I mean, it’s just common sense. If the government is giving something to you then it must be free. Who cares who’s going to pay the veterinarians? Let the insurance company fat cats worry about that. Given the proven fact that universal veterinary care will save the American taxpayer money in the long run, it is obvious anyone who opposes universal veterinary care is an anti-government radical.

Still, the most important reason to support universal veterinary care is a moral one. We as a nation have to accept

We also do not invite student leaders and USC faculty members to submit guest columns. Columnists should keep submissions to about zero words in length and include the author’s name and favorite color. Guest columns are limited to -19 per author per century.

The editor reserves the right to edit whatever she wants or not publish it at all.

All submissions become the property of The Gaily Damecock and must conform to the legal standards of Chuck Norris’ fists.

CORRECTIONS If you find an error in today’s edition of The Gaily Damecock, don’t let us know about it. E-mail youloveus@mailbox.sc.edu and we will ignore what you have to say. We are always right.

Sincerely, Will LaGrange Third-year political science student

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that every American pet is entitled to government-funded veterinary care; it is simply inhumane and ignorant to deny that fact. I mean, think of the poor animals suffering in the filthy streets. How can one man enjoy insured veterinary care while he watches his neighbor suffer without it? Is it not our responsibility to protect our neighbors’ pets like brothers?

Some say veterinary care is a privilege and not a right. I say balderdash. If someone needs veterinary insurance, doesn’t that alone make it a fundamental right? Was this nation not built on equality? It truly shocks me some people can be selfish enough to believe veterinary care is not a right just because it is a product that requires someone else’s labor and skill and not something you were born with or earned yourself. Hopefully enough Americans can overcome their ignorance and realize the benefits and pure necessity of enacting this legislation. Maybe then we as a society can overcome our capitalist lust for profit and live in a utopia where every man, woman, child and animal is covered under universal government care.

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dailygamecock.com THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 2010

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA

Thursday 85°

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Bible’s true meaning debated Homosexuality was focus of Pastafarian-led forum Rebecca Kneisley

Saturday

THE DAILY GAMECOCK

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VOL. 103, NO. 119 ● SINCE 1908

Bone leaves USC Star freshman Kelsey Bone has left the Gamecock program, head coach Dawn Staley announced Wednesday afternoon.

See page 8

The Pastafarian Society at USC hosted a debate on whether the Bible opposes homosexuality in the Russell House Ballroom Wednesday night.

W hat made this debate unique, however, according to Pastafarian Society President and founder Andrew Cederdahl, was that both debaters are practicing Christians.

Collin Cornell, a May 2009 graduate of Columbia International University, argued in the affirmative that the Bible opposed homosexuality. Janet Safford, a fourth-year Greek and Latin student at USC, argued that the Bible was not in opposition to homosexuality.

“We haven’t come here to beat each other down, but to lift God up,” Safford said. “Collin has met with me and prayed with me a few times. Most of the time we’re like-minded.”

Cederdahl, a third-year political science student, said the issue is not just between Christians and secularists.

“The issue of homosexuality is not a dichotomy,” Cederdahl said.

Cornell began the debate with a

Scott Fowler / THE DAILY GAMECOCK

Students gathered on Wednesday to debate if the Bible opposes homosexuality.

20-minute statement demonstrating why he believes the Bible condemns Christianity.

“This is an in-house discussion between Christians,” Cornell said.

He clarified his argument by saying that although homosexuality is an important issue, it is not central to the Christian faith.

“Christianity is about Jesus Christ, not homosexuality,” Cornell said.

Cornell went on to argue his case using the first chapter of Romans and said the apostle Paul’s main point

was not to condemn homosexuality, but rather to condemn man’s sinful cond it ion a s a whole a nd u sed homosexuality as an example of sin in general. Cornell also pointed back to the first chapter of the book of Genesis, arguing that homosexuality is against God’s created order.

Safford supported her argument t h at t he Bible d id not opp o s e homosexuality by focusing on the Old Testament figures David and Jonathan. Safford also made the case that because the word “unnatural” that

Paul used to describe homosexuality also means “unconventional” in the Greek, meaning that homosexuality is regarded by the Bible as merely unconventional and not necessarily wrong.

Despite their disagreements, the two did jointly focus on the importance of love among Christians regarding the issue of homosexuality.

“I would give my life for some of my friends who practice homosexuality,” Cornell said.

Safford said it is sad to see churches splitting over the issue.

“We don’t split over issues of love; we only split over issues of hate,” Safford said. “But love is the bigger issue in the Bible.”

Cederdahl said he wanted t he Pastafarian Society to host a debate about homosexuality because he feels that no other group is giving the issue of homosexuality the fairness it deserves by having two sides equally represented.

“I respect both Janet and Collin for their knowledge,” Cederdahl said. “We could not have found better debaters.”

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Senior honored by annual title Steele finds inspiration in working with impoverished communities

Mix Tape

Josh Dawsey

Pranks are the best part of April Fools’ Day. See which classic pop culture shenanigans have made it to the top of our list of favorites.

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

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Candidate Endorsement Mayoral candidate, Joe Azar, has the proper knowledge of owning a small business that will lead Chelsey Columbia Seidel to a better Second-year economic print journalism future. student

Chad Simmons / THE DAILY GAMECOCK

On Wednesday, Paul Mitchell the School held the Dress for Success seminar in order to teach students the right kinds of clothing to wear when just entering the work force.

Students learn how to dress for success

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Business etiquette required to impress future employers Chelsey Seidel

THE DAILY GAMECOCK

A rou nd 60 st udent s and graduates gathered at Paul Mitchell the School We d ne s d ay e ve n i n g i n The Vista dressed in p r of e s s io n a l at t i r e f o r t he Dress for Success seminar. The seminar was the fi rst of its kind held at Paul Mitchell the School a nd wa s le ad by E m i ly B o u c h e r, n e t w o r k i n g events coordinator for the Student Disability Center at the University of South Carolina.

The Dress for Success prog ra m is desig ned to i nfor m you ng people j u s t e nt er i n g t he work force how to dress appropriately in order to impress future employers and make an outstanding fi rst impression during an interview.

“It really helps students make the transition from t he college world to t he c a reer world,” Boucher said.

The sem inar began with a brief fashion show feat u r i ng t he “do’s a nd don’t s” of profe s s ion a l work at t ire. Models strolled down the runway in Uggs, jean shorts and wrinkled shirts, showing off what not to wear to a job interview or business meeting. Others strutted their stuff in neat skirts or black pants with heels for the ladies and dress shoes for the men.

“We love to be able to sha re t hat how we look is ver y important,” said Scott Bills, director of Paul Mitchell the School . “It’s important to know that we can st ill have individual style, but we have to look good doing it.”

T he s e m i n a r i n v it e d g ue st spea ker Nat ha l ie Gregg , who, along w it h participating in volunteer work for the Chamber of Commerce , also works as

a business consultant for small, startup and nonprofit businesses. She has worked directly with the district’s B o a rd of Tr u s t e e s a nd other community investors to promote com mu n it y, economic and educational development.

Gregg st ressed t he impor t a nce of hav i ng business etiquette in order to gain a competitive edge when entering t he work force. She wanted students to understand how it felt to leave college behind and acclimate oneself to a work environment.

“The number one thing is to be prepared,” Gregg said. “Make sure you have researched your i ndu st r y a nd k now t he culture of the business you are interviewing with. If you have a professiona l presence, you will exude confidence.”

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W hen Jessica Steele enters some of the most impoverished communities in Columbia off of Two Notch Road, Latina women flock to her.

She takes them to their doctor’s appointments, helps them with family issues and spends time with them. Working with impoverished Columbia communities is one activity Steele has led during her time at Carolina. Her efforts were rewarded Wednesday afternoon when she was named USC’s Outstanding Woman of the Year.

“I fi nd winning this honor is a really nice payback to those who have worked with me,” Steele said. “It’s rewarding.”

A round 30 people came to the Gressette Room on the Horseshoe We d n e s d a y a f t e r n o o n a s f i v e candidates for the honor were lauded for their achievements.

The accomplishments of the fi ve fi nalists were long. One fi nalist was Meredith Ross, former SG president STEELE and longtime volunteer with many campus organizations. Another was Taylor Cain, a former Resident Mentor of the Year and current SG vice president.

The final two contenders were Kate Jaffe , copresident of the Feminist Majorit y Leadership Alliance, and a seven-semester Dean’s List recipient Audrey Graft, former president of Carolina Service Council and organizer of the Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service.

“What’s so important to recognize is these women represent different parts of campus. They influence so many students,” said Litsa Orban, a graduate student in women’s student services. “They’ve made all the difference.”

But as Steele hugged her crying mom, the focus was squarely on her.

The fourth-year Hilton Head native wants to spend the rest of her life working with impoverished families. She currently works with the Perinatal Awareness for Successful Outcomes to reach out into Latino communities and the Waverly Center After School Program.

She’s a recipient of the Magellan scholarship and is a member of Phi Beta Kappa and Alpha Lambda Delta. She’ll be studying next year in Argentina as a Fulbright Scholar.

But to Steele, her most important successes are in the community.

“When I get involved in a cause, I just get really invested in it,” she said.

Students like Steele are why the University plans awards ceremonies, Associate Vice President for Student Life Jerry Brewer said.

“These are the kinds of people that make us want to do better and serve more,” Brewer said.

Comments on this story?

E-mail sagcknew@mailbox.sc.edu

SENATE

CARAVAN UNDER REVIEW Senate decides to improve cost, promotion, effectiveness of bus

But the bus, which costs the organization about $55,000 per year to operate, just isn’t picking up students. On a January recent weekend, less than 100 riders were shuttled from one location to another. A nd those numbers are higher than some weekends.

Some have said the University would be better to implement a different system.

Those are problems SG can fix, leaders say, and the system shouldn’t be totally scrapped.

“The system that is in place has the potential to be phenomenal,” Sen. Matt Ungar said.

“There are issues and we can fix those. But nothing tangible is coming anytime soon. It’s not coming next week. You’re not going to see a giant plane flying people to Five Points next week.”

The system could be thrown out, Thompson conceded, but her first goals are to improve the current system and hope ridership increases.

The committee will explore different options and present its findings to the entire Senate.

Josh Dawsey

ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR

L eg i s l at ion t o re - e v a lu at e C o c k y ’s Caravan unanimously passed Student Senate Wednesday night, meaning the program will likely see changes in the upcoming months.

Sen. Katie Thompson , chairwoman of the Safety and Transportation Committee, introduced the resolution saying her committee is excited to find possible remedies to fi x the system.

“We’re going to have more busses running, it’s going to be more widely publicized and it’ll be more cost-effective,” Thompson said. “It’s already a great system, but has a few flaws we can fix.”

The bus, which carries students from locations in Five Points and the Congaree Vista to on-campus housing locales on the weekends, was designed to prevent drunk driving and late-night walks back to campus.

SUNDAY

Comments on this story?

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MONDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

April 4

25 cent Wing Night

$1.00 Taco Night

$1.00 Taco Night

25 cent Wing Night

18

19 $1.00 Taco Night

25 cent Wing Night

25

26 $1.00 Taco Night

7

Bluegrass Wednesday with Total Denial

12

11

25 cent Wing Night

5

1

Open mic night with Mike Mahoney & John Scolon

Open mic night 8 with Mike Mahoney & Greg Natural Mystic Bates

14 Open mic night 15

Bluegrass Wednesday with 5 Star

Bluegrass Wednesday with Slap Wore Out

with Mike Mahoney & Jenn McCallister

21

28

Bluegrass Wednesday with Total Denial

FRIDAY SATURDAY

Frank Smoak, Jack McGregor and Joe Sligh

22

Open mic night with John English

29 The Dubber’s CD Release Party

J’Ouvert Steel Drum Band Coolie G & Lion Soul Reggae Band

2

3

Devils In Disguise

9

10 West of the River

16

17

Rev. Marv Ward & Congaree

24

23 Jackaroe

30

MMaayy 1

Crawfish Festival - 10 bands on Utopia’s stage

Daily Dinner Specials • 406 Howard St. off Rosewood Dr.

PAGE 4

THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 2010

Committees let students voice issues

EDITORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chief

AMANDA DAVIS Managing Editor

CALLI BURNETT Viewpoints Editor

MARILYNN JOYNER

Yazdani adminstration hopeful to open SG to more participation

Assistant Copy Desk Chief

MICHAEL LAMBERT Assistant Viewpoints Editor

RYAN QUINN

Assistant News Editor

Assistant Sports Editor

JONATHAN BATTAGLIA

JAMES KRATCH

Congress bill ideas better off with EPA So what’s the problem with the EPA that Congress can fix? Sen. Lindsey Graham said earlier this week that he wants to promote a bill that will regulate carbon better than those proposed by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency.

But isn’t the EPA’s job to regulate greenhouse gases?

The EPA prevents env ironmental crises and holds laboratories and research centers responsible in order to protect human health and the natural environment. So what is Congress going to do that is so much better than the EPA would?

Gra ha m bel ieves t hat c a rbon is produced by [Graham] states anybody and all t hose he knows a way to around are effected. Yes, he is right, but he also states he regulate this carbon, knows a way to regulate this carbon, just as long as it’s not by the EPA. just as long as it’s regulated OK, Graham, what is your way of regulation? Do you not ... by the EPA. have a plan? So far he plans for t he bil l to requ ire oil companies to pay a fee with the amount of carbon they produce, while those fees go to low-income people. Or perhaps will it go to the government?

Also, the bill would allow offshore drilling and ask to enhance nuclear and alternative energy. Graham wants to steer away from getting all oil from the Middle East, so as an alternative, this bill would allow us to go out and fi nd our own oil.

OK, yes, it’s good for us to start fi nding our own oil since right now the Middle East is so unstable. So Graham has some good ideas, but allowing the government to take over the EPA, when the EPA probably knows a lot more than Congress does, is just ridiculous.

COLUMNIST ENDORSEMENT

Small businesses key to economy Azar’s knowledge, promotion of local commerce beneficial to city Joe Azar knows what it is like to sit at the Russell House help desk, making minimum wage in order to pay his way through school.

“I wish I couldn’t relate, but I know what it is like to be working at the Russell House on Friday night, date night.”

Azar, lifetime resident of Columbia and graduate of USC, knows the city like the back of his hand. He opened a bicycle shop, The Cyclist, in 1970 on Sumter Street and Upstairs Audio & Video in 1972. He claims he can ride a bike faster than any of the other candidates. “I’m the strongest in the group; I’ve been working out,” said Azar jokingly.

He worked at The Daily Gamecock in advertising, and his job was to lay out Flea Market ads in the newspaper. Although he can keep an audience entertained and doubled over with laughter, Azar’s true qualities lie within his ability to understand small business and the importance and impact the University has on the city.

“I’ve started a business with $150 and a toolbox; I know what a small business needs,” said Azar. Small business encompasses a crucial portion of America’s economy, and Azar understands the details, as well as the risks, dealing with entrepreneurship.

Sm a l l bu si ne s se s help br i ng a lot of employment to the city of Columbia.

Azar explained that when someone starts a business, it creates jobs in marketing and sales and puts Columbia on national

businesses’ radar. Larger businesses will hire employees from the small businesses, which opens up positions and allows fresh graduates in Columbia to be hired.

Joe Azar understands that the colleges in and surrounding Columbia play a big part in the economy here and is a large supporter of internships with small businesses. “Local businesses can hire college students on a part-time basis to help them get both feet in the door,” said Azar.

He also suggested that companies could hire professors to go out, conduct real research and then bring their new knowledge back to the classroom. He stressed that the classroom and real world experience should go hand in hand. Many times students who have internships walk into the classroom and must Chelsey Seidel “unlearn” what they already Second-year know because, often times, print the classroom is six months journalism behind what they have already student learned from the real world.

Joe Azar understands the gritty side of hard work and the frustration many college students and recent graduates often face. His main goal is to improve the job market through bringing back small business. As a small business owner himself, he is the most qualified candidate for the position. “I made my own job after college, but I had friends who went back to school, too,” said Azar. “I want people to love being here.”

Drive to succeed dreams overcomes excuses Mayoral candidate Aaron Johnson trumps average person’s reluctance to achieve goals, maintains optimism The world has a nasty habit of shaking you awake when you begin to look at the clouds, daydreaming about the things you want to do in your life.

In kindergarten everybody was supposed to have a shot at being the next president, going to the Major Leagues or starting the fi rst moon colony.

It’s funny how the Oval Office fades from our mind’s eye, the Big Leagues slip away from our outstretched glove and the moon looks way too far away to start a colony on it.

Over time, that fearless optimism that even the most grandiose of aspirations can be attained seems to wash away with the sands of time and is replaced by cynicism and reluctance to act.

I myself am such a person who hesitates to act on such aspirations.

I used to want to play in a band and tour the world, living out of a van and scraping quarters out

of the bottom of my backpack to eat.

That was before people started telling me that wasn’t the correct way to do things and that I needed to rethink what I was doing with my life.

So I went to college like most others my age did, and now I’m right back where I was five years ago: still trying to make music, still trying to see the world, although probably with more than just quarters to exist off of.

Michael A n example of someone who Wunderlich never let the plague of skepticism Third-year get to him is Aaron Johnson. broadcast A graduate of South Carolina, journalism Aaron opened his own business, student Pret t y Pen ny Product ions and Penelope Design in the heart of Five Points soon after he was out of college.

The man is literally living the American dream; he grew up, got his degree and decided to do something he wanted to do, not what someone told him he should do — and he’s having a blast doing it.

But Aaron isn’t just a small business owner in Columbia who goes about his day-to-day activities

About The Daily Gamecock

IT’S YOUR RIGHT The goal of The Daily Gamecock’s Viewpoints page is to stimulate discussion in the University of South Ca r o l i n a c o m m u n i t y. A ll p u b l i s h e d authors are expected to provide logical arguments to back their views.

The Daily Gamecock encourages readers to voice opinions and offers three methods of expression: letters to the editor, guest columns and feedback on dailygamecock.com.

Letters and guest columns should be submitted via e-mail to gamecockeditor@ sc.edu. Letters must be 200 to 300 words in length and include the author’s name,

year in school and area of study.

We also invite student leaders and USC faculty members to submit guest c o l u m n s . C o l u m n i s t s s h o u l d ke e p submissions to about 50 0 words in length and include the author’s name and position. Guest columns are limited to three per author per semester.

The editor reserves the right to edit and condense submissions for length and clarity, or not publish at all.

All submissions become the property of The Daily Gamecock and must conform to the legal standards of USC Student Media.

CORRECTIONS If you find an error in today’s edition of The Daily Gamecock, let us know about it. E-mail sagckvew@mailbox.sc.edu and we will print the correction in our next issue.

like any other wage slave.

Aaron is running this year to be the next mayor of Columbia. You didn’t misread anything.

W hile he’s not a candidate from the most t rad it iona l pol it ic a l back g rou nd, A a ron’s conducted a campaig n against ot her more experienced opponents and gained a considerable following around town.

At a protest he organized this past weekend at the Statehouse, around 300 people showed up as he spoke out against the Confederate flag on Capitol grounds.

While I was standing there listening to his speech, a friend of mine remarked to me that this is a guy who just had an idea and decided to do it.

That’s when it hit me. We still can do whatever we want to do. We can even run for political office without having any type of “necessary experience.”

The reluctance and hesitance to act on our dreams only hinder us from becoming what we truly wish we could be and do what we truly wish we could do.

There’s no better time than now to start doing what you’ve always wanted, even if it means starting a moon colony.

As you may’ve read in the Gamecock Wednesday, SG President Ebbie Yazda n i is setting up committees to tack le our st udent body’s myriad issues.

In addition to the Yazdani administration, 22 three-tofive-person committees will be researching some of USC’s mo st n agg i ng problem s , from bike rack shortage to fi nding ways advisement less awkward and annoying. For all the budget hawks out there, they won’t be paid, they can’t vote and they sit in cabinet meetings. Their sole joie de vivre is to research issues and come up with workable solutions that could be enacted this time around.

Yazdani said in an interview with assistant news editor Josh Dawsey that the idea behind the committees is to “have extra resources to gather research and have more ma npower to help out in t he Ca rol i n a community ... when we have more people on t he tea m, we can get more Austin t hings done.”

Jackson Second-year This is the very political reason he ran science for office: to get student more people to use their voices to make improvements.

T ho s e w ho r e ad lo c a l p ol it ic s k now e ver y SG candidate assailed SG for not reaching out to the student body. Yazdani campaigned on a platform to “empower students,” especially after the apathy hurled at Andrew Gaeckle’s administration and the perceived inaction out of Meredith Ross’. I’ve no ill will against them, but most could’ve cared less about either.

While I’m not a spiritual existentialist, I’m one when it c o me s t o p ol it ic s . I n high school, I met students dissatisfied with the social life of the student body, and I’d say high school is what you make of it. The same principle applies here, except unlike high school, President Pastides doesn’t believe everything SG does to promote social life can inhibit the academic process.

As a student no longer in a student government, Yazdani’s committees are definitely a good down payment on the increased student outreach promised to us by nearly every candidate this time around.

Hopefully this re-invigoration of SG will get it and make SG relevant to more people than its members, Greek students and opinionated polit ical science majors like me.

CONTACT INFORMATION Editor-in-Chief AMANDA DAVIS Managing Editor CALLI BURNETT Copy Desk Chief SAMANTHA EDWARDS Assistant Copy Desk Chief MICHAEL LAMBERT Design Director MEGAN HILBERT Assistant Design Director BRIAN DRESDOW News Editor KARA APEL Assistant News Editors JONATHAN BATTAGLIA JOSH DAWSEY Viewpoints Editor MARILYNN JOYNER Assistant Viewpoints Editor RYAN QUINN The Mix Editor JIMMY GILMORE Assistant Mix Editor KELSEY PACER Sports Editor CHRIS COX

Assistant Sports Editor JAMES KRATCH Photo Editor KERI GOFF Assistant Photo Editor SCOTT FOWLER Multimedia Director GEOFFREY MARSI Page Designers BRENNAN WARE, KRISTYN WINCH, CHRIS BROWN Staff Writers SARA HARTLEY, CHRIS BILKO, DEREK LEGGETTE, TAYLOR CHENEY, NEIL HUGHES, COLIN CAMPBELL, RYAN VELASQUEZ, Copy Editors PAULINA BERKOVICH, SARAH NELSON, KRISTYN SANITO, CASSIE STANTON, LINDSAY WOLFE, LINA ROTMAN, KENNY DORIAN Photographers DAVID WALTERS, JEREMY AARON Public Relations Director JESSICA SCANLON Graduate Assistant

COURTNEY GRAHAM Student Media Director SCOTT LINDENBERG Faculty Adviser ERIK COLLINS Creative Director EDGAR SANTANA Business Manager CAROLYN GRIFFIN Advertising Manager SARAH SCARBOROUGH Classifieds Manager SHERRY F. HOLMES Production Manager C. NEIL SCOTT Creative Services DEMETRIOUS COOPER, KELLIE DUFF, LIZ HOWELL, MADDIE MCDOWELL, KAILEY WARING Advertising JULIE CANTER, HANNAH COOK, CARLY GALLAGHER, NATALIE HICKS, PHILIP KISELICK, QUINCY ROBINSON, LAUREN SPIRES, MEGHAN TANKERSLEY JUSTIN WILT

Offices located on the third floor of the Russell House Editor: gamecockeditor@sc.edu News: sagcknew@mailbox.sc.edu Viewpoints: sagckvew@mailbox.sc.edu The Mix: sagcketc@mailbox.sc.edu Sports: sagckspt@mailbox.sc.edu Online: www.dailygamecock.com Newsroom: 777-7726 Sports: 777-7182 Editor’s Office: 777-3914 Fax: 777-6482 The Daily Gamecock is the editorially independent student newspaper of the University of South Carolina. It is published daily during the fall and spring semesters and nine times during the summer with the exception of university holidays and exam periods. Opinions expressed in The Daily Gamecock are those of the editors or author and not those of the University of South Carolina.

The Board of Student Publications and Communications is the publisher of The Daily Gamecock. The Department of Student Media is the newspaper’s parent organization. The Daily Gamecock is supported in part by student-activity fees. One free copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $1 each from the Department of Student Media.

“The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like and do what you’d rather not.”

— Mark Twain THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 2010

PAGE 5

5 April Fools’ pranks we’re obsessing about this E P A T X I M week

FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF

Courtesy of leavemethewhite.com

In the vast history of film comedy, there may be no more perfectly articulated prank, escalated over and over during the course of 90 minutes, than Ferris Bueller’s bold stand against the establishment of high school.

There’s a reason why John Hughes’ arguably best film still retains its status as “necessary viewing” for all teens — it’s the ultimate fantasy of a guy who can get away with anything. Tricking his parents, his principal and seemingly the entire city of Chicago in the process into thinking he’s suffering from deathly sickness, Matthew Broderick instills in Ferris the charm and the wit to make him a hero anyone can root for. Pranksters take note.

Jimmy Gilmore and Kelsey Pacer

THE MIX EDITOR AND THE ASSISTANT MIX EDITOR

ARRESTED

DEVELOPMENT

Courtesy of ncjl.wordpress.com

Specifically, we’re thinking of the episode “Making a Stand” from midway through the comedy’s third season. Michael (Jason Bateman) and Gob (Will Arnett), tired of their father (Jeffrey Tambor) always trying to turn them against each other, decide to fight back. They stage a plan to make their dad think he’s been kidnapped to a South American jungle, but complications involving a one-armed man their father once hired to teach them life lessons and their younger brother’s unknown involvement send this prank in bizarre directions. As usual, the actors and writers keep the jokes fast and furious.

A ny discussion of great pranks wouldn’t be complete without a descent into the juven ile. I n “Du mb & Dumber,” Lloyd (Jim Carrey) wants to seek revenge on Harry ( Jeff Daniels) when the latter sets up a date with Lloyd’s crush. The revenge comes in the form of laxative.

Ton s of it . A f ter H a r r y u n k now i ngly consu mes it in his coffee, he wrecks havoc on the toilet bowl in what can only be described as st u n n ingly excessive flatulence. The kicker? The toilet’s broken and won’t flush. Poop jokes don’t get any better.

THE OFFICE

Take your pick. Though the series has regrettably backed off its trend of ever-escalating pranks, the first few seasons had Jim ( John Krasinski) in stunning form against his work nemesis Dwight (Rainn Wilson). From Jim sending Dwight faxes to himself from the future, moving his entire desk into the bathroom or paying everyone $5 to call Dwight “Dwayne” all day, some of the best moments in NBC’s workplace comedy have been in a prankish spirit. Really, what could be better than convincing a co-worker the CIA wants him or her for a secret mission?

Courtesy of pinklaceandpearls.wordpress.com

PRA

NK

W AR

Courtesy of facm1.static.flickr.com

DUMB

AND

DUMBER

Courtesy of ketafocums.com

OK, so it doesn’t quite fit with the movies and television pranks above, but any compiler of great pranks would be foolish not to include College Humor’s diabolic, borderline insane war between staffers Streeter and Amir. While it started out as innocently as setting one up on a date with a non-existent person and an embarrassing audition tape for a non-existent show that was then played for the entire office, the war has spun out of control over the time it’s been going on.

From Amir convincing Streeter’s then-girlfriend he was proposing to her at a Yankees game to Streeter retaliating by convincing Amir he’d made a $500,000 shot at the halftime of a Maryland basketball game, these pranks are almost frighteningly mean-spirited, but nevertheless brilliant.

Comments on this story?

E-mail sagcketc@sc.edu

‘Fringe’ breaks away from TV clichés Sci-fi series returns for new episode, answers major questions, dives into characters’ lives Katie Crocker

THE DAILY GAMECOCK

The hit sci-fi show “Fringe” returns tonight on Fox with an explosive new episode titled “Peter.” When we last left the team, Olivia (Anna Trov) had been forced to face her rather traumatic past in order to save hundreds of people from certain death due to a rip in between our world and the aptly named “other world,” an alternate dimension. Luckily, no one died, though the show didn’t stop there. The episode ended with Olivia seeing a “glimmer” around Peter (Joshua Jackson), indicating he was from the other world, and Walter (John Noble) begging her not to tell him.

Similarly, the new episode opens with a younger Walter consulting the army on some new technology he’s been able to recreate, and a modern-day cell phone is shown. The scene switches to the top of the building, where we are introduced to his young lab assistant, whose death had him locked away, and a window that shows an alternate world, though identical in appearance to theirs.

A new opening plays, and the show really begins in the present. Walter appears at Olivia’s with a large, covered package and begins to tell her the whole history of Peter. The new episode is a series of flashbacks, working to weave in a series of new and familiar faces, like a young Nina Sharp (Blair Brown), the bald-headed men known only as the Observers, mentions of the mysterious William Bell (Leonard Nimoy) and the introduction of Walter’s wife. While the episode focused on retelling the history behind the show’s story, it enabled the usual characters to continue to gain more depth, such as Walter’s ethics and the true motives of Bell and Sharp’s hinted close ties with Walter. The new characters develop distinct personalities, even with their small amount of screen time, that give them room to become more dynamic as the season continues.

The ending neatly ties some loose ends with some major questions answered: why does “other world” Peter live in this world, who is Walter’s wife and how did the pattern begin? Yet, as with any good series, an opening episode only generates more intrigue. Heavily implied is that Peter has some greater purpose, though it’s anyone’s guess as to what that could mean. Look out for more the-world-hangs-on-a-balance clichés that seem to follow the show throughout its two-season run.

Now that two major plot points have been resolved — Olivia’s new powers and Peter’s past revealed — the season has many chances for further growth. “Fringe” has broken through the cliché many other shows fall into, with the same repetition like a well-formulated plan. “Fringe” instead has the unique ability to make pseudo-scientific theories possible because of the hint of plausibility that remains in them, as well as the ability to tie in individual cases to the main characters, driving forward the plot and intrigue without having to go over the top with too many single-character-centered episodes.

Season three should hold only more surprises as the pattern continues to wreak havoc on the world, not to mention what the Observers’ are watching for and if a new door is to be opened to the “other world.”

Comments on this story?

E-mail sagcketc@sc.edu

Courtesy of FOX

Abrams’ “Fringe” airs Thursday nights at 9 p.m. on FOX.

PALIN NABS FOX SERIES Former Alaskan governor hosts new political reality show Matea Gold MCT Campus

N EW YOR K — Sarah Palin’s media domination continues this week with t h e d e b u t T hu r s d a y o f “Real A merican Stories,” a new series on Fox News hosted by the former Alaska governor about people with “real-life tales of overcoming adversity.”

T he f i r st i nst a l l ment , which airs Thursday at 7 p.m. Pacific time in place of “On the Record With Greta Van Susteren,” will feature s t o r ie s ab o ut a M a r i ne who died to save his fellow soldiers and a stock broker

who helps underprivileged students pay for college. The series is part of the deal Palin struck in January to join the net work as a contributor.

The extent of her role on the program is unclear, but she interviewed people in studio for some of the segments.

T he prem iere episode also boasts an eclectic trio of celebrity guests. Country music star Toby Keith will discuss his song “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue ( The A ng r y A merican),” while rapper LL Cool J and for mer G eneral Elect ric Chief Executive Jack Welch will discuss their professional successes in a segment called “In Their Own Words.”

“Real American Stories” will re-air April 4 at 6 p.m.

Pacific. The network has not yet announced the date for a second episode.

T he Fox Ne w s s e r ie s comes on t he heels of Palin signing a deal with Discovery Communications to star in a documentar y series about Alaska that will air later this year on TLC. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” the show’s working title, is being produced by A-list reality TV producer Mark Burnett.

Meanwhile, Levi Johnston, t he for mer boy f r iend of Palin’s daughter Bristol, is also hoping to get into the act ion. He’s pitching his own testosterone-charged reality show about his life in Alaska. “If I could wave my magic wand, I would want it to premiere at the exact same hour, minute and second as Sarah Palin’s does,” Stuart K r a s now, t he e xe c ut i ve producer of Johnston’s series, told The Washington Post.

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THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 2010

PAGE 7

Inside the Box ● By Marlowe Leverette / The Daily Gamecock

Calendar of Events What: Paint the Campus Purple

Week

When: 10 a.m.

Where: Greene Street What: Garnet Circle recruitment When: 10 a.m.

Where: Russell House, Room 201 What: Truth information table When: 11 a.m.

Where: Greene Street What: Colon Cancer Awareness

Education session When: Noon Where: RH, Room 205

What: Clothing Columbia interest

meeting

SPORTS SCHEDULE Men’s Tennis

Kentucky Friday 2 p.m.

Columbia, S.C. Mississippi State Friday 7 p.m.

Columbia, S.C.

What: Social Work Forum When: 6:30 p.m.

Where: RH, Room 302

ROMEO & JULIET 10 a.m. and 7:30 p.m., $6 matinee, $11-$26 evening Koger Center for the Arts, 1051 Greene St.

The Scene TODAY THE LAST FIVE YEARS 7:30 p.m., $25 Trustus Theatre, 520 Lady St.

MR. GNOME 8 p.m. doors, $5 over 21/$8 under 21

PhD ● By Jorge Chan

What: Evangelism Mandate When: 7:30 p.m.

Where: RH, Room 205

Baseball

When: 1 p.m.

Where: RH, Room 203

Whiteboard ● By Bobby Sutton / The Daily Gamecock

What: VOX meeting When: 7 p.m.

Where: RH, Room 348

New Brookland Tavern, 122 State St. THE LAST STATION 5:30 and 8 p.m., $6 matinee, $6.50 evening Nickelodeon Theatre, 937 Main St.

TOMORROW FREE PLANET RADIO 7 p.m., $5 advance, $7 day of show Columbia Museum of Art, 1515 Main St. THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN IN AMERICA: DANIEL ELLSBERG AND THE PENTAGON PAPERS 3, 6 and 8 p.m., $6 matinee, $6.50 evening Nickelodeon Theatre, 937 Main St. DAVID GARZA W/ GABE LOPEZ OF S-TRIBE 6 p.m., $12 advance, $15 day of show The White Mule, 1530 Main St.

04/01/10

HOROSCOPES

1234567890-=

ARIES Pretend you’re in charge of the world. Everyone else acts that way today, so you may as well, too. Use your creativity for practical results.

TAURUS Keep your eye on the prize. Visionary ideas feed into your practical assessment of sit uat ions.

A n older person supplies necessary logic.

GEMINI All good ideas today come f rom act ions behind the scenes. Channel everyone’s thoughts into one logical plan.

C A NCER Prepare to change your mind in a big way today. Opportunities come from several directions. Don’t try them all. Choose carefully.

LEO Early indications suggest grabbing opportunities and making adjustments later. The initial ideas are strong, but they benefit from a dose of logic.

SAGIT TA RIUS

Circumstances put a wrinkle in your plan. Gather the team to consider practical options.

Solutions may come from an unexpected source.

VIRGO Make time for sympathetic communication.

By helping others resolve their issues, you put your own troubles in perspective and boost your self-esteem.

C A PR ICOR N You get the results you deserve.

Hopefully, this means today’s opportunities fall into place to produce a satisfying result.

a lot of mental work yesterday becomes a balanced plan today. Two people agree with your assessments and move forward wholeheartedly.

or vag ue. To clarif y your posit ion, u se prac t ica l language and follow the logic.

Put it in context.

work involves direct contact with others today. The impact is a heartfelt, private matter.

plan; you feel left behind. As you struggle to catch up, you realize they’re waiting for you.

AQUARIUS Somehow LIBRA What seemed like responsibilities seem distant

PISCES Your favorite SCORPIO Most of your person embarks on a new

04/01/10

Solution from 03/31/10

ACROSS 1 NYPD alerts 5 Disdainful upperclassman?

9 Greeting often requiring lip-reading 14 Jacob’s first wife 15 Numerical prefix 16 Hersey’s bell town 17 Doing what’s just not done 19 Sank in a cup 20 Citi Field NLer 21 Crunch targets 23 26-Across supply 24 Cupid’s master?

26 Place where liquor flows freely?

29 You can’t go back from it 32 Museum pieces 33 Paid player 34 Elastic wood 35 Not for neatniks 38 Sphere 40 March honoree, briefly 44 Many a lap dog 46 Stereo jack letters 48 Fish story 49 Early 55 Way back when 56 Vincent’s successor as baseball commissioner 57 Dickens pen name 58 Tattoo site 60 Part of MO 62 Tennyson work 65 Subbing, and taxpayer’s responsibility vis-à-vis the ends of 17-, 29and 49-Across 68 Where Hercules slew a lion 69 Former VOA overseer 70 Spicy Spanish stew 71 “Awake and Sing!” playwright 72 Crash site investigator: Abbr.

73 Little shaver DOWN 1 Three-time ’60s-’70s

heavyweight champ 2 Quakers of the Ivy League 3 Watches for money 4 Medicine man 5 Convertible type 6 Cpl. or sgt.

7 __ vez: again, to Alonso 8 Shoots in a forest?

9 “Gotcha!”

10 Marriage agreement 11 Pricey Southern California beachfront city 12 Like some garages 13 Contemporary 18 Unwelcome impression 22 Agile 25 High style 27 Wide shoe markings 28 Cereal box abbr.

29 Dawber who played Mindy 30 Miner’s matter 31 Benchmarks 36 Unaccompanied 37 “Ready are you?

Solution for 03/31/10

What know you of ready?” speaker 39 Popular pens 41 Thug 42 Affect adversely 43 Links launching point 45 Tranquil discipline 47 Site of many a student experiment 49 Lacking pigment 50 Like some

sweatshirts 51 Digestion aid 52 On a lark 53 “The Time Machine” race 54 Terse childish denial 59 Niagara Falls feature 61 Epitome of smoothness 63 Certain do-over 64 Scale syllables 66 Fleur-de-__ 67 Scottish refusal

PAGE 8

Bone abruptly departs USC program Staley blindsided by freshman’s decision to leave team after just one season playing in Columbia James Kratch

ASSISTANT SPORTS EDITOR

Chris Keohane / THE DAILY GAMECOCK

USC freshman center Kelsey Bone shoots a free throw during the 2009-2010 campaign. Bone, named the SEC’s Newcomer of the Year, leaves USC after just one season.

Kelsey Bone will leave the South Carolina women’s b a s k et b a l l prog r a m , it w a s abr upt l y a n nou nc e d Wednesday.

“It’s a blow,” coach Dawn Staley said.

Bone, who was the No. 2 ranked recruit in the nation when she signed with South Carolina last spring, had a successful rookie campaign, averaging 14 points and 9.2 rebounds a game to be named to the All-SEC second team by both the league coaches and the Associated Press.

All signs pointed to her being a key player for years to come in the Gamecock frontcourt, but that will not be the case.

“It’s been about a two-week period where she was deciding what she wanted to do and where she wanted to continue her career,” Staley said.

When asked for specifics as to why Bone has decided to transfer, Staley declined to elaborate.

Attempts to reach Bone by The Daily Gamecock sports editors were unsuccessful.

“The only thing I can say is, she feels like another school is where she would kind of best fit in to continue her career as a basketball player and as a student athlete,” Staley said.

With the remaining members of the team standing behind her in a show of solidarity, Staley stressed that the team and the USC program had to keep moving forward.

“For the players that are standing behind me, we’ve got to keep moving forward,” Staley said. “Of course we’re going to be disappointed today, but we’ve got a lot of work cut out for us.”

The general tone after the announcement was one of shock and surprise. Staley said several times that she did not see the decision from Bone coming at all, and that there was nothing that occurred during the season that gave her indication Bone wasn’t happy at USC. Bone’s arrival at USC was much ballyhooed because of its rather historic nature. With the national recruiting battle that included many elite programs to sign her, Bone’s decision to sign with the Gamecocks was seen as a watershed moment for Carolina athletics and a major coup in Staley’s attempt to build the program.

“It’s a blow. Of course it’s a blow, because she decided to do something different last year about this time. I thought she had a pretty decent season for us,” Staley said. “She made a big impact for our program and we were looking for her to do bigger things in the future. She thought otherwise.”

As per NCA A regulations USC will have a major say in what program and university Bone will jump to, as coaches have to agree to let a player talk to another program. No potential landing spots for the Sugar Lake, Texas native are known at this time, but at least 11 schools will not be able to get her services.

“We will not release her to the SEC; you can mark my word on that one,” Staley said. “We’re just going to go program by program. Whatever school she brings, we’re just going to deal with that at the time.”

Whatever may come, Staley is confident that her team and program can weather the unexpected storm.

“We’re all resilient. I don’t think you’re going to meet a more resilient person than (her). I think I’ve had some very good days in basketball that will outweigh this particular moment and I just got to draw on those good days; hope that we’ll see them a lot sooner after this.”

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Norwood, others compete in Pro Day Gamecocks display skills for NFL Scouts prior to draft Chris Bilko

STAFF WRITER

It has been 12 and a half weeks since Norwood has last played in a game, yet he has been plenty busy. As the top NFL prospect coming out of USC this year, Norwood has had a whirlwind t wo months, which included a v isit to t he N FL Combine in Indianapolis and USC’s annual Pro Timing Day at WilliamsBrice Stadium on Wednesday.

Now t hat Nor wood is done working out, he has a lot of time on his hands until the draft on April 22. “‘Law and Order,’ ‘The First 48,’ that’s all I watch most of the day,” Nor wood said. “I’m just ready for it, ready for it to all be over with and fi nd out where I’m

going and start playing football.”

Norwood, who only participated in the weightlifting and position drills, was one of eight for mer USC players to work out for scout s. Cl if ton Geathers , Moe Brown , Garrett A nderson , Lemuel Jeanpierre , Darian Stewart , Gerrod Sinclair and Marvin Sapp were the others that made it back to the Midlands to display their talents for scouts representing 28 of the 32 NFL franchises.

“I think I did well out here,” Nor wood sa id. “I k nocked a couple balls away, but other than t hat I t hink t he drills looked fi ne.”

According to what Norwood has been hearing, he claims that he should be a late fi rst or early second round pick in the draft.

His versatility has caught the eye of one NFL team in particular, the Pittsburgh Steelers, to whom he is flying to visit Wednesday. “ I c a n p l a y i n a n y t h i n g,”

Kara Roache / THE DAILY GAMECOCK

Linebacker Eric Norwood prior to USC’s game against NC State.

Norwood said. “3-4 or 4-3, inside or out. It’s just a matter of what style of defense it is, whether it is an attacking defense of more

of a conservative style. I’m more of an aggressive type player. The coaches I’ve played for have been more aggressive. Coach Johnson told me two years ago that the switch to linebacker would help me become more versatile.”

Geathers, who also participated i n t h e N F L C o m b i n e w it h Nor wood a nd Stewar t, is c on f ide nt h i s workout s w i l l result in getting drafted higher t h a n a nt ic ip at e d . T h e o n l y underclassman who declared for the draft out of USC this year has also been seeing some NFL teams, including the Steelers and Rams.

“I thought I could have done better on some drills, but it’s over with and behind me,” Geathers sa id. “I went f rom hopef u l ly being a late round pick to being a third-round pick maybe. I’ve been trying my best, doing what t he coaches ask me to do and being myself.”

The other players who worked

out for scouts are just hoping to make an impact and to keep playing more football.

“Overall, my goal is to just get on a team,” A nderson said. “I want to have the opportunity to play at the next level. It’s every kid’s dream. I’m hoping that it works out for me.”

Cer t a i n ly, ner ves were not a factor for the players as they au d it io n e d f o r t h e i r f u t u r e careers.

“I’ve been feeling excitement and adrenaline for the last couple of d ay s le ad i n g up to t h i s ,” Jea npier re sa id. “I def i n itely want to be playing somewhere nex t year. I’ve always been a competitive type person. I can’t be a person that just sits down. I have to be working and active.”

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RAZICK EXCELS IN FIRST YEAR WITH TRACK, FIELD Walk-on makes early impact, strides with South Carolina Ryan Velasquez STAFF WRITER

For many, competing in college athletics is a dream that’s imagined early in life. It’s something that generally requires years of training, hard work and experience i n order to be ef fec t ively prepa red.

Apparently, somebody forgot to explain this to Robert Razick .

Razick, a redshirt freshman on the men’s track team , enters the outdoor season as

one of the highest-touted members of the team’s middle distance group in just his third year of competitive running. What is now an everyday practice began as nothing more than an attempt to exercise more often.

“I was a junior in high school and I felt like I was a little bigger than I’d like to be, so I decided that I was going to get in shape,” Razick said. “I started jogging a little bit around my neighborhood, maybe a mile or two about three or four times a week. As I kept doing that, I really just fell in love with it and that’s how it all got started.”

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A f t er c o mp e t i n g f or Wilson High School as a senior and recording a personal best of 4 minutes, 45 seconds in the mile, the Florence native decided to go through the process of walking onto the USC team.

“I e-ma iled [d ist a nce RAZICK coach] Stan Rosenthal and told him I was interested.

W hen I met w it h h im to t u r n in my resumé, the fi rst thing he told me was that I was very slow,” Razick said. “I told him that I knew I was slow, but that I felt like I could get faster if I had enough coaching and put in enough work.”

A year a nd a half later, R azick has shaved his mile time down to 4:16 and is in posit ion to make a serious push towa rd scor i ng i n t he SEC O utdoor Championships.

“We’re all very excited about him. He’s really worked hard,” Rosenthal said. “Last year, he wasn’t working really hard and was actually on the verge of not being back on the team. He’s really turned his training habits around and I couldn’t be more pleased with him.”

Despite having such little experience, Rosenthal isn’t shocked at the progress Razick’s made in his time at Carolina.

“The great thing about being a distance runner is that you can make up for not

being the most talented athlete with really hard work, not that he doesn’t have talent,” Rosenthal said. “He’ll go out and push himself on his distance days, and then he’ll work hard on his hard interval days on the track. He’s a good example of what happens when you work really hard.”

Compet i ng for one of t he nat ion’s best programs in one of the nation’s best conferences, Razick has litt le t rouble fi nding motivation to keep improving.

“There’s not hing like t he SEC. It’s pret t y craz y,” Razick said. “It’s great looking around and seeing guys that are All-Americans and national champions, and it’s motivating seeing all the hard work that gets put into this program with the great coaching and the great athletes.

It’s an experience like no other and I’ve defi nitely enjoyed it so far.”

With a strong indoor season behind him, Razick hopes to continue improving and do what is needed to reach his season goal.

“My goal is to score points in the SEC Championship, which usually takes a 3:50 in the 1500-meter and translates to about 4:08 in the mile,” Razick said. “Hopefully, with some more hard work and training, I can reach that.”

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March 29 - April 2 Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. Week Members will be holding events for their founderâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s week.

Thursday: Cookout behind McBride G from 6-8 pm

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Saturday, April 10 Lambda Chi Alpha Spaghetti Dinner Location/Time: Lambda Chi Alpha House 4-8pm, $5 tickets, Proceeds go to SC Friends of Juvenile Justice Alpha Epsilon Piâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Chartering

April 2 - 10 â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘

Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc. Week Fri., April 2: Neophyte Presentation: RH Ballroom 7-9 pm Sat., April 3: Easter egg hunt for local elementary school students: Davis Field, 12-2 pm Mon., April 5: Kappa Alpha Psi & Alpha Kappa Alpha Fashion Show: RH Ballroom, 8 pm Tues., April 6: Terrell G. Johnson Talent Show: Capstone Ballroom, 7 pm Wed., April 7: Ladies Appreciation: South Quad Multipurpose Room, 7-9 pm Thurs., April 8: Nupes Nite Out Fri., April 9: Krimson & Kreme Showers: Club Dream, 9 pm Sat., April 10: Projekt Kool BreeZE; Woodlands Pool, 2-5 pm

April 5 Zeta Tau Alpha Crown Classic Golf Tournament with all proceeds going to breast cancer research.

April 6 Alpha Delta Pi - Pi Society Professor Appreciation Scholarship Banquet

April 7 Chi Omega War of the Wings All proceeds go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation of S.C. $5 all you can eat if you are not on a team. RH Ballroom 6-8 pm

Sunday, April 11 â&#x20AC;˘ Delta Zetaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Turtle Tug Location/Time: Strom Field @ 2 p.m.

All proceeds will go toward Painted Turtle Camps. â&#x20AC;˘ Alpha Chi Omegaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s â&#x20AC;&#x153;Make Leighâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cure Happenâ&#x20AC;?

Silent Auction Location/Time: Jillianâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, 6:30-10:30 p.m.

Auction proceeds go to an Alpha Chi Omega sister battling Lymphoma.

Friday, April 16 Alpha Chi Omegaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Volley Against Violence Location/Time: Strom outdoor volleyball courts, 2 p.m. Proceeds go to Sistercare, a local battered womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s shelter.

April 12-16 Senior Appreciation Week Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Wellness Week

Sunday, April 18

:WdS @WdS`aWRS Q][

Wednesday, April 21 Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. - Reggae Stroll-Off Location/Time: Russell House Theatre, 7:22 p.m.

Thursday, April 22 Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. - Sigma Sweets Location/Time: Greene St, 11-2 p.m.

Friday, April 23 Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Inc. - Carnival Day Location/Time: Russell House Patio, 11-2 p.m.

Sunday, April 25 Phi Mu Field Day Location/Time: Strom Fields, 1-4 p.m.

All proceeds go to Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Miracle Network

Monday, April 26 â&#x20AC;˘ Gamma Phi Betaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Soccer Tournament Philanthropy Location/Time: TBA, 6-9 p.m.

All proceeds go to the childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hospital and Camp Kemo. â&#x20AC;˘ NPHC Cookout Location/Time: Russell House Patio, 5 p.m.

Please e-mail sagreeks@mailbox.sc.edu for more information about these events.

â&#x20AC;˘ Tri Deltaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Triple Play Softball Tournament Proceeds go to St. Judeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Hospital â&#x20AC;˘ Delta Tau Delta & Alpha Chi Omega Fidler 5k Location/Time: TBA, 1-3 p.m.

Money raised going to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society of S.C.

Building the Premier Greek Community in North America Scholarships, Leadership, Service, Friendship Spring 2010 New Member Initiation & Probate Deadline April 16th *Join the Greek Life facebook page! www.facebook.com/USCgreeks

The Daily Gamecock ● THURSDAY, APRIL 1, 2010

PAGE 10

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Lebowski to get sequel Cult classic sees return of writers, cast in new installment Happy Gilmore

GREEN JACKET WINNER

Academy Award winner Jeff Bridges announced yesterday t hat he wou ld be re-team ing w it h filmmakers Joel and Ethan Coen for “The Big Lebowski 2: The Nihilists Strike Back.” The Coens have completed a shooting script, and the film is being put on the fast track, with production expected to begin May 1 in order to meet the already announced Christmas release date.* The announcement came at the same time the filmmaking team decided to scrap their adaptation of Charles Portis’ post-Civil War novel, “True Grit.” Bridges had been set to play Marshal Reuben J. Cogburn, the role that won John Wayne the Best Actor Oscar in the original 1969 fi lm, alongside a stellar cast that also included Matt Damon, Josh Brolin and Barry Pepper.

“After several late-night discussions, Joel, Ethan and I realized the Dude still has a few adventures left up his sleeve, and after 12 years it’s time to explore the character some more,” Bridges said in his statement to The Hollywood Reporter.

Since the Coens tend to work with many of the same people project-to-project, including cinematographer Roger Deakins and production designer Jess Gonchor, switching from “Grit” to “Lebowski” only really required swapping the cast.

The Coens, notorious for not giving interviews or discussing fi lms they are currently working on, could not be reached by any major publications at the time of this writing for comment.

So what can fans expect from this updated version of Jeffrey “The Dude” Lebowski?

“Well, in the first film, we had the First Gulf War in the background. Setting it 12 years later, it lined up perfectly with the start of the Iraq War, so that will be hovering in the background,” Bridges said.

When asked about the possible return of Julianne Moore and John Goodman, the latter of whom stole scenes left and right as anger-prone Vietnam vet Walter Sobchak, Bridges seemed a little more hesitant.

“Yeah, Julianne’s on board. We’ve talked about a possible subplot with her son, who the Dude tries to form a relationship with and which inadvertently gets a new batch of nihilists on his case.”

As for Goodman, nothing conclusive can be said.

“John hasn’t committed yet, but I’m taking him out to fancy dinners, buying him expensive liquor.

Anything, really. I want him back, Joel and Ethan want him back and I know the fans want him back.”

This is the first time the Coens have produced a sequel, but Bridges insisted it wouldn’t simply tread over the same ground.

“No, we’ve worked out the story together. First scene to last. I assure you, this is going to be fabulous. We’re doing stuff with the Dude, stuff with Walter you couldn’t possibly guess, but it’s very much in the spirit of the Coens.”

W h e n a s k e d w h e t h e r h i s r e c e nt w i n at the Academy Awards had anything to do with convincing the brothers to dump “True Grit,” Bridges laughed.

“Well, you’ve gotta remember, Joel and Ethan won three Oscars just two years ago. They’ve got pull, they make decisions. I worship at their altar,” he said.

Bridges said he continues to be overwhelmed at how popular the original “Lebowski” remains 12 years later, as the fi lm played to rather lukewarm reviews on its initial release.

“Joel and Ethan like to play with their audiences.

They like to mess around with form and all that stuff, but with this script I think we’re really going to give [fans] everything they could ever want from another romp with The Dude.”

“The Big Lebowski 2: The Nihilists Strike Back” will arrive — and abide — on Dec. 25.

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Courtesy of youhavebeenchosen.wordpress.com

Rob, Gaga today’s fashion icons Pantless, grungy looks in for this season; showers not necessary to style Rory Gilmore

GILMORE GIRLS

Looking for a makeover to revive your spring wardrobe? April is here, and that means it’s time to shake up your look. Here are some examples perfect for both guys and gals who are ready to show off their personalities and tastes.

The stylish girl’s look for spring includes some pieces inspired by Lady Gaga and the lingerie-inspired looks from the spring runways of 2010. Lady Gaga has made going pants-less hot, and it has been popping up on the runways of high-end designers everywhere. We are talking hot pants that are sure to show off that new tan acquired in the approaching hot, sunny days of spring.

What’s the perfect complement to this look? The girly, lacy tank top, a top taken straight from the runways, is key to achieving that runway style. Occupied by a long, sweeping quarter-sleeve cardigan — the brighter the better — knee-high socks and tall strappy sandals, this look is chic and outgoing. Now, you ask, what sort of hairstyle do I possibly pair with this fabulous look? One of the large bows straight from Marc Jacobs’ spring runways; to make it work even better, choose a plaid bow that is bright and fantastic for spring.

Hair should focus on the large, puffy Afros of the Louis Vuitton spring runway along with brightly colored makeup to match.

Accessories tie this ensemble together with a big, sequined denim bag, both huge materials for spring along with piled-on chunky necklaces in alternating mediums of gold and silver. This look epitomizes true stylishness and is sure to work into your everyday ensemble.

The cool guy’s look for spring involves the pairing of lots of patterns and bright colors to complement the fierce girl’s look. Starting with hair, guys should wear theirs in a messy, unwashed look, perfected by “Twilight” actor Robert Pattinson. The grungier this look is, the better the reaction will be. Unwashed and lots of gel would perfect this final look.

It is a must to add some contouring blush for that chiseled look of the teen heartthrob. Now for the outfit: guys should wear tight pants, maybe even consider wearing “jeggings,” or jean leggings, since leggings are very big around campus right now. Pairing this with any brightly colored plaid shirt — preferably in the pastel colors of spring — along with an oversized tee underneath should look fantastic.

Also, Uggs can work for guys, too, but since these might be a little too warm for spring, some great knee-high boots would go great with the jeggings tucked into them. This look is sure to reflect the look of a true hipster and is great for dates. Paired with a satchel, or man bag, this just makes the look along with some layered necklaces similar to the suggested accessories for the girls above.

April is the month for doing some spring cleaning, and these looks are perfect for stocking up the new wardrobe for morning classes or going out on a date later. The guy and girl makeovers are filled with truly functional pieces sure to be utilized in other outfits in the future.

The true accessory is confidence in these fashionable looks. People may stare, but that’s only because they are overwhelmed with jealousy by your brilliant taste.

Courtesy of MCT Campus

Jeff Bridges plans to take up his old role of “The Dude” in the Coen brothers’ sequel to their cult classic, “The Big Lebowski 2: The Nihilists Strike Back.”

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Movie manners: do, don’t rules for any film Sad state of cinema etiquette no longer tolerable, left in shambles by lack of tact

skills. So next time you watch “Jerry Maguire” try to warn Cuba Gooding Jr. that he will do “Snow Dogs” later in his career.

Greek God

2. DO HAVE YOUR PHONE OUT DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE — Movie theaters are dimly lit places,

OLYMPIAN WRITER

Movie Etiquette I review approximately one movie per week, meaning I am in a movie theater regularly. Frankly, cinema etiquette is atrocious. Luckily, dear reader, I can be considered a manners maestro( I always say “excuse me” after excessive flatulence; whether or not I laugh is irrelevant) and I am also a frequenter of the esteemed Miss Manners columns (saw it once when laying newspaper for my cat to piss on).

With all this enlightenment I have accumulated, I feel obligated to graciously bestow a comprehensive etiquette guide (do’s and don’ts) for the slobbering Neanderthals who have not mastered the simple task of a theater excursion.

Here it is:

1. DO SHOUT ADVICE TO CHARACTERS ON SCREEN — There is a common misconception that the actors can’t hear you and they are just on a video screen and blah, blah, blah. This is so delusional. Not only is this wrong, it is in fact the audience’s obligation to protect the actor from impending doom as a result of their poor decision-making

and I applaud the brave souls who are secure enough to admit that maybe they are a wee bit scared. These valiant trailblazers are the ones who provide us with a makeshift nightlight via their phone, and they should not stand alone.

3. DO PROVIDE THE THEATER WITH YOUR RUNNING COMMENTARY — Normally we would have to wait at least six months to get the DVD commentary on the movie we are watching, but who wants to wait that long? That’s why it’s imperative for you talk incessantly throughout the whole movie so that the theater can hear you and know exactly what is going through your mind during the scene.

Furthermore, all understood plot twists should be stated by the appointed commentator, because we will probably miss them otherwise.

4. DO NOT SIT QUIETLY AND OBSERVE — The whole quiet, observing type may have been normal protocol at your middle school dance, but this is a movie. It’s not appropriate to be silent.

5. DO LAUNCH YOUR POPCORN AT THE PEOPLE SITTING IN FRONT OF YOU — Let’s say the person in front of you is under-dressed, are wholly ignorant about it and you know they are under-dressed. How are you going to let them continue in this embarrassing fashion faux pas? You aren’t. You are going to complete their outfit by randomly appropriating popcorn on them so to complete their ensemble.

6. DON’T LEAVE THE CRYING BABY AT HOME — This especially applies to adult movies, because how else can we expose America’s future to the monstrosities they will ultimately hear about on the news? When we sit in the theater and the faithful sidekick gets his head and other extremities sawed off and we start to hear the baby begin to scream, we should take comfort in that sound. This way we know the child is being exposed to important life lessons and most likely will grow up to be well-adjusted.

This may not cover all the bases of required behavior in the theater, but let’s be honest, it comes pretty close. So next time you are in the theater bring a print-off of these rules, take out your phone, shine your light on the list and make sure you are observing all of them.

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Kara Roache / THE GAILY DAMECOCK

We’ve been waiting a really, really long time to run this picture of Clemson quarterback and outfielder Kyle Parker grabbing his gonads prior to Clemson’s baseball game against USC last April. Godspeed and 34-17, Clemson.