OPINION A letter from U.S. Rep. Clay Higgins: Chris Christie is a loser

SERIOUSLY KIDDING

FRANK KIDD @FK446852315

Editor’s note: the following is a satirical letter written to appear as if it came from Rep. Clay Higgins on the subject of Chris Christie.

I’ve been asked to apologize for my tweets regarding Chris Christie. From the bottom of my heart, I’d like to say that I’m sorry. Sorry that Christie is a bumbling oaf.

That much should be clear from his name. His genetic makeup comes from two people that were too stupid to think of a new name, so they used the first half of their last name.

Christie fancies himself a lawyer, but he worked in New Jersey and didn’t defend the mob once. Any lawyer worth his salt at that time was working on getting wiseguys out of jail, while Christie was probably arguing traffic court cases.

He dares to attack Donald Trump when he is our only hope to save America from Joe Biden. Christie seems to think that attacking other Republicans is important while our country is being destroyed by Democrats.

Schools are teaching classes on being gay and how to change your gender. They’re taking first graders holding their eyes open clockwork orange style and showing them gay people kissing.

They’re also teaching racist propaganda in schools. They’re indoctrinating kids into anti-white ideology by only teaching the negative effects of slavery.

They also refuse to acknowledge the legitimate doubt around the issue of slavery. There is not a single person on earth that was alive for so-called American chattel slavery, yet it’s accepted as orthodoxy by our schools.

Liberals have gone so crazy that they think the sun is going to destroy the world and that we’re making it mad by driving cars. They’re scared of using too many of the earth’s natural resources as if we can’t just make more.

Worst of all, President Joe Biden is ruining the country by pressing his inflation button. The Communist Demon Rats are working to turn this country into Venezuela while Christie is attacking the only man who put a stop to their nonsense.

Trump acknowledged the crisis on the border and did all he could to combat it. He took on the fake news media and exposed them for being partisan hacks. He also fought valiantly against the illegitimate election and went as far as inciting an insurrection.

Christie probably couldn’t even get his own family to show up for a birthday dinner, much less thousands of patriots to storm the capital for him.

Christie is clearly jealous of the true president, and who can blame him? Trump is a beloved leader, and Christie is a sad sack failed presidential candidate. He should be grateful to be where he is. In a just world, he would work at a fast-food restaurant and live in a closet that he rents out. Anyone that knows my record understands that I am not in favor of abortion, but if I could go back in time, I’d convince Christie’s mother to put him in a vacuum.

Republicans should do their best every day to be more like Trump and less like Christie. Still, I would like to offer my deepest apologies to you, Chris. I’m sorry that you’re a massive loser.

Frank Kidd is a 21-year-old mass communication major from Springfield, Virginia.