Specials | Sex Edition 2019

THE DAILY PRESENTS:

VAGINISMUS

Let’s talk about pain during sex page 3

Abigail Dahl The Daily

HISTORY OF THE DILDO

Ever wondered what the first dildo was? page 5

DO YOU MASTURBATE? We do too! page 7

2 Sex Edition 2019

EDITORS’ NOTE

THE DAILY

THE DAILY Advertising and Business Staff

Sex is a natural thing, and we have a responsibility to talk about it. Safe sex is crucial, and if we shy away from discussing it out of stigma or shame, we deny its importance. Sex can be a big part of our individual identities, and whether or not you choose to be sexually active, being comfortable with sex and sexuality is healthy.

We tried to include a diversity of experiences in this paper to hopefully expand our collective understanding of how different groups experience sex and relationships.

In this edition, we have included stories on medical conditions, sexuality, and STIs. And through it, we hope to pull back the curtain on issues that have been hidden either through shame or repression. We hope to close the gap just a little bit more in the sex education most of us never got in the American education system.

This edition is one of our most fun to put together, and we hope you have fun (and learn a little) while reading it. Sexy or not, here we come!

Advertising Managers Leo Haghighi Isaac Jundt admanager@dailyuw.com Campus Advertising campus@dailyuw.com

Copy Chiefs Sam Steele Trevor Hunt copy@dailyuw.com

Local Advertising ads@dailyuw.com

Special Section Co-Editors Alyson Podesta Charlotte Houston copy@dailyuw.com

Publisher Diana Kramer dianakramer@dailyuw.com

Design Editor Jenna Shanker design@dailyuw.com

Editorial Staff Editor-in-Chief Andreas Redd editor@dailyuw.com

Illustration Editor Abigail Dahl illustrations@dailyuw.com Illustrations By Anna Schnell

managing Editor Mira Petrillo managing@dailyuw.com

&

How much do you really know about STD’s?

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There’s no getting around it — STDs and STIs are scary. However, diagnoses like genital herpes often become scarier when they’re not talked about. Many STDs are more common than they’re believed to be by the public. Read on to find out just how widespread these conditions are:

The rate of reported gonorrhea cases increased 15.5 percent for people aged 15–19 and 12.8 percent for people aged 20–24 during 2016-2017.

In 2017, 1,069,111 cases of chlamydial infection were reported by people aged 15–24. This comprises 62.6 percent of all recorded chlamydia cases.

One in two sexually active people will contract an STI by age 25.

The CDC estimates that every year there are 20 million new STI cases, half of those among people aged 15–24.

Although young people make up half of new cases of STIs, a recent study showed only about 12 percent received testing in the last year.

Most people with genital herpes—close to 90 percent—don’t know they have the infection due to the symptoms often going unnoticed.

Approximately one in two people between ages 14-49 in the U.S. are infected with HSV1, the usual cause of oral herpes. HSV-1 also causes genital herpes.

STIs you can get from oral sex: Chlamydia, gonorrhea syphilis, herpes, HPV, HIV, and trichomoniasis.

Sex Edition 2019 3

THE DAILY

Hitting a wall: When sex hurts

By Charlotte Houston and Alyson Podesta The Daily

Editor’s note: Names have been changed to protect the identities of women in this article.

For Em, a 28-year-old woman in the Seattle area, the first time she had sex was on her wedding night. But it wasn’t the perfect night she was told it would be.

It hurt.

When she sought help, no one took her seriously. She went to her primary care doctor, then to a gynecologist, and they just told her that she needed more lube.

“I didn’t know how to say no, you don’t understand. It hurts like hell,” Em said. “And so when I said it hurts and they’d blow me off, I’d be like, ‘Well, I guess they’re the doctor. They know.’”

Em was officially diagnosed in 2014 with vaginismus, a disorder that causes pain with penetration. But she spent years being told that there wasn’t something truly wrong with her, that it was in her head, and continued to suffer with the pain.

“I think if I had seen the right doctor in the first few years, I could’ve recovered within a year or two,” Em said. “But because it went on so long and I thought if I just suffered through the pain, things will get better. That resulted in sexual trauma, which resulted in PTSD and now [my husband and I] are trying to go through that.”

What Em’s doctors didn’t know enough about was the disorder vaginismus, which is anything but “just in women’s heads.” Penetration of any kind, even with a finger, is painful or impossible. One common feeling is that anything attempting to penetrate is “hitting a wall.”

Vaginismus was added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a sexual dysfunction in 1980, but its symptoms have been recorded as far back as 1547, and the name for it was coined in 1861 in a case report by J.S. Sims. The patient in this case reportedly had an “intensive reaction” to even the doctor’s “very slight touch” during an examination while “screaming,” her eyes “glowing like mad.” Vaginismus is now filed as a “Genito-Pelvic Pain/Penetration Disorder” in the DSM 5.

Many women experience pain during their first attempts at penetration, whether that be in a medical or sexual context.

However, it’s just as possible to develop it secondarily, even if it’s not the first time a woman has had sex, sometimes because of trauma or childbirth, and possibly even because of the effects of birth control.

But when sex hurts, many women don’t think much of it. They keep it to themselves.

We’ve been taught to even expect painful sex, due to myths about virginity and hymen “tearing.”

Seventy-five percent of women experience dyspareunia (pain during sex) at some point in their lives, and anywhere from 7-22 percent experience it persistently. Pain can be indicative of an infection, lack of arousal, or low estrogen levels, but when it’s persistent, it’s usually ascribed to these things, and not something bigger.

Medical providers don’t just disregard women’s pain when it’s pelvic. Studies have shown that when women report the same pain scores as men, they are less likely to receive opiates or other

pain-relieving drugs. Women also tend to wait an average of 16 minutes longer than men to receive this medication. One of the reasons for this, among many others, is that doctors often believe that women’s pain is emotional, not physical.

For many people with vaginismus, the feeling of attempted penetration goes far beyond “hitting a wall.” It can create a burning or tearing feeling. The pain itself is often excruciating. “[In the first couple of years of dealing with this pain], I was angry constantly, constantly, like a volcano in my chest that I couldn’t contain. Sometimes it would come out in screaming, sometimes I would punch things and it was just sudden like, one second, I’m fine and then snap, I’m gone,” Em said. “I came to hate [my husband] and resent him for a long time. I blamed him for it. If he hadn’t wanted sex from me, maybe I wouldn’t have become like this. And ...

I think that’s still there a little bit. But you know, we were both young and stupid. We didn’t know what we were doing. He didn’t mean it. We’re still really good friends.”

The crux of vaginismus as a disorder is the negative feedback loop of pain and fear that it creates. Initially, pain is caused

feel about that? And I was like, ‘OK, OK, wait a minute. I’m the patient, my husband is nowhere to be found. Maybe ask me how I feel about it.’”

The divide between women’s sexual dysfunction and men’s is alarmingly wide.

“There’re so many studies and so much funding [that] goes into treating erectile dysfunction and so little focused on women’s health issues,” Jamie said.

Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a household name — Viagra is fairly accessible, even covered by insurance, and those experiencing ED generally don’t cite pain as one of their symptoms. Sexual dysfunctions that affect people with vaginas, especially those that actually cause pain, should be treated with the same weight that other sexual dysfunctions are, and not continually stigmatized and erased.

“I would say I probably heard about [vaginismus] at some point in medical school,” Dr. Andersen said. “There’s so much

since my freshman year of college, and we’ve been married for three years. So we’re finally able to have intercourse, like the ‘normal way,’”Jamie said. “I’m realizing now that I fretted so much about being broken and … I just feel like there’s so much hype about penetrative sex in culture,

This doesn’t have to be a scary diagnosis, and it’s possible for vaginismus to be recognized and treated in a compassionate, supportive way. that it’s the only way to have sex.

But it’s just amazing how sex is no longer a big deal to me. Like

penetrative sex is also not the only way that one can experience pleasure in a relationship, and many couples have rewarding sex lives while dealing with this disorder.

We’ve also been led to believe that men almost have a right to this kind of sex. After going public about her disorder through a Facebook post, Jamie received many messages telling her that her husband was a “keeper” for sticking with her despite their inability to have penetrative intercourse, a comment that overlooks her struggle with pain and trauma in favor of her husband.

“And the thing is, yes, I agree that he’s a keeper because I picked him,” Jamie said. “But like the flip side of that was, ‘Oh wow, like he deserved to have sex and like you’re keeping that from him.’ Not that I was so cool that he stuck around for so long.”

Vaginismus is a scary diagnosis. It certainly can make dating more intimidating and treatment can be intense, but it’s

When she first told a gynecologist about her symptoms, she was actually laughed at.

by a spasm of the pelvic floor muscles around the opening of the vagina. This tightens the area in order to prevent penetration.

When penetration is attempted, however, this “tightness” can cause intense pain. This pain reinforces the cycle; as the body begins to fear future attempts at sex, it preventatively tenses up as a defense mechanism.

Dr. Melanie Andersen, a gynecologist at UW Medicine, regularly sees patients for pain during sex.

“The definition [for vaginismus] that I tend to use with patients more often is just kind of some kind of aversion to vaginal penetration … So not necessarily always intercourse,” Andersen said. “Sometimes it’s just with exams, sometimes it’s with tampons.”

Jamie, a 29-year-old woman who lives in the Seattle area, has suffered from vaginismus since her freshman year of college, and vulvodynia almost her whole life, until recently. Vulvodynia is another chronic pain disorder, characterized by vulvar pain with no identifiable cause.

For Jamie, running, riding a bike, and any activity that caused clothes to rub against that area would bring ”random shooting pains.” When she first told a gynecologist about her symptoms, she was actually laughed at.

For her too, it took years to get a diagnosis and eventually the treatment that would cure her.

“So I’d go to a medical practitioner, I’d mentioned vaginismus, and they’d be like, ‘Oh, “vajizz-miss,” what’s that?’” she said.

“The second question would be, how does your husband

overlap in the way that we talk about these things, whether it’s like vulvodynia or a lot of just different terms. I think they are thrown out there and probably defined in some way in medical school but never in a way that is practical.”

Vaginismus does not have to be a chronic condition, there are many different kinds of treatments out there. While almost all of them take a lot of patience and work, there is something out there that should work for everyone.

“Probably one of the most helpful things I think is starting with pelvic floor physical therapy. We have really, really great pelvic floor physical therapists at the UW and so I’ve sent patients to them who really, it changed their life I would say,” Dr. Andersen said. “And it’s not an easy process by any means, but it certainly can be very helpful for people.”

After many years of psychotherapy and pelvic floor physical therapy, Jamie spent two weeks during October at the Women’s Therapy Center in New York, and came out of it pain-free. For her, this means not only being able to have penetrative sex for the first time, but also signing up for a half-marathon that she’s now training for.

“I’ve been with the same guy

before the fact that I wasn’t able to have intercourse was like a sign of my self worth or whatever. It’s still kind of sinking in that this is my life now.”

If you’re experiencing pain during sex, the first step is talking to a doctor — a step that shouldn’t be underestimated.

Advocating for yourself in a medical setting can be difficult, but searching for a doctor who will take you seriously is worth it. However, talking about sexual problems can be difficult even with friends, let alone medical professionals.

“It’s painful. It’s also really a private [thing] and it can cause just incredible amounts of shame, right?” Jamie said. “Like you know when you’re younger, like just chatting about sex casually [if you’re dealing with something like this], it’s really easy to like shrink down and kind of say, ‘Ha-ha,’ whatever, and join in. But deep inside you feel like you’re terribly broken, you’re never going to be able to relate.”

Whether or not you choose to exercise it, humans have a right to experience sexual pleasure.

The disorder of vaginismus reveals two biases present in our culture: First, that penis-invagina sex is the only “sex” there is for heterosexual couples. But it’s important to remember that

not a death sentence. With our culture’s placement of penetrative sex as an ideal, any deviation from that norm becomes seemingly unacceptable. More awareness is necessary about the diversity of ways that all types of people experience sex, as well as in women who experience pain regularly. Most importantly, the medical world needs to wake up and listen to women’s pain.

This doesn’t have to be a scary diagnosis, and it’s possible for vaginismus to be recognized and treated in a compassionate, supportive way. “[If you’re experiencing pain], it’s not normal. It’s not something you should just take,” Jamie said. “We deserve pleasure too, but at the very least we deserved to not be in pain. Advocate for yourself. You’re worth it.

And also it usually takes longer than we want it to, but there are ways to make it go away.”

Reach Co-Special Sections Editors Charlotte Houston and Alyson Podesta at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitters: @choustoo and @alyson_podesta

4 Sex Edition 2019

THE DAILY

How we ought to be making love A nonlinear model of desire and arousal

By Mira Petrillo The Daily We can only know the ways of being as they are presented to us. And often, the story of how things should be actually determines how things are.

Sexual encounters are no exception. The “way of doing it” when it comes to heterosexual sex is pretty much variations of the following structure: desire builds to a point of arousal; mutual arousal leads to mutual stimulation which aims to build up to peak pleasure signaled by orgasm(s) and more often than not, the male orgasm. After reaching this peak of explosive pleasure, the outward expression is then turned inward and withdrawn. You might cuddle for a bit, but the actual experience of the sexual encounter existed within a goal-oriented pleasure paradigm, and when it’s all you know, it’s hard to see any other way.

Last year, I set out to understand the complexities of the orgasm gap and found out that the orgasm gap is representative of many gender inequalities. After wrestling with what contributes to the current pleasure paradigm that manifests today in sexual encounters, I am not wondering where the potential is to restructure sex around something other than orgasms altogether. We all want connection, intimacy, and pleasure, but there has to be another way to access these without just playing out the scripts we’ve all been taught.

“Left alone in the ‘me’ culture, we consume and consume with no thought of others.”

One contributing factor to this goal-oriented structure might be the way that consumer culture has led to a normalized desire for instant gratification.

The model for linear, goaloriented sex looks a lot like the messages a cultural of consumerism presents to us.

In short, these messages tell us that all of our needs can be satisfied by material increase and consequently, the underlying belief becomes that we are what we possess.

In her book “All About Love: New Visions,” cultural critic and theorist bell hooks argues that relationships today are mediated by materialism rather than love.

“Materialism creates a world of narcissism in which the focus of life is solely on acquisition and consumption. A culture of narcissism is not a place where love can flourish,” hooks writes.

“Left alone in the ‘me’ culture, we consume and consume with no thought of others. Greed and exploitation become the norm when an ethic of domination prevails.”

This culture of narcissism that she speaks of can be one place to point to when it comes to goal-oriented and,

as a result, disconnected sex.

To center a sexual encounter around the intended orgasm has the potential to imply, maybe unintentionally, the use and consumption of a sexual partner’s body.

American culture has, however, made some important strides in starting a broad conversation about sexual experiences. The #MeToo movement’s wake has provided a new openness for understanding sexual experiences across gender lines. But when we make moves to deconstruct sexual encounters

When you really drop into how your body is interacting with your partner, it is clear that even the smallest touch can be orgasmic. as the movement has done, it’s important that we replace it with some other way of engaging in relationship with one another.

I sat down with local sex and intimacy coach Grace Bryant to talk about how we ought to make love in a culture where sexuality has become a product of materialism, internet pornography, and misunderstandings. She emphasized that sexual energy is

powerful whether it is attended to or not.

“And not only is [sexual energy] accessible, it’s powerful, and we all know that. That’s why there’s this desire to suppress and repress it,” Bryant told me.

“So it’s so powerful and if you can tap into it, when you can own it in [your] body, then you get to make conscious choices about it. When you disown it and pretend it’s not there or have all the wonderful shame around it, it carries this energy of shame and darkness.”

The closed sexual energy she speaks of refers to an often contracted and docile area of one’s self that when left unexamined, can implicitly impact one’s experience with self and others. Bryant suggests that we’re all misunderstanding our own sexuality, and it is impacting our lives. This effect can be further compounded if you’ve experienced trauma, but the issue resonates with everyone conditioned by American culture.

However, reframing the way that sex is approached can be a helpful step in increasing pleasure and disregarding the operational scripts that we’ve become so comfortable with.

To Bryant and hooks, relationships, no matter if they last for a night or a lifetime, need to be centered on something other than what you can get from the other person. This applies

to how we are approaching and operating within sexual contexts. What determines the encounter doesn’t have to be the perceived end. Instead, exploring

Recent studies have shown that practicing mindfulness during sex can increase the potential for orgasm all together and is especially necessary for the potential for full-body orgasm. nonlinear models of sex can provide another way of operating as a sexual being in the world.

By a nonlinear structure, I mean changing the script that we so often follow. Instead of a steady build up to individual orgasm, exploring the spontaneity of what is present in every moment during sex can offer a whole new understanding of pleasure. When you really drop into how your body is interacting with your partner, it is clear that even the smallest touch can be orgasmic.

Easier said than done, and the first step (unsurprisingly) is recognizing one’s own disconnect with their sexuality.

Actively examining one’s own relationship with their body

and how it operates during sexual encounters can be a good first step in moving away from structured sexual experiences.

Bryant, who has studied sexual practices across the world, refers to Tantric understandings of sexuality as an ancient nonlinear model for sex. Within the Tantric practice, there is a crucial distinction between explosive and implosive orgasms that speaks to perhaps the highest level of evolved sexual encounters.

Explosive orgasms are what we think of when we think of an orgasm: male ejaculation or female orgasm resulting from clitoris stimulation. Explosive orgasms essentially imply the release of vital life-force energy and signal a point-of-noreturn. Further, they emphasize separation and duality in sexual encounters.

Implosive orgasm, on the other hand, involves the sexual energy being retaken into the body for a full-body experience.

They require breath and awareness of every sensation in the body, an awareness that conveniently releases the expectations that come along with sex. According to Bryant, the act takes surrender and commitment to sensations present in interaction with one’s partner. In male bodies, the implosive orgasm is an intentional separation between ejaculation and orgasm.

“Not only is there the goallessness of being in this moment as it is, there is also the goallessness that there isn’t a need to get [to a certain point],” Bryant said. “It’s actually building pleasure in a very different way.”

Recent studies have shown that practicing mindfulness during sex can increase the potential for orgasm all together and is especially necessary for the potential for full-body orgasm. Shifting focus to building pleasure moment to moment through mindfulness can open up areas and sensations that you didn’t even know were there.

When all we’ve known is explosive orgasms as the focal point of sex, opening up to this new, abstract idea of orgasm might be difficult.

It takes practice to be able to move sexual energy in this way, but even if this isn’t an immediate possibility, this idea of approaching sexual pleasure as a practice of reciprocity and sensation rather than selfcentered exchange has the potential for new things to open up regardless.

As for this question of how we can restructure sexual encounters: Well, it seems to me that focusing on connection and sensation is a great place to start.

Sex is one of the best things we experience as human beings, yet just going through the motions can leave us feeling disconnected and unexpressed.

Reach Managing Editor Mira Petrillo at specials @dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @mirap

Sex Edition 2019 5

THE DAILY

Going deep

By Thelonious Goerz The Daily Dildos may seem like a recent development, but in actuality, they are part of a more expansive history of sex toys spanning thousands of years and a variety of stigmas.

Today, sex toys encompass a booming economic market.

Forbes reported that the sex toy industry has an overall value of $15 billion. This staggering figure is one that can stand up to numerous other less sexy industries, exemplifying the staying power that sex toys have.

Though the sex toy is thriving today, the history of the dildo and its assorted offshoots is one that is much longer.

According to an article in All That’s Interesting (ATI), archeologists have recently unearthed evidence of dildos dating as far back as the stone age. These dildos were made of

antler bone, chalk, and siltstone.

Once debated, the objects were determined to be penises after it was made clear by the detailed nature of the objects including, foreskin, piercings, and tattoos accompanying the objects.

Later, in the Classical Era, the Greeks were responsible for innovating the dildo by way of using what were essentially baguettes and other household items for sexual pleasure.

According to an article in Complex, the Greeks were able to experiment more with sexual pleasure because of their lack of stigma around sex, further advancing the innovative and ever-changing history of the dildo.

At the same time, according to ATI, in China during the Han Dynasty (206 B.C. - 220 A.D.), sex toys were used in ritual burials. Consistent with other religious beliefs, the dildos found

The dildo through the ages

in the ancient tombs of China allowed the buried to “maintain the same standard of living” as they did in life. This stands as a testament to the cultural ubiquity and the lasting power that the dildo had in ancient times, paralleling the modern day.

The dildo even graced the likes of England’s most sacred literature. In England, many centuries later, Shakespeare referenced them in “A Winter’s Tale,” where a peddler sings songs “with such delicate burthens of dildos and fadings, ‘jump her and thump her.’”

Later, yet another example of a literary dildo evidence surfaced. According to ATI, during the 1700s in Japan, the dildo and other sex toys were ubiquitous in their usage.

There were many references in literature and other media that revolved around the dildo and

other types of female sexual pleasure. There were erotic books such as the “shunga” which depicted women using dildos. However, in 1722 the Japanese government banned the books.

In 1899, the first batteryoperated vibrators were invented. According to Complex, they were marketed as “home appliances” to women. However, the inception of the vibrator happened a little earlier, in 1743, as a way to cure hysteria — a made-up diagnosis that usually meant a woman was being “overemotional.” By the 20th century, the vibrators were marketed toward women as a device specifically for their pleasure rather than a “medical” aid.

Moving on to the post1960s, dildos have had a more restrictive history. Throughout the 1960s and ‘70s they were only available for heterosexual couples who needed sexual aid for medical reasons. This limited their use as a tool for pleasure, further relating to the sexual censure of the time.

Meanwhile, the invention of the silicone dildo was pioneered as a more effective method of authoring sexual pleasure, as they had previously been made of rubber and were not durable.

In the 21st century, Dildos have had a litany of legal issues associated with them. The ongoing narrative associated with the dildo is one of stigmatization and criminalization. In an effort to repress the use of sex toys, some counties in the U.S. have gone so far as to attempt to regulate the sale of sex toys. According to a news report in Lubbock,

Texas, in 2007 a lingerie store was accused of violating the state obscenity laws because of their sale of dildos. The possession of six or more devices violates the law.

Similarly, the Supreme Court of Alabama approved the AntiObscenity Enforcement Act in 1998, which made the sale of any sex toys illegal. In an article by the Huffington Post, the author details how the law in place slaps harsh sentences on those who violate it. Even after an 11year court battle, Alabama still upholds this law. Violators could be met with up to $10,000 in fines and repeat offenders could face a 10-year prison sentence.

Where we are now with the dildo is not where we have always been. There has been a narrative of sexual censure throughout history, but new laws and ideologies reinforce the public stigma around sex and sexual desire.

Reach writer Thelonious Goerz at specials@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @TheloniousGoerz

Dating and hookups when you’re asexual A community perspective

By Shahbaz Khan The Daily I first learned about asexuality in high school when my friend Stelle read a poem about their relationship with their ace/aro significant other. It’d be a few years after that before I realized that I, too, reside somewhere on the ace spectrum.

It still feels weird to say that about myself, like I’m encroaching on a space that isn’t mine to claim. True, there isn’t a single person on the planet I’ve ever wanted to see naked, and sex sounds stressful and kind of gross. But I also like going on dates and probably want a relationship at some point. (Also, masturbating’s chill, I guess.)

Despite having a considerable and diverse online presence, the ace communities tend to be pretty atomized in the mundane world, even at a fairly LGBTQIA+-friendly campus like the UW. And I’m a sheltered Muslim kid, so I was screwed right from the get-go.

This became apparent when I went to write this piece. Pretty much everyone I interviewed for this story is a friend of mine, but I know them from fairly disparate social circles. They also occupy a fairly similar range on the ace spectrum: demisexuality, where sexual attraction is only

possible after a strong emotional connection between two people is made.

Michael is an environmental science major and one of the first friends I made at the UW. We’d taken ASTR 101 together, and in keeping with the tradition we’d established freshman year, I met up with him for some hot chocolate at the DM and an interview.

Originally from California, Michael first started to realize he was demi in high school, just in talking to his friends about their experiences hooking up. Where they could just meet someone and have sex with them that night, for Michael, it took time for him to get to know someone before a physical attraction took hold.

“I heard from people that they have so much fun when they do this thing where they hook up with somebody at a party and ...

I sort of got to thinking, ‘Why does that not appeal to me?’” he said. “These’re people at parties who I think are ... physically beautiful, but I still didn’t feel that … want or need to be physically intimate.”

That disconnect Michael described — between his experiences and those of his friends — is one that echoed throughout my own experiences, and the stories of the other folx I

interviewed: something that we couldn't quite place, but knew, all the same, meant we weren’t entirely straight.

This is something that rang particularly true for Alise, an undergrad pursuing a biology and psychology double-degree who I first met after casting her in the first show I ever directed. I met up with her at Oasis Tea Zone for some tea.

Growing up, Alise had a sense she wasn’t straight but didn’t really have the word to describe her sexuality. Initially, she settled for “pansexual,” but after seeing a webcomic about demisexuality and its place on the ace spectrum, she took on that label as well.

That’s another thing: asexuality doesn’t exist as a binary between those who feel sexual desire and those who don’t. Alise conceptualizes her sexuality along five fairly fluid facets: who she’s aesthetically attracted to, who she’s sexually attracted to, who she’s romantically attracted to, and the degree to which she experiences each of those latter two attractions.

“I have a capacity to be attracted to people regardless of their gender, but also I just have very little attraction within me,” she said.

Alise and Michael are cur-

rently in committed relationships, but I did talk to them about dating apps. Though the responses they would get were worlds apart (Alise is an Asian American woman, Michael is a bearded white man), one commonality between them was just how stressful it felt to judge people based on a short bio and a few pictures.

“It stressed me out to be like, ‘What if this’s this person’s first week on Tinder, and they haven’t cultivated their profile well enough, and I just swiped left on them and missed a good connection?” Alise said about the one day she was on the popular dating app.

This is not a universal experience for aces, though. Andy is a junior I know through the Undergraduate Theater Society (UTS). Like me, Andy is someone with a conservative-religious background where talking about sex wasn’t encouraged. Also like me, they’re primarily interested in women and nonbinary folx (with a present, if negligible, interest in men). Unlike me, Andy is not a cis man, so their experiences are much different.

“I’ve found that when I talk to people who use Tinder and are seeking things with guys, it tends to be more sexual,” they said. “I’ve never actually had to

worry about that, and I don’t know if it’s because the culture of dating women is like women don’t expect sex, or ... I feel like if I was going to date a guy, I’d be worried about that.”

I set out to write this article mostly because I hoped that by talking to other aces, I could alleviate some of my own confusions about my identity in relation to dating. As much as I want to be able to unequivocally declare my asexuality, the truth is I still have questions. Another reason I wanted to write this piece was that I know I’m not the only one who feels the way I do, and I’m hoping that by seeing these similar and diverse experiences, we can find some peace with those questions.

Dating is confusing enough on its own. Dating while queer only ups the ante, and dating while ace is no exception to that.

At the end of the day, all we can do is try our best. Life is short and we’ll probably all die in the 2030s because rich people refuse to stop causing climate change, so we might as well have some fun with people we want to have fun with.

Reach writer Shahbaz Khan at specials@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @JadeMoonSpeaks

6 Sex Edition 2019

THE DAILY

Things to Google before you noodle For the sexually active, and those who are planning to be, there are some things you should know, look up, and think about.

By Manisha Jha and Jenna Shanker The Daily This article was conceived as a joke: “Things you should Google before sex.” But then a joke quickly turned into an idea to start a conversation about sex at our university. We spoke with dozens of UW students, the college-student experts at Hall Health, a UW Police Department sexual violence victims advocate, binge-watched Sex Education on Netflix, and read every article on the New York Times that Twitter’s resident gynecologistand-vagina-savior Jen Gunter has written to put together this non-comprehensive list. Whether you’ve never had sex before or just want to know more about it, whatever is in your pants and whoever gets you excited, here are some questions to Google or ponder.

Sex stress: Your concerns about creaming the Twinkie, answered Students are stressed as f---, so it’s no surprise when they’re too stressed to f---. With societal norms about virginity, porn, sluts, and everything else about sex on top of the normal anxieties of being a UW student, you’re bound(less) to be too worried to boink. Sex can be great for your health, so if you or your partner can’t orgasm, just remember there’s no pressure to finish and focus on having a good time with each other.

Is sex like porn?

The porn you see might be sex, but not all sex is going to be like porn. A lot of porn is more extreme than what you would be comfortable doing in bed. Don’t use porn as a baseline for expectations and keep in mind that most porn is produced to be sensationalist, meaning the most views go to the most graphic videos and often the most expensive to produce. Bottom line: Many girls wouldn’t take two dicks at the same time unless they were paid handsomely to, and you shouldn’t feel pressure to because your partner saw it online, either.

What does it mean to lose your virginity?

When traditional sex education taught us about the concept of “virginity,” it taught us to believe it was tangible, a magical cherry tucked away inside your vagina, and that “losing” it meant giving a piece of yourself away (or popping it). (Hymens, by the way, are something to Google.

No, nothing “pops” when someone with a vagina has sex for the first time.)

But are you really losing anything when you “lose” your virginity? Not if you decide you didn’t. Sex shouldn’t be considered degrading, and virginity is a social construct used to shame women. It means whatever you want it to mean. It can mean nothing if you want it to, and that is more than OK.

How much sex is everyone having?

Don’t worry about it. Seriously, just do you. Just like virginity, the idea that having several sexual partners is a bad thing is just a ploy from the patriarchy to shame women. And just like with virginity, men aren’t held to as high a standard as women are. Apart from your friends and your partner, as long as

everything is consensual, safe, and healthy, no one’s sex life is really anyone else’s cause for concern.

What if one of us doesn’t orgasm?

when their sturdy stallion is a little more like a tired llama, it doesn’t change anything about how you care about them (and we love llamas).

Not everyone orgasms from sex, and expecting to orgasm during sex can lead to unmet expectations. Focus on having a good time instead of making it a race to the finish. You can have a great time having sex without finishing! People with vaginas especially have a tough time finishing from sex; toys and oral sex could be helpful alternatives if you’re looking to try new ways to get closer to finishing.

What if you can’t get it up?

This happens more often than people let on. A large part of this is mental state: when Seasonal Affective Dicks-order hits, it can be caused by many things, from not being sober, to anxiety, to just being stressed. It’s not a big deal and if this happens to your partner, be sure to remind them that this happens to everyone and that they’re not under pressure or letting you down if they can’t get it up.

Communicate that even on days

How do you get a vagina to finish?

That’s a question to Google!

Vaginas are far more complex than penises and the pressure to perform hurts people with cachuchas as much as it hurts eggplant-owners. Also, check to find out their preferences, know what they like, and how to make them feel hot. The owner of the strawberry of your eye is not going to finish if they’re not feeling themselves.

Keeping your cupcakes and love darts happy, clean, and healthy Contraceptives and hygiene and STDs, oh my! Before the clash of clans, you need to think about condoms and cleanliness.

Contraceptives are something to discuss with your doctor, abortions are normal, shaving is not necessary, and condoms and dental dams are a good way to prevent spreading STDs.

What are our options for contraceptives?

It might be a good idea to make yourself aware of the different types of birth control, even if you’re not on any, just so you can communicate about it with your partner easily. Flip to Thelonious’ article on safe sex methods and how to access them for more information. If you’re interested in trying out the pill, the IUD, the implant, or one of the other several types of birth control in the world, bedsider. org is a great resource to compare options. The next step is to go in to talk to your primary care doctor or gynecologist, and the Hall Health women’s health clinic is a great place to discuss your options in a judgment-free environment.

What are the chances of pregnancy if we don’t use a condom?

Too high, and you don’t have the time for that kind of risk. You’ve got school. Save yourself the stress and just use a condom.

What is Plan B?

Plan B is an emergency contraceptive, meaning it’s not preventative like most contraceptives, but rather it’s used after unprotected sex to prevent pregnancy. It is important to note that this in

no way protects you from STDs and should not be relied on as the primary plan for protection (hence the name Plan B). One little pill can cost up to $50 and lots of stress.

Where could we get an abortion if I or my partner needs one?

Abortion is very common in this country, despite loud prolife voices; 30 percent of all American women will have an abortion before they’re 45 years old. If you or your partner is pregnant and don’t want to be, go see your primary care doctor or gynecologist to discuss your options. They should be able to refer you to your nearest abortion provider.

Do I have to shave?

Vagitation and man-scaping are entirely matters of personal preference, but the societal pressure is especially high on people with cooters. Know this: Whether you prefer to cultivate a full forest or to be smooth as a dolphin is entirely up to you, and if you’re ever shamed by your partner for your pusstache, let them know that your vagina is a temple to which they are a visitor with no say on grounds maintenance.

Is period sex okay?

Period sex is up to the person having the period. Some people with vaginas find that period sex is even better than regular sex and others take a few days off from the romp in the hay; either way, shame and stigma shouldn’t be part of the equation.

Fingernails?

Not if those fingers are going inside of anyone.

Does sex cause urinary tract infections?

There was a time in my life when I was on the wrong birth control and the way it threw my hormones out of whack meant I got a UTI every single time I had sex. Listen to me: It’s not your fault. Peeing before and after sex, wiping front to back, drinking lots of water, and avoiding irritating vaginal products are all things your doctor will tell you to do if you go in to get treated for a UTI, but there’s a growing body of evidence that suggests that you should still do those things. But if you’re extra prone to UTIs, doing all of those things might not be enough to prevent infections. Who would’ve thought, women are blamed for their sexual health issues when they’re doing their best and it’s actually largely out of their control? Flip to Sierra’s article on UTIs for more information.

Will I get an STD? Will my partner get an STD?

STD prevention for chlamydia, hepatitis, gonorrhea, herpes, HPV, syphilis, among many others, is something to discuss with your doctor. Generally, be sure to get checked for STDs between each sexual partner to keep your boo and yourself safe.

Condoms can prevent both STDs and pregnancy, and dental dams can also be used for oral sex on a vagina for STD prevention. Refer to our STD infographic on page two for more information.

What are dental dams?

Are they only for lesbians?

A dental dam is a stretchy rectangle that can serve as a barrier between the mouth and vagina to prevent the spread

of STDs. They’re hard to find (though you can buy off-brand Viagra at any gross gas station in America, folks) so you can also make them at home by snipping off the ends of a condom and cutting from one end to the other to unroll your new magical stretchy rectangle.

Should I bring a condom?

Buying condoms can be intimidating. Relying on the other person to bring the condom isn’t always the best idea, so consider buying your own. Washington just passed the

Reproductive Parity Act, which means those with state-regulated insurance should technically be able to walk into a Walgreens and buy contraceptives for free.

Pharmacies are still figuring out the logistics of this new policy though, so in the meantime, you can find free condoms at Hall Health or Planned Parenthood.

Condoms are great for any sex that involves a penis, even oral sex, for STD prevention.

Also, check yourself for a latex sensitivity before plunging a latex-wrapped ding dong into yourself.

Continues on page 12

Sex Edition 2019 7

THE DAILY

Masturbate the stigma away Why there is still so much shame around masturbation

By Chamidae Ford The Daily The first time I attempted to masturbate, I was 13, and I didn’t do it right. I spent the next six months wracked with guilt.

Through high school, that guilt morphed into embarrassment and sometimes even shame.

Now I look back and I wonder why something that is proven to reduce stress,

ease menstrual cramps and muscle pain, improve your quality of sleep, and so much more, can be a source of negative feelings and carry an air of taboo around it.

Nicole McNichols, a UW psychology professor who teaches psychology of sexuality, mentioned how masturbation can even impact your confidence.

“There is some evidence that

masturbation leads to higher levels of selfconfidence and happiness,” McNichols said. “There is also evidence showing that people who masturbate have better sexual experiences with partners as well, since they benefit from understanding what leads to their own sexual pleasure.”

For centuries, we as a society have created stigmas around masturbation that can impact all genders in many negative ways. In her class, McNichols talks about how people can develop harmful misconceptions about masturbation.

“Many students in my class ask if masturbation will lead to sexual dysfunction or problems in relationships,” McNichols said. “Many have grown up in families or communities where masturbation is viewed as ‘dirty’ or ‘shameful.’”

While many people masturbate, it can often be a hard thing for them to talk about.

“It comes from a long history of misconceptions about the consequences of masturbation,” McNichols said.

Anthony Aguiluz, a therapist at Hall Health talked to me about the types of stigmas for people. For females, the stigmas surrounding masturbation stem from the long-standing stereotype that women are not sexual people in and of themselves, but rather objects for men to have sex with. “[What] women or female-identified people [...] have been taught is that they are doing it for their husband and not for themselves,” Aguiluz said.

The idea that a woman’s sexual pleasure can exist without the help of a person with male genitalia is still taboo.

In some countries, women are still being circumcised to prevent clitoral stimulation, a major aspect of female sexual enjoyment. In the paper “Cultural Suppression of Female Sexuality,” the researchers suggest one reason for female suppressions is that “men regard women as men’s possessions and therefore seek to keep them to themselves. By suppressing female sexuality, men can keep women from wanting to have sex with other men.”

While we are progressing in many ways to accept female sexuality, there are still underlying currents within our society that keep these stigmas alive. Male masturbation, although more accepted within our culture, still has stigmas that can appear and impact male-identifying people.

There can be embarrassment around male masturbation because it can be seen as a type of failure, especially in the teenage years. Aguiluz talks about how society’s expectation of what being a man is allows stigma around masturbation to develop as people do not live up to those expectations. “[If you are masturbating then] you are not ‘man’ enough to find someone to have sex with you,” Aguiluz said. This idea of not being “manly enough” because they do not have a partner to have sex with can cause a lot of embarrassment and shame for men.

These stigmas can be amplified and morphed when we look at the LGBTQIA+ community. If someone is struggling with their sexuality or gender, masturbation can be a very difficult thing to do and feel good about after.

These stigmas that impact our lives are created within the institutions that we grew up in. Schools, churches, and our families can all influence the way we view and experience masturbation.

If you went to schools like mine or had a family like mine, masturbation was never mentioned. Rather than openly discussing a way to safely experience sexual pleasure, they pushed the idea of abstinence as our only hope against STDs. This fueled our inability to talk about it.

If you attend a church that teaches that acting on sexual desires, even with just yourself, is sinful, and that sexual pleasure must wait until after marriage, then that could also greatly impact your relationship with masturbation.

These institutions allow unhealthy relationships with masturbation to form and grow.

“In some places, yes [we have made progress destigmatizing masturbation],” McNichols said. “[But] we still have a long way to go, and in some places, attitudes remain extremely negative.”

If we want to become a world with fewer stigmas around sex and masturbation, then open communication is key. If you are struggling with guilt about masturbation it is important to remember that it is completely natural, and even potentially beneficial.

Taking Dr. McNichols’s PSYCH 210 course on human sexuality, or, if you are female-identifying, visiting the website OMGYes can help you overcome your negative relationship with masturbation.

Regardless of where you grew up or what you’ve been told, masturbation is a healthy experience, and everyone should give it a try.

Reach writer Chamidae Ford at specials @dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @chamidae_ford

8 Sex Edition 2019

Your DAILY Sexy Horoscope

By Charlotte Houston and Hailey Robinson

Aries: Lucky you, Aries! The snow is the perfect excuse to cancel on those Tinder dates that you impulsively agreed to and watch the Snapchat original “Bhad Bhabie” reality TV show.

Taurus: Taurus, don’t be too disappointed when your date isn’t all that invested in finishing that episode of “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.”

Instead, evaluate if their touch really sparks that much joy.

Gemini: Instead of ghosting your next partner, try giving them a real spook by actually following up after the third date.

Cancer: This month, try not to slip your phone number into every reusable bag that you slip across the counter to your Trader Joe’s cashier. Instead, spice up your love life by asking someone out from Safeway.

THE DAILY

Libra: If you’re craving a little excitement, try taking a date to Sizzle and Crunch. Maybe they’ll get sick and leave, which works out well for you since you would rather be listening to a truecrime podcast.

Scorpio: Hey Scorpio, are you OK? No actually, just really checking in here. You’ve been listening to Lorde’s “Melodrama” on your Spotify for the past week. That came out like two years ago. I mean it’s good, but still, it’s getting excessive.

Sagittarius: Listen Sag, we know you don’t like being tied down. Don’t ditch your significant other, maybe it’s just time to try something new in bed — like being tied down.

Capricorn: Missing your car now that the Viaduct closure has forced you onto the bus? Contemplate moving your more intimate activities into the (stationary) backseat and keep the roads clear for the rest of us!

Aquarius: Look, Aquarius. We know you think the UW Alerts are hot. Hazmat suits? “Chemical” spills? Not yucking your yum or anything but...

Leo: Leo, maybe try out voyeurism this month. It’ll be good for you to focus on someone besides yourself.

Pisces: Maybe the government shutdown has felt like a metaphor for your love life. Maybe you are Trump trying to give the State of the Union of your love and your partner is Nancy Pelosi refusing to turn the lights and recording equipment on. Give up, Pisces.

Virgo: Great news, Virgo. Your endless berating has worked and your partner will finally allow you to squeeze those little suckers that have been calling your name since the first time you laid eyes on their comedones. This Valentine’s Day, you will be the crowned the new Dr. Pimple Popper.

Illustrations by Christine McManigal The Daily

Sex Edition 2019 9

THE DAILY

Those three special words: “Urinary tract infection” The rundown on UTIs and sex

By Sierra Stella The Daily Last November, I peed my pants in my boyfriend’s kitchen. My bladder had been feeling weird for a couple of days — I would get an extreme urge to pee out of the blue, and then when I went, the amount was negligible.

I started just ignoring when I needed to pee because most of the time I didn’t really need to.

And then, on the second day of my symptoms, standing in my boyfriend’s kitchen and scrolling on my phone in order to ignore the pressure in my bladder, I was suddenly letting out a tiny amount of pee.

After hastily changing my pants, I finally texted my mom about my symptoms. She told me it was probably a UTI. She was right.

A urinary tract infection (UTI) is an infection of any part of the urinary system, though most commonly the bladder or urethra. According to Angela Ramirez Wood, a registered nurse of 15 years who currently works at Hall Health Women’s Clinic, the main symptoms are urgency (a strong urge to urinate), frequency of urination, a sense of incomplete emptying (“where you go to the bathroom, you pee, but after you’re done peeing, you feel like there’s more left and it won’t come out”), and sometimes burning with urination.

“Some people also may experience a little bit of blood in their urine or cloudy urine or urine that might smell a little different,” Ramirez Wood said.

Some people also experience

pelvic pain.

Though I was aware that UTIs existed and were something I was more likely to get if I was sexually active, I’ll admit that most of my knowledge of them came from the song “I Gave You a UTI” from the show “Crazy ExGirlfriend.” It seemed like a really distant possibility.

“I didn’t know the signs and because I’d never had one, I’d never had to know what the signals were.”

I’m not the only one who thought along these lines.

“I always thought of it as something like, you know, ‘Don’t leave your tampon in for seven hours or else you’ll get toxic shock syndrome,’ and like, I don’t know anyone who’s ever gotten [that],” a UW biology major said when relating her first experience with a UTI. “And I always thought of it as kind of like that … no, it’s very easy to have it happen.”

I also thought that the main symptom was a burning sensation when you pee, and because I wasn’t experiencing that, I had no idea my symptoms meant I had a UTI. I was not alone in this cluelessness. “I didn’t know that I had it for a

long time, like two weeks,” a recent UW graduate told me about when she got her first UTI last summer. “I didn’t know the signs and because I’d never had one, I’d never had to know what the signals were.”

Because of this, she experienced much worse consequences than your runof-the-mill UTI. “It was very disruptive, and I went on antibiotics for it. The first round didn’t kick it, so I was on them for another round,” she said. “[The UTI] finally went away, but the antibiotics left me with — I’ve had digestive issues in the past, and basically, all of those ended up coming back. So I ended up having to go to the doctor for months and months and be on these crazy, very restrictive diets … it was the starting point of a very slippery slope.”

The majority of UTIs are caused by sex, and are more likely to occur if you are having a lot of sex, have multiple partners, or are having sex with a new partner. According to Ramirez Wood, they are more common in people with vaginas simply because their urethras, the tube that connects the bladder to the outside world, are much shorter, so the bacteria don’t have to travel as far to get up to the bladder.

“What happens is, usually during sex, with hands or touch or whatever it is, it’s very easy to bring bacteria near the urethra, especially because it’s so close to the vaginal opening, and then usually … what happens is, about 18 to 24 hours later,

that’s been enough time for that bacteria to travel up the urethra into the bladder and cause all these troublesome symptoms,” Ramirez Wood said.

The good news is, there’s a simple solution: a round of antibiotics. The bad news is, there’s only one solution: a round of antibiotics, which need to be prescribed by your healthcare provider.

“That’s where it gets cumbersome for a lot of people, is that it means frequent trips to come in and see a doctor and get a prescription,” Ramirez Wood said. This can potentially be cost-prohibitive for those without insurance, something which Ramirez Wood said Hall Health is very aware of and tries to contend with.

However, while taking antibiotics is the only way to cure a UTI, Ramirez Wood mentioned that if you’re in the early stages, you might be able to get rid of it yourself. “If you start feeling the very first sensations of a UTI … start drinking a ton of water,” she said. “And sometimes, you can actually clear it by just drinking a lot of water and peeing a bunch.”

But trying to resolve your UTI on your own is no excuse for not seeking medical help if it doesn’t work. “If that’s not working for you, and you’re going on a day or two, then definitely come in and we’ll take care of you,” Ramirez Wood said.

Though the symptoms of a UTI are physical, having one can also take an emotional toll. “I was, like, pissed. I was livid,” the biology major said.

“That first day was the worst, because it was just like, there’s nothing I can do about it and I have to accept that, but just knowing there is a solution and not being able to have it was just frustrating … And then, I have a very physical job and so I was doing stuff and then I’d be caught up in something being like, ‘Wow, I really need to go to the bathroom.’ In my mind, I know that it’s nothing, but it’s still just the frustration and the annoyance and how uncomfortable that is. And just the pent-up pressure and stress of that.”

And even after the symptoms go away, it can leave a lasting impact. “I was just more aware, specifically because my doctor said to make sure you urinate right after [sex], and if you physically can’t do that, to take a shower,” the recent grad said.

“And I think for the next three or four months, I did not miss doing either of those things any time because I just didn’t want that to happen again.”

The biology major described a feeling of paranoia after having had her first UTI. “Post-that, it’s been on my mind more, obviously,” she said. “In my head, it’s almost like when you feel like you’re pregnant … It’s that same feeling of, like, you convince yourself, and you’re fully in that hole of, like, ‘I’m positive I have a UTI.’” I, too, have experienced a persistent sense of paranoia about getting a UTI ever since November. That month, I had what were either two separate UTIs or simply one and a recurrence of the same one, but either way, it meant about a month of discomfort and

treatment with only brief periods of respite. I was so dejected throughout the experience, and have become hyper-aware of every feeling in my bladder ever since. It has definitely made me more nervous about sex than I ever was before.

But it’s not as though we’re completely unarmed in the fight against UTIs. When it comes to sex, there are a lot of things you can do to try to prevent them.

“I would say just to try to keep everything clean,” Ramirez Wood said. “So wash [your] hands before any sexual activity. If there are any objects that you’re using, any sex toys or anything like that, make sure that you wash them or be really cautious with them if they’ve been anywhere near the rectum or the anus if they’re coming forward more toward the urethra, which is at the top of the vaginal opening, just be really aware that the primary cause of urinary tract infections is actually E. Coli, and E. Coli comes from the bowel.”

As the recent graduate discovered, you should also definitely pee before and after sex. “It makes a huge difference if a … person with a vagina gets up and pees before sex and then again after sex,” Ramirez Wood said. “It just helps rinse away or wash away any cells or bacteria that might be hanging around the outside of the urethra ready to cause a UTI after sex.”

And as for other forms of protection, Ramirez Wood advises staying well-hydrated to help “clear everything out,” as well as maybe adding a cranberry supplement or unsweetened cranberry juice to your diet, especially if you take it before you go to sleep at night so it can sit in your bladder overnight. Though Ramirez Wood cautions that the research shows that “there’s a component in cranberries and in blueberries that makes it so that the bacteria can’t stick to the urinary tract” is mixed, she has found that it has worked for some, and takes a “why not” approach to it.

After recovering from a UTI, Ramirez Wood said, there isn’t much aftercare to be done, “just being really in tune with your body and aware [of ] what might be triggering UTIs for you, and how to take care of yourself around sexual activity to prevent that from happening.”

These practices probably won’t stave off UTIs forever. In fact, it’s incredibly statistically unlikely that they will. But wellequipped with knowledge and preventative measures, though we may worry about it, we will know how to deal with another UTI when it, inevitably, comes.

“I’m definitely more aware of it today … than I used to be, and that helps the fear go away,” the biology major said. “Because I can tell myself, ‘I did this. I know what it feels like now.’ So I know going forward. The fear of the unknown is less there than it used to be.”

Reach Arts & Leisure Editor Sierra Stella at arts@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @sierramstella

10 Sex Edition 2019

THE DAILY

Re-evaluating men’s health

Make 2019 the year we correct course after literal centuries (if not millennia) of so much bullshit

By Shahbaz Khan The Daily There’s something fundamentally broken about men. Ninety percent of homicides are perpetrated by men, 77 percent of homicide victims are men, men are 3.5 times more likely to successfully commit suicide and are expected to live, on average, 4.9 years less than women. With all this in mind, it’s difficult not to feel like masculinity is just an elaborate, protracted deathtrap, and we the stoic, emotionally-stunted passengers caught in its cold, unrelenting grasp — and it’s all the more precarious when you’re not cis, straight, white, and rich.

Lotta baggage to carry when you’re trying to get it on.

With the controversial (to say the least) confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh, the release of the APA “Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men,” and, of all things, a goddamn Gillette ad, our cultural understanding of and engagement with traditional Western masculinity has reached a new flashpoint of conscious reckoning. More and more, we’re asking ourselves: What does it mean to be a man, and can it be extricated from such deeply ingrained toxicity?

It’s a question that many men have sought to grapple with in

counseling.

“It has been the case for a lot of the folks I’ve talked to recently who have come in talking about how, as men, the ways in which toxic masculinity force men into kind of narrow ranges of emotional expression,” Fievel Jack Finley, a counseling therapist at Hall Health, said.

“As well as folks coming in struggling with examining male privilege and the ways in which they benefit in a world designed to privilege men.”

To speak frankly, the single most overarching crisis facing men’s health is of masculinity’s accessibility, meaning, who’s allowed to access it and how they’re expected to access it. Without a radical course correction, the restrictive expectations of who is a man and how they are supposed to act will continue to yield destructive results on men’s health. Only time will tell just what the repercussions our current moment of upheaval will have, but until then, here are just a few assorted health tips to send you on your way: Safe sex and contraceptives: If you have a penis, use a condom — not only are they the most accessible form of birth control available, as they’re available for free at multiple locations on and off campus, they’re also the most accessible preventative measure for transmitting STDs/STIs. Dental dams are flexible pieces of latex placed over your partner’s genitals for oral sex.

You can get them from Planned Parenthood or order them online, but if you’re strapped for cash, you can also convert a condom into a dental dam by cutting it in half with a pair of scissors ( just make sure there aren’t any holes in the pieces you’ve cut). Planned Parenthood has a very helpful guide for this process on their Tumblr.

Plan B is a pill that someone capable of getting pregnant can take after having unprotected sex with someone capable of causing pregnancy.

Most insurance plans cover STD/STI testing, (which, by the way, men should be getting regularly too). If you don’t want to/can’t use insurance, the Planned Parenthood in the U-District offers sliding scale options for coverage.

Sex and sexuality: “Sex is sacred. Your body is a temple, and you shouldn’t share it with anyone.” That is the gist of abstinence-only sex-ed.

It’s rather useless. As long as it’s consensual, have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want. (Within reason.)

But seriously, use protection.

If you’ve started transitioning with hormones, your genitalia is probably going to change. Your clitoris can grow, your labia can puff up, your vaginal walls can stiffen — these are just a few examples. Be kind to your body and take it easy.

If you’re sexually active, try to get regularly tested for STDs/ STIs, especially if you’re cis (doubly so if you’re straight — y’all are infamous slackers on this front).

Gender-affirming care: Binding is a chest compression technique. There aren’t safe binding methods so much as less dangerous binding methods. You’re pushing fatty tissue up against your ribcage, which in turn puts pressure on those bones. The bigger your breasts are, the greater the pressure.

“Never, ever, under any circumstances, put two binders on,” advises Tony Void, a trans student at Edmonds Community College. “I did that once, and I broke a rib.”

You can find additional binding tips at dckings.com.

If you’re considering starting

gender-affirming care such as hormone therapy, you can contact Hall Health and they can get you an appointment with a provider to further discuss options for you. This visit can be covered under the free subsidized visit granted to every UW student per quarter.

Hormones are also considered to be prescription medication.

Mental health: Look, life is challenging no matter who you are, and sometimes you just need to talk about it. Counseling is one way you can do that. The Counseling Center in Schmitz Hall is free, and Hall Health’s mental health clinic offers multiple counseling options for whatever you may want or need. If payment is a problem, I can say from experience that they’ll do their best to accommodate whatever your financial situation may be.

Anyone can be sexually harassed or assaulted. The Survivors Support and Advocacy Program is offered through Health and Wellness as a safe and confidential space for students to talk about what they want or need after sexual harassment, assault, relationship violence, or stalking. You can reach out to them at hwadvoc@ uw.edu.

Informal drop-in counseling is available for free through Let’s Talk, a partnership between counselors from Hall Health and the Counseling Center. Sessions are available from 2-4 p.m.

Mondays through Thursdays in Ode, the Ethnic Cultural Center, the Q Center, and Mary-Gates Hall.

Sometimes, the best way to take care of yourself is to skip class. No one can be expected to work all the time at full capacity.

Reach writer Shahbaz Khan at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @JadeMoonSpeaks

The isolation and erasure of bisexual identities

By Hailey Robinson The Daily There’s a sense of isolation in being a bisexual woman. We aren’t straight, but, especially if we’re in relationships with men, we aren’t queer enough.

I spent years of my life conflicted about my sexuality before finally settling on the label of bisexual, but everything was thrown into disarray again when I started dating a man. A friend joked about me “being heterosexual now,” and it added to feelings I was already having — that I was being isolated from a community that has always been such an important part of my identity.

Being a woman dating a man fits more in with what’s socially normative than my relationships ever had before, and that suddenly made me feel less queer. I spent a lot of my time in woman-loving-woman spaces, and although I’d always known I was attracted to men, it was more in theory than in practice.

As soon as I started dating a man, it felt like I was genuinely becoming less queer — and not just personally. My friend who joked that I was heterosexual now is also bisexual, but she now sees me as straight, despite the

fact that I discussed my sexuality and a previous relationship with a nonbinary partner often with her.

It seems like people view bisexuality as some sort of sexuality Schrodinger’s cat. You can be bisexual as long as the box is shut, but as soon as you hook up with someone or start a relationship, you’re “picking a side.”

There aren’t sides to bisexuality. It isn’t half-straight, half-gay, or even somewhere in between. It’s its own unique sexuality, and bi people are bi no matter who they’re dating.

After how terrifying it is to realize that your sexuality makes you non-normative, and the difficulty coming out and knowing your friends and family might see you differently, and after having queer friends by your side supporting you through that and finding safety and hope in that community, it hurts to be shoved back into a heterosexual box (or closet) by that community.

While I’m dating a man, I don’t experience a relationship with a man the same way a straight woman would. I experience it as a bisexual woman. Implying otherwise erases my history, my previous

relationships, my childhood crushes and how, despite dating a man, I am still a woman who loves women as well.

This is only one aspect of bisexual erasure, and how our identities as bisexual people are reduced to who we’re dating or having sex with. In a world where heterosexuality is normative, our identities are reduced to a fun way to steal a girl’s boyfriend in Ariana Grande music videos.

For a lot of queer identities, there’s an emphasis on visibility, and bisexuality is no different.

It’s not representation to turn bisexuality into a joke, and it further isolates bisexual people, especially bisexual women, from the queer community.

I wasn’t just bisexual when my partner was nonbinary.

That didn’t define my sexuality any more than dating a man does now. I’m not asking for validation in dating a man, I’m asking for people to understand that bisexuality is much more complex than who a person is dating or sleeping with.

Reach Social Media Editor Hailey Robinson at specials@ dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @haileyarobin

Sex Edition 2019 11

THE DAILY

This one’s for the ladies

Casual sex guilt and the patriarchy that enables it

By Sophie Aanerud The Daily Author’s note: Last names were left out to protect the anonymity of the interviewees.

As this is not the Victorian era, it is safe to just come out and say it, no wild double-entendre or thinly-veiled metaphors necessary: many young people are having sex. What’s more, many young people are having casual sex with various partners, with a 2009 study published in “Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health” reporting that approximately 20 percent of sexually active young adults polled reported that their most recent sexual encounter was “casual in nature.”

Almost as common as casual sex, however, is the concept of guilt over casual sex.

A 2002 study of college hookup culture published in the “Journal of Social and Personal Relationships” revealed that women more often experience guilt after casual sex where “their emotional response might include shame or self-blame,” while the guilt and regret men experience tends to be with relation to their choice of partner.

Will, a UW junior, attested to this phenomenon.

“I have had guilt,” Will said.

“Mostly I get it because I end up not having an emotional connec-

tion to the girl, and she usually does.”

There is also evidence implying that women are less likely to either engage in, or admit to having engaged in casual sex than men, with a 2013 study published in “The Journal of Sex Research” revealing that, from a pool of multiethnic heterosexual college students, 18.6 percent of men and 7.4 percent of women reported having casual sex in the past month.

Most theories accounting for this trend in which women experience greater degrees of guilt and hesitation over casual sex note cultural factors.

“In terms of guilt, I have had guys specifically try to make me feel guilty about having sex with certain people,” UW senior Sophia said. “That reason is definitely because of male control over female sexuality. These guys were trying to say that I was being used, but never considered if I was using the guy for my own reasons.”

The long and multicultural history of male suppression of female sexuality has undoubtedly impacted the way Americans today feel about casual sex. In the era of slut-shaming and #MeToo, it is clear that female sexual freedom, over 50 years since the “sexual revolution,” remains an area of contention, impacting the way individuals, especially

women, regard casual sex.

The ongoing discussion over access to birth control demonstrates not only the continuation of male control over female sexuality but the general censorship of female sexuality in American society. Women find themselves forced, again and again, to list their non-sexual rationale behind taking birth control, as the concept of using a device for non-reproductive sex is still somehow amoral. The fact that there is easy and free access to male condoms across the country (which, it should be noted, is the product of an extended and hard-fought effort to protect sexually active individuals during the AIDS crisis) serves to demonstrate the incongruence in how male and female sexuality is treated.

With the concept that female sexuality is somehow amoral or unnatural so ingrained in our culture, it is no surprise that women experience greater degrees of personal guilt following casual sex.

While some argue that the different relationships men and women typically have to casual sex is based more on biology than culture, a 2011 study on gender differences in sexual attitudes published in “The Journal of Sex Research” suggested that “some gender differences in sexuality are much smaller than

Notice of Expedited Rule Making (Per RCW 34.05.353) Title of Rule and Other Identifying Information: WAC 478-128-020, Animal Control at the University of Washington, Definitions

common knowledge would suggest” and that there is little to no biological evidence that women are less inclined to engage in casual sex than men.

Sophia claims to have never experienced actual guilt regarding casual sexual encounters but does acknowledge that patriarchal cultural norms have made it difficult her to maintain such a relationship with said encounters.

“I know what sex is and the meaning behind it,” Sophia said.

“It’s insulting frankly. It’s my body and these guys are trying to control my sexuality by making

me feel guilty.”

Sexual people, in general, like consensual sex. Men like consensual sex, women like consensual sex, non-binary people like consensual sex. While sexual encounters, like any other interactions between individuals, will never be devoid of guilt and regret, by recognizing the meanings behind sex and the intentions of those engaging in it, maybe we’ll all feel better on that walk-of-no-shame.

Reach writer Sophie Aanerud at specials@daily.com.

Twitter: @thesraanerud

Sex Edition word search

(They’re really not that hard to find)

Name: Barbara Lechtanski Director of Rules Coordination Agency: University of Washington Address: Rules Coordination Office Box 351210 Seattle, WA 98195-1210 Email: rules@uw.edu

F Q Q T J S A B M B N E L M R N M O I M V U D E B E C H V P H Z

AND RECEIVED BY MARCH 26, 2019

Word Bank: CLITORIS GSPOT HYMEN CERVIX MAJORA MINORA MONS VULVA LABIA

Statutory Authority for Adoption and Statute Being Implemented: RCW 28B.20.130 and RCW 49.60.040 Purpose of the Proposal and Its Anticipated Effects, Including Any Changes in Existing Rules: The University of Washington currently has an emergency rule in effect and this proposal is to make permanent those recent updates to the university’s definition of service animal in WAC 478-128020 to align with the updates to RCW 49.60.040 concerning service animals.

NOTICE: THIS RULE IS BEING PROPOSED UNDER AN EXPEDITED RULE-MAKING PROCESS THAT WILL ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR THE AGENCY TO HOLD PUBLIC HEARINGS, PREPARE A SMALL BUSINESS ECONOMIC IMPACT STATEMENT, OR PROVIDE RESPONSES TO THE CRITERIA FOR A SIGNIFICANT LEGISLATIVE RULE. IF YOU OBJECT TO THIS USE OF THE EXPEDITED RULE-MAKING PROCESS, YOU MUST EXPRESS YOUR OBJECTIONS IN WRITING AND THEY MUST BE SENT TO:

H S N A I M T D N N L R I A A T

E Q E I R Y Z L S G V B G R F C

G H C L D H P A G I A S O O L T

D G F Q M Q I B X V P J K N J X

X H B W P S L I L O A L V I L U

G N A C N Z J A T M R P N M V S

N T V I F S Y H H U H V M O C C L O I L T E O S R L I A S W E D

12 Sex Edition 2019

THE DAILY

What campus sexual health looks like

By Thelonious Goerz The Daily Safe sex is a priority at many schools, especially at the UW. According to Hall Health Center’s Director Patricia

Atwater, being as safe as possible can be undermined by stigma, complex social issues, and differential access.

According to the National College Health Assessment,

a nationwide study of participating colleges, when asked whether they had been informed about STI prevention by their university, 55.3 percent of respondents said they had.

But behind this statistic and the provided information, there are still disparities in access for different groups.

According to Atwater, queer students and students of color were at higher risk of getting sexually transmitted diseases and infections because of reduced access. Across the board, threats to sexual health can be due to alcohol use via reduced inhibitions.

“People of color are much more likely to develop chlamydia and gonorrhea than their white counterparts,” Atwater said. “People who are queeridentified [may have more risk because they] have less access to resources.”

The root cause of these disparities is that the message of safe sex for too long has been to use condoms. This only covers vaginal intercourse, according to Atwater and, “as an afterthought, anal sex.” This type of education and preventative outreach excludes the rest of the sexually active community that does not identify as straight.

In the study by the American College Health Association, students responded overwhelmingly at 40.9 percent

that they would like more information on STI prevention.

In the same study, respondents who answered yes to having had oral sex in the past 30 days, 42.1 percent said they never used protection, and 19.7 percent said that they did but not in the past 30 days. Consistent with the evidence of students seeking more info about sexual health, this material seems to show a large margin of unsafe sex practice.

When the same question was applied to vaginal and anal intercourse, those respective numbers of students who did not use a safe sex method were 15.7 percent and 7.2 percent respectively. Additionally, the numbers of students who used some sort of safe sex method all the time was still troubling.

Only, 15.4 percent for vaginal intercourse, and 2.4 percent for anal intercourse.

However, while the raw data is important to understanding what the breakdown of these decisions are, campus sexual health practices relating to choosing safe sex methods are tied heavily to issues of self-efficacy, relationship seriousness, and the duration of relationships, according to Atwater.

“There a variety of risk factors tied to people’s identities and who they are, and then also to what they are doing in terms

of their sex lives,” Atwater said.

“It’s hard to generalize … but, across the board what we see in safer-sex compliance has to do with individual self-efficacy, also coupled with the use of drugs and alcohol. Race and ethnicity is a factor for a lot of couples because of their access to resources.”

Resources are the main factor contributing to whether or not students practice safe sex. At the UW, these resources are available at Hall Health, which provides IUD services, condoms, birth control, and various other advice and counseling resources.

Specifically, Hall Health states that students can get 10 safe-sexrelated items for free per week, according to Atwater.

The Hall Health Center offers additional counseling on safe sex as well as other services and resources. Hall Health also provides STI testing for students and a variety of other services, including counseling about birth control and other safe sex options.

“We need to do more both in terms of understanding where students are, and providing programs to meet them where they are at and where they want to go,” Atwater said.

with you, even if it’s awkward in the moment.

for people with vaginas, so this can be an important part of creating an enjoyable sexual experience. Natural lubrication is a result of excitement and is an important for the person with the vagina to enjoy the experience, but store-bought lube can serve as a supplement when your body doesn’t produce enough for comfort.

Reach writer Thelonious Goerz at specials@dailyuw.com. Twitter: @TheloniousGoerz

Continued from page 6

Bumping uglies: Getting into the dirty details If only I could tell you everything you need to know before the first or next time you have sex.

Since I can’t, here are some questions everyone should know the answer to because knowledge is power. However, sex looks different for everyone. There are many ways to have sex, and not everyone was born with the genitals they feel represent them best. No one should be made to think by their partners that their genitals are their problem alone.

Some genitals produce entire human beings. Let’s all get a little more woke.

What is a G-spot?

The G-spot is an area of the vagina in the inner front, about one to two inches deep, that can be stimulated for sexual arousal.

Google is a good resource to learn more. The G-spot was named for German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg, who HAD A PENIS. Can you believe that?!

I feel betrayed from the inside

out. I propose a takeback of this term. Perhaps the (Ruth Bader) Ginsberg-spot? The Gloria (Steinem)-spot? The (Roxane) Gay-spot?

Do girls masturbate?

Yes, and this shouldn’t be taboo.

For more on girls, masturbation, and social stigma, flip to page seven for Chamidae’s article on this topic.

Is sex supposed to hurt?

No. If pain is consistent, there might be underlying issues, like a lack of pleasure or lubrication, or something requiring medical attention. See Charlotte and Alyson’s article on vaginismus for more on this topic. Sometimes the anticipation that it will hurt can cause the vaginal walls to tense up further, leading to more pain. Previous sexual trauma can cause this pain and apprehension before sex, so look to Samantha’s article for more information.

Who uses sex toys and what for?

Sex toys come in all shapes and sizes and some people with vaginas rely on them heavily to finish, even during sex with their partner. There are dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, and many other variations. To see a detailed history of the dildo, flip to Theolonious’ article.

How do you talk about what someone likes?

None of us have conquered this part of sex yet, but the best thing to do is to keep asking how everything feels. Don’t try anything unless you’re given signals to do it and if you’re still not sure, ask. The awkwardness of asking is far better than pushing your partner too far, and sometimes, these kinds of conversations can jumpstart intimacy. Plus, asking is caring and considerate and will only make your partner feel more safe

What is foreplay? How long should it last?

Foreplay looks different for everyone, and that’s okay! Just like any other sexual activity, it’s pretty much all up to your personal preference. Foreplay is really helpful for stimulating the production of natural lubrication

The philosophy of f---ing: The pants-off dance-off has GOT to be voluntarily consensual How do I speak up if I’m not into something, even if I agreed to it before?

A lot of us clam up when something doesn’t feel right, and it’s not your fault. The best thing you can do in the moment if something doesn’t feel right is to say something if you feel safe and able to. It’s not your fault if you don’t feel safe or able to say something, and it’s everyone’s responsibility to ensure consent.

I will keep telling you it’s not your fault until you believe me.

It’s not your fault if someone doesn’t make sure to ask you for your voluntary consent.

How can I check in with my partner to make sure everything is consensual?

Checking in with your partner

won’t be awkward if it comes from a place of genuine care for that person. Asking questions like, “Is this okay?” is a great way to show you not only care about that person’s body but their wellbeing, too.

What if my partner is drunk or high?

If your partner is too drunk or high to remember something you told them a few minutes ago, then they’re blacked out.

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or have been married for 45 years: no relationship serves as a blanket agreement to have sex with someone under any circumstances. If someone is too drunk or high to know what’s going on, they can’t consent. It is up to you and your partner what you make of that and please

discuss this before, rather than after, something happens.

If someone is drunk or blacked out, they may insist that they are consenting. That doesn’t mean that they will remember it the next day. It is ultimately up to the more-sober person to make that call, and definitely something that the two of you should talk about (even if it’s awkward) before a night of drinking. Alcohol and other drugs can also be used to coerce or manipulate someone into sex.

If you feel like this happened to you, you can contact UW Police Department victims’ advocate Victoria Adams at vadams@ uw.edu to discuss your options.

Why do you have sex?

This is something you should ask yourself often. Do you have sex to please someone, whether its

your partner or your peers? Do you have sex to fulfill a quota set by your frat house? Do you have sex to stare at the ceiling tiles and fake an orgasm five strokes in to make your partner feel better about themselves? Do you have sex because it feels good and makes you happy?

You might never know the answer, and that’s OK. But we have sex for lots of reasons and you should ask yourself why. We know and love everyone from people who have never had sex to people who have sex with random Tinder users because they’re bored. Neither of those qualifications make you less worthy of love. Love yourself and those around you and do your best to take care of yourself and whatever and whoever is between your legs.

I’ll leave you with this: A male editor at The Daily and a close friend of mine told me recently that a boy in his fraternity house last year thought girls peed out of their buttholes. So there you have it, Huskies: the real reason you should never stop being curious about coitus. Our sexual relationships could only benefit from being a little more thoughtful, knowledgeable, and inquisitive about sex and with whom we have it.

Reach Health & Wellness Editor Manisha Jha and Design Editor Jenna Shanker at specials@ dailyuw.com.

Twitter @manishajha_