Specials | Sex Edition 2018

THE DAILY PRESENTS:

SEX EDITION

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ASK CHRISTINE

TEACHING CONSENT

ORGASM 101

The Daily’s sex podcaster answers your questions

Why elementary education could make all the difference

Demystifying feminine sexual pleasure

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2 Monday, February 12, 2018

THE DAILY

The Daily’s sex podcaster answers your questions on sex, dating, and all that’s in between

By Christine McManigal The Daily I’ve been dating someone for the past two months and we’ve been relatively sexually active.

We have sex pretty frequently but my boyfriend won’t go down on me. I give him oral sex during foreplay but I never receive any in return. He says it’s just not his thing. What do I do?

For some reason there seems to be two sides to oral sex for men: either he’s down to go down, or not so much. The reasons vary a lot; some men talk about smell, taste, or body hair. However the same argument can be made by women. Women, too, can argue that it’s unhygienic, or that your man bush is just too much. However, it all comes down to communication. Talk to your boyfriend about why he’s apprehensive to go down on you. If it’s body hair, then the issue is more superficial, but if he’s simply not open-minded then there’s a larger problem.

If he refuses to go down on you

whatsoever in the end, I think that is a indicator of who your boyfriend is. Oral sex can be a large part of a healthy sexual experience, and for him to deny you this shows that he isn’t very concerned with your sexual well-being nor are you his equal in the bedroom. A healthy relationship is all about equal partners, and while some argue that sex shouldn’t be the main priority in a relationship, it can be a good indicator of where your weaknesses lie. college and began talking to a junior. We connect really well emotionally and have many of the same interests. However, I recently found out that he’s still a virgin while I am not. I’m slightly apprehensive to approach him sexually. Should I continue to see him?

Frankly, this isn’t an issue that I can necessarily answer for you.

I cannot tell you point blank if you should continue to see this man but I can help you logically look at the situation. First off, we’re all virgins at some point,

and I find it’s a bit unfair for you to be critical of this aspect of him, especially when he’s not alone, 14.3 percent of men from the ages of 20-24 are still virgins. You also need to remember that virginity doesn’t have a concrete definition and is a fluid concept. The concept of virginity is individualized, so for him, he may have had or performed oral sex, but not penetrative sex, or maybe he has already performed outercourse.

This is a conversation you need to have with him to understand where he stands and what his definitions are. That being said, it worries me that the fact that he’s a virgin is off-putting to you. Sex is very personal, especially when it comes to first sexual experiences. If you would prefer to be with someone who has experience, maybe it’s best not to force yourself to be with him, for the benefit of both parties. It would be unfair to him to lose his virginity to you and experience this intimate moment, with you not as enthusiastic right below the surface. I heavily encourage you

to talk to your significant other about his sexual experiences, definitions, and expectations alongside discussing your conflicts. It may be an uncomfortable conversation, but it is a necessary one.

How do I weather the heterosexual storm that is Valentine’s Day? Valentine’s Day is one of those holidays that doesn’t hold much actual significance and is overly commercialized. There is a story from long ago about how St. Valentine married Roman men and women in secret, however none of that really applies to us today. Every year on Feb. 14, stores are flooded with pink and red hearts, chocolates, lingerie, and stuffed animals.

In none of my relationships did Valentine’s Day ever really hold significance to us. Yes, it is a day to celebrate love, but you don’t need a specific day to remind your significant other how you feel about them. I also find that many abuse Valentine’s Day, asking for too much from their partners, expecting extravagant

dinners, gifts, and trips. Another problem is definitely the heterosexuality of Valentine’s Day. It’s shoved down everyone’s throats. We see commercials of men proposing to women, men and women enjoying intimate dinners, but where are the queer couples? There are all sorts of relationships with men, women, trans, and non-binaries, yet we don’t highlight them in a Kay Jewelers advertisement.

I find that the solution is to personalize Valentine’s Day. It’s a day to celebrate being in love, so do an activity that the two of you bonded over or one that celebrates an important memory. This advice doesn’t just apply to queer couples trying to weather the hetero storm but to all couples. Reject the commercialized heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and dozen roses; celebrate the sheer joy and luck of being in love and being the two of you.

Reach Podcast Editor Christine McManigal at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @clmcman

Dating 101: Swipe right on dating apps Navigating the online world of romance and sex

By Christine McManigal The Daily Even at the tender age of 19, I’ve seen my fair share of men.

I’ve been in many relationships, and I probably went on too many dates last year. I’d like to think that I’m an expert in the field of relationships — call me Professor McManigal — but frankly I haven’t even scratched the surface of dating.

While dating isn’t an exact science, dating profiles do seem to come with guidelines and how-tos. We pore over screenshots of stellar or poor (mainly poor) dating profiles, indicating that as a society, we are already subconsciously aware of what we’re looking for in potential mates. We ignore the fact that many of these profiles are carefully arranged in order to appeal to as many mates as possible.

That being said, it seems as though we shouldn’t teach others how to create “successful” profiles, further propagating this false identity — but, nevertheless, here’s some insight on what you could do to your dating profile.

Include photos that aren’t While selfies are the most convenient way to acquire photos of yourself, they aren’t the photos to be using for your dating profile. This is essentially an ad for you to market yourself to other individuals online.

However, this shouldn’t mean you need to have a professionally taken headshot. You can just use a decent photo a friend took of you at a pub or at brunch that one time. Selfies imply that you either didn’t put very much effort into your profile, or that you haven’t been out enough for people to acquire photos of you.

If you are making a profile and you simply don’t have any photos of yourself at the moment, a selfie is fine as a placeholder, just tell yourself that you’ll work on

getting a better profile picture.

Finally, for the love of God, do not use a filter for your selfie: There are enough flower crown filters out there already.

People will actually ready your bio

You’d be surprised at how often someone will open up your profile to see what you’ve put down for your bio. It all comes down to one of three primary tensions in relationships: connectedness and separateness, certainty and uncertainty, and openness and closedness. Dating apps focus on the last tension: openness and closedness. With apps such as Tinder, there is a decent amount of anonymity.

Last names are unknown and so are locations. When you see a college or occupation tagged in a profile, it’s the profile owner’s way of taking a step from being closed to open. They are willingly giving you allocated amounts of information. A bio is another platform for this tension. Do you want to tell your dating pool personal things about you? Or do you wish to remain elusive?

The choice is up to you, and there isn’t a right or wrong way to make a bio. However whatever you write down will reflect your personality in some way. When you see bios that say, “Here for a fun time, not a long time,” well, I find that speaks for itself. But a bio that says “Let’s go hiking sometime” implies that this is someone who isn’t just simply looking for a hookup, as silly as that sounds. This person is an individual that is willing to meet in person and do an activity with you; this is someone you can actually talk to.

It’s OK to have group phoThis is an actual debate: To have group photos or to not have group photos. I find myself leaning toward yes, why not have a group photo? That being said, I can sympathize with other people who find themselves

frustrated and shouting at their phone screens, “Well, which one is he?” A group photo as a profile pic is aggravating.

We want to know who you are up front. It also gives us bad impressions of you. Are you trying to hide yourself among better looking friends? Are you trying to emphasize how popular you are or that you can “pull babes”? We’d just like a simple picture of you from the get-go, no investigating needed.

However, there’s nothing wrong with putting a picture of you and your friends a bit deeper into your photo reel. A picture of you and your friends on a mountain biking trip or traveling in a foreign land? Yes please; we like to see that you do cool things or have close-knit friends.

But before you make yourself a dating profile, you need to sit down and ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself, why are you making a profile?

Are you looking for friendship or a relationship? Are you just trying to get back out there or are you looking for sex? Next, decide which platform is best for you. Is it Tinder, Grindr, Coffee Meets Bagel, or Bumble?

There isn’t a wrong reason to make a dating profile. It’s an intimate decision, and ultimately, it’s all about doing it for yourself.

Reach Podcast Editor Putting cute cats or dogs into Christine McManigal your profile is such a cheap at specials@dailyuw.com. ploy, but oh so effective. Who Twitter: @clmcman doesn’t want to meet that cute person holding a baby duck or kissing a rabbit.

Cheap tricks put aside, pets are also fantastic conversation starters. I’d Advertising Managers love to go on a Lucas Cairns walk with your Ramin Farrokhi dog sometime admanager@dailyuw.com or find out what your cats’ Campus Advertising names are. One campus@dailyuw.com of my favorite interactions on Local Advertising Tinder was a ads@dailyuw.com back and forth banter of dog Publisher puns that all Diana Kramer started with, dianakramer@dailyuw.com “You and your dog look quite Editor-in-Chief FETCHing.”

Rebecca Gross Easy editor@dailyuw.com conversation starters and that Special Sections Editor man’s corgi had Alyson Podesta me jumping at specials@dailyuw.com the chance to talk to take it for a walk.

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THEDAILY Illustrations Editor Jenna Shanker illustration@dailyuw.com Photo Editors Daniel Kim Case Tanaka photo@dailyuw.com Design Editors Monica Niehaus Tyler Petrie design@dailyuw.com Copy Chiefs Monalice Choi Kellyn Grassel copy@dailyuw.com Cover Design Faith Kim

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Monday, February 12, 2018

THE DAILY

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How to talk about sex with a 5-year-old Teaching consent and boundaries to children at an earlier age

By Leona Vaughn The Daily Consent should be present in any relationship, not just a sexual one.

However, when we try and define consent, we seem to differ on what it truly means to give it and fail to recognize the complexity of the word.

“When you think about it casually, it’s simply agreeing to do something,” said Nancy J. Kenney, an associate professor of psychology and gender, women, and sexuality studies here at the UW. What we believe to be a simple statement of yes or no extends far more into body language, vocal changes, and facial cues than we realize. Giving consent isn’t a mere matter of saying yes to an act.

It relies on our reasons for saying yes to those acts, questioning if we actually want whatever it is we’re agreeing to, or if it’s a pressure brought on by coercion.

“Coercion really is what it comes down to,” Kenney said. “It’s almost like volunteering. Did you really volunteer to do this or were you forced into volunteering? Consent is something like that, it can be given non-voluntarily.”

The idea that there is a divide in regard to the understanding of one person’s definition of consent versus another person’s can be attributed to the way children are taught to interact with each other.

“I don’t think people are born speaking different consent languages, they’re taught those things,” Kenney said.

Adults are so concerned with teaching children manners that they often fail to recognize when a child is uncomfortable enough in a situation to say no or simply doesn’t want to do something, prompting them to decline an invitation.

Parents view the word “no” coming from their children’s mouths as a purely negative thing. They punish their children for being rude, explain to them that “That’s not how we talk,” and leave them with the impression that saying “no” is always a bad thing.

“How do we maintain civility at the same time that we allow the word ‘no’ to be used?” Kenney asked.

It is also in their younger years that we begin to teach children about their bodies.

Or rather, what not to do with them.

“The things we try and teach kids about their bodies is so confusing to them,” Kenney said. “We tell kids not to let anyone touch their bodies, then force them to go over and hug an aunt they’ve never met.”

Kirsten Syberg The Daily Even parents themselves sometimes use coercion to gain physical affection from their children. When mom’s hugs and kisses are rejected, she guilts her child into reciprocating. In this scenario, the child is taught that “no” is equivalent to “you don’t love me.”

“One practice I’ve heard of that makes perfectly good sense is for even a parent to say to a child, ‘May I touch your body?’”

Kenney said.

When a parent asks their child for permission, this gives the child far more comfort and control over their own body.

Teaching a child early on about consent and boundaries sounds like a no-brainer. Yet, children are neglected of that knowledge everywhere. Most parents seem to be waiting for the right time to bring up the discussion, not realizing that there never really is a “right time.”

Schools seem to be ignoring the subject

altogether, whether that’s because those who work in the education system feel that sex education isn’t crucial enough to be added into their curriculum or they fail to act out of fear that parents will rebel and react with anger. The fact is that this type of education in school would essentially prepare their child for what comes with a romantic relationship.

Not only are children deprived of knowing when and how to say yes or no, but they are also unable to identify what it means when someone says no to them and how to handle a situation in which they are rejected.

“We teach kids how to read in both settings, we teach them how to talk in both settings, we even teach math in both settings,” Kenney said. “It’s only when you get the word sex in there that people start freaking out.”

Sex talk in general seems to be taboo in most settings, so much so that we often avoid mentioning the topic to our own partners. We continue to hide from the topic regardless, and later shield our children from it’s exposure, seemingly adopting the “If I can’t see it, then it can’t see me” mentality.

“It’s like saying, ‘If you don’t mention food, people aren’t going to want to eat,’” Kenney said. “Yes they are, they’re going to get hungry.

“You should not have sex with someone you’re not willing to talk to about having sex,” Kenney said.

This discussion should always include consent.

Reach Leona Vaughn at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @vaughn_leona

Sexy Mad Libs

By Christine McManigal The Daily

Camille stood over Tara, the __________ in Camille’s hand. “Are you ready?” Camille asked. Tara nodded, “Yes, (NOUN)

(NAME)

(NOUN)

(ADVERB) (NOUN)

(NOUN)

(BODY PART) (NOUN)

(NOUN)

(BODY PART)

(NOUN)

(BODY PART)

(NOUN)

(NOUN)

(BODY PART) (ADJECTIVE)

(BODY PART)

(ADJECTIVE)

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THE DAILY

Feeding your inner sex nerd

Sources to keep you informed, entertained, and up to date on all things sex

By Amanda Riggio The Daily We may be college students, but that doesn’t mean we’ve already received the entirety of our sex education. It has become exponentially important for us to continue learning about ourselves, others, and the issues we see in the media that are affecting our relationships with each other. Our feelings toward sex and sexuality can fluctuate throughout our lives, and it’s important for us to be in touch with our own experiences and thoughts and to honor our curiosity to know more. These five outlets are great places to turn to when you’re thirsting for some more sex knowledge.

sexualities. Author and sex educator Allison Moon makes a clear point to tread carefully through the issues of pronouns, gender, sexuality, and the like to make every reader comfortable.

The book is both approachable and simple, often starting chapters out in a storybook style.

It is the kind of book you will constantly be finding your way back to anytime you need blanket advice on something to do with love or sex. Pick this book up when you get the chance, or even take a sneak peak on Amazon. com so you can try before you buy.

Dodson and Ross Blog All images courtesy images

“Girl Sex 101” by Allison Moon and K.D. Diamond

Don’t let the fact that this book is (kind of) targeted toward the female sexual experience fool you. This book is an entirely allinclusive memoir that gracefully and lightheartedly captures all types of relationships and

I know blogs have gone a little bit out of style, but getting information straight from the experts will always be popular.

Betty Dodson, Ph.D., and Carlin Ross, J.D., have been running this blog since 2007, answering sex and self-love related questions from people all over the world.

Dodson has worked in her industry for decades and aims to educate and empower people from a feminist perspective. Her blog covers categories such as

female anatomy, motherhood, body image, culture, and more.

If you have any specific questions about female sexuality, you might just find the answer here.

Hannah Witton’s Youtube Channel

Hannah Witton is a vibrant young girl who covers videos about relationships, sex, and other life ramblings on her channel. For me, YouTube is often the easiest way for me to be entertained and educated, because it feels like chatting with a friend. Though there are several sex-positive channels to choose from, I love Hannah’s personality and the vlogs she throws in between her sex-related videos — it provides valuable life context and a real idea of how relationships and sex really tie into everything else. On her channel you will find information about hormones, birth control, transgender experiences, selfesteem, male sex toys, and so much more. She even has a video about her favorite sex books that you can reference to expand your list of resources.

Sex Actually Podcast

I love this podcast because it is an upbeat, totally sex-positive talk show that regularly features both self-help gurus and comedians.

This podcast also covers a lot of advice and stories dealing with navigating sex and relationships in the age of social media. I think we can all agree that social media has affected the nature of relationship-building and how we understand each other a lot, and this podcast speaks truthfully to that. Listening to this podcast feels casual and laid back, and might even help you feel better about your own crazy or embarrassing sexual/dating experiences. This is definitely the most purely entertaining resource on this list. You can find this podcast on both Spotify and SoundCloud.

Savage Lovecast Podcast

In my opinion, this outlet provides one of the most balanced and complete form of sex education on this list. Since it’s another podcast, it’s easy to listen

to even if you’re busy. The topic range that is covered is wide, covering both entertaining and educational topics, and makes a point to touch on a lot of current social issues relating to sex. If you love advice columns and political rants, you’ll love this podcast.

The episodes available on Spotify are a little less than an hour long each, so they’re perfect to fit into your commute, gym session, or any other spare minutes you find throughout your day. This podcast is both high-spirited and mature, and it is definitely worth your time if you’re looking to stay informed about social issues and sex (sounds like college in a nutshell if you ask me).

Whether you’re looking for some juicy insights on how to achieve female orgasm, or even just looking to learn how in the world to talk to a potential love interest, you should find something valuable in one of these sources. Each has their own unique tone, array of information, and can fit into the lifestyles of many different people. You need a brain full of sexual knowledge to have a bedroom full of pleasure, so get learning!

Reach writer Amanda Riggio at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @AmandaGRiggio

Sexiest playlist ever The best slow jams to set the mood

By Amanda Riggio The Daily If you’re like me, music affects your sexual experience. Turn on the right song and you’re in paradise, but hit shuffle on the wrong playlist and you can end up cringing to “Thrift Shop” by Macklemore five minutes into your session (unless getting a good deal really turns you on, this is a mood killer). Create your perfect romantic playlist before you get going, and you’re sure to avoid the awkward pause to reach your phone from whatever position you’re in to hit “skip.” Even better, you won’t need to string Siri [CQ2] along as a third wheel.

3. “Tell Me Do U Wanna” by Ginuwine

If you’re a sucker for ‘90s R&B, this one’s for you. I know Ginuwine is a sexy-time classic, but I think this song is perfectly subtle compared to some of his more popular hits. An oldie but a goodie, this song definitely makes it onto the sexiest playlist ever even in 2018.

5. “Lost” by Frank Ocean

If you know “Thinkin Bout You” by Frank Ocean, you know it so obviously fits in this playlist, but I didn’t want to sleep on this song. “Lost” is honestly perfect for any occasion, including bedroom activities.

The beat of this song is irresistible and the song is a great upbeat intermission to such a sultry playlist.

6. “What You Need” by The Weeknd

Put on the Trilogy collection by The Weeknd and you basically already have the sexiest playlist ever, but this song especially deserves the attention. My explanation can’t do this song justice. Just listen to it, trust me.

All images courtesy images

“All Shook Up” by Avila (Cover)

I’m starting with my personal favorite.

This rendition of the classic Elvis Presley song is the perfect combination of sexy and moody. This is one of the only songs I’ve found that gets me in my feels and in the mood at the same time. I also definitely found this song through a condom commercial, and I have no regrets.

2. “Acquainted” by The Weeknd

This is definitely a naughtier slow jam, which I love. I really like songs that can make you feel multiple moods at once, and this is definitely another one of those. This song is less romantic and more sexual.

It brings out your “bad” side while still keeping a perfect balanced rhythm.

7. “I Want You to Want Me” by Eyelit (Cover) 4. “Freak” by Lana Del Rey

If you hadn’t guessed by now, I love my moody, sexy-time jams. Lana has a tendency to be very mysterious and cryptic with her music, and this song is no exception. Many of her songs tend to be quite melancholy as well, but “Freak” definitely puts that mood aside and focuses more on tension and is sexy in a perfectly understated way. “Religion” and “Burning Desire” by Lana Del Rey are also definitely honorable mentions for this playlist.

This song is definitely a more romantic lovey-dovey song, and it is perfect for setting an intimate tone or having an extra special night with your someone. It’s simple, delicate, and a little oldschool.

8. “Sure Thing” by Miguel

If you haven’t put this jam on in the bedroom before, you’re missing out. This song brings back more of that Frank Ocean-esque soul and smoothness that is the ideal mix of sweet and sexy.

9. “Crush” by Yuna ft. Usher

This is another one that I think is subdued and sweet enough to allow you to really focus on who you’re with. It sets a slow and sensual tone but doesn’t overwhelm the mood too much. This song works flawlessly in the background of any sexy moment with your partner.

10. “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding

This song is a classic sexy tune that reminds me of the budding embrace of a vintage love story, probably because of its little feature in Dirty Dancing. This song feels old school and seductive and is sure to make you want to slow dance at midnight and get carried to bed.

Let this be only the beginning of your essential sexy-time playlist. Make sure you give them all a listen ahead of time so you get the mood just right.

Reach writer Amanda Riggio at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @AmandaGRiggio

Monday, February 12, 2018

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Sexuality Do’s and Don’ts How to be an ally to all orientations and identities

By Julia Houppermans The Daily For people in the LGBTQIA+ community, coming out is a scary, and sometimes dangerous, time. When telling others about their identity, the best-case scenario is love and support, while the worst is physical danger. Most of the time, reactions fall somewhere in the middle, with LGBTQIA+ folks having to explain their identities in addition to coming out.

If you’re looking to be a better ally, or looking to better understand identities other than your own, look no further. It’s time to deepen your understanding of sexuality.

It’s important to note several things. First, sexuality is fluid and can change over time. Many people experience changes in their sexual or gender identities over time, and it’s important to respect others when they tell you that their identity has changed or is different than what you thought. Additionally, no matter what you know, remember that when someone comes out to you, they are the expert on their own identity. Don’t try to correct someone, or explain to them that they’ve got it wrong.

Every sexuality that we’ll cover today is a little bit flexible.

Sexuality is a spectrum, and the categories we use are more like useful guidelines than ironclad classifications and rules.

Homosexuality

People who identify as homosexual, often referred to as “gay,” primarily feel sexual attraction toward people of the same gender as themselves. If someone comes out to you as homosexual, DO: • Continue to love and support them DON’T: • Act bigoted in any way • Offer to introduce them to your “one gay friend” • Really don’t say that one night with you will “cure” them of their homosexuality

Bisexuality

People who are bisexual are sexually attracted to two or more genders. Typically, people who identify as bisexual are attracted to both men and women, but it isn’t necessarily the case. If you aren’t familiar with the idea of more than two genders, you can find more information throughout the internet. This article is a good place to start. Being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re attracted to all genders with equal strength or with equal frequency. Remember, sexuality is a spectrum. Bisexuals often experience a lot of prejudice from within and outside of the LGBTQIA+ community, and it’s important to remember the following: DO: • Again, continue to love and support them DON’T: • Assume that because someone’s bisexual, they’re promiscuous • Assume that being bisexual means that someone’s down for a threesome

•Assume that because someone’s bisexual, they’re attracted to you in particular •Ask them about their “gay half ” or “straight half ” •Ask whether someone’s “gone straight” or “gone gay” when they’re dating someone of the same or different gender

before •Assume that being pansexual means being attracted to all people, especially if you think that means you •Do any of the things that you shouldn’t do with bisexual people

Pansexuality & polysexuality

People who are asexual don’t experience sexual attraction.

Sexual attraction is defined by the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, as a feeling that causes people to become interested in having sex with a specific person. Sexual attraction is very different from romantic attraction. Many, but not all, asexual people experience romantic attraction and may identify as heteroromantic, homoromantic, or any other romantic orientation. Similarly, some people are aromantic, but not asexual. Finally, asexual people do sometimes have sex.

Asexuals, often shortened to “ace” people, may have sex for the pleasure of their partner(s), to have children, and for their own pleasure. Ace people typically have one of three attitudes toward sex. Some ace people dislike or hate sex; they typically refer to themselves as sexrepulsed. For some ace people, sex is like folding laundry. They don’t mind it, but they don’t particularly enjoy it either.

Some ace people enjoy sex and find it pleasurable. Some ace

Like bisexuals, pansexual and polysexual people are attracted to more than one gender.

Polysexuals are attracted to some genders but not all, and pansexuals are attracted to people of all genders. Again, these terms are more like fuzzy boundaries than ironclad boxes. Each person’s individual experience can vary. Some people who identify as pansexual describe themselves as being attracted to people, regardless of gender. Some are attracted to all genders, but might be attracted to one gender more frequently than others, or so forth. When someone comes out to you as pansexual or polysexual, remember the following: DO: •Continue to love and support them (See a pattern?)

DON’T: •Ask them if that means they’re attracted to cookware — trust me, they’ve heard it

Asexuality

people enjoy having sex, some don’t. It varies depending on the person. Also contained in the ace spectrum are people like gray asexuals, who only rarely experience sexual attraction, and demisexuals, who only experience sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond.

When someone comes out to you as being on the ace spectrum, DO: •Continue to love and support them DON’T: •Say that it’s just a phase •Say that your friend just hasn’t met the right person yet •Call them a plant, or reference asexual reproduction (heard it all before, thanks) •Ask people invasive questions about their sex life to know if they’re “really” asexual •Tell them that “A is for ally” or that asexuality doesn’t exist

Queer

The word “queer” is an umbrella term, but was originally used as a slur. It has since been reclaimed by the LGBTQIA+ community, but there are still some folks who don’t use it due to trauma, past associations, or a general dislike. Particularly with older folks, don’t refer to someone as queer until they do so first.

Among those who use the term, queer refers to a sexual or gender identity that isn’t heterosexual or cisgender. If someone comes out to you as queer, DO: •Continue to love and support them DON’T: •Demand more specific terms •Start talking about the term’s history as a slur •Say things like, “Well, you’re attracted to most genders so you must be polysexual” Now that you’ve got this basic knowledge, reflect on how you might have reacted to people coming out in the past, or how you might in the future.

Remember, continuing to be loving and supportive is good, being a jerk is bad. Additionally, don’t out people without their consent. If someone tells you something privately, including their sexual orientation, don’t assume that they’re ready to shout it from the rooftops.

With these terms cleared up, communicating about your desired partners for doing the do has never been easier. Remember this guide, and have fun!

Reach writer Julia Houppermans at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @jhoupps

6 Monday, February 12, 2018

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#MeToo: A closer look at the most memorable viral campaign of 2017

By Cameron Eldridge The Daily Long before the accusations that would ignite the flame of the socialmedia-based wave against sexual harassment in the film industry, the idea of #MeToo was born. #MeToo’s real origin story begins long before 2017, in 2006.

Tarana Burke coined the term in 2006 and created a MySpace page for the movement that same year.

The term Burke intended to be a slogan of solidarity between black women who’d faced sexual assault would later be co-opted by white celebrities and countless women nationwide.

This is somewhat bittersweet.

The rallying of so many women against a problem that’d been prevalent but unspoken for so long was moving and certainly necessary.

However, it also overshadowed the work Burke had been doing for years to help black women fight against overpowering forces.

And then there’s the better known origin of #MeToo; the name that started it all, that woke anger and fear and unrest in so many women’s minds.

On Oct. 5, 2017, Ashley Judd levied heavy, atrocious accusations against producer Harvey Weinstein, and was quickly corroborated by other female celebrities who had similar claims — that Weinstein had used his position of power in order to take advantage of vulnerable women for his own sexual gratification.

This outcry was followed by some vague sentiments made by industry professionals that this sort of thing was an unspoken but factual reality of the entertainment business — that these abuses of power had been going on for ages, that Weinstein was not the only one, that there were others. And it could’ve stopped there.

But it didn’t.

Women who’d carved out their careers in this toxic environment used every ounce of the power and influence they had gained to make their voices heard, and the list of names grew longer: Oct. 29, Kevin Spacey; Nov. 10, Louis C.K.; Jan. 11, James Franco; Jan. 14, Aziz Ansari.

Suddenly men who had taken their power over women for granted were forced to consider the consequences of abusing it. Their wealth and status were no longer enough to keep them untouchable.

In a day, as the case with Weinstein exemplified, their comfortable standing could be torn out from under them by one woman’s voice.

There was something equally exhilarating and sickening about the weeks the names poured out.

Many of us, more than once, got out of class only to check our phones and find out some household name we’d heard of from a friend or in a commercial was now inextricably linked to a disgusting sexual crime and inexcusable abuse of power.

But those are celebrities. What about everyone else?

“Incidences are highly underreported,” said Jasmine Louie, a sophomore at UW and officer of the Greeks Take Action initiative.

“Even when we do hear about it through the UW Alert, we don’t really hear any follow up. It’s really brash, in a way. You read it, and then you forget about it. They don’t really include resources for victims or how to be a good ally.”

Greeks Take Action has instituted a point system for all houses in the Greek community, intended to keep track of how compliant members of each house have been with attending, participating, and cooperating with anti-sexual harassment instructions and lessons and seminars.

“Our goal is to have the points be public, so as people are deciding

to join these fraternities, they can be like, ‘Oh, this house really cares about assault prevention,’” Louie said.

A link to the list can be found here.

“Even if you’re not committing sexual assault or you don’t think you are, it could be your friends or your [fraternity] brothers,” Louie said.

“I have a friend who, it wasn’t until this Me Too movement that she realized something that happened in the past was sexual assault,” Louie said. “It took a while, just because she thought everything was normal and that it was normal to feel uncomfortable, which it really isn’t supposed to.”

But she acknowledges the #MeToo movement is still not perfect.

“I think another challenge of the Me Too movement is distinguishing between legitimate sexual assault cases and just ‘I was uncomfortable,’” Louie said.

Dr. Nancy Kenney and Tomás Narvaja are studying the gray area of compliance and unwanted but consensual sex (i.e., when one party agrees to have sex when they don’t really feel like it in order to please their partner). Their survey, which opened at the beginning of January, already has more than 2,000 student responses. You can fill it out online.

Even those who have their doubts about the longevity of the movement must acknowledge that it’s started conversations we should’ve been having a long time ago.

“Things happen not gradually, but in these really amazing steps, and to have a topic like sexual harassment in the workplace being talked about so publicly as it is now, even six months ago it wouldn’t have been that public,” Kenney said.

“You might have been able to talk about it with your friends but it’s

Monday, February 12, 2018

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From Mary to McLovin: A brief history of virginity in the West

Visit the above link to participate in Kenney and Narvaja’s study. not on the front page of the New York Times every day.”

And with social media, the number of participants in these conversations is larger than ever. #MeToo has made it impossible to turn a blind eye to these atrocities and has removed the ability for skeptics to claim these experiences are less prevalent or severe than the feminist killjoys would want you to believe.

“It’s only when you have so many cases of similar individual experiences that people start to go, ‘Maybe that’s not an anecdote, maybe that’s a real thing,’” Kenney said. “It’s no longer going on behind closed doors, it’s out there. People are like ‘Woah! That’s a lot of “she saids” out there.’”

While the majority consensus seems to be that the #MeToo movement has been a promising step, the opinion on whether this will lead to more strides forward is

divided.

“It’s not like this hasn’t happened before. Since the ‘80s, this has oscillated back and forth between this sort of outing men and firing men and getting men expelled and back to ‘nobody really cares,’” Narvaja said. “Then these really high profile cases [come up] and then it becomes another movement, whether it’s ‘no means no’ and next time it’s ‘yes means yes,’ and this time it becomes ‘me too.’” Narvaja said.

It’s yet to be determined whether #MeToo will have the staying power to result in a permanent change in attitudes.

“I’m concerned that before things change, people will get bored with it,” Kenney said. “It’ll just be another one of those. Don’t we know that all men are like that already? I’m really worried about people getting bored with it before coming up with an actual plan

about how to fix it.”

“What’s happened is a massive shift. Where’s it going to go? I don’t know,” Kenney continued.

I don’t know for sure whether we’ll remember this movement in a year. Whether or not, in a decade, I’ll be able to recall why the name “Weinstein” makes me mildly nauseous.

But we don’t have to let it fade.

Now comes the hardest part: keeping the movement alive and relevant, keeping the consequences for sexual harassment at the forefront of every potential harasser’s mind.

Reach Arts & Leisure Editor Cameron Eldridge at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @cam_eldridge Carol Lee The Daily

By Kiley Beck The Daily

Understanding the complexities of the orgasm gap Culture is screwing women out of the orgasms they want and need

By Mira Petrillo The Daily A plethora of forces contribute to a collectively screwed up understanding of sexual expression.

From the porn industry’s depiction of sex through an artful “gangbanging cum shot compliation” to the social construction of female virginity, modern-day sex reflects a cis male-centric pleasure paradigm, a social phenomena clearly illustrated in the orgasm gap.

The orgasm gap refers to a societal privileging of male pleasure during sexual encounters. According to a survey of American adults, this gap means men have three orgasms to every one a female has.

“Even in wanted, mutual desired sex, male satisfaction is central,” Tomás Narvaja, a recent graduate from the UW’s gender, women & sexuality studies bachelor’s program, said. “Oftentimes, there’s this view that sex ends after the male orgasms.”

Generally, the orgasm gap is justified by the idea that women’s

bodies are somehow bad at orgasms; the clitoris is seen as shy and complicated to operate. These anatomic mischaracterizations of male and female pleasure play a huge part in normalizing the orgasm gap. However, there’s actually nothing natural about the discrepancy between male and female orgasms.

While female orgasms are biologically more complicated than male ejaculation, studies have shown that women who sleep with other women have significantly more orgasms during sex than heterosexual women reported.

Women also reported having no trouble orgasming during masturbation, and these same women said they have significantly less orgasms with a male partner than during masturbation.

Finally, in another comparative study of orgasms, women were shown to take an average of about four minutes to reach climax during masturbation, about the same amount of time it takes for a man to orgasm during intercourse.

The orgasm gap, therefore, is not simply a biological difficulty, it’s an issue that sits at a powerful sociopolitical intersection of gender inequality. My conversation with UW professor of gender, women & sexuality studies and psychology Nancy Kenney shed some light on just how representative the orgasm gap is of the current gender dynamics that surround us.

“The orgasm gap, to me, is the end result of all the other gaps: of the power gap, the gender role gap, the gap in understanding who is allowed to be sexual, in all of the sexual scripts that we have,” Kenney said. “You can’t fix [the orgasm gap] without fixing everything before it.”

and therefore exist in sexual encounters to please their male partner.

In Narvaja’s own postgraduation research on gendered sexual encounters, he argues that “in order for a script to manifest into behavior, scripting has to occur at multiple dimensions: the cultural, the interpersonal, and the intrapersonal.”

The repression of female sexuality, therefore, doesn’t lie in the hands of men for

Art by Aurora San Miguel The Daily According to Kenney, these sexual scripts are woven into our cultural fabric through the centuries of conditioning that have taught men to be the subject of sexual encounters and women to be the object to the male subject’s desire.

In other words, women are taught to define their sexuality in relation to male sexual desire and pleasure,

7

prioritizing their own pleasure, but instead reflects a fracture that resonates with all parts of society.

“Responsibility and ‘responseability’ is expanded to everyone and everything,” Narvaja said, arguing that to even begin the conversation of closing the orgasm gap, there must be a shift in understanding

how each person, male or female, contributes to determining the existence of the gap in sexual satisfaction. “It’s not something you figure out, but it’s something that we are producing every day.”

In other words, the orgasm gap is created and perpetuated by both males and females during each and every heterosexual intercourse experience, a perspective that gives both males and females the power to both create and close the gap.

With this understanding in regards to female sexual expression, there is no longer the condition of helplessness when it comes to male-dominated sexual encounters.

Rather, there is a new possibility that comes with understanding one’s own sexual needs and desires.

The sexual liberation of women is, of course, a movement that has been happening since the 1960s, a history lesson for another time.

Vital to the conversation of closing the orgasm gap, however, is the push toward women understanding their own bodies’ sexual desires and responses. In understanding what one requires to reach an orgasm, there no longer is an acceptance by the female that there’s a one in three chance that she will orgasm during a sexual experience. Instead, there’s an agency: to know what she wants and to ask for it.

“Until you reach the point where you can be secure in yourself and say ‘I want to have sex and I want to have sex in these circumstances in

this way,’ I don’t think we’re going to solve the orgasm gap,” Kenney said.

And in realizing that everyone plays a role in the orgasm gap, men are then able to consider how the gap resonates with them, perhaps considering the roots of one’s own learned expectations of sex, and what’s at stake when there’s a privileging of male pleasure over female pleasure.

Kenney emphasizes the need for America to normalize sex as a natural drive and to not be afraid to talk about what we want and how we feel during sex. Beginning the conversation with your friends, with your partner, and with yourself about what beliefs have led us all to accept sex as an unbalanced experienced rather than as a joint venture between two equals is key to turning gendered sexuality around.

Not only would orgasmic mutuality benefit female populations, but it would also hugely benefit male sexual expression and connection.

When all parts resonate with the whole, any attention given to understanding the fracture will move us all closer to a more fulfilled whole.

Reach writer Mira Petrillo at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @mirap

From the Victorian era to “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” the societal take on the idea of virginity has certainly shifted, and it hasn’t always been taken as lightly as it can be today. In fact, the concept of “virginity” has a complex history in the West that is intertwined with gender politics, feminism, religion, and oppression. Throughout history, the concept of virginity has taken on a wealth of different connotations.

For hundreds of years, women have been expected to be quiet, delicate, and pure until marriage in order to be considered decent. If you strayed away from this expectation you were scorned as the town floozy, a harlot, morally (or otherwise) “loose” — just ask Hester.

Even the mother of Jesus wasn’t exempt from society’s watchful eye — biblical times were judgmental, too. The story had to be that the birth of Jesus began with the Immaculate Conception because Mary having sex would have been downright unthinkable. Such a holy figure could not be born from such disdainful sin. For women, sex has always been frowned upon and considered worse than it was for men, so of course Mary’s a virgin. Sex has historically devalued women in a nearly irreparable way, and so a nonvirgin could not be held in such high regard by the Catholic Church.

The lasting and shameful mark of sex has impacted marriage too. Back in the day,

marriage wasn’t quite the romantic affair it is now. It was more of a business transaction, if anything. The father gave away his daughter to the wealthiest man of good standing that he could find, and in return he received an upgrade in social status, the peace of mind that his daughter wouldn’t become a burdensome spinster, and even money.

Marriage was strategic.

Forget love, if the man or woman was beneath the other’s class, the union likely didn’t happen. Of course, there were exceptions, and Liz and Darcy could tell you all about it, but they weren’t very common.

The point of marriage was to increase your reputation, wealth, or property ownership (hence, the tradition of the woman taking the man’s last name, to label and designate property). As such, if a woman wasn’t a virgin at the time of the wedding, she was worth less.

She was considered ruined and immoral and was of little value to a man or society.

But with the 20th century began a movement, a cultural shift toward greater freedom for women. Politically, they gained the right to vote, but societally they gained more independence as well. First, it was the flappers in the roaring ‘20s, with their short, “boyish” hair, heightened hemlines, and dramatic makeup (the real sign of a promiscuous gal). These ladies smoked, drank, danced, and — gasp — maybe even kissed men and did a little more. In the ‘60s, the decade known for love, the Sexual Revolution and Women’s

Liberation movements began.

Women fought for greater access to contraceptives and abortion, a battle that continues, but not without the sting of “Slut!” or “Whore!” hurled in return.

Even today women can’t escape this taunt. If a woman likes sex and has a lot of it, she’s a “slut”; if she hasn’t had sex much or at all, even if she just doesn’t want to, she’s a “prude.”

The top Urban Dictionary entry for “virginity” is, “What women are proud to have and men are ashamed of.” The disparity is blatant, indisputable, and unfair. And pair all that with the complexities and nuances of race, gender, and sexual orientation, and the concept of virginity becomes a convoluted and oppressive mess.

So, with such a history, why do we continue to use the word “virgin” and let it still carry such weight? It comes with baggage, and still to this day causes trouble for people of all genders.

Whether it’s the embarrassment of having it, like in McLovin’s case, or the shame of not, as Olive Penderghast unrightfully experiences, it affects almost everyone at one point or another.

So many young people have high expectations, fear, and anxiety surrounding what they anticipate to be a momentous occasion. If you ask me, that puts far too much pressure on two people, on one moment.

So why not lift some of that weight off? It doesn’t have to be “losing your virginity” (even the terminology itself suggests something negative), but it

could just be “your first time,” simple as anything else. As complicated or uncomplicated as you want it to be, as big or little a deal you want it to be. The only thing it has to be is positive and consensual. The difference now is you define it.

Reach writer Kiley Beck at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @kileyabeck

Letter from the editor: We hope you’re enjoying our annual Sex Edition.

While this special lines up with Valentine’s Day, we believe that it’s important to talk about sexuality, and all it entails, year-round.

One of the best ways to practice sexual positivity is simply to talk about sex. Use this edition as a jumping-off point for discussion and further education.

Have fun, and stay safe!

Reach Special Sections Editor Alyson Podesta at specials@dailyuw. com.

Twitter: alyson_podesta

8 Monday, February 12, 2018

THE DAILY

Valentine’s Day for the single and the awesome

Tasty dinner and excessive chocolate aren’t just for couples

By Zoe Shadan The Daily I am a sucker for Valentine’s Day. As cheesy and cliche the evercommercialized product of Valentine’s Day is, there’s some kind of magic behind dedicating an entire day to love.

This is a topic I can confidently identify myself as an expert on. I’ve had 19 years of experience with this one: Valentine’s Day for single people, a legendary, recurring celebration for us individuals that’s an absolute gold mine of creativity for a day well-spent.

It’s time to indulge in Valentine’s Day the way it was meant to be: single and most definitely not out to mingle.

My sister recounted for me the ideal Valentine’s Day tradition she holds with her friend: an annual outing to Del Taco, equipped with the feast of Epic Steak & Potato Burritos, crinkle cut fries, and horchata that awaited them at the nearest drive-thru every year of college on Feb. 14.

Whether it’s Del Taco you need in your life on this day, or some spaghetti, or honestly just an array of dream-worthy desserts, grab your good friends and your adventurous friends to have the most romantically platonic Valentine’s Day the world has ever seen.

But please promise me one thing: Do not forget the Valentines. This is the most crucial aspect of Valentine’s Day. With a beautiful selection to choose from at your local drugstore, varying from Cars to Disney princesses to The Dog (my personal selection for this year’s celebration), Valentines are your

SPRING 2018

Aurora San Miguel The Daily opportunity to slip a cute note to a stranger and hand out some disgustingly good candy that only comes around once a year (we’re talking to you, SweetHearts) to your closest pals.

You could also go the classic, foolproof direction: get a rager going. Send out those invites, dress in 50 shades of red (or grey, if that’s what you’re into), put on

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those throwback jams, those slow jams, those cheesy love songs that can’t help but make you feel like the love of your life and soulmate is out there just waiting to run into you at the local Safeway, and those break-up songs reminding you that you haven’t found that special someone yet and for now, you’re better off.

While others may be out on a hot date, us single people have the valuable opportunity to also just indulge on a chill night in. Movies are our friends, and they are never a bad idea, especially when they’re called “Valentine’s Day” and encompass a wide variety of relationships so that all of us can relate.

On top of that, some cool events are going on around Seattle. Sweet Alchemy is having a Galentine’s Day celebration with free pink waffle cones.

You can even start the day off with some yoga and then a dance party, leaving you energized and ready for the day by 9:00 a.m. at Kremwerk nightclub for their Valentine’s Day daybreaker event.

All in all, Valentine’s Day is about you, the people who love you, and the people you love. While there’s a myriad of opportunities for romantic, adventurous, or just enjoyable things to do, the best part about Valentine’s Day is that you have an excuse to indulge in a luxurious evening

or to eat too much sugar or to just stay in with a movie.

My experience with the holiday has varied widely, from seagulls circling above my mom and I as we ate Chinese takeout at the windy beach bluffs of San Diego to the time I gave a heart shaped box of See’s Candies chocolates to a British stranger during a 24-hour layover in London on this day of love.

I’m not here to tell you that giving chocolate to a random stranger, like I did, is the best way to spend your Valentine’s Day. Of course, I’m also not here to tell you that you should completely take it off the table.

But, what I am here to do is absolutely reinforce and encourage the notion that Valentine’s Day is an excuse for a sappy, obscure 24 hours of overeating, timeless dancing, and embracing relentless pride in the single life many of us lead. It’s a good day to be unapologetically happy, and I wish you the very best Valentine’s Day one could ever hope for. May it be filled with as few or as many mushy feelings your heart desires.

Reach writer Zoe Shadan at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @zoeshadan

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Monday, February 12, 2018

9

Enjoy our special Sex Edition coloring page:

Coloring page by Faith Kim The Daily

10 Monday, February 12, 2018

MEANT FOR MORE

THE DAILY

bringing LOVE back to the sexual encounter

“A person's rightful due is to be treated as an object of love, not as an object for use.�

St. John Paul II, Love and Responsibility

"It is not weakness to desire love. The weakness is when we settle for less than love."

- Crystalina Evert

"A man who governs his passions is a master of the world. We must either command them, or be enslaved by them. It is better to be a hammer than an anvil."

-St. Dominic de Guzman

"Christ has assigned as a duty to every man the dignity of every woman."

- St. John Paul II

ABSTINENCE VS. CHASTITY

MORE RESOURCES: Love & Responsibility | www.catholicculture.com Catholic Answers | www.catholic.com Sex & Marriage | christopherwest.com Free Resources | www.catholicity.com

"Chastity isn't about following a bunch of rules so you don't go to hell. It's about wanting heaven for the person you love."

"Only the chaste man -Jason Evert and the chaste woman are capable of true love."

- St. John Paul II

Monday, February 12, 2018 11

THE DAILY

Valentine’s Day date ideas in U-District

By Rebecca Gross The Daily Don’t feel like hopping on the light rail downtown on Valentine’s Day? Still want to spend some time celebrating love, cupid’s bow and arrows, or at the very least, chocolate? You’re in the right place. Here’s what you should do on V-Day, whether you feel like having a night on the “town” or spending the night indoors, cozy in your slippers and robe.

If you feel like going out: Wake up with a breakfast out with your honey. Go for the pancake/french toast bar at Portage Bay Cafe while you stare into your loved one’s eyes. Start your day with a grapefruit mimosa if you’re feeling saucy.

If you’re one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have school or work on the fine Wednesday that is Valentine’s Day, you might consider going on a romantic walk through Ravenna Park to walk off all that whipped cream and chocolate sauce you doused your sweet breakfast with.

Later in the night, you’ll have many options out in the U-District as Wednesdays are, surprisingly, one of the most popping nights to go out.

Grab your partner’s hand and drag them with you to a fine, 5-star U-District dinner. Feel like sushi? Check out Village Sushi on Northeast 52nd Street and the Ave. Feel like ramen? Samurai Noodle further south on the Ave will warm you up from the inside out. Craving Dick’s this V-Day? Make your way just over I-5 to Wallingford and fill your belly with burgers, fries, and a milkshake. If you’re still hungry after dinner, Sweet Alchemy Ice Creamery is offering a special for “Galentine’s Day,” including “scoops on pink waffle cones, a selfie station with props, an exclusive ice cream flavor for the occasion, and treats like chocolate boxes, pastries, cakes, espresso, and more. Free cone while supplies last,” according to The Stranger’s event calendar.

After you nosh, you’ll have to decide what kind of night you want it to be. If you’re looking for cheap — and strong — drinks with a fun atmosphere to boot, plant your booties at Flowers on the Ave. We’re talking $4 margaritas, people! If you still feel like drinking later in the night, it’s “Wells Wednesday” at Finn MacCools just down the street, where well drinks are either $1 or $2 depending on the hour.

If you’re not in the mood to drink, smooch your cutie in a dark movie theatre for a more low-key night. On the Ave is the Varsity Theatre and on Northeast 45th Street and 9th Avenue NE is the AMC (which, heads up, is a 21+ theatre). They have most of the mainstream films you would want to watch. For a spicier, sexier film, check out the Grand Illusion Cinema on Northeast 50th Street and the Ave. They’ll be screening “9-1/12 Weeks,” presented by the Seattle Erotic Cinema Society.

If you feel like staying in: If I haven’t swayed you with the awesome options that restaurants, bars, and movie theatres are offering in the U-District this V-Day, then these indoor Valentine’s activities might appeal to you. But you’ll need some supplies first.

Make sure you have brownie mix and ice cream on hand, a bath bomb or two, and candles to pair with ingredients for your favorite meal. If you’re over 21 and feel like having a toast with all of the above, pick out a nice red wine to pair. All of these supplies will make for the perfect night of staying in, whether you’re alone or with someone very special.

Jayna Milan The Daily Flowers Bar and Restaurant, located on Northeast 42nd Street and University Way Northeast is a great place for a date or to just grab a drink with friends.

I’d suggest making dinner first and lighting some candles with a glass of wine to unwind and settle into your night. But to be honest, I’m not your mother. If dessert is calling you first, follow your Valentine’s Day heart.

Make a pan of brownies and add ice cream, a la mode, or for a quick and easy dessert that requires less attention and less cleanup, make mug brownies to eat while in your bed, on your couch, or in the bath.

Speaking of bath, this is where those bath bombs come in. Treat yourself to another glass of wine, put on a record or put on that sexy playlist, and draw yourself a bath that you can sink into. If you have a V-Day date over, this is a good time to bat your eyelashes and ask for a foot or back rub.

Where the night leads is for you to decide, my friend. Wherever it does, though, make sure it’s consensual, safe, and, of course, full of love in the Valentine’s Day spirit.

Reach Editor-in-Chief Rebecca Gross at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @becsgross

PREPARING PROFESSIONAL LEADERS

Jayna Milan The Daily Sweet Alchemy will be hosting a “Galentine’s Day” event with pink cones.

12 Monday, February 12, 2018

THE DAILY

Positively sexy

How to embrace your sexuality and feel like the sexiest version of yourself

By Amanda Riggio The Daily Your sexuality is your own. You get the choice to define it, or not to. You decide what to express and what to keep private. Your sexuality is unique and deserves to be admired in a special way. Learning to love yourself is a difficult journey, but the reward of knowing your own sexuality and understanding what makes you feel sexy is priceless. You are lovable, desirable, and sexy, and you deserve to believe that you are.

On the outside Think about your body for a moment. Close your eyes and visualize all your features and acknowledge them for what they are today. Picture yourself in your favorite outfit. When you think of yourself at your most beautiful, what do you picture? Do you picture a dress, a sweatsuit, or something in between? Neatly curled hair or a messy bun? Lingerie or gym clothes? (If you’re a lingerie girl, try adding a necklace or a choker, it really spices up and personalizes the pieces that look a little generic.)

Keep that picture of yourself in your head and remember what you see. Make it a habit every day to invest in the things that make you feel this way. Depending on what your vision is, this can be exhausting, but try your best to put yourself together like this as often as possible. Experiment more with the things that make you feel this way and change the things you think are detracting from your self-love.

Ignore the Instagram trends. Ignore what your friends are wearing. If you need the extra inspiration, find a role model that you admire in some way or that shares similar features to you. Understand what beauty means to you and honor that.

On the inside This is where the conversation about being positive

about your sexuality gets really important, and a little bit more difficult. There is only so much you can do to your outward appearance, but the you that dwells inside your head and your heart is an ever-changing and ever-growing entity. Conversations around sex and sexuality come up a lot between people our age, but it can be an awkward conversation to be a part of if you are not comfortable with your sexuality, your body, and your experiences. What does feeling sexy mean to you? Does it mean you are vocal about your desires to your partner? Does it mean you dress in a certain way to flaunt your figure? Answer that question for yourself and move forward from there.

Reflect on your past sexual experiences and identify the good parts and the bad parts. Know what you have to offer yourself or your partner and embrace that part of you. Do as much research as you can, scientific or anecdotal, and don’t leave yourself in the dark about your own sexual preferences. Don’t let the pressure of a predetermined and incorrect template of how sexual you “should” be have any power. Any partner who shames you for your unique desires is a partner who hasn’t sorted these things out themselves.

Mental growth can be messy and hard to control.

Carol Lee The Daily Take some time to notice what is working and what isn’t, and sculpt your actions accordingly. Oftentimes, our sexual and mental health can get put on the back burner if other aspects of our lives become chaotic, so keep that in mind.

Working to stay on top of your laundry or keep a clean living space can help clear your mind and allow your brain to focus on what it really wants to focus on.

If you’re looking for some more specific ways to tap into your unique sexual energy, check out this article, it’s one of my favorites. I hope that at the very least, reading this made you think about yourself and your sexuality a little deeper.

Reach writer Amanda Riggio at specials@dailyuw.com.

Twitter: @AmandaGRiggio

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