ERM1 January Chapbook

THE EVERYDAY

RESISTANCE MOVEMENT

OPEN SUBMISSION CHAPBOOK Released WEDNESDAY.6.JANUARY.2010

The Everyday Resistance Movement

OPEN SUBMISSION CHAPBOOK Wednesday.6.January.2010

Who are the Everyday Resistance Movement?

We have spent many hours sat in front of screens doing nothing much at all. We have worked in insurance, we have shopped around for the best offer on an external hard drive and now we are ready to really start doing something. We have spent years watching tv in our homes when nothing is on. We have sat day after day laughing out of moral obligation whilst listening to other people’s choice of radio station in our offices and workplaces but now we must act. The erm offer an opportunity for anyone to be published in a monthly chap book in an effort to inspire and instill the value of creativity and for people to stop just consuming culture but actively make it themselves. The movement will produce a monthly broadside and chapbook to be distributed locally and online. We believe self expression and creativity can offer a small break from the rest of life, even if it is just for five minutes. A full manifesto can be read inside this book.

What is a chapbook?

Chapbook is a generic term to cover a genre of pocket-sized booklet.

It includes many kinds of printed material such as pamphlets, political and religious tracts, nursery rhymes, poetry, folk tales, short stories, children’s literature and almanacs. The term is derived from a variety of peddler chapmen, who circulated such literature as part of their stock. It is printed in black and white because it’s cheaper.

The Everyday Resistance Movement

January 2010 There are a lot of people on tv trying to lose weight. Talking heads have summed up the decade that was into various lists. A wind machine, a rags to riches story, a lingering last note and a panel of judges standing to their feet to applaud, misty eyed and proud.

That was the noughties. A decade that gave us x-Factor, Facebook, Twitter and other stuff like 9-11, the recession and Barak Obama.

The decade where only Will Smith was truly happy.

Now no one has any money. Tom Cruise hangs up the phone because he is running out of minutes. David Beckham leaves the gym as off peak membership time draws to an end. Liam Gallagher signs his own cd’s before listing them on Ebay under the ‘buy it now’ option only. Gordon Ramsey has beans for dinner. Madonna applies ‘Simple’ daily light moisturiser. Gary Lineker puts an empty milk bottle back in to the fridge. Ringo Starr appears in tv commercials.

Times are hard and everybody is feeling the pinch. Brand new cash machines have begun to pop up around the country from which you can only withdraw five pound notes and small change. A growing number of families have sold everything they own to put towards new phone contracts. In the past decade so many people were blindly encouraged to go to university that the only jobs available when they graduated were as teachers. Now there are four teachers to every student in the uk and current graduates are being forced back into the jobs they had as sixteen year olds. Oxford scholars are working their local paper rounds and collecting glasses in pubs.

The internet is full. A reaction against the complete lack of documented family photographs from the late nineties to the early noughties produced a surge of people photographing themselves every five minutes and then uploading it to the web. The trouble began when families first bought into the idea of having digital

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cameras at the beginning of the century, sadly then most were only of one mega pixel quality, two at best. Many of the photographs taken during this period were never printed due to their heavily pixelated nature. Those that were, were printed on a4 80gsm copy paper which in most cases ended up being tossed away in the spare drawer where the pens and pencils are kept, left to later perish or be thrown away. As the technology failed many people’s best years were lost to broken hard drives never to be seen again.

Our eyes are aching

Heart Radio’s daytime playlist continues

Suddenly it is summer

Suddenly it is Christmas

This everyday resistance is:

For everyone who is slightly tired

For everyone who has lost track of today’s date

For everyone with disproportionately worn out shoe soles

For everyone who cannot quite remember why

For everyone who cannot quite remember how

To submit any writing, image, drawing or other piece to the second erm chapbook send to: everydayresistance@live.com

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Usher has stolen my online details.

I know he has because the things I send on my emails and the places I go on the internet end up in his song lyrics.

He’s got a bloody cheek. I was speaking to Marlon Brando from I.T the other day and he was saying that he reckons Usher’s selling on my details to a load of other acts too. They’ve got albums worth of material off me for free.

Apparently our office newsletter has gone platinum in Japan.

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Monologue (Recorded 28.12.2009) I left school and I went to university but I couldn’t get on with that.

I was in halls with these people, by the end of the year I was commuting two hour journeys from home on the train just to get in there just because I couldn’t stick it. Basically what happened was we went on a night out and this girl comes up to me and for some reason I don’t know why she’s slapped me round my face. She was my flat mate and all I have done back to her, I probably shouldn’t have done it but I threw a drink over her. Now from that my whole flats gone against me and I’m just supposed to stick around and pay Unite or whoever �70 a week for some dive, with people that I can’t stand, no I’m not doing that. Anyway, so I left there and I got some temp jobs just round by us and then my mate had been doing a bit of travelling salesman whatever and he just said ‘Do you want to come and do it with me?’ So I said ‘Yeah, go on then’. And I took to it like a duck to water and I out sold everyone there really. I did that for two years but slowly my enthusiasm went for that a bit. Where I used to be outselling people I just kind of stuck to the middle and that’s where I have been ever since up until the last few months where I have just taken a real dip. I am going out and I don’t care if I sell anything or not, it’s crap what we are selling anyway, absolute 100% tat. I come in from work and then I am just watching rubbish on tv. I’m watching footballers play football for my team and part of me hates them because how much money they are getting and at the moment I can’t even afford to get to the games so I’m just bloody sat here watching, streaming them off the internet off Iraq goals or whatever, it’s a bloody nightmare. I’ve tried to get back interested into selling this stuff, I’ve gone into the houses, you know, I have drunk the tea with the people but they don’t want to hear it.

The worst thing is I’m sat there last Tuesday and it’s gone full circle.

I’m in the house with these student’s and the last Friday I’ve been

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told I have to make a sale otherwise I’m ‘off you pop’. I’m with this lad and it’s like ‘Oh, I’ve got to wait to ask my Dad, no I can’t commit’, I said ‘I’m here, I’ve got my suitcase let’s do something today’ and he says ‘Nah’, looking at his mate, long hair and everything, ‘No, I’ve got to ask my Dad, I can’t get it without my Dad’. In the end I just said ‘Look, I’ve got this down here today for you, are you going to do it’. He said ‘No’ and I just got my stuff and I went. I didn’t even go straight home, I went the long way and I just pulled over into the little lanes. I used to walk round there when I was younger. I just walked into a field and stood in the middle.

Then I walked to the canal and I looked at the water, looked around and thought ‘What the bloody hell am I doing?’. I’m in my car or I am inside. If I’m not out selling junk to people who don’t want it I am inside in front of a screen on bloody spreadsheets doing this months earnings or whatever and I’m wondering where’s the next twenty years going because it not going fast but then I look back and two years seems like just yesterday. There you go manager of the month, then going back home showing my wife Shirl. Now I can’t show her anything. It’s all gone, the worst part of it is now they’re cutting jobs. I just don’t think I could stand watching daytime tv.

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I grew up in North West Derbyshire, Alan Shearer and Matt Damon were classmates of mine. I was better than both of them. I was the lead actor in the school play and the captain of the football team. I had all the potential in the world but I just didn’t like getting changed in the changing rooms.

At 13 Alan and Matt and a lot of the other guys had matured very early but I on the other hand had not.

I remember Alan in particular had full pubic growth at the age of 11. I couldn’t compete with that.

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A Failures Return Alright love how you doing?

Alright?

Are these lot your mates?

Yeah, well some of them.

Oh right, Cool. Cool. I’ll be brief, cos’ I don’t want to keep you. I was just wondering if you could in a minute just go inside, to the pub, with me and just for a little bit, not long at all, just say to some of the people in there, mainly the people in the back, the lads, predominantly the ones I went to school with, if you could just mention to them, just pretend that I’ve had sex with you? I mean don’t worry about drinks or anything I’ll cover them.

No, you’re alright mate No? You don’t actually have to do anything, just say we did.

No. We are going in a minute anyway.

Oh right, well if not can I just take a photograph of us on my phone just stood out here for my Facebook?

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Tristen Wankwimper and The Charity Wrist Band Cowboy Builders Cowboy Builders on a channel five expose Cowboy Builders on a channel five expose We have hired Melinda Messenger the once model now tv presenter We have hired Melinda Messenger for her ideas on soft furnishing and decoration This exposed beam is very dangerous let us stand upon it This man is an expert put him in the down stairs closet Cowboy Builders on bbc One’s Rogue Traders Cowboy Builders on bbc One’s Rogue Traders We have a tip off from a Bookkeeper in Bradley Fold His van’s been seen outside a house in Little Lever We’ve got a kitchen wall all covered in mould We’ve got an actor called Anne with a secret camera 18 months of misery in Bolton 18 months of misery in Bolton Cowboy builders with pixelated teenage helpers Cowboy builders on to the next town roof top danglers The workmanship here is nothing short of shoddy The workmanship here is nothing short of shoddy A final showdown on the newly turfed front garden A final showdown upon the tarmac drive camber ‘Please, Do not touch the van’ I said ‘Please, Don’t touch the van’ Cowboy builders three seats in the front, one lad in the back Cowboy builders speeding off round the corner Cowboy builders in a cul-de-sac 13

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John Bobbins Weekend in The House To be performed to the tune of ‘Weekend in New England’

by Barry Manilow Last night, I had a bath Now—I need one again I’m boiling the kettle This towel has a stain I bought some new —shampoo Conditioner was too dear So tell me When will our eyes meet?

When can I touch you?

When you have turned the immersion off And when the recycling’s out again Time, in the House Took me away To the old French windows —and you, by the bay We started a story whose end must now wait So tell me When will our eyes meet?

When can I touch you?

When the wet towel is off the bed And when your hair dries again I feel the change comin’ —I have opened the window

I feel brave and daring!

I hear a car alarm go With you I can bring out All the love, that I have —With you and the tele This house ain’t so bad And tell me When will our eyes meet When can I touch you When you have turned the light off And when you shut the window again

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We have spent a lot of time doing things many people may not care about We have compared prices for the best offer on an external hard drive We have travelled many hours on National Express coaches We have faced mortality in the aisles of pc World We have passed bewildered through the Debenhams beauty and fragrance department We have copied and pasted to the clipboard We have misplaced our log in details We have feigned laughter We have feigned interest and excitement We have run out of things to search for on Google We have spent days listening to other people’s choice of radio station We have ignored the abyss from our Ikea office chair We have watched celebrity chefs from various angles We have eaten pasta We have fallen asleep with the tv still on We have found artwork for all the albums in our iTunes library We have shopped for new work trousers We have witnessed the rejuvenation of Scrabble We are fully aware that discrepancies can occur We don’t want to be all stitched up like a kipper This everyday resistance is: For everyone who is slightly tired For everyone who has lost track of today’s date For everyone who cannot quite remember why For everyone who cannot quite remember how 16.12.2009

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Unknowingly In Between Manifesto December 2010 The Everyday Resistance Movement will focus on what is often peripheral in mass media, the personal stories and efforts of our daily lives without a panel of judges or Simon Cowell. At the centre of the movement is an appreciation that life can be a process of resistance. Many of us spend our days sat in front of screens.

Many of us spend our evenings sat in front of screens. Lots of things happen very quickly as we sit very still. Believing life is hard and there is such a thing as bad luck the movement is fully aware that discrepancies can occur. Many talented creative people are going unnoticed. The Everyday Resistance Movement hopes to create an understanding of our day to day existence, offering something slightly different and harnessing the undervalued creativity of the many. We shall serve to inspire people to stop watching or enduring and take part. We offer self expression and creativity as a small break from the rest of life, even if just for five minutes. We hope to capture the humour and honesty that break through the less interesting parts of life and keeps us going.

The movement hopes to inspire and instill the value of creativity. The movement will produce a monthly broadside and chapbook to be distributed locally and online. The visual language of the broadsides and movement literature as a whole should depart from the glossy posters and magazines in the world of advertising on screen and on the street. We shall offer a platform for anyone to be creative and express themselves.

We shall endure. We shall create. We shall make. We shall do.

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Ebay Casio’s Checked Shirt Reunion Party Web 2.0 In the past when you imagined the future you may have negated to take into consideration the ongoing need for clean underwear and a pint of milk in the fridge In the future when you remember the past you may forget the whole week you wore swimming shorts as pants Weetabix for dinner in my Ikea office chair The whole office was oblivious The whole office is oblivious You are waiting for the corsair force series You see I got this dual system boot up baby If you want me I will be indoors Cheryl Cole in my lounge big as my face Cheryl Cole is beautiful Cheryl Cole knows how to squint Steve Jobs got a turtle neck, stone wash jeans worn without a belt Steve Jobs is going to his old school reunion Steve Jobs is sitting on the patio of his house Casually mentioning he is able to pay someone else to fix his bicycle Casually mentioning he must leave the family Christmas party early

Child actor grown up asked me for a pen in the news agents, and proceeded to autograph my newspaper without me asking Child actor grown up asks me for 20p to buy him a Curly Wurly

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He said, ‘I had a dick the size of a fire hose the body of a Brazilian volley ball player I danced like a Cuban bachelor begreased and fragrant’ I just never saw web 2.0 coming I’ve made the spare room an office in my parent’s house I’ve made the spare room an office, ignore the trouser press I’ve got a miniature mouse attached to mom’s laptop I’m sending emails, I’ve got a new website If you want me I will be in the house And I feel like Ben Shepherd set to leave the gmtv sofa after 10 years And I see Ben Shepherd out shopping in the flesh stepping through the crowds with ease I am Ben Shepherd in new sweat pants jogging to keep up my physique And they are Jennifer Lopez watching Rihanna’s new video with a touch of pain Jennifer Lopez starting a new a4 ring binder of achievement in a hotel in Main Jennifer Lopez leaving YouTube comments under some other name Turning up in the morning in an unironed shirt Turning up to the office in the same waterproof coat

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Bob Dylan is doing work experience at our office. I got new Clarks shoes and the next day he’s got some too. I got a new grey tie and the next day he’s got one too. He didn’t even know who Tinchy Stryder was until he saw my i-Tunes on my lap top now he’s going around talking about him like he’s his best mate.

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The last known Google searches: Boo Radleys greatest hits Can you make a living from playing monopoly?

Does Dawn Porter know?

Has Kenzi from Blazing Squad got a book out and does it have a chapter concerning his time on Celeb Air? Has Neighbours move to 5 effected its viewing figures?

How come every now and then I fancy lemon curd?

How many celebrities are there in the world?

How many years do you think Tom Hanks has been married?

If a girl decided to try and incubate chicken eggs upside herself, would they hatch?

Is Dr Pepper better than Coca-cola?

Is Gabriela Cilmi attractive?

Radio Times What has Dannii Minogue done so far today?

What is a floosie?

What is a floozie?

What time is it?

Today’s date What time should I have for my dinner?

Where on earth are my spectacles?

Why don’t people realise how brilliant I am?

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List of Contributors: John Bobbins Tristen Wankwimper and The Charity Wrist Band Ebay Casio’s Checked Shirt Reunion Party Lynn Tolly Craig Stevens Ophelia Sparrow

This is a call for submissions looking for anyone and everyone to contribute, of any age, especially the people who would not usually get the opportunity to do many creative activities. Show us your hidden talent and get involved.

To submit any writing, image, drawing, video, monologue, joke or other piece to the second erm chapbook send to: everydayresistance@live.com You can also follow us online at: twitter.com/DailyResistance/ everydayresistance@blogspot.co.uk THE DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS TO BE INCLUDED IN THE SECOND ERM CHAPBOOK IS JANUARY 22 2010.

We look forward to hearing from you.

The Everyday Resistance Movement (We have spent a lot of time and effort doing things that many people may not care about)