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Volume 7 | Issue 2 Monday 15 October 2012 thefounder.co.uk
the independent student newspaper of royal holloway, university of london
Professor Frank Discrimination Case Dismissed By Tribunal Thomas Seal Editor
T
he case determining the fairness of the college’s treatment of Royal Holloway Professor of Economics, Jefferson Frank, has been dismissed by the Reading Employment Tribunal. The dispute arose when Prof Frank, who founded RHUL’s Economics department and has served as its head, claimed that despite his eighteen years of service to the university, he was receiving an unfair payscale band of 2+, and had not received a pay rise for six years.
This follows the gender tribunal of Professor Liz Schafer in 201011, another high-profile case of a RHUL professor protesting pay inequality. Prof Schafer claimed RHUL’s system ‘rewarded discontent and punished loyalty,’ in its responding to professors’ threatening to leave with retention payments. That tribunal concluded that RHUL’s professorial pay band system is ‘open to question’, instituted changes, and increased Prof Schafer’s salary by £10,000, so Prof Frank certainly had precedent for his case. Professor Frank attributed this
unfair treatment either to a prejudicial reaction his sexuality - he is gay - or to a latent reaction to when he sued the college two years ago on the grounds of discrimination regarding both his sexuality and being member of a trade union. That case was settled out of court, but Prof Frank’s sense of grievance was not. His coverage in the Daily Mail included some of his objections: ‘I was perhaps the only professor at the college who had been invited to be visiting professor at the most continued on page 2
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News
Comment & Debate
Features
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London Met overseas students threatened
Tweet them to the punch: A GM diary
A New Leash on Life: Dogs Solve Everything
Is it just practise that makes perfect?
THOMAS SEAL goes to the first GM of the year, in case you didn’t
FELICITY KING has finally solved the key to all happiness
RICHARD CUNNINGHAM tries to convince us rowing’s not for sadists
PETER HAMMOND investigates the causes
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
The Founder The Independent Student Newspaper of Royal Holloway, University of London Email: editor@thefounder.co.uk
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editor@thefounder.co.uk continued from front page... prestigious international universities, Harvard University and the University of California (Berkeley).’ In a meeting in January, Frank told Principal Paul Layzell that unless something changed, ‘one or other of us is going to have to leave the college’. However, as of yet, Prof Frank is still a salaried member of the Economics department.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
News
Egham Hill Crash the man hit two other vehicles at the junction with Middle Hill just after 5pm on Monday 1st October, serious injuring the left side of his body. He A man, 51, has sustained severe in- was rushed to hospital in London. juries after a high-speed collision on The incident, one of an increasing Egham Hill, on the 1st October. number in recent memory after a faRiding a blue Suzuki motorcycle, tal accident in March and a collision
Thomas Seal Editor
resulting in serious injuries in May, caused major traffic delays as the A30 was closed for over four hours from the Middle Hill junction up to St. Jude’s Road. Police officers patrolled and directed students walking home from campus a wide berth around the scene.
tf editorial team Editor-in-Chief Thomas Seal
Managing Editors Toby Fuller, Scott Wilson and Richard Cunningham Lead Designer (vacant)
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News Editor Peter Hammond
Arts Editor Scott Wilson
Comment & Debate Editor Toby Fuller
Sport Editor Richard Cunningham
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Pictures Editor Amy Taheri Subeditors Alexandra Ioannou Anna Redbond
This edition designed by Thomas Seal, Amy Taheri and Zlatina Nikolova
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Overseas Students Given 60 Days’ Notice
Peter Hammond News Editor
At the end of August, many students from London Metropolitan University faced an unexpected but very real danger. Over 2,000 students face deportation to their countries of origin following the revoking of Metropolitan’s licence to authorise visas for its students. This revelation follows the discovery of inadequacies in language ability testing, legal right to study in this country and undocumented attendance. The United Kingdom Border Agency (UKBA), who first highlighted London Metropolitan’s shortfalls, stated that whilst it would not be possible for the university to continue to sponsor all of these students, a task force has been established to help those students who could find themselves without a place to complete their studies. London Metropolitan’s ban on foreign student recruitment comes at a difficult time for universities across the countries, when admissions are generally declining and funding is dwindling. Chris Bryant, shadow im-
migration minister, estimated that foreign students generate over £3 billion for the UK economy. With this colossal figure in mind, the poor administration must be accounted for by either London Metropolitan or UKBA. The university claimed UKBA’s frequent and erratic change of policy made it both incoherent and difficult to adhere to, but Metropolitan must answer for its inability to correctly register, assess and advise its students. Although London Metropolitan is the first university to lose its licence altogether, other institutions are sure to be investigated in light of the exposed systemic failures. A Commons committee chaired by Margaret Hodge MP declared that, in 2009 alone, UKBA’s selection process had seen over 40,000 migrants enter the UK through student channels in order to obtain work. Additionally, these failings had sparked “catchup, continually adjusting the rules and procedures in order to try and tackle abuse”. It was this bureaucratic patch-up that caused confusion within London Metropolitan, giving students an increasingly convoluted
set of guidelines to conform to. In another instance of what some students are perceiving as institutionalised xenophobia, students in London were forced to queue for a single office from 6:30AM onwards to register at the Overseas Visitors Records Office. Some regard this as unnecessary; the UKBA already has all of their details. However, in light of the events concerning London Metropolitan, this responsibility was reassigned to the care of each students’ respective university. Royal Holloway’s website states that “just over 20% of students are from outside of the European Union”, raising questions over the amount of support they have been given when trudging through the mountain of requisite paperwork. With international students making up much of the university’s community, it is vital that they are properly accommodated. Immigrations Minister Damian Green made it clear that Britain will continue in welcoming students who not only excel, but those who conform to the immigration rules of this country.
flickr/everything_electrical_will_stay
A demo outside LMU last year.
In midst of cuts, Hammond finds money to fund military rehab Peter Hammond News Editor In the midst of the recent Tory conference, George Osborne made an announcement of cutting £10 billion in benefits to help reduce the government’s deficit. In the face of these cuts Philip Hammond, Ministry of Defence and local MP forRoyal Holloway’s constituency of Runnymede and Weybridge has announced that the government will be providing £5 million to the Headley Court Rehabilitation Centre in Epson, Surrey. The funds will aid the centre in infrastructure, treatment with amputee and polytrauma patients. Mr. Hammond is doing his part in ensuring the armed forces of the United Kingdom are getting the treatment they deserve. Hedley Court has been providing aid for soldiers since World War II and, has been the home and underpinning source of many injured members of the armed forces who
served in Afghanistan and Iraq. It is important that the government is giving aid to such an institution when Britain is relinquishing its duties in Afghanistan in 2014. Rehabilitation allows for a life that is deserved beyond Afghanistan which is quickly coming to a close. Recently, Philip Hammond has come under substantial criticisms for decisions that were made in July on how the future of the military is going to be shaped. He stated the future of the military by 2020 will be a “forward-looking, modern fighting machine”, well this modern fighting machine is going to be much smaller than the current. The number of regular troops is set to fall from 102,000 to 82,000. There is much speculation that this could harm Britain in the future to defend itself properly. In 1978 during the height of the Cold War Britain had 182,000 troops; with the new changes it will be about half that in 2020.
Photo: Thomas Seal
Comment Stanley Eldridge “Guillam drove languidly but fast... he moved the gear lever with a long flowing movement as if he were passing it through water. They had raced through Runnymede and begun the run up Egham Hill.” So begins Chapter 4 of John Le Carre’s smouldering epic, ‘Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy’. Real life places feature heavily in the Smiley novels and our very own Egham Hill is no exception. The labouring movements and whispers which provide the engine for Le Carre’s work stand in stark contrast to occasional flourishes of speedy perspicacity. This is one such instance. A similar relationship plays itself out from day to day on Egham Hill. The lifeblood of our university has seen its fair share of Peter Guillams, drivers who romanticise acceleration. However, the horrific crash, the aftermath of which I was unfortunate enough to have witnessed, serves to remind, when life exists not on the page, but in the delicate
danger of the here and now what precarious lines we tread. On Monday 1st October the motorcycle driver who was severely injured at Middle Hill Junction is still alive. But fate could so easily have tipped this man’s mortality onto the wrong side of the coin, as in the past, has tragically been the case. However, I understand, and am relieved to hear of an SU representative in the community lobbying for a crossing at some point on the road.
“This crash...serves to remind, when life exists not on the page, but in the delicate danger of the here and now, what precarious lines we tread”
Egham Hill is a hazardous place and therefore, vigilance from all of us is absolutely necessary, even if we are, as some helpers at the scene were, subjected to abuse from motorists attempting to bypass the accident. For Egham hill is a road teeming with not only commuters, families and business vehicles but also students. In the opening lines of Le Carre’s chapter, there is a foreboding message. Drivers of this university when on the road must shake off the dusty visage which comes from living all day in a book. Far too many times my friends and I have been privy to near scrapes merely five steps from the university front gate. After all, Le Carre goes on to say “Smiley wondered how old Guillam was and guessed forty, but in that light he could have been an undergraduate.” Often the stuff of fiction is far closer, and more dangerous than it seems.
flickr/Defence Images
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News
The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
News
Top authors to add a literary sparkle to lunchtimes at Royal Holloway in new reading series
Political Sketch by Guy Hennings Haahr
Interested in Studying Abroad?
Photos: Thomas Seal
new and published work read by the author themselves.” Susanna Jones will kick off the new season with an extract from her acclaimed fourth novel When Nights Were Cold on October 25. The Guardian described it as “an atmospheric, beautifully controlled account of intense female friendship and ambition”. Ms Jones is a Senior Lecturer in Royal Holloway’s Department of English, teaching on the Creative Writing MA. She graduated in Drama and Theatre Studies from the College in 1988. Debut novelist Kenneth Macleod will visit Royal Holloway on November 22, when he will read from The Incident, which
tells the story of a lifeguard working in 1980s Germany. Dr Katherine Williams, a Lecturer in Creative Writing in Royal Holloway’s Department of English, will entertain the audience with an extract from her haunting Victorian thriller The Pleasures of Men on January 31, 2013. She will be followed by Daljit Nagra, who will read from his poetry collection Tippoo Sultan's Incredible White-ManEating Tiger Toy-Machine!!! on March 21, 2013. Joe Dunthorne, who saw his first novel Submarine adapted into a feature film in 2010, will visit on May 9, 2013, with his book Wild Abandon. And Adam Foulds will
feature in the final reading of the series on June 6, 2013, when he will read from The Quickening Maze. For more information about the time and location of the readings, visit Royal Holloway’s Lunchtime Reading Series website at http:// www.rhul.ac.uk/english/ lunchtimereadingseries.aspx
The Lunchtime Readings schedule: Thursday, 25 October, 2012 Susanna Jones, When Nights Were Cold Thursday, 22 November, 2012 Kenneth Macleod, The Incident Thursday, 31 January, 2012 Kate Williams, The Pleasures of Men
ng f Ga Wol
and understanding of your subject, develop your intercultural skills, widen your network of friends and increase your independence and self confidence. For further information please contact studyabroad@rhul.ac.uk
returns this term following its popularity among audiences. Speakers in the first series included Man Booker Prize winning author Howard Jacobson. Dr Douglas Cowie, Lecturer in Creative Writing at the Department of English, at Royal Holloway, said: “I am really excited about this season’s line-up. We have some fantastic novelists and poets coming to campus to share their work and experiences, including two members of staff who teach English here at Royal Holloway. “These inspiring public readings will be open to all staff, students and members of the public, and will give visitors the chance to hear both
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Come along to the Study Abroad Fair on Thursday 1st November at 5.30pm in the Students’ Union to find out more and speak to RHUL students who have just returned from their year overseas. Studying abroad is a great opportunity to enhance your knowledge
Lunchtimes at Royal Holloway, University of London, will transport members of the public and students into worlds of adventure and beauty when a new Lunchtime Reading series starts on Thursday, October 25. Award-winning authors, including Susanna Jones, Joe Dunthorne and Man Bookernominated Adam Foulds, will read extracts from their books and host a Q&A session where there will be opportunities for the audience to ask questions directly to the authors, as well as purchase copies of the book. The series, which is hosted by the Department of English, started last year and
Thursday, 21 March, 2012 Daljit Nagra, Tippoo Sultan's Incredible White-Man-Eating Tiger Toy-Machine!!! Thursday, 9 May, 2012 Joe Dunthorne, Wild Abandon Thursday, 6 June, 2012 Adam Foulds, The Quickening Maze
Man Booker Prize winner Howard Jacobson spoke at last year’s Lunchtime Readings.
& Tweeting my head against the wall: 6
The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
tf Comment
Debate
A General Meeting Journal Thomas Seal Editor
ple were watching the meeting online and simply using twitter to get involved, but most were actually just in the room, the same room as each other, sitting mere feet away from the people they were having silent, fervent, para-conversations with. Conversations and comments that were often sardonic, snide, personal, and would certainly never have been made to their subjects’ faces. That characteristic element of twitter - the vast anonymity of the internet - was briefly stripped away, and revealed
its smaller-scale function to be a way of name-calling and jeering without any of the consequences. That the debate was enthusiastic was brilliant - coming from the student’s union of a university so often deemed ‘apathetic’ - but that it spilled so rapidly into ad hominem, generalising arguments from both sides at the first sign of disagreement was very disappointing, even despite Doug German’s tweeted plea to ‘please play nice and accept that everyone has their own opinion.
Parisian Scenes Comment and Debate Editor, Toby Fuller, fears both those on the right and left wings of our nation are doomed to repeat history...
#haveahappyagm’. I couldn’t agree more with the tweet’s sentiment, but can’t help but think that saying something aloud might have been more effective. Afterwards followed a lengthy string of elections for hall representatives and subcommittee positions which, again, if you’re interested, will be available on the SU website once they upload the GM minutes. So, stay tuned for more GM diaries throughout the year. Maybe.
tuition fees, too many have forgotten those ensnared by chronic unemployment and educational deficiency. Whilst we are encouraged to wail in our woes and injustices, the worker – or should I say the nonworker - is forgotten in contemporary policy debate. The indefatigable working classes of the 1960s have been replaced by a torpid and inert class of the disregarded, an abandoned generation that looks to a future of short-term cheap labour, numbing their boredom through an equally cheap combination of booze and narcotics. During last week’s Conservative Party Conference, two very significant policy decisions were announced. First, that £10 billion would be cut from the welfare budget. The battle-cry from the Left screams of injustice and cold hearted Tories; surely the government cannot abolish free bus passes and the winter fuel allowance for wealthy pensioners? The second policy announcement, and an infinitely more significant one at that, was the decision to allocate an additional £200 million to scientific research at English universities. A small sum, to be sure, considering the financial beating higher education has received over the past two years, yet one cannot deny the qualities of such a policy, though a fortuitous success it may be. The significance of this funding is not merely that of sound economics. Not since the days of New Labour have Britons seen an attempt by a flickr/Deidre1952 government to encourage A Parisian absinthe drinker, captured by intellectual endeavour, Edouard Degas, c.1859 Like Baudelaire’s blind Parisians, we too wander ‘Down to the street, head hung, as in a dream’. These walkers of the city, these ‘terrible somnambulists’, tread a liminal path; alive yet not quite living in the society in which they exist. One can assume that Baudelaire’s poem ‘The Blind’ is as much metaphorical as it is literal, doffing his hat to those Marx called the proletariat; those whom today are referred to as ‘the under-classes’. Just as the aimless ‘mannequins’ of the Parisian Scenes were ignored by the ‘laugh and roar and play’ of the city, a growing number of Britons are now beginning to feel a bellicose resentment toward the bourgeois comfort and security that so many of us enjoy. You would be forgiven for be‘ lieving the propagandizing of the Student Union politburo in thinking that we are the oppressed, bound by the adamantine chains of a capitalist society. While the established Left focus their efforts avenging the rise in
between ethnicity or gender and sexual assault. The results were what to inspire a generation to engage in one would imagine: an overwhelmhigher learning and ultimately find ing majority of assaults were carried exual violence is a dark reality a career of both financial secuout by men and the study concluded in modern times. The statisrity and the satisfaction of mental that there was no race more inclined tics are unclear because of the stimulation. By maintaining Britain’s to engage in sexual assault. The Indeamount of victims who are afraid status as world leaders in academic pendent recently released an article to come forward and speak against research, not only is wealth created, their assailants, but in recent times it in which it attacked the myth that but an attitude of determination to members of the Asian community is noticeable that some newspapers be part of a society of progress and were responsible for the majority have correlated pre-meditated gang critical thinking. Whilst Baudelaire’s attacks on white teenagers with a rise of sex attacks. It showed that 95% blind Parisians hopelessly roamed in Islamic or Asian “rape gangs”. This of those on the Greater Manchester the labyrinths of poverty and ignosexual offence register are white. is a fabrication that has been seized rance, we can open the eyes of the It is apparent, then, that this pheupon for use as a political platform young to see beyond material wealth nomenon of Islamic and Asian ‘rape by reactionary parties such as the and seek a future of intellectual fulfilgangs’ has very little to do with the BNP. ment. existence of any violent ethnic or reAccording to statistics from Rape Great Britain has prided it itself on ligious impetus and more to do with Crisis, around 400,000 women are academic excellence, its sea of young an opportunistic attempt to vilify the sexually assaulted each year and minds defending us, as Shakespeare’s Muslim community. This is typified a further 80,000 are raped. These John Gaunt said, ‘Against the envy of in the reaction of the BNP, who on figures are disturbing, but are nevless happier lands’. And yet still our ertheless a reality that society has to their website callously and repeatedly political elite use numerical trickery refer to these evil gangs as “Muslim”. confront directly; unfortunately, it to lure the electorate in to a false afNick Griffin has seized the opportuseems the media and fringe politifinity, the favouring of base electioncians are more eager to twist the facts nity to make use of a slandered and eering over grounded social policy. into an indictment of the Islamic and misrepresented religion to promote During the recent Labour Party the far-right agenda of his party and wider Asian community. This myth Conference the dear leader Mr Milgarner the votes of the ill-informed. can be debunked with cold hard liband made the rodomontade claim He does not care for the victims of statistics. The Crown Prosecution to Disraeli’s ‘one nation’ politics, website (CPS.gov.uk) ran a study in contd. on page 8... a belief that no section of society 2006 to see if there was a correlation should be left behind. However, it is becoming increasingly clear that the protection of mere financial relief through the welfare infrastructure will do little to guide Britain’s disadvantaged to a life of fulfilment. Tax credits and give-away budgets may ease the stretching of one’s pocket temporarily, but it is through jobs and education that governments can bring the disenfranchised back into the arms of society. Whether one hears the words of Marx or Disraeli, the national consciousness is awakening from the dogma of the Left-Right battle lines of the 1960s. It only remains for our political leaders to follow suit, else the cities of Britain will resemble all too much Baudelaire’s 19th Century Parisian Scenes.
Just read something you completely disagree with? Want to let us know why? If so, don’t hesistate to let us know with a piece between 400800 words at: Photos: Thomas Seal
Left: Insanity Manager Phil Nutter. Far above: Democracy, in the SU Main Hall. Above: The four sabbatical officers, clockwise: Doug German, Jamie Green (then and now), Ian Stewart and Kenny Aruwa.
comment@thefounder.co.uk
The Ugly Face of Islamophobia Maximillian Roch
S
flickr/IanVisits
Despite being heavily involved with student journalism at RHUL for over two years, I had never actually attended a GM until the one on the 2nd October. I had heard a lot about them though and - I’ll be honest - it was almost universally negative. ‘They’re way too long’, ‘the people are selfimportant’, ‘they don’t change anything’, etc. Despite this, I approached the meeting with an open mind, and here is my experience. The GM kicked off with the four ‘sabbs’ giving very brief accounts of what they’d been up to since they’d been appointed. For them it was a grand debut of sorts, I suppose. You can read the minutes or their blogs (once they’re updated) if you want the full version of what they’ve been up to. Highlights included VPEW Kenny Aruwa boasting about his collection of condoms and VPComCam Jamie Green’s high school photo (see right). Then came ‘Ask an Officer anything’, where we learned amongst other things that the SU budget is not currently published, but that greater transparency will now be pursued for by Doug German; that the fire alarm in the SU is so seemingly short-tempered because it is often ‘maliciously activated’ by people trying to sneak into SU nights; and that it is far too early for SURHUL to make any statements about who is playing at the Summer Ball, a subject dear to many Hollowegians’ hearts. Then, in what I was told is a very unusual move, we were informed the sabbs had ‘starred’ every single motion (about fifteen) on the agenda, which meant that unless anyone in the hall requested otherwise, they
would all pass into the constitution automatically. There was an awkward silence as the Union Chair, Joe Rayment, explained this to the hall, twice, to make sure that they fully understood their presupposed unanimity. It became apparent there was a thin line being walked: a compromise between greater SU efficacy (which has often been demanded, so credit where it’s due) whilst also maintaining democracy. Finally, tentatively, two motions were unstarred and moved to debate. The first motion unstarred was passed uncontroversially. The enigmatic-sounding but ultimately harmless motion to ‘update Regulation E’ (which was just to constitutionally ensure certain society members attended certain meetings) was proposed by VPSA Ian Stewart, and passed with just one abstention. However, the second one caused a few more problems. The motion, written by Jack Saffrey-Rowe and enthusiastically seconded by VPComCam Jamie Green, was to ensure that SURHUL would support the upcoming Trade Union Congress demonstration on the 20th October. SURHUL is already mandated to support anti-cuts demonstrations (which this effectively is), as passed into the constitution last year. However, It faced opposition from Joshua Charles-Cheung and Peter Hammond. In the end, the opposition was outmanned and outgunned, and the motion passed with a vast majority, but not before voices were raised, and unneccesary personal comments made. And on that note: here’s the thing I found most notable and strange about the GM: Twitter. So many people on twitter! People discussed the GM as it happened using the hashtag #surhulgm. Now some of these peo-
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
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Features
& Debate
The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
tf Comment
Mommies and Daddies flickr/NewsHour
classic example of the Republicans’ claim to being ‘Daddy’. Crudely put, it was something of a balls-out With the US election in a matter of administration, a potent mix of weeks, Mitt Romney’s tornado of righteous indignation and armedspin doctors seem ever more desper- to-the-teethedness. Four years on, ate to churn out the housewife’s and Romney is helpfully describing favourite of political metaphors: the Iranians as ‘crazy people’ and doesn’t family analogy. know the difference between nuclear Eagle-eyed viewers of the most weapons and dirty bombs. Daddy’s recent presidential debate may have got hallucinogens and a hand grenoticed Romney’s attempt to make it nade. into sound-bite history; ‘an ecoMeanwhile, Mommy wants to give nomic crisis at the kitchen table’. An you things, like free education and image that disappointingly failed to healthcare (especially healthcare). extend to say, ‘a fiscal deficit on the And she wants herself and your dad front lawn’ or ‘inflation in the ensuite and your elder brother to pay for this shower room’. Of course, this is because they have jobs and you don’t. simply to remind us that even a man It’s all rather lovely, really. who earned $21.7 million dollars in Admittedly, this is not the most 2010 has a kitchen table, just like us! balanced way of putting things. ReIt’s a device well-used by politipublican daddies would gladly point cians the world-over. After all, who out that they advocate sensible manwasn’t sick in their mouth the eight- agement of federal funds. And by eenth time George Osborne carted sensible, I of course mean spending out the ‘families don’t spend more less. Mommy, would you believe it, than they earn, so why should the has invited the local arsonist society government’ argument? But that’s for round to have fun with the pile of another day. money that Daddy worked so hard More serious political observers to bring home. And she’s also turned – okay, anyone who’s watched an epi- the burglar alarm off and left the sode of the West Wing – might point front door open because she doesn’t to a better homespun metaphor in like spending on national defence. this election: Mommies and DadThese objections to Mommyism dies (incidentally, anyone with a low (as I have now coined it) or being-atolerance of gross generalisation and Democrat (as the whole of America wanton disregard for gender politics calls it) are in some ways valid. Yes, should look away now). running a federal deficit of more George W. Bush’s reign serves as a than a trillion dollars undermines
economics knows that tax cuts are not the best way to close a spending gap. Romney knows this too, but unfortunately the only solution he can muster is to ‘close loopholes’ in the current tax system. The independent Tax Policy Center has confirmed that this simply will not add up. Indeed, the expected cost to the US government of such a move - combined with some other, less farreaching but equally absurd bright ideas - will be five trillion dollars. If we’re to believe Governor Romney that there are currently enough loopholes in the US tax system to lose five trillion dollars, then clearly the world’s major superpower has been operating under some obscure, sieve-based economic model for the past few decades. And finally we get to Daddy’s other ‘strong point’: defence. You only need look to the aforementioned Irangoading of Romney’s enlightened speechwriters to realise Mitt could easily become a threat to national security himself. It seems then, that of all the crude caricatures Republicans and Democrats would draw of each other, mommies and daddies make the case – in this election at least – for ‘Don’t worry, Daddy’s home’ - Mitt Romney in Dayton, Ohio a triumphant Obama in November. confidence in the economy. True, ther of those. Take the federal budget After all, Daddy’s forgotten all the Iran and others may pose a threat to deficit. A key tenet of his fiscal things he was supposed to be good America and apple pie. policy is to cut income tax by 20% at, while Mommy’s holding the purse The problem with Mitt Romney is across the board. Even someone with strings. Let’s just hope the kids have that he’s not equipped to deal with ei- George Osborne’s understanding of noticed.
further and explains that the Judge Gerald Clifton believed the assailants these attacks, he only cares that the did it because they were “not part of assailants were coincidentally the re- their religion or community”. How is ligion and race he uses as a scapegoat the Daily Mail helping here, instead in his political machinations. of attacking the criminals they’re Politicians aside, the mainstream attacking the religion and ethnicity media is also at fault. The Daily which is counter-productive. Mail is the biggest culprit in this But in the Birmingham case The typically underhanded attempt to Daily Mail could not help themselves fan the flames of Middle England’s and Katherine Faulkner headlined deep-seated Islamaphobia. In May her article as “Muslim Gang Jailed earlier this year a paedophile sex ring for Kidnapping and Raping of Two was uncovered in Rochdale and, in Girls as Part of their Eid Celebraa separate incident, two men were tions”. There are two words in that convicted of abduction and rape in headline that have no place on the Birmingham in April. The Daily page “Muslim” and “Eid”. The use of Mail headlined the Rochdale case in Eid is upsetting because anyone who May with “Asian Grooming Gang” knows anything about Islam would and in turn tried to highlight their tell you that Eid is one of two separeligion as much as possible in the rate events in the Islamic calendar, article. The subheading of the article obviously Katherine Faulkner is unareads “Muslim leader warns that ware of this. It is either a celebration some Pakistani men think white girls of Ibrahim’s willingness to sacrifice are worthless”. This ‘Muslim leader’ Ismail ( Eid al-Adha) or Eid ul-Fitr is neither named nor referenced which marks the end of Ramadan, again in the article. The article goes the latter is for the majority of Mus-
lims a time of fasting, abstinence and religious reflection. So to parallel an alcohol fuelled rape with a celebration of piety is not just Isalamaphobic but downright ignorant.
Georgina Lee
contd. from page 7...
‘The Daily Mail is the biggest culprit in this typically underhanded attempt to fan the flames of Middle England’s deep-seated Islamophobia.’ When the Catholic Sex abuse
scandal came to light it was quite rightly referred to as Catholic because a large amount of priests who had been caught engaging in these base, inhumane acts were protected by the cloth. The Vatican provided sanctuary, relocation and legal fees for their Priests. Whereas in England these rape gangs have been referred to as Islamic, yet no Islamic body condoned these acts or offered these monsters support. Not one Ayatollah, not one Imam, not even a Hafiz has come forward and defended these rapists or provided them with legal support and the reason is because Islam has nothing to do with this. These men are the lowest form of human, actually to compare these reprobates to anything other than animals is redundant. They will have a special place in hell reserved for them but the coincidence that these men are of Asian descent and claim that they are Muslims is a moot point that should not even be entertained. It is unnecessary to notice their race
or religion, as the statistics used earlier show there is no link between sexual assault and ethnicity. Also the fact that the Police did not want to be seen as politically incorrect stalled the arresting process. So it is counterproductive at both ends of the spectrum, on one side highlighting their ethnicity and religion divides already tense communities in the North of England and creates an impassable blockade in interracial and inter-religious relations. Whereas on the other end this labelling of race and religion stunts police time as they are in fear of being politically incorrect. The solution is to approach these cases from a perspective that they are rapists, not Muslims nor Christians nor Whites nor Asians. To include their religion and ethnicity in the matter is pointless and gives them a level of humanity that they do not deserve. Not one man convicted is a Muslim, all of them convicted are rapists and nothing else.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Features
Felicity King Features Editor
A New Leash of Life flickr/ETersigni
Felicity King Features Editor
a dog. I’m going to talk about dogs. Some of you will already be rolling up ave you ever been into your copy of The Founder and using Holland and Barrett? You it to beat students aside as you tear know- the health food across campus, heading god knows shop that looks more like a superwhere, in a vain attempt to get away market for rabbits. I don’t go in from the article that you still hold in there much; it looks like it should be your hand. I appreciate that we’re not shrunk, given a bunny-eared-shaped all dog lovers, and I wish you well doorway, and moved underground on your run, remind you that The for our fluffy tailed friends. I did Founder can be recycled; and, if you however, venture in the other day. I can bear hold on to my ‘ode to a dog’ was shocked. There, within its raisin for a bit longer (I promise you won’t and dried apricot clad walls, lay, accatch anything) there are recycling cording to the price tags at least, the bins available on campus for you to key to good health, well-being and put it in. happiness. Dogs really are man’s best friend; I found it sad that the key to such they bring out the best in us. They things should lie entirely within a love us unconditionally; follow us flimsy cardboard box of green tea, around devotedly, and often awkso I went away to do some research, wardly, my dog used to follow me in the hope that the answer lay a lot everywhere, even into the toilet! The further away from muesli and a lot benefit of such a loving companioncloser to cheese. It seems that the ship is both obvious and proven. secret to long life, happiness and Studies have shown that elderly peowellbeing is not actually all about ple are generally less likely to enter a eating rabbit food. In fact, I’d say it residential home if they have a dog has a lot more to do with eating cake. and even if it does become medically It is also, however, to do with having
H
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necessary for them to move into care, dogs are regular visitors to residential homes and are acknowledged as being invaluably therapeutic. It’s not just the elderly that should start buying dogs en masse though. On average, all dog owners visit the GP fewer times and are prescribed medication less frequently than their canine-less counterparts. All this time, people have been eating carrot sticks and depriving themselves of cheesecake, when all they had to do to live a healthier life is kidnap their neighbour’s terrier every time they ate pizza. Dogs are the answer to many social problems. David Cameron can suggest we hug hoodies, pick up chewing gum and use our money to support local businesses- while he uses his to buy a fifth house in which to store his overflow of gold and ponies- but he’s got it wrong. We should just get dogs. How many strangers have you stopped in order to tickle their belly and stroke their head? I sincerely hope that the answer to that question is none and for those of
Next deadline
The next deadline is Saturday 20th October
you who answer that question with anything different, stop reading my article at once and lock yourself away until you’ve learnt to be more socially aware please. We would never do that to another human being, let alone to a stranger, but it doesn’t stop us doing it to their dogs. My point is that having dogs encourages people to get out and about, and it encourages neighbours to get to know each other; it forms communities and creates a mutual bond between people from very different walks of life. You might have come from different countries, you might do different jobs, but you’ve both picked up poo with a poop-a-scoop so you’re friends now. It didn’t matter how often I was told sprouts, running up hills, or those weird Yakult things, were good for me, I still didn’t like them. Just because dogs are good for you doesn’t mean the non-dog-lovers out there are suddenly going to be rushing down to the park with a dog biscuit and a butterfly net in the hope of stealing one away. I can’t make you
love dogs but I can make you appreciate them. My dog, Russet, died last week, and so I am going to take advantage of my power as Features Editor to make sure his name appears in print. RUSSET. There we go, he’s achieved more than a lot of people; he’s got his name in a newspaper, and that’s because, unlike a lot of people, he was always kind, devotedly loyal and never ate the last Jaffa Cake. I mean, as a dog I appreciate there wasn’t much opportunity for him to ever do that, but you could just tell, you know, he wasn’t the type. Okay, I’ll stop now. I’ve indulged my misery for once and as of next issue I assure you that Felicity King will be back in full humour style and no longer using her column to outlet her grief and depress her readers. Before I go though, think about this: my darling dog has gone, but he’s gone safe in the knowledge that in the 16 years he was on this planet he never once intentionally caused anybody any harm or upset. How many of us are going to die being able to say the same thing?
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Features
Reflections of a Third Year
Want to Feature in the Founder? The Features section is what you want to make of it! Investigation, speculation, promotion, fandom, column-writing, storytelling or anything in between! Contact the Features Editor to find out more at:
Above: A third year Geography seminar.
Joshua King I am a third year, and at this time of year that means I am two things: smug and angry. The reasons are two-fold. I am smug because I already have a fairly established group of friends and I am angry because most Freshers seem to already have more than me. Now, I’m not going to say I feel old or past my time, but even with all my awareness of local pubs and prophetic knowledge of which books Freshers on my course will be studying, I am finding it more difficult than ever to strike up a conversation with a stranger- and I didn’t at all find it easy to begin with. So after just a few days, it seems my dream of being seen as some sort of omniscient deity by these new people is over before it even began, and my chances of making some cool new friends are decreasing as my age only increases. I remember arrival weekend two years ago when I too was a Fresher who knew no one and expected the worst. I had spent half of my Saturday sat in a cramped car trying not to cry, and the other half relinquishing my tears into my brand new pillowcase. Needless to say I wasn’t in the best state to meet new people, but when you’re faced with the fear of a year alone in a Runnymede basement you prioritise. Now, I wasn’t stupid, I had come prepared like everyone does: I had practiced my icebreakers, memorised my best jokes, and got my mum to make enough cupcakes for the whole flat to enjoy. I was all set to become the incontestable king of campus. But then of course, I decided Doctor Who on iPlayer was a
better comfort than strangers would be, and that even if I was by myself, at least I had plenty of cupcakes to eat. However, I did eventually realise that in order to survive the year I would have to meet people. Despite the many scenarios I had envisioned - most involving everyone I met sharing the same obscure hobby of boating or archery, therefore leaving me extricated from all future conversation- I did manage to actually leave my room, have a drink, get to know people and find enough that was mutually interesting with a number of them to become friends. Of course ‘be yourself ’ is probably the most common piece of advice that you are given, but I’ve found it just doesn’t work a lot of the time. That would be too easy. There are vital sacrifices that you must make as a Fresher and one such sacrifice is to hide all those things about you that people don’t usually like. A Fresher recently asked me which football team I support and after admitting that I don’t follow football, I had no choice but to watch as someone else immediately swooped in and stole the conversation from me, leaving me emasculated and without my new friend. Now, if I had been a Fresher again that would have gone differently. When someone asked me if I liked football, I loved it; if they wondered whether I liked the dance music at the SU, I definitely did; when someone said: ‘would you like a wine-glass full of flaming absinthe?’ I said: ‘yes please’. Even though I almost immediately regretted these things, there did come a point when
I had become good enough friends with these people to tell them that I actually don’t enjoy dance music and that I don’t think you should ever drink something that’s recently been on fire. But the process did work, and sometimes I even improved for it. After all, change can be a good thing. For example, I never liked coffee, but when a potential friend asked if wanted some, I couldn’t bring myself to say no - suddenly the friendship seemed to depend on coffee - so I ordered one, and now I can’t go a day without it. Essentially, what I’m saying is, there are different rules at university. Making friends initially comes down to a mixture of personal compromise and the inability to escape from people when you know exactly where they live and that they are always free. But whether you’re intensely cool and have a load of funny stories and irresistible charm or, like me, you came here and resigned yourself to a few years of loneliness, repeating ‘It’s not about friends, it’s about education!’ to yourself, then you’ll be glad to hear that it’s damn near impossible not to meet like-minded people here. In fact, by the end you’ll probably know too many. Also, you’ll be glad to hear that third years aren’t all as cynical and bitter as I may have made them seem. I suppose the baby does take the attention from all the other siblings when it’s born, but we’ve all got to grow up some day.
Winter Fashion
Olivia Edmonson
and white heavily patterned coat, equipped with a luscious fur collar Coats are big news this season, big in which would be perfect for keeping every way. The more fur, pattern and Omar Sharif snug when trekking texture there is the better and I’m through the snow on the set of Dr talking mainly about men’s fashion. Zivago but might, unfortunately, The menswear Prada fall/winter col- seem outrageous when popping to lection featured a beautiful red, black the college shop for a pint of milk on a Thursday morning. Perhaps a subtler version of this look, such as the belted camel coloured coats seen at Louis Vuitton, would be something to emulate for campus lifestyle this year. The return of Belstaff (hurrah!) brings leather and waxed cotton jackets into the foreground. These are perfect for autumn and spring and fantastic over some sexy chunky knitwear when winter hits. Women have it easier and need only think feminine in both cut and colour. Pink is a great colour for a coat if you can get away with it. For those not so daring, dressing-gown style outerwear is a big trend this season and is easily dressed up or down. Versions of this look are found at most high street shops. When buying a coat, the question is whether to go for the one-winter trend or whether to go for a more classic and long-life staple. It should be obvious that by going for a more classical option you will definitely
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Features
A Student Abroad
Heard it on the grapevine...
In which the intrepid Paddy Freeland reports back from sunny Spain. Hello Royal Holloway, my goodness, how are you? I’ve missed you; all you new Freshers, with your cheery faces and upbeat attitude; all you Second and Third years dreading the studying and the new viruses those meddling new kids will bring. However, unfortunately my post on the Crosslands benches will have to be filled by someone else, RHUL have kicked me off to pastures new. I am now an Erasmus student, floating off to Cordoba in Spain, then to Paris and then, frankly, to I have absolutely no idea where. That’s no exaggeration, I honestly don’t. I didn’t plan meticulously. I fanned it off, bragging “Yeah, I’m totally on it guys. Calm down. Now, how much wine is important in Risotto? Best drink half…” and so on. By the time it came to choosing which university to go to, I was left with little choice besides “who will accept me? It’s now August, and I’m going in a month”. We had to re-arrange our family holiday so I could swing by good ol’ Egham and berate the International office, flailing photocopies of outdated forms, stained with my tears, and ripped passport photos. I booked into a hotel in Argentina because I forgot that there might be more than one place called Cordoba in the entire Hispanic speaking world. I bought my dictionary at the airport because I forgot to pack mine.
This is not really a method that I would recommend to other students. I spent three days wandering the small Spanish streets, ripping any phone number for an available flat straight off the walls, and mourning the lack of tea and seemingly random opening hours. I was quite bereft, that is until I found an Irish pub and spent six hours drinking Guinness and struggling to chat with
seem to find a way to plod along. A week ago I had resorted to pointing to places on the map because my Spanish was so hopeless. Last night, however, I was selling a room in my new flat to both a German guy and a French girl, whilst clutching two litre bottles of cheap beer and proving that white camp guys from middle class England can actually do the Single Ladies dance just as well as
the barman. This “luck of the Irish” turned out to be the greatest tactic imaginable. The six hours in the pub got my Spanish to the point where I couldand after all that Guinness certainly would- talk to anyone. The seventyeight flat numbers I collected became bargaining chips for every lost student I found; I struck a deal: the flat number for their friendship - an unorthodox but cunning tactic. Human beings are incredible creatures of necessity; we’ll always
Beyoncé- (my speciality is the hipgrinding lowering to the floor, it’s one of the most important things you can learn at the SU). So, Freshers, I urge you to not worry too much about anything. Just like me you’ll find your own way, naturally. It’s in your blood. And if you look back, you might just realise that you’re having the time of your life.
sive per day. A stretched argument, I know, but if a better quality coat is spend more on the coat, and so you going to ultimately cost less it’s worth should as long as it is built to last. Big thinking about, right? labels, as referenced above, will defiDon’t get me wrong, I am the first nitely rob you of your whole student to persuade myself that a new dress loan where a quality well-made high would be more nourishing than street brand will be almost equally as food; that those shoes are a necessity reliable; however, for walking to lectures in or that that I urge you to think in cost-pervintage silk kimono is an absolute wear terms. For example, spending must-have rare find that I will wear two-hundred and fifty pounds on a all the time. I know I’m not alone coat that will last from three to five here (girls). However, in times like years at least will cost you less than these, when it’s looking to be a long, fifty pence per wear, presuming you cold winter and money will be tight, wear it through most of the winter. we must be sensible; we must investIn contrast, a coat costing eightyment buy. pounds that will (hopefully) last one ‘Throw away’ fashion is so ‘out’, winter is ever so slightly more expen- both ethically and economically. The
high street brands we turn to for a quick fashion fix are no longer what I would class as cheap, considering the terrible quality. Worse still are the conditions and pay of the people who make them, and I’d rather not promote that if I can help it. So, I urge you – be frugal when buying something so precious and useful as a coat; buy the best your money can buy, bearing in mind that you will not have to do the same for the next few winters to come and will be able to subtly smirk at your friends as they go through a couple every winter while yours remains wonderfully new-looking and bobble-free. You’ll thank me later.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Joshua Charles-Cheung has conquered the wine section of every one of Egham’s finest offlicences. His motto: vino, vidi, vici. O thou invisible spirit of wine, if thou hast no name to be known by, let us call thee devil. - William Shakespeare. I’m going to level with you: I went to Medicine last night for a couple of drinks. I ended up face down on the ground after breaking into Founder’s and chucking my guts up. So when the editor of the Founder called me this morning and said: “Hey mate, we need your wine column,” the very thought of booze made me want to curl up and die. But orders are orders: we must soldier on. You will forgive my brevity; I feel horrendous. Anyway, let’s do this, bitches. In last week’s edition we did the big bad boy of Bordeaux (BBBB) – Chateauneuf du Pape. This week, I want to introduce you to the intoxicating, invigorating Italian red: Amarone Della Valpolicella. The name itself warrants drinking. I cannot express enough my love for this one. It really is Chateauneuf ’s Italian counterpart- but 5 times better and stronger. Amarone is a whopping 15%. The grapes are left for days in the sun so they become dry as a crisp, but in turn raise the alcohol content. Chug a bottle of this at dinner too quickly and expect mummy or daddy to do the old lean across the table: “Come on, I think you’ve had enough now”. Christ that brings back memories. However, the alcohol is of such a stellar quality that you will feel nothing except a warm oozing sensation of loveliness as you slowly teeter towards oblivion and beyond. Again, head down to Tesco to grab this one. Alternatively, you can find it online. This is once again a tad on the expensive side. Next issue (when we’ve all blown our student loans) I’ll be looking at some wines, which are more around the £5-7 mark. But this is a wine to be shared. You can’t drink it by yourself. It’s far too fucking good. So- this Intoxicating, Invigorating Italian Red or IIIR, comes in at £15. I know it’s quite dear, but WOOF BITCHES! Do it. Or split it amongst three of you for £5 each. That’s bloody worth it- fuck the VK bar (queue was horrendous on Tuesday) and buy yourself a bottle of this. Students, don’t forget: it’s 15%, so packs the proverbial punch. Now, what can we expect? Let’s have a gander. Serve it at room temperature, or you’ll ruin it forever. The vintage at Tesco is currently 2008, and delicious. It’s powerful and thick on the nose. Immediately you are struck by warmth and maturity. It’s thick, almost globular, in it’s viscosity, and a dark seductive ruby colour. I’d open this and leave it for a couple of hours to really get some oxygen into it before drinking. On the nose and palate you’ll experience how heavy and full-bodied Amarone is. Cherry, chocolate and coffee dominate the palate, with a lace and scent of blackberries poking through. Really give it a swirl in the mouth and let it dominate. Note how supple the texture is and how well it sits after you swallow. Try and taste the chocolate and vanilla that pokes through, as well as a very subtle floral element, which works in a delicious synergy. Truly, it’s an impressive and big wine. Try it, buy it, because I doubt many of us will be able to afford it in a restaurant. The fuckers will rob you blind! As I said don’t drink it too quickly… but you do only have so much time to live when wine is in your glass.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Arts
Scott Wilson Explains Why You’re An Epic Hero Using An Excellent Allegory
about the olive spike.” What a clever fellow! Rather than try and fight the Cyclops- and certainly perish- Odysseus used his intellect. There are no wasted words or poor referencing here- no, Odysseus has earned a First in Cyclops Management. Sure, it was the night before and a bit messy, but like you, Odysseus knew that rather than tackling the beast, it’s better to shove a flaming stake through the beast’s eye and gloat. 3. Odysseus purges suitors from his house in a glorious aristeia – Mid-seminar, Hero Student has had enough of bigoted student who never read the book anyway
You’re sat in seminar, leading discussion about a book that you’ve actually read and saving your fellow students who haven’t from humiliation. It’s okay: they’re thankful for it and you don’t mind. Suddenly, a challenger opens his or her mouth and unloads the most horrific swathe of unwarranted nonsense, and sits there looking smug while the rest of the room sits in horror, desperately looking for spears. How did Odysseus deal with the problem? Like you, of course: “he put his bow aside… passed a shield over his shoulders… dressed his great head in a close-fitting helmet, grim under the towering menace… and took up two brave pointed spears.” I chose that quote because everything after that is pretty much an orgy of blood punctuated by suitors being rearranged in ways they do not like with spears and swords. But like will never have, because we live in a contemporary campus problems. Yes, did Odysseus, stark naked as he was, Scott Wilson post-modern age where cleansing your welcome to the new Arts section. make to join the band of maidens: for Odysseus, your justice was heroic, and Arts Editor household of corruption with spears necessity compelled him.” This was you you saved the seminar! isn’t part of the Coalition Agenda, 1. Odysseus escapes the drudg- the morning after that fabled night. It’s For those who don’t know the I’m afraid I must stop there. Word instead you send them on Gardening ery of Calypso’s Isle, awakes naked in alright- Odysseus has your back. innards of ‘The Odyssey’, I’ll famillimits are unfortunate, but I think I’ve Leave. His justice is so well executed a bed of leaves – Hero student escapes iarise you: due to offences against the that the previously supportive goddess home, awakes in bushes after SU made my point. Read ‘The Odyssey’. 2. Odysseus contrives a way gods, which largely weren’t our hero’s I won’t be pretentious and say it’s esAthene has to intervene and ask him to defeat Polyphemus – Hero student fault, Odysseus cannot return home sential, but it certainly is relevant. My to stop, because if he carries on the Well done. You made it to Royal defeats first assessed essay the night to Ithaca. He compounds on his late final word is this: the edition of ‘The world will probably explode. And Holloway, and you are now Odysseus. before it’s due. arrival by stabbing the son of sea-god that’s where the Odyssey ends: the Odyssey’ I’ve been using was transWhere has Odysseus been? Locked Poseidon- Polyphemus- right through greatest of all the epics, constructing a away, bored and anxious. However, lated by T.E Lawrence: or, Lawrence The blinding of Polyphemus is his Cyclopic face, because Odysseus of Fucking Arabia(?). Before purists hero so illustrious he manages to look like you, he manages to escape! After my favourite part of ‘The Odyssey’, has no time for spoilt thugs that won’t at Gilgamesh across the void and say: a tumultuous storm, comparable to a mainly because it’s a great how-to on jump all over me, I know the edition is stop eating his men. After a huge ‘take a chair’. rampant night at our Union, he goes dealing with most everyday problems. not perfect, but the point I’m maksequence of trials our hero finally Why does this epic concern to bed al fresco: “When bold Odysseus Let’s read: “we then thrust our pointed ing is that one of the most impressive returns to Ithaca- only to find his and hopeful men this side of the last stake in his eye and spun it, till the you? Know this: boy or girl, when you saw the leaves he rejoiced and laid house and wife beset by vulgar suitors! are a student- especially here- you century still made time to translate himself down in the midst of them”. A boiling blood bubbled about its pillar He promptly slaughters them with his are Odysseus. I’m about to prove the the story himself- and it was time well of fire. Just as a smith plunges into fine choice, but next morning, Odysson Telemachus, forming a bondspent. relation of roles with passages from seus is woken by the calling of women! cold water some axe or adze and it ing experience with a father you or I hisses angrily- just so his eye sizzled the Odyssey placed alongside your He acts like a gentleman: “so boldly
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Arts flickr/vansgirl12
An Introduction to the Picture Gallery
THE
CAT -OLOGUE Red card, or green light? Nick Hornby’s ‘Fever Pitch’ in the shadow of Hillsborough 1989
As Hornby points out, fans were following their teams in increasingly As more details emerge about the out-of-date stadiums that had been infamous events of Hillsborough designed for a different age. Many 1989, what can a coming-of-agegrounds were several decades old come-footballjournal tell us about and had been situated in easily accesthat magic and tragic stretch of sible urban areas because most fans green, and the thousands of fans who came to the matches on foot. populate its perimeter? Is this just a read for the seasoned season-ticket The game was a fledgling of the holder or is it something for us all? mammoth, multimillion-pound industry it is today. While the crowds ‘Fever Pitch’ opens in May 1968. were growing, the stadiums weren’t. Entirely but unapologetically selfStanding-only terraces were unaware, the author tells us he is more comfortable and risky. Hillsborough likely to think of Jeff Astle than Paris. 1989, and the subsequent 1990 TayAlthough structured around football lor enquiry, forced many stadiums matches, the narrative offers much to rethink crowd accommodation. It more than a postmatch commentary. recommended seating for all memSearingly honest, Hornby’s account bers of the crowds, in an attempt to of his obsession with Arsenal is avoid another Hillsborough. With informing juxtaposition between the stares suspiciously, and women weep Joshua Charles-Cheung not a celebration of the team’s most rising prices, the demographic of pomp and grandeur of Founder's and while a dog barks into the night. glorious matches, but an unflinching fans began to change. Hornby, after the gallery, to the scenes of depravity There is none of Founder's garganlook into winning, losing and simply many years of dreaming about it, tuan serenity here, just reminders I cannot hope to convey the exquisite and horror in the actual paintings turning up to the football grounds finally moves to a street near Highthemselves. Founder's optimises the of its polar opposite; depravity and grandeur and delight of Holloway’s because you’re a fan. bury to be near his beloved team, but violence. Picture Gallery in just a few hundred Victorian middle class, with all its is dismayed to find only one fellow money and encroaching social DarIt would be wrong to say that all lines. It would be folly and arrogant The Arsenal vs.West Ham match of Arsenal fan on his street. winism. It seems the paintings are the paintings are of this nature. Wilto assume one could. The paintings 1st May 1982 introduces a feeling of a chilling reminder of what the real liam Powell Frith’s fascinating classic, within are enigmatic and priceless. Football has changed, but loyalty world is and can be. For example, if 'The Railway Stations' shows a teem- foreboding that the reader must adPurchased by Thomas Holloway just to. We discover how “things on never wavers. The book closes at a ing Victorian train station bursting expressly for the purpose of furnish- we take Oxford, we are presented in the terraces” were worsening, with nondescript Arsenal vs. Aston-Villa their dining hall with row after row with colour and life. Like our dear ing the Founder's building, and as violence moving away from predictmatch in 1992. It imparts a much of men staring back at you with wist- Founder's, the painting fills the eye, a place of reflection for its students, able brawls, towards unexpected quieter ending than its film adaptaful arrogance. Our gallery could not with much going on as we are prethe vast and priceless collection attacks involving knives, machetes tion, and perhaps better captures the sented with a full spectrum of class includes many of the world's greatest be more adverse. One of the many and even darts. Hornby experiences essence of what Hornby is trying to great paintings is Edwin Longs' 'The in the Victorian era. Clearly, this was paintings. Indeed, the College once danger of a different kindthat of share. There are no prized strikers Babylonian Market'. The painting for the students' benefits. It reminded came into huge controversy as it a several-thousand strong throng being thrown in the air and kissing is crude and rough, punctuated by them of the world outside our great sold of one of our treasured Turner pushing. Although he manages to trophies, but rather seasons after spots and bouts of beauty and vulwalls, to see and grasp normality and paintings for £1.1million pounds elude the crush, it is close. seasons in the rain, wrapped in an nerability. It depicts a slave auction the common man with a vivid clarity. to an undisclosed buyer- and thus, appropriately coloured scarf holding of women. The market is crowded, It aimed to be expressly educational, we lost a masterpiece. But let us not Tragically, the lack of barrier was onto a healthy smidgen of hope. Terand wealthy businessmen jostle and and it still can be. I cannot impress dwell; the splendour of the Picture why Highbury was not selected to rible events such as Burnsdale, Ibrox shout as a slave girl is presented enough, get down to the gallery and Gallery is unparalleled. One would host the big cup matches. A place and the media juggernaut that is be the judge. think that the paintings would reflect to them on a pedestal, lightly and with such barriers was chosen for Hillsborough have highlighted safety seductively veiled in white linen. Of course there are infinite other the ambience of grandeur: stonythe fateful 1989 FA cup semi-final issues and have left many feeling that Below, a long line of girls await their ways of reading and interpreting faced military men dressed in their between Liverpool and Nottingfootball grounds are full of hooliturn. these paintings - mine is only one court apparel are a norm in many a ham Forest. A name soon to be on gans. These football tragedies have Several paintings along you will train of thought. Regardless, what university college. Imperious portrait everyone’s lips was Hillsborough. The left indelible imprints on the pitch find the infamous Princes in ‘The stands out for me is the overridafter portrait of alumni, politicians match of 15th April 1989 brought that no amount of mud, rain and Tower’, by pre-Raphaelite painter Sir ing macabre and sombre theme or scenes of superiority have been a startling death toll of 96 with a dubious tackles will ever wash away. John Everret. The two boys dressed to our gallery, which makes the the fashion for generations- yet this further 766 injured. To this day, it They remind us of the strong feelings in mourning black huddle together gallery unique amongst the swamp is where our Picture Gallery breaks remains one of football’s greatest football ignites in its followers. Let us in fear, but with a strange defiance. of other university galleries. It does tradition, and brilliantly stands out. tragedies. But, startlingly, it was not hope, however, that such spirit might The looming shadow of their killers not celebrate illusions of grandeur, The paintings are beautiful, make a one-off. Bolton saw the deaths of be expressed with scarves without hangs forebodingly in the corner. but instead impresses a reassessment no mistake, but the collection is 33 fans in a human crush at Burnflying punches, and rumbling cheers of our own lives and delusions. The distinctly threatening. The paintings Further along, a painting depicts a den Park in 1946, and Glasgow, bore rather than stumbling crowds. Most dusty and empty street in Cairo and violence of the gallery intrudes on depict poverty, criminality, loneliwitness to a crowd crush that killed of all, let team rivalries be settled a mosque jutting out of sprawling our thoughts and challenges us- but ness, horror, disdain and seduction. 66 at Ibrox Park in 1971. Looking at where they were started, in on the hovels. Sir Samuel Luke Fildes' 'Apthat is the main purpose of art, and Everything suggests an underlying Hillsborough in light of these events pitch. The offside rule should apply plicants for Admission to a Casual iswhat we students need. vulnerability- but why? Clearly the makes it seem less of a unique tragto everyone. Ward' shows a cold snowy street. The thematic agenda of our gallery aims edy, but rather part of a tragic trend. poor line up in misery, a policeman to tell us something. There is an
Cat Kay
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Sunrise, New Year’s Eve, Portland, OR, Thomas Seal
Winter walk, Virginia Water, Luke Rees
Above and below: Anjuli Kaur
Founder’s Building, Frances Stafford
Holloway View pictures@thefounder.co.uk Our centre-fold is usually reserved for the best photos of scenery, events and moments of the Royal Holloway lifestyle that students send into our pictures editor. If you’ve taken a shot that you’re proud of recently, send it in!
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Arts
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Arts
Review: hi-jack Takeover @Medicine, RHUL: The Alter-Egos, Charlie Indestructible, Hannah Bowers, Tony Goff Sean Littlejohn
New Theatre Opens in London Nicholas Hyder It’s not every day a new theatre opens in London. In fact, St James’ Theatre is the first new theatre in London in 30 years. On 18th September, deep in Victoria, trumpeters played fanfares and a brass band sent the audience on their way, subtly proclaiming the theatre ready for business. It’s hard to judge from its opening night, but the theatre has excellent potential. The bar and restaurant are decent, its 170-seat studio stages comedy or cabaret- although this wasn’t open when I went on the 18th. The main event, its 300-seat theatre is delightfully intimate; as an audience member it’s easy to be drawn in. It’s slightly too expensive, but hopefully when the theatre finds its feet the prices will fall. What it lacks is the feel of somewhere like the Menier
Chocolate Factory: the restaurant of the Menier is a nice side note to the stage. Where St James’ Theatre is intimate, the Menier is personal. But a theatre is only a building with a stage: it’s what happens on that stage that matters, be it the Bristol Theatre Royal (at 246 years old this year, England’s oldest theatre) or St James’. For David Gilmore, the man behind the theatre, the toughest choice must have been picking his opening season. At the very least, he was slightly leftfield in his selection. It varies from jazz evenings to a verbatim piece about the Titanic via a new musical from the man behind ‘Les Miserables’. The opening play is a powerful twohander on the psychological effects of warfare. The two nearest theatres house ‘Billy Elliot’ and ‘Wicked’. I imagine St James’ Theatre will be a more refined and risky place. Time
will tell. The opening play is ‘Bully Boy’, the first play (one musical permitting) by Sandi Toksvig. Don’t let that deceive you – though best known for ‘The News Quiz’, she’s a serious novelist and now a serious playwright too. Following an act of violence by soldiers in the Middle East, we see, through a wheelchairbound Falklands veteran and a mentally deteriorating young private, the long-term effects of warfare, with both soldiers very different casualties. As they get closer outside of the army, we see them without their military personas: not battle-hardened fighters but vulnerable souls. Tragically we realise just how vulnerable war has made them. It’s an interesting play, mostly in a positive way. It’s punchy. It’s striking. It’s subtler than you’d expect. There are issues: the victim of
the initial violence (perhaps intentionally, but distractingly noticeably) gets ignored – but the two characters are constantly believable, the drama gripping and her points intelligently made. The statistics she incorporates – more soldiers committed suicide after the Falklands than died in Argentina, for example – never feel incongruous. She engages the emotions without manipulating them. Two-handers rest on the strength of their performances, and these performances are extremely strong. Anthony Andrews, of ‘Brideshead Revisited’ fame and who recently brought vigour and charm to a scintillating Henry Higgins in ‘My Fair Lady’ at the BBC Proms, delivers another amazingly judged performance as the veteran Major Oscar Hadley. His stillness imparts underlying sadness, and his eruptions are striking. Joshua Miles is
fantastic as the troubled young soldier Eddie. Though only his second stage role and his seventh role of any kind, stage veterans would envy his performance, with subdued violence and suppressed emotions showing a shell of a man. This pair iron out any creases in the play: one introverted, one incendiary. ‘Bully Boy’ is far from perfect, but it’s convincing and compelling. Toksvig is an admirable playwright. Were she unknown and this her debut, she’d be one to watch - that she’s an established comedienne shouldn’t diminish that. Though rough around the edges, it’s worth seeing, if only for its incredible acting. If St James’s Theatre ends up a minor theatre, this will be a nice footnote to a London charging forwards theatrically. If St James’ Theatre ends up a major theatre, this will be a worthy opening.
Review: Cocoons of Money and Ingenious Staging- ‘Timon of Athens’ at the National constantly giving to the obviously undeserving. The reason for Timon’s Ruth Sliwinski generosity, he suggests, is his insecurity: Timon sees his money as a ‘Timon of Athens’ is not a wellmeans of maintaining his friends and known play. It’s rarely performed their ‘loyalty’ - while his followers and, unlike other plays by Shakeview his money as part Timon’s subspeare, doesn’t have a particularly stance, making grand declarations great record as a masterpiece of of their love for him while all the dramatic writing. This is why Nichotime pocketing the reward. Timon’s las Hytner’s production of ‘Timon’ at reaction to their avarice when it is the National stands out all the more finally exposed to him, is perfect, and - because it turns this unpopular play executed with outstanding wit- when into a searing contemporary parable, he invites his erstwhile friends to a which for a play written 600 years final dinner party, and serves them ago, rings uncomfortably true with plates of shit (?). issues that most of us often believe After the first half ’s dramatic and relate only to our time. tragic fall from grace, the second half Hytner sets this production in does drag a little. Timon’s position as modernity. It is placed in London, in an outcast seems slightly outlandish. the skyscrapers of Canary Wharf, the Hytner however, solves the probswanky clubs of Soho, and the corrilem brilliantly by turning him into dors and cabinet rooms of Westmina hobo with a trolley who lives in a ster. Simon Russell Beale inhabits concrete wasteland that resembles this world like a tailored suit, easing the foundations of a skyscraper- the through it with the nonchalance of symbol of the City- synonymous the rich. His Timon is brilliant to with the excesses of capitalism and watch – always appearing in a crowd the recession. Russell Beale uses the of devoted followers who herald his extreme and at times farcical invecname, he beams like a lighthouse and tive of Timon to render his character seems to take genuine pleasure from in a new, completely apposite light.
This is the other side of Timon. What happens when he is left alone with himself in the proverbial and physical wilderness? It helps you feel sympathy for a character who, to some extent, deserves what he receives, but harbours a painfully impotent fury at an unjust world. There are some suspect moments in the play, notably Timon’s discovery of gold ‘under the city’, but these are side lines to what becomes a wonderful, uncomfortable tale of the emptiness of wealth and the self-destructive nature of relentless consumerism. The supporting performances are uniformly excellent, with Tom Robertson as a hilariously recognisable Ventidius, channelling the ‘Gap Yah’ video on Youtube, and with Deborah Findlay as Timon’s steward giving a beautiful, moving performance, full of pathos as she struggles being good amidst a nest of vipers. Nick Sampson is a fabulously obsequious and constantly drunken poet, who slithers onto the stage, and Ciaran McMenamin is entirely believable as the firebrand Alcibiades, who at the end dons a suit and sits with the politicians, reading Timon’s
epitaph in a cynical betrayal of his former ideals for money. ‘Timon of Athens’ is never going to be one of my favourite plays. Shakespeare wrote many others that outstrip it in terms of character, dialogue, theme and imagination. Nicholas Hytner’s production however, turns ‘Timon’ from a halfforgotten play into an intriguing, accessible and relevant production that never pulls its punches and provides an eye-opening commentary on the cocoon of money and power that the privileged inhabit - and what happens when reality bites. It is an exceptional production of a difficult play. Go and see it. There will be no regrets. I wasn’t expecting much from hijack Takeover, the not-particularlyhyped live music night put on by Majick Music Group. I was expecting a group of student acts playing their first gigs to an empty floor. Yet despite an initially sleepy crowd and the less-than-ideal acoustics of the venue, I’m glad to say that I walked away with my ears ringing and a grin on my face.
Tony Goff, coming all the way from High Wycombe, opened the evening with a solid acoustic performance and managed to draw quite a crowd with his energetic and charismatic performance. Unfazed by the unresponsive crowd, he breezed confidently through a set of his own enjoyable, foottapping songs, with the only minor stumbling block being his questionable cover of ‘Written in the Stars’ by Tinie Tempah and Eric Turner (complete with rapping). Royal Holloway’s own Hannah Bowers took the stage and proceeded to turn heads in a diminished crowd, with an array of impressively well-written original songs and an incredibly powerful, versatile voice that wouldn’t seem out of place set alongside today’s recording artists. Her smooth, clean performance was of such a quality that it could have been ripped straight from a studio album. But the night was never meant as an acoustic show, and from the moment that Charlie Indestructible took to the stage you got the feeling that the night had really just begun. The first band to make full use of the impressive stage set-up, the quintet from Luton, launched in to an energetic and commanding set that ranks among the best that I’ve ever seen, taking control of the night with blistering technical ability and sheer volume. Their huge, infectiously catchy brand of rock deserved a much bigger reception than they received. Just as I was thinking ‘they should have been headlining’, The Alter Ego’s stepped up and showed exactly why they held that spot. The ska sextet was the only band – perhaps aided by their later slot and more inebriated audience - to get the crowd on their feet and dancing. While they may not have matched the raw energy of the previous band, they made up for it with the sheer fun, light-hearted nature of their set. All in all, a great end to a great evening.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Music Folk Music: An Empire in Decline? …Matt La Faci interviews Luke Ritchie at our very own Medicine to get some answers.
The Hoosiers Headline SU Fest to Half Empty Auditoriums – 6th October, SU Main Hall and Tommy’s
man Irwin Sparkes. The best of the set were ‘Live By The Ocean’ from the new album and old singles ‘Cops and Robbers’, ‘Choices’ and ‘Mr. A’. It seemed an unusual time to hold a The songs showcased allude to 80s live indie music event in the Stusynth-pop, with the whole band dent’s Union, just two days after providing quadruple harmonies. The the previous one, and clashing with song structures were simple and the the popular ‘Antidote’ in Medicine. chord progressions major throughDespite being billed as “12 acts in out, but the musicianship was un12 hours from 12 ‘til 12”, only ten deniable. Accomplished drumming, acts had been booked, one of which however, was marred by poor sound ended up cancelling, and it kicked off quality at the start. Everyone enjoyed at 3pm. the set but it was a shame that The The daytime acts performed in Hoosiers didn’t play to a packed Tommy’s, an astute move by the SU crowd. undone by the fact that it takes more The band that stood out were indie than the twenty people who turned outfit Ego Trip who preceded The up to fill Tommy’s. Of the agreed Hoosiers. Despite the band members acts, the highlight was Kribbar, being just seventeen years old, their an unsigned melodic three-piece performance showed a maturity and guitar band. Their set of original tightness. The sound is similar to songs opened with ‘Concentrated,’ a that of the Foals and Bombay Bicycle frail pop-folk ballad which changes Club. Frontman Courtney Askewrhythm midway to reggae and Conti had great stage presence and finishes with rockier riff. Even better guitarist Ollie Smith impressed the was ‘Sundance,’ laid-back Americana crowd with screeching solos remicarried by its percussion, its lazy niscent of Bloc Party and Radiohead. summer vibe, and lead singer James The band, aware that few of the Earls’ vocals. audience had heard of them, played a Headlining later to a half-full main couple of Katy Perry and Beatles covhall, London’s cheese-pop revivalers, but also included original songs, ists, The Hoosiers played one of their such as their impressive single, smallest gigs since their rise to fame ‘Shock.’ Definitely one to watch. in 2007. The band were promoting The SU Fest might not have had ‘Bumpy Ride’, a renamed rerelease the boasted “12 acts in 12 hours”, but of the album ‘The Illusion of Safety’; it wasn’t a bad roster of performers. whose poor sales caused the band to Marketing and organisation were, split from Sony complaining about however, shambolic and will make lack of advertising (an ironic gig it more difficult to attract decent for them tonight, then). The limited performers in the future. crowd that went to the gig bantered with the band members in-between songs, particularly with witty front-
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Music
Get-up-and-go to the Radio
Harun Musho’d & Oscar Hassan
On 26th September, Medicine played host to up-and-coming singer-songwriter Luke Ritchie; an artist who is looking to join such heady ranks with his sincere stage presence and melodic song-craft. With acoustic guitar in-hand Ritchie showcased five tracks from his debut album ‘The Water’s Edge’- accompanied by his sister Charlotte on backing vocalsand instantly exhibited why he had been compared to artists such as Nick Drake and John Martyn, with his lush soundscapes and deep lyrics. I sat down with him after his set to discuss his hard-rock beginnings, Czech cinema and the backlash that comes with creating music in a form that has been embraced so fervently by the zeitgeist, which begs the question: Is folk an empire in decline? First things first Luke, are you related to Guy Ritchie? No. Or Lionel. It’s spelt differently, but I’d rather be related to Lionel. So does that mean you’d be open to doing Madonna covers? Well, maybe. Things haven’t got that desperate yet!
You should definitely consider it; some of the new stuff is incredible. Could you tell us a bit about how you got started? It was at uni really, I studied English Literature at York University and it was there where I learnt I could sing, whereas before I used to just play the guitar. I was in a battle of the bands down there – I hope there are no recordings of what we did then. Was it a folk band? No, it was quite a rocky band; I love my rock music. That’s sorta where I come from. This album is obviously not in any way a rock album. It came from a whole bunch of material that I’d written on my own that just didn’t fit in any other places. It’s probably my most honest, introspective acoustic stuff. Your bio mentions you did one song every week for six months, how was that as an experience? It was pretty intense. I don’t necessarily recommend it, but I’d just been procrastinating for ages. Like a lot of
unsigned musicians I just felt like you just feel like you’re waiting for something to happen, but you never get anything finished, so I just set myself a deadline just to get some music finished. Flea from the Red Hot Chilli peppers when talking about their last album said sometimes you can’t wait for the artistic inspiration to strike, you’ve got to just get down and graft to get the songs out, is that what you found? I think that’s true. Some of my favourite songs do turn up in twenty minutes, and that’s the best thing ever, when a song just lands in your lap. But that almost never happens, most of the time you have to work at it. I find song writing, and especially writing lyrics the most painful bit, but also the most rewarding bit, as well. It’s a lot of work, and I’m quite precious about it. Find out what Luke Ritchie fears about going electric; his thoughts on Mayans and his answer to that all-important question, juicy pear or crunchy pear? All in part two of Matt’s interview at the www. thefounder.co.uk
flickr/ Ben McLeod
Katie Osmon Music Editor
Show’, BBC Radio 1 Monday marked the dawning of Early mornings have become a disa new era for BBC Radio 1 as Nick tant memory over our three month Grimshaw finally succeeded the long summer. The dawn chorus was, former ‘saviour of Radio 1’, Chris as far as I was concerned, a mystiMoyles , as host of the breakfast cal phenomenon only occurring in show. Grimshaw’s first song of choice David Attenborough documentaries, was ‘N***as In Paris’ (the radio edit, certainly not an event that I’d actually of course) – a far-cry from Moyle’s have to wake up to. This all changed rather conceited choice, ‘God Is A when I moved back to Egham. DJ’. Grimshaw is an amusing and I needed something to wake me amiable presenter; of his guests later up. Something between the noise of in the week he joked: “We have to birds chirping and my alarm clock get extra security in on Thursday for which sounds like a cockerel every Emma Watson, she’s very popular. ten minutes until I’m conscious And then they can have a day off on Friday for Alicia [Keys]”. Before enough to switch it to the ‘off ’ posiadding; “I’m joking - of course Alicia tion. Some would argue that I need is popular... among the Radio 2 staff ”. to wake up to something other than bird sounds; they may be onto some- The show is largely a refreshing break from what came before, but with too thing there. much emphasis on various ‘celebrity With that in mind, I decided to friends’. try five different breakfast radio Tuesday: ‘Capital Breakfast’, shows over the course of five days in a bid to find something better in the Capital FM Branded as London’s Number One morning. Here’s how it went: Hit Music Radio Station, ‘Capital Monday: ‘The Radio 1 Breakfast
Breakfast’ is presented by Dave Berry and Lisa Snowdon and promises four hours of entertainment. Well, they certainly got the Hit Music part right; you’d be hard-pushed to find a track hasn’t been in the charts in the past month (see Flo Rida, JLS, and Ed Sheeran for reference). Perhaps the phone-in competitions could save the show? Nope, cue five minutes of incredibly tedious radio – unless you’re the contestant with the chance of winning thousands of pounds of course – with the Capital “Bong Game” in which a soundtrack of deep-breathing is interrupted only by a deep voice calling out ever-increasing amounts of money. Disappointing. Wednesday: ‘The Xfm Breakfast Show’, Xfm Halfway through the week and I decided to turn away from typical chart music shows. The ‘Xfm Breakfast Show’ headed by Danny Wallace combines the standard Xfm music (Bloc Party, Pulp, The Killers, Vac-
cines) with a breakfast-friendly vibe – thankfully absent of the shouty style reminiscent of morning with Chris Moyles on Radio 1. Wallace’s quirky anecdotes about saline drips in the forehead creating a ‘bagelhead’ (I didn’t really get it either) and show segments like ‘Angry Nerd Rants’ make him and his show thoroughly likeable. Thursday: ‘The Christian O’Connell Breakfast Show’, Absolute Radio Although the Absolute Radio breakfast show isn’t amongst the highest ranked in terms of the number of listeners, it would definitely come out on top in terms of hilarity. Christian O’Connell and the breakfast team offer the funniest way to wake up. The entire show is understated and self- depreciating; there’s even a jingle averring “Welcome to the Poundland of breakfast shows”. Witty quips like, “I’m off to call Heart FM with my favourite sleeping position”– a station that rather lacks
the more energetic style of Absolute’s breakfast show – and music from bands like Mumford and Sons, Blur, Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith make the show brilliantly entertaining. Friday: ‘Heart Breakfast’, Heart On the fifth day, I found ‘Heart Breakfast’ with Jamie Theakston and Harriet Scott. The first thing that struck me is what a happy show it is. Both the banter and the music make the morning sound irresistibly chirpy. Tracks from the likes of Take That, Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson invite you to have a bit of a sing-along…well, they do for me. The current Heart playlist lacks variety and for some reason has two tracks each from Adele, Olly Murs and Bruno Mars, which is a little tiresome. Overall, however, this feel-good show has a golden balance between current chart favourites and classic blasts from the past. Now I just have to decide which radio station I’m going to tune-in to this week…
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Advice
A good place to take someone on a ‘no strings attached date’ is the bailiwick pub for a quiet drink, and then a romantic wander in the woods of Virginia Waters; job done. flickr/microturbian
Well you’re wrong. Just ask Uncle Fullfrontle. A man of mustaches, muscat, and mystery.
Dear Uncle Fulfrontle,
The other day I was riding my bicycle onto campus. I was late and in a hurry. As I passed through the gates of our university, I whisked passed an elderly woman who, as I overtook, hit me on the back and swore at me. I was dumbstruck but managed to bravely exclaim that she had assaulted me. ‘That’s assault!’ I cried as I pulled off to the side by which point she proceeded to confront me. We argued for five minutes and then I rode off. What would you have done in this situation? Peter, Sevenoakes
Dear Uncle Fullfrontle,
I’ve found her. My statue of liberty. She dominates the skyline of my affections and I want her; but how should I begin? She tentatively agreed to meet with me for what she believes to be a “group hang”. There is no group, hell, there’s not even a hang, just me, her, and a lifetime of sordid encounters. Where should I take her? I’m envisaging somewhere saucy but not presumptuous, where the possibility of a good session of light to medium petting is strong but not certain. Save me Uncle Fulfrontle I’m drowning in lusty torrents that threaten to engulf my every waking hour. Jamie, London
A
h, Jamie. It seems you have come to that crucial point in any man’s odyssey d’amour. I dabble in endless odysseys, featuring in whispers on the lips of many a maiden throughout time. Your maiden, though, is clearly special to you and may be a little more reserved than those you have known previously. I prescribe a heavy dose of caution and due diligence and with these combined powers, the justice of love will prevail and you shall have your prize. Jamie, I empathise with you. Your very reasoning is at this moment partaking in a titanic struggle with your soul’s deepest desires- but throughout, you must remain stoic, especially when in the presence of your fine filly. Be the master of your own destiny and once your lady notices your drive for fulfilment in all your manly pursuits;
Have a problem with no clear resolution? Let Uncle Fullfrontle have the last word. Send your problems to arts@thefounder.co.uk, and our resident editors will track him down to whatever cave he has taken as his habitat. Good luck!
D
ear Peter. Firstly, I would never find myself in that situation, seeing as my preferred mode of transport for appointments on campus is via hot air balloon with a mini bar. However, if I ever did encounter your fabled dragon guarding the gates of our castle, I would approach the situation with the decorum and propensity of an experienced and battle hardened dragon fighter. Peter, I hope you know the story of Beowulf. Even if Grendel’s mother is fearsome and intimidating, you need to remember that you are Beowulf, and in the future, a bad film will be made about you. I admit a broadsword is probably an overreaction to this problem and does not comply with campus security, thus; your weapon of choice must be words. Grannies are, generally, lovely creatures. They make you biscuits, spoil you, and love to have a chat. However, in order to defeat this particularly nasty granny you must simply beat her at her own game. There is no reason why she should have struck you whilst you were cycling, and this is what you should focus on. A few phrases you can utilise in your rebuttal include: ‘I am disappointed with your naive attack’, ‘I do not see what I did wrong, so you have assaulted me’, and ‘Good day, madam, I must continue on my Beowulf-esque quest’. Respect is something all ages deserve, and no doubt, your demon will realise this.
Yours sincerely,
Uncle Fullfrontle
Humour The Adventures of Montague ‘Fresh’ DeLarge - Part the 1st -
The Freshers’ Ball, The Toilet Goblin, and the Endless Vomit My name is Montague ‘Fresh’ DeLarge, and I am currently lost, insatiably horny, hiding my wedge with my fist rammed into my pocket and jerked over to the side, whilst trying to find the way back to my room in Founder’s. Let me tell you the first thing about moving into university. You’re there five minutes, eye-fucking everything you see, and you think, ‘surely, the first Freshers’ event is going to be an orgy. It’s going to be an orgy, and I’m going to be the Orgy Captain. I’ve orgied before, these lovely looking people probably haven’t, so this is in the bag.’ It turns out that the first main event is actually the Freshers’ Ball. A shame, but Monty doesn’t complain about life. Monty gets life drunk, grabs it by the love handles, and does unspeakable things to it. I knew I had to find the nearest and finest boozery to purchase the lifeblood of my life: wine and vodka, which powers my heart; rum and tequila, which powers my brain; and cider and ale, which I store in my balls because they’re denser liquids that need time. I don’t know how, but I ended up at Tesco; miles away, on my first day. But like I said – Monty never dies, and if he’s about to, cry heaven to Buggery Shore, because Monty’s found a yacht. It’s a philosophy I’ve employed my entire life. I then went to the Union with my new chums. One pint, two pint, three pint, four. Five pint, six pint, Monty’s on the floor. Bright lights. Fine wenches. Hip thrusting. Wenches on my legs. Wenches round my waist. At one point a wench on my head with her legs draped around my neck like an ermine scarf. Not
sure how that happened. Within my loins I contained the fury of a thousand vodka-fuelled suns, and I let everyone know in a sudden supernova of grinding and whoring. All eyes were on Monty, and Monty had to go to the shit pit. In the toilet, something strange happened. Both doors were locked, and I had to have a little moment in a cubicle because honestly, I wasn’t sure which of my orifices needed sudden attention. I beat the door and it suddenly gave way, revealing to me something that rapes my nightmares. It was a Toilet Goblin. It had at one point been a student: a living, breathing, loving student, but something had happened to it. It was now a bent, murderous little thing, crouched down staring at me as if I had just killed all the other Toilet Goblins, and it was his duty to avenge his brethren. It started to scream. I turned and ran. This thing had pushed me over the edge. My stomach had initiated a defence ploy I was not sure I would survive. I charged out into the smoking area, roaring loudly, announcing to all the vulnerable people a Toilet Goblin was at large. I gurgled a few words, and then it began. Endless vomit. Just seas and seas of vomit. I kept on chundering, and I kept on pausing, and chundering again. It was inches deep now, and all natural law had suddenly failed the universe. And then I knew: I was the Vomit Messiah. Somehow, across the globe, people like me were raising their heads from above all the glorious shitters and hedges and doorsteps in the world and wondering where all the vomit had suddenly gone. I was the
Anointed Vomiter, the Chosen Chunderer. There was a Vomit God, and this was his Eternal Gift. People began crowding around me, their excited tongues rose in an ululating mass, exalting my place in the hearts of man into the deep dripping sanctums of the chunder-soaked universe. This was my Coronation. Security finally slithered their way through my epic chunder, and hoisted me away to the anguish of the crowd, so I vomited on them too. With my head now raised, I was the Chunder King. These were My Chosen Few. My Many Disciples. The heaving, holy mass splurging from my gaping mouth would become Gospel. In the beginning, there was Tesco Value Vodka. After that – I don’t know. Sometimes you have to be the man that tempts all the slings and arrows of outrageous drunkenness, and be the hero the Union deserves, but also be too lashed to remember why - until suddenly Vomit God needs you. Slowly dragged away by the heavies, I left a golden trail of chunder for my people to follow and worship, and somehow, because the most gracious of stars above -probably Keira Knightley because she’s the finest filly there is- felt something this monumental had to have a happy ending, I would later wake in my bed. My sweet fuckable bed, with a note on my desk saying I would need to attend a meeting with my RSA in a week’s time. I ate it, to consume its knowledge and power. I think I was still drunk. My name is Montague ‘Fresh’ DeLarge. I am a troublesome, debauched drunk who is going to get a first at university. This is the beginning of my journey.
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The next submissions deadline is Midday, Saturday 20th October Please recycle this newspaper when you are finished Recycling bins are located at: Arts Building, The Hub, Gowar and Wedderburn Halls, T-Dubbs
flickr/myPhotoshopBrushes
Think all hope is lost?
whether that be feats on the sports pitches (babes love balls) or cultural crusades in the library (babes love books), she will be drawn to you like a vivacious love tiger to a prime piece of Jamie-steak. Follow my instructions and do not stray from the path. Fulfrontle no-no’s include: putting smiley faces in texts, always relying on advice from the girls you lust after, and taking a girl on a date to the movies.
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
the founder
the independent student newspaper of royal holloway, university of london
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
Film
Summer of Cinema: 2012 What will be remembered? What will be forgotten? Krystal Stone
that my faith in comedy was restored. Critics argue that Ted’s plot was flawed and scrambled, but it made me laugh uncontrollably - and isn’t that exactly what we want from a comedy? Looking back, this summer released some pretty decent films. It was the Marvel releases that brought this summer up a notch. Disappointments such as Dark Shadows and Chernobyl Diaries bring the summer down and don’t get me started on Piranha 3DD. Every year is the same: you get a few big blockbusters, a few comedies promising to be the biggest comedy of the year and some fun animated films such as Brave. There was something for everyone to enjoy, I’m sure there is someone out there who just loved Piranha 3DD…
http://www.beyondhollywood.com/the-avengers-2012-movie-preview-images-and-videos
http://www.beyondhollywood.com/category/ted-2012-movie/
http://geek-news.mtv.com/2012/06/21/brave-merida-redhead/
Novel Adaptations in Film Sara Cramer
to Peter Jackson’s award-winning trilogy based on Tolkien’s The Lord sually when studio exof the Rings (yet another franchise) ecutives run out of ideas for the three upcoming The Hobbit films. blockbuster films they imThis is what usually happens: filmmediately turn to the most successful makers start adapting the books to and recently published books. As a the big screen, aiming for the most result now we not only have incredaccurate interpretation of the written ibly popular books series but also text. Unfortunately, after the first film movie franchises costing impressive has become a world-wide success amounts of money. However, what is suddenly studios are less interested sometimes disappointing is that film in being faithful to the characters, series are not always what their fans story and author of the literary expected and are turned into money- source but instead concentrate on making machines through their finding ways of making it increasconstant changing and manipulation. ingly commercial. Images of actors Examples of successful novels, or shots of the films start to appear which turned into even more sucon T-shirts, mugs, posters in teenagcessful movie franchises include ers’ rooms and, of course, on leaflets, Harry Potter, The Twilight Saga, The advertising just about everything. Hunger Games and probably due contd. on next page...
U
flickr/Daniel Peckham
contd. from last page... However, this popularity does not guarantee the quality of the films simply as a work of art. It is not uncommon for the last installments of film series to be split in two halves, aiming not to enhance the audience’s experience of them but to maximise the potential profits from the films and various franchise-related products. This happened to the last two films of the Harry Potter series and The Twilight Saga. Recently it was announced that there will be a third part to Peter Jackson’s adaptation of The Hobbit. Although author J.R.R.Tolkien made sure there is enough material on the Middle Earth for future generations to film, the slight suspicion of the motives behind this decision remains. The same fate came to The Hunger Games, when in July 2012 it was confirmed that the last book - ‘The Hunger Games: Mockingjay’ - will be released in two consecutive films, one scheduled for release in November 2014, the other - in November 2015. Very often studios turn to adaptations of works of classical literature. These films usually bring not only the promise of financial success but also the pledge for possible awards and recognitions. Most recently we have seen Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights and Anna Karenina. However, if you do not fancy any of these, do not despair! The Perks of Being a Wallflower based on the book by Stephen Chbosky (who is also the director), starring Emma Watson, Logan Lerman and Ezra Miller comes out on October 3rd. Lawless based on the book ‘The Wettest County in the World’ by Matt Bondurant, starring Tom Hardy, Jessica Chastain and Shia Lebeouf is currently showing. Other adaptations include On the Road (directed by Walter Saller and starring Kristen Stewart, Viggo Mortensen, Steve Buscemi, Garret Hedlund and Amy Adams), The Great Gatsby (directed by Baz Luhrmann with Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead and Carey Mulligan as Daisy). There is the book which turned into a musical which turned into a film - Victor Hugo’s ‘Les Miserables’, directed by Tom Hooper and starring Anne Hathaway, Hugh Jackman, Russel Crowe, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen and Amanda Seyfried. And finally if you miss any of these, there are many other adaptations to look forward to! These include ‘The Night Circus’ by Erin Morgenstern and ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’ by Seth GrahameSmith. Oh, and someone mentioned something about ‘50 Shades of Grey’...
Film and Media Societies on Campus THE MEDIA ARTS SOCIETY
Zlatina Nikolova Film Editor Imagine this: it is the first week of term. You are still unaware if you will have to run across campus every Tuesday because your lectures have been arranged in one massive block of six hours. Aiming to prevent yourself from imagining such disturbing situations, you go on a walk across campus and maybe visit the Freshers Fayre. Hoping to find societies based on the idea of film and media, you are suddenly confronted by the multitude of societies and clubs in Royal Holloway. There are several such societies on campus but perhaps in the busy first week of term you did not grasp all the aims and details, which distinguish them from one another and make them so unique and interesting. In order to rectify this, here are several of the film and media societies on campus, which may attract your attention if you are a film fan or interested in gaining some practical experience in the process of filmmaking.
First in the list comes the Media Arts Society, which is a strictly departmental society, found independently from the SU and completely supported by their department and staff. It is set up by Media Arts students and for Media Arts students, aiming to bring students from different years together. In order to achieve this it organises weekly screenings and socials, encouraging students to interact and maybe work together on projects of their own in the future. Since one of its goals is showcasing films made by Media Arts students, a film festival is planned for each term with an awards ceremony held at the end. Although it is restricted to Media Arts students only, students who are not part of that department can still join the film club. Finally, the Media Arts Society wants to not only develop student talent but also to improve the relationship between students and the departmental staff.
THE FILM FESTIVAL SOCIETY Unlike the Media Arts Society, the Film Festival Society is open for students from other departments, who are interested in film. It not only unites people interested in film but also aims to promote student filmmaking talent, irrelevant of students’ degrees.Encouraging creative individuals to gain more practical experience and skills, the Film Festival Society helps students create their own portfolios and skills, which they can apply outside university, once they enter the ‘real’ world. Its plan is to show student films on national and international festivals. Among its other aims is uniting not only students but joining different creative departments through the medium of film and even launching a film festival of their own. The Film Festival Society tries to enhance students’ creative abilities and also to educate and help students learn from each other.
THE WORLD CINEMA SOCIETY The World Cinema Society has been on campus for several years and it is obviously based on its interest in film and culture, and bringing the university community together. It obviously succeeds in doing the latter, since it has PhD students and departmental staff on its organising board as well as undergraduates. In addition, sessions held by the World Cinema Society are frequently visited by academics from departments like Maths, Physics and Computer Science, helping to create a diverse environment where academics and students can freely interact. Living up to its name, the society shows films by a wide range of talented, world-renowned filmmakers such as Sergio Leone, Emir Kusturica, Guillermo del Torro, Michael Haneke, Nikita Mihalkov, Wong KarWai only to name a few. Therefore, it not only brings members of the University community with common interest in international films and culture but also educates by looking at films from perspectives different from those of filmmakers.
www.rhul-cinema.co.uk
Anyone who is a fan of a good oldfashioned trip to the pictures knows the summer is the best time for such excursions. Articles, blogs and Facebook alike claim this was the ‘best summer of cinema’, but don’t they say this every year? In 2011, we witnessed blockbusters such as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II, Bridesmaids, Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Thor. So how does this year’s summer of cinema fare in comparison to 2011? The bar was set high with Joss Whedon’s Avengers Assemble, which opened at the beginning of the summer grossing more than any other film on opening weekend in the history of cinema! The film was praised for its killer cast and explosive special effects. It was such a box office success that it didn’t take long for Whedon to secure his position in directing the sequel which is due to open May 2015. Although the biggest, it was not the only success for Marvel this summer with The Amazing Spiderman reboot winning over audiences. The decision to revive the popular superhero with a slightly new take just five years after Spiderman 3 was surprising, but nevertheless it was a success. The film’s strengths lie in the strong performances of Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone, creating a beautiful chemistry between the two leads, and even though the overall story is rather familiar, it never failed to excite and surprise. After this summer it is evident
that Marvel is looking stronger than ever. Those suffering from an Avengers addiction can look forward to Thor: The Dark World (2013), Iron Man 3 (2013) and Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014). Marvel is also taking a few big risks with AntMan (no release date as of yet) and Guardians of the Galaxy – due to open 2014, a futuristic superhero film set in space. After years of being treated like DC Comic’s less “superior” cousin, Marvel is finally giving DC a run for their money – quite literally! As predicted, The Dark Knight Rises was a huge success, and also my favorite in the trilogy (though most prefer the second). Going above and beyond in terms of special effects, music and most importantly performance. Christopher Nolan’s ‘regulars’ including Tom Hardy, Christian Bale and Joseph Gordon-Levitt all gave spectacular performances, and an Oscar-worthy speech was given by legend Michael Caine. As for comedy, audiences were crying with laughter after watching Bridesmaids last summer. The film was by far the most successful and talked about comedy of the year! However, after watching The Five Year Engagement and The Dictator earlier this summer, I must admit that I was disappointed with the unoriginal and predictable comedies being churned out year after year…until Ted. Seth MacFarlane dazzled audiences with his wit and humor never before seen on the big screen, and it was then
Film
facebook.com/RhulMediaArtsSoc
surhulfilmfestivalsoc.wordpress.com
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Sport
The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
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The Founder | Monday 15 October 2012
flickr/Ed Townend
If you are the President or Captain of a Sports team on campus then why not gain some extra coverage for your club by sending your fixtures, match reports and stories to The Founder? If you want to drum up support for a cup final or derby, or you want the work of your club to be recognised then here is the place to do it; the best dedicated Sports Section on campus! Write to sports@thefounder.co.uk
The Founder’s ‘Player of the Issue’ In the next issue The Founder will be launching its new feature; ‘Player of the Issue’ – This will be a way for club coaches, presidents and captains to recognise outstanding achievers, to raise awareness of spectacular performances and to give exceptional club members the recognition they deserve. Whether it’s each rower in an eight catching their blade at the exact same time or the inside centre of a rugby fifteen taking a huge hit to release another player the success of a team is reliant upon the actions of individuals and when certain individuals go beyond what is asked of them for the benefit of their team they should be rewarded. The Founder will now be taking nominations for such achievers; the Sports Editor will decide the successful nomination and the successful nominee will be interviewed and featured in the following issue of the paper. So whether the achievements of your chosen player have been on or off the field make sure they are recognised by your club and the university as a whole by contacting the Sports Editor at sports@thefounder.co.uk
Please recycle this newspaper when you are finished Recycling bins are located at: Arts Building, The Hub, Gowar and Wedderburn Halls, T-Dubbs
Is it just practice that makes perfect? flickr/Terekhova
and getting their training done for the day. Richard Cunningham It may be regarded as somewhat Sports Editor bewildering that Rowing seems to be Rowing is perhaps one of the only experiencing a sort of renaissance at sports where it is feasible to have Holloway, the gruelling outings on Frank Sinatra’s ‘White Christmas’ on an icy Thames and suicidal circuit a competitors motivational playlist, trainings that practically pop the feasible because to ever really get abdominals could not be described anywhere with rowing the training as particularly pleasant by anybody can never really stop, feasible also and yet rowing has drawn one of it’s because it was one of the factors that greatest intake of Fresher members spurred Northern-Irish rower Alan ever. This is not due to an unusual Campbell on to achieve Olympic proportion of sadists, but because bronze in the Men’s single sculls. rowing is a sport that rewards hard Painful training programmes are not graft like no other, has an ability simply the reserve of Olympians and to get people fitter than they have elite athletes though, even rowers at ever been before and because there Royal Holloway will in some way be is something fairly gratifying about able to empathise with the efforts of being on a river that is all but dead to an Olympic medallist; training regi- the world as the sun begins to rise. mens that start at six in the mornEton Dorney does not sit so far ing are a norm for students here, away from Holloway’s little boat conscious of making lectures on time house on the Thames and yet there
is something about the effortless efficiency of those that occupied its waters and our halls of residence during this summer’s games that seems all but unreachable, a standard that has evidently taken years to master and endless hours to perfect, it seems reserved for the super-humans but in fact the reality is quite another matter, especially when considering the achievements of Helen Glover. Helen Glover was one half of a women’s sweep pair that claimed Great Britain’s first gold at the London games, becoming the first British women ever to win a rowing gold in the process. Glover in winning gold disproved Malcolm Gladwell’s ten thousand hour theory by demonstrating that after only four years of rowing it was possible to achieve on the world’s greatest stage. By dispelling the idea that it takes around ten years to ever achieve anything
on Olympic proportions Glover has given a certain degree of hope to those who have taken up the sport fairly recently, it is clear now that with the right training environment, social circle and coaching it is only a matter of time and effort before greatness is attained, regardless of the definition of ‘greatness’ and the stage on which it is achieved. Glover dedicated four solid years to rowing, four years of full-time training; she too like many of rowers at Holloway will be no stranger to early starts and fiercely cold mornings on the water in winter. What is equally as important for an athlete’s progression is the recognition that they are actually good at their sport, good enough to intensify their ‘playful practice’ to a stage where they begin to enjoy the feeling of superiority, the feeling of finally cracking that hard bit of technique
that has dogged their sessions and of beating that time on a gruelling ergo that has for so long slipped away in the last hundred meters. Certainly members of Royal Holloway’s boat club are in a sense lucky that their training is so frequent, they generally have the final say over what sessions they do and do not attend but they also have the ability to be working on their sport every single day of the week if they so choose. There is never a weight session that will not be beneficial or a night of circuit training that will be better left till next time – Rowing, or indeed any other sport at Royal Holloway, could be the start of something pretty monumental if only potential was realised and enacted upon, potential combined with a degree of commitment that would make an album of Christmas carols beneficial during training.
Sport An address to the ugly mugs of the beautiful game Stan Eldridge
Woman in Black with Maradona’s face. See; proof the Baked beans and childish jokes culture doesn’t work. Yet, if I had the choice between the representatives of English football having an infantile, tongue in cheek camaraderie, a good giggle at no one’s expense, or the poisonous, backstabbing, accusatory, cynical culture of 2012 it’s, well, no contest really. It’s essentially a toss up between men being boys (1996) or boys trying too hard to be men (2012). In the months following what was the peak of athletic conduct by British sportsmen and women at the London Olympics one can’t help despairing that football has descended further than ever before into a playpen. Where wee cherubs shake rattles at each other whilst their parents at the FA try out passive parenting techniques they’ve picked up from the Dummy’s Guide to parenting. I don’t hate you, boys. I pity you. You know not what you do. I’m simply giving you a sharp dressing down with the hope that this kind of behaviour doesn’t continue. Now go off and get on with some work please. That will be all boys; you may now leave my office.
Sam O’Brien Arsenal's improved defence has been the subject of much talk since the beginning of the season, the Gunners conceded a whopping forty-nine goals last season and conseqeuntly brought in Steve Bould to help solve their defensive problems. It did initially appear that Bould was doing a decent job after Arsenal had conceded only one goal in their opening three matches with that solitary goal a meagre Danny Fox consolation as Arsenal hammered Southampton by six goals to one. Undoubtedly more would be asked yet of the ‘new look’ Arsenal defence, questions like those that were posed in Saturday's clash with the European Champions and which Arsenal failed to answer. Roberto di Matteo's side were excellent and a class above their hosts throughout the game, every time Chelsea went forward they looked menacing and frankly Arsenal's back five didn't look up to it. Subsequently it took Chelsea only twenty minutes to exploit Arsenal's apparent weakness at the back, a
weakness perhaps excentuated by the injury to Abou Diaby. Diaby, who sustained an injury in the aftermath of a shot at goal, thus left his marking duties to a rather unsuitable Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain who had the mammoth task of keeping to David Luiz at a Chelsea free-kick- That was mistake number one. Mistake number two came from last week’s hero Laurent Koscielny who, for some reason, completely turned his back on the ball allowing for an intelligent finish from Fernando Torres as he arched his right foot around his man and tucked the ball into Vito Mannone's right-hand corner. Arguably Koscielny was also at fault for the second goal too as he failed to deal with a free-kick from Juan Mata, the Spaniard delivered a good cross into the box only for Koscielny to make a complete hash of the clearance, getting the faintest touch on the ball which diverted it past Mannone and gave Chelsea the lead for the second time. Arsenal never really recovered from this goal despite having made such a blistering start to the second half and Chelsea saw the game out comfortably
enough. However, there were some positives to take out of the game for Arsenal; despite wasted opportunities from Santi Cazorla and Giroud, who could have equalised in the dying minutes, the fact remained that they were still able to get into promising positions on the pitch, something that will soon pay dividends with such quality footballers at their disposal. Certainly players like Gervinho, Podolski, Cazorla, Chamberlain and Theo Walcott will eventually convert chances if they continue to get into threatening positions. Arsenal’s plight doesn't get much easier in the weeks ahead; a trip to Carrow Road for what could be a very interesting game against Norwich who are searching for form, followed by a home game against Schalke in the Champions League and a home game against strugglers QPR. All could be quite easliy be dispatched if Arsenal play at their best, yet whether they will ne able to perform or not with their persistant defensive issues will be another matter.
Mixed Hockey Tournament 2012 Rhiannon Davies
first mixed hockey tournament is the chance to play some relaxed icture the scene: seven teams hockey, get to know members of of mixed sex and ability the club outside of your team, and battling it out in fierce todress up in some questionable the-death combat on the pitches of costumes (the most memorable Staines. Just kidding. It’s a chilly Oc- themes of this year included tober Wednesday, the smell of Jager ‘Walk of Shame’, ‘Anything But fills the air, and people are running Clothes’, and a rhino disguised as around in shower curtains and tutus. a unicorn). Welcome to the first Mixed Hockey Each team played seven matches Tournament of Hockey season 2012. of ten minutes, after which a A highlight of the social calendar, the semi-final and final were played
P
flickr/Julian Mason
game has mutated into a truly abhorrent entity. Year after year, competition after competition football fans Dear Messrs Ferdinand, Terry, from Newcastle to Southampton Cole and the FA in the most recent, bemoan the woes of our underexacerbated debacle to hit English Samuel Hodges happened on the third day was truly Football. performing Lions. Is it any wonder extraordinary, and trust me, it’s not that we are so readily able to lamely You, along with many of your Was this years Ryder cup the often I get ecstatic about golf! accept our defeats with a shrug and compatriots and colleagues, despite definition of a sporting miracle? On the final day, everything a teary squeak of ‘We just can’t win your charity giving, your social work, Unable to cope with the superior seemed to fall into place for the penalties’, when English players enand your questionable contribution play of their American adversarEuropeans. The excellent form of gage in what has been a tantrum-war to the fashion industry, have kicked ies, Europe trailed hopelessly at Bubba Watson was not as impressive my beautiful game into a playground of childish tweets. They spin about 10-4 after two days of golfing at the as the American began to drop holes each other’s girlfriends like a fiery scuffle. To you, the English Football Medinah country club in Chicago. here and there and the Europeans MSN conversation following a school Association, I turn the same, scornOnly the final day remained, but began to lead their matches from disco. If you want to say something, ing headmaster eye with which you the US had only to take four and a the mid morning. Putts were droplads, at least do it properly. Immatuseem to view everything that crosses half points from the final day, and ping in like flies, and as their charge your path. rity in a professional sport includes a possible twelve were available. drew more threatening, the pressure the propensity for apology and The fact that John Terry’s racThe odds were stacked against the mounted and the Americans didn’t atonement at the click of a mouse; it’s ism trial was held off for a year, the European golfers, but with much recover. Ian Poulter won all four of all just meaningless. interim of which featured a Eurobeing made of the late, great Seve his matches, Tiger Woods faltered So then boys, let us look to Euro pean Championship to which Terry Ballesteros as an inspiration to men and before they knew it, it was level 96; the last competition where the travelled, and more importantly, a like Ian Poulter, Martin Kaymer, pegging at 13 ½ - 13 ½. It was all left trial on the subject from the highest stable diet of athletes, baked beans Rory McIlroy et al, perhaps it was to German, Martin Kaymer to seal was to feature in an English Football written that the Europeans were to the deal for the Europeans. To put it court in the land proves the inflated canteen. The last competition (and and arrogant inertia which plagues stage one of the great comebacks quite frankly, Kaymer had not had only one unfortunately) when EngEnglish football lays its sleepy head in sport. In a remarkable final day, the best season up until this point, he lish football stars mischievously slid at the door of the FA. the Americans ended up defeated had shown no signs of that renowned song titles into every monotonous However, to blame men in suits 14 ½ - 13 ½. So just think for a German efficiency at all… However, attempting to feed the nation what interview. It was fun, the team were moment. Could this be the greatest he holed his final putt to put his dehappy and moreover, completely difis adolescents kicking a ball on grass Ryder Cup ever? Well why would I mons behind him and the European ferent from todays squad of squeakyand call it enterprise is immature in say that, and why was this victory side was soon spraying the Moët all clean facades. But, of course they itself. The simple fact I have avoided so significant? over the place. It was not just a thrill- for years is that the fundamental lost on penalties right? See, proof As a BBC commentator put it, ing, oh so close end to a tournament machinery and DNA of the English the penalty curse haunts us like the the Americans felt it was “all over”, the US had dominated for the first that by the second evening they’d two days, but also a sweet one. practically won. Luke Donald howEuropean captain José María ever, a Briton playing for Europe, Olazábal commemorated the victory said he still believed they could with a touching speech. He told his win. Having this belief is excellent players: “You have made me feel considering the best comeback by young again.” Now, this is the third Europe prior to this was comRyder Cup I’ve watched all the way ing from two points down. With through and so perhaps I don’t have the belief instilled in them, the much right to say it was the best RyEuropeans would have to let their der Cup ever, but I do say it was the golf do the talking on the final day. best ever because never had Europe The problem was, by the second achieved such a comeback in the night, the only talking being done Cup’s history, never mind on Ameriwas by the boozed up Americans, can soil. This year’s event truly was chanting by the sides of the greens, one that had the making of a great. barbecuing and generally thinking If you haven’t seen the final days’ they had the great tournament all highlights do try and watch them, but sewn up. Indeed, the events of you never know- it might just get the first and second day prompted you into golf. What a phenomenal a highly respected American jour- year this has been for British and nalist to criticize and poke fun at European sport. the European side, writing that the beleaguered Europeans would need a miracle to take victory. This was the general consensus, but looking back, I bet that journalist feels like a right idiot about now. What
Arsenal v Chelsea: What it said about Arsenal
flickr/ JoyVanBuhler
(‘Walk of Shame’ vs. ‘Anything But Clothes’- the ultimate grudge match). Prizes of gin and medals were given to the best costume and the winning team, and everyone walked off into the sunset in anticipation of the night’s social, in which Fresher’s became the property of their partnered ‘Elder’… Many thanks to this year’s mixed Captain Sadie for organising a fantastic day for all.
flickr/JRonnie Macdonald
The Greatest Ryder Cup Ever?
Sport
Sport
Anna Redbond Co-subeditor
Hi there. I’m a third-year History student, and this is my first year being involved with the Founder. To provide some background to the photo - this summer I spent a few weeks on a dude-ranch in Wyoming in the manner of Butch Cassidy (or the Sundance Kid). Here I was thrown full-throttle into a wild world of wrangling, rodeos, bearspray, campfires, s’mores (highly recommended) and corn-dogs
(significantly less recommended, unless you have a soft-spot for hot dogs deep fried in what can only be described as a sweet donut batter). I will be subediting the Arts, Music, Film and Sports sections, so if you write anything for these sections they will inevitably be sent to me. I really am looking forward to reading and editing anything and everything that gets sent my way this year!