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FOUNDER

The Independent Student Newspaper of Royal Holloway, University of London

Thursday 31 January

‘Well, we don’t allow siblings to get married either’ Defence Secretary accused by two RHUL students of comparing same-sex marriage to incest

Thomas Seal Editor-in-Chief Secretary of State for Defence and local MP Philip Hammond has found himself in hot water after he was accused of likening gay marriage to incest in a conversation with two RHUL students. He has denied the accusations.

On 25 January, Hammond visited Royal Holloway to be received by a crowd of protestors challenging his views on gay marriage, which he believes should remain illegal in the UK in light of the upcoming bill in Parliament.

He was visiting Egham to give a speech on defence issues facing the UK, invited by the Politics and International Relations Society (PIRSoc). Before this, however, he had a private conversation with two RHUL students: Joe Rayment, physics student and SURHUL Union Chair, and Jack Saffrey-Rowe, politics student and LGBT Rep for the National Campaign Against Fees and Cuts. They recounted their conversation firsthand to The Founder: Rayment recalls: ‘When I asked him the question: ‘What right does the state have to tell two people who love each other that they can’t get

married?’, he responded with ‘Well, we don’t allow siblings to get married either.’

Saffrey-Rowe continued: ‘At the end of the interview, Joe asked Hammond whether he would go out and say to everyone - all of the LGBT people - that they shouldn’t be allowed to get married. He refused.

‘Joe then went on to ask the minister: ‘will you at least tell Jack [who is openly gay] that he shouldn’t get married?’ He batted it off as a ‘silly game’.

That didn’t make me feel good. Along with the rest of the conversation that was just the cherry on the cake.’

Upon the pair’s refusal to shake his hand, the minister then reportedly called them ‘juvenile’ and left to give his speech. His alleged remarks have since found their way into many national outlets including The Guardian, The Telegraph, The Times, The Mirror and Pink News.

Ironically, Hammond will not even attend the upcoming first Commons vote on the legalisation of gay marriage, on 5 February, and dismissed his debate with Rayment and SaffreyRowe as ‘academic’.

The protest itself was very brief: at 7pm a group of approximately 40 (though widely reported as 70) students, enthusiastically led by VPComCam Jamie Green, chanted at the

Photos: Thomas Seal

MP as he swiftly entered the Moore Lecture Theatre, flanked by security.

Various RHUL groups had publicly announced their plans to lobby and protest the MP in advance of his visit.

PIRSoc itself issued a statement on the event’s Facebook page, both asserting its neutral stance on the gay marriage issue, as well as appealing for protestors not to disturb the event or tarnish the society’s reputation.

On the other hand, Labour Soc. announced that ‘Philip Hammond MP should revise the view he holds in order to be more in line with the views of his constituents.’

Indeed Hammond, who incidentally is ranked just 290th of 648 MPs on sexymp.co.uk, is not even publicly in line with his party, let alone the coalition. In May of last year he was the first senior member of the Government to dissent from David Cameron’s manifesto promises, claiming in The Independent that gay marriage is ‘too controversial’ to worry about.

This was to the ineffective ire of Deputy PM Nick Clegg, who replied at the time: ‘We would fully expect Mr Hammond to support government policy regardless of his views.’

In response to a publicly-shared

reply to a letter lobbying him on the issue, sent by a Holloway student, Hammond has clarified that his position goes beyond that of mere political strategy and is one of principle, claiming that the legislation allowing civil partnerships ‘has removed the elements of practical discrimination that existed against those in same-sex relationships, allowing them to access, for example, the tax benefits that married couples enjoy.’

He goes on to say that he ‘do[es] not believe there is a compelling reason to

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News

Arts

Music

Film

RHUL students attacked

‘The Effect’: reviewed

Long live HMV

Vicious attacks on RHUL students in the local area have become a weekly occurrence this month.

NICHOLAS HYDER sees if playwright Laura Pebble is more than a one-hit-wonder.

KATIE OSMON and SEAN LITTLEJOHN differ over the music chain’s recent demise.

Bumper section: Django, Les Mis, Argo and Gangsters

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The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

2 The Founder The Independent Student Newspaper of Royal Holloway, University of London Email: editor@thefounder.co.uk

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Scrappy Dappy

EDITORIAL BOARD Editor-in-Chief Thomas Seal Managing Editors Toby Fuller, Scott Wilson, Peter Hammond and Richard Cunningham News Editor Peter Hammond Deputy Florentyna Dalloz

Arts Editor Scott Wilson Deputy Rose Walker

Comment & Debate Editor Toby Fuller Deputy Dominic Pini

Sport Editor Theo Chiles

Features Editor Felicity King Film Editor Zlatina Nikolova Music Editor Katie Osmon

Pictures Editor Amy Taheri Subeditor Alexandra Ioannou Lead Designer Thomas Seal

This edition designed by Thomas Seal Logo designed by Katie Orsten

The Founder is the independent student newspaper of Royal Holloway, University of London. We distribute at least 2,000 free copies almost every fortnight during term time around campus and to popular student venues in and around Egham.

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» continued from front page... prioritise legislation to go further at the present time and I have concerns about the robustness of the protections for religious organisations that are being put in place with the best of intentions.’

The ‘protections’ Hammond refers to regard the current ability of citizens to legally challenge the Church of England’s decision to not marry same-sex couples, on the grounds of discrimination.

‘He batted [the debate] off as a ‘silly game’.’

The Equality Act 2010 is due to pass to a vote in Parliament in one week, and will make it fully illegal for the C of E (and any other religious organisation) to marry same-sex couples unless they opt in, and thus changes what was before merely clerical discrimination into discrimination endorsed by our Government.

Hammond clarifies: ‘The Prime Minister has made clear that all Conservative MPs (including Cabinet

flickr/Beacon Radio

Ministers) will have a free vote on this issue and I do not intend to support the legislation when it is placed before the House of Commons.’

On the publication of a press release authored by The Orbital’s Lifestyle Editor Simon Rawlings, and a blog entry on Anticuts.com by Saffrey-Rowe, the protest was reported nationally in the Pink News and the Daily Mail. SU President Doug German stated ‘we believe that as our MP, Philip Hammond should listen to those in his constituency and vote in favour of equality,’ condemning the Minister’s alleged remarks as ‘unacceptable’ and ‘homophobic’.

Despite the controversy, the request made by a PIRSoc committee member that audience questions at the event remain strictly related to the topic of defense was complied with, after being met with a snigger, and few of the people protesting outside attended the event itself.

PIRSoc’s next event will feature UKIP Leader and MEP Nigel Farage, a figure more accustomed to controversy. The event was previously scheduled to take place on the 21 January but has been rescheduled for the 18 February.

SURHUL has lobbied Hammond once before in recent memory. In November 2010 the Sabbatical Officers wrote a letter urging him to vote against the rise in tuition fees. He was

Famed rap music artist of the group ‘N-Dubz’ was recently in Guildford Crown Court following accusations of assault and affray. He was found guilty of assault by beating, the jury having ascertained that he had spat on one man. However, he was cleared of two further counts of common assault pertaining to actions towards two women.

DNA evidence successfully identified saliva on the male victim’s clothing matching that of the accused artist, who still fervently denies spitting on anyone.

The two women further claimed

that Dappy (Costadinos Contostavlos) had asked the two join him in his vehicle, which they refused to do.

The brawl reportedly occurred after the artist had spat at the two women, although this remained a contented claim.

Two additional male co-defendants were tried, although only one was convicted of affray. The jury heard that the aforementioned man and two other male friends sustained serious facial injuries, and that the fight involved a group of nine men.

Sentencing is set to occur in midFebruary; until then the two convicted men have been released on bail.

Another defendant had also pleaded guilty to affray and will be sentenced with the duo.

also the subject of a brief barricade and protest by Anti Cuts Alliance members that same month, whilst leaving a VIP dinner at RHUL with Ken Clarke.

However, he voted for the increased cap the following month anyway, suggesting RHUL protests such as these may be water off a duck’s back to the hardline right-wing Cabinet minister.

Peter Hammond News Editor

Comrade Green rallies the troops in the winter weather in preparation for Hammond’s arrival. (Photo: Thomas Seal)

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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News

Egham and Englefield Attacks Spark Safety Concerns

Four violent attacks in just one month

Florentyna Dalloz and Thomas Seal

Photo: Thomas Seal

St. Jude’s Cemetery. The oft-used neighbouring alley was the scene of an assault, and a bag stolen from a student was recovered there.

RHUL students have been the victims of four unprovoked and violent attacks in just the past month.

At 1am on 27 January, a house in Nightingale Shott was broken into by three male assailants, armed with knifes and one with a handgun. One student was struck with the butt of the pistol, and is being treated in St. Peter’s Hospital in Chertsey for a head injury. The burglars stole a laptop, jewellery and a passport, reportedly threatening passers-by with the gun on the way out. The students have acted on police advice and moved out of the house for the time being.

A week earlier, at 9pm on 21 January a student walking home was punched to the ground, before be-

ing repeatedly kicked by a gang of youths. The incident occurred in the alley alongside St. Jude’s cemetary (see left), joining Bagshot Road and Blay’s Lane - a very popular route for students living in Englefield Green.

A week earlier, at 10:20pm on 14 January, a female student was the victim of an attempted robbery near the Ripley Avenue/Spring Rise junction at the bottom of the hill. However, the force the assailant used grabbing her bag allowed the woman to spin around and hit him in the face with it, before he ran off empty-handed.

And precisely a week before this, at approximately 9pm on 7 January, a knifepoint robbery occurred at the main entrance to campus itself, on Egham Hill opposite Wetton’s Annexe. A 25-year-old student was accosted and grabbed by the throat by a stranger, who pulled a knife on him.

He stole the student’s black bag and ran off down St. Jude’s road, though strangely the bag was later found by police officers, abandoned in Englefield Green cemetary. Both this attack and the one on 14 January were carried out by hooded men in their 20s.

Surrey Police have reportedly increased patrols in the local area, and encourage students with concerns to speak to any of the neighbourhood officers or call 101 to speak to a member of the ‘Runnymede Safer Neighbourhood Team’.

SURHUL has issued some safety tips for Holloway students on their website, including reminders to stick to well-lit routes regardless of longer walking times, to pick up a free safety alarm from Support and Advisory Services, and to take advantage of the free SSHH! bus service from campus to all local residences.

UK Extends Help to French Forces in Mali Malcolm McEachern

Earlier this month, British Forces loaned France the use of two heavylift military transports. The America and Canadian military have also loaned aircraft to aid France in transporting their military equipment and

flickr/DVIDSHUB

troops. Now, it is augmenting its support by sending a small group of UK Special Forces soldiers.

David Cameron stated that Britain was not looking to pursue a combat role, this is why the Special Forces that were deployed are only being dispatched to help advise French Forces.

Even if Britain wanted to be fully involved in Mali, the majority of their troops and resources are committed

in Afghanistan till they are relinquished of their duties in 2014.

The French military entered into Northern region of Mali known as the Sahel dessert where it has been deemed ungoverned to combat the uprising and spread of Islamic militants.

The recent attack on BP employees in Algeria, which left 37 hostages killed by terrorists from Mali with

links to Al-Qaeda, demonstrates this increase in terrorism. France has stated that this will be a temporary intervention; it plans for African troops to replace its troops. Yet, before this can take place African forces must be brought up to a standard that will allow them to combat on their own resources. Therefore, the only way for France to ensure they are exclusively involved for a temporary inter-

vention, is for them to fund African militaries to meet a level that they are able to defend themselves against militants. They will most likely need further aid and support from other nations to quickly end this incident.

Whether Western intervention will abolish extremists in this region of Africa or fuel the fire of feelings of resentment can only be seen as this military intervention persists.

A French AH Tigre military helicopter in a live-fire exercise in Afghanistan.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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News

Horseplay at Tesco

FSAI discovers horsemeat in a range of Tesco value products.

Florentyna Dalloz Deputy News Editor

There were many amusing headlines and tweets covering the recent horsemeat scandal. They ranged from, 'So hungry you could eat a horse? We've got you covered. Tesco, every little helps’ to 'My Lidl Pony'. The puns plastered across Twitter certainly lightened the mood and clouded the more serious moral and religious issues that occurred with this revelation.

The Food Safety Authority of Ireland (FSAI) was responsible for the discovery. They chose to test various meat products after having been suspicious of the contents of some of the goods sold at numerous supermarkets. The results claimed that out of a batch of twenty-seven samples ten contained horsemeat. In addition, out of a batch of thirty-one samples of 'beef meat' products, twenty-one tested positive for pig DNA. Tesco's involvement has hit the headlines hardest, but Lidl, Iceland, and Aldi in Ireland also stocked these questionable beef products. This is mostly through their 'own brand' burgers, as horsemeat accounted for as much as twenty-nine percent in some Tesco value burgers. In light of these discoveries Tesco stated that they were working to ‘ensure it does not happen again’. An estimated ten million budget burgers were immediately removed from supermarket shelves when the problem became known. Whilst Tesco removed twenty-six different products, most of these were 'own brand'.

Even though they should have been fully aware of what they were selling, the blame cannot be solely placed on the retailers, as they do not personally produce the meat. The FSAI claimed that the contaminated beef products were distributed from three processing plants. Liffey Meats and Silvercrest Foods are Ireland based companies, whilst Dalepak Hambleton is situated in Yorkshire. The ABP Food Group, who own Silvercrest, chose to make a statement and claimed to

be ‘extremely disappointed’ by the findings. Furthermore, they have ‘withdrawn all contaminated products’. Eager to not appear to be completely responsible they went on to say, "What we thought we had bought was not we had received". It appears that their overseas third party suppliers are largely to blame, as they sent the meat over to the Irish processing plant.

Attitudes towards the consumption of horsemeat are clearly different on the continent. So, what may seem like an easy option for bulking out mass produced meat in the Netherlands, has turned into the slaughter of Black Beauty when being discovered in Britain. Eating horsemeat is often viewed as cruel and taboo by the British as we have domesticated and grown attached to horses. The British attachment to them and dislike of using them as meat is generally stronger than most other countries.

As a high protein, low fat meat, horse is immensely popular overseas. Consumption between China, Mexico, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Argentina, Italy and Brazil reaches around 4.7 million per year.

The main issue with the current revelation is that the meat variation was unknown to the consumer.

Therefore, those who believe eating horse to be morally wrong were not given the choice to opt out. This is a clear issue when concerning religion too. Jewish and Muslim customers, who do not eat pork, could have been unknowingly exposed to it, as the samples show a high percentage of products as being contaminated with pig DNA. This undoubtedly results in a lack of trust with suppliers and retailers, as they did not detect the contamination. The labour shadow Environment Secretary Mary Creagh viewed trading standards cuts as the primary reason for the error. Creagh claimed that because of them, faults were ‘less likely to be detected’.

Hopefully the media coverage of this scandal has been sufficient enough that regardless of the party at fault, this is a mistake that will not be repeated.

N EWS E DITOR’S A NALYSIS

Gun control: If not now, when?

Peter Hammond In wake of a further firearms incident, this one at a college in Texas on 22 January, pushes should be made towards additional control on weapons in the United States of America. Initial reports remain unclear on details; the event will certainly cement President Obama’s proposed increased gun restrictions.

Obama intends to introduce various bills to increase constraints on gun ownership. The first and possibly most difficult to implement is that to implement stringent background checks on all firearms purchases. It is currently estimated that roughly 40% of all weapons transactions are carried out without any sort of background check. With many of the ‘school shootings’ being attributed to people whom have not had sufficient mental health checks, this stands as a positive first step. Other plans include the banning of military-esque weapons, such as assault rifles and handguns.

The National Rifle Association dismissed these intentions as ineffective and unnecessary, but the President argued that “if there is even one life

that can be saved, then we’ve got an obligation to try”. With a constitutional allowance for people to bear arms, there remains a staunch objection to firearms limitations.

Piers Morgan recently sparked debate with his participation in a string of celebrities speaking in favour of gun regulation. So strong was the furore that a petition has been both proposed and supported for Morgan’s deportation. A mother of a victim of the Columbine shootings stated she doesn’t think that banning all guns is a sensible idea, further evidencing the entrenched mentality of American pride in their constitutional rights.

With states deciding on exact regulations, liberal attitudes towards weapon ownership vary geographically. Only in very few instances do states ban assault-rifle style weapons. However, the most recent shooting in Texas will only aid the prospect of reforms. It remains to be decided whether tighter restrictions can only succeed with a real demonstration of the danger of guns. On the 22nd January, Texas saw one such demonstration. flickr/waldopepper

Consumers are outraged: but is it because they’ve eaten horse, or just because they hate false advertising?

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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‘Climb every mountain’ Community Action at RHUL Beth Sedgwick Community Action Team There is a scene in that classic, the Sound of Music, in which the dashing Christopher Plummer asks a blushing Julie Andrews what advice the reverend mother imparted to her. She replies that “you have to look for your life.” It is indeed sound advice.

When I’m on one of the stalls for Community Action as part of the student team, particularly at career fairs, students approach, seem interested, then ask if it pays. Well maybe not in the pounds and pence every student seems to be counting nowadays, but it does give you a greater reward in helping you to discover a life you may want.

I first started volunteering at Royal Holloway about a year ago, the second term in my first year. As someone who loves spending time with kids, I opted for youth work, amongst the many different areas that Community Action offers its students to get involved with, depending on their interests and talents. A soft play area with kids aged 5-12 with mild to moderate disabilities was indeed a challenge, but is something I now look forward to every week. Secret handshakes, time in a play area prison (I’m weekly imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread) and glitter and glue experiments became a weekly part of my life. For two hours I get to use my imagination which I love, especially as a drama student, and make their lives a little more fun. I have also made some great friends in other volunteers and broadened my social life.

Bright Lights the organisation I volunteer for, is a charity and does depend on volunteers that can help out the play leaders. And whilst I may not

get paid for my two hours a week I have been paid in kind. Before I came to university I thought of myself as a somewhat impatient person (which I’m sure my mother would agree with.) And yet in dealing with kids patience, as any parent might tell you, is a key asset. Listening to their problems or stories is a big part in helping them to feel supported, in particular when they have a disability, and it’s something I’ve definitely learnt volunteering with these kids. I have also gained a greater sense of responsibility in taking care of other people’s children, which is helping me in my attempts to get to the scary but inevitable grips of “becoming an adult.”

The other week I was ill and couldn’t go to volunteering and I genuinely felt sad that I wouldn’t be greeted by their cute little hugs and an instant demand that we go play catch. So maybe you aren’t paid in coins or notes but the worth is still there. I am going to Camp America this summer and one of the assistant play leaders provided a reference for me. At the interview I could talk about my experience at Bright Lights, which I am sure is a major part of why they thought I was up to the job.

So volunteering, it can also lead you somewhere; give you an experience that changes you. It can perhaps lead to further exciting adventures or jobs, like camp for me, further down the road. So maybe next time you see us around campus at an event fair or online, give a little thought and have a look into what you could do. There is something for everyone. For the wise, if not warbling, reverend mother had it right: you do have to look for what life experiences you want and Community Action is a real way of doing just that.

THE FOUNDER DATES FOR YOUR DIARY: ‘Question Time’, presented by Labour Soc. featuring as panelists Owen Jones (author), Harry Cole (Spectator, Guido Fawkes, Star), Sunny Hundal (Liberal Conspiracy) and Stephen Tall (Lib Dem Voice) 31st January Societies, Media and RAG Ball 9th February UKIP Leader & MEP Nigel Farage, pres. by PIRSoc. 18th February Library Fines Day (Fines go to charity) 1st March ‘Rope’, presented by Drama Soc. 2nd-5th March If you’d like The Founder to advertise or cover your event, just contact the Editor at editor@thefounder.co.uk.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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News

News

College News

Maintaining Safety and security Helen Groenendaal

Many of you will be aware of recent witness appeals we have been supporting Surrey Police with in response to crimes committed in the local area. These incidents are distressing for the victims and the community, but fortunately remain a rare occurrence. Our campus and the surrounding area remain safe places to live and study. The College Campus Watch and local police

teams work hard to maintain this, but we can all do our bit to help. We therefore remind everyone to follow our personal safety advice which is available on the eCampus student pages at: www.rhul.ac.uk/ecampus/ campuslife/personalsafety.aspx.

We have an exceptionally strong working relationship with the Police Safer Neighbourhood teams in Englefield Green and Egham and are in regular contact with them over issues of personal safety. We work with them on witness appeals, safety campaigns, evidence gathering and addressing concerns that may arise.

They are regularly on campus, patrolling the area and are always happy to talk to students about any areas of concern you may have. You can also contact them through their dedicated Facebook page www.facebook.com/ RHULPolice.

Through the Campus Watch scheme, we ask all members of the community to remain vigilant and to report any suspicious activity or behaviour to either Surrey Police – by calling 101 - or to College Security in Founder’s East or on 01784 443063.

We recommend you store these numbers in your phone so you have them

to hand if necessary.

Support & Advisory Services and College Security make personal safety alarms freely available to all students, so please do pick one up from our offices if you don’t have one. We advise students to make use of the fantastic SU run SSHH bus service when leaving the campus at night. Annual passes cost just £20 for this door-todoor service.

If you have questions or concerns about safety, please do speak to Support & Advisory Services (FW 148 / 01784 443394), College Security or the SU Advice & Support Centre.

World’s best! Technology centre named among world’s top think tanks Royal Holloway’s ICT4D Centre has been named as the world’s 10th top Science and Technology think tank, in a report launched at the World Bank and United Nations. The Global GoTo Think Tank Index is based on recommendations from a number of global experts and institutions.

The ICT4D Centre is the only UK-based centre to be featured in a top ten led by Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and largely focused on Americanbased institutions. It is recognised

for its research on the sustainable use of Information and Communication Technologies (ICTs) to help international development and support poorer communities across the world.

Previous examples of their work included projects in Ethiopia, where they supported millions of street children who were not in school, by providing resources for their non-formal education in drop-in centres. They are also helped to prevent the sexual abuse and exploitation of children by us-

ing ICT to help vulnerable girls raise their awareness and share their experiences of sexual abuse and exploitation.

In addition, the Centre has carried out work to combat Malaria, using ICT to share effective information on how to avoid getting it and what steps to take if you think you are infected.

The Global GoTo Think Tank Index is produced annually by the University of Pennsylvania. An international survey of scholars, policy makers and journalists, the prestigious report aims to bridge the gap between

knowledge and policy in a number of critical areas, as well as highlight the important and vital work of think tanks to governments and civil societies around the world.

Professor Tim Unwin, Emeritus Professor at Royal Holloway’s Department of Geography and UNESCO Chair at the ICT4D Centre said: “It is indeed a great honour to be featured in this influential and important report. We are delighted that our work has been recognised as being relevant for policy makers at the highest level.

“The ICT4D Centre is also a great example of what can be achieved through cross-disciplinary working, combining as we do the expertise of staff, postgraduates and undergraduates in several of the leading departments at Royal Holloway.”

The Centre brings together expertise particularly from the Departments and Schools of Geography, Computer Science, Mathematics, and Management at Royal Holloway.

Fancy becoming a postgrad?

At Royal Holloway we have a thriving postgraduate student population, studying a range of taught master’s and research degree programmes with flexible learning options available to suit all.

The postgraduate degrees at Royal Holloway are an ideal opportunity for inter-disciplinary work giving you in depth knowledge and skills and improved employment opportunities. There are a wide range of taught master’s degrees that are closely linked to research specialisms - from Petroleum Geoscience (Basin Evolution) in Earth Sciences to Shakespeare in English.

On Tuesday 12 February, there will be a Postgraduate Open Evening giving you the opportunity to meet academic staff and current postgraduate students in an informal setting. The event will run from 4-8pm in the Picture Gallery, and students are free to pop by at any time throughout the evening.

You will also have an opportunity to see how we support students during their studies by finding out information about scholarships, bursaries and accommodation.

Indeed, Royal Holloway recently announced investment of over £4 million next year in support of postgraduate students, to ensure that future generations continue to

take their studies to the highest possible level.

Principal Prof. Paul Layzell said: “At Royal Holloway, our postgraduate students benefit from learning alongside world-leading researchers, and work hand in hand with industry and partners across the UK and beyond. These students have taken their studies to the highest level, which will accelerate their career in industry, the arts or the public sector, or may mark the beginning of their own academic careers. “ Drinks and light refreshments will be provided throughout the evening.

To book your place at the Postgraduate Open Evening, please visit www. rhul.ac.uk/openevening

flickr/Lawrence OP

& Is British Culture ‘Pornified’?

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

Comment

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Debate

Comment and Debate Editor Toby Fuller enters the hardcore mass debate against Diane Abbott. ‘inappropriate for children...because of their sexual content.’ Disregarding the fact that 40% is still a minority statistic, one must question the very definition of propriety, children and sexual content.

At what level does the image of a nude become sexual? At what point does Michelangelo’s David depart from artistic beauty to a symbol of lascivious desire? How can one define ‘childhood’? What is the difference between child, adolescent and adult? Surely, society’s implication of age restrictions is purely arbitrary.

flickr/Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery

‘At what level does the image of a nude become sexual?’

Outspoken Labour MP Diane Abbott, opening an exhibition in Birmingham last year.

L

ast week, Shadow Health Secretary Diane Abbot spoke on behalf of the Labour politburo in stating British teenagers should not feel victimised by an increasingly ‘pornified culture’. First, one must dispute Ms Abbot’s claim on the grounds that ‘pornified’ is not actually a word – this has been checked in the Oxford English Dictionary.

The second objection to Abbot’s claim is that she presupposes an inherent negativity and danger in exposing adolescents to sexuality.

Abbot, admittedly, states that ‘Of

course, sex is great’ – how liberal of her – yet her comments are permeated with the language of fear when addressing the most natural of human desires.

Abbot claims that the ‘hypersexualisation’ of society is a ‘prison’ in which the young are corrupted by pornographic images. This proposition is based purely upon assumed social constructs of human sexuality, reinforcing repressive social attitudes rather than liberating our young people from the ‘prison’ she describes.

The writings of Michel Foucault deal extensively with the power-

structures of state and society and its consequences on the individual, ultimately the repression of self-hood.

Rather than sexuality being a ‘prison’, our sexuality, and therefore our conception of the self, is imprisoned by society’s expectations of sexual behaviour and the suppression of sexual desire.

The ‘children’ that Abbot speaks suggest a babe-in-arms, a prepubescent state of innocence; they are in fact adolescents, growing and developing into young adults. The exploration of sexual desires is an inherent part of this growth, the denial

of which merely results in psychological confusion and distortion in later life. Abbot’s cries for restriction and protection are nothing more than society’s attempts to control the sexuality of our young; attempts that merely reflect the repression of their advocates.

Psychology and philosophy aside, one can also dispute the logical basis of the Shadow Health Minister’s proposition. Abbot cites the ‘independent’ review – commissioned by the Mothers’ Union – in which 40% of subjects had seen things in a public space that were deemed

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We have come to accept the image of the child as something that is pure and innocent, a possession of the parent that is to be protected from the dangers of sexuality. Yet why do we think this? Let us permit for one moment a different image, one of an adolescent, an individual of developing subjectivity and bodily autonomy. Instead of the act of sex as something expressing the darkest areas of the human mind, let us instead think of it as an exploration of our identity, emotions and sense of self. Surely, this model for human sexuality would lead to a more fulfilled and satisfying existence for the individual?

No. We must instead continue to punish ourselves for our thoughts and fantasies, continue to conform to the expected missionary-positionmonogamy for the sake of social stability and order. For the peace of mind of Ms Diane Abbot our young must be repressed, else they risk the dark and corrupt world of sexual liberation and the truth of our passions.

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Comment

&

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

Debate

Forced to be free?

Dominic Pini Deputy C&D Editor

flickr/Carl Zeiss Microscopy

were on trial merely to decide their sentence, whether it be death or life in prison. Darrow was the first exponent of hard determinism in the courtroom, providing mitigating circumstances which account for

flickr/ky_olsen

Discussions of morality usually go hand in hand with discussions of free will and determinism. Thus, the debate concerning blame and moral or legal responsibility is stimulated.

If one fully subscribes to 'cause and effect' then we surely live in a deterministic universe, that is to say that the 100 billion neurons and 100 trillion synapses in your brain are affected so greatly by a number of factors antecedent to us such as genetics and upbringing that the concept of 'free will' existing within these pre-set parameters has become completely defunct.

These critics argue that free will is a poor illusion, transparent upon scrutiny. This can be demonstrated by a simple experiment; if you try to think of a capital city, a list of municipalities will be jostling and tumbling in your mind, a list that you didn’t pick; cities seemed to

sprout out of nothing. Of these, some appear more prominent than others; I highly doubt that the city you ultimately chose was Cape Town, or Baghdad. That is not to say that you weren’t aware these two places exist, merely that they weren’t on your subconscious’ radar. This shows that thought is unconscious, something over which you have no control, and ideas bubble up out of the murky depths of your brain into the fulgent images that you can now envisage.

Ask yourself this: just then, did you have free will to choose your thoughts or were they ‘just there?’

What I am really asking is can we honestly lay claim to ownership of ‘our’ thoughts or are we merely a distillation vessel for the mixing of genes with education? I don’t think you are convinced yet.

Clarence Darrow was an American lawyer and philosopher who famously represented ‘Loeb and Leopold’: two openly remorseless killers and kidnappers of 14-year-old Robert Franks. They both admitted that they had done the crime and

why a person committed a crime, of which some are still used today. In a very heart rending closing statement, Darrow spent days inform-

The debate over determinism ing the jury of how both boys were unloved by their fathers, abused as children and never truly felt accepted by society. This unfortunate series of events, Darrow argued, led the accused to have a warped perception of the Nietzschean philosophy of the ‘superman’, one which seemed to advocate the idea of the perfect crime.

Twinned with the feeling of rejection felt by both Loeb and Leopold from childhood almost, they were inclined to crave attention and to try and exert power and force over children, a sort of crude role reversal where the victims became the abusers. Try and tell me that these two men had the same free will that we apparently enjoy.

Determinism is fraught with misconceptions about its apparent similarities to fatalism and predestination, ones which I bitterly resent, but I hope that I haven’t been unclear, but if I have, I welcome emails asking for disambiguation. Many also try and argue that because they aren’t carbon copies of their parents, determinism cannot exist. This clearly

flawed view would suggest that a child’s only contact with humans and the world is through his parents, not through television, newspapers, friends, or wider social exposure.

So, what are the social ramifications of this? Does this affect the way in which we counsel these people or punish them for their crimes?

Do our definitions of crime change accordingly? It seems that many measures taken with particular regard to criminals are done out of a desire to see the perpetrators ‘punished’ for their crimes, but if the criminals aren’t responsible in a traditional sense, how can it be fair to punish them? If one views imprisonment solely as a means of keeping these criminals off the streets, it seems deeply unfair on the criminal for living his life as shaped by factors out of his control. If these people are no longer committing crimes, are they just mentally sick, that meaning, their morality doesn’t fit with societal norms and therefore they will not function within this community successfully? If one views prison as a primarily rehabilitative function, then we must ask is it possible to ‘cure’ a rapist or murderer with the aid of drugs, re-education, or surgery? What must be done? Do we as a society focus on “Education, education, education” as Tony Blair ordered in 1997? Or is the solution perhaps more oblique than that? Do we profile people according to their backgrounds and then grade them as high or low risk of crime and adjust police records appropriately, in a sort of Minority Report fashion?

I realise that my conclusion was just a series of questions, but that is because I have no answers. I wrote this article because it seems axiomatic that people need to start accepting that their inherited characteristics do not finish with their accents, eye colour, skin colour, and hair colour; it is more profound and broadreaching than that. Like the ebbing of the tide, or the blossoming of flowers in spring, the orbit of the Earth around the Sun, or the transience of life, determinism can be observed retrospectively, and predicted prospectively. My one piece of advice?

Try and liberate yourselves from the manacles of parochialism by employing a critical faculty at every opportunity, in turn you will be able to distance yourself from the apple tree from which you fell.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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flickr/LuisCarlos DÄaz

sible, a worthwhile endeavour that we, as students, can surely appreciate.

Knowledge should not be available purely for the financially stable; it is something that all humans should be able to share and develop. To quote Eric Schmidt: We have an opportunity for everyone in the world to have access to all the world’s information. This has never before been possible. Why is ubiquitous information so profound?

It’s a tremendous equaliser. Information is power.

Msn.com

You can’t handle

the truth!

mation is also problematic. The creation of digital information, whether like in the case of Aaron Swartz’s leaked academic journal articles or otherwise, is usually a livelihood. It is done in some cases simply to spread

which in itself has a direct positive impact on the research ratings of the universities the scholars are associated with. This leads to more publications, more knowledge, more research, all of which can be shared with absolutely everyone.

The phrase ‘absolutely everyone’ can be taken for granted, though.

One common criticism of this free knowledge approach is that not everyone can make the most of it; there are still many people in the world without the Internet. This is an inherent barrier to access. However, this is still a comparably minor barrier in comparison to having to pay for most journal articles.

Another commonly raised issue is how not-for-profit entities, such as JSTOR, would remain sustainable without payment from its subscribers. There are several alternatives, such as the author contributing and use of funding from research bodies.

As open access would benefit both of these parties, the monetary input would be matched, if not exceeded, by monetary gain in these instances.

Hence the benefits of such an open system are clear. Aaron Swartz was an advocate of such a system and made his point by attempting to distribute as much knowledge as pos-

performances and the most successful musicians do earn large sums of money, but the illegal downloading of music has had a major impact on the music industry and for emerging The recent death of Aaron Swartz, musicians in particular it can be a who downloaded and made public problem. thousands of files usually accessed The alternative would be a return only through subscription, has to only physical ‘music’, such as provoked debate over the freedom of cassettes or CDs, but this would digital information. In turn this has surely be a regression, and would Knowledge is power. And it’s also really expensive. re-opened the debate over Internet be near impossible in this environfreedoms in general: to what extent mentally conscious, media age. This should we have free speech online, to and in some cases can be fatal. While information with little expectation of is, of course, only one example but what extent should comments made it is not possible to quantify the financial return, but in many cases it it illustrates the fact that freedom of online be subject to the same laws as influence such websites have in terms is done as a job. Music in particular digital information does have negathose made face-to-face, and other of causing eating disorders, it is clear is created with the intention of selltive impacts, ones that cannot be questions have arisen. I believe that that hundreds of thousands of people ing for profit, and in our age the sale ignored. Freedom of digital informathere must be some restrictions on each year visit such sites and read of digital copies far outweighs sales tion is important, particularly when it comes to public bodies and our freedom of speech on the Internet content which promotes dangerous of physical copies. If all music were and on the freedom of digital inforbehaviour. I believe it is irresponsible made publicly available free of charge ability as consumers or voters to mation. and unfair to allow websites such as then the income of musicians would be given transparent and accessible information where it concerns us, The Internet is a public forum but these to exist, and that there should disappear, and if people could not but artistic industries in particular not all information is suitable for be some mechanism for getting rid make a living out of making music would simply not work if they were public consumption, and not all ide- of them or preventing them from many would cease to bother. There subject to absolute freedom of digital as should be given this vast platform. existing in the first place. are other sources of revenue for In the past few years many pro-anoThe total freedom of digital infor- musicians such as ticket sales for live information.

Lizzie Marshall

rexia websites have appeared online, for example, encouraging girls and young women to starve themselves in order to look ‘beautiful’. Anorexia is a debilitating eating disorder and can lead to serious health problems

and even state on their own website that they plan to increase these numbers with time. So not only is there demand for increased access to such resources, but those with the resources understand the inherent issues with monetising knowledge.

Open access to all journal articles has many benefits. Firstly, considering its users, it may seem as though only those who read scholarly articles have any use for them: students or researchers. Yet health care professionals who are able to keep up to date with developments in their field are of greater benefit to their patients. Free knowledge in this sense would educate more individuals; ambitious secondary school students can read up on fields in greater depth, and the progress of the research itself would be accelerated.

There are also clear benefits to the authors of such articles. The desperation of researchers to ensure that what they have discovered has impact in their field is something that has been shown to convolute academia. Open access would allow for research findings to reach a wider audience, and studies have shown that papers readily available for access without payment are even more likely to be cited than those with,

Knowledge is

unlimited access to JSTOR: a nonprofit web-portal used by university researchers to access vast journal The advent of the Internet has meant archives. Hence Aaron Swartz made that sharing information is easier the most of this opportunity by than ever before. Individuals condownloading millions of articles nected to the web theoretically have from JSTOR using MIT’s connecaccess to limitless knowledge; anytion in order to share this knowledge thing you ever wanted to find out is with others. So confident was he in there for you peruse, if you so wish. his actions that he did not attempt Or is it? As much as the Internet to cover his tracks. However, access might at first glance appear to be the to JSTOR in general was not free to most open and boundless source of individuals, but rather only through knowledge, a lot of this knowledge MIT, and so some time after his copiis not accessible without payment ous downloads, Aaron Swartz was of some kind. Many students have indicted and charged with various encountered the frustration of findforms of computer hacking, leading ing what seems to be just the right to him being threatened with up to journal article for their paper, or at 35 years in prison. Though released least as much as one can infer from a on bail, he hung himself before the quick read-through of the summary outcome of his trial was released.

One might question why Aaron or abstract, to find that access to the article is not free. Many of us would Swartz downloaded so many jouragree that making all of this wonder- nals. It was for simply one reason: ful knowledge free for all to access to share knowledge. His core tenet would probably be a good idea, and was that by charging for access to the recent case of Aaron Swartz high- such articles, JSTOR was inherently lights what happens when a system making the world an unfair place that presents itself as truly open in by allowing only those who could fact has covert restrictions. afford it to gain such knowledge. It Aaron Swartz made the most of is clearly an issue that JSTOR are Michigan Institute of Technology’s aware of. Ironically, soon after Aaron Swartz’s death, they increased their incredibly open network; one only proportion of open access journals, has to be in the area of MIT to have

Laura Grima

a right!

The Internet and Digital Information To What Extent Should We Be Free?

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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Features

flickr/hawken king

A Ralph Lauren model was no longer featured in campaigns when she reached 120lbs. This was deemed “overweight” by the designer. A recent Levi jeans campaign using models ranging between sizes 8 and 10 supposedly represents women of ‘all shapes and sizes’. Ioana Spangenberg wants us to believe: “every day I eat three big meals and I snack on chocolate and crisps all the time.”

(Google her and you’ll understand my scepticism).

Kate Moss’ pro-ana mantra, ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’, has become so ingrained in our society that one of our most popular bottled waters sells with the brand name Skinny Water – ’0 calories, 0 sugar, 0 sodium, 0 guilt’. Who knew water was so fattening? It’s a good job there was someone knowledgeable enough to come up with this ingenious prodSurprisingly, since the shock-waves uct to save us from Earth’s natural that French model Isabelle Caro cre- evils! ated with her stark campaign against But can we still point the finger at anorexia, and her subsequent death the fashion industry? It seems to me from the illness in 2010 at just 28, that while we can blame it for startnot much progress has been made ing this train the problem doesn’t within the fashion industry. There exist solely on the runway or in its ad have been few changes in its attitude campaigns any more. Thin women to the thinness of its models and no reverberate around our media: on tv acknowledgment of its connection programmes, in music videos, films with anorexia. and beauty campaigns. They are

It’s no news that skinny is in, and has been for a good few decades. It began with Twiggy in the 60s. Calvin Klein took it to the masses in the 80s when he chose a young Kate Moss for his Obsession campaign specifically for her ‘waif ’ look: "I wanted someone who was natural, always thin."

Speaking then at the time of the rise in plastic surgery (particularly “distasteful” breast implants), Klein’s use of the word ‘natural’ may just have been understandable. Little did he know it would continue for decades to be an extremely controversial ideal.

Kate Moss: ‘Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.’

the sales assistants in our favourite clothing stores and the high-flyers in the business world, even Barbie dolls have waists half the size of their heads. Thinness is so deep-set in our society that tackling the issue will take a bit more of an effort on our part. When we quit our addiction for 'America’s Next Top Model' and end the gossiping as to whether Kerry Katona has put on three stone, things will begin to change.

This said, in recent years it does seem as though the first green shoots of change are appearing. We have witnessed plus-size models on the runway, skeletal models have been prohibited in the UK and this May Vogue announced that it “believes that good health is beautiful”, thus committing to use only images of healthy models (i.e. none suffering from eating disorders). Even the glossies, rather than preying doggedly on celebrity weight loss and gain, are beginning to commend a full-figure alongside our ever more fervent appeals for the demise of Photoshop. It seems that it will take a bit more time before curves reminiscent of pre-Raphaelite paintings are embraced as beautiful again, but we’re getting there.

Bedlam Library A cautionary tale, by Joshua Charles-Cheung

Bedford library: a cesspit of solecrushing, nausea-inducing, studentbabbling piss. On approach, a horde of its followers (the death eaters) create a great inhuman mass at the hideous and imposing glass doors.

Occupying benches, loitering and barricading the entrance, a continuous flow of cigarette smoke chuffs and burns the very air one breathes, creating a ghostly Passchendaeleesque scene.

Their faces are gaunt and expressionless; they speak in tongue unknown. Small lights flicker then die in the smoke, as another death stick Marlboro is lit in the damp snowy evening by the death eaters. Do not linger. After forcing and pushing oneself through the ghostly cigarette ridden rabble, the glass gates open ominously, then BANG. One

is hit square jawed by a cacophony of harpy like screams and chatter chatter chatter, like the sound of a Bren gun. A thousand inexplicably hyperactive students, dancing round great whiteboards and multi coloured chairs, like the forerunner to a bacchanalian orgy and sacrifice.

The sanguinity is alarming and distressing; so much activity, so many little minds, so many colours.

Some stare. They realise you do not belong. Machines ping and laptops keys tatter tatter tatter. Frozen yoghurt galore, bright colours galore. A crippling environment.

The sounds, the gaggle, the pollution of the masses. Every work-space occupied, every computer snatched.

The clinical austerity of the rubber floors, the perversion of the modern world. One must escape, one needs

air, one gasps, one runs to the loo, only to find a great big …. THING! Floating in the toilet and an acute lack of paper. One pauses for breath, one panics! Go in, get the book and run. Go in, get the book and run!

Charging upstairs through the harpy throngs, past a death eater on his way to the fields of Passchendaele and the dense fog of malcontent, on, on, on, away from Milton’s Pandemonium.

The 2nd floor offers security, silence, tranquillity from the bedlam. Charging through, the silence is heavenly, yet, the death eaters wait below. Even the ranks of the 2nd floor have been infiltrated by Harpy-esque creatures of the night. No space can be found, no librarian can be seen. This is the silence of astounded souls! One grabs the book, one looks for the escape, wicked goblins perched on their desks glare as you run. You do not belong. Do not look back. Fly you fools! Shadowfax, show us the meaning of haste!

flickr/jisc_infonet & gnislew

Next deadline

No thanks, says Rosanna Harkin.

The next deadline is midnight Saturday 9th February

‘Come on skinny love, just last the year...’

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

11

Features Write for Features! | features@thefounder.co.uk Whether it’s essay advice, a café review or a heartfelt diatribe against the evil of beards, the Features section is yours to create!

A dry January Helena Louise Rollason

P

ub-crawl on Christmas Eve; one (two, three, four...) too many on Christmas Day; throw up my guts on Boxing Day (couldn’t even face the brie and glass of Port that I so look forward to every year,); had drunk epiphany that I hadn’t been sober since I’d left Egham; bottle(s) of vino with the girls; pub, pub, pub, NYE!!! Sobriety.

Since my semi-successful attempt at Stoptober last term, I decided to accept the challenge of the decade and commit myself to ‘Dry January,’ 31 booze-free days supported

by Alcohol Concern and Cancer Research UK. Of course the first day of the year was difficult enough.

I don’t think I have ever watched an Arsenal match without having a couple of pints to ease the inevitable frustration as Koscielny, once again, proves to be a liability. I opted, much to the shock and disgust of my peers, for a pint of soda water with blackcurrant cordial, coming in at a mere 30 pence. Settling down to watch the game, I sipped upon my first non-alcoholic drink in the local since, well, what seems to be Before

Christ. I can safely say that this is the first, and only, time that a pint has lasted me a whole football match. I sipped it tentatively, envious of the Stella and Sambucca on the table before me. Sober and disappointed (bloody Arsenal) I went home, not looking forward to the impending insipidness that was to be the rest of January.

The return to Egham was another challenge. I planned to catch up with a few chums over a couple of bevvys, but to no avail. Instead, I drank green tea with lemon, chain-smoked, and spent Saturday night scrubbing the kitchen floor with a brillo pad and listening to Abba’s greatest hits; a new low point. Lower than the low points that alcohol has caused in my life? Perhaps not. Perhaps this is good for me, I thought, I’m going to lose a couple of pounds on the waistline and save a couple of pounds in the overdraft.

I speak now 17 days into the dryathlon and I have seen massive improvements in myself already: my skin is clearer, I’m more confident (because I know I’m not talking drunk rubbish, I am in control of my speech and actions), I have actually lost some weight and my memory flickr/Southern Foodways Alliance

The profound sadness of a bartender serving Helena Rollason.

and sleep have improved. Also, I attended a 9am lecture. Yes. I’ll give you a moment to take that in. I managed to go out for a “drink” (cranberry juice) with my housemates and have a surprisingly good time.

I walked home in a straight line and was able to get on with some emails and job applications, rather than ordering Domino’s and passing out.

Could this be the best thing I’ve ever decided to do?

However, I have two close friends’ birthday parties coming up over the next week. This is going to be difficult, especially for someone with an inherited addictive personality (cheers for that, Dad) who could easily say, “You know what, I’ve done so well not drinking alcohol for 17 days, I’ll have one glass of wine, as a treat, because I deserve it.” I really am determined to actively go to Tesco and purchase several bottles of non-alcoholic Becks, and pretend that I enjoy said beer just as much as I do when I know it will get me slaughtered. It is easy to conform to peer-pressure, and drinking games won’t be the same when I’m downing fake beer, but hey ho! I’ve seen firsthand the damage that alcohol can inflict on people and a recent study of 106 people in the south of England with alcoholic liver disease found that 71% drank on a daily basis, (this used to be me). For many with liver disease this pattern of daily drinking had started in their early 20s, hello there, wake-up call!

I would seriously urge my fellow Hollowegians to consider taking a week off from booze, or just have a sober weekend once in a while.

I can’t tell you how good it feels to wake up not smelling of a brewery, and to get up and actually have a productive day rather than wallowing in last night’s clothes and trying to piece together vague memories of the night before. Try it, you never know, you might see the positive changes for yourself. Although, I’m not going to lie, I have made plans for a messy drunken night out on 1st February. My intentions for this month are good, though, the effort is there and I have certainly learned my sober lesson. Happy Dry January everyone!

Heard it on the grapevine...

Joshua Charles-Cheung has conquered the wine section of every one of Egham’s finest offlicences. His motto: vino, vidi, vici.

‘I drink Champagne when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Sometimes I drink it when I’m alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I’m not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it...unless I’m thirsty.’

Madame Lilly Bollinger Greetings giddy followers, a happy new year to you! Righty ho, so, two big old boozy events have passed us by since my last article: Christmas and New Years Eve. Not sure how your festivities were, but in my household by 5pm Christmas day the house was catatonic, people started cross dressing and the dog (Gimli) got into a fight with our friend’s dog (Coco). By 10pm, a deathly silence ensued, punctuated only by the snores.

Don’t peak chaps! Of course, the nectar that so demolished us that evening and so lubricated conversation and heightened sensation was the most imperative part of Christmas and New Year. The renowned, the celebratory, the hangover from hell inducing: Champagne.

Synonymous with festivities and those special occasions, everyone needs it every now and then. But! It can be the source of some bafflement. The pronunciation of so many of those intangible illusive labels, the right price, the right one, of the right quality, for the right event, and the right right right … bugger it you know what I mean. It can be a bloody nightmare. For example, though we won’t look at it today, as there isn’t enough room to include (bloody editors) Moët & Chandon, (well known cracker) is often a pitfall. Most Brits will say ‘Moway’, Thinking that you would be a pleb if you pronounced the ‘T.’ Indeed, I’ve even heard people before in jest pronounce the ‘T’ as a way of supposedly ridiculing those who actually do. Well, those silly bastards were wrong. You do pronounce it. Anyone who is worth their stock will say : “ Mmoowet.”

This is the proper way to do it! It has a German Umlaut! So - get it right, impress, and shoot the others down.

Identifying and knowing which one you like, purchasing it and then popping it open at the right occasion and knowing a bit about

it, will hold you in great stead and make you feel like a BAU$$. On a brief side note, I think Prosecco and Cava is great. Prosecco being the very light sparkling Italian wine and Cava, the Spanish equivalent.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that because they are fizzy that they are Champagne. Cheaper and sometimes frowned upon by wine snobs, don’t be afraid to buy it, try it and enjoy it, as a wine which is separate to Champagne. If someone frowns upon it, then they are generally a moron and know nothing: fuck them. However, trying to pass it off as Champagne will in turn make you look like a moron.

So let’s get it right! I hope in future articles we can have a gander at some Prosecco’s and Cava’s, but for now, as the tastes and memories of Christmas and New Year have yet to die, we shall look at Champagne.

Champagne is only Champagne if it has come from the region of Champagne. The grape variety is primarily Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meniere.

Now, the bottle we will have a ponder on is fucking legendary.

James Bond’s favourite tipple… wait no, that’s a Martini, rather, his second favourite tipple: Bollinger.

Classy and punchy, the bubbles are aggressive and in your face/nose.

In other words, on first tasting, you get a nice hit. This is quite bizarre I find, as on the nose, we are presented with a supple, cold and delicate floral note. Often described as having an almost Brioche like scent to it. Part of which derives from the chalky soil in which the Bollinger grape comes from. The then punch it packs on impact is therefore a great contrast. Plus, as the bubbles subside we get a great sense of the flavours immediately.

Walnutty, Brioche, floral hints, and fresh pear, all swirling round in one great big bubbly orgasm. Awwwww yeah. Tight. It’s £40 a bottle, but for a Birthday, Summer Ball, Exam overgasm, I think it well worth the purchase. Over and out.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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Features

Why we really do need Agony Aunts Felicity King Features Editor

Last week I became an unofficial Auntie. One of my best friends had a beautiful baby girl and I spent four hours running manically around shouting “BABY! BABY BORN!” until my housemates wanted to tranquilise me. We see births all the time on the TV and yet, despite being one of the most natural and common occurrences in the world, it is also this miracle that we can never quite believe in ‘til we see it first-hand.

I’m a girl, I know what equipment I’ve got going on downstairs and yet I just can’t figure out how a baby comes out of it. I guess I thought it was all just a massive ruse. Women didn’t actually give birth- it was all a myth, like Santa Claus. There is no way Santa Claus can make it round the world in only one night and there is definitely no way that a seven pound baby is coming out of there, if you know what I mean. I can tell you that much, anyway.

...would you actually want one of these things carrying your baby? (Credit: Leszek Leszczynski)

‘I’m a girl, I know what equipment I’ve got going on downstairs, and yet I just can’t figure out how a baby comes out of it.’

I comforted myself with the thought that at some point, before I left university, I would be invited to a female-only screening of childbirth.

As we all sat there, mouths open, squeezing our thighs together in case any sperm had escaped a nearby male and was heading our way, out would come some joker from 'Stitch up' shouting: ‘JUST KIDDING. THE WORLD WOULD NOT PUT YOU LADIES THROUGH THAT. BABIES GET DELIEVERED BY THE STORK, YOUR VAGINAS ARE OFFICIALLY SAFE.’ I’ve been waiting for that moment for years and it hasn’t happened. What has happened is my friend has had a baby and I’m going to be an Auntie Fizz.

Aunties used to be massive, like Pokémon cards (Wait...you mean they’re not any more? - Ed.). Everybody had them. My dad, for example, had billions of Aunts. Hardly any of them were blood related, they were mostly just friends of his parents, but they took an active role in his life and he remembers them fondly. Indeed,

flickr/nualabugeye

Lyme Park, or ‘Pemberly’ as it is more famously known. You’ll just have to imagine Colin Firth, I’m afraid. in the past Aunts had an incredibly important, privileged and recognised position in the family, as we can see from any Austen or Bronte novel.

Now the Auntie, or at least her significance, is dying out. She is an endangered species; (cue ‘The Gladiator’ soundtrack and a voice over asking for just £2 a month).

Think of Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice. If you haven’t read it, or at least seen the BBC version, (not the Keira Knightley

version, I would have serious words with that version, if I could look at it and not burst into tears,) well then, I don’t know what you’re doing with your life, to be honest, and I have little else to say to you. If you have seen it, you will be aware that poor Lizzie finds sanctuary from her ridiculous family in her wonderful Aunt Gardiner. The final line of the novel reads: and ‘with the Gardiners, they were always on the most intimate terms. Darcy, as well as Elizabeth,

really loved them; and they were both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards the persons who, by bringing her into Derbyshire, had been the means of uniting them.’

Yeah, see that? Colin Firth diving into a lake happened because of an Auntie. Women of the world, seriously, bow down to Aunt Gardiner for she has given us a great visual gift. Jane Austen herself said, ‘I have always maintained the importance of aunts’ and we should listen to Jane

Austen, she seriously knew her shit.

Hers was the mind that envisioned Mr Darcy for the first time; we should listen to that mind.

It’s not just my dad and Jane Austen that recognise the importance of Aunts, though. Steve Biddulph is a bestselling author and psychologist and if you won’t listen to me (which is probably reasonably sensible considering I didn’t believe childbirth was an actual real thing until last week) you should definitely listen to him. He has just released a new book called Raising Girls in which he calls for an ‘aunties army’ to get more involved in the life of our teenage girls. According to Biddulph, Britain’s teenage girls are facing a crisis.

I’m a reasonably young girl, at least I was once, so I can and do see his point. Rates of self-harm and eating disorders in teenage girls are at their highest ever. There is an epidemic of low self-esteem and, surrounded on all sides by photos of airbrushed celebrities, it is no wonder we all wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and just want to go live in cave with a blind mole as our only companion.

Obviously the reasons we girls are so confused these days are multiple and complex and not going to be solved, as they were in Jane Austen’s time, by our nice Aunt Gardiner taking us for a tour of the Peak District. However, what these girls definitely need are positive role models. Healthy, successful, normal women who can take them out for coffee and answer the awkward sex questions a girl can just never ask her mother. We, as a society, need to look after one another more. Families are incredibly important and, whether blood related or not, young people need to grow up with a sense of love, support and belonging.

My friend has just had a baby and I have just become an Auntie Fizz and so I have hereby decided, (in no way to enhance my own sense of self –importance), that being an Auntie (or an Uncle) is one of the most important jobs in the entire world ever, and definitely more important than being the President of the United States. At the end of the day, the more people there are to look out for and support a child as they open their eyes to the world for the first time and think ‘oh god, I was so much better off in that womb’, the better.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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Pictures | Extra

Founder’s, Front and West Henry Ridgway

Because we had so many fantastic submissions, we couldn’t fit them in the usual two pages!

From the woods | Jason Anderson

Snow-laden | Aphra Bruce-Jones

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The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

This is one of my favourite photographs from my holiday in India - this was taken on route to the Nepalese border. I think it highlights the hard life that women in the rural areas of India suffer. You can see that her skin has been consistently weathered by the sun and that her health care is not of a good standard. Also the fact that she is still slaving in the fields at an old age shows a degree of the ‘real’ India; it is not all about the glory of the Taj Mahal. I think the most inspiring stories come from the everyday citizens.

By Maddie Barber

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

15

South Quad | Rosie Barton

Holloway View pictures@thefounder.co.uk Founder’s in the Snow | Sam Hodges

Langka, Malaysia | Gayatri Kamineni

Showcasing the best scenery and moments of the Royal Holloway lifestyle. If you’ve taken a shot that you’re proud of recently, send it in with a commentary and the best will get the prize of a page print to itself!

Virginia Water in Snow | Thomas Seal

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

16

Arts

Reading the Arab Spring ‘The Seven Pillars of Wisdom’ and T.E. Lawrence’s Method Scott Wilson Arts Editor

androgynous love poem to a still unknown 'S.A', is the statement of purpose for his work: the book was going to be a narrative-charged acn 1922, T.E Lawrence completed count about the romance, rejections his account of the Arab Revolt and responsibilities a divided people against the Ottoman Turkish would bear, whilst they explored hold over an area we now call part of and were seduced by a wild moment the Middle East. He had been writsome wanted to call freedom. It ing his post-war account for several would not be an account of anything years, and the copy he presented thing else; ‘The Seven Pillars’ is a to Oxford University was the third developed love affair made of facts attempt, the second attempt being so and real people. Although Lawrence awful he burnt it, the first one lost at is criticised for minor embellisha train station. Called ‘The Seven Pil- ments - crossing deserts in far less lars of Wisdom’, it was not a history time than possible, and a rape scene book, or even a journal. that pandered to his own narcissism The opening dedication, a semiand simply never happened - those critics who claim this diminishes the work to a piece of vanity literature

I

fail to respond to thought process in Lawrence's text, that a history would not be the right way to record this dangerous world, and a journal would be too interior for anyone's use.

It is about failures, lust, charging into battle and shooting your own camel dead in excitement and only waking up once the battle is over; this is the human moment of upheaval and it offers more than an unbiased commentary. The recurring manifestation of this excitement becoming a victory, is the strategic taking of Damascus. It may be appropriate to look at Damascus today.

The conventional and most accessible account we have of the ongoing Arab Spring is BBC News and similar world-wide news media.

From merely flicking through current affairs, the Arab Spring has been evident: Egypt, Libya, Syria, Lebanon. Many other countries in the region and North Africa are locked in their own internal disputes, where every resignation of a govern-

ment official and every protest and election is incredibly charged. We are provided images of war, with some commentary about each incident or the larger situation, but the human edge is ignored.

We must be so careful what kind of rhetoric we use in conjunction with uprisings and masses of people who want to, in their own way, be free.

Whether or not freedom is achieved - or is lost somewhere on the way - is a possibility, but the word 'free' is the bartering chip of this empowerment.

The hive-mind and connectivity of Reuters, 24 hour news, videos uploaded from the centre of revolutionary activity, feels like enough sources to provide a general sense of unbiased knowledge of regimes, revolutionaries, ramshackle bombs and real bloodshed from street to street.

Undoubtedly, it's a better base of information than has existed previously. But there is no heart or narrative to this spike of revolutionary activity and the current anger as we view it impartially. Impartiality is important, but the process of a revolution is not an impartial thing. As observers, we can see what is happening, but we cannot do the far more important

service of understanding.

Of course there is no romance in a road-side bomb, no seduction in a school massacre. Of course, news coverage should be as impartial as possible, for it is a poor messenger who tells what to think about rebels or loyalists. Yet, there is a kind of representation in allowing some of that thought process to seep through into ours. ‘The Seven Pillars’ is such an important account of a scenariowhich involved powers and mission briefs entirely apart from the situation of today - because it is forever understanding of What People Do. News outlets have to report about people as if there was not one person involved - ‘The Seven Pillars’ doesn't avoid being human. Although it was Lawrence's brief to infiltrate and unite for Empire's gain, he quickly put down his papers. His method was to observe through immersion, something we are not doing today.

There are too many quotes I would have liked to include, partly just to showcase the brilliance of Lawrence's writing. A comment he makes in an introductory section captures our current problem; in rebuttal to any complaint that he did not make comprehensive notes and observations during the campaign, he writes "I could not make proper notes ... indeed it would have been a breach of my duty to the Arabs if I had picked such flowers while they fought."

flickr/Gaius Caecilius Mountains in Wadi Rum, now often called the ‘Seven Pillars of Wisdom’ after Lawrence’s text. Much of David Lean’s 1962 epic, ‘Lawrence of Arabia’ was filmed here.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

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Arts

THE CAT-OLOGUE Frozen Memories | Wegener’s Jigsaw and Stories Written in the Snow

by Catherine Kay

SNOW. Beautiful, treacherous, mesmerising. It lives up to all of these descriptions and more, from the falling of its first, feather-like flakes to the last dregs of its slushy, slippery aftermath. But, when it snows - really snows - something happens.

Life slows down for everyone (except roadside recovery, boiler repairers and hospital staff…) and takes on a new guise. You can either curl up inside in the warm, or you can go outside and make deep footprints in the white, build snow creatures (or strange, ‘amusing’, phallic sculptures- but the less said about those, the better!) You can throw snowballs outside Founder’s and generally be swept up in this cold, magical world while it lasts.

However, snow, captivating though it is, usually serves as the backdrop to our own narratives: every snapshot on phones and cameras a perfect wintry postcard; every slip, trip and snowball fight a memory to share

with our friends. These stories are our stories. The snow is the object, but we remain the subject. What if the snow (or ice, or water, depending on its physical state at the time) could tell us its story? A German scientist, Alfred Wegener, believed it could.

Clare Dudman’s book, Wegener’s Jigsaw, was first published in 2003, but it took me almost a decade to come across it. I’d never heard of the book, but I will certainly never forget it; half a page in and I was hooked.

The only thing akin to reading this book is when Lucy first walks through the wardrobe into the snow in C.S. Lewis’s Narnia chronicles.

The unpopulated stretches of ice in Greenland were Wegener’s Mecca, and were one of the sites where he perfected his theories about ice, but also continental drift. Sadly, his ideas were dismissed by his contemporaries, though were rediscovered, and expanded upon by scientists some

decades later, forming the foundations of one of the most important geographical theories: plate tectonics.

The book is a strange kind of biography. It is written in the first-person, yet it is not written by the male scientist whose discoveries it recounts, but by a female scientist and author who was born decades after his death. The book is a strange mongrel borne of fact and fiction. You might expect a patchy, incongruous tale, but, somehow the end product is a smooth and beautiful read, like the ice of last week.

‘half a page in and I was hooked’ Dudman reveals herself as a knowledgeable scientist and talented storyteller. This is no surprise, due to her accomplishments in both literary and scientific worlds. The surprising component is the main character:

ice. Ice is no longer the pretty thing you skate on, or that slippery thing you avoid; it’s a shape-shifting, world-altering substance. It has contains stories: not inscriptions from passers-by, but thousands of years of history etched into each of its layers.

Each layer is like a geographical scroll: the ice unravels secrets of the past that would be undiscoverable in any other way. As stunning as snowy landscapes are, they are also fragile and susceptible to change at any moment. Few people are bold enough to brave the freezing conditions and real dangers of the world’s coldest places, but for those that do the world’s secrets can be unlocked.

For Wegener, however, it was all too late. Largely unrecognised in his own lifetime, he died at the age of fifty, subsumed by treacherous snow and ice in Greenland, one of his beloved sites of polar research. It took hours of searching and digging to even find his body in the snow;

Photo: Thomas Seal

Please recycle this newspaper when you’re finished!

alas, it takes no more than the turn of a page to step into his fascinating and illuminating world. This book is written in spectacularly simple, yet spellbinding, prose. It gives a voice to the voiceless: firstly, a tireless researcher, brilliant thinker and fearless scientist; secondly, to the ice, which is currently the backdrop of many of our news headlines. The book, and everything it encompasses, is a real tour-de-force and unites two, often-warring, factions: the arts and sciences. Here, science and storytelling fuse seamlessly into a book that takes your breath away and gives it back with a new vigour and understanding.

The book is cleverly and aptly written in parts, like a scientific report.

I’ll conclude in a similar way.

Hypothesis: looks like an interesting book. Results: affirmative.

Conclusion… constantly evolving, much like Wegener’s theories, much like, well, ice itself.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

18

Arts

The Effect Review

Regular reviewer Nicholas Hyder sees the new play by the writer of 2009’s surprise-hit ‘ENRON’, Lucy Prebble.

D

ing me of a line in ‘The Producers’ – “I invented theatre in the square: no-one had a good seat!” – here the containment works in the play’s favour, thanks to the pragmatic and clever designs. Goold, who can be known for his elaborate gimmicks, reigns himself in and delivers a slick but nifty production with nothing superfluous.

However, there’s a substantial problem in this piece: it’s much, much too long. I’m amazed by how many things I’ve seen at the theatre or cinema recently, where my overriding memory has been “That’s long”. It’s astonishing just how detrimental an effect being overlong can have on an otherwise perfectly good piece of work. Take ‘The Hobbit’: good fun, good adaptation, near the quality of the original trilogy, marred by moments like an old Doctor Who tickling a hedgehog. Control is everything.

One of my favourite pieces last year – ‘Gatz’, a complete reading of ‘The Great Gatsby’ – was eight hours long but warranted every second.

Prebble, sad to say, overstays her welcome. It’s not that it drags, but that Prebble has written too many

good scenes, too many good lines, and as they tot up the piece becomes conflated. Points become skewed, theatrical engagement can be lost in scenes where debates rage too long and the final, devastatingly emotional moments feel too long coming.

Had Prebble had a tiny bit more self-control, ‘The Effect’ would be the last great hurrah for 2012 and the Cottesloe as we know it. As it is, this very good production feels perhaps one draft too soon. Otherwise, this is superb theatre. Do see

‘The Effect’ if you can – sometimes, when characters complain about being depressed and trapped, it’s easy to empathise, but these debates will stay with you, and this performance deserves to be seen and remembered.

Photo: The Telegraph

rugs and depression – two words bound to get crowds flooding to the theatre. In ‘The Effect’, Lucy Prebble’s new play, these two ideas are explored in great depth, and as a night at the theatre it’s a treat. Prebble’s last play, Enron, shot her into a pantheon of great young writers. ‘The Effect’, despite one overriding problem, justifies this.

Before the Cottesloe closes shop for a year - to be replaced by the elegantly named temporary space ‘The Shed’ it’s well worth catching.

‘The Effect’ is a well-researched and complicated play that deals with a complex subject deftly. Two people subject to medical research aimed at increasing dopamine levels. They may suffer from depression – it’s left unclear. They take experimental medication and fall in love – circumstances which might or might not be related. All the while, two doctors – one of whom might suffer from depression also – monitor them. At times ‘The Effect’ is nothing more than a simple love story, told beautifully. At other times ‘The Effect’ is a medical diatribe, a conversation where both sides are allowed to be presented with equal weight and no bias.

The performances truly enhance this piece. If any of this quartet get awards they’ll be well-deserved. Billie Piper is, undoubtedly, a brilliant actress. There’s an easy naturalism that grounds this high-minded play the way it should be, and the greatest praise that can be offered is that Piper plays a human, not a character.

The same can be said of Jonjo O’Neil, her male counterpart, who brings warmth and wit to this play – his tap dance is in fact the highlight of the night. Tom Goodman-Hill, who plays the senior doctor, has the most thankless role, primarily dropping lines of exposition and kicking the plot forwards. Anastasia Hille steals the night, beginning quietly but slowly proving herself the most interesting and empathetic character.

Hille more than rises to the character’s emotional complexities, being ultimately heartbreaking. It’s to Prebble’s credit that this play has heart, but the quartet must be recognised, especially Hille, for exhibiting it.

For its temporary swansong the Cottesloe’s been designed ingeniously. It boasts smart and fitting set, and despite the Cottesloe often remind-

flickr/lushdimple

flickr/Gwidion M. Williams

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

19

R.I.P. HMV

Music

flickr/Stephen Dyrgas

H

Good riddance!

Perhaps then this is the start of a new era of how we buy music in the shops? We’ve seen similar shops fall before: MVC folded in 2006, Music Zone went into administration in MV gone bust? I’m not sorry to see it go. The busi- 2007, followed swiftly by Fopp, who had bought 67 of the Music Zone ness did not adapt to the modern market in which downloads stores and went into administration itself later in 2007. 2008 saw the seem to rule. Neither did the chain demise of Zavvi as Woolworths also cater for more specialist music fans went bust. With HMV, the last of its by failing to stock vinyl. Across kind on the high street, its collapse its product ranges (DVDs, music, may be just what the music-selling games…), the chain found itself incapable of competing with the likes industry needs to finally evolve.

I’m not an economic expert, but of Amazon. However, is the demise these big businesses appear to have of the High Street giant a tragedy? been riding on their huge debts for Quite simply, no. Whilst the end of years; if we ran our own finances like HMV is a worry insofar as a vast number of towns will have lost their that we’d be declared bankrupt. With this in mind, perhaps there will be sole music store, at the same time, independent record stores may have a new generation of more compact chain music stores, or a rise in the more opportunity to compete with number of independents. However it the market finally opening up.

Posting on Twitter, former Rough happens, our high streets need music stores and if a renewed, slimmedTrade East manager Spencer Hickdown version of HMV appears on man shared the fact that "in the UK the high street, as some reports have in 2012…62% of music revenue suggested may be in the pipeline, I’d came on physical formats", which use them. But HMV (or its succesjust goes to show that downloads sor) needs to change, and in the – although changing the way some intervening time I’m happy to see the of us buy music – are by no means rise of independent and alternative eclipsing the sales of CD and, for record stores. those so-inclined, vinyl formats.

Katie Osmon Music Editor

A big loss to music

The demise of HMV has received a mixed reaction, but the inevitability of the store going into administration is clear. The Founder looks at what it means to the music industry and to fans.

Sean Littlejohn

S

o, HMV’s finally kicked it; the last of their kind. I can’t say I’m surprised. In fact, I’ll give them a pat on the back for lasting as long as they did, but with them goes the fantasy of the music store. In an age where you can buy music without having to get out of your bed, and the iTunes chart means more than the UK Top 40, HMV was the last real outlet for buying music that isn’t floating around in cyberspace. But even then, when you have Amazon – providing all of the same products and more – doing all of the hard work for you, why would you even bother?

Well, because you should. It’s a blow for the music industry, and even if you can’t see it now you soon will. The physical format of music is dying out and the CD is becoming increasingly redundant with everyone and their mother spending more and more time online, browsing for things that they’d usually go to the shops and buy.

So, why not the same for music?

But downloads are just the begin-

ning, and we’re already starting to see what’s in store. Spotify is taking it a step further, and cutting out the middle man. Its draw is that it’s available for free, if you can put up with adverts, so why would anyone bother to pay? A few adverts every five or six songs are perfectly reasonable if I’m paying nothing to listen to an album I would have to pay £7.99 for on iTunes.

‘It’s a blow for the music industry, and even if you can’t see it now you soon will.’

But the real kicker is that the music industry is drying up from all this.

There’s no money in album sales anymore, digital or otherwise. Most artists see little of the money they make from album sales, and have to settle for making a (mediocre) living on tour. But pretty soon it’ll get to the point where it’s just not worth their while to make music, and what then? HMV’s isn’t just the fall of a high street retailer; it’s the fall of the music industry as we know it.

Yvonne Youel represents Royal Holloway in Uni Music League strong contender, didn’t get through to the final 32. “I just the missed the deadline last year so I was automatiIndie-folk singer Vivienne Youel cally entered this year”, Dan told me, remains the only act from Royal and subsequently withdrew when he Holloway to make it through the was told by organisers he probably preliminary round of this year’s Uni would not get through.

Music League competition. Vivienne The aim of the Uni Music League is backed by a three piece band that is to find the next Blur, Coldplay, The moves her “a long way from her solo Rolling Stones or Queen, acts who acoustic performances”, according to came together at universities or other her website (and into Mumford and higher education establishments.

Sons territory, for good or ill, accord- Last year’s winner, Miss Terry Blue, ing to me). released their first single ‘Hush’ in Another act, genre-spanning December with an EP to follow later multi-instrumentalist, Dan Dale, this year.

The first competition was held who I thought would be another

Harun Musho’d

last year and was restricted to acts from London universities. This year’s competition was initially similarly restricted, but was widened to other parts of the country, but only once the competition had already kicked off. The rules of the Uni Music League were further amended after

last year - only the 32 top applicants, as chosen by the organisers, compete in the four first heat rounds (eight acts per night). The top four of each heat, chosen by a complicated public vote combining online and live elements, go through to the quarter finals. The 16 acts through to that

stage have to each perform a thirtyminute gig, after which another public vote then determines who the top eight semi-finalists are. Another round of thirty-minute gigs will determine the four finalists.

Vivienne and her band will be performing in the last heat on 12 February starting at 7pm in Proud Camden (The Horse Hospital, The Stables Market, Chalk Farm Road, Camden, London NW1 8AH). Tickets are £5 and are available via www. unimusicleague.com/events.

Find out more about Vivienne Youel and listen to her songs on her website: www.vivienneyouel.co.uk.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

20

Music

Bowie: Too old for the charts? fortune that fills the cavernous vaults in his million-pound homes? The youngsters can do it better today, right? I genuinely do not believe they can. Music seems to have become so David Bowie is a man of many complacent – only very occasionally personas: Ziggy Stardust, The Thin do you hear someone being truly White Duke and Major Tom. His inventive and revolutionary in their characters are as iconic as the man releases. With this in mind, Bowie’s himself making him well and truly a comeback is both surprising and living legend. Yet with the slow decay welcome. of time, Bowie got old and on 8 Janu- A stark contrast to the popular music ary 2013 he released a new single to obsession with R&B, Bowie has coincide with his birthday; his first released a highly sentimental song single to make it into the top 10 for describing himself as “a man lost two decades. in time” in the syth-thick single. Is At 66 should Bowie just throw in Bowie’s new single good in its own the towel and sit counting his vast right, or popular because Bowie

Katie Osmon Music Editor

himself released it? Come on, having Bowie’s name on a single will bring it immediate success and it is pretty good. Okay it’s not the next ‘Changes’ or ‘Life on Mars’, but then again, it’s not the seventies either. His chart success has just gone to prove that Bowie still resonates in popular culture and in musical legend, but more importantly, that he still has lots to offer.

I will concede that the video for ‘Where Are We Now?’ is a bit bloody weird, though so is David Bowie and his multiple personas. So perhaps we can deduce that the bizarre can equal musical genius; it certainly does in this case.

‘You don’t know dubstep!’

John Dedman

I

t was the first night of Founder’s where it all began: Twenty-plus guys crammed into one room awkwardly sipping their beers, scrabbling for any common ground with the guy next to him. After the classic “where you from?”, “what you

studying?” and blurting out various anecdotes from your holiday away with the lads, the subject inevitably turns to music and in particular what was blasting out of the nearby subwoofer. As a Dubstep newbie at the time, I successfully blagged that the

The bespectacled motherwubber himself, Skrillex.

tune playing (Jakwob’s remix of Ellie Goulding’s Starry-Eyed) was one I was familiar with and liked.

Dubstep, in all its forms quickly became the soundtrack of a year of infamous corridor parties and subsequently some of the worst hangovers

(Credit: Laviddichterman)

Cartoon: Rachel Pooley of my life. Though my loathing for this music endured, admittedly to a lesser extent, its very persistence motivated me to finally give this seemingly repetitive, unimaginative and rather two-dimensional subgenre a chance. With a little help from resident SU DJ and overall Dubstep bore ‘TIKI DUBSTEP’ (aka Callum Chaplin), I set about questioning what I saw as Dubstep, and what quickly became evident is these seemingly characterless wubs wubs have as much heritage as any other genre, and, what’s more, a vicious battle rages to defend it!

“It was a playground,” explains Mala, one part of pioneers Digital Mystiks and founder of SYSTEM nights when describing the music scene of South London in the late 1990s. Reminiscing of a time when he and his gang (Skream, Benga, Youngsta to name a few) experimented to the packed-out back rooms of Croydon and Brixton, accompanied by huge sound-systems and liberal Ketamine-infused Garage and D&B fans. For Mala and his mates, early

Dubstep, mentioning the likes of Burial and Zomby, spoke of “liberation embedded in our concrete, our estates, our culture”, and that’s where it should remain!

It’s this musical embodiment of London’s bleak urban landscape and heritage, which fuels the transatlantic battle of British Dubstep’s roots versus the US’s ‘Brostep’ interpretation.

Described by Brit post-dubstep artist James Blake, as a “pissing competition” all about “who can make the dirtiest, filthiest bass sound”, Skrillex and friends’ evolution of the blurry nights of Croydon’s finest, offers something which is so remote, so altered; the sheer association with the likes of Digital Mystiks and Vex’d is unforgivable.

So, I largely stand corrected in one respect; Dubstep is more diverse and three-dimensional than I may have thought, and though a Skrillephobe, there are dozens of other less repetitive, more roots inspired branches of Dubstep to enjoy. For me, James Blake’s melodic post-dubstep style is what you want!

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

21

Humour - Part the 5th -

The Disturbing Amount of Ice, The Housing Problem, and The Seminar Leader Hello, swan-like nymphs and stalwart peregrines of Holloway! Having spent my Christmas spirit, it has been a pleasure to return to campus - but what has Monty been up to? What details shall I reveal to you, in this, the latest chapter of my pleasant journal?

I wrote a poem detailing recent events on campus:

I’ve snorted caviar, head-butted an elephant and had sex in front of a monkey. So I rocked on up to the estate agents, ready to sign the contract for the lovely little house we’d found for next year, drinking from a celebratory bottle of port and feeling like a very expensive sailor.

When I arrived, all I found was sorrow.

My chums were there, looking quite glum, and a woman with two hippopotamuses strapped ICE to her chest was explaining something to (A poem.) them, and then I realised those weren’t native

by Montague ‘Fresh’ Huxley-Salazar-DesEsAfrican river beasts, but her breasts. seintes-Lepidus-Fellatius-DeLarge Esq.

“Hello, Monty,” chum number one said There was a world, to me as I entered, “bad news. Our security A happy world, deposit is twice what we thought it was. Also, Where the people frolicked under the there’s a professional handling fee. Also, we ward of one great king, have to pay a month’s rent in advance. Also, Where wine cascaded down hills, someone else wants our house so we have to and orgies were workplace hours, But then the Ice came. do this now. Furthermore, I’m now having And no one could walk, second thoughts about whether I like you to The wine froze, orgastic lovers the extent I could live with you for a whole slipped apart within each orgy’s year. To clarify: this is a ridiculously expensive heart, and brutal process that will disappoint you at Because in this kingdom, real shoes Were - by law- what people wore: every turn. Why is your nose bleeding?”

No trainers, converse or rude skate

“The ice,” I said, with wide eyes. “The shoes, ice is the great leveller.”

And although this showed great taste

“So, Monty,” chum number two, or No one had any balance, three (I forget which one is which), said, and fell over forever.

“Ready to pay up? We’ve done our part. Just waiting for you.”

We are under siege. Ice layers our footpaths,

I talked to the woman with the Savanand for a man who enjoys a morning Merlot, this nah bust and when she quoted me the amount has been a treacherous week. I can’t stop falling this was going to cost me, everything seemed over. My very way of life is being threatened by to stop. Monty has a lot of money, of course, this harsh and brutal woman that lies across the but he doesn’t like to give a lot of money away. treacherous pavements, the sadistic roads, and even somehow the quad, which I understand is an I like to keep it, and sometimes use a tenner as a depository after an arousing night at the area largely made of grass. Although I remained SU if I can’t find a sock. I didn’t want to give within my room as much as possible, watching the narcissistic ice queen destroy my world, I was my money to these people. No one likes being mugged. to lead another expedition through the wastes.

I paid for most of it by card, but I did

My new personal tutor is a woman. Alactually have the handling amount on me in though she looks strangely like my mother, and appears to have the same voice, and frequently the cash. And as I handed it over to her, I sudsame eating habits, I feel apocalyptically aroused. denly felt very, very primal. As she waddled away, to put it into a safe everything happened I would tie tombstones around my testicles and in slow motion. I remember climbing over the cheat The Rapture if it meant spending Hell on estate agent’s desk and baring my teeth like Earth with this goddess. But first, I had to sign a something feral; the manager tried to stop me housing contract with the chaps. but I lunged at the safe with a strange kind of

Arranging housing for the next year was roar. Pushing the woman aside, I looked inside not something I found stressful. I’m a cool one, it, and there was all that money, and it felt like me. I’ve had a life that people want to live with;

home. My chums were shouting something at me, but it was dim. I grabbed fistfuls of all of those notes students had to endure leaving forever as a handling charge, and put them in my mouth and started to eat them. The estate agents were trying to drag me away, but I clutched the safe with one hand and used the other to keep on pouring this money into my mouth, and I was in a state of euphoria.

Eventually, my chums pulled me away, and the manager was yelling something at me in a strange, inhuman language. Returning to my senses, I ran as fast as I could back to campus, leaving my chums to sort out the mess, and felt I had to see my personal tutor, because there was a high chance the fallout of this could involve the police misunderstanding my epiphany and asking me to go to prison.

I burst into her office like Apollo on a cocaine day.

“I am here,” I exclaimed breathlessly.

“Hello, Montague,” she said, as if I was an account book, “How are you?”

“I came like the thunder and lightning strikes the azure and sacrosanct shores of the East. How are you?”

“I’m actually quite busy. This isn’t my office hour. Is something troubling you?”

I looked into her angelic face and realised something was not right. I felt incredibly ill.

My mouth felt dryer than a dead man’s urethra and something stressful was happening in my stomach and belly. I looked at her with my eyes wide, trying to communicate this strange metamorphosis of which Monty was afflicted, but when I opened my mouth, no words came out, just a strange, elongated sound of suffering.

And then came the money vomit. All of that money I’d eaten had not sat well in my stomach, and the wet scraps of fivers, tenners, twenty pound notes and even the scarlet impress of those fifties I know so well, cascaded from my mouth amidst my chunder and slopped onto her floor with a usurious squelch.

Crouched over, I emptied the last of my internal wealth onto her carpet, and looked at my tutor with a forgotten horror reserved for ancient beings facing extinction.

“I’m so very sorry,” I said slowly, snot dribbling from my chin, “It was just such a lot of money.”

flickr/thetwinklinofaneye

flickr/myPhotoshopBrushes

The Adventures of: Montague ‘Fresh’ DeLarge

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

22

Film

Django Unchained Thomas Seal Editor-in-Chief I suspect Tarantino’s creative process begins with him sat at home and thinking of the person his audience would most like to see viciosusly riddled with bullets. [SPOILER ALERTS] Four years ago, audiences saw Hitler’s face pummelled and mangled with a submachine gun in ‘Inglorious Basterds’. Before that, ‘Kill Bill’ showed The Bride wreaking systematic revenge on each of the Deadly Vipers, who, after failing to kill her and her unborn child, prostituted her comatose body.

But I’m not sure he can ever surpass the catharsis of violence achieved in ‘Django Unchained’. I found myself nearly leaping from the cinema seat when Django (Jamie Foxx), takes his old overseer’s whip to mercilessly lash him into the ground, then shoot him dead, before continuing to empty a six-shooter into his corpse at point blank range just for good measure.

Inevitably, though, ‘Django’ has also come under another kind of fire, and has been lambasted from all cor-

Photos: flickr/Il Fatto Quotidiano

ners for its brazen depiction of the antebellum slave trade of America.

Iconic black filmmaker Spike Lee somewhat reluctantly led the charge, declaring that he will not even watch the film, saying it is ‘disrespectful to my ancestors’. He later followed up on Twitter: ‘American Slavery Was Not A Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western.It Was A Holocaust.My Ancestors Are Slaves.Stolen From Africa.I Will Honor Them.’ However,

Jamie Foxx responded to Lee in The Sun, calling the director’s comments ‘irresponsible’. He continued: ‘where is Spike Lee coming from? I mean, I respect Spike, he's a fantastic director. But he gets a little shady when he takes shots at his colleagues without looking at the work.’

Numerous scenes made my stomach turn and tears come to my eyes.

But this was in their unflinching portrayal of the profound humiliation

and indignities of slavery, and never through poor taste or gratuitousness. The ‘mandingo’ fighting and the head-cages worn by the Mississippi slaves are so deeply repulsive precisely because we know they are likely not even exaggerations. And it makes the story of Schultz and Django’s vengeance all the more vicariously satisfying.

And if you ask audiences, they seem to agree; ‘Django’ is already Tarantino’s highest-grossing work to date. And it is already beginning to rake in the awards, too, taking Best Supporting Actor for Christoph Waltz and Best Screenplay at the Golden Globes. It has also been nominated for 5 Oscars: Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor (again for Waltz), Best Original Screenplay, Best Sound Editing, and Best Cinematography. I don’t think anybody expects ‘Django’ to win Best Picture, but its technical brilliance may well net it a couple of statuettes at the end of February.

Something less for the Academy and more for film buffs is the profusion of in-jokes, allusions and homages that run throughout the movie. Even the title is an explicit reference to two golden-age pictures: 1966’s ‘Django’ and 1959’s ‘Hercules Unchained’. The evocative Luis Bacalov theme from the latter is actually reused as the music overlaying Tarantino’s opening sequence.

There are also some incredibly subtle references to old characters and institutions from the Tarantino filmuniverse peppered throughout, but I’ll leave them for you to spot.

And whatever you think of Tarantino, one cannot deny he does

anything but charge like a bull into these debates. The film - what he describes as a ‘Southern’ rather than a ‘Western’ - follows the epic story of a slave, Django, taken on as an assistant bounty hunter by Dr King Schultz, an unintentionally loquacious and formidably clinical man, played immaculately by the breakout star of ‘Inglorious Basterds’, Christoph Waltz. He needs help finding and killing some of his government bounties, and he needs Django to identify them. However, this plot is dealt with in the first hour.

And indeed, aside from considerations of race, audiences’ main gripe has been that the film is simply too long. At nearly three hours, even my enthusiastic attention began to lag as I realised there was not only a second but a third act, beginning with a host of new characters, one of whom is played with a frankly jarring Australian accent by Tarantino himself. I was on the cusp of thinking it one indulgence too many ... until the scene eventually played out. I don’t want to give it away, but to this reviewer, the wait was well worth it. Tarantino makes you realise how deeply, deeply satisfying it can be just to see despicable people get their just desserts.

And then some.

‘Django Unchained’ is everything you want from a Tarantino movie. It is infinitely quotable, the thumping, whistling soundtrack is frequently inspired, and it is absolutely glutted with the blood and guts of deserving criminals.

*****

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

Hollywood News Zlatina Nikolova Film Editor

‘Gremlins’ Reboot?

Warner Bros and Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment are in meeting about the long-talked-of Gremlins reboot.

Rumour has it the original puppets are to be replaced with CG characters and director John Dante may not be on board. However, how is this going to affect the massive fan base of the Gremlins movies up until now?

captured and the escaped take refuge in the Canadian ambassador’s house whilst the US intelligence is running out of ideas on how to get them out.

Ben Affleck plays Tony Mendez of the CIA, an extraction expert who suggests shooting a fake science fiction movie Argo in Iran and presenting the stranded diplomats as a film crew on location. From there on it’s a journey to the 70s’ Hollywood to make the fake film as real as possible and where the film takes a light tone.

Whilst the film is mainly about a dangerous extraction mission, it’s also about the making of a film albeit a fake one. Egoistic producers, money-grubbing screenwriters; the film mocks its own industry. John Goodman and Alan Arkin both excel as representatives of the industry helping Mendez promote Argo with real casting calls, press releases and posters. Arkin’s producer for instance is obsessed with his reputation, insisting that the fake movie should be a fake hit. These scenes

are interspersed with the tense wait of the diplomats in Iran but although the focus of the story is their rescue, they don’t really seem interesting and stay under-developed for most of the film.

This is where the film really sets off; Mendez and his ‘film crew’ are wandering the streets of Tehran followed by hostile eyes - a place where trouble finds them everywhere and it’s not just a question of if but when they will get compromised.

The getaway itself is equally tense, with a slightly predictable succession of events, yet it's masterfully written and shot. This is also where the slightly linear screenplay drifts into slight exaggeration of the truth for the sake of drama.

Suffice to say that Argo is a smart, enjoyable thriller that will get attention during the awards season and that Mr Affleck should forget the Academy’s omission for his direction and make a more permanent transition to the directorial chair.

maverick and pillar of sophistication?

Why not a black actor? You would So, SkyFall has been and gone, and be fools not to consider! Does Bond the Bond phenomenon marches on, need to be white? I mean, really? We galvanising the world and making us are a brilliantly diverse and multiculscream like little girls at the thought tural nation. Indeed, SIS (in the very of the Walther PPK, Aston Martin, few official briefs they give) has sent delectable Bond girls, and the illusive out recruiters with the express task MI6. Bond, for us, encapsulates of breaking away from the public everything that is boisterously British school boy intelligence officer image, and sexy. and broadening the Agency’s recruitBond is also a pillar of our estabment. Equally, the Bond films modlishment. Eton/Cambridge educated, ernise the book. Times are changing and SIS. The great institutions of - let’s run with it? the establishment. Cut glass vowels, Saville Row tailoring and a cocktail ‘We live in the world repertoire which baffles, he is the of today, yet the Bond ultimate spy, lover, and fighter, blond haired, blue eyed, the old order runs world is still agog true. How much longer will this conwith a strange nontinue? The Cold War is over. Should Bond not be changing? Keeping everepresentation.’ rything that is quintessentially Bond is one thing: the Martini, the Aston, Would it not be the ultimate sign the PPK, but should we continue to and culturally influential and permesee an Anglo-Saxon James Bond? ating move if our next James Bond Craig isn’t going to be Bond for was black? Why not? The implicamuch longer, and I’d be surprised if tions of such a casting, if pulled off he went ahead with another film. So, well, would be an undeniable coup who should be our next much-loved for modern Britain and society. We

have such a wealth of incredible British born black actors who have shown themselves time and time again as powerful and inspiring.

For an example - Chewitel Ejiofor.

Ejiofor is charismatic, well spoken, good looking and has impeccable acting credentials - he is one of our great British actors. A member of the National Youth Theatre during his formative years, he has been nominated for a number of awards such as: the Laurence Olivier Award for theatre, BAFTA, Independent Spirit Award, Screen Actors Guild, Golden Globe, and Jack Tinker Award for theatre. He is a graduate of London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art. Perfect age - I cannot but say again, this man is a brilliant actor.

That is what I’d like to see for the next James Bond. We live in the world of today, yet the Bond world is still agog with a strange non-representation. The role should not be reserved for white actors, as what the role requires is just this: a boisterous, sophisticated Brit, fully anglicised and rolling off those immortal and butterfly inducing words, "Bond, James Bond.”

Having gone through a period of free-fall due to very poor choice of movies, Ben Affleck has become the latest addition in a long list of actors turned directors who star in most of their own films. But not all of them have seen their directing career exceed their acting in such a way and receive such enthusiasm. After all, he did win a certain gold statue and reach his career high from a behindthe-scenes role (as a screenwriter for Good Will Hunting). His third attempt, Argo, where he also serves as producer and the lead has just been nominated for seven Oscars (including Best Picture but not directing).

The movie is a political thriller based on a diplomatic incident that took place during the Iranian revolution - a bold choice of story considering current bilateral political relations.

The film opens documentary-style with some real footage before cutting to the seizure of the US Embassy in Tehran by an angry mob of protesters. All but six of the personnel are

When will we get a black Bond?

‘Jack Reacher’ sequel may not happen

Joshua Charles-Cheung

flickr/Alan Light

Anne Hathaway in ‘The Taming of the Shrew’ After appearing in Hooper’s Les Miserables Anne Hathaway is in talks for Abi Morgan’s take on the familiar story. Working Title will be producing the reworking of Shrew and it is no surprise that Hathaway is one of the prospects for the film after her Golden Globe award.

flickr/Horustr4n

Hollywood Reporter

Cem Ulker

Recently Disney has announced the release dates for the fifth installment in the Pirates of the Caribbean series and the sequel to The Muppets: the 10 July 2015 and 21 March 2014, respectively. Along with these, there are a number of other titles, which were announced such as Captain America: The Winter Soldier – 4 April 2014; Maleficient – 2 July 2014, Brad Bird’s 1952 – 19 December 2914, and Guardians of the Galaxy – 1 August 2014.

After the moderate success of the first film and the criticisms towards it, prospects for a sequel and the creation of a Jack Reacher franchise are not looking too bright.

Although Tom Cruise wasn’t a favourite for the part of Lee Child’s character studio execs expected him to attract much larger audiences and higher profits.

Argo

Film

*****

‘Pirates 5’, ‘The Muppets 2’ and many more

flickr/van Van Es

23

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

24

Film

Les Misérables of the film in which Anne Hathaway delivers a masterful performance and emotional rendition of ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ as Fantine. This, although a short appearance, is one that you remember for the remainder of the film and that haunts you once you leave the cinema; hopefully, it will not be left unnoted during this awards’ season. Jackman’s Valjean combines the character’s strength with a note of tragedy as he struggles to remain hidden from the law whilst simultaneously protecting his beloved Cosette. Meanwhile, the appearance of the Thenardiers by Bonham-Carter and Cohen provides a short humorous break despite the poverty-stricken society.

Although it is an essential component of the characters’ storylines, the love between Amanda Seyfried’s Cosette and Eddie Redmayne’s Marius is suddenly lost in the massive ensembles of the barricades in the streets of Paris. However, the one person who seems to be left out during this particular scene and part of the story is Eponine, played by Samantha Barks, already familiar with the part due to her role in the West End production of the musical. Hopefully, her

performance will not be overlooked by audiences.

Nevertheless, this plotline does not measure up to the scenes of the revolution, which are the ones that carry most emotion and comprise the second part of the film. These are the sequences where the elements of the film come together in a unified whole and prove that this is a story about the people and their lives during the French Revolution.

What can be noticed even from the trailer of the film is that this is a story largely told through its cinematography by Danny Cohen (This is England, The King’s Speech). The varying angles of shots and the closeups framing actors, while performing, not only build up emotion, but add a certain expressivity without which the uprising surge of feelings in performance would have lacked.

In addition to the cinematography, it is amazing that when configuring the stylistics of the film the filmmakers resorted to the extensive use of colour, instead of simply choosing to clad everyone in drab grey clothing.

Giving various connotations to the hues in their colour palette the world of Les Miserables shows its audience

find his city lost to ‘an Eastern crook’.

His character is so one-dimensional it is impossible to find him realistic – he willingly puts his pregnant wife When I left the cinema screening, in danger throughout the film, only the only emotion I felt after seeing sending her away in the final act. His ‘Gangster Squad’ was that of disapleft-hand man, Jerry Wooters (Ryan pointment. The film boasts an all-star Gosling, with a distractingly highcast and a gangster-based premise pitched voice) refers to him as an that films such as ‘The Untouchables’ ‘angel’, but the only word I can think and ‘L.A. Confidential’ manage so to describe him would be ‘annoying’. well. Unfortunately, ‘Gangster Squad’ The other characters fit the stereowill not go down as a classic of the typical moulds found in other such gangster genre. films. Gosling’s Wooters is the handThe scene is set in Los Angeles, some ladies’ man who is able to woo 1949 – an apparently drunken and Cohen’s piece of arm candy (Emma immoral city in the grips of Micky Stone) without even trying. After one Cohen’s regime. In the opening night of passion, we are then meant scene, we see Cohen (Sean Penn) to believe in their relationship but disposing of a man who has angered this becomes problematic as we are him in a method taken directly from never given time to know the char‘The Hitcher’, and that is essentially acters before the main plot begins. the problem with the film – there is Other members of the ‘Gangster nothing original about it. Josh Brolin Squad’ are equally as bland: there’s plays Police Sergeant John O’Mara, a the ‘old man with a history, who also war hero who has returned home to happens to be a crack shot’; the ‘old

man’s apprentice, who must gain the approval of the afore-mentioned gentleman’; the ‘family man who isn’t really too sure about all this killing but happens to be great at technology’; as well as the ‘ethnic minority character’ who has taken it on himself to police the black areas of the city single-handedly. There is barely any character development here, which seems a shame as the actors have all been recognised as good screen presences. One can’t help but feel that if more time had been spent at the start of the movie building the characters up, then the film could have at least been a more personable experience.

But, no… Even Sean Penn as the allpowerful Cohen cannot save the film – he just isn’t threatening enough and has very little of the gravitas that Robert De Niro exercises as Al Capone in ‘The Untouchables’.

Other problems lie in the script itself. The metaphor of the war to describe what is happening in Los

Zlatina Nikolova Film Editor

The development of what has now become one of the most anticipated films of the year started in 1988.

This prolonged period attracted the attention of director Tom Hooper, who had just won his Oscar for The King’s Speech in 2011. It is probable that pre-production for the film was this lengthy because it seemed almost impossible to turn the original stage musical, by Claude MichelSchonberg, based on an adaptation of Hugo’s book, into an acceptable screen version. In fact, Hooper’s film runs for 157 min in its attempt to encompass all events.

Hooper’s Les Miserables boasts a wide range of remarkable actors, including Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean, Russell Crowe as Inspector Javert, and Helena Bonham-Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen as the Thenardiers, all of whom appear in the first part of the film, which concentrates mostly on character development and how Valjean saved Cosette from the Thenardiers. It is also in this part

that these are not people who will put up with suffering.

Les Miserables makes for a wonderful addition to the tradition of stage musicals adapted to screen.

It is a film where everything seems

to come together in order to show its audience what its story is really about - the people of the period and their stories, who cannot be crushed under the burden of poverty and turmoil.

flickr/erjkprunczýk

Gangster Squad Eleanor Roots

flickr/lissamabcd

Angeles is used so regularly that it loses the effect it was ever meant to have. Similarly, at the beginning of the film the characters use such bizarre phrases to describe the situations they find themselves in that it becomes almost laughable. However, there is no comedy to be found here, even in the bodged hit on the casino and failed escape from prison. As I said, everything has been done before and with twice as much wit and finesse. The moment in which

a radio device is planted in Cohen’s house is so ridiculous that it made me want to throw up my hands is disbelief, but that was only the beginning of such errors.

It seems such a shame that director Ruben Fleischer, director of the welljudged and often hilarious ‘Zombieland’, could not make something original from such a cast as this, but as it stands, ‘Gangster Squad’ is a rather boring ramble into the lives of characters you care nothing about.

The Founder | Thursday 31 January 2013

25

Sport

Has football lost its aggression?

Theo Chiles Sports Editor

by the pace, flair, skill, creativity and precision of Arsenal's title-winning forwards, but these are all skills that we would expect to find in any top tier striker in the modern age.

Earlier this month ex-Liverpool This is where part of the issue lies. fullback Jim Beglin wrote a column I would posit that the quality of defor the Independent, lamenting fending has actually risen in the past the disappearance of tackling from 20 years at the expense of the tackle. modern football. "The aggression Defenders are unable to rely solely has gone and it is barely a contact on physicality to do their job anysport now, so it must be so difficult more and so they now require finesse for defenders to play their game" and subtlety; as the speed of the said Beglin. "I think what sums the game has increased, going to ground present situation up is that 20 years to win the ball has become obsolete, ago teams could gain an edge on since the consequences of mistimed their opponents by showing aggrestackles have become more serious. sion in a controlled manner." Now, he suggests, too much aggression will Mistiming a tackle means one of two things: either the player with the ball be exploited by canny opponents has left you in his wake, or you've who are too willing to go to ground crunched right through him and he in an attempt to win penalties or is now rolling around clutching his have opposing players booked.

Beglin speaks from experience (his face or ankle or both.

The problem is that in English Anfield career was ended after breakfootball passion is still equated ing his leg in a Merseyside derby) and to an extent he is right; diving is with aggression. Charging slide tackles are met with fierce approval from an ugly facet of the beautiful game, and it prohibits players from making the stands because it means that a genuine attempts to win the ball. It is player is 'up for it'. Many of football's iconic images are of players who look also an element which is too firmly like they've been in the wars, bloodentrenched to be removed with any great ease by the game's governing bodies (in the unlikely event that they ever would attempt to deal with the problem head on).

Beglin is part of an increasingly vocal group of ex-pros who bemoan the loss of physicality in the game to which they devoted their professional lives. Men such as Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson glare at us from the Match of the Day sofa, informing anyone who will listen (no one) that you can't tackle properly in this day and age, while the rest of the country eagerly awaits the day that the two men simply melt under the studio lights into a one giant gelatinous ball of pithy put downs and footballing clichés.

Recently at a friend's house I watched his VHS copy (yeah, really) of the highlights of Arsenal's 1998 double winning season. The two things to takeaway from the experience were 1) that the Arsenal side of the late 90s was genuinely something to behold (will we ever see anyone with the poise of Dennis Bergkamp again?) and 2) the quality of defending, as recently as 15 years ago, was mindbogglingly risible. Defendflickr/gavinzac ers were consistently bamboozled

ied but unbowed. Terry Butcher's bandaged and blood soaked head is one of the most cherished pictures in the English game: Butcher had grit and determination: he was uncompromising. He was everything that was great about English football.

Except maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was everything that was wrong with it. What he lacked in skill and timing the aptly named Butcher made up for in full-blooded tackles which left opponents in crumpled heaps. Can it be coincidence that the country that valued passion, determination, physicality and aggression more than anyone else has failed to reach the final of a single international tournament in almost 50 years? While football developed in South American and mainland Europe, England was left behind; only now is the damage being undone by impressing the importance of technique and vision on younger players.

The great defenders of this age or any other rely far less on the crunching slide tackle, instead using the more subtle tools of balance, speed and timing. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink was once asked who the best

centrebacks in the league were. He bestowed that honour on Arsenal's Martin Keown and Rio Ferdinand, then at Leeds United. Keown was old school, all adrenaline and crunching slide tackles. After 90 minutes, said Hasselbaink, you were covered in bruises. With Ferdinand, however, "you almost didn't notice."

Therein lies the problem, as perceived by Hansen et al. Oldschool battlers like Keown are rapidly disappearing from the game, being replaces by finesse players like Ferdinand. Granted the Manchester United defender has looked at his best next to more physical centre back partners like Nemanja Vidic or Sol Campbell (when Ferdinand was playing for England) but Vidic and Campbell had far more to their game than just physicality, both sharing exceptional timing and positioning.

In truth the cackling coven of expros on Match of the Day are lamenting a lost age, an era when men with nicknames such as 'chopper' and 'stompy' roamed the midfield, halfdrunk from the night before, dispensing their brand of crunching football justice on any twinkle toed

winger who had the audacity to attempt to dribble past more than one player. Football is unrecognisable to these men, and so it should be. Sports evolve; the football being played in the 60s and 70s would have been no more recognisable than the modern game to the moustache twiddling, pipe smoking representatives from 11 London football clubs and schools who met on October 26, 1863 to lay down rules for the game of football.

The sad realisation that dawns on me as I write this however is that in 30 years time I too will be complaining to anyone who'll listen about some facet of the game that has evolved into something else. Diving, perhaps, will have been replaced by some new, more insidious form of cheating. I shall turn to my son and say 'I remember when real men used to throw themselves to the ground and roll around like they'd be shot; now they just slowly sit down, raise their hand and wait for the referee to award a penalty.' And he will look at me with pity before writing an op-ed piece for his student newspaper.

Touché, future son. Touché.

Sport

The Founder previews...

Superbowl XLVII Theo Chiles Sports Editor

It's official; the San Francisco 49ers will play the Baltimore Ravens on February 3rd to contest the 2013 Super Bowl. One of the main attractions this year will be that for the first time in NFL history the two sides are coached by brothers, John Harbaugh of the Ravens and Jim of the 49ers. In what has been dubbed 'The Harbowl', the teams will meet at the MercedesBenz Superdome in New Orleans in a week's time.

The Ravens and Niners earned their trips to Louisiana after they both won on the road in the NFC and AFC title matches; Baltimore beat the Patriots by a score of 28-13 at the Gilette Stadium in Massachusetts, while San Francisco overcame the Falcons 28-24 at the Georgia Super Dome.

After falling behind 13-7 at the midway point,the Ravens outscored the Patriots 21-0 in the second half, with New England turning the ball over three times in the fourth quarter; quarterback Tom Brady was intercepted twice, the second time coming with just over a minute left, effectively sealing the loss.

The Niners too fell behind in the first half, at one point trailing by seventeen points. Successive scoring drives from versatile quarterback Colin Kaepernick reduced the deficit to three, before the Falcons tacked on another seven just seconds before half time when veteran tight end Tony Gonzalez hauled in a pass from Matt Ryan. Like the Patriots however, the Falcons would fail to add to their lead in the second half, and two touchdown runs from running back Frank Gore were enough to give San Francisco a lead they would not relinquish.

While neither side has looked entirely like the finished article this season, losing ten games between them, few would argue that they have not earned their shot at taking home the Vince Lambardi trophy. The question remains: who has the edge when they meet on February 3rd?

Offense Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco must be one of the most underrated QBs in the league. Despite leading Baltimore to the playoffs in every single season since turning pro, Flacco is constantly criticised for his arm strength and decision making. True, his performances in the postseason

have been underwhelming, but this season he had racked up 5 touchdowns to no interceptions, consequently earning a qb rating of 120 for the 2013 playoffs. With offensive weapons as versatile and powerful as running back Ray Rice and wide receivers Anquan Boldin and Torrie Smith, the Ravens have enough on the offensive side of the ball to cause problems for any defense.

Denver two weeks ago and put up 38 points. Flacco's strong arm means his receivers carry a huge vertical threat and San Francisco will struggle to contain the Raven's passing game.

Defense

For the Ravens, this will be future hall-of-famer Ray Lewis' last game in the NFL, and you've got to believe he'll be pumped for this one. MeanThe Niners meanwhile will start while safety Ed Reed continues to the Super Bowl with second year impress, earning another trip to the quarterback Colin Kaepernick pro bowl for his 2012 season. Howunder centre. The 25 year old took ever the once legendary Ravens over from regular 49er quarterback defense has been disappointing this Alex Smith in week 10, throwing 10 year, finishing 25th in total yardage touchdowns to three interceptions conceded. to earn a quarterback rating of 98.4 San Francisco's defense, the on the season. He is also one of the strongest in the league during the fastest quarterbacks in the league, regular season, has been underrunning for 415 yards and 5 scores whelming this postseason. Lineman during the regular season. His presJustin Smith only returned from inence is supplemented by that of one jury against Green Bay, and the Ninthe most versatile backs in the league ers subsequent inability to get to the in Frank Gore, as well as perennial quarterback has made things difficult pro-bowler Vernon Davis and wide in recent weeks. Exerting pressure on receiver Michael Crabtree, fresh of a Flacco will be key, so much of next breakout season by the bay. week's game may come down to how successfully the Niners are at getting Edge: Baltimore after him.

The Ravens went toe-to-toe with Peyton Manning in a shootout in

Edge: San Francisco

The 49ers’ only weak spot on defense was in their secondary, but additions in recent years mean they have the most complete defense in the league.

They are also coming off a second half in which they stopped perhaps the best offense in the league from putting up a single point.

Special Teams The Ravens kicker Justin Tucker missed just three field goals all season. San Francisco's man, David Akers, missed more than anyone else in the league.

Edge: Baltimore Tucker is as reliable as they come, and Jacoby Jones offers more on kick and punt returns than anyone from San Francisco.

Prediction: Winner: Baltimore This is head coach John Harbaugh's first Super Bowl, but his 5th postseason. He'll keep his players grounded and focused on the simply things, and that's probably what will decide this tie. Ravens 24 - 20 49ers.

24 January 2013

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6 Bed House in Egham

£2,400 pcm Available 01/09/2013 The perfect location to the back gate of Royal Holloway University. This modern six bedroom property boasts two shower rooms and additional cloakroom downstairs. South facing conservato...

£2,500 pcm Available 25/08/2013 £2,600 pcm Available 04/09/2013 A truly stunning five bedroom student A modern six bedroom student property house located close to Egham train station set over three floors located in very and local amenities. This property popular and sought after area of comprises of one en-suite, three double Nightingale Shott. With an en-suite double bedrooms and a further good s... bedroom, easy to maintain garden ...

£2,600 pcm Available 01/07/2013 A modern six bedroom student property set over three floors located in very popular and sought after area of Nightingale Shott. This property benefits from two brand new shower rooms an...

£2,700 pcm Available 01/09/2013 A newly refurbished six bedroom student house located a stones throw away from the back gate to Royal Holloway University. The property offers two en-suite double bedrooms and a further...

Facilities: Furnished, Central Heating, Double Glazed, Microwave, Double Bed, Phone/Internet Point, Cable, Fridge Freezer, Single Bed

Facilities: Furnished, Central Heating, Cooking facilities, Fridge Freezer, Phone/Internet Point, Washing Machine

Facilities: Furnished, Central Heating, Cooking facilities, Fridge Freezer, Washing Machine, Phone/Internet Point, Double Glazed

Facilities: Furnished, Central Heating, Cooking facilities, Double Glazed, Fridge Freezer, Washing Machine

Facilities: Furnished, Double Glazed,

Fridge Freezer, Central Heating, Cooking facilities, Washing Machine

Printed: 24/01/2013 09:31